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LADY WINDERMERE’S FAN

A PLAY
ABOUT A GOOD WOMAN

A play about a good woman

BY

BY

OSCAR WILDE

OSCAR WILDE

 

METHUEN & CO. LTD.
36 ESSEX STREET W.C.
LONDON

METHUEN & CO. LTD.
36 ESSEX STREET W.C.
LONDON

Sixteenth Edition

16th Edition

First Published

Originally Published

1893

1893

First Issued by Methuen & Co. Ltd. (Limited Editions on Hand-made Paper and Japanese Vellum) February

First Issued by Methuen & Co. Ltd. (Limited Editions on Hand-made Paper and Japanese Vellum) February

1908

1908

Third Edition (F’cap 8vo, 5s. net) September

Third Edition (F’cap 8vo, 5s. net) September

1909

1909

Fourth Edition (5s. net) June

4th Edition (5s. net) June

1910

1910

Fifth Edition (F’cap 8vo, 1s. net) November 3rd

Fifth Edition (F’cap 8vo, 1s. net) November 3rd

1911

1911

Sixth Edition (1s. net) November

6th Edition (1s. net) November

1911

1911

Eighth Edition (1s. net) 1912, Ninth and Tenth Editions (1s. net) 1913, Eleventh Edition (1s. net) 1914, Twelfth Edition (1s. net) 1915, Thirteenth Edition (1s. net) 1916, Fourteenth and Fifteenth Edition (1s. net) 1917

Eighth Edition (£1 net) 1912, Ninth and Tenth Editions (£1 net) 1913, Eleventh Edition (£1 net) 1914, Twelfth Edition (£1 net) 1915, Thirteenth Edition (£1 net) 1916, Fourteenth and Fifteenth Editions (£1 net) 1917

 

Sixteenth Edition (5s. net)

16th Edition (5s. net)

1917

2017

The literary and dramatic rights ofLady Windermere’s Fanbelong to Sir George Alexander, by arrangement with whom this play is included in this editionThe acting version (Samuel French) does not contain the complete text.

The literary and dramatic rights ofLady Windermere’s Fanbelong to Sir George Alexander, and this play is included in this edition through an agreement with him. The acting version (Samuel French) does not include the full text.

 

TO
THE DEAR MEMORY
OF
ROBERT EARL OF LYTTON
IN AFFECTION
AND
ADMIRATION

TO
THE CHERISHED MEMORY
OF
ROBERT EARL OF LYTTON
WITH LOVE
AND
RESPECT

 

THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY

Lord Windermere

Lord Windermere

Lord Darlington

Lord Darlington

Lord Augustus Lorton

Lord Augustus Lorton

Mr. Dumby

Mr. Dumby

Mr. Cecil Graham

Mr. Cecil Graham

Mr. Hopper

Mr. Hopper

Parker, Butler

Parker, Butler

 

Lady Windermere

Lady Windermere

The Duchess of Berwick

The Duchess of Berwick

Lady Agatha Carlisle

Lady Agatha Carlisle

Lady Plymdale

Lady Plymdale

Lady Stutfield

Lady Stutfield

Lady Jedburgh

Lady Jedburgh

Mrs. Cowper-Cowper

Mrs. Cowper-Cowper

Mrs. Erlynne

Mrs. Erlynne

Rosalie, Maid

Rosalie, Housekeeper

THE SCENES OF THE PLAY

Act I.

Act I.

Morning-room in Lord Windermere’s house.

Morning room in Lord Windermere’s house.

Act II.

Act II.

Drawing-room in Lord Windermere’s house.

Living room in Lord Windermere’s house.

Act III.

Act III.

Lord Darlington’s rooms.

Lord Darlington's apartment.

Act IV.

Act 4.

Same as Act I.

Same as Act 1.

Time:

Time

The Present.

The Now.

Place:

Location:

London.

London.

The action of the play takes place within twenty-four hours, beginning on a Tuesday afternoon at five o’clock, and ending the next day at 1.30 p.m.

The action of the play takes place within twenty-four hours, beginning on a Tuesday afternoon at five o’clock, and ending the next day at 1:30 p.m.

LONDON: ST. JAMES’S THEATRE

Lessee and Manager: Mr. George Alexander
February 22nd, 1892.

Lessee and Manager: Mr. George Alexander
February 22nd, 1892.

Lord Windermere

Lord Windermere

Mr. George Alexander.

Mr. George Alexander.

Lord Darlington

Lord Darlington

Mr. Nutcombe Gould.

Mr. Nutcombe Gould.

Lord Augustus Lorton

Lord Augustus Lorton

Mr. H. H. Vincent.

Mr. H. H. Vincent.

Mr. Cecil Graham

Mr. Cecil Graham

Mr. Ben Webster.

Mr. Ben Webster.

Mr. Dumby

Mr. Dumby

Mr. Vane-Tempest.

Mr. Vane-Tempest.

Mr. Hopper

Mr. Hopper

Mr. Alfred Holles.

Mr. Alfred Holles.

Parker (Butler)

Parker (Butler)

Mr. V. Sansbury.

Mr. V. Sansbury.

Lady Windermere

Lady Windermere

Miss Lily Hanbury.

Ms. Lily Hanbury.

The Duchess of Berwick

The Duchess of Berwick

Miss Fanny Coleman.

Ms. Fanny Coleman.

Lady Agatha Carlisle

Lady Agatha Carlisle

Miss Laura Graves.

Ms. Laura Graves.

Lady Plymdale

Lady Plymdale

Miss Granville.

Ms. Granville.

Lady Jedburgh

Lady Jedburgh

Miss B. Page.

Ms. B. Page.

Lady Stutfield

Lady Stutfield

Miss Madge Girdlestone.

Ms. Madge Girdlestone.

Mrs. Cowper-Cowper

Mrs. Cowper-Cowper

Miss A. de Winton.

Ms. A. de Winton.

Mrs. Erlynne

Mrs. Erlynne

Miss Marion Terry.

Ms. Marion Terry.

Rosalie (Maid)

Rosalie (Housekeeper)

Miss Winifred Dolan.

Ms. Winifred Dolan.

FIRST ACT

SCENE

Scene

Morning-room of Lord Windermere’s house in Carlton House TerraceDoors C. and R.  Bureau with books and papers R.  Sofa with small tea-table L.  Window opening on to terrace L.  Table R.

Morning room of Lord Windermere’s house on Carlton House Terrace. Doors on the center and right. Desk with books and papers on the right. Sofa with a small tea table on the left. Window opening onto the terrace on the left. Table on the right.

[Lady Windermere is at table R., arranging roses in a blue bowl.]

[Lady Windermere is at the table R., arranging roses in a blue bowl.]

[Enter Parker.]

[Join Parker.]

Parker.  Is your ladyship at home this afternoon?

Parker. Is your lady home this afternoon?

Lady Windermere.  Yes—who has called?

Lady Windermere. Yes—who's calling?

Parker.  Lord Darlington, my lady.

Parker. Lord Darlington, my lady.

Lady Windermere.  [Hesitates for a moment.]  Show him up—and I’m at home to any one who calls.

Lady Windermere. [Hesitates for a moment.] Show him in—I'm available for anyone who comes by.

Parker.  Yes, my lady.

Parker. Yes, my lady.

[Exit C.]

[Exit C.]

Lady Windermere.  It’s best for me to see him before to-night.  I’m glad he’s come.

Lady Windermere. It’s better for me to see him before tonight. I’m glad he’s here.

[Enter Parker C.]

[Enter Parker C.]

Parker.  Lord Darlington,

Parker. Lord Darlington,

[Enter Lord Darlington C.]

[Enter Lord Darlington C.]

[Exit Parker.]

[Leave Parker.]

Lord Darlington.  How do you do, Lady Windermere?

Lord Darlington. How are you, Lady Windermere?

Lady Windermere.  How do you do, Lord Darlington?  No, I can’t shake hands with you.  My hands are all wet with these roses.  Aren’t they lovely?  They came up from Selby this morning.

Lady Windermere.  How are you, Lord Darlington?  No, I can’t shake your hand.  My hands are all wet from these roses.  Aren’t they beautiful?  They arrived from Selby this morning.

Lord Darlington.  They are quite perfect.  [Sees a fan lying on the table.]  And what a wonderful fan!  May I look at it?

Lord Darlington. They are absolutely perfect. [Notices a fan on the table.] And what a beautiful fan! Can I take a look at it?

Lady Windermere.  Do.  Pretty, isn’t it!  It’s got my name on it, and everything.  I have only just seen it myself.  It’s my husband’s birthday present to me.  You know to-day is my birthday?

Lady Windermere. Do. Pretty cool, right? It’s got my name on it and everything. I just saw it for the first time myself. It’s a birthday gift from my husband. You know today’s my birthday?

Lord Darlington.  No?  Is it really?

Lord Darlington. No? Is that for real?

Lady Windermere.  Yes, I’m of age to-day.  Quite an important day in my life, isn’t it?  That is why I am giving this party to-night.  Do sit down.  [Still arranging flowers.]

Lady Windermere. Yes, I’m finally of age today. It’s a pretty significant day in my life, isn’t it? That’s why I’m throwing this party tonight. Do have a seat. [Still arranging flowers.]

Lord Darlington.  [Sitting down.]  I wish I had known it was your birthday, Lady Windermere.  I would have covered the whole street in front of your house with flowers for you to walk on.  They are made for you.

Lord Darlington.  [Sitting down.]  I wish I had known it was your birthday, Lady Windermere.  I would have covered the whole street in front of your house with flowers for you to walk on.  They’re meant for you.

[A short pause.]

A brief break.

Lady Windermere.  Lord Darlington, you annoyed me last night at the Foreign Office.  I am afraid you are going to annoy me again.

Lady Windermere. Lord Darlington, you bothered me last night at the Foreign Office. I'm afraid you're going to bother me again.

Lord Darlington.  I, Lady Windermere?

Lord Darlington. I, Lady Windermere?

[Enter Parker and Footman C., with tray and tea things.]

[Enter Parker and Footman C., with tray and tea set.]

Lady Windermere.  Put it there, Parker.  That will do.  [Wipes her hands with her pocket-handkerchief, goes to tea-table, and sits down.]  Won’t you come over, Lord Darlington?

Lady Windermere.  Just put it there, Parker.  That’s good.  [Wipes her hands with her handkerchief, walks to the tea table, and sits down.]  Would you come over, Lord Darlington?

[Exit Parker C.]

[Exit Parker C.]

Lord Darlington.  [Takes chair and goes across L.C.]  I am quite miserable, Lady Windermere.  You must tell me what I did.  [Sits down at table L.]

Lord Darlington.  [Takes chair and walks to L.C.]  I'm feeling pretty miserable, Lady Windermere.  You have to tell me what I did.  [Sits down at the table L.]

Lady Windermere.  Well, you kept paying me elaborate compliments the whole evening.

Lady Windermere. Well, you kept giving me fancy compliments all night.

Lord Darlington.  [Smiling.]  Ah, nowadays we are all of us so hard up, that the only pleasant things to pay are compliments.  They’re the only things we can pay.

Lord Darlington. [Smiling.]  Ah, these days we're all so strapped for cash that the only nice things we can afford to give are compliments. They’re the only things we can really pay for.

Lady Windermere.  [Shaking her head.]  No, I am talking very seriously.  You mustn’t laugh, I am quite serious.  I don’t like compliments, and I don’t see why a man should think he is pleasing a woman enormously when he says to her a whole heap of things that he doesn’t mean.

Lady Windermere.  [Shaking her head.]  No, I'm being very serious.  You can't laugh; I'm completely serious.  I don't like compliments, and I don't understand why a man thinks he's making a woman happy when he says a bunch of stuff he doesn't really mean.

Lord Darlington.  Ah, but I did mean them.  [Takes tea which she offers him.]

Lord Darlington. Ah, but I really did mean it. [Takes the tea she offers him.]

Lady Windermere.  [Gravely.]  I hope not.  I should be sorry to have to quarrel with you, Lord Darlington.  I like you very much, you know that.  But I shouldn’t like you at all if I thought you were what most other men are.  Believe me, you are better than most other men, and I sometimes think you pretend to be worse.

Lady Windermere. [Seriously.] I hope not. I would feel bad having to argue with you, Lord Darlington. I really like you, you know that. But I wouldn’t like you at all if I thought you were like most other men. Trust me, you're better than most other guys, and sometimes I think you act like you're worse.

Lord Darlington.  We all have our little vanities, Lady Windermere.

Lord Darlington. We all have our little quirks, Lady Windermere.

Lady Windermere.  Why do you make that your special one?  [Still seated at table L.]

Lady Windermere. Why do you choose that one as your favorite? [Still seated at table L.]

Lord Darlington.  [Still seated L.C.]  Oh, nowadays so many conceited people go about Society pretending to be good, that I think it shows rather a sweet and modest disposition to pretend to be bad.  Besides, there is this to be said.  If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously.  If you pretend to be bad, it doesn’t.  Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

Lord Darlington.  [Still seated L.C.]  Oh, these days, so many stuck-up people walk around Society pretending to be good that I think it shows a lovely and humble mindset to pretend to be bad.  Besides, there’s this to consider.  If you act like you’re good, the world takes you seriously.  If you act like you’re bad, it doesn’t.  Such is the amazing foolishness of optimism.

Lady Windermere.  Don’t you want the world to take you seriously then, Lord Darlington?

Lady Windermere. Don’t you want the world to take you seriously, Lord Darlington?

Lord Darlington.  No, not the world.  Who are the people the world takes seriously?  All the dull people one can think of, from the Bishops down to the bores.  I should like you to take me very seriously, Lady Windermere, you more than any one else in life.

Lord Darlington. No, not the world. Who are the people that the world takes seriously? All the boring people you can imagine, from the bishops to the tedious crowd. I want you to take me very seriously, Lady Windermere, you more than anyone else in my life.

Lady Windermere.  Why—why me?

Lady Windermere. Why me?

Lord Darlington.  [After a slight hesitation.]  Because I think we might be great friends.  Let us be great friends.  You may want a friend some day.

Lord Darlington.  [After a slight pause.]  Because I believe we could become really good friends.  Let's be good friends.  You might need a friend someday.

Lady Windermere.  Why do you say that?

Lady Windermere. Why do you say that?

Lord Darlington.  Oh!—we all want friends at times.

Lord Darlington. Oh!—we all need friends sometimes.

Lady Windermere.  I think we’re very good friends already, Lord Darlington.  We can always remain so as long as you don’t—

Lady Windermere. I think we’re already pretty good friends, Lord Darlington. We can always stay that way as long as you don’t—

Lord Darlington.  Don’t what?

Lord Darlington. Don't what?

