This is a modern-English version of Memoirs and resolutions of Adam Graeme of Mossgray, including some chronicles of the borough of Fendie, originally written by Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret).
It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling,
and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If
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MEMOIRS AND RESOLUTIONS
OF
A D A M G R A E M E
OF MOSSGRAY.
INCLUDING SOME CHRONICLES OF THE BOROUGH OF FENDIE
BY THE AUTHOR OF
“PASSAGES IN THE LIFE OF MRS MARGARET MAITLAND,”
“LILLIESLEAF,” “THE DAYS OF MY LIFE,” ETC.
INCLUDING SOME CHRONICLES OF THE BOROUGH OF FENDIE
BY THE AUTHOR OF
“PASSAGES IN THE LIFE OF MRS MARGARET MAITLAND,”
“LILLIESLEAF,” “THE DAYS OF MY LIFE,” ETC.
LONDON:
HURST AND BLACKETT, PUBLISHERS,
SUCCESSORS TO HENRY COLBURN,
13, GREAT MARLBOROUGH STREET.
1859.
JOHN CHILDS AND SON, PRINTERS.
LONDON:
HURST AND BLACKETT, PUBLISHERS,
SUCCESSORS TO HENRY COLBURN,
13, GREAT MARLBOROUGH STREET.
1859.
JOHN CHILDS AND SON, PRINTERS.
BOOK I.
THE HISTORY OF ADAM GRAEME.
ADAM GRAEME OF MOSSGRAY.
CHAPTER I.
The soul that rises with us, our guiding light,
Has had its setting elsewhere,
And comes from afar;
Not in total forgetfulness,
And not completely naked,
But we come with trailing clouds of glory. From God, who is our home.—Wordsworth.
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born.
The first thing I can say about myself is that I was born.
That I was born! I who now sit in this remote and solitary study, of whose mysteries my good neighbours speak reverently with doubt and wonder, encompassed with things immortal!—the everlasting elements without, the stream, the hills, the fruitful earth, which has been and shall be until the end of time; within with things of life, instinct and inherent, fated perchance to live longer than this present world, the books of men—the Book of God—that out of darkness and sleep and unconsciousness, I was born!
That I was born! I who now sit in this remote and lonely study, about which my kind neighbors talk about with respect, doubt, and wonder, surrounded by things that last forever!—the eternal elements outside, the stream, the hills, the fertile earth, which has existed and will exist until the end of time; inside, with things alive, instinctive and inherent, destined perhaps to outlive this current world, the writings of humankind—the Book of God—that out of darkness, sleep, and oblivion, I came to be!
These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution—this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. Strangely significant and solemn are the commonest phrases of our humanity; the words which veil the constant marvels of our miraculous life!
These are amazing words. This life, which neither time nor eternity can diminish—this eternal living soul, began. My mind gets lost in these depths. The simplest phrases of our humanity feel strangely meaningful and serious; the words that obscure the constant wonders of our miraculous life!
But this of “he was born” is greater in my eyes, than that other of “he died.” Say you, He died? say rather, He has changed his garments, has put off a fading robe, which by and by—perchance a time as short in Heaven’s account{4} as are these fleeting days to us—he shall put on again, to wear for ever. But in yonder anxious house, in yonder dim room, with life’s plaintive music rising on his unconscious ear, in wailing and tears, its natural utterance, this wonderful soul began. Be solemn in your rejoicing, ye new mothers, ye glad attendant friends; for this that hath come into the world shall abide for ever, this new existence is beyond the breath or touch of death, a thing immortal, a presence which shall outlive the world.
But the idea of “he was born” is, in my opinion, greater than that of “he died.” You say, He died? Instead, say he has changed his clothes, has taken off a fading robe, which soon—perhaps in a time as brief in Heaven’s eyes{4} as these fleeting days are to us—he will put on again, to wear forever. But in that anxious home, in that dim room, with life’s sorrowful music rising to his unaware ears, amidst wailing and tears—its natural expression—this wonderful soul began. Be solemn in your joy, you new mothers, you happy friends; for this new being that has come into the world will last forever, this new existence is beyond the reach of death, something immortal, a presence that will outlive the world.
I was born sadly, in gloom which none broke by the voice of thanksgiving, for the two greatest things of human life met in my birth-hour. I entered the world, a fit entrance for my long, clouded course; and solemnly, in pain and grief, my mother went forth to the other country. My young, fair, gentle mother, of whom I think now as of some beautiful dream that crossed me in my youth.
I was born into sorrow, in darkness that was never brightened by words of gratitude, because the two most significant events of human life coincided with my birth. I came into the world at a time that seemed to set the tone for my long, troubled journey; and with great pain and sadness, my mother left for the afterlife. My young, beautiful, gentle mother, whom I now think of as a lovely dream that touched my life when I was young.
My father was a hard man, who loved the world; but I used to hear long ago that this moved him. Most deeply all my life has it moved me, who never knew the girl who was my mother. She has been a vision hovering about me all my days; saintly and mother-like when I was young, but now, in her pale beauty resembling more a dead child of the old man who is her son.
My father was a tough man who loved the world, but I used to hear long ago that this affected him. It has touched me deeply all my life, especially since I never knew the girl who was my mother. She's been a presence in my life, seemingly saintly and motherly when I was young, but now, with her pale beauty, she resembles more a lost child of the old man who is her son.
I dwell upon this perhaps too often, when I am sad—and I am truly sad too often, for I am alone; but it is surely well and blessed to preserve in the safe keeping of death this holy fragrance of youth. The years that have mossed her grave, and made the blood thin and chill in my old veins, have brought no change to her—she is young for ever.
I think about this maybe too much when I'm feeling down—and honestly, I often feel down because I'm alone; but it’s definitely good and a blessing to hold on to this precious memory of youth in the safe embrace of death. The years that have covered her grave and made my blood thin and cold have not changed her—she stays young forever.
My father was a Graeme of Mossgray. In our own Southland district we are chief of the name; but he did not esteem the traditional honour that belonged to the title—it was mere idle breath to him. The principal part of his life was spent in a distant city. He laboured without ceasing, for I know not what reason. I fancy there had been some ambition in him to accumulate one of those fairy fortunes, which very prosaic and ordinary men do achieve sometimes, though what end he proposed to himself in attaining this, I cannot tell, for he himself was becoming old, and I was nothing to him; even as the heir of his name he bestowed no regard on me; for the name itself was indifferent. He would have thrown it into the scale with any piece of merchandise, and known himself nothing the poorer.{5}
My dad was a Graeme of Mossgray. In our Southland area, we are the most prominent family by that name; however, he didn't care much for the traditional honor that came with it—it meant nothing to him. Most of his life was spent in a far-off city. He worked tirelessly, though I have no idea why. I think he might have hoped to amass one of those fantastical fortunes that regular, everyday people sometimes manage to achieve, but I can't say what he intended to do with it, since he was aging and I meant nothing to him; even as the heir to his name, he showed me no interest because the name itself held no value for him. He would have treated it like any other commodity and wouldn’t have felt any less wealthy for it.{5}
But a spell was upon this fortune of his, so constantly pursued. His prosperity never passed a certain limit. It was as though some malicious spirit had the guiding of his fate in this respect, in vengeance of better blessings unused and slighted. He always began with success and good fortune; the delusive promise lasted long enough to lure him deeper and deeper into the snare, and then the tide began to swell and turn, and on its rising waves his hopes went bitterly out into the blank and cheerless sea. It was a sad fate, and had his objects been worthier, a fate to be deeply sympathised with; but the man was a hard man (I scarcely knew him, though he was my father); and was susceptible to no grief but this. That discipline, wise as it must be, most hard as it is always, which strikes us through our dearest things, could not touch him except in those outward matters of wealth and mercantile credit, which to him were all in all; and on these accordingly the stroke fell.
But a curse hung over his constant pursuit of fortune. His success never went beyond a certain point. It was as if some spiteful spirit was controlling his fate, retaliating for the better blessings he neglected and overlooked. He always started out with success and good luck; the false promise lasted long enough to pull him deeper into the trap, and then the tides began to rise and change, carrying his hopes bitterly out into the empty and cheerless sea. It was a tragic fate, and if his goals had been more worthy, it would have been easy to feel sympathy for him; but the man was tough (I barely knew him, even though he was my father) and didn't feel any sorrow except for this. That discipline, as wise as it is difficult, which strikes us through our most cherished possessions, could only reach him in those external matters of wealth and business reputation, which meant everything to him; and so that was where the blow landed.
So heavily it came at last, that in his wilful selfishness he resolved to sell Mossgray. There was no one living to plead for me, a child then, scarcely daring to lift up my eyes in his presence, and for my right to this inheritance, descended from many upright fathers to whom its very name and local place were dearer than fortune. But death stepped in again to save for me a home—a home which has been to me a blessed inheritance, a solace in the midst of some evils—from other some a refuge and a shelter.
So heavily it came at last, that in his stubborn selfishness he decided to sell Mossgray. There was no one around to advocate for me, a child at the time, barely daring to look up at him, and for my right to this inheritance, passed down from many honorable fathers for whom its very name and local significance were more important than wealth. But death intervened once more to preserve for me a home—one that has been a cherished inheritance, a comfort amid some hardships, and a refuge and shelter from others.
I was a solitary child, allowed in this lonely house of Mossgray to grow up, neglected and uncared for, as I best could. My childish memories are rich in dreams and spiritual presences, and overshadowed universally by that vague sadness, which, dumb as it is, and quiet, is so pitiful in children. I remember how the leaves were wont to fall from the old elms and alders by the waterside, with their eerie and plaintive sound. I remember the low sweeping cadence of the water—the disconsolate autumn breeze—and then comes upon me again the blank childish heaviness—the cloud of childish melancholy, that knew not how it was made sad, nor why.
I was a lonely child, growing up in this quiet house of Mossgray, neglected and on my own as best I could. My childhood memories are filled with dreams and a sense of something spiritual, all overshadowed by a deep sadness that, though silent and still, is heart-wrenching in kids. I remember how the leaves would fall from the old elm and alder trees by the water, making their eerie and sad sound. I can still hear the gentle rhythm of the water—the sorrowful autumn breeze—and once again, I feel that heavy sadness of childhood—the cloud of melancholy that didn’t understand why it felt sad or how it had come to be.
Mossgray had been a peelhouse—one of those fortified places which the exigencies of Border warfare, predatory and otherwise, made so necessary in our district. A high, square tower occupies the centre, with narrow windows, and arrow slits piercing its massy wall, which has been of old strong in{6} all needful capabilities of defence, and could yet be a notable hold, if our peaceful Cumberland neighbours took up their warlike trade again.
Mossgray had been a peelhouse—one of those fortified spots that the demands of Border warfare, both raiding and otherwise, made essential in our area. A tall, square tower stands in the center, with narrow windows and arrow slits cutting through its thick wall, which has long been strong in{6} all necessary defensive capabilities, and could still be a significant stronghold if our peaceful neighbors in Cumberland decided to take up arms again.
About the tower cling irregular offshoots, added by many Lairds of Mossgray since peace became paramount on the Border; in which, it is impossible to deny, my good ancestors have studied convenience more than elegance. Yet the group of buildings high and low, angled and rounded, with the dark and rugged tower rising in the midst, have a charm upon them, greater, as I think, than the fascination of regular beauty. Patches of moss and yellow lichen are on the walls and roof—the grey, thick walls, and sombre slated roof, which look themselves like some natural growth of the earth, firmly rooted in kindly soil. Our doors are many now, and broad and easy of access—for the successive Graemes, who have increased the accommodations of Mossgray, have added entrance to entrance, with a prodigality by no means pleasant when those searching winds are abroad; but we still preserve the harsh and lowering portal, and the heavy iron door, which of old frowned upon unwelcome southern visitors in sullen defiance.
About the tower cling irregular offshoots, added by many leaders of Mossgray since peace became a priority on the Border; it's undeniable that my ancestors prioritized convenience over elegance. Yet the mix of buildings—some high, some low, some angled, some rounded—with the dark, rugged tower standing in the center, have a charm that I believe is greater than that of regular beauty. Patches of moss and yellow lichen cover the walls and roof—these grey, thick walls and somber slate roof look almost like a natural part of the earth, firmly rooted in nurturing soil. We now have many doors that are wide and easy to access—successive Graemes, who have expanded Mossgray, added entrance after entrance, which is not very pleasant when those biting winds are blowing. But we still keep the harsh, looming entrance and the heavy iron door, which used to glare at unwelcome southern visitors in sullen defiance.
I confess that I have a pleasure in looking upon these—it pleases me to trace historic changes in the aspect of my patrimonial house; that this belongs of natural right to the rugged and sturdy times of Border warfare—that from that gloomy turret with its spiral stair, the golden shield of Scotland was gloomily taken down by one who had fought in her cause, when Mary crossed the Firth on her last fatal journey to trust the false courtesies of England. That in this dark chamber, a godly Lady Mossgray sheltered the persecuted hinds and shepherds, whose faith has added them to the ranks of our truest chivalry in Scotland. That this enlarged and decorated hall in the basement of the tower bears witness to the peace of the third William’s reign. That these gradually accumulating walls carry on the chronicle through the less eventful times of modern history—that here we have been dwelling, through all vicissitudes prosperous and adverse, in our own land and among our own people for five hundred certain years. There remembrances I acknowledge are dear to me. I lose my own individuality when I leave Mossgray.
I admit that I take pleasure in observing these—it makes me happy to see the historical changes in my family home; that this is a natural part of the tough and resilient times of Border warfare—that from that gloomy turret with its spiral staircase, the golden shield of Scotland was solemnly taken down by someone who fought for her cause, when Mary crossed the Firth on her last doomed journey to trust the deceptive courtesies of England. That in this dark room, a devout Lady Mossgray sheltered the persecuted farmers and shepherds, whose faith has earned them a place among our truest chivalry in Scotland. That this expanded and decorated hall in the basement of the tower testifies to the peace of the third William’s reign. That these ever-growing walls continue the story through the less eventful periods of modern history—that we have been living here, through all the ups and downs, prosperous and challenging, in our own land and among our own people for five hundred certain years. Those memories I acknowledge are precious to me. I lose my own identity when I leave Mossgray.
And in a vague mist of dreamy romance and childish reverie, these histories hung incumbent on my mind when my dim days began. They lived with me, a host of mingled times{7} and shapes, more real, as I fancy yet, than the common every-day things I saw around. The chill of cold-heartedness, the absence of truth, strike with a strange, blank, unexpressed pain, upon the heart of a child—and from these I turned to dwell, where warriors and Border maidens had dwelt before me, among the true knights and fair ladies of a yearning fancy, whose indefinite pageants and minstrelsies had yet more truth of nature in them than the hollow external forms of the life that men called real.—
And in a hazy mix of dreamy romance and childish daydreams, these stories lingered in my mind as my dim days began. They accompanied me, a collection of blended times{7} and shapes, feeling more real, I believe, than the ordinary things around me. The chill of coldness, the lack of truth, hit with a strange, blank, unexpressed pain in a child's heart—and I turned away from these to immerse myself where warriors and Border maidens had been before me, among the true knights and lovely ladies of a hopeful imagination, whose vague celebrations and songs held even more truth of nature than the empty external appearances of what people called real life.—
"Exploring uncharted worlds,"
oppressed me on all sides then—but I had no misgivings as to the beautiful olden times—they were past, and they were true!
oppressed me on all sides then—but I had no doubts about the beautiful old times—they were gone, and they were real!
At our feet in this Mossgray runs a water, of some importance as we flatter ourselves. Flowing downward placid and calm from the hills, it has attained a considerable breadth and volume before it passes our old walls. And, by what chance I know not, our stream has been kept in its native pride of woodland and green banks safe from encroachments of cultivation. We have glades whose grassy undulations and noble solitary trees might match with any park in England, and we have thickly-wooded deans, closing in arched foliage over our river, with fretting rocks and waterfalls peculiarly our own. Scattered cot-houses to whom this water is a dear companion—quaint and dewy villages lying under the trees, with glimmerings of softened light about them, from the sky above and the stream below. Mills picturesque in their mossy homeliness throwing the drowsy stir of rural labour across the placid water—these are our friends and neighbours at Mossgray.
At our feet in this Mossgray runs a river, which we think is quite significant. Flowing peacefully down from the hills, it has grown wide and deep before it reaches our old walls. And, by some unknown chance, our stream has retained its original beauty of woodland and green banks, untouched by farming. We have clearings with grassy hills and impressive lone trees that could rival any park in England, and we have dense woods arching over our river, with unique rocks and waterfalls that belong to us. Scattered cottages that cherish this water—charming, dewy villages nestled among the trees, with soft light reflecting from the sky above and the stream below. Picturesque mills with their mossy charm sending gentle ripples of rural life across the calm water—these are our friends and neighbors at Mossgray.
Nor do we lack, in our quiet country, inhabitants more distinguished. If I pursue my walk southward for a mile, I come upon a brave stone bridge, spanning with its stately arches the pleasant river; and across the bridge appear the many-coloured roofs of the town of Fendie in their varieties of thatch and slate, and homely red tiles, congregated happily together for mutual friendship and traffic. A very tranquil rural town, along whose streets the sunbeam slants drowsily in summer, with scarce a passing figure to break its brightness; but withal a busy borough, alive with many interests, and esteeming itself in innocent vanity and self-complacence,{8} very far in advance of the simple “country” over which it sways its little sceptre, in all the arts and luxuries of life.
Nor do we lack, in our peaceful countryside, more distinguished residents. If I walk south for a mile, I come across a majestic stone bridge, with its grand arches spanning the pleasant river; and beyond the bridge, the colorful roofs of the town of Fendie appear, showcasing various thatch and slate, along with cozy red tiles, all gathered happily together for companionship and trade. It’s a very calm rural town, where sunlight lazily slants down the streets in summer, with hardly anyone passing by to interrupt its brightness; yet it's also a lively borough, bustling with interests, and proudly considering itself, in innocent vanity and self-satisfaction, well ahead of the simple "countryside" it governs with its small scepter, in all the arts and luxuries of life.{8}
Withal, our water carries ships, and where it pours itself into the Firth, has wealthy fisheries upon its margin, and beholds long ranks of guileful nets, in which its receding waters help the fishermen to snare the glistening grilse and lordly salmon, born by the hundred in its silent caves. Our vessels are of no great burden, and boast but homely names—“Williams” and “Janets,” “Johns” and “Marys”—for our ship-owners name their cherished boats after their still more cherished children; but all of them proudly bear the emblazoned name of Fendie. To all of them the Waterfoot is a delicious haven, fragrant with the breath of home.
Our river carries boats, and where it flows into the estuary, there are rich fishing grounds along its banks, filled with long rows of clever nets, where the retreating waters help fishermen catch the shining young salmon and majestic salmon, born by the hundreds in its quiet caves. Our boats aren't very large and have simple names—“Williams” and “Janets,” “Johns” and “Marys”—since our boat owners name their beloved vessels after their even more beloved children; but all of them proudly display the name Fendie. For all of them, Waterfoot is a lovely haven, filled with the scent of home.
The grey walls of Mossgray have at all times been home to me—although a quiet and sad one often, to the man no less than to the solitary child they sheltered long ago. I remember well the pensive childish musings of that time; the dreamy gladness with which I wandered on those bright summer mornings by the pleasant water, my sole friend and playmate then, as it is my best companion now; and that unspeakable loneliness and desolation which came to me on the drooping wing of the plaintive autumn breeze. It is all indefinite and vague now as it was then. The little moralist of ten twelvemonths beginning to think how swiftly those waves of his young life glided by—the meditative, pensive boy looking on while his compeers in years pursued their sports, with his bashful wish to join them, and his sorrowful dreamy thoughts about their unthinking mirth. I recall these as a succession of dim pictures—the history of a beginning life, forlorn as only childhood can be.{9}
The gray walls of Mossgray have always been my home—though it’s often felt quiet and sad, both for the man I’ve become and the lonely child I once was. I clearly remember the thoughtful daydreams of that time; the joyful bliss with which I wandered those bright summer mornings by the lovely water, my only friend and playmate then, just as it is my best companion now; and that indescribable loneliness and emptiness that hit me on the soft wings of the sad autumn breeze. It all feels vague and uncertain now, just as it did back then. The little moral thinker at ten beginning to reflect on how quickly those waves of his young life flowed by—the thoughtful, reflective boy watching while his peers played, wishing shyly to join them, with his sorrowful, dreamy thoughts about their carefree joy. I remember these as a series of blurry images—the story of a life just starting out, as lonely as only childhood can be.{9}
CHAPTER II.
But he sees the light and where it comes from—
He sees it in his happiness.
I do not quite agree with Wordsworth.
I don't really agree with Wordsworth.
I grant you that there is much in the earlier childhood, indefinite always and vague as twilight dreams, which proclaims the spiritual and infinite to be nearer to these unconscious dawning souls than it is to us. There is the instinct of wonder, which in its eager whys and wherefores strikes out intuitions of strange wisdom sometimes, concerning those common mysteries about us, with which, in the invulnerable might of their simplicity, philosophers dare not meddle—
I admit that there's a lot in early childhood, always indefinite and vague like twilight dreams, that shows the spiritual and infinite are closer to these unaware budding souls than they are to us. There’s the instinct of wonder, which, with its eager questions, sometimes sparks deep insights about the everyday mysteries around us, which, in their strong simplicity, philosophers dare not touch—
the “visionary gleam” which this new inmate of the world throws about unawares from its own strangely luminous soul. I grant you all these in early childhood, but for your boy!
the “visionary gleam” that this new person in the world unknowingly radiates from their uniquely bright soul. I acknowledge all this in early childhood, but for your boy!
Your healthful boy is given to no manner of musing. He has begun to come in contact with the materialisms of the world, and battles with them lustily, with right good will and daring joyousness. It does not occur to him to tell you of the beauty of this water, but you shall find him eloquent on the subject of his anglings or swimmings—his feats upon it in boats—his miraculous slides—his inevitable fallings in. The delicate spiritual presence within him has forgotten how, a while ago, it seemed well nigh to touch, in dreamy awe and reverence, those other spiritual presences with which its teeming fancy had peopled the indefinite air everywhere. The warm blood is bounding in his veins in all its first exuberant impulse of life and motion. To construct—to destroy—to fight—to labour—to bend all these material obstructions under the absolute dominion of his strong young human will. To pour forth in boisterous glee, by shout and whoop, by leap and wrestle, by all that is joyous, and wild, and loud enough, the overflowing energy of his youthful powers. Your{10} true boy does not pause in his manifold undertakings to consider natural joys and sunshine. If you would understand his enjoyment of these, you must see him breast the current as he swims across the river, and swing high up on perilous branches in the wood. His hands are full—let them talk or muse who will—his vocation is other than this.
Your healthy boy doesn’t spend much time thinking. He’s started to encounter the materialistic aspects of the world and engages with them eagerly, with a sense of determination and joy. He doesn’t think to tell you about the beauty of this water, but you'll find him enthusiastic about his fishing or swimming—his adventures on boats—his amazing slides—and his inevitable falls in. The sensitive spirit inside him has forgotten how, not too long ago, it nearly reached out, in dreamy awe and respect, to those other spiritual beings his vivid imagination had filled the endless air with. The warm blood is pumping in his veins with all the initial excitement of life and movement. To create—to destroy—to fight—to work—to overcome all these material obstacles with the sheer strength of his young human will. To express, in loud joy, through shouts and cheers, leaps and tussles, all the overflowing energy of his youthful spirit. Your{10} true boy doesn’t stop in his many activities to think about natural joys and sunshine. If you want to understand his enjoyment of these, you need to see him swim against the current in the river and swing high up on risky branches in the woods. His hands are full—let others think or ponder—his purpose is different from that.
The boy’s hero is the material man—the one single unapproachable Crusoe whom Genius has created for him—the many sailor-men of ruder flesh and blood, militant upon the sea—the hunter of unknown forests—the adventurous traveller of dangerous countries—there are the glorious ideals of the boy. He thirsts to throw the lasso with the fiery sportsman of Mexico, he burns with vain longing to have been one of the olden crew who were shipwrecked with the Byron of the sea. He clenches his hands and sets his teeth in burning indignation, when he reads how the gentle Cook fell in yon southern island far away, and knows by the valiant blood rising hot to his heart, that had he been there it had chanced otherwise. And if he returns to olden times, it is to fight by the side of Wallace, to row the forlorn boat of the Bruce, to do battle on the muirs for the Covenant, to guide Prince Charles through mountain pass and cavern. When he dreams, it is of the world without—the stirring, fighting, opposing world, which is to be quelled, and put down, and tamed into obedience to the young conqueror’s will. The sun sheds grateful light upon him, and the moon looks down from her broad skies in vain. If he could fight for her, she might enlist his youthful chivalry, as the Queen of old times, the hapless Mary, like her in lofty beauty, as in disastrous wading through stormy clouds, might have done: but to dream of her—to think of her serene pale smile—alas, no! he has other work in hand.
The boy’s hero is the material man—the single unapproachable Crusoe that Genius has created for him—the many sailor-men of rough flesh and blood, battling upon the sea—the hunter of unknown forests—the adventurous traveler in dangerous lands—these are the glorious ideals of the boy. He longs to throw the lasso with the fiery sportsman of Mexico, he burns with a futile desire to have been among the crew who were shipwrecked with the Byron of the sea. He clenches his hands and grits his teeth in burning indignation when he reads about how the gentle Cook fell in that distant southern island, and knows by the valiant blood rising hot in his heart that if he had been there, things would have turned out differently. And when he goes back to ancient times, it is to fight alongside Wallace, to row the lost boat of Bruce, to battle on the moors for the Covenant, to guide Prince Charles through mountain passes and caves. When he dreams, it’s of the world outside—the exciting, fighting, opposing world, which needs to be subdued, put down, and tamed into obedience to the young conqueror’s will. The sun shines warmly on him, and the moon looks down from her vast skies in vain. If she could fight for her, she might inspire his youthful chivalry, like the Queen of old times, the unfortunate Mary, could have done in her lofty beauty while wading through stormy clouds: but to dream of her—to think of her serene pale smile—alas, no! he has other work to do.
I remember I was fishing or appearing to fish one bright morning, in a link of our water, which was a kind of hermitage to me,—I might be twelve years old then—when my father suddenly approached me, leading in his hand a boy of my own years—a boy so differently endowed, so superior to myself as I felt at once in my shy consciousness.
I remember fishing, or at least pretending to fish, one bright morning in a spot by our water that felt like my own little retreat—I was probably around twelve years old at the time—when my dad suddenly came up to me, guiding along a boy my age—a boy who seemed so different and so much better than me, as I instantly recognized in my shy mind.
My father visited Mossgray seldom: at this time we had received no intimation of his coming, and the timid constraint and awkward diffidence, which were always upon me in his presence, were heightened into exceeding pain by this sudden appearance.{11}
My father rarely visited Mossgray: at this point, we had no notice of his arrival, and the nervous tension and awkward shyness I always felt around him were intensified into deep discomfort by this unexpected visit.{11}
“Adam,” said my father, “this is your cousin Charles. He is to stay with you in future at Mossgray.”
“Adam,” my father said, “this is your cousin Charles. He’s going to stay with you from now on at Mossgray.”
My father’s own name was Charles; he looked with favour on his namesake, as he watched our greeting. I so shy and rustic, and Charlie Graeme so bold and manly—I felt how disadvantageous was the comparison.
My dad's name was Charles too; he smiled at his namesake as he watched us greet each other. I, so shy and country-like, and Charlie Graeme, so confident and masculine—I could feel how unfair the comparison was.
But when my father left us, and we became acquainted, as we did soon, for my cousin was as frank as I was shy, then the glorious new life of genuine boyhood which burst upon Mossgray and upon me! How I lavished upon Charlie the unsunned treasures of my solitary child’s heart; how I awoke out of my dreamy loneliness, to find myself enriched beyond all wealth in his companionship. How I discovered a new charm and attraction in my own beloved water and noble woods, from the wild shout of mirth with which Charlie plunged into riotous enjoyment of them. How the old walls and doorways that had been disturbed by few sounds louder than my pensive stealings out and in, resounded now with the ringing speed of boyish footsteps, and the blythe din of boyish laughter. It is pleasant to look back upon that time, when from a childish hermit I became a boy!
But when my dad left us, and we got to know each other, which happened really quickly, since my cousin was as open as I was shy, that's when the amazing new life of real boyhood opened up for both Mossgray and me! I showered Charlie with the unshared treasures of my lonely childhood; I woke up from my dreamy isolation to realize I was richer than ever because of his friendship. I found new charm and beauty in my beloved water and majestic woods, thanks to the loud joy with which Charlie dove into enjoying them. The old walls and doorways that had mostly only heard my quiet comings and goings now echoed with the lively rush of boyish footsteps and the cheerful noise of boyish laughter. It’s nice to look back on that time when I transformed from a lonely kid into a boy!
There was for me after that era no more solitary watching of the sports of others. The “haill water” ere long knew Charlie Graeme as the adventurous leader of every troop of juvenile mischief-makers, and I was by no means a slow or backward pupil. The complete revolution in my life which this produced gave these vigorous enjoyments a still greater zest to me, albeit I sometimes felt the pleasure of compassionate benevolence towards these strong fellows, my seniors in years, whose unthinking mirth of mood was so much younger than mine. I liked the sports for their sake, and they gave me some casual place in their regard for sake of the games in which I shared—we were different so far—but the lingerings of my recluse spirit did by no means operate disadvantageously upon my physical activities. I had emerged into a new existence. I had entered the second stage of life.
After that time, I no longer watched others play sports by myself. The whole community quickly recognized Charlie Graeme as the adventurous leader of every group of kids getting into mischief, and I was far from a slow or hesitant learner. The complete change in my life that this brought made these active pastimes even more enjoyable for me, even though I sometimes felt a sense of caring towards those strong guys who were older than me, whose carefree joy felt much younger than mine. I enjoyed the games for their own sake, and I earned some casual respect from them because of the activities we did together—we were different in that way—but my tendency to be a loner didn’t hold me back in my physical pursuits. I had stepped into a new chapter of life. I had entered the second stage of existence.
Charlie was the son of my father’s only brother. I had never seen, and scarcely ever heard of, my uncle; but at his death, which took place a short time before his son’s arrival at Mossgray, Charlie, with the very slender inheritance that remained to him, had been committed to my father’s care, as his only near relative and guardian. To keep us together at Mossgray was the cheapest and easiest way of getting rid of{12} us, and accordingly we were despatched together to the academy of Fendie.
Charlie was my dad’s only brother’s son. I had never seen or really heard about my uncle, but when he passed away shortly before Charlie arrived at Mossgray, Charlie, with the little inheritance he had left, was put under my dad’s care as his closest relative and guardian. Keeping us together at Mossgray was the simplest and cheapest way to deal with us, so we were sent together to the Fendie academy.
A somewhat famous school in our district, which in its day has sent forth men into the world—men of stature and nobleness, some few, albeit it has filled up its quota with perhaps a greater than usual commodity of packmen; but a school of high standing and character withal, to which the neighbouring gentry, and the smaller fry of “genteel families” in Fendie, could send their sons without derogation. We made the usual progress, as I fancy, in those routine affairs which were called our studies. We learnt lessons with as much painstaking industry as we could summon up in the morning, and forgot them with the most praiseworthy ease at night. We were conscientious enough to play truant seldom—we had no more than our average of accidents. Charlie only twice fell into the water, and only once broke his arm. My nautical mischances had all some connection with the mill-lead at the Dean, my favourite nook. On the whole we got through admirably. Never boys on the Border were blyther than we.
A somewhat well-known school in our district that, in its time, has produced men of significance and integrity, although it also included a fair share of traders; still, it was a school with a strong reputation and character, to which the local upper class and some families of "gentle" status in Fendie could send their sons without worry. We made the usual progress, as I believe, in those routine activities they called our studies. We learned our lessons with as much dedication as we could muster in the morning and forgot them with impressive ease by night. We were responsible enough to rarely skip school—we had about our usual share of accidents. Charlie fell into the water twice and broke his arm only once. My own mishaps were all somehow linked to the mill-lead at the Dean, my favorite spot. Overall, we managed quite well. Never were boys on the Border happier than we were.
Young Fendie of the mount was at an English boarding-school. Our sturdy home academy was not good enough for the young laird of that ilk. What storms of ridicule we poured upon him—he knapped English, he had a holy horror of torn breeks, he never climbed a tree in his life; and, crowning shame of all, it was whispered among us in the utmost scorn and derision, that his dainty cambric handkerchief was perfumed like a lady’s! We looked at the indefinite looking things in our own miscellaneous pockets, and echoed it with a storm of laughter. “He has scent on his napkin!” It was the very climax of derision: we could go no further.
Young Fendie from the mountains attended an English boarding school. Our tough home academy wasn’t good enough for the young lord of that name. We unleashed storms of mockery at him—he spoke English poorly, he was terrified of torn pants, he had never climbed a tree in his life; and, the ultimate shame of all, it was whispered among us in the deepest scorn that his delicate cambric handkerchief was scented like a lady’s! We looked at the random, dubious items in our own pockets and burst into a fit of laughter. “He has perfume on his napkin!” It was the peak of mockery: we couldn’t go any further.
Hew Murray, of Murrayshaugh, was our warmest friend. We met sometimes, when out-of-door amusements were impracticable, in the vaulted room in Mossgray Tower, where lay in state various remnants of ancestral mail, and which we called the armoury—to compare notes as to the changes which must have happened in the fortunes of Scotland, had we three chanced to fight at Falkirk with Wallace, or with James at Flodden. But whereas Hew Murray and I were chivalrously engrossed with considerations of what we could have done for Scotland, it always happened, as I recollect, that Charlie rose in glorious anticipation of knighthoods and earldoms and broad lands to be won by his sword and by his bow. Inno{13}cent chevaliers errant were we, not without a weakness for beautiful disconsolate princesses, and imprisoned ladies to be set free by our valour and fidelity, but the dazzling chances of war had greater fascination for Charlie. Our hero contented himself with freeing the lady, and reducing the castle—his, took possession of the conquered stronghold and reigned in the stead of his enemy.
Hew Murray, from Murrayshaugh, was our closest friend. We sometimes met, when outdoor activities weren’t possible, in the vaulted room in Mossgray Tower, where various pieces of ancestral armor lay in state, and which we referred to as the armoury—to discuss the changes that must have occurred in Scotland's fortunes, if the three of us had fought alongside Wallace at Falkirk or with James at Flodden. While Hew Murray and I were chivalrously engrossed in thoughts of what we could have done for Scotland, I always remember that Charlie dreamed of knighthoods, earldoms, and vast lands to be gained by his sword and bow. Innocent wandering knights were we, not without a soft spot for beautiful, sorrowful princesses, and imprisoned ladies to be rescued by our bravery and loyalty, but the dazzling possibilities of war held more appeal for Charlie. Our hero was satisfied with rescuing the lady and capturing the castle—his ambition was to claim the conquered stronghold and rule in place of his enemy.
But our friends were not all of our own degree. A mile or two on the other side of Fendie lay a pretty house, which made up in its snug and comfortable proportions for its entire want of all the antiquities which clustered in hoary grace about Mossgray. Pertaining to it was a small farm, which sufficed to give its proprietor the much-esteemed territorial designation. The name of the place was Greenshaw, its owner’s Johnstone. People said that he had driven a homely enough trade in former days; but never man on the northern side of Skiddaw had seen any vestige of the pack on the broad shoulders of Mr Johnstone of Greenshaw. Besides, we do rather hold the “wanderer’s” trade in good repute in our country, so the rumour did the comfortable man no harm.
But our friends weren’t all from the same background. A mile or two on the other side of Fendie was a lovely house, which made up for its complete lack of the historical charm that surrounded Mossgray with its cozy and comfortable proportions. It came with a small farm, which was enough to give its owner the much-coveted title of landowner. The place was called Greenshaw, and its owner was Johnstone. People said he used to run a pretty simple business back in the day; but no one on the northern side of Skiddaw had ever seen Mr. Johnstone of Greenshaw carrying a pack on his broad shoulders. Plus, we do tend to hold the “wanderer’s” profession in high regard in our area, so the gossip didn’t hurt him at all.
His son Walter was one of our sworn brethren. Walter Johnstone surpassed us all in daring; but the greatest heat of boyish excitement could scarcely bring any additional glow to his cheek, or throw the slightest tremor into his hand. Walter could calculate his time to a moment; he was never late, he was never hurried. Prompt and bold, cool and acute, he was the regulator and time-keeper of our obstreperous band.
His son Walter was one of our sworn brothers. Walter Johnstone outdid us all in bravery; yet even the highest surge of youthful excitement could hardly add any color to his cheeks, or cause the slightest shake in his hands. Walter could time things perfectly; he was never late, never rushed. Always prompt and daring, calm and sharp, he was the organizer and timekeeper of our rowdy group.
Then there was Edward Maxwell, the widow’s son at the Watch-brae. He was the detrimental of our joyous parties. He always became weary at unseasonable times; he continually shirked his share of the work, and evaded the perilous parts of our excursions; but he had good looks in his favour, and a winning, ingratiating, caressing manner, which overcame our reproaches. It always happened, too, that Maxwell’s weakness brought him prominently forward among us. Speculations as to what he would do next, when he would fail in a fatigue, how he would glide out of a danger, with what new expedients he would excuse himself, kept our conversation full of him, and he felt the distinction, such as it was.
Then there was Edward Maxwell, the widow’s son at the Watch-brae. He was the downer of our fun parties. He always got tired at the worst times; he constantly avoided his share of the work and ducked out of the risky parts of our adventures. But he had good looks on his side and a charming, ingratiating, smooth manner that won over our complaints. It always turned out that Maxwell’s weaknesses made him stand out among us. We speculated about what he would do next, when he would give up during a tough task, how he would slip out of a tricky situation, and what new excuses he would come up with, which kept our conversations focused on him, and he enjoyed the attention, such as it was.
Other companions we had, greater and smaller as it chanced, for we were perfectly republican. Many kindly ties{14} I have from that school-time with men of all classes, in all places and quarters of the earth: Australian settlers in the bush, merchants in London and Liverpool, distinguished men of literature, poor subalterns in India, humble shopkeepers in Fendie, small farmer-lairds in my own county; these pleasant threads of old connection are spun out far and near. I like it—there is a kindly universality of brotherhood in this, that seems to me as much better, as it is wider and further reaching than any mere friendships of one especial class, isolated, and standing upon the bare platform of their position.
We had other companions, both big and small, as it happened, because we were completely democratic. Many warm connections{14} I formed during my school days with people from all walks of life, in all corners of the world: Australian settlers in the outback, merchants in London and Liverpool, renowned authors, low-ranking officers in India, humble shopkeepers in Fendie, small-time farmers in my own county; these enjoyable links of the past stretch far and wide. I appreciate this—there’s a nice sense of universal brotherhood in it that seems much better and broader than any mere friendships from one specific class, which are isolated and based solely on social status.
CHAPTER III.
And by the glorious vision Is on his way.
Yes! it is in youth, properly so called, that the true age of poetry is.
Yes! It is in youth, in the truest sense, that the real essence of poetry exists.
The priesthood of nature, the mood that can hold communion with her in her every place and time—these come only when the boy’s material age is past, and the childish dreams come back, mightier now and clearer, to clothe with their rare grace the expanding, growing soul. Is it well that this radiance should by and by fade into the light of common day? let us be content—the old man is of kin to the youth—perchance if the harsher meridian time did not intervene, it would scarcely be so.
The priesthood of nature, the feeling that allows one to connect with her in every place and time—these come only when a boy has moved past his childhood years, and the youthful dreams return, now stronger and clearer, to beautifully adorn the expanding soul. Is it right that this brilliance will eventually blend into the everyday light? Let’s accept it—the old man is connected to the youth—perhaps if the harsher times of adulthood didn’t come between, it wouldn’t be quite the same.
But now the vision splendid travels with him everywhere. There is a glory about the hills and on the sky; there is music, all the more dear that it is inarticulate, in every running stream; there is, highest of all, a wonderful light of truth, and love, and nobleness, over all human things. Motives grand and sublime, labour generous and great, worthy of the marvellous position held by this mortal race. The whole universe vibrates to his ear, with heroic marches and noble chimes of music, to which his soul thrills, and his step keeps time. True indeed there are falsehood and selfishness and{15} change here, or whence these tales of sorrow, and this generous indignation that swells within him, against the wrong which is to be conquered; but these are not near him. In his own especial atmosphere there is perfect truth open at all points to the eye of day. His ideal covers and veils all meaner faults in the objects of his chivalrous affection; and he pities men who are smarting under neglect or inconsistency, or worldliness of friends, as those pity who feel their own blessedness made all the greater by the contrast.
But now the beautiful vision follows him everywhere. There’s a glory in the hills and the sky; there’s music, even more precious because it’s unspoken, in every flowing stream; and above all, there’s a wonderful light of truth, love, and nobility shining over all human experiences. There are grand and noble motives, generous and significant work, worthy of the amazing role played by humanity. The entire universe resonates in his ears with heroic marches and noble tunes that inspire his soul and set his pace. It’s true there’s falsehood, selfishness, and change here, which gives rise to these stories of sorrow and the strong feelings that swell within him against the wrongs that need to be fixed; but those issues feel distant from him. In his own special atmosphere, there is perfect truth visible in every direction. His ideals encompass and obscure all lesser flaws in the objects of his chivalrous love; he feels compassion for those suffering from neglect or inconsistency, or the materialism of friends, just as those who recognize their own happiness feel even more blessed in contrast.
Before I had reached this stage, my father had been for some time dead. Mr Murray of Murrayshaugh, the father of our friend Hew, a surly old gentleman of very ancient family, and very meagre estate, was my guardian; and we boys, having fairly concluded our academy course, began to form plans for our future life, not without much magniloquence of speech. Maxwell wavered long between the two grave professions of medicine and the Church. The latter was at first decidedly the favourite, for Johnstone, with malicious glee, drew so exquisite a picture of an adoring congregation, and ministering angels, in the form of ladies, old and young, that the gentle Edward was overpowered with modest delight. But the Widow Maxwell in her cottage, on the Watch-brae, had no manner of influence in the Church, while she had the shadow of a promise from some patron of her husband’s to procure for Edward a situation like his father’s, that of an assistant army surgeon. So Maxwell’s fate was determined. He was immediately to commence his studies as a medical student.
Before I got to this point, my father had been dead for some time. Mr. Murray of Murrayshaugh, the father of our friend Hew, a grumpy old man from a very old family with a very small estate, was my guardian. We boys, having finished our time at the academy, started making plans for our future, speaking quite grandly about them. Maxwell hesitated for a long time between the two serious paths of medicine and the Church. Initially, the Church was definitely the favorite, as Johnstone, with a mischievous smile, painted such an appealing picture of a devoted congregation and ministering angels, represented by ladies of all ages, that the gentle Edward was overwhelmed with shy happiness. However, the Widow Maxwell in her cottage on the Watch-brae had no influence in the Church, while she had a faint promise from some patron of her husband’s to get Edward a job like his father's, as an assistant army surgeon. So, Maxwell's future was decided. He was soon to begin his studies as a medical student.
Johnstone at once and promptly decided for the law, in some one of its occult branches, I scarcely recollect which; but he had not the gift of utterance, and therefore was disqualified from entering the highest and most showy class of the profession.
Johnstone immediately decided to pursue the law, although I can't quite recall which specific area; however, he lacked the ability to communicate well, which disqualified him from joining the top and most prestigious part of the profession.
Charlie’s destination was less easily fixed. He was eager to grow rich—he aspired to be famous—he liked all the good things of this world so well, that he was undecided which to grasp at. He thought of India, and his eyes sparkled; but some indefinite feeling, which was not home-love, made him determine to remain in Scotland. I used to wonder at this; for Charlie, with his frank fascination of manners, and his adventurous spirit, was the very man to travel—the very man, as I fancied in honest boyish admiration, to succeed brilliantly wherever he went; but he resolved to remain at home. Then{16} he thought of business—of becoming a great merchant—for youthful calculators have a happy knack of leaping over all the initiatory steps—but for that the capital was wanting. He had nothing—I not very much, and while I would joyfully have shared my utmost farthing with Charlie, that gruff old Murrayshaugh growled forth his veto—“There’s enough tint with merchandise for one generation of ye!” so we relinquished that.
Charlie’s destination was harder to pin down. He really wanted to get rich—he dreamed of being famous—he loved all the good things life had to offer so much that he couldn’t decide which to chase. He thought about India, and his eyes lit up; but some vague feeling, which wasn’t really homesickness, made him decide to stay in Scotland. I used to wonder about this; because with his charming personality and adventurous spirit, Charlie was exactly the type of person who should travel—the very guy, as I thought in honest boyish admiration, who would succeed brilliantly wherever he went; but he chose to stay home. Then{16} he considered business—becoming a successful merchant—because young dreamers have a talent for skipping all the initial steps—but for that, he needed capital. He had nothing—I didn’t have much either, and while I would have gladly shared my last penny with Charlie, that grumpy old Murrayshaugh gave his firm disapproval—“There’s enough trouble with business for one generation of you!” so we gave up on that.
But the gift that Johnstone wanted, Charlie had in perfection. He was a natural orator; and the momentous decision was made at last. Charlie decided upon being a great lawyer—the most brilliant pleader in Scotland—perhaps Lord Advocate eventually—certainly a Member of Parliament—Member for Edinburgh! Charlie rose from his low carved chair by the fire as that crowning glory burst upon him—the grandeur of it was overpowering—Member for Edinburgh!
But the gift that Johnstone wanted, Charlie had it down perfectly. He was a natural speaker, and the important decision was finally made. Charlie decided to become a great lawyer—the most brilliant advocate in Scotland—maybe even the Lord Advocate eventually—definitely a Member of Parliament—Member for Edinburgh! Charlie got up from his low carved chair by the fire as that amazing realization hit him—the grandeur of it was overwhelming—Member for Edinburgh!
Murrayshaugh was an impoverished and poor estate. Its possessor had been “wild” in his youth, and now resented and avenged upon his children the poverty himself had made. Lucy Murray grew up in forlorn and lonely seclusion, acquainted from her youth with many cares. Hew was designed for a civil appointment in India, where his father ordained his industry should redeem the fortunes of the family. The harsh old man was a despot—there was no appeal against his arbitrary will.
Murrayshaugh was a run-down and poor estate. Its owner had been "wild" in his youth, and now he took out his resentment on his children for the poverty he had created. Lucy Murray grew up in a sad and lonely isolation, familiar from a young age with many worries. He was meant for a job in India, where his father intended his hard work to restore the family's fortunes. The tough old man was a tyrant—there was no appealing against his absolute decisions.
But Murrayshaugh withal was a gentleman and a scholar; as anxious that his son should be fully and carefully fitted for the position he was to occupy as determined that in this way, and no other, should Hew’s life be spent. So Hew also was to join our little band of students in Edinburgh, and to have the advantage of two or three sessions’ training there, before he departed to his far-away labour. I could not part with them—Charlie and Hew especially were my sworn brethren; and after a long siege Murrayshaugh yielded to my very reasonable wish of accompanying them, and gave to Charlie and myself the necessary funds, commenting bitterly,—
But Murrayshaugh was a gentleman and a scholar, eager for his son to be thoroughly prepared for the role he was meant to take on. He was set on making sure that Hew’s life followed this path and this path alone. So, Hew was also set to join our small group of students in Edinburgh, getting the benefit of two or three terms of training there before heading off to his distant work. I didn’t want to say goodbye to them—especially Charlie and Hew, who were my close friends. After much discussion, Murrayshaugh finally agreed to my reasonable request to join them and provided Charlie and me with the funds we needed, saying bitterly,—
“Your father, Adam, gave me no charge of furnishing two lads for the college. An it be your silly pleasure to spend your means on your cousin, the way is to deny yourself, my man—not to think you are a pink of generosity when it costs you nothing. But take it—take it—I wish ye much grati{17}tude. If ye get but the common share, ye will be well repaid.”
“Your father, Adam, didn’t ask me to find two guys for the college. If it makes you happy to spend your money on your cousin, you really need to reconsider, my man—not to think you’re being generous when it doesn’t cost you anything. But go ahead—take it—I wish you a lot of gratitude. If you only get the usual share, you’ll be well rewarded.”
“Never mind my father, Adam,” said Lucy, as I emerged indignantly from the dreary library of Murrayshaugh into the luxuriant garden, with its mossy terraces sloping to the river-side. “Simon says true, his bark is worse than his bite—and I think, though he would not say it, that he is sad about you all going away, and only looks angry because he thinks shame.”
“Forget about my dad, Adam,” Lucy said as I stepped out angrily from the dull library of Murrayshaugh into the lush garden, with its moss-covered terraces leading down to the river. “Simon’s right, he talks a big game, but he doesn’t mean any harm—and I think, even though he wouldn’t admit it, that he’s really upset about you all leaving, and just appears angry because he feels embarrassed.”
“Are we to go, Adam?” said Charlie, eagerly. He had come to Murrayshaugh with me, and had waited on the terrace with Hew and Lucy while I bearded the lion within.
“Are we going, Adam?” Charlie asked eagerly. He had come to Murrayshaugh with me and had waited on the terrace with Hew and Lucy while I faced the challenge inside.
“Yes,” said I, with some heat—for there is nothing that one resents so warmly in one’s first youth as any prophecy of ingratitude on the part of those whom we delight to honour. “Yes, we’re to go. I would like to know why old people continually think young ones fools.”
“Yes,” I said, a bit heated—there's nothing that stings more in our youth than a hint of ingratitude from those we look up to. “Yes, we’re going. I’d like to know why older people always think young ones are fools.”
I was nearly eighteen—I drew myself up.
I was almost eighteen—I straightened up.
“Perhaps because they are often, Adam,” suggested Lucy gently.
“Maybe that's because they often are, Adam,” Lucy suggested gently.
I could not be angry at Lucy Murray. I was too full of boyish chivalry, having reëntered the age of imagination, to be anything but gentle and deferential to a girl.
I couldn't be mad at Lucy Murray. I was too filled with youthful chivalry, having re-entered a time of imagination, to be anything but kind and respectful to a girl.
“How you do speak,” exclaimed my cousin, “you think us fools, do you, Lucy?—very well—you’ll see that by and by.”
“How you talk,” my cousin exclaimed, “you think we’re fools, don’t you, Lucy?—well, you’ll see soon enough.”
“When you read the honourable Member for Edinburgh’s great speech,” said Hew, with his frank and pleasant laugh, “about—what will it be about, Charlie?”
“When you read the honorable Member for Edinburgh’s amazing speech,” said Hew, with his genuine and friendly laugh, “about—what’s it going to be about, Charlie?”
“And I would like to know,” continued Charlie, angrily, “what we have done that we should be thought so very foolish. We have only been at home all our lives, no doubt—people get so much more culture in Yorkshire!”
“And I’d like to know,” Charlie said angrily, “what we've done to be considered so foolish. We've only been at home our whole lives, no doubt—people get so much more culture in Yorkshire!”
Lucy turned away.
Lucy looked away.
“Never heed him, Lucy,” said Hew, “he shows the cloven foot. It’s all about poor Dick Fendie. Why, man, Charlie, to be jealous of him!”
“Never mind him, Lucy,” said Hew, “he’s showing his true colors. It’s all about poor Dick Fendie. I mean, seriously, Charlie, being jealous of him!”
Charlie was past eighteen. He had some time since thrown his handkerchief on Lucy Murray, and regularly engrossed her society; by no means to her own satisfaction at first, but she had become accustomed to it. He had wounded her feelings now. He saw it himself, and was maliciously pleased. I saw it as she wandered along the terrace towards{18} the water-side, and could almost have thrown him over the wall in spite of our brotherhood.
Charlie was over eighteen. He had thrown his handkerchief at Lucy Murray some time ago and spent a lot of time with her, which didn’t satisfy her at first, but she eventually got used to it. Now, he had hurt her feelings. He recognized it himself and felt a malicious satisfaction from it. I saw it as she walked along the terrace towards{18} the water, and I could almost have tossed him over the wall despite our brotherhood.
“What is the matter?” said I. “Quarrel with Hew or me as you like, Charlie, but what has Lucy done?”
"What’s wrong?" I asked. "You can argue with Hew or me if you want, Charlie, but what did Lucy do?"
Charlie twisted the graceful curl by the side of his cap, and swung round on his heel to follow Lucy without answering me. He was very handsome, and had a frank manliness in every look and gesture which disarmed one’s reproofs. At present, too, the conscious smile of power was on his face—he felt himself so sure of immediate forgiveness—so perfectly able to restore the smiles of Lucy Murray.
Charlie twirled the elegant curl by the side of his cap and turned on his heel to follow Lucy without replying to me. He was very good-looking and had a straightforward manliness in every look and gesture that made it hard to scold him. Right now, he also had that confident smile of someone who felt in control—he was completely convinced he could win back Lucy Murray's smiles.
Hew and I stood watching him, as he went along the terrace after her. Our eyes met—we exclaimed in chorus, “He does not mean anything—Charlie would not hurt any one’s feelings for the world.”
Hew and I stood watching him as he walked along the terrace after her. Our eyes met—we exclaimed together, “He doesn’t mean anything—Charlie wouldn't hurt anyone’s feelings for anything.”
“It was Lucy’s own fault, talking so much of Dick Fendie,” said Hew. “Mamma’s good boy has come home, Adam—have you seen him yet? And Lucy would defend him; but I suppose it’s all over now. By the by, Adam, how does it come about that you and I never quarrel with Lucy?”
“It’s Lucy’s own fault for talking so much about Dick Fendie,” Hew said. “Mamma’s good boy is back home, Adam—have you seen him yet? And Lucy would stand up for him; but I guess it's all done now. By the way, Adam, why do you think you and I never argue with Lucy?”
“You and I—why, is she not your sister, Hew? and almost mine, too—Charlie you know—Charlie is different.”
“You and I—wait, isn’t she your sister, Hew? And almost mine too—Charlie, you know—Charlie is different.”
Hew became thoughtful for a moment, and ended with a laugh. “Ay, that’s because Mrs Mense at Mossgray says they were made for each other. But I say, Adam, do Lilie Johnstone and you battle at each other like these two?”
Hew paused for a moment, then laughed. “Yeah, that’s because Mrs. Mense at Mossgray says they were meant for each other. But I have to ask, Adam, do you and Lilie Johnstone go at it like those two?”
I blushed a tremulous blush—it was desecration to name this sacred name so lightly. The two things were altogether different—how or wherefore I did not stay to analyse—but my reverent boyish adoration, and Charlie’s bold demands upon the constant patience and sole regard of Lucy Murray, had no resemblance to each other. I shrank back—I would have had Lilias Johnstone distinguished by the reverent respect of all men, and to hear her name thus profanely conjoined with mine!
I felt a nervous blush rise—it felt wrong to say this sacred name so casually. The two feelings were completely different—I didn’t take the time to figure out how or why—but my respectful, youthful admiration and Charlie’s confident expectations of Lucy Murray’s unwavering patience and attention were nothing alike. I pulled back—I wanted Lilias Johnstone to receive the respectful admiration of everyone, and to hear her name so disrespectfully linked with mine!
“Are you nearly ready, Hew?” I asked hastily, “and when are we to start?”
“Are you almost ready, Hew?” I asked quickly, “and when are we starting?”
The starting time was decided on that night, and shortly after we set out, the whole rejoicing band of us, upon a bracing frosty morning, late in October, on the top of the coach for Edinburgh. Maxwell managed to get up a few tears for his mother’s especial benefit. I had nearly joined him myself, I recollect, when I saw her pale anxious face{19} lifted up so tenderly to the high perch where we were crowded together. Never human face had worn that look for me, and my heart warmed the more to the son of this sad mother, even while I almost envied him.
The starting time was set that night, and shortly after we left, the whole joyful group of us, on a refreshing frosty morning, late in October, on top of the coach to Edinburgh. Maxwell managed to shed a few tears for his mother's special benefit. I almost joined him, I remember, when I saw her pale, worried face{19} looking up so lovingly to the high seat where we were all crowded together. Never had a human face shown that expression to me, and my heart warmed even more to the son of this troubled mother, even as I almost envied him.
All the rest of us were motherless; but even the gruff “Good-bye, boys,” of Murrayshaugh had some feeling in it this morning; and Lucy Murray’s eyes were too heavy to be raised to us, as she stood by her father’s side. Then there was a small white hand waving a handkerchief from within the high holly hedge of Greenshaw as we passed. It perhaps was not all for her brother. I appropriated, with trembling, some share of the farewell.
All the rest of us were without mothers; but even Murrayshaugh's gruff "Good-bye, boys" had some emotion in it this morning. Lucy Murray's eyes were too heavy to look up at us as she stood beside her father. Then there was a small white hand waving a handkerchief from behind the tall holly hedge of Greenshaw as we walked by. It might not have been entirely for her brother. I took, with trembling, a part of the farewell for myself.
In a very short time we had settled down to our respective studies. It is comparatively unusual in Scotland to give youths the benefit of college education except for some special profession; so that, put the learned faculties aside, and you leave but a small residuum to represent what forms the larger proportion of students in England. It is perhaps for this reason that we are more practical than our neighbours; that those niceties of profound classical learning which form the glory on the head of English universities—those painful researches into the nature of the Greek verb, and folio disputations on contested words, do scarcely exist among us. But that by the way. We were very frank, very unsophisticated, very innocent, we Fendie lads; and even, as I fancy, very little less so when we left than when we entered Edinburgh. It has its abundant temptations, no doubt, as all other towns have, but, so far as I myself saw, we came through them with tolerable safety. Faults of mind, and temper, and spirit, we had many, but I think we, in a great degree, escaped that round of petty vices, the assumed manliness of which leads so many foolish lads astray.{20}
In a very short time, we settled into our studies. In Scotland, it’s pretty uncommon to provide young people with a college education unless it’s for a specific profession. So, if you set aside the academic subjects, there’s only a small portion of students compared to England. This might explain why we are more practical than our neighbors; the intricate academic pursuits that are celebrated at English universities—like the complicated analysis of the Greek verb and lengthy debates over specific words—barely happen here. But that’s beside the point. We, the Fendie guys, were very open, straightforward, and innocent, and I think we were just as much so when we left Edinburgh as when we arrived. There are plenty of temptations in the city, just like in any other town, but from what I saw, we managed to navigate them fairly well. We had our fair share of flaws in mind, temperament, and spirit, but I believe we largely avoided falling into a cycle of petty vices that lead so many foolish boys astray.{20}
CHAPTER IV.
I am looking out from the deep window of my study, through the sharp air of a frosty, clear November night. There are lights gleaming in some cottage windows, so far down under the bare trees by the water-side, that you would think them glow-worms on the grass; and silvery mists are floating about the sky, and yonder lie some great distant mountain clouds, with stars embayed in creeks and inlets at their feet, like lights of anchored ships.
I am looking out from the deep window of my study, into the crisp air of a frosty, clear November night. There are lights shining in some cottage windows, far down beneath the bare trees by the water, that you might mistake for glow-worms on the grass; and silvery mists are drifting across the sky, while there are some great distant mountain clouds, with stars nestled in creeks and inlets at their feet, like the lights of anchored ships.
The face of the beautiful night before me brings back another time. I fancy I am leaning again over the grey wall, which bounds the sloping road on yonder Calton, looking down with rapt and dreamy eyes upon that wonderful scene below. Hew Murray’s arm is in mine; we have the visionary reverence of youth upon us, and when we speak, we speak low, and with few words. Yonder noble hill with its proud crest, and its visible darkness—yonder faint towers, far below, of storied Holyrood—that grand rugged line from the dim valley of the palace to the bluff front of the castle, with its graceful hovering crown of St Giles lying so fitly upon the stately head of our royal city—the gleaming lights, halfway between the dim sky and the dimmer earth—the confused hum ascending up in softened dreamy murmurs. So near the life and din of a great city; so near the wonderful gloom and silence of the everlasting hills. There is a jarring sound below. I start and open my eyes—and I am looking forth upon the placid water of Fendie, the low cottage lights below, and the steady stars above—an old man and alone!
The beautiful night in front of me takes me back in time. I imagine I'm leaning over the gray wall that borders the sloping road on Calton Hill, gazing down with amazed and dreamy eyes at the incredible scene below. Hew Murray's arm is linked with mine; we share the idealistic reverence of youth, and when we talk, we do so softly and with just a few words. That noble hill with its proud peak and visible shadows—those faint towers of storied Holyrood far below—that grand rugged line stretching from the dim valley of the palace to the castle’s bold front, with the graceful crown of St. Giles resting so perfectly on the majestic head of our royal city—the shining lights sitting between the dark sky and the darker earth—the distant hum rising in soft, dreamy murmurs. So close to the life and noise of a great city; so near the enchanting gloom and silence of the everlasting hills. A jarring sound below interrupts me. I blink and open my eyes—and I’m gazing at the calm water of Fendie, the low cottage lights below, and the steady stars above—an old man, and all alone!
After our third session together at college, Hew Murray went to his distant destination. Murrayshaugh himself came to Edinburgh to superintend his son’s outfit, and to my very great grief, and the regret of the whole band of us, slightly mingled with envy, Hew set sail in a Leith smack{21}—we had no steamers in those days—for London, from whence he was to proceed to Portsmouth, where his ship lay.
After our third meeting at college, Hew Murray headed off to his faraway destination. Murrayshaugh came to Edinburgh to oversee his son's preparations, and to my great sadness, along with the regret of all of us—tinged with a bit of envy—Hew left on a Leith sailing ship{21}—we didn't have steamers back then—for London, from where he was supposed to continue on to Portsmouth, where his ship was docked.
Hew was not of the cosmopolitan class; he was one of those—happily still existing, and I hope increasing in these days—whom the very name of home and country stirred like a trumpet. After the greatest motive of all—and I fear that in our youthful time that had but little comparative weight with us, as it had little place in the teachings of those who had the guiding of our unformed minds—the honour of his name and of his native land roused the warm spirit of my dear friend, Hew, as no other causes could. “For poor auld Scotland’s sake”—in some degree we all shared the intense and loving loyalty which took this as its centre, but it was a ruling principle with Hew Murray; and he felt his banishment most painfully, though he submitted to the necessity like a man—for Hew had not any very brilliant hopes.
Hew wasn’t from a cosmopolitan background; he was one of those—thankfully still around, and I hope more are emerging these days—who were stirred by the very idea of home and country like a trumpet call. After the most important motivation of all—and I worry that during our youth that didn’t carry much weight for us, as it wasn’t much emphasized by those who guided our developing minds—the honor of his name and his homeland ignited my dear friend Hew’s passionate spirit like nothing else could. “For poor old Scotland’s sake”—in some way, we all shared the strong and loving loyalty that revolved around this idea, but it was a core principle for Hew Murray; he felt his exile deeply, though he accepted it like a man—because Hew didn’t have any particularly bright hopes.
“There is little chance that I will be able to return till I am old, Adam,” he said to me, sadly, as we lingered on our favourite walk for the last time, looking down on the Old Town through the balmy dim spring night; “and if I should come home as rich as old Major Wardlaw of the Elms, what then? One would scarcely like to look forward to such an end of one’s labours. His gouty chair, and his hot unwholesome room, and his solitude, and his grumbling, and his spiceries, and his inflammable temper. Man, Adam! to think that I must leave home, and part with Lucy and with all of you, and toil through my whole life where I shall never hear a Scotch tongue, for such an end as that!”
“There’s hardly any chance I’ll be able to come back until I’m old, Adam,” he said to me sadly as we took our last stroll on our favorite path, looking out over the Old Town in the warm, dim spring night. “And even if I came home as wealthy as old Major Wardlaw of the Elms, what then? Who would want to anticipate such a miserable end to their efforts? His aching chair, his hot, unhealthy room, his loneliness, his constant complaints, his spices, and his short temper. Man, Adam! To think I have to leave home and say goodbye to Lucy and all of you and work my whole life in a place where I’ll never hear a Scottish accent, just for that kind of future!”
“You will hear many Scotch tongues in Bombay, Hew,” said I, “and then you are sure to marry somebody’s daughter, and come home immediately.”
“You'll hear a lot of Scottish accents in Bombay, Hew,” I said, “and then you’ll definitely end up marrying someone’s daughter and coming home right away.”
Hew’s frank happy laugh rang into the dim air pleasantly; its sound always cheered me, but the remembrance that I might not hear it again for years fell upon me in blank pain. We made a great many hysterical attempts after that to be merry, but failed so woefully in every case, that we turned at last in silence round the brow of the hill, and looked out upon the sea: the noble Firth spreading its silvery lengths far away in the distance, with its dark islands and steady lights, and the broad line of its princely highway leading forth into the foreign world!
Hew's cheerful, genuine laugh filled the dim air, and its sound always lifted my spirits. But the thought that I might not hear it again for years hit me with a deep sadness. After that, we made a lot of awkward attempts to be happy but failed miserably each time. Eventually, we fell silent and turned around the hilltop, looking out at the sea: the majestic Firth stretching its silvery waters far into the distance, with its dark islands and steady lights, and the wide path of its grand highway leading off into the unknown world!
The cold, strange, alien world where home was not, nor{22} friends. Hew Murray’s hand grasped my arm for a moment with a convulsive pressure, and there were tears under our eyelids,—tears which we were not ashamed to shed under cover of the gentle night.
The cold, strange, unfamiliar world where home wasn't, nor{22} friends. Hew Murray's hand gripped my arm for a moment with a tight squeeze, and there were tears beneath our eyelids—tears we weren't ashamed to let flow under the gentle night.
The next day I watched a white sail gliding smoothly over the peaceful Firth, until I lost it on the horizon far away—and my dearest friend was gone.
The next day I saw a white sail gliding smoothly over the calm Firth until I lost it on the horizon far away—and my closest friend was gone.
For Charlie Graeme, brother-like as we were, was less closely joined to me than Hew. It is a vulgar notion that the warmest friendship requires a contrast of minds. Charlie and I had very distinct individualizations. Hew resembled me closely—I had almost said, that in matters of the mind and heart Hew Murray and I had all things common. In things physical there was the same connection between my cousin and myself; but heartily as I liked Charlie, there were many points on which I certainly knew that we could by no possibility agree; there were many matters of feeling and thought which I shrank from bringing under his keen glance—that glance which pierced through my bashful sentimentalities with so little pity.
For Charlie Graeme, as brotherly as we were, I felt less connected to him than I did to Hew. It's a common belief that the strongest friendships require different personalities. Charlie and I had our own distinct identities. Hew resembled me closely—I might go so far as to say that in terms of thoughts and feelings, Hew Murray and I shared everything. Physically, there was also a strong connection between my cousin and me; but even though I liked Charlie a lot, there were many things on which I knew we could never agree. There were many feelings and thoughts that I hesitated to share with him—his sharp gaze would cut through my timid emotions with little compassion.
Maxwell got on delicately with those medical studies of his. He was a great favourite everywhere, his weakness, as usual, bringing him in for much more than his average share of consideration. Charlie and Walter toiled manfully at the dry initiatory necessities of their profession. They were “clever lads” of good parts and promise, both, and both too well endowed with stout common sense and the natural self-interest and ambition, to be, except in rare outbursts, loiterers or idlers. For my desultory self, I dabbled in all scientific crafts; was a metaphysician for one fit, and a chemist for another, and an antiquarian for a third; I dipped into Charlie’s dreary quartos, and lingered at the threshold of the dissecting-room with Edward, and for my own hand got through heaps of reading, systematic and unsystematic, not always drawn from the venerable shelves of the college library. It formed a pile of strange rubbish altogether, built up as it was with the crude philosophies peculiar to my years.
Maxwell handled his medical studies with care. He was well-liked everywhere, and his vulnerability often earned him more attention than usual. Charlie and Walter worked hard at the boring foundational parts of their profession. They were “smart guys” with potential, both gifted with solid common sense and a natural ambition, so they weren't lazy or idle except for rare moments. As for me, I explored various scientific fields; I was a philosopher at one moment, a chemist at another, and an antiquarian at another. I skimmed through Charlie’s dull textbooks, hung around the entrance of the dissecting room with Edward, and did my own extensive reading, both organized and disorganized, not always sourced from the dusty shelves of the college library. Altogether, it was a collection of odd ideas, shaped by the crude philosophies of my youth.
But sauntering along the Calton Hill now, alone, to dream over the Old Town, in its antique grace and beauty, made me sick at heart. Hew Murray was one of those rare friends whom one does not need to be continually talking to. A stranger who observed our few words might have taken us for very indifferent companions, but this was above{23} all, the sign of our closest brotherhood. When Charlie was with us, we were talkative enough, for then a foreign element was introduced, but we were too much one when we were alone to have any such constraint upon us. And when from these silent walks we emerged into the bustle and light of the street below, and throwing off the charm, began to be as loud as our neighbours, we felt, both of us, that the chain of our regard was drawn closer by these communings. Never friend in this world did I appropriate and feel mine so entirely as Hew, and the dim hill-side where my silence was unshared, where there was none to dream beside me as I dreamt, or to feel as I felt, became painful to my solitary eyes. I did not return to Edinburgh after Hew went away. It had lost its charm for me. I remained alone at Mossgray.
But walking along Calton Hill now, alone, to reflect on the Old Town, with its old-world charm and beauty, made me feel so downhearted. Hew Murray was one of those rare friends you don’t need to talk to all the time. A stranger watching us might think we were just casual companions, but this was above{23} all, a sign of our deep bond. When Charlie was with us, we talked a lot, since he brought in a different energy, but when we were on our own, we were so in sync that there was no need for any pretense. And when we left those quiet walks and stepped into the hustle and bustle of the street below, shedding the calm, and started to match our neighbors' noise, we both felt that the connection between us grew stronger through those moments together. Never in this world have I felt as close to a friend as I did with Hew, and the dim hillside where I was alone in my thoughts, with no one to dream alongside me or to share my feelings, became painful to my solitary perspective. I didn’t go back to Edinburgh after Hew left. It had lost its charm for me. I stayed alone at Mossgray.
I was then a man. I had nearly reached my majority, and having perhaps exaggerated notions of what became my place and position in respect to the tenants and cottages around me, I began to bestir myself to ascertain how I could do some work in this brief district, allotted to me by Providence. I have always been inclined to the contemplative, but I am not idle, and with all the proud hopes and ambitions of youth to buoy me up, I laboured and deliberated “for the good of the people,” with much enjoyment of the philanthropy.
I was then a man. I had almost reached adulthood, and with possibly inflated ideas about my role and status regarding the tenants and cottages around me, I started to figure out how I could make a difference in this small area assigned to me by fate. I've always leaned towards being thoughtful, but I'm not lazy, and with all the hopeful dreams and ambitions of youth driving me, I worked hard and thought carefully “for the good of the people,” finding a lot of joy in the philanthropy.
Lucy Murray had grown into a young woman; graceful and grave, with lines of thought upon her forehead, printed perhaps too deeply for one so young. That slender ring upon her finger was Charlie’s gift, and contains in its small enclosure one of those circlets of his sunny hair, which cling so lovingly about his temples and become them so well; for their engagement is a grave matter now, acknowledged and known. And yet I fancy them scarcely like each other yet, for Lucy has dwelt long with her own thoughts silently, and in solitude, and Charlie, with his whole soul, has embarked on the busy sea of life; but the contrast gives them singular grace when they are together, and Lucy is more than ever a sister to me.
Lucy Murray had grown into a young woman—elegant and serious, with thoughtful lines on her forehead, perhaps too pronounced for someone her age. That delicate ring on her finger was a gift from Charlie, and it holds a little lock of his sunny hair, which frames his face so nicely. Their engagement is now a serious matter, known and acknowledged. Still, I don’t think they’re that similar yet; Lucy has spent a lot of time lost in her own thoughts, quietly and alone, while Charlie has fully dove into the bustling world of life. But the difference between them gives them a unique charm when they’re together, and Lucy feels more like a sister to me than ever.
The bright face at Greenshaw, which, with all its happy changes, has been the angel of my boyish dreams for years, is brighter now in the grace of early womanhood than ever before. I fancy her the inmate of some pure and holy atmosphere, the star of some loftier sky. I forget when I am near Greenshaw that there is sin in the world—I be{24}come heterodox in my very faith—for evil has no share in Lilias.
The bright face at Greenshaw, which, with all its joyful changes, has been the angel of my youthful dreams for years, is now even brighter in the grace of early womanhood than ever before. I imagine her in a pure and holy atmosphere, the star of a higher sky. I forget when I am near Greenshaw that there is sin in the world—I become unorthodox in my very beliefs—for evil has no part in Lilias.
The name echoes in my ear with a ring of silvery music. The beautiful and pure of all ages shed their glory about her, and claim my devouter homage. The Rachel of yonder plains of Syria, the Mary, blessed among women, the Una, the Desdemona of our own land. Their shadow is upon her in all places; the very neighbours, common-place as they are, speak low, I fancy, when they speak of “Lillie,” and I forgive them the familiarity for the sake of the gracious name; for the stately flower in its royal purity symbolizes my ideal well, and my garden at Mossgray grows white with snowy lilies, and I wander among them dreamily, in a mist of indefinite hopes, and fancied future gladnesses, too bright to tell.
The name rings in my ear like beautiful music. The lovely and pure from all ages radiate their glory around her and earn my deepest respect. The Rachel of the plains of Syria, the Mary, blessed among women, the Una, the Desdemona from our own land. Their presence is felt everywhere around her; even the neighbors, as ordinary as they are, speak softly, I imagine, when they mention “Lillie,” and I let their familiarity slide for the sake of that lovely name. The elegant flower, in its royal purity, represents my ideal perfectly, and my garden at Mossgray blooms with white lilies. I wander among them dreamily, wrapped in a haze of vague hopes and imagined future joys, too bright to express.
The beautiful time! when every foundation stood fast, and all that was, was true and constant, and of kin to the pure heavens.
The wonderful time! when every foundation was solid, and everything that existed was real and reliable, and connected to the pure heavens.
Yet Lilias was only the daughter of Mr Johnstone of Greenshaw, who had little honour or standing beyond the bounds of Fendie. Murrayshaugh would have growled the utmost thunder of his anathema upon Lucy, had he known that in her sisterly kindness she had accompanied me to the comfortable plebeian parlour where shone my star, and electrified good Mr Johnstone into hopes of future friendships with those adjacent landed families, who had not hitherto condescended to notice him. But Lilias was shy of Lucy, and seemed, to my chagrin, indifferent to her visit; so I had to console myself with a transitory belief that Lilias felt proudly the injustice of those artificial barriers of society, and was sensible of wrong done to her native dignity by the false rule which made the Laird’s daughter of Murrayshaugh a greater person than she, and by Lucy’s quiet smile and gentle word of consolation. “By and by, Adam—we will be better friends, by and by.”
Yet Lilias was just the daughter of Mr. Johnstone of Greenshaw, who had little reputation or respect beyond the outskirts of Fendie. Murrayshaugh would have unleashed his full wrath on Lucy if he’d known that, out of sisterly kindness, she had accompanied me to the cozy, working-class living room where my star shone, energizing good Mr. Johnstone with hopes for future friendships with the nearby landed families who hadn’t previously bothered to acknowledge him. But Lilias was shy around Lucy and, to my disappointment, seemed indifferent to her visit, so I had to comfort myself with a fleeting belief that Lilias proudly recognized the injustice of those artificial barriers of society and felt wronged by the false hierarchy that treated the Laird’s daughter of Murrayshaugh as more important than herself, all while Lucy offered her quiet smile and gentle words of comfort. “Eventually, Adam—we’ll be better friends, eventually.”
Yes—there was no landed family of them all which could boast a line so long and so unbroken as that of Mossgray. The encumbrances on the estate had gradually melted away during my frugal minority. I was able to maintain appropriately the position I had inherited. Only this one external matter of rank did Lilias want, and I had it, to lay it at her feet—the name itself acquired new honour and dignity, when my heart beat to anticipate the advent of a{25} new lady of Mossgray, who should eclipse all who went before.
Yes—there was no other landed family that could claim a lineage as long and unbroken as that of Mossgray. The burdens on the estate had gradually disappeared during my careful upbringing. I was able to uphold the status I had inherited. The only thing Lilias wanted was this external matter of rank, and I had it to offer her—the name itself gained new honor and dignity as my heart raced in anticipation of the arrival of a{25} new lady of Mossgray, who would surpass all who came before.
I greatly affected Mr Johnstone’s company then. He was a shrewd man, if not a refined one; and albeit he did not possess that fearful command of words which strikes one with utter panic when one comes to the beginning of a speech of his fellow-craftsman the “Wanderer” of Wordsworth, he yet could manage to keep up a conversation tolerably well, by help of an occasional monosyllable from the other interlocutor—we became great friends. He gave me counsel about the management of my lands; he told me that Matthew Irving of Friarsford, whose tack was nearly out, had been holding his farm for some years past nearly rent free, so greatly had the land increased in value, since his father got the lease. He talked to me of foreign wars and home politics—I listened in happy unconsciousness, feeling only that I was conciliating the goodwill of the father of Lilias, and advancing slowly to my aim.
I really influenced Mr. Johnstone's company back then. He was a clever man, though not exactly polished; and while he didn't have the kind of powerful way with words that can make someone feel completely overwhelmed, like the “Wanderer” of Wordsworth, he could still carry on a conversation decently, especially when prompted by an occasional word from the other person—we became good friends. He advised me on managing my land; he mentioned that Matthew Irving of Friarsford, whose lease was about to expire, had been effectively farming his land for nearly free because its value had skyrocketed since his father signed the lease. He discussed foreign wars and domestic politics—I listened contentedly, feeling only that I was earning the goodwill of Lilias's father and slowly moving toward my goal.
Mr Johnstone was too shrewd a man not to perceive by and by what brought me so often, bashful and absorbed, into that corner of his parlour. The good man evidently believed at first that I sought the benefit and enlightenment of his conversation; but through a flood of random answers, and unhappy lack of comprehension on my part, of arguments which I never heard, his eyes were opened. He was by no means displeased, I fancied. I was “Mossgray” already, my income was good, my prospects better. I was altogether eligible for a son-in-law.
Mr. Johnstone was too sharp not to notice what repeatedly drew me, shy and preoccupied, into that corner of his living room. At first, he genuinely believed I was eager for the benefit and insight of his conversation. However, after a stream of random responses and my unfortunate lack of understanding of arguments I never heard, he realized the truth. I didn't think he was upset about it. I was already “Mossgray,” my income was decent, and my future looked even brighter. I was definitely a suitable choice for a son-in-law.
And by and by, I thought I discovered that the Fendie young ladies, who bore Lilias company sometimes, looked at her with wicked secret laughs and whisperings when I entered the room. Could Lilias guess herself? Alas, I could not tell! I was too self-conscious to be at ease with her, and she had always been shy to me.
And eventually, I started to notice that the Fendie girls, who sometimes kept Lilias company, shared mischievous laughs and whispered to each other when I walked into the room. Could Lilias have any idea? Unfortunately, I couldn’t say! I felt too self-conscious to be comfortable around her, and she had always been shy with me.
And matters remained in this uncertain state for a considerable time. I became of age. Murrayshaugh gruffly resigned, as he had gruffly undertaken, the guardianship of myself and my possessions. His house grew more and more desolate as I fancied, and Lucy paler and more thoughtful every day. She was quite alone, and we used to walk together sometimes on the old terrace in silent sympathy, thinking of Hew. He had reached his destination safely, and entered with cheerfulness (as he told us) into the duties of his office;{26} but the loss of him cast a sad shadow over the house of his fathers. Perhaps it might be only that—perhaps there was something more; but a sadder decay seemed to be gathering over it every time I visited Murrayshaugh.
And things stayed uncertain for quite a while. I came of age. Murrayshaugh gruffly gave up the guardianship of me and my belongings, just as he had taken it on in a gruff manner. His house seemed to become more and more desolate, or at least that's how I felt, while Lucy grew paler and more thoughtful each day. She was completely alone, and we would sometimes walk together on the old terrace in silent understanding, thinking of Hew. He had reached his destination safely and, as he told us, started his new job with enthusiasm; {26} but his absence cast a gloomy shadow over his family's home. Maybe that was all it was—maybe there was something deeper; yet it felt like a sadder decline was settling over it every time I visited Murrayshaugh.
CHAPTER V.
I believed it was a reliable tree; But first it bowed, and then it broke,
And so did my true love to me.—Old Song.
Our three students, Charlie, Walter, and Edward, at length completed their studies, and entered upon the duties of their respective professions. Charlie got his first brief from an old friend of the family, and there actually was a report of his speech on the case, by no means an important one, but greatly interesting and very momentous to us, in one of the Edinburgh papers. It was something about a quarry, I think, though what about it, I cannot very well remember. I hurried up to Murrayshaugh with the paper. It was a bright day of early summer, and Charlie himself was to be with us in a week; a visit to which we had long looked forward, and of which Lucy and I had more than once spoken.
Our three students, Charlie, Walter, and Edward, finally finished their studies and started their careers. Charlie received his first case from a family friend, and there was even a report of his speech about the case in one of the Edinburgh newspapers. It wasn’t a significant case, but it was very exciting and felt important to us. I think it was something related to a quarry, though I can’t quite remember the details. I rushed over to Murrayshaugh with the paper. It was a beautiful early summer day, and Charlie was going to visit us in a week; a trip we had been eagerly anticipating and that Lucy and I had talked about more than once.
I found Lucy in her own little parlour, at the low window which opened to the terrace. The willows were sweeping their long branches over the sighing water, and in spite of the May sunshine over all, and the universal joy without, there was a look of sadness here. I involuntarily restrained my quick step as I reached the window, and Lucy looked up from her habitual work with her usual kindly and gentle smile.
I found Lucy in her cozy little room by the low window that opened to the terrace. The willows were trailing their long branches over the gently flowing water, and despite the bright May sunshine and the overall happiness outside, there was a sense of sadness in this place. I instinctively slowed my pace as I got to the window, and Lucy looked up from her usual task with her familiar warm and gentle smile.
“Look here, Lucy! I have brought you news,” said I, “news worth seeing. Come, don’t read them in a dull room this May-day. Come out into the sunshine and read them here.”
“Hey, Lucy! I’ve got some news for you,” I said, “news that’s definitely worth checking out. Come on, don’t read it in a boring room this May Day. Let’s go outside into the sunshine and read it here.”
Lucy rose eagerly.
Lucy got up excitedly.
“What is it? is it about Hew, Adam, or—” She paused;{27} a wavering painful colour came upon her cheek, and her fingers played nervously with the work she had laid down.
“What is it? Is it about Hew, Adam, or—” She paused;{27} a flickering, painful color appeared on her cheek, and her fingers fidgeted nervously with the work she had put down.
“Lucy, you do not think I could bring you anything but good news to-day. Come out and read Charlie’s first speech. His pleadings on his first brief, you know—you heard all about that.”
“Lucy, do you really think I would bring you anything but good news today? Come out and read Charlie’s first speech. His arguments on his first case, you know—you’ve heard all about that.”
I fancied I saw a slight shiver of her frame. She had not heard it! but in a moment after Lucy stept out upon the terrace and took the paper and read. I thought her figure seemed taller and more distinct against the shadowy background of willows, as she stood there before me with the paper in her hand. There was something in it of firm pride and endurance which struck me as new—some greater emotion than I had ever known.
I thought I saw her body shiver slightly. She hadn’t heard it! But moments later, Lucy stepped out onto the terrace, took the paper, and read it. I felt like her figure looked taller and clearer against the dark backdrop of the willows as she stood there holding the paper. There was something in her that reflected a sense of pride and endurance that felt new to me—some deeper emotion than I had ever experienced before.
“Did Charlie send you this, Adam?” she asked, as she gave it back to me.
“Did Charlie send you this, Adam?” she asked, handing it back to me.
“Yes, Lucy,” said I humbly, feeling myself guilty of giving her great pain when I had expected to bring her pleasure; “it came last night.”
“Yes, Lucy,” I said humbly, feeling guilty for causing her pain when I had hoped to bring her joy; “it arrived last night.”
There was a slight, almost imperceptible shiver again, and a wandering of the fingers towards each other, as though they would fain be clasped together in the instinctive gesture of grief.
There was a light, almost unnoticeable shiver again, and the fingers moved toward each other, as if they wanted to be held together in a natural expression of sorrow.
“Wait for me a moment, Adam,” said Lucy; “I have something to say to you.”
“Wait for me a sec, Adam,” said Lucy; “I have something to tell you.”
I waited upon the terrace while she went in. What could this portend? I believed, and so did all the countryside, that their marriage was delayed only until Charlie had a prospect of success in his profession. He had told me so himself; it was an understood thing; yet Lucy had not been told of his first brief.
I waited on the terrace while she went inside. What could this mean? I thought, and so did everyone in the area, that their marriage was only on hold until Charlie had a chance to succeed in his career. He had told me that himself; it was a given; still, Lucy hadn't been informed about his first case.
She joined me almost immediately, having only gone in, as it appeared, to throw the light plaid she usually wore, over her shoulders and head, and I waited in anxious silence for her first words.
She joined me right away, having only gone in, it seemed, to drape the light plaid she usually wore over her shoulders and head, and I waited in anxious silence for her first words.
We had reached the water-side, and paused there together, the long willow-boughs sweeping over us sadly, before she spoke,—
We had made it to the water's edge and stopped there together, the long willow branches drooping over us softly, before she said anything,—
“Adam,” she said then, “have you had any conversation with my father lately? Has he ever spoken to you about—about his own affairs?”
“Adam,” she said then, “have you talked to my dad recently? Has he ever mentioned anything to you about—about his own business?”
“No, Lucy,” said I.
“No, Lucy,” I said.
“Adam, I may speak to you,” said Lucy. “There is some{28} new calamity hanging over us. I have seen my father receive letters of late—letters that I could perceive were from lawyers—which have brought to his face that white look of despair which you never saw. I mentioned Walter Johnstone’s name to him once—when you told us he had gone into partnership with some one in Edinburgh—because he was Hew’s companion, and—and yours—and my father broke out into a curse upon him, immediately adding, however,—‘Not him—why should I swear at a packman’s son? but my own miserable fortune, that am doomed to be tortured to death by these hired hounds of lawyers!’ I dared ask nothing then, but I have been ready to catch at every word since; and my father has vaguely intimated to me some intention that we should go to France—at least,” said Lucy, hastily, with an indignant blush burning on her face, and a painful heaving of her breast, “that he would go—and, of course, I will not leave him.”
“Adam, can I talk to you?” said Lucy. “There’s some{28} new disaster looming over us. I’ve seen my dad getting letters lately—letters that I could tell were from lawyers—which have caused that pale look of despair on his face that you’ve never witnessed. I brought up Walter Johnstone’s name once—when you told us he partnered with someone in Edinburgh—because he was Hew’s friend, and—and yours—and my dad suddenly cursed him, but then he quickly added, ‘Not him—why would I curse a packman’s son? It’s my own miserable fate that’s torturing me to death with these hired lawyers!’ I didn’t dare to ask anything then, but I’ve been hanging on every word since; and my dad has vaguely hinted at some plan for us to go to France—at least,” Lucy said quickly, with an indignant blush on her face and a painful heave in her chest, “that he would go—and of course, I’m not leaving him.”
“But the cause, Lucy?” said I. “He can have no cause.”
“But the reason, Lucy?” I said. “He can’t have any reason.”
“Alas, Adam, I cannot tell!” said Lucy, sadly, “for he never has taken me into his confidence; but I think it must be some responsibility—some—Adam, I do not need to hesitate—you know well that we have always been poor.”
“Sadly, Adam, I can't say!” Lucy replied. “He’s never trusted me enough to share; but I think it must be some kind of responsibility—some—Adam, I don’t need to hesitate—you know very well that we've always been poor.”
I did not know how to answer her; I leaned upon the old mossy wall by Lucy’s side, eager to speak of herself—of Charlie, and yet afraid.
I didn't know how to respond to her; I leaned against the old, mossy wall next to Lucy, wanting to talk about herself—about Charlie—but also feeling nervous.
“Is there anything that I can do!” I said. “You can trust me, Lucy; is there anything that I can do?”
“Is there anything I can do?” I said. “You can trust me, Lucy; is there anything I can do?”
“No, no, Adam! I do not mean that; no one must interfere with my father or his purposes, you know; but I only desired to tell you that you might understand as much as I do of why we went, if we do go away, and—I only wished to tell you, Adam.”
“No, no, Adam! I didn’t mean that; no one should mess with my dad or his plans, you know; I just wanted to share with you so you could understand as much as I do about why we’re leaving, if we do leave, and—I just wanted to let you know, Adam.”
Lucy turned her head away; one or two tears, so large that one could see by what bitter force they had been restrained, fell softly on the moss of the wall, but she thought I did not see them.
Lucy turned her head away; one or two tears, so large that you could see by what bitter force they had been held back, fell softly on the moss of the wall, but she thought I didn’t notice them.
“Lucy, Lucy, this must not be!” said I; “tell me what I can do; I will venture anything rather than that this should come upon us! If Hew were only here—if you would but plead for me, Lucy, that your father may remember that what I have is yours—yours with my whole heart.”
“Lucy, Lucy, this can’t be happening!” I said. “Tell me what I can do; I’ll take any chance rather than let this happen to us! If only Hew were here—if you would just advocate for me, Lucy, so your dad remembers that what I have is yours—yours with my whole heart.”
I saw her shake and tremble in the strong effort to restrain herself, but it would not do. She pressed her hand across her eyes, and again the tears fell singly upon the moss{29}—a few large bitter tears, as if they had been gathered long—an essence of intense pain too powerful to spend itself in much weeping—deliberate drops wrung from her very heart.
I watched her shake and tremble as she struggled to hold herself together, but it just wasn't working. She pressed her hand over her eyes, and once more, the tears fell one by one onto the moss{29}—a few big, bitter tears, like they'd been building up for a long time—an essence of intense pain too strong to be released through a lot of crying—purposeful drops squeezed from her very heart.
“I thank you, Adam,” she said at last, “and yet I do not need to say, I thank you—you know that—but this cannot be; you must do nothing; none of us can do anything except submit. It was only a selfish desire to pain you, I am afraid, which made me tell you this; for it will indeed be very hard to leave Murrayshaugh!”
“I appreciate it, Adam,” she finally said, “and I don’t need to say thank you—you already know that—but this can’t happen; you must not do anything; none of us can do anything but accept what is. I’m afraid it was just a selfish urge to hurt you that made me tell you this; because it’s really going to be very difficult to leave Murrayshaugh!”
I could say nothing in return. Alas! there are harder trials than even bidding farewell to one’s home. All was not well in this beautiful world; there were other things among us than those I had dreamed of, and my heart sickened as I tried to reassure myself.
I couldn't say anything back. Unfortunately, there are tougher challenges than just saying goodbye to your home. Not everything was right in this beautiful world; there were more issues around us than I had imagined, and my heart felt heavy as I tried to comfort myself.
By and by, Lucy turned along a quiet sheltered way, close by the water-side, and I went with her—perhaps I should have left her there, but I followed in spite of myself. We began to speak of Hew.
By and by, Lucy walked down a quiet, sheltered path next to the water, and I went with her—maybe I should have left her there, but I followed despite myself. We started talking about Hew.
“Do you think we shall ever meet all together again, Adam?” said Lucy.
“Do you think we’ll ever all get together again, Adam?” said Lucy.
“Surely—I hope so,” said I, hastily. “We are all young, Lucy; we may be changed externally perhaps, but that will be all.”
“Of course—I really hope so,” I replied quickly. “We're all young, Lucy; we might look a bit different on the outside, but that's all.”
“If we are ever together again, we shall be changed in every way, Adam.”
“If we’re ever together again, we’ll be different in every way, Adam.”
“Nay, nay, Lucy,” said I, “I cannot let you take up that gloomy notion. Why should we change? We know each other far too well to alter our old likings. We will be the same, Lucy, when we are grey-headed.”
“Nah, nah, Lucy,” I said, “I can’t let you take on that negative idea. Why should we change? We know each other too well to change our old preferences. We will be the same, Lucy, when we’re old and gray.”
“Will you, Adam?—will all of us?—or are we indeed what we think we are?—are we not clothing ourselves and others with some ideal of our own, which hides the natural spirit from us?”
“Will you, Adam?—will all of us?—or are we really what we think we are?—are we not wrapping ourselves and others in some ideal of our own, which conceals our true spirit from us?”
“Lucy!”
"Lucy!"
“Suppose one had done that,” said Lucy, hurriedly, turning her head away, and speaking more, as I thought, to herself than to me. “Suppose one had clothed another in an ideal so beautiful, so noble, that one almost trembled at one’s own wondrous gladness beholding it; and suppose that suddenly a blast came, and rent the glorious tissue here and there, and revealed a hidden thing of clay below; and one came to know that this noble spirit had never been at all, save in the fancy that created it. I dreamt of such a thing the{30} other night; and dreams come true sometimes. Adam, we all change—not one, but all of us.”
“Imagine if that happened,” Lucy said quickly, turning her head away and speaking more to herself than to me. “Imagine if someone had dressed another person in an ideal so beautiful, so noble, that it made you almost shiver with joy just seeing it; and then suddenly, a strong wind came and tore the beautiful fabric apart, revealing something crafted from clay underneath; and you found out that this noble spirit had never actually existed at all, except in the imagination that created it. I dreamed about something like that the{30} other night, and dreams sometimes come true. Adam, we all change—not just one of us, but all of us.”
I could not speak then, nor did I try to answer her. What could I say? it was the first check put upon my joyous confidence in all whom I called friends.
I couldn't speak then, nor did I try to respond to her. What could I say? It was the first time my joyful trust in everyone I called friends was shaken.
“Has your father told Hew, Lucy, that he thinks of leaving Murrayshaugh?” I inquired at last, eager to change the subject.
“Has your dad told Hew, Lucy, that he’s thinking about leaving Murrayshaugh?” I asked finally, wanting to shift the topic.
“I think not. I hope it is only possible, Adam; I know nothing more than that; my father does not trust me; but we must know soon.”
“I don’t think so. I just hope it’s only possible, Adam; I don’t know anything more than that; my father doesn’t trust me; but we need to find out soon.”
I left Murrayshaugh sadly that day. When I had nearly reached Mossgray, I met Lilias with some of her companions, driving her father’s little four-wheeled equipage. They paused a moment to receive my eager bashful salutations, and then drove on. The sunshine of that young face dispersed the cloud of doubt and unhappiness that hung about me; for anything false, anything sad, could not come near Lilias—
I left Murrayshaugh feeling sad that day. When I was almost at Mossgray, I ran into Lilias and some of her friends, driving her dad's little four-wheeled carriage. They stopped briefly to accept my shy, enthusiastic greetings and then continued on their way. The brightness of her young face chased away the doubts and sadness hovering over me; nothing fake or anything depressing could ever reach Lilias—
I said to myself joyously as I went on. I repented me of my suspicions of Charlie. Lucy must be mistaken. His conduct could be explained. The bright mist fell again over the world, and I forgot my fears and anxieties; they all fled before the smile of Lilias.
I said to myself happily as I continued on. I regretted my doubts about Charlie. Lucy must be wrong. His actions could be understood. The bright mist settled over the world once more, and I let go of my fears and worries; they all vanished in the presence of Lilias's smile.
I did not see Lucy Murray again before Charlie himself arrived. He reached Mossgray on the afternoon of another brilliant May-day. He was very full of his prospects, and considerably elated with the successful beginning. He even told me the particulars of this first case, I recollect, in natural excitement and exultation, and very humdrum as they were, they interested me too, for his sake.
I didn’t see Lucy Murray again before Charlie arrived. He got to Mossgray on a beautiful afternoon in May. He was really excited about his future and quite happy with how things had started off. He even shared the details of his first case with me, and while they were pretty ordinary, I found them interesting too, just because he was so enthusiastic.
He had been nearly an hour in the house. Mrs Mense, the housekeeper, was preparing a magnificent dinner in honour of Mr Charlie, the great advocate; and there he sat, lounging half out of the open window, talking himself out of breath. I am nervous when I have any cause of anxiety. I began to change my position, to walk about the room, to take up and throw down everything within my reach. Charlie made no sign—he lounged and talked and laughed; he discussed the things which he would do, and which I should. I could bear it no longer.{31}
He had been in the house for nearly an hour. Mrs. Mense, the housekeeper, was preparing an amazing dinner in honor of Mr. Charlie, the renowned advocate; and there he was, lounging half out of the open window, chatting away. I get nervous when I'm anxious about something. I started shifting my position, walking around the room, picking things up and putting them down again. Charlie didn’t seem to care—he lounged, talked, and laughed; he talked about the things he would do and what I should. I couldn't take it any longer.{31}
“Charlie,” said I, “you intend to go to Murrayshaugh I suppose before dinner. You should set out at once, and make haste, for Mrs Mense will not forgive you if you spoil her trout to-day.”
“Charlie,” I said, “I assume you plan to go to Murrayshaugh before dinner. You should leave right away and hurry, because Mrs. Mense won't forgive you if you ruin her trout today.”
“Trout!” said Charlie, “are we to have trout to-day? Mrs Mense is a sensible woman, Adam. I would not endanger Fendie trout for the world.”
“Trout!” Charlie said, “are we having trout today? Mrs. Mense is a sensible woman, Adam. I wouldn't risk Fendie trout for anything.”
“You are illogical, Charlie,” said I, “you forget that the governing clause in my sentence concerned Murrayshaugh, and not the fish.”
“You're being illogical, Charlie,” I said, “you’re forgetting that the main part of my sentence was about Murrayshaugh, not the fish.”
“Pooh—Murrayshaugh’s a bore,” said Charlie, hastily. “Do you angle yet, Adam, yourself? you lucky fellow, who have nothing to do, and can choose your own solacements!”
“Pooh—Murrayshaugh is so boring,” Charlie said quickly. “Do you fish yet, Adam, you lucky guy, who has nothing to do and can pick your own distractions?”
“But, Charlie,” said I, anxiously; “of course you intend to go some time this evening. I will undertake to make your peace with Nancy. There now, away with you, like a good fellow.”
“But, Charlie,” I said, anxiously; “you do plan to leave sometime this evening, right? I'll take care of things with Nancy for you. Now go on, like a good guy.”
“It’s ill talking between a fou man and a fasting,” said Charlie, with a forced laugh. “Come, Adam, let’s have dinner first—you forget my journey.”
“It’s not right to talk while a man is angry and someone else is hungry,” said Charlie, with a forced laugh. “Come on, Adam, let’s eat dinner first—you’re forgetting about my trip.”
He went off to his own room immediately, and I could say no more. I trembled for him. I feared to see the glorious tissue rent, as Lucy Murray said, and some other alien spirit appear below, which was not my friend and brother—which was not the true and generous Charlie Graeme.
He went straight to his room, and I could say nothing more. I was anxious for him. I dreaded the thought of seeing the beautiful layer torn apart, as Lucy Murray put it, revealing some other foreign spirit beneath that wasn’t my friend and brother—that wasn’t the real and noble Charlie Graeme.
We dined alone, and there was a certain constraint upon our conversation. Charlie, it is true, still spoke much, but he seemed, as I fancied, to speak against time. How he lingered at table—how he spun out his stories, and deliberated over every little change, and laboured to fasten arguments upon me, as though endeavouring to shut my eyes to the progress of those slowly darkening hours. I bore it as long as I could, and I bore it in intense pain—I had never known so great a trial.
We had dinner alone, and there was an awkwardness in our conversation. Charlie did talk a lot, but it felt to me like he was trying to fill the silence. He took his time at the table—stretching out his stories, carefully considering every little detail, and working hard to convince me, as if trying to keep me from noticing how the hours were slipping away. I endured it for as long as I could, and it was incredibly painful—I had never experienced such a difficult situation.
“Charlie,” said I at last, “how we waste our time here. Come, I will walk up with you to Murrayshaugh.”
“Charlie,” I finally said, “what a waste of time we’re having here. Come on, let’s walk up to Murrayshaugh together.”
Charlie muttered something between his teeth. I only heard “Murrayshaugh,” but there was a syllable before which I blushed to guess at. “Ah, don’t weary me out,” he said aloud. “You don’t think I am made of cast-iron like your Herculean rustics. It’s too late now, Adam.”
Charlie mumbled something under his breath. I only caught “Murrayshaugh,” but I could sense there was a word before it that made me embarrassed to even consider. “Ah, don’t tire me out,” he said out loud. “You don’t think I’m made of cast iron like your strong country folks. It’s too late now, Adam.”
I turned round and looked at him earnestly. He started{32} to his feet with the quick anger of one who knows himself in the wrong.
I turned around and looked at him seriously. He got up{32} quickly, with the immediate anger of someone who knows they're in the wrong.
“Well, what do you mean, Adam?”
“Well, what do you mean, Adam?”
“What do I mean, Charlie? It is I who should ask that question. You mean something by this—what is it?”
“What do I mean, Charlie? I'm the one who should be asking that question. You must mean something by this—what is it?”
“By what?—come, come, Adam, this won’t do. Don’t assume the head of the family, I beg. I can manage my own affairs without any interference from you.”
“By what?—come on, Adam, this isn’t working. Please don’t act like you’re the head of the family. I can handle my own matters without your interference.”
I thought of Lucy Murray standing alone upon yon mossy terrace, without one in the world who could know, or could lighten her grief, aware that he was here, and looking for his coming in vain, and in the warmth of my youthful feelings I was overcome.
I thought of Lucy Murray standing alone on that mossy terrace, with no one in the world who could understand or ease her sorrow, knowing that he was here and waiting for him to arrive in vain, and in the warmth of my youthful emotions, I was overwhelmed.
“Charlie,” said I, “you will grieve Lucy sadly if you do not go till to-morrow. Lucy is alone.”
“Charlie,” I said, “you’re going to upset Lucy a lot if you don’t wait until tomorrow. She’s all alone.”
“Well, I will save her the infliction,” said Charlie, with affected boldness. “It is well I had arranged it so before. I return to Edinburgh to-morrow.”
“Well, I’ll spare her from that,” Charlie said, pretending to be confident. “Good thing I had it all planned out ahead of time. I’m heading back to Edinburgh tomorrow.”
“Do you want to break her heart?” I exclaimed.
“Do you want to break her heart?” I shouted.
“I am not answerable to any one for what I intend to do,” said Charlie, sullenly.
“I don’t owe anyone an explanation for what I plan to do,” Charlie said, sulkily.
“Yes, Charlie,” said I, “you are answerable—to one higher than we—to Hew had he been here—even to me. What is this, Charlie? You do not mean it—it is some passing quarrel which a few words will set right.”
“Yes, Charlie,” I said, “you are accountable—to someone greater than us— to Hew had he been here—even to me. What’s going on, Charlie? You can’t mean it—it’s just a temporary argument that a few words can fix.”
“So!” said Charlie, with a sneer, “Miss Lucy has been complaining to you!”
“So!” Charlie said with a sneer, “Miss Lucy has been complaining to you!”
My mood changed in a moment; from the utmost sorrow it became the most passionate anger. I had been labouring to prevent this inevitable rupture—now I was only eager that it should be completed.
My mood changed instantly; from deep sadness, it shifted to intense anger. I had been trying hard to stop this unavoidable breakup—now I just wanted it to finish.
“No,” I exclaimed, “you have never known Lucy Murray. I, who have been with you so long, only begin to know you now. You—you will never know Lucy—it is well you feel yourself unworthy of her—it is fit indeed that her true heart should not be wasted upon you.”
“No,” I said, “you’ve never really known Lucy Murray. I, who have been with you for so long, am just starting to understand you now. You—you will never truly know Lucy. It’s good that you see yourself as unworthy of her—it’s only right that her genuine heart shouldn’t be wasted on you.”
My own heart ached as I turned away from him. I had lost my friend. I began to grope in a world of shadows where truth was not; and not even the smile of Lilias could have woven again those fair ideal garments about Charlie Graeme.
My heart hurt as I turned away from him. I had lost my friend. I started to feel my way through a world of shadows where there was no truth; and not even Lilias's smile could have brought back those beautiful, ideal images of Charlie Graeme.
We were mutually silent and sullen after that. Charlie was the first to speak.{33}
We were both quiet and gloomy after that. Charlie was the first to say something.{33}
“Adam,” he said, “I don’t want to quarrel with you, but I will answer to no man for my conduct; my motives and purposes are my own—and there has been quite enough of this. Walter Johnstone came out with me from Edinburgh to-day. Will you go over with me to Greenshaw to see him?”
“Adam,” he said, “I don’t want to argue with you, but I’m not going to answer to anyone for my actions; my reasons and intentions are my own—and this has gone on long enough. Walter Johnstone came out with me from Edinburgh today. Will you come with me to Greenshaw to see him?”
I shrank from him—that he, unveiled and disenchanted as he was, should breathe the air which Lilias made holy—that her smile should fall upon him! I could hardly restrain myself, but for my old affection’s sake, and for Lucy’s sake, I did.
I recoiled from him—how could he, so exposed and disillusioned, breathe the air that Lilias made sacred—how could her smile be directed at him! I could barely hold myself back, but out of my old affection and for Lucy’s sake, I managed to do so.
“I will follow you,” I answered, “at present I cannot go.”
“I'll follow you,” I replied, “but right now I can't go.”
He left the room, and, in a few minutes, the house, and I saw him go down the water whistling a merry tune, and pausing now and then to look round upon those peaceful home scenes, which his presence now desecrated to me. Murrayshaugh was in the opposite direction. I hurried along towards it under the trees, with an instinctive desire to see Lucy, and, unseen myself, to carry at least one sympathetic heart to her vicinity. It was a superstition of its kind. I had no thought of that—it was an instinct with me.
He left the room, and a few minutes later, the house. I saw him head down to the water, whistling a happy tune and stopping now and then to look back at those calm home scenes that now felt tainted by his presence. Murrayshaugh was in the opposite direction. I hurried toward it under the trees, driven by a natural urge to see Lucy and, without being seen myself, to bring at least one sympathetic heart near her. It was a kind of superstition. I didn’t think about it—that was just my instinct.
And there she certainly was upon the terrace, with her soft light plaid about her head, and her figure gliding strangely through shadows of the trees, and of the quaint, fantastic gables of the house, which the light of a young moon threw faintly on the ground at her feet. I saw her threading the maze of these, as she moved like a spirit upon the mossy garden path, and I began to fancy in the bitterness of my heart that it was thus with us all; that those shadowy unreal forms of ours were but wandering blindly through a shadowy world of pains and sorrows, which if it were not all false, was yet involved in a miserable twilight, where one knew not what was false and what was true.
And there she definitely was on the terrace, with her soft plaid wrapped around her head, her figure moving oddly through the shadows of the trees and the unique, whimsical gables of the house, which the light of a new moon faintly cast on the ground at her feet. I watched her navigate the maze of these shadows as she glided like a spirit along the mossy garden path, and I started to think, in the bitterness of my heart, that this was how it was for all of us; that our shadowy, unreal forms were just wandering blindly through a shadowy world filled with pains and sorrows, which if it weren’t all false was still caught in a miserable twilight, where it was hard to tell what was real and what was not.
The old decaying house, with its marks of gradual downfal and lingering sorrowful pride, and the one faint light in the window of the library where sat its aged possessor struggling with a young man’s strength of haughty resistance against the slow ruin that was gliding upon him like a thundercloud. The low cadence of those rustling willows, wooing the answering murmur of the water—the silence of the waning evening, made sadder and more spirit-like by the wan young moon, which gave to its dimness a spectral light{34} and shadow—and Lucy Murray in her early youth, with not one heart that could or dared stand by her in her need, wandering among those shades, with the dark sky above, in the dim world, alone! I hurried away again. I could not look upon her.
The old, decaying house, with its signs of slow decline and lingering, sad pride, had a faint light flickering in the window of the library where its elderly owner sat, struggling against the gradual ruin creeping in like a thundercloud. The soft rustle of the willows echoed the gentle murmur of the water—the quiet evening felt even sadder and more ghostly under the pale young moon, casting a spectral light and shadow over everything. And there was Lucy Murray in her youth, with not a single heart that could or would stand by her in her time of need, wandering through those shadows, with the dark sky above, in that dim world, alone! I hurried away again. I couldn’t bear to look at her.
CHAPTER VI.
I admit I thought all hearts were genuine,
As I looked at the entire bright world—how beautiful! For those linked in happy fantasies were the two—
This gorgeous—that pure—
And like the mountains of this great land
Did Love, Faith, and Honor remain steadfast Lift their proud heads to the bright sun that crowned them,
As I imagined, in my view.
I do admit—if it was wrong, Look at these tears—awaking painfully,
I realized I had only been dreaming.
The parlour of Greenshaw was exceedingly bright when I entered it that night—brighter in reality, for they were rejoicing over Walter’s return—and brighter still in contrast with the scene I had left.
The living room of Greenshaw was incredibly bright when I walked in that night—brighter in reality, since they were celebrating Walter’s return—and even brighter when compared to the scene I had just left.
“Here he is at last,” cried Walter Johnstone, starting up to shake hands with me as I entered. “Why, have you been seeing ghosts, Adam? One would think that we were the rustics and he the townsman, Charlie.”
“Here he is at last,” shouted Walter Johnstone, jumping up to shake my hand as I walked in. “What’s going on, Adam? You look like you’ve seen a ghost! You’d think we were the country folks and he was the city guy, Charlie.”
“You were always a contemplative man, Mossgray,” said Edward Maxwell, greeting me warmly; “but take care—if you do not tremble for the consequences of a prescription from me, I do, I can tell you.”
“You were always a thoughtful guy, Mossgray,” Edward Maxwell said, greeting me warmly; “but be careful—if you’re not worried about the consequences of a recommendation from me, I definitely am, just so you know.”
Edward’s manner was more manly than usual. In my yearning for something to make up for the fatal loss I had sustained, I caught at this eagerly. Perhaps I had neglected him hitherto. I resolved to do so no longer.
Edward’s demeanor was more masculine than usual. In my longing for something to compensate for the devastating loss I had experienced, I seized this eagerly. Maybe I had overlooked him until now. I decided not to do that anymore.
I tried to seat myself so as to shut out Charlie from the light of that countenance, which made me forget even his unworthiness. I grudged him the slightest word from Lilias—I fancied how the pure soul within her would withdraw itself in lofty indignation, did she know him as I did.{35}
I tried to position myself to block Charlie from seeing that face, which made me overlook even his flaws. I resented even the smallest word he got from Lilias—I imagined how her pure soul would pull away in high indignation if she knew him the way I did.{35}
“Mossgray,” said Walter, “have you any message for your friend Hew Murray? Maxwell is going to follow his example, do you know.”
“Mossgray,” Walter said, “do you have any message for your friend Hew Murray? Maxwell plans to follow his lead, just so you know.”
“How?” I asked.
“How?” I asked.
“Oh, that famous appointment we have heard so much of has come at last,” said Edward. “The —— regiment are to have the benefit of my learned services, and they are lying at some heathenish place not far from Hew’s head-quarters. The name I have learned to write after a day’s practice—but the pronunciation—come now, Walter, be merciful—don’t make me desperate by forcing these dislocated syllables over my lips—at least not in Miss Johnstone’s presence.”
“Oh, that famous appointment we've heard so much about has finally arrived,” said Edward. “The —— regiment is going to benefit from my expertise, and they’re stationed at some remote place not far from Hew’s headquarters. I’ve learned to write the name after a day of practice—but the pronunciation—come on, Walter, be nice—don’t make me struggle with these broken syllables in front of Miss Johnstone.”
“Oh, never mind Miss Johnstone—Lilie is not such an epicure in sounds,” said Walter. “Come along, Mixy. After all, man, I believe you don’t know the true secret so well as I do. A professed lady’s man should never be ladylike himself. What do you say, Mossgray? Do you hear me, Charlie—am I not right?”
“Oh, don’t worry about Miss Johnstone—Lilie isn’t that picky about sounds,” said Walter. “Let’s go, Mixy. Honestly, I think you don’t really understand the true secret as well as I do. A guy who’s all about women should never act too feminine himself. What do you think, Mossgray? Can you hear me, Charlie—am I right?”
Mixy was our familiar contraction of Edward’s respectable surname—we were rather proud of our ingenuity in manufacturing a diminutive which suited name and profession alike so well; and he took it with wonderful good humour. To-night however he seemed displeased a little. I did not wonder; for who could endure to be exposed to ridicule in the presence of Lilias?
Mixy was our casual nickname for Edward’s respectable surname—we were pretty proud of how clever we were in creating a short form that fit both his name and profession so perfectly; and he accepted it with amazing good humor. Tonight, though, he seemed a bit annoyed. I didn’t blame him; who could stand being made fun of in front of Lilias?
“You’re right in the abstract, Wat,” answered Charlie, with perfect coolness: “but wrong in this particular instance. To think of giving counsel to Mixy in such matters—why, Mixy’s irresistible!”
“You're right in theory, Wat,” Charlie replied calmly, “but wrong in this situation. To consider giving advice to Mixy about these things—come on, Mixy’s impossible to resist!”
Edward coloured and laughed.
Edward blushed and laughed.
“There now, Charlie, that will do. Don’t believe them, I beg, Miss Johnstone; it’s mere malice, I assure you.”
“There you go, Charlie, that’s enough. Please don’t listen to them, Miss Johnstone; it’s just petty spite, I promise you.”
“Take care, Lilie,” said Walter, “he wants to put you off your guard. Ask Mossgray, if you don’t believe me.”
“Be careful, Lilie,” Walter said, “he wants to catch you off guard. Ask Mossgray if you don’t believe me.”
I coloured more deeply than Edward—this was carrying the joke too far—that Lilias, in her unapproachable purity and loftiness, should be so addressed was a kind of sacrilege. I started in jealous eagerness to save her name from the careless badinage which was profanity to me.
I colored more deeply than Edward—this was taking the joke too far—that Lilias, with her untouchable purity and loftiness, should be spoken to like that was a kind of sacrilege. I jumped in with jealous eagerness to protect her name from the thoughtless teasing, which felt like profanity to me.
“All this has nothing to do with Hew Murray,” I said hastily, and I felt my cheek burn as I turned away from Charlie. “Are you to be in Bombay, Edward?—are you to be near Hew?{36}”
“All this has nothing to do with Hew Murray,” I said quickly, and I felt my cheek flush as I turned away from Charlie. “Will you be in Bombay, Edward?—will you be close to Hew?{36}”
“Yes, Bombay is my first destination,” said Edward. “I shall seek him out of course—and I suppose I must go in a month or two, so you may prepare your remembrances, Adam.”
“Yes, Bombay is my first stop,” Edward said. “I’ll look for him, of course—and I guess I need to leave in a month or two, so you can get your gifts ready, Adam.”
“And will you be long away, Mr Maxwell?” said Lilias, softly.
“And will you be gone for a long time, Mr. Maxwell?” Lilias asked softly.
I bent forward at the sound of her voice. I always did—but this night, for the first time, I felt myself grow hot and angry when I saw Edward’s head also inclined towards the speaker, and his face brighten to answer her.
I leaned forward when I heard her voice. I always did—but that night, for the first time, I felt myself getting hot and angry when I saw Edward also lean toward the speaker, his face lighting up to respond to her.
“Many years, I fear, Miss Johnstone—many sad years—if I ever do see Fendie again.”
“Many years, I’m afraid, Miss Johnstone—many difficult years—if I ever see Fendie again.”
I thought the low fall of his voice was affectation. Then I repented me—I was exquisitely uncomfortable; doing them all injustice except herself and Charlie—my pure and beautiful star whom no imperfection could cast a shadow on, and the untrue, detected man whom I had called my friend. To these, in their extremes of honour and humiliation, I could not fail to do perfect justice.
I thought his low voice was just an act. Then I regretted that—I felt really uncomfortable; I was being unfair to everyone except her and Charlie—my pure and beautiful star whom no flaw could tarnish, and the dishonest man I had called my friend. To these two, in their extremes of honor and shame, I couldn't help but give accurate judgment.
“Come, don’t be sentimental,” said Johnstone. “You’ll come home, Mixy—not the least fear of you—and build a thing with pagodas, and a verandah, and call it by an outlandish name, and end your history like a fairy tale. Hew, poor fellow—I am afraid his chance of seeing Fendie again is worse than yours.”
“Come on, don’t be sentimental,” said Johnstone. “You’ll come home, Mixy—no need to worry about that—and build a place with pagodas and a porch, and give it some exotic name, and finish your story like a fairy tale. Hew, poor guy—I’m afraid his chance of seeing Fendie again is worse than yours.”
“How is that?” I exclaimed. “Has anything happened, Walter? Have you heard of anything adverse to the Murrays?”
“How is that?” I shouted. “Has something happened, Walter? Have you heard of anything bad about the Murrays?”
“The poor old man has ruined himself,” said Walter. “I am afraid he must lose everything—but to be sure that is not a thing to be discussed so publicly.”
“The poor old man has messed himself up,” said Walter. “I’m afraid he’s going to lose everything—but I guess that’s not something to talk about so openly.”
I turned round and looked Charlie Graeme in the face. He lifted his coward eyes to me for a moment in quick self-consciousness, but they fell before mine. This then was the pitiful reason—I turned indignantly away. I could scarcely bear to look at him again.
I turned around and looked Charlie Graeme in the face. He briefly met my gaze with his timid eyes, but they quickly dropped away. This was the pathetic reason—I turned away in anger. I could hardly stand to look at him again.
We all rose to leave Greenshaw together. Walter accompanied us to Fendie. I put my arm through his hurriedly, and kept him behind, while Charlie and Edward went on before us. I was eager to question him about Murrayshaugh, and eager to escape from the society of my cousin.
We all got up to leave Greenshaw together. Walter walked with us to Fendie. I quickly linked my arm with his and held him back while Charlie and Edward went ahead of us. I was eager to ask him about Murrayshaugh and to get away from my cousin's company.
“If it is no breach of confidence, Walter,” I said, “I would be glad if you could tell me, what this is that seems to threaten Murrayshaugh?{37}”
“If it’s not a violation of trust, Walter,” I said, “I would appreciate it if you could tell me what seems to be threatening Murrayshaugh?{37}”
“It is no breach of confidence now,” said Johnstone, “for I fear it must very soon be public enough. Murrayshaugh undertook a heavy responsibility long ago for some old friend, Adam; and many years since this friend died, and the whole burden of the debt fell upon Mr Murray, so that only the unusual forbearance of the creditor kept him from being ruined. But now the original creditor, who knew the circumstances, is also dead, and his heir will have no mercy, so that the old man I fear must give up everything. I am afraid, Adam, they will think of me very unfavourably—but that my partner happened, before I joined him, to be their creditor’s agent, is of course no fault of mine. It annoys me though, often; I wish you would just mention that when you write to Hew—not that any sensible person would blame me of course—but only there’s an uncomfortable feeling.”
“It’s not a secret anymore,” Johnstone said, “because I’m afraid it’ll be public soon enough. Murrayshaugh took on a big responsibility long ago for an old friend, Adam; and this friend passed away years ago, leaving Mr. Murray with the entire debt. Only the unusual patience of the creditor has kept him from being ruined. But now the original creditor, who understood the situation, is also dead, and his heir won't show any mercy. I’m afraid the old man will have to give up everything. I worry, Adam, that people will judge me harshly—but the fact that my partner, before I joined him, was the creditor’s agent is obviously not my fault. It irritates me though, often; I wish you’d just mention that when you write to Hew—not that any sensible person would blame me, of course—but there’s still an uncomfortable vibe.”
“Hew will understand,” said I, “but of course I will do what you ask me, Walter; and Murrayshaugh will lose all—did you say all?—and can nothing be done to help him?”
“Hew will understand,” I said, “but of course I’ll do what you ask, Walter; and Murrayshaugh will lose everything—did you say everything?—and can nothing be done to help him?”
“Nothing but paying the money,” said the man of business by my side, “and it’s a very heavy sum, what with costs and interest, and other such devourers of impoverished means—and besides, Murrayshaugh is too proud to receive a favour, Adam, even from you. He would rather lose everything, you know. I confess, harsh and repulsive as he has always been, there will be something wanting in the countryside if that proud old man does not decay peacefully here, like any other ruined tower—but he would take assistance as an insult—you know he would.”
“It's just about paying the money,” said the businessman next to me, “and it's a really hefty amount, especially with costs and interest, plus other things that drain an already struggling situation. And on top of that, Murrayshaugh is way too proud to accept help, even from you, Adam. He’d rather risk losing everything, you know. I have to admit, as harsh and off-putting as he’s always been, there will be something missing in the countryside if that proud old man doesn’t quietly fall apart here, like any other crumbling tower—but he’d see help as an insult—you know that.”
I did know it, and went on sadly, thinking of the desolate household, and scarcely remembering my companion’s presence.
I did know it, and continued on sadly, thinking about the lonely household, hardly remembering my companion was there.
“And by the by, Mossgray,” said Walter abruptly, “you might mention that—about my partner being this man’s agent—to Miss Murray; not that she will care of course—but just—one does not like to be unjustly blamed.”
“And by the way, Mossgray,” Walter said suddenly, “you might want to mention to Miss Murray that my partner is this man’s agent; not that she will care, of course—but still—nobody likes to be unjustly blamed.”
“Lucy does not know,” said I, “but I will tell her, Walter, since you wish it. Poor Lucy!—I mean,” I added, as I saw his keen eye shoot from me to Charlie, who walked before us, with an intelligent glance, “I mean it will be so great a trial to her to leave Murrayshaugh.”
“Lucy doesn’t know,” I said, “but I’ll tell her, Walter, since you want me to. Poor Lucy!—I mean,” I added, noticing his sharp gaze shift from me to Charlie, who was walking ahead of us with a perceptive look, “I mean it’s going to be such a big challenge for her to leave Murrayshaugh.”
Johnstone did not speak. I felt that this was not known to me only, and I remembered bitterly then, that on her the scorn would lie, the stigma of being slighted and deserted;{38} and that scarcely either man or woman would think the worse of him—him, the faithless coward who had thus failed in need.
Johnstone didn’t say a word. I realized that I wasn’t the only one aware of this, and I bitterly remembered that she would bear the scorn, the stigma of being neglected and abandoned;{38} and hardly anyone, man or woman, would think any less of him—him, the unfaithful coward who had let her down when it mattered.
I scarcely recollect how Charlie and I managed our brief intercourse after that, but it was a very great relief to me when he departed next day. For the first time since we knew each other, Charlie went into Fendie to take his departure alone, with no one to bid him farewell. I believe he felt in some degree the emphasis of the broken custom. I almost believe he would have been glad then to undo what he had done—but the die was cast—it was too late.
I barely remember how Charlie and I handled our short interaction after that, but I felt a huge relief when he left the next day. For the first time since we met, Charlie went into Fendie to leave on his own, with no one to say goodbye to him. I think he felt the weight of the broken tradition. I almost think he would have been glad to take back what he had done—but the decision was made—it was too late.
A few days after, I went to Murrayshaugh, anxious, if I could manage it indirectly, to see Lucy, and yet afraid to meet her. It was a chill day for summer, with a clouded sky and a loud boisterous breeze tossing the long willow boughs into a sort of fantastic unearthly mirth, which moved me, much as the unseemly merry-making of a mourner might have done. Lucy was sitting in a favourite corner of hers, at the end of the terrace, reading—at least she had a book in her hand. As I approached the stile, and little bridge, over the Murrayshaugh burn, under cover of the eldritch willow branches, she perceived me, and observing that I hesitated to enter, beckoned me to her. I obeyed at once.
A few days later, I went to Murrayshaugh, eager, if I could do it discreetly, to see Lucy, but also nervous about facing her. It was a chilly summer day with a cloudy sky and a strong, lively breeze tossing the long willow branches around in a way that felt oddly unreal, which affected me much like the inappropriate laughter of someone in mourning might have. Lucy was sitting in her favorite spot at the end of the terrace, reading—at least she had a book in her hands. As I approached the stile and the little bridge over the Murrayshaugh stream, hidden under the eerie willow branches, she saw me and, noticing my hesitation to come over, waved me to join her. I immediately complied.
I do not think she was paler that day than she had always been, but there was a grave composure about her face which made her seem so. Whatever struggle there had been it was over—and I remember a consciousness of something clear and chill about her, such as one feels in the air after a storm—an atmosphere in which everything stands out in bold relief, disclosing all its points and angles against the distinct far-distant sky. Yet Lucy was no less benign—no less gentle than she had always been.
I don't think she looked any paler that day than she usually did, but there was a serious calmness on her face that made her seem that way. Whatever struggle had occurred was finished—and I remember feeling something clear and cool about her, like the air after a storm—an atmosphere where everything is sharply defined, revealing all its details against the clear distant sky. Still, Lucy was just as kind—just as gentle as she had always been.
“I wanted to see you, Adam,” she said. “I will write to Hew to-day—have you anything to say to him?”
“I wanted to see you, Adam,” she said. “I’ll write to Hew today—do you have anything to tell him?”
“No,” said I, stammering and hesitating, for I felt painfully the great event, the era in our lives which had become known to me since I saw her last. “No, Lucy—except what Hew does not need to be told, I hope—that I constantly think of him as of my most dear friend, and that scarcely anything in the world would delight me so much as to see him again.”
“No,” I said, stammering and hesitating, because I felt the weight of the significant moment, the turning point in our lives that I had come to realize since I last saw her. “No, Lucy—except for what Hew doesn’t need to be told, I hope—that I often think of him as my closest friend, and that hardly anything in the world would make me happier than seeing him again.”
“I will tell him,” said Lucy; “one likes to hear such things sometimes, Adam, even when one is in no doubt of them—and I will tell him any other pleasant thing you know,{39} to make amends for the sad news I must send him—for I am afraid that is certain now, Adam, which I said before was only possible—we must leave Murrayshaugh.”
“I’ll tell him,” said Lucy; “everyone likes to hear good things sometimes, Adam, even when they are sure of them—and I’ll share any other nice thing you know,{39} to make up for the bad news I have to give him—because I’m afraid it's definite now, Adam, when I previously said it was just a possibility—we have to leave Murrayshaugh.”
“Is there no way of averting this calamity?” I exclaimed.
“Is there no way to prevent this disaster?” I exclaimed.
“You know my father, Adam,” said Lucy, “he does not trust me as he might do; but I have almost been acting as a spy these few days, and there is no hope I see; for one of the few trials that can really shake his iron nature is this of leaving home, and if there was any hope of averting it, he would try all means before he yielded.”
“You know my dad, Adam,” Lucy said, “he doesn't trust me like he should; but I've basically been playing the role of a spy these past few days, and I don’t see any hope. One of the few things that can truly rattle his tough nature is leaving home, and if there was any chance of stopping it, he would do everything he could before giving in.”
“Lucy,” said I, “help me to present my petition to your father—beg him to remember how greatly I am indebted to you all, and entreat him to consider me thus far as his son. If what I have will do, why should he not take it, Lucy? I am a young man—I am ashamed of my own indolence—I will go and seek my fortune like Hew, and will be far happier so than as I am. Lucy—”
“Lucy,” I said, “please help me present my request to your dad—ask him to remember how much I owe all of you, and urge him to see me as a son so far. If I have something to offer, why wouldn’t he accept it, Lucy? I’m a young man—I’m embarrassed by my laziness—I’ll go out and find my own path like Hew, and I’ll be much happier doing that than I am now. Lucy—”
“Hush, Adam,” said Lucy, stopping me, as I eagerly pleaded with her, “you must not think of this. I cannot suffer you to say another word, and you know my father with his harsh pride would not be indebted even to his own son for such assistance. No, no, he will bear his own burden alone, and so must I—that it is not easy or light is a lesser matter—we must bear our own lot; but, Adam, I am glad you have said this—I am glad,” said Lucy slowly, a gush of sudden tears coming to her eyes, which seemed to flow back again, and did not fall. “I am glad you would have done it, Adam. I will mind it when I am heavy again, and sinking—and I will tell Hew.”
“Hush, Adam,” Lucy said, stopping me as I eagerly pleaded with her. “You can't think like this. I can't let you say another word, and you know my father, with his stubborn pride, wouldn’t accept help even from his own son. No, he’ll carry his own burdens alone, and so must I. That it’s not easy or light is a smaller issue—we have to deal with our own situations; but, Adam, I’m glad you said this—I’m really glad,” Lucy said slowly, tears suddenly welling up in her eyes, though they didn’t fall. “I’m glad you would have done it, Adam. I’ll remember it when I’m feeling low again and sinking—and I’ll tell Hew.”
“But, Lucy, listen to me,” I exclaimed. “May I not speak to Murrayshaugh? may I not ask your father?”
“But, Lucy, listen to me,” I exclaimed. “Can I not talk to Murrayshaugh? Can I not ask your dad?”
“Not unless you wish to make him desperate, Adam. Nay, do not look impatient. To satisfy you, I will mention it to him myself, and even urge it if I can. I know what the issue will be, but I will do you this justice, Adam—are you content?”
“Not unless you want to push him into a corner, Adam. No, don't look so impatient. To make you happy, I’ll bring it up with him myself, and I’ll even push for it if I can. I know what the outcome will be, but I’ll do this for you, Adam—are you satisfied?”
I was compelled to be so. I hardly could have dared myself, under any circumstances, to offer pecuniary assistance to Murrayshaugh.
I had to be that way. I could hardly imagine daring to offer financial help to Murrayshaugh in any situation.
We parted very soon. Lucy did not make the slightest allusion to Charlie—there was not even a hint or inference which I could fancy pointed to him. She was very composed—so much so, as to make it evident to me, who knew her well,{40} that there had indeed been some grievous troubling of those quiet waters, before so dead a stillness fell upon them—but no one who knew her or observed her less could have seen any trace of a crisis past, or a great struggle completed, in the grave composure of her manner. Whatever memorials of the storm there might be within, there were none without.
We separated shortly after. Lucy didn’t mention Charlie at all—there wasn’t even a hint or suggestion that I could interpret as related to him. She was very calm—so much so that it was clear to me, since I knew her well,{40} that something had indeed disturbed those peaceful waters before such a heavy stillness took over—but anyone who knew her or observed her less closely wouldn’t have seen any signs of a past crisis or a significant struggle in her serious demeanor. Whatever reminders of the turmoil there might have been inside her, there were none visible on the outside.
I thought when I left her of an ascending road leading westward from Fendie, which, when you look along its line at night, seems to go off so abrupt and chill into the clear cold sky beyond, that its solitary wayfarers mysteriously disappear there, into the luminous blank of heaven, and you watch them with a feeling of desolate loneliness, as they glide in silence away. I thought of Lucy on that road alone—since then, whenever I recall her memory, I have fancied I saw her slight figure there, travelling away steadily into the cold horizon, unwavering and alone.
I remembered when I left her a winding road heading west from Fendie, which, when you look down it at night, seems to vanish abruptly and coldly into the clear sky above. Its lone travelers mysteriously disappear into the bright emptiness of heaven, and you watch them with a sense of profound loneliness as they drift away in silence. I thought of Lucy on that road by herself—since then, whenever I recall her, I picture her slender figure there, moving steadily into the cold horizon, resolute and alone.
CHAPTER VII.
But he asked the beautiful girl herself,
Her favor was not gained. —Katherine Janfarie.
Walter Johnstone remained nearly a month at Fendie. During this time he made two or three visits to Edinburgh, but as a new beginner, he was not yet very much cumbered with business. He was the brother of Lilias—I became interested in all his pursuits, and indulgent of all his foibles. We were seldom separate; for if I was abroad with Walter almost all the day, I sat in my especial corner in the Greenshaw parlour all the evening, and that privilege was cheaply purchased by any fatigue or inconvenience. I fancied I began to make some silent gradual progress. I fancied Lilias was scarcely so shy as she used to be in my presence, and I myself began to be a little more rational in my adoration. To the devout homage of the age of chivalry, I endeavoured to add a little of that more ordinary and slighter thing, which is called “paying attention.” I adopted as{41} much of it as the shyness of my deeper feeling would permit, and almost envied, while I was offended by, the fluent ease of Maxwell, who like myself was a frequent visitor at Greenshaw, but who, unlike me, could be quite at ease with Lilias, and ventured to treat her like any ordinary girl. Ordinary girl! what do I say? there was no such being in existence to me. Unapproachable, above all others, was my own queen and lady, but the light of her presence shed a reflection upon them. I owed them all a reverence for her sake.
Walter Johnstone stayed at Fendie for almost a month. During that time, he made a couple of trips to Edinburgh, but since he was just starting out, he didn’t have much business to deal with. He was Lilias’s brother—I found myself interested in everything he did and forgiving of all his quirks. We were rarely apart; if I was out with Walter most of the day, I spent my evenings in my favorite spot in the Greenshaw parlor, and that privilege felt worth it, despite any tiredness or inconvenience. I thought I was making some quiet, gradual progress. I thought Lilias was a bit less shy around me than she used to be, and I was starting to be a little more sensible in my admiration. Along with the devoted adoration of chivalry, I tried to add a bit of what’s more commonly known as “paying attention.” I embraced as{41} much of it as my shyness would allow, and I almost envied Maxwell, who, like me, was a frequent visitor at Greenshaw but, unlike me, was comfortable around Lilias and treated her like any regular girl. Regular girl! What am I saying? To me, there was no such thing. My own queen and lady was untouchable and above all others, but the light of her presence cast a glow on them. I owed them all respect for her sake.
Maxwell was preparing to go away, he said. I wished him in India with all my heart, and wondered audibly why he delayed so long. Not that I was what is vulgarly called jealous; but while I did feel envious of any sharer in my sunshine, I grudged that it should fall on one to whom it was merely common light. I was angry because he did “pay attention” to Lilias, and I thought meanly of him because, admitted as he was to her society, he could be content with “paying attention.” Altogether his presence irritated me. I heartily wished him away.
Maxwell was getting ready to leave, he said. I sincerely wished him well in India and wondered out loud why he was taking so long. Not that I was what people would call jealous; but while I did feel envious of anyone sharing my happiness, I resented that it should go to someone who took it for granted. I was frustrated because he showed interest in Lilias, and I thought poorly of him because, even though he got to spend time with her, he seemed fine just “paying attention.” Overall, having him around annoyed me. I really wanted him gone.
Walter Johnstone was a pleasant companion—even forgetting, had that been possible, whose brother he was: we became great friends. He was too acute not to perceive how matters stood, and I fancied he had no desire to discourage me. We were out together on the last day of his stay at Greenshaw: he had become very confidential, he told me his circumstances with his partner, his anticipated income, his intention of taking a house in York Place; and finally, the last and greatest of all, his prospect of getting a mistress to the house. I listened with the greatest interest, and congratulated with the utmost warmth—it was impossible for any brother to have been more sympathetic than I—and then, with sudden boldness, I poured out into his ear my own great secret. When the first barrier was removed, the flood poured forth too strongly for any diffidence to check it. I spoke very fervently, as I felt. I fancy it must have been with some sort of natural eloquence too, for Walter’s hand trembled when he grasped mine, and promised me his help.
Walter Johnstone was a great companion—even forgetting, if that were possible, who his brother was: we became close friends. He was too sharp not to see how things were going, and I felt he didn’t want to discourage me. We were out together on his last day at Greenshaw: he opened up a lot, telling me about his situation with his partner, his expected income, his plans to rent a place in York Place; and finally, the biggest news of all, his hope of getting a mistress for the house. I listened with great interest and congratulated him warmly—it was impossible for any brother to be more supportive than I was—and then, with sudden courage, I shared my own big secret. Once the first barrier was down, the words rushed out too quickly for any hesitation to hold them back. I spoke passionately, as I felt. I think it must have come out with some natural eloquence as well, because Walter's hand shook when he took mine and promised to help me.
Before I recollected myself, while we were still in a kind of cloud of excited earnestness, I found myself in Mr Johnstone’s presence; and then, as there is no boldness like the nervous boldness of your shy man when he reaches the needful heat,{42} I made speedy conquest of him. Then I was ushered into the well-known parlour, with its forenoon look of quietness and new arrangement, to wait for Lilias.
Before I could gather my thoughts, while we were still in a bubble of excited seriousness, I found myself in Mr. Johnstone’s presence; and then, since there’s no confidence quite like the nervous confidence of a shy person when they hit that necessary peak, {42} I quickly won him over. After that, I was led into the familiar living room, which had that morning vibe of calmness and fresh layout, to wait for Lilias.
The slow sunbeams stealing through the blinds, the chairs standing formally in their places, the closed piano, the books replaced in their shelves, the work-table withdrawn in its corner; how vividly I remember all these homely usual things, and how solemn they made my waiting. She came at last—and then I remember in a mist how the full tide of my eloquence poured forth again, and how I was successful. Yes, successful! I left Greenshaw triumphantly, the proud possessor of the plighted troth of Lilias.
The soft sunlight slipping through the blinds, the chairs lined up neatly in their spots, the closed piano, the books back on the shelves, the work table tucked away in its corner; I can clearly recall all these everyday things, and how serious they made my waiting feel. She finally arrived—and then I vaguely remember how my words flowed out again, and how I succeeded. Yes, I succeeded! I left Greenshaw feeling triumphant, proudly holding the promise of Lilias.
I returned home in happy unconsciousness of how or where I went. On the way I met Maxwell, I recollect, and was too much elevated above all ordinary things to do more than speak the briefest words of recognition to him, overflowing though I was with the universal benevolence of a light heart; and yet, withal, I remember how some faint ghost of consciousness haunted me that I was not happy enough—that Lilias’s consent was sadly mechanical, that it lacked—but no! I was not so profane as that; I could see nothing lacking in Lilias.
I returned home feeling blissfully unaware of how or where I had traveled. I ran into Maxwell along the way, and I was so uplifted that I could only manage a few brief hellos, even though I was overflowing with a warm kindness from my happy heart. Still, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that I wasn't completely happy—that Lilias's agreement felt a bit forced, that something was missing—but no! I wasn't that ungrateful; I saw nothing lacking in Lilias.
I was not to see her again that night—she was engaged at some Fendie party—and so I wandered the evening out by the water-side, flying from less ethereal society. I had half an idea of going to tell Lucy, but, like a miser, I chose to exult over my secret treasure a little longer before I shared the joy of it with any one.
I wasn't going to see her again that night—she was at some Fendie party—so I spent the evening by the water, avoiding less interesting company. I thought about telling Lucy, but, like a miser, I decided to enjoy my secret treasure a little longer before sharing the happiness with anyone.
And I remember well what wondrous dreams glided before my eyes, in bright processions, peopling yonder far-away glades and noble trees with groups of fairy figures, more beautiful than ever dreamer saw before. I saw her pass over the threshold of Mossgray with her bridal grace upon her. I saw her dwell there in her gracious, growing womanhood, drawing all pleasant things towards her as flowers turn to the sun; and though my heart did indeed beat high with proud gladness, when I remembered that it was my name she shed so sweet a lustre on, and that it was I who stood beside her in all the shifting groups of my fancy—even that stood aside, as selfish rejoicings must always do, in presence of the supreme joy I had in herself. That she was—that in our dim world there shone this one especial star, as true, as pure, as gracious as the heavens—whose constant outcoming must be{43} beneficence and love; whose constant meed—too poor a one for her lofty deservings—must be blessings and honour. I could not fathom the depths of my own happiness—I could but float upon its sunny stream.
And I clearly remember the amazing dreams that floated before my eyes, in bright parades, filling those distant glades and impressive trees with groups of fairy-like figures, more beautiful than any dreamer had ever seen. I saw her step over the threshold of Mossgray with her bridal elegance. I saw her living there in her graceful, blossoming womanhood, drawing all delightful things to her like flowers turning toward the sun; and although my heart truly soared with proud joy when I realized it was my name she cast such a sweet glow upon, and that it was I who stood beside her in all the changing scenes of my imagination—even that took a back seat, as selfish joys always do, in the presence of the pure joy I felt in her. That she was—that in our dim world there shone this one special star, as true, as pure, as gracious as the heavens—whose constant presence must be{43} a source of kindness and love; whose constant reward—too meager for her great worth—must be blessings and honor. I couldn’t understand the depths of my own happiness—I could only float on its sunny current.