Lady Windermere.  Don’t spoil it by saying extravagant silly things to me.  You think I am a Puritan, I suppose?  Well, I have something of the Puritan in me.  I was brought up like that.  I am glad of it.  My mother died when I was a mere child.  I lived always with Lady Julia, my father’s elder sister, you know.  She was stern to me, but she taught me what the world is forgetting, the difference that there is between what is right and what is wrong.  She allowed of no compromise.  I allow of none.

Lady Windermere. Don’t ruin it by saying extravagant, silly things to me. You think I'm a Puritan, right? Well, I have a bit of that Puritan side in me. I was raised that way. I’m actually glad for it. My mother passed away when I was just a child. I was always with Lady Julia, my father’s older sister, you know. She was strict with me, but she taught me what the world is forgetting: the difference between right and wrong. She accepted no compromise. I accept none.

Lord Darlington.  My dear Lady Windermere!

Lord Darlington. My dear Lady Windermere!

Lady Windermere.  [Leaning back on the sofa.]  You look on me as being behind the age.—Well, I am!  I should be sorry to be on the same level as an age like this.

Lady Windermere.  [Leaning back on the sofa.]  You think I'm out of touch with the times.—Well, I am!  I would be sorry to be on the same level as an era like this.

Lord Darlington.  You think the age very bad?

Lord Darlington. You think this era is really bad?

Lady Windermere.  Yes.  Nowadays people seem to look on life as a speculation.  It is not a speculation.  It is a sacrament.  Its ideal is Love.  Its purification is sacrifice.

Lady Windermere. Yes. Nowadays, people seem to see life as a gamble. It isn't a gamble. It’s a sacred experience. Its ideal is Love. Its purification is sacrifice.

Lord Darlington.  [Smiling.]  Oh, anything is better than being sacrificed!

Lord Darlington. [Smiling.] Oh, anything is better than being a sacrifice!

Lady Windermere.  [Leaning forward.]  Don’t say that.

Lady Windermere.  [Leaning forward.]  Don’t say that.

Lord Darlington.  I do say it.  I feel it—I know it.

Lord Darlington. I really mean it. I feel it—I know it.

[Enter Parker C.]

[Enter Parker C.]

Parker.  The men want to know if they are to put the carpets on the terrace for to-night, my lady?

Parker. The men want to know if they should lay out the carpets on the terrace for tonight, my lady?

Lady Windermere.  You don’t think it will rain, Lord Darlington, do you?

Lady Windermere. Do you really think it won't rain, Lord Darlington?

Lord Darlington.  I won’t hear of its raining on your birthday!

Lord Darlington. I won't accept that it's going to rain on your birthday!

Lady Windermere.  Tell them to do it at once, Parker.

Lady Windermere. Tell them to do it now, Parker.

[Exit Parker C.]

[Exit Parker C.]

Lord Darlington.  [Still seated.]  Do you think then—of course I am only putting an imaginary instance—do you think that in the case of a young married couple, say about two years married, if the husband suddenly becomes the intimate friend of a woman of—well, more than doubtful character—is always calling upon her, lunching with her, and probably paying her bills—do you think that the wife should not console herself?

Lord Darlington.  [Still seated.]  Do you think, just as a hypothetical situation—if a young couple has been married for about two years, and then the husband suddenly becomes close friends with a woman of, let’s say, questionable reputation—always visiting her, having lunch with her, and likely covering her expenses—do you think the wife shouldn’t find some comfort in that?

Lady Windermere.  [Frowning.]  Console herself?

Lady Windermere. [Frowning.] Console herself?

Lord Darlington.  Yes, I think she should—I think she has the right.

Lord Darlington. Yes, I believe she should—I believe she has the right.

Lady Windermere.  Because the husband is vile—should the wife be vile also?

Lady Windermere. Because the husband is terrible—should the wife be terrible too?

Lord Darlington.  Vileness is a terrible word, Lady Windermere.

Lord Darlington. Vileness is a horrible word, Lady Windermere.

Lady Windermere.  It is a terrible thing, Lord Darlington.

Lady Windermere. It's a horrible thing, Lord Darlington.

Lord Darlington.  Do you know I am afraid that good people do a great deal of harm in this world.  Certainly the greatest harm they do is that they make badness of such extraordinary importance.  It is absurd to divide people into good and bad.  People are either charming or tedious.  I take the side of the charming, and you, Lady Windermere, can’t help belonging to them.

Lord Darlington. Do you know I’m afraid that good people cause a lot of harm in this world. The biggest harm they do is making being bad seem so important. It’s ridiculous to classify people as good or bad. People are either fascinating or boring. I choose the fascinating side, and you, Lady Windermere, can’t help but belong to them.

Lady Windermere.  Now, Lord Darlington.  [Rising and crossing R., front of him.]  Don’t stir, I am merely going to finish my flowers.  [Goes to table R.C.]

Lady Windermere. Now, Lord Darlington. [Rising and crossing R., front of him.] Don’t move, I’m just going to finish arranging my flowers. [Goes to table R.C.]

Lord Darlington.  [Rising and moving chair.]  And I must say I think you are very hard on modern life, Lady Windermere.  Of course there is much against it, I admit.  Most women, for instance, nowadays, are rather mercenary.

Lord Darlington.  [Rising and moving chair.]  I have to say, I think you’re being pretty tough on modern life, Lady Windermere.  Sure, there’s a lot not to like about it, I’ll give you that.  A lot of women these days are quite money-focused.

Lady Windermere.  Don’t talk about such people.

Lady Windermere. Don't discuss those kinds of people.

Lord Darlington.  Well then, setting aside mercenary people, who, of course, are dreadful, do you think seriously that women who have committed what the world calls a fault should never be forgiven?

Lord Darlington. Well, aside from those selfish people, who are, of course, awful, do you genuinely believe that women who have made mistakes should never be forgiven?

Lady Windermere.  [Standing at table.]  I think they should never be forgiven.

Lady Windermere.  [Standing at the table.]  I believe they should never be forgiven.

Lord Darlington.  And men?  Do you think that there should be the same laws for men as there are for women?

Lord Darlington. And guys? Do you think there should be the same laws for guys as there are for women?

Lady Windermere.  Certainly!

Lady Windermere. Sure thing!

Lord Darlington.  I think life too complex a thing to be settled by these hard and fast rules.

Lord Darlington. I believe life is too complicated to be resolved by strict rules.

Lady Windermere.  If we had ‘these hard and fast rules,’ we should find life much more simple.

Lady Windermere. If we had 'these strict rules,' life would be much simpler.

Lord Darlington.  You allow of no exceptions?

Lord Darlington. You don't allow for any exceptions?

Lady Windermere.  None!

Lady Windermere. None!

Lord Darlington.  Ah, what a fascinating Puritan you are, Lady Windermere!

Lord Darlington. Ah, what an intriguing Puritan you are, Lady Windermere!

Lady Windermere.  The adjective was unnecessary, Lord Darlington.

Lady Windermere. The adjective wasn't needed, Lord Darlington.

Lord Darlington.  I couldn’t help it.  I can resist everything except temptation.

Lord Darlington. I couldn’t help it. I can resist everything except temptation.

Lady Windermere.  You have the modern affectation of weakness.

Lady Windermere. You have the trendy vulnerability.

Lord Darlington.  [Looking at her.]  It’s only an affectation, Lady Windermere.

Lord Darlington.  [Looking at her.]  It’s just a pose, Lady Windermere.

[Enter Parker C.]

[Enter Parker C.]

Parker.  The Duchess of Berwick and Lady Agatha Carlisle.

Parker. The Duchess of Berwick and Lady Agatha Carlisle.

[Enter the Duchess of Berwick and Lady Agatha Carlisle C.]

[Enter the Duchess of Berwick and Lady Agatha Carlisle C.]

[Exit Parker C.]

[Exit Parker C.]

Duchess of Berwick.  [Coming down C., and shaking hands.]  Dear Margaret, I am so pleased to see you.  You remember Agatha, don’t you?  [Crossing L.C.]  How do you do, Lord Darlington?  I won’t let you know my daughter, you are far too wicked.

Duchess of Berwick. [Coming down C., and shaking hands.]  Dear Margaret, I’m so glad to see you. You remember Agatha, right? [Crossing L.C.]  How are you, Lord Darlington? I won’t introduce you to my daughter; you’re way too naughty.

Lord Darlington.  Don’t say that, Duchess.  As a wicked man I am a complete failure.  Why, there are lots of people who say I have never really done anything wrong in the whole course of my life.  Of course they only say it behind my back.

Lord Darlington. Don’t say that, Duchess. As a bad guy, I’m a total failure. Lots of people say I’ve never really done anything wrong in my entire life. Of course, they only say it when I’m not around.

Duchess of Berwick.  Isn’t he dreadful?  Agatha, this is Lord Darlington.  Mind you don’t believe a word he says.  [Lord Darlington crosses R.C.]  No, no tea, thank you, dear.  [Crosses and sits on sofa.]  We have just had tea at Lady Markby’s.  Such bad tea, too.  It was quite undrinkable.  I wasn’t at all surprised.  Her own son-in-law supplies it.  Agatha is looking forward so much to your ball to-night, dear Margaret.

Duchess of Berwick. Isn’t he awful? Agatha, this is Lord Darlington. Just don’t believe a word he says. [Lord Darlington crosses R.C.] No, no tea, thanks, dear. [Crosses and sits on sofa.] We just had tea at Lady Markby’s. Such terrible tea, too. It was totally undrinkable. I wasn’t surprised at all. Her own son-in-law provides it. Agatha is really looking forward to your ball tonight, dear Margaret.

Lady Windermere.  [Seated L.C.]  Oh, you mustn’t think it is going to be a ball, Duchess.  It is only a dance in honour of my birthday.  A small and early.

Lady Windermere.  [Seated L.C.]  Oh, you shouldn’t think it’s going to be a big event, Duchess.  It’s just a dance to celebrate my birthday.  A small and casual one.

Lord Darlington.  [Standing L.C.]  Very small, very early, and very select, Duchess.

Lord Darlington.  [Standing L.C.]  Very minor, very prompt, and very exclusive, Duchess.

Duchess of Berwick.  [On sofa L.]  Of course it’s going to be select.  But we know that, dear Margaret, about your house.  It is really one of the few houses in London where I can take Agatha, and where I feel perfectly secure about dear Berwick.  I don’t know what society is coming to.  The most dreadful people seem to go everywhere.  They certainly come to my parties—the men get quite furious if one doesn’t ask them.  Really, some one should make a stand against it.

Duchess of Berwick.  [On sofa L.]  Of course, it’s going to be exclusive.  But we already know that, dear Margaret, about your place.  It’s actually one of the few homes in London where I can take Agatha, and where I feel completely comfortable about dear Berwick.  I’m not sure what’s happening with society.  The most awful people seem to show up everywhere.  They definitely come to my parties—the men get really upset if they’re not invited.  Honestly, someone should take a stand against this.

Lady WindermereI will, Duchess.  I will have no one in my house about whom there is any scandal.

Lady WindermereI will, Duchess. I won’t have anyone in my house if there’s any scandal about them.

Lord Darlington.  [R.C.]  Oh, don’t say that, Lady Windermere.  I should never be admitted!  [Sitting.]

Lord Darlington. [R.C.] Oh, don’t say that, Lady Windermere. I would never be welcomed! [Sitting.]

Duchess of Berwick.  Oh, men don’t matter.  With women it is different.  We’re good.  Some of us are, at least.  But we are positively getting elbowed into the corner.  Our husbands would really forget our existence if we didn’t nag at them from time to time, just to remind them that we have a perfect legal right to do so.

Duchess of Berwick. Oh, men don’t matter. With women, it’s different. We’re good. Some of us are, at least. But we’re definitely getting pushed aside. Our husbands would actually forget we exist if we didn’t poke at them every now and then, just to remind them that we have every right to do so.

Lord Darlington.  It’s a curious thing, Duchess, about the game of marriage—a game, by the way, that is going out of fashion—the wives hold all the honours, and invariably lose the odd trick.

Lord Darlington. It's an interesting thing, Duchess, about the game of marriage—a game, by the way, that’s becoming outdated—the wives get all the credit, yet they always seem to lose a little bit.

Duchess of Berwick.   The odd trick?  Is that the husband, Lord Darlington?

Duchess of Berwick. The strange thing? Is that the husband, Lord Darlington?

Lord Darlington.  It would be rather a good name for the modern husband.

Lord Darlington. It would be a pretty good name for a modern husband.

Duchess of Berwick.  Dear Lord Darlington, how thoroughly depraved you are!

Duchess of Berwick. Dear Lord Darlington, you are completely corrupt!

Lady Windermere.  Lord Darlington is trivial.

Lady Windermere . Lord Darlington is shallow.

Lord Darlington.  Ah, don’t say that, Lady Windermere.

Lord Darlington. Ah, please don't say that, Lady Windermere.

Lady Windermere.  Why do you talk so trivially about life, then?

Lady Windermere. Why do you talk so casually about life, then?

Lord Darlington.  Because I think that life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about it.  [Moves up C.]

Lord Darlington. Because I believe life is way too significant to ever take it seriously. [Moves up C.]

Duchess of Berwick.  What does he mean?  Do, as a concession to my poor wits, Lord Darlington, just explain to me what you really mean.

Duchess of Berwick. What does he mean? Please, as a favor to my limited understanding, Lord Darlington, just explain to me what you really mean.

Lord Darlington.  [Coming down back of table.]  I think I had better not, Duchess.  Nowadays to be intelligible is to be found out.  Good-bye!  [Shakes hands with Duchess.]  And now—[goes up stage] Lady Windermere, good-bye.  I may come to-night, mayn’t I?  Do let me come.

Lord Darlington.  [Walking down from the back of the table.]  I think it’s best if I don’t, Duchess.  These days, if you’re clear, you get caught.  Goodbye!  [Shakes hands with Duchess.]  And now—[heads upstage] Lady Windermere, goodbye.  Can I come tonight?  Please let me come.

Lady Windermere.  [Standing up stage with Lord Darlington.]  Yes, certainly.  But you are not to say foolish, insincere things to people.

Lady Windermere's Fan.  [Standing upstage with Lord Darlington.]  Yes, definitely. But you shouldn't say naive, insincere things to others.

Lord Darlington.  [Smiling.]  Ah! you are beginning to reform me.  It is a dangerous thing to reform any one, Lady Windermere.  [Bows, and exit C.]

Lord Darlington. [Smiling.] Ah! You’re starting to change me. It’s risky to try to change anyone, Lady Windermere. [Bows, and exit C.]

Duchess of Berwick.  [Who has risen, goes C.]  What a charming, wicked creature!  I like him so much.  I’m quite delighted he’s gone!  How sweet you’re looking!  Where do you get your gowns?  And now I must tell you how sorry I am for you, dear Margaret.  [Crosses to sofa and sits with Lady Windermere.]  Agatha, darling!