The next morning rose brightly in all the brilliant joy of June, and as early as I could venture, I set out for Greenshaw. The slight morning traffic of those quiet Fendie streets—the cottage wives, upon its outskirts, going about their cheerful household labour—the domestic sounds that came pleasantly from the wayside houses—I remember them with the sunshine of my own joy over all, giving harmony and finest keeping to the homely picture. At last I approached the well-known holly hedge. A woman stood at the gate looking down the lane; the parlour-blinds were closed; there was a look of excitement about the house, as if something unusual had happened. I hurried on, noticing that in my haste, but too pleasantly expectant to think of it.
The next morning dawned brightly in all the vibrant joy of June, and as soon as I could, I set out for Greenshaw. The light morning traffic in those quiet Fendie streets—the cottage wives on the outskirts going about their cheerful household tasks—the nice sounds drifting from the houses along the way—I remember them all with the warmth of my own joy, adding harmony and a perfect touch to the simple scene. Finally, I reached the familiar holly hedge. A woman was standing at the gate, looking down the lane; the living room blinds were closed; the house had an air of excitement, as if something unusual had happened. I hurried on, noting that in my rush, but too happily expectant to think too much about it.
The woman at the door was Mr Johnstone’s factotum—a sensible, matronly person, who exercised the more laborious duties of housekeeper, for which Lilias was too inexperienced and young.
The woman at the door was Mr. Johnstone’s helper—a practical, motherly figure, who took on the heavier responsibilities of housekeeper, which Lilias was too inexperienced and young to handle.
“Good morning, Margaret,” I said, as I came up and was about to pass in.
“Good morning, Margaret,” I said, as I approached and was about to walk by.
Margaret stretched out her hand to stop me.
Margaret reached out her hand to stop me.
“Oh, Mossgray!”
“Oh, Mossgray!”
There was evident distress and trouble on her face. A slight tremor of alarm came over me.
There was a clear look of distress and trouble on her face. A slight wave of alarm washed over me.
“Has anything happened?” I said. “What is the matter, Margaret?”
“Did something happen?” I asked. “What’s wrong, Margaret?”
“Ower muckle—ower muckle,” said the housekeeper of Greenshaw, lifting her apron to her eyes; “oh, for onysake dinna gang in!—and yet he maun ken—there’s nae use trying to keep it frae him.”
“Ower muckle—ower muckle,” said the housekeeper of Greenshaw, lifting her apron to her eyes; “oh, for goodness' sake don’t go in!—and yet he must know—there’s no point in trying to keep it from him.”
The last part of the sentence was spoken under her breath; I became very much agitated.
The last part of the sentence was said quietly; I got really anxious.
“What is it, Margaret? Is Lilias ill? What has happened?”
“What’s wrong, Margaret? Is Lilias sick? What happened?”
“I’ll tell ye, Mossgray,” said Margaret, quickly, the arm which she had extended to bar my entrance falling to her side. “It wad be dearly telling her, she had been ill this day. She’ll live yet to ken, that the sorest fever that ever chained a mortal to a sick bed wad hae been a blessed tether o’ her wilful feet this woefu’ morning. Dinna think o’ her, Maister{44} Adam. I ken it’s hard, but ye maun try; dinna think o’ her—she’s no wurdy o’t.”
“I’ll tell you, Mossgray,” said Margaret quickly, letting her arm that was blocking my entry drop to her side. “It would be really difficult for her to know she’s been sick today. She’ll live to realize that the worst fever that ever kept someone in bed would have been a blessed restraint on her stubborn feet this miserable morning. Don’t think about her, Mr.{44} Adam. I know it’s tough, but you have to try; don’t think about her—she’s not worth it.”
I clutched the woman’s arm, angry and eager. I could not speak.
I grabbed the woman’s arm, feeling both angry and eager. I couldn't say a word.
“Weel then, she’s gane—she’s away—her that was the light o’ our e’en—that we couldna see ill in—that I’ve heard ye even to the very angels, Mossgray. She’s gane—fled out from her father’s house with yon young haverel o’ a doctor, that has neither wealth to keep, nor wit to fend for her. Oh, guid forgie me, Mr Adam! what have I dune?”
“Well then, she’s gone—she’s left—she who was the light of our lives—that we couldn’t see any wrong in—that I’ve heard you call even the very angels, Mossgray. She’s gone—escaped from her father’s house with that silly young doctor, who has neither the money to support her nor the sense to look after her. Oh, God forgive me, Mr. Adam! What have I done?”
My face alarmed her, I fancy. I pressed blindly in—Walter Johnstone stood before me. I was close upon him before I was aware of his presence; I looked in his face.
My face seemed to shock her, I think. I rushed in without thinking—Walter Johnstone was standing right in front of me. I was almost on top of him before I realized he was there; I looked at his face.
He turned from me with a burst of emotion, which seemed to wake me from some terrible nightmared sleep.
He turned away from me, overwhelmed with emotion, and it felt like it pulled me out of a terrible nightmare.
“Mossgray, I did not know it—I had no suspicion of this. Believe me, Adam, believe me, that I am blameless! She has deceived us all!”
“Mossgray, I had no idea—I didn’t suspect this at all. Trust me, Adam, trust me, that I’m not at fault! She has fooled us all!”
I felt a hoarse contradiction struggling from my dry lips—still I could not hear her blamed. Then I turned away; I could hold no further parley with any one; I hurried into the sheltering solitude of my own lonely house.
I felt a rough contradiction escaping from my dry lips—yet I still couldn't hear her being criticized. Then I turned away; I couldn't engage in any more conversation with anyone; I rushed into the comforting solitude of my own lonely home.
The bright world without mocked and scorned me—the passers-by looked wonderingly at my stricken face. I could not linger by the water-side now, in the first shock of my vanished and ruined dreams. I fled into this solitary room, within the silent walls of which so many slow years have passed since then, and threw myself into my chair, and pressed my throbbing head between my hands. It was only then that I realized what had come upon me.
The bright world outside mocked and scorned me—the people walking by looked at my pained face with curiosity. I couldn’t stay by the water’s edge now, still reeling from the shock of my lost and shattered dreams. I ran into this lonely room, within the quiet walls of which so many long years have gone by since then, and flung myself into my chair, pressing my pounding head between my hands. It was only then that I understood what had happened to me.
I am an old man now, and these passionate struggles of youth have faded in the far distance, veiled in the gentler mists of memory. Yet I do remember them—I do remember me of minute and trifling things—the open book lying there upon this floor—the solitary lily drooping in its vase—the snowy leaf that had fallen upon the window-ledge below; and how the pale and fierce light of my calamity fixed the image of them for ever on the tablets of my heart. I remember—it is not such seasons that men can forget.
I’m an old man now, and those passionate struggles of my youth have faded into the distance, shrouded in the softer mists of memory. But I do remember them—I remember little things—the open book lying on the floor—the lone lily drooping in its vase—the white leaf that fell on the windowsill below; and how the pale and intense light of my troubles etched those images forever in my heart. I remember—those aren’t the kinds of moments that people can forget.
I had lost her for ever—alas! that was not all—she had never been. The conviction forced itself upon me till I grew well nigh mad. I dashed my clenched hands into the air; I could not restrain the wild fit of passion, the irrational{45} frenzy that possessed me. I was alone! the things which I had worshipped and made my idols were things of air—mists of my early morning, melting away before the stern and sober light—and I was left here desolate, forlorn, and solitary, and there was nothing true under the sun.
I had lost her forever—unfortunately, that wasn't all—she had never existed. The realization hit me so hard that I nearly went insane. I threw my clenched fists into the air; I couldn’t control the wild outburst of emotion, the crazy{45} frenzy that took over me. I was alone! The things I had worshipped and made into my idols were just illusions—morning mists, disappearing in the harsh and clear light—and I was left here desolate, abandoned, and alone, with nothing real under the sun.
It is a bitter and a sorrowful thing to mourn for the dead—to lament over those who have gone away out of this shadowy land into the brighter country, where they yet are, and shall be, all the more sure in their wonderful existence that we see them not. But to mourn for those who have never been—to behold stars fall from your horizon, the glory of whose shining was but a phantasm of your brain, a creation of your own soul; to awake suddenly from your contemplation of some noble and beautiful spirit, the fairest that ever gladdened mortal vision, and to find that it is not, and was not, and that the place, which in your dream was illuminated by its glorious presence, is filled by a shadowy thing of unknown nature, which you never saw before—this is the bitterest of griefs. If there is sorrow more hard than this, I bow my head to it in fear and reverence; but this is my woe, and prince of woes.
It’s a bitter and sorrowful thing to mourn the dead—to grieve for those who have left this shadowy world for a brighter place, where they still exist in their wonderful state even though we can’t see them. But to mourn for those who have never existed—to watch dreams fade away from your life, where their shining glory was just an illusion in your mind, a creation of your own soul; to suddenly wake up from thinking about some noble and beautiful spirit, the most beautiful presence that ever brought joy to human sight, only to find that it is not, and was not, and that the space that was lit up by its glorious presence is now occupied by a shadowy thing of unknown nature that you’ve never seen before—this is the deepest sorrow. If there is a grief harsher than this, I bow my head to it in fear and respect; but this is my pain, and the greatest of pains.
Drifting from false anchorage, surrounded by spectral ships and ghostly receding shores, hopelessly driven over the treacherous sea; with no light but an indefinite twilight, sickening the faint heart with visions of shadowy haven and harbour, and false security. A world of mists—a universe of uncertain, unknown existences, which are not as you have dreamed, and among whom you must go forth alone, no longer devoutly to believe and warmly to love, but to grope darkling in the brightest noonday, to walk warily, shutting up the yearning heart within you, in jealous fear. It is hard to make this second beginning—hard to fight and struggle blindly against this sad necessity—yet the poor heart yields at last; either to put on the self-wounding mail of doubt and suspicion, or to live in dim and mournful patience, a hermit all its days.{46}
Drifting from false anchorage, surrounded by ghostly ships and fading shores, hopelessly tossed over the dangerous sea; with no light but a vague twilight, sickening the faint-hearted with visions of shadowy havens and false security. A world of mist—a universe of uncertain, unknown existences, which are not as you've dreamed, and among whom you must venture forth alone, no longer able to believe devoutly and love warmly, but to fumble in the darkness even in the brightest midday, to walk cautiously, keeping the yearning heart inside you, in jealous fear. It's tough to make this second start—hard to fight and struggle blindly against this sad necessity—yet the poor heart eventually gives in; either to wear the self-inflicted armor of doubt and suspicion, or to live in dim and mournful patience, a hermit for all its days.{46}
CHAPTER VIII.
When my true love has abandoned me,
And he says he'll never love me again.
Oh, Christmas wind! When will you blow? And shake the dead leaves off the tree?
Oh, gentle death! When will you arrive
And should I take a life that tires me?—Old Ballad.
I took little note of how months or weeks went after that era. I lost that summer time. It has fallen entirely from the reckoning of my life, leaving only some vestiges of what looks now like incipient madness behind; for I was entirely alone; shut out as much from that ordinary communication with the world, which painfully and beneficially compels the suppression of one’s agony, as I was from all human sympathy, all kindness, all compassion. I had lost all; my dreams of a brighter home—my friends—all were gone. Hew Murray far away in India, and his sad sister Lucy alone in Murrayshaugh—to no others in the wide world could I look for any of those gentle offices which belong to friendship; and the one was thousands of miles away—the other was no less solitary, no less stricken than I.
I barely noticed how months or weeks passed after that time. I lost that summer. It's completely faded from my memory, leaving only a few traces of what now feels like creeping madness; because I was utterly alone, cut off from that basic connection with the world, which painfully but helpfully helps to suppress one’s suffering, as much as I was from all human kindness, sympathy, and compassion. I had lost everything; my dreams of a better home—my friends—were all gone. Hew Murray was far away in India, and his sad sister Lucy was alone in Murrayshaugh; I had no one else in this vast world to rely on for those small acts of friendship. One was thousands of miles away, and the other was just as lonely and hurt as I was.
I did not see her during the whole of that summer. Had there been no cloud overshadowing her own lot, I believe I might have sought the balm of Lucy’s pity, and perhaps been in some degree comforted; but as it was I never sought to see her—I saw no one—I shut myself up through those scorching summer days—I remember yet how their unpitying sunshine sickened me to the very soul—in this solitary room. I wandered ghost-like on the water-side at night; I neglected everything that I had formerly attended to. I held no communication even with the servants of my lonely household, which I could possibly avoid. It was little wonder that they should think me crazed; the belief shot in upon my own brain sometimes like an arrow—almost the consciousness that I was mad.
I didn’t see her all summer. If she hadn’t been dealing with her own struggles, I might have sought comfort in Lucy’s sympathy and maybe found some solace. But as it was, I never tried to see her—I was alone—I shut myself in during those sweltering summer days. I still remember how the relentless sunshine felt like it was draining my soul in this isolated room. At night, I wandered by the water like a ghost; I ignored everything I used to care about. I avoided even talking to the servants in my lonely home whenever I could. It was no surprise they thought I was losing it; the thought crossed my mind too, striking me like an arrow—almost like I was aware that I was going crazy.
I might have been—how soon I know not—but that I was mercifully snatched from the edge of the precipice.{47}
I might have been—how soon I can't say—but I was thankfully pulled back from the edge of the cliff.{47}
The summer was over, the autumn days were darkening and growing chill, and the wan water of Fendie carried showers of faded leaves upon its bosom, and grew husky and dark with frequent floods. The transition from the fierce summer sunlight soothed me. These six terrible months had done on me the work of years. I was young—almost a lad still—but I had always been older than my years, and pain brings with it unenviable maturity. In my solitude I felt untimely age come upon me; I carried in my youth’s frame a man’s worn-out heart.
The summer was over, the autumn days were getting darker and colder, and the faded leaves floated on the surface of Fendie’s murky water, which grew rough and dark from frequent floods. The shift from the intense summer sunlight was calming. Those six grueling months felt like they had aged me years. I was still young—almost a teenager—but I had always seemed older than my age, and suffering comes with an unwelcome kind of maturity. In my isolation, I felt an early sense of aging wash over me; I held within my youthful body a man’s weary heart.
My housekeeper, Nancy Mense, suffered no one to come near me but herself; and her own services were rendered in silence, with something of that compassionating awe, which we hear is paid to the victims of mental malady in the East. I had never observed this until the day of which I am about to speak.
My housekeeper, Nancy Mense, wouldn’t let anyone come near me except for herself; and she provided her services quietly, with a hint of the compassionate reverence often shown to those suffering from mental illness in the East. I hadn’t noticed this until the day I’m about to talk about.
It was a dim, cloudy October day, overcast with showers, and I was subdued and softened; the drooping, disconsolate sky and damp air seemed to hush the fiery pains within me. Mrs Mense entered my apartment, and, without speaking, laid a letter upon the table. I noticed a painful solicitude in her face, as she looked at me before she left the room; I took up the letter—it was from Lucy Murray.
It was a gloomy, cloudy October day, filled with drizzle, and I felt quiet and subdued; the heavy, sad sky and the damp air seemed to quiet the intense emotions inside me. Mrs. Mense walked into my apartment and, without saying a word, placed a letter on the table. I noticed a worried look on her face as she glanced at me before leaving the room. I picked up the letter—it was from Lucy Murray.
“We shall be far away before you receive this, Adam. I write, because hereafter you might think I did you wrong in sending you no farewell. Of our own affairs I can tell you little, even if now you cared to hear of them. I can guess that my father gives up almost all he has; all the land, everything but a bare pittance that will merely maintain us—and the house. He has not parted with Murrayshaugh itself. He vows he never will—but utterly reduced in means as we must be, we must leave it now—perhaps—perhaps sometime, if good days ever come, to return home again.
“We’ll be long gone by the time you get this, Adam. I’m writing because I don’t want you to think I wronged you by not saying goodbye. I can’t tell you much about our situation, even if you wanted to know right now. I can guess that my father is giving up almost everything; all the land, leaving us with just a small amount that will barely support us—and the house. He hasn’t let go of Murrayshaugh itself. He swears he never will—but given how much we've lost, we have to leave it now—maybe—if better days ever come, we’ll return home again.
“I dare not tell you where we are going; indeed, I do not even know. You know my father’s harsh and haughty pride; he says no one shall see our poverty who has ever heard our name before. He might have lingered longer, I believe, had I not told him of your generous offer; he took it, as I fancied he would, with hard and bitter anger as a humiliation. Yet thank you again, Adam, for thus cheering me, when the world indeed was black enough around us.
“I can’t tell you where we’re headed; honestly, I don’t even know. You know my father’s tough and arrogant pride; he says no one should see our struggles if they’ve ever heard our name. I think he might have stayed longer if I hadn’t mentioned your generous offer; he reacted to it, as I expected, with cold and bitter anger, seeing it as a humiliation. But thanks again, Adam, for lifting my spirits when the world was really dark around us."
“For yourself, what can I say, Adam Graeme? that you are not alone; but alas! that is small consolation. Who{48} can tell the appointed place which this trial has in the lives of each of us, the appointed purpose for which it has been sent? Adam, let us not look upon those wrecks of the vain dreams we fancied true; all is not untrue, though these are; all is not dark because these lights have failed. The feverish flashing of these meteors is gone for ever; but there remains the sober, stedfast, healthful light of day, the sunshine of heaven over all.
“For you, what can I say, Adam Graeme? You’re not alone; but unfortunately, that’s little comfort. Who{48} can understand the specific role this trial plays in each of our lives, the intended purpose behind it? Adam, let’s not dwell on those shattered illusions we thought were real; not everything is a lie, even if these are; not everything is dark just because these lights have gone out. The intense flickering of these meteors is gone forever; but the steady, reliable, and life-giving light of day remains, the sunshine of heaven covering everything.”
“Adam, let us awake; let us think no longer of those who have done us wrong, but of Him who took so grievous wrong upon Himself for our deliverance. It is not meet that the lives for which he paid so wonderful a price should go down ignobly to the grave; do I need to say more to you? do I need to do more than bid you arise, Adam, for His sake, and do the devoir of a man, whether He send sunshine or gloom, a dark day or a bright.
“Adam, let’s wake up; let’s stop thinking about those who have wronged us and focus on Him who took such a heavy burden upon Himself for our freedom. It’s not right that the lives He paid such a great price for should end so shamefully. Do I need to say anything more to you? Do I need to do anything more than ask you to rise, Adam, for His sake, and fulfill your duties as a man, whether He brings sunshine or darkness, a gloomy day or a bright one?
“I have only one word to say more; be careful, Adam: look well to your words and deeds, lest the tempter take advantage of them to bring more sin among us. I cannot venture to speak more plainly, but as you would have others—others whom both of us have held very dear—preserved from a deadly snare and sin, look heedfully to yourself, and let this wild grief engross you no more.
“I have just one more thing to say; be careful, Adam: watch your words and actions closely, or the tempter might exploit them to introduce more sin among us. I can't say it any more clearly, but if you want to protect others—those we both care about deeply—from a deadly trap and sin, take good care of yourself, and don't let this intense grief consume you any longer.
“Write to Hew; and remember us all if we never meet again. Farewell, Adam, and farewell.
“Write to Hew; and think of us all if we never meet again. Goodbye, Adam, and goodbye.”
“Lucy Murray.”
“Lucy Murray.”
I was roused by Lucy’s letter, roused in some degree to remember my manhood, and to think how I wasted it; but one struggle does not overcome a grief like this. So I fell into a bitterly selfish mood, contrasting her lot with mine—her cold womanlike submission with my self-torture—and while I thought of the conclusion of her letter, with a certain degree of idle languid wonder, I hugged my calamity closer to my heart. No one had fallen from so bright a heaven into so blank an earth as I; no one had ever equalled my misfortune, and who but myself could comprehend my grief.
I was awakened by Lucy’s letter, stirred a bit to remember my manhood and realize how I wasted it; but one moment of realization can't fix a grief like this. So I slipped into a deeply selfish state of mind, comparing her situation to mine—her cold, womanly acceptance with my self-inflicted pain—and as I pondered the end of her letter with a kind of lazy curiosity, I clung to my suffering even tighter. No one had ever fallen from such a bright place to such a desolate one like I had; no one had matched my misfortune, and who except me could truly understand my grief.
The wailing breeze suited me; I opened the window and leaned out, resting my brow upon my hands. Heavy raindrops fell from the eaves upon my unsheltered head—I did not heed them.
The howling wind felt right to me; I opened the window and leaned out, resting my forehead on my hands. Heavy raindrops fell from the roof onto my exposed head—I didn’t care.
The sound of voices below arrested my attention; I remember wondering that they did. No later than the day{49} before they would have made me shrink into myself jealously, in fear of contact with the speakers; now I only remained still and listened.
The sound of voices below caught my attention; I remember wondering why they did. Just the day{49} before, they would have made me shrink away jealously, scared of interacting with the speakers; now I just stayed still and listened.
“My good woman, I want to see Mr Graeme,” said a strange voice; “I assure you I will take no denial from you, so it is needless to keep me here on the damp soil—my feet are quite wet enough already.”
“My good woman, I want to see Mr. Graeme,” said a strange voice; “I assure you I won’t take no for an answer from you, so it’s pointless to keep me standing here on the wet ground—my feet are already quite soaked.”
“Your feet are nae concern o’ mine,” said Mrs Mense, with some ill-humour in her tone; “nae doubt ye can change them when ye gang hame, like other folk. But my maister’s no heeding about seeing strangers; and sae I tell ye—no meaning ony disrespect—once for a’.”
“Your feet aren’t my concern,” Mrs. Mense said, with a bit of irritation in her tone; “I’m sure you can change them when you go home, like everyone else. But my master doesn’t want to see strangers; so I’m telling you—no disrespect intended—just once and for all.”
“But your master does not choose to let you answer for him, I presume,” said the stranger. “You can surely ask him at least.”
“But your master probably doesn’t want you to speak for him,” said the stranger. “You can at least ask him.”
“And wha has as guid a right to answer for him, puir lad!” said Mrs Mense, her voice sinking to an under-tone, “as me, that have fended for him a’ his days? I tell ye there’s nae need for asking, Sir; I ken weel enough he’ll no see onybody.”
“And who has as good a right to speak for him, poor boy!” said Mrs. Mense, her voice dropping to a low tone, “as me, who has taken care of him all his life? I’m telling you there’s no need to ask, Sir; I know very well he won’t see anyone.”
“This is insufferable!” said the applicant for admission. “Here, my good girl, do you go and tell your master that I want particularly to speak with him—I, Doctor Pulvers of Edinburgh.”
“This is unbearable!” said the applicant for admission. “Here, my good girl, you go and tell your master that I especially want to speak with him—I, Doctor Pulvers of Edinburgh.”
“Eh, I daurna for my life!” exclaimed the shriller voice of Janet, Mrs Mense’s niece; “I wadna face Mossgray for—”
“Eh, I wouldn't do that for my life!” exclaimed the sharper voice of Janet, Mrs. Mense’s niece; “I wouldn’t face Mossgray for—”
“Haud your peace, ye silly tawpie!” cried Mrs Mense. “Do ye mean to say that’s like a gentleman, speiring at the fuil of a gilpie, and me here?”
“Shut your mouth, you silly fool!” shouted Mrs. Mense. “Do you really think that’s like a gentleman, asking about the actions of a nobody, while I’m right here?”
“Don’t be afraid, my girl,” said the stranger. “What is it that alarms you for Mossgray?”
“Don’t worry, my girl,” said the stranger. “What’s bothering you about Mossgray?”
“If you say anither word o’ your havers, I’ll fell ye, Jen!” exclaimed my housekeeper, in a voice shrill with passion. Then I heard a slight noise, as if the girl had made her escape.
“If you say another word of your nonsense, I’ll kill you, Jen!” exclaimed my housekeeper, her voice sharp with anger. Then I heard a slight noise, as if the girl had slipped away.
“Well, Ma’am,” said the stranger, “I hope you’ll condescend to inform me what special reason you have that I should not see your master.”
“Well, Ma’am,” said the stranger, “I hope you’ll let me know why I shouldn’t see your boss.”
Mrs Mense seemed to falter.
Mrs. Mense appeared to hesitate.
“I’ve nae special reason, Sir; only if Mossgray doesna heed about seeing strangers, it’s nae business o’ mine or yours either.{50}”
“I don’t have any particular reason, Sir; just that if Mossgray doesn’t care about seeing strangers, it’s not my business or yours either.{50}”
“But why does he object to see strangers?” persisted the pertinacious visitor.
“But why does he refuse to see strangers?” the determined visitor asked.
“I didna say he objected; I only said he wasna heeding; and it’s no my place to be aye asking the whys and the wherefores. Maybe you never were no weel, or had a sair heart yoursel? and if a gentleman like the laird canna be fashed wi’ a’ the gangrel bodies that come about the town, naebody has ony business wi’ that.”
“I didn’t say he objected; I only said he wasn’t paying attention; and it’s not my place to constantly be asking the reasons why. Maybe you weren’t well yourself, or you had a heavy heart? And if a gentleman like the lord can’t be bothered with all the rough characters that come around the town, nobody has any business with that.”
“But I am no gangrel body,” said the stranger. “Come now, you have kept me out long enough; if the young man is unwell, that is only another reason why I should see him—I’m a physician.”
“But I’m not some rough outsider,” said the stranger. “Come on, you’ve kept me waiting long enough; if the young man is unwell, that’s even more reason for me to see him—I’m a doctor.”
“I didna say he was no weel.”
“I didn’t say he wasn’t well.”
“Then in the name of wonder, what did you say?” exclaimed the stranger. “I shall have serious suspicions, I assure you, my good woman, if you answer me so. Why was the girl afraid to speak to her master? and what do you mean?”
“Then in the name of wonder, what did you say?” the stranger exclaimed. “I will have serious doubts, I promise you, my good woman, if you answer me like that. Why was the girl afraid to speak to her master? And what do you mean?”
The heavy drops from the eaves had fallen one by one on my head—my hair was wet with them—my brow damp with more painful dew. I rang my bell hurriedly.
The heavy drops from the roof were falling one by one onto my head—my hair was wet from them—my forehead damp with more painful dew. I quickly rang my bell.
“Ye can bide till I come down,” I heard Mrs Mense say, as she shut the door, “and I’ll ask the laird, since ye will hae’t; but ye’ll stay where ye are till I come back again.”
“Just stay put until I come back down,” I heard Mrs. Mense say as she closed the door, “and I’ll ask the lord, since you want it that way; but you’ll stay where you are until I return.”
In a minute or two after she appeared at the door of my study; her ruddy face was paled by emotion, and her eyes turned upon me with a painful solicitous look that smote me to the heart.
In a minute or two after she showed up at the door of my study, her flushed face was drained of color by emotion, and her eyes looked at me with a painful, worried expression that hit me hard.
“What is the matter?” I asked as calmly as I could, “and why do you not bring that man up to me at once, Nancy, instead of keeping him so long at the door?”
“What’s wrong?” I asked as calmly as I could, “and why aren’t you bringing that man to me right away, Nancy, instead of making him wait at the door?”
Again she looked at me—a conscious, terrified look, which I trembled to interpret.
Again she looked at me—a aware, terrified look, which I hesitated to interpret.
“Oh, Mossgray! for the Lord’s sake tak tent o’ yoursel! you’re an innocent lad—ye aye were an innocent lad—ye kenna what ill may be brewing. I saw ane that saw Mr Charlie in the toun yestreen—oh, Mr Adam, dinna look sae fearsome!—and if ye canna meet this man—if ye’ve ony fear—just say the word, and I’ll send him away.”
“Oh, Mossgray! For heaven’s sake, take care of yourself! You’re a naive guy—you always were a naive guy—you don’t realize what trouble might be coming. I spoke to someone who saw Mr. Charlie in town last night—please, Mr. Adam, don’t look so scary!—and if you can’t meet this man—if you’re afraid at all—just say so, and I’ll send him away.”
I felt large drops of moisture burst upon my brow; I shuddered through my whole frame; I felt an irresistible inclination to flee away, and escape from all these miseries{51} for ever. I had indeed awakened from my frenzy of grief—and such an awakening!
I felt big drops of moisture hit my forehead; I shuddered all over; I had an overwhelming urge to run away and escape all these miseries{51} forever. I had truly come out of my frenzy of grief—and what an awakening it was!
“Why should I fear to see him?” I asked, the words refusing to come plainly from my stammering tongue. “What is this? Do you think—do you think I am mad?”
“Why should I be afraid to see him?” I asked, the words struggling to come out clearly from my stammering tongue. “What’s this? Do you think—do you think I’m crazy?”
She did not answer; but with tears streaming from her eyes she continued to fix that painful, terrified, conscious look upon my face.
She didn’t answer; instead, with tears streaming down her face, she kept staring at me with a look of pain, fear, and awareness.
I felt my nostril dilate—I felt some bitter scorching tears flood my eyes. Then I became suddenly calm.
I felt my nostril flare—I felt some bitter, hot tears fill my eyes. Then I suddenly became calm.
“God help me!” I exclaimed in my agony, and my prayer was heard.
“God help me!” I shouted in my pain, and my prayer was answered.
I grew calm in a sudden consciousness of restored strength. I thought steadily of Lucy and her warning; of this humble woman here, whose honest heart sorrowed and laboured for me. I was roused—I put my wrongs forth, out of my heart, and committed myself to God.
I suddenly felt a sense of calm and renewed strength. I thought deeply about Lucy and her warning; about this kind woman here, whose sincere heart cared for me and was troubled by my situation. I was awakened—I recognized my grievances, released them from my heart, and entrusted myself to God.
“Now,” I said, “let him come up.”
“Now,” I said, “let him come up.”
My kind housekeeper withdrew, wiping the tears from her cheeks. I saw she had acquired some sort of trembling confidence from my bearing; then I did what I could to make my appearance less conspicuously negligent, and then with a nervous concentrated quietness, I waited for my visitor.
My kind housekeeper stepped back, wiping the tears from her cheeks. I noticed she had gained a bit of shaky confidence from how I was acting; then I did what I could to make myself look less careless, and with a nervous, focused calmness, I waited for my visitor.
He looked me very steadily in the face, with a singular emphatic look. I did not think at the time what was the meaning of this, or it might have raised a ferment in my veins, and made me appear as they wished me. As it was, I saluted him calmly, gliding at once into my usual manner, and feeling with a consciousness of unspeakable relief, that I was myself again.
He looked me straight in the face with a uniquely intense gaze. At the moment, I didn’t consider what this meant, or it might have stirred something in me and made me seem like they wanted me to. Instead, I greeted him calmly, slipping back into my usual self and feeling an indescribable relief that I was myself again.
“I have been residing in the neighbourhood for a week or two, Mr Graeme,” said my visitor, after introducing himself as Doctor Pulvers of Edinburgh, “and hearing that you were in delicate health, I took the liberty of volunteering a call; that is to say—for I am taking too much credit to myself—some of your friends begged me to do so, expressing themselves very anxious about you.”
“I’ve been living in the neighborhood for a week or two, Mr. Graeme,” said my visitor, introducing himself as Doctor Pulvers from Edinburgh. “I heard you were in fragile health, so I took the liberty of coming by for a visit; that is, I might be giving myself too much credit—some of your friends asked me to do this, showing they were quite worried about you.”
“My cousin, Mr Charles Graeme, I presume?” said I. “My friends are not so many that I should have any difficulty in discovering them.”
“My cousin, Mr. Charles Graeme, I assume?” I said. “I don’t have so many friends that I’d have any trouble finding them.”
Doctor Pulvers looked confused. “No, no. Mr Charles, whom I have the pleasure of knowing, is no doubt much at{52}tached to you, Mr Graeme; but, to tell the truth, the principal person was a lady—and a very young and charming one, I assure you. Mrs Edward Maxwell.”
Doctor Pulvers looked confused. “No, no. Mr. Charles, who I have the pleasure of knowing, is definitely very attached to you, Mr. Graeme; but, to be honest, the main person was a lady—and a very young and charming one, I assure you. Mrs. Edward Maxwell.”
It was a lie, I knew, and I contained myself—the person who bore that name was not my Lilias; but I would not have inflicted on Charlie such a pang as shot through my heart, while these words were deliberately pronounced in my ear, for all the evil he had done, and for all he designed to do. This was the application of the touch-stone; my simple unsuspicious wits were miraculously sharpened as I thought—I saw that this was the test.
It was a lie, I knew, and I held back—I realized that the person who carried that name wasn’t my Lilias; but I wouldn’t have wished on Charlie the pain that shot through my heart as those words were deliberately spoken in my ear, no matter all the wrong he had done, or all he planned to do. This was the true test; my simple, unsuspecting mind was suddenly razor-sharp as I thought—I recognized that this was the challenge.
“Mrs Maxwell is very kind,” I said, and I did not falter.
“Mrs. Maxwell is really nice,” I said, and I didn't hesitate.
Then he began to inquire into my symptoms.
Then he started asking about my symptoms.
“This is quite useless,” I said. “I cannot suppose, Doctor Pulvers, that you can have been in the neighbourhood as you say, without hearing from some benevolent friend the history and origin of any sufferings I may have been enduring. Such as they are, they belong to myself alone, and admit of no probing; but I am glad that I can authorize you to satisfy the sudden anxiety of my friends, by an assurance of my rapidly progressing recovery. I beg you will carry my thanks to all; but symptoms I have none to tell you, unless it were of one or two swellings of indignation which I have been sensible of lately—and that I presume is a tolerably healthful emotion, and one which you are not accustomed to class as a symptom of disease.”
“This is completely pointless,” I said. “I can’t imagine, Doctor Pulvers, that you’ve been around here as you claim without hearing from some kind friend about the history and causes of any suffering I might be going through. Whatever they are, they’re mine alone and shouldn’t be probed into; however, I’m glad I can let you reassure my friends that I’m recovering quickly. Please extend my thanks to everyone; but I don’t have any symptoms to share with you, except for one or two bursts of indignation I've felt lately—and I assume that’s a fairly healthy emotion, which you wouldn’t normally consider a sign of illness.”
Doctor Pulvers looked annoyed and discomfited, and I became sorry for him; however he changed the subject with admirable art, and had plunged me into a long discursive conversation before I was well aware. He was an intelligent, agreeable man, and I had shut myself out from all society so long, that I forgave him the object of his visit, and would have almost forgotten it, had he not with most delicate tact and finesse, when he fancied me completely off my guard, suddenly introduced that name again, which made my whole frame thrill as with a wound, and brought the moisture in cold showers to my brow. He repeated this again and again, but each time I conquered.
Doctor Pulvers looked annoyed and uncomfortable, and I felt sorry for him; however, he skillfully switched the topic and had me engaged in a long, rambling conversation before I really noticed. He was an intelligent, likable guy, and since I had isolated myself from society for so long, I overlooked the reason for his visit and almost forgot it, until he, with the most delicate touch and finesse, unexpectedly brought up that name again when I thought I was completely relaxed, causing my entire body to tingle as if I had been wounded and making cold sweat break out on my forehead. He mentioned it repeatedly, but each time I managed to push through.
At last he rose to leave me.
At last, he got up to leave me.
“Mr Graeme,” he said, offering me his hand, and looking again in my face, but this time with a less singular steadiness of gaze than before, “I assure you I am most happy that I{53} have found you so much better than your friends imagined. I congratulate you heartily on your evident sound health and good constitution; but, if you will permit me to advise, do not try it so severely as you have done, and come yourself, and let all interested in you see how perfectly competent you are on this, and all other matters, to judge for yourself.”
“Mr. Graeme,” he said, shaking my hand and looking at my face again, but this time with less intense focus than before, “I assure you I’m really pleased to see that you are doing so much better than your friends thought. I sincerely congratulate you on your clear good health and strong constitution; but if I may offer some advice, please don’t push yourself as hard as you have, and come yourself, so everyone who cares about you can see how completely capable you are of making your own judgments on this and any other matters.”
His tone was grave and significant—I believed the man. He was glad that his mission had failed; he was glad that I was not added to the list of his miserable patients. I had strength enough left to part with him in firm calmness—nay, I went further; I accompanied him to the door, and saw him leave Mossgray.
His tone was serious and important—I believed him. He was relieved that his mission had failed; he was glad I wasn’t added to the list of his unfortunate patients. I still had enough strength to say goodbye to him with cool composure—I even went further; I walked him to the door and watched him leave Mossgray.
And then—those bitter, scorching, desperate tears of manhood that burned upon my cheek—those convulsive sobs that shook me with their fierce strength—this fearful loneliness, which left me a prey to all the fiery fancies within, and all the secret foes without—“God help me!” I had need.
And then—those painful, burning, desperate tears of adulthood that flowed down my cheek—those shaking sobs that overwhelmed me with their intense power—this terrifying loneliness, which made me vulnerable to all the intense thoughts inside me and all the hidden enemies outside—“God help me!” I really needed it.
A sudden fancy took me, as I wrestled fiercely with this fierce affliction. I left the house, and hurried along that side of the grounds of Mossgray which immediately skirts the road—where there was a wall of four or five feet high, lined by old trees, which hung their high foliage over, shadowing the highway below. They were nearly bare then, but under the sombre covert of a group of firs, and taking advantage of the stump of an old ash tree, I ventured to look over. Doctor Pulvers was proceeding at a dignified slow pace along the road, while some one approached hurriedly in the other direction—I looked again; it was Charlie. They must meet immediately beneath the spot where I stood—I drew back among the firs and waited.
A sudden idea came to me as I struggled with this intense pain. I left the house and quickly walked along the side of the Mossgray grounds that runs right by the road—where there was a wall about four or five feet high, lined with old trees that hung their thick leaves over, casting shadows on the road below. They were almost bare at that time, but under the dark cover of a cluster of firs, using the stump of an old ash tree for support, I peeked over. Doctor Pulvers was moving at a slow, dignified pace along the road, while someone was hurrying toward him from the other direction—I looked again; it was Charlie. They were about to meet right beneath where I was standing—I stepped back among the firs and waited.
“Well, Doctor?”
"What's up, Doctor?"
“You have fortunately been quite misinformed, Mr Charles,” said the constrained voice of the physician. “Your cousin has as perfect possession of his faculties as either you or I. I am glad to be able to inform you of his perfect health. He is not either very robust or very happy, I dare say, and has the good sense and courage not to veil the latter, with false pride or levity, as I have seen many young men do, but his constitution is sound, and his mind elastic. I have not the slightest fear of him.”
“You’ve been quite misinformed, Mr. Charles,” said the formal voice of the doctor. “Your cousin is just as mentally sharp as either you or I. I'm pleased to tell you that he is in perfect health. He may not be very strong or very happy, I must say, and he has the good sense and courage not to hide his unhappiness with false pride or superficiality, which I've seen many young men do. However, his body is healthy, and his mind is flexible. I have no worries about him at all.”
There was a dead pause; for a moment or two after, Charlie said not a word. Then he exclaimed, somewhat loudly,{54}—
There was a dead silence; for a moment or two afterward, Charlie didn’t say anything. Then he shouted, somewhat loudly,{54}—
“Well, of course I am very happy to hear it. The more fool he, to give these gossips the chance of speaking of him so; but Adam was always a sentimental fellow. Of course it is a great satisfaction to me to find it all groundless.”
“Well, of course I’m really glad to hear that. What a fool he is to give these gossips the chance to talk about him like that; but Adam was always a sentimental guy. It really satisfies me to see that it’s all unfounded.”
They passed on. I heard no more of their conversation, nor wished to hear; and I was too thoroughly worn out to be moved by my former passions, either of sorrow or anger. So I took rest—not very quiet nor peaceful, but still more natural and refreshing than I had known for many nights and days.
They moved on. I didn't hear any more of their conversation, nor did I care to; and I was too completely exhausted to feel my previous emotions, whether sorrow or anger. So I rested—not very quietly or peacefully, but still more naturally and refreshingly than I had for many nights and days.
CHAPTER IX.
I was roused. I began to understand the necessity of that ruling one’s own spirit which is greater than taking a city. I began to see that my self-martyrdom, with all the indulgence of its pain, was but, in its kind, a selfish pleasure after all, and that the duty before me was not any shutting out of the common mercies of the world, or lingering act of self-torment, but a firm and manly subduing of my sorrow. It is a trial even to make this discovery. It is a hard test of patience, when the soul quivering with its own suffering yearns to plunge into some great matter—to endure, to do, to sacrifice—and feels within its aching veins the spirit of a Xavier, eagerly flying to the painfullest labour, and refusing the solace of usual comfort—to have the blank of a steady endurance offered to it instead; to be compelled to yoke its turbulent might of grief again to the common toils of every day; to put on the usual smile, to draw the usual outer garment of ease and seeming peacefulness over the wild pulses of a wounded heart. I say you shall find more scope for{55} desperate bravery in this than on any louder field of battle; for true it is, and of saddest verity, that there be many men to whom taking a city is a small and light matter, in comparison with the firm ruling of this precious stronghold and violent garrison within; many men who, like the proud Syrian of old, would willingly dare the fiery process of some sudden miracle, but with hearts full of bitter disappointment and pride, would turn from the placid Hebrew waters in which the blessing lay.
I was awakened. I started to realize the importance of mastering my own spirit, which is more significant than conquering a city. I began to understand that my self-sacrifice, despite its painful indulgence, was ultimately just a selfish pleasure, and that my responsibility was not to shut myself off from the common kindnesses of the world or to wallow in self-inflicted suffering, but to bravely and maturely overcome my sorrow. It's a challenge even to come to this realization. It's a tough test of patience when the soul, trembling from its own pain, longs to engage in something meaningful—to endure, to act, to sacrifice—and feels the spirit of a Xavier within, eager to take on the most painful tasks and rejecting the comfort of the usual distractions; instead, it faces the emptiness of steady endurance; it must harness its turbulent grief back into the everyday struggles of life; it needs to wear a typical smile, to cover its raw heart with a facade of calm and seemingly peacefulness. I tell you, you'll find greater courage in this than on any pronounced battlefield; for it is true, and sadly so, that many men find that capturing a city is a trivial matter compared to mastering this precious stronghold and fierce garrison within; many men, like the proud Syrian of old, would willingly face the fiery ordeal of a quick miracle, but filled with bitter disappointment and pride, would turn away from the tranquil Hebrew waters where the blessing resided.
I was bound to the stake. I was compelled to rule myself with the iron hand of a despot; to return to all my ordinary occupations; to come and go as I had been wont; to listen and to speak of things and persons whose names sent my blood flooding back upon my heart, in the shivering heats and chills of agony, with an assumption of calm ease and indifference the while terrible to bear. And I did all this, that my only relative might be prevented from dooming me to the prison-house of madness—might be preserved from the sin of unrighteously making himself master of the lands of one by whom he had been regarded as a dearly cherished brother. My lands! I would have given them gladly for the joy of believing that Charlie had not meditated a cruelty like this; but for the sake of my good name, and for his own miserable sake, that his sin should at least go no further than intention, I constrained myself to bear this hard and painful discipline of ordinary life. I could not go away as I longed to do, and in strange lands and among new faces endeavour to forget myself, and the loneliness which was my fate. I was bound first to vindicate myself to our little world, and remove all occasion of evil speaking; for my liberty and my means were both concerned. Had Charlie established his case, I must have lost all.
I was tied to the stake. I had to rule myself with the iron fist of a dictator; to return to all my usual activities; to come and go as I used to; to listen and talk about things and people whose names made my blood rush back to my heart, causing me shivering waves of pain, while I pretended to be calm and indifferent, which was incredibly hard to manage. I did all this so that my only relative wouldn’t condemn me to the prison of madness—so he could be saved from the wrong of unjustly taking control of the lands of someone he had considered a beloved brother. My lands! I would have gladly given them up for the peace of mind that Charlie hadn’t planned something so cruel; but for the sake of my reputation and for his own miserable sake, so that his wrongdoing wouldn’t go further than just a thought, I forced myself to endure this tough and painful routine of everyday life. I couldn’t escape as I desperately wanted to do, to strange lands and new faces to try to forget myself and the loneliness that was my fate. I was first bound to clear my name to our small community and eliminate any reason for gossip; both my freedom and my resources depended on it. If Charlie had made his case, I would have lost everything.
Edward Maxwell had not gone to India. After her fate was united to his, her father made some exertions to establish them at home. They were shortly going to Glasgow I heard, but as far as I could I shut my ears to their name; and though many mentioned them before me with cruel smiles, there were some who knew more truly the nature of my feelings, and tried to hush the rest. But it is hard to do what I laboured to accomplish. To convince one’s self that the being held highest and most loveworthy through all one’s lifetime has altogether vanished from this earth, though there still remains the external form in which the imagination shrouded so fair{56} and beautiful a spirit. I knew indeed that the Lilias of my fancy had never been, but I could not mourn for her as for one dead.
Edward Maxwell hadn’t gone to India. After her fate was tied to his, her father worked to set them up at home. I heard they were shortly heading to Glasgow, but I tried my best to ignore their name; even though many brought them up with hurtful smiles, there were some who truly understood my feelings and tried to silence the others. But it was tough to do what I struggled to achieve. Convincing myself that the person I held in the highest regard and loved the most throughout my life had completely disappeared from this world, even though the physical form that my imagination had so beautifully shrouded still remained. I knew full well that the Lilias of my imagination had never existed, but I couldn’t grieve for her as if she were truly gone.
No, the dead are sure. Our most jealous fears cannot think of change—our utmost misery of grief cannot suppose end of existence to them. I fancy the very death makes them more peculiarly our own; but far other and far bitterer is such a calamity as mine.
No, the dead are certain. Our most intense fears can't imagine change—our deepest grief can't conceive of their existence coming to an end. I think that death actually makes them feel even more uniquely ours; but a disaster like mine is altogether different and much more painful.
I was shortly to prove both.
I was about to prove both.
The Murrays were gone, no one knew whither; a single servant remained in the house, but she could give me no information as to the retreat of her master. I felt that I did wrong to ask her, and when I wrote to Hew, I did not repeat the question.
The Murrays were gone, and nobody knew where; only one servant stayed in the house, but she couldn't tell me anything about where her master had gone. I sensed it was inappropriate to ask her, and when I wrote to Hew, I didn't bring up the question again.
In the beginning of the year, Hew answered my letter. I remember noticing with sudden fear that the address was not written in his hand; but the long letter within reässured me, and I did not observe, in my eagerness to read it, another brief note which dropped from the enclosure upon the table.
In the beginning of the year, Hew replied to my letter. I suddenly realized with fear that the address wasn’t written in his handwriting; however, the long letter inside reassured me, and I didn’t notice, in my eagerness to read it, another short note that fell from the enclosure onto the table.
There was a tone of subdued and unexpressed sympathy in the letter which touched me deeply. No one in this world, not even Lucy, could enter into my feelings as Hew could, and what he said was the inferred sorrow of closest friendship; the sympathy which does not speak of your grief, but which enters into your heart, and stands at your own stand-point, and thinks as you think—as you think, but more gently—as you will think when your grief is further away, and in the hushed and quiet land of memory it has become dim and calm.
There was a tone of quiet, unspoken sympathy in the letter that really moved me. No one in this world, not even Lucy, could understand my feelings like Hew could, and what he expressed was the silent sorrow of true friendship; the kind of sympathy that doesn’t talk about your pain, but gets into your heart, sees things from your perspective, and thinks like you do—like you do, but more gently—as you will think when your pain is behind you, and in the peaceful, quiet realm of memory, it has faded and settled down.
“Cheerly, Adam,” wrote Hew Murray, “we are becoming men; and if there are harder processes involved in that than in the old disciplines we used to share together, we must nevertheless bear the heavier means for the sake of the greater end. Manlike and masterful as our fathers were, when the old steel breast-plates at Murrayshaugh and Mossgray covered brave hearts beating high to the natural warfare which they carried over the Border. They too must have had foes, less tangible than the rough barons and yeomen of Cumberland, those fighting men of other generations; and I begin to think, Adam, that the natural element of us all is war—active contention, strife of one kind or another—and that we depart from our most healthful state when we lay down our weapons, and endeavour to halt in the inevitable contest. No longer{57} for imprisoned princesses—though there is right good meaning and simple wisdom in these stories of our youth—nor yet any longer for los and fame, but because there is true life and health in the warfare, and because—
“Cheer up, Adam,” wrote Hew Murray, “we're becoming men; and if there are tougher challenges in that than in the old lessons we used to share, we must still endure the heavier methods for the sake of the greater goal. Our fathers were strong and capable, just like those old steel breastplates at Murrayshaugh and Mossgray that protected brave hearts ready for the natural battles they faced over the Border. They too must have had enemies, less visible than the rugged barons and farmers of Cumberland, those warriors from past generations; and I’m starting to believe, Adam, that our true nature is warfare—active struggle, conflict of some sort—and that we stray from our healthiest state when we put down our weapons and try to pause in the inevitable fight. No longer {57} just for imprisoned princesses—though there's really good meaning and simple wisdom in those stories from our youth—nor for glory and fame, but because there’s real life and health in the battle, and because—
“Adam, we have had much and intimate intercourse, but scarcely ever have we spoken together of Him who is the centre of this world’s history, the wonderful Presence that pervades all the changes of its many ages past and to come. But, Adam, because He bids, because He leads, because He himself for the strife and for the victory’s sake was clothed as one of us. It is a wonderful history, that, of this long struggle ascending up to the very source of time, of the good and the evil, the righteousness of heaven, and the sin of earth; and now to mark the individual ways by which we solitary units, thus far down in the stream of the world’s existence, are wakened by so many different obstacles, each in his own separate course, to carry on the warfare. To turn from our idolatry of the false beautiful here, to lawful worship of the true sublime yonder; to take up arms for the Lord’s sake and do valiant service against His enemy and ours, that ancient Titan, Sin. The true work of a man, the great war worthy this humanity, which He shares who saved it.
“Adam, we have shared a lot of close moments, but we hardly ever talked about Him who is at the center of this world’s history, the amazing Presence that influences all the changes of past and future ages. But, Adam, because He commands, because He guides, because He himself became one of us for the sake of the struggle and the victory. It’s an incredible story, this long battle that goes back to the very beginning of time, the good and the evil, the righteousness of heaven, and the sin of earth; and now to recognize the individual paths by which we, solitary individuals, here in the flow of the world’s existence, are stirred by many different challenges, each on his own unique journey, to continue the fight. To shift our focus from our worship of the false beautiful here, to the legitimate worship of the true sublime over there; to take up arms for the Lord’s sake and engage in courageous service against His enemy and ours, that ancient giant, Sin. The true purpose of a man, the great battle worthy of this humanity, which He shares, who saved it.”
“I think it is a gracious and blessed thing, Adam, that this natural propensity to strife within us should have so noble an outgate. Do you ever think how we used to dream long ago of delivering Scotland? and there are foes greater than the old Edward scheming against her purity and freedom now. Ah, Adam! you are happy, you are at home, and can do your devoir for our own land and people, while I, a stranger and a sojourner here, can only strive to maintain the ancient honour of our name, and commend our faith to minds which know not how to receive the one religion—the one Lord. I think I am not the kind of stuff which the mission-man should be made of, for continually I yearn for home.
“I think it’s a kind and blessed thing, Adam, that this natural urge for conflict within us has such a noble outlet. Do you ever think about how we used to dream long ago of freeing Scotland? And now there are enemies even greater than the old Edward plotting against her purity and freedom. Ah, Adam! You are fortunate, you are at home, and can do your duty for our land and people, while I, a stranger and a traveler here, can only try to uphold the ancient honor of our name and share our faith with minds that don’t recognize the one religion—the one Lord. I believe I’m not cut out to be a missionary, because I constantly long for home."
“You do not tell me if you saw Lucy before she left Murrayshaugh; and I want to ask you a delicate question, Adam, which I should not put to any one whom I trusted less entirely—Charlie Graeme—what of him? Lucy does not speak of him as she once did; her last letter indeed intimates vaguely, that from the change in her own feelings towards him she has seen it necessary to break the engagement between them. Do you know anything of this?{58} Whether Lucy is sinned against or sinning, I cannot tell—from her letter I should fancy the latter; though certainly she is the last person in the world whom I could think of as likely to change.”
“You didn’t tell me if you saw Lucy before she left Murrayshaugh, and I want to ask you a sensitive question, Adam, that I wouldn’t ask anyone I didn’t trust completely—Charlie Graeme—what’s going on with him? Lucy doesn’t talk about him like she used to; her last letter even subtly suggests that because her feelings toward him have changed, she feels it necessary to break off their engagement. Do you know anything about this? Whether Lucy is being wronged or is the one in the wrong, I can’t say—from her letter, I’d guess the latter; though honestly, she’s the last person I’d ever think would change.”{58}
Poor Lucy!—in her solitary bravery, her woman’s pride, she was stouter of heart than I.
Poor Lucy!—in her solitude and strength, her pride as a woman, she was braver than I.
My spirit rose to the encouraging words of Hew. I too had been thinking more of late of the true end and aim of life; that momentous matter which always stands out in the twilight of grief, sometimes indeed arrayed in fantastic lights and shadows, but sometimes distinct and clear as it has been revealed. I had begun to discover how much my wayward soul was out of tune with the infinite mind disclosed to us in revelation, and the harmonious universe around. The warfare was begun within me. Hew Murray’s letter was such as I needed; it stirred me to better things, it made me ashamed of my indolent brooding, my cumbering of the ground.
My spirits lifted at Hew's encouraging words. Lately, I had been thinking more about the true purpose of life—a significant topic that always emerges in the shadows of grief, sometimes appearing in wild lights and shadows, but other times clear and vivid as it has been revealed. I started to realize how out of sync my restless soul was with the infinite mind shown to us in revelation and the harmonious universe around me. The inner conflict had begun. Hew Murray’s letter was exactly what I needed; it inspired me to strive for better things and made me ashamed of my lazy brooding and my unproductive existence.
As I laid it down, I remarked the note which had fallen from its enclosure, and took it up with some curiosity. The handwriting was strange to me, and the first words made me start in the utmost alarm and terror—the remainder smote me down into the blank of utter grief.
As I put it down, I noticed the note that had fallen from its case and picked it up out of curiosity. The handwriting was unfamiliar, and the first words startled me with fear and panic—the rest plunged me into a deep sorrow.
“Sir,
“Sir,”
“Finding the enclosed letter addressed to you among Mr Murray’s papers, and having heard him speak of you often as a much-valued friend, I think it my duty to inform you of a most unhappy occurrence which, if it has not already resulted in death, must have placed him in the utmost danger, and made his ultimate fate almost certain. A short time ago, Mr Murray was despatched on a political mission to the Rajah of ——, whom, it was thought, his firm and energetic character would especially qualify him for dealing with. The Rajah is an artful, wily, dangerous man, and Mr Murray knew before setting out that the mission was of a perilous nature. But our unfortunate friend has not been able to reach the place of his destination. Two or three days ago one of his native servants returned here, worn out with fatigue and want. He states that his master has been made prisoner by one of the predatory parties that infest that district, and that when he himself contrived to make his escape,{59} Mr Murray, who had made a very desperate resistance, was entirely overpowered by his captors, who were stripping him of everything he possessed, including costly presents intended for the Rajah. He was severely wounded, and Doolut (the servant) believes that these fierce native bandits would not encumber their retreat with a prisoner so helpless. At the same time, there is a possibility that his life might be preserved (though, I fear, the chances are all against it) in expectation of a ransom. Every effort has been, and will be made, to discover if he still exists, and the place of his imprisonment; though I can give you very little hope of a favourable result. This most unhappy event has occasioned much regret in all circles here, Mr Murray having been, for so young a man, very greatly respected; and I can again assure you that every exertion will be made to discover his fate with certainty.
“Finding the enclosed letter addressed to you among Mr. Murray’s papers and having heard him speak of you often as a valued friend, I feel it’s my duty to inform you of a very unfortunate event that, if it hasn’t already ended in death, must have put him in serious danger and made his ultimate fate almost certain. Recently, Mr. Murray was sent on a political mission to the Rajah of —, as it was believed that his strong and energetic character made him well-suited for the task. The Rajah is a crafty, dangerous man, and Mr. Murray was aware before he set off that the mission was risky. Unfortunately, our friend has not reached his destination. A couple of days ago, one of his native servants returned here, exhausted and distressed. He claims that his master was captured by one of the bandit groups that plague that area, and that when he managed to escape, Mr. Murray, who fought back bravely, was completely overpowered by his captors, who were taking everything he had, including expensive gifts meant for the Rajah. He was badly wounded, and Doolut (the servant) believes that these ruthless bandits wouldn’t want to carry a helpless prisoner with them while fleeing. At the same time, there’s a chance that his life might be spared (though I fear the odds are against it) in hopes of a ransom. Every effort has been, and will be, made to find out if he is still alive and the location of his captivity, although I can’t give you much hope for a positive outcome. This tragic event has caused a lot of sorrow here, as Mr. Murray was greatly respected for someone so young, and I assure you that every effort will be made to determine his fate with certainty.”
“I have the honour to be,
“Sir,
“Your most obedient servant,
“R. Churchill.”
“I am honored to be,
“Sir,
“Your most obedient servant,
“Winston Churchill.”
The letter dropped from my hands; I was stunned. I had thought of death—in my thankless folly I had almost wooed it for myself—but never had it occurred to me in connection with my young, strong, life-like friends; and Hew—Hew, the dearest, truest, most noble of them all! I groaned aloud in the bitterness of my soul; I had held lightly this terrible hopeless might of death, and now I fell prostrate under its power.
The letter slipped from my fingers; I was in shock. I had contemplated death—in my ungrateful foolishness, I had almost invited it for myself—but it had never crossed my mind in relation to my young, vibrant friends; and Hew—Hew, the most beloved, genuine, and noble of them all! I groaned out loud in the depths of my sorrow; I had taken this awful, relentless force of death too lightly, and now I was brought to my knees by its overwhelming power.
Then I started in a frenzy of hope, to write to the stranger who had sent to me this sad intelligence. I do not know what I said to him; but I remember how I begged and prayed, with involuntary unconscious tears, urging my entreaty aloud in the intensity of my emotion, that nothing should be left undone; that every means that could be used, should be put into immediate operation—that my unknown correspondent would employ agents for me to prosecute the search for Hew. When I had finished, I thought it cold and indifferent—it would not do—I could not be content to depute to mercenary hands such an undertaking as this. I resolved to go myself to India, to seek for my dearest friend.
Then I started writing in a frenzy of hope to the stranger who had sent me this sad news. I’m not sure what I said to him, but I remember begging and pleading, with tears I didn’t even realize I was shedding, urging my request aloud with intense emotion. I wanted to make sure that nothing was left undone and that every possible means was put into immediate action—that my unknown correspondent would hire people to help find Hew. When I finished, I felt it was cold and indifferent—it wasn’t enough—I couldn’t be satisfied relying on hired hands for something so important. I decided I would go to India myself to search for my dear friend.
But in the mean time there was much to be done. I{60} could not leave home without making many arrangements, and losing precious time. So I sent off my letter, and began immediately to prepare for my journey.
But in the meantime, there was a lot to do. I{60} couldn't leave home without making several arrangements and wasting valuable time. So I sent my letter and started preparing for my trip right away.
CHAPTER X.
This could be life—
And if you say it can't be done,
Yet up, up to your highest ice cliffs I go to light my watchfire—so perhaps,
As he might see it from a distance. No hope!
There’s never any hope without love.—Old Play.
Land! our voyage is just ending, and softly before us in the dawn of the morning rise the shores of India; the mighty, impotent, fabulous, golden East.
Property! our journey is coming to an end, and gently ahead of us in the morning light, the shores of India emerge; the powerful, powerless, legendary, golden East.
But I was in no mood to indulge in the pleasant excitement and curiosity of a stranger. My anxiety, like other torments, became intolerable as it approached its end, and in feverish haste I hurried to seek the Mr Churchill who had written to me of Hew.
But I wasn't in the mood to enjoy the nice excitement and curiosity of a stranger. My anxiety, like other pains, became unbearable as it neared its end, and in a frantic rush, I hurried to find Mr. Churchill, who had written to me about Hew.
He was a civilian, with something of that stiff, well-drilled military look, which such officials acquire from their contact, I suppose, with their warlike brethren. He was a middle-aged man of indefinite years, endowed largely with the grave politeness of tone and manner which belongs to your sober, retired major or captain; perfectly urbane, and not without its considerable mixture of kindliness, but presenting to a stranger an unimpressible blank of courteous gravity, which to your shy man is, in most cases, an invincible barrier. I was very much agitated—I told Mr Churchill my name. He looked politely puzzled and at a loss. “He was not aware—” I interrupted him with a statement of my errand, and an anxious inquiry for Hew.
He was a civilian, but he had that rigid, disciplined military look that officials get from their interactions, I guess, with their warlike counterparts. He was a middle-aged guy of uncertain age, showing a serious politeness in his tone and manner that you'd find in a sober, retired major or captain; very refined and with a fair amount of warmth, but to a stranger, he presented an unyielding facade of courteous seriousness, which can be an impenetrable barrier for shy people. I was quite nervous—I told Mr. Churchill my name. He looked politely confused and uncertain. “He wasn’t aware—” I interrupted him to explain my purpose and asked anxiously about Hew.
The polite, grave man was melted; the muscles of his face moved. “Ah, poor Murray!” he said, in a tone which told me there was no more to hope.
The polite, serious man softened; the muscles in his face moved. “Ah, poor Murray!” he said, in a way that made it clear there was no more hope.
And so it was. Every exertion had been made to ascer{61}tain the fate of my unfortunate friend, and it was now certain, Mr Churchill said, that all hope or chance that he survived was at an end. Nothing had been left undone, for in Bombay Hew had many friends; but there could be no doubt that he had fallen by the hands of these assassins, and now lay in some unknown desert grave. It was now certain, there could be no doubt. I eagerly asked if this was all; if they had no positive information of Hew’s death.
And so it was. Every effort had been made to find out what happened to my unfortunate friend, and it was now certain, Mr. Churchill said, that all hope of him surviving was gone. Nothing had been missed, because he had many friends in Bombay; but there was no doubt that he had fallen victim to these assassins and now lay in some unknown desert grave. It was now certain, there could be no doubt. I eagerly asked if this was everything; if they had no definite information about Hew’s death.
Mr Churchill did not comprehend the extreme agitation of my grief. He thought me excited in my intense anxiety, and became again as blankly polite as before. They had no positive information; but the want of it, to those who knew India, was quite enough, he said, and all further search was hopeless.
Mr. Churchill didn't understand the deep turmoil of my grief. He thought I was just overly anxious and became as curtly polite as he had been before. They had no definite information; however, the lack of it was more than enough for those who understood India, he said, and any more searching was pointless.
I was not sufficiently indifferent to be content with this. I left him to seek Hew’s servant, and to make another desperate effort to discover his fate. The man Doolut was a Parsee, and professed attachment to his master too extravagantly to satisfy me, but I took him into my service and immediately began my search.
I wasn't indifferent enough to be okay with this. I left him to look for Hew’s servant and to make another desperate attempt to find out what happened to him. The man Doolut was a Parsee and claimed to care for his master way too much for my comfort, but I hired him and immediately started my search.
How long I remained engaged in it, and the travels and perils, and vain hopes, and blank disappointments, which I passed through while pursuing it, I cannot record. I become faint again, as I recall that time, when day by day the deferred hope sickened my very soul within me—I failed; most sadly and utterly failed; yet though the shadows of some thirty years have darkened over Hew Murray’s fate, and increased its mystery, I cannot think of it yet without a flicker of hope, a throbbing sickness of desire, that has well-nigh power to send me forth on the vain quest again. Living or dead, in earth or in heaven, Hew Murray, no man has ever filled your place in your old companion’s heart; and though I have had darkness enough in my own life to make me think an early deliverance from these earthly cares a blessing, yet would I give almost all that remains to me to know that you yet lived and breathed upon this lower world—to hope that I might look upon your face and hear the voice of your brotherhood again!
How long I stayed caught up in it, with all the travels, dangers, false hopes, and deep disappointments I went through while chasing it, I can't even say. I feel weak again as I think back to that time, when every passing day made my hope feel like a sickness that weighed down my soul—I failed; so very sadly and completely failed; yet even though almost thirty years have cast shadows over Hew Murray's fate and added to its mystery, I can’t think of it without a flicker of hope, a painful yearning that nearly makes me want to set out on that futile search again. Whether you’re alive or dead, on this earth or in heaven, Hew Murray, no one has ever taken your place in your old friend’s heart; and even though I've faced enough darkness in my own life to believe that leaving these worldly cares behind would be a blessing, I would give almost everything I have left just to know that you still lived and breathed in this world—to hope that I could see your face and hear the voice of our brotherhood once more!
For years after that I wandered about the face of the earth, in all lands and countries, a solitary man; snatching here and there the solace of congenial companionship for a brief space, but only passing forth again to be forgotten. Murrayshaugh and Lucy I never could discover though I{62} have lingered on the outskirts of many a little French and German town, vainly endeavouring to find some trace of them. Once only have I had any communication with the family, and that was immediately after Hew’s mysterious disappearance, when a few hurried blotted incoherent words came to me from Lucy, bidding me pity her in her misery; she had no one in the wide world, she said, to tell it to but me—and then in her generous gentleness, as if the words of her complaint had burst from her unawares, she essayed to comfort me, and spoke of consolation and hope. Hope and consolation! yes, so wonderful is the fabric of this humanity, that there is no sky too dark for those stars; and our sorrows lie softly on us when they have grown old with us, and become a part of our lives.
For years after that, I roamed the earth, in various places and countries, a lonely man; grabbing moments of friendly companionship here and there for a short time, only to move on and be forgotten again. I could never find Murrayshaugh and Lucy, even though I{62} spent time on the outskirts of many small French and German towns, desperately trying to find any trace of them. I only heard from the family once, right after Hew's mysterious disappearance, when I received a few hurried, messy words from Lucy, asking me to feel sorry for her in her pain; she said she had no one else in the world to share it with but me—and then in her kindheartedness, as if her complaints spilled out unexpectedly, she tried to comfort me and talked about hope and consolation. Hope and consolation! Yes, the human experience is so amazing that there's no sky too dark for those stars; our sorrows rest lightly on us when they have aged with us and become part of our lives.
With Charlie Graeme I had no more intercourse. He took guilt to himself and never attempted to renew our former intimacy—but the sin that he had clogged his course withal, found him out ere it was far spent. He married the daughter of a Glasgow merchant reputed to be rich, whose great pretensions collapsed immediately after Charlie became connected with his family. This wife had the expensive tastes of her class, I have heard, but it happens singularly that all unsuccessful men have wives with extravagant tastes, so I give little credence to that rumour: however it happened, or whatever were the procuring causes, it is certain that Charlie Graeme, with all his gifts, was in a very short time a shipwrecked man. He died young, in poverty, and debt, and discomfort—his helpless wife did not long survive him, and they left one child—a boy—on the world’s hands and mine.
With Charlie Graeme, I had no further contact. He accepted the blame for what happened and never tried to rekindle our former friendship—but the guilt that burdened him caught up with him before long. He married the daughter of a wealthy Glasgow merchant, whose high ambitions crumbled soon after Charlie became part of their family. I’ve heard that this wife had expensive tastes typical of her social class, but it’s funny how all unsuccessful men seem to have wives with extravagant likes, so I don’t believe that rumor much: however it turned out, or whatever the reasons were, it’s clear that Charlie Graeme, despite all his talents, quickly became a wreck. He died young, in poverty, debt, and hardship—his struggling wife didn’t last long after him, and they left one child—a boy—for the world and me to take care of.
This child I left, during his infancy, under the care of a servant of his mother’s, and some ten years ago I had him sent to a school in Aberdeenshire, a private place of respectable standing conducted by a pragmatical Aberdeenish man, called Monikie, who was with us at college. The boy’s name is Halbert, our most famous family name. He must have nearly arrived at man’s estate, but I have never seen him.
This child I left, during his infancy, under the care of a servant of his mother’s, and about ten years ago I had him sent to a school in Aberdeenshire, a private institution of good reputation run by a practical Aberdeen man named Monikie, who was with us in college. The boy’s name is Halbert, our most famous family name. He must be close to adulthood now, but I have never seen him.
I am drawing near the end of my course. I earnestly desire to have my mind preserved from the resentment and pain of being again brought into immediate contact with those who have so deeply injured me, or with their representatives. For this reason I have never seen Halbert{63} Graeme, and am firmly resolved not to see him. The lad shall have full justice; I will refuse him no needful help in any profession he may choose; but though he is the last representative of our ancient name, he shall not be the heir of Mossgray. I have given Monikie all freedom in providing for him, in a way becoming his father’s son—but he is not mine. I do this with no feeling of revenge towards the dead, but I cannot adopt or cherish the son of Charlie Graeme.
I’m approaching the end of my course. I sincerely hope to keep my mind free from the resentment and pain of being forced to interact with those who have hurt me so deeply, or their representatives. That’s why I’ve never met Halbert{63} Graeme, and I’m determined not to meet him. The boy deserves full justice; I won’t deny him any necessary support in whatever career he chooses. However, even though he is the last descendant of our ancient name, he will not inherit Mossgray. I’ve given Monikie complete freedom to take care of him in a manner fitting of his father’s son—but he is not mine. I do this without any desire for revenge against the dead, but I cannot accept or love the son of Charlie Graeme.
And Lilias—I have heard that she too has one child—a girl called by her own name—but these also I cannot dare ever to look upon. Edward Maxwell is dead; he has lived the life of a weakling, and his widow remains in England where he died. I have learned now, in my old age, to think of the Lilias of my imagination as of one who died in the early fragrance of youth, and almost to dream that her gentle, shadowy presence hovers near me, in the twilight of summer nights, when the stately flowers which bear her name shine like gleams of moonlight in the dim borders of my garden. I can bear the neighbourhood of these lilies now; their pensive beauty soothes me; but though the softening shadows of memory and years have enshrined this lily of my youth, in that radiance of tender melancholy with which we surround those who have gone down early to peaceful graves, I yet cannot and dare not enter the presence of that Lilias who has made me a solitary, joyless man. Let me be kept from them and from their children. I cannot endure the pain which their very names inflict upon me—I must always avoid and shun them. I wish them well—all health, and peace, and happiness be with them, and a brighter lot than mine; but let me be left with my dreams; the sole remaining companions, which are with me in my old age, and were with me in my youth.
And Lilias—I’ve heard that she also has a child—a girl named after her—but I can’t bring myself to see them. Edward Maxwell is gone; he lived a life of weakness, and his widow is still in England where he passed away. Now, in my old age, I’ve learned to think of the Lilias from my imagination as someone who died in the sweetness of youth, and I almost dream that her gentle, shadowy presence is near me, in the soft glow of summer nights, when the elegant flowers that bear her name shine like moonlight in the dim edges of my garden. I can tolerate the presence of these lilies now; their wistful beauty comforts me; but even though the gentle shadows of memory and the years have surrounded this lily of my youth with a tender melancholy, I still can’t and won’t face that Lilias who has made me a lonely, joyless man. Please keep me away from them and their children. I can’t handle the pain that their very names bring me—I must always steer clear of them. I wish them all the best—good health, peace, and happiness, and a brighter fate than mine; but let me be left alone with my dreams; they are my only remaining companions, with me in my old age, just as they were in my youth.
Walter Johnstone is the only surviving member of our joyous boyish party. He is struggling still in the Maelstrom of care and business, maintaining his place well, as I hear, among his compeers, and training, as he can, a large family of sons and daughters. He still retains Greenshaw, but never visits it; for Walter’s wife and children are fashionables in their degree, and think it expedient, as my good friend Mrs Oswald tells me, to leave the gentle enchantment of distance and ignorance about the very minute property from which their father acquires the landed designation to{64} which we attach a considerable share of importance in Scotland.
Walter Johnstone is the only surviving member of our cheerful group of boys. He’s still caught up in the whirlwind of responsibilities and work, maintaining his standing well, as I hear, among his peers, and raising a large family of sons and daughters as best as he can. He still owns Greenshaw, but never goes there; Walter’s wife and children are somewhat fashionable and, as my good friend Mrs. Oswald informs me, think it’s better to keep a bit of distance and ignorance about the small property their father has that grants him the landed title we attach a lot of significance to in Scotland.{64}
Greenshaw is let to strangers—I hear it is greatly altered; but I avoid it in my limited walks, the last association of deadly pain it has having obliterated in my mind all the former ones of youthful joy and sunshine. It is not in my way indeed, for the water and I travel together—I seldom leave the green line of its banks; I pursue its windings up and down with constant interest and pleasure. We never weary of each other; those ripples which I have heard all my life have an articulate tongue to me—they are connected with all the gladness I have dreamt, with all the grief I have undergone; and there are creeks and sunny promontories there which recall the shining thread of youthful visions till I can almost think I am weaving them again—
Greenshaw is now rented to strangers—I’ve heard it’s changed a lot; but I steer clear of it on my limited walks, as the last memory of intense pain there has wiped out all the earlier ones of youthful joy and sunshine. It’s not really on my route anyway, since I stick close to the water—I rarely stray from the green line of its banks; I follow its twists and turns with ongoing interest and enjoyment. We never get tired of each other; those ripples I’ve listened to all my life speak to me—they are tied to all the happiness I’ve imagined, all the sorrow I’ve experienced; and there are inlets and sunny points along the way that bring back the bright thread of youthful dreams until I can almost believe I’m creating them again—
My heart is casually stirred,
For the same sound is in my ears Just like I heard back then.
This spell of local association has always been strong upon me. As I pass along the banks of my ancient and well-beloved companion, the wan water, the changes of my life rise up before me, each with its separate scene and dwelling-place—these dells and pensive glens—these broad glades, and grouped brotherhoods of old trees—they are peopled with the things that have been; they bear upon them, as upon so many several pages, the story of my life.
This connection to the local area has always felt powerful to me. As I walk along the banks of my old and cherished friend, the quiet water, the moments of my life come back to me, each with its own scene and home—these valleys and thoughtful glens—these wide clearings, and clusters of ancient trees—they are filled with memories; they hold, like many different pages, the story of my life.
And so I dwell among them, and at my pleasure am again a solitary child, a dreaming youth, a stricken man—I feel myself of kin to myself in all these changes. Swiftly these years have carried me over the world’s broad highway, but with this white hair upon my head I am still the child to whose first dreams this water murmured its plaintive symphony. I know myself little wiser, and in nothing more thoughtful. It is the things around us that change—it is not we.
And so I live among them, and when I want, I become a lonely child, a dreaming young person, a troubled man—I recognize myself in all these changes. These years have quickly taken me across the world’s wide path, but with this white hair on my head, I’m still the child to whom this water first whispered its sad melody. I don’t feel any wiser or more thoughtful. It’s the things around us that change—it's not us.
For I confess myself as credulous still of ideal generosity and truth, as I was when I had counted only twenty summers. I have not been able yet to tutor myself to suspicion—the vision splendid has not quite departed—I cannot put the lustre of that celestial light, which once apparelled all things, away out of my eyes, even when those eyes are old; and Nature in{65} her grave nobleness is not less, but more dear now, when I remember that I shall soon bid her good even, to enter into the presence of her Lord and mine. New heavens and a new earth—I cannot sever my human heart from mine own land; and who shall say that those noble countries, casting off all impurity in the fiery trial that awaits them, shall not be our final heaven?
For I admit that I still believe in ideal generosity and truth, just as I did when I was only twenty. I haven’t been able to train myself to be suspicious—the brilliant vision hasn’t fully faded—I can't shake off the brightness of that divine light, which once made everything beautiful, even when my eyes are old; and Nature, in her dignified beauty, is not less dear to me now, but even more so, as I remember that I will soon say goodbye to her, to enter into the presence of her Lord and mine. New skies and a new earth—I can’t separate my human heart from my own land; and who can say that those noble places, shedding all their impurity in the fiery trial that awaits them, won’t be our ultimate paradise?
I love to think that it may be so; I love to think that the Lord, in His humanity, looks tenderly upon the mortal soil on which He sojourned in His wondrous life, and that here, perchance, in these very lands, made holy by His grace and power, our final rest shall be. It may be but a fancy; but it comes upon me with gentle might, like the whispered comfort of an angel. A new earth wherein dwelleth righteousness—a glorified humanity which, remaining human, is mortal no longer! with the judgment, and the condemnation, and the wars of the Lord over-past, and the earth and the heaven one fair broad country, and Himself over all, blessed for ever. These are the old man’s dreams; and they shed new glory over the pleasant places in which my lines have fallen—
I love to think that it could be true; I love to imagine that the Lord, in His humanity, watches lovingly over the mortal ground where He lived such an amazing life. And that here, perhaps, in these very lands made sacred by His grace and power, we will find our ultimate rest. It might just be a daydream, but it feels powerful and comforting, like the gentle whisper of an angel. A new earth where righteousness dwells—a glorified humanity that, while still human, is no longer mortal! With the judgment, condemnation, and wars of the Lord behind us, and the earth and heaven as one beautiful land, with Him reigning over all, blessed forever. These are the dreams of an old man, and they bring new light to the lovely places where my life has unfolded—
Do not foretell any ending to our love!
But deep down, I feel your strength. I've only given up one joy,
To live under your more usual influence.
I love the streams that flow through their channels, Even more than when I stumbled, gently like they; The pure brightness of a new day Is still lovely—
The clouds that form around the setting sun Keep a serious tone based on what you see. "That has kept watch over human mortality.”
BOOK II.
RESOLUTIONS.
CHAPTER I.
“I beg you will not misunderstand me, Mrs Oswald; I vow to you that this girl shall never cross my threshold, and if William persists in his folly he must choose between her and me; for assuredly he shall not keep his place with both. I tell you her father was a fool and a weakling, and you know the injury he did me. My mind is made up; before I receive this girl (I care nothing for her own good qualities—they do not concern me in the slightest) as my daughter, I will disown my son. If he wants to prolong her poverty, and to make himself a servant all his life, let him persist in his madness; and if you encourage him further in it, the consequences lie with yourselves. I have toiled and laboured to enrich him, and if he thwarts me thus, he shall rue it!”
“I hope you won’t misunderstand me, Mrs. Oswald; I promise you this girl will never set foot in my home, and if William continues with his foolishness, he’ll have to choose between her and me because he certainly can’t have both. I'm telling you her father was a fool and weak, and you know the harm he caused me. My decision is final; before I accept this girl (I don’t care about her good qualities—they mean nothing to me) as my daughter, I’ll disown my son. If he wants to prolong her struggles and become a servant for life, let him go on with his madness; and if you encourage him more, the consequences are on you. I’ve worked hard to provide for him, and if he goes against me like this, he’ll regret it!”
The speaker was a wiry, dark man, about the middle height, with a face in which you could read habitual obstinacy. It had redeeming qualities; you could see how a great enough matter might elevate the constitutional pertinacity into brave determination, and the eyes were intelligent and clear; but the rigid muscles of his mouth wore their sternest expression to-day, and a cloud lowered darkly upon his face. He was standing with his back to the fire in a good-sized, comfortable dining-room, the front windows of which looked out upon the Main Street of Fendie. The house was withdrawn a little from the line of the neighbouring buildings, in modest dignity, and bore over its portico and stone pillars the important title “Bank;” and the obstinate gentleman in the dining-room within was Mr George Oswald, at that time the sole representative of banking interests in the borough of Fendie.
The speaker was a lean, dark man of average height, with a face that showed a constant stubbornness. It had some redeeming qualities; you could tell that a significant issue could turn his constitutional stubbornness into brave determination, and his eyes were sharp and clear. However, the taut muscles of his mouth had their sternest look today, and a shadow hung over his face. He was standing with his back to the fire in a cozy dining room, the front windows of which faced Main Street in Fendie. The house was set back slightly from the other buildings, holding a modest dignity, and displayed the notable sign “Bank” above its portico and stone pillars. The stubborn gentleman in the dining room was Mr. George Oswald, who at that time was the only representative of banking interests in the borough of Fendie.
The very emphatic speech which we have already recorded, was addressed to his wife, who sat opposite to him. She was very calmly engaged with her sewing, though her face was sufficiently grave to show that her husband’s words were not mere empty breath. When he had concluded, she raised her head.{70}
The very passionate speech we’ve already noted was directed at his wife, who sat across from him. She was calmly focused on her sewing, though her serious expression indicated that her husband’s words held weight. When he finished speaking, she looked up. {70}
“I cannot see what necessity there is for making any vows to me, George. If you are determined not to hear what I say, and what William says about this very sweet and innocent girl, of course you must have your own way, as you always have; but as for your vows—you know that is quite unnecessary.”
“I can’t see why it’s necessary for you to make any vows to me, George. If you've made up your mind not to listen to what I say, or what William says about this very sweet and innocent girl, then you can do things your way, as you always do. But about your vows—you know that's totally unnecessary.”
“I know no such thing!” said Mr Oswald, imperiously. “You fancy I will forget by and by, and that you may renew this subject again; but I protest to you, Jane, that neither your son nor you shall ever move me on this point—that—”
“I know nothing of the sort!” Mr. Oswald said, commanding. “You think I’ll forget about it eventually and that you can bring this topic up again; but I assure you, Jane, that neither your son nor you will ever change my mind on this matter—that—”
“George,” interrupted his wife, “I hear Hope coming down-stairs; pray do not let her be a party to this discussion. I am reluctant that she should even know how you regard the Buchanans, for Hope is inclined to have an opinion of her own, and to express it more freely perhaps than she should at her years. Let us drop this subject, I beg; I promise you I will not renew it.”
“George,” his wife interrupted, “I hear Hope coming downstairs; please don’t involve her in this conversation. I’d rather she not know how you feel about the Buchanans, because Hope tends to have her own opinions and shares them a bit too freely for her age. Let’s just drop the topic, please; I promise I won’t bring it up again.”
The cloud passed from the banker’s face—his stern mouth relaxed. It was the young voice without, singing so gaily as its owner came bounding down-stairs, “Hame, hame, hame! oh, it’s hame fain wad I be—” that chased the mist from his face and from his mind. He was kind enough in all his relationships, if somewhat exacting and rigid; but he was indulgent to an extent, which only the stern and vehement nature can reach, of all the whims and caprices of his favourite child.
The frown lifted from the banker’s face—his stern mouth softened. It was the cheerful young voice outside, singing joyfully as its owner bounced down the stairs, “Home, home, home! Oh, how I long to be home—” that cleared the gloom from his face and mind. He was generally kind in all his relationships, though somewhat demanding and strict; still, he was surprisingly indulgent, a level of tolerance that only someone with a serious and passionate personality can achieve, when it comes to the quirks and whims of his favorite child.
Hope Oswald was fourteen, and had been for two or three years at a famous educational establishment in Edinburgh. Her father looked with natural satisfaction on the houses and lands which his industry had acquired, read with satisfaction his own name high in the list of bank shareholders in his own private office; was pleased when he saw “George Oswald, Esq., of Fendie,” figuring in his local newspaper as connected with some county or borough reform, or public good-work; but the banker’s eye looked never so proud as when a metropolitan broad-sheet informed him how, at the examination of the famed establishment in Edinburgh, “Miss Hope Oswald, Fendie,” had carried off prize on prize. The stern man read the half-yearly list of school-girl honours with secret exultation. It was a matter of genuine happy pride to him; and Mrs Oswald smiled within herself, as year after year her husband expressed in joyous terms his wonder, that the name of Miss Adelaide Fendie of Mount Fendie, the daughter of{71} their aristocratic neighbour “up the water” did never by any chance make its appearance among this honoured number, while “our Hope” had won almost as many distinctions as there were distinctions to win.
Hope Oswald was fourteen and had been attending a well-known school in Edinburgh for two or three years. Her father looked on the houses and land he had worked hard for with natural satisfaction, happily reading his own name high on the list of bank shareholders in his private office. He felt pleased when he saw “George Oswald, Esq., of Fendie” mentioned in his local newspaper for being involved in county or borough reforms or public works. However, the banker felt the proudest when a major newspaper announced that, at the prestigious school in Edinburgh, “Miss Hope Oswald, Fendie” had collected prize after prize. The stern man read the biannual list of schoolgirl honors with secret joy. It genuinely filled him with happy pride, and Mrs. Oswald smiled to herself as year after year her husband expressed in cheerful terms his amazement that the name of Miss Adelaide Fendie of Mount Fendie, the daughter of their aristocratic neighbor “up the water,” never appeared among the honored names, while “our Hope” had earned almost as many distinctions as there were awards to win.
But Hope was weary of gaining prizes, and longed exceedingly to return home; so she was granted an interregnum. Six blithe holiday months were to pass before she returned to Edinburgh, and on this same day she had arrived in Fendie.
But Hope was tired of winning awards and really wanted to go home, so she was given a break. She had six cheerful months of vacation before returning to Edinburgh, and on this same day, she had arrived in Fendie.
The age of awkwardness had scarcely commenced with Hope. She had not begun to be self-conscious, and in consequence escaped the inevitable physical attendant of that unpleasant mental state. She did not yet think of people seeing her when she danced about through the rooms and passages, and ran races in the garden, and waded secretly in the water; nor of people hearing her, as she went about everywhere, singing aloud in the exuberance of her joy. She was only a girl yet: she scarcely felt the budding woman begin to stir within her healthful breast.
The awkward phase had just started for Hope. She wasn’t self-conscious yet, which meant she avoided the usual awkwardness that comes with that mental state. She didn’t think about people watching her as she danced around the rooms and hallways, raced in the garden, or secretly splashed in the water; nor did she consider people hearing her sing out loud in the joy of the moment. She was still just a girl: she barely sensed the young woman beginning to awaken inside her healthy self.
So the dining-room door swung open, wider than it needed to do, and Hope came in with a bound. She had hazel eyes and auburn hair, and an animated blithe face, whose claims to beauty, if it had any, no one ever thought of deciding. She was tolerably tall and tolerably stout, and exceedingly firm, and active, and vigorous. The “Misses” in Edinburgh whispered among themselves, that Hope had a predilection for masculine games, and was as strong as a boy; but Hope denied the slander stoutly, affirming that its solitary foundation was one unlucky slide, and two or three snowballs, in both of which the stupid and docile Adelaide Fendie, whom no one thought of blaming, was as much implicated as she.
So the dining-room door swung open wider than necessary, and Hope burst in. She had hazel eyes and auburn hair, with a lively, cheerful face, whose beauty, if it could be called that, no one bothered defining. She was reasonably tall and slightly plump, but very solid, active, and full of energy. The "Misses" in Edinburgh whispered to each other that Hope had a knack for boyish games and was as strong as a boy; however, Hope strongly denied the gossip, insisting that it all stemmed from one unfortunate slide and a few snowballs, where the naïve and obedient Adelaide Fendie, whom no one dared blame, was just as involved as she was.
Hope was rather talkative; she had a great deal to say about her Edinburgh experiences, and both the father and the mother were good listeners; the sterner parent however being by far the most indulgent now.
Hope was quite chatty; she had a lot to share about her experiences in Edinburgh, and both her dad and mom were good listeners; however, the stricter parent was definitely the more lenient one now.
“And what did your friends say when you came away, Hope?” asked Mr Oswald; “was there much lamentation?”
“And what did your friends say when you left, Hope?” Mr. Oswald asked. “Was there a lot of crying?”
“They were all very sorry,” said Hope, “and they all wished they were coming too; only big Miss Mansfield that’s going to India, she did not care, for she thinks we are only girls and she’s a woman, and she’s always speaking about Calcutta—as if anybody was caring for Calcutta!—and little{72} Mary Wood would hardly let me go, mamma—she wanted to come too. Will you let her come at the vacation, mother?—for when all the rest go away, Mary has to stay with Miss Swinton, because she has no friends.”
“They were all really sorry,” Hope said, “and they all wished they could come too; except for big Miss Mansfield who’s heading to India; she didn’t care because she thinks we’re just girls and she’s a woman. She’s always talking about Calcutta—as if anyone cared about Calcutta!—and little{72} Mary Wood barely let me go, mom—she wanted to come too. Can you let her come on vacation, mother?—because when everyone else leaves, Mary has to stay with Miss Swinton since she has no friends.”
“But Miss Swinton is very kind, is she not?” said Mrs Oswald.
“But Miss Swinton is really nice, isn’t she?” said Mrs. Oswald.
“Miss Swinton is always good to everybody,” said Hope promptly, “but when little Mary sees us all going away, and nobody coming for her, she greets—”
“Miss Swinton is always nice to everyone,” said Hope quickly, “but when little Mary sees us all leaving, and no one coming for her, she reacts—”
“She greets, Hope!” said Mr Oswald, holding up his hand in reproof.
“She greets, Hope!” said Mr. Oswald, raising his hand in disapproval.
“Well, father,” said the brave Hope, “it is a far better word than cries:—cries! as if folk had only cut their finger! and Miss Swinton says our tongue is as good a tongue as the English, and we need not think shame of it.”
“Well, dad,” said the brave Hope, “it's a much better word than cries:—cries! as if people had just cut their finger! And Miss Swinton says our language is just as good as English, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”
Mr Oswald submitted to be defeated, well-pleased and smiling—
Mr. Oswald accepted his defeat, looking pleased and smiling—
“And what does Miss Swinton do at the vacations, Hope?” asked her mother.
“And what does Miss Swinton do during the vacations, Hope?” asked her mother.
“I don’t know, mother; sometimes she stays at home, sometimes she goes away to some of those places that the Glasgow girls are always talking about—Rothesay, or somewhere about the Clyde. She was there with Miss Buchanan last year; and oh, mamma, I had almost forgotten—how is our Helen Buchanan? I must go to see her to-day.”
“I don’t know, Mom; sometimes she stays at home, and other times she goes to those places that the Glasgow girls are always talking about—Rothesay or somewhere around the Clyde. She was there with Miss Buchanan last year; and oh, Mom, I almost forgot—how is our Helen Buchanan? I need to go see her today.”
The banker’s brow contracted suddenly. His wife was wary, and a good politician; she took no notice of Hope’s unsuitable inquiry.
The banker frowned suddenly. His wife was cautious and savvy; she ignored Hope's inappropriate question.
“Miss Swinton went to stay with one of the young ladies, did she? does she do that often, Hope?”
“Miss Swinton went to stay with one of the young ladies, right? Does she do that a lot, Hope?”
“Sometimes, mother; they are all so fond of her—and I don’t think she has ever been in the south country. Perhaps she would come to Fendie, if you were to ask her, mother, and bring little Mary Wood.”
“Sometimes, Mom; they all really like her—and I don’t think she’s ever been to the southern part of the country. Maybe she would come to Fendie if you asked her, Mom, and bring little Mary Wood.”
“Well we shall see,” said Mrs Oswald; “and what about Adelaide Fendie, Hope?”
“Well, we’ll see,” Mrs. Oswald said. “And what about Adelaide Fendie, Hope?”
“Oh, Adelaide Fendie is coming home; the school is not good enough for her; and they’re going to have a governess at Mount Fendie, for her, and Victoria, and little Fred—Poor governess! I am very sorry for her, I am sure, whoever she is. I would far rather keep a school like—”
“Oh, Adelaide Fendie is coming home; the school isn’t good enough for her; and they’re going to get a governess at Mount Fendie for her, Victoria, and little Fred—Poor governess! I feel really sorry for her, whoever she is. I would much rather run a school like—”
Mrs Oswald interposed hastily, “Is it some one from Edinburgh, Hope?{73}”
Mrs. Oswald quickly interrupted, “Is it someone from Edinburgh, Hope?{73}”
“No, indeed, mamma. Only somebody from England that Mrs Heavieliegh knows; and I almost hope she will be as stupid as they are, for if she is not, they will kill her. I would not live at Mount Fendie for all the world; and no one can teach Adelaide anything, except to do Berlin work, and thump, thump upon the piano.”
“No, really, Mom. Just someone from England that Mrs. Heavieliegh knows; and I almost hope she’s as clueless as they are because if she isn't, they’ll drive her crazy. I wouldn’t live at Mount Fendie for anything; and no one can teach Adelaide anything except how to do Berlin work and pound on the piano.”
“Come, Hope, this is too bad,” said her smiling father. “I hope you can thump upon the piano to some purpose yourself. We must hear you to-night, you know.”
“Come on, Hope, this is too much,” said her smiling dad. “I hope you can play the piano effectively yourself. We have to hear you tonight, you know.”
“I don’t care about it, father,” said Hope; “it is very dreary, except folk will just let me play my own tunes; but then there’s these awful waltzes and things, that were never made for anything but people’s fingers. Adelaide could play them for days, father; but they make me dizzy; for there’s nothing but noise in them.”
“I don't care about it, Dad,” said Hope; “it's really boring, unless people just let me play my own songs; but then there are these terrible waltzes and stuff, that were never meant for anything but people’s fingers. Adelaide could play them for days, Dad; but they make me dizzy; because there’s nothing but noise in them.”
“I am afraid you are quite giddy enough already, Hope,” said Mr Oswald.
“I’m afraid you’re already pretty dizzy, Hope,” said Mr. Oswald.
“Miss Swinton says I am sensible,” said Hope, with offended dignity. “Miss Swinton says she can trust me with the little ones better than Miss Mansfield,—and Miss Mansfield’s seventeen!”
“Miss Swinton says I'm responsible,” Hope said, with offended dignity. “Miss Swinton says she can trust me with the little kids better than Miss Mansfield—and Miss Mansfield is seventeen!”
The father and mother laughed; but Miss Swinton’s testimony to Hope’s good sense pleased them nevertheless.
The father and mother laughed, but Miss Swinton's praise for Hope's good judgment still made them happy.
“Adelaide is coming home in a week,” said Hope, “and she said the new governess would be at the Mount before her. I am to go up every day, Adelaide says, if you will let me, mother; and I would like to go sometimes, but not so often; and I want to go to Mossgray, to see old Mrs Mense, and the Laird; and up to Friarsford to Maggie Irving, and down to the Waterfoot to see the Flower of Fendie; but first of all—”
“Adelaide is coming home in a week,” said Hope, “and she mentioned that the new governess would arrive at the Mount before her. I’m supposed to go up every day, Adelaide says, if you’ll let me, Mom; and I’d like to go sometimes, but not that frequently; and I want to visit Mossgray to see old Mrs. Mense and the Laird; and up to Friarsford to see Maggie Irving, and down to the Waterfoot to meet the Flower of Fendie; but first of all—”
“That will do, Hope,” said her mother, fearful that the interdicted name might fall from Hope’s gay lips again; “but I think you might show us those drawings of yours that you used to write so much about:—you can arrange your visits to-morrow.”
“That’s enough, Hope,” her mother said, worried that the forbidden name might slip from Hope’s cheerful lips again; “but I think you could show us those drawings of yours that you used to talk about so much—you can plan your visits for tomorrow.”
“But I want to go into Fendie to-night, mother,” urged Hope, “to see—”
“But I want to go into Fendie tonight, Mom,” Hope insisted, “to see—”
“We cannot part with you to-night, Hope,” said Mrs Oswald; “and now go and bring your drawings and let your father see them.”
“We can’t say goodbye to you tonight, Hope,” said Mrs. Oswald; “so go and get your drawings and let your dad see them.”
Hope obeyed. Mr Oswald began to walk about the room, almost inclined to be angry with his daughter; this{74} pertinacious attachment to the one person in Fendie whom he tabooed, and the constant recurrence of her name, annoyed him greatly; and the banker had a consciousness that his wife and his son William were much more likely to submit, so far as external action went, to his stern will, than was the much privileged girl-daughter, who appeared fully as much inclined to sway him as he was to sway her, and did it as effectually. The grave and painful constraint with which William curbed a will as strong as his father’s, raised in the banker’s mind an angry feeling of antagonism; but the frank resistance of Hope was much less easily managed. Mr Oswald began to feel an involuntary “drither” as to his success in this part of the contest—a dubious consciousness that Hope might be too many for him.
Hope complied. Mr. Oswald started pacing the room, almost ready to be angry with his daughter; her persistent attachment to the only person in Fendie he rejected, and the constant mention of her name, frustrated him greatly. He realized that his wife and son William were much more likely to comply, at least in terms of action, with his strict wishes than his highly favored daughter, who seemed just as inclined to influence him as he was to influence her, and did so just as effectively. The serious and painful effort William made to control a will as strong as his father’s sparked feelings of resentment in Mr. Oswald; however, the open defiance from Hope was much harder to handle. Mr. Oswald began to feel an involuntary sense of doubt about his chances in this part of the struggle—a nagging awareness that Hope might be too much for him.
The exhibition of drawings did not succeed. Hope perceived that there was something wrong, and with eager girlish curiosity could not rest till she had fathomed it. William was strangely grave and taciturn, she thought; she seized the earliest opportunity of questioning him.
The drawing exhibition didn’t go well. Hope sensed that something was off and, with her eager curiosity, couldn't relax until she figured it out. She thought William seemed unusually serious and quiet, so she took the first chance she got to ask him about it.
By the dining-room fireside, the brother and sister sat in the twilight alone. Hope took advantage of the propitious moment.
By the dining room fireplace, the brother and sister sat alone in the fading light. Hope seized the perfect opportunity.
“William, is there anything the matter?”
"William, is everything okay?"
William stirred the fire thoughtfully and sighed. The light threw a gleam upon his face, and made it look very grey and grim, as his sister thought. Hope was not inclined to wait for his tardy answer; she plunged into the middle of the questio vexata.
William stirred the fire thoughtfully and sighed. The light cast a glow on his face, making it look very grey and grim, as his sister observed. Hope wasn’t willing to wait for his slow response; she jumped right into the middle of the questio vexata.
“William, I want to know about Helen Buchanan.”
“William, I want to know about Helen Buchanan.”
William started.
William began.
“Hush, Hope—do not speak of her, I beg.”
“Hush, Hope—please don’t talk about her, I’m begging you.”
“Why?” said Hope. “I like her better than anybody else in Fendie: why should I not speak of her?”
“Why?” Hope asked. “I like her more than anyone else in Fendie: why shouldn’t I talk about her?”
There was no point on which Hope and her taciturn brother agreed so perfectly. He smiled a momentary smile, and then answered gravely,—
There was no point on which Hope and her quiet brother agreed so perfectly. He smiled for a brief moment, then responded seriously,—
“Because you do like her better than any one else in Fendie, you must not speak of her, Hope—and especially recollect that her name must not be mentioned before my father, unless you wish to hear her spoken of with anger and disrespect, which I am sure you do not.{75}”
“Since you like her more than anyone else in Fendie, you must not talk about her, Hope—and especially remember that her name should not be mentioned in front of my father, unless you want to hear her talked about with anger and disrespect, which I know you don't.{75}”
CHAPTER II.
Where should I go to hide them? I have nothing to say against your words,
Don't listen, my father—
So you don't need to scold them.—Song.
Hope Oswald was very much puzzled. She could by no means understand why this perfectly unreasonable interdict should be put upon her free and unfettered speech, and was not in any degree inclined to submit to it. She resolved to be at the bottom of the mystery.
Hope Oswald was really confused. She couldn't understand why this completely unreasonable restriction was placed on her free and open speech, and she wasn’t at all willing to accept it. She decided to get to the bottom of the mystery.
Mr Oswald and William were no sooner fairly lodged in the office the next morning than Hope began her investigation. Mrs Oswald sat sewing again; she had an old-fashioned horror of idleness.
Mr. Oswald and William had hardly settled into the office the next morning when Hope started her investigation. Mrs. Oswald was back to sewing; she had an old-fashioned fear of being idle.
“Mother,” said Hope, “I want you to tell me what ails Helen Buchanan?”
“Mom,” said Hope, “I want you to tell me what's wrong with Helen Buchanan?”
“Hush, my dear!” said her mother.
“Hush, my dear!” her mother said.
“But why should I hush, mamma? and why am I never to speak about Helen? William told me the very same; and it’s too bad—as if you could not trust me!”
“But why should I be quiet, Mom? And why can't I ever talk about Helen? William told me the exact same thing, and it’s just not fair—like you don’t trust me!”
“What makes you think there is anything to trust you with, Hope?” said Mrs Oswald.
“What makes you think there’s anything to trust you with, Hope?” said Mrs. Oswald.
“Oh, I know—because you will not let me speak, and say always, hush! hush! Mother, do tell me: what is the matter with Helen?—what ails her?”
“Oh, I know—because you won't let me talk, and always say, shh! shh! Mom, please tell me: what’s wrong with Helen? What’s going on with her?”
“Nothing ails her, Hope—she is perfectly well.”
“Nothing's wrong with her, Hope—she's perfectly fine.”
Hope became very impatient.
Hope got really impatient.
“But you know you don’t mean that, mamma; there is something wrong; and would it not be better to tell me than to be always saying ‘hush!’”
“But you know you don’t mean that, mom; there is something wrong; and wouldn’t it be better to tell me than to keep saying ‘hush!’”
Mrs Oswald smiled.
Mrs. Oswald smiled.
“It is not always so easy to tell, Hope:—for instance, why do you call me ‘mamma’ one moment, and ‘mother’ the next?”
“It isn't always easy to tell, Hope:—for example, why do you call me ‘mamma’ one moment and ‘mother’ the next?”
“Oh, that is easy,” said Hope; “because the girls at school say mamma, and it sounds best there; and when I come{76} home, William says mother, and it is home-like and—and the right word; but I forget sometimes, and mix them at first. So now, mother, if you please, tell me about Helen Buchanan.”
“Oh, that's easy,” said Hope; “because the girls at school say 'mamma,' and it sounds best there; and when I come{76} home, William says 'mother,' and it feels more like home—and it's the right word; but sometimes I forget and mix them up at first. So now, Mom, if you don’t mind, tell me about Helen Buchanan.”
“You are a very pertinacious girl,” said Mrs Oswald; “but remember, Hope, if I tell you this, that you must be very prudent and sensible, and never mention it again.”
“You're a really stubborn girl,” said Mrs. Oswald; “but remember, Hope, if I'm telling you this, you need to be very careful and sensible, and never bring it up again.”
“I will be very prudent and sensible, mother,” promised Hope, with a reservation.
“I will be very careful and sensible, Mom,” promised Hope, with some hesitation.
Mrs Oswald hesitated still: the impatient Hope volunteered to thread her mother’s refractory needle, and urged her petition still more warmly. A slight fugitive smile crossed the good mother’s face—then she became very grave.
Mrs. Oswald still hesitated: the impatient Hope offered to thread her mother’s stubborn needle, and urged her request even more passionately. A brief, fleeting smile appeared on the good mother’s face—then she became very serious.
“Helen’s father died long ago; he used to be very fond of you when you were a baby, Hope; but you cannot remember him.”
“Helen’s dad passed away a long time ago; he was really fond of you when you were a baby, Hope; but you can’t remember him.”
“Oh, yes! was he not very thin and pale, mother, with a white high forehead, like Mossgray?—I do mind him.”
“Oh, yes! Wasn't he really thin and pale, mom, with a white high forehead, like Mossgray? —I remember him.”
“Hush, Hope! you are interrupting me now. He was a very delicate, gentle man, this poor Mr Buchanan; but he was not at all like Mossgray, and when he died, your father and he were not good friends.”
“Hush, Hope! You’re interrupting me. Mr. Buchanan was a very delicate, gentle man, but he was nothing like Mossgray, and when he passed away, your father and he were not on good terms.”
“Yes, mother, I know that,” said the disappointed Hope; “but is that all?”
“Yes, mom, I know that,” said the disappointed Hope; “but is that it?”
“Wait a little; do not be so impatient!” said Mrs Oswald. “And foolish people said that your father’s sternness killed this delicate man. I believe Mrs Buchanan thinks so still.”
“Hang on a second; don’t be so impatient!” said Mrs. Oswald. “And some foolish people said that your father’s strictness caused this fragile man to die. I think Mrs. Buchanan still believes that.”
Hope started.
Hope began.
“Then Helen will not be friends with us because my father was poor Mr Buchanan’s enemy:—is that it, mother?”
“Then Helen won't be friends with us because my dad was poor Mr. Buchanan’s enemy—is that it, Mom?”
“No, Hope, that is not it. Helen knows that her father was a weak man, and Helen is a wise, good girl, and would not do anything so foolish; but Helen is only a poor schoolmistress, Hope, and your brother William, you know, will be rich.”
“No, Hope, that's not it. Helen knows her father was a weak man, and Helen is a wise, good person who wouldn’t do anything so foolish; but Helen is just a poor schoolteacher, Hope, and your brother William, you know, is going to be rich.”
“Oh, mamma!” exclaimed Hope, clapping her hands as the conjunction of these two names threw sudden light upon the mystery, “are they going to be married?”
“Oh, mom!” exclaimed Hope, clapping her hands as the combination of these two names suddenly shed light on the mystery, “are they going to get married?”
“I very much fear you are not the sensible person you call yourself,” said her mother; “your father will not let them be married, Hope.{77}”
“I really worry that you aren't as sensible as you think you are,” said her mother; “your father won't allow them to get married, Hope.{77}”
Hope’s bright face became suddenly blank.
Hope’s bright face suddenly went blank.
“Mother, there is nobody like Helen Buchanan in all Fendie! why will my father not let them be married?”
“Mom, there’s no one like Helen Buchanan in all of Fendie! Why won’t my dad let them get married?”
“Because her father did him wrong, Hope; and because she is poor.”
“Because her dad wronged him, Hope; and because she’s poor.”
“Because she is poor!—Helen is a gentlewoman, mother!—and because her father did wrong! But that is not Helen’s fault. If my father did wrong, no one would blame William or me.”
“Because she’s poor!—Helen is a lady, Mom!—and because her dad messed up! But that’s not Helen’s fault. If my dad messed up, no one would blame William or me.”
“Take care, Hope; you are treading on dangerous ground,” said Mrs Oswald; “and though it is not Helen’s fault, your father has made up his mind, and William must submit.”
“Be careful, Hope; you're walking on thin ice,” said Mrs. Oswald; “and even though it’s not Helen’s fault, your father has made his decision, and William has to go along with it.”
“But, mother,” said Hope doubtfully, “William is old—William is a man.”
“But, Mom,” said Hope uncertainly, “William is older—William is a man.”
“And what then?”
“And what now?”
“I don’t know,” said Hope, hesitating; “perhaps it would be quite wrong, but—mother, is William always to do what my father bids him?”
“I don’t know,” Hope said, hesitating. “Maybe it’s totally wrong, but—mom, is William always going to do what my dad tells him?”
“And why should he not, Hope?” said Mrs Oswald; “does it alter his duty that he is old?”
“And why shouldn’t he, Hope?” said Mrs. Oswald; “does it change his duty just because he’s old?”
“I don’t know, mother,” said Hope again; “but if my grandfather were living now, my father would not always ask him before he did anything, as I ask you; and perhaps William is right, and perhaps—mother, what would my father do if William disobeyed him?”
“I don’t know, Mom,” Hope said again. “But if my grandfather were alive now, my dad wouldn’t always ask him before doing anything, like I ask you; and maybe William is right, and maybe—Mom, what would my dad do if William didn’t listen to him?”
“I believe he would never speak to him again,” said Mrs Oswald.
"I don't think he would ever talk to him again," Mrs. Oswald said.
Hope shrank back and looked afraid.
Hope recoiled and looked scared.
“And all that he has, Hope, he would take from William and give to you.”
“And everything he has, Hope, he would take from William and give to you.”
“To me, mother? that would not do William any harm,” said Hope, looking up brightly; “though if my father would not speak to him—but he would, mother—he could not help it.”
“To me, mom? That wouldn't hurt William at all,” said Hope, looking up cheerfully; “though if my dad wouldn’t speak to him—but he would, mom—he just couldn't help it.”
“My dear, I have known your father longer than you have,” said Mrs Oswald; “and besides, Hope, Helen Buchanan would not consent if your father did not consent; she is as firm as he is.”
“My dear, I’ve known your father longer than you have,” said Mrs. Oswald; “and besides, Hope, Helen Buchanan wouldn’t agree if your father didn’t agree; she’s just as stubborn as he is.”
“Then it is all because everybody is proud, mother,” said Hope, turning away disconsolately, “and would rather make other folk unhappy than give up their own will.”
“Then it's all because everyone is proud, mom,” said Hope, looking away sadly, “and they’d rather make other people unhappy than give up their own desires.”
“There are some things in the world, Hope,” said Mrs{78} Oswald, “that are of more importance than even making people happy.”
“There are some things in the world, Hope,” said Mrs{78} Oswald, “that matter more than just making people happy.”
“I know, mother,” said Hope: “it is best to be right always, whether we are happy or not; but this is not right, I am sure—my father does not know—there is nobody in Fendie like Helen Buchanan!”
“I know, Mom,” said Hope. “It's best to be right always, whether we're happy or not; but this isn't right, I’m sure—my dad doesn’t know—there’s no one in Fendie like Helen Buchanan!”
Mrs Oswald sighed.
Mrs. Oswald sighed.
“You must not speak so of your father, Hope, he knows what is right better than you do.”
“You shouldn't talk about your dad like that, Hope. He knows what's right better than you do.”
Hope looked sceptical; those frank instinctive impulses of the young heart, which had no complicated mesh of secret motives to hinder its prompt out-going, were perhaps better guides after all than the groping, worldly wisdom of elder minds; wisdom whose wary steps are supposed to be guided by the caution of clear-sightedness, when it is only the timid caution of the blind.
Hope looked skeptical; those honest, instinctive feelings of the young heart, which had no complicated layers of hidden motives to hold back its eager expression, might actually be better guides than the uncertain, worldly wisdom of older minds; wisdom that is thought to be led by the carefulness of clear insight, when it’s really just the fearful caution of the blind.
“But I may go to see Helen Buchanan, may I not, mother?” asked Hope, after a pause.
"But can I go see Helen Buchanan, can’t I, mom?" Hope asked after a moment.
“Surely, Hope; I have no wish to restrain you, and your father will not, I dare say, unless you speak of her again before him, as you did yesterday; and you must be cautious of that, for it only aggravates your father’s prejudice and vexes William, without doing any good.”
“Of course, Hope; I don’t want to hold you back, and your father probably won’t either, unless you mention her again in front of him like you did yesterday. You need to be careful about that because it just makes your father more biased and annoys William, without helping at all.”
“And am I not to speak about Helen at all?” said Hope.
“And am I not allowed to talk about Helen at all?” said Hope.
“No, my dear, not now. I do not forbid you praising Helen as frankly as you blame Adelaide Fendie—and you must restrain that last propensity of yours a little, Hope—but do it cautiously and warily, and let me see something of this wisdom and good sense which Miss Swinton has discovered. You see I trust you, Hope.”
“No, my dear, not right now. I’m not stopping you from praising Helen as openly as you criticize Adelaide Fendie—and you need to hold back on that last tendency of yours a bit, Hope—but do it carefully and thoughtfully, and let me see some of this wisdom and good sense that Miss Swinton has found. You see, I trust you, Hope.”
Hope drew herself up.
Hope straightened her posture.
“I will be very careful, mother, no fear, but may I go to see Helen now?”
“I’ll be really careful, Mom, don’t worry, but can I go see Helen now?”
“Helen will be busy now, Hope.”
“Helen will be busy now, Hope.”
“Well, then, come to the Waterside, mother; I want to see Mossgray, and I want to see Maggie Irving. Come!”
“Well, then, come to the Waterside, Mom; I want to see Mossgray, and I want to see Maggie Irving. Come!”
The indulgent mother laid aside her work and went.
The indulgent mother set aside her work and left.
Friarsford was a farm-house standing on a little eminence at some distance from the Water, and Maggie Irving was the farmer’s daughter. She was a year older than Hope Oswald, and one of her Fendie intimates. The house was only a little out of the direct road to Mossgray, and Mrs{79} Oswald and her daughter turned up the winding by-way to make their first visit there.
Friarsford was a farmhouse sitting on a small hill a bit away from the Water, and Maggie Irving was the farmer's daughter. She was a year older than Hope Oswald and one of her friends from Fendie. The house was just slightly off the main road to Mossgray, and Mrs{79} Oswald and her daughter took the winding side road to pay their first visit there.
Matthew Irving of Friarsford was wealthy and had some ambition. He was exceedingly desirous to give his children good education, and with the masculine part of them he had succeeded tolerably well, thanks to the academy of Fendie; but the hapless Maggie was less fortunate. She was the only daughter; especial pains, and care, and labour had been expended upon her training, and the father and mother, exulting over their accomplished girl, thought the process a perfectly satisfactory and successful one.
Matthew Irving of Friarsford was rich and had some ambitions. He really wanted to give his children a good education, and he had done reasonably well with the boys, thanks to the academy at Fendie; but unfortunate Maggie wasn't as lucky. She was their only daughter; a lot of effort, care, and work had gone into her training, and her parents, proud of their accomplished daughter, believed the whole process had been completely satisfactory and successful.
Maggie had been sent to the house of a relative in one of the busy towns of Lancashire to learn English, and she had learnt it to perfection. Maggie had a piano, and could play you against time, all manner of inarticulate music. Maggie could draw, as three or four copies made from French lithographs—patterns, as Maggie and her mother called them—hung there, elaborately framed, upon the walls, to testify.
Maggie was sent to stay with a relative in one of the bustling towns of Lancashire to learn English, and she mastered it perfectly. Maggie had a piano and could play all kinds of rhythmically challenging music. She could also draw, as shown by the three or four copies made from French lithographs—patterns, as Maggie and her mother referred to them—that were elaborately framed and hung on the walls as proof.
Moreover, Hope Oswald’s quick movements had swept upon the ground a couple of handsome specimens of knitting, displayed upon the arm and cushions of the sofa, before Hope had been ten minutes in the lightsome cheerful apartment, which was the comfortable parlour once, but had now obtained brevet rank as drawing-room. As Maggie hastened to arrange them, she pointed out the stitch to her visitor, and offered to show her the various stock she had. Hope was dismayed; never girl of fourteen was more innocent of stitches than she, and this branch of her friend’s acquirements had very little interest for her. It was not so with Mrs Irving, a comfortable, kindly, vulgar woman, who was very proud of her daughter’s accomplishments, and eager to exhibit them.
Moreover, Hope Oswald’s quick movements had scattered a couple of beautiful knitting pieces on the arm and cushions of the sofa before Hope had been in the bright, cheerful apartment for ten minutes. It used to be a comfortable parlor but had now been upgraded to a drawing room. As Maggie hurried to arrange them, she pointed out the stitch to her guest and offered to show her the different supplies she had. Hope was taken aback; no girl of fourteen was less familiar with stitches than she was, and this part of her friend’s skills held little interest for her. That wasn’t the case with Mrs. Irving, a cozy, kind, ordinary woman, who was very proud of her daughter’s talents and eager to show them off.
“Miss Hope will give you a tune, Maggie,” she said; “and you can let her hear how you come on yoursel. She’s very good at it, Mrs Oswald, though she hasna had the same advantages as Miss Hope.”
“Miss Hope will play you a tune, Maggie,” she said; “and you can show her how you’re doing yourself. She’s really good at it, Mrs. Oswald, even though she hasn’t had the same opportunities as Miss Hope.”
Hope started in alarm.
Hope began in alarm.
“On, don’t let us have any music, Mrs Irving!—I mean, I shall be very glad to hear Maggie, but I don’t like playing.”
“Come on, let’s skip the music, Mrs. Irving!—I mean, I’d love to hear Maggie, but I’m not into playing.”
Mrs Irving thought the young lady only coy.
Mrs. Irving thought the young woman was just being shy.
“Hout, Miss Hope! a’body that’s very good at it makes that excuse, ye ken; and I’m sure ye must aye be getting new tunes in Edinburgh.{80}”
“Hush, Miss Hope! Everyone who's really good at it makes that excuse, you know; and I’m sure you must always be getting new tunes in Edinburgh.{80}”
“But I don’t like new tunes,” pleaded Hope.
“But I don’t like new songs,” Hope pleaded.
“Oh, Miss Oswald!” said the astonished Maggie, in gentle reproof.
“Oh, Miss Oswald!” said the surprised Maggie, gently scolding her.
Hope was offended; Maggie Irving called her Miss Oswald; Maggie Irving had nothing to talk about, after so long a separation, but stitches and new tunes! Their friendship was at an end. Hope walked indignantly to the piano, and played her favourite air of “Hame, hame, hame!”
Hope was offended; Maggie Irving called her Miss Oswald; Maggie Irving had nothing to discuss after such a long time apart, except for stitches and new songs! Their friendship was over. Hope walked angrily to the piano and played her favorite tune, “Hame, hame, hame!”
“It’s a bonnie bit simple thing that,” said Mrs Irving, looking proudly at her own accomplished performer, as she took her place at the instrument, by the side of which Hope and her mother were reluctantly compelled to sit for a dull half hour, listening to jingling pieces of music, whose brief moment of fashion was long ago over, and which had never had anything but fashion to recommend them.
“It’s a really simple little thing,” said Mrs. Irving, looking proudly at her talented performer as she sat down at the instrument, next to which Hope and her mother were reluctantly forced to sit for a boring half hour, listening to jingling pieces of music that had long since fallen out of style and had only ever been popular for their trendiness.
But Mrs Irving was delighted, and Maggie was exceedingly complacent. Alas, poor Maggie! her fingers were highly educated; her mind was fallow. The thorough training of Hope’s Edinburgh school these good folk in Fendie could not reach; but they could reach the superficials, and they were contented.
But Mrs. Irving was thrilled, and Maggie was really self-satisfied. Unfortunately, poor Maggie! Her fingers were highly skilled; her mind was empty. The extensive education from Hope’s Edinburgh school was beyond the reach of these good people in Fendie; however, they could manage the basics, and that was enough for them.
“Well, Hope,” said Mrs Oswald, in answer to a burst of wonder and disappointment, when they had left Friarsford and its accomplishments behind them; “you remember how you used to resist and be disobedient when your father said that Matthew Irving’s daughter was no companion for you.”
“Well, Hope,” said Mrs. Oswald, responding to a mix of wonder and disappointment after they had left Friarsford and its achievements behind; “you remember how you used to resist and be disobedient when your father said that Matthew Irving’s daughter wasn’t a suitable companion for you.”
“But, mother,” said Hope solemnly, “Adelaide Fendie is just the same—and Adelaide ought to be a lady, if being anybody’s daughter would make her one; but she is not, for all that.”
“But, Mom,” said Hope seriously, “Adelaide Fendie is exactly the same—and Adelaide should be a lady, if being anyone’s daughter could make her one; but she isn’t, despite that.”
“Adelaide is only a girl like yourself, Hope.”
“Adelaide is just a girl like you, Hope.”
“But she is not a gentlewoman, mamma; and she talks about stitches and tunes like Maggie Irving—and I’m sure I don’t know what’s the use of them.”
“But she’s not a lady, Mom; and she talks about sewing and music like Maggie Irving—and I really don’t see the point of either.”
Hope could not forget her disappointment; there was only one consolation in it. In the midst of all these twinkling artificial lights, the star of Helen Buchanan rose clearer and clearer. Helen was a gentlewoman; and what did it matter that she was poor?
Hope couldn’t shake off her disappointment; there was only one silver lining. Amid all those twinkling artificial lights, Helen Buchanan's star shone brighter and brighter. Helen was a lady; and what did it matter that she was poor?
“Yonder is Mossgray!” exclaimed Hope, as they approached the house; “yonder he is, up among the trees, and he has got something like a letter in his hand. Do you see him, mother?{81}”
“Look, there's Mossgray!” Hope shouted as they got closer to the house. “There he is, up in the trees, and he’s holding something that looks like a letter. Can you see him, Mom?{81}”
The bank of the wan Water sloped upward into gentle braes, a little beyond the house of Mossgray, and the laird was certainly there, walking among the trees, with a step altogether unlike his usual meditative, slow pace. Hope Oswald was an especial favourite with Mr Graeme of Mossgray, and he liked her mother; but Mrs Oswald had too much regard and sympathy for the old man to intrude on his retirement.
The bank of the quiet water rose gently into low hills, just past the house of Mossgray, and the owner was definitely there, strolling among the trees, with a pace that was completely different from his usual thoughtful, slow walk. Hope Oswald was a particular favorite of Mr. Graeme of Mossgray, and he had a fondness for her mother; however, Mrs. Oswald had too much respect and compassion for the old man to disturb his solitude.
“We will go in and see Mrs Mense, Hope,” she said; “Mossgray seems occupied just now. You will see him another day.”
“We'll go in and see Mrs. Mense, Hope,” she said; “Mossgray seems busy right now. You can see him another day.”
The large old-fashioned kitchen had a separate entrance to itself. The mass of buildings altogether bore evident testimony to the different periods of their erection, and looked, as their owner said, a natural growth of the homesoil in which the grey walls and rude, dark, massy tower seemed so firmly rooted. A large garden descended from the most modern front of the house to the water, where it was deeply fringed with willows. The clipt, fantastic trees of a generation which admired such clumsy gambols of art were scattered through it, and there was a sun-dial, and many prim flower-beds; but the cherished lilies of Mossgray were not in these stiffly-angled enclosures; their fresh green leaves were beginning to shoot up in the freer borders—those borders on which they gleamed in the dim summer evenings, like errant rays of the moon.
The large, old-fashioned kitchen had its own separate entrance. The collection of buildings clearly showed the different times they were built and looked, as their owner said, like a natural extension of the home soil where the gray walls and heavy, dark tower seemed deeply anchored. A big garden stretched from the most modern part of the house down to the water, where it was heavily lined with willows. The clipped, quirky trees from a generation that appreciated those awkward artistic styles were scattered throughout, and there was a sundial along with many neatly arranged flower beds; however, the beloved lilies of Mossgray weren’t found in these rigidly shaped areas; their fresh green leaves were starting to emerge in the more relaxed borders—those borders where they shone in the dim summer evenings, like stray beams of moonlight.
Mrs Mense was a very old woman now, and invalided. She sat in a great elbow-chair by the fireside, spinning feebly sometimes, and sometimes giving counsel, by no means feebly, to her self-willed niece, the housekeeper de facto. The establishment was a very limited one; besides Janet, and the miscellaneous personage known as “Mossgray’s man,” there was only one other servant in the house.
Mrs. Mense was now a very old woman and unable to get around easily. She sat in a large armchair by the fire, sometimes spinning weakly and other times giving strong advice to her headstrong niece, who was effectively the housekeeper. The household was quite small; besides Janet and the various character known as “Mossgray’s man,” there was only one other servant in the house.
“Eh, Miss Hope, is this you?” said Mrs Mense, “and your mamma nae less, minding the auld wife as she aye does. Effie, ye tawpie, get chairs to the ladies—or are ye gaun ben, Mrs Oswald, to wait for Mossgray?”
“Hey, Miss Hope, is that you?” said Mrs. Mense, “and your mom too, looking after the old lady as she always does. Effie, you silly girl, get chairs for the ladies—or are you going inside, Mrs. Oswald, to wait for Mossgray?”
“Mossgray is out, I see,” said Mrs Oswald. “No, Hope came to see you, Mrs Mense; we will sit down beside you awhile. That will do, Effie.”
“Mossgray is out, I see,” said Mrs. Oswald. “No, Hope came to see you, Mrs. Mense; we’ll sit down next to you for a bit. That’s enough, Effie.”
“And look till her how she’s grown!” exclaimed the old woman, “and stout wi’t. Ye’re no gaun to let down our credit, Miss Hope. Ye’ll let the Edinburgh folk see what guid bluid is{82} in thir southland parts. Effie, gar Janet gie ye the wee cheeny luggie fu’ o’ cream. Ye mind it, Miss Hope? it belangs mair to you than to onybody about Mossgray.”
“And look at how much she’s grown!” exclaimed the old woman, “and she’s strong too. You’re not going to let us down, Miss Hope. You’ll show the people from Edinburgh what good blood is {82} in these southern parts. Effie, get Janet to give you the little tin cup full of cream. Do you remember it, Miss Hope? It belongs more to you than to anyone else around Mossgray.”
“But, Mrs Mense,” said Hope, “you did not call Crummie’s calf after me, as you said you would.”
“But, Mrs. Mense,” Hope said, “you didn’t name Crummie’s calf after me, like you promised.”
“My dear lamb! ye wadna have had me to ca’ the muckle langleggit haverel of a beast after you, and you a winsome young lady? Na, I ken better manners—and forbye Mossgray said it was nae compliment. But I’ll tell ye what, Miss Hope, there’s a new powny—the bonniest creature!—and ye’se get the naming o’t, gin ye like.”
“My dear lamb! You wouldn’t want me to call that big, long-legged fool of a beast after you, especially since you’re such a lovely young lady? No, I have better manners—and besides, Mossgray said it wasn’t a compliment. But I’ll tell you what, Miss Hope, there’s a new pony—the prettiest thing!—and you can name it if you want.”
“Where is it?—wait till I see it, mamma!” cried Hope, starting up. Hope had, like most country girls, an especial liking for youthful animals.
“Where is it?—wait till I see it, mom!” shouted Hope, jumping up. Hope had, like most country girls, a special fondness for young animals.
“Ye maun hae your cream first,” said the housekeeper, as Effie approached with the china luggie, in which, from time immemorial, Hope had received a draught of rich cream on her every visit to Mossgray. Hope hardly took time to taste it; she was too eager to see the “new powny.”
“First, you need to have your cream,” said the housekeeper, as Effie came over with the china bowl, in which, for as long as anyone could remember, Hope had been served a cup of rich cream on every visit to Mossgray. Hope barely took a moment to taste it; she was too excited to see the “new pony.”
“Did you see the laird, Mem?” said Mrs Mense, with some appearance of anxiety, as Mrs Oswald waited for her daughter’s return.
“Did you see the laird, Mem?” Mrs. Mense asked, looking somewhat anxious as Mrs. Oswald waited for her daughter's return.
“We saw him on the knowe,” said Mrs Oswald; “but did not disturb him, as he seemed occupied. I fancy that is one of his favourite spots, Mrs Mense.”
“We saw him on the hill,” said Mrs. Oswald; “but we didn’t disturb him, as he seemed busy. I think that’s one of his favorite spots, Mrs. Mense.”
“Na—I’m meaning I dinna ken,” said the old woman; “but he’s gotten some letter the day that’s troubled him—I canna bide to see him fashed, and he’s just unco easy putten about. Janet, div ye hear the clock? it’s twa chappit, and the dinner no to the fire!”
“Na—I mean I don’t know,” said the old woman; “but he got some letter today that’s bothered him—I can’t stand seeing him upset, and he’s just really easy to get riled up. Janet, do you hear the clock? It’s two o'clock, and dinner isn’t even on the fire!”
“I ken what I’m doing, auntie,” returned the impatient Janet.
“I know what I’m doing, auntie,” replied the impatient Janet.
“Ye dinna ken onything very wise then,” said the dethroned monarch of the kitchen; “it’s a bonnie-like thing that the laird, honest man, maun wait for his dinner, aboon a’ the rest o’ his troubles! I heard him travelling up and down in his ain study-room in the tower, after thae weary letters came in. What gars folk write when they’ve naething but ill-tidings to tell about, I wad like to ken? and syne out to the Waterside as he aye does when he’s troubled—I canna bide, as I was saying, to see him fashed, for—”
“Or you don’t know anything very wise then,” said the dethroned king of the kitchen; “it’s a pretty sad thing that the lord, good man, has to wait for his dinner, on top of all his other troubles! I heard him pacing back and forth in his study in the tower after those exhausting letters arrived. What makes people write when they only have bad news to share, I’d like to know? And then off to the Waterside as he always does when he’s upset—I can’t stand, as I was saying, to see him troubled, because—”
“Oh, Mrs Mense!” exclaimed Hope, bounding in, “be sure and tell Mossgray that he is not to call the pony any{83}thing till I come back again. Mamma, come and see it; it’s like as if its coat was all sprinkled with snow—I think I will call it Spunkie; but that’s not a bonnie name. Mind, Mrs Mense, that nobody is to give it its name but me.”
“Oh, Mrs. Mense!” Hope exclaimed, bouncing in. “Make sure to tell Mossgray that he can’t call the pony anything until I come back. Mom, come and see it; it looks like its coat is sprinkled with snow—I think I’ll call it Spunkie, but that’s not a cute name. Remember, Mrs. Mense, that no one is allowed to name it but me.”
Mrs Mense promised, and after some further lamentation about her master’s supposed trouble, resumed so keenly the dinner controversy with Janet, that her visitors withdrew. It was yet too early to visit Helen Buchanan, so Hope, expatiating on the beauty of the pony, returned with her mother, home.
Mrs. Mense promised, and after some more complaining about her master’s supposed troubles, she jumped back into the dinner debate with Janet so passionately that her visitors decided to leave. It was still too early to visit Helen Buchanan, so Hope, raving about how beautiful the pony was, went home with her mother.
CHAPTER III.
It can't be that you're gone;
Your evening bell hasn't rung yet,
And you were always a daring masquerader; What strange disguise have you now put on To pretend that you're gone? I see these locks in silvery wraps,
This slouching walk, this changed appearance;
But spring flowers bloom on your lips,
And tears take away the sunlight from your eyes!
Life is just a thought; so I will think. That young person and I still live together.—Coleridge.
The Laird of Mossgray stood alone beneath a high beech, whose silvery trunk and delicate buds made it the most noticeable of all the neighbouring trees. His figure was tall, thin, and stooping; his hair the most delicate silvery gray; his face full of thoughtful fortitude and wisdom in its gentlest guise; but his usual serenity was ruffled to-day, the calm of his meditative age was broken.
The Laird of Mossgray stood by himself under a tall beech tree, its silvery trunk and delicate buds making it the most striking of all the nearby trees. He was tall, thin, and slightly hunched; his hair was a soft silvery gray; his face showed thoughtful strength and wisdom in its gentlest form; but today, his usual calm was unsettled, and the peace of his reflective years was disrupted.
Those dim lands of memory in whose gentle twilight he did so much love to wander, among the fairy shadows, tender and pensive, of things which once were stern and hard enough, had been suddenly illuminated by a flash of the intense and present reality which once they had. The old man’s quietness had suddenly been rent asunder, and floated{84} away from him like a mist, while the stormy blood of his more vehement days was swelling in his veins again.
Those dim lands of memory, where he loved to wander in the gentle twilight among the fairy-like shadows—soft and thoughtful—of things that were once tough and harsh, had suddenly been lit up by a flash of the intense and present reality they once held. The old man’s calmness had been suddenly torn apart, floating away from him like mist, while the passionate blood of his younger days surged in his veins once more.
He held a letter in his hand; the fingers which traced its trembling lines were now lying in a nameless grave. A worn-out, wearied woman, prematurely old, and glad to lay down her head in that one place where the weary are at rest, was the writer of those earnest, living words. The Laird of Mossgray did not remember that she was old—the past years were in this moment a fable and a dream to him. He thought of Lilias only as he saw her last, enshrined in all the pure and gentle dignity of his young fancies; for Lilias was dead.
He held a letter in his hand; the fingers that traced its trembling lines were now resting in an unnamed grave. A worn-out, tired woman, aged beyond her years, and ready to lay her head down in that one place where the weary find peace, was the writer of those heartfelt, vibrant words. The Laird of Mossgray didn't remember that she was old—the past years felt like a fable and a dream to him in this moment. He thought of Lilias only as he last saw her, surrounded by all the pure and gentle dignity of his youthful dreams; for Lilias was gone.
And dying, she had revealed to the old man what she was. Not indeed the lofty lady of his dreaming days, but a gentle, chastened, meek woman, who knew now, and had long known, the worth of the generous heart she threw away. In the bitterness of his soul he had believed her an unsubstantial vision; but the faithful hand of death had brought back to him the true Lilias, worthy of the place he had given her in his best days.
And as she was dying, she showed the old man who she really was. Not the elegant lady he had dreamed of, but a gentle, humbled, meek woman who realized, and had long known, the value of the generous heart she had let go. In the bitterness of his soul, he had thought of her as a fleeting illusion; but the unwavering hand of death had returned to him the true Lilias, deserving of the place he had reserved for her in his better days.
“I do not ask you to forgive me,” wrote the dying Lilias, “because I know that long ago you must have forgiven the witless girl’s heart that did itself so much more wrong than you. I did not know myself, my own slight, shallow, girlish self, and pardon me then, Adam Graeme, that I did not know you. Since then I have learned—what have I not learned that is bitter and sorrowful? Care, poverty, death, and miserable shames and humiliations, such as never crossed your path, have been the constant companions of mine: they are all ending now. I am going hence to my Lord, and to the children whom He took from me one by one, till my heart was well-nigh broken; but I cannot go till I make one prayer to you, one last entreaty for the sake of our youth.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me,” wrote the dying Lilias, “because I know that long ago you must have forgiven the foolish girl I was, who did far more harm to herself than you ever did. I didn’t understand myself, my own shallow, immature self, and I’m sorry, Adam Graeme, that I didn’t understand you. Since then, I’ve learned—what haven’t I learned that’s been bitter and sorrowful? Worry, poverty, death, and shameful humiliations, things that never crossed your path, have always been with me: they're all coming to an end now. I’m leaving for my Lord, and for the children He took from me one by one, until my heart was nearly broken; but I can’t go until I make one last prayer to you, one final request for the sake of our youth.
“I would not speak of the time when we last met; in pity to my bitter lot, and to the dead whose faults we lay with them in the grave to be forgotten, as I have laid Edward, and as stranger hands shall soon lay me, do not think of that time. I have one last treasure remaining to me, one last request to make, and there is no one in the world but you, whom I have wronged, to whom I can address my prayer.
“I won’t talk about the last time we met; out of pity for my harsh situation, and for those who have passed away whose mistakes we bury with them to be forgotten, like I have buried Edward, and as other hands will soon bury me, please don’t think about that moment. I have one last treasure left, one final request to make, and there’s no one else in the world but you, whom I’ve wronged, to whom I can share my plea.
“Mossgray, I have a child; a friendless, unprotected,{85} solitary girl, who will soon be left utterly alone. If I shrink from subjecting her to the cold charity of Walter’s wife, forgive me, because I am her mother. I know that Lilias is not what I was. I know that our subdued and clouded life has given to her youth a greater maturity than I had when I was her mother. I have fancied often that Lilias is what you thought me to be, and there has been a sad pleasure in the hope, that for her weak mother’s sake, your heart would melt to my child.
“Mossgray, I have a child; a lonely, unprotected,{85} solitary girl who will soon be completely alone. If I hesitate to put her in the care of Walter’s wife, please forgive me, because I am her mother. I know that Lilias isn’t what I was. I realize that our quiet and difficult life has given her a maturity that I didn’t have when I was her age. I often imagine that Lilias is what you thought I would be, and there’s a bittersweet comfort in hoping that, for her weak mother’s sake, your heart would warm to my child.
“I cannot ask you. I feel that I cannot venture to beg of you this last service; my heart fails me, when I remember how little I deserve any grace at your hands. But you who have always been so kind and pitiful, think of the misery of leaving her thus, alone in an evil world. If you think I presume upon you, if you refuse to hear my prayer, I still must plead it for her sake. Adam Graeme, will you protect my Lilias? Will you forgive the sins we have done against you, and protect our child?”
“I can’t ask you. I don’t feel like I can bring myself to beg you for this last favor; my heart sinks when I think about how little I deserve any kindness from you. But you, who have always been so kind and compassionate, think about the misery of leaving her like this, alone in a harsh world. If you think I’m overstepping, if you refuse to listen to my request, I still have to ask it for her sake. Adam Graeme, will you protect my Lilias? Will you forgive the wrongs we’ve done to you and look after our child?”
There was more than this; there were the solemn farewells of the dying, the pathetic earnestness of sorrowful repentance which bade God bless him for ever. Except in his gray hairs, and in the strength which began gently to fail and glide away, Adam Graeme was not old. The tide of his strong and ardent feelings rushed back in that mighty revulsion, with which the generous soul repents when it has blamed unjustly. He remembered no injury Lilias had done him—he forgot the blight of his youth, the solitude of his old age; he only felt that she was again, the Lilias of his early dreams; and that the commands she laid upon him were sacred and holy, a trust dearer than any other thing on earth.
There was more to it than that; there were the heartfelt goodbyes of the dying, the genuine sorrow of regret that wished God to bless him forever. Aside from his gray hair and the strength that was slowly starting to fade, Adam Graeme was not old. The surge of his strong and passionate feelings came rushing back in that powerful wave of remorse, which a generous soul experiences when it realizes it has judged unfairly. He remembered no wrong that Lilias had done to him—he forgot the wounds of his youth and the loneliness of his old age; all he felt was that she was once again the Lilias of his youthful dreams, and that the requests she made of him were sacred and holy, a trust more precious than anything else on earth.
And yet, a few brief days before, the old man had solemnly recorded his resolution to shun their presence; to avoid all contact with Lilias and her child, that the peace of his age might not be broken. Their very name was pain to him; therefore he prayed that he might not cross their path. He resolved to keep himself from any, the most distant intercourse with them. In solemn earnest he formed this purpose, or rather he formed it not: it was the instinctive necessity of his heart.
And yet, just a few days earlier, the old man had seriously noted his decision to avoid seeing them; to steer clear of Lilias and her child so that his peace in old age wouldn’t be disturbed. Even their name caused him pain; so he hoped he wouldn’t run into them. He was determined to keep himself from any sort of interaction, even the slightest. He made this decision with serious intent, or rather, it was not a decision at all: it was the instinctive need of his heart.
He remembered it now no more. It was not that he combatted his former resolution; it was swept away before the resistless force of that impulsive, generous heart, which in its{86} solitary pain had built this barrier about itself; and there was no inconsistency here. Had his ear been dull to the voice of Lilias, had he hesitated to respond to her appeal, then had Adam Graeme in his old age ceased to be consistent to himself; for the same power which made him resolve to keep himself separate and distant always from those whose very names had might enough to move him still, asserted itself in the instant return of all the ancient tenderness and honour, which painfully taken away from the living Lilias, could flow forth unrestrained and unblamed upon the dead.
He didn’t remember it anymore. It wasn’t that he fought against his earlier decision; it was just swept away by the unstoppable force of that impulsive, generous heart, which had built this barrier around itself out of its own pain. There was no contradiction in this. If he had been unresponsive to Lilias’s voice, if he had hesitated to answer her call, then Adam Graeme in his old age would have stopped being true to himself; because the same power that made him decide to keep himself separate and distant from those whose very names could still affect him, also brought back all the old tenderness and honor that, painfully taken from the living Lilias, could flow freely and without blame onto the dead.
In the enclosure of the letter, a trembling hand had written the date of the first Lilias’s death. It struck with a dull pang the heart to which she was restored, yet only thus, he knew, could he have regained her.
In the envelope of the letter, a shaky hand had written the date of Lilias's first death. It hit his heart with a dull ache, the heart to which she had been returned, yet he knew that this was the only way he could have gotten her back.
That evening the Laird of Mossgray set out on a lonely journey. Before his going, he warned his anxious housekeeper of the young guest he might probably bring home with him. The intimation occasioned considerable excitement in the little household.
That evening, the Laird of Mossgray went on a solitary journey. Before he left, he alerted his worried housekeeper about the young guest he might bring back with him. This news caused quite a stir in the small household.
The early twilight of the April night had fallen, when Adam Graeme left the dim lights of Fendie behind him, and travelled away into the darkness, shaping his course to the south. The faint indefinite sounds, and musical “tingling silentness” of the night, came close about him, like the touch of angels’ wings. The stars were shining here and there through the soft clouds of spring, and the dim shadowy sky blended its line yonder, in the distance, so gently with the darkened earth, that you could not mark the place of their meeting. The moon herself had been an intruder there; the subdued and pensive dimness which told of that nightly weeping of the heavens from which the young spring draws its freshness and its life, and the faint shining of yon solitary stars high in the veiled firmament, harmonized most meetly with the lonely spirit of the traveller, going forth to look upon the grave of his dead. The sad, wistful, yearning melancholy which belongs to this hour “between the night and the day,” who does not know—those faint hushed hopes, those inarticulate aspirations, turning then, when there is dimness on the earth, to the better something beyond—there are few who have not felt the influence of “the holy time.”
The early twilight of the April night had settled in when Adam Graeme left the dim lights of Fendie behind and ventured into the darkness, heading south. The faint, vague sounds and the musical “tingling silence” of the night surrounded him like the touch of angels’ wings. The stars peeked through the soft spring clouds, and the shadowy sky gradually merged with the darkened earth in the distance, making it hard to see where they met. The moon stood out as an intruder; the subdued, reflective dimness hinted at the nightly tears of the heavens that give young spring its freshness and life, and the faint glow of those lonely stars high in the covered sky perfectly matched the solitary spirit of the traveler, setting out to visit the grave of his loved one. The sad, longing melancholy that comes with this “between the night and the day” moment—who doesn’t recognize it? Those faint, hushed hopes and unspoken aspirations that arise when the earth is dimmed, reaching for something better beyond—few have not felt the pull of “the holy time.”
A charmed sway it had borne at all times over the mind of Adam Graeme. And now it travelled with him like a{87} human friend: in the stillness of his night journey there were gentle ministrations about him, influences of the earth and of the sky.
A magical pull it always had on Adam Graeme's mind. And now it accompanied him like a{87} human friend: in the quiet of his night journey, there were gentle comforts around him, the effects of the earth and the sky.
CHAPTER IV.
Those strings are heartstrings, and the sounds they produce—
Stay quiet when you hear them—it's the groaning Of extreme pain, the sighs of deep sadness,
Voices from the depths.—Anon.
About twelve or thirteen years before the date of our last chapters, a young man from Glasgow, with his wife and one child, came as lodgers to a humble road-side cottage not far from the town of Fendie, and very near the Waterside. Walter Buchanan was an invalid. A delicate, sensitive man by nature, whose fine nervous organization was of that kind which is akin to weakness and not to strength—for there are both varieties—his health had been broken by the confinement and harassing labour of his vocation as a clerk in a mercantile office. His wife had a little portion, a very little one, which nevertheless to their inexperienced eyes seemed able to last long and accomplish much; so on the strength of it, and in obedience to the doctor’s peremptory order, that he should have rest and country air, Walter gave up his situation, and the young couple began to make the dangerous experiment of living upon their little capital. The gentle poetic man had been charmed in his early days, in some chance visit to the neighbourhood, by the stately water and pretty town of Fendie, and the pleasant remembrance decided their new habitation.
About twelve or thirteen years before our last chapters, a young man from Glasgow, along with his wife and one child, moved into a modest roadside cottage not far from the town of Fendie, very close to the Waterside. Walter Buchanan was an invalid. He was a delicate and sensitive man by nature, and his delicate nervous system was more fragile than strong—there are indeed both types. His health had deteriorated due to the stress and exhausting demands of his job as a clerk in a mercantile office. His wife had a small inheritance, a very small one, which still seemed like it could last and achieve a lot to their inexperienced eyes; so, relying on it and following the doctor’s strict advice that he needed rest and fresh air, Walter quit his job, and the young couple started the risky venture of living off their limited savings. The gentle, poetic man had been enchanted during an early visit to the area by the majestic waters and charming town of Fendie, and that fond memory influenced their choice of new home.
These rash, youthful folk were more fortunate than prudent people might think they deserved. They excited the interest and kindly sympathy of Mrs Oswald, the banker’s wife, and through her, of her sterner husband; so that when the pleasant summer air had done its gentle spiriting on the wan cheek of Walter Buchanan, and he felt himself able for work again—which was happily before his wife’s little portion was altogether exhausted—he was received into the bank as Mr Oswald’s clerk.{88}
These impulsive young people were luckier than sensible folks might think they deserved. They caught the attention and warm sympathy of Mrs. Oswald, the banker’s wife, and through her, her more serious husband; so when the nice summer air had freshened up Walter Buchanan's pale face and he felt ready to work again—which fortunately happened before his wife’s small inheritance was completely used up—he was taken on as Mr. Oswald’s clerk at the bank.{88}
To be called “of the bank,” in a country town in Scotland, is a matter of considerable dignity, and the salary, if small, was enough for their limited expenses. The Oswalds were kind and neighbourly; other friends gathered about the gentle couple; and as they stood in their own garden beneath the heavy branches of their own fruit-trees, in those serene autumnal evenings, watching the sun go down gloriously behind the dark crest of yonder hill, they were wont to render quiet thanksgiving out of full hearts.
To be referred to as “of the bank” in a small town in Scotland carries a sense of significant pride, and although the salary was modest, it covered their basic expenses. The Oswalds were kind and friendly; other friends surrounded the gentle couple. As they stood in their garden beneath the heavy branches of their fruit trees on those calm autumn evenings, watching the sun set beautifully behind the dark ridge of the nearby hill, they often expressed quiet gratitude from their full hearts.
This pleasant life continued through ten happy years, and in its placid course the delicate man seemed strengthened in mind no less than in body. His nervous melancholy glided away into graceful mists of pensive thought. The nervous impatience and irritability, which it had once cost him so much pains to subdue, were soothed and softened. He became, mentally no less than physically, as it seemed, a more healthful and a stronger man.
This happy life went on for ten joyful years, and throughout this peaceful time, the delicate man appeared to grow stronger both mentally and physically. His nervous sadness faded into gentle clouds of reflective thinking. The nervous impatience and irritability that he had once worked so hard to control became eased and softened. He seemed to become, both mentally and physically, a healthier and stronger person.
At the end of the ten years his position was changed. They had saved enough to raise their little capital to a larger amount than the original sum on which their inexperience had braved the evils of the world. This was invested in the purchase of bank shares, and Walter Buchanan, a clerk no longer, became Mr Oswald’s partner in the agency of the bank.
At the end of ten years, his role was changed. They had saved enough to increase their small capital beyond the original amount that their inexperience had dared to face the challenges of the world. This was invested in buying bank shares, and Walter Buchanan, no longer a clerk, became Mr. Oswald’s partner in the agency of the bank.
An unhappy change. The one peculiar, distinguishing feature of the Scottish banking system, over which our economists boast themselves, became a source of constant torment to Walter Buchanan. The quick and prompt decisions of Oswald, in which he could not join, made him feel his own weaker will overborne and set aside. A hundred “peculiar cases,” and “very peculiar cases,” in which the clear, acute mind of the banker could see no peculiarity at all, troubled the midnight rest of his nervous and tenderhearted partner. That this struggling man whose security was dubious, or that hapless farmer wading knee-deep in difficulties, whose cash account was already overdrawn, and who wanted more, should be dealt with summarily, was clear to Oswald’s steady eye; but was enveloped in painful mists of distress and perplexity to Walter Buchanan, himself acquainted with all the restless shifts and expedients of the struggling poor.
An unhappy change. The one unique feature of the Scottish banking system, which our economists take pride in, became a constant source of frustration for Walter Buchanan. The quick decisions made by Oswald, which he couldn’t keep up with, made Walter feel his own weakness overshadowed and dismissed. A hundred “peculiar cases” and “very peculiar cases,” where the clear and sharp mind of the banker saw no oddities at all, disturbed the sleepless nights of his anxious and sensitive partner. The fact that this struggling man with shaky security or that unfortunate farmer knee-deep in troubles, whose cash account was already overdrawn and wanted even more, should be dealt with swiftly was obvious to Oswald’s steady gaze; but it was shrouded in painful confusion and distress for Walter Buchanan, who was all too familiar with the restless efforts and tactics of the struggling poor.
His feelings became morbid again under that exercise. He imagined himself ill-used, despised, trampled upon, when the finer points of his compassionate and impulsive bene{89}volence came into collision with the strong sense and energy of his partner, who in his turn grew impatient of the sentiment which he thought sickly, and the tenderness which he called weak. There was a rupture at last. A struggling man with dubious security came to Buchanan when Oswald was absent from Fendie. The sensitive man of feeling forgot prudence in compassion, and by his ill-judged acceptance of the uncertain “cautioner,” brought serious loss to the bank. Oswald returned; there were sharp and high words spoken by both, which neither, in less excited mood, would have given utterance to; and in a storm of bitter anger and wounded to the very heart, Walter Buchanan threw up his situation, dissolved his partnership with Oswald, and left the bank.
His emotions turned dark again after that incident. He envisioned himself mistreated, looked down upon, and pushed aside, as the more delicate aspects of his caring and impulsive kindness collided with his partner's strong sense and energy. His partner, in turn, grew frustrated with what he saw as weakness and overly sentimental feelings. Eventually, they had a falling out. A struggling man with questionable reliability approached Buchanan when Oswald was away from Fendie. The sensitive man let his compassion override his better judgment, and by poorly deciding to accept the unreliable "guarantor," he caused serious losses for the bank. When Oswald returned, they exchanged harsh words that neither would have said under calmer circumstances; in a fit of bitter anger and deep hurt, Walter Buchanan quit his job, ended his partnership with Oswald, and left the bank.
Very soon to leave the world; for, before the winter was over, his course had ended. He could not bear such tempests of excitement, for pain to him was agony, and anger madness. So in his weakness he died, and left his gentle widow and his young daughter to fight with the world alone.
Very soon to leave the world; for, before winter ended, his life had come to a close. He couldn’t handle such storms of excitement, as pain felt like agony to him, and anger was pure madness. So, in his weakness, he died, leaving his gentle wife and young daughter to face the world on their own.
Helen Buchanan was only sixteen. She had a fair proportion of what people call accomplishments, and might almost have been a governess in a boarding-school or a “gentleman’s family;” and beneath the accomplishments there was a sound substratum of education, and a mind matured too early for her own happiness. Fendie was abundantly supplied with ladies’ schools; so Helen, in her flush of youthful pride and independence, determined to offer her services to the humbler mothers, and to receive as her pupils not the young ladies, but the little girls of Fendie.
Helen Buchanan was only sixteen. She had a good mix of what people call accomplishments, and could have easily worked as a governess in a boarding school or a wealthy family's home; underneath those accomplishments, she had a solid education, and her mind had matured too quickly for her own happiness. Fendie had plenty of ladies’ schools, so in her burst of youthful pride and independence, Helen decided to offer her services to the less privileged mothers and teach not the young ladies, but the little girls of Fendie.
Mrs Buchanan reluctantly acquiesced. She was a gentle, hopeful woman, accustomed to yield always to the quick impulses and keen feelings of her husband, and now rendering a kindred submission to her daughter. Helen was a very dutiful, very loving child, but her mother’s cheerful, patient nature was made to be thus influenced, and unconsciously and involuntarily the stronger spirit bore the mastery.
Mrs. Buchanan reluctantly gave in. She was a kind, optimistic woman, always used to going along with the quick emotions and sharp feelings of her husband, and now she was making a similar concession to her daughter. Helen was a very obedient, very loving child, but her mother’s cheerful, patient nature was designed to be swayed like this, and without realizing it, the stronger personality took control.
So when the first pangs of their grief were over, Mrs Buchanan regretfully removed her substantial furniture from the dining-room of which she had been once so proud, and with many sighs saw her little maid-servant arrange in it the bare benches and large work-table which befitted its new character of school-room; and the youthful teacher began her labours.{90}
So after the initial waves of their grief passed, Mrs. Buchanan sadly cleared out her heavy furniture from the dining room that she had once taken so much pride in, and with a lot of sighs watched her young maid set up the empty benches and large worktable that suited its new purpose as a classroom; and the young teacher started her work.{90}
These had gone on successfully for four or five years before the pleasant April-tide on which Hope Oswald returned home; eventful years to Helen. It is not well to leave the unconscious happiness of girlhood too soon, even to enter upon the enchanted ground of youth. Toil, poverty, and William Oswald; the three together were well nigh too many for the youthful champion who had to struggle, single-handed, against them all.
These had been going well for four or five years before the lovely April day when Hope Oswald came back home; those were significant years for Helen. It’s not a good idea to leave the blissful innocence of girlhood too early, even if stepping into the magical world of youth. Hard work, poverty, and William Oswald; together, they were almost too much for the young fighter who had to face them all on her own.
In the twilight of that April evening she sat in their little parlour alone. The faint firelight gave a wavering flush to the shadowy air of the holy time; and Helen sat in the recess of the window, wandering through the mazes of such a reverie, as belongs especially to her peculiar temperament and mind. For those delicate lines in her face, those continually moving features, those slight starts now and then, and altogether the elastic impulsive energy and life which you could perceive in her figure even in its repose, testified her inheritance of the constitution of her father. With one difference. His nervous, sensitive temperament was akin to weakness; hers, with all its expressive grace, its swift instinctive feelings, its constant life and motion, was strong—strong to endure, although its pain was sorer a thousand times than that of more passive natures—strong to struggle—mighty to enjoy.
In the twilight of that April evening, she sat alone in their small living room. The faint glow of the fire cast a flickering warmth into the shadowy space of the sacred time; Helen was nestled in the window, lost in the complexities of a daydream that was uniquely suited to her distinctive personality and mindset. Those delicate lines on her face, her constantly shifting features, her occasional startle, and the overall vibrant energy and life you could sense in her figure even when she was still reflected her father's constitution. But there was one key difference. His nervous, sensitive temperament leaned towards fragility; hers, with all its expressive elegance, quick intuitive feelings, and relentless vitality, was strong—strong enough to endure, even though her pain was a thousand times greater than that of more passive individuals—strong enough to fight—powerful enough to enjoy.
She had been out, watching the sun as he shed a golden mist over the dark mass of yonder hill, where it stands out boldly into the Firth, a strong sentinel, keeping watch upon the sea; gleaming in the mid-waters of the estuary, gleaming in the wet sand and shining pools of the deep bay, and throwing out the sunless hillock at the river’s mouth, with its little tower and quiet houses, in bold relief against the far away mountain, and its mantle of streaming gold. The wonderful sky in the west, the broad bed of the Firth, the sunset and its noble scene—there was an enjoyment in these to the delicate soul of Helen, which duller natures have not in the greatest personal blessings of the world.
She had been outside, watching the sun cast a golden haze over the dark shape of the hill in the distance, which stood out boldly into the Firth, like a strong sentinel watching over the sea; shimmering in the mid-waters of the estuary, sparkling in the wet sand and shining pools of the deep bay, and highlighting the shadowy hillock at the river’s mouth, with its little tower and quiet houses, in sharp contrast against the distant mountain and its flowing gold. The stunning sky in the west, the wide stretch of the Firth, the sunset and its beautiful scene—there was a joy in these for Helen's sensitive spirit, which duller souls do not experience even in life's greatest personal blessings.
And now, with her pale cheek resting on her hand, and leaning forward on the window-sill, Helen was lost in a reverie. What was it? only a mist of fair thoughts indefinitely woven together; scenes starting up here and there of the future and of the past, with fairy links of association drawing their strangely-varied band together; old stories, old songs, and{91} breath of music floating through all in gentle caprice—the sweet and pleasant gloaming of the mind.
And now, with her pale cheek resting on her hand and leaning forward on the window sill, Helen was lost in thought. What was she thinking? Just a mix of pleasant ideas woven together; images from the future and the past appearing here and there, with magical connections tying them together; old stories, old songs, and{91} a hint of music gently drifting through it all—the sweet and serene twilight of the mind.
Mrs Buchanan was out, doing some household business in Fendie, and Helen did not hear the footstep of Hope Oswald as she entered by the garden gate. These quiet houses are innocently insecure; when Hope’s summons remained unanswered, she opened the door herself, and went in.
Mrs. Buchanan was out, taking care of some errands in Fendie, and Helen didn’t hear Hope Oswald’s footsteps as she came through the garden gate. These quiet houses are surprisingly vulnerable; when Hope’s call went unanswered, she opened the door herself and walked in.
“Oh, Helen!” exclaimed Hope, as she precipitated herself upon her friend, dispersing in that nervous start all the fair visions of the evening dream. “How glad I am to be home again—how glad I am to see you!—but I scarcely can see you either, because it’s quite dark; and, Helen—you don’t know how I used to weary in Edinburgh just to hear you speak again!”
“Oh, Helen!” Hope exclaimed as she rushed towards her friend, scattering all the beautiful visions from her evening dream. “I’m so happy to be home again—so happy to see you!—but I can hardly see you at all because it’s really dark; and, Helen—you have no idea how much I missed hearing you speak while I was in Edinburgh!”
“Thank you, Hope,” said Helen. “I am very glad to see you; or rather to hear you speak, according to your own sensible distinction. Come, we will get a light and look at each other.”
“Thank you, Hope,” said Helen. “I’m really glad to see you; or rather to hear you talk, as you so wisely put it. Come on, let’s get a light and take a look at each other.”
Mingling with the quick movement of surprise at first, there had been a deep blush and a temporary shrinking from William Oswald’s sister; but another moment restored Hope to her old privileged place of favourite, and Helen rose, her young companion’s eager arms clinging about her waist, to light the one candle on the little table.
Mingling with the quick surprise at first, there was a deep blush and a brief retreat from William Oswald’s sister; but in a moment, Hope was back in her favored spot, and Helen stood up, her young companion’s eager arms wrapped around her waist, to light the single candle on the small table.
The room was small and plainly furnished, though its substantial mahogany chairs and sofa looked respectable in their declining years. On the carpet here and there were various spots of darning artistically done, which rather improved its appearance than otherwise. A large work-basket stood upon the table containing many miscellaneous pieces of sewing; shirts in every stage of progress, narrow strips of muslin, bearing marks of the painful initiation of very little pupils into the mysteries of the thoughtful craft, mingled here and there with scraps of humble “fancy” work, samplers, and the like—all of which the young school-mistress had to arrange and set to rights before the work of to-morrow commenced. A book lay beside the basket—a well-thumbed book from the library. Helen had been idling; for she sometimes did snatch the brief relaxation of a novel, though Maxwell Dickson, the librarian, had no great choice of literature.
The room was small and simply furnished, but its sturdy mahogany chairs and sofa still looked respectable despite their age. The carpet had various well-done patches here and there, which actually enhanced its appearance. A large sewing basket sat on the table, filled with all sorts of sewing projects—shirts at different stages of completion, narrow strips of muslin showing the early efforts of very young learners in this careful craft, mixed in with bits of simple craftwork, samplers, and the like—all of which the young schoolmistress needed to organize and tidy up before starting tomorrow's work. A book lay next to the basket—an often-read book from the library. Helen had been relaxing; she occasionally took the short break to read a novel, even though Maxwell Dickson, the librarian, didn’t have much selection in literature.
“Oh, Helen,” exclaimed Hope again, when the feeble light of the candle revealed to her the pale face of her friend, “I am so very glad to see you again!{92}”
“Oh, Helen,” Hope exclaimed again, as the weak candlelight showed her friend’s pale face, “I’m so happy to see you again!{92}”
“Thank you, Hope,” repeated Helen; “how you are growing—you will be above us all by and by. When did you come home?”
“Thank you, Hope,” Helen said again; “look at how much you’re growing—you’ll be taller than all of us soon. When did you get back home?”
“Only yesterday,” said Hope; “but are you sure you are quite well, Helen?”
“Just yesterday,” said Hope; “but are you sure you’re feeling okay, Helen?”
“Quite sure—why?”
“Are you sure—why?”
“Only because you look pale—paler than you used to do; and, Helen, what makes you sigh?”
“Only because you look pale—paler than before; and, Helen, why are you sighing?”
“Did I sigh?” said Helen, her delicate wavering colour gradually heightening beneath the girl’s steady affectionate look. “I did not know of it, Hope—it must have been for nothing, you know, when I was not aware of it.”
“Did I sigh?” Helen asked, her delicate color slowly deepening under the girl’s steady, caring gaze. “I didn’t realize it, Hope—it must have been for no reason, you see, since I was unaware of it.”
“Ah, but it was when you were sitting in the dark before you saw me,” said Hope gravely, “and you must have been thinking of something.”
“Ah, but it was when you were sitting in the dark before you saw me,” said Hope seriously, “and you must have been thinking about something.”
Helen’s colour heightened more and more, yet she smiled.
Helen's color intensified more and more, yet she smiled.
“Are you going to be an inquisitor, Hope? Do you know people sometimes think very deeply, as you saw me to-night, about nothing? Ah, you shake your head and are very grave and wise, and experienced, I see. Come, I will show you what Cowper says about it.”
“Are you going to be an inquisitor, Hope? Do you know that sometimes people think really deeply, like you saw me tonight, about nothing? Ah, you shake your head and look very serious and wise, and I can tell you’re experienced. Come on, I’ll show you what Cowper says about it.”
“Oh, I know,” said Hope. “I learned all that for Miss Swinton because she likes Cowper; but, Helen, you are not so clever as one of our young ladies; it’s Miss Mansfield, you know, that’s going to Calcutta, and she’s old—she is near eighteen, I am sure—and she sighs; but when Miss Swinton spoke to her about it, she said she was only drawing a long breath. I think,” said Hope disconsolately, “that the people in Fendie are very dull and sad now; for everybody draws long breaths.”
“Oh, I know,” said Hope. “I learned all that for Miss Swinton because she likes Cowper; but, Helen, you’re not as clever as our young ladies; it’s Miss Mansfield, you know, who’s going to Calcutta, and she’s old—she’s almost eighteen, I’m sure—and she sighs; but when Miss Swinton asked her about it, she said she was just taking a deep breath. I think,” said Hope sadly, “that the people in Fendie are really boring and gloomy now; because everyone is taking deep breaths.”
“Have you seen so many, Hope?” said Helen, with an uneasy flush upon her face, and with some evident interest in the question; those constantly moving features were sad telltales.
“Have you seen so many, Hope?” Helen said, her face slightly flushed and clearly interested in the question; her constantly shifting features revealed her sadness.
“I mean just the people I care about,” said Hope; “there is poor William. I do not know what ails William—for he sat in the dark like you, last night, and will always lean his head upon his hands, and sigh—sigh—and my mother—I wish you would not all be so sad.”
“I mean just the people I care about,” said Hope; “there’s poor William. I don’t know what’s wrong with William—he sat in the dark like you last night, and he keeps leaning his head on his hands and sighing—sighing—and my mom—I wish you all wouldn’t be so sad.”
Helen Buchanan turned round to examine the contents of her work-basket. Her slender figure was very slightly drawn up; something almost imperceptible like the faint touch of{93} wind upon leaves passed over her; you could not tell what it was, though you could read its swift expression as clearly as written words. Pride—sympathy—a conciousness that moved her heart and yet made it firmer; but Hope’s piece of incidental information did not sadden the face of Helen.
Helen Buchanan turned around to check what was in her work basket. Her slender figure was slightly tense; something almost unnoticeable, like a gentle breeze on leaves, brushed past her. You couldn't quite identify what it was, but you could read its quick expression as clearly as if it were written down. Pride—sympathy—a feeling that stirred her heart yet made it stronger; however, Hope’s offhand remark didn’t dim Helen’s expression.
Hope had a comprehension of—though she could by no means have explained how she comprehended—the silent language of Helen Buchanan’s looks and motions; and she arrived at a pretty accurate conclusion in her own simple and shrewd reasonings on the subject. Mrs Buchanan came in so soon that she could try no further experiments with Helen; but as she past through the dim road, half-street, half-lane, in which their house stood, and came into the quiet Main Street of Fendie, with its half-shut shops and groups of wayside talkers, great schemes began to germinate within the small head of Hope Oswald. If only that very unreasonable opposition of her father’s could be overcome, Hope decided that William would be condemned to draw long breaths in the dark no longer. “Miss Swinton says I am sensible,” mused Hope within herself, “and my father says I am clever. I don’t know—I think it will turn out the right way some time, and we shall all be very happy, but just now—I will try!”
Hope understood—though she couldn't explain how she did—the unspoken language of Helen Buchanan’s expressions and gestures; and she came to a fairly accurate conclusion through her own simple yet sharp reasoning about it. Mrs. Buchanan arrived so quickly that she couldn’t try any more experiments with Helen; but as she walked through the dim path, part street and part lane, where their house was located, and entered the quiet Main Street of Fendie, with its partially closed shops and clusters of people chatting, big ideas began to take shape in Hope Oswald's small mind. If only she could get past her father’s stubborn opposition, Hope thought that William wouldn’t have to breathe in the dark any longer. “Miss Swinton says I’m sensible,” Hope reflected to herself, “and my father says I’m clever. I don’t know—I think things will work out right eventually, and we’ll all be very happy. But right now—I’ll give it a shot!”
And immediately there flitted before the eyes of Hope, in the gentle darkness of the April night, a fairy appearance, we do not venture to say it was anything very ethereal. It was only a vision of a lilac satin frock like that famous one which Miss Adelaide Fendie, of Mount Fendie, wore at her sister’s marriage, and very fascinating was the gleam which it shed about the young schemer as she lingered at her father’s door. Hope Oswald was only fourteen.{94}
And right there, in the soft darkness of the April night, Hope saw a magical sight. We can’t say it was anything too otherworldly. It was just a vision of a lilac satin dress like the famous one that Miss Adelaide Fendie from Mount Fendie wore at her sister’s wedding, and it cast a captivating glow around the young dreamer as she hung around her dad’s door. Hope Oswald was only fourteen.{94}
CHAPTER V.
A deep sorrow with no comfort to be found—
And wish we were next to them in the dust!
That deep anguish cannot last,
But settles into a grief that loves,
And finds comfort in uncriticized tears.
Then comes sorrow, like a Sabbath! Heaven Sends resignation and faith; and finally Of all that happens, there's a certain forgetfulness. As that sweet light fades away In which we existed.—Professor Wilson.
In the waning afternoon of another dim spring day the Laird of Mossgray entered the Cumberland valley, to which the letter of Lilias had directed him.
In the fading afternoon of another gloomy spring day, the Laird of Mossgray made his way into the Cumberland valley, as directed by Lilias's letter.
He had traversed the fair country beyond Carlisle, with its sloping glades, and belts of rich woodland, and now had reached a chiller and more hilly region, whose bleak inhospitable fells, still scarcely touched by the breath of spring, did yet reveal home-like glimpses, here and there, of sheltered glens and quiet houses, dwelling alone among the hills. He had to pass several of the pleasant towns of Cumberland before he reached the sequestered hamlet in which the last days of Lilias had been spent. It lay in a nook by itself, a scanty congregation of gray roofs, with the church “a gracious lady,” as was the poet’s church among the hills, serenely overlooking all, reigning over the living and the dead. From the end of the little glen you commanded the long range of a wider and more important valley, at the further end of which lay one of the most picturesque of those northern towns, its gray limestone buildings making a sheen in the distance, and a delicate cloud of smoke hovering about the points of its white spires, like something spiritual, marking where household hearths were gathered together in social amity. Not far away lay the consecrated country of the lakes: and everywhere around, bare, brown, scathed hill-tops stood out against the sky.
He had crossed the beautiful countryside beyond Carlisle, with its sloping glades and rich woodlands, and now had entered a colder, hillier area, where the bleak, inhospitable hills, still barely touched by spring, revealed homey glimpses here and there of sheltered valleys and quiet houses, standing alone among the hills. He had to pass several charming towns in Cumberland before reaching the secluded village where Lilias had spent her last days. It sat in a small nook, a sparse collection of gray roofs, with the church “a gracious lady,” like the poet’s church among the hills, peacefully overlooking everything, watching over the living and the dead. From the end of the little valley, you could see the long stretch of a wider, more important valley, at the far end of which lay one of the most picturesque northern towns, its gray limestone buildings shining in the distance, with a delicate cloud of smoke hovering around the tips of its white spires, like something spiritual, marking where families came together in a friendly community. Not far away lay the cherished land of the lakes: and everywhere around, bare, brown, damaged hilltops stood out against the sky.
Mossgray proceeded to the churchyard first of all; all{95} things beside were strange to him in the unknown village, but here he had a friend. After long search among the gray memorials of the forefathers of the hamlet, he came upon a green mound marked by no name, where the soft, green turf was faintly specked with the fragile blue of the forget-me-not; in the village churchyard this alone and the daisy found a place—occupants more fit than the garish flowers with which modern taste has peopled the cities of the dead. The Laird of Mossgray turned aside to ask the name of the occupant of this grave. It was a Scottish widow—said the sexton—lately dead, whose name was Maxwell. The inquirer returned again, and seating himself on a hillock, covered his face with his hands. The old man never knew how long he lingered there. He was not an old man then; the fervid affection of his youth—the burning grief of his early trial, were in his heart passionate and strong as when they thrilled it first; and it was not until the night fell and the dew dropped gently on him, that the sacred sorrow which belongs to the dead, came down to still the stronger throbs of his solitary heart. When he looked up, the stars were shining again in the dim and dewy sky—the hills stood up, like watching Titans, clothed in the shadowy unformed garments of the early earth, and ghost-like in the darkness rose ancient tombstones, gray with years, and the green mounds of yesterday. The great, silent, conscious world, tingling with the spiritual presence which over-brimmed its mighty precincts—and the dead—the solemn sleepers who have lived, and do but wait to live again.
Mossgray headed to the churchyard first; everything else in the unfamiliar village felt strange to him, but here he had a friend. After searching for a while among the gray memorials of the village’s ancestors, he found a green mound without a name, where the soft, green grass was lightly speckled with the delicate blue of the forget-me-not. In the village churchyard, these flowers and daisies were the only ones that belonged—more fitting than the bright flowers that have filled the cities of the dead today. The Laird of Mossgray turned to ask the sexton about the person buried there. It was a Scottish widow, recently deceased, named Maxwell, the sexton said. Mossgray returned to his spot, sitting on a small hill and covering his face with his hands. He had no idea how long he stayed there. He wasn’t old at the time; the intense love of his youth and the deep sorrow from his early trials were as strong and passionate in his heart as when he first felt them. It wasn't until night fell and the dew began to settle lightly on him that the sacred sorrow of the dead came to calm the intense feelings of his solitary heart. When he finally looked up, the stars were shining again in the dim, dewy sky—the hills stood tall like watching giants, draped in the shadowy, undefined outlines of the early earth, and ghostly in the darkness rose ancient tombstones, gray with age, alongside the green mounds of those who had passed recently. The great, silent, aware world, buzzing with the spiritual presence that filled its vast space—and the dead—the solemn sleepers who once lived and are just waiting to live again.
But there were the faint village lights close at hand, and the orphan to be sought for there, who was committed to his care. So the old man withdrew from the grave of Lilias, to seek her child.
But there were the dim village lights nearby, and the orphan he needed to find, who was placed in his care. So the old man stepped away from Lilias's grave to look for her child.
The bearing of the Laird of Mossgray had in it so much of the graceful olden courtesy of the gentleman born, that it never failed to bring deference and attention. The very little inn which stood in the centre of the hamlet was not much frequented by strangers. Wandering pedestrian tourists of the student or artist class, to whom its humbleness was a recommendation, did sometimes refresh themselves in its well-sanded kitchen; but the ruddy landlady had scarcely ever welcomed such a guest as Mossgray under her homely roof. So she ushered him into a little boarded room, of dignity superior to the kitchen, though communicating with it, and{96} dusted a huge old-fashioned chair with her apron, and stood curtseying before him, waiting for his orders, and secretly cogitating whether there would be time to dress a fowl for supper, or if the universal ham and eggs would do.
The presence of the Laird of Mossgray carried with it the kind of graceful old-fashioned courtesy that always commanded respect and attention. The small inn at the heart of the village wasn't often visited by outsiders. Occasionally, wandering tourists from the student or artist crowd, who appreciated its simplicity, would stop by for a break in its well-kept kitchen, but the cheerful landlady had hardly ever entertained someone of Mossgray's stature. So, she led him into a small, more dignified room that connected to the kitchen, and{96} dusted off a large, old-fashioned chair with her apron, standing before him in a curtsy, waiting for his instructions and secretly pondering whether she could prepare a chicken for dinner or if the standard ham and eggs would suffice.
But Mossgray was by no means concerned about supper. He was silent for a few moments, during which the comfortable hostess stood before him marvelling, and when he did address her, it was to ask whether she knew a young Scottish lady, a Miss Maxwell, who, he believed, lived in the village.
But Mossgray wasn’t worried about dinner at all. He was quiet for a few moments, while the friendly hostess stood in front of him, amazed, and when he finally spoke to her, it was to ask if she knew a young Scottish woman named Miss Maxwell, who he thought lived in the village.
The good landlady was a little shocked. What had the like of him to do with young ladies? but his grave face reassured her.
The kind landlady was a bit surprised. What was someone like him doing around young women? But his serious expression put her at ease.
“And that will be the poor young creature that lost her mother, a fortnight come Friday, it’s like?”
“And that will be the poor young girl who lost her mother two weeks from Friday, right?”
“Yes,” said Mossgray, slowly, to steady his voice, “yes, she is an orphan—her mother is dead.”
“Yes,” said Mossgray, taking a moment to steady his voice, “yes, she is an orphan—her mother has passed away.”
“Ay, sure; and I wouldn’t wonder a bit,” said the stout hostess, smoothing down her ample skirts, “if she didn’t bide long behind her; for a thin long slip of a thing she is, and no more red on her cheek than the very snow, and I’ve heard say that such like troubles run in the blood. There’s the Squire’s family down in the dale—you’ll know them sure, better than the likes of me—they’ve all followed one another, for all the world like a march of folk at a funeral going to the grave.”
“Yeah, sure; and I wouldn’t be surprised at all,” said the plump hostess, smoothing down her wide skirts, “if she took her time coming out; because she’s a skinny little thing, and there’s not a hint of color on her cheeks, just like pure snow, and I’ve heard that such things run in the family. There’s the Squire’s family down in the valley—you’ll know them, for sure, better than someone like me—they’ve all gone one after another, just like a procession of people at a funeral heading to the grave.”
“And is Lilias—is the young lady affected with this disease?” exclaimed Mossgray.
“And is Lilias—the young lady affected by this disease?” exclaimed Mossgray.
“The young lady did you say, Sir? Why, the poor girl had her bread to work for, like the rest on us—and a weakly white thing she was if there were ne’er another; but she thought herself a young lady sure enow, and what mun she do but go and be a governess, as they ca’ it. Her mother was a prideful body, to have nothing, and so was Miss; but I say, I’d sooner have my girl a dairy-maid any day, if Susan needed to go out of her father’s house for a living, which she doesn’t, thank Providence.”
“The young lady, you said, Sir? Well, that poor girl had to earn her living just like the rest of us—and she was a frail, delicate thing if there ever was one; but she thought of herself as a young lady for sure, and what else could she do but go become a governess, as they call it. Her mother was quite proud, despite having nothing, and so was Miss; but honestly, I’d much rather have my girl be a dairy maid any day, if Susan ever needed to leave her father’s house to make a living, which thankfully she doesn’t.”
“But, my good woman,” said Mossgray mildly, “Miss Maxwell has no intention of being a governess, I trust, as she has no need. You will oblige me if you can tell me where I shall find her.”
“But, my good woman,” said Mossgray gently, “Miss Maxwell doesn’t intend to be a governess, I hope, since she doesn’t need to. Would you be kind enough to tell me where I can find her?”
“Well, and that’s just more than I can tell you, Sir; for the Rector’s gone from home, and they say Miss went with them;—but if it’s your pleasure to stay{97}—”
“Well, that’s just more than I can tell you, Sir; the Rector’s away, and they say Miss went with him;—but if you’d like to stay{97}—”
“I will stay this night, if you can accommodate me,” was the answer.
“I’ll stay tonight if you can accommodate me,” was the reply.
The landlady curtsied.
The landlady bowed.
“I’ll send up Susan to the Rectory for Mary, and mayhap she can tell.”
“I’ll send Susan to the Rectory for Mary, and maybe she can let us know.”
In half an hour Susan was despatched, her mother in the mean time taking upon herself to prepare the unbidden supper; and in about an hour and a half after, Susan returned alone. The Rectory Mary had deserted her post, and was now half a dozen miles away over the fell, visiting her mother, and the girl left in charge had been fain to keep Susan for an hour’s gossip to cheer her loneliness. She knew only that the Rector and her mistress had gone to Scotland; but as Scotland, in the reckoning of Susan of the inn and Sally at the Rectory was a word of quite indefinite signification, meaning sometimes a village like their own, and sometimes enlarging into the dimensions of a dale, or of a great town like the picturesque one near them, which filled up to overbrimming their idea of “the world,” the information thus obtained was anything but satisfactory. So Mossgray endeavoured to ascertain something further from the landlady.
In half an hour, Susan was sent off, while her mother took it upon herself to prepare an uninvited dinner. About an hour and a half later, Susan returned alone. Mary from the Rectory had left her post and was now a good six miles away visiting her mother, and the girl was left in charge had been eager to keep Susan for an hour's chat to break up her loneliness. She only knew that the Rector and her mistress had gone to Scotland; but for Susan and Sally at the Rectory, Scotland was a vague term that could mean anything from a village like theirs to a larger valley or even a big town nearby, which completely filled their idea of “the world.” Therefore, the information they had was far from satisfactory. So, Mossgray tried to find out more from the landlady.
“They came here eighteen months past, come Whitsuntide. I mind it particular, because my Susan and more o’ the young folks were up at the confirmation the Bishop had up yonder, in the town, the end of that summer; and it would have done any one’s heart good to have seen my girl in her white muslin, and her cap, and all of them trooping down the dale in the fine morning. But the Scotch lady wouldn’t have her daughter go, though the Rector took the trouble to talk to her himself. I donna understand such things, but mayhap, Sir, the like of you do that are learned, why the young Miss shouldn’t have gone with the rest, like any other Christian. But they were quiet, peaceable folks, no one can say again that; and except it were wandering about the dale, the old lady leaning heavy on Miss, and looking as faint when she came back as if she had done a day’s work, I know no pleasure they ever took, young or old of them; and they cared about nought but books and the post. I have seen them sit on the brow yonder in the summer time reading for hours; and in the winter time I’ve looked in at the window passing by—not that I’m a prying body, or care about my neighbour’s business, but only, there was nought like their ways in the whole dale—and there they would be, with a turf{98} fire you could ’most have held in your two hands, one of them doing fine work, and the other reading; and beautiful Miss can work, Mary at the Rectory says, and it was all for some rich friends that sent them money now and again—though sure it wasn’t much—but it’s like you’ll know, Sir?”
“They came here eighteen months ago, around Whitsuntide. I remember it well because my Susan and several of the other young people went to the confirmation that the Bishop held up in the town that summer; it would have warmed anyone’s heart to see my girl in her white muslin dress and cap, along with all the others strolling down the valley on a lovely morning. But the Scottish lady wouldn’t let her daughter go, even though the Rector made an effort to speak to her personally. I don’t understand such things, but perhaps you, being learned, know why the young Miss shouldn’t have joined the rest, like any other Christian. They were quiet, peaceful folks—no one can dispute that—yet aside from wandering around the valley, with the old lady leaning heavily on Miss and looking exhausted when they returned, I can’t think of any joy they found, young or old. They were only interested in books and the mail. I've seen them sitting on the hill up there in the summer, reading for hours, and in the winter, I would peek in at their window as I passed by—not that I’m nosy or interested in other people’s affairs, but there was nothing quite like their routine in the whole valley—and they’d be there with a turf fire that you could almost hold in your hands, one doing fine work while the other read; and the beautiful Miss can work, Mary at the Rectory says, and it was all for some wealthy friends who sent them money now and then—though it surely wasn’t much—but you probably know, Sir?”
A painful colour was on the face of Adam Graeme: “Poor, and in trouble, and ye visited me not.” He felt every word an accusation, and could scarcely answer “No.”
A painful color was on Adam Graeme's face: “Poor, and in trouble, and you did not visit me.” He felt every word as an accusation and could hardly respond “No.”
“And every month or two—I donna know but what it was every month—Miss went by herself into the town to get letters: and I’ve heard say she’d pay more for them than would have put a bit of something comfortable on their table many a day. They were from some far away part, and they came as regular as Sunday comes: but no one could tell who sent them, for she had ne’er a brother, and her father was dead. The Rector’s lady took a deal of notice of Miss and her mother; not that she is one of that kind herself, for she’s just a good easy creature, that doesn’t trouble her head about learning; but she came from Scotland herself you know. I’ve heard Mary at the Rectory say that the old lady had been in such a many places—never biding long in one, I reckon; and you know the old word, Sir, about the rolling stone. Well, they had been in this way more than a year—a good fourteen months it would be, for it was past Midsummer—when the old lady fell ill; and she kept on getting better and worse, better and worse, till a fortnight come next Friday when she died—and a week past on Monday they buried her. At the burial, I know for certain, Miss was like nought but a shadow, and just yesterday the Rector and his lady went off to Scotland and took her with them. I’ve heard Mary at the Rectory say she was gone to be governess to the Rector’s lady’s sisters; but I donna know what’s their name, nor where they live; and please, Sir, that’s all I can tell you.”
“And every month or two—I don’t know, maybe it was every month—Miss would go into town by herself to get letters. I’ve heard she paid more for them than could have bought something nice for their table for many days. They were from a distant place, and they arrived as regularly as Sunday: but no one knew who sent them, since she never had a brother, and her father was dead. The Rector’s wife paid a lot of attention to Miss and her mother; not that she’s one of that type herself, because she’s just a good-natured person who doesn’t bother with learning, but she’s originally from Scotland, you know. I’ve heard Mary at the Rectory say that the old lady had been to so many places—never staying long in one, I suppose; and you know the old saying, Sir, about a rolling stone. Well, they had been here more than a year—a good fourteen months by then, since Midsummer had passed—when the old lady fell ill; and she kept getting better and worse, better and worse, until a fortnight from next Friday when she died—and a week past Monday they buried her. I can say for sure that at the burial, Miss looked nothing but a shadow, and just yesterday the Rector and his wife went off to Scotland and took her with them. I’ve heard Mary at the Rectory say she went to be a governess for the Rector’s wife’s sisters; but I don’t know their names or where they live; and please, Sir, that’s all I can tell you.”
The talkative landlady recollected other scraps of gossip however, before she suffered so good a listener to escape her. The subdued and quiet life of the mother and daughter—the proud poverty that made no sign—the privations which were guessed at—which perhaps were magnified—the mysterious letters—the little incidental and unconscious touches which revealed through a mist of verbiage something of the second Lilias, in the fresh youth which knew no cares but those of poverty, and in the first paralysis and stupor of her heavy grief. But the other figure—the sad{99} Naomi leaning on the girl’s arm, and sinking, amid hardship and the chill pains of penury, into a stranger’s grave—every new touch did but deepen the sad cold colours of the picture, and this was the lofty Lily of the old man’s dream—the sunny and joyous daughter of Greenshaw.
The chatty landlady remembered more bits of gossip, not wanting this good listener to get away. The quiet life of the mother and daughter—the proud poverty that went unnoticed—the hardships that were only hinted at, and perhaps exaggerated—the mysterious letters—the little, unintentional details that revealed glimpses of the second Lilias, in her carefree youth marked only by worries about money, and in the heavy numbness of her deep sorrow. But the other figure—the sorrowful Naomi leaning on the girl’s arm, sinking further into hardship and the harsh pains of poverty, heading toward a stranger’s grave—each new detail only intensified the bleak tones of the picture, and this was the elevated Lily of the old man’s dream—the bright and happy daughter of Greenshaw.
The next morning Mossgray left the Cumberland glen, resolving, if his search did not prosper in Scotland, to return when the reverend ruler of the little dale should have returned to his flock and his dominions. He remembered however with annoyance, when he had reached Carlisle on his way home, that he had not ascertained the Rector’s name. It had not been mentioned by his primitive parishioners, to whom “the Rector” was the title of titles; but Mossgray resolved to make immediate inquiry of Mrs Fendie, whose eldest daughter had married an English clergyman somewhere in this same district. He would write also to Walter Johnstone; he would advertise if other means failed, calling on the second Lilias to honour the bequest her mother had made to him. The trust was more sacred now than ever; it was enough that one had gone down uncomforted to the grave.
The next morning, Mossgray left the Cumberland valley, deciding that if his search in Scotland didn't lead anywhere, he would come back once the reverend leader of the little valley returned to his community and his territory. However, he felt annoyed when he arrived in Carlisle on his way home, realizing that he hadn’t found out the Rector’s name. His simple parishioners hadn’t mentioned it, as "the Rector" was the highest title they used; but Mossgray decided to ask Mrs. Fendie right away, whose eldest daughter had married an English clergyman somewhere in this area. He would also write to Walter Johnstone and would consider placing an ad if other methods failed, urging the second Lilias to fulfill the promise her mother had made to him. The trust felt more sacred now than ever; it was enough that one person had gone down to the grave without comfort.
CHAPTER VI.
No worries troubled her, no thoughts confused her,
And her name was Kate.—Old Song.
On the following morning, a low pony carriage, very little above the rank of a gig, and packed in its lower departments with sundry empty baskets, drew up at the door of the Bank. It was the market-day in Fendie, and the strong rustic driver of the little vehicle seemed considerably more interested in the acquaintances whom he noticed in the crowded Main Street than in the young ladies whom he assisted to alight. The elder of them was about fifteen, a little older than Hope Oswald. She was a large, clumsy, heavy girl, with soft fair features, and sleepy blue eyes. The face was well enough, so far as mere form went, and had a certain slumbrous, passive good-humour in it, not unprepossessing; but speculation there was none under the heavy{100} lids of those large eyes. The soft face had its tolerable proportions of white and red, but was informed by no inspiring light; for this was Hope Oswald’s stupid schoolfellow—Miss Adelaide Fendie.
On the next morning, a low pony carriage, not much fancier than a gig, and filled in its lower part with various empty baskets, arrived at the Bank. It was market day in Fendie, and the sturdy rural driver of the little vehicle seemed much more interested in the people he recognized in the busy Main Street than in the young women he was helping to get out. The older of the two was about fifteen, slightly older than Hope Oswald. She was a big, awkward girl, with soft fair features and sleepy blue eyes. Her face looked decent in terms of shape and had a certain lazy, gentle good humor that wasn't unappealing, but there was no spark of curiosity in the heavy{100} eyelids of those big eyes. The soft face had a fair mix of white and red, but lacked any inspiring glow; this was Hope Oswald’s dull schoolmate—Miss Adelaide Fendie.
With her was a younger sister, a girl of ten, whose face only was less stupid, because it had a spitefulness and shrewish expression perfectly alien to the soft good-humour of Adelaide. They were both dressed after that peculiar fashion which belongs to the caterpillar state (if we may venture on such an expression) of young ladies—in unhandsome dresses of faded colours, short enough to display quite too much of Adelaide’s white trousers and considerable feet, and hanging wide and clumsily on shoulders which needed no addition to their natural proportions.
With her was a younger sister, a ten-year-old girl, whose face was only slightly less dull, because it had an expression of spitefulness and nagging that was completely foreign to Adelaide's soft good humor. They were both dressed in that odd style typical of the awkward phase of young ladies — in unflattering dresses of faded colors, short enough to reveal far too much of Adelaide’s white trousers and large feet, and hanging awkwardly on shoulders that didn’t need any extra bulk.
The Fendies of Mount Fendie were an old family; but Mr George Oswald the banker had also some pretensions to blood, and Mrs Oswald was a laird’s daughter; so there was no great derogation in the intimacy with which the youthful Misses of the more aristocratic house honoured the sprightly Hope. Miss Victoria was the more condescending of the two. She felt to the full the superiority of Mount Fendie, with its wide grounds and sweeping avenues and lodges ornamented by the delicate taste of “mamma,” and considerably despised the great stone building in the main street of Fendie, with the mechanical inscription of “Bank” over its stately portico.
The Fendies of Mount Fendie were an old family, but Mr. George Oswald, the banker, also had some claims to nobility, and Mrs. Oswald was a laird’s daughter. So, there wasn’t much shame in the close relationship the young Misses from the more prestigious family had with the lively Hope. Miss Victoria was the more patronizing of the two. She fully felt the superiority of Mount Fendie, with its vast grounds, wide driveways, and lodges decorated with “mamma’s” refined taste, and looked down on the big stone building in the main street of Fendie, with its bland “Bank” sign over the grand entrance.
Adelaide knew better; even in the dignified educational establishment in Edinburgh there was some certain degree of republicanism, and Adelaide had attained to a dull consciousness of Hope’s superiority, and a habit of being guided by her will, much to the comfort of her slumbrous self, whom Hope managed to carry through scrapes and difficulties in a manner which even excited a faint degree of passive wonder in the slugglish inert nature, which could not comprehend her quick intelligence. And Adelaide liked Hope, and by good fortune did not envy her; and Hope had a sort of affection of habit for Adelaide, whose dulness she laid siege to with girlish impetuosity, understanding it as little as her companion understood her; for Hope could not persuade herself that it was natural to be stupid, and so assailed the impenetrable blank of Adelaide’s mind with all manner of weapons, but always unsuccessfully.
Adelaide understood better; even in the respected school in Edinburgh, there was a certain level of rebellious spirit, and Adelaide had come to a dull awareness of Hope’s superiority, along with a habit of letting Hope lead, which made her sleepy self quite comfortable. Hope managed to help her through tricky situations in a way that even sparked a slight sense of passive wonder in Adelaide's sluggish nature, which couldn't grasp Hope's quick thinking. Adelaide liked Hope and, thankfully, didn't feel jealous of her; Hope had a kind of habitual affection for Adelaide, whose lack of sharpness she attacked with youthful eagerness, understanding it just as little as Adelaide understood her. Hope couldn't convince herself that being dull was natural, so she bombarded the impenetrable blank of Adelaide's mind with all sorts of strategies, but always without success.
John Brown, the trusty major-domo of Mount Fendie, was bound for the market, and, not without some coaxing,{101} had consented to bring the young ladies with him. John touched his hat in gruff good-humour as Hope Oswald’s bright face looked out from the open door, and after depositing Miss Victoria safely on the pavement, drove off with a sigh of relief, muttering,—
John Brown, the reliable manager of Mount Fendie, was headed to the market and, after a bit of persuasion,{101} had agreed to take the young ladies with him. John tipped his hat with a gruff smile as Hope Oswald’s cheerful face appeared at the open door, and after dropping Miss Victoria off safely on the sidewalk, he drove away with a sigh of relief, muttering,—
“That lassie’ll be twenty stane afore she’s dune growing. I wad as sune lift the brockit quey. Gude day to ye, Tam,—hoo’s the wife? Gar the laddie gie the beast a feed—I haena muckle time.”
“That girl will be twenty stone before she’s done growing. I’d just as soon lift the heavy heifer. Good day to you, Tam—how’s the wife? Have the lad give the beast a feed—I don’t have much time.”
With which prudent beginning John descended, and evinced his haste practically, by entering into a lengthened controversy with Tam Dribble, the master of a little inn which it pleased John to patronize. Tam was a man very great in the “affairs of the state,” and the Provost of Fendie was his especial scapegoat for the sins of those in authority; so there was so much to be said for and against some recent act of this dignitary—for John Brown was a constitutional man, and defended the powers that be—that it was not until they had moistened their argument with a dram or two, and suffered the pony to make a very leisurely and substantial meal, that the factotum of Mount Fendie summed up with a clap of his hands, which made the room ring.
With a wise start, John made his way down and showed his urgency by getting into a long debate with Tam Dribble, the owner of a small inn that John liked to visit. Tam was very involved in the “state affairs,” and the Provost of Fendie was his go-to target for the mistakes of those in power; there was plenty to argue for and against some recent actions taken by this official—John Brown was a believer in the system and defended those in charge—so it wasn’t until they had enhanced their argument with a shot or two and allowed the pony to enjoy a slow and hearty meal that the assistant of Mount Fendie wrapped things up with a clap of his hands that echoed in the room.
“Man, Tam, ye’re a born gowk—and it’s a’ havers—and here am I wasting guid daylicht listening to you. An it had been night, I might hae bidden to gie ye your answer—but me, that’s a responsible man, and under authority—hout awa’ wi’ ye!”
“Man, Tam, you’re a natural idiot—and it’s all nonsense—and here I am wasting good daylight listening to you. If it had been night, I might have considered giving you your answer—but me, I’m a responsible man, and under authority—get lost!”
With which triumphant conclusion John Brown strode forth to the market.
With that triumphant conclusion, John Brown confidently walked to the market.
“Oh, Hope! isn’t he a great bear, that John?” exclaimed Victoria Fendie. “Adelaide asked mamma to let us come, and mamma never will do anything at first that we want; but we coaxed her, and then when she said we might go, we had to ask John Brown to take us—to ask John Brown, indeed!—only think of ladies asking a servant! and mamma would not order him to do it. I know what I will do—I’ll get some of Alick’s powder and put it in the snuffers, and then I’ll ask John to come and snuff the candles for me.”
“Oh, Hope! Isn’t John such a great bear?” exclaimed Victoria Fendie. “Adelaide asked Mom to let us come, and Mom never agrees to anything we want right away. But we convinced her, and then when she finally said we could go, we had to ask John Brown to take us—can you believe it, asking a servant? And Mom wouldn’t order him to do it. I know what I’ll do—I’ll take some of Alick’s powder and put it in the snuffers, and then I’ll ask John to come and snuff the candles for me.”
“Very well, Victoria,” said Hope, “I’ll tell John to-day.”
“Sure, Victoria,” Hope said, “I’ll tell John today.”
“Oh, goodness, Adelaide, only listen—how ill-natured she is! I don’t care—I’ll do something; it’s a great shame of mamma to make us ask John Brown.{102}”
“Oh, goodness, Adelaide, just listen—how rude she is! I don’t care—I’ll take action; it’s such a shame of mom to make us ask John Brown.{102}”
“Hope,” said Adelaide, “the new governess is coming to-morrow, and mamma says you’re to come up and see her.”
“Hope,” said Adelaide, “the new governess is coming tomorrow, and Mom says you should come up and meet her.”
“Mamma only said she might come if she liked,” interposed Victoria.
“Mama only said she might come if she wanted,” interjected Victoria.
Adelaide paused to deliberate upon an answer.
Adelaide stopped to think about her answer.
“If I did not like to come sometimes to see Adelaide, Adelaide would not ask me,” said Hope.
“If I didn’t enjoy coming to see Adelaide sometimes, she wouldn’t ask me,” said Hope.
“But, Hope,” said Adelaide, lifting her large dull blue eyes, “it’s the new governess you’re to come to see.”
“But, Hope,” said Adelaide, lifting her big, dull blue eyes, “it’s the new governess you’re here to see.”
“Well, I know that; but I shall see you too, shall I not?”
“Well, I know that; but I will see you too, right?”
“Yes,” repeated the obtuse Adelaide; “but you’re to come to see the new governess, mamma says.”
“Yes,” repeated the clueless Adelaide; “but you’re supposed to come see the new governess, Mom says.”
Hope was seized with one of her fits of impatience. Why would Adelaide be so stupid?
Hope was overwhelmed by another wave of impatience. Why would Adelaide be so clueless?
“Shan’t we tease her!” exclaimed Victoria, triumphantly. “Fred says he won’t learn his lessons to a woman, and I won’t learn any lessons at all, if I can help it, and mamma won’t let me if I have a head-ache. Do you ever have any head-aches, Hope?”
“Shouldn't we tease her!” Victoria exclaimed triumphantly. “Fred says he won’t learn his lessons from a woman, and I won't learn any lessons at all if I can help it. And mom won’t let me if I have a headache. Do you ever get headaches, Hope?”
“No,” said Hope, stoutly, “head-aches! Miss Mansfield used to have them at school—you mind, Adelaide? but it’s a great shame, and Miss Swinton says girls have no right to have head-aches.”
“No,” said Hope, confidently, “headaches! Miss Mansfield used to get them at school—you remember, Adelaide? But it’s really unfair, and Miss Swinton says girls shouldn’t have to deal with headaches.”
“Oh, Hope! ‘you mind.’ Mamma would whip me if I said ‘you mind.’”
“Oh, Hope! ‘You mind.’ Mom would ground me if I said ‘you mind.’”
“My mother would not,” said the resolute Hope, “and mind is a far better word than remember or recollect. It’s only one syllable, and—it’s our own tongue, and it’s a very good word.”
“My mom wouldn’t,” said the determined Hope, “and ‘mind’ is a way better word than ‘remember’ or ‘recollect.’ It’s just one syllable, and—it’s our own language, and it’s a really good word.”
“I think so too,” said Adelaide, with an unwonted exertion, “because when a word’s short it’s easier said.”
“I think so too,” said Adelaide, with an unusual effort, “because when a word’s short it’s easier to say.”
Adelaide’s sentence terminated abruptly in a peal of malicious laughter from Victoria.
Adelaide’s sentence ended suddenly with a burst of cruel laughter from Victoria.
“Well,” said the elder sister, with some faint flush of anger, “I am sure Miss Swinton used to say so—and you’ve no right to laugh, Victoria—I’ll tell mamma.”
“Well,” said the older sister, with a slight hint of anger, “I’m sure Miss Swinton used to say that—and you have no right to laugh, Victoria—I’ll tell mom.”
“I don’t care,” was the response; “mamma is not so well pleased when you always talk about that stupid governess—you know that.”
“I don’t care,” was the response; “Mom isn’t very happy when you keep talking about that ridiculous governess—you know that.”
“Stupid governess!” Hope’s eyes sparkled. “If you were not a child, Victoria,” she said, with the dignity of a senior, “you would not speak so. Miss Swinton is a {103}lady—Miss Swinton is a gentlewoman! I don’t know any one like Miss Swinton, except mamma, and—”
“Stupid governess!” Hope’s eyes sparkled. “If you weren't a child, Victoria,” she said, with the dignity of an older girl, “you wouldn't speak like that. Miss Swinton is a {103} lady—Miss Swinton is a gentlewoman! I don’t know anyone like Miss Swinton, except Mom, and—”
“Oh, come, tell us—tell us!” cried Victoria.
“Oh, come on, tell us—tell us!” shouted Victoria.
Hope drew herself up.
Hope straightened herself.
“Except mamma and Helen—Miss Buchanan—but you don’t know her.”
“Except for mom and Helen—Miss Buchanan—but you don’t know her.”
“Yes I do—she keeps a school; yes I do—a governess and a schoolmistress—and Hope does not know any other ladies! I hope I shall never be one of Hope’s ladies.”
“Yes, I do—she runs a school; yes, I do—a governess and a schoolmistress—and Hope doesn’t know any other women! I hope I’ll never be one of Hope’s women.”
“What are you doing now, Hope?” said Adelaide. “Mamma has made me begin to work a cover for something; I don’t know what the shape of it will be, but it’s all in bits like this, and mamma says it will be very pretty—and Charlotte’s bringing such a load of music, and that governess!—you might come up, Hope, and help me, for I’m sure you’re not doing anything yourself.”
“What are you up to now, Hope?” Adelaide asked. “Mom has made me start working on a cover for something; I’m not sure what it’s going to look like, but it’s all in pieces like this, and Mom says it will turn out really pretty—and Charlotte’s bringing a ton of music, along with that governess!—you should come up, Hope, and help me out, because I’m sure you’re not doing anything yourself.”
Hope acknowledged her idleness.
Hope recognized her inactivity.
“No indeed, Adelaide; but I have only been two days at home; and—what’s the use of working covers? I don’t know why people labour at such things.”
“No, definitely not, Adelaide; but I’ve only been home for two days; and—what’s the point of working on covers? I don’t understand why people put in so much effort on that.”
“Because their mammas make them,” said Adelaide, gravely, and with a sigh; “but I think I like it too, Hope, for it’s very pretty, you know.”
“Because their moms make them,” said Adelaide seriously, with a sigh; “but I think I like it too, Hope, because it’s really pretty, you know.”
Hope shook her head. She had been visited several times of late by some grave ruminations on this subject, and began to feel that working covers, however pretty, was in reality a quite unsatisfactory mode of life. But the cogitations were inarticulate; they had attained no shape, except at present a decided disinclination to work at all.
Hope shook her head. Lately, she had been visited several times by some serious thoughts about this subject and began to feel that making covers, no matter how nice, was actually a pretty unsatisfying way to live. But the thoughts were unclear; they hadn’t taken form, except for a strong feeling of not wanting to work at all.
“And, Hope,” added Adelaide, “how long do you practise every day?”
“And, Hope,” added Adelaide, “how long do you practice each day?”
“I don’t practise at all,” answered Hope.
“I don’t practice at all,” answered Hope.
The sleepy lids of Adelaide’s eyes were elevated in wonder.
Adelaide's sleepy eyes were wide open in amazement.
“Then what in all the world do you do?” exclaimed Victoria. “I should like to be you, Hope—I should like to play all day; but Adelaide thinks she is too old to play.”
“Then what do you do all day?” Victoria exclaimed. “I wish I could be you, Hope—I’d love to play all day; but Adelaide thinks she’s too old for that.”
“I don’t play all day,” said Hope, with some indignation. “Yesterday I was at Friarsford with my mother, and at Mossgray—”
“I don’t play all day,” Hope said, a bit annoyed. “Yesterday I was at Friarsford with my mom, and at Mossgray—”
“Oh, Hope!” said Adelaide, “what makes you go to see that girl? she is only a farmer’s daughter.”
“Oh, Hope!” said Adelaide, “why do you want to see that girl? She’s just a farmer’s daughter.”
“I don’t care for her now,” said Hope, with some sadness; “but it’s not because she’s a farmer’s daughter—it’s because{104} she is—I mean it’s because she practises, and knits and works covers, and doesn’t care for anybody—but never mind that. And then we went to Mossgray. We did not see Mr Graeme; but there’s a beautiful pony—the prettiest one ever you saw—and Mrs Mense says I am to give it its name. What should I call it, Adelaide? come and help me.”
“I don’t care about her anymore,” said Hope, a bit sadly; “but it’s not because she’s a farmer’s daughter—it’s because{104} she is—I mean it’s because she practices, knits, and makes covers, and doesn’t care about anyone—but never mind that. Then we went to Mossgray. We didn’t see Mr. Graeme, but there’s a beautiful pony—the prettiest one you’ve ever seen—and Mrs. Mense says I get to name it. What should I call it, Adelaide? Come and help me.”
Adelaide slowly shook her head—this was a stretch of invention quite beyond her.
Adelaide slowly shook her head—this was a level of creativity that was far beyond her.
“Call it Mischief,” suggested Victoria.
“Let’s call it Mischief,” suggested Victoria.
“Mischief,” deliberated Hope. “No, I don’t like that—I want a pretty name—give me a pretty name, Adelaide.”
“Mischief,” Hope thought. “No, I don’t like that—I want a pretty name—give me a pretty name, Adelaide.”
An idea gradually illuminated Adelaide’s stolid countenance.
An idea slowly brightened Adelaide’s serious face.
“Call it Pretty, Hope—that would do very well.”
“Just call it Pretty, Hope—that works perfectly.”
“Oh, no, no!” exclaimed Hope; “you might call a lap-dog that, but a fine pony! so merry, and brisk, and lively—oh, no, no!”
“Oh, no, no!” exclaimed Hope; “you could say that about a lap dog, but a beautiful pony! So cheerful, energetic, and spirited—oh, no, no!”
“Call it after me,” said Victoria.
“Name it after me,” said Victoria.
“Mischief?” said Hope.
"Mischief?" Hope asked.
“No, indeed, not Mischief, but Victoria, or Adelaide, or—I have got it—I have got it!—call it Lillie, after our new governess.”
“No, not Mischief, but Victoria, or Adelaide, or—I’ve got it—I’ve got it!—let’s call it Lillie, after our new governess.”
“Is her name Lillie?” asked Hope.
“Is her name Lillie?” Hope asked.
“It’s her first name—her Christian name,” said Adelaide, “and Charlotte says she looks pretty, Hope; but she is so quiet and sad—you know she lost her mamma just a fortnight ago.”
“It’s her first name—her Christian name,” said Adelaide, “and Charlotte says she looks pretty, Hope; but she is so quiet and sad—you know she lost her mom just two weeks ago.”
“And has she no home?” said Hope.
“And doesn’t she have a home?” asked Hope.
“No home? I am sure I don’t know; Charlotte does not say anything about her home; only her mamma is dead, and she is very quiet, and looks pretty.”
“No home? I really don't know; Charlotte doesn’t mention anything about her home; only that her mom is dead, and she is very quiet and looks pretty.”
There was no more to be got out of Adelaide—she could only repeat her text, and wonder at the questions that sprang out of it.
There was nothing more to get from Adelaide—she could only keep repeating her words and be puzzled by the questions that came from them.
“And is she coming with Mrs Heavieliegh?” asked Hope.
“And is she coming with Mrs. Heavieliegh?” Hope asked.
“Yes—you know Mr Heavieliegh is the Rector of the place her mother died in—but she came from Scotland at first, and Charlotte was very good to her, and because mamma wanted a governess, Charlotte engaged her to come to the Mount.”
“Yes—you know Mr. Heavieliegh is the Rector of the place where her mother died—but she originally came from Scotland, and Charlotte was really kind to her. Since Mom needed a governess, Charlotte hired her to come to the Mount.”
“Will Mrs Heavieliegh stay long?” inquired Hope.
“Is Mrs. Heavieliegh going to stay long?” Hope asked.
The conversation was getting low, Victoria being busily{105} employed at the other end of the room, endeavouring with all her might to destroy some favourite plants of Mrs Oswald’s.
The conversation was quieting down, with Victoria busy{105} at the other end of the room, doing her best to ruin some of Mrs. Oswald’s favorite plants.
“Not just now—but do you know, Hope, Alick is coming next summer, from India, where he was sent with his regiment, and mamma will give parties, and perhaps a ball—a real ball, Hope!—and you must be there. Oh, we shall be so happy!”
“Not right now—but do you know, Hope, Alick is coming next summer from India, where he was sent with his regiment, and Mom will throw parties, and maybe even a ball—a real ball, Hope!—and you have to be there. Oh, we’re going to be so happy!”
“Is he coming to stay?” asked Hope.
“Is he coming to stay?” Hope asked.
“I don’t know, mamma didn’t say; but she said there was to be a ball, and that Alick would perhaps bring some officers with him. I only wish the time were come—shall you not be glad, Hope?”
“I don’t know, Mom didn’t say; but she mentioned there was going to be a ball, and that Alick might bring some officers with him. I just wish the time would come—won’t you be excited, Hope?”
“If my mother will let me go, I shall like it very well,” said Hope; “but about the new governess, Adelaide—is she to teach you?”
“If my mom lets me go, I’ll really like it,” said Hope; “but what about the new governess, Adelaide—will she be teaching you?”
“Mamma says so,” said Adelaide; “but I think I don’t need any more teaching—do you, Hope? after having had to learn such quantities of things. I am sure I wish mamma would just try it herself.”
“Mama says so,” said Adelaide; “but I think I don’t need any more teaching—do you, Hope? after having had to learn so much. I really wish Mama would just try it herself.”
Hope was not quite inclined to acquiesce in this conclusion; but there was no possibility of keeping up an argument with Adelaide, who had nothing to add to her first sentence on any subject, but merely the trouble of repeating it. So Hope wisely went to seek her mother, and to suggest the preparation of some juvenile lunch for her friends, which speedily made its appearance in the substantial form of bread and butter, jam and fruit—healthful dainties which were plentifully discussed by the visitors. John Brown arrived very shortly after, with the pony carriage, the baskets in which were no longer empty, and having with some difficulty hoisted the young ladies in, drove them away, leaving Hope pledged for “the day after to-morrow to come and see the new governess.{106}”
Hope wasn't really convinced by this conclusion; however, she knew there was no point in arguing with Adelaide, who only ever repeated her first statement on any topic without adding anything new. So, Hope wisely went to find her mom and suggested making a little lunch for her friends, which quickly turned into a hearty spread of bread and butter, jam, and fruit—healthy treats that the guests enjoyed discussing. John Brown soon arrived with the pony cart, the baskets now filled, and after some effort hoisting the young ladies in, he drove them off, leaving Hope committed to coming back the day after tomorrow to meet the new governess.{106}
CHAPTER VII.
Smiles are in her eyes,
Simple, bold, among worldly crowds She looks at the sky.
Joy is with her every day,
Sorrows brush against her as they go by,
She confidently moves ahead on her path. Over the growing grass, Intimidating evil passengers With those clear, brave eyes of hers.—Ballad.
Mr George Oswald of Fendie was very proud of his daughter Hope; and Hope, as we have already seen, was very fond of ponies. Young, large animals of all kinds, indeed, were favourites with the favourite of the banker. A great tawny fellow of a dog, with large, disjointed, youthful limbs, whose uncouth gambols had as much fun and as little grace in them as could be desired, was Hope’s especial playmate, counsellor, and friend. She called him Merry—(gentle playfellow of mine, over whom I could yet weep tears, so named I thee!) it was not a very musical name; but there was nothing in the least æsthetic about the happy, clumsy, kindly animal who bore it. This poor fellow fell under Mrs Oswald’s displeasure sometimes, when it was discovered that Hope’s new gloves had been in the great innocent mouth, or that the big paw had left its print upon Hope’s garments too legibly; but the banker amply tolerated Merry.
Mr. George Oswald of Fendie was very proud of his daughter Hope; and Hope, as we’ve already seen, loved ponies a lot. In fact, she was fond of young, large animals of all kinds, being the favorite of the banker. A big, shaggy dog with large, awkward limbs, whose clumsy antics were full of fun but not very graceful, was Hope’s special playmate, counselor, and friend. She called him Merry—(gentle playmate of mine, over whom I could still shed tears, so named I thee!) it wasn’t a very musical name; but there was nothing artsy about the happy, clumsy, friendly dog who had it. This poor guy sometimes got in trouble with Mrs. Oswald when it turned out that Hope’s new gloves had ended up in his innocent mouth, or that his big paw had left clear prints on Hope’s clothes; but the banker fully tolerated Merry.
On the morning of Hope’s intended visit to Mount Fendie, her father led her proudly away to the vicinity of the stable where his own horses were kept, and where, at its door, stood the red-headed Oswald Thomson, son of a retainer of the family, holding by the bridle a handsome pony, apparelled as became the steed of a lady, and arching its fine brown neck in conscious pride, under the eye of its future mistress.
On the morning of Hope’s planned visit to Mount Fendie, her father proudly took her to the area near the stable where his horses were kept. At the stable door stood Oswald Thomson, a red-headed boy and son of a family servant, holding a beautiful pony by the bridle. The pony was dressed suitably for a lady's mount and was arching its lovely brown neck with a sense of pride under the gaze of its future owner.
“Oh, father, is it for me?” exclaimed the delighted Hope; “is it to be mine; is it to be all mine?”
“Oh, Dad, is this for me?” exclaimed the excited Hope. “Is it really mine? Is it all mine?”
And it was; and at that moment in Hope’s little chamber at home, her mother, with some secret smiles over her{107} husband’s unmeasured indulgence, and some misgivings as to the youthful limbs which this new mode of conveyance might expose to danger, was carefully spreading out a new riding-habit, companion gift to the beautiful pony. Mr Oswald had intended to bring his daughter quietly home with him, to assume the appropriate garb before she began to be an equestrian; but that did by no means suit Hope. So at dire risk to the bright muslin frock donned in unspotted purity this morning, she sprang upon the new saddle and arrived at the door radiant with laughter and exultation while her father still panted in the rear, half running in spite of his years and dignity.
And it was; and at that moment in Hope's small room at home, her mother, with some secret smiles about her husband’s excessive indulgence, and some worries about the young limbs that this new way of getting around might put at risk, was carefully laying out a new riding outfit, a companion gift for the beautiful pony. Mr. Oswald had planned to bring his daughter home quietly so she could change into the proper attire before she started riding; but that certainly didn't suit Hope. So, at great risk to the bright muslin dress she put on in spotless purity this morning, she jumped onto the new saddle and arrived at the door beaming with laughter and joy while her father still struggled to keep up behind her, half running despite his age and dignity.
Hope could not take her dog with her to Mount Fendie—it was her sole regret as she cantered away happily alone, on the quiet familiar road. One of Merry’s mighty paws would have extinguished Mrs Fendie’s lap-dog for ever; the gambols of a young elephant could not have been more detrimental to the trim gardens at the Mount. She was compelled to leave her favourite behind.
Hope couldn’t take her dog with her to Mount Fendie—it was her only regret as she happily rode away alone on the familiar, quiet road. One of Merry’s huge paws would have easily taken out Mrs. Fendie’s lap dog for good; the playful antics of a young elephant couldn’t have been more damaging to the neat gardens at the Mount. She had to leave her favorite behind.
But never did Hope salute passing acquaintances so joyously; and Hope’s list of friends was as large as it was miscellaneous, extending from Mrs Maxwell of Firthside, in her carriage, down to Robbie Carlyle, the fisherman, with the creel on his shoulders full of flounders which he had captured this morning, knee-deep in the waters of the Firth. Just before the gate of Mount Fendie was a toll—a toll which Hope paid triumphantly in presence of an admiring congregation of John Tasker’s children. It was the crowning glory of her ride.
But Hope had never greeted passing acquaintances with such joy; her list of friends was as diverse as it was extensive, stretching from Mrs. Maxwell of Firthside in her carriage to Robbie Carlyle, the fisherman, who had a creel on his shoulders filled with flounders he had caught that morning, standing knee-deep in the waters of the Firth. Just before the gate of Mount Fendie was a toll—a toll that Hope paid proudly in front of a crowd of admiring children of John Tasker. It was the highlight of her ride.
“Oh, Hope, when did you get your pony?” cried Victoria Fendie. “What a pretty one!—but it’s not so pretty as Fred’s either—is it, Adelaide?”
“Oh, Hope, when did you get your pony?” exclaimed Victoria Fendie. “It's so cute!—but it’s not as cute as Fred’s, right, Adelaide?”
“I don’t know what you call Fred’s,” said Adelaide, “for Fred is too little to have a pony, but I am sure yours is very pretty, Hope. Were you not afraid?”
“I don’t know what you call Fred’s,” said Adelaide, “since Fred is too small to have a pony, but I’m sure yours is really pretty, Hope. Weren’t you scared?”
Fred, a little spoiled, pale, ill-conditioned boy of eight stood on a bench in the garden, plucking the blossoms off an apple-tree. He paused to pull Adelaide’s hair—it was invitingly near him—and then resumed his profitable occupation.
Fred, a bit spoiled, pale, and sickly eight-year-old boy, stood on a bench in the garden, picking the flowers off an apple tree. He stopped to tug at Adelaide’s hair—it was enticingly close to him—and then went back to his productive task.
“I thought you would be afraid; but yours is a very pretty one, Hope,” repeated the steady Adelaide, “and Fred is too little yet to have a pony.”
“I thought you would be scared; but yours is really nice, Hope,” repeated the calm Adelaide, “and Fred is too young to have a pony yet.”
Hope was so engrossed with the pony, its beauties and{108} good qualities, that she had almost forgotten the object of her visit. She recollected herself at last.
Hope was so absorbed in the pony, its beauty and{108} great qualities, that she had almost forgotten why she was there. She finally brought herself back to reality.
“Adelaide, you have not told me, has the young lady come?”
“Adelaide, you haven’t told me, has the young lady arrived?”
“The young lady!—she means the governess,” said Victoria.
“The young lady!—she's talking about the governess,” said Victoria.
“Oh, yes—we’re all to go in now, to begin school, and you may come with us, Hope. She came yesterday.”
“Oh, yes—we're all heading in now to start school, and you can come with us, Hope. She arrived yesterday.”
“And do you like her?” said Hope, out of breath.
“And do you like her?” Hope asked, catching her breath.
“I don’t know; we’re all to begin school to-day, and you’re to come with us. But you’re always so quick, Hope Oswald!—how can people know in a day?”
“I don’t know; we’re all starting school today, and you’re coming with us. But you’re always so quick, Hope Oswald!—how can anyone figure things out in a day?”
“I know,” said Victoria loudly, “I don’t like her at all. She is so pale, and she speaks so low, and—I don’t like her.”
“I know,” Victoria said loudly, “I don’t like her at all. She’s so pale, and she speaks so softly, and—I don’t like her.”
“Young ladies,” said a clear voice behind them, “your mother desires that you will come in.”
“Young ladies,” a clear voice said from behind them, “your mother wants you to come in.”
Hope turned quickly round. A tall, pale girl stood behind, evidently endeavouring to assume a firmness and authority which she did not possess. Her deep mourning dress, and shadowy stooping figure, and singular paleness touched the girlish romance which lay dormant in the blythe spirit of Hope. Adelaide Fendie looked at the new governess hazily out of her dull blue eyes, and did not speak. The dyspeptic little tyrant Fred said “I won’t,” and the shrewish Victoria laughed.
Hope turned around quickly. A tall, pale girl stood behind her, clearly trying to act more confident and in control than she really was. The girl's deep mourning dress, curved figure, and unusual paleness stirred a sense of girlish romance that was lying dormant in Hope's cheerful spirit. Adelaide Fendie looked at the new governess with a vague gaze from her dull blue eyes and stayed silent. The grouchy little tyrant Fred said, “I won’t,” and the sharp-tongued Victoria laughed.
Hope had learned the stranger’s name, and knew her own power over Adelaide when she chose to exert it.
Hope had learned the stranger's name and understood her own influence over Adelaide when she decided to use it.
“If you please, Miss Maxwell,” said the prompt young lady, “I’m Hope Oswald; and Adelaide was just coming in; and we’ll all go together.”
“If you don’t mind, Miss Maxwell,” said the eager young lady, “I’m Hope Oswald; and Adelaide was just about to come in; and we’ll all go together.”
Whereupon Hope seized the arm of Adelaide, and brought her, docile and obedient, into the rear of the new governess.
Hope grabbed Adelaide's arm and led her, compliant and willing, to the back of the new governess.
A very little matter was enough to overset the composure of the orphan who held that unenviable place. Her eyes filled and her lip quivered; she had fancied it impossible that children could be anything but loveable, and in the early power and bitterness of her grief to have these petty indignities put upon her, overwhelmed her inexperienced spirit. So she went in with the elder girls, painfully repressing bitter tears, and with the gasp of young woe convulsively swelling in her breast, “to flee away, and be at rest.”
A tiny issue was enough to shake the composure of the orphan in that unfortunate situation. Her eyes filled with tears and her lip trembled; she had believed it was impossible for children to be anything but lovable. But in the early days of her grief, dealing with these small slights broke her inexperienced spirit. So, she went in with the older girls, struggling to hold back her tears, and with the ache of young sorrow swelling in her chest, “to escape and find peace.”
Mrs Fendie sat in her morning room, before a table covered with embroideries and patterns for the same. She was a tall, thin, chill woman of the genus clever, who had persevered so long in calling herself an excellent manager,{109} and a person of very intellectual tastes, that public opinion had at length succumbed under the constant iteration, and with only the emphatic protest of John Brown, who in his own circle declared her “an evendown gowk wi’ a tongue like the happer of a mill,” Mrs Fendie was pronounced a very clever woman. The natural-born Fendies were all dull. The last head of the house had been fretted and chafed out of his easy life by the fatal cleverness of his yoke-fellow; and even she, their mother, had been quite unable to strike any sort of fire from the leaden natures of his children.
Mrs. Fendie sat in her morning room, in front of a table covered with embroideries and patterns for them. She was a tall, thin, cold woman who considered herself a great manager and someone with very intellectual tastes for so long that public opinion eventually gave in to her constant claims. The only strong opposition came from John Brown, who in his own circle called her "a complete fool with a tongue like a mill's wheel." Despite this, Mrs. Fendie was seen as a very clever woman. The naturally born Fendies were all dull. The last head of the family had been troubled and worn out from his comfortable life by the destructive cleverness of his wife, and even she, their mother, had been unable to ignite any spark from the dull personalities of her children.
Beside Mrs Fendie, stretched in an easy chair, with a worked footstool supporting the worked slipper, with which her mother’s industry had endowed her, reclined the Reverend Mrs Heavieliegh, Mrs Fendie’s eldest daughter. She was like Adelaide in her soft, large, not uncomely features, and in the passive good humour of their expression; but Mrs Heavieliegh’s development of the family character was indolence, comfortable, lazy, luxurious repose; and in her gay-coloured ample draperies, and lounging attitude, and slumbrous face, she formed a good foil to the keen, sharp, steel-like mother, who worked indefatigably by her side. Mrs Heavieliegh had no admiration of work; she played with the long ears of the lap-dog on her knee, and was perfectly comfortable.
Next to Mrs. Fendie, lounging in an easy chair with a footstool supporting the intricately crafted slipper that her mother had made for her, was Reverend Mrs. Heavieliegh, Mrs. Fendie’s eldest daughter. She resembled Adelaide with her soft, generous features that were not unattractive, and the easygoing good humor in her expression; however, Mrs. Heavieliegh embodied the family's trait of laziness, embracing a laid-back, comfortable lifestyle. Dressed in her colorful, flowing garments, with a relaxed posture and a dreamy expression, she stood in stark contrast to her sharp, hardworking mother, who tirelessly toiled beside her. Mrs. Heavieliegh had no appreciation for labor; she idly played with the floppy ears of the lapdog resting on her knee, feeling completely at ease.
“How do you do, Hope Oswald?” said Mrs Fendie; “how’s your mamma? Sit down, children, I have something to say to you. Fred, don’t pull my frame; Victoria, be quiet. Sit down, Miss Maxwell, I wish particularly to address myself to you.”
“Hello, Hope Oswald,” said Mrs. Fendie. “How’s your mom? Sit down, kids; I have something to tell you. Fred, don’t mess with my frame; Victoria, be quiet. Sit down, Miss Maxwell; I really want to talk to you.”
Mrs Fendie arranged her work; she was copying a French lithograph like Maggie Irving, but she was copying it with the needle and not with the pencil, and cleared her voice oratorically. Lilias Maxwell with some apparent timidity took the chair pointed to her, and sat down to listen, the great tears gathering under her eyelids. Hope placed herself very near the new governess, in instinctive sympathy. She was not so “pretty-looking” as Adelaide had predicted. She was singularly pale, and had very dark hair, and large deep-blue eyes—blue eyes so dark that Hope, to whom blue eyes always suggested the slumbrous orbs of Adelaide Fendie, gave Miss Maxwell’s credit for being black. The dark mass of hair and the mourning dress made the young orphan look still more ethereal and shadowy. She was not like Hop{110}e’s model, Helen Buchanan; she was not nearly so life-like, and seemed to want altogether the nervous impulsive strength of Helen. Sudden flushes indeed did sometimes pass over her colourless cheek for a moment—flushes painfully deep and vivid; but there was nothing on this face like the constantly varying colour, which wavered on Helen’s cheek like the coming and going of breath. Nevertheless, there was a similarity in the age, and perhaps in the circumstances, which made Hope associate the stranger with her friend.
Mrs. Fendie organized her work; she was replicating a French lithograph like Maggie Irving, but she was using a needle instead of a pencil, and she cleared her throat dramatically. Lilias Maxwell, appearing a bit shy, took the chair that was pointed out to her and sat down to listen, great tears pooling under her eyelids. Hope positioned herself close to the new governess, feeling an instinctive bond. She wasn’t as “pretty” as Adelaide had described. She was notably pale, had very dark hair, and large, deep blue eyes—eyes so dark that Hope, who always associated blue eyes with the dreamy gaze of Adelaide Fendie, mistakenly thought Miss Maxwell's were black. The dark mass of hair and her mourning attire made the young orphan appear even more ethereal and shadowy. She didn’t resemble Hope’s ideal of Helen Buchanan; she wasn’t nearly as lifelike and seemed to lack Helen's vibrant, impulsive energy. Indeed, sudden flushes sometimes swept over her colorless cheek for a moment—flushes painfully deep and vivid; but there was nothing in her expression like the constantly shifting colors that danced on Helen’s cheek like the ebb and flow of breath. Still, there was a resemblance in age, and maybe in circumstances, that made Hope associate the newcomer with her friend.
“You will understand, Miss Maxwell,” said Mrs Fendie, “that I consider it a very important charge which I, as a mother, give into your hands, when I delegate to you the care of these children. Such wonderful interests at stake! such extraordinary effects your humble teachings may help to produce! When I look at that boy,” and Mrs Fendie cast a sentimental glance at the dyspeptic Fred, “it quite overwhelms me. Oh, Fred! you wicked child, what have you been doing!”
“You will understand, Miss Maxwell,” said Mrs. Fendie, “that I see this as a very important responsibility that I, as a mother, am entrusting to you when I ask you to take care of these children. There are incredible interests involved! The amazing impact your simple teachings could have! When I look at that boy,” and Mrs. Fendie gave a sentimental look at the dyspeptic Fred, “it really overwhelms me. Oh, Fred! you naughty child, what have you been up to!”
Mrs Fendie had chosen an unfavourable moment for her sentimental glance, the young gentleman being busily employed opening the eyes of a scriptural personage in one of the aforesaid patterns for embroidery, by thrusting a pencil through them. On being thus pathetically appealed to Master Fred threw down the paper, and exclaimed,—“It’s not me, it’s Vic.”
Mrs. Fendie had picked a really bad time for her sentimental look, since the young guy was busy trying to open the eyes of a biblical character in one of those embroidery patterns by poking a pencil through them. When he was dramatically called on, Master Fred dropped the paper and said, “It’s not me, it’s Vic.”
Mrs Fendie restrained Victoria’s self-defence, by a majestic wave of her hand, and resumed,—“In the first place, concerning Miss Fendie—hold up your head, Adelaide.” Adelaide fixed her eyes upon the wall, awkwardly conscious of being looked at, and blushed, a dull, gradual blush,—“you will need rather to direct the young lady’s studies than to enter on the drudgery of teaching—and I am sure to a well-regulated mind nothing could be more delightful. I shall expect you to read with Miss Fendie, to direct her to those subjects which most call for a lady’s attention; to attend to her deportment and carriage, to superintend her work, to see that her wardrobe is kept in proper order, and that she does not get slovenly in her dress; besides—”
Mrs. Fendie held back Victoria’s self-defense with a grand wave of her hand and continued, “First of all, about Miss Fendie—hold your head up, Adelaide.” Adelaide stared at the wall, awkwardly aware of being watched, and turned red, a slow, gradual blush—“You’ll need to guide the young lady’s studies rather than do the boring teaching yourself—and I’m sure for a well-disciplined mind, nothing could be more enjoyable. I expect you to read with Miss Fendie, to direct her attention to subjects that are most suited for a young lady; to pay attention to her behavior and demeanor, to oversee her work, to ensure her wardrobe is kept in good condition, and that she doesn’t become careless in her appearance; also—”
“Oh, mamma!” exclaimed Victoria, “yonder’s old Mr Graeme of Mossgray riding along the avenue;—what will he want, I wonder? oh goodness, mamma, isn’t it strange? let me go to see.”
“Oh, Mom!” exclaimed Victoria, “there’s old Mr. Graeme of Mossgray riding down the avenue; what do you think he wants? Oh my goodness, Mom, isn’t that strange? Let me go see.”
“Old Mr Graeme of Mossgray!” exclaimed Mrs Fendie,{111} rising; “be quiet, Victoria, how dare you interrupt me? A very strange visitor certainly:—you have not seen him since your marriage, Charlotte:—perhaps he has heard you are here, and intends to be like other people for once in his life.”
“Old Mr. Graeme of Mossgray!” exclaimed Mrs. Fendie,{111} getting up; “be quiet, Victoria, how dare you cut me off? A very unusual visitor for sure: you haven’t seen him since your wedding, Charlotte—maybe he knows you’re here and plans to behave like everyone else for once in his life.”
Mrs Heavieliegh lifted her eyelids with some apparent difficulty and looked a little ashamed; to tell the truth, she had been dozing during her mother’s preche, and did not at all know what this commotion was about. Mrs Fendie’s address was broken short, but Hope perceived Lilias Maxwell still trembling in her chair.
Mrs. Heavieliegh struggled to lift her eyelids and looked a bit embarrassed; to be honest, she had been dozing off during her mother’s preche and had no clue what all this fuss was about. Mrs. Fendie’s speech was cut off, but Hope noticed Lilias Maxwell still shaking in her chair.
There was a deep bow-window in the end of the room; the new governess, unnoticed in the little bustle of interest with which the Fendie family awaited their unusual visitor, stole by degrees into its recess. Hope Oswald followed her; it was scarcely quite delicate perhaps; but Hope was anxious to express something of her sympathy.
There was a large bay window at the end of the room; the new governess, overlooked in the little excitement that the Fendie family felt as they awaited their unexpected visitor, gradually slipped into its nook. Hope Oswald trailed behind her; it might not have been entirely appropriate, but Hope was eager to show some of her support.
Lilias leaned upon the window—she shook so much that she needed it—and the sympathetic girl beside her saw how thin and transparent the long white fingers were, which tremblingly supported her brow. “If you please, Miss Maxwell,” said Hope compassionately, “I am afraid you are not well; and I wish my mother were only here, for she would know—and, Miss Maxwell, if you please, do not look so sad.”
Lilias leaned against the window—she was shaking so much that she needed it for support—and the kind girl next to her noticed how thin and delicate her long white fingers were, trembling as they held up her forehead. “If you don’t mind me saying, Miss Maxwell,” Hope said gently, “I’m worried that you’re not feeling well; I really wish my mom were here because she would know what to do—and, Miss Maxwell, please don’t look so sad.”
The stranger could not bear this; she turned her head away, and shrank further into the shadow of the curtains, and pressed her thin fingers upon her eyes, but the tears would be restrained no longer, and Hope hastily placed herself in front of the window, that no eyes but her own might perceive the agony of silent weeping, which the unfriended, solitary girl could not control. She had borne as she best could the foolish levity and inconsiderate rudeness of the children, and half bewildered with the long stretch of endurance, had silently suffered the chill unpitying lectures of Mrs Fendie, but the first touch of kindness made the full cup overflow. All the simple philosophies with which Lilias had tried to subdue the natural strength of her feelings, could not make her grief less green and recent; and Hope stood reverently by, in silence, while the tears poured down like rain, and the shadowy figure before her shook with suppressed sobs. The child Hope had become the benefactor of the orphan, for there was healing in those tears.{112}
The stranger couldn't handle this; she turned away, sinking deeper into the shadows of the curtains, pressing her thin fingers against her eyes, but the tears refused to be held back any longer. Hope quickly stepped in front of the window, ensuring no eyes but hers could witness the silent agony of weeping that the lonely, isolated girl couldn't control. She had endured the foolishness and thoughtless rudeness of the children as best she could, and half-dazed by her long endurance, had silently endured the cold, unfeeling lectures from Mrs. Fendie. But the first act of kindness caused her emotions to overflow. All the simple lessons Lilias had tried to use to tame her feelings couldn’t lessen the rawness of her grief. Hope stood quietly by in awe as the tears streamed down like rain, and the shadowy figure before her trembled with suppressed sobs. The child Hope had become a savior to the orphan, for there was healing in those tears.{112}
CHAPTER VIII.
My heart was heavy, and my song was sad; The green grass covered all my relatives,
There were storms outside, and no hope inside,
When a sunbeam broke through the mist, And I heard a voice, and it always said home—
Home, oh home! Is there peace for me? But underneath the green willow tree?—Ballad.
The Laird of Mossgray greeted Mrs Fendie and her daughter with his usual old-fashioned, graceful politeness—there was something courtly in the gentle bearing of the recluse old man—and said some kindly words of recognition to all the younger personages present, except Hope, who, to the great amazement of the little Fendies, continued steadily before the bow-window, and did not turn round to receive the salutations of Mossgray. Only a very few ordinary observations had been exchanged, when the old man explained his errand.
The Laird of Mossgray welcomed Mrs. Fendie and her daughter with his usual old-fashioned, graceful politeness—there was something regal in the kind demeanor of the reclusive old man—and offered some warm words of acknowledgment to all the younger people present, except for Hope, who, much to the surprise of the little Fendies, kept her gaze fixed steadily in front of the bow-window and didn’t turn around to acknowledge Mossgray's greeting. Just a few casual remarks had been exchanged when the old man clarified the purpose of his visit.
“I have been seeking a young friend of mine in Cumberland,” said Mossgray, in a voice whose tone of serene kindness thrilled on the ear of Lilias Maxwell, like some familiar music, stilling her tears; “and I have some idea, Mrs Fendie, that your kindness could assist me in my search. I have just returned—”
“I’ve been looking for a young friend of mine in Cumberland,” said Mossgray, in a voice that had a soothing kindness which resonated with Lilias Maxwell, calming her tears like a comforting melody; “and I think, Mrs. Fendie, that your kindness could help me in my search. I’ve just returned—”
Hope Oswald left her place by the window, and as Mossgray’s eye wandered there, he suddenly stopped and started from his seat. Drawing back, shivering and half afraid, Lilias looked at him, with tears trembling on her long eyelash, and her white, transparent hand shading her eyes. She was conscious of the presence of no other but himself for the moment, and the strange contradiction of her look, which seemed half to appeal to him for protection, and half to shrink from his scrutiny, confirmed the old man in the sudden idea that this was his ward. Any resemblance that she had to her mother was merely the indefinite and shadowy one, which throws its strange link of kindred over faces which in form and expression are not alike; but he could recognise the daughter{113} of Lilias Johnstone better in the pale, solitary orphan girl before him, than if she had borne her mother’s blooming face, or seemed as full of elastic youth and life as she did, when he saw her last. They stood looking at each other for a moment, and then Mossgray advanced extending his hands.
Hope Oswald stepped away from her spot by the window, and as Mossgray's gaze drifted there, he suddenly froze and got up from his seat. Pulling back, shivering and feeling a bit scared, Lilias looked at him, with tears shimmering on her long eyelashes and her pale, delicate hand shielding her eyes. In that moment, she was aware of no one else's presence except his, and the strange mix of emotions on her face—partly asking him for protection and partly recoiling from his gaze—made the old man suddenly think that this was his ward. Any similarity she had to her mother was just the vague and shadowy kind that creates an odd link of kinship over faces that aren't alike in shape or expression; but he could recognize the daughter of Lilias Johnstone more clearly in the pale, lonely orphan girl standing before him than if she had inherited her mother’s rosy features or appeared as vibrant and full of life as she had when he last saw her. They stood there staring at each other for a moment, then Mossgray stepped forward, reaching out his hands.
“Lilias—Lilias Maxwell—that is your name?—and was it the dead, or was it me, whom you distrusted, when you fled from the guardian your mother committed you to?—This was ill-done, Lilias; but you have had weeping and sorrow enough, my poor child, and now you must come home.”
“Lilias—Lilias Maxwell—that’s your name, right?—Were you running away from your deceased guardians, or from me, when you fled from the person your mother entrusted you to?—This wasn’t right, Lilias; but you’ve been through enough tears and sadness, my poor child, and now it’s time for you to come home.”
Come home!—was there still such a word for the orphan?
Come home!—was there still a word like that for someone without family?
She could not realize it; she sat down passively on the chair Hope Oswald brought her, and spite of the large tears which fell silently now and then, continued to fix her sorrowful eyes upon her mother’s friend. The strange stupor she was in alarmed them all at last.
She couldn't understand it; she sat down quietly in the chair Hope Oswald brought her, and despite the big tears that fell silently from time to time, she kept her sad eyes fixed on her mother's friend. The strange daze she was in finally worried them all.
“Lilias—Lilias,”—repeated Mossgray, as he gently held her hand; but Lilias did not speak. She had been denied the natural due and right of grief; she had been hurried away from her mother’s grave, almost before her desolate heart had been able to shed tears; and now the outraged nature asserted itself:—the strained strength gave way.
“Lilias—Lilias,” Mossgray repeated, gently holding her hand, but Lilias didn’t respond. She had been denied the natural process of grief; she had been rushed away from her mother’s grave, almost before her heart could even begin to cry; and now her hurt emotions demanded attention: the pressure she had been under finally broke.
At last the weeping came again in a flood, and Lilias awoke; awoke to hear gentle tongues of women who had only cold words to say to her before; and, gentlest of all, the old man’s voice, like some kind sound which she had heard in dreams, and waking, yearned to hear again. And the burden of its speech was ever home; it came upon her ear again and again indistinct in every accent but that—what preceded and what followed was lost to her bewildered sense, but the one word rang clearly through the mist that enveloped her—she was to come home.
At last, the tears started flowing again, and Lilias woke up; she woke to hear the soothing voices of women who had only spoken coldly to her before; and, most soothing of all, the old man’s voice, like a comforting sound she had heard in dreams, which made her long to hear it again. The main message was always about home; it echoed in her ears again and again, unclear in every tone except for that—what came before and after was lost on her confused mind, but the one word rang clearly through the fog surrounding her—she was to come home.
And so she did: Hope Oswald wrapped her humble shawl about her, and Mrs Fendie, with her strangely changed voice, accompanied her to the door, and there supported by Mossgray, she entered the carriage which had been sent for, and was driven from the door, the old man sitting by her side. Lilias could scarcely convince herself, until she had entered the room at Mossgray called her own, that it was not all a dream.
And so she did: Hope Oswald wrapped her simple shawl around her, and Mrs. Fendie, with her oddly changed voice, walked her to the door. There, with Mossgray supporting her, she got into the carriage that had been sent for her, and they drove away, the old man sitting beside her. Lilias could hardly convince herself, until she stepped into the room at Mossgray that was called her own, that it wasn't all a dream.
The room had been prepared and ready for many days waiting for its stranger guest. A little fire burned in the grate, and gave the look of welcome, which the familiar{114} living, kindly light does give at all times; and through the small, clear panes of the window, the April sun shone in, in the gentle joy of spring. The panelled walls were painted a sombre quiet colour, but here and there were hung small pictures in deep, rich, old-fashioned frames—pictures of such pure faces, saints and angels, as seem now and then to have looked in upon the dreaming sense of olden artists—not all gentle or serene, or at rest, but speaking the common language of humanity; the constantly varying tongue, in whose very weakness, of change and tremulous expression, lies its might and charm.
The room had been set up and ready for days, just waiting for its unexpected guest. A small fire crackled in the grate, creating a welcoming atmosphere that familiar living spaces always provide; and through the small, clear window panes, the April sun poured in, embodying the gentle joy of spring. The paneled walls were painted a muted, calm color, but there were small pictures hung here and there in deep, rich, old-fashioned frames—images of pure faces, saints, and angels that seemed to have once visited the dreams of old artists—not all gentle or serene, or at rest, but speaking the universal language of humanity; the ever-changing dialect, where its very fragility, through change and delicate expression, holds its power and appeal.
Some books were arranged upon an old cabinet; books which are everywhere familiar, the friends of all who are able for such fellowship; and some, too, less universally appreciated, which were yet worthy of their place. But Lilias did not then perceive these particulars of her guardian’s delicate care for her. She sat down beside the window, and looked about in a dream.
Some books were stacked on an old cabinet; books that are well-known to everyone, companions for those who can enjoy such company; and some, too, less widely appreciated, that still deserved their spot. But Lilias didn’t notice her guardian’s thoughtful attention at that moment. She sat down by the window and gazed around in a daze.
Before her lay the water, and its peaceful banks, with the charm of youth upon them; beyond were scattered houses with the homelike wealth of cultivated land around, the dwellings of those who, working with honest hands, brought seed and bread out of the soil, as God did prosper them. At her right hand the gray mass of the old warlike tower rose up against the quiet sky, with the moss of peace upon its embattled walls. Lilias had known all her life the fortunes of the poor—had wandered hither and thither with her mother, following the devious track of the weak father, who pursued without ceasing the fortune he had not firmness to wait, or strength to work for; so that in many fair places where they had been, the solitary woman and grave girl had longed to find a home and abiding place, but had been able never. The hunted fortune fled always further away, and the querulous, feeble nature, complaining with fretful selfishness of his own ill-fate, seemed always constrained to follow. Strangers and vagabonds they had been continually, and after the brief repose of the widow and her child in the lonely Cumberland glen, Lilias had felt, when she was hurried away in her earliest agony, that thus it was to be for ever.
Before her stretched the water and its peaceful banks, radiating the charm of youth; beyond them were scattered houses surrounded by the familiar warmth of farmland, homes of those who, through hard work, brought seed and bread from the earth, as God blessed them. To her right, the gray structure of the old war tower loomed against the tranquil sky, its moss-covered walls a testament to peace. Lilias had spent her entire life experiencing the struggles of the poor—wandering here and there with her mother, following the meandering path of her weak father, who relentlessly chased after a fortune he lacked the patience to wait for or the strength to work towards. In many beautiful places they had visited, the solitary woman and her serious daughter had yearned for a home, but it always eluded them. The fortune they sought constantly slipped further away, and the whiny, fragile nature of her father, always complaining about his bad luck, seemed destined to keep them on the run. They had always been outsiders and drifters, and after the brief respite in the lonely Cumberland glen, Lilias felt, amidst her earliest sorrow, that this was how it would be forever.
But now the atmosphere of home descended about her. Only the natural successions of time, one generation going and another coming, had changed the inmates of these walls. Steadily here upon its native ground, the old house stood like{115} a stately oak, which had shed its acorns there, autumn after autumn, before human eye was near to see, and should remain until the end. We do not think distinct thoughts at times which form the crises of our life, and Lilias did not deliberately reflect on this; but it struck strongly upon her through the mist of sorrow and wonder she was in. This house, whose wealth was of the soil below and the firmament above, whose inheritance was not of silver or of gold, unproductive and barren, but of the fertile land, and the sunshine and the rain of God; this was her home.
But now the feeling of home wrapped around her. Only the normal flow of time, with one generation leaving and another arriving, had changed the people inside these walls. Steadily, on its familiar ground, the old house stood like{115} a grand oak tree, which had dropped its acorns there, autumn after autumn, long before anyone was around to see, and would remain until the end. We don’t think clearly during the moments that become major turning points in our lives, and Lilias didn't consciously consider this; but it hit her strongly through the haze of sorrow and wonder she was feeling. This house, whose wealth came from the soil below and the sky above, whose inheritance was not in silver or gold, unproductive and barren, but in the rich land, and the sunshine and rain from God; this was her home.
But sorrow had broken in her case the elastic nature of youth. Had she remained among strangers, her stay must soon have had a not unusual end; she would have endured for a while, and then have somewhere withdrawn herself to die as her mother died, but bitterer to die alone. As it was, Mossgray gained his ward only in time to save her; and all the summer through Lilias had to be tended like a delicate flower. Vainly she exerted herself and tried to be strong; vainly endeavoured to lessen the anxious cares of her guardian; but it would not do. The springs of youthful strength were stemmed in her worn-out heart. For a few days she had been able convulsively to bind and keep her natural sorrow down; but the reäction was vehement and long.
But sadness had shattered the resilient nature of her youth. If she had stayed among strangers, her time there would have likely ended in a familiar way; she would have managed for a while, then withdrawn to die alone like her mother, which would have been even more painful. Fortunately, Mossgray became her guardian just in time to save her; all summer long, Lilias needed to be cared for like a fragile flower. She tried hard to be strong and to ease her guardian's worries, but it just didn't work. The sources of youthful strength were blocked in her tired heart. For a few days, she managed to suppress her natural sadness, but the backlash was intense and prolonged.
The lilies daily placed upon her table, the books of all pleasant kinds which he constantly brought to her, the visitors whom, after a month or two had elapsed, he tolerated, and indeed encouraged, for her sake—all the gentle things the old man did, day by day, and hour by hour, conspired to invigorate the broken mind of Lilias, and restore its tone and power. She knew that he too grieved for the dead, and she felt that it became her to render him some other return for his tenderness to herself than those pale looks and tears; so conscientiously and painfully she struggled to regain the cheerfulness becoming her years. It was a hard task, for Lilias had not the elastic vitality which springs up in renewed vigour from the prostration of grief—her nature had much of pensive calm in it; but she struggled against her overwhelming sorrow, and the very effort helped her to overcome.
The lilies he placed on her table every day, the enjoyable books he always brought her, the visitors he accepted and even encouraged after a month or so, all those gentle gestures from the old man, day by day and hour by hour, worked together to lift Lilias’s shattered mind and restore its strength and clarity. She knew he also mourned the loss, and felt it was important to show him some kind of gratitude for his kindness towards her beyond just her pale expressions and tears; so with great effort and determination, she tried to regain the brightness appropriate for her age. It was a tough challenge, as Lilias didn’t possess the resilient energy that often comes back stronger after the depths of grief—her nature leaned more towards a reflective calm; yet, she fought against her overwhelming sadness, and that very struggle helped her to heal.
Mrs Oswald visited her in kindly friendship, and Mrs Fendie came to patronize, and suggest, and arrange. Mrs Fendie did not see how Miss Maxwell could remain, unless Mr Graeme got some “experienced person,” some presiding{116} matron to make his house a proper residence for his ward. Adam Graeme of Mossgray was sixty; he thought the countryside had known him long enough and well enough to trust the daughter of Lilias Johnstone in his hands, as confidently as though he had been her father; and Mrs Oswald agreed with him.
Mrs. Oswald visited her out of genuine friendship, while Mrs. Fendie came to oversee, suggest, and organize. Mrs. Fendie couldn’t understand how Miss Maxwell could stay unless Mr. Graeme found some “experienced person,” a supervising{116} matron to turn his home into a suitable place for his ward. Adam Graeme of Mossgray was sixty; he felt the countryside had known him long enough and well enough to trust the daughter of Lilias Johnstone in his care, just as confidently as if he had been her father; and Mrs. Oswald agreed with him.
And Lilias had at once secured the very warm friendship of Hope, who already meditated making use of her in her grand scheme for the elevation of Helen Buchanan, and the conversion of her father. To make Miss Maxwell intimate with Helen, Hope decided in her very grave and elaborate deliberations over the whole difficult question of her father’s resolution and the means to overcome it, would be a great step in advance, but it was decidedly impracticable at present; so Hope, like a wise general, prepared the way with each by praising the other, and suspended more practical operations.
And Lilias quickly won the close friendship of Hope, who was already thinking of using her in her grand plan to uplift Helen Buchanan and change her father's mind. Hope believed that introducing Miss Maxwell to Helen would be a significant step forward in her serious and detailed considerations of her father's decision and how to challenge it, but it was definitely not feasible at the moment. So, like a smart general, Hope laid the groundwork by complimenting each of them to the other and put more practical actions on hold.
Slowly the faint colour which was natural to her began to dawn upon the white cheeks of Mossgray’s Lilias. The old man’s study in the tower was almost deserted; the small projecting turret with its windowed roof and wondrous telescope began to look forlorn and melancholy; the large low room within lay whole days in gloomy silence; the famous chemic tools of which the children of Fendie had heard thrilling whispers, were gathering a gentle coat of dust. Their owner had experiments to make of a kind more curious than those in which he used them. He was discovering one by one the qualities of the human heart so strangely given in charge to him—was discerning star after star rise upon her firmament—patience, faith, hope—kindly human hope, which has somewhat in this very world beside its riches in the world to come.
Slowly, the faint color that was natural to her began to appear on the pale cheeks of Mossgray’s Lilias. The old man’s study in the tower was almost empty; the small projecting turret with its windowed roof and amazing telescope looked lonely and sad. The large, low room inside remained silent for days on end; the famous chemistry tools that the kids of Fendie had heard exciting whispers about were collecting a gentle layer of dust. Their owner had experiments to conduct that were more intriguing than those for which he used them. He was slowly uncovering the qualities of the human heart that had been entrusted to him—recognizing star after star rise in her sky—patience, faith, hope—kindly human hope, which has something in this world besides its treasures in the world to come.
One autumn evening (for the summer was over before Lilias recovered her strength) they went out together to the river-side. He was telling her how it had been his fellow and companion all his days.
One autumn evening (since summer had ended before Lilias regained her strength), they went out together by the river. He was sharing how it had been his friend and companion throughout his life.
“There is something human in this running water,” said the old man. “So we go on, Lilias, through our different stages, blind to what is to come next, often unconscious of the pleasant places we travel through; but though we chafe sometimes, and seem to pause and delay, how constantly the stream runs on! I like it for its humanity—for all the light, and all the darkness, and the winds that touch, and the rains that flood it—for its beginning and for its end. It pleases{117} me to give it life and utterance, and think it human like myself.”
“There’s something very human about this running water,” said the old man. “So we keep going, Lilias, through our different phases, unaware of what’s coming next, often oblivious to the beautiful places we pass through; but even when we get frustrated and seem to be stuck or slowing down, the stream keeps flowing! I appreciate it for its humanity—for all the light and all the darkness, and the winds that caress it, and the rains that surge over it—for its start and its finish. It brings me joy to give it life and voice, and to see it as something human, just like me.”
“You knew it when you were young, Mossgray,” said Lilias, “and it is beside you still.”
“You knew it when you were young, Mossgray,” Lilias said, “and it's still right next to you.”
She still felt this as something strangely gladdening; to dwell in one place a lifetime; to appropriate it all; to have friendships with its hills and its rivers; to feel that it was home.
She still found this to be oddly uplifting; to stay in one place for a lifetime; to make it all hers; to have connections with its hills and rivers; to feel that it was home.
“Yes,” said Mossgray, looking back at his old house as it lay in the shade, from which the slanting light of the western sun had nearly passed away, “yes, it is a happiness—it is a pleasant thread, this river, on which to hang the memories of one’s life; there was no water, Lilias, in your Cumberland glen?”
“Yes,” said Mossgray, glancing back at his old house as it sat in the shade, from which the slanting light of the setting sun had almost disappeared, “yes, it’s a joy—it’s a nice thread, this river, on which to hang the memories of one’s life; there was no water, Lilias, in your Cumberland glen?”
“Only a brook,” was the answer, “and we used to sit and watch it, for its way was too steep to follow—and sometimes—”
“Just a brook,” was the answer, “and we used to sit and watch it, because we couldn’t follow its steep path—and sometimes—”
Ah, that climbing sorrow! how it returned and returned again!
Ah, that rising sadness! How it kept coming back over and over again!
“But you have travelled,” said Mossgray, gently leading her from this painful recollection; “you have scarcely gone so far as I have, but you have seen many places:—let me hear of your wanderings, Lilias.”
“But you’ve traveled,” said Mossgray, gently steering her away from this painful memory; “you haven’t gone as far as I have, but you’ve seen many places—let me hear about your adventures, Lilias.”
“Have you been far away, Mossgray?”
“Have you been far away, Mossgray?”
“Very far,” said Mossgray, with a mournful smile, “and my furthest journey was a very sad one; I went to seek a dear friend, and I found him not—that was in India.”
“Very far,” said Mossgray, with a sad smile, “and my longest journey was a really sad one; I went to look for a dear friend, and I didn’t find him—that was in India.”
“In India!” A flush of sudden light came over the face which turned to him so earnestly.
“In India!” A sudden glow spread across the face that turned to him so earnestly.
“Yes. Are you interested in that great world, Lilias?”
“Yeah. Are you interested in that amazing world, Lilias?”
“It must be a very great country indeed,” said Lilias, slowly, “where the principal places are so far apart. Will you tell me where you were, Mossgray?”
“It must be a really big country,” Lilias said slowly, “if the main places are so far apart. Can you tell me where you were, Mossgray?”
The old man smiled.
The old man smiled.
“I could have told you long since, had I known you cared for such a subject. I was in Bombay, Lilias, and far into the interior beyond Bombay.”
“I could have told you a long time ago if I had known you were interested in that topic. I was in Bombay, Lilias, and deep in the interior beyond Bombay.”
“In Bombay!” There was another flush of interest—the tall slight figure had never looked so life-like, nor the form so animated.
“In Bombay!” There was another surge of interest—the tall, slender figure had never looked so lifelike, nor the form so lively.
“Yes, in Bombay—do you know anything of Bombay, Lilias?”
“Yes, in Bombay—do you know anything about Bombay, Lilias?”
“No, no,” said Lilias, with a sudden blush, “I do not{118} know—but I have heard—we had a friend once who went there.”
“No, no,” said Lilias, suddenly blushing, “I don’t{118} know—but I’ve heard—we had a friend once who went there.”
She cast a sidelong, tremulous look upward to his face. He did not smile as she feared he would. It pleased him to hear of the friend, and the tone in which the friend was mentioned pleased him. He was glad there was some one in the world, the name of whose habitation had power to move the slumbering fountain of young life within her; he was glad that in this present world she had some other tie than the new relationship which bound her to himself, and in his delicate kindness he looked and spoke gravely, to encourage her to confide in him.
She glanced nervously up at his face. He didn’t smile like she worried he would. Hearing about the friend made him happy, and the way she talked about the friend pleased him. He was glad there was someone in the world whose name could stir the dormant energy of youth within her; he was glad that in her current life, she had a connection beyond the new relationship that tied her to him. With delicate kindness, he looked and spoke seriously to encourage her to open up to him.
“And you would like me to tell you about it. Would not reading do as well?”
“And you want me to tell you about it. Wouldn’t reading it be just as good?”
“No, no,” repeated Lilias; “the book does not live—you do not see the eyes which saw those things you want to hear of, as I see yours, Mossgray, and—the place is fine, is it not?”
“No, no,” Lilias said again; “the book isn’t alive—you can’t see the eyes that witnessed those events you want to hear about, like I see yours, Mossgray, and—the place is lovely, isn’t it?”
“I think so,” was the answer; “yes, I remember that; but, Lilias, when I was there, I was sick at heart—sick with anxiety at first—and sick when I came away, with hope deferred—I should say with hope extinguished. The calamity that maketh the heart sick, clouds a fair landscape sadly, Lilias, and when I think of that beautiful eastern country, I think of it as the grave of my friend.”
“I think so,” was the answer; “yes, I remember that; but, Lilias, when I was there, I was heartbroken—sick with worry at first—and sick when I left, with delayed hope—I should say with hope crushed. The disaster that makes the heart heavy casts a shadow over a beautiful landscape, Lilias, and when I think of that lovely eastern country, I see it as the resting place of my friend.”
“Did he die?” asked Lilias, in the tremulous low voice, which for the few preceding moments had been changed.
“Did he die?” Lilias asked, her voice quivering and low, a change that had come over her in the last few moments.
Mossgray paused. Thirty years had elapsed since colder men decided Hew Murray’s fate, thirty years without a sign or token, the faintest that hope could build on; and yet the old man hesitated to say he died.
Mossgray paused. Thirty years had passed since colder men decided Hew Murray’s fate, thirty years without a sign or clue, the slightest thing that hope could build on; and yet the old man hesitated to say he died.
“Lilias, I cannot tell. He was my dear friend; we were close brethren in our youth; do you think he can have lived these thirty years, and given no sign?”
“Lilias, I can't say. He was my dear friend; we were like brothers in our youth; do you really think he could have lived for thirty years without showing any signs?”
“No, Mossgray,” said Lilias, “oh, no, no! I do not think it can be hard to die; but to live while your dearest friends think you are dead—no, no—it could not be!”
“No, Mossgray,” said Lilias, “oh, no, no! I don’t think it can be hard to die; but to live while your closest friends believe you’re dead—no, no—it couldn’t be!”
The old man sighed.
The old man sighed.
“Then he is dead,” he said.
"Then he's dead," he said.
There was a pause.
There was a break.
“And this friend of yours,” resumed Mossgray, at last, “he likes Bombay, Lilias?”
“And this friend of yours,” Mossgray continued, “he likes Bombay, Lilias?”
The light came again more timidly.{119}
The light returned once more, but this time it was more hesitant.{119}
“I think so—I mean, he does not like it—it is not home—but—”
“I think so—I mean, he doesn’t like it—it’s not home—but—”
“But he thinks he will prosper there, and he is young, and has good cause for his toil?”
“But he believes he will succeed there, and he is young, and has good reasons for his hard work?”
Lilias looked at her guardian shyly again; but there was no ghost of raillery on the kind face of Mossgray; he would have her think cheerily of the young hopes of the labourer over the sea.
Lilias glanced at her guardian shyly once more, but there was no hint of teasing on Mossgray's kind face; he wanted her to think positively about the young hopes of the laborer across the sea.
And Lilias looked away far into the distant air, and answered with a voice so full and rich in its low music, that Mossgray scarcely knew it for hers,—
And Lilias gazed off into the distance, and replied in a voice so deep and melodic that Mossgray could hardly recognize it as hers,—
“And for his mother’s sake.”
"And for his mom's sake."
CHAPTER IX.
“She is like that harp the winds do play upon; mark her well. She shall tell you what she dreams unwittingly, for her face is no mask—nothing but a veil, and under it you shall see her heart beat.”—Old Play.
“She is like that harp the winds play on; pay attention to her. She will reveal her dreams without realizing it, for her face is no mask—just a veil, and beneath it you will see her heart beat.”—Classic Play.
Helen Buchanan stood alone at the gate of her mother’s garden; there was a nervous tremor about her as she leaned upon the hawthorn-hedge, with her face towards the setting sun. These October nights were becoming chill, and the shawl she drew round her was not a warm one; but her trembling sprung from quite another cause. She was young and proud and poor; and William Oswald, walking as if for a wager, and looking almost as nervously firm as she did, had newly left the gate.
Helen Buchanan stood by herself at the gate of her mother's garden; there was a nervous shake in her as she leaned against the hawthorn hedge, facing the setting sun. These October nights were getting chilly, and the shawl she wrapped around herself wasn’t very warm; but her trembling came from a different reason altogether. She was young, proud, and poor; and William Oswald, walking as though it was a bet, and looking almost as anxiously composed as she did, had just left the gate.
He had been telling her something which to him seemed perfectly reasonable, something which certainly in the abstract did not look unreasonable in any view: that he, a man, able to exercise judgment for himself, and able honourably to earn his own bread, did not feel himself bound by the decision of his father, did not feel by any means that his father’s iron will should or could restrain him in those early, strong, energetic years of his manhood; that honouring his father as a father should be honoured, he yet felt some individual rights, which no man could exercise for him. So far was well{120} enough; the daughter of Walter Buchanan drew up her elastic figure, and strengthening herself in nervous stillness waited for what she knew would follow.
He had been telling her something that seemed perfectly reasonable to him, something that certainly didn't seem unreasonable at all in theory: that he, as a man capable of making his own decisions and earning his own living, didn't feel bound by his father's decision, and didn't think his father's strong will should or could hold him back during these early, vibrant years of his manhood; that while he respected his father as any son should, he also felt he had individual rights that no one could take away from him. So far, so good{120}; Walter Buchanan's daughter straightened her flexible body and, steeling herself in anxious stillness, waited for what she knew was coming next.
It came in a flood—bold, and grave, and decided as William Oswald always was, when his reserve was broken through. The world was all before them where to choose, and Helen felt that when he spoke of independent labour for which he was strong and able, and of success to be won by that, he spoke the truth, and for a moment the hereditary pride ebbed, and her heart rose to the congenial struggle; but it could not be. Before half the words of her answer were spoken, he had learned it all from the unmistakeable language of her face. “Never, unless received in honour and goodwill, with the respect and tenderness which became a daughter. Never!”
It came out all at once—bold, serious, and determined, just like William Oswald always was when he let his guard down. The world was wide open for them to choose from, and Helen felt that when he talked about working independently, something he was strong and capable of, and about achieving success that way, he was being honest. For a moment, her inherited pride faded, and she felt a connection to the worthy struggle; but it couldn’t be. Before she got halfway through her response, he had already figured it all out from the unmistakable look on her face. “Never, unless it's received with honor and goodwill, with the respect and affection that a daughter deserves. Never!”
They had parted—not in anger, but with some degree of excitement and pain—each with a stronger resolution to overcome the other, each only the more determined to persevere and win. The matter had become a single-handed combat, the combatants were well matched, the issue doubtful; time and the hour could alone decide.
They had separated—not in anger, but with a mix of excitement and pain—each more determined to outdo the other, each even more committed to pushing through and coming out on top. It had turned into a one-on-one battle, the opponents were evenly matched, the outcome uncertain; only time would tell who would win.
And still, that nervous thrill passing over her like wind, Helen stood at the gate looking towards the west. With one of those sudden changes to which her temperament is liable, a flood of bitter thoughts had suddenly stolen into her mind. It was not envious repining, it was scarcely discontent; but she began to remember that there in her youth she stood alone—that the very strength which she had to earn bread for herself and her mother, by her own honourable labour, had cast her down in the small society about them, to a lower and to a solitary place—that those bright youthful days, to others so instinct with joyous life, were to her days of gloomy labour, evenings of solitude. And thronging in the rear of these, were hosts of indefinite, rapid, inexpressible feelings; remembrances of petty slights and proud swellings of the wounded heart, which in spite of its years of independent working, was still but a girl’s. The deep melancholy and depression peculiar to her nature—peculiar only in transient fits, soon swept away by the inherent strength of life and hope within—lowered over her like a cloud. There came to her eyes involuntary causeless tears: her heart grew blank and dark within her, and wistfully she looked upward to the sky—the wonderful western sky with its flushed clouds of{121} sunset—thinking in her sad, proud loneliness that only this was left to her of the natural gladnesses of youth.
And still, that nervous thrill passing over her like a breeze, Helen stood at the gate looking towards the west. With one of those sudden mood swings she was prone to, a flood of bitter thoughts suddenly invaded her mind. It wasn’t envy, nor was it really discontent; she began to remember that in her youth she stood alone—that the very strength she used to earn a living for herself and her mother through her own honorable work had pushed her down in their small community, to a lower and solitary place—that those bright youthful days, so full of joy for others, were for her days of hard labor and evenings of loneliness. And trailing behind those memories were a rush of unclear, quick, indescribable feelings; recollections of minor slights and the proud pangs of a wounded heart, which despite her years of independence, was still just that of a girl. The deep sadness and gloom unique to her nature—only present in fleeting moments, quickly swept away by her inherent strength of life and hope—hung over her like a cloud. Tears came to her eyes without reason: her heart felt empty and dark within her, and wistfully she looked up to the sky—the beautiful western sky with its glowing sunset clouds—thinking in her sad, proud solitude that this was all that remained for her of the natural joys of youth.
Just then an eager hand was thrust into hers, and the joyous voice of Hope Oswald broke in upon her reverie.
Just then, an eager hand reached for hers, and the cheerful voice of Hope Oswald interrupted her daydream.
“Helen, Helen, what makes you always stand here and look at the sun?”
“Helen, Helen, why do you always stand here and stare at the sun?”
The momentary distemper tinged even her speech.
The brief anger affected even the way she spoke.
“Because I like to see him sink, Hope. I like to watch him gliding away yonder behind the hill, and see how blank and cold it all looks after he is gone.”
“Because I like to see him fade away, Hope. I enjoy watching him drift off over the hill, and noticing how empty and chilly everything appears once he’s gone.”
“Ay! but, Helen, look how beautiful the clouds are,” said Hope, “you would think the sun was hiding yonder. See, see! how grand it is!—and him away all the time beyond the hill. You will not look, Helen: but I think the clouds are as beautiful as the sun.”
“Ay! But, Helen, look how beautiful the clouds are,” said Hope, “you would think the sun was hiding over there. See, see! How grand it is!—and he’s been away all the time beyond the hill. You won’t look, Helen: but I think the clouds are as beautiful as the sun.”
“And in half an hour they will all have melted away,” said the young moralizer, “and so does everything in the world that is beautiful, Hope. The fair colours fade into that pale, blank grey, and the air grows chill and mournful, and then comes the night.”
“And in half an hour, they’ll all be gone,” said the young moralist, “and so does everything beautiful in the world, Hope. The bright colors fade into that pale, empty gray, the air becomes cold and somber, and then night falls.”
“But do you not like the night, Helen?” asked the wondering Hope.
“But don’t you like the night, Helen?” asked the curious Hope.
“I was not thinking of the night, I was thinking of what comes upon us in the world,” said Helen dreamily in her self-communion, “and how the dull colourless sky droops over us, and the light passes away, and the inexorable darkness comes.”
“I wasn’t thinking about the night; I was thinking about what happens to us in the world,” Helen said dreamily to herself, “and how the dull, gray sky hangs over us, and the light fades away, and the relentless darkness arrives.”
She paused—she was fairly afloat on this dark stream of thought, becoming sadder and more downcast with every word she spoke. The causeless tears hung upon her eyelashes, her lips quivered and faltered; the deep cloud of characteristic melancholy had fallen like a veil upon her heart.
She paused—she felt like she was floating on this dark stream of thoughts, growing sadder and more downhearted with every word she spoke. Uncontrolled tears hung on her eyelashes, her lips trembled and hesitated; a deep cloud of typical sadness had settled like a veil over her heart.
“But Helen,” said Hope, in a low alarmed voice, as she pressed close to her friend’s side. “Helen, is that true? People say it in books, and ministers say it. It is in the Bible I heard one say, but I never saw it in the Bible, Helen.”
“But Helen,” Hope said in a hushed, worried tone, pressing close to her friend's side. “Helen, is that true? People say it in books, and ministers say it too. I heard one mention it in the Bible, but I never saw it in the Bible, Helen.”
“Saw what?”
“Saw what?”
“What the minister said—what you were saying, Helen—that the world is very miserable, that everybody must be unhappy. Helen, you are old, you know better than me; but I think it is not true.{122}”
“What the minister said—what you were saying, Helen—that the world is really bleak, that everyone must be unhappy. Helen, you’re older, you know better than I do; but I don’t think that’s true.{122}”
The electric touch was given; there needed no more; bravely upon the rising tide the distempered thoughts went out, not to return again until their time. The tears went back to their fountain—the face brightened with its varying, fluttering colour—the dark mood was gone.
The electric touch was given; that was all it needed; bravely, the troubled thoughts flowed out on the rising tide, not to return until their time. The tears returned to their source—the face lit up with its changing, fluttering colors—the dark mood disappeared.
“Did I say so, Hope? did you think I said so? No, no, it is not true!” said Helen, the words coming quick and low, in her rapid revulsion of feeling; “there is sorrow and there is joy, as there are darkness and light; but the night is good as well as the day, and it is blessed to live—blessed to have all the changes God sends to us—good and evil—the sweet and the bitter—blessed and not miserable, Hope.”
“Did I say that, Hope? Did you think I said that? No, no, that’s not true!” said Helen, her words coming out quickly and quietly, driven by her sudden rush of emotions. “There’s sorrow and there’s joy, just like there’s darkness and light; but the night is just as good as the day, and it’s a blessing to live—blessed to experience all the changes God brings our way—both good and bad—the sweet and the sour—blessed and not miserable, Hope.”
The clouds were hovering over the blank hill far away in golden masses, rounded with the soft advancing gloom of night, and overhead was the peaceful sky, pure and pale in the stillness of its rest.
The clouds were hanging over the empty hill in the distance like golden clumps, rounded by the gentle approaching darkness of night, and above was the calm sky, clear and pale in the stillness of its rest.
“Sometimes we have storms, Hope,” said the repentant Helen, “and sometimes it is dark—dark—you do not know how dark it grows sometimes; but the sun rises every morning, and every night—look up yonder, how quiet the sky is—do you think the world could be miserable, Hope, so long as there is the sky and the sun?”
“Sometimes we face storms, Hope,” said the regretful Helen, “and sometimes it gets dark—really dark—you have no idea how dark it can get; but the sun comes up every morning, and every night—look up there, how peaceful the sky is—do you think the world could be unhappy, Hope, as long as there's the sky and the sun?”
Hope looked up wistfully but did not speak, for she could not quite understand yet, either the melancholy itself or the sudden change; but she hung upon Helen’s arm in her affectionate girlish way, and they stood together in silence watching how the colours faded one by one, till the hill in the west grew only a great dark shadow, and parting into long pale misty streaks, the clouds lay motionless upon the calm, cold heaven. There is a long stretch of wet sand yonder where the broad Firth ought to be, and something chill and disconsolate, speaking of early winter, is in that gusty inconsistent breeze, which already carries past them a yellow leaf or two, dead so soon; but Helen Buchanan, wayward and inconsistent too, has bright life in her eyes, and sees nothing sad in all she looks upon. Within herself has risen this wilful, strong, capricious light proper to her nature—a nature strangely formed, as God builds not as man does—with every delicate line and shadowy curve, belonging separately to the gentle weak, conspiring to perfect it as strong.
Hope looked up sadly but didn't say anything because she still couldn't fully grasp either the sadness or the sudden change. She clung to Helen's arm in her affectionate, girlish way, and they stood quietly together, watching the colors fade one by one. The hill in the west turned into just a large dark shadow, and the clouds lay still against the calm, cold sky, parting into long, pale, misty streaks. There's a long stretch of wet sand over there where the broad Firth should be, and there's something chilling and unsettling in that gusty, unpredictable breeze, which already carries past them a couple of yellow leaves, dead so soon. But Helen Buchanan, just as unpredictable, has a bright spark in her eyes and sees nothing sad in what surrounds her. Within her, this strong, willful light appropriate to her nature has blossomed—a nature uniquely shaped, as God creates differently than man—filled with every delicate line and shadowy curve, belonging individually to the gentle weak, yet combining to make it strong.
Mrs Buchanan was a cheerful, sanguine woman; she liked to have her little parlour look bright after its homely fashion, though not with tawdry embellishments, or those{123} poor ornamental shifts of poverty with which women dwelling at home are apt to solace their vacant hours, and imitate the costly follies of their richer sisters. A little bright fire burned in the grate, not without a certain aroma which whispered of the fragrant peat, that helped to compose it; and the parlour with only its one candle was full of cheerful light. The gentle, kindly mother was jealous of the varying moods of her sole child, and was fain to use all simple arts to throw the spell of quiet cheerfulness over the room in which they spent these long evenings almost constantly alone.
Mrs. Buchanan was a cheerful, optimistic woman; she liked to keep her little living room looking bright in its cozy way, though not with cheap decorations or the{123} sad little tricks of poverty that women at home often use to fill their empty hours and mimic the expensive fancies of their wealthier sisters. A small, bright fire crackled in the grate, giving off a pleasant aroma that hinted at the fragrant peat that contributed to it; and the room, lit only by a single candle, was filled with warm light. The gentle, loving mother was sensitive to her only child's changing moods and tried her best to create an atmosphere of quiet cheerfulness in the space where they spent nearly all of their long evenings alone together.
“Mrs Buchanan,” said Hope, “Helen is sad—I want you to tell me why everybody in Fendie is sad; they never used to be before—it is only this year.”
“Mrs. Buchanan,” said Hope, “Helen is sad—I want to know why everyone in Fendie is sad; they weren’t like this before—it’s only this year.”
Mrs Buchanan had already read her daughter’s face; but she saw that the cloud, if there had been a cloud, was gone, and that it was not expedient to speak of it.
Mrs. Buchanan had already read her daughter’s expression; however, she noticed that the cloud, if there had been one, was gone, and that it wasn’t wise to bring it up.
“If you will tell me, Hope, my dear,” said Helen’s good mother, “who everybody is, I shall answer your question; but I am very sure I saw a great number of people in Fendie to-day, who had no sadness about them.”
“If you tell me, Hope, my dear,” said Helen’s good mother, “who everyone is, I’ll answer your question; but I’m pretty sure I saw a lot of people in Fendie today who didn’t have any sadness about them.”
“Oh, but who were they, Mrs Buchanan?” asked Hope.
“Oh, but who were they, Mrs. Buchanan?” Hope asked.
Mrs Buchanan smiled.
Mrs. Buchanan smiled.
“There was Robert Johnston, the grocer—he got another daughter last night; and there was Maxwell Dickson at the library—his son Robbie got a prize yesterday at the academy; and there was—”
“There was Robert Johnston, the grocer—he had another daughter last night; and there was Maxwell Dickson at the library—his son Robbie won a prize yesterday at the academy; and there was—”
Hope was disdainful; and even the face of her friend Helen glowed into genial laughter, as she threw back her unruly hair and interrupted Mrs Buchanan in great impatience.
Hope was dismissive; and even her friend Helen's face lit up with warm laughter as she tossed her messy hair back and interrupted Mrs. Buchanan with obvious impatience.
“But I did not mean them! I was not thinking of them. Maxwell Dickson! as if he knew what it was to be sad—and that great lout Robbie; but I don’t care about them—it’s our own folk—it’s—”
“But I didn’t mean them! I wasn’t thinking about them. Maxwell Dickson! It’s like he knows what it’s like to be sad—and that big oaf Robbie; but I don’t care about them—it’s our own people—it’s—”
“When do you go back to Edinburgh?” interrupted Helen.
“When are you going back to Edinburgh?” interrupted Helen.
“Oh, next month,” was the answer, “my mother says I may stay till Hallowe’en; but, Helen, my mother is going to ask Miss Swinton to come with me to Fendie next summer, at the vacation.”
“Oh, next month,” was the answer, “my mom says I can stay until Halloween; but, Helen, my mom is going to ask Miss Swinton to come with me to Fendie next summer, during the break.”
“You seem to be very fond of Miss Swinton, Hope?” said Mrs Buchanan.
“You really seem to like Miss Swinton a lot, Hope?” Mrs. Buchanan said.
“Oh, yes, everybody is—you would like her too, Mrs Buchanan.{124}”
“Oh, yeah, everyone is—you’d like her too, Mrs. Buchanan.{124}”
“Should I? and why do you think that, Hope?”
“Should I? And why do you think that, Hope?”
“Oh, I know,” said Hope, in wise certainty, “because she likes Helen.”
“Oh, I know,” said Hope, confidently, “because she likes Helen.”
The argument was irresistible, and Mrs Buchanan confessed it, by pulling Hope’s exuberant hair.
The argument was too tempting to resist, and Mrs. Buchanan admitted it by tugging at Hope's lively hair.
“Likes me!” the varying colour heightened on Helen’s face. “She does not know me, Hope.”
“Likes me!” the different colors flushed Helen’s face. “She doesn’t know me, Hope.”
“Yes, but she does, Helen,” answered the sagacious Hope, “for I used to tell her; and she knows you quite well, and she says you are brave. Helen, if you only saw Miss Swinton! but you will when she comes.”
“Yes, but she does, Helen,” replied the wise Hope, “because I used to tell her; and she knows you really well, and she says you are brave. Helen, if you could just see Miss Swinton! But you will when she arrives.”
“She says I am brave;” Helen repeated the consolatory words under her breath, and asked herself “why?”
“She says I’m brave,” Helen whispered the comforting words to herself and wondered, “why?”
“But I do not know, my dear,” said Mrs Buchanan, “how Helen is to see this friend of yours, unless she calls on us—and we are strangers to her, you know.”
“But I don’t know, my dear,” Mrs. Buchanan said, “how Helen is supposed to meet this friend of yours unless she visits us—and we’re strangers to her, you know.”
Mrs Buchanan was a little proud—she had no idea of being condescended to.
Mrs. Buchanan was a bit proud—she had no intention of being looked down upon.
“Only wait till she comes,” said Hope, triumphantly, “I know she will want to see Helen sooner than anybody else, because she says Helen is—”
“Just wait until she arrives,” Hope said with excitement, “I know she’ll want to see Helen before anyone else, because she says Helen is—”
Helen interposed. She fancied that Hope intended to repeat the same word of commendation, and the quick spirit did not choose to hear it again. She was mistaken—Hope intended to bestow upon her friend the highest title in her vocabulary—that of gentlewoman—in name of Miss Swinton.
Helen interrupted. She thought that Hope was going to say the same compliment again, and her quick temper didn't want to hear it once more. She was wrong—Hope actually meant to give her friend the highest title she could think of—that of gentlewoman, in reference to Miss Swinton.
“When Miss Swinton speaks of me so kindly,” said Helen in haste, “let me hear what she calls you, Hope.”
“When Miss Swinton talks about me so nicely,” Helen said quickly, “let me hear what she calls you, Hope.”
Hope hesitated—she liked very well to repeat the commendation to herself, but had a little tremor in saying it aloud—if Helen laughed at her!
Hope hesitated—she really liked to say the compliment to herself, but felt a bit nervous saying it out loud—what if Helen laughed at her!
“I don’t know—perhaps she did not mean it,” said Hope, slowly, “but Miss Swinton says I am sensible, Helen.”
“I don’t know—maybe she didn’t mean it,” said Hope, slowly, “but Miss Swinton says I’m sensible, Helen.”
Mrs Buchanan shed the rebellious hair off Hope’s open candid forehead, and Helen laughed in such kindly wise as could by no possibility mean ridicule, as her mother said,—
Mrs. Buchanan brushed the rebellious hair away from Hope’s open, honest forehead, and Helen laughed in a way that was so kind it couldn’t possibly be taken as mocking, as her mother said,—
“And so you are, Hope—and a good bairn besides. Miss Swinton is quite right.”
“And so you are, Hope—and a good child too. Miss Swinton is totally right.”
Whereupon Hope launched forth into another panegyric upon Miss Swinton. Helen did not very distinctly hear her. There was a good deal of the suggestive in Hope’s conversation, and her friend had snatched from it in her hasty fashion the germ of an important idea.{125}
Hope then started another praise-filled speech about Miss Swinton. Helen didn't catch all of it clearly. There was a lot of implication in Hope’s talk, and her friend quickly picked up on an important idea from it. {125}
“Mother,” said Helen, breaking in abruptly upon Hope, “should you like to live in Edinburgh?”
“Mom,” said Helen, interrupting Hope, “would you like to live in Edinburgh?”
Mrs Buchanan’s mind was not so rapid as her daughter’s. She looked up with a quiet unmoved smile.
Mrs. Buchanan’s thinking wasn’t as quick as her daughter’s. She looked up with a calm, steady smile.
“I do not doubt I should, Helen; most people like Edinburgh; but why do you ask me?”
“I’m sure I would, Helen; most people love Edinburgh. But why are you asking me?”
Mrs Buchanan laid down her work as she spoke, and waited for the proposal which she knew was to follow. She had yet no glimmering of what it was, but she had studied those kindling eyes too long not to know that the sudden flush of some new purpose possessed them.
Mrs. Buchanan set aside her work as she spoke and waited for the proposal she knew was coming. She had no idea yet what it would be, but she had watched those brightening eyes for too long not to realize that a sudden burst of new intention was driving them.
“Suppose we could go,” said Helen, rapidly; “suppose I could get a situation, mother, with some one like Miss Swinton, with Miss Swinton herself perhaps; should you like it? would you go to Edinburgh?”
“Imagine if we could go,” Helen said quickly. “What if I could get a job, mom, with someone like Miss Swinton, maybe even with Miss Swinton herself? Would you be on board? Would you travel to Edinburgh?”
Mrs Buchanan paused to think; the glowing moving face before her was not of the kind which takes time to deliberate. Helen clasped her small nervous fingers and looked into the vacant air, with her fixed unconscious eyes, and saw no obstacle in the way; no lingering tenderness to subdue; no sickness of heart to overcome; when they came hereafter she would do battle against them bravely—now, she saw them not.
Mrs. Buchanan paused to think; the glowing, animated face in front of her wasn’t the type to take time to consider things. Helen clasped her small, nervous fingers and stared into the empty space with her unseeing eyes, seeing no hurdles in her path; no lingering feelings to suppress; no heartache to overcome; when those feelings came later, she would fight against them bravely—right now, she didn’t see them at all.
“Oh, Helen!” exclaimed Hope, breathless with her first surprise and delight; but Hope recollected herself; this would be a death-blow to all her schemes, so she added,—“Helen, the teachers all live with Miss Swinton. Mrs Buchanan, you would not like to be alone?”
“Oh, Helen!” Hope exclaimed, catching her breath from surprise and excitement; but then she composed herself, realizing this would ruin all her plans, so she added, “Helen, the teachers all live with Miss Swinton. Mrs. Buchanan, you wouldn't want to be alone, would you?”
Mrs Buchanan still said nothing. It was very true she would not like to be alone, and very true it was also that she shrank from the unknown evils of change, and was better pleased to remain with the quiet cares she knew, than encounter those she did not know; but, unlike Hope, she said nothing. She did not choose to throw down, by any sudden decision, the dreams with which her daughter was already filling the air.
Mrs. Buchanan still didn't say anything. It was definitely true that she didn't want to be alone, and it was also true that she was hesitant about the unknown challenges that change could bring. She preferred to stick with the familiar worries she understood rather than face ones she didn't. However, unlike Hope, she stayed silent. She didn’t want to suddenly crush the dreams that her daughter was already envisioning.
“Do you think I would not do for Miss Swinton, Hope?” asked Helen.
“Do you think I wouldn’t do anything for Miss Swinton, Hope?” asked Helen.