Duchess of Berwick.  [Who has risen, goes C.]  What a charming, mischievous character!  I really like him so much.  I’m actually quite happy he’s gone!  You’re looking so lovely!  Where do you get your dresses?  And now, I have to say how sorry I am for you, dear Margaret.  [Moves to the sofa and sits with Lady Windermere.]  Agatha, darling!

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.  [Rises.]

Lady Agatha. Yes, mom. [Rises.]

Duchess of Berwick.  Will you go and look over the photograph album that I see there?

Duchess of Berwick. Will you go check out the photo album that I see over there?

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.  [Goes to table up L.]

Lady Agatha. Yes, mom. [Heads to the table on the left.]

Duchess of Berwick.  Dear girl!  She is so fond of photographs of Switzerland.  Such a pure taste, I think.  But I really am so sorry for you, Margaret.

Duchess of Berwick. Dear girl! She loves photos of Switzerland. Such a refined taste, I think. But I truly feel sorry for you, Margaret.

Lady Windermere.  [Smiling.]  Why, Duchess?

Lady Windermere. [Smiling.] Why, Duchess?

Duchess of Berwick.  Oh, on account of that horrid woman.  She dresses so well, too, which makes it much worse, sets such a dreadful example.  Augustus—you know my disreputable brother—such a trial to us all—well, Augustus is completely infatuated about her.  It is quite scandalous, for she is absolutely inadmissible into society.  Many a woman has a past, but I am told that she has at least a dozen, and that they all fit.

Duchess of Berwick. Oh, because of that awful woman. She dresses so well, which makes it even worse, setting such a terrible example. Augustus—you know my disreputable brother—he’s such a burden to us all—well, Augustus is completely obsessed with her. It’s utterly scandalous, as she’s totally unacceptable in society. Many women have a past, but I’ve heard she has at least a dozen, and they all fit.

Lady Windermere.  Whom are you talking about, Duchess?

Lady Windermere . Who are you talking about, Duchess?

Duchess of Berwick.  About Mrs. Erlynne.

Duchess Berwick. About Mrs. Erlynne.

Lady Windermere.  Mrs. Erlynne?  I never heard of her, Duchess.  And what has she to do with me?

Lady Windermere. Mrs. Erlynne? I’ve never heard of her, Duchess. And what does she have to do with me?

Duchess of Berwick.  My poor child!  Agatha, darling!

Duchess of Berwick. My poor girl! Agatha, sweetheart!

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.

Lady Agatha. Yes, mom.

Duchess of Berwick.  Will you go out on the terrace and look at the sunset?

Duchess of Berwick. Will you go out to the terrace and watch the sunset?

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.

Lady Agatha. Yes, Mom.

[Exit through window, L.]

[Exit through window, L.]

Duchess of Berwick.  Sweet girl!  So devoted to sunsets!  Shows such refinement of feeling, does it not?  After all, there is nothing like Nature, is there?

Duchess of Berwick. Sweet girl! So in love with sunsets! She really has a deep appreciation for beauty, doesn’t she? After all, there’s nothing quite like Nature, right?

Lady Windermere.  But what is it, Duchess?  Why do you talk to me about this person?

Lady Windermere. But what's up, Duchess? Why are you mentioning this person to me?

Duchess of Berwick.  Don’t you really know?  I assure you we’re all so distressed about it.  Only last night at dear Lady Jansen’s every one was saying how extraordinary it was that, of all men in London, Windermere should behave in such a way.

Duchess of Berwick. Don't you truly know? I promise you we're all really upset about it. Just last night at dear Lady Jansen's, everyone was saying how unbelievable it was that, out of all the men in London, Windermere would act like that.

Lady Windermere.  My husband—what has he got to do with any woman of that kind?

Lady Windermere. My husband—what does he have to do with any woman like that?

Duchess of Berwick.  Ah, what indeed, dear?  That is the point.  He goes to see her continually, and stops for hours at a time, and while he is there she is not at home to any one.  Not that many ladies call on her, dear, but she has a great many disreputable men friends—my own brother particularly, as I told you—and that is what makes it so dreadful about Windermere.  We looked upon him as being such a model husband, but I am afraid there is no doubt about it.  My dear nieces—you know the Saville girls, don’t you?—such nice domestic creatures—plain, dreadfully plain, but so good—well, they’re always at the window doing fancy work, and making ugly things for the poor, which I think so useful of them in these dreadful socialistic days, and this terrible woman has taken a house in Curzon Street, right opposite them—such a respectable street, too!  I don’t know what we’re coming to!  And they tell me that Windermere goes there four and five times a week—they see him.  They can’t help it—and although they never talk scandal, they—well, of course—they remark on it to every one.  And the worst of it all is that I have been told that this woman has got a great deal of money out of somebody, for it seems that she came to London six months ago without anything at all to speak of, and now she has this charming house in Mayfair, drives her ponies in the Park every afternoon and all—well, all—since she has known poor dear Windermere.

Duchess of Berwick. Ah, what is it, dear? That’s the issue. He visits her constantly and stays for hours, and while he’s there, she’s not available to anyone. Not that many ladies visit her, dear, but she has quite a few questionable male friends—my own brother, in particular, as I mentioned—and that makes the situation with Windermere so terrible. We thought of him as a perfect husband, but I’m afraid there’s no denying it. My dear nieces—you know the Saville girls, right?—such lovely homebodies—plain, painfully plain, but so kind—well, they’re always at the window doing needlework and making things for the poor, which I think is really commendable in these awful socialistic times, and this dreadful woman has taken a house on Curzon Street, right across from them—such a respectable street, too! I don’t know what’s happening to us! And they tell me that Windermere visits her four or five times a week—they see him. They can’t help it—and although they never gossip, they—well, of course—they mention it to everyone. And the worst part is that I’ve been told this woman has acquired a lot of money from someone, because it seems she came to London six months ago with nothing at all, and now she has this lovely house in Mayfair, drives her ponies in the Park every afternoon, and all—well, all—since she met poor dear Windermere.

Lady Windermere.  Oh, I can’t believe it!

Lady Windermere. Oh, I can't believe this!

Duchess of Berwick.  But it’s quite true, my dear.  The whole of London knows it.  That is why I felt it was better to come and talk to you, and advise you to take Windermere away at once to Homburg or to Aix, where he’ll have something to amuse him, and where you can watch him all day long.  I assure you, my dear, that on several occasions after I was first married, I had to pretend to be very ill, and was obliged to drink the most unpleasant mineral waters, merely to get Berwick out of town.  He was so extremely susceptible.  Though I am bound to say he never gave away any large sums of money to anybody.  He is far too high-principled for that!

Duchess of Berwick. But it’s absolutely true, my dear. The entire city of London knows it. That’s why I thought it would be better to come and talk to you, and suggest that you take Windermere away immediately to Homburg or Aix, where he’ll have something to keep him entertained, and where you can keep an eye on him all day. I promise you, my dear, that on several occasions after I first got married, I had to pretend to be really sick and ended up drinking the most awful mineral waters, just to get Berwick out of town. He was so incredibly sensitive. Although I have to admit he never gave away any large sums of money to anyone. He’s way too principled for that!

Lady Windermere.  [Interrupting.]  Duchess, Duchess, it’s impossible!  [Rising and crossing stage to C.]  We are only married two years.  Our child is but six months old.  [Sits in chair R. of L. table.]

Lady Windermere. [Interrupting.]  Duchess, Duchess, that’s not possible!  [Rising and crossing stage to C.]  We’ve only been married for two years.  Our baby is just six months old.  [Sits in chair R. of L. table.]

Duchess of Berwick.  Ah, the dear pretty baby!  How is the little darling?  Is it a boy or a girl?  I hope a girl—Ah, no, I remember it’s a boy!  I’m so sorry.  Boys are so wicked.  My boy is excessively immoral.  You wouldn’t believe at what hours he comes home.  And he’s only left Oxford a few months—I really don’t know what they teach them there.

Duchess of Berwick. Oh, the sweet little baby! How's the little darling? Is it a boy or a girl? I hope it's a girl—Oh, wait, I remember it's a boy! I'm so sorry. Boys can be so naughty. My son is incredibly unruly. You wouldn't believe what time he gets home. And he's only been out of Oxford for a few months—I honestly don't know what they're teaching them there.

Lady Windermere.  Are all men bad?

Lady Windermere. Are all men bad?

Duchess of Berwick.  Oh, all of them, my dear, all of them, without any exception.  And they never grow any better.  Men become old, but they never become good.

Duchess of Berwick. Oh, all of them, my dear, all of them, without exception. And they never get any better. Men age, but they never become good.

Lady Windermere.  Windermere and I married for love.

Lady Windermere. Windermere and I got married for love.

Duchess of Berwick.  Yes, we begin like that.  It was only Berwick’s brutal and incessant threats of suicide that made me accept him at all, and before the year was out, he was running after all kinds of petticoats, every colour, every shape, every material.  In fact, before the honeymoon was over, I caught him winking at my maid, a most pretty, respectable girl.  I dismissed her at once without a character.—No, I remember I passed her on to my sister; poor dear Sir George is so short-sighted, I thought it wouldn’t matter.  But it did, though—it was most unfortunate.  [Rises.]  And now, my dear child, I must go, as we are dining out.  And mind you don’t take this little aberration of Windermere’s too much to heart.  Just take him abroad, and he’ll come back to you all right.

Duchess of Berwick. Yes, that's how we start. It was only Berwick’s harsh and constant threats of suicide that made me consider him at all, and before the year was up, he was chasing after all sorts of women, in every color, every shape, every fabric. In fact, before the honeymoon was over, I caught him flirting with my maid, a very pretty and respectable girl. I fired her immediately without a reference.—No, I remember I passed her to my sister; poor dear Sir George is so visually impaired, I thought it wouldn’t matter. But it did—it was really unfortunate. [Rises.] And now, my dear child, I must leave, as we are going out to dinner. And don’t let Windermere’s little slip-up bother you too much. Just take him on a trip, and he’ll come back to you just fine.

Lady Windermere.  Come back to me?  [C.]

Lady Windermere. Come back to me? [C.]

Duchess of Berwick.   [L.C.]  Yes, dear, these wicked women get our husbands away from us, but they always come back, slightly damaged, of course.  And don’t make scenes, men hate them!

Duchess of Berwick.   [L.C.]  Yes, dear, these scheming women take our husbands away, but they always return, a little worse for wear, of course.  And don’t create dramatic scenes; men can't stand that!

Lady Windermere.  It is very kind of you, Duchess, to come and tell me all this.  But I can’t believe that my husband is untrue to me.

Lady Windermere. It’s really nice of you, Duchess, to come and share all this with me. But I just can’t believe that my husband would be unfaithful.

Duchess of Berwick.  Pretty child!  I was like that once.  Now I know that all men are monsters.  [Lady Windermere rings bell.]  The only thing to do is to feed the wretches well.  A good cook does wonders, and that I know you have.  My dear Margaret, you are not going to cry?

Duke of Berwick. cute kid! I was like that once. Now I realize that all men are terrible. [Lady Windermere rings bell.] The only thing you can do is to feed the poor souls well. A good cook works miracles, and I know you are one. My dear Margaret, you’re not going to cry, are you?

Lady Windermere.  You needn’t be afraid, Duchess, I never cry.

Lady Windermere. You don’t have to worry, Duchess, I never cry.

Duchess of Berwick.  That’s quite right, dear.  Crying is the refuge of plain women but the ruin of pretty ones.  Agatha, darling!

Duchess of Berwick. That’s exactly right, dear. Crying is the escape of average-looking women but the downfall of beautiful ones. Agatha, sweetheart!

Lady Agatha.  [Entering L.]  Yes, mamma.  [Stands back of table L.C.]

Agatha.  [Entering L.]  Yes, Mom.  [Stands back of table L.C.]

Duchess of Berwick.  Come and bid good-bye to Lady Windermere, and thank her for your charming visit.  [Coming down again.]  And by the way, I must thank you for sending a card to Mr. Hopper—he’s that rich young Australian people are taking such notice of just at present.  His father made a great fortune by selling some kind of food in circular tins—most palatable, I believe—I fancy it is the thing the servants always refuse to eat.  But the son is quite interesting.  I think he’s attracted by dear Agatha’s clever talk.  Of course, we should be very sorry to lose her, but I think that a mother who doesn’t part with a daughter every season has no real affection.  We’re coming to-night, dear.  [Parker opens C. doors.]  And remember my advice, take the poor fellow out of town at once, it is the only thing to do.  Good-bye, once more; come, Agatha.

Duchess of Berwick. Come and say goodbye to Lady Windermere and thank her for your lovely visit. [Coming down again.] Oh, and I have to thank you for sending a card to Mr. Hopper—he’s that wealthy young Australian everyone’s been talking about lately. His father made a fortune selling some kind of food in round tins—quite tasty, I believe—I think it’s the stuff the servants always refuse to eat. But the son is pretty interesting. I think he’s drawn to dear Agatha’s smart conversation. Of course, we would be really sad to lose her, but I believe that a mother who doesn’t let her daughter go out every season doesn’t really care. We’re coming tonight, dear. [Parker opens C. doors.] And remember my advice, take the poor guy out of town right away; it’s the only thing to do. Goodbye one more time; come on, Agatha.

[Exeunt Duchess and Lady Agatha C.]

[Exit Duchess and Lady Agatha C.]

Lady Windermere.  How horrible!  I understand now what Lord Darlington meant by the imaginary instance of the couple not two years married.  Oh! it can’t be true—she spoke of enormous sums of money paid to this woman.  I know where Arthur keeps his bank book—in one of the drawers of that desk.  I might find out by that.  I will find out.  [Opens drawer.]  No, it is some hideous mistake.  [Rises and goes C.]  Some silly scandal!  He loves me!  He loves me!  But why should I not look?  I am his wife, I have a right to look!  [Returns to bureau, takes out book and examines it page by page, smiles and gives a sigh of relief.]  I knew it! there is not a word of truth in this stupid story.  [Puts book back in drawerAs he does so, starts and takes out another book.]  A second book—private—locked!  [Tries to open it, but failsSees paper knife on bureau, and with it cuts cover from bookBegins to start at the first page.]  ‘Mrs. Erlynne—£600—Mrs. Erlynne—£700—Mrs. Erlynne—£400.’  Oh! it is true!  It is true!  How horrible!  [Throws book on floor.]