“Helen!” exclaimed Hope, indignantly.
“Helen!” Hope exclaimed, indignantly.
“Well then, why do you say that?”
“Well, why do you say that?”
“Because,” and Hope tried to put wise meanings into her own girlish open face, and to make it as eloquent as Helen’s; “because, Helen, I should not like you to go away{126} from Fendie. Oh! no, no, you must stay always at home.”
“Because,” Hope tried to add some deep meanings to her own youthful, expressive face, hoping to make it as meaningful as Helen’s; “because, Helen, I wouldn’t want you to leave{126} Fendie. Oh! no, no, you have to stay home forever.”
And as Helen lifted her flushed face, the elaborate look of Hope and her mother’s anxious glance fell upon her together. They only made the blood rush more warmly about her heart. She started with a rapid nervous impulse: “Mother, if you do not disapprove, let me write to Miss Swinton to-morrow.”
And as Helen raised her flushed face, the intense gaze of Hope and her mother’s worried look fell on her at the same time. They only made her heart race more warmly. She was struck by a quick nervous impulse: “Mom, if you’re okay with it, let me write to Miss Swinton tomorrow.”
Poor Hope Oswald! she had been too sensible—she had defeated her own well-digested, painfully-constructed plan. Miss Swinton instead of a powerful auxiliary threatened to become the most hopeless barrier in her way, and Hope was almost in despair. She began immediately to belie Edinburgh; to manufacture grievances; and to represent how very hard, especially for the teachers, was the laborious life at school; but Helen’s fixed dreamy, unconscious face warned her it was all lost, and very disconsolately she said good-night.
Poor Hope Oswald! She had been too sensible—she had sabotaged her own carefully thought-out, tough plan. Instead of being a strong ally, Miss Swinton threatened to become the most hopeless obstacle in her path, and Hope was nearly in despair. She immediately began to go against Edinburgh; to create complaints; and to show how difficult, especially for the teachers, the exhausting school life was; but Helen’s steady, dreamy, oblivious expression warned her it was all in vain, and very sadly she said good-night.
“My father would be pleased enough if it was Miss Maxwell,” thought Hope with some disdain, as she went home, “all because Mr Graeme will leave her Mossgray. I wish somebody would give Helen a place like Mossgray—but I don’t either—because Helen is better than we are, though she is poor. Who’s that?”
“My dad would be pretty happy if it was Miss Maxwell,” Hope thought with some annoyance as she headed home, “all because Mr. Graeme is leaving her Mossgray. I wish someone would give Helen a place like Mossgray—but I don’t really want that either—because Helen is better than us, even though she’s poor. Who’s that?”
Hope’s reverie concluded very abruptly—who was it?
Hope’s daydream ended suddenly—who was it?
Alas, it was the interesting, sentimental, young minister newly placed in the church of Fendie, whom all the town delighted to honour. He did not see her as he went steadily down the dim road, and the dismayed Hope stood still to watch him, with prophetic terror. Yes, indeed, it is Mrs Buchanan’s gate he stops at; and now the door is opened, and a flash of warm light shines for a moment into the garden, and the Reverend Robert Insches is admitted. Burning with suppressed anger, the jealous Hope hurried home, eager to defy and defeat her father, and utterly to destroy any presumptuous hopes which the Reverend Robert Insches might entertain in regard to Helen Buchanan.{127}
Unfortunately, it was the interesting, sentimental young minister who had just been assigned to the church in Fendie, and the whole town was eager to honor him. He didn’t notice her as he walked steadily down the dim road, and the anxious Hope stood still to watch him with a sense of foreboding. Yes, it is indeed Mrs. Buchanan’s gate where he stops; now the door opens, and a flash of warm light shines momentarily into the garden as the Reverend Robert Insches is welcomed in. Burning with repressed anger, the jealous Hope hurried home, determined to confront and counter her father, and completely to crush any presumptuous hopes that the Reverend Robert Insches might have regarding Helen Buchanan.{127}
CHAPTER X.
There are clouds, and it's raining,
But the sun is always there—
So gently breaking, separating like the fog Around the hills, the deep sadness fades Her thick veil and mourning cloak from her,
And sometimes smiling, sometimes crying, like The skies in April raise her head again,
And gazes at the light.
“Miss Maxwell,” said Hope Oswald, as she sat on a low chair by the side of Lilias on the morning of Hallowe’en, the last day she was to spend at home: “you have never seen Helen Buchanan yet;—I should like so much to let you see her before I go away.”
“Miss Maxwell,” said Hope Oswald, as she sat on a low chair next to Lilias on Hallowe’en morning, the last day she would spend at home, “you have never met Helen Buchanan; I would really love for you to see her before I leave.”
“And you are going away to-morrow, Hope?” said Lilias.
“And you’re leaving tomorrow, Hope?” said Lilias.
“Yes,” said Hope, disconsolately; “my father is to take me to-morrow. I should be so glad, Miss Maxwell, if you only knew Helen.”
“Yes,” said Hope, sadly; “my dad is taking me tomorrow. I would be so happy, Miss Maxwell, if you only knew Helen.”
“Well, Hope,” said Lilias, “you must contrive to introduce us to each other to-night. I see no other way of accomplishing it.”
“Well, Hope,” said Lilias, “you have to figure out how to get us introduced tonight. I don’t see any other way to make it happen.”
“But, Miss Maxwell,” said Hope, with some confusion, “Helen will not be at our house to-night,—she never comes to our house—she always stays at home.”
“But, Miss Maxwell,” Hope said, feeling a bit confused, “Helen won’t be at our place tonight—she never comes over—she always stays at home.”
“And why does she always stay at home?”
“And why does she always stay at home?”
Hope’s face flushed indignantly.
Hope's face turned red.
“Because she has to keep a school—not a school for young ladies—and because she is proud, and other people are foolish and do not know what it is to be a gentlewoman;—and because my father—”
“Because she has to run a school—not a school for young ladies—and because she is proud, and others are foolish and don’t understand what it means to be a gentlewoman;—and because my father—”
Hope paused, perceiving that it might not be necessary to publish the faults of her father. At the same time Hope was very anxious to make Lilias useful in her absence as a means of proclaiming the excellencies of Helen; and there was yet another thing which Hope desired to make Lilias understand,—that William was by no means an eligible parti, whatever his father or Mossgray might say to the contrary.{128} Hope had never heard yet of the mysterious Indian letters, and did not know that Lilias was as completely fortified against the attractions of William as he was from hers.
Hope paused, realizing that it might not be necessary to reveal her father's faults. At the same time, she was very eager to make Lilias useful in her absence as a way to highlight Helen's strengths; and there was one more thing Hope wanted Lilias to understand—that William was by no means a good match, no matter what his father or Mossgray might claim. {128} Hope had never heard of the mysterious Indian letters and didn't know that Lilias was just as immune to William's charms as he was to hers.
“Because she keeps a school, and because she is proud,” repeated Lilias; “but she has been here in Fendie all her life—and she must have friends.”
“Because she runs a school, and because she’s proud,” Lilias repeated; “but she’s lived in Fendie her whole life—and she must have friends.”
“Oh, yes,” answered Hope, promptly, “she has plenty of friends; only you know, Miss Maxwell, nobody she cares about—I don’t mean that either—I mean there is nobody like herself—I never saw any one like Helen but you.”
“Oh, yes,” Hope replied quickly, “she has lots of friends; but you know, Miss Maxwell, there’s no one she really cares about—I don’t mean it that way—I mean there’s no one else like her—I’ve never seen anyone like Helen except for you.”
“And am I like Helen?”
“Am I like Helen?”
Hope looked up at the calm, pensive face before her with its fair still features, and faint colour, and thoughtful melancholy eyes—and confessed to herself that it was not so.
Hope looked up at the calm, thoughtful face in front of her, with its smooth features, pale complexion, and melancholy eyes—and admitted to herself that it wasn't true.
“No—I don’t mean you are like in the face—only—” Hope paused and was puzzled, “only you are Helen’s age—and you are alone—and—you are a gentlewoman.”
“No—I don’t mean you look like her—just—” Hope paused, trying to find the right words, “just that you’re the same age as Helen—and you’re all alone—and—you come from a good background.”
Lilias smiled.
Lilias grinned.
“Thank you, Hope, for your good opinion; but perhaps if Miss Buchanan is so proud she would not like me to call on her.”
“Thank you, Hope, for your kind words; but maybe if Miss Buchanan is so proud, she wouldn’t want me to visit her.”
“Oh, would you go?” exclaimed Hope—“Oh, Miss Maxwell, if you would only go! I did not mean that Helen was proud—only she does not care for people who do not care for her.”
“Oh, will you go?” exclaimed Hope—“Oh, Miss Maxwell, if you would just go! I didn’t mean to say that Helen is proud—she just doesn’t care for people who don’t care about her.”
“Mossgray bids me go out,” said Lilias;—she had very soon adopted the kindly territorial name which was at once respectful and familiar, and by which her guardian liked to be called; “and the day is bright—will you take me with you, Hope, and we shall go to see Miss Buchanan?”
“Mossgray wants me to go out,” said Lilias;—she had quickly taken up the affectionate name that was both respectful and familiar, which her guardian preferred; “and the day is nice—will you take me with you, Hope, so we can go see Miss Buchanan?”
Hope was full of delight and thanks.
Hope was filled with joy and gratitude.
“But if you come to Fendie now, mind you are not to go back till night;—for you promised to be with us at Hallowe’en—mind, Miss Maxwell.”
“But if you come to Fendie now, just remember you can’t go back until night;—because you promised to be with us at Hallowe’en—remember that, Miss Maxwell.”
Miss Maxwell did mind, and gently promised she would remain, though the mirth of the youthful party was scarcely very congenial to her subdued spirits; and when she had equipped herself for her walk, and had received the smiling permission which she asked from Mossgray, and with Hope’s hand in hers, was walking down the water-side to Fendie, she resumed the subject,—
Miss Maxwell did care, and softly promised she would stay, though the laughter of the young group was hardly a good match for her quieter mood; and when she got ready for her walk, and had received the cheerful approval she sought from Mossgray, and with Hope’s hand in hers, was walking along the riverside to Fendie, she brought up the topic again,—
“And so you think, Hope, that Miss Buchanan could not be induced to meet us to-night?{129}”
“And so you think, Hope, that Miss Buchanan wouldn't be able to meet us tonight?{129}”
Hope looked up with some alarm.
Hope looked up, feeling a bit alarmed.
“My mother has not asked her to come. Oh, Miss Maxwell, do you think my father would not be angry if I did?”
"My mom hasn't invited her to come. Oh, Miss Maxwell, do you think my dad would be upset if I did?"
Lilias shook her head;—she did not know.
Lilias shook her head; she didn't know.
“But to be sure Helen would not come,” said Hope, ruefully. “Do you know, Miss Maxwell—”
“But I’m certain Helen won’t come,” Hope said with regret. “You know, Miss Maxwell—”
“Do I know what, Hope?”
“Do I know what, Hope?”
But Hope still hesitated.
But Hope still hesitated.
“I mean, Miss Maxwell—if you like Helen—you are sure to like her—at least I think you will—perhaps; if you do like Helen, will you tell my father sometime how good she is—for my father does not know Helen.”
“I mean, Miss Maxwell—if you like Helen—you’re definitely going to like her—at least I think you will—maybe; if you do like Helen, could you tell my dad sometime how great she is—because my dad doesn't know Helen.”
Lilias looked at Hope with a smile, and Hope returned the look with a very sagacious, perplexed, deliberative expression upon her fresh, candid face.
Lilias smiled at Hope, and Hope responded with a thoughtful, confused, and serious expression on her youthful, open face.
“You seem to be very fond of Miss Buchanan, Hope?”
“You really seem to like Miss Buchanan, Hope?”
“And so I am,” said Hope, blythely, “and so is everybody—only—my father does not know Helen.”
“And so I am,” said Hope cheerfully, “and so is everyone—except—my father doesn’t know Helen.”
This anxious affection of Hope’s, childish at once, and chivalrous, had a great deal of interest for Lilias, and she was silent now, her thoughts almost as much occupied about Helen as were those of Helen’s youthful champion.
This anxious affection of Hope's, both childish and chivalrous, really interested Lilias, and she was quiet now, her mind almost as focused on Helen as Helen's young champion was.
“Helen will like you, Miss Maxwell,” said Hope, suddenly. “I know she will; for the people have been saying so much about you since you came.”
“Helen is going to like you, Miss Maxwell,” Hope said suddenly. “I know she will because people have been talking a lot about you since you arrived.”
The colour rose gently on the cheek of Lilias.
The color flushed softly on Lilias's cheek.
“What have they said about me, Hope?”
“What have they said about me, Hope?”
“Oh, not very much—only that they were sorry you were ill, and thought you would be so solitary at Mossgray. Helen saw you at church, Miss Maxwell, and when the people speak about the strange young lady, she calls you the lily of Mossgray; but I called you—”
“Oh, not much—just that they were sorry you were sick and thought you would be so lonely at Mossgray. Helen saw you at church, Miss Maxwell, and when people talk about the mysterious young lady, she refers to you as the lily of Mossgray; but I referred to you—”
“What did you call me, Hope?”
“What did you just call me, Hope?”
“You will not be angry?—It was only because your name is like the names in the old ballads—I called you the Laird’s Lilias.”
“You're not mad, are you?—I only called you the Laird’s Lilias because your name sounds like the names in the old ballads.”
“So my name reminded you of the Laird’s Jock, and the Laird’s Wat, did it, Hope?” said Lilias, smiling; “but it is an excellent title you give me, for I should have been a very solitary sad Lilias, but for the Laird;—and was Miss Buchanan sorry for me because I was alone?”
“So my name reminded you of the Laird’s Jock and the Laird’s Wat, did it, Hope?” Lilias said, smiling. “That’s a great title you give me because I would have been a very lonely, sad Lilias without the Laird. Was Miss Buchanan upset for me because I was alone?”
“She never said that,” said Hope, honestly, “because Helen is always alone herself—only she is with her mother.{130}”
“She never said that,” Hope replied honestly, “because Helen is always by herself—she just has her mother with her.{130}”
Lilias walked on silently and put her hand over her eyes: how great a difference did that brief sentence make!
Lilias walked on quietly and covered her eyes with her hand: what a huge difference that short sentence made!
Helen Buchanan’s scholars were flocking out when Hope and Lilias reached the house. There was a considerable number of them, from awkward hoydens of Hope’s own years, whose shyness their graceful teacher had mellowed into something not unhandsome, down to little sunburnt fairies of four or five, who, spite of clogs and coarse dresses, had still the unconscious charm of childhood upon them, and needed no mellowing. They all knew Hope, and with her were much more friendly than deferential, for Hope with her buoyant spirits and frank young life could not always be kept within the bounds of the circle of Misses who were proper acquaintances for the Banker’s daughter; and most of them had heard of the young lady of Mossgray. Some, touched with reverence for the paleness of Lilias’ face, saluted her with a shame-faced curtsey; the rest hung back, crowding upon each other in little groups, and looked at her with curiosity only softened by their shyness—for all were shy. The young teacher, like the poet, had a sympathy for “sweet shame-facednesse,” and thought it sat well upon children; so that she rather cherished than found fault with the native bashfulness of her pupils. People think otherwise in these precocious days; but the little ones in Fendie are happily still shy.
Helen Buchanan’s students were pouring out as Hope and Lilias arrived at the house. There were quite a few of them, from the awkward girls around Hope’s age, whose shyness their graceful teacher had softened into something nice-looking, to little sunburned fairies of four or five, who, despite their clogs and rough dresses, still had the effortless charm of childhood, needing no softening at all. They all recognized Hope, and were far more friendly than respectful towards her, since Hope, with her lively spirit and open personality, couldn't always be contained within the circle of Misses who were suitable acquaintances for the banker’s daughter; and most of them had heard about the young lady from Mossgray. Some, feeling a bit awed by the paleness of Lilias’ face, greeted her with a bashful curtsy; the others lingered, clustering in small groups, and glanced at her with curiosity softened by their shyness—for they were all shy. The young teacher, like the poet, appreciated “sweet bashfulness,” and thought it looked lovely on children; she cherished, rather than criticized, the natural shyness of her students. People see it differently in these overly confident times, but the little ones in Fendie are still thankfully shy.
Helen sat in her presiding chair in the school-room with thumbed books and copies, and slates covered with armies of sprawling figures heaped upon the table before her. She was leaning her head upon her hand and looking somewhat wearied; the lessons were over for the day, for the placid work of sewing—a most weary one to the young practitioners—occupied the afternoon. There was a certain mist upon her face, and she sighed. Her sky was rather wayward at this present time, and had various passing shadows; and though her mother had already two or three times called her to the parlour, Helen still lingered alone—not that she was thinking deeply or painfully; her changeful nature had times which did not think at all, and in the mist of an unconscious reverie, slightly sad, but which a single touch could raise into buoyant exhilaration or depress into melancholy, she sat by the large work-table in the empty school-room leaning her head upon her hand.
Helen sat in her chair at the front of the classroom, surrounded by worn books, worksheets, and slates filled with messy figures piled on the table in front of her. She leaned her head on her hand, looking a bit tired; the lessons for the day were done, and the calm task of sewing—a very tiring activity for the young students—filled the afternoon. There was a certain haze on her face, and she sighed. Her mood was a bit unpredictable at the moment, with various fleeting shadows; even though her mother had called for her to come to the living room two or three times already, Helen remained alone—not that she was deep in thought or distress; her ever-changing nature included moments of thoughtlessness, and in a fog of unconscious daydreaming, slightly sad but easily liftable into joy or drop-down into gloom, she sat by the large work table in the empty classroom, resting her head on her hand.
“Helen,” said Hope Oswald, “this is Miss Maxwell.{131}” Hope intended to add something pretty—to say that they were like each other, and should be friends; but it would not do, for Hope too, after her own peculiar fashion, was shy; so she withdrew abruptly and left her friends to improve their acquaintance by themselves.
“Helen,” said Hope Oswald, “this is Miss Maxwell.{131}” Hope meant to say something nice—like that they were similar and should be friends; but she didn’t, because Hope, in her own unique way, was shy too. So she quickly stepped back and left her friends to get to know each other on their own.
“I am very glad to see you, Miss Maxwell,” said Helen, earnestly; and then she too stopped and became embarrassed, and looked at the door for her mother—but her mother did not come: and Helen glanced up with admiration and quick liking into the quiet pensive face whose steadiness she could not but envy, and felt her own variable countenance burn as she repeated,—“indeed I am very glad to see you.”
“I’m really happy to see you, Miss Maxwell,” Helen said earnestly. Then she paused and got a bit embarrassed, glancing at the door for her mother—but her mother didn’t come. Helen looked up with admiration and a quick fondness at the calm, thoughtful face that she couldn’t help but envy, and felt her own changing expression flush as she repeated, “I really am glad to see you.”
“You are very kind,” said the composed and gentle Lilias, who was less swiftly moved than Helen. “Hope told me you had compassion on my solitude, Miss Buchanan, and encouraged me to ask you to cheer it;—and I had confidence in Hope.”
“You're very kind,” said the calm and gentle Lilias, who was less easily swayed than Helen. “Hope mentioned that you felt sympathy for my loneliness, Miss Buchanan, and suggested that I ask you to help brighten it;—and I trusted Hope.”
“But you must have no confidence in Hope as regards us,” said Helen, recovering herself, “for Hope is my sworn knight, and has been my mother’s favourite all her life:—will you come and see my mother?”
“But you shouldn't rely on Hope when it comes to us,” said Helen, regaining her composure. “Hope is my loyal champion and has always been my mother's favorite: will you come and see my mother?”
Mrs Buchanan was prepared for them by Hope’s kind warning, and had little more than time to remove some small matters of preparation for their simple mid-day meal from the fire, when the famed young lady of Mossgray entered the parlour with Helen.
Mrs. Buchanan was ready for them thanks to Hope’s thoughtful warning and had just enough time to take care of a few small things for their simple lunch that were on the stove when the famous young lady of Mossgray walked into the parlor with Helen.
And then as Lilias, the motherless, received the cheerful kindly greeting which people call motherly, Helen saw that the face of the Lily of Mossgray was not an unexpressive one; that the large dark blue eyes were cast down to hide unshed tears, and that even in the pleasure which Mrs Buchanan’s welcome gave her, the anguish of the solitary and desolate came over the orphan’s heart.
And then, as Lilias, the girl without a mother, accepted the warm, friendly greeting that people refer to as motherly, Helen noticed that the face of the Lily of Mossgray was quite expressive; that the big dark blue eyes were lowered to hide unshed tears, and that even in the joy brought by Mrs. Buchanan’s welcome, the pain of feeling alone and abandoned washed over the orphan’s heart.
They were soon friends—friends so warmly and speedily that Hope Oswald started in glad surprise when Mrs Buchanan invited Lilias to remain with them, until it should be time for Mrs Oswald’s juvenile Hallowe’en party, and Lilias consented with goodwill. Here was a master-stroke! To have the Lily of Mossgray, at present the admired of all admirers, come direct from the humble house of Helen Buchanan! Hope repeated to herself as she went home the commendation of Miss Swinton, and ventured to believe it true.{132}
They quickly became friends—friends so warm and fast that Hope Oswald was pleasantly surprised when Mrs. Buchanan invited Lilias to stay with them until it was time for Mrs. Oswald’s kids' Hallowe’en party, and Lilias happily agreed. What a brilliant move! To have the Lily of Mossgray, currently the darling of all admirers, come straight from the modest home of Helen Buchanan! Hope repeated to herself the praise from Miss Swinton as she headed home and dared to believe it was true.{132}
“What will my father think?” mused Hope; and she hurried to the office to beg him, as an especial favour, himself to come with her to the grocer’s to lay in a stock of nuts for the important transactions of the evening.
“What will my dad think?” wondered Hope; and she rushed to the office to ask him, as a special favor, to come with her to the grocery store to stock up on nuts for the important events of the evening.
“Wait till after dinner, Hope,” said the banker, graciously; and Hope waited till after dinner; then, when the lights began to shine out one after another in the main street of Fendie—the more dignified shops of Fendie are resplendent in the glories of gas—and Hope was quite sure that her friend Adelaide would be getting ready to start, and that she herself would scarcely have time to assume the new silk frock which Mrs Oswald feared could not fail to receive extensive damage this evening, her father at last was ready to accompany her, and they proceeded to make their important purchase.
“Wait until after dinner, Hope,” the banker said kindly; and Hope waited until after dinner. Then, as the lights began to flicker on one by one in the main street of Fendie—the more upscale shops of Fendie glowing brightly with gas—Hope was sure that her friend Adelaide would be getting ready to leave, and that she barely had time to put on the new silk dress that Mrs. Oswald worried would definitely get damaged this evening. Finally, her father was ready to join her, and they set off to make their important purchase.
There was a good deal of the mist of frost in the bracing, pleasant air; but high above the haze was a cold, distinct, full moon. It did not cast down a very clear light however through the veil which hung between the earth and the sky, and the youngsters in the Main Street of Fendie decidedly preferred the shop-windows.
There was a lot of frosty mist in the crisp, fresh air; but high above the haze was a cold, bright, full moon. It didn't shine a very clear light through the curtain that hung between the earth and the sky, and the kids on Main Street in Fendie definitely preferred the shop windows.
Opposite the important shop of Mr Elliot Bell, the principal grocer of Fendie, a group of little girls were enjoying themselves in the bright spot illuminated by the lights within. They were performing one of those childish dramas which look like relics of some early stage not without a certain art in their construction. Who that has had the good fortune to be born a girl in Scotland does not remember the monotonous expectancy of the first act, and the quite startling nature of the last in that famous play of “Janet Jo?” It made rather a pretty scene in the quiet street of Fendie. A pile of packing-cases and empty boxes standing securely in a street innocent of thieves because the premises of the great drapers, Messrs Scott and Armstrong, had no room for them, formed the back-ground; demurely arranged in the shelter of these stood a row of little girls; while advancing and retiring before them was another line of little figures, keeping time to their chant. The light shone pleasantly upon the small, sparkling faces—every Jean and Mary, and Maggie among them, had been already summoned by their respective mothers, but the play was not played out, and the young performers remained at their post. The banker stood at Mr Elliot Bell’s door with his daughter, very graciously pleased and admiring. The other part of the street lay in{133} shadow; the soft, brown haze faintly lighted by the moonbeams hung between them and the serene unclouded sky, and through the mist, the spire of the church at the other end of the street shot strangely up, making its sharp point visible against the clear, blue arch above; and the sweet voices of the children, in their monotonous chant, were in harmony with the time.
Opposite the important shop of Mr. Elliot Bell, the main grocer of Fendie, a group of little girls were enjoying themselves in the bright area illuminated by the lights inside. They were putting on one of those childish dramas that seem like remnants of some earlier theater, not without a certain charm in their structure. Who that has had the good fortune to be born a girl in Scotland doesn’t remember the endless anticipation of the first act and the surprising nature of the last in that famous play of “Janet Jo?” It made for a lovely scene in the quiet street of Fendie. A pile of packing crates and empty boxes, securely stacked in a thief-free street because the premises of the great drapers, Messrs. Scott and Armstrong, had no space for them, formed the backdrop; neatly arranged in the shelter of these stood a line of little girls, while another line of small figures moved back and forth in front of them, keeping time with their chant. The light shone nicely on their small, sparkling faces—every Jean, Mary, and Maggie among them had already been called in by their mothers, but the play wasn’t over yet, and the young performers stayed at their post. The banker stood at Mr. Elliot Bell’s door with his daughter, looking quite pleased and admiring. The other side of the street lay in{133} shadow; a soft, brown haze, faintly lit by the moonlight, hung between them and the clear, unclouded sky, and through the mist, the church spire at the end of the street shot upward, making its sharp point visible against the clear blue arch above; and the sweet voices of the children, in their repeating chant, echoed in harmony with the moment.
The banker was not easily moved by the æsthetics of common life; but the society of his favourite melted his heart.
The banker wasn't easily swayed by the beauty of everyday life; however, the company of his favorite truly touched his heart.
“Where have these children learned to move so gracefully, Hope?” asked Mr Oswald, in the incautiousness of his gracious mood; “they might have been with the French dancing-master, whom your friend Adelaide speaks so much about.”
“Where did these kids learn to move so gracefully, Hope?” asked Mr. Oswald, caught up in his generous mood. “They could have been with the French dance teacher that your friend Adelaide talks about so much.”
“The French dancing-master, papa!” exclaimed Hope; “he could not make people graceful. Adelaide Fendie is not graceful; she only knows how to put her feet—”
“The French dancing teacher, Dad!” Hope exclaimed; “he couldn’t make people graceful. Adelaide Fendie isn’t graceful; she only knows how to position her feet—”
Mr Oswald laughed.
Mr. Oswald chuckled.
“Well then, Hope, what about these little girls?—it must be natural to them.”
“Well then, Hope, what about these little girls?—it must come naturally to them.”
Hope began to tremble as she adventured her first direct experiment.
Hope started to feel nervous as she embarked on her first direct experiment.
“I think I know what it is, father.”
“I think I know what it is, Dad.”
“Well, Hope?”
"Well, Hope?"
“It’s because—because they have a gentlewoman to teach them,” said the brave Hope, with a considerable tremor.
“It’s because—they have a lady to teach them,” said the brave Hope, with a noticeable tremor.
Mr Oswald looked grave and frowned; he had lost his interest in the children; but his frown only provoked the bold spirit of his favourite daughter, who knew her own power.
Mr. Oswald looked serious and frowned; he had lost interest in the kids; but his frown only fueled the confident nature of his favorite daughter, who was aware of her own influence.
“They are only common people’s children,” continued Hope, with a good deal of warmth; “but they have a gentlewoman to teach them, papa; and Miss Swinton says that is the way to make people graceful. I am sure it is too—for if you only saw the girls who are not with Helen Buchanan!—because it’s not being rich that does any good;—people might have all the money in the world, and only be common people; but Helen Buchanan is a gentlewoman born!”
“They're just regular people's kids,” Hope said with a lot of passion. “But they have a gentlewoman teaching them, Dad; and Miss Swinton says that's how you make people graceful. I really believe it—just look at the girls who aren’t with Helen Buchanan! It’s not about being rich; people can have all the money in the world and still be ordinary. But Helen Buchanan is a natural gentlewoman!”
The banker wisely withdrew into the shop, and, busying himself about the nuts, pretended not to have noticed the energetic speech which made Hope’s cheek burn and her eyes glow in the delivery. Mr Oswald was considerably afraid, for he saw that Hope was by no means an antagonist{134} to be despised, and did not well know how to meet her fiery charges. Hope was indifferent about the nuts: she had begun her campaign, and felt all the glow and excitement of her first declaration of war.
The banker wisely stepped into the shop and occupied himself with the nuts, pretending he hadn’t heard the passionate speech that made Hope’s cheeks flush and her eyes sparkle. Mr. Oswald was quite worried because he realized that Hope was definitely not an opponent to be taken lightly, and he wasn't sure how to respond to her fierce accusations. Hope didn't care about the nuts; she had started her campaign and was filled with the thrill and excitement of making her first declaration of war.
In the mean time, Lilias Maxwell had settled down quietly into her corner of Mrs Buchanan’s parlour. The rapid sympathy of Helen had already gathered up the loneliness, the wants and yearnings of the orphan, and all that were in sorrow had an unfailing claim upon the pity and tenderness of her mother. The calm face, so pensive and pale, and thoughtful, and the unquiet face with its constant life and motion, contrasted strangely, so near to each other; but their diverse currents of life had yet many points of harmony. Each was the only child of her mother: each had the self-knowledge which comes in solitude, and as they talked together, each came to recognise thoughts like her own, in a guise and form so different, that strange smiles almost mirthful brightened even the face of Lilias as they grew familiar. The stranger very soon ceased to be a stranger then, for even Mossgray was not so like home.
In the meantime, Lilias Maxwell had settled quietly into her corner of Mrs. Buchanan's living room. Helen's quick sympathy had already wrapped up the loneliness, needs, and desires of the orphan, and anyone in sorrow had an unending claim on her mother's compassion and kindness. The calm, pensive, pale face contrasted strangely with the restless face, full of energy and movement, even though they were so close to each other; but their different life paths still shared many similarities. Each was the only child of her mother, and both had the self-awareness that comes from solitude. As they talked together, each began to recognize thoughts similar to her own, expressed in such a different way that strange, almost joyful smiles lit up even Lilias's face as they grew more comfortable. The outsider quickly stopped feeling like an outsider, since even Mossgray didn’t feel as much like home.
CHAPTER XI.
And many guys' and gals' fates Are there that night decided. Some friendly, cozy moments, side by side,
And burn together neatly,
Some start off with cheeky confidence
And jump out over the chimney,
High as a kite that night.—Hallowe’en.
The juvenile party had assembled in Mrs Oswald’s drawing-room. The Fendies of Mount Fendie, the Maxwells of Firthside, the son and daughter of Dr Elliot, who rented Greenshaw, and several other scions of rural magnates. Hope had a secret feeling that she would have liked an auxiliary party of Helen Buchanan’s scholars in the kitchen, and should have had much better fun with them{135} than among the young ladies and the young gentlemen, with their incipient flirtations and full dress.
The youth gathering had come together in Mrs. Oswald’s living room. The Fendies of Mount Fendie, the Maxwells of Firthside, the son and daughter of Dr. Elliot, who rented Greenshaw, and several other offspring of local elites. Hope secretly felt that she would have preferred a secondary group of Helen Buchanan’s students in the kitchen and would have had much more fun with them{135} than with the young ladies and gentlemen, with their budding flirtations and formal attire.
The eldest Miss Maxwell of Firthside was eighteen; she sat apart and dignified beside Mrs Oswald and Lilias on a sofa, thinking William Oswald a great lout, and herself much too important a person to countenance the follies of “the children.” Lilias did not think so; but their gay laughter and active sport made her shrink now and then, and by its very contrast recalled her grief.
The oldest Miss Maxwell of Firthside was eighteen; she sat elegantly apart on a sofa beside Mrs. Oswald and Lilias, considering William Oswald a huge oaf, and herself far too significant to tolerate the silliness of “the kids.” Lilias didn’t feel the same; however, their joyful laughter and energetic play occasionally made her pull back, and its stark contrast brought back her sadness.
The banker was very gracious to Lilias. He had some indefinite hope that she might possibly withdraw William from his foolish fancy. He hoped her walk from Mossgray had not wearied her.
The banker was very kind to Lilias. He had some vague hope that she might be able to pull William away from his silly obsession. He hoped her walk from Mossgray hadn’t tired her out.
“Oh no,” said Lilias, “I have had a long rest. Hope has done me the favour to make a very important addition to my list of Fendie friends to-day.”
“Oh no,” said Lilias, “I’ve had a long break. Hope has kindly added a very important name to my list of Fendie friends today.”
Hope paused in the midst of the tumult of burning nuts to listen. Her father glanced at her quickly with an eye which presaged a storm. Hope drew herself up and defied it.
Hope paused amidst the chaos of burning nuts to listen. Her father glanced at her briefly with an expression that hinted at an impending storm. Hope straightened up and stood her ground.
“I have been in Mrs Buchanan’s since the morning—do you know her, Mrs Oswald?”
“I've been at Mrs. Buchanan's since this morning—do you know her, Mrs. Oswald?”
“Yes, I know her,” said Mrs Oswald, quietly, with secret satisfaction, only less warm than Hope’s. “Mrs Buchanan is an old friend of mine. You liked her, no doubt?”
“Yes, I know her,” Mrs. Oswald said quietly, with a hint of satisfaction, just a bit less warm than Hope’s. “Mrs. Buchanan is an old friend of mine. You liked her, I assume?”
“Perhaps one must be alone as I have been,” said Lilias, faltering slightly, “before one can know what a pleasure it is—I mean, to be in the atmosphere of a mother; but Hope’s Helen, Mrs Oswald—I wonder I have been here so long, and have not heard of her before.”
“Maybe you have to be alone like I have,” said Lilias, hesitating a bit, “before you really understand how nice it is—I mean, to be around a mother; but Hope’s Helen, Mrs. Oswald—I’m surprised I’ve been here so long and haven’t heard about her before.”
“That will be the Miss Buchanan that keeps the school,” interrupted Miss Maxwell of Firthside.
“That will be the Miss Buchanan who runs the school,” interrupted Miss Maxwell of Firthside.
Lilias smiled.
Lilias grinned.
“If you knew her you would not need that distinction, though it is a very good one; but one runs no risk of losing her, Miss Maxwell, though all the other Miss Buchanans in Scotland were congregated in Fendie.”
“If you knew her, you wouldn’t need that distinction, though it’s a really good one; but there’s no chance of losing her, Miss Maxwell, even if all the other Miss Buchanans in Scotland were gathered at Fendie.”
“Oh, is she so pretty?” asked the young lady, with some curiosity.
“Oh, is she really that pretty?” asked the young woman, sounding a bit curious.
William Oswald stood at some distance, leaning upon the mantelpiece. At his feet little Agnes Elliot looked up, vainly pleading that he would put those two nuts, representing herself and Harry Stewart of Fairholm, into some safe corner of the ruddy fire; but William had no ear for little Agnes.{136}
William Oswald stood a bit away, leaning on the mantelpiece. At his feet, little Agnes Elliot looked up, desperately asking him to throw those two nuts, which symbolized her and Harry Stewart of Fairholm, into a safe spot in the glowing fire; but William didn’t pay any attention to little Agnes.{136}
The banker sat in a great chair near his wife’s sofa, looking, as he wished it to appear, towards the young merrymakers round the fire-place, and pretending to be extremely indifferent to the conversation, but listening with all his might.
The banker sat in a large chair by his wife’s sofa, looking, as he wanted it to seem, at the young partygoers around the fireplace, and pretending to be completely uninterested in the conversation, but listening intently.
“It is not that she is pretty,” said Lilias; “I cannot tell what the charm is—but the charm is great, I know. Hope, you know Miss Buchanan best—tell Miss Maxwell what it is.”
“It’s not that she’s pretty,” Lilias said; “I can’t quite put my finger on it—but there’s definitely something captivating about her. Hope, since you know Miss Buchanan the best—can you explain to Miss Maxwell what it is?”
“But, Miss Maxwell, I am sure you know better than me,” said Hope, dubiously, her triumph checked by fear, lest her own powers of description should fail. “I don’t know what it is except it is just because Helen is a gentlewoman.”
“But, Miss Maxwell, I’m sure you know better than I do,” said Hope, hesitantly, her victory tempered by fear that her own ability to explain might fall short. “I don’t really know what it is, only that it’s because Helen is a lady.”
Miss Maxwell of Firthside elevated her good-looking small head, with its nez retroussé, and looked contemptuous. Mr Oswald pushed back his chair hastily.
Miss Maxwell of Firthside lifted her attractive small head, with its turned-up nose, and gave a disdainful look. Mr. Oswald quickly pushed back his chair.
“Hope is very right,” said Lilias; “but there are gentlewomen, many of them, to whom nothing could give that singular refinement. It is not conventional grace of manner at all, either; one cannot tell what it is.”
“Hope is really important,” said Lilias; “but there are many women who just have a unique grace that nothing can replicate. It’s not just about following social niceties; it’s hard to pinpoint what it actually is.”
“Is that Miss Buchanan? Oh, I know her—I know her!” cried one of the Firthside boys. “She hit me once; but I think I like her for all that.”
“Is that Miss Buchanan? Oh, I know her—I know her!” shouted one of the Firthside boys. “She hit me once, but I think I like her despite that.”
“Miss Buchanan struck you?” said his sister. “What did she do that for?”
“Did Miss Buchanan hit you?” his sister asked. “Why did she do that?”
“Oh, I’ll tell you, Georgina!” said a smaller youth. “He was hitting Robbie Carlyle’s cuddie with his switch—he’s a cuddie himself—he was hitting me just before; and the young lady came up and took the switch from him and loundered him. Oh, didn’t he deserve it!”
“Oh, I’ll tell you, Georgina!” said a younger boy. “He was hitting Robbie Carlyle’s donkey with his stick—he's just a donkey himself—he was hitting me right before that; and then the young lady came over, took the stick from him, and gave him a good thrashing. Oh, didn’t he deserve it!”
“She didna lounder me!” cried the first speaker, indignantly, forgetting in his haste that his vernacular should not be spoken before ears polite. “She only hit me once, and laughed, and asked me how I likit it. She never hurt me; and we’re good friends now.”
“She didn’t hit me!” cried the first speaker, indignantly, forgetting in his haste that his slang shouldn’t be used in front of polite company. “She only hit me once, laughed, and asked me how I liked it. She never hurt me; and we’re good friends now.”
“Is that a way to speak, Hector?” cried the young lady-sister, in dismay. “What a vulgar boy you are!”
“Is that how you’re going to talk, Hector?” the young lady-sister exclaimed, shocked. “What a rude guy you are!”
Hope with difficulty restrained a retort as to the superior elegance of our kindly Scottish tongue, when little Agnes Elliot came running forward with the nuts which William Oswald could not be induced to put into the fire for her.
Hope barely held back a response about the superior beauty of our lovely Scottish language when little Agnes Elliot came running up with the nuts that William Oswald wouldn’t agree to toss into the fire for her.
“This is Harry Stewart, and this is me,” said the innocent little Agnes, too young yet to have any sort of bash{137}fulness about her juvenile sweetheart, “and if you please, Hope, will you put them in?”
“This is Harry Stewart, and this is me,” said the innocent little Agnes, too young yet to feel any shyness about her childhood crush, “and if you don’t mind, Hope, will you put them in?”
Hope put them in as she was requested, and Hope also placed another couple of nuts in the glowing heat of the fire, and stood watching them with much anxiety. There were a great many eager gazers about the hearth—a great many youthful fates were being determined; but Hope’s nuts were still burning merrily when the destiny of all the others had been sealed. “Who is it, Hope? who is it?” cried blythe voices on every side; but Hope closed her lips firmly and shook her head, and would not tell.
Hope added them as requested, and she also tossed a couple of nuts into the warm fire, watching them with a lot of anxiety. There were plenty of curious onlookers around the hearth—a lot of young futures were being decided; but Hope’s nuts were still crackling happily when the fate of everyone else had already been determined. “Who is it, Hope? Who is it?” cheerful voices called from every direction; but Hope pressed her lips together and shook her head, refusing to reveal anything.
“Oh, I know!” said Hector Maxwell; “it’s Hope and me—Hope’s burning herself and me!”
“Oh, I know!” said Hector Maxwell; “it’s Hope and me—Hope’s burning herself and me!”
Hope’s indignant denial was lost in the general chorus—“Hope’s burning herself and Hector Maxwell!” Hope was very much offended; she pushed the joyous Hector away, and scolded little Agnes Elliot; it was too bad; but she still stood perseveringly by the fire, watching the nuts: they were at the most dangerous stage, and there was still the risk of one starting from the side of the other.
Hope's angry denial got drowned out in the crowd—“Hope’s burning herself and Hector Maxwell!” Hope was really upset; she shoved the cheerful Hector away and scolded little Agnes Elliot; it was just unfair; but she still stayed determined by the fire, keeping an eye on the nuts: they were in the most critical stage, and there was still the chance of one popping out from the side of the other.
The crisis past; lovingly they subsided together into white ashes.
The crisis over, they gently settled together into white ashes.
“It’s William and Helen, Miss Maxwell,” whispered Hope, secretly clapping her hands, and Lilias was prepared for the revelation, and received it with becoming gravity.
“It’s William and Helen, Miss Maxwell,” whispered Hope, quietly clapping her hands, and Lilias was ready for the news and received it with appropriate seriousness.
All the young faces in the room were red and glowing; they were tired of burning nuts, and Mrs Oswald’s old nurse, Tibbie, was brought in state from the kitchen to superintend and interpret the mysterious process of “dropping the egg.”
All the young faces in the room were flushed and bright; they were fed up with roasting nuts, and Mrs. Oswald’s old nurse, Tibbie, was brought in grandly from the kitchen to oversee and explain the mysterious process of “dropping the egg.”
“Oh, goodness!” cried Victoria Fendie, “look—look! it’s a sword and a grand cocked hat—isn’t it, Tibbie? and that’s for our Adelaide. I wonder what it means.”
“Oh, wow!” exclaimed Victoria Fendie, “look—look! it’s a sword and a fancy cocked hat—right, Tibbie? and that’s for our Adelaide. I wonder what it’s all about.”
“A cocked hat!” said Hector Maxwell, indignantly, “it’s more like a triangle—the thing the showfolk play tunes on; and a sword!—it’s the bow of a fiddle.”
“A cocked hat!” said Hector Maxwell, indignantly, “it’s more like a triangle—the thing the performers play tunes on; and a sword!—it’s the bow of a violin.”
“Whiskt!” said Tibbie, “it’s just a sword; and what should it mean, bairns; just that Miss Adie’s to get a grand sodger officer—see if I dinna say true.”
“Whoosh!” said Tibbie, “it’s just a sword; and what does it mean, kids? Just that Miss Adie’s going to get a great soldier officer—watch if I’m not right.”
Adelaide Fendie blushed her dull blush, and whispered,—
Adelaide Fendie flushed her usual shade of red and whispered,—
“Oh, Hope, do you think she knows?”
“Oh, Hope, do you think she knows?”
“She knows what it looks like,” said Hope.
“She knows what it looks like,” Hope said.
“Do you not think she knows more than that? Oh, Hope, what if it was to come true?”
“Don’t you think she knows more than that? Oh, Hope, what if it actually happens?”
Hope laughed; but it was her own turn now, to watch the mysterious evolutions of the egg.
Hope laughed; but now it was her turn to observe the mysterious changes of the egg.
“It’s a ship! it’s a ship!” cried Hector Maxwell, in an ecstacy. “Tibbie, I am sure you meant this for me.”
“It’s a ship! It’s a ship!” yelled Hector Maxwell, excitedly. “Tibbie, I’m sure you meant this for me.”
“Never you heed, Maister Hector,” said the oracular Tibbie; “it’s Miss Hope’s; but you’re to get her, ye ken, so it’s a’ ane.”
“Don't worry about it, Master Hector,” said the wise Tibbie; “it's Miss Hope’s; but you're going to get her, you know, so it’s all the same.”
Hope swept away in high disdain from Hector’s vicinity.
Hope quickly vanished in high disdain from Hector's presence.
“Tibbie,” she whispered, “try one for a young lady; she is not here, but I like her, and I’ll tell you after who she is.”
“Tibbie,” she whispered, “try one for a young lady; she’s not here, but I like her, and I’ll tell you later who she is.”
Tibbie obeyed.
Tibbie complied.
“It’s like a book,” cried Victoria.
“It’s like a book,” Victoria exclaimed.
“It’s a letter,” said Hector.
“It’s a letter,” Hector said.
“Oh, Tibbie, what does it mean?” inquired the perplexed Hope.
“Oh, Tibbie, what does it mean?” asked the confused Hope.
Tibbie was slightly puzzled too; the rules of her simple art gave her no assistance.
Tibbie was a bit confused too; the rules of her straightforward craft didn’t help her at all.
“Well, bairns, I canna just tell—wait a minute. Ay, Miss Hope, that’s it—the young lady will get her fortune out of a book.”
“Well, kids, I can’t just say—wait a minute. Oh, Miss Hope, that’s it—the young lady will find her fortune in a book.”
“Out of a book, Tibbie?”
"From a book, Tibbie?"
“Deed, ay, Miss Hope; we’re no to ken hoo till the time comes—but see if she disna get her fortune out of a book.”
“Indeed, yes, Miss Hope; we won’t know how it will turn out until the time comes—but just watch if she doesn’t get her fortune from a book.”
Hope drew back to cogitate; she could make nothing of this mysterious deliverance of Tibbie’s.
Hope stepped back to think; she couldn't make sense of Tibbie's mysterious rescue.
By and by, Adam Graeme’s old-fashioned, brown-hooded conveyance (all classes of vehicles are called by the generic name, conveyance, in Fendie), driven by “Mossgray’s man,” Saunders Delvie, arrived to take Lilias home. Hope accompanied her to the door.
By and by, Adam Graeme’s old-fashioned, brown-hooded vehicle (all types of vehicles are referred to as conveyances in Fendie), driven by “Mossgray’s guy,” Saunders Delvie, showed up to take Lilias home. Hope walked her to the door.
“If you please, Miss Maxwell,” said Hope, “will you see Helen sometimes when I am away?”
“If you don’t mind, Miss Maxwell,” said Hope, “would you be able to check in on Helen occasionally when I’m gone?”
“Yes, Hope,” answered Lilias.
“Yes, Hope,” Lilias replied.
“And, Miss Maxwell, will you just speak of her sometimes before my father—I don’t mean to my father—but you know what I mean.”
“And, Miss Maxwell, could you just mention her occasionally in front of my dad—I don’t mean to my dad—but you know what I mean.”
“Yes, Hope,” repeated Lilias, “I shall do what I can; don’t be afraid, and now good-bye.”
“Yes, Hope,” Lilias said again, “I will do what I can; don’t worry, and now goodbye.”
The carriage drove off, but Hope still lingered at the door, looking down the dim, hazy, quiet street. There were very{139} few passengers, but as she stood looking out, she perceived a certain tall, plaided figure rapidly advancing upon the opposite side, in shadow of the houses. Hope turned and shut the door in sudden wrath. What could the Reverend Robert Insches have to do at the “townend” on this Hallowe’en night? It looked suspicious; he had been seeing Helen Buchanan!
The carriage drove away, but Hope lingered at the door, gazing down the dim, hazy, quiet street. There were very{139} few people around, but as she stood there, she noticed a tall, plaid figure quickly approaching on the opposite side, in the shadows of the houses. Hope turned and slammed the door in sudden anger. What could the Reverend Robert Insches be doing at the “townend” on this Halloween night? It seemed suspicious; he had been meeting with Helen Buchanan!
The next morning early, Hope herself traversed the same road to bid Helen good-bye. The coach started at eleven, and it was only a little after eight when Hope looked in upon Mrs Buchanan’s breakfast-table. Helen looked in excellent spirits; the ring of her pleasant laugh had reached Hope’s ear before she opened the parlour-door.
The next morning, Hope herself took the same road to say goodbye to Helen. The coach was leaving at eleven, and it was just a little after eight when Hope checked in on Mrs. Buchanan’s breakfast table. Helen seemed to be in great spirits; the sound of her cheerful laugh reached Hope’s ears before she opened the parlor door.
“Do you like Miss Maxwell, Helen?” inquired Hope.
“Do you like Miss Maxwell, Helen?” Hope asked.
“Very much, Hope,” was the quick answer; “we shall be excellent friends.”
“Absolutely, Hope,” was the quick reply; “we’ll be great friends.”
“Because she likes you, Helen,” continued Hope. “If you had only heard her last night, Mrs Buchanan.”
“Because she likes you, Helen,” Hope continued. “If only you had heard her last night, Mrs. Buchanan.”
The blood flushed at once over Helen’s face. It was not disagreeable to be praised—not even before the Oswalds; but it excited pride as well as curiosity.
The blood rushed to Helen’s face immediately. It wasn’t unpleasant to be complimented—not even in front of the Oswalds; but it stirred both pride and curiosity.
“Helen,” resumed Hope, “Mr Insches comes here very often, does he not?” Hope looked immensely jealous.
“Helen,” Hope continued, “Mr. Insches comes here a lot, doesn’t he?” Hope looked incredibly jealous.
Helen did not answer; there was some annoyance, and a good deal of mirth upon her face.
Helen didn't respond; there was some irritation and a lot of amusement on her face.
“Yes, Hope,” said Mrs Buchanan, sedately, “Mr Insches is a good lad. He visits far better than any minister that has been in Fendie since I came.”
“Yes, Hope,” Mrs. Buchanan said calmly, “Mr. Insches is a good guy. He visits much better than any minister who has been in Fendie since I got here.”
“Ah, but he does not visit everybody else as often as he visits you!” exclaimed the jealous Hope. “Helen, do you like him?”
“Ah, but he doesn't visit everyone else as often as he visits you!” exclaimed the jealous Hope. “Helen, do you like him?”
The merry ring of Helen’s laugh did not by any means please Hope this morning.
The cheerful sound of Helen’s laugh didn’t please Hope at all this morning.
“Surely,” she said; “why should I not like him, Hope?”
“Of course,” she said. “Why wouldn’t I like him, Hope?”
“Ah, I don’t mean that,” said Hope; “but—I am sure you don’t care for him, Helen?”
“Ah, I don’t mean that,” said Hope; “but—I’m sure you don’t care about him, Helen?”
Helen blushed again; but her answer was more satisfactory this time.
Helen blushed again, but her response was more satisfying this time.
“No, indeed, Hope; not the very least in the world.”
“No, really, Hope; not at all.”
“Mr Insches is a fine lad,” repeated Mrs Buchanan, significantly.
“Mr. Insches is a great guy,” repeated Mrs. Buchanan, obviously.
“Oh yes, so is everybody,” said Hope; “but do you{140} know, Mrs Buchanan, I think he thinks he is good-looking.”
“Oh yes, so is everyone,” said Hope; “but do you{140} know, Mrs. Buchanan, I think he believes he’s attractive.”
“And so he is, Hope.”
"And that's who he is, Hope."
“But he is a man, and a minister! what right has he to think about such a thing?”
“But he’s a man and a minister! What right does he have to think about something like that?”
Mrs Buchanan shook her head, and did not refuse to smile; for men and ministers too have their vanities.
Mrs. Buchanan shook her head but couldn't help but smile; after all, men and ministers have their vanities as well.
“Helen,” said Hope, “I made our Tibbie try your fortune last night, and what do you think it was? We could not make it out at first, but Tibbie said it was a book; and you’re to get your fortune out of a book. Now, mind, and we’ll just see what happens—and, Helen, I burnt you.”
“Helen,” Hope said, “I had our Tibbie try to read your fortune last night, and guess what it was? We couldn’t figure it out at first, but Tibbie said it was a book; and you’re supposed to get your fortune from a book. Now, just pay attention, and we’ll see what happens—and, Helen, I accidentally burnt you.”
The unquiet face grew suddenly grave, and flushed over cheek and brow with the hot blush of pride; the tone changed in a moment.
The restless face suddenly turned serious, and a wave of pride flushed over the cheeks and forehead; the tone shifted in an instant.
“Did you, Hope? you were very cruel.”
“Did you, Hope? You were really mean.”
“Oh, but you know that’s not what I mean!” said Hope; “and, Helen, you need not be angry at me.”
“Oh, but you know that’s not what I mean!” said Hope. “And, Helen, you don’t have to be mad at me.”
“Who did you burn with Helen, Hope?” said Mrs Buchanan.
“Who did you burn with Helen, Hope?” Mrs. Buchanan asked.
Hope dared not answer; and yet there was some curiosity in the kindled indignation of that strangely moving face.
Hope didn’t dare respond; yet there was a hint of curiosity in the fiery indignation of that oddly captivating face.
“It is time for me to go away,” said Hope, disconsolately. “Good-bye, Mrs Buchanan; and, Helen, you need not be angry when I am just going away.”
“It’s time for me to leave,” Hope said sadly. “Goodbye, Mrs. Buchanan; and, Helen, you don’t need to be upset just because I’m leaving.”
Helen rose and accompanied her favourite to the door.
Helen got up and walked her favorite to the door.
“I am not angry, Hope; but you must never speak of me again at home; mind—or I shall be very much offended.”
“I’m not angry, Hope; but you should never mention me at home again; just a heads up—or I’ll be really upset.”
“Why?” said Hope, boldly.
“Why?” asked Hope, boldly.
But it was not quite so easy to answer why.
But it wasn't that easy to explain why.
“Because I shall promise if you will tell me the reason,” said the sensible Hope.
“Sure, I’ll promise if you share the reason,” said the sensible Hope.
But Helen could give no reason; so she bit her lip and looked half angry, and laughed.
But Helen had no explanation; so she bit her lip, looked somewhat angry, and laughed.
“Do you know, Hope, I begin to think you are to be very clever,” she said at last.
“Do you know, Hope, I’m starting to think you’re really clever,” she finally said.
“Miss Swinton says I am sensible,” said Hope, steadily; “and when you have no reason, why should you be angry?—but mind, you are to get your fortune out of a book; and now I must go away.”
“Miss Swinton says I’m reasonable,” Hope said calmly; “and if you have no reason, why should you be upset?—but just so you know, you’re supposed to find your fortune in a book; and now I have to leave.”
The farewell was said, and Hope gone; but Helen still stood leaning over the garden-gate, looking after her{141} with an embarrassed smile upon her face. It was a sunny morning, though the haze of the beginning frost was still in the air; the morning always brought new hopes and a buoyant upspringing to the elastic nature of Helen Buchanan, and she felt more than usually light-hearted to-day. As was her habit, she revealed this in every unconscious movement. Mrs Buchanan knew by the very measure of her step as she reëntered the house, that there was no mist in her sunny atmosphere—no cloud upon her sky. A certain shy pleasure hovered upon her face, prompting her to laugh at sundry times with embarrassed uncertain gladness, and swaying about the colour in her cheek, as a mist is swayed by the wind. It did not seem certainly that Hope Oswald had much offended her.
The goodbye was said, and Hope was gone; but Helen still leaned over the garden gate, watching her{141} with a shy smile on her face. It was a sunny morning, though there was still a hint of frost in the air; mornings always brought new hopes and a cheerful lift to Helen Buchanan's spirited nature, and today she felt particularly light-hearted. As usual, she showed this in every unintentional movement. Mrs. Buchanan could tell by the way she walked back into the house that there was no fog in her sunny vibe—no clouds in her sky. A certain bashful joy lit up her face, making her laugh awkwardly at times with uncertain happiness, and causing her cheeks to flush like mist swaying in the wind. It didn’t seem like Hope Oswald had really upset her much.
But it was not that; neither was it the evident pleasure which the young minister, who thought himself good-looking, found in Mrs Buchanan’s humble parlour, nor yet the friendship of Lilias Maxwell. The bright nature did indeed in its own warm alembic combine all these together, and draw from them a certain exhilaration; but itself in the involuntary elasticity which was its best inheritance was the source of its own happiness. A rare and precious gift, chequered as it was with the infinite variety of shadows, and all the depths of sudden depression which calmer spirits could not know.
But it wasn't just that; it wasn't even the obvious enjoyment the young minister, who thought he was good-looking, got from Mrs. Buchanan's modest living room, or the friendship he found with Lilias Maxwell. His lively nature did blend all these together in its own warm mix, creating a kind of excitement; but the best part of him, the natural buoyancy he inherited, was really the true source of his happiness. It was a unique and valuable gift, marked by countless shades of shadow and deep moments of sudden sadness that calmer people couldn’t ever understand.
But it was very true that the Reverend Robert Insches had called very many times of late on Mrs Buchanan, and that Helen talked to him as she would have talked to any indifferent acquaintance, in her own varied wayward fashion, and that the young minister seemed exceedingly glad to respond; whereupon Mrs Buchanan, in spite of her great favour for William Oswald, began to perceive more clearly the obstacles which stood between Helen and him, and to grow more indignant at his father. His father, the harsh, stern man whose rigid strength had done so much injury to her gentle husband, and who now cast his severe shadow over the lot of her daughter. And William had been long in possession of the field; it pleased the good mother to see it entered by another competitor, and if ordinary signs held good, a competitor the Reverend Robert Insches was beginning to be.
But it was true that Reverend Robert Insches had been visiting Mrs. Buchanan a lot lately, and Helen talked to him as she would have talked to any casual acquaintance, in her own unpredictable way, and the young minister seemed really happy to engage with her; as a result, Mrs. Buchanan, despite her strong feelings for William Oswald, started to see more clearly the obstacles between Helen and him, and became more upset with his father. His father, the harsh, strict man whose rigid strength had caused so much pain to her gentle husband, and who now cast his severe shadow over her daughter's life. And William had long held the advantage; it pleased the caring mother to see another contender enter the scene, and if usual signs were anything to go by, Reverend Robert Insches was starting to become that contender.
All this was very true; but very true it was also that Helen was supremely indifferent to the good looks of the{142} youthful minister, and that the Reverend Robert himself had by no means decided whether he had or had not any “intentions” respecting the young schoolmistress of Fendie. She was the schoolmistress; to call her by the more ornamental name of teacher or governess would not do; and the Reverend Robert was himself of somewhat plebeian origin, and knew how apt congregations are to scrutinize the pedigree and breeding of a new minister’s wife. So he was wise though he was fascinated, and Mrs Buchanan was a little premature.
All of this was very true; but it was also true that Helen was completely indifferent to the good looks of the{142} young minister, and the Reverend Robert himself hadn't yet decided whether he had any "intentions" regarding the young schoolmistress of Fendie. She was the schoolmistress; calling her the fancier title of teacher or governess just wouldn't fit; and the Reverend Robert came from a somewhat unrefined background and understood how congregations tend to examine the background and breeding of a new minister’s wife. So he was smart, even though he was intrigued, and Mrs. Buchanan was a bit premature.
But Hope Oswald, on the journey to Edinburgh, contrived to let the banker know how assiduously the minister visited her friend, and had the consolation to perceive that her arrow did not miss its mark. It by no means weakened the resolution which the obstinate man had formed in respect to the daughter of his former friend; but acting upon the suggestive praise of Lilias Maxwell, it gave him a little misgiving about the wisdom of his unalterable decision. It was humiliating to make a mistake, but the very possibility made him cling more closely to his obstinate resolve. He would never receive Walter Buchanan’s daughter—never! He had fulminated his sentence on the matter once, and it was decided as the Medes and Persians decide—beyond the power of change.
But Hope Oswald, during the trip to Edinburgh, managed to let the banker know just how often the minister visited her friend, and she took comfort in realizing that her point hit home. It didn’t weaken the determination that the stubborn man had regarding his former friend's daughter; however, influenced by Lilias Maxwell’s flattering comments, it made him a little uncertain about the wisdom of his unchanging decision. It was embarrassing to make a mistake, but the mere possibility of it caused him to hold even tighter to his stubborn resolve. He would never accept Walter Buchanan’s daughter—never! He had declared his decision on the matter once, and it was as final as the laws of the Medes and Persians—unchangeable.
CHAPTER XII.
It's very true that I am poor and friendless,
But do you think that's why I would steal? Another orphan's relative and land? No way—oh, no!
Lilias Maxwell sat in the old-fashioned window-seat of the Mossgray drawing-room busy with some household sewing. It was an appropriate work then, with its licence of unlimited thought, though it had often been unwholesome enough for the solitary orphan. She was looking forward now, in that freshness of feeling with which those look who,{143} after a long interregnum of pain, may again dare to turn their eyes to the future. Her heart was convalescent, and the haze of subdued sadness which remained about her present self made the prospect only the fairer. She was thinking of her guardian’s delicate care of her, and of the one living voice which should yet thank him for his tenderness.
Lilias Maxwell sat in the old-fashioned window seat of the Mossgray drawing room, busy with some household sewing. It was a fitting task, allowing her limitless thoughts, even though it had often been rather unhealthy for the lonely orphan. She was now looking forward, with that fresh feeling that comes to those who, {143} after a long period of suffering, can finally dare to look ahead. Her heart was healing, and the lingering haze of sadness around her made the future seem even brighter. She was reflecting on her guardian’s gentle care for her and the one living voice that would still express gratitude for his kindness.
The old man upstairs in his study was reading one of his philosophical favourites with some restlessness, as a duty. He was slightly ashamed of himself for so much preferring the society of his young charge to that of his old, learned, constant friends. The dust that lay upon his scientific tools, and the unusual order and solemn regularity with which these folio and quarto inhabitants of his shelves were arranged, came upon him like a reproof. His hand rested upon the fanciful records of Bishop Berkeley’s mystic system. Open before him lay the steadier disquisitions of a grave philosopher of Scotland. Upon the same table were some of those strange, wild charts which reveal to us the dreamy sea of German thought. The volumes round bore all on kindred subjects—writings of men who had given consistence to the reveries of the unformed world before their time, and of men who had but skill enough to spin their spider’s thread about the obscure college or unknown scholar’s cell in which they lived and died. Divine philosophy in its strength and its weakness encircled the Laird of Mossgray.
The old man upstairs in his study was reading one of his philosophical favorites with some restlessness, almost out of obligation. He felt a bit embarrassed for preferring the company of his young charge over that of his old, learned, and loyal friends. The dust on his scientific tools and the unusual order and solemn regularity of the folios and quartos on his shelves felt like a rebuke. His hand rested on the fanciful writings of Bishop Berkeley’s mystic system. In front of him lay the more serious discussions of a respected philosopher from Scotland. On the same table were some of those strange, wild charts that reveal the dreamy sea of German thought. The surrounding volumes were all on related subjects—works of men who had given substance to the dreams of the formless world before their time, and of those who had just enough skill to weave their spider's thread around the obscure college or unknown scholar’s cell where they lived and died. Divine philosophy, with all its strengths and weaknesses, surrounded the Laird of Mossgray.
But from the high window of the projecting turret the ruddy winter sunshine stole in a line of dazzling light through the large low room. It was a mild day, so mild that the turret window was open, and the low hum of rural sounds ascended from beneath. Adam Graeme leant back in his chair, and looked at the steady line of sunlight, and forgot the philosophies of science. There rose in the gentle soul of the old man philosophies of older date than these, born before ever the restless mind of humanity had investigated its own formation or classified its feelings.
But from the high window of the jutting turret, the warm winter sunlight streamed in a bright beam through the spacious low room. It was a mild day, so mild that the turret window was open, and the soft sounds of the countryside drifted up from below. Adam Graeme leaned back in his chair, looking at the steady line of sunlight, and forgot the complex ideas of science. In the gentle heart of the old man, there were philosophies that were much older than these, created long before humanity's restless mind had explored its own origins or categorized its emotions.
"Which I heard back then."
Wonderful sights and sounds of nature unchangeable in all their varying—wonderful human heart which twines its memories about them, and growing old, dwells in the past, by aid of the great earth and greater sun!
Wonderful sights and sounds of nature that remain constant in all their diversity—amazing human heart that wraps its memories around them, and as it ages, lives in the past, with the support of the vast earth and the even greater sun!
By the fireside stood an old carved chair; the room was{144} so much the hermitage of its owner, that its furniture was very scanty; there was no accommodation for any companionship; but when every other article in the room was piled with books, this solitary chair remained always unencumbered. For years it had stood in the same position, turned towards the fire, its high carved back standing up, a kind of gloomy screen against the light. This day its position had been slightly altered, and the sunshine streaming in, threw its fantastic gilding over the antique carving and faded old embroidery of the unused seat. The old man started slightly as his eye fell upon it, and it was some time before he recollected himself. Lilias had been in the study early this morning, and she it was who had, unconsciously, made this alteration.
By the fireside stood an old carved chair; the room was{144} so much a reflection of its owner that the furniture was very sparse; there was no space for any company. But while every other item in the room was piled high with books, this lonely chair always remained clear. For years it had been in the same spot, facing the fire, its tall carved back acting as a somber barrier against the light. Today, its position had been shifted slightly, and the sunlight streaming in cast its whimsical gilding over the antique carvings and faded old embroidery of the unused seat. The old man flinched slightly as his gaze landed on it, and it took him a while to gather his thoughts. Lilias had been in the study early that morning, and she was the one who had, unknowingly, made this change.
It was the chair of Charlie Graeme. This room, now the study of the thoughtful, aged man, had been the favourite haunt of the schoolboy cousins long ago. Rusty armour, and heavy swords and axes, borne by the chiefs of Mossgray, when peace was unknown upon the Border, hung still upon the low bare walls, and in one corner a pile of youthful implements, fishing-rods and the like, still bore witness to the different occupations once pursued under its roof; through all these long intervening years, since the household traitor left for the last time the house of the trustful friend, to whom his lost honour brought so severe a pang, “Charlie’s chair” remained as he had left it, unoccupied by the solitary fireside. Now for the first time the sunlight slanted on this relic of the false man, and Mossgray sat with his eyes fixed upon it, thinking of the dead.
It was Charlie Graeme's chair. This room, now the study of the thoughtful, older man, had been the favorite hangout of the schoolboy cousins long ago. Rusty armor, along with heavy swords and axes, used by the chiefs of Mossgray when peace was a stranger on the Border, still hung on the low bare walls. In one corner, a pile of youthful gear, like fishing rods, still showed evidence of the different activities once enjoyed under this roof. Through all the years since the household traitor departed for the last time from the house of his trusting friend, to whom his lost honor caused such pain, “Charlie’s chair” remained just as he had left it, unoccupied by the solitary fireside. For the first time, sunlight streamed onto this reminder of the deceitful man, and Mossgray sat with his eyes fixed on it, thinking of the dead.
That morning he had received a letter from the Reverend Matthew Monikie, the pragmatical licentiate of the church, who kept the Aberdeenshire school, where Charlie’s son had spent his youth. The letter was formally written, as became the man’s profession, age, and character, with deductions somewhat authoritative. Halbert Graeme was nearly one and twenty; it was absolutely necessary, Mr Monikie represented, that some provision should be made for his future life; that he should be placed in some situation where he could maintain himself.
That morning, he received a letter from Reverend Matthew Monikie, the practical licensed minister of the church, who ran the school in Aberdeenshire where Charlie’s son had spent his childhood. The letter was written in a formal style appropriate to the man's profession, age, and character, with somewhat authoritative conclusions. Halbert Graeme was almost twenty-one, and Mr. Monikie insisted it was crucial to make some arrangements for his future; he needed to be placed in a position where he could support himself.
Mossgray had made a resolution, and was determined to keep it. The son of Charlie Graeme should never be heir to the house in which his father had meditated so much treachery; it was better than the line of the old race should be utterly{145} extinguished, than that it should spring anew from a stock which displayed so much guile, and falsehood, and dishonour. Mossgray resolved to continue the yearly allowance he had given this youth, and to refuse him no specific aid or influence which he asked; but, “Let him not enter my presence,” repeated the old man; “let me not be brought into contact with one whose motives I cannot trust, whose conduct may steel my heart both against himself and others. I wish him well, but let him not come near me.”
Mossgray had made a resolution and was determined to stick to it. Charlie Graeme's son should never inherit the house where his father plotted so much betrayal; it would be better for the old family line to be completely{145} extinguished than for it to emerge from a lineage that showed so much deceit, falsehood, and dishonor. Mossgray decided to continue the yearly allowance he had given to this young man and to grant him any specific help or support he asked for; but, “Let him not enter my presence,” the old man repeated; “let me not be made to interact with someone whose motives I can’t trust, whose actions could harden my heart against him and others. I wish him well, but let him stay away from me.”
It was unjust: it was almost the single conscious injustice with which even his own conscience could tax Adam Graeme of Mossgray, and in consequence he tried to banish it from his mind. As he sat thus musing, a melting of the heart came upon him. He could almost fancy, as he saw the sunbeams stealing over Charlie’s chair, that Charlie himself had risen from it even now.
It was unfair: it was nearly the only clear injustice that Adam Graeme of Mossgray believed he could hold against himself, and because of that, he tried to push it out of his thoughts. As he sat there thinking, he felt a warmth in his heart. He could almost imagine, as he watched the sunlight creeping over Charlie's chair, that Charlie himself had just gotten up from it.
Very shortly afterwards he joined Lilias. She was still sitting in the deep window-seat of the cheerful, old-fashioned drawing-room. The ruddy sunbeams just touched her pale head with a shadowy glory; her fingers were busily employed, her mind no less active. Not as Helen Buchanan would have done in the vivid dreams which took possession of her less serene spirit, but in the flush of a tranquil, gentle hope, weaving the mystic thread of her imagined destiny over the unknown future which lay before her.
Very soon after, he joined Lilias. She was still sitting in the deep window seat of the bright, old-fashioned living room. The warm sunlight gently illuminated her pale head, giving her an ethereal glow; her fingers were busy, and her mind was just as engaged. Not like Helen Buchanan would have done in the vivid daydreams that overtook her more troubled spirit, but in the warmth of a calm, gentle hope, weaving the mystical thread of her imagined fate over the uncertain future that lay ahead of her.
“Lilias,” said her guardian, when they had been for some time engaged in conversation less personal, “I am the last of my race, but I have a fancy that I should like ill to be the last of my name. When I was as young as you are, there seemed to me a peculiar charm and grace in the name I would have you bear—you must be Lilias Graeme.”
“Lilias,” her guardian said after they had been talking for a while about less personal topics, “I’m the last of my family, but I really don’t want to be the last of my name. When I was your age, I found a unique charm and elegance in the name I want you to have—you must be Lilias Graeme.”
“Gladly, if it pleases you, Mossgray,” answered Lilias.
“Sure, if that works for you, Mossgray,” replied Lilias.
“It pleases me,” said the old man, with his gentle smile; “it is strange how sometimes, Lilias, we have our early fancies realized in a way which, could we foresee it when we form them, we should think bitter mockery. This name! well, but the years fall tranquilly, and do a good work in the content they bring. I think they bring content—acquiescence at least in what Providence sends us.”
“It makes me happy,” said the old man, with his gentle smile. “It’s odd how sometimes, Lilias, we see our early dreams come true in a way that, if we could foresee it when we first imagined them, we would think it’s a cruel joke. This name! Well, the years go by quietly, and they do a good job of bringing us peace. I believe they bring peace—at least acceptance of what life sends our way.”
“Is it always so?” said Lilias. She was thinking of her fretful, repining father, whose discontent was not allayed by years.
“Is it always like this?” said Lilias. She was thinking of her troubled, complaining father, whose discontent hadn’t lessened over the years.
“I think so,” said Mossgray: “we resist when we are{146} strong, but when this gentle hand of decay droops over us, we learn to think that what has befallen us was, after all, the best; but I did not intend to discuss melancholy matters with you, and youthful people, as I remember, think all sad that relates to the end. When that comes, Lilias—when you yourself are the lady of this old stronghold of the Graemes, remember that you have promised to bear their name.”
“I think so,” said Mossgray. “We resist when we're strong, but when this gentle hand of decay weighs on us, we start to believe that what has happened to us was, after all, for the best. But I didn’t mean to talk about sad things with you, and young people, as I recall, tend to see everything related to endings as gloom. When that time comes, Lilias—when you become the lady of this old stronghold of the Graemes, remember that you’ve promised to carry on their name.”
Lilias laid down her work and looked steadily into her guardian’s face.
Lilias put down her work and looked directly into her guardian's face.
“You shall call me by what name you please, but you must not give me Mossgray.”
“You can call me whatever name you want, but just don’t call me Mossgray.”
The old man shook his head and smiled.
The old man shook his head and smiled.
“No, no!” exclaimed Lilias, hastily; “you have given me a home in my extremity—more than that, you have given me such kindness as perhaps no other in the world could give. You have been my protector, my true father, and I thank you with all my heart; but there is no gift you can give me now half so precious as those I have received already. You have made me your child; after this I will take no inferior gift, not though it is all your land. I will be Lilias Graeme your daughter; but only while Mossgray is your home must it be mine.”
“No, no!” Lilias said quickly. “You’ve given me a home in my time of need—more than that, you’ve shown me a kindness that perhaps no one else in the world could offer. You’ve been my protector, my true father, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart; but there’s no gift you can give me now that’s even close to what I’ve already received. You’ve made me your child; from now on, I won’t accept anything less, even if it’s all your land. I will be Lilias Graeme, your daughter; but as long as Mossgray is your home, it must also be mine.”
Mossgray laid his hand gently on the young head which was inspired with energy so unusual.
Mossgray placed his hand softly on the young head that radiated with such uncommon energy.
“I thank you, my good Lilias; but even on your own showing you must take my inheritance; for I can have no heir so fitting as my own child.”
“I appreciate it, my dear Lilias; but even based on what you've said, you have to take my inheritance, because I can't have a more suitable heir than my own child.”
“Mossgray,” said Lilias, “you are not the last of your race.”
“Mossgray,” Lilias said, “you’re not the last of your kind.”
A slight colour passed over the old man’s face.
A faint color appeared on the old man's face.
“You are right, Lilias,” he said, gravely, “there is yet one Graeme remaining of the blood; but even you must not speak to me of him.”
“You're right, Lilias,” he said seriously, “there's still one Graeme left of the bloodline; but even you shouldn't mention him to me.”
Her face had been lifted to him full of eagerness: when he said that her countenance fell—she was silent.
Her face was raised to him, full of eagerness; when he spoke, her expression dropped—she was silent.
“Nay,” said her guardian, kindly, “I do not mean that there is anything, Lilias, of which you may not speak to me with the utmost freedom; but this youth, this Halbert—you do not and cannot know how strong my reasons are for resolving never to see him, nor to suffer his presence at Mossgray.”
“Not at all,” her guardian said gently. “I don’t mean to suggest there’s anything you can’t talk to me about openly, Lilias. However, this young man, Halbert—you don’t understand and can’t know how strong my reasons are for deciding to never see him again or allow him to be at Mossgray.”
“Is it for himself; has he displeased you himself, Mossgray?” asked Lilias, with some timidity.{147}
“Is it about him; has he upset you, Mossgray?” Lilias asked, a bit nervously.{147}
Adam Graeme sat down near her, and met her shy glance with his own benign, unclouded smile.
Adam Graeme sat down next to her and responded to her shy glance with his kind, clear smile.
“We will speak of him no more, Lilias, if you are afraid.”
“We won't talk about him anymore, Lilias, if you’re scared.”
“No, no, I am not afraid,” said Lilias, hurriedly; “but you must let me be proud—for myself and for you.”
“No, no, I’m not scared,” said Lilias quickly; “but you have to let me be proud—for myself and for you.”
The old man smiled again.
The old man smiled once more.
“Surely, Lilias, if you will tell me how and why.”
“Of course, Lilias, if you can explain how and why.”
“For myself,” said Lilias, with some tremor in her voice, “because I would fain have you believe, Mossgray, that it is your own tenderness I prize, and not any gift—not any inheritance.”
“For me,” said Lilias, her voice shaking a bit, “I want you to understand, Mossgray, that it’s your own kindness I value, and not any gift—not any inheritance.”
“I believe it already, Lilias—I need no proof.”
“I already believe it, Lilias—I don’t need any proof.”
“And besides,” continued Lilias, “for everybody—all our neighbours—‘the haill water,’ Mossgray. I must vindicate myself. I cannot have these good people think ill of me. They know you have given me everything I have; but they must not fancy that I grasp at all.”
“And besides,” Lilias continued, “for everyone—all our neighbors—‘the whole water,’ Mossgray. I have to defend myself. I can’t let these good people think poorly of me. They know you’ve given me everything I have, but they must not think I’m greedy.”
“Hush, Lilias,” said the old man, “I cannot hear this. Well, I permit your own pride: it becomes you well enough; and now for me.”
“Hush, Lilias,” said the old man, “I can’t listen to this. Well, I respect your pride: it suits you just fine; and now it’s my turn.”
“And for you, Mossgray,” said Lilias. “I am jealous that any one should have cause to say that once in your life you dealt unjustly—that you alienated his inheritance from one of your own blood because your kind heart had compassion on a stranger. I could not hear this said. For the very name’s sake which you say I am to bear, I would shrink from such a reproach as this.”
“And for you, Mossgray,” said Lilias. “I'm jealous that anyone could say that once in your life you acted unfairly—that you took away his inheritance from someone related to you just because your kind heart felt sorry for a stranger. I could never bear to hear that. For the sake of the name that you say I’m supposed to carry, I would be ashamed of such an accusation.”
“It is unjust,” said the old man. “I almost believe you, Lilias; but suppose that I knew, and were sure, that far greater dishonour would come to the name, if Halbert Graeme inherited Mossgray, than could fall upon me for disowning him—what then? Would you still advise me to bestow all I have upon the son of a treacherous, false man?”
“It’s not fair,” said the old man. “I almost believe you, Lilias; but suppose I knew for sure that far greater dishonor would come to the name if Halbert Graeme inherited Mossgray than could come to me for disowning him—what then? Would you still tell me to give everything I have to the son of a deceitful, untrustworthy man?”
“I do not know him,” said Lilias; “if he does otherwise than well, I am grieved for himself; but it has no effect upon me—it does not alter the right and the wrong; and you, Mossgray, who have never done injustice!”
“I don’t know him,” said Lilias; “if he behaves poorly, I feel sorry for him; but it doesn’t affect me—it doesn’t change what’s right and what’s wrong; and you, Mossgray, who have never been unjust!”
“How have you heard, Lilias, of Halbert Graeme?” said the old man. “Did you ever meet him in your wanderings that you plead his cause so warmly?”
“How have you heard, Lilias, about Halbert Graeme?” said the old man. “Did you ever meet him during your travels that you advocate for him so passionately?”
“No—oh, no. I have only heard of him, principally here at home, where they cannot forget that he is a son of the house,” said Lilias; “and some one has brought them word{148} that he is good and generous, and worthy to be your successor. Will you not see with your own eyes whether it is so?”
“No—oh, no. I’ve only heard of him, mostly here at home, where they can’t forget that he’s a son of the house,” said Lilias; “and someone has told them that he is good and generous, and worthy of being your successor. Will you not see for yourself if that’s true?”
“You are a Quixote, Lilias,” said Mossgray, “you have the epidemic generosity of youth upon you just now. When you are old, you will be wiser, perhaps—who can tell?—than to throw away your own prospects for the sake of a stranger whom you never saw.”
“You're like a Quixote, Lilias,” said Mossgray, “you’ve got that youthful generosity, which is nearly contagious right now. When you’re older, you might be wiser—who knows?—and won’t throw away your own opportunities for someone you’ve never even met.”
“I do not know that it is well to be so wise,” said Lilias; “and I shall not learn from you, Mossgray.”
“I’m not sure it’s a good idea to be that wise,” said Lilias; “and I won’t learn from you, Mossgray.”
“In this point I cannot answer for myself,” said the old man. “I have had an experience bitterer than usual; but let us not speak of that: we have had enough of Halbert Graeme. Who are to be your guests, Lilias, in our first essay at hospitality? have you determined?”
“In this respect, I can't speak for myself,” said the old man. “I've gone through an experience that's been more painful than usual; but let's not dwell on that: we've talked enough about Halbert Graeme. Who will be your guests, Lilias, for our first attempt at hospitality? Have you decided?”
“I specially beg an invitation for only one,” said Lilias; “and perhaps I do ill to ask that; but—I remember what it is to be poor and alone.”
“I really hope to get an invitation for just one,” said Lilias; “and maybe it’s wrong of me to ask for that; but—I remember what it’s like to be poor and alone.”
“And who is your one guest?” said Mossgray.
“And who is your one guest?” Mossgray asked.
“It is Helen Buchanan;—you have seen her, Mossgray; she is only a humble teacher in Fendie: but she is—”
“It’s Helen Buchanan; you’ve met her, Mossgray; she’s just a humble teacher in Fendie, but she is—”
“I know her,” said the courteous Adam Graeme, to whom the word gentlewoman was, as to Hope Oswald, the highest of feminine titles. “Why should you hesitate to invite her, Lilias?”
“I know her,” said the polite Adam Graeme, for whom the term gentlewoman was, like it was for Hope Oswald, the highest of feminine titles. “Why would you hesitate to invite her, Lilias?”
“Because,” said Lilias, with a smile, “the young ladies, the young landed ladies, Mossgray, may think her not good enough to meet them; but I made a promise to Hope Oswald to do what I could to honour Helen in the presence of Hope’s father.”
“Because,” said Lilias, smiling, “the young ladies, the young landed ladies, Mossgray, might think she’s not good enough to be with them; but I promised Hope Oswald that I would do what I could to honor Helen in front of Hope’s dad.”
“So Hope begins to scheme,” said Mossgray, smiling; “and the cause, Lilias?”
“Looks like Hope is starting to plan,” said Mossgray with a smile; “and what about the cause, Lilias?”
“I think it has some connection with Mr William Oswald; indeed, Mrs Oswald almost told me that his father’s very stern resolution alone prevents—”
“I think it has something to do with Mr. William Oswald; in fact, Mrs. Oswald almost implied that his father's very strict determination alone stops—”
“I understand,” said the old man, as Lilias hesitated and blushed with a not unnatural sympathy. “His father’s resolution—pooh! his father will break it.”
“I get it,” said the old man, as Lilias hesitated and blushed with a pretty normal sympathy. “His dad's determination—pfft! His dad will back down.”
“Do you think so, Mossgray?”
“Do you think so, Mossgray?”
“I begin to think, Lilias,” said Mossgray, turning to leave the room, “that resolutions are made only to be broken. May it fare with Mr Oswald as it has done with me; but remember,” and the old man looked back from the door with{149} some humour in his face, “I do not mean in the matter of Halbert Graeme.”
“I’m starting to think, Lilias,” said Mossgray, turning to leave the room, “that resolutions are just meant to be broken. I hope Mr. Oswald ends up like me; but remember,” and the old man looked back from the door with{149} a little humor on his face, “I’m not talking about Halbert Graeme.”
He did not mean it—he was still resolved; and yet when he returned to his study, it was to look long at the declining sunlight as it gilded the ancient carvings of Charlie’s chair, and to think gently of the dead. A certain poetic, half-superstitious feeling, which became him well, hindered him from restoring to its original position the old seat of Charlie Graeme. He suffered the sunshine to dwell upon it like a reconciling smile.
He didn’t really mean it—he was still determined; but when he got back to his study, he found himself staring at the fading sunlight as it illuminated the old carvings on Charlie’s chair, and he thought softly of those who had passed. A kind of poetic, almost superstitious feeling, which suited him perfectly, kept him from putting Charlie Graeme’s old seat back in its original place. He let the sunlight linger on it like a comforting smile.
CHAPTER XIII.
Marry, he hath a proper person, a brain indifferent well garnished; comes of a good lineage; hath a bold spirit; poor, I deny not; but what doth your young gallant propose to himself, I pray you, but to try a wrestle and a fall with Fortune?—Old Play.
Sure, he's got a good appearance and a fairly sharp mind; he comes from a good family; he's got a brave spirit; poor, I won't deny that; but what does your young man plan to do, I ask you, other than to take a chance and wrestle with Fortune?—Classic Play.
On the same evening the Edinburgh coach, when it arrived at the door of the George Inn, at Fendie, deposited there a young adventurer fresh from the far North. He had been travelling on the outside of the coach, and was benumbed with cold, though his face glowed from contact with the wind. A small portmanteau was the extent of his luggage, and beyond that his worldly possessions were of the smallest; good looks, good blood, an honest heart, a happy temper, and five one-pound notes in the end of a blue silken purse—he had nothing more.
On the same evening, the Edinburgh coach pulled up at the door of the George Inn in Fendie, dropping off a young adventurer straight from the far North. He had been riding on top of the coach and was chilled to the bone, although his face was flushed from the wind. His only luggage was a small suitcase, and beyond that, his possessions were quite limited; he had good looks, noble heritage, an honest heart, a cheerful disposition, and five one-pound notes tucked in a blue silk purse—nothing more.
It was no great amount of capital with which to begin the arduous struggle of life; and upon his glowing healthful face there sat a little anxiety, which was not by any means care. He had one special and particular aim in this journey, but if it failed, how many means of success yet offered themselves to the young, hopeful, ingenuous spirit, with the world lying all before him, where to choose.
It wasn’t a lot of money to start the tough journey of life, and there was a hint of anxiety on his vibrant and healthy face, but it wasn’t really worry. He had one main goal on this trip, but if it didn’t work out, there were so many other opportunities available to a young, hopeful, and innocent person, with the whole world ahead of him to explore.
The stranger hastily entered the inn and ordered some very simple refreshments. It was his first considerable journey, and the youth was not without the natural shyness which attends those who have passed all their lives in the quietness of one domestic circle. When he had discussed the{150} inexpensive meal placed before him, and thoroughly thawed himself before the fire, and resolved one of his pound notes into shillings by the payment of his bill, the young man, much to the surprise of the waiter at the George, began to button his great-coat once more.
The stranger quickly walked into the inn and ordered some simple snacks. It was his first major trip, and the young man felt the natural shyness that often comes from spending his whole life in the comfort of one family home. After finishing the inexpensive meal in front of him, warming up by the fire, and breaking one of his pound notes into shillings to pay his bill, the young man, much to the surprise of the waiter at the George, started to button his coat again.
“Do you know,” he inquired, “how far it is to Mossgray?—there is a place called Mossgray in the neighbourhood, is there not?”
“Do you know,” he asked, “how far it is to Mossgray?—there's a place called Mossgray nearby, right?”
The waiter answered readily in the affirmative, with the addition that it was “maybes, a mile,” and an inquiry if the gentleman would want a conveyance.
The waiter quickly said yes, adding that it was "maybe about a mile," and asked if the gentleman needed a ride.
The gentleman thought he should not—a mile was no great distance—and requested his attendant to direct him how to go.
The gentleman figured he shouldn’t—it was only a mile, after all—and asked his attendant for directions on how to get there.
The waiter, encouraged by seeing the portmanteau left behind, graciously complied. The youth’s appearance was frank and prepossessing, and the waiter at the George was a good-humoured fellow, so he extended his courtesy so far as to look out upon the idlers round the door—it was the evening of the market-day—and ask,—
The waiter, seeing the abandoned suitcase, kindly obliged. The young man's look was open and attractive, and the waiter at the George was an easy-going guy, so he went as far as to glance at the people lounging around the door—it was market day evening—and asked,—
“Is there ony of you gaun the road to Mossgray?”
“Is anyone of you going the road to Mossgray?”
John Brown, Mrs Fendie’s factotum, was within hearing. He had been down making purchases at the market, and now, with his light cart moderately well filled, was about starting home. On hearing the question, he responded briskly,—
John Brown, Mrs. Fendie’s go-to guy, was close enough to hear. He had been out shopping at the market and was now about to head home with his cart partially loaded. Upon hearing the question, he replied cheerfully,—
“Ay, I’m gaun to the Mount—wha’s speiring?”
"Aye, I'm going to the Mount—who's asking?"
“Is’t you, John Brown?” said the waiter; “there’s a gentleman here, a stranger, that disna ken the road. He’s gaun to Mossgray.”
“Is it you, John Brown?” said the waiter; “there’s a gentleman here, a stranger, who doesn’t know the way. He’s going to Mossgray.”
“If he’s a decent lad,” said the authoritative John, “I’ll gie him a hurl if he likes; and if he’s no a decent lad, or if he’s ower proud to ride in a cart, if he can keep up wi’ the powny, I’ll let him see the road.”
“If he’s a good kid,” said the commanding John, “I’ll give him a ride if he wants; and if he’s not a good kid, or if he’s too proud to ride in a cart, if he can keep up with the pony, I’ll show him the way.”
The stranger laughed, and having, as it seemed, no particular scruples of pride, sprang lightly up on the front of John’s cart, and thanked him for the promised “hurl.” It was a very frosty, chill night; John somewhat gruffly threw one of the rough home-made plaids, of which he had been making a cushion for himself, over the knees of the newcomer.
The stranger laughed, and seeming to have no real sense of pride, hopped up onto the front of John’s cart and thanked him for the promised “hurl.” It was a very cold, frosty night; John gruffly tossed one of the rough homemade blankets he had been using to make a cushion for himself over the newcomer’s knees.
“Ye’ll ken the Laird?” said John, as they emerged out of the Main Street.
“Do you know the Laird?” said John, as they came out of Main Street.
“No—at least I have never seen him,” said the young man.{151}
“No—at least I’ve never seen him,” said the young man.{151}
John uttered a discontented “humph,” and changed his tactics.
John let out a frustrated "humph," and switched up his approach.
“It’s a mair inviting place noo than it used to be, for young folk.”
“It’s a way more inviting place now than it used to be for young people.”
“Is it?” said the impracticable stranger. “I have never been at Mossgray.”
“Is it?” said the impractical stranger. “I’ve never been to Mossgray.”
“Ay,” said John, dryly, fancying he was now sure of a more satisfactory answer; “but ye’ll ken the young lady it’s like?”
“Ay,” said John, dryly, thinking he was now certain of a better answer; “but you’ll know what the young lady is like?”
“The young lady!” exclaimed his companion in evident astonishment. “Is there a young lady at Mossgray?”
“The young lady!” his companion exclaimed, clearly surprised. “Is there a young lady at Mossgray?”
John Brown was brought to a stand-still—he was half angry at his failure.
John Brown was stopped in his tracks—he felt a mix of anger and frustration at his failure.
“Ay, nae doubt there’s a young lady; ye maunna hae been living nearhand here or ye would have heard of the young lady of Mossgray.”
“Aye, no doubt there’s a young lady; you must have lived nearby here or you would have heard about the young lady of Mossgray.”
“You don’t mean,” said the young man, hurriedly, “that Mr Graeme is married?”
“You can’t be serious,” said the young man quickly, “that Mr. Graeme is married?”
A long gruff laugh answered the question, to the considerable relief of the inquirer, before John was able to say,—
A loud, rough laugh answered the question, greatly relieving the person who asked, before John could say,—
“Man, ye may ken mony things, but ye dinna ken the Laird!”
“Man, you may know many things, but you don’t know the Laird!”
“No, indeed I do not,” said the stranger, echoing John’s laugh; “but pray tell me who the young lady is.”
“No, I really don’t,” said the stranger, mimicking John’s laugh; “but please tell me who the young lady is.”
“Ye see,” said John, “the Laird was to have been married langsyne—the time’s past minding—it was lang or ever ye were born or heard tell o’; but ye’ll no prevent the lass frae seeing somebody she likit better,—and a shilpit chield he was, no fit to haud the candle to Mossgray;—sae the short and the lang o’t is, that the twaesome ran away, and the Laird was left without his bride, and took it sair to heart, as I have heard. Aweel, there was nae mair word o’t till a young lady came to the Mount—that’s where I am—to learn the young lasses the kind of havers that’s guid enough for the like o’ them; and wha should this be but the daughter of the Laird’s auld joe, and nae suner was’t found out, than she behoved to gang hame to Mossgray, and as muckle wark made about her as if she had been a crowned head, let alane a bit peenging lassie: and there she’s been, ever since, mistress and mair. The word gangs that she’ll get a’ the land; but I canna think that Mossgray would pass ower his ain bluid{152} for a stranger, and they say there are some of the name to the fore yet.”
“You see,” said John, “the Laird was supposed to have gotten married a long time ago—the time has passed by—it was long before you were born or heard about it; but you can't stop the girl from seeing someone she liked better,—and he was a weakling, not even fit to hold a candle to Mossgray;—so the long and short of it is, that the two of them ran away, and the Laird was left without his bride, which hit him hard, as I’ve heard. Well, there was no more talk about it until a young lady came to the Mount—that’s where I am—to teach the young girls the kind of nonsense that’s good enough for them; and who should this be but the daughter of the Laird’s old flame, and no sooner was it found out, than she had to go back home to Mossgray, and there was just as much fuss made about her as if she had been a crowned queen, let alone a little common girl: and she’s been there ever since, mistress and more. The rumors say that she’ll get all the land; but I can’t believe that Mossgray would overlook his own blood{152} for a stranger, and they say there are still some of the name around.”
The young man made no answer, and just at this crisis John Brown pulled up his horse opposite a lane which sloped down to the waterside.
The young man didn't respond, and at that moment, John Brown stopped his horse next to a lane that sloped down to the water's edge.
“Ye see yon light? it’s in the Laird’s study, for he’s an awfu’ feelosophical man. Yon’s Mossgray; if ye hand straight down ye canna miss’t.”
“Do you see that light over there? It’s in the Laird’s study because he’s a really philosophical guy. That’s Mossgray; if you go straight down, you can’t miss it.”
There was only the partial light of the moon to guide the stranger, as he turned the sudden angle of one of the accumulated buildings, which formed the house of Mossgray. Dimly seen, and in glimpses, as these clouds flitted across the moon, the old house looked grand and imposing to the inexperienced eyes eagerly gazing upon it. A thrill of family pride, the first he had ever felt, made the young man draw himself up, and hold his head higher, as he looked at the heavy bulk of the old tower rising between him and the sky. In the projecting turret high up yonder, and from the small deep windows in its rugged wall, gleams the light which John Brown pointed out. The Laird’s study—the heart of the adventurer beat high, as he tried to prepare himself to meet this stern Laird, half dreaded, half defied.
There was only the faint light of the moon to guide the stranger as he turned the sharp corner of one of the old buildings that made up Mossgray. Dimly visible, and in glimpses as the clouds passed over the moon, the old house appeared grand and imposing to the inexperienced eyes that eagerly stared at it. A rush of family pride, the first he had ever felt, made the young man straighten up and hold his head high as he gazed at the heavy bulk of the old tower rising between him and the sky. In the projecting turret way up there, and from the small, deep windows in its rugged wall, shone the light that John Brown pointed out. The Laird’s study—the heart of the adventurer raced as he tried to prepare himself to face this stern Laird, who was both feared and challenged.
Lower down in a more modern part of the house, from larger windows of some household sitting room, warm light was shining, and close beside the visitor as he stood surveying the dark mass of building, was the cheerful kitchen fire and lamp. The young man did not perceive that at the uncurtained kitchen window there were curious faces watching him. He lingered with natural hesitation before presenting himself to the unknown Mossgray, whose welcome was so dubious; but while he lingered, another face appeared at the low window near him. The old housekeeper, with excited curiosity, had come to see for herself who the intruder was. A loud exclamation aroused him.
Lower down in a more modern part of the house, warm light glowed from the large windows of the sitting room. Next to the visitor, who stood looking over the dark building, the cheerful kitchen fire and lamp added to the welcoming atmosphere. The young man didn’t notice the curious faces watching him through the uncurtained kitchen window. He hesitated naturally before introducing himself to the unknown Mossgray, whose welcome seemed so uncertain; but while he waited, another face appeared at the low window nearby. The old housekeeper, filled with eager curiosity, had come to see who the intruder was. A loud exclamation suddenly broke his thoughts.
“God preserve us!—we never did ye ill. Have ye come to warn us of our end, Charlie Graeme?”
“God save us!—we never did you any harm. Have you come to warn us of our end, Charlie Graeme?”
He saw an aged face, strangely convulsed with terror, fall back upon the shoulder of a strong middle-aged woman who stood behind, as the shrill cry ceased; and hastily advancing, he discovered the kitchen door, and knocked. For some time his summons was not attended to; at last a decent gray-haired elderly man opened it, and looked out, not without timidity.{153} The young man asked for Mr Graeme, and was silently admitted.
He saw an old face, oddly twisted with fear, fall back onto the shoulder of a strong middle-aged woman standing behind, as the high-pitched scream stopped; and quickly moving forward, he found the kitchen door and knocked. For a while, no one answered; finally, a respectable gray-haired older man opened it and looked out, not without hesitation.{153} The young man asked for Mr. Graeme and was let in without a word.
In an old elbow-chair by the fire sat the housekeeper of Mossgray, hysterically wringing her withered hands.
In an old armchair by the fire sat the housekeeper of Mossgray, frantically wringing her dry hands.
“I never did him ill! Oh guid send he be come for me, and no for the innocent callant that he did enow mischief too, when he was in the flesh; but ye saw it, Saunders Delvie—ye saw the Appearance as weel as me.”
“I never harmed him! Oh, good, let him come for me, and not for the innocent boy whom he caused so much trouble for when he was alive; but you saw it, Saunders Delvie—you saw the Appearance just like I did.”
“I tell ye, Auntie,” said Janet, “it was nae Appearance; it was a mortal lad, as life-like as either you or me.”
“I tell you, Auntie,” said Janet, “it wasn’t an illusion; it was a real guy, as lifelike as either you or me.”
“Will you be so good as tell me,” said the stranger, “if Mr Graeme is at home?”
“Could you please tell me,” said the stranger, “if Mr. Graeme is home?”
The old woman sat stiffly erect, gazing at him with rigid terror.
The old woman sat straight up, staring at him with intense fear.
“And where should the Laird be, I would like to ken,” said Janet, testily, “but just in Mossgray?”
“And where is the Laird, I’d like to know,” said Janet, irritably, “but right in Mossgray?”
The young man smiled. The light of the fire fell full upon his ruddy, animated face. Mrs Mense’s fears began to abate; he was no Appearance after all.
The young man smiled. The fire's light illuminated his cheerful, lively face. Mrs. Mense’s fears started to ease; he wasn’t a threat after all.
“Wha are ye?” asked the old woman, with some solemnity. “Tell me that you’re no Charlie Graeme?”
“Who are you?” asked the old woman, with some seriousness. “Please tell me you’re not Charlie Graeme?”
“My name is Halbert,” said the stranger. “It is my father you mean, and I am like him, I hear.”
“My name is Halbert,” said the stranger. “You’re talking about my dad, and I've heard I’m a lot like him.”
Mrs Mense rose, and advancing to the young representative of the Graemes, looked earnestly into his face. The youth’s colour rose under the scrutiny, but the blush was accompanied by a good-humoured smile: the result was satisfactory.
Mrs. Mense stood up and walked over to the young representative of the Graemes, looking intently into his face. The young man's complexion reddened under her gaze, but the blush was paired with a friendly smile: the outcome was pleasing.
“Guid grant that it prove what it looks—a true face,” said the old woman as she turned away. “Take him up to the young lady—I’ll tell Mossgray mysel; but no—bide a wee, Janet, I’ll show the gentleman the road.”
“God grant that it shows what it seems—a true face,” said the old woman as she turned away. “Take him up to the young lady—I’ll tell Mossgray myself; but no—wait a minute, Janet, I’ll show the gentleman the way.”
The penalty which he paid for entering the house by the kitchen door was the threading of various dark passages linked together by short flights of stairs. The old woman panted and lost her breath as she toiled on before him.
The punishment he faced for coming in through the kitchen door was navigating a series of dark hallways connected by short staircases. The old woman struggled and lost her breath as she labored ahead of him.
“These stairs must weary you,” said Halbert, kindly; “had you not better direct me, and I will go on myself.”
“These stairs must be tiring for you,” said Halbert gently; “wouldn’t it be better if you guided me, and I can go on my own?”
“Your father would have cared little for trouble to the like of me,” said Mrs Mense, emphatically; “and you’re a guid lad to mind; but I maun tell Mossgray mysel.”
“Your dad wouldn’t have cared much for trouble like mine,” said Mrs. Mense, firmly; “and you’re a good kid for remembering; but I have to tell Mossgray myself.”
Lilias Maxwell sat alone, leaning upon a small table in the cheerful drawing-room. A desk stood near her, covered{154} with notes of invitation which she had been writing for the great party which her guardian insisted on giving in her honour. She had finished these, and was sitting, thoughtfully looking at a book before her, which she did not read. She was thinking of what she could do to help forward the cause of Halbert Graeme.
Lilias Maxwell sat alone, leaning on a small table in the bright drawing room. A desk was nearby, covered{154} with the invitation notes she had been writing for the big party her guardian insisted on throwing in her honor. She had finished them and was sitting there, lost in thought as she looked at a book in front of her that she wasn't actually reading. She was thinking about how she could support Halbert Graeme's cause.
Just then the door opened, and Lilias started in surprise as Mrs Mense entered, followed by the young man, who, in his flutter of spirits, looked as he was—a remarkably handsome and prepossessing youth.
Just then, the door opened, and Lilias jumped in surprise as Mrs. Mense walked in, followed by the young man who, in his excitement, looked exactly as he was—a strikingly handsome and charming young man.
“I’m gaun to tell Mossgray,” said the housekeeper; “and, Miss Lilias, this is Mr Halbert Graeme.”
“I’m going to tell Mossgray,” said the housekeeper; “and, Miss Lilias, this is Mr. Halbert Graeme.”
There was a little awkwardness at first, which the serene bearing and temper of Lilias got through perhaps scarcely so well as Helen Buchanan’s embarrassed frankness would have done; but they surmounted it, and talked about Halbert’s journey, while Mrs Mense laboriously panted up the old staircase of the tower, to the study of the Laird.
There was a bit of awkwardness at first, which Lilias handled with her calm demeanor not quite as well as Helen Buchanan’s openly embarrassed honesty would have. However, they got past it and talked about Halbert’s trip while Mrs. Mense struggled up the old staircase of the tower to the Laird's study.
The Laird sat among his books not very attentive to them—his mind had wandered to other things; and by the fire-place stood Charlie’s chair, still turned towards the light—towards the faint pale moonbeams which, dimmed, but not quenched, by the artificial light, stole in like something spiritual across the dusky wall.
The Laird sat among his books, not really focused on them—his mind had drifted to other thoughts; and by the fireplace stood Charlie’s chair, still facing the light—toward the faint pale moonlight which, softened but not extinguished by the artificial light, gently filtered in like something ethereal across the shadowy wall.
“Mr Adam,” said the old woman, advancing to the table in the strength of her unwonted agitation, “I have seen this night a face I never thought to see, under the rooftree of Mossgray, or with my old e’en again. I have looked upon the face of your cousin, Charlie Graeme.”
“Mr. Adam,” said the old woman, coming up to the table with surprising strength despite her agitation, “tonight I saw a face I never expected to see again under the roof of Mossgray or with my old eyes. I saw the face of your cousin, Charlie Graeme.”
Mossgray started nervously, and raised his head; that gray, pale, old man’s head, which to his faithful servant looked still young.
Mossgray started nervously and lifted his head; that gray, pale old man’s head, which still looked young to his loyal servant.
“I thought it was an Appearance sent to warn us of our end,” said Mrs Mense, solemnly, “and my heart failed me, Mossgray, because I kent, that whate’er your better spirit may have done, I had ne’er forgiven him, no when he was dead. But it was nae Appearance; the face is the face of a living man, and if it’s like him, it has that in it, that in his bravest days he never had. The lad’s face is a true face, Mr Adam. I have lived near fourscore years, and I have learned to ken.”
“I thought it was a vision meant to warn us of our end,” said Mrs. Mense solemnly, “and my heart sank, Mossgray, because I knew that no matter what your better spirit may have done, I never forgave him, not even in death. But it wasn’t a vision; the face belongs to a living man, and if it resembles him, it carries something that he never had in his bravest days. The boy’s face is genuine, Mr. Adam. I’ve lived nearly eighty years, and I’ve learned to recognize that.”
“Who is it, Nancy?” said Mossgray.
“Who is it, Nancy?” said Mossgray.
“He says they ca’ him Halbert Graeme. I pat him in{155} the big room beside Miss Lilias; they’re a bonnie couple as e’e could look upon, and he’s Mr Charlie’s son.”
“He says his name is Halbert Graeme. I put him in{155} the big room next to Miss Lilias; they’re a beautiful couple to look at, and he’s Mr. Charlie’s son.”
There was a brief struggle; the old feeling of suspicion and distrust came up for a moment over the warm heart of Adam Graeme; but, like all unnatural things, it was shortlived, and he recovered himself.
There was a quick struggle; the old feeling of suspicion and distrust bubbled up for a moment over the warm heart of Adam Graeme; but, like all unnatural things, it was short-lived, and he composed himself.
“I will judge him by his own merits,” said the just Laird of Mossgray, “for long ago, Charlie Graeme, long ago, when your treachery was scarcely done, I forgave you.”
“I will judge him by his own merits,” said the fair Laird of Mossgray, “because long ago, Charlie Graeme, long ago, when your betrayal was barely finished, I forgave you.”
A footstep on the stair interrupted the conversation in the drawing-room; it brought the colour almost painfully to Halbert’s cheek as he sat in anxious expectation, and when Mossgray entered the room, the youth rose and stood before him, hesitating and embarrassed. He scarcely observed the stateliness of the old man’s demeanour; he did not see how the face, which at first was only gravely courteous, softened and melted as it looked upon his own. Lilias interposed, as they stood silently looking at each other.
A footstep on the stairs interrupted the conversation in the living room; it made Halbert’s face go red with anxiety as he sat there waiting. When Mossgray walked in, Halbert stood up and faced him, feeling hesitant and awkward. He hardly noticed the old man’s dignified presence; he didn’t see how the initially serious expression turned warm and gentle as it looked at him. Lilias stepped in as they stood silently staring at each other.
“Mossgray,” she said, her calm face and tone restoring them both to self-possession, “this is Halbert Graeme.”
“Mossgray,” she said, her calm face and tone bringing them both back to control, “this is Halbert Graeme.”
And then the old man bade him welcome to Mossgray.
And then the old man welcomed him to Mossgray.
It was not in his generous, gentle nature to suffer any guest to remain uneasy under his roof; whatever his purpose might be towards the stranger he could not have been otherwise than kindly courteous as became an host; and Halbert was so ingenuous in his young, frank manhood, so fresh and confident in his untried hopes—so bold of venturing on the world which yet he did not know, that the heart of his kinsman warmed towards him. It was a true face, honest, manful, and guileless, with the boyish bloom upon it still, half bashful, half bold. The old man could ill be stern at any time, but now the artificial restraint gradually gave way; he resigned himself to the natural guidance of his heart, and Halbert Graeme was installed that night a member of Mossgray’s family—another child.{156}
It wasn't in his kind, gentle nature to let any guest feel uncomfortable in his home; no matter what his intentions were towards the stranger, he couldn't help but be kindly courteous as a host. Halbert was so open in his young, honest manhood, so fresh and confident in his untested hopes—so daring to face a world he didn't yet know—that his relative felt a warmth towards him. It was a genuine face, sincere, strong, and innocent, still holding a youthful glow, half shy and half bold. The old man had a hard time being stern at any moment, but now the artificial restraint slowly shifted; he allowed his heart to guide him, and that night, Halbert Graeme became a part of Mossgray’s family—another child.{156}
CHAPTER XIV.
William Oswald, the banker’s son, inherited in some degree the disposition of his father; but the bitterness of the original stock was modified in the branch. A grave, decided, firm man, his character had already developed itself; but he was not obstinate. His mind was open at all points to truth, and strong and tenacious as was the grasp of his opinion, he was still convinceable, and did not wilfully shut his eyes against the light from what quarter soever it came. And William Oswald, though a thoroughly natural and warm-hearted man, and with indeed a singular degree of ardour under his gravity, was of the stuff which made stoics in the old Roman times. He had a power of self-denial and self-restraint, which is at all times a very considerable weapon, and could hold steadily on, past all the temptations of pleasure—past even the natural resting-place which wooed him to needed repose, on direct to his end. He did not speak about it; he made no demonstration of his ceaseless pursuit; but he fixed his dark glowing eyes clearly and steadily upon his aim, and went on, swerving neither to the right hand nor the left—able to give up pleasure, ease—able to endure toil and solitude, and with a definite, clear end before him, to pursue his way unfalteringly till it was gained.
William Oswald, the banker's son, inherited some of his father's traits; however, the bitterness of his lineage was softened in him. A serious, decisive, and steadfast man, his character had already formed; but he was not stubborn. His mind was open to truth in all its forms, and while he held strong opinions, he remained open to persuasion and didn't willfully ignore new insights, no matter where they came from. William Oswald, though genuinely warm-hearted and notably passionate beneath his seriousness, was made of the same stuff as the Stoics of ancient Rome. He possessed a powerful ability for self-denial and self-control, which is always a significant advantage, and he could stick to his path despite the temptations of pleasure—even the natural urge for rest that called him to take a break, staying focused on his goals. He didn’t talk about it; he didn't make a show of his relentless pursuit. Instead, he fixed his dark, intense eyes clearly and steadily on his objective and continued without veering to the right or left—able to give up pleasure and comfort, capable of enduring hardship and solitude, and with a clear, defined goal in front of him, he pursued his way unwaveringly until he achieved it.
He had been “bred a writer,” as the sons of respectable, wealthy, middle-class men in Scotland frequently are, whether they be intended to practise the law as a profession or no; and there had been some talk of William succeeding Mr Shaw the writer in Fendie in his great business. But William, it appeared, did not choose to enter into partnership with young Mr Nichol Shaw, and in the mean time he was resting ingloriously in the obscure labours of his father’s office.
He had been "raised to be a writer," like the sons of respectable, wealthy, middle-class men in Scotland often are, whether they're meant to practice law or not; and there had been some discussion about William taking over Mr. Shaw the writer in Fendie in his big business. But it seemed that William didn't want to partner with young Mr. Nichol Shaw, and in the meantime, he was aimlessly spending his time in the unremarkable tasks of his father's office.
And it greatly chafed the impatient spirit of Helen Buchanan that it should be so. Like most imaginative, youthful women, Helen fancied the freedom and licence of mankind one of the greatest possible gifts. There was no glorious{157} “might be” which did not seem to her ideal vision open to the ambition of a man. The exceeding might of virtuous influence—the empire of the generous, brave spirit over its fellows—once on this free eminence of manhood, and the ardent mind knew that these would be hers—they were possible to men—above all to the one man upon whom the fair garments of the ideal began to fall.
And it really frustrated the impatient spirit of Helen Buchanan that it was like this. Like many imaginative, young women, Helen believed that the freedom and license of humanity was one of the greatest gifts possible. There was no glorious{157} “might be” that didn’t seem to her ideal vision to be open to the ambition of a man. The incredible power of virtuous influence—the rule of a generous, brave spirit over its peers—once on this elevated peak of manhood, and the passionate mind knew that these would be hers—they were possible for men—especially for the one man on whom the beautiful garments of the ideal began to fall.
And Helen chafed unconsciously that William Oswald should be content with this inglorious life. The humble teacher of the little girls of Fendie aspired to a higher intellectual firmament; there were ambitious hopes and dreams and wishes stirring in the bare school-room, enough to have startled the little town out of its propriety; wishes, and dreams, and hopes of a more daring kind than ever young lady in Fendie had entertained before; and Helen Buchanan scarcely ranked as a young lady. She was noticed by none of the magnates, and courted in no society—she was simply the school-mistress; the people of Fendie, young and old, would have been overwhelmed with astonishment to hear of her ambition.
And Helen couldn’t help but feel frustrated that William Oswald was okay with this unremarkable life. The modest teacher of the little girls at Fendie had dreams of reaching a higher level of intellect; there were aspirations, hopes, and desires bubbling up in the bare classroom that could have shocked the little town out of its decorum. These were bolder wishes and ambitions than any young woman in Fendie had ever considered before; and Helen Buchanan hardly qualified as a young lady. She wasn’t acknowledged by any of the local elites and wasn’t part of any social circles—she was just the schoolmistress. The people of Fendie, young and old, would have been completely astonished to hear about her ambitions.
But William Oswald knew it, and his temper agreed as little as her own with the ease of inactivity. He was not the man to prefer the temporary pleasure of even her society, greatly as he prized it, to the necessary work of life; and he too had the upward tendency. He could not be content with the easy indolent satisfaction of competence, and already believing that the strong and vigorous youth within him was destined for something nobler than the businesses or amusements of the little country-town, his energy was stimulated by hers. They stood at this time almost upon terms of mutual defiance, yet each unconsciously supplemented the strength and had a share in all the secret purposes of the other. Their own individual combat was close and exciting, yet in the very act of resisting they invigorated each other for their several wrestles with the world without. They were neither of a very peaceable nature; it suited them to manage their wooing so.
But William Oswald knew it, and his temper didn't match hers when it came to the comfort of inactivity. He wasn't the type to choose the temporary pleasure of her company, no matter how much he valued it, over the essential tasks of life; he also had ambitions. He couldn't settle for the lazy satisfaction of just getting by, and he already believed that the strong and energetic young man inside him was meant for something greater than the trivial pursuits of the small town. Her energy motivated him even more. At this point, they were almost in a state of mutual defiance, yet each unconsciously strengthened the other and shared in each other's hidden intentions. Their personal struggles were intense and thrilling, but in actively resisting each other, they energized themselves for their individual battles with the outside world. Neither had a very peaceful nature; this approach to their courtship suited them.
But William’s plans were laid. He had determined to return to Edinburgh to practise his profession. When he had won an independent position and name for himself—and to do that was of itself an end worth striving for—he felt that he should be much more likely to overcome the obstinate opposition of his father. The banker was proud{158} of his family, and William, a known man, occupying a standing ground honourably acquired by his own exertions, might expect to be differently treated from William the unknown who had no other position than that which belonged to Mr Oswald’s son.
But William had made his plans. He decided to go back to Edinburgh to practice his profession. Once he established himself and gained some recognition—and achieving that was a goal worth pursuing—he believed he would be much more likely to win over his father's stubborn opposition. The banker took pride in his family, and William, as a recognized individual with a respectable standing earned through his own efforts, could expect to be treated differently from William the unknown, who held no position other than being Mr. Oswald's son.
His mother assented with a sigh; she foresaw a different end to the romance of her son’s youth. He also, the cold voice of experience prophesied, would learn to approve those views of worldly wisdom, would forget the generous impulses of young life—would acquiesce in the prudent decisions of his father. Mrs Oswald too was prudent; but her heart shrank from beholding the film of calculating foresight fall upon the frank vision of her only son. She could almost have chosen the imprudent marriage sooner than the chill wisdom which would make it impossible.
His mother sighed in agreement; she anticipated a different outcome for her son's youthful romance. He too, the harsh voice of experience warned, would come to accept those worldly views, would forget the generous instincts of youth—would go along with his father's sensible choices. Mrs. Oswald was sensible as well; but her heart ached at the thought of seeing her son's open dreams clouded by cautious logic. She would have almost preferred an unwise marriage over the cold wisdom that would prevent it.
The banker consented readily to William’s project; it was likely, he thought, to accomplish a twofold good:—to establish the young man’s fortunes steadily, on a basis of good work entered into with the freshness of youth, and to detach him from his foolish liking to the poor schoolmistress, who, gentlewoman as Hope asserted her to be, he was resolved to receive into his family—never!
The banker quickly agreed to William's plan; he thought it would achieve two main goals: to secure the young man's future through good work that he could engage in with the enthusiasm of youth, and to separate him from his foolish crush on the poor schoolteacher, whom, even though Hope claimed she was a lady, he was determined never to let into his family.
So, although on grounds so different, the father and mother consented, and the grave, firm, undemonstrative son, the depths of whose nature were too profound to be frozen over as his mother feared by the icy prudence of the world, mapped out his own course, knowing better than they did the tenacious constancy of his own mind. It was no boyish fancy which moved him; the light emotions of youthful liking were very different from this, and there was nothing from which the ardent, grave spirit stood in so little peril as change.
So, even though their reasons were completely different, both the father and mother agreed, and the serious, steady son, whose true nature was too deep to be hardened like his mother feared by the cold practicality of the world, charted his own path, knowing his own determination better than they did. This wasn't just a passing crush; the fleeting feelings of youth were far from this, and there was nothing that threatened the passionate, serious spirit more than change.
On a dull evening, late in December, he sat by Mrs Buchanan’s fireside waiting till Mrs Buchanan’s daughter should leave her school-room and her pupils. William Oswald had been a favourite long ago with his father’s sensitive partner, and was a favourite with Mrs Buchanan of so long standing, that before the unfortunate hour in which he astonished with unwonted eloquence the wondering ears of Helen, and raised the questio vexata, which at present did so strangely unite and disunite them, his prospects and purposes had been as confidentially discussed in Mrs Buchanan’s parlour as at home; and still, though Helen’s mother began to feel strongly{159} interested in the prosperity of the Reverend Robert Insches, it was impossible to break through the old familiar use and wont which bound her to William Oswald almost like a mother to a son. In his absence she could fancy the Reverend Robert very eligible, but in his presence she felt almost unwillingly that it could be none but he, the daily long-accustomed visitor—the son trained into all their simple habitudes—the friend whom they knew so thoroughly, and who so thoroughly knew them.
On a dull evening, late in December, he sat by Mrs. Buchanan’s fireside waiting for her daughter to finish in her schoolroom with her students. William Oswald had long ago been a favorite of his father's sensitive partner and was still a favorite of Mrs. Buchanan, to the point that before the unfortunate moment when he surprised Helen with unexpected eloquence and raised the complicated question that strangely united and divided them, his hopes and plans had been discussed in Mrs. Buchanan’s living room as openly as at home. Even though Helen’s mother was starting to become very interested in the success of Reverend Robert Insches, it was impossible to break the old, familiar bond that tied her to William Oswald, almost like a mother to a son. In his absence, she could see the Reverend Robert as very suitable, but when he was around, she felt almost reluctantly that it could only be him, the daily visitor they had grown used to—the son molded into all their simple routines—the friend they understood so well and who understood them just as thoroughly.
To this friendly, confidential footing he was very anxious to return to-night. He wanted to discuss his plans with them, to make Helen aware of the course which he projected for himself. Since he made the plunge, and relinquished his place as friend to claim a nearer one, the attempt had cost him much; not only the constraint which it had placed upon his intercourse with his father, but the loss of Helen’s society which it involved; so he resolved for this night to ignore their past struggle, and to be only the old familiar friend, the son of the house.
To this friendly, confidential relationship, he was very eager to return tonight. He wanted to talk about his plans with them and make Helen aware of the direction he wanted to take in his life. Since he took the leap and stepped away from being just a friend to wanting a closer connection, it had cost him a lot; not just the awkwardness it created in his relationship with his father, but also the loss of time spent with Helen. So, he decided to put their past struggles aside for the night and just be the old familiar friend, the son of the house.
Mrs Buchanan and her visitor sat together silently, both of them somewhat sad. The sound of the children’s footsteps and subdued voices broke the stillness, and almost immediately Helen entered the room. The candle was not lighted, for Mrs Buchanan liked the twilight, and was thrifty, besides economizing the daylight as she did other things. She was seated before the fire, which only shed a ruddy glow upon her face, and did not in any degree light the dusky room. Withdrawn in a corner of the sofa, William Oswald sat unseen.
Mrs. Buchanan and her guest sat together in silence, both feeling a little sad. The sound of children’s footsteps and quiet voices broke the stillness, and almost immediately, Helen walked into the room. The candle wasn’t lit because Mrs. Buchanan preferred the twilight and was frugal, conserving the daylight just like she did with other things. She was sitting in front of the fire, which cast only a warm glow on her face and didn’t really light up the dim room. In a corner of the sofa, William Oswald sat unnoticed.
“Mother,” exclaimed Helen, as she entered, “I have been thinking all day of my old plan of going to Edinburgh. You remember what Hope Oswald said about Miss Swinton; and the letter I wrote to her has been lying in my desk for a month. I wish you would consent, mother; I wish you would let me send it.”
“Mom,” Helen exclaimed as she walked in, “I’ve been thinking all day about my old plan to go to Edinburgh. You remember what Hope Oswald said about Miss Swinton? The letter I wrote to her has been sitting in my desk for a month. I really wish you would agree, Mom; I wish you would let me send it.”
“But, Helen, my dear,” said the less hasty mother, “you must take no such step without consideration.”
“But, Helen, my dear,” said the less hasty mother, “you shouldn’t make any such decision without thinking it through.”
“What can we do here, mother?” said Helen, eager for the moment, in the strength of impulse. “What can we do here?—always the same—no possibility of changing this dull routine of labour—no chance of rising higher. I shall not always be young,” and the sudden change from warm hope{160} to depression fell upon the variable face in an instant, “and so long as I am, should we not provide?”
“What can we do here, Mom?” said Helen, filled with excitement in the moment. “What can we do here?—it's always the same—no chance to break this boring routine of work—no opportunity to move up. I won’t always be young,” and the quick shift from bright hope{160} to sadness hit her changing face in an instant, “and as long as I am, shouldn’t we figure something out?”
“Helen, my dear,” repeated the gentle Mrs Buchanan, “you distress me when you say such things; besides, it is nonsense, you know.”
“Helen, my dear,” repeated the kind Mrs. Buchanan, “you worry me when you say things like that; besides, it’s just nonsense, you know.”
Helen did not answer; she sat down on the other side of the fire, and leaned her head upon her hand. The dim cloud of melancholy hovered over her—for the moment the young sunshine was gone. It was a dull routine—a laborious life—cheered only by the special inheritance of fair and gracious things which had been given her in her own spirit, and sometimes the cloud overshadowed even these.
Helen didn’t respond; she sat down on the other side of the fire and rested her head on her hand. A gloomy sense of sadness hung over her—for the moment, the youthful brightness was gone. It was a dull routine—a tiring life—brightened only by the special gifts of beauty and kindness that were part of her own spirit, and sometimes the gloom even overshadowed those.
“Helen,” said the grave, firm voice whose power over her changeful moods she strenuously resisted, and even to herself would not acknowledge. “I am going to Edinburgh.”
“Helen,” said the serious, authoritative voice whose influence over her fluctuating emotions she fought against and wouldn't even admit to herself. “I am going to Edinburgh.”
She started—the quick thrill of her varying nature went over her, carrying the cloud on its sudden breath. A flush of evanescent offence sprang over her face, as she looked past her mother to the dark figure which began to be dimly visible on the sofa. Her purpose had changed on the moment, but she was half angry that she had been anticipated.
She jumped, a quick thrill from her changing emotions washing over her, carrying a sudden wave of irritation. A brief look of offense crossed her face as she glanced past her mother to the dark figure that was just becoming visible on the sofa. Her intentions shifted in an instant, but she felt half angry at being caught off guard.
“Yes,” said Mrs Buchanan, rising hastily to light the solitary candle, “William is not content to live quietly at home, Helen. The air of Fendie is too still for him.”
“Yes,” said Mrs. Buchanan, quickly getting up to light the lone candle, “William isn’t happy just staying quietly at home, Helen. The atmosphere in Fendie is too calm for him.”
There was a slight drawing up of the stooping figure—an almost imperceptible expanding of the breast—a hurried, momentary glance at William, in which only one who had long studied it could discriminate the proud, shy pleasure, tinged as it was by a certain sadness, with which Helen heard this news.
There was a subtle straightening of the hunched figure—an almost unnoticeable deepening of the chest—a quick, fleeting look at William, in which only someone who had studied it for a long time could identify the proud, bashful joy, mixed with a hint of sadness, that Helen felt upon hearing this news.
“He is quite right,” she said quickly.
“He’s totally right,” she said quickly.
“Do you think so?” asked William; “but what if I only lose myself yonder in the crowd, and remain as unknown as I am now?”
“Do you really think so?” asked William. “But what if I just get lost in the crowd over there and stay as unknown as I am right now?”
“I know you will not,” said Helen. Then she recollected herself. “I mean—yes, William Oswald, I mean you will not—you will do better than that.”
“I know you won't,” said Helen. Then she gathered herself. “I mean—yes, William Oswald, I mean you won't—you'll do better than that.”
He was still in the shadow, and while he could observe every change of her features, she could scarcely see the dark glow of pleasure which covered his face.
He was still in the shadows, and while he could see every shift in her expression, she could hardly make out the dark shine of pleasure on his face.
“But, Helen, you think of fame—and I will never win fame; hundreds fail every year of acquiring the mere stand{161}ing ground. Is it worth hazarding quietness and peace, and giving up home as I shall do, think you, for the chance of such distinction—only small distinction, Helen—as I can ever reach?”
“But, Helen, you think about fame—and I will never achieve fame; hundreds fail every year at getting even just a foothold. Is it worth risking my peace and quiet, and giving up my home as I will, for the chance at such recognition—only minor recognition, Helen—as I could ever attain?”
Her pulse began to beat more quickly—strong in those young warm veins of hers ran the tide of her ambition.
Her pulse started racing—strong in those young, warm veins of hers flowed the tide of her ambition.
“I do not mean distinction—that is,” said the truthful Helen, who felt that in some degree she did mean it; “I mean things graver and nobler before distinction. I think the old chivalry will never die out of the world, William; to be a knight—to carry arms against all the powers of evil—to win new lands to acknowledge our king—whatever we have to work at for our bread, that remains the real work to live for, as it seems to me, and I know nothing so precious but one might peril it—nothing so dear but one would give it up for such a cause as that.”
“I don’t mean distinction—that is,” said the honest Helen, who felt that in some way she did mean it; “I mean things that are more serious and honorable than distinction. I believe the old chivalry will never disappear from the world, William; to be a knight—to fight against all the forces of evil—to win new lands to serve our king—whatever we do to earn our living, that remains the real work to live for, as it seems to me, and I don’t know anything so valuable that you wouldn’t risk it—nothing so precious that you wouldn’t give it up for a cause like that.”
Her voice shook a little with the excitement that made it strong—the stooping head was quite erect—the eyes shining like stars.
Her voice trembled slightly with the excitement that made it powerful—the hunched head was completely upright—the eyes sparkling like stars.
Mrs Buchanan sat a little apart looking at them—observing with quiet, smiling wonder how the grave face of the silent, uncommunicative William began to speak and grow eloquent too, as it bent towards the other countenance, whose thoughts were “legible i’ the eie.”
Mrs. Buchanan sat a bit aside, watching them—quietly and with a smiling curiosity as the serious, reserved William started to express himself and became more articulate, leaning toward the other person's face, whose thoughts were "clear in the eye."
But he seemed more inclined to listen than to speak.
But he appeared more interested in listening than in speaking.
“I grant you that,” said William; “but suppose, Helen, a man should distrust his own powers, and think it most expedient to keep himself apart from all struggles—to withdraw far away from the evils he has not strength to contend with—what then?”
“I get that,” said William; “but imagine, Helen, a guy who doesn't trust his own abilities and thinks it's best to stay away from all challenges—to pull back from the problems he doesn't have the strength to handle—what happens then?”
“Then he does not fulfil his end,” said the rapid, eager voice—“which is not to flee from natural temptations and difficulties, but bravely to resist and do battle with the same. I know one feels one’s heart sink often. It may not be so with you who are strong—but I feel that to cease such work and warfare as one is called to do, does bring a perilous sinking of the heart. It is not well—surely it is not well to withdraw from the evils which are in us and about us; we are bound to do battle with them, William—not to stand on our defence alone, but to carry the war into the camp of the enemies. I think sometimes that the state of war must be the only good state for those who have sin natural to them as we have—and that if these words, resist and struggle,{162} were withdrawn from our language we should be no longer human; for when we let our arms fall, our hearts fall, and weariness comes upon us, and distrust and gloom; and out of the living, moving world we come into the narrow chamber of ourselves—and the sun sets upon us, William.”
“Then he doesn’t fulfill his part,” said the quick, eager voice—“which is not to run away from natural temptations and challenges, but to courageously confront and fight against them. I know one often feels their heart sink. It might not be the same for you who are strong—but I feel that to stop such work and struggle as we are called to do brings a dangerous sinking of the heart. It’s not good—surely it’s not good to withdraw from the evils that are within us and around us; we are meant to fight against them, William—not just to defend ourselves, but to take the fight to the enemy's camp. Sometimes I think that being in a state of war must be the only proper state for those like us who naturally have sin—and if we were to remove these words, resist and struggle,{162} from our vocabulary, we would no longer be human; because when we let our guards down, our hearts sink, and fatigue sets in, along with doubt and gloom; and from the vibrant, moving world, we retreat into the narrow confines of ourselves—and the sun sets on us, William.”
The sun had set in the changeful face upon which William Oswald looked, and for the moment its waning colour and downcast eyes proclaimed the unmistakeable sinking of the heart. She did not perceive the look that dwelt upon her, nor its language—language unconsciously powerful. “And this, Helen, is your philosophy.” The words fell dreamily upon her ear, echoing through a long silence. The philosophy was not hers alone. Kindred thoughts had risen in the young minds, as they grew together into the early flush of maturity, and now she sent him forth—a knight.
The sun had set on the ever-changing face that William Oswald was looking at, and for the moment, its fading colors and drooping eyes reflected the unmistakable sadness in his heart. She didn’t notice the look that lingered on her, nor its unspoken message—an unconsciously strong message. “And this, Helen, is your philosophy.” The words floated dreamily to her ears, echoing through a long silence. The philosophy wasn’t hers alone. Similar thoughts had emerged in the young minds as they grew together into the early stages of adulthood, and now she sent him off—a knight.
CHAPTER XV.
If someone falls, it will be you. —Anon.
“I am a man now,” said Halbert Graeme, with something of the pride of his years; “and, thanks to your goodness, Sir, I have education enough for any ordinary profession. If only I could make a beginning—”
“I’m a man now,” said Halbert Graeme, with a bit of pride from his years; “and, thanks to your kindness, Sir, I have enough education for any regular profession. If only I could get started—”
“You would certainly succeed,” said the Laird of Mossgray, with his pleasant, kindly smile.
“You would definitely succeed,” said the Laird of Mossgray, with his friendly, warm smile.
“I do not know,” said Halbert, modestly; “but I think that men who are content to work hard and persevere, must surely have some measure of success. I am not very ambitious—that is—”
“I don’t know,” said Halbert, modestly; “but I think that guys who are willing to work hard and keep at it must definitely achieve some level of success. I’m not very ambitious—that is—”
“I shall not quarrel with you, Halbert, my man, for your ambition,” said the gentle kinsman, whom Halbert had feared as stern.
“I won’t argue with you, Halbert, my friend, about your ambition,” said the gentle relative, whom Halbert had thought of as harsh.
“Well, Sir,” said the youth, with renewed confidence,{163} “I should like to rise, no doubt; but I am willing to work hard for it, and quite content to begin as humbly as you think it proper I should. I have no right, I know, to such help, where I have already received so much; but I have the claim of blood on no one I have ever known, and I thought I might ask advice from you.”
“Well, Sir,” said the young man, feeling more confident,{163} “I definitely want to move up, but I'm ready to work hard for it and totally okay starting as humbly as you think is right. I know I don’t deserve any help, especially after all I’ve already received; but I don’t have blood ties to anyone I’ve ever met, and I thought it might be okay to ask for your advice.”
It was his second day at Mossgray, and Halbert remembered his last walk up the Aberdeenshire glen, a week ago, with Menie Monikie, and his declaration to her—
It was his second day at Mossgray, and Halbert recalled his last walk up the Aberdeenshire valley, a week ago, with Menie Monikie, and his confession to her—
“I will tell him, I don’t come to ask anything from him, Menie—I know he has been kind to me already—but he must know the world better than we do. Your father says he has been in India—and if I could but begin to maintain myself—then, Menie!”
“I’ll tell him I'm not here to ask him for anything, Menie—I know he’s already been kind to me—but he has to understand the world better than we do. Your dad says he’s been to India—and if I could just start being self-sufficient—then, Menie!”
And Halbert remembered what followed this then—the breaking of that slender golden coin, one half of which hung by Menie’s blue ribbon, was warm against his own strong youthful breast, and the following farewell, with its tears and smiles, and visions of reünion; and Halbert’s honest heart beat something loudly, and he grew bold and eager—if he only could begin.
And Halbert remembered what came after this then—the breaking of that thin golden coin, one half of which was attached to Menie’s blue ribbon, warm against his strong, youthful chest, and the goodbye that followed, full of tears and smiles, and dreams of getting back together; and Halbert’s honest heart beat loudly, making him feel bold and eager—if only he could just get started.
“Halbert,” said Mossgray, gently, “your father and I did not part friends. I thought he had not dealt truly by one whom I cherished as a sister, and it was in consequence of that, perhaps unwisely, that I denied myself the satisfaction of seeing another Graeme grow a man in this old house of Mossgray; but you say truly that it is time to decide on your future profession. Are you very impatient for this beginning?”
“Halbert,” Mossgray said softly, “your father and I didn’t end things on good terms. I believed he hadn’t treated someone I cared for like a sister fairly, and because of that, perhaps unwise, I deprived myself of the joy of watching another Graeme grow up in this old house of Mossgray. But you’re right; it’s time to decide on your future profession. Are you really eager to start this new chapter?”
The kindly eye of Mossgray could not see through the warm double-breasted waistcoat, with which the care of Mrs Monikie had provided Halbert for his journey. The Laird had no knowledge of the mystic half of the broken coin, nor had ever heard the musical name of Menie. He thought therefore that this beginning was not so very momentous, and that it might be put off for a time without any particular disadvantage; and Halbert stammered as he answered. His kinsman thought it was but the natural shyness of youth.
The friendly eye of Mossgray couldn't see through the warm double-breasted vest that Mrs. Monikie had provided for Halbert's trip. The Laird had no idea about the magical half of the broken coin and had never heard the lovely name of Menie. He thought that this beginning wasn't that significant and could be postponed for a while without any real downside; Halbert stuttered as he replied. His relative assumed it was just the typical shyness of youth.
“You must let us know you better,” he continued, “and I shall qualify myself to advise; in the mean time, Halbert, remember that you are at home. You have all the beauties of your ancestral district to see, and I promise you they are{164} not few. While you learn to know them and us, we shall consult on this important matter. Are you content?”
“You need to let us get to know you better,” he continued, “and I’ll make sure I’m qualified to give advice. In the meantime, Halbert, remember that you’re at home. You have all the beauty of your ancestral land to explore, and I promise you it’s{164} not lacking. While you take the time to get to know them and us, we’ll discuss this important issue. Are you okay with that?”
Halbert could not be otherwise than content; the grace of the old man’s kindness charmed the young fresh spirit, and it was no penance to remain a member of that household of Mossgray, even though the fortune was not yet begun to make, and Menie Monikie disconsolately wandered in the Aberdeenshire glen alone. So Halbert took possession of his father’s former room, and wrote pleasant letters to the North—letters, on receipt of which the pragmatical licentiate took pinches of mighty snuff in sign of satisfaction, and declared that “the lad, Halbert, was a lad born to a good estate, and would do credit to them all.”
Halbert couldn't help but feel happy; the old man's kindness captivated the young spirit, and it wasn't a burden to stay in the Mossgray household, even though they hadn't started making money yet, and Menie Monikie sadly wandered alone in the Aberdeenshire glen. So Halbert moved into his father's old room and wrote cheerful letters to the North—letters that made the fussy licentiate take big pinches of snuff in satisfaction and proclaim that "the kid, Halbert, was a kid destined for a good future and would bring pride to all of them."
But Mossgray began to behold festivities within its quiet walls; and great was the interest and expectation among the invited guests, from Mrs Maxwell, of Firthside, painfully selecting from her Georgina’s abundant wardrobe, the dress which would best become her, to Mrs Buchanan, in her little palour, deliberating long and carefully over that one black silk gown of Helen’s. It was so very unusual, that all were curious about the long-suspended hospitalities of Mossgray.
But Mossgray started to see celebrations happening within its quiet walls; and there was great interest and anticipation among the invited guests, from Mrs. Maxwell of Firthside, carefully choosing the best dress from Georgina’s overflowing wardrobe, to Mrs. Buchanan, in her small parlor, thoughtfully deciding over Helen’s single black silk gown. It was so rare that everyone was eager to learn about the long-awaited gatherings at Mossgray.
In the little household itself there was some degree of excitement as they assembled in the drawing-room to await their guests. Lilias, with her mourning dress more studied than usual, looked almost as pale as when she first came to Mossgray, and sat in her ordinary seat, so serene and calm in appearance, even though her pulse did own a little acceleration, that the young joyous Halbert compared her in his fancy to one of those fair spirits of the air, nearer humanity than angels are, whose eyes are yet so much clearer than ours, as to unseen woes and perils, that men always paint them sad. Yet Lilias was not sad: the stillness of grief grown tranquil did indeed still temper all her feelings, but there were warm and pleasant hopes no less swelling in the even current of her mind. Only with these hopes the strangers about to be gathered round her had little sympathy and no concern, and involuntarily, with that quick instinct which makes us feel most solitary in a crowd, the thoughts of Lilias had travelled far away, and were dwelling with one who laboured alone in a strange country over the sea.
In the small household, there was a sense of excitement as they gathered in the living room to wait for their guests. Lilias, dressed in her more formal mourning attire, looked almost as pale as when she first arrived at Mossgray. She sat in her usual spot, looking serene and calm, even though her heart raced a bit. The young, cheerful Halbert fancifully compared her to one of those beautiful spirits of the air, closer to humans than angels, whose eyes are so much clearer than ours that they can see the unseen sorrows and dangers, leading people to always portray them as sad. But Lilias wasn’t sad; the stillness from her grief had turned tranquil and influenced all her emotions. Still, warm and hopeful feelings were swelling in her mind. However, the strangers who would soon gather around her had little sympathy or concern for these hopes. Involuntarily, with that instinct that makes us feel most alone in a crowd, Lilias’s thoughts drifted far away, resting with someone who was working alone in a foreign land across the sea.
Very different were the feelings of the young betrothed of Menie Monikie; but if Halbert was by no means intense,{165} he was very honest. He had written to Menie, proclaiming his anticipated enjoyment of this same festivity, and promising a faithful record of it, and having thus done all that was needful for the absent, he stood before the cheerful fire in great spirits, listening for the first sound of wheels, and exceedingly satisfied with his position.
Very different were the feelings of Menie Monikie's young fiancé; but although Halbert was not particularly intense, he was very honest. He had written to Menie, expressing how much he was looking forward to the same celebration and promising to faithfully document it. Having done everything needed for those who were not there, he stood in front of the warm fire in high spirits, listening for the first sound of wheels and feeling very satisfied with his situation.
The Laird of Mossgray sat at some little distance from the younger members of his family, and seemed to be busied with a book. He was not reading however; he was observing their different looks and feelings, and thinking of the strange conclusion which their presence in his house put to his solitary and recluse life. Both he had determined to keep at a distance from him; both had been shut out, by his grave and deliberate resolution, from his presence and his affection; and yet both were here. Secretly the old man smiled at himself, and at the trustful nature which now was too old to learn suspicion; secretly smiled at the vanity of those brittle barriers called resolutions, with which men stem, or try to stem, the tide of nature—resolutions made to be broken; and in his kindly philosophy he shook his head at his yielding self, and smiled.
The Laird of Mossgray sat a little way away from the younger members of his family, pretending to be focused on a book. He wasn’t really reading; instead, he was watching their various expressions and emotions, pondering the strange change their presence in his home brought to his solitary and reclusive life. He had decided to keep both of them at arm’s length; by his serious and deliberate choice, he had excluded them from his company and affection, yet here they were. Deep down, the old man chuckled at himself and at the trusting nature that had grown too old to learn to be suspicious; he quietly laughed at the fragility of those so-called resolutions that people build up to try to resist the flow of nature—resolutions meant to be broken; and with a gentle shake of his head at his own yielding spirit, he smiled.
The expected company began to arrive. A faint colour rose on the calm cheek of the youthful hostess as she received them, and the young representative of the Mossgray Graemes felt the ingenuous blood glow in his face as eye after eye fell upon him, and acquaintance after acquaintance was made. He felt that there was great consideration paid him, and that, however matters might eventually be decided, it was very clear that these dignified landed people looked upon him, Halbert Graeme, as the heir of Mossgray.
The anticipated guests started to arrive. A slight blush appeared on the serene cheek of the young hostess as she welcomed them, and the young representative of the Mossgray Graemes felt a warm flush in his face as one by one, eyes turned towards him, and introductions were made. He sensed that he was being given a lot of respect, and no matter how things might turn out in the end, it was clear that these distinguished landowners regarded him, Halbert Graeme, as the heir of Mossgray.
Helen Buchanan, feeling very shy and proud, and de trop, sat by herself in a corner. Near enough for her to hear every word of their conversation, were a group of ladies, old and young, whose glances fell upon her often, but who took no further notice of the humble guest. Girls were among them, gay and confident—mothers, kindly and solicitous, but all looked at her with cold, criticising eyes, and no one said a word of courtesy, or made the slightest attempt to admit her within their circle. They knew her very well; some had been specially introduced to her by her friend Lilias, who was at present occupied with other guests, yet they all suffered her to sit alone and in silence like a Pariah, while their cheerful, animated conversation went on so near. The proud heart{166} swelled bitterly as she listened; for Helen had unconsciously attached importance to this invitation, and accepted it with a flutter of the heart. The disappointment was very painful; it brought the melancholy of her temperament upon her: had it not been for the bulwark of her pride, Helen, out of those downcast, indignant, gleaming eyes, could have shed bitter tears.
Helen Buchanan, feeling really shy and proud, and out of place, sat by herself in a corner. Close enough to hear every word of their conversation, there was a group of ladies, old and young, who often glanced her way but didn’t pay any attention to the humble guest. Among them were cheerful and confident girls—mothers who were kind and caring—but all looked at her with cold, judgmental eyes, and no one offered a word of courtesy or made the slightest effort to include her in their circle. They knew her well; some had been specifically introduced to her by her friend Lilias, who was currently busy with other guests. Still, they allowed her to sit there alone and in silence like an outcast, while their lively, animated conversation went on so close. The proud heart swelled bitterly as she listened; for Helen had unconsciously placed importance on this invitation and accepted it with a flutter of excitement. The disappointment was very painful; it brought out the melancholy in her nature: had it not been for the wall of her pride, Helen could have shed bitter tears from those downcast, angry, shining eyes.
Her own shy frankness, which could not rest till it had established terms of kindly intercourse with all who came near her, and the pain it gave herself to see any one uneasy, made her feel the slight the more. So well it would have become one of those comely mothers to spread the shield of their protection over the stranger—so seemly it would have been for the well-endowed and many-friended girls beside her to have helped her with the frank friendship of youth. Helen drew back into her corner, and felt the pain of being alone in all its bitterness. She did not know that the gracious courtesy of which she thought, was a thing, like genius, born and not made—a gift in which the ignoble have no part.
Her own shy honesty couldn't rest until she had created a friendly relationship with everyone around her, and it hurt her to see anyone uncomfortable, which made her feel the slight even more. It would have suited one of those lovely mothers to protect the outsider— it would have been fitting for the well-liked and sociable girls next to her to extend the genuine friendship of youth. Helen withdrew into her corner, feeling the pain of being alone sharply. She didn’t realize that the gracious courtesy she longed for was something like talent, something innate rather than cultivated—a gift that the unworthy have no share in.
The Reverend Robert Insches was there. He hovered about the group at Helen’s side, but he did not come near herself. She felt his desertion also a little. The Reverend Robert would have cheered her loneliness with all his heart, but he saw no other person who condescended to seek the society of the plebeian schoolmistress of Fendie; and the Reverend Robert was also by origin plebeian, and trembled for his acquired position. So he dared not draw all eyes upon himself, by volunteering the attention which no one else seemed inclined to give.
The Reverend Robert Insches was there. He lingered around the group at Helen’s side, but he didn't approach her directly. She felt his absence a bit too. The Reverend Robert would have gladly eased her loneliness, but he noticed that no one else bothered to engage with the common schoolmistress of Fendie; and the Reverend Robert was also from a humble background, worried about his newfound status. So, he didn't want to attract attention to himself by offering the kind of support that no one else seemed willing to provide.
Lilias was fully occupied with other strangers at the opposite end of the room. Mrs Oswald, after she had saluted Helen with a kindness peculiarly delicate and cordial, thought it most expedient to remain at a distance from her; and William stood watching the changes of the sad, indignant, solitary face until he could bear the pain of the averted look no longer. There was a slight stir in the group of ladies, and among the attendant masculine hangers-on, as William Oswald came quietly to Helen’s side. The Reverend Robert became envious and jealous—the ladies looked towards the corner with suppressed whispers and tittering—the banker watched them with the dark hue of anger on his brow; and with no kind face anywhere, except the one by her side,{167} whose look she would not meet, the bitterness swelled up almost to bursting within the heart of Helen.
Lilias was completely occupied with other strangers at the far end of the room. Mrs. Oswald, after greeting Helen with a uniquely gentle and warm kindness, decided it was best to keep her distance. William watched the emotions flicker across Helen's sad, angry, and lonely face until he could no longer stand the pain of her turned-away gaze. There was a slight commotion among the group of ladies and the accompanying men when William Oswald quietly approached Helen's side. The Reverend Robert felt a surge of envy and jealousy—the ladies whispered and giggled as they glanced over to the corner—the banker observed them with a dark scowl on his face; and with no friendly faces in sight, except the one next to her,{167} whose gaze she refused to meet, bitterness welled up in Helen’s heart, almost overwhelming her.
Just then the Laird of Mossgray began to see how it fared with the one guest whose presence Lilias had desired, and in his graceful old-world courtesy he drew near to relieve her. As he passed on to Helen’s corner, his attention was claimed at every step; but Mossgray passed through the happier groups, smilingly parrying the attacks made upon him.
Just then, the Laird of Mossgray started to realize how it was going for the one guest Lilias had wanted there, and with his charming old-fashioned courtesy, he moved closer to help her. As he made his way to Helen’s corner, he noticed the attention he attracted at every step; however, Mossgray navigated through the more cheerful groups, smilingly deflecting the advances made towards him.
“I have something to say to Miss Buchanan.”
“I have something to say to Miss Buchanan.”
William Oswald silently made room for him, and the face of Helen lightened as she met the benign smile of the gracious old man. The group of ladies turned their eyes towards her, now with no tittering—the Reverend Robert insinuated his tall figure into the vacant space behind her chair, and in the distance the banker vainly resisted, as she could perceive, the strong curiosity which turned his eyes towards her. She was a little interested, in spite of herself, in the looks and attitudes of William’s father, and the new animation which lighted up her face had some pique in it. The mercurial temperament sprang up elastic and buoyant from the depths; and the bystanders who had so long ignored her presence, began to listen now, and to draw closer. One only moved to a greater distance than before, and the smile of proud pleasure on his face told well enough what feeling it was which prompted him to stand apart and only look on.
William Oswald quietly made space for him, and Helen’s face brightened as she met the kind smile of the gracious old man. The group of ladies shifted their attention to her, now without any giggles—the Reverend Robert slipped his tall figure into the empty space behind her chair, while in the background, the banker struggled to hide his strong curiosity as he glanced at her. Despite herself, she felt a bit intrigued by William’s father’s expressions and the new energy that lit up her face, which had a hint of annoyance in it. Her lively temperament sprang up, full of energy and cheer, from deep within; and the bystanders who had ignored her presence for so long began to listen and draw closer. Only one person moved further away than before, and the proud smile on his face clearly indicated the reason he chose to stand apart and just observe.
The banker was almost tempted to draw near himself, and ascertain whether the conversation, in which there were now various interlocutors, but the leaders of which were certainly the old man and the humble plebeian Helen, corresponded at all with the singularly variable face, to which his eyes were attracted against his will; but for very shame he could not make any advance. Mrs Oswald and Lilias were quietly conversing beside him. He could not quite hear what they said, but he could distinguish the frequent name of Helen; the obstinate man grew angrily inquisitive; they were all in a conspiracy against him.
The banker was almost tempted to move closer and find out if the conversation, now involving several speakers but led by the old man and the humble Helen, matched the oddly changing expression that his eyes were drawn to against his will; but out of embarrassment, he couldn’t bring himself to approach. Mrs. Oswald and Lilias were quietly talking next to him. He couldn’t quite catch what they were saying, but he could often hear Helen’s name; the stubborn man became increasingly curious and angry; it felt like they were all conspiring against him.
He saw Mossgray change his position; he saw Helen rise, and with some evident shyness take the old man’s offered arm. They came towards him; the stern banker was conscious of some excitement. He changed his position, cleared his throat, and twisted up in his hands a roll of engravings which lay on a small table beside him, to their entire destruction, and the secret delight of his watching wife.{168}
He watched Mossgray shift his position; he saw Helen stand up and, with noticeable shyness, take the old man’s offered arm. They approached him; the serious banker felt a rush of excitement. He adjusted his stance, cleared his throat, and nervously twisted a roll of engravings that were on a small table next to him, ruining them completely, much to the hidden delight of his observing wife.{168}
“I have brought Miss Buchanan to see our picture,” said the old man. “Mrs Oswald, has Lilias suffered you to see the portrait, for which I must borrow my young friend’s pleasant name—have you seen the Lily of Mossgray?”
“I’ve brought Miss Buchanan to see our painting,” said the old man. “Mrs. Oswald, has Lilias allowed you to see the portrait, for which I must borrow my young friend’s lovely name—have you seen the Lily of Mossgray?”
The banker’s eyes were fascinated to the life-like nervous figure which stood so near him. The swift, instantaneous movements—the look which read the remainder of Mossgray’s words before his sentence was half spoken—the moving of the lip, which seemed to repeat them as if in unconscious impatience of their tardiness. She was not like her father; he could see, even in this glance—and with something of “the stern joy which foemen feel,” he perceived it—that the irritation which killed poor Walter Buchanan would have been but a spur to this elastic nature; and even Mr Oswald, strongly as he held by all the proprieties, could not but smile to think of the common-place people round him, “looking down” upon Helen.
The banker’s eyes were captivated by the lifelike, nervous figure standing so close to him. Her quick, instant movements—the way she seemed to read the rest of Mossgray’s words before he had finished speaking—the way her lips moved as if impatiently echoing his words. She wasn’t like her father; he could see that even in this brief moment—and with a bit of “the stern joy that rivals feel,” he recognized that the irritation that overwhelmed poor Walter Buchanan would have only motivated this resilient character; even Mr. Oswald, as much as he adhered to all the proper behaviors, couldn’t help but smile at the thought of the ordinary people around him “looking down” on Helen.
“I have seen no Lily at Mossgray but one,” said Mrs Oswald, “and was just venturing to reprove her for retaining her paleness so long. Helen, I wish we could borrow some of your elasticity for Miss Maxwell.”
“I have seen only one Lily at Mossgray,” said Mrs. Oswald, “and I was just about to scold her for staying so pale for so long. Helen, I wish we could borrow some of your energy for Miss Maxwell.”
“That so Helen might withdraw from me the name she has given,” said Lilias, smiling; “and Mossgray forget that I am like his favourite flower; no, no, that will not do; but the picture—I did not think any one would be interested in the picture: and Helen has seen it, Mossgray?”
“That Helen would take back the name she gave me,” said Lilias, smiling; “and Mossgray would forget that I’m like his favorite flower; no, that won’t work; but the picture—I didn’t think anyone would care about the picture: and Helen has seen it, right, Mossgray?”
“Helen only saw it in its earliest sketch,” said the old man. “Come, I must exhibit it.”
“Helen only saw it in its earliest form,” said the old man. “Come, I need to show it to you.”
It was in a little room, which opened from the drawing-room, a very small place, looking like a recess of the larger apartment. Mossgray led his young companion in, followed by Mrs Oswald and Lilias. The banker made a few steps after them, but suddenly discovering that William watched him, he made a spasmodic halt at the door.
It was in a small room that opened from the living room, a tiny space that felt like an alcove of the larger area. Mossgray brought his young friend inside, followed by Mrs. Oswald and Lilias. The banker took a few steps after them, but when he noticed that William was watching him, he abruptly stopped at the door.
The little room was not brilliantly lighted, and the picture stood leaning against the wall. Lilias had begged that it should not be hung in its future place of honour, until after this evening. It was a very good and truthful portrait, with a pale pure light in its colouring in keeping with the subject. The scene was an antique turret-room in the oldest quarter of the house of Mossgray, which had been a chamber of dais when the old stock of the moss-trooping Graemes began to gather riches and to desire peace. There were carvings{169} of venerable oak about it, and furniture of a very old date; the Laird had especially chosen this room as the background for the portrait of Lilias.
The small room was not very well lit, and the painting was propped against the wall. Lilias had asked that it not be hung in its future spot of honor until after tonight. It was a very good and accurate portrait, with a soft, pure light in its colors that matched the subject. The scene depicted an old turret room in the oldest part of the Mossgray house, which had been a dais chamber when the old line of the moss-trooping Graemes started to accumulate wealth and seek peace. There were carvings of aged oak surrounding it, and the furniture was quite old; the Laird had specifically chosen this room as the backdrop for Lilias's portrait.{169}
And Lilias herself looked out from the brown tints of this still life, with her serene looks and every-day apparel. The painter and his subject had, both of them, too much taste to choose the vulgar, full dress, sitting-for-a-portrait attitude. A certain visionary poetic grace and fitness were in all the adjuncts. The contemplative, pensive look, the serene pale face, the pure, calm, melancholy brow, were rendered with a graceful hand; and the old man named the picture well when he called it the Lily of Mossgray.
And Lilias herself looked out from the earthy tones of this still life, with her calm expression and everyday clothing. Both the painter and his subject had too much style to go for the typical, formal pose for a portrait. There was a certain dreamy, poetic elegance and suitability in all the details. The thoughtful, reflective look, the gentle pale face, the pure, tranquil, slightly sad brow were captured with a graceful touch; and the old man aptly named the painting the Lily of Mossgray.
“But Hope would not have arranged it so,” said Helen, when she had sufficiently admired the portrait. “Hope would have made a group instead of that single spiritual face.”
“But Hope wouldn’t have done it like that,” said Helen, after she had admired the portrait enough. “Hope would have created a group instead of just that single spiritual face.”
“And drawn me with breast-plate and rusty spear,” said Lilias, “about to set out on a foray; because my name, Mossgray, reminds Hope of the Laird’s Jock, and his brethren of the ballad-days.”
“And pulled me in with a chest plate and rusty spear,” said Lilias, “getting ready to head out on a raid; because my name, Mossgray, reminds Hope of Laird’s Jock and his buddies from the ballad days.”
“Nay,” said Helen, “Hope has caught the graceful spirit of the ballads better than that; but she would have changed the scene to the old hall of the tower, and put breast-plate and steel-jack on a brotherhood of Graemes, and placed you, with your pensive look, in the midst, sending them forth, sadly and bravely, not on a foray, but on a truer errand, if it were to the Flodden that needed them. And I think almost that this same face, with that breath of sadness about it, might have suited the old hall well, and the armed men who were going forth, with a peradventure that they would never return; and the Lily of Mossgray would do honour to Hope’s fancy, if the painter had thought of her as the Laird’s Lilias.”
“No,” Helen said, “Hope captured the spirit of the ballads better than that; but she would have moved the scene to the old hall of the tower, and put armor on a group of Graemes, placing you, with your thoughtful expression, in the center, sending them off, sadly and bravely, not on a raid, but on a truer mission, if it were to the Flodden that needed them. I almost think that this same face, with that hint of sadness, would have suited the old hall well, and the armed men heading out, with the chance that they might never come back; and the Lily of Mossgray would honor Hope’s vision, if the painter had thought of her as the Laird’s Lilias.”
As she ceased, she slightly turned her head. The banker was looking in eagerly—looking at her. As their eyes met, both withdrew hastily; Helen with a tingling thrill of shy pride, and Mr Oswald with a complication of feelings difficult to describe. Strong determination not to yield, strangely mingled with an absolute liking for the girl who praised his Hope so kindly, and to whom Hope clung with such affection. It was a very sudden feeling, but his eyes followed her unawares, almost with pride. William too was looking proudly after the rapid figure in the distance. Hope, at home, was thinking proudly, that no one in Fendie or in Edinburgh was{170} like Helen Buchanan; and the banker, in his secret heart, acknowledged that they were right, while again he repeated his resolution—never!
As she stopped, she turned her head slightly. The banker was looking at her eagerly. When their eyes met, both quickly looked away; Helen felt a rush of shy pride, and Mr. Oswald experienced a mix of emotions that were hard to describe. He felt a strong determination not to give in, strangely blended with a genuine liking for the girl who spoke so kindly of Hope, to whom Hope was so attached. It was an abrupt feeling, but he found himself following her with his gaze, almost with a sense of pride. William was also looking proudly after her fast-moving figure in the distance. Hope, back home, was thinking proudly that no one in Fendie or Edinburgh was{170} like Helen Buchanan; and the banker secretly admitted they were right, while again he reaffirmed his resolution—never!
CHAPTER XVI.
“He’s gentle—of all sorts beloved—and indeed much in the heart of the world.”—As You like It.
“He's kind—loved by everyone—and really holds a special place in the world's heart.”—As You Like It.
Halbert Graeme was fully bent upon obeying the injunctions of his kinsman, and had already, thanks to his youthful strength, high spirits, and grey pony, made considerable acquaintance with his ancestral country. There were various good neighbours too who showed all willingness to aid him, and the race of young gentlemen who wrote themselves “younger of” all the castles and towers, shaws, braes, and holms of the district, opened their ranks with all imaginable pleasure to admit Halbert, “younger of Mossgray.” Halbert was happy in a frank temper, and no great share of ideality. His list of acquaintance grew like Jonah’s gourd. The fame of him went up the water and down the water; from the county-town some fifteen miles away, to the furthest bounds of the Scottish border, the landed community of the fair Southern shire had heard of the new heir of the Graemes. Nor was it alone the landed community; Halbert, like Hope Oswald, extended his friendship beyond his own exclusive class. Robbie Carlyle, the fisherman, grasped his bonnet when he met “the young laird” with a fervent salutation only accorded to his favourites, and John Brown, in the excitement of a busy market-day in the thronged Main Street of Fendie, proclaimed him: “Nane o’ your whilliewhaws—just a real, decent lad that kens a man o’ sense when he sees him!”
Halbert Graeme was fully committed to following his kinsman's advice and had already, thanks to his youthful energy, good spirits, and gray pony, become quite familiar with his ancestral land. There were several friendly neighbors eager to help him, and the young gentlemen who were known as “younger of” various castles, woods, hills, and meadows in the area welcomed Halbert, “younger of Mossgray,” with open arms. Halbert was cheerful and straightforward, without much inclination towards fanciful thoughts. His list of friends grew rapidly, much like Jonah’s gourd. Word of him spread up and down the river; from the county town about fifteen miles away to the farthest reaches of the Scottish border, the landowners of the lovely Southern shire had heard about the new heir of the Graemes. It wasn't just the landowners; Halbert, like Hope Oswald, made friends beyond his own social class. Robbie Carlyle, the fisherman, tipped his cap when he saw “the young laird,” greeting him with an enthusiastic salute reserved for his favorites, while John Brown, caught up in the hustle and bustle of a busy market day in the crowded Main Street of Fendie, declared: “None of your nonsense—he’s just a real, decent lad who knows a sensible man when he sees one!”
There were one or two dissentients. On a January day, Halbert, escorting Lilias on a walk longer than was usual to her, had the evil fortune to pass a potato field—a field which had borne potatoes—where Robert Paterson, the farmer of Whinnyside, was indolently superintending his two ploughs. It was a small farm, and its tenant was no great agriculturist. He “hadna just made up his mind what the crap was to be. Some said there wasna muckle dependence to be putten{171} on the taties, where they had ance turned out bad—though his had been no that ill the year—and some said the taties, noo, in thir times, paid better than the corn—and some said naithing paid ava; for his pairt he didna ken; he hadna made up his mind.”
There were one or two people who disagreed. On a January day, Halbert was taking Lilias for a longer walk than usual when they unfortunately passed a potato field—a field that used to grow potatoes—where Robert Paterson, the farmer of Whinnyside, was lazily overseeing his two plows. It was a small farm, and the farmer wasn't particularly skilled. He hadn't quite decided what crop to plant. Some said that they couldn't rely on the potatoes, especially since they had once turned out badly—though his hadn't been too bad that year—and some said that nowadays, potatoes were more profitable than grain—and some said nothing was worth it anymore; as for him, he didn’t know; he just hadn’t made up his mind.
Halbert was very active, and had a considerable share of the respectable qualities called sense and prudence. So he suggested to the good man of Whinnyside, that he was employing the most effectual means for securing that “naething should pay ava,” a reproof which did exceedingly offend and amaze the indignant Robert.
Halbert was very active and had a good amount of the respectable qualities known as common sense and caution. So he suggested to the good man of Whinnyside that he was using the most effective way to ensure that “nothing should pay at all,” a comment that greatly offended and shocked the angry Robert.
“He’s a bonnie ane, indeed!” said the angry farmer when Halbert had passed on, “to gie advice to a man that might be his faither—forbye being born on the land. I hae nae broo o’ thae keen Norlands. Ane would think they were learnt to put this and that thegither afore they were breekit—and the greed o’ them! considering and planning how to make the maist o’ everything; as if there was nocht to be done in this world but gather gear!”
“He's a handsome one, for sure!” said the angry farmer as Halbert walked away, “to give advice to a man who could be his father—besides being born on this land. I have no patience for those sharp Northerners. One would think they were taught to piece this and that together before they were even grown up—and their greed! Always thinking and scheming about how to make the most of everything; as if there's nothing to do in this world but collect money!”
But Robert Paterson was alone in his dissent—in all the district the feeling was strong in favour of the Norland Halbert.
But Robert Paterson was alone in his disagreement—in the whole district, the sentiment was strongly in favor of the Norland Halbert.
Halbert and Lilias were going by Mossgray’s favourite walk, up the waterside. The two adopted children of Mossgray were very good friends; so good friends, Mrs Mense thought, that they would quite naturally settle down into the characters of laird and lady, and give Mossgray no further trouble; but altogether irrespective of the broken golden coin which hung from Halbert’s neck, and the solitary labourer in the East who toiled for Lilias, there were other preventives of which Mrs Mense was quite unaware. Lilias was a great deal older, graver, and more experienced than her young squire; though there was not much difference in positive age, but in that development and maturity of the mind which will not be confined to years. Halbert unconsciously looked up to the young Lilias as to his senior, and Lilias used terms of kindly familiarity to Halbert as to an ingenuous, pleasant younger brother. It was the best thing possible for their frank and friendly intercourse, but entirely destructive to the hopes of Mrs Mense.
Halbert and Lilias were walking along Mossgray’s favorite path by the water. The two adopted children of Mossgray were really good friends; so good, Mrs. Mense thought, that they would naturally settle into the roles of lord and lady, causing Mossgray no further trouble. However, aside from the broken golden coin hanging from Halbert’s neck and the lone laborer in the East working for Lilias, there were other factors Mrs. Mense wasn’t aware of. Lilias was much older, more serious, and more experienced than her young companion; although there wasn’t much difference in their actual ages, she was more developed and mature in ways that go beyond just years. Halbert looked up to Lilias as his senior without realizing it, and Lilias spoke to Halbert in a familiar and kind way, like an affectionate older sister would to a sweet younger brother. This created the best atmosphere for their open and friendly interactions, but it completely dashed Mrs. Mense’s hopes.
The road along the waterside was a pleasant one, though the trees were bare, and though it ascended and descended steep braes now and then, and there were places here and{172} there, where the path was very nearly a rustic stair, with interwoven roots for steps. The neighbourhood of Fendie is the very stronghold of burns—you meet them running cheerily through the country like hardy cottage children at every turn, and multitudes of those fairy tributaries swell the noble dark-brown water as it sweeps downward to the Firth. Yonder does one pour down foaming, over the rugged bank of broken rock and gathered stones, high over which that daring stripling birch waves its thin branches, half timorous, half exultant; and here another, softly stealing under cover of the long melancholy willows glides noiselessly, a gentle child, into the bosom of the river. Another—and see how this kind alder kneels upon the mimic headland, shadowing the little bay where its coy wavelets linger—and yet another—with its wild headlong rush, defying those great stones, and jostling the roots of the shrinking beech which somehow has fallen here, and grows patiently and resigned, to its full height, a little timid of its impetuous neighbour. But the name of these children of the hills is legion; listen—you would fancy a school had newly “skailed,” so full is the air of their ceaseless singing; and if you dwell among them but a little time you will learn to know their individual voices, and to name them by separate names as you name human children.
The path along the waterside was nice, even though the trees were bare and it had some steep hills to climb up and down now and then. There were spots here and there where the trail was almost like a rustic staircase, with roots interwoven as steps. The area around Fendie is a true sanctuary for burns—you find them happily flowing through the countryside like lively kids at every turn, and many of these fairy streams add to the noble dark-brown water as it rushes down towards the Firth. Over there, one cascade foams over the jagged bank of broken rocks and piled stones, high above which a daring young birch waves its thin branches, part scared and part triumphant; and here another stream quietly glides under the cover of long, melancholic willows, sliding silently, a gentle child, into the embrace of the river. Then there’s one—look how this kind alder bends down at the little headland, casting a shadow over the tiny bay where its shy waves linger—and yet another, rushing wildly, challenging those big stones, and bumping into the roots of a shy beech that somehow ended up here, growing steadily and patiently, a bit apprehensive of its restless neighbor. But the names of these children of the hills are countless; listen—you might think a school has just let out, so full is the air with their endless singing; and if you spend just a little time among them, you’ll begin to recognize their unique voices and name them as you would individual human children.
The water itself is broad and full, “from bank to brae,” and flows down with a strong life in it, pleasant and hopeful to see; that ample, wide stream, instinct with the easy unostentatious force of nature—you can fancy, as it hastens on, that the bold current throbs, like the beating of a strong man’s breast.
The water is wide and full, “from bank to brae,” flowing down with a powerful energy that’s nice and reassuring to watch; that large, broad stream, filled with the effortless, unpretentious strength of nature—you can imagine, as it rushes by, that the strong current pulses like the heartbeat of a robust man.
Winding yonder through the trees—here, sweeping round that soft swelling grassy bank, and again a little further on over-arched by those long bare, far-spreading boughs. Beyond itself there is little prospect, for the trees on every side shut in the view, delicately revealing their naked tracing against the sky, with heavy firs and pines keeping some show of verdure in the skeleton wood.
Winding through the trees over there—here, curving around that gentle grassy bank, and a bit further on, covered by those long, bare, sprawling branches. Beyond this spot, there's not much to see, as the trees on all sides block the view, softly showing their bare outlines against the sky, while thick firs and pines maintain some greenery in the skeletal woods.
But Halbert and Lilias were not thinking of views, except of those eager, hopeful human ones, which rose so vividly before the youth’s eyes; for Halbert was explaining his own wishes and intentions, and craving the good counsel of the Lily of Mossgray.
But Halbert and Lilias weren't focused on the scenery, except for the eager, hopeful feelings that appeared so clearly in the young man's mind; Halbert was sharing his own wishes and plans, and seeking the wise advice of the Lily of Mossgray.
“I should have very much preferred my father’s profession,” said the young man, “and Mr Monikie told me Mossgray was{173} willing that I should study for the bar if I chose; but Mossgray has supported me all my life, Lilias. I could not think of remaining a burden on him.”
“I would have really preferred my father's job,” said the young man, “and Mr. Monikie told me Mossgray was{173} okay with me studying for the bar if I wanted; but Mossgray has supported me my whole life, Lilias. I couldn't imagine staying a burden to him.”
“And was that your sole reason?” asked his grave and sagacious counsellor.
“And was that your only reason?” asked his serious and wise counselor.
The honest Halbert blushed, and smiled, and hesitated.
The honest Halbert blushed, smiled, and hesitated.
“Well, perhaps it would not be quite true if I said it was the sole reason; but it certainly was an important one.”
“Well, maybe it wouldn’t be entirely accurate to say it was the only reason; but it definitely was a significant one.”
“And the others?” inquired Lilias with a smile.
“And what about the others?” Lilias asked, smiling.
“The others? they were various; for instance, I am not by any means sure that I have the necessary gifts—so few men can speak well in public; and—it must always be a slow success, I fancy, the success of an advocate; when one has a rank to maintain, and very little to maintain it—”
“The others? They were all different; for example, I’m not really sure I have the right skills—so few people can speak effectively in public; and—I imagine, the success of a lawyer is always a gradual process, especially when you have a status to uphold and not much to back it up with—”
Halbert looked very prudent and careful as he paused.
Halbert looked very cautious and thoughtful as he paused.
“And you want to succeed quickly, Halbert,” said Lilias, “and so will choose some gainful business rather than the learned profession—is that it?”
“And you want to succeed quickly, Halbert,” said Lilias, “so you’ll pick a lucrative business instead of a learned profession—is that right?”
“To tell the truth,” said Halbert, hastily, “I am anxious to be settled as soon as possible; to establish myself; to have a home; you understand me, Lilias?”
“Honestly,” Halbert said quickly, “I’m eager to get settled as soon as I can; to establish myself; to have a home; you get what I mean, Lilias?”
Lilias looked at the youth’s glowing face and smiled.
Lilias looked at the young man's radiant face and smiled.
“Did you never think you were too young, Halbert, to be the head of a house?”
“Did you ever think you were too young, Halbert, to be the head of a household?”
“Too young!” Halbert was half inclined to be angry. “Come, Lilias, that is not fair; and then you know, I have no friends, no relations; I am alone.”
“Too young!” Halbert was somewhat angry. “Come on, Lilias, that’s not fair; and you know, I have no friends, no family; I’m all alone.”
Lilias became suddenly grave; but as she looked again at the young, frank face beside her, in its flush of early manhood, another smile, kindly and gentle, stole over her lip. To be alone—to have no friends—the joyous Halbert with his light spirit, and honest straightforward character, and lack of the ideal and sensitive, did by no means understand what these words meant. He could find a Menie Monikie everywhere, he could never be alone.
Lilias suddenly became serious; but when she looked again at the young, open face next to her, full of youthful energy, a kind and gentle smile appeared on her lips. Being alone—having no friends—the cheerful Halbert, with his light-hearted nature and straightforward character, who lacked idealism and sensitivity, didn't really grasp what that meant. He could find a Menie Monikie anywhere; he could never be alone.
“You were not alone in Aberdeenshire,” said Lilias; “and I fancy you will be bringing this pretty Menie to Mossgray by and by, Halbert. Is that what being settled means?”
“You weren't alone in Aberdeenshire,” Lilias said; “and I have a feeling you’ll be bringing this lovely Menie to Mossgray before long, Halbert. Is that what settling down means?”
Halbert stammered a happy half denial, which was a confession, and proceeded in very high spirits to ask Lilias what she thought he should do.
Halbert stammered a cheerful but half-hearted denial, which was actually a confession, and then, in great spirits, he asked Lilias what she thought he should do.
“I think you should wait,” said his adviser, “till Moss{174}gray gives you the counsel you asked from him. You may remind him of it, Halbert, but I think you should not press our good friend; we may have all confidence in the kindness of Mossgray.”
“I think you should wait,” said his adviser, “until Mossgray {174} gives you the advice you requested from him. You can remind him about it, Halbert, but I don’t think you should pressure our good friend; we can trust Mossgray to be kind.”
Halbert fully assented. The old man had charmed all doubts from the mind of the young one, and with a light heart and perfect content, he left his anxieties in his kinsman’s hand.
Halbert completely agreed. The old man had eased all doubts from the young man's mind, and with a joyful heart and complete peace, he left his worries in his relative's care.
Lilias had never ventured so far before, and now their course was suddenly stayed by a deep cavernous burn, rumbling far down, under a long avenue of very large saugh or willow trees. The foliage of these was so exuberant in summer that the hoarse water below scarcely ever saw the sun; and over it was an old dilapidated bridge—rude planks of wood, fenced on each side by stiles, and so decayed as to seem unsafe. Halbert parted the thick willow branches with his hand to look through; and beyond they saw, half buried in a wilderness of trees, the roof and gables of a house. Lilias had heard of this place so often that she knew at once what it was.
Lilias had never gone this far before, and now their path was suddenly blocked by a deep, rumbling stream that ran beneath a long row of large willow trees. In the summer, the thick leaves were so lush that the noisy water below hardly ever saw the sun; above it was an old, worn-out bridge—rough wooden planks, fenced on both sides by stiles, and so decayed that it looked unsafe. Halbert pushed aside the thick willow branches to peek through; and beyond, they spotted the roof and gables of a house, half-hidden by a tangle of trees. Lilias had heard about this place so often that she recognized it immediately.
“I am afraid this is scarcely safe for you,” said Halbert. “Shall we have to return, Lilias? though I confess I should like to explore this place. Does anybody live in that wilderness, I wonder.”
“I’m afraid this isn’t very safe for you,” Halbert said. “Should we turn back, Lilias? Although I admit I’d like to explore this place. I wonder if anyone lives in that wilderness.”
“I fancy it must be Murrayshaugh,” said Lilias. She spoke low; there was something which excited her reverence in the melancholy decay and loneliness of the old house, and the unknown fate of its owners. “Let us go nearer, Halbert; the bridge must be safe enough.”
“I think it has to be Murrayshaugh,” said Lilias. She spoke softly; there was something that stirred her respect in the sad decline and isolation of the old house, along with the unknown fate of its owners. “Let’s get a bit closer, Halbert; the bridge should be safe enough.”
It was not very safe, yet it bore the light weight of Lilias, and quivered beneath the springing bound of Halbert; they were within the enclosure of Murrayshaugh.
It wasn't very safe, but it supported Lilias's light weight and shook under Halbert's energetic leap; they were inside the enclosure of Murrayshaugh.
The house was less irregular and less extensive than Mossgray. Its former proprietors, in their prosperous time, had not chosen to establish themselves on the bleak far-seeing mount, where the remains of the ancient peel were now mouldering stone by stone: and this house, decayed as it was, had some architectural pretensions. Its taper spear-like turrets shot up through the bewildering maze of wood in which it was enclosed, and the mossy terrace stretching along its front gave some distinctness to its form below. A very narrow grass-grown path wound past a rounded gable to some back entrance; and the former flower-beds bordering the way{175} bore now a scanty crop of vegetables—except this all was perfectly neglected; but the few cabbages and leeks, and a thin ascending breath of smoke, and a gentle aroma of peats, told that somewhere about the solitary house there was humanity, and its attendant spirit, the fire.
The house was less quirky and smaller than Mossgray. Its previous owners, during their successful times, hadn’t decided to settle on the cold, expansive hill where the remains of the old tower were now crumbling away, stone by stone. Despite its decay, this house had some architectural charm. Its pointed, tower-like structures rose above the confusing tangle of trees that surrounded it, and the moss-covered terrace in front gave some definition to its shape below. A very narrow, grass-covered path wound past a rounded gable to a back entrance, and the once-flower beds along the way{175} were now home to a meager crop of vegetables—other than that, everything was perfectly neglected. But the few cabbages and leeks, along with a thin wisp of smoke and a gentle smell of peat, indicated that somewhere near the lonely house, there was some humanity and, with it, the essential spirit of fire.
“Did you ever hear of this place, Halbert?” said Lilias, as they stood beside the great window in the gable, looking into a large, faded, melancholy room, which bore evident marks of care and order, solitary and desolate though it was.
“Have you ever heard of this place, Halbert?” Lilias asked as they stood by the big window in the gable, looking into a large, worn, sad room that clearly showed signs of care and organization, even though it felt lonely and abandoned.
Halbert looked a little astonished.
Halbert looked a bit surprised.
“I have never before been at Mossgray,” he answered, “and at home—I mean in the North—these border counties were very Antipodes to us.”
“I’ve never been to Mossgray before,” he replied, “and back home—I mean in the North—these border counties felt like a completely different world to us.”
Lilias did not answer; she looked thoughtfully along the green, melancholy terrace, thinking of Lucy Murray in her solitude, and of Charlie Graeme the household traitor, whose honest, fresh, ingenuous son had never heard of Murrayshaugh.
Lilias didn’t respond; she gazed pensively along the green, sorrowful terrace, reflecting on Lucy Murray in her loneliness, and on Charlie Graeme, the betrayer of the household, whose genuine, fresh, naive son had never heard of Murrayshaugh.
The faint sound of a lifted latch aroused her attention and she looked round. A little old woman, with impatient, vivacious features and quick pattering steps, came along the grass-grown path. She had heard voices without, and had issued forth in evident wrath to avenge the intrusion on her territory.
The faint sound of a latch being lifted caught her attention, and she looked around. A little old woman, with eager and lively features and quick, hurried steps, came down the grassy path. She had heard voices outside and had come out in clear anger to confront the invasion of her space.
“Oh, mem, I beg your pardon!” she exclaimed, as she made a dead stop in front of Lilias. “If I didna think it was Robbie Carlyle’s cuddie and that tinkler of a callant, Peter, chasing him! but ye’ll be the young lady of Mossgray?”
“Oh, ma’am, I’m so sorry!” she exclaimed, suddenly stopping in front of Lilias. “I thought it was Robbie Carlyle’s donkey and that annoying kid, Peter, chasing him! But you must be the young lady of Mossgray?”
Lilias took the designation with a smile.
Lilias accepted the title with a smile.
“This is Murrayshaugh, is it not?” she asked.
“This is Murrayshaugh, right?” she asked.
But the little woman’s eyes were so busy that she lost the question. She was examining with singular curiosity the face of Halbert Graeme.
But the little woman's eyes were so focused that she missed the question. She was examining Halbert Graeme's face with unusual curiosity.
“This is Murrayshaugh?” repeated Lilias.
“This is Murrayshaugh?” Lilias repeated.
“Ay, it’s Murrayshaugh,” was the answer emphatically given, while the speaker looked wrathfully at Halbert Graeme.
“Ay, it’s Murrayshaugh,” was the answer firmly given, while the speaker glared angrily at Halbert Graeme.
Halbert was considerably astonished; but the unconscious natural prepossessing smile remained upon his truthful face. It was a very honest straightforward countenance;{176} what we call “aefauld,” in Scotland—and the old woman gradually melted under the frank, good-humoured smile.
Halbert was quite surprised; yet the instinctive, charming smile stayed on his genuine face. It was a very honest, straightforward expression;{176} what we refer to as “aefauld” in Scotland—and the old woman slowly softened under the sincere, cheerful smile.
“They ca’ me Eesabell Broun,” she said abruptly, “and I keep the house. I’ve lived here a’ my days, and if ye would like to see it, I’ve nae objections.”
“They call me Eesabell Broun,” she said abruptly, “and I keep the house. I’ve lived here all my life, and if you would like to see it, I have no objections.”
“If we will not trouble you too much,” said Lilias, smiling at the limited permission, “I shall be glad to see Murrayshaugh.”
“Unless it’s too much trouble,” Lilias said, smiling at the slight permission, “I’d be happy to visit Murrayshaugh.”
Eesabell turned away at once, and went pattering round to a not very elegant back door. Her visitors followed her.
Eesabell immediately turned away and walked quickly around to a not-so-elegant back door. Her visitors followed her.
“Na—na,” said the old woman, fretfully waving them back with her quick, withered hand; “we may be puir, and puir eneugh, but there shall nae gentle come this gate into Murrayshaugh; gae round to the ither side; ye’ll get in by the richt door.”
“Na—na,” said the old woman, nervously waving them back with her quick, wrinkled hand; “we may be poor, and very much so, but no gentleman is coming this way into Murrayshaugh; go around to the other side; you’ll get in by the right door.”
It was a respectable irritation, and the two young explorers turned with some amusement to obey. The great door of Murrayshaugh was somewhat heavy on its rusted hinges; the opening of it taxed all the impatient strength of Isabell Brown.
It was a reasonable annoyance, and the two young explorers turned with some amusement to comply. The large door of Murrayshaugh was a bit heavy on its rusted hinges; opening it required all the impatient strength of Isabell Brown.
There was not much to see within; everything saleable had been removed from those cold, dreary, uninhabited walls before the armed man, Want, drove its last tenant from his father’s house. So much furniture as remained was old and faded; the haughty, proud old man had studiously displayed its poverty; he professed to disdain the mean art of making shifts to hide it—it was the bitter art of unbending pride which left its forlorn nakedness so visible to every eye.
There wasn’t much to see inside; everything valuable had been taken out of those cold, dreary, empty walls before the armed man, Want, forced its last tenant out of his father’s house. The furniture that was left was old and worn out; the proud old man had deliberately showcased its lack of value; he claimed to look down on the lowly trick of trying to cover it up—it was the harsh reality of stubborn pride that made its abandoned emptiness so obvious to everyone.
But the little, quick, irascible custodier of the lonely house had been so long used to the poverty of its scanty furniture that she was now unconscious of it; and when she carefully dusted the high-backed chairs of “Miss Lucy’s parlour,” and closed the shutters lest the sun should spoil the colours of the decayed worn carpet, whose colours had been jumbled in incoherent old age when she herself was but a child, Eesabell Brown was perfectly sincere. She had a veneration for those solitary and quiet inhabitants of the house in which she had lived all her days; they were older dwellers than she; and when she thought of the “Miss Lucy” who had been the pattern and glory of her younger days returning to Murrayshaugh—and she did think of it constantly—it was still as Miss Lucy—the fair, young lady whom in{177} her own girlhood she thought chief of women. This was the romance of the little old housekeeper of Murrayshaugh. She had known few fluctuations of fortune since the great era of their departure; somehow or other Isabell herself had grown old; but unchangeable as the high-backed chairs and the faded carpets seemed Murrayshaugh and Miss Lucy—and they would return.
But the petite, quick-tempered custodian of the lonely house had been so accustomed to the poverty of its sparse furniture that she was now oblivious to it; and when she carefully dusted the high-backed chairs in “Miss Lucy’s parlor,” and closed the shutters to protect the colors of the worn-out carpet, whose shades had become a jumbled mess in its old age when she was just a child, Isabell Brown was completely sincere. She held a deep respect for those solitary and quiet occupants of the house where she had spent her entire life; they were older residents than she was; and when she thought about “Miss Lucy,” who had been the ideal and pride of her younger years coming back to Murrayshaugh—and she thought about it all the time—it was still as Miss Lucy—the fair, young lady who in {177} her own youth she regarded as the best of women. This was the story of the little old housekeeper of Murrayshaugh. She had experienced few ups and downs since the significant time of their departure; somehow, Isabell herself had aged; but as unchanging as the high-backed chairs and the faded carpets, Murrayshaugh and Miss Lucy seemed—and they would return.
“My mother was housekeeper when the Laird and Miss Lucy gaed to foreign pairts,” she said to Lilias. “Ye’ll have heard o’ Miss Lucy?—ay, but I question if ye ever saw the like o’ her. Wasna auld Greenshaw your grandfather? I thocht that. Weel, Miss Lucy gaed herself, ance errant, to see your mother, to please Mossgray.”
“My mom was the housekeeper when the Laird and Miss Lucy went abroad,” she said to Lilias. “You’ve heard of Miss Lucy, right?—yes, but I doubt you've ever seen anyone like her. Wasn’t old Greenshaw your grandfather? I thought so. Well, Miss Lucy went herself, once on an errand, to see your mom, to please Mossgray.”
Isabell said this with great importance; but Lilias was not overawed, though her face was very grave.
Isabell said this with a lot of seriousness, but Lilias wasn't intimidated, even though her expression was quite serious.
“There’s no a young lady atween this and her, wherever she be,” continued the old woman with vehemence, “that it wadna be an honour to even to Miss Lucy, though them that should have kent, didna ken.”
“There's no young lady between her and this, wherever she is,” continued the old woman passionately, “that wouldn't be an honor, even to Miss Lucy, though those who should have known didn't know.”
A quick indignant glance at the young man accompanied this speech; but the glance of Isabell’s wrath was harmless lightning to the unconscious Halbert.
A brief, furious look was thrown at the young man as she spoke; however, Isabell's angry glance felt like harmless lightning to the unaware Halbert.
“Me and my sister Jean were brought up here,” said Isabell, more calmly, “and she was married upon a cousin o’ our ain:—maybe ye ken John Broun that’s at the Mount—that’s Jean’s son.”
“Me and my sister Jean grew up here,” Isabell said more calmly, “and she married a cousin of ours: maybe you know John Broun who’s at the Mount—that’s Jean’s son.”
“He is my earliest acquaintance in Fendie,” said Halbert, good-humouredly, “and an honest fellow he is; but why do they leave you alone here?”
“He's my first friend in Fendie,” Halbert said with a chuckle, “and he's a good guy; but why are they leaving you here all by yourself?”
“My lane!” said Isabell; “am I no housekeeper? and us disna ken the day that Murrayshaugh may come hame!”
“That's my lane!” said Isabell; “am I not the housekeeper? And we don't even know the day that Murrayshaugh might come home!”
Lilias checked Halbert with her lifted hand; the old woman’s delusion was sacred.
Lilias stopped Halbert with her raised hand; the old woman's delusion was precious.
They had entered “Miss Lucy’s parlour,” and were looking at some pictures on the wall. Before the first of these, that of a young man in an antique dress, evidently an old family portrait, Lilias paused with a sudden start. There was a vivid colour and surprised animation on her face, such as Halbert had never seen her have before, and the tone of her voice struck him as she turned to ask about the picture—low, full, and musical, as if the heart throbbed through it more warmly than was its wont.
They had entered “Miss Lucy’s parlor” and were looking at some pictures on the wall. In front of the first one, featuring a young man in an old-fashioned outfit, clearly an old family portrait, Lilias suddenly stopped, taken aback. There was a bright color and surprised expression on her face that Halbert had never seen before, and when she turned to ask about the picture, the tone of her voice caught his attention—it was low, rich, and musical, as if her heart was beating through it more warmly than usual.
“It’s ane o’ the auld Murrays—I dinna mind his name,{178}” said Isabell; “but Miss Lucy had a conceit that it was like Mr Hew. They were a’ like ither; the same face came down, like the name, frae faither to son. That ane was a Hew too, I dinna doubt; it’s a guid name; they maun a’ have been fond o’t.”
“It’s one of the old Murrays—I don’t remember his name,{178}” said Isabell; “but Miss Lucy thought it resembled Mr. Hew. They all looked alike; the same face passed down, just like the name, from father to son. That one was a Hew too, I have no doubt; it’s a good name; they must all have liked it.”
“Hew,” repeated Lilias, slowly, as if she too loved to linger on the sound; “Hew—yes, it is a pleasant name.”
“Hew,” repeated Lilias, slowly, as if she also enjoyed savoring the sound; “Hew—yeah, it is a nice name.”
And she turned again with lingering looks and smiles of strange pleasure to the picture as she left the room. Halbert smiled too in wonder. He hardly could fancy an appropriate cause for such emotion in the wise, grave Lilias; and there was no such magic in any picture there for him.
And she glanced back one more time with lingering looks and smiles of unusual delight at the picture as she exited the room. Halbert smiled in amazement as well. He could hardly imagine a good reason for such feelings in the wise, serious Lilias; and he found no enchantment in any picture there for himself.
CHAPTER XVII.
“He thinks well of himself, Sir—we all do it; and he thinks well of his fortune—happy he who can! and if myself am well, and my fortune is well, who shall resist me?”—Old Play.
“He has a good opinion of himself, Sir—we all do; and he thinks highly of his fortune—lucky are those who can! And if I’m doing well, and my fortune is good, who can stand in my way?”—Classic Play.
The Manse of Fendie was a good-sized, substantial house, situated at the rural end of the Main Street, with very tolerable grounds about it, and a well-stocked, extensive garden behind. Within, there were three good sitting-rooms—dining-room, drawing-room, and library, as the Reverend Robert Insches was pleased to call them. His predecessor had been a man of good family and small pretensions. In his time the library was only a study, and the drawing-room a family parlour; but the Reverend Robert had changed all that.
The Fendie House was a decent-sized, solid house located at the rural end of Main Street, with fairly nice grounds around it and a large, well-tended garden out back. Inside, there were three nice sitting rooms—a dining room, a living room, and a library, as Reverend Robert Insches liked to call them. His predecessor had come from a good background but had modest ambitions. Back in his day, the library was just a study, and the drawing room was a family parlor; but Reverend Robert had transformed all of that.
The furniture was all new, as it was natural that the furniture of a young man’s house should be, but it had a brassy look not very agreeable to the eye. The chairs stood so stiffly in their grim gentility, the carpets were so spotless, the tables so bright, that you felt afraid to disturb their solemn repose by presuming to make them serve the purposes of ordinary life; but if a stranger feared them, tenfold was the dread with which their dignified stillness impressed Miss Insches, the little, fat, roundabout sister of the Reverend Robert. With awe and reverence, she herself with her own plump{179} hands dusted the sacred drawing-room; with fear for her own presumption, gingerly sat on the extreme edge of one of those wonderful rosewood chairs, when the drawing-room on solemn occasions was used. The Reverend Robert angrily lectured her for this foible; it was in vain. Miss Insches could not be otherwise than reverential of “the grand furniture.”
The furniture was all new, which was expected in a young man's house, but it had a shiny look that wasn't very pleasing to the eye. The chairs stood rigidly in their formal elegance, the carpets were spotless, and the tables gleamed so much that you felt hesitant to disturb their serious stillness by using them for everyday life; but if a stranger found them intimidating, it was nothing compared to the fear that their dignified quietude instilled in Miss Insches, the little, plump sister of Reverend Robert. With awe and reverence, she dusted the sacred drawing-room with her own chubby hands; afraid of her own boldness, she carefully sat on the very edge of one of those beautiful rosewood chairs when the drawing-room was used for special occasions. Reverend Robert scolded her for this behavior, but it was no use. Miss Insches couldn't help but feel reverent toward “the grand furniture.”
The library was the smaller room of the three. You could not have guessed it was a library, had not the minister’s sister been at pains to inform you. There was a small bookcase in it, veiled with curtains within the glass doors, and a study table; in the reign of the last minister it had been overflowing in all its corners with books—at present it was much too trimly arranged for that. The room had to do double duty; it was parlour as well as study. There Miss Insches sat, holding in her breath on the Fridays and Saturdays lest she should disturb Robert at his preparations; and there in the earlier days of the week, when Robert had no sermons to write, the elderly, worshipping sister, and the young idol brother, were very comfortable together. The young man was a genius in his way, and preached as no one had preached in Fendie for long years before. Save for the one weakness of making a hobby of his “position,” indeed he had good sense and good feeling as well as talent, and promised to be noticeable in his generation. Only the sudden change from the hard student life and cares of poverty, to the good stipend and much-prized “station” of Fendie, had a little dazzled the eyes of the Reverend Robert, and, like other young men, he rode his hobby hard and furiously.
The library was the smallest of the three rooms. You wouldn't have guessed it was a library if the minister's sister hadn't been so eager to tell you. There was a small bookcase with curtains behind the glass doors and a study table; under the previous minister, it was overflowing with books in every corner—but now it was much too neatly arranged for that. The room had to serve a dual purpose; it was both a parlor and a study. There, Miss Insches would hold her breath on Fridays and Saturdays to avoid disturbing Robert during his preparations; and earlier in the week, when Robert wasn’t busy writing sermons, the devoted sister and her young, idolized brother enjoyed each other’s company in comfort. The young man had a unique talent and preached like no one else in Fendie had for years. Aside from his one weakness of obsessing over his “position,” he was sensible, empathetic, and talented, and he promised to stand out in his generation. However, the sudden shift from a life of hard study and financial struggle to a well-paying, highly regarded position in Fendie had left the Reverend Robert a bit dazzled, and like many young men, he pursued his interests with intense enthusiasm.
At the fireside in the “library” his sister and he sat together; there was some consternation in the plump, good-humoured face of Miss Insches. She was evidently bewildered—“a party!”
At the fireside in the “library,” he and his sister sat together; there was some concern on the cheerful, round face of Miss Insches. She looked clearly confused—“a party!”
“You know, Janet, I don’t by any means intend a formal, large party,” said the Reverend Robert, who had been for the last ten minutes vainly endeavouring to convey a less magnificent idea of his intention to his sister’s perplexed mind. “A few friends merely—a few of your own friends—it is necessary, you know, that we should not show ourselves unsocial.”
“You know, Janet, I definitely don’t want to throw a big, formal party,” said Reverend Robert, who had spent the last ten minutes trying unsuccessfully to explain his less extravagant plans to his sister. “Just a few friends—just some of your friends. It’s important that we don’t come across as unsociable.”
“My own friends?” Miss Insches was rather obtuse. “There’s the provost’s wife, and there’s Miss Rechie Sinclair, and Mrs Irving of Friarsford—is’t them you’re meaning, Robert?{180}”
“My own friends?” Miss Insches was somewhat clueless. “There’s the provost’s wife, Miss Rechie Sinclair, and Mrs. Irving from Friarsford—are those the ones you’re talking about, Robert?{180}”
Robert was impatient.
Robert was restless.
“I am sure, Janet, you can have no pleasure in the company of a vulgar person like Mrs Irving—and the provost’s wife—I don’t like her, you know;—and Miss Rechie—well, she’s a good little woman—but she would be quite out of place in my drawing-room, surely.”
“I’m sure, Janet, you can’t enjoy being around someone as common as Mrs. Irving—and the provost’s wife—I really don’t like her, you know;—and Miss Rechie—she’s a nice enough woman, but she just wouldn’t fit in my living room, for sure.”
Miss Insches looked awed and reverential. It was very true that these plebeian personages would not at all suit the Reverend Robert’s dignified drawing-room, of which she herself was only a tenant at will, liable to be ejected whenever it should please its lord and master to bring home a wife.
Miss Insches looked amazed and respectful. It was absolutely true that these ordinary people wouldn’t fit into Reverend Robert’s elegant drawing-room, where she herself was just a temporary guest, subject to being asked to leave whenever it suited its owner to bring home a wife.
“And our Robert’s a fine-looking lad, as well as a clever,” said Miss Insches under her breath; “he might marry onybody he likit.”
“And our Robert's a good-looking guy, and he’s smart too,” said Miss Insches quietly; “he could marry anyone he wanted.”
“Maybe it would be best to tell me, Robert,” she said aloud, humbly, “what folk you were thinking to ask—and then I would ken.”
“Maybe it would be best to tell me, Robert,” she said quietly, “who you were thinking of asking—and then I would know.”
“Well, Janet,” said the minister graciously, “there’s Mr Halbert Graeme and Miss Maxwell of Mossgray.”
“Well, Janet,” said the minister kindly, “there’s Mr. Halbert Graeme and Miss Maxwell from Mossgray.”
Miss Insches lifted up her hands in the extremity of her astonishment.
Miss Insches raised her hands in total disbelief.
“The young lady of Mossgray!”
“The young woman of Mossgray!”
“Why not?” exclaimed the Reverend Robert, indignantly impatient. “I am astonished, Janet;—you forget my position—you forget—”
“Why not?” shouted Reverend Robert, frustrated and impatient. “I'm shocked, Janet; you’re forgetting my position—you’re forgetting—”
“No me, Robert—no me,” ejaculated his penitent sister.
“No, Robert—don’t involve me,” exclaimed his remorseful sister.
“And I suppose we must have some of the brethren,” continued Robert, after a pause. “There’s Mr Wright of the quoad sacra at Fairholm; but then we could not ask him without his wife, and she—you know he made a very foolish marriage.”
“And I guess we should invite some of the guys,” continued Robert, after a pause. “There’s Mr. Wright from the quoad sacra at Fairholm; but we couldn’t ask him without his wife, and she—you know he made a really foolish choice in marrying her.”
“Ay,” responded Miss Insches promptly; “he married Willie Tasker the joiner’s daughter, at Todholes, a bonnie-like wife for a minister. Weel, Robert, maybe I am not proud enough, but I would have you marry naebody but a lady.”
“Yeah,” replied Miss Insches quickly; “he married Willie Tasker the carpenter’s daughter, at Todholes, a pretty wife for a minister. Well, Robert, maybe I’m not proud enough, but I would want you to marry no one but a lady.”
The Reverend Robert blushed a little.
The Reverend Robert felt a bit embarrassed.
“Do you know, Janet, little Hope Oswald has a theory that ladies are not made but born—not what you call well-born however; suppose we call on Mrs Wright and see what sort of a person she is. Wright has been very foolish, no doubt, but if we can consistently notice him, we should—” Mr Insches drew himself up, and thought of Mossgray’s graceful courtesy to the solitary Helen.{181}
“Do you know, Janet, little Hope Oswald has a theory that ladies aren’t made but born—not what you’d call well-born, though; how about we visit Mrs. Wright and see what kind of person she is? Wright has acted pretty foolishly, no doubt, but if we can manage to pay attention to him, we should—” Mr. Insches straightened up, thinking about Mossgray’s graceful courtesy towards the lonely Helen.{181}
Miss Insches was decidedly repugnant—she had no toleration for the mésalliances of ministers.
Miss Insches was definitely unpleasant—she had no tolerance for the mésalliances of ministers.
“And there is Paulus Whyte,” continued the Reverend Robert. “He is to preach for me on the fast day, so we can have it the night before; and, by the by, Janet, there is a young lady in Fendie, a great friend of Miss Maxwell’s. What is her name again? Buchanan, yes, Buchanan—you must ask her.”
“And there’s Paulus Whyte,” the Reverend Robert continued. “He’s going to preach for me on the fast day, so we can have it the night before; and, by the way, Janet, there’s a young lady in Fendie, a close friend of Miss Maxwell’s. What’s her name again? Buchanan, yes, Buchanan—you need to ask her.”
“You’re no meaning the schoolmistress?” said Miss Insches.
“You're not talking about the schoolmistress, are you?” said Miss Insches.
The Reverend Robert faltered a little—only a little—he was reässured by remembering the kindly attentions of Mossgray.
The Reverend Robert hesitated for a moment—just a moment—he felt reassured by recalling the warm gestures from Mossgray.
“Yes, I believe she does keep a school; but she is very intimate with Miss Maxwell—you must ask her.”
“Yes, I think she runs a school; but she’s really close with Miss Maxwell—you should ask her.”
“Weel,” said Miss Insches, with some astonishment, “I am sure I dinna object; but to you to ask the schoolmistress among thae big folk, Robert! and maybe she’ll no like to come—she’s but young, puir thing—when the maister of the house is a young man.”
“Weell,” said Miss Insches, somewhat surprised, “I’m sure I don’t mind; but for you to ask the schoolmistress among all these grown-ups, Robert! She might not want to come—she’s just a young thing, poor girl—especially with the master of the house being a young man.”
“Oh,” said the minister, with a hasty blush, “she will never think of me. You must ask her to meet Miss Maxwell.”
“Oh,” said the minister, quickly blushing, “she will never think of me. You have to ask her to meet Miss Maxwell.”
Miss Insches looked somewhat suspicious; she did not understand this; besides, she had heard her brother speak of Helen before, and now he hesitated at her name as if he did not recollect it. “I dinna ken what Robert means,” she muttered to herself as he left the room. “I am sure he kens the lassie well enough; what for could he no mind her name? Weel, to be sure, he’s the minister—but if he were ony ither man, I would hae my ain thoughts about it.”
Miss Insches looked a bit suspicious; she didn't understand this. Besides, she had heard her brother talk about Helen before, and now he hesitated at her name as if he couldn't remember it. “I don’t know what Robert means,” she muttered to herself as he left the room. “I’m sure he knows the girl well enough; why couldn't he remember her name? Well, of course, he’s the minister—but if he were any other man, I’d have my own thoughts about it.”
And her ain thoughts Miss Insches had, minister though her brother was; but the will of Robert was not to be contested, so his suspicious sister prepared herself for obedience.
And Miss Insches had her own thoughts, even though her brother was a minister; but Robert's wishes weren't up for debate, so his suspicious sister got ready to follow his lead.
A still further test of obedience he required from her that very afternoon: but then, too, Robert conquered, and they set out together to call on the new Mrs Wright of the Fairholm chapel of ease.
A further test of obedience was required from her that very afternoon: but once again, Robert prevailed, and they headed out together to visit the new Mrs. Wright of the Fairholm chapel of ease.
The Reverend Simon Wright was, like the Reverend Robert Insches, of plebeian origin, but, unlike his younger, more graceful, and more talented neighbour, he was by no means adapted for the profession of gentleman. He too had{182} a sort of sluggish, heavy ambition, though it had not reached the altitude of Robert’s; but his marriage had sentenced him hopelessly to his original standing. It was barely possible that he might have struggled upward alone, but there was no elevating the dead weight of his wife. For himself he had a ponderous unserviceable mind, not without a certain power, and after his own fashion could preach good sermons sometimes; but generally the man was an incapable man, slow to perceive, and helpless to take advantage of his opportunities. Willie Tasker, the joiner, had given him lodgings for a month or two, while his staring, red, box-like manse was being built, and the result was that Willie Tasker’s daughter became the minister’s wife.
Reverend Simon Wright was, like Reverend Robert Insches, from a humble background, but unlike his younger, more graceful, and more talented neighbor, he wasn’t suited for the life of a gentleman. He also had a kind of sluggish, heavy ambition, though it didn’t reach the heights of Robert’s; but his marriage had doomed him to his original status. It’s possible he might have struggled to rise on his own, but he couldn’t lift the dead weight of his wife. As for himself, he had a cumbersome, unhelpful mind, not without a certain strength, and in his own way could occasionally deliver good sermons; but overall, he was an incapable man, slow to understand, and unable to seize his chances. Willie Tasker, the carpenter, had given him a place to stay for a month or two while his glaring, red, boxy manse was being built, and as a result, Willie Tasker’s daughter became the minister’s wife.
To the immense indignation of his neighbours and people all and sundry, who felt in the degradation of their minister a personal injury, and who having expressed their disapprobation of the courtship by various very decided demonstrations, were now keeping aloof, and refusing to notice the new wife. Still more indignant were the wives of “the brethren” in the vicinity, at this intruder into their ranks. They, all of them, discovered suddenly that without a conveyance it was impossible to pay visits; and “we do not keep a conveyance.” The inference was unmistakeable; it was not in their power to call on Mrs Wright.
To the great anger of his neighbors and everyone else, who felt that their minister's downfall was a personal blow, and who had shown their disapproval of the courtship in various clear ways, they were now keeping their distance and refusing to acknowledge the new wife. The wives of the local "brethren" were even more upset about this newcomer in their social circle. Suddenly, they all realized that without a vehicle, making visits was impossible, and "we don’t have a vehicle." The message was clear; they felt it was not possible to visit Mrs. Wright.
Miss Insches fully shared in the general indignation, but she was not without curiosity; so with proper condescension, and as a duty, she agreed to accompany her brother.
Miss Insches completely felt the general outrage, but she was also curious; so, with a sense of superiority and out of obligation, she agreed to go with her brother.
The best room of the Fairholm Manse had two windows; it stood rather high, and was approached by a road which one of these windows commanded, so as very conveniently to warn the inhabitants of the rare advent of visitors. As they opened the gate, a sturdy maid servant stared at them for a moment—answered Mr Insches in the affirmative, when he inquired if her mistress was at home, and precipitately fled to the back door, leaving the visitors to find the more dignified entrance at their leisure. They had to pass the windows of the “best room;” within, sitting as gingerly as ever Miss Insches sat, in a parlour by no means so fine as the sacred drawing-room, they had a first glimpse of the bride. She saw them looking for the door in some confusion, but she sat bolt upright in her new dignity, with her hands crossed in her lap, and her eyes fixed upon the opposite wall, and made no sign.{183}
The best room of the Fairholm Manse had two windows; it was located quite high up and was accessible by a road that one of these windows overlooked, making it easy to alert the residents to the rare arrival of visitors. As they opened the gate, a strong maidservant stared at them for a moment—she answered Mr. Insches affirmatively when he asked if her mistress was home, then quickly ran to the back door, leaving the visitors to find the more formal entrance at their own pace. They had to pass the windows of the “best room;” inside, sitting as stiffly as ever Miss Insches did, in a parlor that was by no means as nice as the fancy drawing-room, they caught their first glimpse of the bride. She noticed them searching for the door with some confusion, but she sat upright in her new role, with her hands crossed in her lap and her eyes fixed on the opposite wall, making no sign.{183}
“The woman’s daft,” muttered Miss Insches, “could she no let folk in? Mrs Whyte, that’s a lady born, is no ower grand to open the door.”
“The woman’s crazy,” muttered Miss Insches, “can’t she let people in? Mrs. Whyte, who’s a proper lady, isn’t too high and mighty to open the door.”
The Reverend Robert laughed, not without some secret shame; it was a good lesson, and did him service. He began to see the vulgarity of this assumption; his own natural taste had kept himself within bounds, anxious as he was to maintain the decorums which he fancied necessary to his “position;” but this was sufficiently ludicrous to make him ashamed of the stiff gentility to which he had been endeavouring to train his good-humoured sister. His heavy brother of Fairholm was labouring to make his wife a lady—a very impossible process, as her appearance showed.
The Reverend Robert laughed, not without a bit of secret shame; it was a good lesson that benefited him. He started to see the ridiculousness of this assumption; his own natural taste had kept him in check, even though he was eager to uphold the decorum he thought was essential to his "position." But this was so absurd that it made him feel embarrassed about the stiff gentility he had been trying to instill in his easy-going sister. His serious brother from Fairholm was working hard to turn his wife into a lady—a completely unrealistic endeavor, as her appearance demonstrated.
She had a soft large face, a drooping head, a tall, gawky person—and when the handsome Mr Insches and his cheerful sister seated themselves beside her, she giggled. Miss Insches talked, and so did the Reverend Robert: the bride answered by a hysteric titter. It was her sole accomplishment. She had by no means a gift for conversation, but she could giggle to perfection.
She had a large, gentle face, a drooping head, and was tall and awkward—and when the handsome Mr. Insches and his cheerful sister sat down next to her, she giggled. Miss Insches talked, and so did the Reverend Robert; the bride responded with a hysterical laugh. That was her one talent. She definitely didn’t have a knack for conversation, but she could giggle like nobody else.
Mr Wright came to the rescue, in his own person, and by means of ecclesiastical subjects a long half hour was spent; but Robert made no mention of the intended party. He was by no means proud of having made acquaintance with the bride.
Mr. Wright came to the rescue himself, and they spent a long half hour discussing church-related topics; however, Robert didn’t mention the upcoming party. He wasn’t at all proud of having met the bride.
“Robert,” said Miss Insches solemnly, as they left the house, “whatever ye do, dinna gang and break our hearts with a gawky like yon. I’m no caring for siller; but man, Robert, if ye canna get a lady, dinna take up with a fule!”
“Robert,” said Miss Insches seriously as they left the house, “whatever you do, don’t go and break our hearts with someone like that. I don’t care about money; but seriously, Robert, if you can’t find a lady, don’t settle for a fool!”
The Reverend Robert smiled—pleasantly before his eyes glided the graceful nervous figure, with its swift motions, and springing step, and eloquent face. Secretly in his own mind he did at that moment elect the poor schoolmistress to the honourable vacant seat at the head of his dignified table. It was true she was poor, and had for years laboured to earn her own bread; but Helen Buchanan was a gentlewoman born!
The Reverend Robert smiled—pleasantly as he watched the graceful, nervous figure move quickly, with a lively step and an expressive face. Secretly, he decided in that moment to choose the poor schoolmistress for the honorable vacant seat at the head of his respectable table. It was true she was poor and had worked for years to earn her living; but Helen Buchanan was a natural gentlewoman!
In the meantime Helen Buchanan remained perfectly unconscious of her election. Mr Insches, his good qualities, and his indifferent ones, had passed from her mind altogether. She was not even angry at his desertion of her, during the earlier part of that Mossgray party, and met him the next time she saw him after it with a quite unclouded face. If{184} William Oswald had been the offender, the offence would have ruffled in a very different way the memory of Helen. It was a bad omen for the Reverend Robert.
In the meantime, Helen Buchanan was completely unaware of her choice. Mr. Insches, both his good traits and his flaws, had faded from her thoughts entirely. She wasn’t even upset about his lack of support during the earlier part of that Mossgray gathering, and when she saw him next, she greeted him with an entirely clear expression. If{184} William Oswald had been the one to disappoint her, it would have stirred much stronger feelings in Helen's memory. This was a bad sign for the Reverend Robert.
And William Oswald was gone. He had established himself now, a permanent inhabitant of Edinburgh, practising his profession as it pleased the public to give him opportunity; and the public was not unpropitious. His father had many connections in other little towns like Fendie, and Fendie itself was respectably litigious. William Oswald was pronounced “a rising young man,” “a sagacious lad,” by voices of authority in the sacred precincts of the Parliament House. His prospects were fair and prosperous—the banker began to be proud of his thriving son.
And William Oswald was gone. He had now made a name for himself as a permanent resident of Edinburgh, practicing his profession whenever the public gave him the chance, and the public was generally supportive. His father had numerous connections in other small towns like Fendie, and Fendie itself had a reputation for being somewhat litigious. William Oswald was described as “a rising young man” and “a clever lad” by authoritative voices in the hallowed halls of the Parliament House. His future looked bright and promising—the banker began to feel proud of his successful son.
And William began to be heard of in other spheres than the Parliament House. In the Scottish capital as in the English, stout hearts were banding themselves for a holy war, a new Crusade. Against the physical evils which debase the poor, against giant sins which have their absolute dominions mapped out in every city; for wise men began to see how poverty and wretchedness, iniquity and pollution, press forward upon the mere barrier of defence set up to oppose their progress, and steadily make a way. So one here and there, stung to the heart with one particular evil, and yearning over the masses of unregarded poor, had snatched a flaming brand out of the slow consuming fire, and holding it up above his head, in earnestness almost wild, had begged and prayed his fellows to look upon the ghastly sight below. Little perishing outcast children, trained, as one could fancy, by malignant spirits only, to breathe in crime like daily air. Strong men sinking—sinking—into woe and misery ineffable, binding themselves with those green withes of customary sin, which by and by should harden into chains of iron. Women, woe of woes, lost without hope. And good men had united themselves in an aggressive war, to go forth against all the powers of darkness—not simply to defend, but to invade and rout and conquer, holding no terms or parley with the might of sin.
And William started to be known in places beyond just Parliament. In the Scottish capital, just like in England, brave hearts were coming together for a holy war, a new Crusade. They were fighting against the physical hardships that degrade the poor, against the massive sins that have clearly marked territories in every city; wise people began to recognize how poverty and misery, injustice and corruption, press against the flimsy defenses in place to stop their advance, slowly carving a path. So, one by one, driven by a specific injustice and caring deeply for the many neglected poor, individuals grabbed a bright torch from the dying flames and, holding it high above their heads, fervently urged their peers to witness the shocking scene below. Little, dying, abandoned children, seemingly raised by malevolent forces to inhale crime like it was normal. Strong men sinking—sinking—into unfathomable sorrow and despair, binding themselves with the green cords of habitual sin, which would eventually turn into unbreakable chains. Women, the greatest woe of all, lost and without hope. And good people banded together in an active fight, setting out against all the forces of darkness—not just to defend, but to attack, drive out, and defeat, refusing to negotiate with the power of sin.
The fluttering flush came and went over Helen’s cheek, as she read eagerly the doings of this new chivalry of Scotland. Her breast swelled—her heart beat. William was among them, bearing arms like a true man.
The quick blush rose and faded on Helen's cheek as she eagerly read about the actions of this new chivalry in Scotland. Her chest swelled—her heart raced. William was among them, carrying weapons like a true man.
The Reverend Robert had no chance against this: the young man had strayed further from the East than he need{185} have done, and though performing his ministerial work well and conscientiously, did by no means project his very heart into it, or live for it as his chief end. He also was a good man and a Christian; but from his life you would have fancied that the ardent rejoicing might of labour, which insures success in any other profession, was misplaced in his—that the work of all others in which every moment is solemn and weighty, was the one work which should be done in deliberate calmness—for he was not aggressive. He lamented over existing evils, but he did not bravely and at once attack them. He was content to be a matter-of-course minister—as good as his neighbours, moving along in a sort of mechanical respectable way. He was not yet roused to feel himself standing alone, with God his master over him, and the whole world lying in wickedness—to be saved.
The Reverend Robert had no chance against this: the young man had wandered further from the East than he needed to have, and although he carried out his ministerial duties well and thoughtfully, he didn’t fully invest his heart in it or live for it as his main purpose. He was also a good man and a Christian; but from his life, you might think that the passionate energy of hard work, which guarantees success in any other field, was out of place in his—that the work of all others, where every moment is serious and important, was the one task meant to be done with a calm demeanor—because he wasn’t confrontational. He was troubled by the problems around him, but he didn’t bravely confront them head-on. He was satisfied to be an average minister—just as good as his neighbors, going about his duties in a sort of routine, respectable manner. He hadn’t yet been stirred to realize he was standing alone, with God as his master and the whole world in sin—needing salvation.
CHAPTER XVIII.
“I am bid forth to supper.”—Merchant of Venice.
“I've been invited to dinner.”—Merchant of Venice.
It was the evening of Miss Insches’ party, and two of her guests were already comfortably established in the sacred drawing-room. Next day was the fast day in Fendie, and the Reverend Paulus Whyte was to preach. Mr Insches was rather a favourite with Mrs Whyte. She had been persuaded to accompany her husband, and was to remain all night at the Manse.
It was the evening of Miss Insches’ party, and two of her guests were already settled in the cozy drawing-room. The next day was a day of fasting in Fendie, and the Reverend Paulus Whyte was scheduled to preach. Mr. Insches was somewhat favored by Mrs. Whyte. She had been convinced to join her husband and was going to stay overnight at the Manse.
Mr Whyte was seated in an easy chair, talking in a low, gentle, pleasant voice to the very attentive Miss Insches. He was a little man, with courteous, graceful manners, and a very mild, engaging face. No tongue, however slanderous, could find matter of accusation against Paulus Whyte; friend and foe alike did unconscious homage to the pure, unselfish spirit which dwelt among them in its peaceful mildness—a visible citizen of heaven. He was one of those few men whose especial gift seems holiness; you heard all classes, the religious and the profane, do reverence to the distinguishing quality of the gentle minister. He was a holy man.
Mr. Whyte was sitting in a comfy chair, speaking in a soft, kind, and pleasant voice to the very attentive Miss Insches. He was a small man, with polite, graceful manners, and a very gentle, charming face. No gossip, no matter how malicious, could find anything to accuse Paulus Whyte of; both friends and enemies unknowingly paid respect to the pure, selfless spirit that dwelled among them in its peaceful gentleness—a visible presence from heaven. He was one of those rare people whose special gift seems to be holiness; you could hear all types of people, both religious and irreverent, show respect for the unique quality of the gentle minister. He was a holy man.
He had one weakness—a failing incident to his guileless,{186} benevolent nature. He was a little too apt to write biographies of very good little boys, who died at eight or nine in the odour of sanctity, and little girls who, at a like age, were experienced in all the difficulties and temptations of the spiritual life. On the counters of religious booksellers you were continually picking up little books in coloured covers, memorials of the last small pious Jane or William who had died within the good minister’s ken. In the simplicity of his own gentle nature, he received all the traits of childish goodness, which weeping mothers and aunts told him when their first grief began to soften; and rejoicing in “the holiness of youth,” recorded the little incidents of those young lives for the edification of all. They were not always to edification; but the good man fervently believed them so, and in his own devout heart gave thanks joyfully for the youthful angels of whom he had registered so many. There were some who smiled at the weakness, and some who sneered at its fruits; but few men sneered at Paulus Whyte. His garments were too spotless—his serene life too pure for any reproaches of the adversary.
He had one weakness—a flaw in his innocent, {186} kind nature. He tended to write about very good little boys who died at eight or nine, remembered as saints, and little girls who, at a similar age, had already faced the struggles and temptations of spiritual life. On the shelves of religious bookstores, you could always find little books with colorful covers, memorials of the last small pious Jane or William who had died within the good minister's notice. In his gentle and simple nature, he absorbed all the qualities of childhood goodness, shared with him by grieving mothers and aunts as their sorrow began to ease; and celebrating "the holiness of youth," he recorded the little moments of those young lives for everyone to reflect upon. They weren't always uplifting, but the good man sincerely believed they were, and in his own devoted heart, he joyfully gave thanks for the youthful angels he had documented so many of. Some people smiled at his weakness, and others mocked its results; but few dared to mock Paulus Whyte. His clothes were too immaculate—his calm life too pure for any criticisms from detractors.
His wife was a vivacious, lively, cheerful person, pleasantly patronizing to all youthful people. She liked young society, and she liked to take such as suited her under her wing, and bring them forward, and encourage them by all kindly means. She was chatting in her own cheerful, sprightly way, with Robert Insches, who held a high place in her favour. She was bent at present on providing him with that indispensable equipment for all young ministers—a wife—and had plans of her own on the subject, of which Robert had a considerable guess; but Robert conquered himself, had full confidence in the fascination of Helen, and felt sure of the ultimate approval of Mrs Whyte.
His wife was a lively, upbeat, and cheerful person, pleasantly condescending to all young people. She enjoyed the company of the younger crowd and loved to take those she liked under her wing, helping them grow and encouraging them in every kind way she could. She was chatting in her usual cheerful, vibrant manner with Robert Insches, who held a special place in her heart. Right now, she was focused on finding him that essential item for all young ministers—a wife—and she had her own plans for it, which Robert had a good idea about; however, Robert kept his cool, fully trusted Helen's charm, and felt confident he would eventually win Mrs. Whyte's approval.
The first arrival was a sister of Mrs Whyte’s, a widow lady resident at Fendie. She was a querulous person, constitutionally inclined to look at the dark side of everything, a perfect contrast to the happier temper of her sister, but withal not destitute of a kindred kindliness. Only the youthful people patronized by Mrs Gray, were sedulously tutored into a melancholy certainty of the inevitable miseries of the world. She tried, good gloomy woman, to charge the natural atmosphere of hope with the vapoury fears in which she herself found a certain sombre satisfaction, and now and then she was temporarily successful.{187}
The first arrival was Mrs. Whyte’s sister, a widow living at Fendie. She was a negative person, naturally inclined to see the worst in everything, which made her a perfect contrast to her sister’s happier disposition, though she wasn’t completely lacking in a shared kindness. The young people who were taken under Mrs. Gray’s wing were diligently taught to be sadly aware of life’s unavoidable hardships. She tried, poor gloomy lady, to fill the natural atmosphere of hope with the foggy fears that brought her a certain grim satisfaction, and every now and then, she succeeded for a short time.{187}
The drawing-room was not very much crowded. Besides these, there were only Lilias, Halbert, Helen, and the banker Oswald and his wife.
The drawing room wasn't very crowded. Apart from them, there were only Lilias, Halbert, Helen, and the banker Oswald and his wife.
The last two were invited by Mr Insches for some unexplained reason. They were certainly his very good friends, but that was not the cause; he had many good friends in Fendie quite as eligible; but the Reverend Robert had once or twice encountered William in the immediate vicinity of Mrs Buchanan’s house, and had an idea that his rival, like himself, was kept back by scruples of pride, or by consideration of what “the world” would say. Consequently, William’s parents were invited to-night to show them that the step was taken, that the dignified youthful minister had made up his mind, and that Helen was about to be elevated to the lofty position of Mistress of the Manse.
The last two were invited by Mr. Insches for some unknown reason. They were definitely his good friends, but that wasn't the reason; he had plenty of other good friends in Fendie just as suitable. However, Reverend Robert had run into William a couple of times near Mrs. Buchanan’s house and suspected that his rival, just like him, was held back by pride or by what “people” would think. So, William’s parents were invited tonight to show them that the decision had been made, that the respectable young minister was ready, and that Helen was about to take on the important role of Mistress of the Manse.
Helen herself, who had come with some reluctance, felt already uncomfortably hampered by her host’s attentions; there was a slight ostentation in them—a certain consciousness of derogation on his own part, and fear for her, lest the exaltation should dazzle her. Helen kept closely by the side of Lilias, amused, afraid, and suspecting some design upon her.
Helen, who had come somewhat reluctantly, already felt uncomfortably restricted by her host’s attentions; there was a hint of showiness in them—a certain awareness of his own inferiority, and concern for her, fearing that the praise might overwhelm her. Helen stayed close to Lilias, feeling amused, scared, and suspicious that there was some plan at play.
Mrs Oswald seated herself beside the young friends. The banker kept apart, struggling very vainly against the curiosity which turned his eyes towards this group; he began to feel an interest in watching the colour fluctuate and change on Helen’s cheek, and to understand the half-suppressed, impatient motion and altered attitude, which testified some annoyance under those elaborate courtesies of Robert Insches. Mr Oswald was sadly inconsistent; he had a certain satisfaction in perceiving that these courtesies did not seem particularly acceptable to Helen.
Mrs. Oswald sat down next to the young friends. The banker kept his distance, fighting a losing battle against his curiosity as his gaze drifted toward the group. He became intrigued by the way the color shifted and changed on Helen’s cheeks, and he began to notice her half-hidden, restless gestures and altered posture, indicating some irritation beneath Robert Insches' formal politeness. Mr. Oswald was frustratingly inconsistent; he felt a strange satisfaction in realizing that these polite gestures didn’t seem to sit well with Helen.
“My dear,” said the plaintive Mrs Gray, addressing Lilias, “I am glad to see you looking so much stronger: but perhaps you are flushed—just a little flushed to-night; you must be very careful as you go home that you don’t take cold.”
“My dear,” said the worried Mrs. Gray, speaking to Lilias, “I’m happy to see you looking much stronger: but maybe you’re a bit flushed—just a little flushed tonight; you need to be very careful on your way home so you don’t catch a cold.”
“I heard Mrs Mense making a great provision of cloaks for my home-going,” said Lilias, smiling; “they are too careful of me, Mrs Gray. I shall not take cold if my good friends can guard me from it.”
“I heard Mrs. Mense getting a lot of cloaks ready for my trip home,” said Lilias, smiling; “they’re being so thoughtful, Mrs. Gray. I won’t catch a cold if my good friends can help prevent it.”
“Well,” said Mrs Gray, “this is a strange world; you will see trouble coming often to those who are most carefully guarded, while others who can use no precautions escape{188} it altogether. Ay, Miss Insches, you may well shake your head; I have seen such things myself.”
“Well,” said Mrs. Gray, “this is a strange world; you’ll often see trouble coming to those who are the most carefully protected, while others who don’t take any precautions manage to avoid it altogether. Yes, Miss Insches, you may well shake your head; I’ve seen this happen myself.”
Miss Insches had indeed shaken her head sympathetically, because the good-humoured little woman thought some assent was necessary; but on being thus involved as an interlocutor, she looked very guilty and confused, and was by no means sure whether she should have done it or no.
Miss Insches had definitely shaken her head sympathetically because the cheerful little woman thought some agreement was needed; but after being pulled into the conversation, she looked very guilty and confused, and wasn’t sure if she should have done it or not.
“But why speak of it so drearily, Agnes?” said Mr Whyte, who, mild man as he was, gave his sister-in-law’s doleful moods no quarter. “I can see cause for nothing but thankfulness in that. That Providence specially cares for those who cannot care for themselves; it is positive sunshine to think of it.”
“But why talk about it so gloomily, Agnes?” said Mr. Whyte, who, as gentle as he was, would not tolerate his sister-in-law’s sad moods. “I can find no reason for anything but gratitude in that. It’s uplifting to consider that Providence particularly looks after those who can’t take care of themselves; it’s like a ray of sunshine to think about it.”
“Ay,” said Mrs Gray, mournfully, “the minister and I always take different views; but you’ll allow, Paulus, what the Bible says its very self of this weary world. A vale of tears—a shadow that fleeth away—the valley of the shadow of death.”
“Yeah,” said Mrs. Gray, sadly, “the minister and I never seem to see things the same way; but you have to agree, Paulus, with what the Bible says about this tired world. A place full of sorrow—a fleeting shadow—the valley of the shadow of death.”
“My dear Agnes,” said the vivacious Mrs Whyte, with some impatience, “I wish you would quote the chapter and verse, for I really have no recollection of the vale of tears in Scripture.”
“My dear Agnes,” said the lively Mrs. Whyte, a bit impatiently, “I wish you would give me the chapter and verse, because I honestly don’t remember the vale of tears in the Bible.”
“Elizabeth,” answered Mrs Gray, with solemnity, “the dark day has not fallen upon you yet, and I hope it may be long deferred; but it is a heavy life. The very best of it is just a succession of work and fatigue, waking and sleeping, weariness and rest. I see you agree with me, Mr Oswald. We are in a miserable world, and the sooner we are done with it the better for ourselves.”
“Elizabeth,” replied Mrs. Gray seriously, “the dark day hasn’t come for you yet, and I hope it stays away for a long time; but it’s a tough life. The best part of it is just a cycle of work and exhaustion, waking and sleeping, tiredness and rest. I can see you agree with me, Mr. Oswald. We’re living in a miserable world, and the sooner we move on from it, the better for all of us.”
The banker, thus appealed to, looked as much amazed as Miss Insches; he did by no means agree with Mrs Gray, but he was somewhat slow of speech, and could not manage to express his sentiments. There was a certain orthodoxy too in this view of the matter; so the honest man hesitated and looked confused, and not knowing what to say, finally said nothing.
The banker, addressed as he was, looked just as surprised as Miss Insches; he definitely didn’t agree with Mrs. Gray, but he was a bit slow to speak and couldn’t quite articulate his feelings. There was also a certain conventionality in this perspective; so the honest man hesitated and seemed flustered, and not knowing what to say, ended up saying nothing.
“And Miss Buchanan, my dear,” said Mrs Gray, with an affectionate sadness, “I see I have you on my side.”
“And Miss Buchanan, my dear,” Mrs. Gray said with a fond sadness, “I can see that I have you on my side.”
“Oh no, no, no,” said Helen eagerly, in the tremulous low voice which she always spoke in, when she was greatly moved; a voice, more than half reverie, broken now and then abruptly by a consciousness of being listened to.
“Oh no, no, no,” Helen said eagerly, in the shaky low voice she always used when she was really emotional; a voice that was more than half lost in thought, occasionally interrupted by the realization that she was being listened to.
“There is nothing miserable in it,” said Helen, forgetting herself, and speaking rapidly, and so low that the banker needed to bend forward before he could hear; “nothing but what we make; I think the words should be noble and grand rather, in all its light and all its gloom. It is very dark sometimes. I know there are eclipses and thunderclouds; but not miserable—no, no. It does not become us—surely it does not become us to make its changes matters of sadness; for the labour’s sake it is good to rest, and the labour itself—I think sometimes that if we had no other blessing, that would be great enough to rejoice in all our days—to have work to do under the sunshine of heaven—work for the Master—the King! I do not know; I think there is no grief that can match the joy of this.”
“There’s nothing miserable about it,” Helen said, losing herself in her thoughts and speaking quickly and softly so that the banker had to lean in to catch her words. “It’s only what we make of it; I believe the words should be noble and grand, in all its brightness and darkness. It can be really dark sometimes. I know there are eclipses and storms, but it’s not miserable—no, no. It doesn’t suit us—surely it doesn’t suit us to turn its changes into sources of sadness; for the sake of our work, it’s good to rest, and the work itself—I think sometimes that even if we had no other blessing, that would be enough to rejoice in all our days—to have work to do under the sunshine of heaven—work for the Master—the King! I don’t know; I think there’s no sorrow that can compare to this joy.”
The nervous small fingers were clasped together, the unquiet face looking into the vacant air with shining, abstracted eyes, the head erected in eager enthusiasm; and bending forward as if to a magnet, the banker Oswald looked on.
The nervous small fingers were pressed together, the restless face staring into the empty space with bright, distant eyes, the head raised in eager excitement; leaning forward as if drawn by a magnet, the banker Oswald watched.
Lilias Maxwell laid her hand gently on Helen’s clasped fingers. There was an instantaneous change: the erect head fell into its ordinary stoop, the eyes were cast down, the figure shrank back shy and trembling, and Mr Oswald drew a long breath, and threw himself back in his chair, as the Reverend Robert brought down the tone of the conversation to the common-place and prosaic, by saying, with some emphasis,—
Lilias Maxwell placed her hand softly on Helen's clasped fingers. Immediately, there was a change: the straight head lowered into its usual slouch, the eyes dropped, the body shrank back, shy and trembling. Mr. Oswald took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair as the Reverend Robert shifted the tone of the conversation to the ordinary and dull by saying, with some emphasis,—
“I perfectly agree with Miss Buchanan.”
“I completely agree with Miss Buchanan.”
Mrs Gray had been somewhat startled. Mr Insches set her right again. She shook her head.
Mrs. Gray was a bit taken aback. Mr. Insches put her back on track. She shook her head.
“Ah, young people, young people; it is quite natural, no doubt; but you don’t know—you will find it out only too soon.”
“Ah, young people, young people; it's completely normal, no doubt; but you don't know—you'll realize it all too soon.”
Mr Whyte rose from his chair with some displeasure, and lifted his fine hand in admonition.
Mr. Whyte got up from his chair, looking a bit annoyed, and raised his elegant hand as a warning.
“Rejoice in the Lord alway, and again I say unto you rejoice.”
“Always be joyful in the Lord, and I’ll say it again: be joyful.”
The animation of his words lighted up his gentle face; not alone in the sunshine and in the fair earth, but in the Lord with whom was the wonderful “fellowship” of the holy man. It was meet that there should be gladness in all his peaceful life, for this was its charm and spell.
The way he spoke brought a brightness to his gentle face; it wasn't just from the sunshine and the beautiful earth, but also from the Lord, with whom he shared a wonderful connection as a holy man. It was fitting that there was joy in his peaceful life, because that was its essence and enchantment.
Mrs Whyte changed her seat. She took the chair which{190} Mrs Gray left vacant beside Lilias and Helen, to the great contentment of the Reverend Robert.
Mrs. Whyte switched her seat. She took the chair that{190} Mrs. Gray left empty next to Lilias and Helen, which made the Reverend Robert very happy.
“I warn you, young ladies, against my sister,” said Mrs Whyte, cheerfully. “Agnes has had a great deal of grief herself, and she thinks it is the common lot, and is anxious to prepare others for all that befell her. She means it very kindly, though I think she is mistaken; but, Miss Maxwell, you must not adopt these melancholy views of hers—it is quite soon enough to be sorrowful when sorrow comes.”
“I warn you, young ladies, about my sister,” said Mrs. Whyte cheerfully. “Agnes has experienced a lot of grief herself, and she believes it’s a universal experience, so she’s eager to prepare others for everything that happened to her. She means well, but I think she’s mistaken; however, Miss Maxwell, you shouldn’t embrace her gloomy outlook—it’s more than enough to be sad when sadness arrives.”
“You warn me, Mrs Whyte,” said Lilias, smiling. “Have you no fear for Helen?”
“You're warning me, Mrs. Whyte,” Lilias said with a smile. “Aren't you worried about Helen?”
“No, Miss Buchanan has quite reässured me,” said Mrs Whyte; “and I am not sure that I should at any time have feared for her so much as for you. Is not Mossgray very quiet—shall I say dull? We have an idea that your guardian is a melancholy man, Miss Maxwell.”
“No, Miss Buchanan has really reassured me,” said Mrs. Whyte; “and I’m not sure I would have ever worried about her as much as I do about you. Isn’t Mossgray very quiet—should I say boring? We have a feeling that your guardian is a gloomy man, Miss Maxwell.”
“No, indeed, no,” said Lilias. “He likes to be alone, and is a thoughtful man, but Mossgray is not melancholy—if melancholy means anything like unhappiness. He may be pensive as the stars are—but not sad—never gloomy. You think so, Helen?”
“No, definitely not,” said Lilias. “He enjoys being alone and is a deep thinker, but Mossgray isn’t sad—if sad means anything like being unhappy. He can be thoughtful like the stars—but not unhappy—never gloomy. Do you think so, Helen?”
Helen assented in a single word, for she had been led into saying far more than she intended before, and was considerably ashamed and embarrassed now; especially as the Reverend Robert was drawing up his stately figure close beside her, and Mrs Whyte looked interested and curious.
Helen agreed with just a single word, as she had ended up saying much more than she meant to before, and she felt quite ashamed and embarrassed now; especially since the Reverend Robert was positioning his dignified figure right next to her, and Mrs. Whyte seemed interested and curious.
“You must come to the Manse and see me, Miss Buchanan,” said Mrs Whyte, “when the days are longer. I shall expect you often, mind, and we are really rather attractive people; besides myself, you know, there is Paulus, whom everybody has a kindness for, and two treasures of bairns. You will like Paulus,” continued the minister’s wife, glancing at him with a kindly smile, as he sat talking to Mrs Oswald: “and Paulus would say, I think, that you were not likely to cast out with me, and of course there can be but one opinion about the bairns. I shall expect you, Miss Buchanan, and I shall expect Miss Maxwell. It is not a very long walk, and you will do me a kindness if you come.”
“You need to come to the Manse and see me, Miss Buchanan,” said Mrs. Whyte, “when the days are longer. I’ll expect you to come often, just so you know, and we’re really quite charming people; besides me, there’s Paulus, who everyone likes, and two wonderful kids. You’ll like Paulus,” the minister’s wife continued, glancing at him with a warm smile as he chatted with Mrs. Oswald. “And I think Paulus would agree that you wouldn’t want to miss out on me, and obviously, everyone has only good things to say about the kids. I'm looking forward to seeing you, Miss Buchanan, and I’ll expect Miss Maxwell too. It’s not a very long walk, and you’d be doing me a favor if you came.”
The words were easily said, and it was very true that two such guests as Lilias and Helen would most pleasantly relieve the quietness of the Manse of Kirkmay; but they made the heart of the young schoolmistress glad. The delicate percep{191}tion which gave this special invitation to her rather than to the well-friended Lilias—the true friendliness and appreciation which could venture to praise to her its own especial household. It is surely true that words will rise up hereafter in judgment against us: so well and gracefully as we might heal and cheer and encourage with these magic utterances; so often as we make them poisoned arrows, to pierce, and kill, and wound.
The words were easy to say, and it was definitely true that having guests like Lilias and Helen would brighten up the quietness of the Manse of Kirkmay; but they made the young schoolmistress happy. The subtle understanding that gave this special invitation to her instead of the well-liked Lilias—the genuine friendship and appreciation that dared to compliment its own unique home. It’s certainly true that words will come back to judge us later: so well and gracefully as we could heal, uplift, and encourage with these powerful words; so often we turn them into harmful arrows that can pierce, kill, and wound.
“And I am sure,” said Miss Insches, who had been listening with great edification, “it would be a real charity if you would call whiles on me. I might maybe no presume on asking Miss Maxwell, because she’s a gey bit from the town, besides being delicate; but as you’re so near hand, Miss Buchanan, it wouldna be much trouble, and I would take it real kind. I’m sure Robert never wearies speaking about you, and he would be as glad as me: for ye see—Eh, is that you Robert? Was you wanting me?”
“And I'm sure,” said Miss Insches, who had been listening with great interest, “it would be really nice if you could stop by and see me sometimes. I might not want to trouble Miss Maxwell since she lives quite a distance away and isn't feeling well; but since you’re so close, Miss Buchanan, it wouldn’t be too much trouble, and I would really appreciate it. I know Robert never gets tired of talking about you, and he would be just as happy as I am: for you see—Oh, is that you, Robert? Were you looking for me?”
Robert had secretly, in vehement shame and anger, pulled his indiscreet sister’s sleeve, and the result was, that the innocent Miss Insches turned suddenly round upon him, and revealed the artifice he had used to stay her disclosures. The Reverend Robert blushed to the very hair. Helen shrank back, shyly conscious. Mrs Whyte cast wicked, intelligent glances at the minister, and Miss Insches, seeing that something was wrong, and that she had blundered, looked about her in bewildered penitence.
Robert had secretly, filled with intense shame and anger, tugged at his indiscreet sister’s sleeve. As a result, the innocent Miss Insches abruptly turned to him and exposed the trick he had used to stop her from speaking. Reverend Robert blushed deeply. Helen stepped back, feeling shyly aware of the situation. Mrs. Whyte shot sly, knowing looks at the minister, and Miss Insches, realizing something was off and that she had made a mistake, looked around in confused regret.
“Eh, Robert,” she repeated under her breath, “is’t me?”
“Eh, Robert,” she repeated quietly, “is it me?”
The Reverend Robert was too much annoyed to laugh, but Mrs Whyte did, as she came to the rescue.
The Reverend Robert was too annoyed to laugh, but Mrs. Whyte did, stepping in to help.
“I think when Paulus has his duty over to-morrow, that you and I must make some calls, Mr Insches. Miss Buchanan, will you introduce me to your mother; and may I venture, Miss Maxwell, to come as far as Mossgray?”
“I think when Paulus finishes his duty tomorrow, you and I should make some visits, Mr. Insches. Miss Buchanan, could you introduce me to your mother? And may I, Miss Maxwell, have the pleasure of accompanying you as far as Mossgray?”
Lilias answered for both. Miss Insches’ last master-stroke had entirely silenced Helen.
Lilias spoke for both of them. Miss Insches' final move had completely silenced Helen.
Halbert all this time had been alone, or nearly so, and now Lilias perceived him at the other end of the room, patiently listening to Mrs Gray; so there was a general movement to rescue him. Halbert had felt rather de trop this evening; he was almost inclined to chime in at first with the lamentations of the mournful lady; and it was a relief to all parties when Mr Insches changed places with the young heir of Mossgray.{192}
Halbert had been alone or nearly so the whole time, and now Lilias noticed him at the other end of the room, patiently listening to Mrs. Gray; this prompted everyone to move in and rescue him. Halbert had felt somewhat out of place that evening; he was almost tempted to join in with the sad woman's complaints at first, and it was a relief to everyone when Mr. Insches switched places with the young heir of Mossgray.{192}
CHAPTER XIX.
For Spring, gentle and kind, sets the captive free. Rivers and gentle streams;
Flowing, singing, from the fountains,
All day long, they cheer for the mountains.
And just like the streams, past loves, now flowing anew,
Encourage all good things to grow even happier.
The spring sunshine began to dawn on the waiting world again. The gentle days prolonged themselves, lingering out in long, soft, poetic twilights. Lilias Maxwell had been nearly a year at Mossgray.
The spring sunshine started to light up the waiting world once more. The gentle days stretched on, hanging around in long, soft, poetic twilights. Lilias Maxwell had been at Mossgray for almost a year.
And Halbert Graeme began to feel himself in great want of some outlet for his young activity. He said little now about the momentous matter which had brought him to Mossgray, and though he did sometimes complain in his letters to the North that the fortune which it was so very necessary to make was as far in the distance as ever, and that there seemed no prospect of being able to reach even the beginning, Halbert was by no means discontented; this genial country life was natural to him: he only wanted something to do; and after a considerable agitation he attained to that. Mossgray graciously permitted himself to be made an experimental farmer, and with great glee Halbert plunged into the desired labour.
And Halbert Graeme started to feel a strong need for an outlet for his youthful energy. He didn’t talk much anymore about the significant issue that had brought him to Mossgray, and although he sometimes complained in his letters to the North that the fortune he desperately needed was still as far away as ever, with no sign of even getting started, Halbert wasn’t really unhappy; this pleasant country life felt natural to him. He just needed something to keep him busy, and after a bit of inner turmoil, he found that. Mossgray kindly allowed him to become an experimental farmer, and with great enthusiasm, Halbert dove into the work he had been longing for.
“Nae fears,” said the sagacious Saunders Delvie, Mossgray’s man, as Mrs Mense expressed her fears to him, that the strength of “the young Laird” might be taxed too greatly; “it’s naething but a maggot. I’ll just gie him till he wearies; when he’s dune out, he can aye rest when he likes, and that’s mair than ye can say for mony a hard-working man. Gie him the length o’ his tether; he’ll tire sooner than anybody else.”
“No worries,” said the wise Saunders Delvie, Mossgray’s guy, as Mrs. Mense shared her concerns with him about whether “the young Laird” might be pushed too hard; “it’s nothing but a minor issue. I’ll just let him go until he gets tired; when he's done, he can always take a break whenever he wants, and that’s more than you can say for a lot of hardworking people. Let him have his freedom; he’ll wear out faster than anyone else.”
“Ay, but Mr Halbert’s an active lad,” said the house{193}keeper; “and so was his father before him; if the tane had but been as innocent as the tither; but ane canna mend what’s past.”
“Aye, but Mr. Halbert’s a lively young man,” said the house{193}keeper; “and so was his father before him; if only one had been as innocent as the other; but one can’t change what’s already happened.”
A frown came darkly over the face of Mossgray’s man.
A scowl crossed Mossgray’s man's face.
“Ye say weel, neighbour; but an folk canna mend their ill deeds they maun tak the penalty. If it’s but in this world it’s weel for themsels, and if it’s in another pairt than this, it’s a’ the mair just and righteous.”
“Yeah, you’re right, neighbor; but if people can’t fix their bad actions, they have to face the consequences. If it’s just in this world, that’s good for them, and if it’s in another place, it’s even more fair and just.”
“Oh, Saunders Delvie,” exclaimed Janet Mense, “ye’re a hard man!”
“Oh, Saunders Delvie,” exclaimed Janet Mense, “you're a tough guy!”
“Maister Charlie Graeme did sair ill to this house,” said Mrs Mense emphatically, “and meant mair than he could do—but for a’ that, look at the Laird, Saunders, and learn by him. Is he no making this lad like a son o’ Mossgray? is he no doing a’ that the kindest father could do for him? but no to speak o’ the Laird, Saunders, there’s mysel. I likit Miss Lucy Murray weel, and there was never ane but likit Mr Adam; and baith o’ them did that lad’s faither do his warst to bring to misery. I am a lone woman, and have nae bairns o’ my ain; but the time my heart was warmest and fullest, thae young folk—though they were gentles, and no like me, were gaun and coming about the house, and I thought mair o’ them than ever I did o’ mysel. But for a’ the ill he did to them—Saunders, I mind that we need mercy oursels every day, and I can say, Charlie Graeme, I forgive ye.”
“Master Charlie Graeme was really bad for this house,” said Mrs. Mense emphatically, “and he intended more than he could handle—but despite all that, look at the Laird, Saunders, and learn from him. Isn’t he treating this lad like a son of Mossgray? Isn’t he doing everything a kind father could do for him? And aside from the Laird, Saunders, there’s me. I really liked Miss Lucy Murray, and everyone liked Mr. Adam; but their father did his best to bring them misery. I’m a single woman, and I don’t have any children of my own; but when my heart was fullest, those young people—though they were well-to-do and not like me—were coming in and out of the house, and I thought more of them than I ever did of myself. But despite all the harm he did to them—Saunders, I remember that we need mercy ourselves every day, and I can say, Charlie Graeme, I forgive you.”
“Ay,” said Saunders Delvie sternly, “but he didna dishonour the honest name that your forbears and you had laboured in puirtith and hard toil to keep free of offence in the sight of God and man. He wasna that near to you, that his shame should be yours to bear, the very time that your ain misery for his sin was rugging at your heart; ye dinna ken—and I seek nocht but to bear my ain burden out of the sicht of man.”
“Yeah,” said Saunders Delvie sternly, “but he didn’t disgrace the good name that your ancestors and you have worked hard to keep clear of shame in front of God and people. He wasn’t that close to you, that his shame should be yours to carry, especially when your own pain from his sin was weighing on your heart; you don’t understand—and I want nothing more than to carry my own burden out of sight of others.”
His bushy gray eyebrows twitched—his face was moved; this man too had a history.
His bushy gray eyebrows twitched—his face showed emotion; this man also had a past.
“Eh, but Saunders, man!” continued the good old housekeeper with some timidity, “it’s no like you—I’m meaning it’s no like what we should do to be so hard on the puir lad; mind how young he was; and for a’ that he did ance ill, mind that he’s your ain.”
“Hey, but Saunders, man!” continued the good old housekeeper hesitantly, “it’s not like you—I mean it’s not like what we should do to be so harsh on the poor guy; remember how young he was; and even though he made a mistake, remember he’s your own.”
“I mind,” said Saunders emphatically, while a sudden yearning seemed to contend on his harsh face with the stern{194} condemnation of justice; “woman, ye dinna ken! If he had been less to me—ay, if he was less to me now, think ye I wad have done what I have done. It’s nae use speaking; do I no see the tears in the wife’s auld e’en morning and nicht? do I no ken wha she’s aye thinking o’ and yearning ower like a weak woman as she is? but I say he shall never cross again the door of the honest house he has brought shame upon—never!”
“I care,” Saunders said firmly, as a sudden longing seemed to clash with the stern condemnation of justice on his harsh face; “woman, you don’t understand! If he had meant less to me—yes, if he meant any less to me now, do you think I would have done what I did? It’s pointless to talk; don’t I see the tears in the wife’s old eyes morning and night? Don’t I know who she’s always thinking of and longing for like the weak woman she is? But I say he will never step through the door of the honest house he has brought shame upon—never!”
There was a stern fire in the old man’s eye, and he went hastily out to his work as if he felt ashamed of having been drawn into this revelation of his household grief. He was, naturally, a man with very strong and passionate feelings, and one of those harsh and powerful minds, which at any cost of misery to themselves will cling to their severe and abstract conceptions of justice. His only child, a youth of some promise in their humble sphere, had fallen a few years before into the brutalizing practices of rural vice. He had formed discreditable connections, involved himself in the worst company that Fendie could afford, and to crown all his offences, had finally, in a moment of temptation, stolen some trifling sum from his master. Saunders and his wife were in the sober meridian of life when they married, and this lad Peter was the son of their old age, the secret idol of the old man’s vehement heart. But no one knew the might of love which the somewhat stern father lavished upon the son; and when his criminal folly came to its climax, the mother, the neighbours, the injured master himself, stood aside with awe while Saunders repudiated and disowned the unhappy culprit. They called him harsh and cruel; but the guilty youth himself, even while he trembled under his father’s sentence, discovered for the first time the strong love which in its agony banished him from its home and presence. A kindred strength awoke in the son’s undisciplined spirit. Seeing how bitterly the hopes set on his head had been disappointed, in bitter repentance he turned from the closed door, eager to leave the place of his early sins, and in some strange unknown country to conquer, by the help of God, himself and his fate. For two long years now he had been absent—where his father did not know, nor would inquire; and still in the bitterness of the strong love which burned within him, the old man repudiated the prodigal.
There was a fierce fire in the old man’s eye as he hurried off to work, as if he felt ashamed for having revealed his family's sorrow. He was, of course, a man with deep and passionate emotions, one of those tough and intense individuals who, no matter how much they suffer, hold onto their strict and abstract views of justice. His only child, a boy with potential in their modest life, had fallen a few years earlier into the corrupt habits of rural vice. He had formed disreputable associations, got involved with the worst crowd that Fendie had to offer, and to top it all off, during a moment of weakness, he had stolen a small amount of money from his boss. Saunders and his wife were already in the prime of their lives when they married, and this son, Peter, was their pride in their later years, the secret favorite of the old man’s passionate heart. But no one knew the depth of love the somewhat stern father poured onto his son; and when his child’s criminal acts reached their peak, the mother, the neighbors, and the injured employer stood back in awe as Saunders disowned the unfortunate boy. They labeled him harsh and cruel; yet even as the guilty youth trembled under his father’s judgment, he realized for the first time the intense love that, in its pain, had driven him away from home. A similar strength stirred in the son's unruly spirit. Seeing how bitterly he had disappointed the hopes placed on him, he felt intense regret and turned away from the closed door, eager to leave the scene of his early mistakes, determined to conquer himself and his fate in some unknown place with God's help. For two long years now he had been away—where his father did not know, nor did he want to ask; yet, still stinging from the powerful love that burned within him, the old man rejected the wayward son.
Mossgray and his ward were together in the garden: Saunders hastily avoided them, and went to work alone,{195} where no one could see the stern swelling of his heart. It was the great fault of Saunders’ own class, that they were obtuse to notice and slow to punish those sins of youth, so fatal to all goodness, which the world is content to call follies. Saunders himself was harshly pure and just; he thought it was something of this moral blindness, so common among his humble neighbours, which made Mossgray receive so kindly the son of Charlie Graeme.
Mossgray and his ward were in the garden together. Saunders quickly avoided them and went to work alone,{195} where no one could see the heavy ache in his heart. It was a major flaw of Saunders’ class that they were too oblivious to notice and slow to address those youthful mistakes, which were detrimental to all decency, but the world lazily labeled as follies. Saunders himself was strictly principled and fair; he believed it was this moral blindness, common among his less fortunate neighbors, that allowed Mossgray to welcome the son of Charlie Graeme so warmly.
Lilias was leaning on her guardian’s arm; they were going to the water-side.
Lilias was leaning on her guardian’s arm; they were heading to the water.
“Halbert will make us rich, Lilias,” said Mossgray; “I am glad the lad likes work; but I fancy we must come to some decision about him; let me hear what you advise.”
“Halbert will make us rich, Lilias,” said Mossgray; “I’m glad the kid likes working; but I think we need to make a decision about him; let me know what you think.”
“You suffered me to speak of Halbert once before, Mossgray,” said Lilias, “while he was as much a stranger to you as to me.”
“You let me talk about Halbert once before, Mossgray,” Lilias said, “when he was just as much a stranger to you as he was to me.”
“Yes, I remember I did,” said the old man, smiling, “and you were very foolishly generous as youthful people are. Must I fall back on my memory for the arguments you used then, Lilias? have you nothing new to advance: are your opinions still the same?”
“Yes, I remember I did,” said the old man, smiling, “and you were very foolishly generous like young people often are. Do I have to rely on my memory for the arguments you used back then, Lilias? Don’t you have anything new to share? Are your opinions still the same?”
“I have nothing new to advance save the good qualities which now you know, Mossgray,” said Lilias, returning the smile. “Halbert himself—so frank and simple and manly; there could be no better representative of the old Graemes.”
“I have nothing new to share except the good qualities you already know, Mossgray,” said Lilias, returning the smile. “Halbert himself—so honest, straightforward, and genuine; he could be no better representative of the old Graemes.”
The old man shook his head.
The old man shook his head.
“You are a special pleader, Lilias; you want to rouse what family pride may be in me. Well, granting that Halbert is all you say—manly and frank and simple—and he is so: I acknowledge that my old friend Monikie, and the good healthful atmosphere of the North, have done credit to themselves in their pupil—what then? does it follow that Halbert must get my land; must be my heir—my heir—is he like my heir, Lilias?”
“You're trying to appeal to my family pride, Lilias; you want to encourage whatever sense of it I have. Okay, assuming Halbert is everything you say he is—strong, honest, and genuine—and he truly is: I admit that my old friend Monikie and the fresh, healthy environment of the North have shaped him well—so what? Does that mean Halbert has a right to my land? Does he have to be my heir—my heir—does he even resemble my heir, Lilias?”
“You could not have an heir like yourself, Mossgray,” said Lilias. “I think you must be alone, and have no successor to rival you; for nature does not seem to do it. Nature only makes one in a race here and there who would take up orphans like Halbert and me, and set us in families, under the shelter of his kindness—therefore you will have no heir, Mossgray—none but humanity; and on some other spirit, in some other country, your mantle will fall when you yourself use it no longer; for you will have no heir.{196}”
“You can’t possibly have an heir like you, Mossgray,” Lilias said. “I believe you must be alone and without a successor to compete with you; nature just doesn’t seem to allow for it. Nature only produces one or two in a generation who would take in orphans like Halbert and me and place us in families under their kindness—so you will have no heir, Mossgray—only humanity; and somewhere else, some other spirit in another land, will inherit your mantle when you no longer wear it; for you will have no heir.{196}”
“Hush, Lilias,” said Mossgray; “shall I have to train you to more philosophical modes of thinking? I did not think you were so heterodox. We must bring Reid and Brown and Dugald Stewart down upon you. Halbert himself has some metaphysics, dogmatical as their parent, Monikie. We shall have a regular breaking of spears, Lilias; though I think your friend Helen and you, on behalf of the poets, might rout the philosophers if you looked well to your weapons. By the by, I like that friend of yours—you suit each other well; and how does it fare with Mr Oswald’s resolution? Has he learned to break it yet with a good grace?”
“Hush, Lilias,” said Mossgray; “do I need to teach you to think more philosophically? I didn’t realize you were so unconventional. We might have to bring Reid, Brown, and Dugald Stewart to debate with you. Halbert has some metaphysics too, just as opinionated as his father, Monikie. It’ll be a real clash, Lilias; though I think you and your friend Helen, on behalf of the poets, could actually defeat the philosophers if you pay attention to your arguments. By the way, I like your friend— you both suit each other well; how's Mr. Oswald’s resolution holding up? Has he learned to break it gracefully yet?”
“I do not hear now, since Hope is not at home to keep me informed,” said Lilias; “but I think he must be melting; only his son is absent, and there is no visible progress. Mr Oswald is an obstinate man, and Helen is proud; I see that there is an evident consciousness both on her side and his; but, Mossgray, you have done William Oswald harm; you have given him a rival.”
“I can’t hear anything now, since Hope isn’t home to keep me updated,” said Lilias; “but I think he must be losing it; only his son is gone, and there’s no clear progress. Mr. Oswald is a stubborn man, and Helen is proud; I see that there’s an obvious awareness on both their parts; but, Mossgray, you’ve done William Oswald a disservice; you’ve given him a rival.”
“I, Lilias?” said the old man; “is it Halbert? I should regret that.”
“I, Lilias?” said the old man. “Is it Halbert? I would regret that.”
“No, it is not Halbert,” said Lilias; “I think Halbert is not eligible at present to be any one’s rival at Fendie: it is Mr Insches, Mossgray. I think your kindness to Helen when they were all with us has encouraged Mr Insches to look over her low degree. It is your fault: if you had not noticed her, he would have given up what incipient admiration he had of poor Helen; but you gave him the countenance he needed.”
“No, it’s not Halbert,” Lilias said. “I don’t think Halbert is in a position to be anyone’s rival at Fendie right now; it’s Mr. Insches from Mossgray. I believe your kindness to Helen when they were all here has made Mr. Insches overlook her lower status. It’s your fault: if you hadn’t paid attention to her, he would have lost whatever budding admiration he had for poor Helen; but you gave him the support he needed.”
“You are severe, Lilias,” said Mossgray; “but I like the lad. He has a young man’s natural weakness on some points, but there is good stuff in him; and who is to be successful—our grave friend William, or his handsome rival? I should think there was some danger. I fancy I must come to the rescue myself, and explain to Mr Oswald, by my own experience, that resolutions were made to be broken. Does that suit Hope’s tactics and yours, Lilias, or are you working more artfully?”
“You're tough, Lilias,” Mossgray said. “But I like the guy. He has some typical weaknesses of a young man, but there's real potential in him. Who do you think will succeed—our serious friend William, or his attractive competitor? I think there's some risk there. I guess I have to step in myself and show Mr. Oswald from my own experience that resolutions are meant to be broken. Does that align with Hope's plans and yours, Lilias, or are you being more strategic?”
“Hope is my captain; I must wait for further orders,” said Lilias, smiling; “but, Mossgray, this has nothing to do with Halbert.”
“Hope is my guide; I need to wait for more instructions,” said Lilias, smiling; “but, Mossgray, this doesn’t involve Halbert.”
“Very true,” said the old man. “I see you can hold to your original premises, Lilias; well, then, what of Halbert?—let us return to our disputation.{197}”
"That's very true," said the old man. "I see you can stick to your original arguments, Lilias; well then, what about Halbert?—let's get back to our debate.{197}"
“I think, Mossgray,” said Lilias, gravely, “since you suffer me to think on the subject, that it would be far better for Halbert if you made your decision soon.”
“I think, Mossgray,” Lilias said seriously, “since you let me think about this, it would be much better for Halbert if you made your decision soon.”
“It is very sensible,” said Mossgray, looking at her with his gracious smile. “I acknowledge that if I did not suffer you to think on the subject—which I fear would be difficult to do—I should lose a good counsellor; but do you know, Lilias, Mrs Mense tells me that matters might be so arranged as to make your inheritance and Halbert’s one;—could that be accomplished, think you?”
“It makes a lot of sense,” said Mossgray, looking at her with his friendly smile. “I realize that if I didn’t let you think about this—which I’m afraid would be hard to do—I’d lose a great advisor; but do you know, Lilias, Mrs. Mense told me that we could arrange things so that your inheritance and Halbert’s could be combined; do you think that could be done?”
It was very evident that Mossgray did not think it could, and the supposition was too harmless to call more than a passing shadow of colour over the pale cheek of his ward.
It was clear that Mossgray didn’t believe it could happen, and the thought was too insignificant to cast more than a fleeting shadow of color over his ward's pale cheek.
“No, indeed, Mossgray,” she said, simply; “did I not say that Halbert was not free to be any one’s rival? I mean,” continued Lilias, with a deeper blush as she observed the inference to be drawn from her words, “that Halbert is very faithful to the northern Menie, and that I am Halbert’s very grave and elderly adviser and friend, and must always remain so, did we live under the same roof all our lives.”
“No, really, Mossgray,” she said plainly; “didn’t I say that Halbert couldn’t be anyone’s rival? I mean,” Lilias continued, blushing deeper as she realized what her words implied, “that Halbert is very committed to northern Menie, and that I am Halbert’s serious and older advisor and friend, and I will always be that, even if we lived under the same roof our whole lives.”
Mossgray desired to have his ward’s confidence; he did not smile at her inference nor at her blush; neither did he ask what they meant; the delicate old man felt it was meet that Lilias should be shy of such confidences, even to him.
Mossgray wanted to earn his ward’s trust; he didn’t smile at her suggestion or her blush; nor did he ask what they meant; the sensitive old man thought it was appropriate for Lilias to be hesitant about sharing such secrets, even with him.
“Well,” he said, “I will give up that; it would be very desirable no doubt, Lilias, and would solve our problem beautifully. If Halbert and you were good bairns I have no doubt you would adopt this solution for my particular convenience; but if, as you say, Halbert is already in bondage, and you are so wise and old as you tell me you are, there is no more to be said on the subject, and we must think of some other plan. Let me hear your proposal, Lilias.”
“Well,” he said, “I’ll give that up; it would be great, no doubt, Lilias, and it would solve our problem perfectly. If Halbert and you were good kids, I’m sure you’d go along with this solution for my sake; but if, as you say, Halbert is already stuck in a situation, and you’re as wise and older as you claim, there’s nothing more to discuss, and we need to come up with another plan. Let me hear your suggestion, Lilias.”
Lilias looked up in some surprise.
Lilias glanced up in slight surprise.
“Did you think I was Helen Buchanan, Mossgray? No, indeed, I do not make plans. I only do what I am bidden when they please me, and dissent when they do not; but I am no originator, Mossgray—you know I am not.”
“Did you think I was Helen Buchanan, Mossgray? No, not at all, I don’t make plans. I only do what I'm told if it suits me, and I disagree when it doesn’t; but I'm not a creator, Mossgray—you know I’m not.”
Mossgray smiled again.
Mossgray smiled once more.
“Well, Lilias, we shall suppose that I myself form the plan, according to your counsel, and that we make Halbert heir of Mossgray; and now there comes a grave consideration: what am I to do with you, my good Lilias? Will you{198} be content with the little provision I can make for you, independent of these lands? Nay, if you are not like your friend Helen in making plans, I cannot have you resemble her in pride. I speak to you, you know, as if you had been Lilias Graeme; and your future—must I not provide for that?”
“Well, Lilias, let’s assume I put the plan together based on your advice and we make Halbert the heir of Mossgray; now we have a serious question: what am I going to do about you, my dear Lilias? Will you be okay with the small support I can offer you, apart from these lands? Come on, if you’re not like your friend Helen when it comes to making plans, I can’t let you be like her in terms of pride either. I'm talking to you as if you were still Lilias Graeme; and your future—don’t I need to take care of that?”
“No, Mossgray.” Her head was bent down, but the animated unusual light played about her face like sunshine—her voice was very low, and trembled as with some hidden music. She did not meet the kindly inquiring look which her guardian turned upon her; she only answered—“No, Mossgray.”
“No, Mossgray.” She kept her head down, but a lively, unusual light danced across her face like sunshine—her voice was soft and trembled as if filled with some secret melody. She didn’t return the warm, curious gaze of her guardian; she simply replied, “No, Mossgray.”
“The future is cared for then?” said the gentle old man, in his delicate tenderness. “I must not ask how, Lilias, but I may believe and infer, may I not?—and guess that there is some one labouring under warmer skies for my good child, and hope that he is wise and generous, and worthy of her. Tell him that I too will grow jealous for his honour and good report, though I am not told his name, and that together, you and I, who alone know him here, will bid God speed to his labour:—shall it not be so?”
“The future is being taken care of, then?” said the kind old man, with his gentle tenderness. “I shouldn’t ask how, Lilias, but I can believe and infer, can’t I?—and guess that there’s someone working in warmer places for my good child, and hope that he is wise and generous, and deserving of her. Tell him that I too will grow protective of his honor and reputation, even though I don’t know his name, and that together, you and I, who know him best here, will wish him well in his efforts:—will it not be so?”
Lilias could not lift her eyes just then, for the tears’ sake that were under their lids; but when she could, she looked up in simple confidence into the face of her guardian. She did not speak, and they went slowly on, for some time, in silence. Her mind was in a pleasant, grateful tumult; she thought of the time when he to whose labour Mossgray bade God speed should thank the old man for his generous care of the orphan; and over the fair future she looked forth through the sunny haze of hope—the indefinite golden mist which has in it a charm wanting to the clearer landscape—the magic of the unknown.
Lilias couldn't lift her eyes at that moment because of the tears held behind her lids; but when she finally did, she looked up with simple trust into her guardian's face. She didn't say anything, and they walked on slowly in silence for a while. Her mind was filled with a warm, grateful chaos; she thought about the time when the person Mossgray hoped for would thank the old man for taking such good care of the orphan. She gazed into the bright future through the sunny haze of hope—the vague golden mist that holds a charm absent in the clear landscape—the magic of the unknown.
But as they continued their walk, shy half-sentences fell on the ear of Mossgray—conveying a confidence which he received gladly, though he did not ask it. How the unsettled family, in one of their short sojournings in a great, bustling, commercial town of England, had met this unknown—how he came from an Orcadian island far off in the vexed Northern seas, and in his youthful energy was bound for the golden East—how he did so tenderly regard and honour the mother over whom Lilias still wept tears, because he also had a mother in his solitary home by the sea, and, except this one nearest{199} friend, was alone in the world; but Lilias did not tell Mossgray how her heart throbbed in glad wonder at sight of the ancient portrait, and in sound of the pleasant name in the old house at Murrayshaugh. It was but a fanciful resemblance, and the name was not an unusual one. The pleasure she had in this, she kept as one little secret gladness to herself. It was but a girlish, affectionate fancy; for the son of the far Orcades could have no connection with the old southern family, whose last representatives were wandering on foreign soil, or laid in strange graves. She smiled at herself for setting so great store by the shadowy resemblance of the portrait; it was too small a thing to tell Mossgray.
But as they kept walking, shy half-sentences reached Mossgray’s ears—sharing a confidence he welcomed, even though it wasn’t something he sought. They talked about how this unsettled family, during one of their brief stays in a busy commercial town in England, had met this stranger—how he came from a remote island in the Northern seas and, filled with youthful energy, was heading toward the promising East—how he held his mother, whom Lilias still mourned, in such tender regard and honor because he too had a mother in his solitary seaside home, and aside from this one close{199} friend, was all alone in the world; but Lilias didn’t share with Mossgray how her heart raced with wonder at the sight of the old portrait and the sound of the pleasant name from the ancient house at Murrayshaugh. It was just a fanciful resemblance, and the name wasn’t uncommon. The joy she felt about it, she kept as a little secret just for herself. It was merely a girlish, affectionate whim; the son from far Orcades could have no ties to the old southern family, whose last descendants were wandering in foreign lands or resting in strange graves. She smiled to herself for putting so much importance on the vague likeness of the portrait; it was too trivial to share with Mossgray.
BOOK III.
CHANGES.
CHAPTER I.
With joy, the careful seedsman walks. —Burns.
“Mossgray,” said Halbert Graeme, as they sat next morning at their cheerful breakfast-table, “I wish you would come out with me to-day, and see these fields at Shortrigg—they are in a very bad state: small, oddly-shaped fields, ‘three neukit,’ as Saunders calls them, with quite a superabundance of hedges. I should like to sweep those encumbrances away, and bring them into better working order. Will you come and see them, Mossgray?”
“Mossgray,” said Halbert Graeme as they sat at their cheerful breakfast table the next morning, “I wish you would come with me today to check out the fields at Shortrigg—they're in pretty bad shape: small, oddly shaped fields, ‘three neukit,’ as Saunders puts it, with way too many hedges. I’d like to clear those obstacles away and get them into better working condition. Will you come and see them, Mossgray?”
“Halbert, my man,” said Mossgray, smiling, “I am too old to learn—even your training will scarcely make a good farmer of me, I am afraid; and I give you full discretion, you know.”
“Halbert, my friend,” said Mossgray, smiling, “I’m too old to learn—even your training probably won’t turn me into a good farmer, I’m afraid; and I trust you to make the best decisions, you know.”
“But, Mossgray,” persisted Halbert, “I am sure you have no concern for those thriftless hedges; and good agriculture—”
“But, Mossgray,” Halbert insisted, “I’m sure you don’t care about those useless hedges; and good farming—”
“Is a very necessary, noble, and honourable art,” said the Laird, “perfectly so, Halbert; and I am by no means a sentimental admirer of thriftless hedges; but I am old, you know, and not a good judge: you must take it into your own hands.”
“It's a really important, noble, and honorable skill,” said the Laird, “absolutely, Halbert; and I'm definitely not one to romanticize careless hedges; but I'm old, you see, and not the best judge: you need to handle it yourself.”
Halbert was not quite satisfied.
Halbert wasn't fully satisfied.
“Still, Mossgray, if you are not engaged—”
“Still, Mossgray, if you’re not busy—”
The good Mossgray could not deny the youth his request.
The kind Mossgray couldn't refuse the young man his request.
“Well, Halbert, if it must be. Come then, let us set about this business of yours.”
“Well, Halbert, if we have to. Come on, let’s get started on your project.”
Halbert was very full of his undertaking. He began to tell Mossgray what his crops were to be, and the measures he would take with obstinate land, which was not naturally obedient to the discipline of the plough. The country looked very cheerful as they passed on. Round about, skirting the horizon on every side were ranges of low hills, some rich with fir trees and softer young spring foliage to the very top; some dark with moss and heather unbloomed. Winding roads, white far-seen lines, lost themselves among the hills, and{204} through the trees, which divided their path from the river, glimpses of the wan water, flowing on full and broad to the sea, glimmered through the soft, gay, fluttering leaves of spring. Turning back on the elevation which they had reached, the full Firth, quivering like molten silver, stretched between them and the clear creeks and villages of the English shore, over whose stillness muffled mountains watched in the background; and looming out against the pale sky in the West, his broad sides darkened here and there, as if with stationary shadows, rose the bluff Scottish hill, whose strong brow every night was crowned with the glory of the sunset. There was a hum of voices in the pleasant air, and ploughs were turning up the rich, dark, fragrant earth, and the “tentie seedsman” stalked about the fields. The sky and the leaves were soft and fresh, so fresh and soft as they only are in the early year, and the refreshed land seemed to open its moist breast with gladness to the kindly processes of spring.
Halbert was really enthusiastic about his project. He started telling Mossgray what his crops would be and the methods he would use to deal with the stubborn land that didn’t naturally cooperate with farming. The countryside looked vibrant as they traveled on. Surrounding them were gentle hills, some lush with fir trees and fresh spring leaves all the way to the top; others dark with unbloomed moss and heather. Winding roads, white lines visible from a distance, disappeared among the hills, and through the trees that separated their path from the river, glimmers of the pale water flowed broad and full toward the sea, shining through the cheerful, fluttering spring leaves. Looking back from the height they had reached, the broad Firth, shimmering like liquid silver, lay between them and the clear streams and villages of the English coast, over which quiet mountains loomed in the background; rising against the pale western sky, the bluff Scottish hill appeared, its strong outline marked with spots of shadow as if solidified, crowned every evening with the glow of sunset. There was a buzz of voices in the pleasant air, plows turned over the rich, dark, fragrant earth, and the careful seed sower walked through the fields. The sky and the leaves felt soft and fresh, as only they do in early spring, and the revitalized land seemed to open its damp heart joyfully to the nurturing warmth of spring.
“I think there is something grand, Halbert,” said the old man, pausing to look back, “in the art, which out of that bare earth can bring seed and bread. I should rather have myself endowed with this wealth of the soil, were I young like you, than choose the barren, metallic fortune you were aspiring after a short time since. This, you know, pleases me; to inherit the soil and the sky, the seed-time and harvest, the sunshine and the rain of heaven; it seems to place us in more immediate dependance on the Maker of all, the great Suzerain above, of whom we hold this feoff, for the honour of His kingly name and the service of His people. I like it, Halbert—it is a greater gift than barren wealth. It pleases me to feel myself, with Paul, a vassal—a Knecht, as your German has it—holding my lands under the fealty vow and oath of true service. I would we did but better remember that we stood here feudatories of high Heaven.”
“I think there’s something amazing, Halbert,” the old man said, pausing to look back, “in the art that can turn that bare land into seed and bread. If I were young like you, I'd much rather have the wealth of the earth than pursue the empty, metallic fortune you were chasing not long ago. This, you know, makes me happy; to inherit the soil and the sky, the planting and harvest, the sunshine and the rain from above; it feels like it brings us closer to the Creator of everything, the great Lord above, from whom we hold this land, for the honor of His royal name and the service of His people. I really like it, Halbert—it’s a greater gift than useless riches. It makes me feel, like Paul, a vassal—a Knecht, as your German says—holding my land under the loyalty vow and promise of true service. I wish we would remember better that we stand here as vassals of high Heaven.”
The youth assented modestly; he thought it did not become him to do more.
The young man agreed modestly; he felt it wasn't appropriate for him to do more.
Mossgray stood for a moment longer, looking with loving eyes over his fair country, as it lay below the sunbeams, stirred with the spring; and then he turned to take Halbert’s arm, and they went on again, resuming their former conversation about crops and ploughs and draining. The old man was not so ignorant of these matters as he called himself, and could give valuable counsel to the young experimentalist.
Mossgray paused for a moment, gazing affectionately at his beautiful land, bathed in sunlight and stirred by spring. Then he turned to take Halbert's arm, and they continued their conversation about crops, plows, and drainage. The old man wasn't as clueless about these topics as he claimed to be; he could offer valuable advice to the young experimenter.
“But, Halbert,” said Mossgray, “Lilias tells me I am{205} injuring you in keeping you here so long, where you cannot pursue your own course as you desire to do; we should rather talk of it than of those rural matters. What say you, Halbert?”
“But, Halbert,” Mossgray said, “Lilias told me I’m{205} hurting you by keeping you here for so long, where you can’t follow your own path as you want to; we should discuss this instead of those countryside topics. What do you think, Halbert?”
Halbert was rather startled; he did not know what to say, for, to tell the truth, he had quite forgotten the “course” which his kinsman assumed he was so eager to begin, and at present was perfectly content, and had no wish for change.
Halbert was quite surprised; he didn't know what to say because, honestly, he had completely forgotten about the "course" that his relative thought he was so eager to start, and right now he was perfectly happy and had no desire for change.
“I will be glad to do what you think best, Sir,” he said, with a little hesitation.
“I'll be happy to do what you think is best, Sir,” he said, with a slight hesitation.
“But the question is not what I think best, but what you wish,” said the old man. “Is it the case that you are impatient of losing time at Mossgray, Halbert?”
“But the question isn’t what I think is best, but what you want,” said the old man. “Are you getting impatient about wasting time at Mossgray, Halbert?”
Halbert was very honest.
Halbert was really honest.
“Well, Sir, to speak truly, no—I have not been thinking of losing time; but no doubt it is very necessary that I should begin.”
“Well, Sir, to be honest, no—I haven’t been considering wasting time; but I definitely need to get started.”
“Begin what, Halbert?”
"Start what, Halbert?"
“To maintain myself, Sir; to cease to be a burden—”
“To take care of myself, Sir; to stop being a burden—”
“My good Halbert,” said Mossgray, interrupting him, “I should never have spoken of it, if that were all; but Lilias does not hesitate to tell me that I do wrong to keep you undecided so long; so you must let me know what your own views are, and how I can help you most agreeably to yourself. Be honest and tell me frankly; and when I have heard your own ideas, you must give me the privilege of my age, and let me decide.”
“My good Halbert,” said Mossgray, cutting him off, “I wouldn’t have brought it up if that were all; but Lilias is quick to say that it’s wrong of me to keep you in doubt for so long. So, I need you to share your own thoughts and how I can support you in the best way for you. Be honest and tell me straight; after I hear your ideas, you must grant me the courtesy of my age and let me make the final call.”
There was a pause.
There was a break.
“I suppose,” said Halbert, hesitating a little, “that it must be business?”
“I guess,” Halbert said, pausing for a moment, “that it must be business?”
“Does your gift lie in that way?” said Mossgray, smiling.
“Is that where your talent is?” said Mossgray, smiling.
Halbert was a little annoyed, and jealous of ridicule.
Halbert felt a bit annoyed and jealous of the mockery.
“I think I might be able to do as much as I undertook,” he answered, with a little warmth. “All sorts of men succeed in business. I do not think, with submission to your better judgment, Mossgray, that, except perseverance and industry, and a stout heart, there is any very special gift required.”
“I believe I can take on as much as I promised,” he replied warmly. “All kinds of people succeed in business. I don’t think, with all due respect to your superior judgment, Mossgray, that there is any unique talent needed beyond perseverance, hard work, and a strong heart.”
“Bravely answered, Halbert,” said Mossgray; “but these are invaluable qualities all, and as necessary for a conscientious country Laird, as for your great merchant of Glasgow or Liverpool. But let us speak more gravely; before you were so wise and sensible as to come here to me, it was my custom to consider myself the last Graeme of Mossgray.{206} Now, Halbert, supposing that our ancestors had entailed these lands, in what position would you have been?”
“Bravely answered, Halbert,” said Mossgray; “but these are all invaluable qualities and just as necessary for a responsible country Laird as for a prominent merchant in Glasgow or Liverpool. But let's talk more seriously; before you had the good sense to come here to me, I always thought of myself as the last Graeme of Mossgray.{206} Now, Halbert, if our ancestors had passed these lands down to you, what position would you have been in?”
Halbert blushed and was embarrassed; it was impossible that such a thought should not have sometimes entered the young man’s mind; but he really had not self-interested views; and now he remained silent with too much good taste to disclaim, while he yet felt awkwardly uncomfortable under the fear of such an imputation.
Halbert blushed and felt embarrassed; it was impossible that such a thought hadn't crossed the young man's mind at some point; but he genuinely didn’t have selfish intentions. Now he stayed silent, having too much good sense to deny it, while still feeling awkwardly uncomfortable at the suggestion.
“The race would have been resuscitated in you,” said the old man; “you would have brought new life to the withering stock; for, Halbert, you are the only remaining heir of the Graemes of Mossgray.”
“The race would have been revived in you,” said the old man; “you would have breathed new life into the fading lineage; for, Halbert, you are the last remaining heir of the Graemes of Mossgray.”
“I have the name, Sir,” said Halbert quickly, his embarrassment growing on him as he met his kinsman’s eye; “it is the share of the family inheritance which comes to me; and the provision which you made for the helpless portion of my life, Mossgray, is more than a cadet’s share. Now that I am able to make use of the faculties which your kindness and my good master’s have trained and made available, I hope to do no dishonour to the name.”
“I know the name, Sir,” Halbert said quickly, feeling more embarrassed as he locked eyes with his relative. “It's my part of the family inheritance, and the support you provided during the most vulnerable times of my life, Mossgray, is more than just a cadet’s share. Now that I can finally use the skills that your kindness and my good mentor have helped me develop, I hope to honor the name.”
The Laird of Mossgray looked steadily into his young kinsman’s glowing, animated face; the natural diffidence which subdued its expression, and the charm of its simple, frank manliness were very pleasant in the old man’s eyes. He held out his hand and grasped that somewhat astonished, irresolute one of Halbert’s.
The Laird of Mossgray looked intently at his young relative's bright, lively face; the natural shyness that softened its expression and the appeal of its straightforward, honest masculinity were very pleasing to the old man's gaze. He reached out his hand and took hold of Halbert's, which was somewhat surprised and hesitant.
“I have no fear,” he said, kindly; “I believe you will be a good steward of your name; but remember, Halbert, that there devolves upon you an inheritance of old duties, old kindnesses, old generosities, along with the old lands; and that I will as surely leave you heir to all the good purposed and planned by your predecessors, bravely and faithfully to fulfil and increase it, as I leave you heir of Mossgray.”
“I’m not worried,” he said gently. “I trust you’ll honor your name; but keep in mind, Halbert, that you’ve inherited old responsibilities, old kindnesses, and old generosity, along with the land. Just as I’m leaving you the legacy of Mossgray, I’m also passing on all the good intentions and plans made by those before you, expecting you to carry them out and expand upon them with courage and dedication.”
Halbert looked up with a sudden start; the words did not carry their proper significance to him, for he had expected nothing like this.
Halbert suddenly looked up; the words didn't have their usual meaning for him, as he hadn't expected anything like this.
“If I had thought you would weary of the lifetime which remains to me,” said Mossgray, “I might have kept this secret from you, lest you should be tempted to wish my few remaining days shortened; but I have all confidence in you, Halbert, and what I give you is your right.”
“If I had thought you would get tired of the time I have left,” said Mossgray, “I might have kept this secret from you, so you wouldn't be tempted to wish my remaining days were shorter; but I trust you completely, Halbert, and what I’m giving you is your right.”
Halbert said something now; but it was said in so strange a tumult that the words would not bear recording. Never{207}theless they answered their purpose, and Mossgray did not think the less either of them or of the speaker, because they were by no means elegantly put together, or rather were not put together at all.
Halbert said something now, but it was in such a chaotic manner that the words were impossible to capture. Nonetheless, they served their purpose, and Mossgray didn't think any less of either of them or the speaker just because the words weren't put together elegantly, or rather, not put together at all.
And then the old man, more openly than he had done with Lilias, sought, and after some happy hesitation, received, the confidence of Halbert; and then some arrangements were made, very much to the satisfaction of the heir of Mossgray. The old man decided that Halbert’s “being settled” should be for some time delayed, but did by no means say anything to the detriment of Menie Monikie. To wait a little was all the condition he asked.
And then the old man, more openly than he had with Lilias, sought and, after some happy hesitation, gained Halbert's trust; and then they made some plans that really pleased the heir of Mossgray. The old man decided to delay Halbert's "settling down" for a while but didn’t say anything negative about Menie Monikie. All he asked was for a little more time to wait.
The fields at Shortrigg were unfortunate on this particular day. The young farmer had things in his head of more immediate interest than draining, and while he tried to keep his mind awake to the question of the superabundant hedges, incipient sentences of the triumphant letter, which should convey those wonderful tidings to the North, floated through his joyous head, to the entire bewilderment of himself and his companion. It would not do; the young Utopia routed the sober science of agriculture, and Mossgray, with secret smiles, invented some kind pretext for sending Halbert home. It pleased the old man that the youth should be so pleasantly disturbed, and his eagerness to communicate his joy to the only home he had ever known gave additional satisfaction to the gentle heart of Adam Graeme.