Lady Windermere. How awful! I get what Lord Darlington meant about the imaginary couple who haven't even been married for two years. Oh! It can't be true—she mentioned huge amounts of money given to this woman. I know where Arthur keeps his bank book—in one of the drawers of that desk. I might find out from that. I will find out. [Opens drawer.] No, this must be a terrible mistake. [Rises and goes C.] Just some silly gossip! He loves me! He loves me! But why shouldn’t I check? I'm his wife; I have the right to look! [Returns to bureau, takes out book and examines it page by page, smiles and sighs in relief.] I knew it! There’s not a word of truth in this ridiculous story. [Puts book back in drawer. As he does so, starts and takes out another book.] A second book—private—locked! [Tries to open it, but fails. Sees paper knife on bureau, and with it cuts cover from book. Begins to start at the first page.] ‘Mrs. Erlynne—£600—Mrs. Erlynne—£700—Mrs. Erlynne—£400.’ Oh! It is true! It is true! How terrible! [Throws book on floor.]

[Enter Lord Windermere C.]

[Enter Lord Windermere C.]

Lord Windermere.  Well, dear, has the fan been sent home yet?  [Going R.C.  Sees book.]  Margaret, you have cut open my bank book.  You have no right to do such a thing!

Lord Windermere. Well, dear, has the fan been sent home yet? [Going R.C. Sees book.] Margaret, you opened my bank book. You have no right to do that!

Lady Windermere.  You think it wrong that you are found out, don’t you?

Lady Windermere. You believe it's unfair that you got caught, don’t you?

Lord Windermere.  I think it wrong that a wife should spy on her husband.

Lord Windermere. I believe it's wrong for a wife to snoop on her husband.

Lady Windermere.  I did not spy on you.  I never knew of this woman’s existence till half an hour ago.  Some one who pitied me was kind enough to tell me what every one in London knows already—your daily visits to Curzon Street, your mad infatuation, the monstrous sums of money you squander on this infamous woman!  [Crossing L.]

Lady Windermere. I didn’t spy on you. I only found out about this woman half an hour ago. Someone who felt sorry for me was nice enough to share what everyone in London already knows—your daily trips to Curzon Street, your crazy obsession, the huge amounts of money you waste on this notorious woman! [Crossing L.]

Lord Windermere.  Margaret! don’t talk like that of Mrs. Erlynne, you don’t know how unjust it is!

Lord Windermere. Margaret! Don’t speak that way about Mrs. Erlynne; you have no idea how unfair it is!

Lady Windermere.  [Turning to him.]  You are very jealous of Mrs. Erlynne’s honour.  I wish you had been as jealous of mine.

Lady Windermere.  [Turning to him.]  You're really protective of Mrs. Erlynne’s reputation. I wish you had cared as much about mine.

Lord Windermere.  Your honour is untouched, Margaret.  You don’t think for a moment that—[Puts book back into desk.]

Lord Windermere. Your reputation is intact, Margaret. You don’t truly believe that—[Puts book back into desk.]

Lady Windermere.  I think that you spend your money strangely.  That is all.  Oh, don’t imagine I mind about the money.  As far as I am concerned, you may squander everything we have.  But what I do mind is that you who have loved me, you who have taught me to love you, should pass from the love that is given to the love that is bought.  Oh, it’s horrible!  [Sits on sofa.]  And it is I who feel degraded! you don’t feel anything.  I feel stained, utterly stained.  You can’t realise how hideous the last six months seems to me now—every kiss you have given me is tainted in my memory.

Lady Windermere. I think you spend your money in a really strange way. That’s all. Oh, don’t think I care about the money. As far as I'm concerned, you can waste everything we have. But what I genuinely care about is that you, who have loved me and taught me to love you, should go from giving love to buying it. Oh, it's awful! [Sits on sofa.] And I’m the one who feels degraded! You don’t feel anything. I feel completely stained, utterly stained. You can’t understand how terrible the last six months looks to me now—every kiss you’ve given me is tainted in my memory.

Lord Windermere.  [Crossing to her.]  Don’t say that, Margaret.  I never loved any one in the whole world but you.

Lord Windermere.  [Crossing to her.]  Don’t say that, Margaret.  I’ve never loved anyone in the whole world but you.

Lady Windermere.  [Rises.]  Who is this woman, then?  Why do you take a house for her?

Lady Windermere. [Rises.] Who is this woman? Why are you getting a house for her?

Lord Windermere.  I did not take a house for her.

Lord Windermere. I didn't get a place for her.

Lady Windermere.  You gave her the money to do it, which is the same thing.

Lady Windermere. You gave her the money to do it, so it's basically the same thing.

Lord Windermere.  Margaret, as far as I have known Mrs. Erlynne—

Lord Windermere. Margaret, as far as I know Mrs. Erlynne—

Lady Windermere.  Is there a Mr. Erlynne—or is he a myth?

Lady Windermere. Is there really a Mr. Erlynne, or is he just a myth?

Lord Windermere.  Her husband died many years ago.  She is alone in the world.

Lord Windermere. Her husband passed away many years ago. She is all alone in the world.

Lady Windermere.  No relations?  [A pause.]

Lady Windermere. No relatives? [A pause.]

Lord Windermere.  None.

Lord Windermere. No one.

Lady Windermere.  Rather curious, isn’t it?  [L.]

Lady Windermere. Pretty interesting, right?  [L.]

Lord Windermere.  [L.C.]  Margaret, I was saying to you—and I beg you to listen to me—that as far as I have known Mrs. Erlynne, she has conducted herself well.  If years ago—

Lord Windermere. [L.C.] Margaret, I was telling you—and please hear me out—that from what I’ve seen of Mrs. Erlynne, she has been on her best behavior. If years ago—

Lady Windermere.  Oh!  [Crossing R.C.]  I don’t want details about her life!

Lady Windermere. Oh! [Crossing R.C.] I don’t need to know the details of her life!

Lord Windermere.  [C.]  I am not going to give you any details about her life.  I tell you simply this—Mrs. Erlynne was once honoured, loved, respected.  She was well born, she had position—she lost everything—threw it away, if you like.  That makes it all the more bitter.  Misfortunes one can endure—they come from outside, they are accidents.  But to suffer for one’s own faults—ah!—there is the sting of life.  It was twenty years ago, too.  She was little more than a girl then.  She had been a wife for even less time than you have.

Lord Winderemere. [C.] I’m not going to share any details about her life. I’ll just say this—Mrs. Erlynne was once honored, loved, and respected. She came from a good family, had a certain status—she lost everything—threw it all away, if you want to put it that way. That makes it even more painful. Misfortunes are something you can handle—they come from the outside, they’re just accidents. But to suffer because of your own mistakes—ah!—that’s the real sting of life. And this was twenty years ago. She was barely more than a girl back then. She had been a wife for even less time than you have.

Lady Windermere.  I am not interested in her—and—you should not mention this woman and me in the same breath.  It is an error of taste.  [Sitting R. at desk.]

Lady Windermere. I have no interest in her—and—you should never link this woman with me. It’s just bad taste. [Sitting R. at desk.]

Lord Windermere.  Margaret, you could save this woman.  She wants to get back into society, and she wants you to help her.  [Crossing to her.]

Lord Windermere. Margaret, you can help this woman. She wants to rejoin society, and she wants you to assist her. [Crossing to her.]

Lady Windermere.  Me!

Lady Windermere.  Me!

Lord Windermere.  Yes, you.

Lord Windermere. Yes, you.

Lady Windermere.  How impertinent of her!  [A pause.]

Lady Windermere. How rude of her! [A pause.]

Lord Windermere.  Margaret, I came to ask you a great favour, and I still ask it of you, though you have discovered what I had intended you should never have known that I have given Mrs. Erlynne a large sum of money.  I want you to send her an invitation for our party to-night.  [Standing L. of her.]

Lord Windermere. Margaret, I came to ask you for a big favor, and I still ask it of you, even though you found out something I never wanted you to know—that I gave Mrs. Erlynne a large amount of money. I want you to send her an invitation to our party tonight. [Standing L. of her.]

Lady Windermere.  You are mad!  [Rises.]

Lady Windermere. You’re crazy! [Stands up.]

Lord Windermere.  I entreat you.  People may chatter about her, do chatter about her, of course, but they don’t know anything definite against her.  She has been to several houses—not to houses where you would go, I admit, but still to houses where women who are in what is called Society nowadays do go.  That does not content her.  She wants you to receive her once.

Lord Windermere. I beg you. People might gossip about her, and they do, but they don’t know anything concrete against her. She has been to several places—not places you would visit, I agree, but still to places where women who are considered part of Society today go. That doesn’t satisfy her. She wants you to welcome her just once.

Lady Windermere.  As a triumph for her, I suppose?

Lady Windermere. Is this a win for her, I guess?

Lord Windermere.  No; but because she knows that you are a good woman—and that if she comes here once she will have a chance of a happier, a surer life than she has had.  She will make no further effort to know you.  Won’t you help a woman who is trying to get back?

Lord Windermere. No; but because she knows that you are a good person—and that if she steps foot here once, she’ll have the chance for a happier, more stable life than she’s had. She won’t try to get to know you any more. Won’t you help a woman who is trying to make a comeback?

Lady Windermere.  No!  If a woman really repents, she never wishes to return to the society that has made or seen her ruin.

Lady Windermere. No! If a woman truly feels remorse, she never wants to go back to the society that has caused or witnessed her downfall.

Lord Windermere.  I beg of you.

Lord Windermere. Please, I ask you.

Lady Windermere.  [Crossing to door R.]  I am going to dress for dinner, and don’t mention the subject again this evening.  Arthur [going to him C.], you fancy because I have no father or mother that I am alone in the world, and that you can treat me as you choose.  You are wrong, I have friends, many friends.

Lady Windermere.  [Crossing to door R.]  I’m going to get ready for dinner, and let's not talk about this subject again tonight.  Arthur [going to him C.], you think that just because I have no parents, I’m all alone in the world, and that you can treat me however you want.  You’re mistaken; I have friends, a lot of friends.

Lord Windermere.  [L.C.]  Margaret, you are talking foolishly, recklessly.  I won’t argue with you, but I insist upon your asking Mrs. Erlynne to-night.

Lord Windermere.  [L.C.]  Margaret, you're being silly and reckless.  I won’t argue with you, but I insist that you ask Mrs. Erlynne tonight.

Lady Windermere.  [R.C.]  I shall do nothing of the kind.  [Crossing L.C.]

Lady Windermere.  [R.C.]  I'm not going to do that at all.  [Crossing L.C.]

Lord Windermere.  You refuse?  [C.]

Lord Windermere. You decline? [C.]

Lady Windermere.  Absolutely!

Lady Windermere. Absolutely!

Lord Windermere.  Ah, Margaret, do this for my sake; it is her last chance.

Lord Windermere. Ah, Margaret, please do this for me; it's her last chance.

Lady Windermere.  What has that to do with me?

Lady Windermere. What does that have to do with me?

Lord Windermere.  How hard good women are!

Lord Windermere. How hard it is for good women!

Lady Windermere.  How weak bad men are!

Lady Windermere. How weak bad men are!

Lord Windermere.  Margaret, none of us men may be good enough for the women we marry—that is quite true—but you don’t imagine I would ever—oh, the suggestion is monstrous!

Lord Windermere. Margaret, none of us men might be good enough for the women we marry—that's definitely true—but you can’t possibly think I would ever—oh, that idea is outrageous!

Lady Windermere.  Why should you be different from other men?  I am told that there is hardly a husband in London who does not waste his life over some shameful passion.

Lady Windermere. Why should you be any different from other guys? I’ve heard that there’s hardly a husband in London who doesn’t waste his life on some shameful obsession.

Lord Windermere.  I am not one of them.

Lord Windermere. I'm not one of them.

Lady Windermere.  I am not sure of that!

Lady Windermere. I’m not so sure about that!

Lord Windermere.  You are sure in your heart.  But don’t make chasm after chasm between us.  God knows the last few minutes have thrust us wide enough apart.  Sit down and write the card.

Lord Windermere. You know in your heart. But don’t create gap after gap between us. God knows the last few minutes have pushed us far enough apart. Sit down and write the card.

Lady Windermere.  Nothing in the whole world would induce me.

Lady Windermere. Nothing in the world could make me do that.

Lord Windermere.  [Crossing to bureau.]  Then I will!  [Rings electric bell, sits and writes card.]

Lord Windermere.  [Crossing to the desk.]  Then I will!  [Rings the electric bell, sits and writes a card.]

Lady Windermere.  You are going to invite this woman?  [Crossing to him.]

Lady Windermere. You're actually going to invite her? [Moving over to him.]

Lord Windermere.  Yes.  [PauseEnter Parker.]  Parker!

Lord Windermere. Yes. [Pause. Enter Parker.] Parker!

Parker.  Yes, my lord.  [Comes down L.C.]

Parker. Yes, my lord. [Comes down L.C.]

Lord Windermere.  Have this note sent to Mrs. Erlynne at No. 84A Curzon Street.  [Crossing to L.C. and giving note to Parker.]  There is no answer!

Lord Windermere. Send this note to Mrs. Erlynne at 84A Curzon Street. [Crossing to L.C. and giving note to Parker.] There's no reply!

[Exit Parker C.]

[Exit Parker C.]

Lady Windermere.  Arthur, if that woman comes here, I shall insult her.

Lady Windermere. Arthur, if that woman comes here, I'm going to insult her.

Lord Windermere.  Margaret, don’t say that.

Lord Windermere. Margaret, don’t say that.

Lady Windermere.  I mean it.

Lady Windermere. I really mean it.

Lord Windermere.  Child, if you did such a thing, there’s not a woman in London who wouldn’t pity you.

Lord Windermere. Child, if you did that, there isn’t a woman in London who wouldn’t feel sorry for you.

Lady Windermere.  There is not a good woman in London who would not applaud me.  We have been too lax.  We must make an example.  I propose to begin to-night.  [Picking up fan.]  Yes, you gave me this fan to-day; it was your birthday present.  If that woman crosses my threshold, I shall strike her across the face with it.

Lady Windermere. There isn’t a good woman in London who wouldn’t cheer me on. We’ve been too lenient. We need to set an example. I plan to start tonight. [Picking up fan.] Yes, you gave me this fan today; it was your birthday gift. If that woman steps foot in my house, I will slap her across the face with it.

Lord Windermere.  Margaret, you couldn’t do such a thing.

Lord Windermere. Margaret, you can't do something like that.

Lady Windermere.  You don’t know me!  [Moves R.]

Lady Windermere's Fan. You don't know me! [Moves R.]

[Enter Parker.]

[Enter Parker.]

Parker!

Parker!

Parker.  Yes, my lady.

Parker. Yes, milady.

Lady Windermere.  I shall dine in my own room.  I don’t want dinner, in fact.  See that everything is ready by half-past ten.  And, Parker, be sure you pronounce the names of the guests very distinctly to-night.  Sometimes you speak so fast that I miss them.  I am particularly anxious to hear the names quite clearly, so as to make no mistake.  You understand, Parker?