The fields at Shortrigg were in bad shape on this particular day. The young farmer had more pressing thoughts than draining, and while he tried to focus on the problem of the overgrown hedges, snippets of the exciting letter he wanted to send north, sharing great news, kept drifting through his happy mind, leaving both him and his companion puzzled. This wouldn’t work; the young dreamer overshadowed the practical concerns of farming, and Mossgray, quietly amused, came up with a kind excuse to send Halbert home. It made the old man happy to see the young man so joyfully distracted, and Halbert’s eagerness to share his happiness with the only home he had ever known brought even more joy to the kind-hearted Adam Graeme.
“I did not think,” said Mossgray to himself half-aloud, as he lingered at the corner of one of the condemned ‘three-neukit’ fields, watching the rapid progress of Halbert, as, bounding over all manner of obstacles, he carried his exulting heart home to Mossgray, “I did not think that my old pragmatical friend, Monikie, could have succeeded in producing such a lad as Halbert; and I fancy I must see this Menie of his, and renew my acquaintance with her father. And I too have children. Resolutions, resolutions! what mockery they are; that I might have debarred myself such companions as these for the sake of words rashly spoken!”
“I didn't think,” Mossgray muttered to himself, lingering at the corner of one of the condemned 'three-neukit' fields, watching Halbert as he bounded over all kinds of obstacles, his heart full of joy as he headed home to Mossgray. “I never thought my old stubborn friend, Monikie, could raise such a boy as Halbert; I guess I need to meet this Menie of his and reconnect with her father. And I have kids too. Resolutions, resolutions! What a joke they are; I could have missed out on companions like these because of some foolish words I said!”
He turned round, shaking his head with a smile. Saunders Delvie was standing near, evidently listening. He had heard the conclusion of the soliloquy.
He turned around, shaking his head with a smile. Saunders Delvie was standing nearby, clearly listening. He had caught the end of the monologue.
“Well, Saunders,” said Mossgray, “I believe you do not agree with me?”
“Well, Saunders,” Mossgray said, “I take it you don't agree with me?”
“Na, Mossgray,” answered Saunders, harshly, “I haud{208} by the auld law. Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oath.”
“Not happening, Mossgray,” replied Saunders, sharply, “I abide by the old law. You shall not break your word, but must keep your promise to the Lord.”
“But I am speaking of resolutions, Saunders,” said the Laird, “uncertain mortal resolves, ignorantly made, which better knowledge shows us were foolish and wrong. You would not have me hold by anything so weak as that?”
“But I’m talking about resolutions, Saunders,” said the Laird, “uncertain human decisions that we make without understanding, which better knowledge reveals to be foolish and wrong. You wouldn’t want me to stick to something so weak, would you?”
“Ay, Mossgray,” said the stern old man, holding his ground decidedly; “but an ane was wise, ane would make nae vows in ignorance; and when a vow was made, would keep it, if it was to the very death.”
“Ay, Mossgray,” said the serious old man, standing firm; “but if one were wise, one wouldn’t make any vows in ignorance; and when a vow is made, one should keep it, even if it means to the very end.”
“But, Saunders, my man,” said the good master, kindly, “you know me well enough to know that I am not so wise as that; and I am too old to learn.”
“But, Saunders, my friend,” said the good master kindly, “you know me well enough to realize that I’m not that wise; and I’m too old to learn.”
“Mossgray,” said Saunders Delvie, “I’m just your serving-man, but I’m in years mysel’—and I can take nae rule but Scripture, though I would do as muckle to pleasure my maister as most folk; but the Word’s positive and clear. Vow unto the Lord and pay.”
“Mossgray,” said Saunders Delvie, “I’m just your servant, but I’m getting old myself—and I can only follow the rules set by Scripture, though I would do a lot to please my master just like anyone else; but the Word is straightforward and clear. Promise the Lord and pay up.”
“You are more skilled in argument than I am, Saunders,” said Mossgray, “but I think we can settle that point between us. The vow was a vow of offering—of special service, or special gifts, or of the sacrifices of that grand old symbolic Hebrew law. It did not by any means refer to such frail, inconsiderate resolutions, Saunders, as are common to this humanity of ours.”
“You’re better at arguing than I am, Saunders,” said Mossgray, “but I think we can work that out between us. The vow was a vow of offering—of special service, or special gifts, or of the sacrifices from that ancient symbolic Hebrew law. It definitely didn’t refer to the weak, thoughtless promises, Saunders, that are typical of our human nature.”
“Ay, but if it was a vow before the Lord,” said Saunders, in his strong, harsh, emphatic voice; “if before the Lord, Mossgray, ye had spread out the ill that troubled ye, as the guid King Hezekiah did the proud words of the Assyrian langsyne, and put forth ane—I’m saying nae man in particular; it’s a case just like what micht happen wi’ onybody—put forth ane, I say, solemnly out of your heart and out of your house, as an ill-doer and a reprobate; would the man that daured to break that no be man-sworn, Mossgray, having vowed before the Lord?”
“Yeah, but if it was a vow before the Lord,” Saunders said in his strong, harsh, emphatic voice; “if before the Lord, Mossgray, you had laid bare the troubles that haunt you, just like the good King Hezekiah did with the proud words of the Assyrian long ago, and put out one—I’m not pointing fingers; it’s something that could happen to anyone—put out one, I say, solemnly from your heart and your home, as a wrongdoer and a lost cause; wouldn’t the man who dared to break that vow be considered a man swearing, Mossgray, having vowed before the Lord?”
There was a certain huskiness and tremor in the harsh voice of the old man. They stood together strangely contrasted; the master in his benign and gentle humbleness, the servant in the stern and rugged strength of his pride.
There was a certain roughness and shake in the old man's harsh voice. They stood together in stark contrast; the master with his kind and gentle humility, the servant with the hard and rugged strength of his pride.
“Saunders,” said Mossgray, “the utmost vision of our wisdom, you know, is very poor and dim; and will the Lord hold you, do you think, to an oath made in ignorance, and dimly, as are all things mortal, even though you place it in{209} His keeping? If what you vowed in His presence was an ill vow, Saunders, be thankful that this privilege of humanity is left to you, and that God gives you power to change—to change; it is a great gift this. That when the purer light comes upon us we may follow its course wherever it travels, and that all our vain purposes and foolish vows are not bound on us, but that gratefully in sight of heaven we may throw our old encumbrances away, and change. We are growing old, Saunders, we are travelling towards the setting sun; and by and by we will lose this power. Think of it before it leaves your hands—mind what a gracious thing it is, given of God—and make merciful use of it while you may.”
“Saunders,” Mossgray said, “the clearest understanding of our wisdom, you know, is pretty limited and unclear; do you really think the Lord will hold you to an oath made in ignorance, just as all things are in this world, even if you place it in {209} His hands? If what you promised in His presence was a bad promise, be thankful that you still have this gift of humanity—that God gives you the ability to change—to change; it's a great gift. When the clearer truth shines on us, we can follow its path wherever it leads, and all our pointless desires and foolish vows won’t bind us, but gratefully in front of heaven, we can let go of our old burdens and change. We are getting older, Saunders, we are moving toward the setting sun; soon we will lose this ability. Think about it before it slips away—recognize what a wonderful thing it is, given by God—and use it wisely while you can.”
Mossgray turned round as he concluded, and bent his steps to his favourite Waterside. He had not unfrequently had such controversies with his stern old serving-man; and pitying the forlorn heart which, out of its very excess of harsh, strong love, could debar itself so relentlessly from the mild humanities of nature, he had taken pains to leaven the mind of Saunders with his own gracious philosophy. But it would not do; the rugged, intense spirit buckled its harsh vow upon itself like armour, while the wiser poet-man opened the heart which could not be old to all the gentle influences of the earth and of the heaven.{210}
Mossgray turned around as he finished speaking and headed to his favorite spot by the water. He often had these debates with his grumpy old servant, and feeling sorry for the lonely heart that, out of an overwhelming desire for tough love, could shut itself off so completely from the gentle aspects of nature, he had tried to influence Saunders with his own kind philosophy. But it didn’t work; the rough, intense spirit held onto its harsh commitment like armor, while the wiser, poetic man opened his heart to all the soft influences of the earth and sky.{210}
CHAPTER II.
And over the hills, the shadows move Like a breath; they flutter and hover across this field—
And now it's bright, and now it's dim, and now
There isn't a cloud in the sky. Look up again;
Look! The whole sky is covered, the sun blocked out—
It’s just sadness here. —Anonymous.
Mrs Buchanan was in high spirits. The friendship of Lilias, and the honour intended for her by the Reverend Robert Insches, had opened a new life to Helen. She was no more the neglected and solitary schoolmistress. The young lady of Mossgray was a frequent visitor at their humble house. Mrs Whyte of Kirkmay had called to make a definite beginning of their friendship—the plaintive Mrs Gray became a regular visitor. Mr Insches took every possible opportunity of stealing into William Oswald’s vacant corner in the quiet parlour. It pleased the good mother “to see her bairn respected like the lave.”
Mrs. Buchanan was in great spirits. Lilias's friendship and the honor meant for her by Reverend Robert Insches had opened up a new life for Helen. She was no longer the overlooked and lonely schoolteacher. The young lady from Mossgray often visited their modest home. Mrs. Whyte of Kirkmay had come to establish their friendship— the melancholy Mrs. Gray had become a regular guest. Mr. Insches took every opportunity to slip into William Oswald’s empty corner in the quiet living room. It made the kind mother happy “to see her child respected like the others.”
And the change was also very pleasant to Helen. She had been at Kirkmay, and much enjoyed the hospitalities of the Manse—she saw Lilias frequently; and even the handsome head of the Reverend Robert was an agreeable variety, breaking the blank of the dim wall, which for whole years of past evenings had been the only thing she had to look across to. She was still much alone; but the much was not always, and the monotony thus occasionally broken became monotony no longer. The firmament of their quiet life was brightened; it was a pleasant change.
And the change was really nice for Helen. She had been at Kirkmay and really enjoyed the hospitality of the Manse—she saw Lilias often; and even the good-looking Reverend Robert was a refreshing change, adding some interest to the dull wall, which for many past evenings had been all she could look at. She was still often alone, but it wasn’t all the time, and the moments of interruption made the stillness feel less monotonous. Their quiet life was brightened; it was a lovely change.
But other changes were progressing; as the spring grew into summer some shadow fell upon Lilias Maxwell. No one knew what it was, nor how produced, but the old paleness returned to her cheek, and the old sinking to her heart. There was no external sign of sorrow or suffering. The change fell upon her like a cloud—such a cloud as does sometimes glide across the sun in the early glory of his shining. She was very calm, very quiet, very thoughtful, but in moments when she fancied no one saw her, her fingers sought each{211} other painfully, and were clasped together, as hands are clasped only in grief or in prayer. But the cause of this she told to no one; and even to her guardian’s affectionate inquiries, she only answered, “It is nothing, Mossgray; indeed it is nothing.”
But other changes were happening; as spring turned into summer, a shadow started to fall upon Lilias Maxwell. No one knew what it was or how it happened, but her old pallor returned to her cheeks, and a familiar heaviness settled in her heart. There were no outward signs of sorrow or pain. The change came over her like a cloud—like one that sometimes drifts across the sun in the early brilliance of its light. She was very calm, very quiet, very contemplative, but in moments when she thought no one noticed her, her fingers searched for each other painfully and were clasped together, like hands are only clasped in grief or prayer. But she didn’t share the reason for this with anyone; even to her guardian’s loving questions, she simply replied, “It’s nothing, Mossgray; truly, it’s nothing.”
Very early on a bright May day, Lilias went hastily up along the banks of the wan water, to the house of Murrayshaugh. She had been up that morning earlier than even the wakeful Janet Mense, as if she could not rest; and now she had stolen forth, avoiding any company. She walked more quickly than was usual to her, and over the face, which still wore its look of constitutional calmness, shades of unwonted colour were wavering to and fro; for the Lily of Mossgray was sick at heart—sick with the fever of anxiety—the hope and the fear.
Very early on a bright May morning, Lilias hurried along the banks of the pale water, heading to the house of Murrayshaugh. She had gotten up earlier that morning than even the alert Janet Mense, as if she couldn't settle down; and now she had slipped out, avoiding any company. She walked faster than usual, and across her face, which still held its usual calmness, there were unusual shades of color flickering; for the Lily of Mossgray was troubled—troubled with the fever of anxiety—the hope and the fear.
She had become a frequent visitor of Isabell Brown; the old woman was fretfully kind to Lilias; and when the days were warm enough to permit her to receive those calls in Miss Lucy’s parlour, Isabell was very communicative, and told tales of the Murrays, their old grandeur and their present exile with much satisfaction to herself. Lilias meanwhile sat on one of the faded high-backed chairs, opposite the wall on which hung the portrait, and listened pleasantly. Isabell took the young lady of Mossgray’s admiration of the picture as a personal compliment to herself, and there began to spring up a genuine liking for her in the breast of the little sharp old woman; she almost thought Lilias worthy to take rank next to Miss Lucy.
She had become a regular visitor at Isabell Brown’s place; the old woman was anxiously kind to Lilias, and when the weather was warm enough for her to receive visitors in Miss Lucy’s parlor, Isabell was very chatty, sharing stories about the Murrays, their former glory, and their current exile with much satisfaction. Meanwhile, Lilias sat in one of the worn high-backed chairs, facing the wall where the portrait hung, and listened with enjoyment. Isabell took the young lady of Mossgray’s admiration of the painting as a personal compliment, and a genuine fondness for her began to grow in the little sharp old woman's heart; she almost considered Lilias worthy of ranking next to Miss Lucy.
On this particular day Isabell’s dissertation began as usual.
On this day, Isabell’s dissertation started just like it always did.
“Ye see, I canna tell what gars Murrayshaugh stay away in thae foreign pairts, and him has a guid house o’ his ain to bide in; but there’s nae accounting for folk’s tastes. For my ain pairt, I wadna gie Murrayshaugh just where ye’re sitting this minute, for a king’s palace; but he’s an awfu’ proud man, Murrayshaugh, and nae doubt he has a guid richt.”
“Look, I can’t understand why Murrayshaugh stays away in those foreign places when he has a nice house of his own to live in; but you can't explain people's tastes. As for me, I wouldn’t trade Murrayshaugh for a king’s palace, especially not where you’re sitting right now; but he’s a really proud man, Murrayshaugh, and no doubt he has good reason.”
Lilias made some indistinct response; it did not much matter what it was, for Isabell desired a good listener more than anything else.
Lilias gave a vague reply; it wasn't really important what it was, because Isabell wanted someone who would really listen more than anything else.
“It’s maist folk’s pride to be thought rich,” continued the little old housekeeper, with some ostentation; “but Murrayshaugh’s a man far frae the common; it’s his notion to hae the house bare, like as he was puir. It’s naething but folk’s fancy—ane likes ae thing, and ane anither. I wadna{212} wonder noo but ye’ve heard that the Murrays were gaun doun the brae? there’s aye some havers rattling at the heels o’ a gentleman’s ain fancy; as if it was needcessity, when it’s naething but his pleasure.”
“It’s most people’s pride to be seen as rich,” continued the little old housekeeper, with some flair; “but Murrayshaugh is a man far from ordinary; he believes in keeping the house bare, as if he were poor. It’s nothing but people's imagination—some like one thing, and others like another. I wouldn’t{212} be surprised if you’ve heard that the Murrays were going downhill? There’s always some nonsense trailing behind a gentleman’s own taste; as if it were a necessity when it’s really just his preference.”
Lilias involuntarily glanced round the faded bare room; its look of decayed gentility made a dreary comment on the assumption of the old adherent of the ruined family; but her eye rested again, where it rested so often, on the portrait, and she sighed and did not answer.
Lilias involuntarily glanced around the faded, bare room; its air of decayed elegance made a sad comment on the expectations of the old supporter of the fallen family; but her gaze returned, as it often did, to the portrait, and she sighed and didn't reply.
“You’re no weel the day,” said Isabell, sympathetically; “and yet it’s bonnie cheerie weather that should be guid for young folk. Eh Miss Maxwell! ane wad think ye kent that picture, ye tak sic weary looks at it; but ye wad never see onybody like that?”
“You’re not feeling well today,” said Isabell, sympathetically; “and yet it’s such nice sunny weather that should be good for young people. Oh Miss Maxwell! one would think you knew that picture, you look at it so tired; but you’ve never seen anyone like that, right?”
“I think I have,” said Lilias, with a faint smile.
“I think I have,” said Lilias, with a slight smile.
“Like the auld picture that was like Mr Hew? tell us where. It bid to be himsel; there’s only the twa o’ them in the world, and wha should hae the kindly face but their ainsels? I’m saying tell me where ye saw him—for charity tell me where!”
“Like the old picture that looked like Mr. Hew? Tell us where. It had to be him; there are only the two of them in the world, and who else would have that friendly face but themselves? I’m asking you to tell me where you saw him—please tell me where!”
“It was not Mr Murray, Isabell,” said Lilias; “it was a friend—a person I knew in England.”
“It wasn’t Mr. Murray, Isabell,” Lilias said; “it was a friend—a person I knew in England.”
“And he was like that!” said Isabell. “Do ye think I dinna ken that nae fremd man could be like that? will you tell me what they ca’ed him? Ye’ll read in books whiles, o’ gentles for their ain pleasure taking anither name—it bid to be Mr Hew.”
“And he was just like that!” said Isabell. “Do you think I don’t know that no stranger could be like that? Will you tell me what they called him? You’ll sometimes read in books about nobles taking another name for their own pleasure—it must have been Mr. Hew.”
“His name was Grant,” said Lilias, “he was not Mr Hew; he was a young man—quite young.”
“His name was Grant,” said Lilias, “he wasn’t Mr. Hew; he was a young man—very young.”
“And what should he be else but young?” said the little old woman, pattering up and down with her short, unequal, agitated steps. “Div ye think he’s withered and auld like me? I tell ye he’s the gallantest lad ye ever set your e’e upon; ye may ca’ that like him, but it’s naething till him—the spark that was in his bonnie e’en, and his brent broo—as if I didna mind! If he was far blythe and lightsomer like than that, and yet had a face that could be wae when need was, for ither folk afore himsel; and if he had a presence o’ his ain that gar’t ye bow, and a smile that made ye fain; then I say it was Mr Hew ye saw, and nae ither living man!”
“And what else should he be but young?” said the little old woman, pacing back and forth with her short, uneven, anxious steps. “Do you think he’s withered and old like me? I tell you he’s the most charming young man you’ve ever laid your eyes on; you might say he’s like that, but it’s nothing compared to him—the spark in his beautiful eyes and his smooth brow—as if I didn’t remember! If he was far more cheerful and lighthearted than that, and yet had a face that could be sad when needed, for the sake of others before himself; and if he had a presence that made you want to bow, and a smile that made you happy; then I say it was Mr. Hew you saw, and no other living man!”
There was some wonderful power in the old woman’s words. The sad pale head of Lilias slowly followed her motions, as if by some magnetic attraction. She did not{213} speak; but as Isabell ceased, she closed her eyelids painfully, perhaps the better to see again the person thus truthfully described—perhaps to shut in the tears.
There was a powerful truth in the old woman’s words. The sad, pale head of Lilias slowly followed her movements, almost as if drawn in by a magnetic force. She didn’t{213} say anything; but as Isabell finished, she painfully closed her eyes, maybe to better visualize the person so accurately described—maybe to hold back the tears.
The housekeeper pattered up and down for a while in silence; at length she stopped short immediately before Lilias, and repeated with emphasis,—
The housekeeper walked back and forth quietly for a bit; finally, she stopped right in front of Lilias and stressed, —
“I’m telling ye it was Mr Hew.”
“I’m telling you it was Mr. Hew.”
“It was not Mr Hew, Isabell,” said Lilias gently, as she rose to go away. “It was one whose home is very far from this; who came from the northern islands far away; and it is a mere fancy of mine that he is like the portrait. He was not Mr Hew.”
“It wasn’t Mr. Hew, Isabell,” Lilias said softly as she stood up to leave. “It was someone whose home is really far from here; he came from the distant northern islands; and it’s just my imagination that he looks like the portrait. He wasn’t Mr. Hew.”
Isabell was not satisfied—she accompanied her visitor to the door with many mutterings; the “kindly face” could belong only to a Murray, “it bid to be Mr Hew.”
Isabell was not happy—she walked her visitor to the door while grumbling a lot; the “kindly face” could only belong to a Murray, “it must be Mr. Hew.”
Lilias turned away across the unsafe bridge, and went hastily up a steep lane which led to the Fendie high-road; she was not going home, and excited and anxious as she was she could not bear the meditative calm of the Waterside.
Lilias turned away from the rickety bridge and quickly made her way up a steep lane that led to the Fendie highway; she wasn’t heading home, and despite feeling excited and anxious, she couldn’t stand the thoughtful stillness of the Waterside.
It was a somewhat long walk, and Lilias was not like herself; her feverish hasty pace, and the painful flushes of colour which now and then crossed her brow, were unnatural. It was the first time she had been tried by this trial—the deadly anxiety with which we shiver and burn, when our sole hope is in peril, and there comes to us no tidings. She thought she could endure to hear of any certain calamity, but that blank of suspense was terrible to her—she could not bear it.
It was a pretty long walk, and Lilias wasn’t acting like herself; her feverish, hurried pace and the painful flushes of color that occasionally crossed her forehead were strange. This was the first time she faced this challenge—the deadly anxiety that makes us shiver and burn when our only hope is in danger, and we receive no news. She thought she could handle hearing about any certain disaster, but that emptiness of suspense was unbearable for her—she couldn’t stand it.
There had been mail after mail from the far East, but no letter for Lilias; and this was the day again. She had gone to Murrayshaugh to fill up the feverish blank of those slow moments; to look once more upon the face which never perhaps she should look upon with faith and trust again; and now she was hurrying to the decision of all those tremulous doubts and fears; if there was a letter to-day—and if there was none—
There had been mail after mail from the far East, but no letter for Lilias; and today was no different. She had gone to Murrayshaugh to fill the anxious void of those slow moments; to see once more the face she might never look upon with faith and trust again; and now she was rushing to face all those shaky doubts and fears; whether there was a letter today—and whether there wasn’t—
Her lips were parched—they would hardly meet to ask that question—“No.” Lilias looked into the postmaster’s face wistfully again; she would not hear the denial. “No, there were no letters for Miss Maxwell.”
Her lips were dry—they barely came together to ask that question—“No.” Lilias gazed into the postmaster’s face with longing once more; she wouldn't accept the refusal. “No, there were no letters for Miss Maxwell.”
And immediately there fell upon her a dead calm; a dull slow pain of quietness. She went out in her noiseless way, and glided down the street like a shadow; her heart was{214} sick—she could have seated herself by the road-side, and wept out the slow tears that were gathering under her eyelids, unconscious of any passers-by; but those who did pass by saw only the grave, pale, pensive Lily of Mossgray. The fever was over—there remained no present hope to distract her now, and she was calm again.
And immediately, a heavy stillness settled over her; a dull, slow ache of silence. She moved quietly and slipped down the street like a shadow; her heart was{214} heavy—she could have sat by the roadside and cried the slow tears that were forming under her eyelids, completely unaware of anyone passing by; but those who did see her noticed only the serious, pale, thoughtful Lily of Mossgray. The fever had passed—there was no hope left to distract her now, and she was calm once more.
And then she began to think, and laboured bravely to put away from her those doubts and fears—but Lilias had not the impulsive energy of hope; the elastic life, which can fight and wrestle with sorrow at its strongest, was not in her; but she could do what the more buoyant could not have done—she could wait—and knowing the time that she must wait, she became calm.
And then she started to think, working hard to push away those doubts and fears—but Lilias didn't have the impulsive energy of hope; she didn't have the resilient spirit that can battle sorrow at its worst. However, she could do what the more carefree couldn't do—she could wait—and knowing how long she had to wait, she found peace.
She had intended going home, but as the shock softened, she changed her purpose. She went to borrow hope from Helen Buchanan, in one of those sudden yearnings for gentle company, with which sad hearts are sometimes seized. In her hush and faintness she wanted to have some living thing come in between her and her secret pain—she wanted to forget herself.
She had planned to go home, but as the shock faded, she changed her mind. She decided to seek comfort from Helen Buchanan, drawn by an instinctive desire for gentle company that often hits sad hearts. In her quiet and exhausted state, she wanted something alive to come between her and her hidden pain—she wanted to escape from herself.
It was a holiday with Helen, and she was in a holiday mood, withstanding, with her natural enthusiasm, the gloomy dogmas of Mrs Gray, who was making a gracious call upon Mrs Buchanan. Mrs Buchanan did not much like the melancholy lady; her sanguine gentle temper recoiled from the sombre atmosphere which suited Mrs Gray; but she was Mrs Whyte’s sister, and a “very respectable” acquaintance for Helen; so the good mother submitted pleasantly.
It was a holiday with Helen, and she was in a festive mood, managing, with her natural enthusiasm, to push through the gloomy attitudes of Mrs. Gray, who was visiting Mrs. Buchanan. Mrs. Buchanan didn't really care for the gloomy lady; her cheerful and gentle nature recoiled from the somber vibe that suited Mrs. Gray, but she was Mrs. Whyte’s sister and a “very respectable” friend for Helen, so the kind mother accepted it gracefully.
“Are you ill, Lilias?” said Helen.
“Are you sick, Lilias?” Helen asked.
“No, Helen, it is nothing,” answered Lilias, gently. It was her universal answer; the melancholy cloud was indeed very visible, but she would not speak of the cause.
“No, Helen, it’s nothing,” Lilias replied softly. It was her go-to response; the sadness was clearly noticeable, but she wouldn’t talk about the reason.
“My dear,” said Mrs Gray—she was very affectionate, this good doleful woman—her very gloom increased her tenderness; “I am very much afraid you are not taking sufficient care of yourself. I am sure you got damp feet that day you were at the Manse, and Elizabeth would never think of asking you to change them. Elizabeth is really very careless about damp feet; she never heeds them herself—and I have known many a one get a consumption with them. You are looking very white, my dear; you must really take care.”
“My dear,” said Mrs. Gray—she was so affectionate, this kind-hearted, sorrowful woman—her sadness only made her more caring; “I’m really worried that you’re not taking good care of yourself. I’m sure you got your feet wet that day you were at the Manse, and Elizabeth would never think to ask you to change them. Elizabeth can be pretty careless about wet feet; she doesn’t pay any attention to them herself—and I’ve seen many people get sick from that. You look very pale, my dear; you really need to take care of yourself.”
“I am quite well, Mrs Gray,” said Lilias; “perfectly well, I assure you.{215}”
“I’m doing really well, Mrs. Gray,” said Lilias; “perfectly fine, I promise you.{215}”
Mrs Gray shook her head.
Mrs. Gray shook her head.
“Really, my dear, people never know. We are well to-day, and ill to-morrow: it is a strange world.”
“Honestly, my dear, people never really understand. We’re fine today, and not great tomorrow: it’s a strange world.”
The proposition in this case being very abstract no one controverted it.
The idea in this case was so abstract that no one challenged it.
“When I see,” continued Mrs Gray, oratorically, “young people going out on the world with such false notions as most of them have, poor things, it grieves me, Mrs Buchanan. So little as there is to enjoy after all, even if they get all they expect.”
“Whenever I see,” continued Mrs. Gray, with a dramatic flair, “young people stepping out into the world with such misguided ideas as many of them have, poor things, it makes me sad, Mrs. Buchanan. There’s so little to truly enjoy after all, even if they get everything they hope for.”
Mrs Buchanan, like Mr Oswald, had an old-fashioned prejudice that there was something orthodox in all this; a prejudice which made her diffident of answering.
Mrs. Buchanan, like Mr. Oswald, held an old-fashioned belief that there was something traditional about all this; a belief that made her hesitant to respond.
“Poor things!” she echoed, with a slight falter; “but after all, Mrs Gray, we had light hearts in our own youth, and why should we discourage them? Sorrow aye comes soon enough.”
“Poor things!” she repeated, a bit hesitantly; “but honestly, Mrs. Gray, we had carefree days in our youth, so why should we bring them down? Heartache always arrives soon enough.”
A sigh from Lilias sounded like an assent: and the Lily of Mossgray indeed bent her weary head and assented. She began to believe that sorrow—nothing but sorrow—was the common lot.
A sigh from Lilias felt like an agreement: and the Lily of Mossgray really did lower her tired head and agreed. She started to think that sadness—just sadness—was everyone's shared fate.
But Helen’s face was flushing—her small head growing erect. Mrs Gray turned round—she was no coward—to face her vowed antagonist.
But Helen’s face was turning red—her little head rising up. Mrs. Gray turned around—she wasn't afraid—to confront her sworn enemy.
“Miss Buchanan, my dear, I am speaking the truth. People say that the happiest part of life is youth; now just look at yourself. Toiling and labouring with these children; wearied with them every night, but just having to begin again every morning! with little time to yourself—to visit your friends, or read, or whatever you might choose. My dear, just look at it yourself. What have you to enjoy?”
“Miss Buchanan, my dear, I’m telling the truth. People say that the happiest part of life is youth; just look at yourself. Working hard with these kids; exhausted by them every night, but you have to start all over again every morning! You have little time to yourself—to see your friends, or read, or do whatever you want. My dear, take a good look at it. What do you have to enjoy?”
Helen started.
Helen began.
“I have all the world—not this little humble house—not that school-room only; but the earth, and the sky, and the sea! Look at them—look at what God gives us—the sunshine and the clouds—the hills and the rivers—and you ask me what I have to enjoy? I have all the world! the weariness and the rest, the labour and the sleep, the night and the day, they are all given us, waiting our pleasures like the spirits of the old dreams. There is no one born into the earth who is not born rich, richer than kings, for we have all the world.”
“I have everything—it's not just this small, simple house or that classroom; it's the whole earth, the sky, and the sea! Look around—see what God provides us: the sunshine and clouds, the hills and rivers. And you ask me what I have to enjoy? I have everything! The weariness and the rest, the work and the sleep, the night and the day—they're all here for us, ready to be enjoyed like the sparks of old dreams. There's not a single person born on this earth who isn't born wealthy, wealthier than kings, because we have everything.”
Mrs Gray was not prepared to answer this; she turned away to look from the window at the flowers, and prudently{216} shook her head, half at the wild doctrine, and half at the eager manner; but she tilted no more at that time with Helen.
Mrs. Gray wasn't ready to respond; she turned away to gaze out the window at the flowers and wisely{216} shook her head, partly at the outrageous idea and partly at the enthusiastic way it was presented; but she didn't engage any further with Helen at that moment.
“Will you walk up with me to Mossgray, Helen?” said Lilias, in the subdued melancholy voice which made the petition more urgent than a command; and Helen consented at once. As they descended the steps at the bridge, and waded through the long, thick grass, which spread between the backs of the Fendie houses and the river, the pensive calm of Lilias touched the variable spirit of her friend. They began to talk in that tone of half-playful sadness which often veils over griefs which the speakers would not tell. It is the mood of speculation; and they were neither of them too old for the girlish dreamy fancies, half-superstitious, which belong to our imaginative years.
“Will you walk up with me to Mossgray, Helen?” Lilias asked in a soft, sad voice that made her request feel more urgent than a command. Helen agreed immediately. As they went down the steps at the bridge and waded through the long, thick grass that grew between the backs of the Fendie houses and the river, Lilias's thoughtful calm began to influence her friend’s mood. They started chatting in that tone of half-playful sadness that often hides the sorrows they wouldn’t share. It was a moment of reflection, and neither of them were too old for the dreamy, somewhat superstitious thoughts that belong to our younger years.
“I wonder,” said Lilias, “whether our minds are formed, Helen, to suit our fate? I mean that our griefs are made for us, like our dwellings, with an individual fitness in them all. It seems so strange sometimes, as if on one person had fallen the fate which properly belonged to another; yet it must be that we are suited always—our minds with our trials.”
“I wonder,” said Lilias, “if our minds are shaped, Helen, to match our destinies? I mean that our sorrows are crafted for us, like our homes, tailored to each of us individually. It seems so odd sometimes, as if one person has taken on the fate that truly belonged to someone else; yet it must be that we are always suited—our minds with our challenges.”
“It must be,” said the bolder Helen, “for what would be joy to one is nothing to another, Lilias. I think I could fancy what my troubles would be, and yours?”
“It has to be,” said the more outspoken Helen, “because what brings joy to one person means nothing to another, Lilias. I can picture what my troubles would be, and yours?”
“Tell me, Helen.”
“Tell me, Helen.”
“Calm, grave, quiet sorrows, which will not have the fever of doubt and hope in them, which you will know certainly, and be able to weep silent tears for. Lilias, I think these will be yours; and for me—I do not know—I think strong troubles that I can fight and battle with; unquiet, living griefs that will keep me strained and labouring. Lilias, is it not my foolish fancies that make you sad?”
“Calm, serious, quiet sorrows that won’t be mixed with the restlessness of doubt and hope—ones you'll understand clearly and be able to weep for silently. Lilias, I believe these sorrows will belong to you; as for me—I’m not sure—I think I'll face strong challenges that I can fight against; restless, living griefs that will keep me tense and working hard. Lilias, is it my silly thoughts that make you feel sad?”
“No. I do not see the sun just now, that is all,” said the pale calm Lilias, shutting the eyes which were again full. “Helen, Helen, let us not say any more.{217}”
“No. I can’t see the sun right now, that’s all,” said the pale, calm Lilias, closing her tear-filled eyes again. “Helen, Helen, let’s not talk about it anymore.{217}”
CHAPTER III.
"Focused on her damask cheek." — Twelfth Night.
The good Mossgray was pained for the dimness which hung about his adopted child. It was not positive sorrow—it was only a shadowy quietness as of a cloud, and very still and patient was Lilias. She was trying to live in the present only, because the future, when she tried to look upon it, made her heart sick; but it is not in the nature of humanity to do this, and her effort to confine herself to those individual hours, as one by one in their quietness they glided past her, made her only languidly indifferent to them all. For Lilias was alone: the hope in peril was her sole hope; kindly ties of kindred there were none for her, and except the old man, her guardian, to whom she looked with tenderness and reverence as to a father, but who yet was not her father, nor had part in all the associations of the past as members of one family have, she had none in the world but this one—and he!—
The good Mossgray was troubled by the gloom surrounding his adopted child. It wasn’t deep sorrow—it was more like a subtle, lingering sadness, and Lilias remained very calm and patient. She was attempting to live only in the present because thinking about the future made her feel ill; but it's human nature to struggle with this, and her attempts to stay focused on each quiet moment, as they slipped by one after another, left her feeling only vaguely indifferent to them all. Lilias was alone: the hope in danger was her only hope; there were no supportive family ties for her, and besides the old man, her guardian, whom she looked up to with affection and respect as a father—though he wasn’t her father, nor did he share in the memories that bind a family together—she had no one else in the world but him!
Where was he? was it peril or illness, or, painfullest of all, was it change, which produced this agony of silence? She tried to interdict herself from the constant speculation to which she could give no answer, but the yearning wonder and anxiety were too strong for the sorrowful heart; yet she said nothing. She could not blame him; she could not have another fancy that on his truth there lay the faintest suspicion; and with that haze of mild, subdued patience about her, she waited, and when she did think of the future time at all, thought of what lay beyond that fated, solemn day, on which tidings might and surely must come, as of some dreamy, unknown chaos, strange and chill, another life.
Where was he? Was it danger or illness, or, most painfully of all, was it change that caused this agonizing silence? She tried to stop herself from the constant wondering that had no answers, but the deep yearning and anxiety were too strong for her sorrowful heart; still, she said nothing. She couldn’t blame him; she couldn’t let herself think that there was even the slightest suspicion about his honesty; and with a sense of mild, subdued patience around her, she waited. When she did think about the future at all, she considered what lay beyond that destined, solemn day, when news might—and surely must—arrive, like some strange, unknown chaos, eerie and cold, another life.
“I dinna ken what’s come to Miss Lillie,” said Mrs Mense, with a sigh.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into Miss Lillie,” said Mrs. Mense, with a sigh.
“She’s ower muckle made o’, that’s it,” responded the sourer Janet.
“She’s way too full of herself, that’s all,” replied the grumpier Janet.
“Woman, woman!” said the housekeeper, bitterly, “have ye nae memory o’ being ance young yoursel’, and maybe{218} having troubles in your ain heart that wadna bear telling? but I needna speak to you.”
“Woman, woman!” said the housekeeper, bitterly, “don’t you remember what it was like to be young yourself, and maybe{218} having troubles in your own heart that you couldn’t share? But I don’t need to talk to you.”
“Na, I reckon no,” said Janet. “Me! I wad just like to hear onybody say that I ever had a trouble a’ my born days that mightna hae been visible to the haill world if it likit.”
“ No, I don’t think so,” said Janet. “Me! I would just like to hear anyone say that I ever had a problem in my whole life that couldn’t have been seen by the entire world if they wanted to.”
“And that just shows how little ye ken about it,” said Mrs Mense; “if ye ever had a heart ava, it maun hae grown to bane twenty year ago. Are ye gaun to iron thae bits o’ laces for the young lady or are ye no’?—for if ye’re no’, I’ll do’t mysel’—”
“And that just shows how little you understand about it,” said Mrs. Mense; “if you ever had a heart at all, it must have turned to stone twenty years ago. Are you going to iron those bits of lace for the young lady or not?—because if you’re not, I’ll do it myself—”
“The young lady—set her up!” said the housekeeper de facto. “Muckle right she has to the auld Lady Mossgray’s guid lace. He’ll be gieing her the land next; there’s nae fuils like auld fuils.”
“The young lady—set her up!” said the housekeeper de facto. “She has every right to the old Lady Mossgray’s good lace. He’ll be giving her the land next; there are no fools like old fools.”
“Janet Mense,” said the old woman, “ye hae eaten the Laird’s bread mony a year, and I hae suffered ye in the house, for a’ your ill tongue, and for a’ sae little worth as ye are; but if ye daur to say anither word against Mr Adam, I’ll take ye by the shouthers and put ye forth from this door. I’ll do it with my ain hands; sae ye ken.”
“Janet Mense,” said the old woman, “you’ve eaten the Laird’s bread for many years, and I’ve tolerated you in the house despite your harsh words and your worthlessness; but if you dare to say another word against Mr. Adam, I’ll grab you by the shoulders and throw you out of this door. I’ll do it with my own hands, just so you know.”
Janet judged it prudent to sound a retreat. She began to spread the lace upon the table, preparatory to the process of ironing.
Janet thought it wise to back off. She started to lay the lace on the table, getting ready to iron it.
“The wife’s in a creel,” said Robbie Carlyle the fisherman, entering with his basket of flounders, thinly covered with a few grilse. “Wha’s she gaun to pit to the door? If it’s Effie, I’ll hae nae mair dealings wi’ ye, Mrs Mense; for Effie’s Jamie Caryl’s daughter, and Jamie’s my second cousin; sae we’ll be to ’gree again.”
“The wife’s in a creel,” said Robbie Carlyle the fisherman, walking in with his basket of flounders, lightly covered with a few grilse. “Who’s she going to let in? If it’s Effie, I won’t be dealing with you anymore, Mrs. Mense; because Effie is Jamie Caryl’s daughter, and Jamie is my second cousin; so we’ll have to come to an understanding again.”
“And wha’ll tire sunest o’ that, Robbie, my man?” said the housekeeper.
“And who will get tired of that first, Robbie, my man?” said the housekeeper.
“Faith, I dinna ken,” said the bold fisherman, “there’s waur folk nor me, guid wife; and if I missed your custom, ye wad miss my ca’, ye ken; for I’m guid company—especially when I bring the cuddie.”
“Honestly, I don’t know,” said the confident fisherman, “there are worse people than me, good lady; and if I lose your business, you would miss my visits, you know; because I’m great company—especially when I bring the donkey.”
“I would like to ken, Robbie Caryl,” said Janet, “what the like o’ you has to do wi’ a cuddie.”
“I would like to know, Robbie Caryl,” said Janet, “what someone like you has to do with a donkey.”
“The like o’ me! Ye’re a sensible woman, Jen, but ye dinna ken a’thing; it’s no to be expected. I ken few that does, by mysel’, and Mossgray, and the minister; the like o’ me! as if I wasna as ’sponsible a man as there is in the parish, and as weel entitled to hae ease to my shouthers!{219} There’s thristles and dockens enow aboon tidemark to mainteen a dizzen cuddies, and he taks nae cleeding, puir beast; he’s cheaper than a wean.”
“The likes of me! You’re a sensible woman, Jen, but you don’t know anything; that’s not surprising. I know a few who do, including myself, Mossgray, and the minister; the likes of me! As if I weren’t as responsible a man as anyone in the parish, and just as entitled to have some rest on my shoulders!{219} There are enough thistles and dockens above the high tide mark to support a dozen donkeys, and he’s not worth a penny, poor beast; he’s cheaper than a child.”
“Eh, Robbie!” said Mrs Mense, reproachfully, “to even the bits of innocent bairns to a brute beast!”
“Hey, Robbie!” said Mrs. Mense, scoldingly, “to even the little innocent kids to a savage animal!”
“He’s a very decent beast,” said Robbie. “I hae kent mony a waur Christian. The bairns! I hae half a dizzen curly pows o’ them, ilk ane a greater sorrow than the tither, and I can tell ye it’s Blackie out there that has the maist cause to compleen o’ being evened to them. He’s a decent, sober, ’sponsible beast, like my ain sel’, and the little anes are evendown spirits, never out o’ mischief, if it binna when they’re tumbled in a dub; and then ane has the fash o’ fishing them out again.”
“He’s a really decent animal,” said Robbie. “I’ve known many worse people. The kids! I have half a dozen curly-haired ones, each one a greater source of trouble than the last, and I can tell you it’s Blackie out there who has the most reason to complain about being evened to them. He’s a decent, sober, responsible creature, just like me, and the little ones are a handful, always getting into trouble unless they’re stuck in a puddle; and then one of them has the task of fishing them out again.”
“It maun be awfu’ dangerous for bairns, that weary marsh,” said Mrs Mense, sympathetically.
“It must be really dangerous for kids, that tiring marsh,” said Mrs. Mense, sympathetically.
“Hout, we never fash our heads about it,” said the fisherman; “they’re a’ born to plouter amang saut water: it comes natural; when they do get a fa’, the oldest anes can scramble out again, and there’s nane o’ them ower young to skirl. The wife whiles makes a fyke about it, but nane o’ them ’ll drown. You might maist say they were born in the sea; onyway, the tide was up on the very doorstane the nicht Sandy was born. It was an uncommon high tide; and the weans hae a story that he came in on the tap o’ a muckle wave. Little Mary wad maist swear she saw the bit wee beld pow o’ him in amang the foam; and the foam’s nane o’ the clearest, I can tell ye, when the Firth’s in a roar.”
“We never worry about that,” said the fisherman. “They’re all born to mess around in salty water; it comes naturally to them. When they do fall in, the oldest ones can scramble out again, and none of them are too young to scream. The wife sometimes makes a fuss about it, but none of them will drown. You could almost say they were born in the sea; anyway, the tide was right up on the doorstep the night Sandy was born. It was an unusually high tide, and the kids have a story that he came in on top of a big wave. Little Mary would almost swear she saw that little bald head of his in the foam; and the foam isn’t exactly clear, I can tell you, when the Firth is roaring.”
“Wasna Monday nicht uncommon coarse doun-bye?” said Janet. “Did ye hear if there was ony skaith dune, Robbie?”
“Wasn't Monday pretty rough down by the river?” said Janet. “Did you hear if there was any damage done, Robbie?”
“Hout, woman, do ye ca’ yon coarse?” answered the salt-water man. “Skaith! no, if it werena that auld careless body Willie Tamson that brought in his heavy brute o’ a boat ower the nets, and had nigh coupit her, forbye driving I kenna how mony stakes out of the shore, and garring us lose a day’s kep. The fish are aye maist plentiful when the water’s troubled; puir beasts! they haena muckle variety in their life—I’m thinking they’ll like a storm for the sake o’ change; onyway, they’re aye strong when the Firth’s champing like an ill-willy horse.”
“Hout, woman, do you call that rough?” answered the salt-water man. “Goodness! No, if it weren’t for that old careless guy Willie Tamson who brought his heavy boat over the nets and nearly capsized it, besides driving I don’t know how many stakes out of the shore, making us lose a day’s catch. The fish are always most plentiful when the water’s disturbed; poor things! They don’t have much variety in their lives—I’m thinking they’ll appreciate a storm for a change; anyway, they’re always strong when the Firth’s churning like a restless horse.”
“And are ye doing ought weel, Robbie?” said Mrs Mense.
“And are you doing anything well, Robbie?” said Mrs. Mense.
“No to compleen o’,” answered Robbie, “it aye hauds us{220} gaun. I’m thinking we’ll be no that ill this year; the red fish looks weel. See to that grilse; ye’ll be needing it for the Laird’s dinner the day. Did ye ever see a bonnier beast in the water or out o’t?”
“Not to complain,” replied Robbie, “it always keeps us{220} going. I think we’ll be doing pretty well this year; the red fish looks good. Make sure you pay attention to that grilse; you’ll need it for the Laird’s dinner today. Have you ever seen a prettier creature in the water or out of it?”
After considerable bargaining, the grilse was laid aside together with store of flounders.
After a lot of haggling, the small salmon was put aside along with a bunch of flounders.
“For there’s nae saying,” said Robbie, “when I may be round again, and it’s better to hae a wheen ower mony than ower few—that’s philosophy—ye can ask the Laird. I’m thinking to send Peter mair; he’s a muckle callant grown, and I see nae occasion I have, to keep a doug, and bark mysel; if it wasna that it wad be an awfu’ loss to the haill countryside—I dinna ken what ye wad a’ do, wanting me.”
“For there's no telling,” said Robbie, “when I might be back again, and it’s better to have a few too many than too few—that’s philosophy—you can ask the Laird. I’m thinking of sending Peter more; he’s a big lad now, and I don’t see any reason to keep a dog and bark myself; if it wasn’t for that, it would be a terrible loss for the whole countryside—I don’t know what you would all do without me.”
“Ye’ve aye a guid word o’ yoursel, Robbie Caryl,” said Janet.
“You’ve always got a good word for yourself, Robbie Caryl,” said Janet.
“There’s ne’er a ane kens me as weel, Jen, my woman,” retorted the undaunted Robbie; “if it binna the wife; and the wife’s gift is mair for finding out folk’s faults than their guid qualities; but when I gie ower coming ye’ll find it out; see if ye dinna be gieing weary looks ilka market-day for Robbie Caryl and the cuddie.”
“There’s never anyone who knows me as well, Jen, my dear,” replied the fearless Robbie; “if it’s not the wife; and the wife’s talent is more for discovering people’s faults than their good traits; but when I stop visiting you, you’ll notice it; just wait and see if you don’t start giving weary looks every market day for Robbie Caryl and the donkey.”
“We’ll wait till that time comes, Robbie,” said Mrs Mense; “but, man, hae ye nae mair news than that?”
“We'll wait until then, Robbie,” said Mrs. Mense; “but, come on, don’t you have any more news than that?”
“Hearken till her noo,” said Robbie, reflectively; “hearken till the gate o’ thae women—ne’er a thing but news in the heads o’ them. Jen, I’m awa’—hae ye ony message to your joe? I’m the canniest man gaun—I ne’er was blackfit at a courtin’ yet but it throve; and speaking about marryin’—that’s what ye ca’ news, I’m thinking?—the wives in the toun are thrang on the top o’ ane e’en now.”
“Hear her now,” said Robbie, thoughtfully; “listen to those women—always full of news. Jen, I’m off—do you have any message for your guy? I’m the smartest man going—I’ve never failed at courting yet, and it’s always worked out; and speaking of marriage—that’s what you call news, right?—the wives in town are busy with that right now.”
“Wha is’t Robbie?” asked Janet and her aunt together.
“What is it, Robbie?” asked Janet and her aunt at the same time.
“Oh, I hae gotten till the right thing noo, have I? It’s ane that’ll ne’er be in this world—it’s the minister.”
“Oh, I've finally found the right thing now, have I? It's one that will never exist in this world—it's the minister.”
“The minister!” said Mrs Mense, “and what ill will hae ye at the winsome lad, Robbie Caryl, that ye should say he wad never be married?”
“The minister!” said Mrs. Mense, “What grudge do you have against the charming guy, Robbie Caryl, that you would say he’ll never get married?”
“I said nae sic thing; ye tak folk up, neebor, afore they fa’. He may hae half a hunder wives for onything I care, but I’ll just tell him ae guid word o’ counsel—he needna fash his thoom about this ane.”
“I didn’t say anything like that; you pick on people, neighbor, before they fall. He can have half a hundred wives for all I care, but I’ll just give him one good piece of advice—he shouldn’t worry his thumb about this one.”
“And wha is she that’s sae grand?” said the old housekeeper, “set her up! does she think the minister’s no guid enough for onybody?{221}”
“And who is she that’s so grand?” said the old housekeeper, “put her on a pedestal! Does she think the minister isn’t good enough for anyone?{221}”
The Reverend Robert was an immense favourite with Mrs Mense. She felt it as an injury to the Church that he should not be able to choose where it pleased him.
The Reverend Robert was a huge favorite of Mrs. Mense. She felt it was a disservice to the Church that he couldn't choose where he wanted to be.
“I’m no speaking about grandness—she’s nae muckle lady; she’s just the mistress o’ the schule our wee Mary’s at, learning to sew and to behave hersel; but, Mrs Mense, you’re auld—ye dinna mind o’ the fancies o’ young folk. It’s you and me, Jen, that can understand how ane whiles likes ae body better than anither—and ye’ll gie me the message to your joe?”
“I’m not talking about greatness—she’s not a fancy lady; she’s just the head of the school where our little Mary is learning to sew and behave herself. But, Mrs. Mense, you’re older—you don’t remember the whims of young people. It’s you and me, Jen, who can understand how sometimes you like one person more than another—and you’ll send my message to your guy?”
Jen made a furious lunge at the bold Robbie with the poker she had in her hand. Her irons were not heating so well as they should have done. Janet was in a bad humour.
Jen lunged angrily at the daring Robbie with the poker she was holding. Her irons weren't heating up as well as they should have. Janet was in a terrible mood.
“Dear me, Robbie, did ye say it was the schulemistress?” said Mrs Mense with some concern; “nae doubt she’s a great friend o’ our Miss Lillie’s—but the misguided lad! He might have seen how Mr Wright, at Fairholm, made a wreck o’ himsel, wi’ marryin’ Willie Tasker’s daughter; but it’s nae use speaking—for nothing will learn thae young folk.”
“Goodness, Robbie, did you say it was the schoolmistress?” Mrs. Mense asked, clearly worried. “No doubt she’s a good friend of our Miss Lillie’s—but that misguided boy! He could have seen how Mr. Wright at Fairholm completely ruined himself by marrying Willie Tasker’s daughter; but it’s no use talking—nothing will teach these young people.”
“Never you heed, gudewife,” said Robbie, “there’s nae ill dune. I’ll wad ye a’ the red fish that comes into the net atween this and Sabbath that she’ll no tak’ him.”
“Don’t worry about it, good wife,” said Robbie, “there’s nothing wrong done. I’ll bet you all the red fish that come into the net between now and Sunday that she won’t take him.”
“She’ll no tak’ him—the minister?—she’s no blate!”
“She won’t take him—the minister?—she’s not shy!”
“Whisht, whisht,” said the fisherman, “we needna be misca’ing folk that never did us ony ill. She’s as blate as she has ony occasion to be; but there’s anither lad in the gate, ye ken—that’s it, Jen; ye’ll mind by yoursel.”
“Shh, shh,” said the fisherman, “we shouldn’t be saying bad things about people who’ve never done us any harm. She’s as shy as she needs to be; but there’s another guy in the way, you know—that’s it, Jen; you’ll remember on your own.”
“I wish ye wad haud the clavering tongue o’ ye,” said the indignant Janet; “I ken?—I ken nane o’ your ill ways—ye needna be putting the name o’ them on me; and wha’s the ither lad?”
“I wish you would stop your talking,” said the indignant Janet; “I know?—I don’t know any of your bad habits—you don’t need to pin them on me; and who is the other guy?”
“Do ye think I dinna ken that ye wad never trust me wi’ that bit message, if I was telling about anither young lady’s sweetheart? Hout, woman, ye’re no gaun to get round me wi’ the like o’ that. I’m a man to be trusted here where I stand; if I wasna, Jen, I wad ne’er hae had the face to ask a woman o’ your experience to send your bit message wi’ me; but ye may ken it’s safe in my hands—never mortal shall hear tell o’t but the ane.”
“Do you think I don’t know that you would never trust me with that little message if I was talking about another young lady’s boyfriend? Come on, woman, you’re not going to trick me with that. I can be trusted right here where I am; if I wasn’t, Jen, I would never have had the nerve to ask a woman like you to send this small message with me; but you can be sure it’s safe in my hands—no one will ever hear about it except for the one person.”
The exasperated Janet threatened Robbie with her hot iron; with a broad laugh the fisherman evaded it, but he did not retreat.{222}
The frustrated Janet threatened Robbie with her hot iron; with a big laugh, the fisherman dodged it, but he didn't back down.{222}
“And Miss Buchanan telled ye, Robbie?” said Mrs Mense, “weel she’s no ower nice o’ her counsellors.”
“And Miss Buchanan told you, Robbie?” said Mrs. Mense, “well, she’s not too particular about her advisors.”
“She’s nane sae wise as to tell me,” said the incorrigible Robbie, “but I have an e’e in my ain head—no to say twa, and them black anes. Ye see ae black e’e’s as guid as three blue anes ony day; for no to speak o’ the licht that ilka body can see through, I hae a gift, like the cats, to see in the dark. Na, na, Miss Buchanan has nae thocht I’m in her counsels—but for a’ that, I ken; and ye may think when I heard the wives in the toun a’ keckling about the minister—I leuch. Some o’ them had new found it out, that he was aye wandering about the townend; but he needna fash his thoom—and I’ve a guid mind to tell him mysel.”
“She's not wise enough to tell me,” said the incorrigible Robbie, “but I have an eye in my own head—not to mention two, and they're black ones. You see, one black eye is as good as three blue ones any day; not to mention the light that everyone can see through, I have a gift, like cats, to see in the dark. No, no, Miss Buchanan doesn’t think I'm in her plans—but even so, I know; and you may believe that when I heard the women in town gossiping about the minister—I laughed. Some of them had just figured out that he was always wandering around the town; but he doesn't need to worry—and I’m half a mind to tell him myself.”
“He’ll no be muckle heeding,” said Mrs Mense with dignity; “the like o’ him, a fine-looking lad that micht get as guid a leddy as ony in the country-side; and she’s no even that you could ca’ particular bonnie. Oh! thae young callants, how they will aye rin after their ain fancies!”
“He won't pay much attention,” said Mrs. Mense with dignity; “a guy like him, a handsome lad who could get as good a girl as anyone in the countryside; and she’s not even someone you’d call particularly pretty. Oh! those young boys, how they always run after their own whims!”
The prudential demurrings of the Reverend Robert Insches as to the eligibility of the humble schoolmistress of Fendie were perfectly justified. The parish decided that she was not eligible—that the minister would clearly throw himself away—that the dignity of the Church would be compromised; but the Reverend Robert was now out of his depths, and had lost the footing of prudence. He was not aware that his wanderings about “the townend” began to be discussed by Robbie Carlyle and his customers. The minister was very much more interested at present in consideration of what was said and done in the little, quiet, dusky parlour, than in any other apartment in Fendie, or in broad Scotland. He had lost his balance; he could no longer manage himself according to his old rules, even though the dearly beloved “position” should be put in jeopardy. The chances of his pursuit made him a little anxious sometimes, but there was no withdrawal; he must either win or fail.{223}
The Reverend Robert Insches’ concerns about the eligibility of the humble schoolmistress of Fendie were completely valid. The parish decided she wasn’t suitable—that the minister would clearly be wasting himself—that the dignity of the Church would be at stake; but Reverend Robert was now out of his depth and had lost his sense of caution. He didn’t realize that his wandering around “the townend” was becoming a topic of conversation among Robbie Carlyle and his customers. The minister was far more focused on what was happening in the small, quiet, dimly-lit parlor than in any other room in Fendie or across all of Scotland. He had lost his equilibrium; he could no longer conduct himself according to his usual principles, even if the dearly cherished “position” was at risk. Sometimes the chances of his pursuit made him a bit anxious, but there was no turning back; he had to either succeed or fail.{223}
CHAPTER IV.
Mrs Buchanan had a good deal of anxiety about the position and prospects of her daughter. People began to speak of those constant visits of the minister, and now, when it seemed likely that some decision must speedily be come to, Mrs Buchanan began to think remorsefully of the long-tried familiar friend, whose place in their little household Mr Insches seemed so resolute to take. Yet she liked Mr Insches; she liked him for the simple, natural character which the influence of Helen seemed to draw forth more naturally and simply every day; she liked him, even for the faults which he could not hide; and most of all she liked him because he had fallen from his hobby—had lost his depth—and because it was no longer in his power to pretend that he could elevate that lofty head of his, and take his assiduities away. Besides it would be so very suitable; the modest dignity of his place, equal to the richest yet within the reach of the very poor—its necessary literature and necessary benevolence, which the good mother fancied would suit so well the delicate, impulsive, variable spirit of her only child: all these things increased her desire to see the suit of Mr Insches successful,—and yet—we are inconsistent always, we human folk—the gentle Mrs Buchanan looked wistfully at the address of the Edinburgh newspaper which he sent her constantly, and wondered how William would feel if he saw the new occupant of his long-accustomed corner. She did not like, in her kind inconsistency, to come to any distinct explanation with her daughter; often she spoke of Mr Insches, and Helen sometimes blushed as she listened; but the blush now was painful and uneasy. Mrs Buchanan became very anxious—desiring, and yet not desiring that this should come to some definite end.
Ms. Buchanan was quite anxious about her daughter's situation and future. People began to notice the minister's frequent visits, and now, with a decision seemingly needing to be made soon, Mrs Buchanan found herself thinking with regret about the long-time family friend that Mr Insches appeared so determined to replace. However, she liked Mr Insches; she appreciated his simple, genuine character, which Helen seemed to bring out more naturally every day. She even liked him for the flaws he couldn't hide; most of all, she liked that he had lost his pretense—he had dropped his hobby and no longer tried to elevate himself or pull away. Plus, it seemed so fitting; the modest respectability of his position was attainable even for those with little means—his essential knowledge and kindness, which the caring mother believed would match her delicate, emotional, and changeable only child beautifully. All of this made her hope for Mr Insches' success, yet—humans are always inconsistent—gentle Mrs Buchanan found herself gazing longingly at the Edinburgh newspaper he constantly sent her, wondering how William would feel if he saw someone new in his familiar spot. In her kind inconsistency, she hesitated to have a clear conversation with her daughter; she often mentioned Mr Insches, causing Helen to blush at times, but that blush had turned painful and uneasy. Mrs Buchanan grew increasingly concerned—wanting and yet not wanting this situation to reach a definite conclusion.
Helen too felt her position very painful; night after night the Reverend Robert was there, with his good looks, his good mind, and the little sparks of temper which diversified and{224} animated them. Week after week passed away, and she saw or heard nowhere but in the newspaper the name of William Oswald. She began to have a disagreeable consciousness that it was possible she might come to like this Reverend Robert, and she began to be a little piqued and angry at his rival for suffering her to remain so long ignorant of all his proceedings and feelings. Helen did not remember then the very decided negative she had put upon his proposal to write; she did not remember anything at that moment, in exculpation of the resolute labourer toiling to the utmost of his stout faculties in the distant city. She only felt impatient, inconsistent, irritable; very much disposed to quarrel with the two candidates for her favour, and still more offended with herself.
Helen also felt her situation was quite painful; night after night, Reverend Robert was there, with his good looks, sharp mind, and little flashes of temper that made their interactions lively.{224} Weeks went by, and she only encountered the name of William Oswald in the newspaper. She started to feel uncomfortably aware that she might come to like Reverend Robert, and she found herself a little annoyed and angry with his rival for keeping her in the dark about all his actions and feelings for so long. At that moment, Helen didn't recall the clear no she had given to his suggestion of writing; she didn't remember anything that might justify the dedicated worker striving hard in the distant city. All she felt was impatience, inconsistency, and irritability; she was very much inclined to argue with both contenders for her affection, and even more upset with herself.
In this mood she set out one dull May afternoon immediately after her little crowd had dispersed, to see a small invalid whose place had been vacant among them for more than a week. It was Robbie Carlyle’s little daughter, Mary, who had been ill with some childish epidemic, and was now recovering. Helen had been struggling with the most painful mood of her nervous temperament this day—its irritability; she found herself a hundred times on the very point of unnecessary fault-finding—in spite of all her precautions, impatient hasty words had escaped from her lips; and now she was turning her sword against herself, and was in a bitter, painful, unhappy humour, which it was best to carry away out of the society of any whom it might wound, into the still country road, along which she went with the unequal pace, now slow, now hasty, which was usual to her.
On a dull May afternoon, right after her little gathering had broken up, she set out to visit a small invalid who had been absent from their group for over a week. It was Robbie Carlyle's young daughter, Mary, who had been sick with a childhood illness and was now recovering. Helen had been dealing with the most painful mood of her nervous nature that day—its irritability. She found herself on the verge of unnecessary criticism multiple times; despite her efforts to remain composed, impatient, hasty words slipped out. Now, she was turning her frustration inward, feeling bitter, painful, and unhappy, which was best handled away from anyone who might be hurt by it, so she took to the quiet country road, walking with her usual uneven pace—sometimes slow, sometimes brisk.
The gentle summer air, the dreamy silence just touched and made human with its floating far-away sounds of life, the dim sky above with its soft dark clouds and veiled sun—in these was a charm to which the unquiet spirit never failed to answer. A touch of the kindly humanity which makes the whole world kin, might have lifted her up in a moment into the midst of the sunny clouds of her own bright especial heaven; but when Nature was the physician, the effect was different; the unhappy mood stole away into the deep sadness peculiar to her, and she lingered now and then to look over the fair, dim country with those slanting lines of pale sunshine stealing over it, from the head of yon shrouded mountain in the west, her heart sinking into the depths the while. The cap of which Skiddaw wots when it{225} is put on, was shading the dark brow of the Scottish hill, and the air was subdued and soft, and the wind sighed about the hedges as though its wings were drenched with rain. Few articulate thoughts were in the downcast mind of Helen; only the thread of linked and varied fancies, which sometimes quivered below the sunbeams like a golden chord, was now sad and drooping like the wind. The unconscious tears gathered in her eyes—the shadow fell heavily over her heart. Slowly along the quiet road she wandered enveloped in the mist of her changed mood. The annoyances and the little angers had vanished away, but she was very sad.
The gentle summer air, the dreamy silence just touched and made human with its distant sounds of life, the dim sky above with its soft dark clouds and hidden sun—in all of this was a charm to which her restless spirit always responded. A touch of the kindness that makes the whole world feel connected might have lifted her up in a moment into her own bright, sunny heaven; but when nature was the healer, the effect was different. Her unhappy mood faded into a deep sadness that was uniquely hers, and she paused occasionally to gaze over the beautiful, dim countryside with those slanting lines of pale sunshine across it, coming from the peak of that cloud-covered mountain in the west, her heart sinking deeper all the while. The cap of Skiddaw was casting a shadow over the dark brow of the Scottish hill, and the air was calm and soft, with the wind sighing through the hedges as if its wings were soaked with rain. Few clear thoughts were in Helen's downcast mind; only the thread of connected and varied thoughts, which sometimes shimmered like a golden string beneath the sunbeams, was now sad and drooping like the wind. Unconscious tears gathered in her eyes—the shadow weighed heavily on her heart. Slowly, she wandered along the quiet road, wrapped in the fog of her changed mood. The frustrations and small annoyances had faded away, but she felt very sad.
Just then she came in sight of the Firth; between her and its pale glittering waves lay the green breadth of the Marsh, with its fine sea-side grass, and pools of deep still water. Nowhere, far or near, was there grass so smooth and velvet-like, as the close thin-bladed grass of this dangerous play-ground, interdicted to the obedient children of Fendie. But the children of Fendie, like all others, had a craving for interdicted pleasures, and when they got together in bands and could have the countenance of other rebels, the Marsh was a favourite trysting-place; and the bold example of Robbie Caryl’s amphibious boys overcame scruples of timidity. It was excellent sport to leap over the gleaming pools of salt water; the strong really enjoyed it, and the weak, precociously compelled by fear of ridicule to do as others did, made pretence of enjoying it too.
Just then, she spotted the Firth; between her and its shimmering waves stretched the green expanse of the Marsh, with its lush seaside grass and deep, still pools of water. Nowhere, near or far, was there grass as smooth and soft as the fine, thin-bladed grass of this risky playground, forbidden to the obedient kids of Fendie. But the kids of Fendie, like all others, craved forbidden pleasures, and when they came together in groups and had the support of other rebels, the Marsh became a favorite meeting spot; the daring example set by Robbie Caryl’s adventurous boys encouraged those who were hesitant. It was great fun to leap over the glistening saltwater pools; the strong genuinely enjoyed it, while the weaker ones, pushed by their fear of being mocked, pretended to join in the fun too.
Pale, slanting, watery sunbeams were gleaming in the salt pools and on the shrunken Firth, as it began to gather volume, and retrace its rapid steps to the shore. It has strange moods this southern Firth; you see bare, dreary sand-banks at night, dotted with the stake-nets of the fishers, in the very midst of its broad course, where ships will sail bravely when to-morrow’s tide is in. The far-away English hills were blotted out with the mist of coming rain, and over the dark hill in the west the sun threw his flickering, sickly beams, longer and longer drawn out, as he faintly glided downward to his bed in the sea.
Pale, angled, watery rays of sunlight were shining in the salt pools and on the shrinking Firth as it started to gain size and retrace its quick steps back to the shore. This southern Firth has strange moods; you can see bare, dreary sandbanks at night, speckled with the stake nets of fishermen, right in the middle of its wide path, where ships will sail confidently when tomorrow's tide comes in. The distant English hills were obscured by the mist of impending rain, and over the dark hill in the west, the sun cast its flickering, weak rays, stretching longer and longer as it slowly sank down to its resting place in the sea.
The Marsh was somewhere about a mile in extent, stretching along the bank of the Firth eastward from the mouth of the Fendie water. For the most part it looked verdant and tempting at a little distance, and was indeed scarcely so much a Marsh as a great extent of fine sea-side grass—what is called links in other places in Scotland—save that this was{226} a complete net-work of clear salt-water pools, only to be traversed by dint of leaping. As Helen approached its borders a few children were painfully disentangling themselves from its labyrinth. Some of the pools were tolerably deep, and the Fendie children, to increase their dread of the Marsh, had been taught to believe them deeper. The little wanderers on this occasion had been struck with fear as they began to see the tawny waves of the returning Firth roll in on the dark pebbly sand far below. The clouds were gathering close over the sky as though the night was about to fall—some of the small hearts were beating timorously—they were all struggling as they could towards the road.
The Marsh was about a mile long, extending along the bank of the Firth eastward from where the Fendie water flows into it. It mostly appeared green and inviting from a distance, and it was really more of a large expanse of fine seaside grass—what’s known as links in other areas of Scotland—except that this was{226} a complete network of clear saltwater pools that could only be crossed by jumping. As Helen got closer, she saw a few children struggling to free themselves from its maze. Some of the pools were pretty deep, and the Fendie kids, to heighten their fear of the Marsh, had been taught to think they were even deeper. The little explorers had become frightened as they noticed the brown waves of the returning Firth rolling in on the dark, pebbly sand far below. The clouds were gathering closely in the sky, as if night was about to fall—some of the small hearts were beating nervously—they were all trying to make their way toward the road as best they could.
In the very heart of the Marsh where lay the deepest, broadest pools of all, shutting in the unwary wanderer on every side, Helen saw a little girl lifting in her arms a small, heavy brother, much younger, but not much less than herself. On even ground she could scarcely carry him, but now the young heroine had a desperate attempt to make. The rain had begun, the last lingering sunbeam was gone: all their companions were already out of peril; the poor little sister was essaying to leap over the pool which intercepted her, with the great lumbering boy in her arms.
In the very heart of the Marsh, where the deepest and widest pools were located, trapping any unwary wanderer on all sides, Helen saw a young girl struggling to carry her small, heavy younger brother, who was much younger but almost as big as her. On flat ground, she could barely lift him, but now this young girl was making a desperate effort. The rain had started, and the last lingering sunbeam had disappeared; all their friends were already safe from danger. The poor little sister was trying to jump over the pool that blocked her path, with the big, clumsy boy in her arms.
“Dinna, Jeanie—dinna try’t,” cried another little girl, looking back; “just bide a wee while. I’ll rin and get Robbie Caryl—there’s nae fears.”
“Don't, Jeanie—don't try it,” shouted another little girl, glancing back; “just wait a little while. I’ll run and get Robbie Caryl—there's no need to worry.”
But Jeanie had many fears, and the rain began to come heavily down, and Robbie Caryl’s cottage was a full quarter of a mile away; so she made the leap, her frightened heart beating loud. It was successful so far; the little blubbering brother was safely landed, but she herself plunged to the knee into the pool, and her frock was torn, and one of her clogs lost in the tenacious wet sand. Poor Jeanie could not wait to get it out, and every step of her progress must be made at the same peril. She sat down on the sharp grass beside her little brother, and looked at her torn wet frock, and cried bitterly, with visions of high tide, and the dreary darkness, and being drowned, alternating in her mind with terror for what her mother would say about the torn frock and the lost shoe.
But Jeanie was really scared, and the rain started pouring down hard, and Robbie Caryl's cottage was a whole quarter-mile away. So, she took a leap, her heart racing. She made it so far; her little brother was safe, but she ended up sinking to her knee in the water, her dress got torn, and one of her clogs got lost in the stubborn wet sand. Poor Jeanie couldn’t stop to get it out, and every step she took could lead to more trouble. She sat down on the sharp grass next to her little brother, looked at her ripped wet dress, and cried bitterly, imagining the high tide, the gloomy darkness, and drowning, mixed with fear over what her mom would say about the torn dress and the lost shoe.
But Jeanie must rise and lift little Tammie, and try again; and as she looked wistfully over the dark Marsh, she saw some one taller and more agile than herself, springing step by step over the dangerous pools.{227}
But Jeanie had to get up and pick up little Tammie, and try again; and as she gazed longingly over the dark Marsh, she spotted someone taller and more nimble than herself, leaping step by step over the treacherous pools.{227}
“It’s only a woman,” said Jeanie to herself, sadly; but immediately the little heart rose and grew courageous: “It’s the mistress!”
“It’s just a woman,” Jeanie said to herself, feeling down; but right away, her small heart lifted and became brave: “It’s the mistress!”
She had cured Helen. The cheek of the young schoolmistress of Fendie was glowing through the rain as if it never could be pale. Peter himself, the embryo fisherman, had never leaped those gleaming pools more bravely than Helen did. It was somewhat hard for an amusement to other than boyhood, but it made her eyes sparkle and her heart beat; she had never been blyther than she was now.
She had healed Helen. The cheeks of the young schoolteacher from Fendie were glowing through the rain as if they could never look pale. Peter himself, the aspiring fisherman, had never jumped those shining pools more boldly than Helen did. It was a little challenging for something other than childhood fun, but it made her eyes shine and her heart race; she had never been happier than she was now.
He was a serious weight, that little blubbering Tammie, and was somewhat afraid of the honour of being lifted in the arms of the mistress. It awed him into silence; and Jeanie ventured to pause, to rescue her shoe. The mistress assured her that the pool was not so deep after all, and Jeanie forgot her fears.
He was quite a handful, that little crying Tammie, and was a bit scared about being picked up by the mistress. It made him quiet; and Jeanie took a moment to stop and save her shoe. The mistress reassured her that the water wasn't really that deep, and Jeanie put her worries aside.
It was rather a dreary scene; the rain sweeping down heavier every moment, till against the lowering sky it began to look white, carried on the wind, like long, trailing skirts of some stiff silken garment; a little below, the tawny roaring Firth, making way sullen and strong over his shores, and lashing up on the shingle in long curls of foam, like a lion’s mane; and here the raindrops pattering in the ghostly pools, and the little girl at Helen’s feet forcing on the recovered shoe, and restraining her weeping in hysteric sobs, while Helen herself grasped the waist of the heavy Tammie with both her hands, and gathered up her dress for the laborious progress to the road.
It was quite a gloomy scene; the rain pouring down harder each moment, until it started to look white against the darkening sky, blown by the wind, like long, trailing skirts of a stiff silk dress. Just below, the muddy, roaring estuary surged angrily against its shores, whipping up the pebbles with long curls of foam, like a lion’s mane. Meanwhile, the raindrops splashed in the eerie puddles, and the little girl at Helen’s feet struggled to put on the shoe she had recovered, trying to hold back her tears in heaving sobs. Helen herself held on to the waist of her heavy Tam o' Shanter with both hands, while she lifted her dress for the difficult trek to the road.
A passer-by who came in sight on an ascending road at some distance hurried forward in fear for them when he looked down. There was no need: as he reached the edge of the Marsh, Helen cleared the last pool. Her dress was thoroughly wet; she had made one or two stumbles, but her rapid movements seemed more graceful, and her face was brighter, the banker Oswald thought, than when he saw her last in the drawing-room of the Manse; for Mr Oswald was the passer-by—and in the heavy rain and gathering darkness, with only the children to prevent their being alone, he was standing face to face with Helen Buchanan.
A passerby who appeared on an uphill road in the distance rushed forward in concern for them when he looked down. There was no need: as he reached the edge of the Marsh, Helen cleared the last puddle. Her dress was completely soaked; she had stumbled once or twice, but her quick movements seemed more elegant, and her face appeared brighter, Oswald thought, than when he had last seen her in the drawing-room of the Manse; for Mr. Oswald was the passerby—and in the pouring rain and growing darkness, with only the children around to keep them from being alone, he stood face to face with Helen Buchanan.
The little Tammie was rather a pretty child, and considering how his careful sister and he had spent the afternoon, was a very tolerably clean one; for the pools were very clear, and neither dust nor mud were on the Marsh; so as Helen{228} set him on the ground, and bent down to help and console Jeanie, who had painfully followed her, they made by no means an ungraceful group—if we except the stout, perplexed elderly gentleman with the umbrella, who, not much less shy than Helen, stood with confused hesitation looking at them, and not knowing what to say.
The little Tammie was quite a cute kid, and considering how his careful sister and he spent the afternoon, he was pretty clean; the puddles were clear, and there was no dust or mud on the Marsh. So, as Helen{228} set him down and bent down to help and comfort Jeanie, who had struggled to follow her, they made a good-looking group—except for the stout, puzzled older gentleman with the umbrella, who, not much less shy than Helen, stood there with confused hesitation, looking at them and unsure of what to say.
A nervous tremor had come upon the young schoolmistress; half of it was physical, and proceeded from the unusual exertion she had made, and half of it owned her consciousness of the presence of William Oswald’s father. It was natural to her; the fingers which rested on little Jeanie’s shoulder trembled a good deal, and Helen’s attitude and glowing face were shy—a shyness which was at the same time frank, and an awkwardness by no means ungraceful. The banker meanwhile stood before her and her little protégés, and held his umbrella over his own head, and grew slightly red in the face. But there was no remnant of gracefulness in the embarrassment of the respectable Mr Oswald. The good man felt a little afraid of the shy, unquiet girl, wondered rather what she would say to him, and felt very much at a loss for something to say to her.
A nervous tremor had overtaken the young schoolmistress; part of it was physical, stemming from the unusual effort she had put in, and part of it came from her awareness of William Oswald’s father being there. It felt natural to her; the fingers resting on little Jeanie’s shoulder shook quite a bit, and Helen’s stance and flushed face were shy—a shyness that was both open and somewhat awkward, but not ungraceful. Meanwhile, the banker stood in front of her and her little protégés, holding his umbrella over his own head, and his face turned slightly red. However, there was nothing graceful about the respectable Mr. Oswald's embarrassment. The good man felt a bit intimidated by the shy, restless girl, wondered what she might say to him, and was quite unsure of what to say to her.
There were sounds of loud, boyish footsteps on the road, as Helen, stooping down, wrapped up the children as she best could to defend them from the rain.
There were loud, boyish footsteps on the road as Helen bent down and wrapped the children up as best as she could to shield them from the rain.
“Eh!” exclaimed a voice corresponding to the feet, as Hector Maxwell of Firthside and his brother came up out of breath; “it’s Miss Buchanan—I knew it was Miss Buchanan—and she’s droukit. Here’s my plaid—take my plaid, Miss Buchanan! We’ve run a’ the road from the brae, because we saw you on the Marsh, and if you had just waited—”
“Hey!” shouted a voice that matched the footsteps, as Hector Maxwell from Firthside and his brother arrived, panting; “it’s Miss Buchanan—I knew it was you—and you’re soaked. Here’s my plaid—take my plaid, Miss Buchanan! We ran all the way from the hill because we saw you on the Marsh, and if you had just waited—”
Hector looked indignantly at the little heavy Tammie, and in great haste threw off his plaid.
Hector looked angrily at the chubby Tammie and quickly threw off his plaid.
“Miss Buchanan will not be much better with your plaid, Hector,” said Mr Oswald; “she must take my umbrella; it will be more serviceable, and not so heavy.”
“Miss Buchanan won’t be much better off with your plaid, Hector,” said Mr. Oswald; “she needs to take my umbrella; it will be more useful and not as heavy.”
Helen answered the somewhat constrained politeness with a little bow.
Helen responded to the somewhat stiff politeness with a slight bow.
“Thank you, Hector; but you would be very wet before you got home, if I took your plaid from you.”
“Thanks, Hector; but you’d be pretty soaked by the time you got home if I took your plaid from you.”
“But I’m no heeding,” said the generous Maxwell. Hector did not need to brush up his English for Helen; she was not so easily shocked as his sister.
“But I’m not listening,” said the generous Maxwell. Hector didn’t need to polish his English for Helen; she wasn’t as easily shocked as his sister.
“And I shall soon be home,” said Helen. “I must go{229} with these children, you know, and see that they are not scolded; and I am wet already. Come, Tammie. Hector, good-night.”
“And I'll be home soon,” said Helen. “I have to go{229} with these kids, you know, and make sure they don’t get in trouble; and I’m already wet. Come on, Tammie. Goodnight, Hector.”
Helen looked up into the banker’s face, and her natural frankness struggled for a moment with her shy pride. She was almost inclined to say that she would share his umbrella if he pleased, and the next moment she thought she would say nothing; but finally there was a compromise.
Helen looked up at the banker and her natural honesty briefly battled with her shy pride. She almost considered offering to share his umbrella if he wanted, but then thought better of saying anything at all. In the end, she reached a compromise.
“Good-night, Mr Oswald,” said Helen, as she took little Tammie’s hand.
“Good night, Mr. Oswald,” Helen said, taking little Tammie’s hand.
“We are going the same way,” said the embarrassed banker; and so they did; and amicably under shelter of one umbrella, with little Jeanie and her brother getting very muddy and wet at their feet, the banker Oswald and Helen Buchanan walked side by side towards the cheerful lights of Fendie.
“We're heading the same way,” said the embarrassed banker; and they did; sharing one umbrella amicably, while little Jeanie and her brother got muddy and wet at their feet, banker Oswald and Helen Buchanan walked side by side towards the bright lights of Fendie.
Mr Oswald cleared his throat; he rather wanted to begin a conversation, but he did not very well know how. If this young lady was to be Mrs Insches, the good man said to himself plausibly, it was very necessary that he should at least be acquainted with her; but certain it is that with no other prospective Mrs Insches would Mr Oswald have felt himself so uncomfortably conscious. He made a beginning at last on the easiest subject.
Mr. Oswald cleared his throat; he really wanted to start a conversation, but he didn’t quite know how. If this young woman was going to be Mrs. Insches, he thought to himself, it was definitely important for him to at least get to know her. However, it’s clear that he felt unusually self-conscious around no other potential Mrs. Insches. He finally decided to start with the simplest topic.
“How foolish people are to permit their children to stray out on that Marsh!”
“How foolish people are to let their children wander out on that Marsh!”
“It is the fault of the bairns themselves,” said Helen.
“It’s the kids’ own fault,” said Helen.
The banker remembered that Miss Swinton, Hope’s oracle, applauded our natural Scottish tongue, and it was rather a pretty word, “bairns.” In another person he would have thought it vulgar, perhaps, but no one could call that low voice, with its changeful modulations, vulgar, and he began to like listening to it.
The banker remembered that Miss Swinton, Hope’s oracle, praised our natural Scottish accent, and “bairns” was quite a lovely word. With someone else, he might have found it a bit rough, but no one could call that soft voice, with its varied tones, low-class, and he started to enjoy listening to it.
“Jeanie is afraid her mother will be angry; but when she sees them so wet, she will forget their misdemeanour, I hope.”
“Jeanie is scared her mom will be upset; but when she sees them all wet, I hope she’ll forget what they did wrong.”
Little Tammie had been tied up as well as it was possible to keep him comfortable, but the poor little fellow was very wet notwithstanding, and was getting weary and sleepy as he trudged along the road. Helen had insinuated him between the banker and herself, and so he was protected by the wonderful umbrella, and moreover had his thumb to suck consolation from, which melancholy pleasure the hapless{230} Jeanie, walking on Helen’s other side, and laboriously gathering up her torn, wet frock, and thinking of what her mother would say, was quite deprived of.
Little Tammie had been tied up as comfortably as possible, but the poor little guy was still very wet and getting tired and sleepy as he walked down the road. Helen had tucked him between herself and the banker, so he was sheltered by the big umbrella, and he had his thumb to suck on for comfort. Unfortunately, the unfortunate Jeanie, who was on Helen’s other side, struggling to gather her torn, wet dress and worrying about what her mother would say, couldn't enjoy that little comfort.
“You seem fond of children, Miss Buchanan,” said the formal banker, after a considerable pause.
“You seem to like kids, Miss Buchanan,” said the formal banker after a long pause.
Helen began to forget the speciality of the case, in that this perplexed man was William Oswald’s father. She did not like, so sensitive and easily moved as she was herself, to see any one ill at ease beside her.
Helen started to forget the uniqueness of the situation, that this troubled man was William Oswald’s father. Being as sensitive and easily affected as she was, she didn’t like seeing anyone uncomfortable next to her.
“I like them,” she said, frankly, “perhaps it is because I spend so much of my time among them; but I like their company.”
“I like them,” she said honestly, “maybe it’s because I spend so much time with them; but I enjoy their company.”
“And does it never weary you?” said the curious Mr Oswald.
“And doesn’t it ever get tiring for you?” asked the curious Mr. Oswald.
Helen paused a moment—a sort of half-remembrance of the mood in which she left the school-room that day just floating like a cloud over the spirit which had shaken out its wings and was up again, singing in mid-heaven.
Helen paused for a moment—a kind of half-memory of the mood she was in when she left the classroom that day just hovering like a cloud over her spirit, which had spread its wings and was soaring again, singing in the sky.
“We all weary sometimes,” she said; “but I not more, I think, than others. It is pleasant to work, and my own work, I fancy, is pleasanter to me than any other would be.”
“We all get tired sometimes,” she said; “but I don’t think I get tired more than others do. It’s nice to work, and I think my own work is more enjoyable for me than any other would be.”
Mr Oswald was a good deal astonished; he did not quite know how to answer so honest a statement, for the good man had taken it for granted that the young schoolmistress must be very sick of her labour, and eager to escape from it, which indeed she was not, except sometimes, when her wayward moods were upon her.
Mr. Oswald was quite surprised; he wasn’t sure how to respond to such a sincere statement because the good man had assumed that the young schoolmistress must be really fed up with her work and wanting to get away from it, which she wasn’t, except at times when her unpredictable moods came over her.
“I did not know that you knew Hector Maxwell,” said Mr Oswald, awkwardly; “do you admit those rude boys to your liking as well as the little girls, Miss Buchanan?”
“I didn’t know you knew Hector Maxwell,” Mr. Oswald said awkwardly. “Do you also like those rude boys as much as the little girls, Miss Buchanan?”
“Hector Maxwell is not rude,” said Helen. “He is a genuine boy, and a great friend of mine. Yes, indeed; I like them all very well, until they become young gentlemen and young ladies.”
“Hector Maxwell isn’t rude,” said Helen. “He’s a real nice guy and a great friend of mine. Yes, I actually like all of them a lot, until they start acting like young gentlemen and young ladies.”
“And what then?” said the banker.
“And then what?” said the banker.
“And then I become a little afraid of them, and they do not suit me any longer,” said Helen, smiling, as she paused at an open door, where the mother of Jeanie was looking out anxiously for her little truants. “I thank you, Mr Oswald; good-night.{231}”
“And then I start to feel a bit scared of them, and they just don’t fit me anymore,” said Helen, smiling, as she paused at an open door, where Jeanie's mother was looking out anxiously for her little runaways. “Thank you, Mr. Oswald; good night.{231}”
CHAPTER V.
Unworthy as she may be, that we have created. Is such a worthy gentleman really meant to be her groom? Romeo and Juliet.
The little roundabout Miss Insches began to grow disturbed about the length of her own continuance in office. She saw that very soon her dominion over the dining-room and the drawing-room, and her share of the comforts of the library, must come to a close; and while the good-humoured sister anticipated, with considerable relief, her return to the plebeian, unpretending home where there was no necessity for being always genteel, she felt also a good many qualms about resigning Robert, and Robert’s beautiful chairs and tables, into the keeping of a stranger.
The little roundabout Miss Insches started to worry about how much longer she would be in her position. She realized that her control over the dining room and the drawing room, along with her share of the comforts in the library, would soon come to an end; and while her easy-going sister looked forward, with quite a bit of relief, to going back to their modest, unpretentious home where there was no need to always be refined, she also felt a lot of anxiety about leaving Robert, along with Robert's beautiful chairs and tables, in the hands of someone else.
“For ye see, Miss Buchanan, she’s young,” said Miss Insches to herself, not daring to have any other confidante, “and for a’ she’s nae better—I’m meaning for a’ she’s a hantle puirer than oursels, no to speak of Robert—she has gey high notions like himsel’; and I’m very doubtful that she’ll just let Nelly dust the big room, and no think of putting to her ain hand. Robert says I should do that too, but he’s a young lad for a’ he’s the minister, and doesna ken a’thing. I wish she may just be mindful o’ himsel’. He’s aye been used wi’ his ain way, puir man, and has been muckle made o’, and muckle thought o’; and I’m sure a better lad—”
“For you see, Miss Buchanan, she’s young,” said Miss Insches to herself, not daring to confide in anyone else, “and even though she’s not any better—I mean, even though she’s a lot poorer than we are, not to mention Robert—she has pretty high expectations like he does; and I’m quite doubtful that she’ll just let Nelly clean the big room without wanting to take matters into her own hands. Robert says I should do that too, but he’s just a young guy even though he’s the minister, and he doesn’t know everything. I hope she keeps him in mind. He’s always been used to his own way, poor man, and he’s been quite spoiled and highly regarded; and I’m sure there’s a better guy—”
Miss Insches paused with an incipient tear in her eye. The worshipped minister son, of whom the mother at home was so proud—the omnipotent brother whose slightest word was law—alas! was he to cease to be an idol—to come down from his absolute throne, and be limited to a constitutional monarchy like any other man, with perhaps a young, proud wife exacting service from him, instead of rendering the devoted homage which was Robert’s due? Miss Insches’s eye again wandered over the shining tables of the sacred drawing-room, and her heart was troubled.
Miss Insches paused with a tear starting to form in her eye. The beloved minister's son, whom his mother at home was so proud of—the powerful brother whose every word was law—oh no! Was he going to stop being an idol—come down from his absolute throne, and be reduced to a constitutional monarchy like anyone else, possibly with a young, proud wife demanding service from him instead of giving him the devoted respect that Robert deserved? Miss Insches's gaze drifted once more over the shining tables of the cherished drawing-room, and her heart felt heavy.
“He’s aye had his ain way, puir man!” she repeated, mournfully, as she carefully closed the door and sighed. Poor{232} Robert! he was to be married, as all Fendie said—he was to have his own way no longer.
“He's always had his own way, poor guy!” she repeated sadly, as she gently closed the door and sighed. Poor{232} Robert! He was going to get married, as everyone in Fendie said—he wouldn’t have his way anymore.
The Reverend Robert was seated at his writing table in the library; it was a study day. Miss Insches stole noiselessly in, closed the door, and took her seat at the window, with her seam in her hand. Robert was writing his sermon; the good sister sewed those new shirts of his in devout silence; when her thread fell she picked it up with a look of guilt—she might have disturbed Robert. Foolish Robert! the young wife would not reverence his stillness so.
The Reverend Robert was sitting at his writing desk in the library; it was a study day. Miss Insches quietly came in, closed the door, and sat down by the window with her sewing. Robert was busy writing his sermon while the good sister sewed his new shirts in peaceful silence; when her thread fell, she picked it up with a guilty expression—she might have interrupted Robert. Silly Robert! the young wife wouldn’t treat his silence like that.
“Janet,” said Robert, graciously, “we are to dine at Kirkmay on Monday. I have just had a note from Mrs Whyte.”
“Janet,” Robert said politely, “we're supposed to have dinner at Kirkmay on Monday. I just received a note from Mrs. Whyte.”
“Ye dinna mean me, too, Robert?” said Miss Insches.
“Do you mean me, too, Robert?” said Miss Insches.
“Certainly I mean you too, Janet,” said the young man, with some impatience. “Why, you have been at Kirkmay before.”
“Of course I mean you too, Janet,” said the young man, sounding a bit impatient. “You’ve been to Kirkmay before.”
“Yes, Robert, I’m meaning that,” responded the dutiful sister humbly, “but it’s the Monday of the preachings, is’t no? and will there be more folk than ministers?”
“Yes, Robert, I mean that,” replied the dutiful sister modestly, “but it’s the Monday of the sermons, isn’t it? And will there be more people than ministers?”
“Mrs Whyte is to have a few friends,” said the Reverend Robert, with a conscious smile, “and there is no reason why they should only be ministers.”
“Mrs. Whyte is having a few friends over,” said Reverend Robert with a knowing smile, “and there’s no reason they can’t be just regular folks.”
“I didna say there was,” said Miss Insches; “is onybody we ken to be there, Robert?”
“I didn’t say there was,” said Miss Insches; “is there anyone we know who will be there, Robert?”
Robert smiled again. His sister had come to understand the particular meaning of this smile.
Robert smiled again. His sister had come to grasp the special meaning behind this smile.
“I fancy Miss Maxwell of Mossgray will be there,” he said with a blush as he returned to his sermon.
“I think Miss Maxwell from Mossgray will be there,” he said, blushing as he went back to his sermon.
Miss Insches applied herself to her shirt with another little suppressed sigh. She understood very well what was meant by Miss Maxwell of Mossgray; and Miss Insches by no means disliked Helen; but the great question whether she would be sufficiently careful of Robert when advanced to the dignity of Robert’s wife was hard and difficult to solve. Miss Insches shook her head as she went on with her work. On Monday—the crisis might come on Monday.
Miss Insches focused on her shirt with another quiet sigh. She knew exactly what Miss Maxwell of Mossgray was talking about; she didn't dislike Helen at all. However, the big question of whether Helen would take good care of Robert once she became his wife was tough to figure out. Miss Insches shook her head as she continued with her work. On Monday—the crisis might happen on Monday.
Monday when it came was bright with the sunshine, and fragrant with all the sweet sounds and odours of May. On the preceding day had been the half-yearly Occasion, the Communion Sabbath of Kirkmay, and the Monday’s services were of thanksgiving, according to the reverent usage of Scotland. Mr Wright of Fairholm was the officiating minis{233}ter, and preached a chaotic ponderous sermon, which, according to the judgment of the Kirkmay elders, had “guid bits in it; very guid bits; but was naething like the minister’s.” The minister was very much beloved in his parish; they rather prided themselves, these simple people, on their possession of a man who wrote books, even though the books were but sixpenny ones; and read his small biographies with proud regard. The one gentle weakness of his fine character came out as an excellence in their eyes, and there were few in Kirkmay who did not boast of “the minister.”
Monday arrived bright with sunshine and filled with the sweet sounds and scents of May. The day before had been the semiannual occasion, the Communion Sunday of Kirkmay, and the services on Monday were for thanksgiving, following the respectful tradition of Scotland. Mr. Wright of Fairholm was the officiating minister and preached a heavy, chaotic sermon that, according to the Kirkmay elders, had “good bits in it; very good bits; but was nothing like the minister’s.” The minister was well-loved in his parish; these simple people took pride in having a man who wrote books, even if they were just sixpenny ones, and they read his small biographies with a sense of pride. The one gentle weakness in his fine character stood out as a virtue in their eyes, and few in Kirkmay didn’t boast of “the minister.”
After dinner, while the gentlemen were still down-stairs, Mrs Whyte, with her lady guests, pleasantly occupied the comfortable plain drawing-room, which, though it was by no means so fine, did yet, Miss Insches could not fail to perceive, look a very much more habitable place than the corresponding room in the Manse of Fendie. Mr Whyte dabbled a little in all the gentler sciences—the flowers which his wife cultivated, because she cultivated everything beautiful which was within her reach, the good minister classified, and talked of with gentle erudition; and specimens of fine seaweed, and delicate mosses, and fossils not very rare, and shells picked up on the margin of the Firth, evinced his universal liking, and his only rudimentary knowledge of the kindred philosophies of nature. He was not very learned in these various departments; he only marvelled over the wondrous mechanism of everything which came from his Master’s hand, and cherished them all tenderly for their Maker’s sake.
After dinner, while the men were still downstairs, Mrs. Whyte, along with her female guests, enjoyed the cozy and simple drawing-room, which, although not particularly fancy, was clearly much more welcoming than the similar room at the Fendie Manse, as Miss Insches couldn't help but notice. Mr. Whyte dabbled a bit in various gentle sciences—the flowers that his wife grew, as she tended to everything beautiful within her reach, were classified and discussed by the good minister with a gentle sense of knowledge; and specimens of fine seaweed, delicate mosses, fairly common fossils, and shells collected along the shore of the Firth reflected his broad interests and basic understanding of the interconnected philosophies of nature. He wasn't very knowledgeable in these areas; he simply marveled at the incredible design of everything created by his Master and cherished them all dearly for their Creator’s sake.
The ladies—Mrs Gray, Lilias, and Helen were the only lay persons present—were very comfortably gathered into groups in the drawing-room discussing the notable things of their own district: the church, their several families. The small company was by no means dull, especially as Mrs Whyte’s children, the little boy and girl about whom their frank mother had said there could not be two opinions, were, with all their might, entertaining the guests.
The ladies—Mrs. Gray, Lilias, and Helen, who were the only non-clergy there—were comfortably gathered in groups in the living room, discussing the interesting aspects of their area: the church and their respective families. The small group was far from boring, especially since Mrs. Whyte’s kids, the little boy and girl their candid mother had confidently said everyone could agree on, were doing their best to entertain the guests.
The room was rather an oddly shaped room; it had a curiously angled corner, with a window in it, which Mrs Whyte chose as her summer seat, and playfully called her boudoir. The work-table which stood in it was scarcely clear of its ordinary lumber even now; there were traces that the minister’s wife had been sitting there this morning, singing over her household work the low-voiced songs of a pure mind, happily at ease. Lilias Maxwell had strayed alone into Mrs{234} Whyte’s chair by the window. She was very pale, and as she looked out upon the verdant country, and the Firth and the hills far away, her fingers came slowly towards each other, and were painfully clasped as was their wont. It was drawing near again—that day which might change the current of her life.
The room was an oddly shaped space; it had a strangely angled corner with a window in it, which Mrs. Whyte picked as her summer spot and playfully called her boudoir. The work table in there was hardly free of its usual clutter even now; there were signs that the minister’s wife had been sitting there this morning, singing softly over her household chores the gentle songs of a pure mind, feeling happily relaxed. Lilias Maxwell had wandered alone into Mrs. Whyte’s chair by the window. She was very pale, and as she gazed out at the green countryside, the Firth, and the distant hills, her fingers slowly moved toward each other, painfully clasped as they often did. That day was approaching again—the day that might change the course of her life.
As she sat there, Helen Buchanan approached quietly; the pale, sad, absorbed face touched her to the heart.
As she sat there, Helen Buchanan approached quietly; the pale, sad, absorbed face moved her deeply.
“You are very sad, Lilias,” said Helen, as she stood screening her friend from the other occupants of the room, “but you will not tell me why; will you let me say anything—do anything for you?”
“You're really sad, Lilias,” Helen said, as she stood in front of her friend to shield her from the other people in the room. “But you won't tell me why. Can I say something—do something for you?”
“Yes, Helen.” Lilias rested her head silently upon her companion’s shoulder, and closed her eyes. It was a relief to her; her heart was sick—she could not speak of it, but here in silent confidence she could lean for a moment the weight of her trouble. “I have heard nothing; I have had no word this long, long, weary time—and the day is coming near again. To-morrow—after to-morrow will be the day.”
“Yes, Helen.” Lilias rested her head quietly on her friend’s shoulder and closed her eyes. It was a relief for her; her heart was heavy—she couldn’t express it, but here in silent trust, she could momentarily lean on someone for the burden of her distress. “I haven’t heard anything; I’ve had no word for this long, long, exhausting time—and the day is drawing near again. Tomorrow—after tomorrow will be the day.”
There was nothing more said, for the sickness rose up blank over the heart of Lilias, and the tears were in Helen’s eyes; but the drooping head of the Lily of Mossgray, overcharged with heavy rain, leaned on the friend’s breast, and was comforted. She remembered the moment long after, and so did Helen. More than many words—more than much bewailing together of a sorrow more openly confessed, did that silent confidence bind them together.
There was nothing more said, as sickness washed over Lilias's heart, and tears filled Helen’s eyes; but the drooping head of the Lily of Mossgray, weighed down by heavy rain, rested on her friend’s chest and found comfort. She remembered that moment long after, and so did Helen. More than any words or shared mourning of a loss that was more openly expressed, that silent trust connected them.
The conversation going on in the room was not in the least abstract; local and individual were all the subjects under discussion, and the talk about them might have been called gossip. It certainly was of the genus if not of the species to which that unpopular name is given. In a “countryside,” and above all in a little town, metropolis of a country-side, where each family has a certain connection with all, conversation, unless galvanically kept up in the region of books, must glide into this channel; and the clerical character which this little company of ladies possessed, as strongly marked as their husbands below, increased the necessity. Having satisfactorily dismissed the children of the respective Manses, and ascertained who had had hooping cough, and which it was who had come so easily through the measles, the respective parish over which she presided was the next grand object before the mind of the clerical lady.{235} Its successes, its adversities, its sins, its great people and its small; and each parish lady was interested in her neighbour’s dominions.
The conversation in the room was anything but abstract; it was all about local and personal topics, and the chatter could easily be labeled as gossip. It definitely fell into that category, if not exactly in the same way that term is usually used. In a rural area, especially in a small town— the hub of the countryside— where every family is connected to the others, conversation, unless it’s kept strictly to books, tends to drift into this territory. The clerical vibe of this group of ladies, just as pronounced as that of their husbands downstairs, made this even more inevitable. After they had successfully sent their children from the respective parsonages and figured out who had whooping cough and who had gotten through measles without much trouble, the next big focus for each clerical lady was her parish. Its achievements, challenges, shortcomings, notable people, and ordinary folks; each parish lady took a keen interest in her neighbor’s domain.{235}
Now it happened that this chapter of backslidings was a peculiarly sad and melancholy one; revealing under the healthful rural air and sweet fresh sunshine, a moral atmosphere, dense, unwholesome, and heavy. While one listened to what those lamenting people said, one’s arcadian visions of rural purity sorrowfully vanished. Follies of youth, the world said; alas! not follies, but sins, dark, far-spreading, unregarded; and public opinion had even ceased in the peasant class to brand them with the unutterable disgrace which is their fate in others. Young, fresh girls heard of those vices—heard them lightly spoken of by older lips grown callous—and saw the sinner scarcely disgraced at all; it was a great evil, shadowing the souls of many as with a low, spreading, deadly tree, between them and the sun.
Now, this chapter about falling from grace is particularly sad and gloomy, revealing, beneath the healthy rural air and sweet, fresh sunshine, a heavy and toxic moral atmosphere. As one listened to what those sorrowful people said, their idyllic visions of rural purity sadly faded away. The world called it youthful folly; alas, it was not folly but deep, dark sins that went unnoticed and unaddressed. Public opinion had even stopped labeling them with the unspeakable disgrace that others faced. Young, fresh girls heard about these vices—lightly discussed by older, hardened voices—and saw that the sinner suffered barely any shame at all; it was a significant evil, casting a shadow over many souls like a low, spread-out, deadly tree, blocking them from the sun.
“Could nothing be done,” whispered Helen in Mrs Whyte’s ear, as, trembling with bitter shame and pain, she had listened to some story of the fallen, “you who have influence; who may dare interfere in such matters; could the air not be purified in some way—could nothing be done?”
“Is there really nothing that can be done?” Helen whispered in Mrs. Whyte’s ear, as she trembled with deep shame and pain while listening to a story about someone who had fallen. “You have influence; you can take a stand in situations like this. Can’t the atmosphere be cleared somehow—can’t anything be done?”
“My dear,” said Mrs Gray, “it is nothing but our evil nature; we cannot mend it; what can we do?”
“My dear,” said Mrs. Gray, “it’s just our flawed nature; we can’t change it; what can we do?”
“We cannot mend it,” said Helen in her low, vehement voice; “but we can strive, endeavour, fight—do anything, anything to change such a state of things. It is our work in the world; the other things are only by the way; this is our work—what we were born for. To pull away all obstructions, to let in, everywhere, the light of heaven. If we once did that, this evil could not be—surely it could not be.”
“We can't fix it," Helen said in her low, passionate voice; "but we can try, work hard, fight—do anything, anything to change this situation. This is our purpose in the world; everything else is just a distraction; this is our mission—what we were meant to do. To remove all barriers, to allow the light of heaven to shine in everywhere. If we could do that, this evil wouldn’t exist—surely it wouldn’t."
“I think so, Helen,” said the kind Mrs Whyte; “we, in our position, might do much more than we are doing; but at least, we all lament these evils bitterly—you believe that?”
“I think so, Helen,” said the kind Mrs. Whyte; “we, in our position, could do much more than we are doing; but at least, we all regret these issues deeply—you believe that?”
Helen did not answer; she wanted that experience of the maturer mind which could discriminate between an exceptional and an ordinary case, and refrain from sweeping judgments. The shock of pain with which she heard of evil was always with her, a spur to endeavour something against it; but while others lacked will, she lacked power. She could not cast herself into the crusading ranks and assail the powers of darkness as she thirsted to do; but the impulse of warfare was strong upon her—she could not rest.{236}
Helen didn’t respond; she craved the perspective of a more mature mind that could tell the difference between a unique situation and a common one and avoid making broad judgments. The pain she felt whenever she heard about evil was always present, pushing her to fight against it; but while others lacked determination, she lacked the ability. She couldn’t throw herself into the battle and confront the forces of darkness as passionately as she wanted to; yet the urge to fight was powerful within her—she couldn’t find peace.{236}
“Ah, my dear,” said Mrs Gray, “you do not know yet as you will know the misery of this wicked world, and how vain it is striving with it; every day I live I see it more and more.”
“Ah, my dear,” said Mrs. Gray, “you don’t yet realize, but you will, the misery of this cruel world and how pointless it is to fight against it; every day I live, I see it more and more.”
“Yet it is to be pure,” said Helen, with her head erect and her eye kindling, “it is to be filled with the knowledge of Him—it is to be made fit for His reign. I do not know—no one living may see that day—but I think sometimes that if we believed that, we could have no doubt, no fear. We should look to the great hope which lies upon the world like sunshine, and not to the misery which it earns every day. It is to be pure—God is pledged to us that it shall be so; but our arms rust, and we use them not—our days pass and we do nothing; yet we are to labour for it—it is so ordained—and it is to be pure!”
“Yet it has to be pure,” said Helen, standing tall and her eyes shining, “it has to be filled with the knowledge of Him—it has to be ready for His reign. I don’t know—no one alive might see that day—but sometimes I think that if we really believed that, we would have no doubt, no fear. We should focus on the great hope that shines like sunlight over the world, not on the suffering it faces every day. It has to be pure—God has promised us that it will be; but our hands grow idle, and we don’t use them—our days go by and we do nothing; yet we are meant to work for it—it is meant to be this way—and it has to be pure!”
Helen’s eyes suddenly fell, her head drooped. The gentlemen, some of them, had already strayed upstairs, and close beside her stood the Reverend Robert listening with ostentatious attention.
Helen’s eyes suddenly dropped, her head hung low. Some of the gentlemen had already wandered upstairs, and right next to her stood Reverend Robert, listening with exaggerated interest.
“Yes,” said the somewhat rough voice of Mr Wright of Fairholm; “a minister’s life is a very hard life, Miss Buchanan; we have to labour as you say; the very Sabbath, which is a resting day to everybody else, is a hard-working day to a minister.”
“Yes,” said the somewhat rough voice of Mr. Wright of Fairholm; “a minister’s life is a very tough one, Miss Buchanan; we have to work hard, just like you said; even Sunday, which is a rest day for everyone else, is a busy day for a minister.”
Helen turned rapidly away; it was a strange anticlimax.
Helen quickly turned away; it was an odd letdown.
“Miss Buchanan did not mean that,” said Mrs Whyte. “Miss Buchanan likes the good, wholesome work. She thinks we do too little, instead of too much, Mr Wright.”
“Miss Buchanan didn't mean that,” Mrs. Whyte said. “Miss Buchanan appreciates the good, honest work. She believes we do too little, not too much, Mr. Wright.”
“No doubt, no doubt,” said the cumbrous, heavy man, “there is a great deal of truth in that. The people ought to know their own duty, and not leave the work entirely to us as they do; and the elders really need stirring up; but a minister—few people know how much is laid on the shoulders of a minister.”
“No doubt, no doubt,” said the bulky, heavy man, “there’s a lot of truth in that. People should understand their own responsibilities instead of leaving everything to us like they do; and the elders really need to be motivated; but a minister—few people realize how much responsibility falls on a minister’s shoulders.”
“And you, Mr Insches?” asked Mrs Whyte, smiling, as her quick eye glanced over the great, stooping, uncouth figure of the strong man beside her in whom was no impulse to work, and who actually felt fatigue more easily than would the nervous delicate girl.
“And you, Mr. Insches?” asked Mrs. Whyte, smiling, as her sharp gaze took in the large, hunched, awkward figure of the strong man next to her, who had no desire to work and actually felt tired more quickly than the nervous, delicate girl.
Mr Insches hesitated; it was not his policy to differ with Helen; but he had not received the inspiration much more than his sluggish brother. He was still, to a considerable{237} extent, a matter-of-course man, doing what he must do, and not very much more.
Mr. Insches paused; he didn't usually disagree with Helen, but he hadn't felt inspired any more than his slow-moving brother. He was still, to a large extent, someone who just went through the motions, doing what he had to do and not much else.
“The ministerial life,” said the Reverend Robert, with some dignity, “is a life of great exertion. We are never perfect of course, but it is a most laborious life, the life of a conscientious minister.”
“The ministerial life,” said Reverend Robert, with a touch of dignity, “is a life of hard work. We’re never perfect, of course, but it’s a very demanding life, the life of a dedicated minister.”
It was a compromise—it pleased nobody. Helen turned away, unconsciously disappointed. She had expected something better.
It was a compromise—it satisfied no one. Helen turned away, feeling disappointed without realizing it. She had hoped for something better.
“’Deed, Robert,” said Miss Insches, “I’m aye feared the ither way about you. It’s my terror, Mrs Whyte, that he’ll just wear himsel out, and I’m sure if he was to get a wife and I kent beforehand wha she was to be, I would warn her no to put such nonsense notions into his head; for ye see, Miss Buchanan—Eh! Robert, is there onything ails ye?—are ye no weel?”
“‘Indeed, Robert,” said Miss Insches, “I’m always worried about you in the other way. It’s my fear, Mrs. Whyte, that he’ll just exhaust himself, and I’m certain if he were to get a wife and I knew ahead of time who she would be, I would advise her not to fill his head with such nonsense; for you see, Miss Buchanan—Oh! Robert, is something wrong with you?—are you not well?”
But Robert was not “no weel”—he was only frowning upon his too-honest sister, and making an elaborate face. It was too late; all the eyes in the room were turned to the blushing, angry countenance of the Reverend Robert, and he heard tittering in the corners. He turned away full of wrath—it would not do; there was no putting the restraints of delicacy or prudence over the simplicity of Janet.
But Robert was not “doing well”—he was just frowning at his too-honest sister and making an exaggerated face. It was too late; all the eyes in the room were on the blushing, angry face of Reverend Robert, and he heard giggles coming from the corners. He turned away, filled with rage—it wouldn’t work; there was no way to impose the restraints of delicacy or prudence over Janet’s straightforwardness.
CHAPTER VI.
“You are altogether governed by humours.”—King Henry IV.
“You are completely controlled by your moods.” —King Henry IV.
The crisis did come, though not as Miss Insches anticipated. Helen carefully guarded herself, as they returned home, from the society of the Reverend Robert, and managed that the opportunity he sought should not be afforded to him. She was thoughtful and grave that night, Mrs Buchanan perceived; for the shadow of a selfish pride had darkened for the time the firmament of Helen. The banker showed no sign of courtesy or kindness; the banker’s wife, on the rare occasions when she met her, never mentioned William’s name. William himself, busy in the distant city, seemed to have given up the contest; to have forgotten the romance of his{238} youth; to have left Helen as he had left Fendie, because she was too humble and too quiet. She did not care—she would not care! she protested to herself, with a proud flush on her cheek, and proud tears in her eyes, that it was nothing to her; but involuntarily an evil, angry feeling had sprung up in her mind—she could avenge herself!
The crisis did come, but not in the way Miss Insches expected. As they went home, Helen carefully kept herself away from the Reverend Robert and made sure he didn't get the chance he was looking for. That night, Mrs. Buchanan noticed that Helen was serious and introspective; a shadow of selfish pride had dimmed her usual brightness. The banker showed no signs of courtesy or kindness, and on the rare occasions when the banker’s wife ran into her, she never mentioned William’s name. William himself, busy in the far-off city, seemed to have given up the fight; it was as if he had forgotten the romance of his{238} youth and left Helen as he had left Fendie because she was too humble and too quiet. She told herself it didn’t matter—she wouldn't care! she insisted, with a proud flush in her cheek and tears in her eyes—but involuntarily, a bitter, angry feeling took root in her mind—she could get back at him!
A week ago she had felt painfully that it was just possible that even she might be inconstant—that the Reverend Robert might some time glide into William’s place. She felt now that this was impossible; that her own rapid pace could never harmonize with that slightly ostentatious dignity of the Reverend Robert’s; that her impetuous mind must be chafed and irritated beyond measure, if it ever were yoke-fellow with his; yet the very discovery goaded her to go blindly on. In the bitterness of her pride she thought she could not reject the only man who thought her good enough to be his equal; and when she remembered how long a time it took before even he ceased to be ashamed of his incipient tenderness for the poor schoolmistress, the bitterness increased until it flooded her very heart. There was a gloom upon the world; the evil and misery over which she had spread the golden tissue of young hope began to appear darkly exaggerated to the opposite extreme. Those whom she would have remembered for ever, forgot her, and those who made her their choice, were ashamed of the power which compelled them so to do. Her deep melancholy fell upon Helen, as it had never fallen before; the coming of a new day did not dispel it. It was such a sorrow as she could not tell, and so she bore it proudly, bitterly, and in silence.
A week ago, she painfully considered that it was even possible she might be fickle—that the Reverend Robert could one day take William’s place. Now, she felt that was impossible; her fast-paced nature could never match the Reverend Robert’s slightly showy dignity; her impulsive mind would be endlessly frustrated and irritated if it ever had to align with his. Yet the realization pushed her to move forward blindly. In her prideful bitterness, she believed she couldn’t turn down the only man who saw her as his equal; and when she thought about how long it had taken him to overcome his initial embarrassment about his feelings for the poor schoolmistress, her bitterness deepened until it overwhelmed her. The world felt heavy; the evil and suffering that she had tried to cover with the bright fabric of youthful hope began to seem darkly exaggerated. Those she wanted to be remembered by forgot her, and those who chose her felt ashamed of the force that made them do so. Her deep sadness weighed on Helen more than ever; even the arrival of a new day couldn’t shake it off. It was a sorrow she couldn’t express, so she carried it with pride, bitterness, and in silence.
At the mid-day interval the watchful Mrs Buchanan prevailed on her daughter to go out, to do some simple errands in the town. She generally managed all these matters herself; but the good mother was a skilled physician, and knew how something, trivial enough in itself, might clear the atmosphere in a moment and bring out the sunshine. Mrs Buchanan too was anxious and uneasy: when it seemed now sure that the Reverend Robert must succeed, she thought remorsefully of William, the son of her own training, to whom her house had been so long a second home. She remembered the confidence that there had been between them, and how old ties would have been made stronger and tenderer, had it been he who was the new son; and then she began to feel that Mr Insches, with all his good qualities, was{239} a stranger; that he would introduce a new intruding element—that her sole child would be no more her own.
At noon, the caring Mrs. Buchanan convinced her daughter to step out and run some simple errands in town. She usually handled these things herself, but the well-meaning mother was a talented healer and understood how even a small change could brighten the mood and bring back the sunshine. Mrs. Buchanan was also anxious and restless: with it now seeming certain that Reverend Robert would succeed, she reflected sadly on William, the son she had nurtured, who had long considered her home his second home. She recalled the trust they once shared, and how their bond would have grown closer and more affectionate if it had been him becoming her new son. Then, she started to feel that Mr. Insches, despite his good qualities, was{239} a stranger; he would bring a new, unwelcome presence—her only child would no longer be entirely hers.
So the mother sent Helen forth with quiet sighs, and Helen went about her errand sadly, the gloom in her heart obscuring the gentle skies of May.
So the mother sent Helen off with quiet sighs, and Helen went about her task sadly, the sadness in her heart overshadowing the gentle May skies.
She walked slowly as her manner was in her times of depression, taking in the common sights and sounds around her into the mist in her own heart, where they remained to bring back in other moods remembrances of that dark hour. She had executed all her mother’s commissions, and concluded her business by a visit to Maxwell Dickson’s low dark shop, on her way home. She got such literature as he had from the librarian of Fendie, and it served now and then to enliven the long solitary evenings—the evenings which were not sufficiently solitary now.
She walked slowly, like she did during her times of feeling down, absorbing the usual sights and sounds around her into the fog of her heart, where they stayed to remind her of that dark time in different moods. She had completed all her mother’s errands and wrapped up her day with a visit to Maxwell Dickson’s small, dim shop on her way home. She picked up whatever books he had from the librarian at Fendie, and they occasionally brightened up her long, lonely evenings—the evenings that weren’t quite as lonely anymore.
On Maxwell Dickson’s counter lay an unbound book, very clean and very new. Helen took it up as she put the volumes which she brought with her into the librarian’s dingy hands. It was still damp from the press; no one had opened it before. The subject attracted her; it was one of the publications of the New Crusade.
On Maxwell Dickson’s counter sat a brand-new, unbound book. Helen picked it up while handing over the volumes she had brought to the librarian's shabby hands. It was still damp from printing; no one had opened it before. She was intrigued by the subject; it was one of the publications of the New Crusade.
The social science—how to make men better, nobler, purer: how to attack in their own camp the declared evils of our land and time—was the subject of this book; the science of that great discontent which has seized upon so many able minds, happily, now—the science of aggression against all vileness, all pollution. This was the subject of the book, and the name of it kindled a little the dim light in the eyes of Helen. She turned it over rapidly to glean what she could of its contents.
The social science—how to improve people to be better, nobler, and purer: how to fight the obvious problems in our society and time—was the focus of this book; the study of that widespread dissatisfaction that has captured so many brilliant minds, fortunately, at this moment—the study of standing up against all negativity and corruption. This was the book's focus, and the title sparked a faint glimmer in Helen's eyes. She quickly flipped through it to gather whatever insight she could about its content.
Maxwell Dickson in vain tries to make his young customer hear what he is saying to her. A sudden flush has covered her face—a sudden thrill springs up through the bounding pulses which were so languid a moment before; the slight nervous start—the head lifted so swiftly—the motion of the eager fingers which hold these pages open. From some unseen hand the electric touch is given: what is the cause? Helen is reading in the new book.
Maxwell Dickson struggles to get his young customer to pay attention to what he's saying. A sudden blush spreads across her face—a rush of excitement courses through her veins, which were so relaxed just a moment ago; her slight nervous jump—the way she quickly lifts her head—the movement of her eager fingers holding the pages open. From some invisible source, she receives a jolt of energy: what’s behind it? Helen is reading in the new book.
“The writer remembers well the arguments urged upon him once with the enthusiastic faith of youth, by one who desired a new order of chivalry vowed and dedicated to the service of God and the poor. ‘It is not well—surely it is not well to withdraw from the evils which are in us and{240} around us. I say we are bound to do battle with them—not to stand on our defence alone, but to carry the war into the camp of the enemies. I think sometimes that the state of war must be the only good state for those who have sin natural to them as we have, and that if these words, resist and struggle, were withdrawn from our language we would be no longer human; for when we let our arms fall, our hearts fall, and weariness comes upon us, and distrust and gloom; and out of the living world we come into the narrow chamber of ourselves, and the sun sets upon us—’ It is the philosophy of a young heart; of one who has not yet travelled far from the East, and whom the vision splendid still attends upon the way; but because it is youthful and has the breath of enthusiasm in it, it is no less true.”
The writer clearly remembers the passionate arguments once made to him by someone who dreamed of a new order of chivalry dedicated to serving God and the poor. “It’s not right—certainly, it’s not right to turn away from the evils both within us and around us. We are obligated to fight against them—not just to defend ourselves but to take the battle to our enemies. Sometimes I think that being in a state of war is the only suitable condition for those of us who naturally have sin, and that if we were to lose words like resist and struggle from our vocabulary, we would cease to be human; because when we lower our guard, our spirits drop too, and weariness settles in, bringing distrust and despair; we retreat from the vibrant world into our own confined space, and the sun sets on us—.” This is the perspective of a young heart, someone who hasn’t journeyed far from the East and is still accompanied by a splendid vision on the path ahead; but because it’s youthful and infused with enthusiasm, it remains equally valid.
Maxwell Dixon is impatient; he pulls Miss Buchanan’s sleeve, and with that thrill of nervous strength upon her she is compelled to withdraw those new damp pages from their office of shading her flushed cheek and moving features; but Helen is not angry; she lifts her eyes, which dazzle him with their unusual brightness, to the honest man’s stolid face. He does not know what to make of this variable visitor of his; he thinks she looked very different when she entered the shop, but he fancies it must just be one of the whims of “thae women.”
Maxwell Dixon is restless; he tugs at Miss Buchanan’s sleeve, and with that jolt of nervous energy coursing through her, she feels compelled to pull away those new damp pages that were shielding her flushed cheek and animated features. But Helen isn’t upset; she raises her eyes, which shine with an unusual brightness, to the earnest man’s expressionless face. He’s puzzled by this unpredictable visitor of his; he thinks she looked completely different when she walked into the shop, but he assumes it’s just one of those quirks of “these women.”
“I’m saying,” said Maxwell Dixon, “that the new books have come noo, for this month, Miss Buchanan. This is the twalt—I got Blackwood and the rest o’ them the day—and the minister’s got Blackwood; but ye may hae your pick o’ the rest.”
“I’m saying,” said Maxwell Dixon, “that the new books are here now for this month, Miss Buchanan. This is the twelfth—I got Blackwood and the rest of them today—and the minister’s got Blackwood; but you can choose from the rest.”
The rest were not very tempting; edifying serials, cheap travesties of the Copperfields and Pendennises of the time; the adventures of London “gents,” who had not any compensating good quality to make amends for the miserable life which they recorded; vile books with which, because they are cheap, the libraries of country towns infest the minds of the young, and impress the “gent” character upon the young men who patronise them. Helen did not look at the books. It was a clumsy feint of the pawkie Maxwell; he thought she would forgive him the breach of his promise to keep the one especial Blackwood for her, when she heard it was given to the minister.
The rest weren't very appealing; educational series, cheap imitations of the Copperfields and Pendennises of the time; the escapades of London “gents,” who didn’t have any redeeming qualities to make up for the miserable lives they portrayed; terrible books that, because they are cheap, fill the libraries of small towns and influence the minds of young people, instilling the “gent” image in the young men who read them. Helen didn’t pay attention to the books. It was a clumsy trick by the clever Maxwell; he thought she would forgive him for breaking his promise to save the one special Blackwood for her when she found out it had been given to the minister.
But Helen had no thought of Blackwood, nor even of the minister; he had left her mind as the cloud left it. In{241} her happy tremor she forgot the Reverend Robert. She thought only of this in her hand, this messenger of the true heart which she had so vainly doubted.
But Helen wasn’t thinking about Blackwood or even the minister; he had faded from her mind just like the cloud had. In{241} her joyful excitement, she forgot about Reverend Robert. She only focused on what was in her hand, this symbol of true feelings that she had doubted so much.
“Ay,” said the librarian, “that’s a new thing; a gentleman brocht it in here, that’s come frae Edinburgh this morning. I dinna ken what it’s aboot mysel’, but he said it was grand, and something aboot a Fendie man that wrote it. I didna tak particular notice, but—Maggie, didna yon gentleman say that it was a Fendie man that made the new book on the counter?”
“Yeah,” said the librarian, “that’s a new thing; a guy brought it in here who came from Edinburgh this morning. I don’t really know what it’s about myself, but he said it was great and mentioned something about a Fendie man who wrote it. I didn’t pay much attention, but—Maggie, didn’t that gentleman say it was a Fendie man who made the new book on the counter?”
“Ay, faither,” said the more polite Maggie, Maxwell’s buxom daughter. “He said it was a Fendie young gentleman; but he wadna tell us wha.”
“Aye, father,” said the more polite Maggie, Maxwell’s curvy daughter. “He said it was a fancy young gentleman; but he wouldn't tell us who.”
“And you do not know?” said Helen, with her wavering blush and smile.
“And you don’t know?” Helen said, her blush and smile uncertain.
“Na,” said the stolid Maxwell, “except it be, maybe, Dr Elliot’s son, that’s at the college learning to be a doctor, or Maister Nicol Shaw, the writer, or the minister, or—I’m sure I dinna ken. It’s no in the library, Miss Buchanan, and it’s no my ain either, or ye micht get a reading o’t, if ye wad promise no’ to cut up the leaves, and to keep it out o’ the gate o’ the bairns; but it’s no’ my ain. I durstna even sell’t if I had a customer.”
“Na,” said the steady Maxwell, “except maybe Dr. Elliot’s son, who’s at college learning to be a doctor, or Mr. Nicol Shaw, the writer, or the minister, or—I really don’t know. It’s not in the library, Miss Buchanan, and it’s not mine either, or you might be able to read it, if you promised not to damage the pages and to keep it away from the kids; but it’s not mine. I wouldn’t even dare to sell it if I had a buyer.”
And Helen durst not buy it, even if it had been Maxwell’s own; but she stood and looked at it with longing eyes. She remembered her own words so well; she remembered the winter night when William in his corner by the fireside announced to her his going to Edinburgh, his entrance on the man’s work, of which so often in her eager, ambitious mind she had dreamed; and he too remembered it. The romance of the old times will never die. She had belted on his spurs and his sword in yonder quiet evening, and now the lady’s colour was on the lance of the true knight!
And Helen didn't dare to buy it, even if it had belonged to Maxwell himself; she just stood there staring at it with longing eyes. She recalled her own words so clearly; she remembered that winter night when William, sitting in his corner by the fireside, told her he was going to Edinburgh, starting the work of a man, the kind she had often dreamed about in her eager, ambitious mind; and he remembered it too. The romance of those old times will never fade. She had strapped on his spurs and sword that quiet evening, and now the lady's colors were on the lance of the true knight!
And Helen returned along the main street, her heart within her singing like a bird, and the heavens and the earth bright with a sunshine more radiant than the smiles of May. He was a wise man, that grave resolute William; if his blow were long of coming, it was a mighty blow when it came, and cast down all defences. The hopes of the Reverend Robert perished as incautious buds perish in a night’s frost. He was forgotten.
And Helen walked back along the main street, her heart singing like a bird, with the sky and the earth shining brighter than a perfect May day. William was a wise man, serious yet determined; if his strike took a while to arrive, it was incredibly powerful when it finally did, breaking down all defenses. The Reverend Robert’s hopes vanished like unprotected buds in a night frost. He was forgotten.
Mrs Buchanan in the little parlour heard the light, quick step without, and knew by its pace that the gloom was{242} gone; but she also was occupied within, and somewhat puzzled, was turning over the damp, uncut pages of a new book too.
Mrs. Buchanan in the small living room heard the light, quick footsteps outside and realized by their speed that the gloom was{242} gone; but she was also preoccupied and a bit confused, flipping through the damp, uncut pages of a new book.
“I do not know what this is, Helen,” said Mrs Buchanan, as her daughter entered the room, “but I suppose William thought it would please you. It came by the coach, my dear, and it is directed in William’s hand.”
“I don't know what this is, Helen,” said Mrs. Buchanan as her daughter entered the room, “but I guess William thought you would like it. It came by the coach, my dear, and it's addressed in William's handwriting.”
Helen sat down by the table to look at that especial passage again. Her heart was full; she wanted to say something, but could not say it, her shyness veiling the new joy, as well as the emotions of so frank a face could be veiled; but that was not saying much. At last she rose and laid the book before her mother, and stood half behind her leaning upon her shoulder.
Helen sat down at the table to read that special passage again. Her heart was full; she wanted to say something but couldn't, her shyness hiding the new joy, just as much as the emotions of such an open face could be hidden; but that wasn't saying much. Finally, she got up and placed the book in front of her mother, leaning on her shoulder and standing half behind her.
“Mother, William would be right if he thought this would please me almost better than anything else in the world—it is William’s own.”
“Mom, William would be right if he thought this would make me happier than almost anything else in the world—it’s William’s own.”
Mrs Buchanan took her daughter’s hands and looked into her face. The head drooped, the eyes were cast down. Helen could not meet the scrutinizing glance; but they understood each other, and in the misty, tremulous period which followed, the heart of the good mother lightened too. She dismissed the Reverend Robert with a gentle sigh, and she received again the old friend, the son William, feeling sure now that there could be no competitor for the place he had held so long.
Mrs. Buchanan took her daughter’s hands and looked into her face. Helen's head hung down, her eyes were focused on the ground. She couldn’t meet her mother's searching gaze, but they understood each other, and in the hazy, emotional moment that followed, the good mother felt a sense of relief too. She gently sent the Reverend Robert on his way with a soft sigh and welcomed back the old friend, her son William, now confident that no one could take the place he had occupied for so long.
When her scholars were finally dismissed that day—and Mrs Buchanan heard Helen’s voice singing snatches of old songs before the last little one had made her farewell curtsey at the school-room door—Helen took her book in her hand and went away over the bridge and through the long, waving grass to the Waterside. She chose one little dell, her favourite spot, where the trees, closely circling it round, left one green, swelling bank, upon the brink of the water, on which the sunshine fell through a network of boughs and leaves. On the opposite side of the river, within sight of her resting-place, burns were running down like so many choristers into the broad stream, and in the middle of the strong brown current eddies played fantastically, and by the bank branches of long willows swept the tide, and the dark alder and the delicate ash leaned over, glassing their foliage in its waves. And there the young dreamer sat absorbed, lingering over the kindred thoughts which kept pace so truly to the music{243} of her own, and starting now and then as the rapid fancies poured upon her like a flood, and she shaped the future in that fairy loom—a future not such as common dreamers choose. Noble labour, keeping time to the great universal harmonies which God has planted in his world—work such as befits His followers, who for men became a man.
When her students were finally dismissed that day—and Mrs. Buchanan heard Helen’s voice singing snippets of old songs before the last little one had said her goodbye at the schoolroom door—Helen picked up her book and walked over the bridge and through the long, waving grass to the Waterside. She chose her favorite spot, a little dell where the trees closely surrounded it, creating one green, rising bank right by the water, where sunlight streamed through a web of branches and leaves. Across the river, within sight of her resting place, little streams flowed down like choristers into the wide current, and in the middle of the strong brown water, eddies danced playfully. By the bank, long willow branches brushed the tide, while dark alder and delicate ash leaned over, reflecting their leaves in the waves. There, the young dreamer sat, absorbed in the thoughts that aligned perfectly with the music{243} of her own, occasionally jolting as rapid ideas flooded her mind, shaping a future in that fairy loom—not one that ordinary dreamers choose. Noble work, in rhythm with the grand universal harmonies that God has placed in the world—work that suits His followers, who became a man for humanity.
She seemed to hear the grand and noble chimes with which all nature accompanies the work of those who seek to speed the coming of His kingdom. The light of common day was radiant to her with the sunshine of promise; it should yet shine upon a purer world, a country ransomed by its King; and she forgot the pain, and difficulty, and miseries that intervened for joy of the certain end.
She felt like she could hear the beautiful and uplifting sounds that nature plays for those who work to bring about His kingdom. The light of day was bright and full of hope for her; it would eventually illuminate a better world, a land saved by its King; and she forgot the pain, challenges, and struggles that stood in the way for the joy of the assured outcome.
But amid the dreamings of Helen, there came the interrupting sound of a hurried, bounding footstep, and almost before she could look up to see who the intruder was, Hope Oswald plunged down upon her, out of breath. Hope had arrived in Fendie only that morning, and had been seeking Helen at home. She was overjoyed to find her here.
But in the middle of Helen's daydreams, she heard the hurried sound of someone running, and before she could even look up to see who it was, Hope Oswald jumped on her, breathless. Hope had just gotten to Fendie that morning and had been looking for Helen at home. She was thrilled to find her here.
“I saw you reading a book,” exclaimed Hope, when the first greeting was over. “I am quite sure you were reading a book—Helen, may I not see it? Why did you put it away?”
“I saw you reading a book,” Hope exclaimed after the initial greetings. “I’m pretty sure you were reading a book—Helen, can I see it? Why did you put it away?”
“It is a grave book, Hope, not such as you would like,” said Helen, looking as she felt, embarrassed and conscious.
“It’s a serious book, Hope, not really your style,” said Helen, looking as embarrassed and aware of herself as she felt.
“But I like grave books—sometimes,” said Hope. “I am fifteen—I am not a girl now, Helen; but do you mind what Tibbie said, last Hallowe’en? You were to get your fortune out of a book. Oh, Helen, will you tell me? Have you ever got your fortune yet?”
“But I like serious books—sometimes,” said Hope. “I’m fifteen—I’m not a girl anymore, Helen; but do you remember what Tibbie said last Hallowe’en? You were supposed to get your fortune from a book. Oh, Helen, will you tell me? Have you ever received your fortune yet?”
Helen fairly turned her burning cheek away, with a nervous start. So it was fulfilled, the simple prophecy of Tibbie; the hour and the book had come, and this was “the fortune” of Helen. She did not make any answer. She held her precious volume under her shawl and looked over the wan water, away into the vacant air, with her changeful smile.
Helen quickly turned her flushed cheek away, startled. The straightforward prediction of Tibbie had come true; the time and the book had arrived, and this was “the fortune” of Helen. She didn’t respond. She kept her treasured book hidden under her shawl and gazed over the pale water, staring into the empty sky with her shifting smile.
“I think I know,” said the sagacious Hope.
“I think I know,” said the wise Hope.
“What do you know, Hope?” said Helen.
“What do you know, Hope?” Helen asked.
But Hope was perverse.
But Hope was stubborn.
“Helen, Miss Swinton is coming, but only for a day, and little Mary Wood is to stay all the vacation. Miss Swinton wants to see you, Helen, and she said she would take you to Edinburgh; but I think you should not go, Helen.{244}”
“Helen, Miss Swinton is coming, but only for a day, and little Mary Wood is going to stay the whole vacation. Miss Swinton wants to see you, Helen, and she said she would take you to Edinburgh; but I don't think you should go, Helen.{244}”
“Why?”
"Why?"
Hope paused, and as she could think of no satisfactory answer, went on, on another course.
Hope paused, and since she couldn't think of a good answer, she moved on, pursuing a different direction.
“Helen, William is perhaps coming home—only for awhile; you don’t know how much William has to do now; and, Helen, people say he is clever. Do you think he is?”
“Helen, William might be coming home—just for a bit; you have no idea how much he has to handle right now; and, Helen, people say he’s smart. Do you think he is?”
There was some pleasant moisture subduing the unusual brightness of Helen’s eyes. Her voice was lower than usual too, and the sensible Hope observed keenly.
There was a bit of pleasant moisture softening the unusual brightness of Helen’s eyes. Her voice was also quieter than usual, and the perceptive Hope noticed it sharply.
“No, Hope,” said Helen, with some tremor. “I think he is not clever. I think—”
“No, Hope,” said Helen, a bit shaky. “I don’t think he’s clever. I think—”
“I don’t care for that,” said Hope, bravely. “Are you going home, Helen? Will you let me go too? It is only other people who call him clever, you know, Helen; but he is our William.”
“I don’t care about that,” Hope said boldly. “Are you going home, Helen? Will you let me come too? It's only other people who say he's clever, you know, Helen; but he’s our William.”
CHAPTER VII.
“Werena my heart licht, I wad die.”—Grizzel Baillie.
“Werena my heart light, I would die.”—Grizzel Baillie.
At the same bright hour of noon as that on which Helen set out so sadly, commissioned with her mother’s domestic errands, Lilias Maxwell sat in the sunshine upon the mossy steps of the old sun-dial in the garden of Mossgray. She had her work in her hand as usual, and was sewing listlessly, with long intervals of idleness. It was an occupation very ill-suited for her at that time, for there was nothing in it to deliver her from the sway of her own thoughts; and so she pursued the quiet work and the long trains of musing together, looking, as she always did, very pale and very sad. To-morrow—to-morrow was the day.
At the same bright noon hour when Helen left so mournfully, tasked with her mother’s chores, Lilias Maxwell sat in the sunshine on the mossy steps of the old sundial in the Mossgray garden. She had her usual work in hand and was sewing absentmindedly, with long breaks of inactivity. This activity was not fitting for her at that moment, as it offered no escape from her own thoughts; so she continued with her quiet task and her deep reflections, looking as she always did—very pale and very sad. Tomorrow—tomorrow was the day.
The “soul of happy sound” surrounded her on every side, and she was faintly conscious of it; the drowsy stir of summer life, the hum of passing bees, the ripple of the water as it went on its way, plaintively, beyond the willows, softened by the warm medium of that sunny air through which they came, fell gently on her ear—perhaps they soothed her unawares; but we feel the solemn weight of our humanity more heavily when the heart of Nature throbs beside us in its spring joy, conscious of an inner world, whose revolutions{245} and vicissitudes are of greater import to ourselves than all the happy changes of the earth.
The “soul of happy sound” surrounded her on all sides, and she was faintly aware of it; the lazy stir of summer life, the buzz of passing bees, the gentle flow of the water as it made its way, softly beyond the willows, warmed by the sunny air through which they traveled, gently reached her ears—maybe they comforted her without her realizing it; but we feel the serious weight of our humanity more heavily when the heart of Nature beats beside us in its spring joy, aware of an inner world, whose changes and ups and downs are more significant to us than all the cheerful transformations of the earth.
But as the old man looked out from the projecting turret-window, it pleased him to see where she was, and how she was employed—for Lilias was singing, and the sunshine stealing through the trees rested on her head. He could not catch the words, and scarcely the music of her song, but the gentle human voice mingled with the familiar cadence of the river, and the young head drooped in graceful meditation beneath the joyous skies of noon. He thought the cloud was beginning to break and disappear; he fancied that the youthful life was asserting its native elasticity, and he turned in to his books with his benign smile.
But as the old man looked out from the protruding turret window, he felt pleased to see where she was and what she was doing—for Lilias was singing, and the sunlight filtering through the trees rested on her head. He couldn't make out the words, and barely the tune of her song, but her soft voice blended with the familiar sound of the river, and the young girl had her head bowed in graceful thought beneath the bright noon sky. He sensed the clouds beginning to break and fade; he imagined that youthful spirit was showing its natural resilience, and he went back to his books with a gentle smile.
But it was not so. She was singing indeed, but her voice was so low that it scarcely ever rose above the murmuring tone of the accompanying water; and she had chosen fit words to express the caprice of a sick heart. It was the brave Grizzel Baillie’s pathetic ballad, “Werena my heart licht, I wad dee”—most sad of all the utterances of endurance. Lilias had never known before that sick and flickering lightness of the strained heart.
But that wasn't the case. She was singing, but her voice was so soft that it barely rose above the gentle sound of the water around her; and she had picked just the right words to express the whims of a troubled heart. It was the brave Grizzel Baillie’s moving ballad, “Werena my heart licht, I wad dee”—one of the saddest expressions of resilience. Lilias had never experienced that sick and flickering lightness of a strained heart before.
Her hands fell listlessly upon her lap; her head drooped forward—so pale it was and troubled—into the golden air; her mind was away, wandering painfully through all the bitter hypotheses of care and anxious sorrow, and the slow notes stole murmuring over her lip, the unconscious plaint of her weariness. Who has not felt that contradiction? who does not know the strength and life of pain, and how it buoys up the feeble almost as hope does?—“Werena my heart licht, I wad dee.”
Her hands dropped limply in her lap, her head hung forward—so pale and troubled—into the warm air; her mind was elsewhere, painfully drifting through all the harsh possibilities of worry and sorrow, and the soft notes slipped over her lips, the unintentional expression of her exhaustion. Who hasn’t experienced that contradiction? Who doesn’t understand the power and vitality of pain, and how it lifts the weak almost like hope does?—“Werena my heart licht, I wad dee.”
As she sat thus, Halbert entered the grounds of Mossgray, and perceiving Lilias, advanced to her with some hesitation. He seemed to be doubtful whether he should speak to her or no, and gave a wavering glance up to the turret-window of Mossgray’s study as he passed. But Mossgray was seated in the dusk of the large apartment, with content upon his face—content for both the children of his old age, and good hope that the cloud of Lilias’ firmament was floating away. The young man went on with a slow, reluctant step to the sun-dial: she had not noticed him, and unseen he listened to the pathetic burden of her song.
As she sat there, Halbert entered the grounds of Mossgray and, seeing Lilias, approached her hesitantly. He seemed unsure whether to speak to her and gave a hesitant glance up at the turret window of Mossgray’s study as he walked by. But Mossgray was settled in the dim light of the spacious room, content on his face—content for both his children in their later years, and hopeful that the troubles in Lilias’ life were starting to fade. The young man continued on with a slow, reluctant step toward the sun-dial: she hadn’t noticed him, and unseen, he listened to the emotional weight of her song.
“Werena my heart licht, I wad dee.” Halbert had never heard the words before, and they struck him strangely.{246}
“Werena my heart licht, I wad dee.” Halbert had never heard those words before, and they felt weird to him.{246}
Lilias started as she heard his step; she had fallen into strange habits of late—customs not common to the calm and thoughtful composure of her nature. Such fancies as the poet’s Margaret had, as she sat by her solitary door, while her eyes
Lilias jumped when she heard his footsteps; she'd recently developed some odd habits—behaviors that weren't typical for her usually calm and thoughtful nature. She had thoughts similar to those of the poet's Margaret, who sat by her solitary door, while her eyes
That made her heart race.
It startled her very much, this sudden footstep. She turned her head with a sharp, quick flush of pain, and then it drooped again so languidly.
It startled her a lot, this sudden footstep. She turned her head with a quick, sharp jolt of pain, and then it sank down tiredly again.