Lady Windermere. I'm going to eat in my room. I don't really want dinner, actually. Make sure everything is set up by 10:30. And, Parker, please pronounce the names of the guests clearly tonight. Sometimes you speak so quickly that I miss them. I really want to hear the names clearly so I don't make any mistakes. Do you understand, Parker?

Parker.  Yes, my lady.

Parker. Yes, my lady.

Lady Windermere.  That will do!

Lady Windermere. That’s enough!

[Exit Parker C.]

[Exit Parker C.]

[Speaking to Lord Windermere.]  Arthur, if that woman comes here—I warn you—

[Speaking to Lord Windermere.] Arthur, if that woman comes here—I’m warning you—

Lord Windermere.  Margaret, you’ll ruin us!

Lord Windermere. Margaret, you're going to ruin us!

Lady Windermere.  Us!  From this moment my life is separate from yours.  But if you wish to avoid a public scandal, write at once to this woman, and tell her that I forbid her to come here!

Lady Windermere. Us! From now on, my life is separate from yours. But if you want to prevent a public scandal, write to this woman immediately and tell her that I don’t want her here!

Lord Windermere.  I will not—I cannot—she must come!

Lord Windermere. I won’t—I can’t—she has to come!

Lady Windermere.  Then I shall do exactly as I have said.  [Goes R.]  You leave me no choice.

Lady Windermere. Then I will do exactly what I said I would. [Goes R.] You give me no option.

[Exit R.]

[Exit R.]

Lord Windermere.  [Calling after her.]  Margaret!  Margaret!  [A pause.]  My God!  What shall I do?  I dare not tell her who this woman really is.  The shame would kill her.  [Sinks down into a chair and buries his face in his hands.]

Lord Windermere.  [Calling after her.]  Margaret!  Margaret!  [A pause.]  Oh my God!  What am I going to do?  I can't tell her who this woman really is.  The embarrassment would break her.  [Sinks down into a chair and buries his face in his hands.]

 

Act Drop

Act Drop

SECOND ACT

SCENE

Scene

Drawing-room in Lord Windermere’s houseDoor R.U. opening into ball-room, where band is playingDoor L. through which guests are enteringDoor L.U. opens on to illuminated terracePalms, flowers, and brilliant lightsRoom crowded with guestsLady Windermere is receiving them.

Drawing-room in Lord Windermere’s house. Door R.U. opening into ball-room, where the band is playing. Door L. through which guests are entering. Door L.U. opens onto an illuminated terrace. Palms, flowers, and bright lights. Room filled with guests. Lady Windermere is welcoming them.

Duchess of Berwick.  [Up C.]  So strange Lord Windermere isn’t here.  Mr. Hopper is very late, too.  You have kept those five dances for him, Agatha?  [Comes down.]

Duchess of Berwick.  [Up C.]  It's so odd that Lord Windermere isn't here.  Mr. Hopper is really late, as well.  You've saved those five dances for him, Agatha?  [Comes down.]

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.

Lady Agatha. Yes, Mom.

Duchess of Berwick.  [Sitting on sofa.]  Just let me see your card.  I’m so glad Lady Windermere has revived cards.—They’re a mother’s only safeguard.  You dear simple little thing!  [Scratches out two names.]  No nice girl should ever waltz with such particularly younger sons!  It looks so fast!  The last two dances you might pass on the terrace with Mr. Hopper.

Duchess of Berwick. [Sitting on sofa.] Just let me see your card. I’m so glad Lady Windermere brought back cards. —They’re a mother’s only protection. You sweet, naive thing! [Scratches out two names.] No respectable girl should ever waltz with those particularly younger sons! It looks so risqué! The last two dances, you should probably spend on the terrace with Mr. Hopper.

[Enter Mr. Dumby and Lady Plymdale from the ball-room.]

[Enter Mr. Dumby and Lady Plymdale from the dance floor.]

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.

Lady Agatha. Yes, Mom.

Duchess of Berwick.  [Fanning herself.]  The air is so pleasant there.

Duchess of Berwick.  [Waving a fan.]  The air is so nice here.

Parker.  Mrs. Cowper-Cowper.  Lady Stutfield.  Sir James Royston.  Mr. Guy Berkeley.

Parker. Mrs. Cowper-Cowper. Lady Stutfield. Sir James Royston. Mr. Guy Berkeley.

[These people enter as announced.]

These people arrive as scheduled.

Dumby.  Good evening, Lady Stutfield.  I suppose this will be the last ball of the season?

Dumb. Good evening, Lady Stutfield. I guess this will be the last ball of the season?

Lady Stutfield.  I suppose so, Mr. Dumby.  It’s been a delightful season, hasn’t it?

Lady Stutfield. I guess so, Mr. Dumby. It’s been a wonderful season, hasn’t it?

Dumby.  Quite delightful!  Good evening, Duchess.  I suppose this will be the last ball of the season?

Dumb. Really enjoyable! Good evening, Duchess. I guess this will be the final ball of the season?

Duchess of Berwick.  I suppose so, Mr. Dumby.  It has been a very dull season, hasn’t it?

Duchess of Berwick. I guess so, Mr. Dumby. It's been a pretty boring season, hasn’t it?

Dumby.  Dreadfully dull!  Dreadfully dull!

Dumby. Super boring! Super boring!

Mr. Cowper-Cowper.  Good evening, Mr. Dumby.  I suppose this will be the last ball of the season?

Mr. Cowper-Cowper. Good evening, Mr. Dumby. I guess this will be the last party of the season?

Dumby.  Oh, I think not.  There’ll probably be two more.  [Wanders back to Lady Plymdale.]

Dumb. Oh, I don't think so. There will likely be two more. [Walks back to Lady Plymdale.]

Parker.  Mr. Rufford.  Lady Jedburgh and Miss Graham.  Mr. Hopper.

Parker. Mr. Rufford. Lady Jedburgh and Miss Graham. Mr. Hopper.

[These people enter as announced.]

These people enter as expected.

Hopper.  How do you do, Lady Windermere?  How do you do, Duchess?  [Bows to Lady Agatha.]

Hopper.  How are you, Lady Windermere?  How are you, Duchess?  [Bows to Lady Agatha.]

Duchess of Berwick.  Dear Mr. Hopper, how nice of you to come so early.  We all know how you are run after in London.

Duchess of Berwick. Dear Mr. Hopper, it’s great to see you so early. We all know how sought after you are in London.

Hopper.  Capital place, London!  They are not nearly so exclusive in London as they are in Sydney.

Hopper. Capital city, London! They aren't nearly as exclusive in London as they are in Sydney.

Duchess of Berwick.  Ah! we know your value, Mr. Hopper.  We wish there were more like you.  It would make life so much easier.  Do you know, Mr. Hopper, dear Agatha and I are so much interested in Australia.  It must be so pretty with all the dear little kangaroos flying about.  Agatha has found it on the map.  What a curious shape it is!  Just like a large packing case.  However, it is a very young country, isn’t it?

Duchess of Berwick. Ah! We really appreciate you, Mr. Hopper. We wish there were more people like you. Life would be so much simpler. You know, Mr. Hopper, dear Agatha and I are really interested in Australia. It must be so beautiful with all those cute little kangaroos hopping around. Agatha has found it on the map. What a strange shape it has! Just like a big packing box. But it’s quite a young country, isn’t it?

Hopper.  Wasn’t it made at the same time as the others, Duchess?

Hopper. Wasn't it made around the same time as the others, Duchess?

Duchess of Berwick.  How clever you are, Mr. Hopper.  You have a cleverness quite of your own.  Now I mustn’t keep you.

Duchess of Berwick. How smart you are, Mr. Hopper. You have a unique kind of cleverness. Now I shouldn't hold you up.

Hopper.  But I should like to dance with Lady Agatha, Duchess.

Hopper. But I'd really like to dance with Lady Agatha, Duchess.

Duchess of Berwick.  Well, I hope she has a dance left.  Have you a dance left, Agatha?

Duchess of Berwick. Well, I hope she has a dance left. Do you have a dance left, Agatha?

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.

Lady Agatha. Yes, Mom.

Duchess of Berwick.  The next one?

Duchess of Berwick. The next one?

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.

Lady Agatha. Yes, Mom.

Hopper.  May I have the pleasure?  [Lady Agatha bows.]

Hopper. Can I have the honor? [Lady Agatha bows.]

Duchess of Berwick.  Mind you take great care of my little chatterbox, Mr. Hopper.

Duchess of Berwick. Just make sure you take good care of my little talker, Mr. Hopper.

[Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper pass into ball-room.]

[Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper enter the ballroom.]

[Enter Lord Windermere.]

[Enter Lord Windermere.]

Lord Windermere.  Margaret, I want to speak to you.

Lord Windermere. Margaret, I need to talk to you.

Lady Windermere.  In a moment.  [The music drops.]

Lady Windermere. In a moment. [The music stops.]

Parker.  Lord Augustus Lorton.

Parker. Lord Augustus Lorton.

[Enter Lord Augustus.]

[Enter Lord Augustus.]

Lord Augustus.  Good evening, Lady Windermere.

Lord Augustus. Good evening, Lady Windermere.

Duchess of Berwick.  Sir James, will you take me into the ball-room?  Augustus has been dining with us to-night.  I really have had quite enough of dear Augustus for the moment.

Duchess of Berwick. Sir James, could you take me to the ballroom? Augustus has been dining with us tonight. I’ve definitely had more than enough of dear Augustus for now.

[Sir James Royston gives the Duchess his arm and escorts her into the ball-room.]

[Sir James Royston offers his arm to the Duchess and leads her into the ballroom.]

Parker.  Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Bowden.  Lord and Lady Paisley.  Lord Darlington.

Parker. Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Bowden. Lord and Lady Paisley. Lord Darlington.

[These people enter as announced.]

These people arrive as planned.

Lord Augustus.  [Coming up to Lord Windermere.]  Want to speak to you particularly, dear boy.  I’m worn to a shadow.  Know I don’t look it.  None of us men do look what we really are.  Demmed good thing, too.  What I want to know is this.  Who is she?  Where does she come from?  Why hasn’t she got any demmed relations?  Demmed nuisance, relations!  But they make one so demmed respectable.

Lord Augus.  [Approaching Lord Windermere.]  I need to talk to you about something important, my friend.  I’m completely exhausted.  I know I don’t look it.  None of us guys really show what we are on the inside.  Thank goodness for that.  What I want to ask is this: Who is she?  Where is she from?  Why doesn’t she have any annoying relatives?  Relatives can be such a pain!  But they do make you look respectable.

Lord Windermere.  You are talking of Mrs. Erlynne, I suppose?  I only met her six months ago.  Till then, I never knew of her existence.

Lord Windermere. You must be referring to Mrs. Erlynne, right? I only met her six months ago. Before that, I had no idea she existed.

Lord Augustus.  You have seen a good deal of her since then.

Lord Augustus. You’ve spent quite a bit of time with her since then.

Lord Windermere.  [Coldly.]  Yes, I have seen a good deal of her since then.  I have just seen her.

Lord Windermere. [Coldly.] Yes, I've spent quite a bit of time with her since then. I just saw her.

Lord Augustus.  Egad! the women are very down on her.  I have been dining with Arabella this evening!  By Jove! you should have heard what she said about Mrs. Erlynne.  She didn’t leave a rag on her. . . . [Aside.]  Berwick and I told her that didn’t matter much, as the lady in question must have an extremely fine figure.  You should have seen Arabella’s expression! . . . But, look here, dear boy.  I don’t know what to do about Mrs. Erlynne.  Egad!  I might be married to her; she treats me with such demmed indifference.  She’s deuced clever, too!  She explains everything.  Egad! she explains you.  She has got any amount of explanations for you—and all of them different.

Lord Augustus. Wow! the women are really against her. I had dinner with Arabella this evening! You wouldn’t believe what she said about Mrs. Erlynne. She completely tore her apart. . . . [Aside.] Berwick and I told her it didn’t matter much, since the lady in question must have a gorgeous figure. You should have seen Arabella’s face! . . . But listen, my dear friend. I don’t know what to do about Mrs. Erlynne. Honestly! I might as well be married to her; she treats me with such total indifference. She’s incredibly clever, too! She has an explanation for everything. Honestly! She even has explanations for you—and each one is different.

Lord Windermere.  No explanations are necessary about my friendship with Mrs. Erlynne.

Lord Windermere. No need to explain my friendship with Mrs. Erlynne.

Lord Augustus.  Hem!  Well, look here, dear old fellow.  Do you think she will ever get into this demmed thing called Society?  Would you introduce her to your wife?  No use beating about the confounded bush.  Would you do that?

Lord Augustus.  Ahem! Listen, my dear friend. Do you think she’ll ever fit into this annoying thing called Society? Would you introduce her to your wife? There’s no point dancing around the subject. Would you do that?

Lord Windermere.  Mrs. Erlynne is coming here to-night.

Lord Windermere. Mrs. Erlynne is coming here tonight.

Lord Augustus.  Your wife has sent her a card?

Lord Gus. Your wife has sent her a card?

Lord Windermere.  Mrs. Erlynne has received a card.

Lord Windermere. Mrs. Erlynne has gotten a card.

Lord Augustus.  Then she’s all right, dear boy.  But why didn’t you tell me that before?  It would have saved me a heap of worry and demmed misunderstandings!

Lord Augustus. Then she’s fine, dear boy. But why didn’t you tell me that earlier? It would have saved me a lot of worry and damn misunderstandings!

[Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper cross and exit on terrace L.U.E.]

[Agatha and Mr. Hopper cross and exit on terrace L.U.E.]

Parker.  Mr. Cecil Graham!

Parker. Mr. Cecil Graham!

[Enter Mr. Cecil Graham.]

[Enter Mr. Cecil Graham.]

Cecil Graham.  [Bows to Lady Windermere, passes over and shakes hands with Lord Windermere.]  Good evening, Arthur.  Why don’t you ask me how I am?  I like people to ask me how I am.  It shows a wide-spread interest in my health.  Now, to-night I am not at all well.  Been dining with my people.  Wonder why it is one’s people are always so tedious?  My father would talk morality after dinner.  I told him he was old enough to know better.  But my experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don’t know anything at all.  Hallo, Tuppy!  Hear you’re going to be married again; thought you were tired of that game.

Cecil Graham.  [Bows to Lady Windermere, passes over and shakes hands with Lord Windermere.]  Good evening, Arthur.  Why don’t you ask me how I’m doing?  I like it when people ask about my well-being.  It shows they care about my health.  Now, tonight I’m not feeling great at all.  Had dinner with my family.  I wonder why our families are always so boring?  My dad would lecture on morality after dinner.  I told him he should know better at his age.  But I’ve found that once people are old enough to know better, they don’t seem to know anything at all.  Hey, Tuppy!  I heard you’re getting married again; I thought you were over that.

Lord Augustus.  You’re excessively trivial, my dear boy, excessively trivial!

Lord Augustus. You’re way too petty, my dear boy, way too petty!

Cecil Graham.  By the way, Tuppy, which is it?  Have you been twice married and once divorced, or twice divorced and once married?  I say you’ve been twice divorced and once married.  It seems so much more probable.

Cecil Graham. By the way, Tuppy, which is it? Have you been married twice and divorced once, or divorced twice and married once? I think you've been divorced twice and married once. It just seems way more likely.

Lord Augustus.  I have a very bad memory.  I really don’t remember which.  [Moves away R.]

Lord Augustus. I have a terrible memory. I honestly can’t remember which. [Moves away R.]

Lady Plymdale.  Lord Windermere, I’ve something most particular to ask you.

Lady Plymdale. Lord Windermere, I have something very specific to ask you.

Lord Windermere.  I am afraid—if you will excuse me—I must join my wife.

Lord Windermere. I'm sorry—but if you'll excuse me—I need to go join my wife.

Lady Plymdale.  Oh, you mustn’t dream of such a thing.  It’s most dangerous nowadays for a husband to pay any attention to his wife in public.  It always makes people think that he beats her when they’re alone.  The world has grown so suspicious of anything that looks like a happy married life.  But I’ll tell you what it is at supper.  [Moves towards door of ball-room.]

Lady Plymdale. Oh, you can't even think about that. It's really risky these days for a husband to show any affection to his wife in public. People always assume he must be abusive when they’re by themselves. The world has become so suspicious of anything that resembles a happy marriage. But I'll tell you more during supper. [Moves towards door of ball-room.]

Lord Windermere.  [C.]  Margaret!  I must speak to you.

Lord Windermere. [C.]  Margaret!  I need to talk to you.

Lady Windermere.  Will you hold my fan for me, Lord Darlington?  Thanks.  [Comes down to him.]

Lady Windermere. Will you hold my fan for me, Lord Darlington? Thanks. [Comes down to him.]

Lord Windermere.  [Crossing to her.]  Margaret, what you said before dinner was, of course, impossible?

Lord Windermere.  [Crossing to her.]  Margaret, what you said before dinner was, of course, impossible?

Lady Windermere.  That woman is not coming here to-night!

Lady Windermere. That woman is not coming here tonight!

Lord Windermere.  [R.C.]  Mrs. Erlynne is coming here, and if you in any way annoy or wound her, you will bring shame and sorrow on us both.  Remember that!  Ah, Margaret! only trust me!  A wife should trust her husband!

Lord Windermere.  [R.C.]  Mrs. Erlynne is coming here, and if you annoy or hurt her in any way, you’ll bring shame and sadness to both of us.  Remember that!  Ah, Margaret! just trust me!  A wife should trust her husband!

Lady Windermere.  [C.]  London is full of women who trust their husbands.  One can always recognise them.  They look so thoroughly unhappy.  I am not going to be one of them.  [Moves up.]  Lord Darlington, will you give me back my fan, please?  Thanks. . . . A useful thing a fan, isn’t it? . . . I want a friend to-night, Lord Darlington: I didn’t know I would want one so soon.

Lady Windermere. [C.]  London has plenty of women who believe in their husbands. You can always spot them. They seem completely miserable. I refuse to be one of them. [Moves up.]  Lord Darlington, could you please return my fan?  Thanks. . . . A fan is a handy thing, isn’t it? . . . I need a friend tonight, Lord Darlington: I didn’t realize I would need one so soon.

Lord Darlington.  Lady Windermere!  I knew the time would come some day; but why to-night?

Lord Darlington. Lady Windermere! I knew this day would come eventually; but why tonight?

Lord Windermere.  I will tell her.  I must.  It would be terrible if there were any scene.  Margaret . . .

Lord Windermere. I will tell her. I have to. It would be awful if there was any drama. Margaret . . .

Parker.  Mrs. Erlynne!

Parker. Mrs. Erlynne!

[Lord Windermere startsMrs. Erlynne enters, very beautifully dressed and very dignifiedLady Windermere clutches at her fan, then lets it drop on the doorShe bows coldly to Mrs. Erlynne, who bows to her sweetly in turn, and sails into the room.]

[Lord Windermere appears. Mrs. Erlynne walks in, stunningly dressed and very composed. Lady Windermere grips her fan tightly, then drops it on the floor. She gives a cold bow to Ms. Erlynne, who responds with a sweet bow in return, and glides into the room.]

Lord Darlington.  You have dropped your fan, Lady Windermere.  [Picks it up and hands it to her.]

Lord Darlington. You dropped your fan, Lady Windermere. [Picks it up and hands it to her.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  [C.]  How do you do, again, Lord Windermere?  How charming your sweet wife looks!  Quite a picture!

Mrs. Erlynne. [C.] How are you doing again, Lord Windermere? Your lovely wife looks absolutely charming! What a sight!

Lord Windermere.  [In a low voice.]  It was terribly rash of you to come!

Lord Windermere.  [In a quiet voice.]  It was really unwise of you to come!

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Smiling.]  The wisest thing I ever did in my life.  And, by the way, you must pay me a good deal of attention this evening.  I am afraid of the women.  You must introduce me to some of them.  The men I can always manage.  How do you do, Lord Augustus?  You have quite neglected me lately.  I have not seen you since yesterday.  I am afraid you’re faithless.  Every one told me so.

Mrs. Erlynne. [Smiling.] The smartest thing I ever did in my life. And by the way, you really need to give me a lot of your attention this evening. I’m a bit scared of the women. You have to introduce me to some of them. The men are easy for me to handle. How are you, Lord Augustus? You've totally ignored me lately. I haven’t seen you since yesterday. I’m worried you might be unfaithful. Everyone’s been saying that.

Lord Augustus.  [R.]  Now really, Mrs. Erlynne, allow me to explain.

Lord Gus.  [R.]  Look, Mrs. Erlynne, let me explain.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [R.C.]  No, dear Lord Augustus, you can’t explain anything.  It is your chief charm.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [R.C.]  No, dear Lord Augustus, you can’t explain anything.  It’s your best quality.

Lord Augustus.  Ah! if you find charms in me, Mrs. Erlynne—

Lord Augustus. Ah! If you see anything appealing in me, Mrs. Erlynne—

[They converse togetherLord Windermere moves uneasily about the room watching Mrs. Erlynne.]

[They talk to each otherLord Windermere paces nervously around the room watching Mrs. Erlynne.]

Lord Darlington.  [To Lady Windermere.]  How pale you are!

Lord Darlington.  [To Lady Windermere.]  You look so pale!

Lady Windermere.  Cowards are always pale!

Lady Windermere. Cowards are always pale!

Lord Darlington.  You look faint.  Come out on the terrace.

Lord Darlington. You look pale. Come out to the terrace.

Lady Windermere.  Yes.  [To Parker.]  Parker, send my cloak out.

Lady Windermere. Yes. [To Parker.] Parker, please send out my cloak.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Crossing to her.]  Lady Windermere, how beautifully your terrace is illuminated.  Reminds me of Prince Doria’s at Rome.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Walking over to her.]  Lady Windermere, your terrace looks amazing lit up. It makes me think of Prince Doria’s in Rome.

[Lady Windermere bows coldly, and goes off with Lord Darlington.]

[Lady Windermere bows coldly, and leaves with Lord Darlington.]

Oh, how do you do, Mr. Graham?  Isn’t that your aunt, Lady Jedburgh?  I should so much like to know her.

Oh, how are you, Mr. Graham? Isn’t that your aunt, Lady Jedburgh? I would really love to meet her.

Cecil Graham.  [After a moment’s hesitation and embarrassment.]  Oh, certainly, if you wish it.  Aunt Caroline, allow me to introduce Mrs. Erlynne.

Cecil Graham.  [After a brief pause and feeling a bit awkward.]  Oh, of course, if that's what you want.  Aunt Caroline, let me introduce Mrs. Erlynne.

Mrs. Erlynne.  So pleased to meet you, Lady Jedburgh.  [Sits beside her on the sofa.]  Your nephew and I are great friends.  I am so much interested in his political career.  I think he’s sure to be a wonderful success.  He thinks like a Tory, and talks like a Radical, and that’s so important nowadays.  He’s such a brilliant talker, too.  But we all know from whom he inherits that.  Lord Allandale was saying to me only yesterday, in the Park, that Mr. Graham talks almost as well as his aunt.

Mrs. Erlynne. It's a pleasure to meet you, Lady Jedburgh. [Sits beside her on the sofa.] Your nephew and I are good friends. I'm really interested in his political career. I believe he's bound to be a big success. He thinks like a Tory and speaks like a Radical, which is so important these days. He's also such a great speaker. But we all know where he gets that from. Lord Allandale was telling me just yesterday in the Park that Mr. Graham speaks almost as well as his aunt.

Lady Jedburgh.  [R.]  Most kind of you to say these charming things to me!  [Mrs. Erlynne smiles, and continues conversation.]

Lady Jedburgh.  [R.]  How nice of you to say such lovely things to me!  [Mrs. Erlynne smiles, and continues conversation.]

Dumby.  [To Cecil Graham.]  Did you introduce Mrs. Erlynne to Lady Jedburgh?

Dumb.  [To Cecil Graham.]  Did you introduce Mrs. Erlynne to Lady Jedburgh?

Cecil Graham.  Had to, my dear fellow.  Couldn’t help it!  That woman can make one do anything she wants.  How, I don’t know.

Cecil Graham. Had to, my friend. Couldn't avoid it! That woman can get anyone to do whatever she wants. How, I'm not sure.

Dumby.  Hope to goodness she won’t speak to me!  [Saunters towards Lady Plymdale.]

Dumby. I really hope she doesn’t talk to me! [Walks over to Lady Plymdale.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  [C.  To Lady Jedburgh.]  On Thursday?  With great pleasure.  [Rises, and speaks to Lord Windermere, laughing.]  What a bore it is to have to be civil to these old dowagers!  But they always insist on it!

Ms. Erlynne. [C. To Lady Jedburgh.] On Thursday? I’d love to. [Stands up, and talks to Lord Windermere, laughing.] Isn’t it tedious to have to be polite to these old ladies? But they always make you do it!

Lady Plymdale.  [To Mr. Dumby.]  Who is that well-dressed woman talking to Windermere?

Lady Plymdale.  [To Mr. Dumby.]  Who is that nicely dressed woman chatting with Windermere?

Dumby.  Haven’t got the slightest idea!  Looks like an édition de luxe of a wicked French novel, meant specially for the English market.

Dumb. I have no clue! It looks like a fancy edition of a distasteful French novel, made specifically for the English audience.

Mrs. Erlynne.  So that is poor Dumby with Lady Plymdale?  I hear she is frightfully jealous of him.  He doesn’t seem anxious to speak to me to-night.  I suppose he is afraid of her.  Those straw-coloured women have dreadful tempers.  Do you know, I think I’ll dance with you first, Windermere.  [Lord Windermere bites his lip and frowns.]  It will make Lord Augustus so jealous!  Lord Augustus!  [Lord Augustus comes down.]  Lord Windermere insists on my dancing with him first, and, as it’s his own house, I can’t well refuse.  You know I would much sooner dance with you.

Mrs. Erlynne. So that’s poor Dumby with Lady Plymdale? I hear she’s really jealous of him. He doesn’t seem eager to talk to me tonight. I guess he’s afraid of her. Those blonde women have terrible tempers. You know what, I think I’ll dance with you first, Windermere. [Lord Windermere bites his lip and frowns.] It’ll make Lord Augustus so jealous! Lord Augustus! [Lord Augustus comes down.] Lord Windermere insists that I dance with him first, and since it’s his own house, I can’t really say no. You know I’d much rather dance with you.

Lord Augustus.  [With a low bow.]  I wish I could think so, Mrs. Erlynne.

Lord Augustus.  [With a slight bow.]  I wish I could believe that, Mrs. Erlynne.

Mrs. Erlynne.  You know it far too well.  I can fancy a person dancing through life with you and finding it charming.

Mrs. Erlynne. You know this all too well. I can imagine someone dancing through life with you and finding it delightful.

Lord Augustus.  [Placing his hand on his white waistcoat.]  Oh, thank you, thank you.  You are the most adorable of all ladies!

Lord Augustus.  [Putting his hand on his white waistcoat.]  Oh, thank you, thank you.  You are the most charming of all women!

Mrs. Erlynne.  What a nice speech!  So simple and so sincere!  Just the sort of speech I like.  Well, you shall hold my bouquet.  [Goes towards ball-room on Lord Windermere’s arm.]  Ah, Mr. Dumby, how are you?  I am so sorry I have been out the last three times you have called.  Come and lunch on Friday.

Ms. Erlynne. What a lovely speech! So straightforward and genuine! Just the kind of speech I appreciate. Well, you can hold my bouquet. [Walks toward the ballroom on Lord Windermere's arm.] Ah, Mr. Dumby, how are you? I'm really sorry I missed you the last three times you called. Join me for lunch on Friday.

Dumby.  [With perfect nonchalance.]  Delighted!

Dumby.  [With total indifference.]  Thrilled!

[Lady Plymdale glares with indignation at Mr. DumbyLord Augustus follows Mrs. Erlynne and Lord Windermere into the ball-room holding bouquet.]

[Lady Plymdale glares at Mr. Dumby with anger. Lord Augustus follows Mrs. Erlynne and Lord Windermere into the ballroom while holding a bouquet.]

Lady Plymdale.  [To Mr. Dumby.]  What an absolute brute you are!  I never can believe a word you say!  Why did you tell me you didn’t know her?  What do you mean by calling on her three times running?  You are not to go to lunch there; of course you understand that?

Lady Plymdale. [To Mr. Dumby.] You are such a complete jerk! I can never trust anything you say! Why did you tell me you didn’t know her? What do you mean by visiting her three times in a row? You are not allowed to go to lunch there; you get that, right?

Dumby.  My dear Laura, I wouldn’t dream of going!

Dumbbell. My dear Laura, I wouldn't even think about leaving!

Lady Plymdale.  You haven’t told me her name yet!  Who is she?

Lady Plymdale. You still haven't told me her name! Who is she?

Dumby.  [Coughs slightly and smooths his hair.]  She’s a Mrs. Erlynne.

Dumb.  [He coughs a bit and fixes his hair.]  She's Mrs. Erlynne.

Lady Plymdale.  That woman!

Lady Plymdale. That woman!

Dumby.  Yes; that is what every one calls her.

Dumb. Yes, that’s what everyone calls her.