“Is it you, Halbert?”
"Is that you, Halbert?"
“Lilias,” said Halbert, with a difficult attempt at cheerfulness, “it is very rare to hear you sing, and that strange song. Where does it come from?”
“Lilias,” Halbert said, trying hard to sound cheerful, “it’s really rare to hear you sing, especially that unusual song. Where did it come from?”
“Do you think it strange?” said Lilias. “I think it is not strange, but only very sad and true. Grizzel Baillie must have had a sick heart sometimes, and it sang to her so.”
“Do you find it odd?” Lilias said. “I don't think it's odd at all, just really sad and real. Grizzel Baillie must have had a heavy heart sometimes, and that's what came out.”
But the stalwart, healthful Halbert had never been sick at heart.
But the strong, healthy Halbert had never felt downhearted.
“I do not understand it very well,” he said, frankly; “but where did you get it, Lilias?”
“I don’t really understand it,” he said honestly, “but where did you get it, Lilias?”
“My mother had a maid called Barbara,” said Lilias, with her faint smile, “and, like Desdemona’s, she carried this old, plaintive music about with her. She did not die singing it; but I think, in her homely fashion, she knew its meaning well. I had it from her. But, Halbert, you are not well—something has troubled you!”
“My mom had a maid named Barbara,” said Lilias, with her subtle smile, “and, like Desdemona’s, she carried this old, sad music with her. She didn’t die singing it; but I think, in her simple way, she understood its meaning well. I got it from her. But, Halbert, you don’t look well—something’s bothering you!”
“No, Lilias.” He was looking very pitifully at the pale, calm face now raised to his.
“No, Lilias.” He was looking at her with a very sorrowful expression, gazing at the pale, calm face now turned up to his.
“What is it then? There is no evil news from the North?”
“What’s going on? Is there no bad news from the North?”
“No, Lilias,” repeated Halbert, “nothing has happened to distress me; but—I wish you would tell me why you are so pale. Have you any friend ill? are you afraid of—”
“*No, Lilias,*” Halbert repeated, “*nothing has happened to upset me; but—I’d like to know why you look so pale. Is a friend of yours sick? Are you scared of—*”
Lilias had risen from her low seat in eager haste; her fingers were clasped together; the feverish hectic of anxiety was burning on her cheek.
Lilias had quickly gotten up from her low seat; her fingers were clasped together; the anxious flush of anxiety was burning on her cheek.
“What is it?—tell me.”
"What is it?—tell me."
“I do not know,” faltered Halbert, looking at her humbly, as if he had done wrong; “perhaps it is nothing—but I got a letter for you in Fendie, Lilias.{247}”
“I don’t know,” Halbert stammered, gazing at her humbly, as if he had made a mistake; “maybe it’s nothing—but I got a letter for you in Fendie, Lilias.{247}”
She could not speak; her lips were dry and would not come together; but she held out her hand with a gesture of angry, commanding impatience, such as never mortal saw before in Lilias Maxwell.
She couldn’t speak; her lips were dry and wouldn’t close; but she extended her hand with a gesture of furious, demanding impatience, unlike anything anyone had ever seen from Lilias Maxwell.
And he placed the letter in the trembling outstretched hand—the ominous, mournful letter, with its border and seal of mourning. He saw her eye fall on the strange handwriting of the address; he heard the low groan with which the heart breaks; and then she turned away.
And he put the letter in her shaking outstretched hand—the heavy, sad letter, with its border and seal of mourning. He saw her gaze land on the unfamiliar handwriting of the address; he heard the soft groan that comes when the heart shatters; and then she turned away.
She turned away, groping in the noon sunshine like one blind; and Halbert stood in reverent pity, watching the tottering, rapid steps which went sheer forward to the door of the house, leaving footprints among the flowers, and breaking down the snowy, drooping head of one of the cherished lilies of Mossgray. Like it, Lilias was crushed to the ground. The honest heart of Halbert melted as he sat down on the steps of the sun-dial. Man as he was, he could have wept for her; the shadow of sympathetic grief came over him, and Halbert sat still and mused while the shadows lengthened on the dial at his head, thinking as he had never thought before.
She turned away, stumbling in the bright noon sun like someone who couldn't see; and Halbert stood by, filled with a mix of admiration and sadness, watching her shaky, hurried steps as she moved straight to the door of the house, leaving her mark on the flowers and crushing the delicate, drooping head of one of the beloved lilies of Mossgray. Like that lily, Lilias seemed brought low. Halbert's sincere heart ached as he sat down on the steps of the sundial. Even as a man, he could have cried for her; a wave of shared sorrow swept over him, and he sat quietly, lost in thought as the shadows grew longer on the dial above him, contemplating in a way he never had before.
“What has become of Lilias, Halbert?” said Mossgray.
“What happened to Lilias, Halbert?” asked Mossgray.
The young man started; his own face was very grave and melancholy, but the smile of good pleasure with which he had looked upon Lilias from his turret-window was still upon the lip of Adam Graeme.
The young man flinched; his own face was serious and sad, but the smile of genuine happiness he had shown to Lilias from his turret window was still on Adam Graeme's lips.
“Lilias has gone in,” said Halbert, hurriedly—“Lilias is ill—I mean something has happened, Mossgray.”
“Lilias has gone in,” said Halbert, quickly—“Lilias is sick—I mean something has happened, Mossgray.”
“What has happened, Halbert?” Mossgray was still smiling.
“What happened, Halbert?” Mossgray was still smiling.
“I cannot tell—she has lost some friend. I brought a letter, an Indian letter to her, from the town:—the seal was black—it seemed to carry news of a death.”
“I can’t say—she’s lost a friend. I brought her a letter, an Indian letter from the town:—the seal was black—it looked like it carried news of a death.”
The face of Mossgray changed.
Mossgray's appearance changed.
“My poor child!—my poor Lilias! Halbert, I trust, I hope you are wrong; but if you are not—”
“My poor child!—my poor Lilias! Halbert, I hope you’re wrong; but if you’re not—”
The old man covered his face with his hand as he turned away. He remembered what it was to be made desolate.
The elderly man covered his face with his hand as he turned away. He recalled what it felt like to be devastated.
The long, bright hours stole on, but no one in Mossgray saw the broken lily. An unexpressed understanding of some calamity fell upon the household; the blinds were drawn down in the family rooms—the voices were hushed even in the kitchen, and when any went up or down stairs, they{248} went in silence, as if death, and the reverence that belongs to death, were in the house. But the door of Lilias’ room was not opened, and though the old man himself lingered near it ready to catch any sound, he would permit no intrusion on her; for now there could be no hope that Halbert was wrong, and the grief of his youthful days came back to the heart of Adam Graeme, as he thought of those young hopes setting, like the sun, in the dark sea of death.
The long, bright hours went by, but no one in Mossgray noticed the broken lily. A silent understanding of some tragedy settled over the household; the blinds were drawn in the family rooms—the voices were quiet even in the kitchen, and whenever anyone went up or down the stairs, they{248} moved in silence, as if death, and the respect that comes with it, were in the house. But the door to Lilias’ room remained closed, and even though the old man lingered nearby, ready to catch any sound, he wouldn’t allow anyone to disturb her; for now there was no hope that Halbert was mistaken, and the sorrow of his younger days returned to Adam Graeme’s heart as he thought of those young dreams setting, like the sun, in the dark sea of death.
It was twilight, and he had returned to his study—soft, downy masses of clouds just touched with the lingering colours of the sunset were piled up like mountains of some dreamy fairyland on that wonderful placid sea of heaven, and long strips of coast and floating tinted islands stretched along the whole breadth of the sky. He sat, sadly, looking at them, and thinking of the holy, calm land beyond, where the sun of hope and promise sets never more, when his watchful ear caught the sound of a slow step ascending the stair. He looked towards the door with painful interest. It was Lilias. She had laid aside the light summer dress which she had worn in the morning, and the old man started as he looked upon the shadowy, drooping figure in its heavy, black garments, and the perfectly pale face on which no shade of colour remained. He rose to meet her; but Lilias seemed comparatively calm.
It was dusk, and he had returned to his study—soft, fluffy clouds brushed with the last colors of sunset were piled up like mountains from some dreamy fairyland on that beautiful, tranquil sea of sky, and long stretches of coastline and floating, colored islands spread across the entire sky. He sat there, sadly gazing at them and thinking of the peaceful, holy land beyond, where the sun of hope and promise never sets, when his attentive ear picked up the sound of a slow step coming up the stairs. He turned toward the door with anxious interest. It was Lilias. She had taken off the light summer dress she wore in the morning, and the old man was taken aback as he looked at the shadowy, drooping figure in its heavy black clothing and the perfectly pale face that had no hint of color. He stood to greet her, but Lilias seemed relatively calm.
“I have brought it to you, Mossgray.”
“I've brought it to you, Mossgray.”
She spoke very slowly as if deliberate pain were necessary to produce each single word. She had brought it—the messenger of death.
She spoke very slowly, as if it took intentional effort to get each word out. She had brought it—the messenger of death.
And laying it on the table before him, Lilias sat down on Charlie’s chair, and leaning her heavy head upon her hand, lifted her eyes to the old man’s face as he read the letter.
And placing it on the table in front of him, Lilias sat down on Charlie’s chair, and resting her heavy head on her hand, looked up at the old man’s face while he read the letter.
Such a letter he had once received—but this was written by a friend of the dead, and written with tears as it had been read, though the tears were very different. The writer said his dear friend Grant, travelling for his health to some place among the mountains where health was to be found, had joined a British Company, a few officers and a small band of men, on the way; that one of the revolted Affghan tribes had encountered them, and after a desperate and unavailing struggle, the small, brave force had been utterly cut to pieces, and it was impossible even to recover the bodies of the slain. Mossgray shuddered as he came to this conclusion of the kind, well-meaning letter, and felt what torture it must have{249} inflicted; yet it was gently done, and in few words, as is the kindest, when such tidings are to be told.
He had once received a letter like this—but this one was written by a friend of the deceased and filled with tears as it was read, though the tears were very different. The writer said that his dear friend Grant, who was traveling to some place in the mountains for his health, had joined a British Company made up of a few officers and a small group of men along the way. One of the rebellious Afghan tribes had confronted them, and after a desperate and futile struggle, the small, brave force had been completely annihilated, making it impossible even to recover the bodies of the fallen. Mossgray shuddered as he reached the conclusion of the kind, well-meaning letter, feeling the pain it must have{249} caused; yet it was conveyed gently and in few words, as is the kindest way to deliver such news.
She was looking at him; with the deep, blue, wakeful eyes which cast wan light like the moon over her colourless face, she was reading his countenance.
She was looking at him; with her deep, blue, alert eyes that shone softly like the moon over her pale face, she was interpreting his expression.
“My poor Lilias!” said the kind Mossgray—he could say nothing more.
“My poor Lilias!” said the kind Mossgray—he couldn't say anything else.
And then, in her slow, painful way, she began to speak. It was so great a grief to hear every distinct convulsive word as she uttered it, that the old man could hardly gather their import while he listened. She did not look at him now; her eyes were wandering through the vacant room, opened widely, as though she dared not cast down their lids, and the slow tide of her speech—those single words which came from her lips, like so many life-drops from a heart, pained to the utmost the gentle soul of Adam Graeme. She wanted to tell him that now she was alone—that she had only one wish now, separate from Mossgray, and that was to see his mother.
And then, in her slow, painful way, she started to speak. It was such a deep sadness to hear each shaky word as she said it that the old man could barely understand their meaning while he listened. She didn't look at him now; her eyes were wandering around the empty room, wide open, as if she was afraid to close them, and the slow flow of her speech—those single words that came from her lips, like drops of life from a heart—hurt the gentle soul of Adam Graeme to the core. She wanted to tell him that now she was alone—that she had only one wish now, apart from Mossgray, and that was to see his mother.
“My poor child,” said the old man, as Lilias came to this point, and laboured with her convulsed utterance to articulate the words: “We will speak of this another time when we can speak of it; but now you must rest.”
“My poor child,” said the old man, as Lilias reached this point, struggling to say the words: “We’ll talk about this another time when we can talk about it; but for now, you need to rest.”
And when he spoke of rest she laid down her head upon her hands, and her agony returned upon her.
And when he talked about rest, she rested her head on her hands, and her pain came back to her.
“Lilias,” said the old man, “what if he had changed?—what if you had learned that he was not what you believed him to be? Rather thank God that bravely in honour and faith, he has been taken home; in the odour and grace of youth, before evil days or stains came upon him. Lilias, there are sorrows harder than yours—you shall find again him whom you have lost. There are those who have lost, and shall find never more, because they are parted not by this faithful and pure death, but by the dark barriers of sin and change. Lilias, my good child!”
“Lilias,” said the old man, “what if he had changed?—what if you found out he wasn’t who you thought he was? Be thankful that, with honor and faith, he has been taken home; in the freshness and grace of youth, before any evil days or blemishes came upon him. Lilias, there are sorrows harder than yours—you will see again the one you have lost. There are those who have lost and will never find again, because they are separated not by this faithful and pure death, but by the dark barriers of sin and change. Lilias, my dear child!”
She did not hear him; the words fell on her ear indefinite as the sound of the stream without, for words do not bring comfort to the desolate heart of grief when the blow has fallen newly.
She didn't hear him; the words sounded distant, like the noise of the stream outside, because words don’t provide comfort to a heart that’s just been shattered by grief.
And then she went away again slowly and painfully to her own darkened room. Halbert met her on the stair but she did not speak to him, and her wan face, and deep mourning dress, awed the light-hearted Halbert into reverential silence. He was not light-hearted then—he almost felt that{250} his own happiness was selfish in the presence of such grief.
And then she slowly and painfully walked away to her darkened room. Halbert encountered her on the stairs, but she didn’t say anything to him. Her pale face and deep mourning dress made the usually carefree Halbert fall into a respectful silence. He wasn't carefree at that moment—he felt almost that{250} his own happiness was selfish in front of such sorrow.
And the old man paced heavily his large, low, study-room, thinking with tender compassion of his ward, the orphan, and the widowed. It brought back the days of his own pained and struggling youth, and he remembered how gentle to him would have been this hand of death instead of the more cruel stroke which laid his early dreams in the dust. He thought of Lucy Murray and of her tears—tears which fell singly in their force and bitterness like the words of Lilias; and he thanked God that rather thus the stroke had fallen upon his child. She was now doubly his child—left to him alone for care and succour—set apart from all the world.
And the old man walked heavily around his large, low study, thinking fondly of his ward, the orphan, and the widow. It reminded him of his own painful and difficult youth, and he recalled how kind the hand of death would have been to him compared to the harsher blow that crushed his early dreams. He thought of Lucy Murray and her tears—tears that fell one by one with their strength and bitterness like Lilias's words; and he thanked God that, in this way, the blow had come down on his child. She was now even more like his child—left alone to him for care and support—set apart from everyone else.
But Lilias grew calm; there was no fever in the great stillness of this grief—no antagonist powers of hope and uncertainty to sicken her with its fretting painful life. She was fitted for her lot; and when she entered again the little world in which they lived, there was a saintly repose about her mourning, a hush of deep melancholy in her atmosphere, which subdued and mellowed all who approached her. But there was no elasticity left; the human hopes, the warm links which unite the living to the world they dwell in, had all been snapt for Lilias. Except the reverend duty of a child for the old man who mourned with her for the dead, she had no other bond to the world.
But Lilias found her calm; there was no fever in the profound stillness of this grief—no conflicting feelings of hope and uncertainty to torment her with their painful existence. She accepted her fate; and when she reentered the small world they inhabited, there was a serene dignity in her mourning, a deep melancholy in her presence that softened and warmed everyone who came near her. But there was no bounce left; the human hopes, the warm connections that link the living to the world they inhabit, had all been broken for Lilias. Aside from her duty as a child towards the old man who grieved with her for the deceased, she had no other ties to the world.
And so it happened that she came to stand, as we sometimes see the afflicted, alone upon the solitary isthmus between the earth and heaven. The changing tide of human life seemed to have left her there—above the reach of the benign and gentle hand of change—above the happy impatiences—the impulse and varying motive of the common lot; standing alone among the stars, waiting till her summons came.
And so it happened that she found herself, like we sometimes see those in distress, standing alone on the narrow land bridge between earth and heaven. The shifting tides of human life seemed to have left her there—beyond the touch of kind and gentle change—above the joyful restlessness—the drive and different reasons of the everyday life; standing alone among the stars, waiting for her call to come.
She was very gentle, very mild, very calm—but it was less sympathy than reverence that attended her. The human life had ebbed away from her lonely feet, and she grew feeble as she moved in her melancholy, shadowy grace about that old house of Mossgray. They tended her in silent pity as they might have tended a hermit spirit, and she repaid them as she could with her resigned and patient mildness; but they thought of her as one about to pass away, fated to another life than this of earth.{251}
She was very gentle, very mild, very calm—but it was more reverence than sympathy that surrounded her. The warmth of human life had faded from her lonely feet, and she became weak as she moved with her sad, shadowy grace around that old house of Mossgray. They cared for her in silent pity, like they might for a hermit spirit, and she returned their kindness with her patient and resigned mildness; but they saw her as someone on the brink of passing away, destined for a life beyond this earthly one.{251}
CHAPTER VIII.
Nane dances like I do on the green,
If you abandon me, Marion,
I'll even go hang out with Jean.—Song.
It was past midsummer. Halbert Graeme, younger of Mossgray, was already a famous man in the country-side, and had not his gentle kinsman been more gravely occupied through that long, slow summer, we are not sure that the Laird would have been quite satisfied with the considerable number of incipient flirtations which Halbert had on his hands. At Firthside, at Mount Fendie, and all neighbouring places where youthful people were, Halbert was immensely popular; and it was very true that Miss Georgina Maxwell and he had been experimenting a little upon each other; very true that Adelaide Fendie blushed her dull blush when her mischievous sister plied her with railleries touching the gallant Halbert. Adelaide was seventeen, and her large, soft, good-humoured face was not uncomely; besides she had begun to read greedily Maxwell Dickson’s select and edifying collection of novels, and seventeen is quite the heroic age for young ladies of the Minerva Press. Adelaide thought it was full time that she should begin a private romance of her own.
It was past midsummer. Halbert Graeme, the younger of Mossgray, had already become a well-known figure in the countryside. If his gentle relative hadn’t been occupied with more serious matters during that long, slow summer, we’re not sure the Laird would have been entirely pleased with the many budding flirtations Halbert had going on. At Firthside, at Mount Fendie, and in all the nearby spots where young people gathered, Halbert was extremely popular; and it was quite true that Miss Georgina Maxwell and he had been testing the waters with each other. It was also true that Adelaide Fendie turned her usual dull blush when her playful sister teased her about the charming Halbert. Adelaide was seventeen, and her large, soft, good-natured face was not unattractive; moreover, she had started eagerly reading Maxwell Dickson’s select and enlightening collection of novels, and seventeen is definitely the heroic age for young ladies of the Minerva Press. Adelaide believed it was high time for her to start her own private romance.
And Halbert’s letters to the North were by no means so frequent as they used to be. He was often very busy now, and really believed that he had not time to write; besides that, there had been a very pretty quarrel between him and the gentle Menie, provoked on her side by some saucy allusions to the Lilias whom he praised so much, and on his by some pique at a certain young Laird, who began to bulk very largely in the Aberdeenshire glen.
And Halbert's letters to the North weren't anywhere near as frequent as they used to be. He was often busy now and genuinely felt he didn't have time to write. On top of that, there had been a pretty little argument between him and the sweet Menie, sparked on her part by some cheeky comments about the Lilias he praised so much, and on his part by some irritation with a certain young Laird, who was starting to play a big role in the Aberdeenshire glen.
It was the market day in Fendie, and Halbert now attended the markets, where both buyers and sellers had learned to know the young Laird of Mossgray. These groups of rustical people—strong, tall, red-whiskered men, with their immense stooping shoulders, and primitive blue coats and universal gray plaids, worn in this brilliant June weather to keep out the heat, as in January they kept out the cold,{252} whom you see stalking about the Main Street, with long deliberate steps, lifting their feet high, so that you fancy they must believe themselves still wading among the heather, acknowledged his acquaintance by grasping the rusty brim of the unbrushed hat as he passed them. More dignified, the lounging farmers in their short coats of gray plaiden, gathered in knots about the door of the inn where their stout ponies and comfortable gigs had been put up, held erudite conversation with young Mossgray on the markets, the weather, and the “craps.” He was perfectly at home among them; had they been Ojibbeway Indians, the result would have been quite the same. He was born to make friends anywhere, this brisk cosmopolitan Halbert.
It was market day in Fendie, and Halbert was now at the markets, where both buyers and sellers had come to recognize the young Laird of Mossgray. These groups of rustic people—strong, tall, red-bearded men, with their broad stooping shoulders, and basic blue coats and universal gray plaids, worn in the bright June weather to keep cool, just as they kept warm in January—{252} could be seen striding down Main Street, taking long, deliberate steps, lifting their feet high as if they believed they were still wading through the heather. They acknowledged him by tipping the rusty brim of their unkempt hats as he passed. More dignified, the farmers in their short gray plaid coats, gathered in groups by the inn where their sturdy ponies and comfortable carriages were parked, engaged in deep conversations with young Mossgray about the markets, the weather, and the “crops.” He felt totally at ease among them; had they been Ojibbeway Indians, the outcome would have been just the same. He was born to make friends anywhere, this lively cosmopolitan Halbert.
He had just been at the post-office, and was carrying home with him the letters of the household. There was one for himself, directed in the large, stiff handwriting of his old teacher: but Halbert was not so anxious about Mr Monikie’s letter as he would once have been; he put it coolly into his pocket till his market business should be over.
He had just been at the post office and was taking home the household letters. There was one for him, addressed in the large, formal handwriting of his old teacher. But Halbert wasn't as eager about Mr. Monikie's letter as he used to be; he casually put it in his pocket until he finished his market errands.
At last, having discussed all the momentous subjects of the day, ascertained all the prices, and recognized all his acquaintances, Halbert felt that his duty was done, and that he might return home. But he had only opened the seal of Mr Monikie’s despatch, with its agreeable odour of black rappee, and ascertained that it contained no enclosure from Menie, when he heard the clatter of John Brown’s light cart on the road behind him. Halbert closed the letter again; it was by no means of pressing interest; at the moment he preferred a chat with John.
At last, after discussing all the important topics of the day, figuring out all the prices, and catching up with all his acquaintances, Halbert felt that he had done his duty and could head home. But just as he opened the seal of Mr. Monikie’s letter, with its pleasant smell of black rappee, and confirmed that it had no note from Menie, he heard the sound of John Brown’s light cart coming down the road behind him. Halbert closed the letter again; it wasn’t particularly urgent; at that moment, he preferred to have a chat with John.
“Fine weather this,” said the young Laird.
“Great weather today,” said the young Laird.
“Ay, its weel eneuch,” said John Brown, examining the sky with the curious eye of a connoisseur, “but ower drouthy, Sir—ower drouthy; and ower muckle drouth is guid for neither beast or body, let alane the craps. Yon muckle park at Shortrigg will be burnt brown afore the July rain, and syne it’ll be as wat as a peat moss; ye’ll never be dune, Sir, noo ye hae ta’en up the farming trade—ye’ll never be dune battling wi’ the weather.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty good,” said John Brown, looking at the sky like a seasoned expert, “but it’s too dry, Sir—too dry; and too much dryness isn’t good for either animals or people, let alone the crops. That big field at Shortrigg will be burned brown before the July rain, and then it’ll be as wet as a peat bog; you’ll never be done, Sir, now that you’ve taken up farming—you’ll never stop fighting with the weather.”
Halbert laughed.
Halbert chuckled.
“I am not so warlike, John. I shall be content with the rain when it comes. Are they all well at the Mount—Mrs Fendie and the young ladies?”
“I’m not really into conflict, John. I’ll be fine with the rain when it arrives. Are everyone at the Mount doing well—Mrs. Fendie and the young ladies?”
“Middling, middling,” said John Brown; “we have our{253} bits of touts noo and then, but we’re no to compleen o’; and the noo, we’ve nae time to think o’ being no weel, for Mr Alick’s coming hame.”
“Middling, middling,” said John Brown; “we have our{253} bits of trouble now and then, but we can’t complain; and right now, we don’t have time to think about not being well, because Mr. Alick is coming home.”
“Indeed!” said Halbert; the news interested him. “When does Mrs Fendie expect him, John?”
“Sure!” said Halbert; he found the news interesting. “When is Mrs. Fendie expecting him, John?”
“I hear about the harvest—August or September,” said the factotum of Mount Fendie; “but we’re gaun to gar the haill countryside stand about, so we’ve begoud in time. But ye’ll mind he’s no a free-spoken, pleasant lad like yourself, Mr Graeme, begging your pardon for the freedom; he’s ane o’ your fleeaway sodger officers, and there’s mair o’ the same kind coming wi’ him.”
“I hear about the harvest—August or September,” said the assistant of Mount Fendie; “but we’re going to make the whole countryside stop, so we’ve started in time. But you’ll remember he’s not an easygoing, friendly guy like you, Mr. Graeme, and I apologize for being so straightforward; he’s one of those arrogant soldier officers, and there are more of his kind coming with him.”
Halbert enjoyed his popularity; but at the same time he became still more interested in Alick Fendie, who being less popular, promised to be more aristocratic than himself.
Halbert liked being popular; however, he also became increasingly intrigued by Alick Fendie, who, being less popular, seemed to have a more aristocratic air than himself.
“Has he been long in India, John?” asked Halbert.
“Has he been in India for a long time, John?” asked Halbert.
“Na, no that lang. I mind him mysel frae he was a kittlin o’ a laddie like that wee evil spirit o’ a brither o’ his. He’s been twa—three years out bye yonder,” and John jerked his ponderous thumb in the direction of the sea. “I wad just like to see him fechting—or the like o’ him—fusionless, shilpit laddies. I’m no Wallace Wight myself, but if I couldna tak twa o’ them in ilka hand!—and that minds me, Mr Graeme, that my auntie Eesabell up at Murrayshaugh bothers folk even on about your young lady. I’m no meaning the lady that is to be ye ken, but just Miss Maxwell. Our auld auntie’s ta’en a notion that she kens some o’ the auld family—the Murrays. Its a’ havers, ye ken, for Miss Lucy’s aulder, if she’s leeving, than Eesabell hersel; but the young lady hasna been at Murrayshaugh for lang, and the auld wife deaves a’body asking about her. I tell’t her it was said in the town that Miss Maxwell was no weel. She’s aye bee awfu’ delicate like; isna she no weel, Mr Graeme?”
“Not for long. I remember him when he was just a little kid, like that sneaky little brother of his. He’s been gone—two, three years out there,” and John pointed his heavy thumb toward the sea. “I’d love to see him fighting—or someone like him—just weak, scrawny boys. I’m not Wallace Wight myself, but if I couldn’t grab two of them in each hand!—and that reminds me, Mr. Graeme, my Auntie Eesabell up at Murrayshaugh is bothering everyone about your young lady. I don’t mean the lady who’s meant to be with you, you know, just Miss Maxwell. Our old auntie thinks she knows some of the old family—the Murrays. It’s all nonsense, you know, because Miss Lucy’s older, if she’s alive, than Eesabell herself; but the young lady hasn’t been at Murrayshaugh for long, and the old woman drives everyone mad asking about her. I told her it was said in town that Miss Maxwell wasn’t well. She’s always been so delicate, hasn’t she, Mr. Graeme?”
“She has been very ill,” said Halbert; “but she is recovering now, I hope. She lost a friend lately.”
“She’s been really sick,” said Halbert; “but I hope she’s recovering now. She lost a friend recently.”
John Brown paused respectfully, rendering the instinctive homage which men pay to grief.
John Brown stopped respectfully, giving the instinctive tribute that people show to sorrow.
“I saw Robbie Caryl the day,” said John, after an interval; “Robbie was in last week wi’ some grand salmon at Dumbraes market, and he saw a man there that has a son a sodger, somegate near where Mr Alick is; and there’s word—sure word, Robbie says—that Peter Delvie—ye wadna ken Peter? was killed yonder wi’ a wheen mair, fechting wi’ thae{254} wild Indians—Affghans—what is’t they ca’ them? Onyway Peter’s dead; and what the auld man, Saunders, will say till’t, noo, is mair than I ken.”
“I saw Robbie Caryl today,” John said after a pause. “Robbie was at the market last week with some great salmon, and he saw a guy there who has a son in the army, somewhere near where Mr. Alick is. And there’s word—definite word, Robbie says—that Peter Delvie—don’t you know Peter?—was killed over there along with a few others, fighting with those wild Indians—Afghans—what do they call them? Anyway, Peter’s dead; and what the old man, Saunders, will say about it now, is more than I know.”
“He was harsh to him, I believe,” said Halbert.
“He was tough on him, I think,” said Halbert.
“Ay, ye may say that; but I’m no sae sure he aye meant it; ye see he was proud o’ the lad, and when he gaed an ill gate, Saunders nigh broke his heart. Ye wad maist say he had na heart, yon hard auld man—but it’s ill telling. Robbie was gaun to the minister to get him to break it to Saunders. I wadna do’t for a’ Fendie.”
“Aye, you can say that; but I’m not so sure he really meant it; you see, he was proud of the guy, and when he took a wrong turn, Saunders almost broke his heart. You could almost say he had no heart, that tough old man—but it’s hard to say. Robbie was going to the minister to have him break the news to Saunders. I wouldn’t do it for all the money in the world.”
The roads to Mossgray and the Mount separated at this point. Whistling gaily, John Brown set off at considerable speed, to make up for the gossiping slow pace with which he had begun; and Halbert leaped over the stile, and again opened the letter of Mr Monikie.
The roads to Mossgray and the Mount split here. Whistling cheerfully, John Brown took off at a fast pace to make up for the slow, chatty start he had; meanwhile, Halbert jumped over the stile and opened Mr. Monikie's letter again.
It was a startling letter; the young man’s face flushed with the angry colour of mortification and wounded pride, as he read it:
It was a shocking letter; the young man's face turned red with the anger of embarrassment and hurt pride as he read it:
“I hear from Menie,” wrote the pragmatical man of Aberdeen, “that you are not so good friends as you might be; and you know how often I have warned you, Halbert, about the danger of an unstable temper; a weakness to which I have always seen you were liable. It is a bad sign of a lad like you—a great evil—to have an unsteady mind, and to meditate breaking lightly the ties you have yourself made. Even as it regarded only yourself, I would have thought it my duty to impress your infirmity upon you, but far more when it endangers the comfort of a girl like my Menie. It disappoints me, Halbert; I confess that, though I might know better, after my long experience as a teacher of youth, I had expected other things from you; but human nature, even with all advantages, and when its judgment is matured like mine, is prone to vain expectations, and you have disappointed me.
“I hear from Menie,” wrote the practical man from Aberdeen, “that you and she aren’t as close as you could be; and you know how many times I’ve warned you, Halbert, about the risks of having an unstable temper—a weakness I’ve always seen in you. It’s a bad sign for someone like you—really concerning—to have an unsteady mind and to think lightly about breaking the ties you’ve created. Even if it only affected you, I would have felt it my responsibility to point out this weakness, but it’s even more important when it impacts the happiness of a girl like my Menie. It disappoints me, Halbert; I’ll admit that, despite my long experience as a teacher of young people, I expected more from you; but even with all my advantages, and with my judgment shaped by experience, I still fell prey to unrealistic expectations, and you’ve let me down.
“I do not think I would be justified in trusting the happiness of a good girl like Menie in hands that want the firmness which is needful in my eyes to a manly character. I hoped you had more of it, Halbert; and Menie herself, like a dutiful child as she has always been, agrees with her father, and says she thinks you will be very glad to be free, and at liberty to form new engagements. Also Menie sends a message that she forgives you, and has given{255} to me the half of the coin you broke with her; a very foolish, superstitious, and heathenish ceremony, which I should have certainly condemned had I known of it, or could I have fancied that my daughter and my pupil would ever think of so foolish a thing.
“I don’t think I can trust the happiness of a good girl like Menie to someone who lacks the strength I believe is essential for a manly character. I hoped you had more of it, Halbert; and Menie herself, being the dutiful child she’s always been, agrees with her father and says she thinks you’ll be very glad to be free and able to form new relationships. Also, Menie sends a message that she forgives you, and has given{255} to me the half of the coin you broke with her; a very foolish, superstitious, and pagan ceremony, which I definitely would have condemned if I had known about it, or if I could have imagined that my daughter and my student would ever think of such a silly thing.
“Young John Keith of Blackdean is giving us much of his company, and helps to keep up our spirits, otherwise we might have felt your backsliding even more than we do. I have never seen the marks of instability in him that I used to lament in you, though he has not had the same advantages of education; indeed in every way I have reason to be pleased with him, and so has Mrs Monikie and Menie. If Menie settles near us it will be a great satisfaction, and I think it is not unlikely.
“Young John Keith of Blackdean is spending a lot of time with us and helps keep our spirits up; otherwise, we might feel your decline even more than we do. I've never noticed the signs of instability in him that I used to worry about in you, even though he hasn't had the same educational advantages. In fact, I have every reason to be happy with him, and so do Mrs. Monikie and Menie. If Menie moves close to us, it will be a great comfort, and I think it’s quite possible.”
“I hope you will learn to correct these faults which I have pointed out to you, and we will always be glad to see you here, in spite of what has passed. I trust I can forgive an injury, especially when it has been made an instrument of good; and if you hear of any changes in my family, I hope you will be able to think of them without any great disappointment, seeing that I always remain, with compassion upon the errors of your youth,
“I hope you’ll learn to fix the mistakes I’ve mentioned, and we will always be happy to see you here, no matter what has happened in the past. I believe I can forgive an offense, especially when it has led to something positive; and if you hear of any changes in my family, I hope you can think of them without too much disappointment, knowing that I always hold compassion for the mistakes of your youth,
“Your sincere friend,
“Matthew Monikie.”
“Your sincere friend,
“Matthew Monikie.”
Halbert was very red, very angry; he folded up the letter bitterly, and felt indignant at treatment so unjust. His first flash of jealous resolution was to start for Aberdeenshire immediately, and carry off the faithless Menie from his supplanter the Laird of Blackdean. The merry, pretty Menie! He had been getting rather indifferent, there was no denying that; but now when he had lost her, tender recollections of his first love returned to the honest heart of Halbert. Something swelled in his breast of that sad disappointment with which youthful people see the first tie of their own forming rudely snapt asunder. One or two tears rose into his eyes; the petulant, fickle Menie was victor over him.
Halbert was furious, his face bright red. He folded the letter angrily, feeling outraged by such unfair treatment. His first instinct was to head straight to Aberdeenshire and take the unfaithful Menie away from the Laird of Blackdean. The cheerful, lovely Menie! He had been growing quite indifferent, that was true; but now that he had lost her, fond memories of his first love came rushing back to Halbert's honest heart. Something inside him swelled with the sadness of young people seeing their first meaningful connection abruptly broken. A couple of tears welled up in his eyes; the capricious, changeable Menie had triumphed over him.
But Halbert was not long melancholy. He began to think of the injustice—the insult.
But Halbert didn’t stay sad for long. He started to think about the injustice—the insult.
“It is very well for herself; she has only taken the first word of flyting; she was wise,” muttered the angry Halbert, as he turned on his heel, and with a quick, impatient step went on to Mossgray; and so he salved his wounded pride{256} and consoled himself, not without a pleasurable consciousness, increasing as he grew familiar with the idea, that he was free.
“It’s all good for her; she’s just taken the first jab back; she was smart,” muttered the angry Halbert, as he turned on his heel and quickly walked to Mossgray, salving his wounded pride{256} and comforting himself, not without a satisfying awareness that grew stronger as he got used to the idea, that he was free.
Lucy Murray and Adam Graeme had borne the first epidemic grief of youth on that Waterside before him. This last example perfected the story of the others. The woman’s sad endurance—the man’s passionate pain—these were not types broad enough for universal humanity. Only a few here and there can feel as they did, but Halbert’s lighter emotions were of the common stock; the momentary melancholy—the sting of mortification—the buoyance of new life and freedom. Lightly the cloud passed over the head of Halbert, a thing to be laughed at by and by; for he had no ideal to be sacrificed. And so he completed the tale of youthful disappointments; he brought them into the ordinary level, the common stream of life.
Lucy Murray and Adam Graeme had experienced the first wave of youthful grief by the Waterside. This final example summed up the experiences of the others. The woman's sorrowful strength—the man's intense pain—were not broad enough to represent all humanity. Only a few can feel the way they did, but Halbert’s lighter emotions were relatable; the brief sadness—the sting of embarrassment—the joy of new life and freedom. The cloud hovered lightly over Halbert, something to be laughed off later; he had no ideal to sacrifice. And so he wrapped up the story of youthful disappointments; he brought them down to the everyday level, the common flow of life.
In the kitchen of Mossgray Robbie Caryl the fisherman stood in grave and earnest conversation with the old housekeeper and her niece. Neither cuddie nor creels were visible to-day, and Robbie himself wore his Sabbath-day’s well-preserved suit, and his Sabbath-day’s look of gravity.
In the kitchen of Mossgray, Robbie Caryl the fisherman stood in serious conversation with the old housekeeper and her niece. There were no fishing gear or creels in sight today, and Robbie was dressed in his nicely kept Sunday suit, wearing a solemn expression as well.
“Eh, Robbie!” exclaimed Mrs Mense, “it’s a judgment—it’s just a visible judgment and retribution on that hard auld man! As if we werena sinfu’ enough oursels to learn us mercy to our neighbours, let alane our ain bairns, bane of our bane, and flesh of our flesh.”
“Hey, Robbie!” Mrs. Mense exclaimed, “it’s a judgment—it’s just a clear judgment and punishment on that tough old man! As if we weren’t sinful enough ourselves to teach us mercy towards our neighbors, let alone our own kids, bane of our bane, and flesh of our flesh.”
“The minister says we maun hae sure word afore we tell Saunders,” said Robbie; “as if the word we hae gotten wasna ower sure; but I say we’ve nae richt to keep the news frae the faither and the mother. Thea hae mair richt to ken than fremd folk. To be sure, I gied my word to the minister that I wad tell naebody. I’m saying, Jen, mind; till ance the minister maks his inquiries, ye’re no’ to say a word about it; though I kenna but what it wad be richt to tell the auld man, whether it turned out true or no, just to bring him to himsel’.”
“The minister says we need to have confirmation before we tell Saunders,” Robbie said. “As if the information we have isn’t clear enough; but I think we have no right to keep the news from the father and the mother. They have more right to know than strangers do. For sure, I promised the minister that I wouldn’t tell anyone. I’m telling you, Jen, remember this; until the minister makes his inquiries, you’re not to say a word about it; though I don’t know if it would be right to tell the old man, whether it turns out to be true or not, just to make sure he’s doing okay.”
“Eh, preserve me!” said Janet Mense, “they say he put his curse upon the lad.”
“Ugh, save me!” said Janet Mense, “they say he put his curse on the kid.”
“I wadna say onything was ower hard for Saunders Delvie,” said the fisherman.
“I wouldn't say anything was too hard for Saunders Delvie,” said the fisherman.
“Whisht! nane o’ ye ken,” said the old woman. “If he had been mair moderate in his liking, he wad hae been mair{257} moderate in his wrath. I tell ye, nane o’ ye ken. Wha’s yon, Jen? is’t no’ Saunders, his ain sel’?”
“Shh! none of you know,” said the old woman. “If he had been more reasonable in his affection, he would have been more{257} reasonable in his anger. I tell you, none of you know. Who’s that, Jen? Isn’t it Saunders, himself?”
The fisherman glanced eagerly out, and then drew back.
The fisherman looked out excitedly, then pulled back.
“I pat on my Sabbath-day’s claes just for the purpose, but I canna face him now. I’ll slip awa into the milk-house, Mrs Mense; and say naething to him. It’s in the minister’s hands; we maun just leave it to the minister.”
“I put on my Sunday clothes just for this occasion, but I can't face him now. I'll sneak away into the milk house, Mrs. Mense, and say nothing to him. It's in the minister's hands; we just have to leave it to the minister.”
So saying, Robbie with some trepidation hastened away to conceal himself in the dairy until the old man had passed.
So saying, Robbie, a bit nervous, quickly went to hide in the dairy until the old man had left.
The stern, harsh face of Saunders Delvie was lighted with a fire of strange and wild excitement. Defiance and yearning, tears and frowns, were strangely mingled in it. His voice shook, his gray eyelashes were wet, and under his heavy, bushy eyebrows his eyes shot out glances of fiery grief. His stern composure of manner was entirely broken. A burst of weeping, or a paroxysm of fierce rage, might, either of them, have brought to a climax the old man’s unusual agitation. With his heavy, quick, unsteady step, he came into the kitchen of Mossgray. No one spoke to him, for both of the women were afraid.
The stern, harsh face of Saunders Delvie was lit up with a strange and wild excitement. Defiance and longing, tears and frowns, were oddly mixed together on his face. His voice trembled, his gray eyelashes were wet, and beneath his heavy, bushy eyebrows, his eyes shot out glances of fiery grief. His usually stern composure was completely shattered. A burst of tears or a fit of intense rage could have easily pushed the old man’s unusual agitation to its peak. With his heavy, quick, unsteady stride, he entered the kitchen of Mossgray. No one spoke to him, as both women felt afraid.
Mrs Mense was sitting in her chair by the fireside; he went up to her hurriedly.
Mrs. Mense was sitting in her chair by the fireplace; he rushed over to her.
“Auld friend,” he said abruptly, with that harsh tremor in his voice, more moving than many lamentations, “ken ye onything that concerns me or mine? tell me plain out what it is, for this I wunna bear.”
“Auld friend,” he said suddenly, with that rough shake in his voice, more touching than many mournful cries, “do you know anything about me or my people? Just tell me directly what it is, because I can’t handle this.”
“Oh, Saunders,” exclaimed the old woman, wiping the tears from her withered cheek, “have pity upon the lad—the puir lad!”
“Oh, Saunders,” the old woman said, wiping the tears from her wrinkled cheek, “have mercy on the boy—the poor boy!”
“Is that a’? have ye nae mair to say but that?” said Saunders. Janet had followed the example of the fisherman, and the two old servants of Mossgray were alone. “Is that a’?” repeated Saunders, speaking rapidly, as if, in the contradictory impulse of his anxiety, he wished to prevent her from answering. “Ye’re sure that’s a’? Then I maun gang my ways—I maun tak counsel; if it’s righteous it maunna be ower late; but I’ll no’ speak to the Laird. He’s no’ a man like me; he taks the reprobate and the race o’ the reprobate into his bosom. Na, I winna speak to the Laird.”
“Is that it? Do you have nothing more to say?” said Saunders. Janet had followed the fisherman’s example, and the two old servants of Mossgray were left alone. “Is that all?” Saunders repeated quickly, as if his anxiety was pushing him to stop her from answering. “Are you sure that’s it? Then I have to go—I need to get advice; if it’s the right thing to do, it shouldn’t be too late. But I won’t speak to the Laird. He’s not like me; he welcomes the wicked and the offspring of the wicked into his arms. No, I won’t talk to the Laird.”
And lifting his head again with something of his usual rigid pride, the old man went away, as hastily as he had entered.{258}
And lifting his head again with some of his usual stiff pride, the old man left as quickly as he had arrived.{258}
The market was over in Fendie, and as the summer afternoon drowsily waned, and the weekly stir subsided, Mr Oswald sat in his little private office alone. The banker was an elder of the Church, and a man, as Saunders thought, of kindred mind and temperament to his own. It was from him that he came to seek counsel.
The market had wrapped up in Fendie, and as the summer afternoon lazily faded away, and the weekly hustle quieted down, Mr. Oswald sat alone in his small private office. The banker was a church elder and, in Saunders' opinion, someone with a similar mindset and temperament to his own. It was from him that he came seeking advice.
Mr Oswald looked up in some astonishment as the old man was ushered into his sanctum.
Mr. Oswald looked up in surprise as the old man was brought into his sanctum.
“It’s a case of conscience, Sir,” said Saunders, in his harsh, tremulous voice. “I was wanting to ask your counsel.”
“It’s a matter of conscience, Sir,” Saunders said, his harsh, shaky voice betraying his nerves. “I wanted to ask for your advice.”
Mr Oswald was a little startled. Cases of conscience were not quite in his way, although he had the ordination of the eldership upon him.
Mr. Oswald was a bit taken aback. Conscience issues weren’t really his thing, even though he held the position of elder.
“Had you not better speak to the minister, Saunders?” he said; “but sit down, and tell me what troubles you.”
“Shouldn't you talk to the minister, Saunders?” he said; “but sit down, and tell me what's bothering you.”
The banker’s heart was touched with the trembling vehemence of the old man’s manner and appearance as he stood before him.
The banker was moved by the intense emotion of the old man’s demeanor and looks as he stood in front of him.
“Na, Sir, I canna speak to the minister,” said Saunders. “The minister’s a young man, and doesna ken the afflictions of the like o’ me. He may hae comfort for his ain kind, but the griefs o’ the gray head are aboon the ken o’ lads like him. I canna speak to the minister.”
“Yeah, Sir, I can’t talk to the minister,” said Saunders. “The minister’s a young guy, and doesn’t understand the struggles of someone like me. He might have comfort for his own kind, but the sorrows of an old man are beyond the understanding of guys like him. I can’t talk to the minister.”
Mr Oswald had heard the rumour of Peter Delvie’s death, and pitied the stern old father; again he asked him to sit down.
Mr. Oswald had heard the rumor about Peter Delvie’s death and felt sorry for the stern old father; he asked him again to take a seat.
Saunders took the offered seat, and pressed his bonnet convulsively between his hands.
Saunders took the offered seat and squeezed his hat tightly between his hands.
“It’s touching the lawfulness of a vow—a vow before the Lord.”
“It’s about the legitimacy of a vow—a vow made to the Lord.”
Mr Oswald’s voice faltered a little; an indefinite thrill of conscience moved him.
Mr. Oswald's voice quivered slightly; a vague sense of guilt stirred within him.
“What is it, Saunders?”
"What's up, Saunders?"
“I made a resolve,” said the old man, his features twitching, and his strong, harsh voice shaking with the very force of his determination to steady it, “to put forth ane—ane that had sinned—out from my house as an alien and a reprobate. He had shamed the name that righteous puir men had laboured to keep honest for him—he had sinned in the sight of God and man; and before the Lord I pat him forth, and took a vow on me that he should cross my doorstane never mair. Maister Oswald, ye’re an elder of the Kirk,{259} and a man of years, and ane that has had bairns born to ye, and ken—am I no’ bound before the Lord to haud to my vow?”
“I made a resolution,” said the old man, his features twitching, and his strong, harsh voice shaking with the intensity of his determination to steady it, “to cast out—one who has sinned—from my house as an outsider and a disgrace. He has shamed the name that righteous poor men worked hard to keep honest for him—he has sinned in the eyes of God and man; and before the Lord, I put him out, and I vowed that he would never cross my threshold again. Master Oswald, you’re an elder of the Church,{259} an older man, and one who has had children born to you, and you know—am I not bound before the Lord to stick to my vow?”
Mr Oswald moved upon his chair uneasily. He could not answer.
Mr. Oswald shifted in his chair uncomfortably. He couldn't respond.
“I have had converse with Mossgray,” continued Saunders, shrill tones of excitement mingling with the usual slow, grave accents of his broken voice, “but Mossgray is anither manner of man, and kensna—kensna the like o’ me. He tells me that change is a guid gift of God, given for our using like ither providences, and that what I have said wi’ my lips may be broken, and me no mansworn—but I say, no—I ken nae law ither than the auld law of Scripture, and I maun perform to the Lord my vow. Sir, Mr Oswald, think ye not so?”
“I’ve talked with Mossgray,” Saunders continued, his excited tone mixing with the usual slow, serious rhythm of his broken voice, “but Mossgray is a different kind of man and doesn’t—doesn’t understand someone like me. He tells me that change is a good gift from God, given for our use like other blessings, and that what I’ve said with my lips can be changed, and I won’t be considered a liar—but I say no—I know no law other than the old law of Scripture, and I must fulfill my vow to the Lord. Sir, Mr. Oswald, don’t you think so?”
The old man’s shaggy eyelash was wet, but the fire shot forth behind. Strongly the two contending powers within him struggled for the mastery. He wanted his authority to second the dictates of the yearning nature, which, moved by whispers of some unknown calamity to his son, contended bitterly with the stern obstinacy of his temper and his sense of right; yet he had entered upon the oft-repeated arguments, with which he had been used to defend himself against the gentle attacks of Mossgray, and was becoming heated in his own defence. If the banker had pronounced his judgment against the breaking of this vow, it would have carried a bitter pang to the old man’s heart, and yet would have been a triumph. He sat, pressing his bonnet in his hard hands, and shaking like a palsied man. He had put his fate on this chance. He had resolved to make the judgment of the other pertinacious man to whom he appealed, his final rule, and anxiously he waited for the decision.
The old man's scruffy eyelash was damp, but the fire blazed behind him. The two conflicting forces within him fought for control. He wanted his authority to support the urges of his longing nature, which, stirred by hints of some unknown disaster for his son, clashed fiercely with the stubbornness of his temperament and his sense of what was right. Still, he had engaged in the often-repeated arguments he used to defend himself against Mossgray's gentle challenges and was getting heated in his own defense. If the banker had ruled against breaking this vow, it would have struck a painful blow to the old man’s heart, yet it would have felt like a victory. He sat there, gripping his hat tightly in his rough hands, trembling like a man with palsy. He had staked everything on this chance. He had decided to make the judgment of the other stubborn man he was appealing to his final guideline, and anxiously, he awaited the decision.
But George Oswald moving there uneasily in his elbow chair was too much perplexed and conscience-stricken to give a ready answer. The vehement father-love of Saunders Delvie, which in its agony of disappointed hope produced this vow, sublimed the old man’s sternness and lifted it out of the class of ordinary emotions. It was not anger, or wounded pride, or shame alone, but it was all these, intensified and burning with the strong, bitter love which still worshipped in its secret heart the son whom it had expelled from his home. The worldly man who had put the barrier of his disapproval in the way of his son’s happiness, for such paltry{260} motives as Saunders Delvie never knew, felt himself abashed in presence of the old, stern peasant, whose appealing eye was upon him.
But George Oswald, shifting uncomfortably in his armchair, was too confused and tormented by guilt to respond quickly. The intense love of Saunders Delvie, driven to this vow by his agonizing disappointment, elevated the old man's harshness beyond ordinary emotions. It wasn't just anger, wounded pride, or shame; it was all of these, intensified and burning with the deep, bitter love that still secretly cherished the son he had sent away from home. The worldly man who had put up the barrier of his disapproval to block his son's happiness—motivations so petty that Saunders Delvie could never understand—felt humbled in the presence of the old, stern peasant, whose pleading gaze was fixed on him.
“Saunders,” said Mr Oswald, with a faltering voice, “we are bound at all times to forgive.”
“Saunders,” Mr. Oswald said, his voice shaky, “we must always be ready to forgive.”
“It’s no that I dinna forgive him,” cried the old man in his passion. “It’s no that I dinna think upon him night and day—it’s no that—oh man! do ye no ken?”
“It’s not that I don’t forgive him,” cried the old man in his passion. “It’s not that I don’t think about him night and day—it’s not that—oh man! Don’t you understand?”
And Saunders, forgetting all artificial respectfulness, put down his gray head into his hard toil-worn hands and sobbed aloud—such strong convulsive sobs as the awed banker had never heard before.
And Saunders, dropping all pretenses of politeness, rested his gray head in his rough, work-worn hands and sobbed loudly—such powerful, convulsive sobs that the stunned banker had never heard before.
Hope Oswald had opened the door very quietly to look in, and the instincts of childhood were scarcely yet subdued in the young heart of the banker’s daughter. She came softly across the room to stand by Saunders’ side, and touch his hand with awe and pity.
Hope Oswald had opened the door quietly to peek inside, and the instincts of childhood were still fresh in the young heart of the banker’s daughter. She moved softly across the room to stand by Saunders’ side and touched his hand with a mix of awe and sympathy.
“Saunders,” whispered Hope, “maybe it is not true—the minister says it is not true.”
“Saunders,” Hope whispered, “maybe it’s not true—the minister says it’s not true.”
The old man lifted his face; no face less stern could have been moved so greatly.
The old man raised his face; no face less serious could have been so deeply affected.
“What is’t that’s no true?”
“What isn’t true?”
“Poor Peter!” said Hope, with tears upon her cheek, “do you mind how good he aye was, Saunders? and his heart broke, people say, because you were angry at him; but you are not angry now; and when he comes back you will go out to meet him like the man in the Bible, and be friends? for, Saunders, you are friends with Peter now?”
“Poor Peter!” Hope said, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Do you remember how good he always was, Saunders? They say his heart broke because you were mad at him, but you’re not angry anymore, right? When he comes back, you’ll go out to meet him like the man in the Bible and be friends again? Because, Saunders, you are friends with Peter now?”
He could not wait for any judgment; he could not think of any vow. A burst of weeping, such as might have hailed the prodigal’s return, followed the simple speech of Hope. The living love within him burst through its perverse and unseemly garments; and those peaceful walls, unused to great emotion, had never heard such a cry as broke through them now, from lips that trembled as the great king’s did of old, when he too wept for his Absalom. “My son! my son!{261}”
He couldn't wait for any judgment; he couldn't think of any vow. A wave of tears, like what might have greeted the prodigal's return, followed the simple words of Hope. The love inside him surged through its twisted and inappropriate facade; and those peaceful walls, unaccustomed to intense emotion, had never heard such a cry as erupted from them now, from lips that quivered like the great king's did long ago when he too cried for his Absalom. “My son! my son!{261}”
CHAPTER IX.
“Oh, Hope, Alick’s come,” exclaimed Adelaide Fendie one bright August day, as she alighted from the nondescript gig driven by John Brown, and went with her arm linked in her friend’s into the banker’s sober dining-room. “Mamma is so glad—we’re all so glad—Alick’s come.”
“Oh, Hope, Alick’s here,” shouted Adelaide Fendie one bright August day as she got out of the plain carriage driven by John Brown and linked arms with her friend as they entered the banker’s serious dining room. “Mom is so happy—we’re all so happy—Alick’s here.”
“And, Hope,” added Victoria, “somebody else is come too. It’s the sword and cocked hat that Tibbie saw at Hallowe’en. Oh, Hope, if you only saw him!”
“And, Hope,” Victoria added, “someone else has come too. It’s the sword and the cocked hat that Tibbie saw on Hallowe’en. Oh, Hope, if you could only see him!”
“Who is it, Adelaide?” asked Hope.
“Who is it, Adelaide?” Hope asked.
“It’s—Alick’s come,” said the slow Adelaide with her dull blush, “mamma is so glad, Hope; and we’re to have a ball and parties—I don’t know how many—and Mossgray and young Mr Graeme are coming to dine to-morrow, and next week we are going to Mossgray—because Miss Maxwell will never go out anywhere now you know, and Mr Graeme wants to have Alick and me,” added Adelaide, with a dignified consciousness of having reached the full years of young ladyhood. “I’m to go too.”
“It’s—Alick’s here,” said the sluggish Adelaide, her cheeks slightly flushed. “Mom is so happy, Hope; and we’re going to have a ball and parties—I don’t even know how many—and Mossgray and young Mr. Graeme are coming to dinner tomorrow, and next week we’re going to Mossgray—because Miss Maxwell won’t go out anywhere now, you know, and Mr. Graeme wants Alick and me,” added Adelaide, with a proud awareness of having reached young ladyhood. “I’m going too.”
“Will Mossgray ask you, Hope?” inquired Victoria.
“Is Will Mossgray going to ask you, Hope?” Victoria asked.
“Hope is too young,” said Adelaide, in her new dignity. “Doesn’t mamma tell you, Victoria, not to talk about things you don’t understand? but though you’re too young to go out to parties yet, Hope, you’re to come up and see Alick: and there’s Alick’s friends too, you know.”
“Hope is too young,” said Adelaide, in her new dignity. “Doesn’t Mom tell you, Victoria, not to talk about things you don’t understand? But even though you’re too young to go out to parties yet, Hope, you’re still going to come up and see Alick; and there are Alick’s friends too, you know.”
Hope was offended. She was full fifteen, and thought herself a very mature womanly person, so she condescended to ask no further questions about Alick’s friends, though Victoria’s malicious laugh, and the dull consciousness of Adelaide, made Hope a little curious; but Hope’s mind was occupied with things of very much more importance than cocked hats or swords.
Hope was offended. She was fifteen and thought of herself as a very mature woman, so she decided not to ask any more questions about Alick's friends, even though Victoria's spiteful laughter and Adelaide's dull awareness made her somewhat curious. But Hope's mind was focused on things far more important than fancy hats or swords.
“Adelaide, does Alick know about Peter Delvie? oh, Mr Insches says perhaps it is not true—and poor Saunders!—does Alick know anything, Adelaide; does Alick think it is true?{262}”
“Adelaide, does Alick know about Peter Delvie? Oh, Mr. Insches says maybe it’s not true—and poor Saunders!—does Alick know anything, Adelaide; does Alick think it’s true?{262}”
“Hope! do you think our Alick knows anything about Peter Delvie?”
“Hey! Do you think our Alick knows anything about Peter Delvie?”
“If he does not it is very bad of him,” said Hope boldly; “for Peter is a Fendie man—they were both Fendie men away in yon great India; but did you not ask him, Adelaide? did you not think of poor Saunders when Alick came home?”
“If he doesn’t, it’s really bad of him,” Hope said confidently; “because Peter is a Fendie man—they were both Fendie men back in that vast India; but didn’t you ask him, Adelaide? Didn’t you think of poor Saunders when Alick came home?”
“I forgot, Hope,” said Adelaide, more humbly.
“I forgot, Hope,” said Adelaide, sounding more modest.
“Will you not forget to-day then? will you mind, Victoria? and I will come up to the Mount to-morrow to hear; for Saunders thinks he is dead; oh, Adelaide, if he only were living to come back again!”
“Will you not forget today then? Will you mind, Victoria? I’ll come up to the Mount tomorrow to find out; because Saunders thinks he’s dead; oh, Adelaide, if only he were alive to come back again!”
Hope had never been able to forget the agony of the old man; but her visitors were by no means interested.
Hope had never been able to forget the pain of the old man; but her visitors were not interested at all.
“Do you mind Alick, Hope?” said Adelaide, “mamma says he is so improved; and he’s as brown as he can be with the sun; and then there is Captain Hyde, Alick’s friend; he is an Englishman, and belongs to such an old family. They came in with the Conqueror.”
“Do you mind Alick, Hope?” said Adelaide. “Mom says he’s really improved; and he’s as bronzed as can be from the sun; and then there’s Captain Hyde, Alick’s friend; he’s English and comes from a really old family. They came over with the Conqueror.”
“And they called them Van Dunder at first,” said the malicious Victoria, “and then they were married to a Miss Hyde, a rich lady: and now their full name is Dunder Hyde; but Alick says it should be Dunderhead, because he’s so stupid.”
“And they called them Van Dunder at first,” said the spiteful Victoria, “and then they married a Miss Hyde, a wealthy woman: and now their full name is Dunder Hyde; but Alick says it should be Dunderhead, because he’s so foolish.”
“Victoria, I’ll tell mamma,” said the offended Adelaide.
“Victoria, I’m telling Mom,” said the upset Adelaide.
“But Van Dunder is not like a Norman name,” said Hope, who was more erudite; “it’s like Dutch: are you sure they were Normans, Adelaide?”
“But Van Dunder doesn’t sound like a Norman name,” said Hope, who was more knowledgeable; “it sounds Dutch: are you sure they were Normans, Adelaide?”
“I don’t know anything about Normans,” said Adelaide, with dignity; “but I know that Captain Hyde’s family came to England with King William; for he told me that—”
“I don’t know anything about Normans,” said Adelaide, with dignity; “but I know that Captain Hyde’s family came to England with King William; because he told me that—”
“But that would be Dutch William,” said the historical Hope; “and does he wear a sword and a cocked hat; and do you like him, Adelaide?”
“But that would be Dutch William,” said the historical Hope; “does he wear a sword and a tricorn hat? And do you like him, Adelaide?”
Adelaide drew herself up.
Adelaide straightened up.
“Hope! what are you thinking of!”
"Hope! What are you thinking?"
“What is the matter,” said the straight-forward Hope; “would it be wrong if you liked him? I am sure I like Halbert Graeme very well, and perhaps I will like Alick; but I like old Mossgray far better; and I wouldn’t be afraid to say it.”
“What’s the matter?” said the straightforward Hope. “Would it be a problem if you liked him? I definitely like Halbert Graeme a lot, and maybe I’ll like Alick too; but I like old Mossgray way more, and I wouldn’t hesitate to say it.”
“Young ladies should not speak so,” said Adelaide, in her dull solemnity.
“Young ladies shouldn’t speak like that,” Adelaide said with her usual seriousness.
Hope was very innocent:—she still thought of a young{263} lady only as an ordinary mortal, and not as a professional person—for Hope, schemer and matchmaker as she was, had never been initiated into the system of mutual silliness with which boys and girls, just before they become men and women, surround each other; and although perfectly undefended from the romantic, and prone to be overpowered by it, whenever her hour should come, she had triple armour in her honest, artless temper, against all the affectations of the young lady and young gentleman period.
Hope was very naive:—she still viewed a young{263} woman as just an ordinary person, not as a professional. For Hope, the schemer and matchmaker that she was, had never been introduced to the system of mutual silliness that boys and girls engage in just before they become adults. While she was completely vulnerable to romance and likely to get swept away when her time came, she had solid protection in her genuine, straightforward nature against all the pretenses of the young adult phase.
“Has Alick ever been in a battle?” inquired Hope with some awe.
“Has Alick ever been in a battle?” Hope asked, sounding a bit amazed.
“Oh, Hope, so many! Alick does not care about battles now,” said Adelaide; “if you only heard Captain Hyde and him!”
“Oh, Hope, so many! Alick doesn't care about battles anymore,” said Adelaide; “if you could just hear Captain Hyde and him!”
“I wonder if he ever killed anybody,” said Hope, with a shudder. “I wonder if he ever took away a man’s life—maybe somebody’s son, Adelaide, like poor Peter Delvie—or like the gentleman—”
“I wonder if he ever killed anyone,” said Hope, shuddering. “I wonder if he ever took a man’s life—maybe someone’s son, Adelaide, like poor Peter Delvie—or like that gentleman—”
“What gentleman, Hope?”
"What guy, Hope?"
“I mean somebody I heard of,” said Hope, prudently checking herself, as she remembered that what she knew of the bereavement of Lilias was not fit news for her gossiping companions; “but to take away a life, Adelaide,—I think it must be very terrible.”
“I mean someone I heard about,” said Hope, carefully holding back, as she remembered that what she knew about Lilias’s loss wasn’t suitable for her chatty friends; “but to take away a life, Adelaide—I think it must be really awful.”
“I don’t know, Hope,” said the stolid Adelaide; “but Alick has been in so many battles that he does not care for them now—and so has Captain Hyde.”
“I don’t know, Hope,” said the unflappable Adelaide; “but Alick has been in so many battles that he doesn’t care about them anymore—and neither does Captain Hyde.”
“And will you mind, Adelaide,” said Hope, as she saw them again safely deposited in the gig, under the care of John Brown, “will you be sure to ask about Peter Delvie?—and I’ll come up to-morrow to hear.”
“And will you mind, Adelaide,” said Hope, as she saw them safely settled in the gig, under John Brown’s care, “will you be sure to ask about Peter Delvie?—and I’ll come by tomorrow to hear.”
Adelaide promised, and they returned home; but the promise faded from Adelaide’s memory before they were halfway to Mount Fendie; and when the faithful Hope went up to the Mount next day to ascertain the result of her friend’s inquiries, there was much to be said about Captain Hyde, but nothing of the hapless Peter. The strangers were out. Hope did not see them—and she had to go away, contenting herself with another promise, which was in like manner broken.
Adelaide made a promise, and they went back home; however, the promise slipped from Adelaide’s mind before they reached halfway to Mount Fendie. The next day, when the loyal Hope went up to the Mount to find out what her friend had discovered, there was a lot of talk about Captain Hyde, but nothing about the unfortunate Peter. The strangers were gone. Hope didn’t see them—and she had to leave, settling for another promise, which was similarly broken.
Peter Delvie was an early friend of Hope’s. He had helped her over burns, and comforted her when stung by the nettles and pricked by the thorns of juvenile mischance{264}—had pulled brambles for her from inaccessible hedge-rows, and fished unattainable water-lilies to her feet. Hope remembered all his gentle deeds, and liked the unfortunate Peter. And Saunders, in rigid, hopeless misery, was condemning himself as the murderer of his son; the old man’s stern grief moved the young heart strangely. Hope would have endeavoured any exertion to bring comfort to the harsh, agonized, despairing heart.
Peter Delvie was one of Hope's early friends. He had helped her with burns and comforted her when she was stung by nettles and pricked by the thorns of childhood misfortunes{264}—he had pulled brambles for her from hard-to-reach hedges and fished unreachable water lilies for her. Hope remembered all his kind acts and felt affection for the unfortunate Peter. Meanwhile, Saunders, in his rigid, hopeless misery, was blaming himself as the murderer of his son; the old man's deep grief affected the young heart in a profound way. Hope would have done anything to bring comfort to the harsh, anguished, despairing heart.
A second disconsolate journey Hope had made to Mount Fendie; but Adelaide still forgot; and wearily, with something of the discontent and melancholy which elder people feel, in sight of the indifference and lack of sympathy displayed by the common herd, Hope was returning home.
A second heartbreaking trip Hope had taken to Mount Fendie; but Adelaide still forgot; and tired, with some of the frustration and sadness that older people feel when faced with the indifference and lack of understanding shown by the masses, Hope was heading home.
She had entered the garden of Mossgray before she became aware that there were visitors in it. Under shadow of a fine beech tree, Lilias, in her mourning dress, sat on a garden seat. It was Saturday, and those holidays were now very frequently spent by Helen Buchanan with her pensive and delicate friend whose health needed all gentle care and tendance. Helen was standing behind Lilias, looking shy and something out of place, as she bent over the downcast Lily of Mossgray, and tried to shield her from the remarks sometimes addressed to her by the young men who stood with the Laird and Halbert at a little distance. The strangers were Alick Fendie and the redoubtable Captain Hyde; Hope did not know them—she came up, stealing under cover of the trees, to Lilias and Helen.
She had entered the garden of Mossgray before she noticed that there were visitors there. Under the shade of a beautiful beech tree, Lilias, dressed in mourning, sat on a garden bench. It was Saturday, and those weekends were often spent by Helen Buchanan with her thoughtful and fragile friend, whose health required tender care. Helen stood behind Lilias, looking shy and somewhat out of place as she leaned over the drooping Lily of Mossgray, trying to shield her from comments made by the young men who stood a little distance away with the Laird and Halbert. The strangers were Alick Fendie and the formidable Captain Hyde; Hope didn't know them—she approached quietly under the cover of the trees, heading toward Lilias and Helen.
Lilias had turned her head away, where no one could see the drooping, melancholy face. They had been talking in her presence of those fatal Indian wars—had been running over, with careless levity, those names, made so bitterly memorable to her, of places where the dead had been. She had turned aside, with her trembling arm resting against the silvery beech; and Helen’s eyes were cast down too, and no one saw what clouds were passing over the wan face of the Lily of Mossgray.
Lilias had looked away, where no one could see her sad, drooping face. They had been chatting in her presence about those tragic Indian wars—casually mentioning the names that felt so painfully memorable to her, of places where the dead had fallen. She had turned aside, her trembling arm resting against the shiny beech tree; and Helen’s eyes were also downcast, and no one noticed the shadows passing over the pale face of the Lily of Mossgray.
Hope did not think of that, as she advanced innocently to the mourner’s side, and looked into her face; the tears were standing upon those colourless cheeks in large drops—the pale lips were quivering.
Hope didn't think about that as she innocently approached the mourner's side and looked into her face; tears were glistening on those colorless cheeks in big drops—the pale lips were trembling.
“Hope!” said Helen, in reproof.
“Hope!” Helen said sharply.
Lilias put her hand upon Hope’s, gently detaining her.
Lilias placed her hand on Hope's, gently holding her back.
“Hope has been my shield before,” she said in her low,{265} broken voice; and Hope’s heart swelled with graver emotion than was wont to move it, as the drooping Lily leaned for a moment upon her shoulder. She remembered very well the other time—the bow window of Mrs Fendie’s morning-room and the first meeting of Mossgray with his ward; but Lilias was still paler, still more fragile now, and people said she would not dwell long in this life.
“Hope has been my shield before,” she said in her quiet, broken voice; and Hope’s heart swelled with deeper emotion than usual as the drooping Lily leaned on her shoulder for a moment. She recalled very well the other time—the bow window of Mrs. Fendie's morning room and the first meeting of Mossgray with his ward; but Lilias was even paler, even more fragile now, and people said she wouldn’t last long in this life.
The young heir of Mount Fendie, lieutenant in his regiment, but captain at home, was the model of his sister Victoria—malicious with a kind of pert cleverness, which passed muster for wit very well among the stupid Fendies; but Captain Hyde, his butt and companion, was much too complacent to be at all conscious of being quizzed. In himself a tall fellow of his hands—in estate a considerable proprietor in one of the rich English counties on the other side of the island—the arrows of ridicule glanced innoxiously from off the glittering armour of good-humoured self-importance which bucklered Captain Arthur Hyde.
The young heir of Mount Fendie, a lieutenant in his regiment but a captain at home, was the model for his sister Victoria—sharp with a kind of sassy cleverness that passed for wit among the foolish Fendies. However, Captain Hyde, his friend and sidekick, was far too self-satisfied to even notice he was being teased. Tall and strong, and a significant landowner in one of the wealthy English counties on the other side of the island, Captain Arthur Hyde was completely unharmed by the arrows of ridicule, deflecting them effortlessly with his cheerful self-importance.
“Poor Robertson,” said Alick Fendie, in his loud voice, as Hope began to listen. “He was killed in that skirmish at ——; but, by the by, don’t you remember hearing a rumour before we left India, Hyde, that all these poor fellows were not killed after all?”
“Poor Robertson,” said Alick Fendie, in his loud voice, as Hope began to listen. “He was killed in that skirmish at ——; but, hey, don’t you remember hearing a rumor before we left India, Hyde, that not all these poor guys were actually killed after all?”
Captain Hyde gaped a “never heard it.”
Captain Hyde stared in disbelief, saying, “I’ve never heard that before.”
“I am sure you did,” responded his brisk companion. “Why, man, don’t you recollect? Somebody’s servant had turned up, and reported that himself and his master were not dead—very near it—very badly wounded, but not killed outright, and that the Affghan fellows were nursing a lot of them—I think there was a lot; and the fellows who had taken them were just about to turn their coat; they are always doing that, these wretches of natives, and were taking care of them to curry favour with us; yes, to be sure we heard it. It was a mere rumour, you know, but it might be true. Anything may happen in India. Men get killed and then turn up again in the most miraculous way—eh, Hyde?”
“I’m sure you did,” replied his lively companion. “Come on, don’t you remember? Someone’s servant showed up and reported that he and his master weren't dead—close to it—very badly hurt, but not outright killed, and that the Afghan guys were taking care of a lot of them. I think there were quite a few; and the guys who had captured them were about to switch sides. They always do that, those worthless natives, and were looking after them to gain favor with us; yeah, we definitely heard about it. It was just a rumor, you know, but it could be true. Anything can happen in India. Men get killed and then show up again in the most miraculous ways—right, Hyde?”
Lilias had risen and turned round blindly to Helen, as if seeking support.
Lilias had gotten up and turned around to Helen, as if looking for support.
“Save me, Helen,” said the Lily of Mossgray, “save me from this hope.”
“Save me, Helen,” said the Lily of Mossgray, “save me from this hope.”
“And is that all? do you know nothing further about these unfortunate young men?” said the anxious voice of Mossgray.{266}
“And is that all? Do you know nothing more about these unfortunate young men?” said the worried voice of Mossgray.{266}
“Nothing at all,” answered Alick Fendie briskly. “It may not be worthy of the least credit what we did hear. I only give it you as a rumour.”
“Nothing at all,” Alick Fendie replied quickly. “What we heard might not be worth believing at all. I’m just sharing it with you as a rumor.”
“Lilias is ill; we will go in,” said Helen, supporting her friend on the nervous, firm arm, which began to tremble in sympathetic sorrow. “Will you come to us when you can, Mossgray? Lilias is ill.”
“Lilias is sick; we’re going in,” said Helen, supporting her friend on the steady, strong arm that started to shake with shared sadness. “Will you come see us when you can, Mossgray? Lilias is sick.”
And Lilias was ill. After this long sinking in the deep waters of grief, the fever of hope was too much for her. Large, cold drops stood upon her white, shadowy forehead, her thin, wasted frame was shaken with sudden pains, the mist of blindness was upon her eyes, and the slender arm twined in Helen’s leaned so heavily—you could not have fancied there was so much weight in the slight, drooping figure altogether as there was in that one thin arm.
And Lilias was sick. After such a long struggle with deep grief, the fever of hope became too overwhelming for her. Large, cold drops formed on her pale, shadowy forehead, her thin, fragile body shook with sudden pains, a haze of blindness covered her eyes, and the slender arm wrapped around Helen’s felt so heavy—you wouldn’t have believed that the entire slight, drooping figure weighed as much as that one thin arm did.
“And, Captain Alick,” said Hope, stepping forward bravely, “did you see Peter Delvie in India? They have sent home word that he is dead; do you think Peter is dead?”
“And, Captain Alick,” said Hope, stepping forward confidently, “did you see Peter Delvie in India? They've sent word back that he’s dead; do you think Peter is really gone?”
“Why, I believe this is little Hope Oswald,” exclaimed Captain Alick, shaking Hope’s hand energetically, and offering a salutation from which Hope, immensely red and angry, withdrew in high disdain. “Why, Hope, you are taller than Adelaide; and what a little thing you were when I went away.”
“Wow, I think this is little Hope Oswald,” exclaimed Captain Alick, shaking Hope’s hand enthusiastically and giving a greeting that made Hope, feeling really embarrassed and angry, pull away in great disdain. “Hope, you’re taller than Adelaide now; and you were such a tiny thing when I left.”
“Will you tell me about Peter Delvie, Captain Fendie?” said Hope, with some dignity.
“Can you tell me about Peter Delvie, Captain Fendie?” Hope asked, with a touch of dignity.
“Who is Peter Delvie, Hope? I never saw him in India, I assure you. But why do you never come to the Mount? I must come and see you myself one of these days.”
“Who is Peter Delvie, Hope? I never saw him in India, I promise you. But why do you never come to the Mount? I have to come see you myself one of these days.”
Hope went away dissatisfied and sad. Nobody would care except for themselves, nobody would attend to her inquiries, nobody would think of the old man who had lost his only child.
Hope left feeling frustrated and down. No one would care except for themselves, no one would respond to her questions, and no one would remember the elderly man who had lost his only child.
Lilias was sitting on a low chair, bending her head down upon her knees, as Mossgray looked in at the door of their usual sitting-room. Her face was hidden in her hands; she did not see him.
Lilias was sitting on a low chair, resting her head on her knees as Mossgray looked in at the door of their usual sitting room. Her face was covered by her hands; she didn’t notice him.
Helen stood close beside her, holding one of those feverish, hot hands.
Helen stood close beside her, holding one of those warm, feverish hands.
“Helen, it is very hard to bear,” said the broken Lily, “very terrible. I thought I was patient, I thought I had learned to endure; but this hope, this false, vain hope—I cannot bear it, Helen.{267}”
“Helen, this is really hard to handle,” said the shattered Lily, “really awful. I thought I was being patient, I thought I had learned to cope; but this hope, this empty, pointless hope—I can't take it, Helen.{267}”
Helen answered nothing; she only pressed gently the thin, trembling fingers which lay in her own.
Helen said nothing; she just gently squeezed the thin, shaking fingers that rested in her own.
“And if it was true,” said Lilias, “they were many, very many; would you have me hope that it was him—that he was saved alone?”
“And if it’s true,” said Lilias, “there are many, way too many; would you have me believe that it was him—that he was the only one saved?”
And then the wan face was lifted, supplicating, begging to be contradicted—instinct with its woeful entreaty that this hope which it called false might be pronounced true.
And then the pale face was raised, pleading, wanting to be contradicted—filled with its heartbreaking request that this hope it called false could be declared true.
“Will you not speak to me!” said poor Lilias. “Have you nothing to say to me, Helen?”
“Will you not talk to me?” said poor Lilias. “Do you have nothing to say to me, Helen?”
“I cannot tell,” said the faltering voice of Helen. “I have heard of very wonderful things; this may be one of them. What can I say, Lilias? There have been such deliverances before—I cannot tell.”
“I can’t say,” said Helen, her voice trembling. “I’ve heard of some amazing things; this might be one of them. What can I say, Lilias? There have been incredible rescues before—I just can’t say.”
Lilias rose up suddenly, and laid her arms upon Helen’s shoulders, supporting herself there.
Lilias stood up abruptly and placed her arms on Helen’s shoulders, using her for support.
“He is the only son of his mother. She would pray for him night and day. Helen, Helen, there are few so blessed. Would they not be heard in heaven, those prayers?”
“He is his mother’s only son. She prays for him day and night. Helen, Helen, there are few who are so blessed. Wouldn’t those prayers be heard in heaven?”
Poor Helen trembled as much in her strength as the other did in her weakness; she dared not recommend this hope to the sick heart, which had already grasped it so strongly.
Poor Helen trembled just as much in her strength as the other did in her weakness; she didn’t dare to suggest this hope to the sick heart, which had already clung to it so firmly.
“We must wait, Lilias,” she said. “It is very hard, very hard to do it, I know, but it is in God’s hands, and we must wait.”
“We have to wait, Lilias,” she said. “It’s really tough, really tough to do this, I know, but it's in God's hands, and we have to wait.”
Lilias put up her hands to her head; she staggered as she withdrew from her support. A sickly smile came upon her face.
Lilias raised her hands to her head; she wobbled as she pulled away from her support. A faint, uncomfortable smile appeared on her face.
“I ought to go to his mother, Helen. Will you come with me to seek his mother? Mossgray is very good, very kind, but she has more need of me. She has not written, because she would think, like me, that he was dead; but it may be true. You have heard of very wonderful deliverances. You said so, Helen; you thought it might be true.”
“I should go see his mother, Helen. Will you come with me to find her? Mossgray is really nice and kind, but she needs me more. She hasn’t written because, like me, she probably thinks he’s dead; but it could be true. You’ve heard of amazing rescues. You said so, Helen; you thought it might be true.”
But Helen’s head drooped. She feared to encourage the expectation.
But Helen's head hung low. She was afraid to give any hope.
Lilias sat down upon her low chair again, and again bent her head upon her knees; her feeble frame was distracted with bodily pains no less than her mind was with mental.
Lilias sat down in her low chair again and rested her head on her knees; her fragile body was troubled with physical pain just as much as her mind was with worry.
“I think my head is dizzy, Helen,” she said, in her melancholy, broken voice. “I think I am forgetting myself—for this is only vain and false, a mockery of hope. I see it{268} is. If the grief were yours, Helen, you would see that this could not be true.”
“I think my head is spinning, Helen,” she said in her sad, shaky voice. “I think I’m losing myself—because this is just empty and false, a joke about hope. I see it{268} is. If the grief were yours, Helen, you would recognize that this couldn't be true.”
Those strange artifices of misery! they brought tears to the eyes of the looker-on, to whom this did indeed seem a mockery of hope.
Those bizarre inventions of suffering! They brought tears to the eyes of the observer, who truly saw this as a mockery of hope.
“You must stay with her, Helen,” said Mossgray, when they had left Lilias alone. “You must stay with her till I return. I cannot leave Fendie to-night, but to-morrow evening I will. I will go to London, and ascertain at once if there is any truth in this. Do not let Lilias know where I am nor what is my errand. I leave her with you in all confidence, Helen. You will be tender of my poor Lily.”
“You need to stay with her, Helen,” said Mossgray after they had left Lilias by herself. “You have to stay with her until I get back. I can’t leave Fendie tonight, but I will tomorrow evening. I’m going to London to find out if there’s any truth to this. Don’t let Lilias know where I am or what I’m up to. I trust you completely with her, Helen. Please take good care of my poor Lily.”
CHAPTER X.
I see it would be pointless; perhaps, perhaps, Another heart hopes and will be blessed; But why should this joy come to me? I have grown accustomed to grief;
My path has been dark, all my days,
And yet maybe—oh, Heaven, could such things be!
As that immense joy is about to come to me,
Eclipsing everyday joys.—Old Play.
“Helen,” said Lilias, “do you think I am very weak?”
“Helen,” said Lilias, “do you think I seem really weak?”
They were sitting alone together on the morning of the third day after Mossgray’s departure. It was early, and Helen was just preparing to return to the daily labours which she could not intermit.
They were sitting alone together on the morning of the third day after Mossgray left. It was early, and Helen was getting ready to go back to the daily tasks she couldn’t put off.
“I think you have had great trouble, Lilias, and you are not strong; but why do you ask me?”
“I think you’ve been through a lot, Lilias, and you’re not feeling well; but why are you asking me?”
“Helen,” said the pale Lilias, “do you never think it is selfish to sink under this blow as I have done? I think it has sometimes come into your mind; you would not have done it, Helen?”
“Helen,” said the pale Lilias, “do you never think it’s selfish to give in to this blow like I have? I feel like it’s crossed your mind sometimes; you wouldn’t have done it, Helen?”
“We are not alike,” said Helen, hurriedly. “I think I should have rebelled, I should have repined. I should have been like the Leonore of that ghastly ballad; but I have{269} my daily work to battle with, and little cares and little humiliations to teach me patience—yet I will never be so patient as you are, Lilias.”
“We’re not the same,” Helen said quickly. “I think I would have fought back, I would have complained. I should have been like the Leonore in that creepy ballad; but I have{269} my everyday struggles to deal with, and small worries and little humiliations to teach me patience—still, I’ll never be as patient as you are, Lilias.”
“It is because I am alone, Helen,” said Lilias, in her faint, pleading tone of self-defence, “because there is no one in the world, not one, to whom I am the best beloved. If I had been like you—if my mother had lived—I think I should have been brave, Helen; but now I have only my grief, nothing more, in all this cold world.”
“It’s because I’m all alone, Helen,” said Lilias, in her soft, pleading tone of self-defense, “because there’s no one in the world, not a single person, who loves me the most. If I had been like you—if my mother had lived—I think I would have been brave, Helen; but now I only have my grief, nothing more, in this cold world.”
“And Mossgray, Lilias,” said Helen.
“And Mossgray, Lilias,” Helen said.
“I am very ungrateful,” said Lilias, bending her head. “I wanted you to think that I was not selfish, Helen; and yet to lose them all—to lose them both in one year, it is very bitter, very hard; you cannot tell how hard it is.”
“I am really ungrateful,” said Lilias, looking down. “I wanted you to believe that I wasn’t selfish, Helen; but to lose them all—to lose both of them in one year, it’s really painful, really tough; you have no idea how tough it is.”
She was very pale, though perfectly composed; but now as she paused, a red light seemed to flash across her face for a moment, the flicker of that unnatural, feverish hope which she fancied she had tried to quench, but which, instead, was gathering strength every hour, and lighting up her heart with an unnatural radiance.
She was very pale, but completely composed; however, as she paused, a red light seemed to flash across her face for a moment, the flicker of that strange, feverish hope she thought she had tried to suppress, but instead, it was growing stronger every hour and lighting up her heart with an unnatural glow.
“I wish you could work as I have to do, Lilias,” said Helen, as she drew her homely shawl about her. “I think it would be good medicine if you were strong enough. If we could only change, if you could fight a little as it is natural for me, and I could be patient as you are; but we must be content. I am going out now to my little battle-ground; there are some struggles and bitternesses in it, you know; will you try to-day to think how important you are to all of us—to us all here, Lilias, and to let the sun come in upon you?”
“I wish you could work like I have to, Lilias,” said Helen, wrapping her plain shawl around herself. “I think it would be really beneficial if you were strong enough. If only we could switch places, if you could fight a bit like it’s natural for me, and I could be as patient as you are; but we have to be satisfied. I’m heading out now to my little battleground; there are some struggles and bitterness in it, you know; will you try today to think about how important you are to all of us—to all of us here, Lilias, and to let the sunshine in on you?”
“These long days!” said Lilias. “I am not patient, Helen. I think they will never come to an end. Will you bring some of the children with you? Hope Oswald—any of them. I like to see the children; and we will try to-night to forget—to forget,” said Lilias, with the flickering red light upon her face again, “not the sorrow, but the hope.”
“These long days!” said Lilias. “I’m not patient, Helen. I feel like they’ll never end. Will you bring some of the kids with you? Hope Oswald—any of them. I like seeing the kids; and we’ll try tonight to forget—to forget,” said Lilias, with the flickering red light on her face again, “not the sorrow, but the hope.”
The feverish hope which had so frail a foundation to build its airy fabric on—what was it that wakened out of the gentle passive depths of Lilias’s mind the feeling that her sinking calm of grief was wrong, and that there was need to exert herself to cast it off? It was not reason, it was not thought; it was a new hysteric strength, other than comes{270} from the deliberated wisdoms of man; a fluttering meteoric light, springing up about her, dangerously exciting, desperate, wild. She said she would forget it; she did not know that it was the fairy strength of this hope inspiring her, which made it possible that she should forget.
The intense hope that had such a shaky foundation—what stirred in the calm depths of Lilias’s mind the feeling that her overwhelming grief was wrong, and that she needed to push herself to shake it off? It wasn't logic, it wasn't thought; it was a new, hysterical strength, different from the carefully considered wisdom of man; a flickering, meteoric light, rising around her, dangerously thrilling, frantic, wild. She said she would forget it; she didn’t realize that it was the magical strength of this hope energizing her, which made it possible for her to actually forget.
And while Lilias began to move about the house in the new strength, which, she fancied, arose from a resolve to exert herself and show her gratitude to her friends, Helen went quickly down the Waterside to her daily labour. Her quick, nervous, tell-tale motions seemed to have been subdued in presence of the mourner, and her face looked paler and quieter than was its wont. That varying temperament of hers had a strange facility of catching the tone of the atmosphere in which she was, and wearing it unconsciously as the sky wears the clouds. The happy good-morrow twitterings—not songs—of the birds among the dewy glistening leaves confused the stronger voice of the wan water, and filled all the fresh morning air with inarticulate music—cheerful sounds came through the intervening trees from Fendie. Children, yonder, on the high-road began to flock out of the cottage doors to school. Scarcely any heart could refuse to rise with the buoyant upspringing new day; but along the green, soft path, and through this plain of long waving grass by the side of the bridge, Helen Buchanan went quietly with a dimness on her face.
And while Lilias started to move around the house with a new strength that she believed came from her determination to push herself and show her gratitude to her friends, Helen quickly headed down to the Waterside for her daily work. Her quick, nervous, revealing movements seemed to calm in the presence of the mourner, and her face looked paler and more subdued than usual. That changing temperament of hers had a strange ability to absorb the mood of her surroundings and wear it unconsciously, like the sky takes on clouds. The cheerful morning chirps—not songs—of the birds among the dewy, shimmering leaves drowned out the stronger sound of the fading water, filling the fresh morning air with unspoken melodies—happy sounds came from the trees over at Fendie. Children over there on the main road began to spill out of the cottage doors on their way to school. Hardly any heart could resist rising with the uplifting new day; yet along the soft green path, through the long waving grass by the bridge, Helen Buchanan walked quietly, a shadow of sadness on her face.
She had cares and bitternesses enough, as she said. William Oswald was still in Edinburgh; he had not been home even for a day; but the Reverend Robert had learned with inexpressible surprise and considerable pain that the young schoolmistress of Fendie did not choose to accept the dignified position to which he had elected her. It was almost the first rebuff he had met with since the triumphant beginning of his career, and he was a mortal young man, though he was a minister, and felt the mortification of being rejected to its fullest extent. So the Reverend Robert concealed the disappointment of the true honest feelings which did him honour under a veil of pique and pride. He could not manage to be indifferent, yet in his manner, when he accidentally met her, and in his attempt at indifference, was almost rude to Helen. Her sensitive pride began to rise again in full tide; people had begun to notice her for the sake of the minister, who now believing, as thoughtless malice said, that the minister had{271} changed his mind and withdrawn in time, withdrew too, and marked the change: and Mrs Buchanan’s little quiet house fell into its old loneliness once more.
She had enough worries and bitterness, as she said. William Oswald was still in Edinburgh; he hadn’t been home even for a day; but Reverend Robert learned with deep surprise and significant pain that the young schoolmistress of Fendie didn’t want to accept the respectable position he had chosen for her. It was almost the first rejection he had experienced since the successful start of his career, and he was a real young man, even though he was a minister, feeling the sting of being turned down completely. So, Reverend Robert hid the disappointment of his truly honest feelings, which deserved respect, behind a mask of annoyance and pride. He couldn’t act indifferent, yet when he accidentally ran into her, his attempts at indifference were almost rude to Helen. Her sensitive pride began to swell again; people had started to notice her because of the minister, who, believing—according to thoughtless gossip—that the minister had{271} changed his mind and stepped back in time, also withdrew and noted the shift: and Mrs. Buchanan’s little quiet house sank back into its old loneliness once more.
And the old weariness came sometimes back, and forlorn bitter thoughts swelled sometimes again about the changing heart. It was the penalty she paid for her power to endure and to enjoy.
And the old exhaustion would sometimes return, and lonely, bitter thoughts would occasionally rise again about the changing heart. It was the price she paid for her ability to endure and to enjoy.
So she went to her usual labour, and worked at it as she had worked for years; but other schools were rising in Fendie, where the little daughters of the masons and joiners and seamen of the good town could acquire a greater stock of accomplishments than Helen professed—where the fancy-work flourished in a perfect luxuriance of patterns, and the sober “whiteseam,” which was poor Helen’s staple, was thrust aside in disgrace. Helen was so foolish as to have an opinion on this subject; she had a good deal of wilfulness about her, it must be confessed; she thought it an honourable craft for those small maidens of hers, the manufacture of garments for their various homes; but was somewhat impatient of the tawdry prettinesses after which their ambition yearned.
So she went to her usual work and did it just as she had for years; but new schools were popping up in Fendie, where the little daughters of masons, joiners, and seamen could learn more skills than Helen offered—where fancy crafts thrived in a rich variety of designs, and the plain “whiteseam,” which was all Helen could manage, was left behind in shame. Helen was a bit naive to have an opinion on this; she had a fair amount of stubbornness, it must be said; she believed it was a noble craft for those young girls to make clothes for their homes; but she was somewhat frustrated by the gaudy decorations their aspirations chased.
It did her a little harm this weakness of aesthetical feeling; she thought of the natural fitness and propriety, and they gave her no thanks; and so it chanced that Helen got few new scholars. She felt the evils of competition; as her elder girls dropped off with their quota of education completed, younger ones did not come in to fill up the declining numbers, even when the young schoolmistress having discovered her error began not very willingly to amend it. Mrs Buchanan was beginning to look very sad and careworn; the steps of the coming wolf were already at the door.
It did her some harm that she was sensitive to aesthetics; she considered what was naturally appropriate and fitting, but they didn’t appreciate it; as a result, Helen got few new students. She sensed the challenges of competition; as her older students graduated, younger ones didn’t enroll to replace them, even when the new schoolmistress, realizing her mistake, reluctantly tried to fix it. Mrs. Buchanan was starting to look very sad and worn out; the signs of trouble were already looming.
The half year’s rent would soon be due, and the mother and daughter, in their anxious consultations, could by no means see where it was to come from. And the banker Oswald was their landlord; the gentle widow and the proud, sensitive Helen were at one in that point; there was nothing that they would not rather do than delay their payment by a single day.
The rent for the next six months would be due soon, and the mother and daughter, in their worried discussions, couldn't figure out where the money would come from. The banker Oswald was their landlord; the kind widow and the sensitive, proud Helen both agreed on this matter; there was nothing they would rather do than avoid delaying their payment by even a single day.
Mrs Buchanan’s little portion was very attenuated now; the expenses of her husband’s illness and death had nearly swallowed it up, and the remnant was in the form of bank shares; but the very meagre dividend which this little capital yielded yearly was not above half what was necessary for this dreaded rent. The good mother painfully hoarded the little{272} stock of school-fees; painfully expended what was absolutely needed—and lay awake far into the night and started again before the sun was up, calculating that sad arithmetic which could not issue in anything but a failure—laboriously trying to bring together the two ends which would not meet.
Mrs. Buchanan's small amount of money was greatly reduced now; the costs of her husband's illness and funeral had nearly wiped it out, and what was left was in bank shares. However, the very small dividend this investment provided each year was less than half of what she needed to cover the dreaded rent. The devoted mother struggled to save the little{272} money for school fees; she carefully spent only what was absolutely necessary—and lay awake far into the night, waking up before sunrise to calculate the sad numbers that could only lead to failure—laboriously trying to make ends meet.
So Helen needed the natural spring and buoyant life of her temperament as much as Lilias did the gentle human touch of hope: their sorrows were apportioned to them by the same Hand which did so diversely create their spirits. Lilias had been very patient, until this wild light of hope broke in upon her still dead sorrow; and now Helen was bravely fighting against the cold incoming tide of neglect and poverty; holding up a high heart above the waves, and keeping as she could, unwetted by the chill spray about her, the wings of her strong life.
So Helen needed the natural energy and vibrant spirit of her personality just as much as Lilias needed the gentle human touch of hope: their sorrows were assigned to them by the same Hand that created their spirits so differently. Lilias had been very patient until this wild spark of hope suddenly interrupted her deep sorrow; and now Helen was fiercely battling the cold wave of neglect and poverty, keeping her heart lifted above the waves and doing her best to keep the wings of her strong life dry from the chilling spray around her.
The banker Oswald was looking on; he had managed to ascertain so much of their need, and means, and mode of life as would have added bitterness to their struggle had Mrs Buchanan or her daughter known of it; and with singular interest and even some excitement, as he might have looked at a strong swimmer contending with the stronger current, the obstinate man looked on. To see these women battling so stoutly with a tide more powerful than that under which Walter Buchanan had sunk in his mid-day; to observe how Helen bore her fall from the temporary elevation which the minister’s attentions had procured for her, and went upon her way alone in her own unconscious dignity, so open to all kindnesses, still, and with the frank, clear skies of youth constantly breaking through the clouds of injured pride—no thought of coming to the rescue entered the mind of the banker, but there were no two persons in Fendie, out of his own household, whom he observed with half the interest which fascinated him to these. He fancied William had altogether forgotten the poor schoolmistress, and while he was entirely satisfied that such should be the case, a certain shade of contempt for this, obtruded itself into the pride with which he regarded the rising name of his son: but had William suddenly presented himself to ask the banker’s consent, as he had done before, the answer would still have been the same; he was still determined, unchangeable, bound by the resolution which nothing should break—never!
The banker Oswald was watching; he had figured out enough about their needs, resources, and way of life that it would have made their struggle even more painful if Mrs. Buchanan or her daughter had known. With a unique interest and even a bit of excitement, he observed them like a strong swimmer fighting against a powerful current. He saw these women struggling valiantly against a tide more forceful than what caused Walter Buchanan to drown at noon; he noticed how Helen handled her fall from the temporary boost that the minister’s attention had given her, continuing on her path with an unconscious dignity, open to kindness, and with the bright skies of youth breaking through the clouds of her wounded pride. The banker had no thoughts of stepping in to help, but no two people in Fendie, outside of his own family, held his attention as much as these two. He believed William had entirely forgotten the poor schoolmistress, and while he was perfectly okay with that, a hint of contempt crept into the pride with which he viewed his son's rising status. Yet, if William had suddenly shown up to ask for the banker’s permission, as he had done before, the response would have been the same; he remained steadfast, immovable, bound by a resolution that nothing would change—never!
“I do not know what to say to Lilias, mother,” said Helen, as in the afternoon she prepared to return to Mossgray,{273} where Mrs Buchanan was to accompany her. “You will know—I cannot speak to her of this, for it would be terrible to lead her to hope, and then have that dreary blank of disappointment return again—and such disappointment! It is not like our troubles—troubles which could be almost altogether removed by what would be a very little matter to Mossgray; but Lilias has a heavier burden than we have.”
“I don’t know what to say to Lilias, Mom,” said Helen, as she got ready to head back to Mossgray, {273} where Mrs. Buchanan would be going with her. “You will know—I can’t bring this up with her because it would be awful to give her hope, only to face that dreary disappointment again—and such disappointment! It’s not like our troubles—troubles that could be almost completely fixed by what would be a small issue for Mossgray; but Lilias has a much heavier burden than we do.”
“The present trouble looks aye the hardest, Helen,” said Mrs Buchanan. “She is young, and has many friends—she will forget; but you must fight on, my poor bairn. I feel your trouble more than hers.”
“The current situation seems to be the toughest, Helen,” said Mrs. Buchanan. “She’s young and has plenty of friends—she’ll move on; but you need to keep fighting, my poor child. I can relate to your pain more than hers.”
Helen could lament herself into despondency without much difficulty, but the perverse temperament would not droop for any will but its own.
Helen could easily lament herself into a state of despair, but her stubborn nature wouldn't yield to anything but its own desires.
“Hush, mother!” said Helen; “it is only a fight after all, and there is nothing so very bad in having to labour; I could not do without it, I think, and we will get through yet, no fear.”
“Hush, Mom!” said Helen; “it’s just a fight after all, and there’s nothing so terrible about having to work; I don’t think I could do without it, and we’ll get through this, no worries.”
Mrs Buchanan shook her head.
Mrs. Buchanan shook her head.
“I hope so, my dear—I hope we shall, Helen; but how we are to do at Martinmas I cannot tell.”
“I hope so, my dear—I hope we will, Helen; but I have no idea how we’re going to handle things at Martinmas.”
“The fear of ill exceeds the ill we fear,” said Helen, with a bright face. “We will do all we can, mother, and we will manage someway—do not let us think of it to-night.”
“The fear of something bad is worse than the bad thing itself,” said Helen, with a bright smile. “We'll do our best, Mom, and we'll figure it out somehow—let's not worry about it tonight.”
Mrs Buchanan’s heart did not rise as her daughter’s did; but the good mother was ready to brighten too, lest those occasional gleams of sunshine, the sole solace of Helen’s toiling life, should be overcast.
Mrs. Buchanan's heart didn't lift like her daughter's; however, the caring mother was eager to brighten up as well, so that those rare moments of happiness, the only comfort in Helen's hard life, wouldn't be shadowed.
“When is Hope to come?” she asked, “and what made Lilias think of asking Hope, Helen?”
"When is Hope coming?" she asked, "and what made Lilias think of asking Hope, Helen?"
“She wanted to escape from her own thoughts—at least she said so, mother—she wanted to be prevented from dwelling upon her hopes and fears for this night; and the grown-up people, the young ladies and the young gentlemen, would have tormented rather than eased her. Poor Lilias! I think she has some idea of Mossgray’s errand; she has not asked much about him, but a step without makes her shiver, and at night she grows so anxious. You are used to nervous people, mother, but when Lilias is nervous—so calm as she naturally is—it is far more painful to see, I think, than any natural tremor. Are you ready? for there is Hope.”
“She wanted to escape from her own thoughts—at least that’s what she said, Mom—she wanted to stop thinking about her hopes and fears for tonight; and the adults, the young ladies and young men, would have bothered her more than helped her. Poor Lilias! I think she has some idea of Mossgray’s purpose; she hasn’t asked much about him, but a sound outside makes her shiver, and at night she gets really anxious. You’re used to nervous people, Mom, but when Lilias gets nervous—especially since she’s usually so calm—it’s way more painful to see than any natural shaking. Are you ready? Because there is Hope.”
Hope led by the hand a little white-frocked, blue-eyed girl, the little Mary Wood of whom she had spoken so much.{274} Miss Swinton had remained only a day in Fendie, and to Hope’s great disappointment, had not seen Helen; but the little Mary was left with Mrs Oswald for a long visit. Hope was exceedingly fond and proud of the child, and eager to display its juvenile wisdom and attainments. They all set out together for Mossgray.
Hope was holding hands with a little girl in a white dress, with blue eyes—the little Mary Wood she had talked about so much.{274} Miss Swinton had only stayed in Fendie for a day, and to Hope's great disappointment, she hadn't seen Helen; but little Mary was left with Mrs. Oswald for an extended visit. Hope adored and was proud of the child, excited to show off her youthful wisdom and skills. They all set off together for Mossgray.
“My papa is in India,” said little Mary Wood, sliding her small hand into the trembling fingers of Lilias, as they sat under cover of the great beech, watching the autumn sun sink gorgeously over the western hill; “and when I am a big lady I’m to go to India too, and then I’m to be married to somebody—Miss Mansfield says so, Hope.”
“My dad is in India,” said little Mary Wood, slipping her small hand into the trembling fingers of Lilias as they sat under the shade of the big beech tree, watching the autumn sun beautifully set over the western hill. “And when I grow up, I’m supposed to go to India too, and then I’m supposed to get married to someone—Miss Mansfield says so, Hope.”
And Lilias laughed tremulously with the others, communicating a sick melancholy tone to the very sound of mirth.
And Lilias laughed nervously with the others, conveying a faint melancholy undertone to the very sound of joy.
“But Miss Mansfield says so, Miss Maxwell; and Miss Mansfield is a grown-up lady; she’s bigger than Miss Buchanan—isn’t she, Hope?”
“But Miss Mansfield says so, Miss Maxwell; and Miss Mansfield is an adult lady; she’s taller than Miss Buchanan—right, Hope?”
“Never mind Miss Mansfield; nobody cares about her,” said Hope; “but look, little Mary, look at yon star!—oh, Helen, look! in among the gold clouds, and it so white and cold like—I know what it’s like.”
“Forget about Miss Mansfield; no one cares about her,” said Hope; “but look, little Mary, look at that star!—oh, Helen, look! Among the golden clouds, it’s so white and cold like—I know what it’s like.”
“Oh! what is it like, Hope?” cried little Mary Wood, who had the greatest possible admiration of Hope’s stories.
“Oh! what is it like, Hope?” exclaimed little Mary Wood, who admired Hope’s stories immensely.
“It’s like somebody—somebody like what folk are in books,” said Hope, “standing in among the rich common people; it’s far better than the clouds—it’s as good as the sun, only it’s not so great; but for all that, look at it, how it’s shaking, and how pale it is; but it knows it is better than the clouds.”
“It’s like someone—someone like the characters you read about in books,” said Hope, “standing among the regular folks; it’s way better than the clouds—it’s as good as the sun, just not as big; but still, look at it, how it’s trembling, and how pale it is; yet it knows it’s better than the clouds.”
Little Mary looked up wonderingly in awe of Hope’s occult acquaintance with the star; but this did not strike her as Hope’s stories generally did; for she said, after a little pause,—
Little Mary looked up in wonder, amazed by Hope’s mysterious connection with the star; but this didn't hit her the same way Hope's stories usually did; after a brief pause, she said,—
“I wish it were to-morrow—I wish it were the day after to-morrow.”
“I wish it was tomorrow—I wish it was the day after tomorrow.”
“Why, Mary?” said Lilias.
“Why, Mary?” Lilias asked.
“Because Miss Swinton said papa was going to write me a letter, and that I would get it to-morrow, or the day after to-morrow. A whole big letter to myself—a letter from papa, all the way from India—oh, Miss Maxwell!”
“Because Miss Swinton said Dad was going to write me a letter, and that I would get it tomorrow or the day after. A big letter just for me—a letter from Dad, all the way from India—oh, Miss Maxwell!”
Lilias trembled a little; a slight painful shiver, as if of cold. She remembered well the time so long marked and looked for.{275}
Lilias shivered slightly, a small painful tremor, as if she were cold. She vividly remembered the time she had long anticipated and waited for.{275}
“The night is getting chill,” said Mrs Buchanan; “I think we must go in now; and come tell me, little Mary, about these great designs of yours.”
“The night is getting chilly,” Mrs. Buchanan said. “I think we should head inside now. And come tell me about your big plans, little Mary.”
“Mary is very little,” said Hope, apologetically, taking the vacant place by the side of Lilias; “she says just what comes into her head, you know, Miss Maxwell.”
“Mary is really small,” said Hope, apologetically, taking the empty spot next to Lilias; “she just says whatever pops into her head, you know, Miss Maxwell.”
“And do you not say what comes into your head, Hope?”
“And don’t you just say whatever pops into your head, Hope?”
“But then I am not like Mary, Helen,” said Hope promptly; “I am fifteen—I know—at least I should know better than little Mary. Do you know when Mossgray is coming back, Miss Maxwell?”
“But then I’m not like Mary, Helen,” Hope said quickly; “I’m fifteen—I know—at least I should know better than little Mary. Do you know when Mossgray will be back, Miss Maxwell?”
Lilias shivered again. “No, Hope.”
Lilias shivered again. “No, Hope.”
Poor Hope! she was not so very much wiser than little Mary, after all.
Poor Hope! She wasn't really any wiser than little Mary, after all.
The harvest moon had risen; the night was considerably advanced; Mrs Buchanan had set out with Hope and the child some time since; Helen and Lilias were alone.
The harvest moon had risen; the night was quite far along; Mrs. Buchanan had left with Hope and the child some time ago; Helen and Lilias were alone.
They were sitting together in the deep recess of one of those old-fashioned windows, and the room was perfectly dark, save for the broad, full moonlight which made bars of silver light across the gloom. They were speaking in the hushed tone which people instinctively adopt at such times, and Helen was endeavouring to keep the attention of Lilias occupied, although her broken answers and unconnected words showed how ill she accomplished it, and frequent starts and intervals of listening evinced the anxiety of both.
They were sitting together in the deep corner of one of those old-style windows, and the room was completely dark, except for the bright, full moonlight that created bars of silver light across the shadows. They were speaking in the soft tone that people naturally use at such moments, and Helen was trying to keep Lilias engaged, even though her fragmented replies and disconnected words showed how poorly she was managing it, and frequent gasps and moments of listening revealed the worry of both.
“Let us have lights, Lilias,” said Helen; “it is not good this—it will do you harm.”
“Let’s get some lights, Lilias,” said Helen; “this isn’t good—it will hurt you.”
“Yes,” said Lilias, vacantly—“I mean, wait a little—only wait a little, Helen.”
“Yes,” said Lilias, absentmindedly—“I mean, hold on for a moment—just wait a little, Helen.”
She had repeated the excuse again and again, and now grasping her friend’s arm with those tightened fingers, she bent her pale head in the full mellow moonlight, and listened, shivering with the chills and starts of expectation.
She had given the excuse over and over, and now gripping her friend’s arm with her tense fingers, she lowered her pale head in the warm glow of the moonlight and listened, shaking with chills and bursts of anticipation.
There was a slight noise below.
There was a small sound coming from below.
“There is some one coming, Helen,” and the trembling fingers tightened in their eager grasp. “It is not Halbert—it must be Mossgray—hush!”
“There’s someone coming, Helen,” and the trembling fingers tightened in their eager grip. “It’s not Halbert—it has to be Mossgray—hush!”
“It is only Janet moving below,” said Helen.
“It’s just Janet down there,” said Helen.
“Hush—listen! it is Mossgray! but I dare not go to meet him. Stay with me, Helen—stay till he comes! Now—now—it will be over now!”
“Hush—listen! It’s Mossgray! But I can’t go to meet him. Stay with me, Helen—stay until he gets here! Now—now—it’s about to be over!”
And speaking incoherent words of prayer, Lilias held her{276} eager friend tight, so that she could not escape, and turned her own bowed head towards the door.
And while muttering unclear words of prayer, Lilias hugged her{276} eager friend tightly, preventing her from getting away, and turned her own lowered head toward the door.
Lightly up the stair came the elastic footstep, and Mossgray opened the door gently, and stood before them in the grace of his old age, the moonbeams mingling with his white hair.
Lightly up the stair came the springy footsteps, and Mossgray opened the door gently, standing before them with the grace of his old age, the moonlight blending with his white hair.
“Where are you?” said the old man, looking into the dark shadows of the room. “Helen, is she strong? can she bear joy?”
“Where are you?” the old man asked, gazing into the dark corners of the room. “Helen, is she strong? Can she handle happiness?”
“Mossgray!”
“Mossgray!”
“My good child, there are others in the world to guard your strength for. He is not strong himself, poor fellow! He has had wounds and sickness; but he lives to thank God, Lilias, as we do.”
“My dear child, there are others in the world to protect your strength for. He isn’t strong himself, poor guy! He has suffered injuries and illness; but he lives to thank God, Lilias, just like we do.”
The room was reeling round her, with its heavy shadows, and bars of broad white light. She held firmly by the firm form of Helen, and laying down her dizzy head upon her friend’s shoulder, closed her eyes. She resigned her strained faculties willingly—at present she did not crave more; the quietness—the peace—fell over her like the moonlight—it was enough.
The room spun around her, filled with heavy shadows and wide beams of white light. She clung tightly to Helen's solid form, resting her dizzy head on her friend's shoulder and closing her eyes. She willingly let go of her tense mind; for now, she didn't want more. The calm—the peace—washed over her like moonlight—it was enough.
“Has she fainted, Helen?” asked Mossgray, anxiously, after a considerable pause.
“Has she passed out, Helen?” asked Mossgray, nervously, after a long pause.
Lilias lifted her head, still sick and dizzy, but with a sickness so different from that of grief.
Lilias raised her head, still feeling sick and dizzy, but with an illness that was so different from the pain of grief.
“No, Mossgray, I am strong.”
“No, Mossgray, I’m strong.”
And so she was, though she wavered and staggered in the moonlight, and scarcely could stand without support as yet. The winds had spent themselves and past away; the unusual fever had fled in a moment, and in her quietness she was herself again. Already the quick, wild pulse had fallen into its usual gentle beating; the turbulent strength of joy was not hers, any more than the passionate might of grief; but in the great peace of her gladness Lilias was strong.
And so she was, even though she wavered and stumbled in the moonlight, barely able to stand without help. The winds had calmed down and faded away; the strange fever had vanished suddenly, and in her tranquility, she was herself again. Already, her quick, wild heartbeat had returned to its usual gentle rhythm; the intense joy she felt was not hers anymore, just as the powerful weight of grief wasn't either; but in the deep peace of her happiness, Lilias felt strong.
And then the old man told them his tidings fully; how this very mail had brought home the certain news; how he did not survive alone, but various others, officers and men, shared his fancied loss, and sure restoration; how the wounded men on the field where the little band had been cut to pieces, were left to the tender mercies of an Affghan tribe, whose fierce chief had perished in the encounter; how the son of this rebel Rajah had been trained by a captive{277} Englishman, long ago seized by the wandering banditti of the tribe, and knew of justices and generosities higher than are taught by the creed of Mahomet; how the young sovereign saw how vain the struggle was between his shifting, unstable countrymen and the steady British arms, and moved by policy alike, and friendliness, had caused gentle succour to be given to the helpless wounded British men who were within his power; how they had travelled to his capital, and found his English tutor there, now, after long oppression and confinement, a free and honoured man, and how, with gifts and compliments, the strongest of the prisoners had been dismissed, and the brave young merchant, Grant, was to follow when he could.
And then the old man shared his news in detail; how this very mail had brought back confirmed information; how he wasn’t the only one left behind, but many others, both officers and soldiers, felt his imagined loss and anticipated recovery; how the injured men on the battlefield, where the small group had been overwhelmed, were left at the mercy of an Afghan tribe, whose fierce leader had been killed in the fight; how the son of this rebel Rajah had been trained by a captive{277} Englishman, who had been taken by the roaming bandits of the tribe long ago, and understood fairness and kindness that were beyond what the teachings of Muhammad suggest; how the young ruler recognized how futile the conflict was between his unpredictable countrymen and the disciplined British forces, and motivated by both strategy and goodwill, arranged for gentle aid to be provided to the helpless wounded British soldiers who were in his power; how they had made their way to his capital and found his English tutor there, now free and respected after a long period of oppression and confinement, and how, with gifts and praises, the strongest of the prisoners had been released, and the brave young merchant, Grant, would be allowed to leave when he could.
Dim, dubious, inarticulate thoughts were rising in the old man’s mind as he told this story, touching a long-past sorrow—a visionary hope of his own; but he gave them no utterance—and Lilias’ face had not lost the flush with which she heard the name of its title—brave—when Mossgray placed a letter in her hand. Lilias was strong now; she hurried away to her own apartment with this crowning joy of all.
Dim, uncertain, unclear thoughts were coming to mind for the old man as he shared this story, touching on a long-ago sorrow—a dream he once had; but he kept those thoughts to himself—and Lilias still had the blush on her cheeks from when she heard its title—brave—when Mossgray handed her a letter. Lilias felt empowered now; she rushed to her room with this ultimate happiness.
“I waited in Fendie till they should arrange their letters,” said Mossgray, “that I might see if there was anything for Lilias, and I got what I desired, Helen. There are other things in this story which interest me greatly. I wonder—but we shall hear, no doubt, when this young man comes home.”
“I waited in Fendie until they organized their letters,” said Mossgray, “so I could see if there was anything for Lilias, and I got what I wanted, Helen. There are other things in this story that really interest me. I wonder—but we’ll find out, no doubt, when this young man comes home.”
The letter was a very brief one, written while he was still scarcely able to hold the pen, as the unsteady characters bore witness, and only assuring her that he was safe and out of danger, and whenever his wounds permitted, would hasten home.
The letter was very short, written when he could barely hold the pen, as the shaky handwriting showed, just assuring her that he was safe and out of danger, and that as soon as his wounds allowed, he would rush home.
“Does he say nothing of—of the Englishman?” said Mossgray, anxiously, when Lilias came down to tell him.
“Does he say nothing about—the Englishman?” Mossgray asked anxiously when Lilias came down to tell him.
But the letter said nothing of any Englishman; the writer had been too feeble to write anything but the few words which told his safety, and that he was carefully tended—“in good hands.{278}”
But the letter didn’t mention any Englishman; the writer had been too weak to say anything more than the few words that confirmed he was safe and being well cared for—“in good hands.{278}”
CHAPTER XI.
Sacred, bright, and peaceful—
And here a heart shakes with pure joy,
Which last night fainted between hope and sadness.
When Lilias awoke next morning, her heavy black dress was nowhere to be found. It had been put away out of sight, and a light muslin one was laid in its place. The Lily of Mossgray put on the happier garment with reverence, murmuring to herself psalms of thanksgiving. She had wakened so often to the blank of hopeless grief, that she felt now a solemn gravity in this new beginning of life; it seemed to her like the visible interposition of the Divine Hand—a miracle of joy.
When Lilias woke up the next morning, her heavy black dress was nowhere to be found. It had been put away out of sight, and a light muslin one was laid out in its place. The Lily of Mossgray put on the happier garment with reverence, whispering psalms of thanks to herself. She had often awakened to the emptiness of hopeless grief, so now she felt a serious weight in this new beginning of life; it seemed like a clear intervention of the Divine Hand—a miracle of joy.
The blinds had been drawn up, and the morning sun looked brightly into the room. These little imaginative attentions could be rendered only by Helen, but Helen had left the room before Lilias awoke from the long, happy sleep of her new peace.
The blinds were pulled up, and the morning sun shone brightly into the room. Only Helen could offer these little imaginative touches, but she had left the room before Lilias woke up from the long, happy sleep of her new peace.
In a room below Helen stood beside the old housekeeper. A great pile of white linen lay on the table before them, and Mrs Mense was exhausting herself in its praise.
In a room downstairs, Helen stood next to the old housekeeper. A big stack of white linen was on the table in front of them, and Mrs. Mense was wearing herself out praising it.
“Na, if ye had Mossgray’s ain muckle spyglass that sits up the stair at the study window, ye could scarce count the threads,” said the old woman, triumphantly; “it’s that fine; and ye see, Miss Buchanan, Mr Halbert’s no’ what ye could ca’ weel supplied, coming out from amang fremd folk, ye ken. I’ve been wanting to see about getting them made this lang time, only I didna like to fash the young lady; but Mossgray says I may speak to her noo. Do ye think I may speak to Miss Lilias noo, and no fash her, Miss Buchanan?”
“Now, if you had Mossgray’s big spyglass that’s up the stairs at the study window, you could barely count the threads,” said the old woman, proudly. “It’s that fine; and you see, Miss Buchanan, Mr. Halbert isn’t exactly well-stocked, coming from among strangers, you know. I’ve been wanting to arrange to have them made for a long time, but I didn’t want to bother the young lady; but Mossgray says I can talk to her now. Do you think I can talk to Miss Lilias now, without bothering her, Miss Buchanan?”
“What is it, Mrs Mense?” said Lilias, coming forward with a peaceful light upon her face which could not be misapprehended. The old woman glanced at her changed dress and brightened.
“What’s up, Mrs. Mense?” Lilias said, stepping forward with a calm light on her face that was unmistakable. The old woman looked at her new outfit and cheered up.
“Ye see, Miss Lillie, it’s just the new linen. I dinna{279} think ye ever lookit at it before; is’t no’ beautiful? And I was just thinking we should hae it made. Ye see, Mr Halbert he hasna ower mony, and to be ploutering and washing ance in a fortnight like common folk disna do for the like o’ us; and ye micht get some yoursel’, Miss Lillie; some o’ the new-fashioned kind wi’ the frills, for it’s a muckle web, and it wad be a guid turn to somebody, the making o’ them.”
“Look, Miss Lillie, it’s just the new linen. I don't think you’ve ever seen it before; isn't it beautiful? I was just thinking we should have it made. You see, Mr. Halbert doesn’t have too much, and doing laundry every two weeks like regular people doesn’t work for us; and you might get some for yourself, Miss Lillie; some of the new-style ones with the frills, because it’s a large piece, and it would be a nice thing to do for someone, making them.”
Helen was twisting a corner of the linen nervously in her fingers.
Helen was nervously twisting a corner of the linen in her fingers.
“I think I could get some one to do it for you, Lilias, if you could trust me,” she said.
“I think I could find someone to do it for you, Lilias, if you could trust me,” she said.
“And you’re just the best to ken, Miss Buchanan,” said Mrs Mense, “for ye see Miss Lillie has nae friend to speak o’ but yoursel’, and it’s no like she could ken wha sewed weel, and wha didna; but I’m just as blythe as I can be, Miss Lillie, to see you wi’ your light gown and your smile again, and so is Mossgray; and now I’ll gang my ways, and see that Jen’s minding the breakfast.”
“And you’re just the best to know, Miss Buchanan,” said Mrs. Mense, “because you see, Miss Lillie has no one to talk to but you, and she can’t really tell who sews well and who doesn’t; but I’m just as happy as I can be, Miss Lillie, to see you in your light dress and smiling again, and so is Mossgray; and now I’ll be on my way to make sure Jen is taking care of breakfast.”
“Lilias,” said Helen, when the old woman was out of hearing, “I don’t need to have any foolish pride with you. I will make these things for you if you will take me for your sempstress.”
“Lilias,” said Helen, when the old woman was out of earshot, “I don’t need to be too proud with you. I will make these things for you if you’ll let me be your seamstress.”
“You, Helen,” said Lilias, “you don’t need—you don’t wish—I mean—”
“You, Helen,” Lilias said, “you don’t need—you don’t want—I mean—”
“I mean that we have never been rich, Lilias,” said Helen, with her shifting blush, “and that now there is occasion for a little more work than usual—that is all; and you need not look so grave, unless you think I shall not make these new-fashioned things well enough to please Mrs Mense; but I am not afraid, Lilias—I think you may trust me.”
“I mean that we’ve never been wealthy, Lilias,” said Helen, her face flushing, “and that now there’s a need for a bit more effort than usual—that’s all; so you don’t have to look so serious, unless you think I won’t manage to make these trendy things well enough to satisfy Mrs. Mense; but I’m not worried, Lilias—I believe you can rely on me.”
“But, Helen, you have too much to do already; you cannot work always,” said Lilias. “Let me speak to Mossgray—let me—”
“But, Helen, you have too much to do already; you can’t work all the time,” said Lilias. “Let me talk to Mossgray—let me—”
“Hush, hush,” said Helen, “you forget that we have some pride still. I have not too much to do, Lilias; people seldom have, I think, and it is no great matter when one can get through one’s troubles by a little additional labour. It is no hardship; this is my kind of fighting, you know, and I can do it very well. I think you will give me your work, Lilias, and a great deal of praise when it is done. I shall please Mrs Mense. I will invent frills. I think you must trust me.”
“Hush, hush,” said Helen. “You forget that we still have some pride. I don’t have too much to do, Lilias; I think most people don’t, and it’s not a big deal when you can get through your troubles with a bit of extra effort. It’s not a hardship; this is my kind of fighting, and I’m good at it. I think you’ll give me your work, Lilias, and a lot of praise when it’s done. I’ll impress Mrs. Mense. I’ll come up with some frills. You have to trust me.”
It was a slight trial to the sensitive, proud Helen; her{280} cheek was flushed a little, and the smile trembled on her lip, but she talked the uncomfortable feeling away, and got it over, with less pain than she could have thought. The great web of linen was committed to her hands, and while Lilias entered into her revival of happy life, calm, peaceful, and at rest, Helen went away home to the little, quiet, dull house, and to her labour, the long, hard toil to which her heart rose, as to the strenuous oar which might keep the little ship afloat.
It was a bit of a challenge for the sensitive, proud Helen; her{280} cheek was slightly flushed, and her smile wavered, but she talked through the uneasy feeling and handled it with less difficulty than she expected. The large piece of linen was entrusted to her, and while Lilias embraced her renewed happy life, calm, peaceful, and at ease, Helen headed home to her small, quiet, mundane house and to her work, the long, tough effort that her heart embraced like a strong oar that could keep the small ship afloat.
The autumn days flushed to their brightest and began to wane. It was a gay autumn to the Fendies, and to the other youthful people of the neighbourhood through them; Halbert Graeme had quite forgiven Menie Monikie. The saucy Menie sent him cards and gloves when she became Mrs Keith, and a barbarous lump of bride-cake; but the gift, cruel as it was, did by no means disturb the equanimity of Halbert. The broken gold coin lay snug in a corner of his dressing-case; he laughed merrily to himself sometimes when his eye fell upon it, and thought with a great deal of good-humour, and scarcely any pique, how simple and foolish the boy and girl were who broke that coin in the pleasant twilight of the Aberdeenshire glen. Halbert had got over his first romance very comfortably; the youthful epidemic fell lightly on the heir of Mossgray.
The autumn days turned vibrant and started to fade away. It was a joyous autumn for the Fendies and the other young people in the neighborhood because of them; Halbert Graeme had completely forgiven Menie Monikie. The cheeky Menie sent him cards and gloves when she married Mr. Keith, along with a disturbing chunk of wedding cake; but the gift, as hurtful as it was, didn't bother Halbert at all. The broken gold coin sat snugly in a corner of his dresser; he sometimes chuckled to himself when he spotted it, thinking with a lot of good humor and hardly any resentment about how naive and silly the boy and girl were who broke that coin in the lovely twilight of the Aberdeenshire glen. Halbert had moved on from his first romance quite easily; the youthful infatuation barely affected the heir of Mossgray.
He was much “out.” Alick Fendie and the redoubtable Captain Hyde engrossed a great deal of Halbert’s time, and his hands were full of flirtations now when he had no restraint upon him. But Halbert was not like his father; the flirtations were honest, unsophisticated amusements, and did little harm. He was born to be popular with all, but he killed nobody.
He was really “out.” Alick Fendie and the bold Captain Hyde took up a lot of Halbert’s time, and he was completely caught up in flirtations now that he had no restrictions. But Halbert was not like his father; the flirtations were genuine, simple fun, and didn’t cause much trouble. He was meant to be well-liked by everyone, but he didn’t hurt anyone.
And left thus to themselves in the quiet house of Mossgray, it was a pleasant time to Lilias and her guardian. She had learned to prize the sunshine more from its temporary withdrawal, and the old man spoke to her of the wanderer far away as of an absent son. “When he comes home.” Lilias remembered how that word rung in her own ear when she first saw Mossgray; she remembered how, after the lifetime of wandering, the blessedness of those who dwell among their own people fell upon her; and he too was to come “home.”
And left to themselves in the quiet house of Mossgray, it was a nice time for Lilias and her guardian. She had learned to appreciate the sunshine more because of its temporary absence, and the old man spoke to her about the wanderer far away as if he were an absent son. “When he comes home.” Lilias remembered how that word resonated in her ear when she first saw Mossgray; she recalled how, after a lifetime of wandering, the joy of those who live among their own people filled her; and he too was going to come “home.”
Another letter came from him in those clear September days; it was brief, like the other. He had much to tell her,{281} he said, but was still feeble, and must defer it until he spoke to her, face to face; and in another month he would reach Mossgray.
Another letter arrived from him during those bright September days; it was short, just like the previous one. He had a lot to share with her,{281} he mentioned, but he was still weak and needed to wait until they could talk in person; he would be in Mossgray in another month.
The news brought a strange thrill over the calm Lily. It was years now since he went to India. Their engagement had been formed when they were both very young, and she was now matured into grave womanhood. She began to fancy that she was changed; she began to wonder whether he too had grown old as she had done; and while she smiled at herself for these fancies, they sometimes agitated her a little—a very little—only just enough to keep the balance even, and prevent an overpoise of joy.
The news stirred an unusual excitement in the composed Lily. It had been years since he went to India. They had gotten engaged when they were both very young, and she had now grown into a serious woman. She started to think that she had changed; she began to question whether he had grown older like she had; and while she chuckled at herself for these thoughts, they occasionally bothered her a bit—a very bit—just enough to keep things balanced and prevent an overwhelming sense of joy.
And Helen Buchanan now could only snatch a momentary glance, from the little wicket gate, of the evening sun, as he went down beyond the hill, and could not linger to watch the golden mist fade into graver purple before the breath of night. She had no leisure now for sunset walks, no time to glean and gather in to her heart the glories of the grand sky and the dimmer tints of earth, and, eating angel’s bread, grow strong. Long labour through the whole bright day, labour at the sunsetting, labour in the fair, dim hours beyond; it was a hard life.
And Helen Buchanan could only catch a quick glimpse of the evening sun from the little gate as it set beyond the hill. She couldn’t take the time to watch the golden mist turn into deeper purple under the night’s arrival. She no longer had leisure for sunset walks, no time to appreciate the beauty of the grand sky and the softer shades of the earth, and, while enjoying heavenly food, grow strong. Long hours of hard work throughout the bright day, working at sunset, and laboring in the soft, dim hours afterward; it was a tough life.
“I have seen the boatmen cross the Firth, when the tawny waves were coming in like lions,” said Helen, as she bent over those weary breadths of linen, “and the wind was so high that the boat could bear no sail, and the current so strong that they could scarcely row; but there was something in their work—- I fancy I must call it excitement—which made it quite a different thing from safe, monotonous labour. I mind how it moved me—the dipping of the oars, which scarcely could enter the great, buoyant swell of water, the forcing forward of the boat, which did not seem to be in the stream at all, but on it; it makes one’s heart beat. I thought I should rather have been with Willie Thomson then, than when the Firth was as smooth as the wan water.”
“I've seen the boatmen cross the Firth when the choppy waves were coming in like lions,” said Helen, as she leaned over those tired lengths of linen, “and the wind was so strong that the boat couldn't carry any sail, and the current was so powerful that they could barely row; but there was something about their work— I guess I have to call it excitement—that made it feel completely different from safe, boring labor. I remember how it affected me—the dipping of the oars, which could hardly break through the big, buoyant swell of water, the way the boat was pushed forward, which felt like it wasn’t in the stream at all, but on it; it makes your heart race. I thought I would have rather been with Willie Thomson then than when the Firth was as smooth as calm water.”
“You are not so brave as you think, Helen,” said her mother, smiling. “Willie Thomson would have found you a very timid passenger.”
“You're not as brave as you think you are, Helen,” her mother said with a smile. “Willie Thomson would have found you to be a pretty timid passenger.”
“Perhaps—if he was prosaic and understood me literally,” said Helen, “but I mean one’s heart rises: and in our poor little concerns, mother, I think we are in the boat, and the Firth is wild with his lion’s mane, and we are at the oars. Never mind the wind—I like it now, when I am used to the{282} rocking—and those great, surly, bellowing waves—let us tame them, mother, it is what they were made for; and yonder is the shore!”
“Maybe—if he was literal and didn’t get my meaning,” said Helen, “but I’m talking about how your heart lifts: in our small worries, mom, I feel like we’re in the boat, and the Firth is raging with its wild mane, and we’re the ones rowing. Don’t worry about the wind—I actually like it now that I’m used to the{282} rocking—and those huge, grumpy waves—let’s conquer them, mom, that’s what they’re meant for; and over there is the shore!”
Mrs Buchanan shook her head. This hand-to-hand struggle with the meagre strength of poverty was new to Helen. At their best time they had very little—so little that it was almost a marvel how the good, careful mother kept the boat afloat; but then their wants bore proportion to their means, and they were as much content with their spare living as if it had been the richest;—solitary women always have inexpensive households—and never before had there been such urgent need as now. It was well and happy that the young heart rose to meet it; the elder one had old experiences—memories of being worsted in the battle—of failing heart and sinking courage, and the armed man, Want, victorious over all. She sighed and was silent when her daughter spoke; but the storm roused the strength of Helen. It was the trumpet of her natural warfare, and she bent to her oar with a stout heart; the end was attainable—they saw the shore.
Mrs. Buchanan shook her head. This struggle with the bare essentials of poverty was new to Helen. In their best times, they had very little—so little that it was almost amazing how the good, careful mother kept them afloat; but their needs matched their means, and they were just as content with their simple living as if it had been abundant; solitary women always manage to keep their households low-cost—and never before had there been such urgent need as now. It was good and comforting that the young heart rose to meet it; the older one had past experiences—memories of losing the fight—of feeling defeated and losing courage, with Want always coming out on top. She sighed and stayed quiet when her daughter spoke; but the storm brought out Helen's strength. It was the call to her natural battle, and she gripped her oar with determination; the goal was within reach—they could see the shore.
“Father,” said Hope Oswald on one of those mellow September days, “Saunders Delvie is not well—will you come and see him?”
“Dad,” Hope Oswald said on one of those warm September days, “Saunders Delvie isn't feeling well—can you come and check on him?”
Mr Oswald hesitated a good deal; he had not much power of expression, and though he might show his sympathy practically if it was much excited, he could not manage to speak about it. In his capacity as elder, he could administer reproof with very becoming solemnity, and overawe the scorner with the grave dignity of his office; but to encourage, to soothe, to console—these were out of Mr Oswald’s way—he was shy of adventuring upon them.
Mr. Oswald hesitated quite a bit; he didn't have much ability to express himself, and while he could show his support through actions if he felt strongly enough, he struggled to put it into words. As an elder, he could deliver reprimands with a fitting seriousness and intimidate the mocker with the serious dignity of his role; but to encourage, comfort, or console—those were not Mr. Oswald’s strengths—he was too shy to try.
“Father,” said Hope, “when Saunders heard that Peter was dead he came to you—he wanted you to advise him and not Mossgray; and now when there is no good word about poor Peter, will you not come and see Saunders, father? for they say he will break his heart and die.”
“Dad,” Hope said, “when Saunders found out that Peter died, he came to you—he wanted you to help him, not Mossgray; and now that there’s no good news about poor Peter, won’t you go see Saunders, Dad? They say he’s going to break his heart and die.”
“People do not die of broken hearts,” said Mr Oswald, hastily.
“People don’t die from a broken heart,” Mr. Oswald said quickly.
“But I think Saunders has broken his heart even if he does not die,” said Hope, with reverence, “and I think that is harder than if God had taken him away like Peter; but, father, Robbie Caryl says that he heard Saunders at his worship on Saturday night, and he minded Peter. Father, Saunders minded Peter in his prayer as if he were not dead.{283}”
“But I think Saunders has broken his heart, even if he doesn’t die,” said Hope, with respect. “And I think that’s harder than if God had taken him away like Peter. But, Dad, Robbie Caryl says he heard Saunders during his prayers on Saturday night, and he remembered Peter. Dad, Saunders remembered Peter in his prayer as if he weren’t dead.{283}”
Mr Oswald shook his head.
Mr. Oswald shook his head.
“I am afraid there is very little chance of that, Hope.”
“I'm afraid there's very little chance of that, Hope.”
But Hope reiterated her prayer.
But Hope repeated her prayer.
“Will you come with me to see Saunders, father?”
“Will you come with me to see Saunders, Dad?”
“Wait till the evening, Hope,” said the banker: “I will go then.”
“Wait until the evening, Hope,” said the banker. “I’ll go then.”
And Hope, when the evening came, would suffer no evasion of the promise. Mr Oswald permitted himself to be led away somewhat reluctantly, for he felt the duty a very difficult and painful one.
And Hope, when evening arrived, wouldn’t allow any avoidance of the promise. Mr. Oswald allowed himself to be led away with some reluctance, as he found the obligation to be quite tough and distressing.
The door of Saunders Delvie’s cottage was closed when they came up, and from it issued the voice of psalms. It was earlier than the usual carefully-observed hour of worship, but Saunders and his wife were both weary and sick at heart, and they were glad to shut out the world and its gay daylight, and to seek the merciful oblivion of rest as soon as they could.
The door of Saunders Delvie’s cottage was closed when they arrived, and from inside came the sound of hymns. It was earlier than their typical time for worship, but Saunders and his wife were both exhausted and heartbroken, and they were happy to shut out the world and its bright daylight and find the comforting escape of rest as soon as possible.
The cottage was dimly lighted by the fire, and through the window the quick eyes of Hope discerned the two well-known figures seated on either side, and mingling their old cracked, trembling voices in the psalm. It was strange music—the wife’s low, murmuring, crooning tones, and the deeper voice of the old man with that shrill break in it—more pathetic than any sweeter woe of music. Old, poor, bereaved, and solitary, they omitted no night their usual “exercise”—they never forgot, with these sinking, wearied hearts and broken tones of theirs, to praise the God who chastised them.
The cottage was dimly lit by the fire, and through the window, Hope's sharp eyes spotted the two familiar figures sitting on either side, their old cracked, trembling voices mixing in the hymn. It was an unusual sound—the wife's soft, murmuring, crooning tones alongside the deeper voice of the old man with its high-pitched break—more touching than any sweeter sorrow of music. Old, poor, grieving, and alone, they never skipped their usual "exercise" on any night—they always remembered, despite their tired, broken hearts and voices, to praise the God who tested them.
The banker and his daughter stood without, waiting till their worship ended; the low, grave murmur of Saunders’ voice as he read the chosen chapter came to them indistinctly through the gloom, and then Hope saw the two old solitary people kneel down to prayer.
The banker and his daughter stood outside, waiting for their worship to finish; the soft, serious sound of Saunders’ voice as he read the selected chapter reached them faintly through the darkness, and then Hope saw the two old, lonely people kneel down to pray.
They could hear what he said then—all the familiar petitions—the daily prayers in which the godly peasant, ever since he first knelt down at his own fire-side, had remembered before God his church, his country, and the authorities ordained in each—had their place first in the old man’s evening supplications; and last of all, with his voice then shriller and more broken than ever, and his hard, withered, toil-worn hands convulsively strained together, there came the soul and essence of the old man’s prayer,—“If he is yet within the land of the living, and the place of hope; if he is{284} still on praying ground;” terrible anguish of entreaty over which that “if” threw its doubt and gloom.
They could hear what he was saying then—all the familiar requests—the daily prayers in which the devout farmer, since the first time he knelt at his own fireplace, had brought before God his church, his country, and the authorities established in each—had their place at the top of the old man’s evening prayers; and finally, with his voice now higher and more strained than ever, and his rough, worn hands tightly clasped together, came the core of the old man’s prayer—“If he is still alive and in a place of hope; if he is{284} still on praying ground;” a terrible ache of pleading overshadowed by that “if” which cast doubt and darkness.
Mr Oswald turned away his face from the quick scrutiny of Hope; the one vehement strong man understood the other, but the banker felt himself abashed and humiliated before the intenser, sublimer, and less selfish spirit: “People do not die of broken hearts.” The young ladies and the young gentlemen rarely do; but George Oswald discovered, in the stillness of his own awed soul that night, how solemn a thing a broken heart is, and how the strongest might die of that rending, or more terrible, might live.
Mr. Oswald turned away from Hope's quick glance. The strong man recognized the intensity in the other, but the banker felt embarrassed and humbled in front of the deeper, more selfless spirit: “People don't die of broken hearts.” The young women and men usually don't; but George Oswald realized that night, in the quiet of his stunned soul, how serious a broken heart can be, and how even the strongest could either perish from that pain or, even more tragically, continue living.
By and by they entered. The old man was sitting in a homely elbow chair covered with blue and white checked linen. The bed which occupied one end of the room was decently curtained with the same material. The house was only a but and a ben; an outer and an inner apartment, but everything in it was very neatly arranged and clean. Poor Mrs Delvie’s “redding up” was done very mechanically now; her hands went about it, while her mind was far otherwise occupied, but still the kitchen was “redd up.”
By and by they entered. The old man was sitting in a comfy armchair covered with blue and white checked fabric. The bed at one end of the room was neatly draped with the same material. The house was just a small space with two rooms; an outer and an inner room, but everything was very tidy and clean. Poor Mrs. Delvie’s tidying was done more out of habit now; her hands worked on it while her mind was focused elsewhere, but still the kitchen was cleaned up.
She sat in another elbow chair opposite her husband. She was a sensible, kindly, good house-mother, and would have been noticeable in any other connection, but the fervent, strong, passionate old man threw his gentler wife into the shade; and even her sufferings for the lost son, whose name through all these weary months she could mention under her own roof only in her prayers, were dimmed in presence of the intense and terrible love of the father. She looked very old and tremulous as she sat there shaking in her chair, and wiping her withered cheek with her apron. Saunders also had some heavy moisture veiling the almost fierce light that burned in his eye, and the old man trembled too with the wild earnestness of his passionate appeal to God.
She sat in another armchair across from her husband. She was sensible, caring, and a great homemaker, and would have stood out in any other situation, but the intense, passionate old man overshadowed his gentler wife; even her pain over the lost son, whose name she could only mention in her prayers during these long months, was eclipsed by the father's overwhelming and deep love. She looked very aged and shaky as she sat there, trembling in her chair and wiping her withered cheek with her apron. Saunders also had some heavy moisture clouding the almost fierce light in his eye, and the old man shook too with the wild intensity of his heartfelt plea to God.
Mr Oswald entered with a shy inquiry after Saunders’ health.
Mr. Oswald came in with a hesitant question about how Saunders was doing.
“Weel eneuch, weel eneuch—better than I deserve,” said Saunders, rising with a haste which showed still more visibly how his gaunt sinewy frame shook with his emotion. The visit was greatly esteemed and felt an honour, though Saunders scarcely thought it right after concluding the day in his Master’s presence, as he had just done, to enter again into intercourse with men; they shut out the outer world when they closed their cottage door reverently upon the waning day{285}light, and laid the Book upon the table; but the old man rose to offer the banker his chair.
“Well enough, well enough—better than I deserve,” Saunders said, getting up quickly, which made it even more obvious how his thin, muscular frame shook with emotion. The visit was highly valued and felt like an honor, although Saunders thought it wasn't right to interact with others after spending the day in his Master’s presence, as he had just done; they shut out the outside world when they closed their cottage door reverently against the fading daylight{285} and placed the Book on the table. But the old man got up to offer the banker his chair.