Lady Plymdale.  How very interesting!  How intensely interesting!  I really must have a good stare at her.  [Goes to door of ball-room and looks in.]  I have heard the most shocking things about her.  They say she is ruining poor Windermere.  And Lady Windermere, who goes in for being so proper, invites her!  How extremely amusing!  It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing.  You are to lunch there on Friday!

Lady Plymdale. How fascinating! How incredibly fascinating! I really need to take a good look at her. [Goes to the door of the ballroom and looks in.] I've heard the most scandalous things about her. They say she’s ruining poor Windermere. And Lady Windermere, who acts all prim and proper, invites her! How very entertaining! It takes a genuinely good person to make a completely foolish choice. You're having lunch there on Friday!

Dumby.  Why?

Dumby. Why?

Lady Plymdale.  Because I want you to take my husband with you.  He has been so attentive lately, that he has become a perfect nuisance.  Now, this woman is just the thing for him.  He’ll dance attendance upon her as long as she lets him, and won’t bother me.  I assure you, women of that kind are most useful.  They form the basis of other people’s marriages.

Lady Plymdale. Because I want you to take my husband with you. He’s been so attentive lately that he’s become a complete nuisance. Now, this woman is just what he needs. He’ll fawn over her as long as she allows it and won’t bother me. I assure you, women like her are incredibly useful. They support the foundations of other people's marriages.

Dumby.  What a mystery you are!

Dumb. What an enigma you are!

Lady Plymdale.  [Looking at him.]  I wish you were!

Lady Plymdale.  [Looking at him.]  I wish you were!

Dumby.  I am—to myself.  I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly; but I don’t see any chance of it just at present.

Dumb. I am—to myself. I’m the only person in the world I really want to know deeply; but I don’t see any chance of that happening right now.

[They pass into the ball-room, and Lady Windermere and Lord Darlington enter from the terrace.]

[They walk into the ballroom, and Lady Windermere and Lord Darlington come in from the terrace.]

Lady Windermere.  Yes.  Her coming here is monstrous, unbearable.  I know now what you meant to-day at tea-time.  Why didn’t you tell me right out?  You should have!

Lady Windermere. Yes. Her being here is outrageous, unbearable. I get what you meant today at tea. Why didn’t you just tell me directly? You should have!

Lord Darlington.  I couldn’t!  A man can’t tell these things about another man!  But if I had known he was going to make you ask her here to-night, I think I would have told you.  That insult, at any rate, you would have been spared.

Lord Darlington. I couldn’t! You can’t really tell those things about another guy! But if I had known he was going to make you invite her here tonight, I think I would have warned you. At least you would have been spared that insult.

Lady Windermere.  I did not ask her.  He insisted on her coming—against my entreaties—against my commands.  Oh! the house is tainted for me!  I feel that every woman here sneers at me as she dances by with my husband.  What have I done to deserve this?  I gave him all my life.  He took it—used it—spoiled it!  I am degraded in my own eyes; and I lack courage—I am a coward!  [Sits down on sofa.]

Lady Windermere. I didn't ask her to come. He insisted she join—despite my pleas—despite my orders. Oh! This house feels tainted to me! I can sense that every woman here looks down on me as she dances with my husband. What did I do to deserve this? I gave him my whole life. He took it—used it—ruined it! I feel degraded in my own eyes; and I lack the courage—I am a coward! [Sits down on sofa.]

Lord Darlington.  If I know you at all, I know that you can’t live with a man who treats you like this!  What sort of life would you have with him?  You would feel that he was lying to you every moment of the day.  You would feel that the look in his eyes was false, his voice false, his touch false, his passion false.  He would come to you when he was weary of others; you would have to comfort him.  He would come to you when he was devoted to others; you would have to charm him.  You would have to be to him the mask of his real life, the cloak to hide his secret.

Lord Darlington. If I know you at all, I realize that you can’t be with someone who treats you like this! What kind of life would you have with him? You would feel like he’s lying to you every moment of the day. You would sense that the look in his eyes was fake, his voice was fake, his touch was fake, his passion was fake. He would come to you when he was tired of others; you’d have to comfort him. He would come to you when he was devoted to others; you’d have to win him over. You would have to be the mask for his real life, the cover to hide his secret.

Lady Windermere.  You are right—you are terribly right.  But where am I to turn?  You said you would be my friend, Lord Darlington.—Tell me, what am I to do?  Be my friend now.

Lady Windermere. You’re right—you’re absolutely right. But where can I go? You said you would be my friend, Lord Darlington. Tell me, what should I do? Please be my friend now.

Lord Darlington.  Between men and women there is no friendship possible.  There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.  I love you—

Lord Darlington. Between men and women, true friendship isn't possible. There can be passion, rivalry, admiration, love, but not friendship. I love you—

Lady Windermere.  No, no!  [Rises.]

Lady Windermere. No, no! [Stands up.]

Lord Darlington.  Yes, I love you!  You are more to me than anything in the whole world.  What does your husband give you?  Nothing.  Whatever is in him he gives to this wretched woman, whom he has thrust into your society, into your home, to shame you before every one.  I offer you my life—

Lord Darlington. Yes, I love you! You mean more to me than anything else in the world. What does your husband give you? Nothing. Everything he has, he gives to that miserable woman he forced into your life, into your home, to embarrass you in front of everyone. I offer you my life—

Lady Windermere.  Lord Darlington!

Lady Windermere. Lord Darlington!

Lord Darlington.  My life—my whole life.  Take it, and do with it what you will. . . . I love you—love you as I have never loved any living thing.  From the moment I met you I loved you, loved you blindly, adoringly, madly!  You did not know it then—you know it now!  Leave this house to-night.  I won’t tell you that the world matters nothing, or the world’s voice, or the voice of society.  They matter a great deal.  They matter far too much.  But there are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, completely—or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands.  You have that moment now.  Choose!  Oh, my love, choose.

Lord Darlington. My life—my entire life. Take it and do whatever you want with it. . . . I love you—love you like I’ve never loved anything else. From the moment I met you, I loved you, loved you blindly, adoringly, obsessively! You didn't realize it back then—you know it now! Leave this house tonight. I won’t say that the world doesn’t matter, or that society’s opinion doesn’t matter. They matter a lot. They matter way too much. But there are times when you have to choose between living your own life, completely and fully—or dragging out some fake, superficial, degrading existence that society demands because of its hypocrisy. You have that moment now. Choose! Oh, my love, choose.

Lady Windermere.  [Moving slowly away from him, and looking at him with startled eyes.]  I have not the courage.

Lady Windermere.  [Backing away from him, and staring at him in surprise.]  I don't have the courage.

Lord Darlington.  [Following her.]  Yes; you have the courage.  There may be six months of pain, of disgrace even, but when you no longer bear his name, when you bear mine, all will be well.  Margaret, my love, my wife that shall be some day—yes, my wife!  You know it!  What are you now?  This woman has the place that belongs by right to you.  Oh! go—go out of this house, with head erect, with a smile upon your lips, with courage in your eyes.  All London will know why you did it; and who will blame you?  No one.  If they do, what matter?  Wrong?  What is wrong?  It’s wrong for a man to abandon his wife for a shameless woman.  It is wrong for a wife to remain with a man who so dishonours her.  You said once you would make no compromise with things.  Make none now.  Be brave!  Be yourself!

Lord Darlington.  [Following her.]  Yes; you have the courage.  There might be six months of pain, even disgrace, but when you no longer carry his name, when you have mine, everything will be fine.  Margaret, my love, my future wife—yes, my wife!  You know it!  What are you now?  This woman has the position that rightfully belongs to you.  Oh! go—leave this house, with your head held high, a smile on your face, and determination in your eyes.  All of London will know why you did it; and who will judge you?  No one.  And if they do, who cares?  Wrong?  What’s wrong?  It’s wrong for a man to desert his wife for an unprincipled woman.  It’s wrong for a wife to stay with a man who dishonors her.  You once said you would never compromise on principles.  Don’t do it now.  Be brave!  Be yourself!

Lady Windermere.  I am afraid of being myself.  Let me think!  Let me wait!  My husband may return to me.  [Sits down on sofa.]

Lady Windermere. I'm scared to be myself. Let me think! Let me wait! My husband might come back to me. [Sits down on sofa.]

Lord Darlington.  And you would take him back!  You are not what I thought you were.  You are just the same as every other woman.  You would stand anything rather than face the censure of a world, whose praise you would despise.  In a week you will be driving with this woman in the Park.  She will be your constant guest—your dearest friend.  You would endure anything rather than break with one blow this monstrous tie.  You are right.  You have no courage; none!

Lord Darlington. And you would take him back! You're not what I thought you were. You're just like every other woman. You'd tolerate anything to avoid the criticism of a world whose approval you would actually hate. In a week, you'll be out driving with this woman in the park. She'll be your regular companion—your closest friend. You would put up with anything rather than end this terrible connection in one fell swoop. You're right. You have no courage; none!

Lady Windermere.  Ah, give me time to think.  I cannot answer you now.  [Passes her hand nervously over her brow.]

Lady Windermere. Ah, give me a moment to think. I can’t respond right now. [Passes her hand nervously over her brow.]

Lord Darlington.  It must be now or not at all.

Lord Darlington. It has to be now or never.

Lady Windermere.  [Rising from the sofa.]  Then, not at all!  [A pause.]

Lady Windermere.  [Getting up from the sofa.]  Then, definitely not!  [A pause.]

Lord Darlington.  You break my heart!

Lord Darlington. You’re breaking my heart!

Lady Windermere.  Mine is already broken.  [A pause.]

Lady Windermere. Mine is already broken. [A pause.]

Lord Darlington.  To-morrow I leave England.  This is the last time I shall ever look on you.  You will never see me again.  For one moment our lives met—our souls touched.  They must never meet or touch again.  Good-bye, Margaret.  [Exit.]

Lord Darlington. Tomorrow I’m leaving England. This is the last time I’ll ever see you. You won’t see me again. For just a moment our lives connected—our souls brushed against each other. They must never connect or brush against each other again. Goodbye, Margaret. [Exit.]

Lady Windermere.  How alone I am in life!  How terribly alone!

Lady Windermere. How alone I feel in life! How completely alone!

[The music stopsEnter the Duchess of Berwick and Lord Paisley laughing and talkingOther guests come on from ball-room.]

[The music stops. Enter the Duchess of Berwick and Lord Paisley laughing and talking. Other guests come on from ball-room.]

Duchess of Berwick.  Dear Margaret, I’ve just been having such a delightful chat with Mrs. Erlynne.  I am so sorry for what I said to you this afternoon about her.  Of course, she must be all right if you invite her.  A most attractive woman, and has such sensible views on life.  Told me she entirely disapproved of people marrying more than once, so I feel quite safe about poor Augustus.  Can’t imagine why people speak against her.  It’s those horrid nieces of mine—the Saville girls—they’re always talking scandal.  Still, I should go to Homburg, dear, I really should.  She is just a little too attractive.  But where is Agatha?  Oh, there she is:  [Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper enter from terrace L.U.E.]  Mr. Hopper, I am very, very angry with you.  You have taken Agatha out on the terrace, and she is so delicate.

Duchess of Berwick. Dear Margaret, I just had a wonderful conversation with Mrs. Erlynne. I’m really sorry for what I said to you this afternoon about her. Of course, she must be fine if you invite her. She’s a very attractive woman and has such sensible views on life. She told me she completely disapproves of people marrying more than once, so I feel secure about poor Augustus. I can’t understand why people speak ill of her. It’s those terrible nieces of mine—the Saville girls—they're always spreading rumors. Still, I should really go to Homburg; I truly should. She is just a bit too appealing. But where is Agatha? Oh, there she is: [Lady Agatha and Mr. Hopper enter from terrace L.U.E.] Mr. Hopper, I am very, very upset with you. You took Agatha out on the terrace, and she is so fragile.

Hopper.  Awfully sorry, Duchess.  We went out for a moment and then got chatting together.

Hopper. Really sorry, Duchess. We stepped out for a bit and then started talking.

Duchess of Berwick.  [C.]  Ah, about dear Australia, I suppose?

Duchess of Berwick.  [C.]  Oh, we're talking about lovely Australia, right?

Hopper.  Yes!

Hopper. Yes!

Duchess of Berwick.  Agatha, darling!  [Beckons her over.]

Duchess of Berwick. Agatha, sweetheart! [Beckons her over.]

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma!

Lady Agatha. Yes, Mom!

Duchess of Berwick.  [Aside.]  Did Mr. Hopper definitely—

Duchess of Berwick.  [Aside.]  Did Mr. Hopper definitely—

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.

Lady Agatha. Yes, Mom.

Duchess of Berwick.  And what answer did you give him, dear child?

Duchess of Berwick. And what did you tell him, sweetheart?

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.

Lady Agatha. Yes, mom.

Duchess of Berwick.  [Affectionately.]  My dear one!  You always say the right thing.  Mr. Hopper!  James!  Agatha has told me everything.  How cleverly you have both kept your secret.

Duchess of Berwick.  [Affectionately.]  My dear!  You always know what to say.  Mr. Hopper!  James!  Agatha has filled me in on everything.  You both did a great job keeping your secret.

Hopper.  You don’t mind my taking Agatha off to Australia, then, Duchess?

Hopper. You’re okay with me taking Agatha to Australia, then, Duchess?

Duchess of Berwick.  [Indignantly.]  To Australia?  Oh, don’t mention that dreadful vulgar place.

Duchess of Berwick. [Indignantly.] To Australia? Oh, don’t even bring up that awful, tacky place.

Hopper.  But she said she’d like to come with me.

Hopper. But she mentioned she’d like to join me.

Duchess of Berwick.  [Severely.]  Did you say that, Agatha?

Duchess of Berwick.  [Severely.]  Did you really say that, Agatha?

Lady Agatha.  Yes, mamma.

Lady Agatha. Yes, Mom.

Duchess of Berwick.  Agatha, you say the most silly things possible.  I think on the whole that Grosvenor Square would be a more healthy place to reside in.  There are lots of vulgar people live in Grosvenor Square, but at any rate there are no horrid kangaroos crawling about.  But we’ll talk about that to-morrow.  James, you can take Agatha down.  You’ll come to lunch, of course, James.  At half-past one, instead of two.  The Duke will wish to say a few words to you, I am sure.

Duchess of Berwick. Agatha, you make the silliest remarks. Honestly, I think Grosvenor Square would be a healthier place to live. There are plenty of pretentious people in Grosvenor Square, but at least there aren't any dreadful kangaroos wandering around. We'll discuss that tomorrow. James, you can escort Agatha downstairs. You'll join us for lunch, right, James? It’ll be at 1:30 instead of 2. I'm sure the Duke will want to have a few words with you.