Mr Oswald sat down upon a high stool near the table, and Hope got a low one, and drew it in to the hearth, where she could look up with those young fearless eyes, whose boldness was not intrusion, to the old man’s face. The banker was embarrassed; he desired to sympathize, but felt himself an intruder.
Mr. Oswald sat down on a tall stool by the table, and Hope chose a low one and pulled it close to the fireplace, where she could look up at the old man's face with her young, fearless eyes. Her boldness wasn't intrusive. The banker felt awkward; he wanted to show sympathy but felt like he was imposing.
“I hear you have been ill, Saunders,” he said.
“I heard you were sick, Saunders,” he said.
“Na, no to ca’ ill,” said Saunders, clearing his voice with an effort, “I’m an auld man, and I get frail; but I hae muckle mair than I deserve; a hantle mair than I deserve—mair than I wad hae gien to ony ane that did evil in my sight.”
“Now, no to call it ill,” said Saunders, clearing his throat with some effort, “I’m an old man, and I’m getting weak; but I have much more than I deserve; a lot more than I deserve—more than I would have given to anyone who did wrong in my sight.”
“Oh, Saunders, man!” It was the only remonstrance his wife ever made.
“Oh, Saunders, man!” That was the only complaint his wife ever made.
“And I’m no ill,” continued Saunders, with the spasmodic shrillness in his voice. “I’m strong in my bodily health, Mr Oswald, it’s no that: I gaed to ye ance when my heart was turning—ye ken it’s no that.”
“And I’m not unwell,” continued Saunders, with a shaky sharpness in his voice. “I’m in good physical health, Mr. Oswald, that’s not it: I came to you once when my heart was shifting—you know it’s not that.”
To no other man would Saunders have said so much, but he thought better of the rigid banker than he deserved. He thought him possessed of his own stern unselfish nature, without his miseries to bring out its harsher points.
To no other man would Saunders have said so much, but he thought better of the strict banker than he deserved. He believed he had the same serious, selfless nature, without his struggles to reveal its harsher sides.
“Oh, Maister Oswald,” said the wife, “say something till him! speak to the auld man; bid him no be sae hard on himsel.”
“Oh, Master Oswald,” said the wife, “say something to him! Talk to the old man; tell him not to be so hard on himself.”
“Whisht, Marget,” said the old man, labouring to steady himself, “haud your peace—it’s you that disna ken. What would it become me to be but hard on mysel? wasna I hard on ane—ane—” the spasm returned, the voice became hoarse and thick, and then broke out peremptorily shrill and high, “ane that canna ken now how I hae warstled for him, yearned for him—oh, woman, ye dinna ken!”
“Shh, Marget,” the old man said, struggling to steady himself, “be quiet—you don’t understand. What else could I be but tough on myself? Wasn’t I tough on one—one—” the spasm returned, his voice became hoarse and thick, then broke out suddenly shrill and high, “one who doesn’t even know how I’ve fought for him, longed for him—oh, woman, you have no idea!”
And the mother drew back into the darkness and hid her face; she too had yearned and travailed—but before this agony she was still.
And the mother stepped back into the darkness and covered her face; she too had longed and suffered—but in the face of this pain, she was silent.
“And gin we win up yonder where we hae nae right to win,” continued the unsteady, broken, excited voice, “and seek for him amang the blessed, and find him never—will ye say I hae nae wyte o’t? Me that avenged his sin upon him, and shut him out o’ my heart wi’ a vow? The Lord mightna have saved him; it might have pleased the Lord no to have saved him; wha can faddom the Almighty? but I banished{286} him away, I pat him out of sound and sight o’ the word that saves, and isna the burden mine? Marget, I bid ye haud your peace—ye hae nae guilt o’ his bluid—but for me—”
“And we’ll enjoy ourselves up there where we have no right to be,” the unsteady, broken, excited voice continued, “and search for him among the blessed, and never find him—will you say I’m not to blame for that? Me who exacted vengeance for his sin, and closed my heart to him with a vow? The Lord might not have saved him; it might have pleased the Lord not to save him; who can understand the Almighty? But I drove him away, I removed him from the reach of the word that saves, and isn’t the burden mine? Marget, I ask you to be quiet—you have no guilt for his blood—but as for me—”
The old man’s head shook with a palsied vehement motion, the wild fire shot out in gleams from under his heavy eyebrows; the hard hand with its knotted sinews distinct upon it was clenched in bitter pain.
The old man's head shook with a shaky, intense motion, wild flashes of light shone from under his thick eyebrows; his rough hand, with its visible knots of muscle, was clenched in deep pain.
The banker sat beside him, awed, embarrassed, incapable; the small motives—the little endeavours of his own worldly existence, shrank away ashamed and convicted of meanness in this presence. He could not act as comforter—he felt a moral inability to speak at all—to presume to intrude his own indifferent feelings, before this stern avenging wrath of Love.
The banker sat next to him, feeling stunned, embarrassed, and helpless; the petty reasons—the small efforts of his everyday life, seemed insignificant and ashamed in this presence. He couldn't play the role of comforter—he felt morally unable to say anything at all—to dare to impose his own indifferent feelings in front of this intense, avenging power of Love.
And Hope sat looking up with her fearless, reverent, youthful eyes into the old man’s harshly-agitated face. She laid her soft girlish hand upon those swollen veins of his.
And Hope sat looking up with her fearless, respectful, youthful eyes into the old man’s harsh, troubled face. She placed her gentle hand on his swollen veins.
“Saunders, I think he is not dead.”
“Saunders, I don’t think he’s dead.”
The young face was quite clear, brave, undoubting—the girl’s heart, in which the first breath of the rising woman and the sympathies of childhood still met and blended, could tread in awe, but without fear, where the worldly man dared not enter. Peter Delvie’s mother threw her apron over her head and wept aloud; and after a convulsive struggle to restrain them, one or two heavy tears ran down the cheek of Saunders.
The young face was bright, courageous, and confident—the girl’s heart, where the early signs of becoming a woman and the feelings of childhood still intertwined, could walk in awe, but without fear, into places where the worldly man wouldn’t dare to go. Peter Delvie's mother threw her apron over her head and cried out loud; and after a desperate struggle to hold back his emotions, a couple of heavy tears rolled down Saunders' cheek.
“Na, na, ye dinna ken—ye’re but a bairn—he’s mine, and I canna hope.”
“Yeah, you don’t know—you're just a kid—he’s mine, and I can’t hope.”
Oh, secret, hoarded, precious hope, to which the wrung heart clung with such passionate tenacity! He could not bear that a stranger’s eye should glance upon it. He whispered it never in any ear but God’s. His wife, the mother of the lost, knew it not except as she heard it in his daily prayer; and he denied it. Jealous of this spark of light which still was in his heart, he denied it rather than make its presence known; and yet—the light leaped up in its socket—the precious germ quickened and moved within him. He could not resist the quivering thrill, almost of expectation, with which he heard those words—the softening tears that followed them.
Oh, secret, treasured hope that the tortured heart clung to with such fierce determination! He couldn’t stand the thought of a stranger laying eyes on it. He never whispered it to anyone but God. His wife, the mother of the lost, only knew of it through his daily prayers; and he denied it. Protective of this glimmer of light still shining in his heart, he chose to deny it rather than reveal its existence; and yet—the light flickered in its place—the precious seed stirred and grew within him. He couldn’t resist the trembling excitement, almost of anticipation, that came over him when he heard those words—the tears that followed them.
“Saunders, God let the prodigal come back that his father might forgive him. I think He will let Peter come back to hear that you will be friends with him now. There was a{287} gentleman—Miss Maxwell knows him at Mossgray—and they sent home word that he was dead; but he was not dead—he is coming home—and I think, Saunders, that Peter did not die.”
“Saunders, God allowed the prodigal son to return so that his father could forgive him. I think He will let Peter come back to hear that you will be friends with him now. There was a{287} gentleman—Miss Maxwell knows him at Mossgray—and they sent word home that he was dead; but he wasn’t dead—he’s coming home—and I think, Saunders, that Peter didn’t die.”
“Is’t true—bairn, bairn, are ye sure it’s true?” cried Peter Delvie’s mother, “is he coming hame—is he living that was ca’ed dead? Wha telled ye it was true? If it happened wi’ ane it micht happen wi’ twa—and my laddie! my ain bairn!”
“Is it true—child, child, are you sure it’s true?” cried Peter Delvie’s mother, “is he coming home—is he alive when he was called dead? Who told you it was true? If it happened to one, it might happen to two—and my boy! my own child!”
“It is quite true, for Helen Buchanan told me,” said Hope.
“It’s absolutely true, because Helen Buchanan told me,” said Hope.
The old man trembled strangely. He held his head supported in his hands, and was silent. It was the mother who spoke now; the secret treasure of hope in the old man’s vehement breast would not bear the light.
The old man shook oddly. He rested his head in his hands and remained quiet. It was the mother who spoke now; the hidden treasure of hope in the old man’s passionate heart couldn't handle the light.
“And she’s true and aefauld, but she’s wiser than the like o’ you,” said the mother through her tears, “I see what she meant now; but she wadna tell me this, for fear I did hope, and my hope was vain. Oh, wha kens—wha kens but the Lord? but if it happened to ane, it might happen to twa, and His mercy has nae measure. It wadna be merciful to send him to his grave wi’ his faither’s wrath upon him.”
“And she’s loyal and faithful, but she’s smarter than someone like you,” said the mother through her tears. “I understand what she meant now; but she wouldn’t tell me this, for fear I would get my hopes up, and that hope would be pointless. Oh, who knows—who knows but the Lord? If it happened to one, it could happen to two, and His mercy knows no bounds. It wouldn’t be merciful to send him to his grave with his father’s anger on him.”
The old man’s harsh, stern voice was broken at every word, by the convulsive sob which he could not restrain.
The old man’s rough, serious voice was interrupted with every word by the uncontrollable sob that he couldn’t hold back.
“Haud your peace, Marget; say ony ill o’ me; but if He slew your dearest ten times ower, dinna daur to malign the Lord.”
“Be quiet, Marget; say anything bad about me; but if He killed your dearest ten times over, don’t you dare criticize the Lord.”
When they left these old, agitated, sorrowful people alone with their grief and their hope, the banker did not venture to reprove his child for her want of wisdom. His own mind was full. This youthful faith and boldness—this clear uplooking to the heavens—rash as it might be, and inconsistent with worldly prudence, was a higher wisdom than his. He felt that the girl at his side had met in her simplicity, difficulties with which he dared not measure his strength—that the grand, sublime, original emotions were fitter for the handling of the child than for the man. It made him humble and it made him proud; for the fearless girl’s voice of Hope speaking to the desolate had touched him to the heart.
When they left those old, troubled, sorrowful people alone with their grief and hope, the banker didn't dare to scold his child for her lack of wisdom. His own thoughts were consumed. This youthful faith and boldness—this clear gaze towards the heavens—though reckless and inconsistent with practical thinking, represented a higher wisdom than his. He realized that the girl beside him had confronted challenges in her innocence that he wouldn't dare face—that the grand, profound, raw emotions were better suited for a child than for an adult. It made him feel humble and proud at the same time; the fearless girl’s voice of Hope speaking to the brokenhearted had moved him deeply.
“Should I not have said it, father?” said Hope, after a considerable silence. “Do you think it was wrong?”
“Should I not have said it, Dad?” Hope asked after a long silence. “Do you think it was wrong?”
“I cannot tell, Hope,” said the subdued strong man, “it may turn out the best and wisest thing. It may—I cannot tell, Hope—you have got beyond the regions of expediency.{288}”
“I can’t say, Hope,” said the quiet strong man, “it might end up being the best and smartest thing. It might—I can’t say, Hope—you’ve moved past what’s just convenient.{288}”
He was not able to cope with these things—he confessed it involuntarily.
He couldn't handle these things—he admitted it without meaning to.
“Because Helen did not tell them, father,” said Hope. “If Helen had thought it was right, she would have told them.”
“Because Helen didn’t tell them, Dad,” said Hope. “If Helen thought it was right, she would have told them.”
“Does Helen visit them, Hope?”
“Does Helen visit them, Hope?”
Hope had forgotten for the moment the antagonism of Helen and her father.
Hope had momentarily forgotten the tension between Helen and her father.
“She goes sometimes—sometimes since poor Peter went away.”
“She goes sometimes—sometimes since poor Peter left.”
“And what does Helen say about Saunders, Hope?”
“And what does Helen say about Saunders, Hope?”
“I don’t know, father, except that she is sorry; but I mind once what Mossgray said. Mossgray said it was a good thing that folk were able to change, and that it was very miserable that Saunders did not change till it was too late—very miserable—that was what Mossgray said; but Mossgray should have told Saunders, father, about the gentleman.”
“I don’t know, Dad, except that she feels bad; but I remember what Mossgray said. Mossgray said it’s great that people can change, and that it’s really sad that Saunders didn’t change until it was too late—really sad—that’s what Mossgray said; but Mossgray should have told Saunders, Dad, about the gentleman.”
“Mossgray is wise; we are all wiser than you are, Hope,” said the banker; “even your Helen. And that was what Mossgray said? too late—he did not change till it was too late?”
“Mossgray is wise; we are all wiser than you, Hope,” said the banker; “even your Helen. And that's what Mossgray said? Too late—he didn't change until it was too late?”
Too late—too late to keep the due honour of a wise father, too late gracefully to approve and sanction the righteous purposes of a good son. Too late! The words rang into his ear as the musical air of night swept by in its waving circles, and the moon rose in a haze mild and silvery. The gentle warmth of change was loosing the chains about his heart.{289}
Too late—too late to respect the wisdom of a father, too late to support the noble intentions of a good son. Too late! The words echoed in his ears as the soft night air flowed by in swirls, and the moon rose in a gentle, silvery haze. The comforting warmth of change was freeing his heart. {289}
CHAPTER XII.
A rainbow in the sky; That's how it was when my life started,
So here I am now that I’m old—
The child shapes the man. And I would have my days to be Connected to one another by a sense of natural loyalty.—Wordsworth.
The trees stooped grandly over the wan water in all their autumn wealth of colouring, dropping now and then a fluttering, feeble leaf through the sunshine and the chill air, which already felt the breath of winter. The long, yellow tresses of the ash were already gone, the glories of the sycamore lay so thick upon the ground that you could scarcely see the damp verdure of the grass underneath for the hundredfold of russet leaves which covered it; the heavy fir obtruded its spectral branches through the thin ranks of its neighbours; the red, dry leaves were stiffening on the oak and the beech; and with the flush of the red October light not quite departed, there had risen the first pallid November day.
The trees hung grandly over the pale water, showcasing their autumn colors, occasionally dropping a fluttering, weak leaf into the sunlight and cool air that already hinted at winter’s approach. The long yellow leaves of the ash were already gone, while the sycamore’s bright foliage lay thick on the ground, barely revealing the damp green grass below, buried beneath countless russet leaves. The heavy fir pushed its ghostly branches through the sparse ranks of its neighbors, and the red, dry leaves clung tightly to the oak and beech. As the warm red light of October faded, the first pale day of November had begun to rise.
“No, Lilias, it is not a melancholy time to me,” said Adam Graeme. “I like these changes—I like to see this calm nature harmonized to our humanity; not always bare and stern, not always in the pride of strength and sunshine, but touched with the mortal breath, putting off and putting on the mortal garments. I like the cadence these old leaves make as they pass away. There is the kindred tone in it; an analogy more minute and perfect than those we talk of in our philosophies.”
“No, Lilias, it’s not a sad time for me,” Adam Graeme said. “I appreciate these changes—I enjoy seeing this peaceful nature blended with our humanity; not always bare and harsh, not always showcasing strength and sunshine, but affected by our human experience, shedding and donning our mortal layers. I like the rhythm these old leaves create as they fall away. There’s a familiar tone to it; a connection more subtle and perfect than what we discuss in our philosophies.”
But Lilias did not answer. She had other thoughts of this perpetual change. The slight, feverish red was flickering again on the cheek of the Lily of Mossgray. Softened down into her grave, calm womanhood, was she the same Lily to whom the wanderer, in yon fair far-away days, plighted his early faith? and he—how had the universal breath swayed him in its varyings? That morning she had received a hurried note from London announcing his arrival; this night they were to meet.{290}
But Lilias didn’t reply. She had other thoughts about this constant change. The faint, feverish blush was flickering again on the cheek of the Lily of Mossgray. Now softened into her serious, calm womanhood, was she still the same Lily to whom the traveler, in those beautiful, distant days, made his early promises? And he—how had the world's influences affected him with their fluctuations? That morning, she had received a rushed note from London announcing his arrival; tonight they were set to meet.{290}
“It is a strange subject this,” said Mossgray, with the smile of his gentle musings, “for with all my years, and with all my changes, Lilias, I smile sometimes to see how the old pertinacious self has carried its own features through all. Up there in my study, where I left Bishop Berkeley this morning, was it yesterday I manufactured bows and arrows and dreamed as I made them? So strange it is to mark how this identity runs through all, how we learn and alter, are experienced, calmed, changed, and yet are perpetually the same.”
“It’s a strange topic,” said Mossgray, with a gentle smile, “because despite all my years and all my changes, Lilias, I sometimes find it amusing to see how the old stubborn self has kept its own traits throughout everything. Up in my study, where I left Bishop Berkeley this morning—was it really just yesterday that I was making bows and arrows and dreaming while I crafted them? It’s so odd to notice how this identity flows through everything; how we learn, adapt, experience, calm down, change, and yet remain fundamentally the same.”
Gentle philosophies! how soothingly they fell upon the timid, anxious heart beside him.
Gentle philosophies! how soothingly they settled on the timid, anxious heart next to him.
“But sometimes the change is violent, Mossgray,” said Lilias, “tearing up old habits so rudely; and sometimes the whole discipline is altered—the whole life.”
“But sometimes the change is harsh, Mossgray,” said Lilias, “shaking up old habits so abruptly; and sometimes the entire routine is changed—the whole life.”
She paused. The old tales of that strange eastern life crossed her memory, and she could not continue.
She paused. The old stories of that strange life in the East came to her mind, and she couldn't go on.
“I think these things only develope this obstinate identity more fully, Lilias,” said Mossgray, smiling. “We come through the process after our own individual fashion, and carry the distinct self triumphantly through every change. I think we must turn back, though, and leave our philosophies if you begin to tremble. Come, we will go home.”
“I think these things just make this stubborn identity even stronger, Lilias,” said Mossgray, smiling. “We all go through the process in our own unique way, and we carry our distinct selves proudly through every change. But I think we should head back and put aside our philosophies if you start to feel uneasy. Come on, let’s go home.”
They turned towards the house, but Lilias only trembled the more; and the old man, as he looked down upon her pale face, beheld it suddenly flush into brilliant change. She stood still, leaning on him heavily.
They turned towards the house, but Lilias just trembled even more; and the old man, as he looked down at her pale face, saw it suddenly flush with vibrant color. She stood there, leaning on him heavily.
“Are you ill? does anything ail you, Lilias?”
“Are you sick? Is something bothering you, Lilias?”
“No, no; it is Hew!” said the low, joyous voice; “look, Mossgray, it is Hew!”
“No, no; it’s Hew!” said the low, cheerful voice; “look, Mossgray, it’s Hew!”
And the old man started violently, as he looked up at the young, strong, manlike figure leaping down that hillock, with its rude steps of knotted trees—the happy flushed cheek, the frank simplicity of joy and haste.
And the old man jolted as he looked up at the young, strong, manly figure jumping down that hill, with its rough steps of twisted trees—the bright, flushed cheek, the straightforward simplicity of joy and urgency.
“It is Hew!” said Lilias, looking up at the one object which she saw.
“It’s Hew!” said Lilias, looking up at the only thing she saw.
Was it Hew Murray, in the flush of his youth and strength again?
Was it Hew Murray, in the prime of his youth and strength again?
Mossgray stepped forward hastily, and grasped the hand of the new comer in silent welcome; and then the old man turned away and left them alone.
Mossgray quickly stepped forward and shook hands with the newcomer in a silent greeting; then the old man turned and walked away, leaving them alone.
Adam Graeme was not changed; his heart beat as strongly against his breast as it had done thirty years ago,{291} when he laboured and yearned for some clue to the fate of Hew Murray. Hew Murray! with what a quickening thrill of tenderness his old friend turned away from the young rejoicing face, which brought back the image of his youth.
Adam Graeme hadn’t changed; his heart beat just as strongly against his chest as it had thirty years ago,{291} when he worked hard and longed for some sign of what happened to Hew Murray. Hew Murray! With a rush of affection, his old friend turned away from the young, joyful face that evoked memories of his youth.
The old man’s mind was confused; he did not know what to make of this singular resemblance. “It is Hew!” Was it Hew? Was the romance of the old faithful servant in their desolate house to have a wonderful fulfilment after all? The good, pure, gentle Hew, loving God and loving man, had his Master indeed given him youth for his inheritance? Singularly struck and bewildered, and with an unconscious expectation in his mind, Adam Graeme hurried forward towards the house of Murrayshaugh.
The old man was confused; he couldn’t figure out this strange resemblance. “Is it Hew?” Was it really him? Was the old, faithful servant's story in their empty house about to have an amazing resolution after all? The good, pure, gentle Hew, who loved both God and people, had his Master truly given him youth as his inheritance? Struck by this realization and feeling a sense of unconscious anticipation, Adam Graeme hurried toward the house at Murrayshaugh.
The great saugh trees beside it had shed their slender leaves, and were waving their long arms mournfully, with here and there a feeble, yellow cluster at the end of a bough, ready to drop after their fellows into the deep, sombre burn, whose course was almost choked by the multitudes of the fallen. As Mossgray crossed the old, frail, broken, wooden bridge, he heard voices beyond the willow-trees, and saw as he drew nearer two strangers standing together. The old man’s heart beat high and loud with excited and wondering anticipation as they turned towards him.
The tall willow trees next to it had lost their slender leaves and were swaying their long branches sadly, with a few weak yellow clusters hanging at the ends, ready to fall like their companions into the deep, dark stream, almost blocked by the countless fallen leaves. As Mossgray walked across the old, fragile, broken wooden bridge, he heard voices beyond the willow trees and saw, as he got closer, two strangers standing together. The old man’s heart raced with excitement and curiosity as they turned to face him.
The lady was very thin and pale, and had silvery white hair smoothed over the patient, thoughtful forehead, in which time and grief had carved emphatic lines. The face was a face to be noted; serene now, it had not always been serene—but the storm had altogether passed from the evening firmament, and light was upon it pale and calm, like the luminous sky of summer nights when the sun with its warmth of colour and influence has long since gone down into the sea.
The woman was very thin and pale, with silvery white hair neatly arranged over her patient, thoughtful forehead, where time and sorrow had etched deep lines. Her face was one to remember; serene now, it hadn't always been that way—but the turmoil had faded from the evening sky, and there was a soft, calm light on her, like the glowing summer nights when the sun, with its warm colors and influence, has long since set into the sea.
Her companion seemed about her own age; he had the strong framework of an athletic man, but it was not filled up as a strong man’s form should have been. You saw, as you looked at him, that he was not strong; that sickness, or privation of the healthful, free air which now he seemed to breathe in with so much pleasure, had unstrung and weakened the hardy frame of this old man; but his hair was scarcely gray, and his eye glanced from under his broad, brown, sunburnt forehead with the hopeful, cheery light of youth. The sun had not gone down with him. Over the fair world which he looked forth upon, the rich tints of an{292} autumn sunset were throwing their joy abroad; the warm light and brilliant colouring were in his heart.
Her companion seemed to be around her age; he had the sturdy build of an athletic man, but it wasn’t as well-defined as a strong man’s physique should be. You could tell just by looking at him that he wasn’t strong; illness or a lack of healthy, fresh air—now freely available to him—had drained and weakened the resilient frame of this older man. Yet his hair was barely gray, and his eyes sparkled with the hopeful, cheerful light of youth beneath his broad, brown, sunburned forehead. The sun hadn’t set for him. As he gazed out at the beautiful world, the rich shades of an{292} autumn sunset spread joy all around; the warm light and vibrant colors filled his heart.
They looked at each other, the two strangers and the Laird of Mossgray. They were all wondering, all uncertain, all embarrassed, for Adam Graeme had paused before them, and regardless of all formal courtesies they were gazing at each other.
They looked at each other, the two strangers and the Laird of Mossgray. They were all wondering, all uncertain, all embarrassed, as Adam Graeme had paused in front of them, and despite all formalities, they were staring at one another.
“Can you tell me if this is Murrayshaugh?” said the lady, with a faltering unsteady voice.
“Can you tell me if this is Murrayshaugh?” the lady asked, her voice shaky and uncertain.
But that would not do.
But that won't work.
“Man, Adam, have you forgotten me?” cried Hew Murray with tears in his eyes; and the two boys who had grown up together beside that pleasant water of Fendie were grasping each other’s hands again.
“Man, Adam, have you forgotten me?” cried Hew Murray with tears in his eyes; and the two boys who had grown up together beside that nice water of Fendie were holding each other’s hands again.
There needed no other salutation. “Man, Adam!” Through their varied, troubled, far-separated course, the two sworn brothers had carried the generous boyish hearts unchanged—and simple as the lads parted, the old men met. “Man, Adam!” there never were superlative endearing words, which carried a stronger warmth of long and old affection than Hew Murray’s boyish greeting, bursting from the honest, joyous, trembling lip that had not spoken it before for thirty years.
There was no need for any other greeting. “Hey, Adam!” Despite their different, troubled paths and the distance between them, the two sworn brothers had kept their generous, youthful hearts intact—and just as simply as the boys had parted, the old men reunite. “Hey, Adam!” There were no more affectionate words that carried a deeper warmth of lasting love than Hew Murray’s youthful greeting, bursting forth from the honest, happy, trembling lips that hadn’t spoken it in thirty years.
“Where have you come from—where have you been? Hew! Hew, what has become of you all this life-time?” exclaimed Adam Graeme. They were holding each other’s hands—looking into each other’s faces—recognizing joyfully the well-remembered youthful features in those subdued ones, over which the mist of age had fallen; but in Hew Murray’s eager grasp, and in the happy, gleaming eyes, whose lashes were so wet, the spirit of the youth was living still.
“Where have you come from—where have you been? Hew! Hew, what has happened to you all this time?” exclaimed Adam Graeme. They were holding each other’s hands—looking into each other’s faces—joyfully recognizing the familiar youthful features in those aged ones, over which the fog of time had settled; but in Hew Murray’s eager grasp, and in the happy, shining eyes, whose lashes were so damp, the spirit of youth was still alive.
“He will tell you by and by, Adam,” said the lady. “It is a long story—but have you nothing to say to me?”
“He'll tell you soon enough, Adam,” the lady said. “It’s a long story—but don’t you have anything to say to me?”
And Lucy Murray held out her hands—the soft, white, gentle hands, whose kind touch Adam Graeme remembered so long ago.
And Lucy Murray extended her hands—the soft, white, gentle hands, whose kind touch Adam Graeme remembered from so long ago.
“Is it you, Lucy?” said Mossgray. “Are we all real and in the flesh?—is it no dream?”
“Is that you, Lucy?” Mossgray said. “Are we all real and here in person?—is this not just a dream?”
Hew Murray put his arm through his friend’s—far through, as he had been used to do, when they dreamed together over the old grand poetic city on the breezy Calton.
Hew Murray linked his arm with his friend's—way more than usual, as he often did when they used to dream together about the grand old poetic city on the breezy Calton.
“Give Lucy your other arm, Adam,” said the familiar genial voice, “and we will tell you all our story.{293}”
“Give Lucy your other arm, Adam,” said the friendly voice, “and we’ll share our whole story with you.{293}”
Lucy with the white hair took Adam’s arm.
Lucy with the white hair took Adam's arm.
“Have you never been away?—is it all a dream those thirty years?” cried Adam Graeme.
“Have you never left?—is it all just a dream from those thirty years?” cried Adam Graeme.
“Look at me again,” said Lucy Murray with a smile. “No—there are things in those thirty years too precious to part with. I think you have not seen my son.”
“Look at me again,” said Lucy Murray with a smile. “No—there are things in those thirty years too precious to let go of. I don’t think you’ve met my son.”
“Your son, Lucy?—is it my Lily’s Hew?” asked Mossgray.
“Your son, Lucy?—is he my Lily’s Hew?” asked Mossgray.
“Lucy’s Hew—our representative,” said Hew Murray, “was it not a strange chance, Adam—if we may speak of chances—which brought our boy and I together?”
“Lucy’s Hew—our representative,” said Hew Murray, “wasn't it a strange coincidence, Adam—if we can call it a coincidence—that brought our boy and me together?”
“I am bewildered, overpowered,” said Mossgray. “Do you forget, Hew, that I know nothing?—that this morning I only clung to the hope that you were living at all as to a fantastic dream—that it is thirty years since I gave up the sober expectation of finding you again?—where have you been?—why have you kept us in this suspense? How is it that we have never heard of you, Hew Murray?”
“I’m confused and overwhelmed,” said Mossgray. “Do you forget, Hew, that I know nothing?—that this morning I was just holding on to the hope that you were even alive like it was some wild dream—that it’s been thirty years since I gave up the realistic hope of finding you again?—where have you been?—why have you kept us in this suspense? How come we’ve never heard from you, Hew Murray?”
Hew Murray grasped his friend’s arm tightly in his own.
Hew Murray held onto his friend’s arm tightly.
“Did you ever think the fault was mine, Adam?—but who is this?”
“Did you ever think it was my fault, Adam?—but who is this?”
The little old woman, the housekeeper of Murrayshaugh, came quickly round the gable of the house. They were standing in front of it—and their voices had startled her.
The elderly woman, the housekeeper of Murrayshaugh, quickly came around the corner of the house. They were standing in front of it—and their voices had surprised her.
“Who is it?” Lucy Murray looked at her, with some anxiety. “I think it must be Isabell Brown.”
“Who is it?” Lucy Murray asked her, looking a bit anxious. “I think it must be Isabell Brown.”
Very suspiciously Eesabell returned the scrutiny. The dignified, gentle, aged lady with her serene face and silver hair brought some singular thrill of recognition to the old woman. She thought she had seen the face before.
Very suspiciously, Eesabell returned the gaze. The dignified, gentle, elderly lady with her calm expression and silver hair sparked a unique sense of recognition in the old woman. She felt as if she had seen that face before.
“I thought it was only gangrel folk. If I had kent it was you, Mossgray, I wadna have disturbed you; but maybe the lady and the gentleman wad like to see the hoose.”
“I thought it was just the locals. If I had known it was you, Mossgray, I wouldn't have bothered you; but maybe the lady and the gentleman would like to see the house.”
She looked at them again with a jealous eye; the feeling was instinctive. Isabell did not know why she was suspicious of those friends of Mossgray.
She looked at them again with envy; it was an instinctive feeling. Isabell didn’t know why she was suspicious of Mossgray’s friends.
“Do you not know me, Isabell?” said the graceful old lady, holding out her hand.
“Don’t you recognize me, Isabell?” said the elegant old lady, extending her hand.
Isabell drew back with a slight curtsey.
Isabell stepped back with a slight curtsy.
“Na—there’s few ladies ever came about Murrayshaugh in my time; Miss Lucy had mair maids than me—ye’re maybe taking me for my sister.”
"Well, there were hardly any ladies who came around Murrayshaugh in my time; Miss Lucy had more maids than I did—you might be confusing me with my sister."
“There was no one else but Jean, I think, Isabell,” said{294} Lucy, smiling; “and Jean was not like you. She was as tall as I am, and she had red hair. We gave her blue ribbons on Hew’s birthday because they suited her ruddy face—do you mind, Isabell?—and do you not know me now!”
“There was no one else but Jean, I think, Isabell,” said{294} Lucy, smiling; “and Jean wasn’t like you. She was as tall as I am, and she had red hair. We put blue ribbons on her for Hew’s birthday because they looked good with her rosy complexion—do you mind, Isabell?—and don’t you recognize me now!”
Isabell drew further back—the old woman looked scared, suspicious, afraid.
Isabell stepped back even more—the old woman seemed scared, suspicious, and afraid.
“Na, I dinna ken ye, Madam,” she repeated firmly. “I ken few fremd ladies—I haena been in the way o’ them—how should I?”
“Uh, I don't know you, ma'am,” she repeated firmly. “I know few strange ladies—I haven't been around them—how could I?”
Lucy smiled: it brightened her face in the calm of its peacefulness into warmer and sunnier life.
Lucy smiled; it lit up her face with a calm, warm, and cheerful brightness.
“If you do not know me, Isabell, do you know Hew?”
“If you don’t know me, Isabell, do you know Hew?”
The old woman cast a jealous, angry look upon the sunburnt face of Hew Murray—her tone became abrupt and peevish.
The old woman shot a jealous, angry glance at Hew Murray's sunburned face—her voice turned suddenly sharp and irritable.
“I’m no to ken wha ye’re meaning, Madam—I never saw ye before nor the gentleman neither. I’ve lived in Murrayshaugh a’ my days, but the like o’ me wasna to see a’ the company; and how should I ken the gentleman?”
“I don’t know what you mean, ma’am—I’ve never seen you before or the gentleman either. I’ve lived in Murrayshaugh my whole life, but someone like me wouldn’t see all the company; so how should I know the gentleman?”
The sharp black eyes twinkled through a tear affectionate and angry. The old woman was afraid of these stranger people, afraid of the singularly familiar faces which she thought she had seen in a dream.
The sharp black eyes sparkled with a mix of tenderness and anger. The old woman felt scared of these strangers, frightened by the oddly familiar faces that she thought she had seen in a dream.
“Adam,” said Hew Murray, “I think you must tell her who we are; or shall I, Lucy? Do you forget how you packed the Murrayshaugh apples for me, Isabell, when I went to India? and the moss you put round them in the basket? I think I have some of it still. But have you really forgotten—did you think, Adam, that any one could ever forget our sister Lucy Murray?”
“Adam,” said Hew Murray, “I think you need to tell her who we are; or should I, Lucy? Do you remember how you packed the Murrayshaugh apples for me, Isabell, when I went to India? And the moss you wrapped around them in the basket? I think I still have some of it. But have you genuinely forgotten—did you think, Adam, that anyone could ever forget our sister Lucy Murray?”
Trembling and considerably excited Isabell stood on the defensive still.
Trembling and very excited, Isabell stood her ground.
“I never kent ane of the name but Miss Lucy, and this lady micht be Miss Lucy’s mother. Do ye think I dinna ken? Oh, Mossgray! it’s no’ like you to let folk make a fuil o’ an auld lone woman!”
“I’ve never known anyone by that name except for Miss Lucy, and this woman could be Miss Lucy’s mother. Do you think I don’t know? Oh, Mossgray! It’s not like you to let people make a fool of an old lonely woman!”
Lucy disengaged herself from Mossgray’s arm.
Lucy pulled away from Mossgray’s arm.
“Come, Isabell, we will let them in. And so you remembered poor Lucy Murray and thought that time had spared her? But I am older than you. I used to have my white roses here. What has become of my roses? But I have something better to show you; my son, Isabell, my young Hew; and now come, we’ll let them in.{295}”
“Come on, Isabell, let’s let them in. So you remembered poor Lucy Murray and thought time had been kind to her? But I’m older than you. I used to have my white roses here. What happened to my roses? But I have something even better to show you; my son, Isabell, my young Hew; now, let’s let them in.{295}”
And Lucy turned along the narrow path to Isabell’s back-door; jealously, and in sullen silence, the old woman followed her.
And Lucy walked down the narrow path to Isabell’s back door, while the old woman followed her in jealous silence.
“But, Hew, Hew, where have you been?” repeated the astonished Mossgray, as they waited for the opening of the great door.
“But, Hew, Hew, where have you been?” asked the surprised Mossgray, as they waited for the big door to open.
“In India, Adam; all this time buried in the depths of India, without having any power or means of letting you know that I lived; but wait, wait till we are all together. You shall hear the whole of my story to-night.”
“In India, Adam; I’ve been buried in the depths of India all this time, without any way to let you know I was alive; but just wait, wait until we’re all together. You’ll hear my whole story tonight.”
The heavy door swung open. Lucy had opened it, and Isabell, jealous and silent, stood behind.
The heavy door swung open. Lucy had opened it, and Isabell, envious and quiet, stood behind.
“Come in; come home, Hew,” said Lucy Murray. “Let us enter our father’s house in peace and thankfulness as we left it with sorrow.”
“Come in; come home, Hew,” said Lucy Murray. “Let’s enter our father’s house in peace and gratitude like we left it in sadness.”
They entered in silence, and silently the brother and sister went through the faded, dreary rooms; while the old woman followed them like a shadow.
They walked in quietly, and quietly the brother and sister made their way through the worn, gloomy rooms, as the old woman trailed behind them like a shadow.
Last of all they went into “Miss Lucy’s parlour.” It had no very sad associations for Hew. He remembered only the pleasant boyish evenings spent in it, the sadness of the parting, which now, so far away, was softened into a tender memory, making its scene not mournful, only dear; and Hew lifted the window and stepped happily out upon the terrace, while Lucy seated herself on the old high-backed chair at the old work-table, to ponder on the old times. To her the room was full of dim days well remembered—girlish griefs and solitudes, struggles which no one witted of—they seemed to have been dwelling here like so many pale ghosts, waiting for her coming, to remind her of their former selves.
Last of all, they went into “Miss Lucy’s parlor.” It didn’t bring back any sad memories for Hew. He only remembered the enjoyable boyish evenings spent there, and the sadness of parting, which now felt distant, softened into a fond memory, making the place not mournful, just dear; Hew opened the window and happily stepped out onto the terrace, while Lucy settled into the old high-backed chair at the work table to reflect on the past. For her, the room was filled with hazy memories—girlhood sorrows and loneliness, struggles no one knew about—they seemed to linger there like pale ghosts, waiting for her to come back and remind her of who they once were.
A touch on her sleeve roused Lucy from her reverie. Isabell was looking down earnestly into her silvery, gentle face.
A touch on her sleeve brought Lucy back to reality. Isabell was gazing down intently at her soft, silver face.
“Leddy—Madam,” said the old woman, with a husky voice, “you didna mean you? You wasna saying that you’re Miss Lucy?”
“Leddy—Madam,” said the old woman, with a raspy voice, “you didn’t mean you? You weren’t saying that you’re Miss Lucy?”
“I am Lucy Murray grown old,” was the answer, “and that is my brother Hew, Isabell, whom we lost in India. Could you forget Hew? Do you not know Hew, Isabell?”
“I am Lucy Murray, now old,” was the response, “and that is my brother Hew, Isabell, whom we lost in India. Could you forget Hew? Do you not know Hew, Isabell?”
“And Murrayshaugh?” gasped the old woman.
“And Murrayshaugh?” the old woman gasped.
“My father is dead; he lived until ten years ago, and when he died was a very old man, Isabell, and a gentler one than he used to be. Will you welcome me now?{296}”
“My father is dead; he lived until ten years ago, and when he died he was a very old man, Isabell, and gentler than he used to be. Will you welcome me now?{296}”
Timidly, and still a little jealous, the housekeeper consented to meet with a hasty touch the white hand of the old lady whom she feared; and then Isabell abruptly left the room.
Timidly, and still a bit jealous, the housekeeper reluctantly touched the white hand of the old lady she was afraid of; then Isabell suddenly left the room.
They remained for some time in the same position; Lucy in her old place, thinking of the past, and Hew joyously passing from room to room, pointing out the scene of youthful games and merry-makings. Lilias and the young Hew had speedily followed Mossgray, and now a double introduction, very proudly and joyfully performed, had to take place, for Lucy presented her son to Adam Graeme, and Hew Grant bade his mother welcome her new child. The mother had been afraid somewhat of her son’s early choice, and thought, as mothers will, that Lilias had but an indifferent chance of being worthy of her Hew; and Lilias too had slightly trembled for the meeting; but now all the formidable part of it was over, and they were already friends.
They stayed in the same spot for a while; Lucy in her usual spot, reflecting on the past, and Hew happily moving from room to room, highlighting the places of their playful childhood and joyful gatherings. Lilias and the young Hew had quickly followed Mossgray, and now a proud and joyful double introduction was about to happen, as Lucy introduced her son to Adam Graeme, and Hew Grant welcomed his mother to her new child. The mother had been a bit concerned about her son’s early choice, thinking—like most mothers do—that Lilias might not be good enough for her Hew; and Lilias had felt a bit anxious about the meeting too. But now all the daunting part was done, and they were already friends.
All her fears were forgotten; it was almost too much for Mossgray’s Lily. Hew did not think her changed; he was not changed himself; and his mother received her as her own child. Lilias felt her happiness overpower her. She went away to seek for Isabell, who had disappeared, and to realize it all for a moment alone.
All her fears were gone; it was almost overwhelming for Mossgray’s Lily. He didn’t think she was different; he wasn’t different either; and his mother welcomed her like her own child. Lilias felt her happiness engulf her. She went off to look for Isabell, who had vanished, and to take it all in by herself for a moment.
Isabell was in the great dining-parlour of Murrayshaugh. She was on her knees in a corner, with her apron flung over her head, and petulant, painful sobs coming from under its cover, like the sobs of a child.
Isabell was in the big dining room of Murrayshaugh. She was on her knees in a corner, with her apron thrown over her head, and angry, painful sobs coming from underneath it, like a child's cries.
“What ails you, Isabell?” said Lilias, stooping kindly over her.
“What’s wrong, Isabell?” said Lilias, bending down gently beside her.
“Oh, Miss Maxwell, what ails me?” sobbed the old woman, whose innocent romance had perished. “She says she’s Miss Lucy—and I canna deny’t—I div ken the face; but she’s an aged woman! She has hair whiter than the like o’ me—and she says she’s Miss Lucy. Oh, Miss Maxwell, that I should have lived to see this day!{297}”
“Oh, Miss Maxwell, what’s wrong with me?” cried the old woman, whose sweet love story had died. “She says she’s Miss Lucy—and I can’t deny it—I recognize her face; but she’s an old woman! Her hair is whiter than mine—and she claims she’s Miss Lucy. Oh, Miss Maxwell, how could I have lived to see this day!{297}”
CHAPTER XIII.
Sure, please provide the text you would like me to modernize. About being captured by the arrogant enemy
And sold into slavery; about my rescue from that.—Othello.
Adam Graeme and Hew Murray were sitting together in the large, low room in the Tower of Mossgray, which they both knew so well. Bishop Berkeley was still upon the table, but the visitor had no interest in the bishop; neither was he looking at the chymic tools or the instruments of science. He was casting long, loving glances into the dim corners of the room; the old fishing-rods, the superannuated bows and arrows, the ancient skates, they were all there, those worn-out tokens of the fair youth which was past.
Adam Graeme and Hew Murray were sitting together in the spacious, low room in the Tower of Mossgray, a place they both knew well. Bishop Berkeley was still on the table, but the visitor wasn’t interested in the bishop; he wasn’t even looking at the chemistry tools or scientific instruments. Instead, he was gazing fondly into the dim corners of the room; the old fishing rods, the outdated bows and arrows, the ancient skates, they were all there, those faded reminders of the carefree youth that had long gone.
“And now, Hew,” said Mossgray, drawing one of those large, heavy, lumbering chairs to the unoccupied side of the hearth, “now, Hew, for this wonderful history. What have you been doing? where have you been?”
“And now, Hew,” said Mossgray, pulling one of those big, heavy, clunky chairs to the empty side of the fireplace, “now, Hew, let's hear this amazing story. What have you been up to? Where have you been?”
Mossgray placed himself in front of the cheerful, glowing fire; on the other side stood the low carved chair, turned mournfully aside as if some one had risen from it newly. Its position had never been changed; it still stood where the pale sunbeams could touch it, but it was turned away from the living fireside circle; for the old occupant could never return to Charlie’s chair. Strangely pathetic sometimes are these dumb things about us—mournfully estranged and standing apart it touched the gentle heart of Adam Graeme.
Mossgray positioned himself in front of the cheerful, glowing fire; on the other side was the low carved chair, turned sadly aside as if someone had just gotten up from it. Its spot had never changed; it still stood where the pale sunlight could reach it, but it faced away from the warm fireside circle, for the old occupant could never return to Charlie’s chair. These silent objects around us can be strangely moving—sadly detached and standing alone, it affected the kind heart of Adam Graeme.
Hew paused to spread his hands over the fire. It was a peat fire, and the glowing intense red and homelike fragrance warmed the very heart of the exile.
Hew paused to spread his hands over the fire. It was a peat fire, and the bright, intense red and comforting aroma warmed the very heart of the exile.
“Well, you heard I was robbed and killed, Adam,” said Hew; “and so I was—as near it, at least, as one could be, who is now so blessed as to be at home. Such things, you know, are not unusual in India. I was carrying rich presents. I had not a very sufficient escort, and the chances were all rather that I should have filled a hidden grave in the de{298}sert long ago, than that, even now, I should be beside you again.
“Well, you heard that I was robbed and killed, Adam,” said Hew; “and I was—at least as close as someone can be who is now lucky enough to be at home. These things, you know, happen often in India. I was carrying valuable gifts. I didn’t have a very strong escort, and the odds were that I would have ended up in a hidden grave in the desert long ago, rather than being here beside you now.”
“I was very severely wounded. These Affghan fellows do not play at fighting; but I was not quite dead, as you see, Adam, and I was young. The old, martial Border spirit had excited me, I suppose, for I stood on my defence desperately, until there was nothing left but the feeblest spark of life.
“I was seriously injured. These Afghan guys don’t mess around when it comes to fighting; but as you can see, Adam, I wasn’t completely dead, and I was young. The old, soldierly spirit from the Border had fired me up, I guess, because I kept fighting desperately until there was hardly any life left in me.”
“Why they did not at once extinguish it I cannot tell. Perhaps they had pity on me for my youth’s sake; at all events, they spared the life, and after a journey which I shudder still to recollect, we reached their head-quarters, and my long captivity began.
“Why they didn’t just put it out right away, I don't know. Maybe they felt sorry for me because I was young; either way, they spared my life, and after a journey that still makes me shudder to think about, we reached their headquarters, and my long imprisonment began.”
“Their chief was a hater of the English, stern and desperate—not by any means the usual type of man to be met with among his countrymen: less treacherous, less supple, and if not less a tyrant, at least more tyrannically wise. Liberty for his subjects he did not at all conceive of, of course, but the wild liberty of despotism was an instinct and necessity with our Rajah; he hated foreign domination with an energetic hatred, such as one could not fail to respect, even though one suffered by it.
“Their leader despised the English, tough and fiercely determined—not at all the typical kind of person found among his countrymen: less deceitful, less adaptable, and if not less of a tyrant, at least more intelligently oppressive. He didn’t think at all about his subjects’ freedom, of course, but the raw freedom of being a dictator was something our Rajah instinctively needed and desired; he loathed foreign control with a passionate hatred that was impossible to overlook, even if it caused suffering.”
“The Rajah fancied my services might be of use to him. You will smile when I tell you how, Adam. He thought of the De Boignys, and Skinners, and the native troops they drilled, and despotized, and inspired with the mechanical heroism of mercenary soldiers; and he believed that I could drill his wild followers for him, could teach them the unfaltering British discipline, could form them into mechanical pipe-clayed battalions like their European enemies.
“The Rajah thought my skills could be helpful to him. You’ll chuckle when I share this with you, Adam. He considered the De Boignys and Skinners, along with the local troops they trained, controlled, and motivated with the forced bravery of hired soldiers; and he believed I could train his unruly followers, instill in them the steadfast British discipline, and turn them into polished, uniform battalions like their European foes.”
“And I tried to do it, Adam, for at six-and-twenty one would not choose to die; if I had known perhaps the long probation which awaited me, I might have shrunk and desired the end at once; but this end is not naturally desired ever, I think—I should still choose to live, I believe, were I placed in the same circumstances again; and I hoped more warmly then.
“And I tried to do it, Adam, because at twenty-six no one really wants to die; if I had known maybe the long wait that was ahead of me, I might have hesitated and wished for the end right away; but I don’t think this end is something anyone naturally desires. I would still choose to live, I believe, if I were in the same situation again; and I felt more hopeful back then.”
“I began to be artful like themselves. I intrigued and schemed to have a share in the education of the young chief, and at last I attained my object. Ahmed, the future Rajah—the presumptive heir—I was to have the honour of teaching him my language.
“I started to become crafty like them. I plotted and planned to be involved in the education of the young chief, and eventually, I achieved my goal. Ahmed, the future Rajah—the likely heir—I was going to have the honor of teaching him my language."
“And I taught him my language, Adam; and Ahmed at{299} the head of his tribe speaks English, which has the fragrance of the Scottish border upon it. I used to smile when I heard him.
“And I taught him my language, Adam; and Ahmed at{299} the head of his tribe speaks English, which has the charm of the Scottish border in it. I would smile when I heard him.
“We grew very good friends, my pupil and I. Heathen and stranger as Ahmed is, he was my boy, Adam, and we came to like each other—so much so—” said Hew Murray, averting his head a little, “that if I had not heard of you all at home, and only my place vacant, I scarcely think I should have cared for my new freedom.”
“We became really good friends, my student and I. Even though Ahmed is a heathen and a stranger, he was my boy, Adam, and we grew to like each other—so much so—” said Hew Murray, turning his head slightly, “that if I hadn’t heard about all of you back home, and only had my empty spot here, I honestly don’t think I would have cared about my new freedom.”
There was a pause.
There was a pause.
“We had but one book,” said Hew, resuming, “my Bible, which I had managed to preserve with great difficulty. If I had been teaching the father instead of the son, in that glowing Eastern country, and with that Bible, I could have made a poet of him, Adam!
“We only had one book,” said Hew, continuing, “my Bible, which I had managed to keep safe with a lot of effort. If I had been teaching the father instead of the son, in that vibrant Eastern land, and with that Bible, I could have turned him into a poet, Adam!”
“But Ahmed was not the stuff to make poets of. He was cowed and humbled in his father’s presence—overpowered by a force which he could not understand, and though he grew up a gentle lad—weak folk learn wiles, you know—there was the national policy, the tendency to intrigue and deceit; the defective sense of truth and honour constantly displaying themselves. I could not hedge my Affghan boy about with the higher principles, so much more noble and pure than the natural instincts which yet suit our humanity so well—and I could not give him the savage virtues of his father; but I only clung to him the more, because he perplexed and grieved me.”
“But Ahmed was not the kind of person who becomes a poet. He was intimidated and subdued in his father's presence—overwhelmed by a force he couldn't comprehend. Although he grew up as a kind-hearted guy—because weak people learn to be cunning, you know—there was the national policy, the tendency towards scheming and dishonesty; the flawed sense of truth and honor constantly showing through. I couldn't surround my Afghan boy with the higher ideals, which are so much nobler and purer than the natural instincts that fit our humanity so well—and I couldn't instill in him the savage virtues of his father; but I held onto him even tighter because he confused and saddened me.”
“A difficult matter,” said Mossgray, “and how about religion, Hew?”
“A tricky issue,” said Mossgray, “and what about religion, Hew?”
“Ahmed is not brave,” was the answer. “He is a Mussulman still; the intellectual conviction is not strong enough, ever, I fancy, to break the old hereditary chains of the creed in which we are born. But Ahmed is like multitudes of those quick Indian youths in the great cities of our Eastern empire. He knows it all; the wonderful histories of the old time with their grand types and emblems, and the wonderful fulfilment they had. Did any one ever open that little volume, think you, Adam, and rise from it without a secret conviction that this was true? not my boy—not my Ahmed. The enchantment of the human life in which its Divinity is clothed charmed the mind of my pupil; for when one knows how men describe God, it quickens one’s apprehension of the wonderful difference when God reveals himself.{300}
“Ahmed isn’t brave,” was the reply. “He’s still a Muslim; I doubt his intellectual conviction is ever strong enough to break the old hereditary chains of the faith we’re born into. But Ahmed is like many of those sharp Indian youths in the big cities of our Eastern empire. He knows it all; the amazing stories of the past with their great ideals and symbols, and the incredible fulfillment they had. Do you think anyone ever picked up that little book, Adam, and put it down without a deep conviction that it was true? Not my boy—not my Ahmed. The magic of human life, where its Divinity is clothed, captivated my student’s mind; because when you understand how people describe God, it heightens your awareness of the astonishing difference when God reveals himself.{300}
“And my boy knows it all, Adam, yet in outward form is an unbeliever still; and other youths by the hundred in Bombay, and Madras, and Calcutta, as they tell me, are like him: knowing the extraordinary intellectual truth, and ready, if but the divine spark came, to burst the green withes that hold them, and worship the Saviour of the Gospel under His own free heaven. May it come soon! they are prepared for it, these lads—may the divine impulse come soon! I would fain know that my work has prospered, though I never see Ahmed more.”
“And my boy knows everything, Adam, but on the outside, he still acts like a nonbeliever; and there are hundreds of other young men in Bombay, Madras, and Calcutta, as I've been told, who are just like him: aware of the incredible truth, and ready, if only the divine spark ignited, to break free from the constraints holding them back and worship the Savior of the Gospel under His own open sky. I hope it happens soon! These young men are ready for it—may the divine inspiration come soon! I just want to know that my efforts have paid off, even if I never see Ahmed again.”
There was another interval of silence. The subject impressed them both; but Mossgray had not seen the singular state of society of which his friend spoke, and did not know how those young, quick, intelligent spirits, like the old sacrifices on the altars of the patriarchs, were unconsciously waiting for the fire from heaven, ready to be offered to the Lord.
There was another pause in the conversation. The topic intrigued them both; however, Mossgray hadn't experienced the unique social situation his friend described and didn’t realize how those young, vibrant, intelligent minds, like the ancient offerings on the patriarchs' altars, were unknowingly waiting for divine inspiration, ready to be devoted to something greater.
In a short time Hew resumed:
In a little while, Hew continued:
“This imprisonment and work of mine continued all the father’s lifetime. I did what I could to drill his soldiers, and I communicated the Fendie accent to his son; but my captivity was not lightened—and so we went on until that fatal affray which made Ahmed chief of the tribe. The lad liked me, I told you; he felt too, in the consciousness of his new power, the advantage of securing an alliance with those powerful English whom his father hated; and so, in compassion, he brought his wounded captives back to me.
“This imprisonment and work of mine lasted for the entire life of the father. I did my best to train his soldiers, and I taught his son the Fendie accent; but my captivity didn’t get any easier—and so we carried on until that disastrous conflict that made Ahmed the chief of the tribe. The boy liked me, I told you; he also sensed that with his newfound power, it would benefit him to form an alliance with the strong English that his father despised; and so, out of kindness, he returned his injured captives to me.”
“I knew none of them, but Hew’s face struck me. He was the weakest of all, poor fellow, and some natural instinct drew me to him—and then, Adam—then, after my thirty years’ entire separation from all that I held dear, fancy what my feelings were, when the stranger told me that his name too was Hew, and that he was Lucy Murray’s son!
“I didn’t know any of them, but Hew’s face caught my attention. He was the weakest of the bunch, poor guy, and something inside me pulled me towards him—and then, Adam—after being completely separated from everything I cherished for thirty years, just imagine how I felt when the stranger told me that his name was also Hew and that he was Lucy Murray’s son!
“It was a strange meeting;” Hew Murray wiped away the pleasant moisture which dimmed those happy eyes of his; “and Ahmed had given me my freedom. That wily, politic boy! I wonder if he was getting wearied of his old Dominie after all, or if his reluctance to part with me was real. I wish affection was as blind as they call it, Adam, for I think my eyes, being so solicitous about him, were only quickened to see his weakness; but I could not have remained. I could not have done him any service even if I had remained.
“It was an odd meeting,” Hew Murray said, wiping away the happy glimmer in his eyes. “And Ahmed had given me my freedom. That clever, strategic kid! I wonder if he was actually tired of his old teacher after all, or if he truly didn’t want to let me go. I wish love was as blind as people say, Adam, because I think my concern for him just made me more aware of his weaknesses; but I couldn’t have stayed. Even if I had, I wouldn’t have been able to help him.”
“So I gave him my Bible, Adam, and he gave me jewels{301} and shawls more than I knew what to do with. I was bringing them all home innocently to Lucy,” said Hew, with his old frank laugh. “Lucy would have been as magnificent as a Begum had no one interfered, but we got into a mercantile atmosphere before we left India, and so some of Ahmed’s pretty things were converted into coined monies. There is enough to make the old house habitable, I think; but I have come home as I went away, Adam. I always thought I should; there has no bilious fortune fallen to my share; only they have given me a pension—and better than the pension—give me your hand, Adam—I am at home.”
“So I gave him my Bible, Adam, and he gave me jewels{301} and shawls more than I knew what to do with. I was bringing them all home innocently to Lucy,” said Hew, with his old straightforward laugh. “Lucy would have looked as stunning as a Begum if no one had interfered, but we got caught up in a commercial atmosphere before we left India, so some of Ahmed’s lovely things were turned into cash. I think there’s enough to make the old house livable; but I’ve come home just like I left, Adam. I always thought I would; I haven’t had any lucky fortune fall into my lap; all they’ve given me is a pension—and more than the pension—give me your hand, Adam—I’m home.”
And the two gray-haired men grasped each other’s hands.
And the two gray-haired men shook hands.
Lucy Murray had entered the room unheard. She came forward with her gentle, gliding step, and leaned over the carved back of Charlie’s chair, looking at them as they sat together by the fireside.
Lucy Murray had entered the room without making a sound. She moved in with her soft, gliding step and leaned over the intricately carved back of Charlie’s chair, watching them as they sat together by the fire.
“What are you doing, boys?” said Lucy, with the voice and the smile of her youth. Boys—the young composed grave girl, long ago, had called them by that name. They were both older than she was; but the assumed dignity of the earlier maturing woman sat gracefully on her then, as that smile did now.
“Hey, what are you guys up to?” Lucy said, with the voice and smile of her younger self. Guys—the serious, composed girl she used to be had called them that. They were both older than she was, but the confident demeanor of the more mature woman suited her then, just like that smile does now.
“We were talking of that merchant boy of yours, and how he would not let me bring home Ahmed’s jewels to his mother, Lucy,” said Hew.
“We were talking about your merchant boy and how he wouldn’t let me take Ahmed’s jewels home to his mother, Lucy,” said Hew.
“I wonder Hew did not remember the bride that will soon be,” said Lucy. “Adam, I like your Lily; I was a little afraid—may I tell you? a little afraid when I began to guess what the conjunction of her two names pointed to. You look grave, Adam—I should not have said so much?”
“I wonder why Hew didn't remember the bride who's coming soon,” said Lucy. “Adam, I like your Lily; I was a bit worried—can I be honest? a little worried when I started to figure out what the combination of her two names meant. You look serious, Adam—did I say too much?”
“No, Lucy,” said Mossgray, “they are dead; how far we might err in our early dreams, let us not question. I forget all that is evil when I look back. Let us lay the errors of their youth beside them in the grave.”
“No, Lucy,” said Mossgray, “they're gone; let's not dwell on how much we might have misjudged in our early dreams. I forget all the bad when I reflect on the past. Let’s put the mistakes of their youth to rest alongside them in the grave.”
Lucy Murray bowed her head silently in acquiescence, and folding her hands over Charlie’s chair, pitifully thought of the dead.
Lucy Murray lowered her head quietly in agreement, and with her hands folded over Charlie's chair, she sorrowfully thought of those who had passed away.
The dead who wounded hearts and had no power to heal them—who broke faith, and went away with their treachery in their hearts to the grave; who disenchanted youthful eyes and darkened lives which were not bright before—evils that the doer never can atone—alas for them, unhappy! Alas for the false—the cruel—the heart-breakers! The hearts broken{302} will heal; the suffering will pass away like clouds; but woe for those who inflict—woe for the seedmen of sin, whose harvest shall not fail.
The dead who hurt hearts and couldn’t heal them—who betrayed trust and took their treachery with them to the grave; who disillusioned youthful eyes and darkened lives that were never bright—these are evils that the doer can never make right—oh, how sad for them, the unfortunate! Oh, how tragic for the false, the cruel, the heart-breakers! The broken hearts{302} will mend; the pain will fade away like clouds; but woe to those who cause it—woe to the sowers of sin, whose harvest will not fail.
“And you, Lucy,” said Mossgray. “I must question you, and blame you as I cannot blame Hew. Why have I never heard from you? where have you been?”
“And you, Lucy,” said Mossgray. “I need to ask you some questions, and I have to blame you in a way I can’t blame Hew. Why haven’t I ever heard from you? Where have you been?”
“We came from France to Orkney,” said Lucy; “was not that a change, Adam? and there I have been very glad and very sorrowful. They both lie yonder—my husband and my father, and there my Hew was born. I should have written to you, Adam, but I have told you before how long my father lived, and how he retained his old pride; and when he was dead, and James was dead, and Hew away from me, forgive me that I was very listless, very sad, Adam. I could write to no one but my son.”
“We came from France to Orkney,” said Lucy; “wasn’t that a big change, Adam? I’ve been really happy and really sad there. Both my husband and my father are buried there, and that's where my Hew was born. I should have written to you, Adam, but I’ve told you before how long my father lived and how he held onto his old pride; and when he passed away, and James was gone, and Hew was away from me, forgive me for being so listless and so sad, Adam. I could only write to my son.”
“Not even to Lilias; when you knew who she was, Lucy?” said Mossgray.
“Not even to Lilias; when you found out who she was, Lucy?” said Mossgray.
“Not even to Lilias, Adam. I did not know herself, and I had some fears, I confess, of Hew’s early decision on a matter so important; and when they sent me word that my son was dead, and when I got her simple, touching letter, I was jealous, Adam, that any one should mourn for him but myself. I became selfish as grief does sometimes; I would not believe that any other heart could break as mine did. He was mine—my son. I was jealous of her, Adam, when I thought she claimed a right to share with me my boy’s grave.”
“Not even to Lilias, Adam. I didn’t know her, and I admit I had some worries about Hew’s early decision on such an important matter; and when I got the news that my son was dead, and when I received her simple, heartfelt letter, I felt envious, Adam, that anyone else should mourn for him besides me. I became selfish as grief can make you; I couldn’t accept that any other heart could break like mine did. He was mine—my son. I felt resentful of her, Adam, when I thought she thought she had a right to share my boy’s grave with me.”
“And afterwards?” said Mossgray, smiling. He too seemed in a jealous mood—jealous for his ward and her new position.
“And what comes next?” said Mossgray, smiling. He also seemed to be feeling jealous—jealous for his ward and her new status.
“Afterwards I fell into my old indolent, listless mood again,” said Lucy; “Hew was coming home—the two Hews—it filled all my mind. I went to meet them at London, promising myself that I should atone to Lilias for my neglect, and she accepts my apology. Will not you accept it, Adam? You do not know how listless and powerless one becomes whose life has been so overcast as mine. I think it will be otherwise now—I think it is all past, Adam, and we will travel to the sunsetting together.{303}”
“After that, I slipped back into my old lazy, indifferent mood,” Lucy said. “Hew was coming home—the two Hews—it filled my entire mind. I went to meet them in London, promising myself that I would make up for my neglect with Lilias, and she accepts my apology. Will you accept it, Adam? You have no idea how listless and powerless someone becomes when their life has been as dark as mine. I believe it will be different now—I think all that is behind us, Adam, and we will travel towards the sunset together.{303}”
CHAPTER XIV.
But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.—Parable of the Prodigal.
But when he was still a long way off, his father saw him, felt compassion, ran to him, and embraced him, kissing him.—Prodigal Son Parable.
“Gang in bauld, man—put on a guid face, and tak the first word o’ flyting. What are ye looking sae wae about?—they’ll e’en be ower blythe to welcome ye hame.”
“Crew on, man—put on a good face and be the first to start the argument. Why do you look so upset?—they’ll probably be too happy to welcome you home.”
“Na, na, Robbie, I ken better,” said the person whom Robbie Caryl was exhorting; a tall, thin, sunburnt young man, who limped a good deal, and looked sickly and weak. “Man, I wad rather face a file o’ bagnets than face my faither and him angry; and I wad gie a’ the Indies gin I had them, if he would just be friends wi’ me again.”
“Come on, Robbie, I know better,” said the person Robbie Caryl was urging; a tall, thin, sunburned young man who limped a lot and looked sickly and weak. “Man, I would rather face a pack of wild animals than deal with my dad when he's angry; and I would give up all the riches in the world if I had them, just to be friends with him again.”
“Friends wi’ ye?—ne’er a fears o’ him,” said the fisherman. “I’ll just tell ye, Peter—if he disna be friends wi’ you after a’ you’ve gaen through, and a’ he’s gaen through himsel, I could maist find it in my heart to pit him in Tam Macqueen’s boat the first ill day, and let him set to wi’ the Firth, and try which ane’ll master the tither—for he’s past dealing wi’ men.”
“Friends with you?—never a fear of him,” said the fisherman. “I’ll just tell you, Peter—if he isn’t friends with you after all you’ve been through, and all he’s been through himself, I could almost find it in my heart to put him in Tam Macqueen’s boat on the first bad day, and let him go at it with the Firth, and see which one can outdo the other—for he’s beyond dealing with men.”
“Whisht, Robbie, ye dinna ken,” said the young man. “I’ll hear nae mortal speak ill o’ my faither; if I could but get a word o’ my mother, hidelins—just to see—maybe he’s mair merciful noo. He’s an auld man—he’s winning near heaven. Wha kens—he may be turned to mair mercy.”
“Hold on, Robbie, you don’t understand,” said the young man. “I won’t let anyone speak badly about my father; if I could just get a word from my mother, secretly—just to see—maybe he’s more compassionate now. He’s an old man—he’s getting closer to heaven. Who knows—he might have turned to more mercy.”
Their path lay along the side of the Marsh, and they had just rounded the projecting corner, on which the comfortable farmsteading of Seabraes, with its barns and byres, and hay-stacks, stood, looking on the Firth, with only a swelling bank of close seaside grass between it and the beach. On this green bank, the stakes of the salmon-nets used during the summer were piled in a rude pyramid, and past it wound a byway to Fendie. They were advancing towards the gate of a field through which the road lay.
Their path was alongside the Marsh, and they had just turned the corner where the cozy farmhouse of Seabraes stood, complete with its barns, sheds, and haystacks, overlooking the bay, separated only by a gently sloping bank of thick coastal grass. On this green bank, the stakes for the salmon nets used in the summer were stacked in a rough pyramid, and a side path led to Fendie. They were approaching the gate of a field that the road passed through.
A gaunt, high figure stood leaning there, hidden by the hedge. Saunders Delvie had heard that his son lived and was returned from young Hew Grant, who last evening had{304} visited the cottage along with Mossgray to prepare the way for the prodigal; and now, trembling under the cold, bright November sunshine, the father stood waiting for his son.
A thin, tall figure leaned there, concealed by the hedge. Saunders Delvie had heard that his son was alive and had returned from young Hew Grant, who had visited the cottage the night before with Mossgray to set things up for the wayward son; and now, shivering under the cold, bright November sun, the father stood waiting for his son.
The proud old man was glad that he had been warned—glad that he had time to compose the rigid muscles of his face, and that no man could guess how his joy boiled in his veins, and how the passionate heart beat in his breast. He was solemnly dressed in his decent Sabbath suit, and looked almost hysterically calm, though all his endeavours could not put away the look of high, suppressed excitement from his twitching eyebrows and stern-featured face.
The proud old man was relieved to have been warned—thankful that he had time to compose his stiff facial muscles, so that no one could tell how excited he felt inside, or how passionately his heart raced. He was formally dressed in his nice Sunday suit and appeared almost unnervingly calm, even though his efforts couldn’t hide the look of intense, repressed excitement in his twitching eyebrows and stern face.
“Faither! faither!” cried Peter Delvie, as they came suddenly upon him—the old man’s efforts at calmness, and his unusual dress, carried fear to the heart of his son: poor Peter lifted his hand imploringly. “I was only a laddie—have pity on me—have pity upon me, faither!”
“Father! Father!” cried Peter Delvie as they suddenly found him—the old man’s attempts to stay calm and his strange outfit filled his son with fear: poor Peter raised his hand in a plea. “I was only a boy—have mercy on me—please, Father!”
The grim muscles twitched, and worked about the old man’s mouth; the dew hung heavy on his eyelashes.
The tense muscles twitched and moved around the old man’s mouth; the dew was heavy on his eyelashes.
“Come hame, lad,” he said, in a voice husky with the effort which confined his welcome to those seeming indifferent words. “Come hame, lad, to your mother. What garred ye sleep under a fremd roof this last night, and your ain bed waiting on ye at hame?”
“Come home, kid,” he said, his voice rough from the effort that made his welcome sound so casual. “Come home, kid, to your mother. What made you sleep under a stranger's roof last night, when your own bed is waiting for you at home?”
“I thought I had some skill in men,” said Robbie Caryl, as he turned back to his cottage, vehemently pulling down his eyelid on pretence that some particle of the innocent wet sand had entered his eye. “I thocht I could see through maist folk, but this ane’s beat me. The auld dour whig o’ a man! wasna I feared to face him when the word came that the lad was dead? and was I no fleyed for him fenting like the women folk for sake o’ the joy? Ne’er a bit o’ him—he taks his son hame as canny as I would tak little Sandy out o’ a dub. Are ye there again in the saut water, ye wee black dielie? I’ll pin ye in the net amang the grilse, and sell ye up in the toun for a fat flounder, as sure as the next tide—wife! is this bairn to drown itsel, ance for a’, the day?”
“I thought I was decent at reading people,” said Robbie Caryl, as he headed back to his cottage, dramatically pulling down his eyelid as if some innocent bit of wet sand had gotten in his eye. “I thought I could see through most people, but this one has me stumped. That old grumpy man! Wasn’t I scared to confront him when I heard the boy was dead? And wasn’t I terrified he’d faint like the women do in moments of joy? Not at all—he takes his son home as gently as I’d take little Sandy out of a puddle. Are you back in the saltwater again, you tiny little devil? I’ll catch you in the net with the fish and sell you in town as a nice flounder, just as sure as the next tide—wife! Is this child going to drown itself today, once and for all?”
“I’m sure it’s mair your business, Robbie, to keep the laddies out o’ mischief than mine,” answered Robbie’s wife, who was spreading out the large stake nets on long ropes to dry, the season of fishing being now over; “but what hae ye dune wi’ Peter? has he gane hame?”
“I’m sure it’s more your job, Robbie, to keep the kids out of trouble than mine,” replied Robbie’s wife, who was laying out the big fishing nets on long ropes to dry, since the fishing season was now over; “but what have you done with Peter? Has he gone home?”
“I gied him in a present to his faither,” said the fisherman, lifting the little wet obstreperous Sandy upon his{305} shoulders, “and Saunders took him as quiet as that cuddie taks the thrissles—so a’ the splore’s dune, Jean, and I maun awa into the toun wi’ the flounders; whaur’s the creels?”
“I gave him as a gift to his father,” said the fisherman, lifting the little wet, unruly Sandy onto his{305} shoulders, “and Saunders took him as quietly as that donkey takes the thistles—so all the fuss is over, Jean, and I must go into town with the flounders; where are the creels?”
“Mr Oswald,” said Saunders Delvie solemnly, looking in at the door of the banker’s private room, as he passed the bank on his way home. “I hae gotten back my son; he was dead and is alive again—he was lost and is found—and I’ve come to offer ye my thanks, Sir, for your guid counsel. The Lord sent grief sae lang as I called His name to witness my wrath against the lad, but now, when I hae learned better, behold the mercy! I’m thankfu’ to you, Maister Oswald—I’m an auld man, but I needed to learn—and I’m thankfu’ aboon a’ to Him that pat words o’ guid counsel into your mouth, and garred my heart change—for now I’m taking Peter hame.”
“Mr. Oswald,” Saunders Delvie said solemnly, looking into the door of the banker’s private room as he passed the bank on his way home. “I’ve got my son back; he was dead and is alive again—he was lost and is found—and I’ve come to offer you my thanks, Sir, for your good advice. The Lord sent me grief as long as I called His name to witness my anger against the boy, but now that I’ve learned better, look at the mercy! I’m grateful to you, Mr. Oswald—I may be an old man, but I needed to learn—and I’m most thankful to Him who put words of good advice into your mouth and changed my heart—because now I’m taking Peter home.”
The banker fell back in his chair as Saunders withdrew, looking and feeling very much disconcerted; for he had offered no good counsel—had given no advice. The thanks which he did not deserve fell on him with the strength of just reproof. The pen fell from his fingers—the solemn joy and thanksgiving of the stern old peasant moved him almost as much as his grief had done. It touched the conscience of the obdurate father of William Oswald.
The banker leaned back in his chair as Saunders left, looking and feeling quite unsettled; he hadn’t given any useful advice. The gratitude he didn’t earn felt like a sharp reminder of his failure. The pen slipped from his fingers—the profound joy and gratitude of the stern old peasant affected him nearly as much as his sorrow had. It stirred the conscience of the stubborn father of William Oswald.
“And was you killed at the same place as the gentleman, Peter, my man?” said Peter’s mother, wiping her eyes, as the first excitement of their meeting subsided. The cottage too was in very solemn order, and the house-mother had put on her Sabbath gown. There was a grave significance in these changes.
“And were you killed in the same place as the gentleman, Peter, my boy?” said Peter’s mother, wiping her eyes as the initial excitement of their reunion faded. The cottage was also in a very serious state, and the house mother had put on her Sunday dress. There was a serious meaning behind these changes.
“Na—I got my wound at anither place, mother,” said Peter, “and they pat me in the hospital. It was just when I came out that I heard o’ the gentlemen—that they were gaun hame; sae I gaed to Mr Murray—I minded hearing aboot him being lost lang ago—and tellt him my story, and he engaged me to be his servant. His servant, mother; but I think he paid mair attention to me on the road hame than I could do to him, and said he would speak to my faither. I wish—I just wish there was onything in the world the like o’ me could do—no like to make it up to him, but just to let him see that ane was thankful; but I’m come hame a puir useless object, mother; they say I’ll be lame a’ my days.”
“Na—I got my injury somewhere else, mom,” said Peter, “and they put me in the hospital. It was just when I got out that I heard about the gentlemen—that they were going home; so I went to Mr. Murray—I remembered hearing about him being lost a long time ago—and told him my story, and he hired me to be his servant. His servant, mom; but I think he paid more attention to me on the way home than I could give him, and he said he would talk to my father. I wish—I really wish there was anything in the world someone like me could do—not to repay him, but just to let him know how grateful I am; but I’ve come home a poor useless person, mom; they say I’ll be lame for the rest of my life.”
Poor Peter began to look disconsolate again. The idea of being a burden on those for whom he would so gladly have laboured, was very bitter to him.{306}
Poor Peter began to feel sad again. The thought of being a burden to those he would have happily worked for was really hard for him to accept.{306}
“Dinna, laddie, dinna,” said Saunders Delvie. “I’m strong and hale, the Lord be thanked, though I’m auld; do ye think I winna work for ye baith as blythe, ay, as blythe as the day ye were born—as blythe as I gaed out to my wark, Marget, the first time I heard the bairn greet in this house, and kent the blessing was come? Maistly blyther, woman, for I didna ken the depths then as I do now. What for do ye greet? I tell ye it behoves us to gie the Lord thanks, and no’ tears, for His mercy.”
“Don’t cry, kid, don’t,” said Saunders Delvie. “I’m strong and healthy, thank the Lord, even though I’m old; do you think I won’t work for both of you as cheerfully, yes, as cheerfully as the day you were born—as cheerfully as I went out to work, Marget, the first time I heard the baby cry in this house, and knew the blessing had arrived? Even more cheerful, woman, because I didn’t understand the depths back then like I do now. Why are you crying? I’m telling you, we should give the Lord thanks, not tears, for His mercy.”
But the tears were the thanks; they hung upon Saunders’s own withered cheek as he reproved his wife.
But the tears were his thanks; they hung on Saunders's own withered cheek as he scolded his wife.
“Nae doubt but we’ll fend,” said the mother, “nae doubt but we’ll be provided for. Wha ever wanted yet that put trust where it should be put? But gang away, Saunders, like a man, and put on your ilka day’s claes; I canna help it—it comes into my head ye’ve been at a funeral when I look at ye, and the like o’ thae thochts are no’ for this day.”
“Nobody doubts we’ll manage,” said the mother, “nobody doubts we’ll be taken care of. Who has ever wanted when they put their trust in the right place? But go on, Saunders, like a man, and put on your clothes for the day; I can’t help it—I keep thinking you’ve been to a funeral when I look at you, and thoughts like that aren’t for today.”
And in this cottage and in Mossgray the joy of reünion was the same, only perhaps so much the greater here, as the passionate spirit of this old man was more intense and vehement than any other near him, greater alike in its joys and sorrows.
And in this cottage and in Mossgray, the joy of being together was the same, maybe even more intense here, since the old man's passionate spirit was stronger and more fervent than anyone else's around him, greater in both his joys and his sorrows.
In Mrs Buchanan’s little parlour those long November evenings were less busy now; the dreaded Martinmas came and went; the work was finished and the rent paid.
In Mrs. Buchanan's small living room, those long November evenings were less hectic now; the dreaded Martinmas came and went; the work was done and the rent settled.
Six pounds—how small a sum it was—and yet it had swallowed up the whole half-yearly dividend, and the whole produce of their hard labours. Helen began to look discontentedly at her best gown, that long-preserved black silk one, which now that her brown merino was so far gone, must be worn every day, and for which no substitute could be obtained; and Mrs Buchanan sighed over the thin shawl as she daintily darned the places where it began to give way, and smoothed her daughter’s hair tenderly, in an unconscious endeavour to console her. Mrs Buchanan comforted herself by thinking that, in spite of the old shawl and the one much-worn gown, her poor Helen looked a gentlewoman still; but the days grew chill, and other people were wearing cloaks and plaids and furs. Mrs Buchanan sighed—she could not venture to make any addition to Helen’s stock, for the next half-year’s rent began to lour upon her gloomily already. How was it to be met?
Six pounds—what a small amount it was—and yet it had wiped out the entire six-month dividend and all the fruits of their hard work. Helen began to glance unhappily at her best dress, the long-kept black silk one, which now that her brown merino was so worn, had to be worn every day, and there was no replacement for it; and Mrs. Buchanan sighed as she delicately mended the thin shawl where it was starting to fall apart, smoothing her daughter’s hair gently in a subconscious attempt to comfort her. Mrs. Buchanan reassured herself by thinking that, despite the old shawl and the well-worn dress, her poor Helen still looked like a lady; but the days were getting colder, and other people were wearing coats, scarves, and furs. Mrs. Buchanan sighed—she couldn’t afford to buy anything to add to Helen’s wardrobe, as the next six months' rent was already weighing heavily on her mind. How would they handle it?
Helen was a good deal overcast with those cares too, but{307} the clouds never settled down upon her firmament; they came and went, as the ceaseless breezes drove them hither and thither, a hundred times in a day; and between every pang of heart-sickness, between those weary sighings for something happier, which could not choose but fall upon her sometimes, there always intervened bright glimpses of wayward sunshine, stirrings of the young uncontrollable life, the nervous strength and daring of her nature, which rose to meet the struggle when it came, and when it was not present, happily forgot it all.
Helen had her share of worries too, but{307} the clouds never hung heavy over her; they floated in and out like the constant breezes, shifting here and there, a hundred times a day. And in between every moment of heartache, those tiring sighs for something better that would occasionally hit her, there were always bright flashes of unexpected sunshine, signs of her vibrant, uncontrollable spirit, the energy and boldness of her character, which rose to face challenges when they appeared, and when they didn't, she joyfully forgot about them.
It was Saturday, the first Saturday for a long time which she had not spent with Lilias. But Lilias was joyfully engrossed with the strangers, and Helen shyly kept herself apart, and felt a shadow of contrast upon her own sombre, unchanging lot; but just as she began to sink under her natural dimness, an appearance crossed her eyes, which brought out the merry, ringing laugh, and flushed her sky with the sunshine of gay impulse. The appearance was the Reverend Robert Insches escorting a lady—a very young, very bashful, very pretty little lady, who seemed to see a good deal of fascination in the handsome head which bent down to her so graciously. If he was beginning to be cured of the more serious wound, the Reverend Robert was not cured of the mortification. The pretty little girl was a Laird’s daughter, by no means disinclined to smile upon the handsome minister. He was escorting her home—the traitor, on a Saturday! and chose this road out of the remaining anger and malice aforethought, which still testified the power of Helen, to try if he could not mortify her as she had mortified him.
It was Saturday, the first Saturday in a long time that she hadn’t spent with Lilias. But Lilias was happily absorbed with the strangers, while Helen shyly kept to herself, feeling a contrast against her own gloomy, unchanging situation. Just as she started to feel overwhelmed by her natural dullness, something caught her eye that brought out a joyful, ringing laugh and filled her world with sunshine. The sight was the Reverend Robert Insches walking with a lady—a very young, very shy, and very pretty young woman, who seemed quite captivated by the handsome man leaning down to her so charmingly. While he might have been recovering from a more serious heartbreak, the Reverend Robert hadn’t overcome his embarrassment. The pretty young lady was a Laird’s daughter, and she seemed more than willing to smile at the attractive minister. He was taking her home—the traitor, on a Saturday!—and picked this route out of lingering anger and spite, still showing he was affected by Helen, trying to see if he could embarrass her as she had embarrassed him.
There never was a more lamentable failure. Mrs Buchanan upstairs heard the ringing laugh break the silence, and then the new impulse of mirth made itself a voice. The good mother listened with a smile. Helen was moving about below. Helen was singing, and in another moment the gay voice and the light foot came upstairs, keeping time with each other in the pleasant caprice of a cheerful heart.
There has never been a more regrettable failure. Mrs. Buchanan upstairs heard the ringing laughter break the silence, and then the new spark of joy expressed itself vocally. The good mother listened with a smile. Helen was moving around below. Helen was singing, and in a moment, the cheerful voice and light footsteps came upstairs, matching each other in the delightful whim of a happy heart.
Mrs Buchanan was working at a particular “fancy work” of her own. She was darning the carpet. The carpet had been new once, but that was so very many years ago, that it was growing aged now, and feeble like other things. There is a pleasure in doing what one knows one can do well. Mrs Buchanan had a modest pride in her skill for repairing these dilapidations of time; and the natural delicacy of mind which could{308} not be at ease while there was anything ungraceful or imperfect around it, expressed itself after this homely fashion. She did not patronize finery at all, but the aesthetical feelings were delicately developed in the good mother’s mind nevertheless, and there was art in her darned carpet.
Mrs. Buchanan was working on a particular craft project. She was darning the carpet. The carpet had once been new, but that was so many years ago that it was now aging and weak like everything else. There’s a satisfaction in doing something you know you can do well. Mrs. Buchanan took modest pride in her ability to repair the wear and tear of time, and the natural sensitivity that wouldn’t allow her to be comfortable with anything ungraceful or imperfect around her expressed itself in this simple way. She didn’t care for extravagance, but her appreciation for aesthetics was still finely developed in the mind of the good mother, and there was artistry in her darned carpet.
“Will you come with me, mother, to the Waterside?” said Helen.
“Will you come with me, Mom, to the Waterside?” said Helen.
“I must have this done: I don’t want to begin to it again, my dear,” said Mrs Buchanan, looking up from her work; “and besides, it is very frosty and cold, Helen; wrap yourself up as well as you can, and I will have a cup of tea for you when you come in again.”
“I need to get this done: I don’t want to start over, my dear,” said Mrs. Buchanan, looking up from her work. “And it’s really frosty and cold, Helen; bundle up as best as you can, and I’ll have a cup of tea ready for you when you come back in.”
So Helen drew the shawl, which fortunately had been of very sober colours in its far-distant youth, over her merino gown, and tieing on her little straw bonnet with its plain brown ribbon, went down-stairs again, and out into the clear, chill November air. It was rather cold, but bright and exhilarating, and singing snatches of old songs under her breath, Helen went happily down the steps of the bridge till she reached the river-side, far down, towards the waterfoot.
So Helen pulled the shawl, which thankfully had been in very muted colors in its distant past, over her merino dress, and tying on her small straw hat with its simple brown ribbon, went downstairs again and stepped out into the clear, chilly November air. It was pretty cold, but bright and refreshing, and humming bits of old songs under her breath, Helen happily walked down the steps of the bridge until she reached the riverside, far down, toward the water's edge.
Yonder, quivering under the red, bold, frosty sun, the great Firth thrills through its full veins with the joyous impulse of life. Far away among some quiet clouds is Skiddaw and his humbler brother, vigilant, far-seeing, watching over “the English side,” as it slopes down, in the serene evening atmosphere, to the brink of the great waves; and there the winding Fendie water glides into the estuary, and cold at that point looks the round hillock from which the sun has quite withdrawn, while in the west that great bluff hill which defies Skiddaw has a glory on him almost too grand to look at, and the range of far-withdrawing hills, of which he is the last and greatest, open away in the distance, with cloudy peaks ascending behind, and clear intervals of sky, like lakes, between.
Over there, shimmering under the bold, chilly red sun, the great Firth pulses with the vibrant energy of life. Far off among some soft clouds stands Skiddaw and his less impressive sibling, alert and watchful, keeping an eye on "the English side," as it gently slopes down in the peaceful evening light to the edge of the crashing waves; and there, the winding Fendie water flows into the estuary, where the little hill looks cold now that the sun has completely dipped below, while in the west, that massive bluff hill that challenges Skiddaw glows with a beauty almost too dazzling to behold, and the line of distant hills, of which he is the last and tallest, stretches away into the horizon, with cloudy peaks rising behind and clear patches of sky, like lakes, in between.
The air was very quiet, the river drowsy with the frost, the last old patriarchal leaves fluttering down one by one. In shady nooks which the sun had not reached, the morning hoar frost was still white upon the grass. Calmly over the world stole the slow change, clothing the earth like a garment with all its blessed uses in it. Calm over all, the great sun went down unchanging—the wonderful heavens stood constant for ever. Strange harmony—strange contrast; the eternal yonder, stedfast in the skies—the immortal here, born{309} to be swayed, and taught, and changed in right of its humanity—the child of the great heavens.
The air was very still, the river sluggish with the frost, the last few old leaves falling one by one. In the shady spots where the sun hadn’t reached, the morning frost was still white on the grass. Slowly, the world transformed, wrapping the earth in a garment full of all its wonderful uses. Calmly, the great sun set without changing—the amazing sky remained constant forever. A strange harmony—a strange contrast; the eternal beyond, steady in the sky—the immortal present, born{309} to be swayed, taught, and changed because of its humanity—the child of the vast heavens.
The clouds were still red in the west, and from the haze of light which the sun left for a moment behind him, the dark stern hill stood boldly out. Helen was about to turn back, carrying more sadly the heart that came hither singing like a bird; for great thoughts were rising in it now, thoughts which breathe only in the graver air, and hush the voice of singing.
The clouds were still red in the west, and from the glow of light the sun briefly left behind, the dark, imposing hill stood out clearly. Helen was about to turn back, feeling the weight of the heart that had come here singing like a bird; for serious thoughts were now stirring in it, thoughts that thrive only in a more somber atmosphere and quiet the voice of song.
“Helen!”
“Helen!”
How she started! but slowly, only very slowly, her pride permitted her to turn, to ascertain whence the voice came.
How she started! But slowly, only very slowly, her pride allowed her to turn and see where the voice was coming from.
“I have been looking for you up the water,” said William Oswald, coming up with a warm eager glow upon his face; “and should have gone back again to your mother disconsolately, had I not caught a glimpse of your shawl.”
“I’ve been looking for you by the water,” said William Oswald, approaching with a warm, eager look on his face. “I would have gone back to your mother feeling upset if I hadn’t caught a glimpse of your shawl.”
She looked at it very pleasantly; the venerable, aged friend; it was good for something in this world after all.
She looked at it with a warm smile; the wise, old friend; it was still good for something in this world, after all.
“And now, Helen, I have a great deal to say to you.”
“And now, Helen, I have a lot to tell you.”
Helen did not doubt it. There came upon her a slight tremour; this then was to be the final combat, hand to hand. He was resolved to conquer; she saw it in his eye, and for the first time she was afraid.
Helen had no doubt about it. A slight tremor came over her; this was going to be the final fight, one-on-one. He was determined to win; she could see it in his eyes, and for the first time, she felt afraid.
But at present William Oswald said nothing very warlike; he began to speak of his work in Edinburgh—his book; and Helen in spite of herself was interested. He told her of his prosperity; the rising good name; the modest beginning of fortune; frankly and in full confidence, as people speak to those who have a right to know, and an interest in all which concerns the speaker; and Helen turned her head away now and then half afraid of this quiet appropriation—this strange right by which he claimed her sympathy.
But right now, William Oswald wasn’t saying anything very aggressive; he started talking about his work in Edinburgh—his book; and Helen, despite herself, was intrigued. He shared details about his success; his growing reputation; the humble beginnings of his fortune; openly and with complete trust, like people talk to those who deserve to know and care about what matters to them; and Helen looked away sometimes, half afraid of this subtle claim—this strange right through which he sought her sympathy.
Other people had been walking that Saturday afternoon beside the wan water. Far upon the opposite side, Hope Oswald and her father were returning from Fairholm, where they had been to make a call—a business call of Mr Oswald’s, in which he had persuaded his favourite to accompany him.
Other people had been walking that Saturday afternoon beside the pale water. Far on the other side, Hope Oswald and her dad were coming back from Fairholm, where they had gone to make a visit—a business visit for Mr. Oswald, who had convinced his favorite to join him.
“Do you know where William went, when we came out, Hope?” said the banker.
“Do you know where William went when we stepped out, Hope?” said the banker.
Hope looked up doubtfully in her father’s face; but she hesitated only a moment. “He went to Mrs Buchanan’s, father.{310}”
Hope looked up uncertainly at her father's face; but she paused for just a moment. “He went to Mrs. Buchanan's, Dad.{310}”
Mr Oswald said nothing. William had only been a few hours at home, but during these had undergone a scrutiny of which he little dreamed. The banker had been prepared to find his son changed, and had prepared himself to be contemptuous; but William was not changed: and the old pertinacity began to tighten its grasp upon his father’s heart.
Mr. Oswald said nothing. William had only been home for a few hours, but in that time, he had faced a level of scrutiny he was completely unaware of. The banker expected to see a changed son and had steeled himself to feel disdain; however, William hadn’t changed at all. As a result, the old stubbornness began to tighten its hold on his father's heart.
In a quiet link of the water, not very far from Fendie, yet as still and solitary as though it were in the midst of a wilderness, lay a little mossy burying-ground. They are frequent in that Border district; melancholy, green, dewy places, sometimes clustering their tall, grey spectral gravestones about the ruined walls of an ancient chapel, sometimes altogether deserted by the reliques of the old faith—lying alone, by roadsides and in quiet places, disturbed only when grave processions come, to add to the number of the names of those who are dwelling there.
In a quiet stretch of water, not too far from Fendie, yet as calm and isolated as if it were in the heart of a wilderness, there lay a small, moss-covered graveyard. These are common in that Border area; sad, green, damp spots, sometimes surrounded by their tall, grey, ghostly gravestones near the crumbling walls of an old chapel, other times completely abandoned by the remnants of the old faith— resting alone, by roadsides and in peaceful areas, only disturbed when funerals come to add more names to those already resting there.
A few fine old trees grew within the enclosure and round it; through a fringe of long bare willow branches you could see the water. Mimic forests of moss covered the trunks of the trees, and minute white fungi specked the green with delicate flower-bells. Hope Oswald had a great admiration of those lichens—she entered the graveyard to seek some specimens of them—and her father good-humouredly followed her.
A few beautiful old trees grew inside and around the enclosure; through a curtain of long bare willow branches, you could see the water. Dense patches of moss covered the tree trunks, and tiny white fungi dotted the green with delicate flower-like bells. Hope Oswald was really fond of those lichens—she walked into the graveyard to collect some samples—and her father cheerfully followed her.
The strong man’s heart was softened; he was more open to kindly impressions than usual; and as he stood waiting for his favourite child, his eye fell upon a grave. Nothing had happened in his prosperous life to bring him near such solemn dwelling-places as this. He had lost no children; and the memory of father, mother, and brethren, had faded out of his heart long ago. He had never seen this humble stone before: “Sacred to the memory of Walter Buchanan;” it moved him like the dead man’s voice.
The strong man's heart was softened; he was more receptive to kind thoughts than usual; and as he stood waiting for his favorite child, his gaze landed on a grave. Nothing in his successful life had brought him close to such serious resting places as this. He hadn’t lost any children, and the memories of his father, mother, and siblings had faded from his heart long ago. He had never seen this modest stone before: “Sacred to the memory of Walter Buchanan;” it affected him like the voice of the deceased.
With a hushed and whispering tone the river passed by upon its way, and the willows rustled on the water with a low lamenting cadence. Amid such sights and sounds as living he would have loved to hear, the gentle man lay dead; where none could ask or give forgiveness—where none could alter the unjust anger, the evil sternness, the cruel pride which was past. The heart of the rigid man began to beat and tremble, as he remembered the absolute conclusion put to all human doings by that grave. A little time the glad vicissitudes of change should remain for himself—and then{311}—
With a soft, whispering voice, the river flowed by, and the willows swayed over the water with a low, mournful rhythm. Amid these sights and sounds that he would have cherished while living, the kind man lay lifeless; where no one could seek or offer forgiveness—where no one could change the unjust anger, the harshness, the cruel pride that had come before. The heart of the unyielding man began to thump and shake as he recalled the inevitable conclusion to all human actions brought about by that grave. Soon, the brief joys of change would be his—and then{311}—
What life soever he had darkened—what truth dishonoured—what mercy neglected—absolute and stern, the coming death should fix them all unchangeable for ever.
What life he had ruined—what truth he had disrespected—what mercy he had ignored—absolute and harsh, the approaching death would cement them all as unchangeable forever.
He was a Christian man, despite of all the weakness which lay in his boasted strength. He felt that the secrets of his own heart lay bare before the Eye which judged the dead. Wonderingly Hope Oswald looked into her father’s awed and changing face. She dared not venture to say, “This is poor Mr Buchanan’s grave,” as, with simple art, she had intended, when she first observed it; and in silence he took her hand and led her away.
He was a Christian man, despite all the weaknesses hidden in his so-called strength. He sensed that the secrets of his heart were exposed before the Eye that judged the dead. Hope Oswald looked in wonder at her father's awed and changing face. She didn’t dare to say, “This is poor Mr. Buchanan’s grave,” as she had originally intended when she first noticed it; instead, he took her hand in silence and led her away.
His stronghold was broken down—his worldly wisdom failed him. He had deliberated on all his actions all his life—should he obey the impulse now?
His stronghold was shattered—his worldly wisdom let him down. He had thought about all his actions his entire life—should he give in to the impulse now?
“Hope,” said the subdued banker, “why did you speak of Mr Grant that evening we went to see Saunders Delvie? Do you remember? Why did you say to them that you thought Peter was alive?”
“Hope,” said the quiet banker, “why did you mention Mr. Grant that evening we went to see Saunders Delvie? Do you remember? Why did you tell them that you thought Peter was alive?”
The sensible Hope was perplexed.
Hope was confused.
“I—I don’t know, father,” she said, with some hesitation. “I just said it because it came into my head.”
“I—I don’t know, Dad,” she said, a little unsure. “I just said it because it popped into my mind.”
And the prudent, deliberate, elderly banker felt himself constrained to copy his child.
And the careful, thoughtful, older banker felt he had to imitate his child.
“Go home now, Hope,” said Mr Oswald, as they reached the bridge. “I have something to do; tell your mother I shall not be long.” And Mr Oswald hurried away to say what had come into his head. The obstinate man felt that it was right, and that he dared not trust himself to consider. Very grand and successful had been Hope’s experiment—her father determined to try one of his own.
“Go home now, Hope,” Mr. Oswald said as they reached the bridge. “I have something to take care of; tell your mom I won’t be long.” And Mr. Oswald quickly walked away to act on what had crossed his mind. The stubborn man felt it was the right thing to do and that he couldn’t allow himself to think about it too much. Hope’s experiment had been very impressive and successful—her father decided to try one of his own.
William Oswald had indeed a great deal to say. They lingered on their walk, Helen and he, till the dusk stole over the sky, blotting out the sunny clouds in the west. He was a good general, this grave resolute William; he skirmished with his restless suspicious adversary, till he got her into the most favourable position for his decisive movement, and then he struck the blow.
William Oswald had a lot to say. He and Helen took their time walking until the evening darkened the sky, hiding the sunny clouds in the west. He was a skilled strategist, this serious and determined William; he engaged with his restless and suspicious opponent until he got her into the best position for his big move, and then he took action.
But her usual bravery had forsaken Helen; against the strong will which took possession of her now, she could not bring up the buoyant might of resistance which was so available in her usual struggles. She tried it faintly, but the proud heart would only flutter, it would not rise to the warfare; and so poor Helen perforce had to listen, and at the critical{312} point of the listening, instead of keeping up the combat as she had hitherto done, could only, by some strange imbecility which she by no means comprehended, say something which ended in “your father.”
But Helen's usual bravery had abandoned her; against the strong will that now took control, she couldn't muster the resilience she would typically rely on in her struggles. She attempted it weakly, but her proud heart would only flutter; it wouldn’t rise to the challenge. So, poor Helen had no choice but to listen, and at the critical{312} moment of listening, instead of continuing the fight as she had before, she could only, in a strange lapse of understanding she couldn't grasp, say something that ended with “your father.”
The moment the words were said, the heart did rise in indignation at its own treachery; but they were said, and she was compelled to listen again.
The moment the words were spoken, the heart felt a surge of anger at its own betrayal; but they were spoken, and she had no choice but to listen again.
“I have not spoken to my father yet,” said William, “but he thinks I have given up this matter, Helen, and he thinks he is very much satisfied.”
“I haven't talked to my dad yet,” said William, “but he thinks I've dropped this issue, Helen, and he believes he's really satisfied.”
He had done it now—the enchantment began to relax—the eager heart sprang up in awakened strength, again resolute not to be conquered.
He had done it now—the magic started to fade—the eager heart surged with renewed strength, once again determined not to be defeated.
“He thinks I have forgotten,” pursued the imperturbable William, “and he thinks he is satisfied; but at the same time, Helen, he thinks I am a very pitiful fellow, and that there is no one like you in all Scotland.”
“He thinks I have forgotten,” continued the unflappable William, “and he thinks he’s content; but at the same time, Helen, he thinks I’m a very sorry guy, and that there’s no one like you in all of Scotland.”
They were close to the gate of Mrs Buchanan’s little house. The weaker belligerent visibly started—not at the singular speech alone, but at a sight more singular; for there with his hand upon the wicket gate, awkwardly fumbling about the latch, and looking as shy as ever girl looked, stood the banker Oswald.
They were near the gate of Mrs. Buchanan’s small house. The weaker fighter visibly flinched—not just at the unusual speech, but at something even more unusual; because there, with his hand on the gate and awkwardly fiddling with the latch, looking as shy as any girl ever did, stood the banker Oswald.
He was just parting with Mrs Buchanan; but Mrs Buchanan’s impetuous daughter had reached the gate before he could open it. The stern banker was very much confused; he looked up awkwardly at the unquiet face with its strange, perplexed wonder—its singular mixture of emotions—pride, anger, pleasure, even—alas, for Helen’s dignity—a little fun; for the confusion of the respectable Mr Oswald had something ludicrous in it.
He was just saying goodbye to Mrs. Buchanan when her impulsive daughter made it to the gate before he could open it. The serious banker felt very flustered; he looked up awkwardly at her restless face, full of strange, confused wonder—a unique mix of emotions—pride, anger, pleasure, and, unfortunately for Helen's dignity, a hint of amusement; because the confusion of proper Mr. Oswald had a touch of the ridiculous.
No one would help him; he appealed to William with a glance, but the uncompassionating William looked on with secret glee, and offered no assistance. Mr Oswald was very much confused. He wanted to say something to the purpose, but could not accomplish it; so he said something which was not to the purpose.
No one would help him; he looked at William for support, but the unfeeling William watched with hidden delight and offered no help. Mr. Oswald was really confused. He wanted to say something meaningful, but he couldn't get it out, so he ended up saying something irrelevant.
“A cold evening, Miss Buchanan.”
"A chilly evening, Miss Buchanan."
Miss Buchanan’s expectant face was turned full upon him. Her rapid lip moved unconsciously as he said the unmeaning words. She bowed her shy graceful bow, and passed him with the swift nervous motion which belonged exclusively to herself. The banker looked a little blank; he{313} did want to say something, and he was annoyed that he had failed.
Miss Buchanan’s eager face was focused entirely on him. Her lips moved quickly, almost without her realizing it, as he spoke the meaningless words. She gave her shy, graceful curtsy and glided past him with the quick, tense motion that was uniquely hers. The banker looked a bit confused; he{313} wanted to say something and felt frustrated that he hadn’t.
“Helen, my dear—Helen,” said the good mother, with a slight tone of reproof. Helen paused and turned round within the gate; the slight impatient motion—the embarrassed frank look—Mr Oswald was pleased that like himself Helen did not know what to say.
“Helen, my dear—Helen,” said the caring mother, with a hint of disapproval. Helen stopped and turned around at the gate; the slight impatient movement—the awkwardly honest expression—Mr. Oswald was glad that, like him, Helen didn’t know what to say.
“I came to say,” said the banker slowly, “that my wife intended—I mean wished, to call to-morrow if your mother would permit her, and that we—that is, I hope we shall see more of each other in future, Miss Buchanan—good night.”
“I came to say,” said the banker slowly, “that my wife intended—I mean wished, to call tomorrow if your mother would allow her to, and that we—that is, I hope we’ll see more of each other in the future, Miss Buchanan—good night.”
He held out his hand—shyly the small nervous fingers met it. The banker looked dubiously in her face; was it to be peace? but she only said good night—and Mr Oswald turned away with a doubtful, pleased smile, too much occupied to notice his son till he stumbled against him, and then suffered the glad silent grasp of William’s hand, in token of full and happy reconciliation.
He extended his hand—tentatively, her small, nervous fingers met it. The banker looked uncertainly at her; would this lead to peace? But she simply said goodnight—and Mr. Oswald turned away with a hesitant, satisfied smile, too preoccupied to notice his son until he bumped into him, and then felt the joyful, silent grip of William’s hand, signaling their complete and happy reconciliation.
In the little parlour, the tea-tray was on the table, the fire shining brightly, the light—though there was still but one candle—cheerfully filling the homelike room; but Helen ran upstairs and laughed a little, and shed a few bright tears, and came down exceedingly dignified and proper, endeavouring to persuade herself that she was angry, but certainly shedding no angry radiance round her, out of her shining eyes.
In the small living room, the tea tray was on the table, the fire was glowing brightly, and even though there was just one candle, the light filled the cozy room with warmth. However, Helen ran upstairs, chuckled a bit, shed a few happy tears, and came down looking very dignified and proper, trying to convince herself that she was angry, but there was definitely no angry vibe coming from her bright eyes.
The old kind face in the old corner; the pleasant, familiar, son’s voice discoursing of old household things which no one else knew as he did. Mrs Buchanan wondered at herself how she could ever tolerate another—could ever dream that any but he might be the future son.
The familiar, kind face in the old corner; the pleasant, recognizable voice of her son talking about the everyday family matters that no one else understood like he did. Mrs. Buchanan wondered how she could ever accept anyone else—how she could ever imagine that anyone but him could be her future son.
CHAPTER XV.
“Is it to be, Helen?” asked Lilias.
“Is it really happening, Helen?” asked Lilias.
A sudden gravity floated over the lurking laughter in Helen’s eye.{314}
A sudden seriousness replaced the hidden laughter in Helen's eye.{314}
“Is what to be, Lilias?”
“What will be, Lilias?”
The Lily of Mossgray was almost gay now. She put her hands on her friend’s shoulders, and looked with a smile into her face.
The Lily of Mossgray was almost cheerful now. She placed her hands on her friend’s shoulders and smiled into her face.
“Because Mossgray particularly desires to know. He will ask you the question himself if you do not tell me, Helen.”
“Because Mossgray really wants to know. He will ask you the question himself if you don’t tell me, Helen.”
Helen drew away the gentle hands.
Helen pulled away from the gentle hands.
“You have told me very little about your new mother, Lilias. Is she indeed the Miss Lucy of Murrayshaugh—Isabell Brown’s young lady?”
“You haven’t shared much about your new mom, Lilias. Is she really the Miss Lucy from Murrayshaugh—Isabell Brown’s young lady?”
“My new mother wants to see you, Helen; you must come with me to Mossgray to-day; and Isabell at Murrayshaugh begins to be reconciled to Miss Lucy. She was cured of her unbelief,” said Lilias, with a happy blush and smile, “when she saw Hew.”
“My new mom wants to see you, Helen; you have to come with me to Mossgray today; and Isabell at Murrayshaugh is starting to get along with Miss Lucy. She changed her mind,” said Lilias, with a happy blush and smile, “when she saw Hew.”
“Is he so like what his uncle was?” said Helen.
“Is he really that similar to his uncle?” Helen asked.
“He is very like the picture, and the picture was like his uncle—there is a resemblance still.”
“He looks a lot like the picture, and the picture looked like his uncle—there's still a resemblance.”
“And, Lilias—for yourself,” said Helen; “do you stay at home—do you remain here?”
“And, Lilias—for you,” said Helen; “are you staying home—are you staying here?”
The calm Lilias answered less shyly than her friend asked, though both of them blushed. “We are going out to the wars again—not to India; I do not mean to India—but Hew must go and work, Helen; for all these changes do not make us rich, and Mossgray tells him it is best to climb the brae and conquer the difficulties with his own hand.”
The calm Lilias responded with a bit less shyness than her friend had, although both of them were blushing. “We’re heading out to the wars again—not to India; I don’t mean India—but Hew has to go and work, Helen; all these changes aren’t making us rich, and Mossgray tells him it’s best to tackle the challenges himself.”
The flush deepened on Helen’s cheek—the brave stout heart rose; for her too this work remained; and the notes of the reveilée were already in her ear.
The flush deepened on Helen’s cheek—the brave, strong heart surged; for her, this work still awaited; and the sounds of the reveilée were already in her ear.
“You guessed well once, Helen,” said Lilias, “when you prophesied calm griefs for me; but now that the terror and the pain are overpast—now, Helen—what do you promise me now?”
“You guessed right once, Helen,” said Lilias, “when you predicted peaceful sorrows for me; but now that the fear and the pain are behind us—now, Helen—what do you promise me now?”
“Good times,” said the young prophet, raising her stooping head, “fair calm sunshine, pleasant skies—and so many to help and comfort you, Lilias; sometimes sorrows—quiet ones—righteous people going away hopefully to the other country—but not war; for you will dwell among your own people.”
“Good times,” said the young prophet, lifting her head, “nice sunny days, clear skies—and so many people to support and comfort you, Lilias; sometimes there's sadness—gentle ones—good people leaving for a better place—but not war; because you will be among your own people.”
“Not always,” said Lilias, with her quiet smile; “not at first certainly; and for you, Helen?”
“Not always,” Lilias said with her gentle smile; “not at first for sure; and what about you, Helen?”
She looked away into the vacant air, her eyes absorbed with fairy visions; not of ease or wealth, or rank—those things so far away and unknown in which she saw no charm; but the loud heart beat high in her breast, and the colour went and came on her cheek, like the rapid breath which seemed to sway it; the hill to climb, the dangers to conquer!
She looked away into the empty sky, her eyes lost in magical visions; not of comfort or riches, or status—those things felt so distant and unfamiliar that she found no appeal in them; but her heart raced in her chest, and the color flickered on her cheeks, like her quickening breath that seemed to influence it; the mountain to climb, the challenges to overcome!
With a sudden start she broke the spell of her musing:
With a sudden jolt, she snapped out of her thoughts:
"But yes, a heart above them all,"
she said half aloud, and tears bright and pleasant were in her eyes.
she said softly, and tears sparkled joyfully in her eyes.
This was the lot which she saw rising in its unknown glory before her, the undiscovered country full of grand perils and deliverances—the storms to be borne, the griefs, the joys—the labours. The bright calm which suited her friend was not made for her; it was she who was going to the wars.
This was the path she saw unfolding in its unknown glory before her, the uncharted territory filled with great dangers and triumphs—the struggles to endure, the sorrows, the joys—the hard work. The peaceful existence that suited her friend wasn't meant for her; it was she who was heading into battle.
“And am I to have a lilac satin frock, Mamma?” demanded Hope Oswald.
“And am I going to get a lilac satin dress, Mom?” asked Hope Oswald.
Mrs Oswald had just returned from the promised visit which completed the reconciliation. There was something painful in it, and in the renewal of the old friendship which had been so long and forcibly restrained. Few people, even though they are happy people, can look back upon the past without sadness, and grave thoughts were in the mind of the banker’s gentle wife.
Mrs. Oswald had just come back from the promised visit that completed the reconciliation. There was something bittersweet about it, and in the revival of the old friendship that had been held back for so long. Even happy people often reflect on the past with a sense of sadness, and the banker’s kind wife was deep in thought.
“You will get whatever is proper, Hope, my dear,” said Mrs Oswald.
“You will get what you deserve, Hope, my dear,” Mrs. Oswald said.
But Hope was very far from satisfied. “Whatever was proper” might not include the lilac satin frock, on which Hope had set her heart; so she left her mother, who was singularly silent and preöccupied, to discourse to the banker upon the marriage of Mrs Fendie’s eldest daughter, the Reverend Mrs Heavileigh, and the dress in which Adelaide made her public appearance as bridesmaid on that solemn occasion. Mr Oswald was more propitious than his wife.
But Hope was far from satisfied. “Whatever was proper” might not include the lilac satin dress that Hope really wanted, so she left her mother, who was unusually quiet and distracted, to talk to the banker about the marriage of Mrs. Fendie’s eldest daughter, the Reverend Mrs. Heavileigh, and the dress that Adelaide wore when she made her public appearance as bridesmaid on that important day. Mr. Oswald was more favorable than his wife.
“You shall have your lilac satin frock, Hope,” said the banker, joyously rubbing his hands, “and anything else you like, for there’s not a Fendie of them all like either of you. You shall have your frock; and do you want anything else, Hope?{316}”
“You’re going to have your lilac satin dress, Hope,” said the banker, happily rubbing his hands together, “and anything else you want, because none of the Fendies compare to either of you. You’ll get your dress; do you want anything else, Hope?{316}”
It was a considerable trial to Hope’s self-control. There were, indeed, various other things which she should have liked; for instance, Adelaide Fendie had just got a pair of resplendent bracelets; but Hope restrained herself.
It was a significant test of Hope's self-control. There were definitely other things she would have liked; for example, Adelaide Fendie had just gotten a pair of stunning bracelets; but Hope held herself back.
“Thank you, father, no—unless you wanted me to get something else.”
“Thanks, Dad, no—unless you wanted me to grab something else.”
The banker laughed, and made a private memorandum. Hope’s modest subjection to the paternal wishes did her no harm.
The banker laughed and made a note for himself. Hope’s willingness to go along with her father’s wishes didn’t hurt her at all.
But the times were by no means ripe for the appearance of Hope’s magnificent official dress. She had to console herself with expectations and wait.
But the times were definitely not ready for Hope’s stunning official outfit. She had to comfort herself with hopes and wait.
The new year came and passed with its festivities. The strangers settled down in Murrayshaugh; already the old rooms there had grown less dreary, more home-like—but the jealous Isabell, who suspiciously watched every new article of furniture introduced into them, had not much reason to complain. Nothing out of place disturbed the aspect of those familiar rooms. The old state parlour, which had never been used within the memory of man, was to be refurnished, to do honour to “the young folk;” but the son and daughter of Murrayshaugh were content with their old apartments. A little less meagre than they were, the antique, grave sombre rooms were little changed.
The new year came and went with its celebrations. The newcomers settled in Murrayshaugh; already the old rooms felt less dreary and more like home—but the jealous Isabell, who suspiciously observed every new piece of furniture brought in, didn't have much to complain about. Nothing out of place disturbed the look of those familiar rooms. The old state parlor, which hadn't been used in anyone's memory, was set to be refurbished to honor “the young folks;” but the son and daughter of Murrayshaugh were happy with their old quarters. A little less bare than before, the antique, serious, gloomy rooms remained mostly unchanged.
And when again the spring began to be spoken of by the softening breeze, preparations were made at Murrayshaugh and Mossgray, and under the roof of the banker Oswald. The young Hew Grant had been in Liverpool, where his business was. He was now coming home, and home too came William Oswald, who had taken a house in Edinburgh, and had been furnishing it, after the modest fashion which suited his means, with great enjoyment of the unusual business.
And when spring started to be mentioned by the gentle breeze again, preparations were underway at Murrayshaugh and Mossgray, and at the home of banker Oswald. Young Hew Grant had been in Liverpool for work. He was now returning home, and so was William Oswald, who had rented a house in Edinburgh and was enjoying the process of furnishing it in a modest way that fit his budget.
There had been a farewell party in Helen Buchanan’s school-room—a very large party, comprising the various ranks of girls, who had finished, or had not finished, their education under her. Some of them were sturdy young women, only a few months younger than Helen’s own strangely differing self—some of them very little merry fairies, not reaching her knee, but all undoubtedly owned her sway, and recognised in this enchanted circle no authority so high as “the Mistress.” Hope Oswald was Helen’s aide-de-camp, and assisted on this as on other occasions, and enjoyed the{317} party greatly; and when the host of ruddy visitors were gone, Helen Buchanan left the school-room, with grave thoughts and a dim face, not to enter it again.
There had been a farewell party in Helen Buchanan’s classroom—a very large party, featuring girls of all ages who had completed or were still working on their education under her. Some of them were strong young women, just a few months younger than Helen herself—while others were tiny little fairies, not even reaching her knee. Yet all of them undeniably recognized her authority, and in this magical circle, no one was seen as higher than “the Mistress.” Hope Oswald was Helen’s right-hand person, helping out on this occasion as she did on others, and really enjoyed the{317} party. When the crowd of cheerful visitors had left, Helen Buchanan stepped out of the classroom, her thoughts serious and her expression dim, never to return.
“I have got my lilac satin frock, Helen,” said Hope sedately, the next morning, as she hung over Helen’s work-table.
“I've got my lilac satin dress, Helen,” said Hope calmly, the next morning, as she leaned over Helen’s work table.
Helen did not answer. She smiled—a momentary smile fading immediately into gravity. She herself was making a dress of white muslin, which was nearly finished; a very simple dress—the last proud assertion of Helen’s independence.
Helen didn't respond. She smiled—a quick smile that quickly turned serious. She was making a white muslin dress, which was almost done; a very simple dress—the final proud statement of Helen’s independence.
The banker was greatly inclined to make a favourite of her now; he was proud of the new daughter who, having conquered and fascinated himself, was certain, as he felt, to subjugate all the world. There were strange contradictions in this obstinate rigid man. His son and his son’s fame did not affect him at all in the same way as these two girls did. Helen and Hope—Mr Oswald fancied there were not two like them in Scotland.
The banker was very eager to make her his favorite now; he was proud of the new daughter who, having captivated and impressed him, he was sure would charm everyone else too. There were strange contradictions in this stubborn, rigid man. His son and his son’s fame didn’t impact him the same way these two girls did. Helen and Hope—Mr. Oswald thought there weren't two like them in Scotland.
And about Helen’s bridal dress; a very fine one lay in Mrs Oswald’s room, waiting until after the momentous ceremony, because the proud Helen would not accept it now. The banker cast a wondering half-disconsolate glance sometimes at its glossy uncut breadths, and thought it would have been a very appropriate bridal dress, and as much richer than Charlotte Fendie’s as the bride was more graceful; but here, in the little parlour, sat Helen, making the plain, white muslin one which her own means could reach.
And about Helen’s wedding dress; there was a beautiful one in Mrs. Oswald’s room, waiting for after the important ceremony, because proud Helen wouldn’t accept it now. The banker would occasionally glance at its glossy fabric with a mix of wonder and sadness, thinking it would have made a perfect wedding dress, much more lavish than Charlotte Fendie’s since the bride was far more graceful; but here, in the small parlor, sat Helen, making the simple white muslin dress that she could afford.
“Will you let me help you, Helen?” said Hope.
“Can I help you, Helen?” said Hope.
“No,” answered Helen quickly, “it is nearly finished now—I do not need help—but who is that coming in?”
“No,” Helen replied quickly, “it’s almost done now—I don’t need help—but who’s that coming in?”
“Oh, Helen, it’s Miss Insches!” exclaimed Hope, struck with momentary alarm. She almost feared the minister was about to rush in, and carry off the prize after all.
“Oh, Helen, it’s Miss Insches!” Hope exclaimed, momentarily alarmed. She almost feared the minister was about to rush in and take the prize after all.
Helen laid her work away, and took some other less likely to excite attention. The minister’s little good-humoured sister came bustling in.
Helen set aside her work and picked up something else that was less likely to draw attention. The minister's cheerful little sister came bustling in.
“I hardly expect to be long in Fendie now, Mrs Buchanan,” said Miss Insches, significantly.
“I don’t expect to be in Fendie for much longer now, Mrs. Buchanan,” said Miss Insches, with meaning.
But Helen’s mother was resolved not to be curious—she only said “Indeed.”
But Helen’s mom was determined not to be curious—she just said, “Really.”
“Ye see,” said Miss Insches, “it’s no to be expected but what a young man like Robert should think of settling;{318} though I aye tell him it’s his best way to take his time and look weel about him, for a minister’s wife, ye ken, Mrs Buchanan, is no like a common body’s; and when a lad like Robert is well likit in a place, he has great reason to be canny—for a wife that wasna just richt, would spoil a’.”
“Look,” said Miss Insches, “it’s only natural for a young man like Robert to think about settling down;{318} but I always tell him it’s best to take his time and really consider his options, because a minister’s wife, you know, Mrs. Buchanan, is not like an ordinary person; and when a guy like Robert is well-liked in a community, he has a lot of reasons to be careful—because a wife who isn’t quite right would ruin everything.”
Mrs Buchanan looked a little piqued—but Helen’s face was lighted up, and she was inclined to be very merry.
Mrs. Buchanan looked a bit annoyed—but Helen's face was bright, and she was in a cheerful mood.
“You are quite right, Miss Insches,” said Helen.
“You're absolutely right, Miss Insches,” Helen said.
The good little woman looked at her in some surprise, but Helen’s eyes were cast down, and she could not see the laughter which danced under their lids.
The nice young woman looked at her with some surprise, but Helen had her eyes down, so she couldn't see the laughter sparkling beneath her eyelids.
“Ay, Miss Buchanan, it’s a serious thing,” resumed Miss Insches, “for ye see, a minister maunna think about his ain comfort it’s lane, but about what a’body’ll say; for it’s a wonderful thing to me, how a’body does aye find something to say, whatever folk do; and then forbye being a lady—and I aye make a point o’ that—there’s so much needed in a minister’s wife. There’s Robert now—he’s as guid a lad as ever was; but when he’s at his studies, or when he’s dune out wi’ preaching, I’m aye as quiet as poussie—but it’s no every wife that would have that discrimination.”
“Ay, Miss Buchanan, it’s a serious matter,” continued Miss Insches, “because, you see, a minister can’t just think about his own comfort—it’s too late for that—but about what everyone will say. It’s amazing to me how people always find something to say, no matter what happens; and besides being a *lady*—and I always emphasize that—there's so much expected of a minister’s wife. Take Robert, for example—he’s as good a guy as you’ll ever find. But when he’s studying, or when he’s finished preaching, I always stay as quiet as a mouse—but not every wife would have that kind of understanding.”
“No indeed,” echoed the mischievous Helen.
“No way,” echoed the mischievous Helen.
“And then Robert, puir man, he’s aye been used to have his ain way,” said Miss Insches, becoming disconsolate as the thought again entered her mind that Robert must consent to come down from his shrine, and very probably should have his own way no longer: “and I’m sure I dinna ken onybody that deserves’t as weel; for a better lad—”
“And then Robert, poor guy, he's always been used to having his own way,” said Miss Insches, feeling sad as the thought crossed her mind again that Robert would have to come down from his pedestal, and probably wouldn’t get his way anymore: “and I'm sure I don't know anyone who deserves it as much; for a better guy—”
“Is Mr Insches going to be married?” interrupted Hope.
“Is Mr. Insches getting married?” Hope interrupted.
Miss Insches brightened.
Miss Insches smiled.
“Weel, I’ll no say—there is a young lady, I ken—she’s very bonnie, though she’s but a young thing, and they have an unco wark with one another. Ye ken he maun make up his mind for himsel—I wouldna take it upon me to advise him to the like o’ that; but I judge he would get na discouragement yonder, and she’s a lady baith by the faither’s side and the mother’s. There’s nae saying what may come to pass in a while; but the noo, Robert’s gaun away to take a jaunt to himsel—he’s just worn out aye at his duty, puir man, and he’s gaun to London.”
“Well, I won’t say—there is a young lady I know—she’s very pretty, even though she’s quite young, and they have a lot going on between them. You know he has to make his own decisions—I wouldn’t want to give him any advice on that; but I think he wouldn’t face any discouragement over there, and she has a good background on both her father’s and mother’s sides. There’s no telling what might happen in the future; but for now, Robert is taking a little trip for himself—he’s just worn out from all his responsibilities, poor guy, and he’s heading to London.”
“Weel,” added Miss Insches to herself, as she left Mrs Buchanan’s door, “if she ever got the offer of our Robert—maybe she didna—but if she ever did, I kenna what{319} glamour was in the lassie’s e’en, to make her take that muckle dour man when she might have gotten the minister!”
“Well,” Miss Insches said to herself as she left Mrs. Buchanan’s door, “if she ever had the chance with our Robert—maybe she didn’t—but if she ever did, I don’t know what{319} charm was in the girl’s eyes to choose that grumpy man when she could have had the minister!”
A little mirth, somewhat strange to look upon, was in Mrs Buchanan’s parlour when the minister’s sister left; for Helen laughed, and her laugh had a quivering sound, and tears were in her eyes; and Hope laughed because Helen did, and in triumph, with some perception that there were deeper feelings than mirth in those tears, and Mrs Buchanan smoothed her slightly ruffled brow, and smiled with them, thinking of the time when “Robert” was great and important in her eyes, as well as in those of his sister, as of a troublous, uneasy time, already far away and hidden in the past.
A bit of laughter, oddly out of place, filled Mrs. Buchanan’s living room when the minister’s sister left; Helen was laughing, her laugh shaky, and tears were in her eyes. Hope laughed too, inspired by Helen, feeling a sense of triumph, sensing that there were deeper emotions behind those tears. Mrs. Buchanan smoothed her slightly furrowed brow and smiled along with them, reminiscing about the time when “Robert” seemed so significant to her and his sister, a turbulent, uncomfortable period now far behind and buried in the past.
The white dress was completed: they laid its spotless folds on the old sofa where the spring sunshine fell on it gently, and Hope Oswald laid two or three of those small fragrant, deep-blue violets which grew at the door, upon the bridal dress. Pure, simple, hopeful, marking the conclusion of the chequered youth, which, spent in toil and poverty, had yet been bright with the sunshine of heaven. Tenderly Hope Oswald decked it with her violets—gravely the mother looked on; this gentle grasp of joy brought a strange note of sadness out of the young heart and the old, sadness which made them more joyful, and showed that the happiness had reached the depths, and stirred the stillest waters there.
The white dress was finished: they placed its immaculate folds on the old sofa where the spring sunshine gently shone on it, and Hope Oswald set two or three of the small, fragrant, deep-blue violets that grew by the door on the bridal dress. Pure, simple, and hopeful, it marked the end of a complicated youth that, though spent in struggle and poverty, had still been brightened by the sunlight of heaven. Tenderly, Hope Oswald adorned it with her violets—seriously, the mother watched; this gentle touch of joy evoked a strange sense of sadness from both the young and the old, a sadness that made them feel even happier and revealed that their joy had reached deep within, stirring the calmest waters there.
And in her little room alone, Helen Buchanan paused at this new starting-point of life, to look upon its mercies which were past, its difficulties which were before her: and with tears upon her cheek, rendered the thanks and sought the strength which she owed and needed. A new beginning: to be loftier, purer, braver than it had ever been; and upon the great Ideal which she sought to reach, the light streamed full down from the skies. For it was not an ideal, but a resemblance; the human features of that wondrous Man, who has carried our nature to the throne of Heaven, and wears his universal crown upon a human brow.{320}
And in her small room alone, Helen Buchanan paused at this new starting point in her life to reflect on the blessings she had experienced and the challenges ahead of her. With tears on her cheeks, she expressed her gratitude and sought the strength she needed. A new beginning: to be stronger, purer, and braver than she had ever been; and upon the great ideal she aimed to achieve, a bright light shone down from the sky. For it was not just an ideal, but a reflection of the human features of that incredible Man, who has lifted our humanity to the throne of Heaven and wears his universal crown on a human brow.{320}
CHAPTER XVI.
His wide, bold, unafraid gaze, no hint of weakness or coldness. It’s visible; grand and serious,
As someone who has done good work that will last, He marches to his rest. Lift up your beautiful curtains, great sky!
Let him come in. Move aside, O clouds!
"Where he goes now, he must go alone."
“I did not think,” wrote Adam Graeme, as he took up the narrative he had concluded long ago, “that I should ever add more to this record; but strange things have happened with me, since in this quiet study of mine I recorded my resolutions here. My resolutions! I find no trace of them anywhere, except on this page which already begins to grow yellow, and fade into the guise of old age like its human neighbours. They are gone, like the winter ice into the bosom of our wan water, pleasantly melted under the sunshine, into the stream which gave them birth.
“I never believed,” Adam Graeme wrote as he picked up the story he had finished long ago, “that I would ever add more to this record; but strange things have happened to me since I wrote down my resolutions in this quiet study of mine. My resolutions! I can’t find any trace of them anywhere, except on this page that’s starting to turn yellow and fade like its human companions. They’re gone, like the winter ice melting into the embrace of our fading water, pleasantly warmed by the sunshine, into the stream that gave them life.
“For yonder, with the light mercifully shining on it, stands Charlie’s chair; and beside me on this table are the first lilies of May, with dew upon their snowy leaves. They remind me of my child; not of the dead only, who long ago trod down the early blossoms of my life into the dust, but of the living Lilias, who is mine, not to be lost to me by any change. She has gone away from my old house now, with her bridegroom, but she is still my child. They blend together in my mind, the mother and the daughter, and in memory and in presence they cling to me, where neither jealousy nor fear can interpose, always my own.
“For over there, with the light shining on it, is Charlie’s chair; and next to me on this table are the first lilies of May, glistening with dew on their pure white leaves. They remind me of my child; not just the one who has passed away, who long ago crushed the early blossoms of my life into the ground, but also of the living Lilias, who is mine and cannot be taken from me by any change. She has left my old home now, with her husband, but she is still my child. In my mind, the mother and daughter blend together, and in memory and in reality, they cling to me, where neither jealousy nor fear can come between us, always my own.
“And through the open turret window yonder, I hear the sound of a frank, bold voice; my heir, the manful and stout representative of the old Graemes. He is not like me, and it is well; his honest, joyous, youthful strength will raise up the decaying race. I cannot give my thoughts to Halbert—I cannot bequeath to him my old faculty of dreams—nor would I if I could. Some one, whom I know not, will inherit from me this contemplative life. I would not give it, if I had the power with all its sadnesses and glooms, to Halbert:{321} he has the lands, the old honour, the good name. I am glad that I leave them to him pure, and that he is true and honest, and has not the spirit of his father. His father—who can tell? the greater mysteries of truth might open to him dying, who, living, heeded them not; but we do not speak of Charlie Graeme. Humbly in awe and silence we leave him in the great Hand which has taken him away; ourselves having pity on the dead.
“And through the open turret window over there, I hear the sound of a frank, bold voice; my heir, the brave and strong representative of the old Graemes. He isn’t like me, and that’s a good thing; his honest, joyful, youthful strength will revive our fading lineage. I can’t pass my thoughts onto Halbert—I can’t give him my old ability to dream—nor would I if I could. Someone I don’t know will inherit this contemplative life from me. I wouldn’t give it to Halbert, even if I could, with all its sadness and gloom: he has the lands, the old honor, the good name. I’m glad to leave them to him untouched, and that he is true and honest, and doesn’t have his father’s spirit. His father—who can say? The greater mysteries of truth might reveal themselves to him in death, when he ignored them in life; but we don’t talk about Charlie Graeme. We humbly leave him in the great Hand that has taken him away, feeling pity for the dead ourselves.{321}
“For Hew and Lucy are with me again, gray-haired people in their father’s house; and Lucy’s son and my Lilias are our common hope. The three of us have had diverse lots, parted in far distant places, exposed to strange fortunes; but we end as we began, with kindred aims and kindred fancies, and travel together towards the one conclusion of mortal life, which is the same to all.
“For Hew and Lucy are with me again, gray-haired people in their father’s house; and Lucy’s son and my Lilias are our common hope. The three of us have had different lives, separated in far-off places, facing unusual fortunes; but we end as we began, with shared goals and shared dreams, and journey together towards the one conclusion of mortal life, which is the same for everyone.
“Hew’s troubles have been those of captivity and exile. To his warm heart, which always has answered so tenderly to voices of kindred and friendship, a very hard and bitter form of the inevitable discipline; but he has borne it bravely, and the frank, simple, guileless spirit has come unaltered through all. When we wander together by our Waterside, when I feel Hew’s arm diving through mine as it used to do thirty years ago, when I hear his unchanged voice addressing me, ‘Man, Adam!’ I close my eyes and thank God. We are young again; the intervening time floats on the air about us, a dream which we have dreamed together, and the enthusiast lads who leaned over yonder wall upon the dim hill-side, looking out dreamily over the royal city, are here, on the banks of the home river, as hopeful, as undoubting, and scarcely wiser than when they parted.
“Hew’s troubles have been about being trapped and feeling like an outsider. For his warm heart, which always responded so kindly to the voices of family and friends, this has been a tough and painful form of the unavoidable lessons life throws our way; but he’s faced it with courage, and his open, simple, genuine spirit has remained unchanged through it all. When we stroll together by our riverside, when I feel Hew’s arm slipping through mine like it did thirty years ago, when I hear his familiar voice calling out to me, ‘Man, Adam!’ I close my eyes and thank God. We’re young again; the time that has passed floats around us like a dream we’ve shared, and the eager boys who leaned over that wall on the distant hillside, gazing dreamily at the royal city, are here, by the river we call home, just as hopeful, just as certain, and barely wiser than when they last said goodbye.”
“Heavy wisdoms that come with years, dark experiences that close men’s hearts, let us be thankful that they have not fallen on us—that we are as we were; carrying young hearts with us, into the purer country.
“Deep insights that come with age, painful experiences that harden people’s hearts, let’s be grateful that they haven’t touched us—that we are still as we were; carrying youthful hearts with us, into the cleaner place.
“Lucy has had sorrows other than these. Long patience, the silent burden of slow years and quietness such as only women bear; tending the weakness of the stern old man who lived so long in his solitary pride, and after some year or two of tranquil gladness—no longer, I think—weeping the tears of a widow. We reverence her calmer peace, as we reverenced her youthful gravity long ago, when we were boys, and when the budding woman called us so, and was gentle to us in her young wisdom. It is true her hair is white as{322} the leaves of my lilies, and that her cheek is colourless, and has something of the ashy hue of age; but Lucy, like Hew, is unchanged. Graver, wiser, more serious still than we are, smiling the old gentle composed smile at our boyish fancies, speaking the old words of quiet counsel, directing us in the old calm playful fashion. Isabell at Murrayshaugh, simple, kind heart, wept for the broken romance, the fair, lost Miss Lucy: but I, who knew her better than Isabell, cannot think thus, for she is still Lucy Murray, the same as she ever was.
“Lucy has faced other sorrows beyond these. She has endured a long patience, carrying the silent weight of slow years and the quiet struggles that only women know; caring for the weaknesses of the stern old man who spent so many years in his solitary pride, and after a year or two of peaceful happiness—no longer, I believe—weeping the tears of a widow. We honor her calmer peace, just as we honored her youthful seriousness long ago, when we were boys, and when the budding woman called us that, being gentle with us in her young wisdom. It’s true her hair is as white as{322} the leaves of my lilies, and her cheeks are colorless, bearing the ashy hue of age; but Lucy, like Hew, remains unchanged. More serious, wiser, and still graver than we are, she smiles the same gentle, composed smile at our youthful whims, sharing the same words of quiet guidance, directing us in that familiar calm, playful way. Isabell at Murrayshaugh, simple and kind-hearted, wept for the lost romance of the beautiful Miss Lucy: but I, who know her better than Isabell, cannot think that way, for she is still Lucy Murray, just the same as she has always been.”
“It is some time since we married our children. He is a good youth this Hew of ours, worthy of his mother and of my Lily. My good Lily! I miss her, now that she has left me, perhaps more than if all her time of dwelling here had been happy. I remember the long sad days in which my poor child parted with all her hopes, almost with regret. It seems to me sometimes that there was a blessing in this grief.
“It’s been a while since we married off our kids. This Hew of ours is a good young man, deserving of his mother and my Lily. My sweet Lily! I miss her now that she’s gone, maybe even more than if she had spent all her time here happily. I recall the long, sorrowful days when my poor child let go of all her dreams, nearly with sadness. Sometimes, it feels like there was a blessing in this sorrow.”
“I had fainted unless I had believed to see the ‘goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.’ Great hope and glorious, which speaks of another country—grand as it is, it does not fill up all the requirements of this humanity. To live, we must have some hope for the mortal life, some expectation warm with the human blood. It is only men who divorce and separate the two—the wonderful grace of Heaven gives us both.
“I would have fainted unless I believed I would see the ‘goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.’ A great and glorious hope that speaks of a better place—magnificent as it is, it doesn't meet all the needs of humanity. To live, we need some hope for this earthly life, some expectation that feels alive with human passion. Only humans separate the two—Heaven's wonderful grace offers us both.”
“They are to come to us when the autumn comes, and it is coming apace. I agree with them that it is right—that Hew while he is young is doing well to work what work he can, and provide for days of home-dwelling; but I feel that the absence of Lilias makes a great void, and I may innocently wish that this needful work was done, and that we might keep them here beside us.
“They are supposed to come to us when autumn arrives, and it's approaching quickly. I agree with them that it’s right for Hew, while he’s young, to do as much work as he can and prepare for the days spent at home; however, I feel that Lilias’s absence creates a significant emptiness, and I might innocently wish that this necessary work were finished so that we could keep them here with us.”
“The other youthful people have begun their course pleasantly; fair fall this sunny power of change: I felt that Mr Oswald’s resolution must come to an untimely end, like mine, and it is very well that he has yielded gracefully, before it was too late.
“The other young people have started their journey happily; may this sunny burst of change bring good things: I realized that Mr. Oswald’s determination was bound to end prematurely, just like mine, and it’s good that he has given in gracefully, before it was too late.”
“The changed and the unchanged, how they blend and mingle. We are here again, we three, in these old houses, by this wan water; scarcely a tree has fallen, scarcely an acre of those far-spreading banks has been altered, since we were here in our youth, and in our youth our most cherished fancy was to return and meet thus again. Thus, nay, not thus;{323} other dreams were in each heart of us. We thought of others joining us here, in the time of which we smiled to speak, when we should be old. We thought of prosperous lives, of names grown famous, of households and of heirs; but one by one, the old hopes have gone down to the grave of such, and only the oldest of all survives. We are here, we are together, but not as we dreamed.
“The changed and the unchanged, how they mix and blend. Here we are again, the three of us, in these old houses, by this fading water; hardly a tree has fallen, hardly an acre of those wide banks has changed, since we were here in our youth, and back then, our fondest wish was to return and meet like this again. But not like this; {323} each of us had different dreams. We imagined others joining us here in the time we smiled about talking, when we would be old. We thought of successful lives, of names becoming famous, of families and heirs; but one by one, the old hopes have been buried, and only the oldest of all remains. We are here, we’re together, but not as we envisioned.
“Solitary, aged people, alone but not sad; for now we speak of One, of whom then we spoke not ever, of Him who has been with us through all this length of way, the One known when all were strangers, the One present when all forsook us. We speak of Him in His tenderness so near to us, a man touched with the feeling of our infirmities, and we speak of Him in awe and love, as God over all, blessed for ever. A little time and we shall enter His presence, hopeful to be like Him, seeing Him as He is; and while we remain in this fair earthly country, we speak of the heavenly which is to come. Another country—perhaps indeed this familiar world with its change and fiery ordeal past; and again I say I love to think it will be so. I love to anticipate the time when I may watch and wait yonder for that sublime morning which shall restore to me my human frame, my human dwelling-place; and when I look upon this water, my faithful, long companion, I think I see it flowing on under the sunshine of a grand and holy prime, for which these ages of tumult and anguish and misery have but ripened and prepared this world.
“Solitary, older people, alone but not sad; for now we talk about One, whom we never mentioned before, the One who has been with us all along the way, the One known when everyone else was a stranger, the One present when everyone abandoned us. We discuss Him in His tenderness, so close to us, a man who understands our weaknesses, and we speak of Him in awe and love, as God over all, blessed forever. In a little while, we will enter His presence, hoping to be like Him, seeing Him as He is; and while we remain in this beautiful earthly land, we talk about the heavenly one that is to come. Another land—perhaps this familiar world, with its changes and fiery trials behind us; and again, I say I love to believe it will be so. I cherish the thought of the time when I can watch and wait there for that glorious morning that will restore to me my human body, my human home; and when I look at this water, my faithful, long-time companion, I think I see it flowing on under the sunshine of a great and holy dawn, for which these ages of turmoil, suffering, and sorrow have only prepared this world.
“And while we remain here, human gladnesses abound about us, and hold us fast in their silken chains. We are much together; we live abroad under the free heaven, my brother Hew and I, and in the evening we call out Lucy to see the sun go down.
“And while we stay here, human joys surround us, keeping us tied down in their soft chains. We spend a lot of time together; we live outside under the open sky, my brother Hew and I, and in the evening we call out for Lucy to watch the sunset.”
“Bravely going down in light and hope to the other world which waits for him; and thus we travel in peace and happily, on towards the west which comes nearer every day—on to the setting sun!”
“Courageously moving into the light and hope of the next world that awaits him; and so we journey peacefully and joyfully, heading toward the west that draws closer each day—toward the setting sun!”
THE END.
JOHN CHILDS AND SON, PRINTERS.
THE END.
JOHN CHILDS AND SON, PRINTERS.
Typographical errors corrected by the etext transcriber:
Typographical errors fixed by the e-text transcriber:
simplicity, philosphers=> simplicity, philosophers {pg 9}
simplicity, philosophers=> simplicity, philosophers {pg 9}
many distinctions as as=> many distinctions as {pg 71}
many distinctions as as=> many distinctions as {pg 71}
mighty precints=> mighty precincts {pg 95}
powerful areas {pg 95}
Helen—Miss Buchanau=> Helen—Miss Buchanan {pg 103}
Helen—Ms. Buchanan {pg 103}
more graceml=> more graceful {pg 181}
more graceful {pg 181}
as Saunders call them=> as Saunders calls them {pg 203}
as Saunders calls them {pg 203}
after an inval=> after an interval {pg 253}
after a while {pg 253}
in was a new hysteric=> it was a new hysteric {pg 269}
in was a new hysteric=> it was a new hysteric {pg 269}
an outer and in inner=> an outer and an inner {pg 284}
an outer and an inner => an outer and an inner {pg 284}
Lucy Murray bowed ber head=> Lucy Murray bowed her head {pg 301}
Lucy Murray bowed her head. {pg 301}
in some suprise=> in some surprise {pg 318}
in some surprise {pg 318}
Isabel at Murrayshaugh=> Isabell at Murrayshaugh {pg 322 x 2}
Isabel at Murrayshaugh=> Isabell at Murrayshaugh {pg 322 x 2}
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