Hopper.  I should like to have a chat with the Duke, Duchess.  He has not said a single word to me yet.

Hopper. I would like to have a conversation with the Duke, Duchess. He hasn't said a single word to me yet.

Duchess of Berwick.  I think you’ll find he will have a great deal to say to you to-morrow.  [Exit Lady Agatha with Mr. Hopper.]  And now good-night, Margaret.  I’m afraid it’s the old, old story, dear.  Love—well, not love at first sight, but love at the end of the season, which is so much more satisfactory.

Duchess of Berwick. I think you'll find he has a lot to talk to you about tomorrow. [Exit Lady Agatha with Mr. Hopper.] And now, goodnight, Margaret. I'm afraid it's the same old story, dear. Love—well, not love at first sight, but love at the end of the season, which is so much more satisfying.

Lady Windermere.  Good-night, Duchess.

Lady Windermere. Good night, Duchess.

[Exit the Duchess of Berwick on Lord Paisley’s arm.]

[Leave the Duchess of Berwick on Lord Paisley’s arm.]

Lady Plymdale.  My dear Margaret, what a handsome woman your husband has been dancing with!  I should be quite jealous if I were you!  Is she a great friend of yours?

Lady Plymdale. My dear Margaret, what a beautiful woman your husband has been dancing with! I would be really jealous if I were you! Is she a close friend of yours?

Lady Windermere.  No!

Lady Windermere. No way!

Lady Plymdale.  Really?  Good-night, dear.  [Looks at Mr. Dumby and exit.]

Lady Plymdale. Seriously? Good night, sweetheart. [Glances at Mr. Dumby and leaves.]

Dumby.  Awful manners young Hopper has!

Dumb. Young Hopper has terrible manners!

Cecil Graham.  Ah!  Hopper is one of Nature’s gentlemen, the worst type of gentleman I know.

Cecil Graham. Ah! Hopper is one of those guys that nature made to be a gentleman, but he's the worst kind of gentleman I've ever seen.

Dumby.  Sensible woman, Lady Windermere.  Lots of wives would have objected to Mrs. Erlynne coming.  But Lady Windermere has that uncommon thing called common sense.

Dumb. A sensible woman, Lady Windermere. Many wives would have minded Mrs. Erlynne coming. But Lady Windermere has that rare quality known as common sense.

Cecil Graham.  And Windermere knows that nothing looks so like innocence as an indiscretion.

Cecil Graham. And Windermere knows that nothing appears as innocent as a mistake.

Dumby.  Yes; dear Windermere is becoming almost modern.  Never thought he would.  [Bows to Lady Windermere and exit.]

Dumb. Yes; dear Windermere is almost becoming modern. Never thought he would. [Bows to Lady Windermere and exits.]

Lady Jedburgh.  Good night, Lady Windermere.  What a fascinating woman Mrs. Erlynne is!  She is coming to lunch on Thursday, won’t you come too?  I expect the Bishop and dear Lady Merton.

Lady Jedburgh. Good night, Lady Windermere. What an interesting woman Mrs. Erlynne is! She’s coming to lunch on Thursday; would you like to join us? I’m expecting the Bishop and dear Lady Merton.

Lady Windermere.  I am afraid I am engaged, Lady Jedburgh.

Lady Windermere. I’m sorry, Lady Jedburgh, but I’m busy.

Lady Jedburgh.  So sorry.  Come, dear.  [Exeunt Lady Jedburgh and Miss Graham.]

Lady Jedburgh. Sorry about that. Come on, dear. [Exit Lady Jedburgh and Ms. Graham.]

[Enter Mrs. Erlynne and Lord Windermere.]

[Enter Mrs. Erlynne and Lord Windermere.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  Charming ball it has been!  Quite reminds me of old days.  [Sits on sofa.]  And I see that there are just as many fools in society as there used to be.  So pleased to find that nothing has altered!  Except Margaret.  She’s grown quite pretty.  The last time I saw her—twenty years ago, she was a fright in flannel.  Positive fright, I assure you.  The dear Duchess! and that sweet Lady Agatha!  Just the type of girl I like!  Well, really, Windermere, if I am to be the Duchess’s sister-in-law—

Mrs. Erlynne.  What a lovely ball it’s been!  It really takes me back to the old days.  [Sits on sofa.]  And I can see there are just as many fools in society as there always have been.  I'm so glad nothing has changed!  Except for Margaret.  She’s turned out quite pretty.  The last time I saw her—twenty years ago—she was a mess in flannel.  A complete mess, I promise you.  The dear Duchess! And that lovely Lady Agatha!  Just the sort of girl I like!  Well, honestly, Windermere, if I’m going to be the Duchess’s sister-in-law—

Lord Windermere.  [Sitting L. of her.]  But are you—?

Lord Windermere.  [Sitting L. of her.]  But are you—?

[Exit Mr. Cecil Graham with rest of guestsLady Windermere watches, with a look of scorn and pain, Mrs. Erlynne and her husbandThey are unconscious of her presence.]

[Exit Mr. Cecil Graham with the other guests. Lady Windermere watches, with a look of disdain and hurt, Mrs. Erlynne and her husband. They are unaware of her presence.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  Oh, yes!  He’s to call to-morrow at twelve o’clock!  He wanted to propose to-night.  In fact he did.  He kept on proposing.  Poor Augustus, you know how he repeats himself.  Such a bad habit!  But I told him I wouldn’t give him an answer till to-morrow.  Of course I am going to take him.  And I dare say I’ll make him an admirable wife, as wives go.  And there is a great deal of good in Lord Augustus.  Fortunately it is all on the surface.  Just where good qualities should be.  Of course you must help me in this matter.

Mrs. Erlynne. Oh, yes! He’s coming tomorrow at twelve o’clock! He wanted to propose tonight. Actually, he did keep proposing. Poor Augustus, you know how he can be repetitive. Such a bad habit! But I told him I wouldn’t give him an answer until tomorrow. Of course, I’m going to accept him. I’m sure I’ll be a great wife, by the standards of wives today. And there’s a lot of good in Lord Augustus. Thankfully, it’s all right on the surface. Just where good qualities should be. Of course, you have to help me with this.

Lord Windermere.  I am not called on to encourage Lord Augustus, I suppose?

Lord Windermere. I guess I’m not expected to support Lord Augustus, am I?

Mrs. Erlynne.  Oh, no!  I do the encouraging.  But you will make me a handsome settlement, Windermere, won’t you?

Ms. Erlynne. Oh, no! I'm the one who does the encouraging. But you will give me a generous settlement, Windermere, won’t you?

Lord Windermere.  [Frowning.]  Is that what you want to talk to me about to-night?

Lord Windermere.  [Frowning.]  Is that what you want to discuss with me tonight?

Mrs. Erlynne.  Yes.

Mrs. Erlynne. Yes.

Lord Windermere.  [With a gesture of impatience.]  I will not talk of it here.

Lord Windermere.  [With a gesture of impatience.]  I won’t discuss it here.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Laughing.]  Then we will talk of it on the terrace.  Even business should have a picturesque background.  Should it not, Windermere?  With a proper background women can do anything.

Mrs. Erlynne. [Laughing.]  Then let's discuss it on the terrace.  Even business deserves a beautiful setting.  Don't you agree, Windermere?  With the right backdrop, women can accomplish anything.

Lord Windermere.  Won’t to-morrow do as well?

Lord Windermere. Can’t tomorrow work just as well?

Mrs. Erlynne.  No; you see, to-morrow I am going to accept him.  And I think it would be a good thing if I was able to tell him that I had—well, what shall I say?—£2000 a year left to me by a third cousin—or a second husband—or some distant relative of that kind.  It would be an additional attraction, wouldn’t it?  You have a delightful opportunity now of paying me a compliment, Windermere.  But you are not very clever at paying compliments.  I am afraid Margaret doesn’t encourage you in that excellent habit.  It’s a great mistake on her part.  When men give up saying what is charming, they give up thinking what is charming.  But seriously, what do you say to £2000?  £2500, I think.  In modern life margin is everything.  Windermere, don’t you think the world an intensely amusing place?  I do!

Mrs. Erlynne. No; you see, tomorrow I’m going to accept him. I think it would be good if I could tell him that I had—well, what should I say?—£2000 a year left to me by a third cousin—or a second husband—or some kind of distant relative. It would be an added attraction, wouldn’t it? You have a lovely chance now to give me a compliment, Windermere. But you’re not very good at giving compliments. I’m afraid Margaret doesn’t encourage you in that great habit. It’s a big mistake on her part. When men stop saying what’s charming, they stop thinking what’s charming. But seriously, what do you think of £2000? £2500, I think. In modern life, margin is everything. Windermere, don’t you find the world to be an incredibly amusing place? I do!

[Exit on terrace with Lord Windermere.  Music strikes up in ball-room.]

[Exit on terrace with Lord Windermere. Music starts playing in the ballroom.]

Lady Windermere.  To stay in this house any longer is impossible.  To-night a man who loves me offered me his whole life.  I refused it.  It was foolish of me.  I will offer him mine now.  I will give him mine.  I will go to him!  [Puts on cloak and goes to the door, then turns backSits down at table and writes a letter, puts it into an envelope, and leaves it on table.]  Arthur has never understood me.  When he reads this, he will.  He may do as he chooses now with his life.  I have done with mine as I think best, as I think right.  It is he who has broken the bond of marriage—not I.  I only break its bondage.

Lady Windermere. I can't stay in this house any longer. Tonight, a man who loves me offered me his entire life. I turned him down. That was a mistake. Now I’m going to offer him mine. I will give him my life. I’m going to him! [Puts on cloak and goes to the door, then turns back. Sits down at table and writes a letter, puts it into an envelope, and leaves it on table.] Arthur has never understood me. When he reads this, he will. He can do whatever he wants with his life now. I've made my choices as I see fit, as I believe is right. He is the one who has broken our marriage—not me. I’m just breaking free from its constraints.

[Exit.]

[Leave.]

[Parker enters L. and crosses towards the ball-room R.  Enter Mrs. Erlynne.]

[Parker enters from the left and crosses toward the ballroom on the right. Enter Mrs. Erlynne.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  Is Lady Windermere in the ball-room?

Mrs. Erlynne. Is Lady Windermere in the ballroom?

Parker.  Her ladyship has just gone out.

Parker. Her ladyship just stepped out.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Gone out?  She’s not on the terrace?

Mrs. Erlynne. Is she gone? She’s not on the terrace?

Parker.  No, madam.  Her ladyship has just gone out of the house.

Parker. No, ma'am. She just stepped out of the house.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Starts, and looks at the servant with a puzzled expression in her face.]  Out of the house?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Starts, and looks at the servant with a confused expression on her face.]  Out of the house?

Parker.  Yes, madam—her ladyship told me she had left a letter for his lordship on the table.

Parker. Yes, ma'am—her ladyship mentioned that she left a letter for his lordship on the table.

Mrs. Erlynne.  A letter for Lord Windermere?

Mrs. Erlynne. A letter for Lord Windermere?

Parker.  Yes, madam.

Parker. Yes, ma'am.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Thank you.

Mrs. Erlynne. Thanks.

[Exit ParkerThe music in the ball-room stops.]  Gone out of her house!  A letter addressed to her husband!  [Goes over to bureau and looks at letterTakes it up and lays it down again with a shudder of fear.]  No, no!  It would be impossible!  Life doesn’t repeat its tragedies like that!  Oh, why does this horrible fancy come across me?  Why do I remember now the one moment of my life I most wish to forget?  Does life repeat its tragedies?  [Tears letter open and reads it, then sinks down into a chair with a gesture of anguish.]  Oh, how terrible!  The same words that twenty years ago I wrote to her father! and how bitterly I have been punished for it!  No; my punishment, my real punishment is to-night, is now!  [Still seated R.]

[Exit Parker. The music in the ballroom stops.] She’s gone out of her house! A letter addressed to her husband! [Goes over to the bureau and looks at the letter. Picks it up and puts it down again with a shudder of fear.] No, no! It can’t be true! Life doesn’t repeat its tragedies like this! Oh, why does this terrible thought come to me? Why do I suddenly recall the one moment in my life I desperately want to forget? Does life really repeat its tragedies? [Tears the letter open and reads it, then sinks down into a chair with a gesture of anguish.] Oh, how awful! The same words that I wrote to her father twenty years ago! And how harshly I have been punished for it! No; my punishment, my real punishment, is tonight, is right now! [Still seated R.]

[Enter Lord Windermere L.U.E.]

[Enter Lord Windermere L.U.E.]

Lord Windermere.  Have you said good-night to my wife?  [Comes C.]

Lord Windermere. Have you said goodnight to my wife? [Comes C.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Crushing letter in her hand.]  Yes.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Crushing letter in her hand.]  Yeah.

Lord Windermere.  Where is she?

Lord Windermere. Where is she?

Mrs. Erlynne.  She is very tired.  She has gone to bed.  She said she had a headache.

Mrs. Erlynne. She is really tired. She has gone to bed. She said she has a headache.

Lord Windermere.  I must go to her.  You’ll excuse me?

Lord Windermere. I have to go to her. Can you excuse me?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Rising hurriedly.]  Oh, no!  It’s nothing serious.  She’s only very tired, that is all.  Besides, there are people still in the supper-room.  She wants you to make her apologies to them.  She said she didn’t wish to be disturbed.  [Drops letter.]  She asked me to tell you!

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Getting up quickly.]  Oh, no!  It’s nothing serious.  She’s just really tired, that’s all.  Plus, there are still people in the dining room.  She wants you to apologize to them for her.  She said she doesn’t want to be disturbed.  [Drops letter.]  She asked me to let you know!

Lord Windermere.  [Picks up letter.]  You have dropped something.

Lord Windermere.  [Picks up letter.]  You've dropped something.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Oh yes, thank you, that is mine.  [Puts out her hand to take it.]

Mrs. Erlynne. Oh yes, thanks, that's mine. [Extends her hand to take it.]

Lord Windermere.  [Still looking at letter.]  But it’s my wife’s handwriting, isn’t it?

Lord Windermere.  [Still looking at letter.]  But it’s my wife’s writing, right?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Takes the letter quickly.]  Yes, it’s—an address.  Will you ask them to call my carriage, please?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Takes the letter quickly.]  Yes, it’s—an address.  Could you please ask them to bring my carriage?

Lord Windermere.  Certainly.

Lord Windermere. Sure thing.

[Goes L. and Exit.]

[Goes L. and Exit.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  Thanks!  What can I do?  What can I do?  I feel a passion awakening within me that I never felt before.  What can it mean?  The daughter must not be like the mother—that would be terrible.  How can I save her?  How can I save my child?  A moment may ruin a life.  Who knows that better than I?  Windermere must be got out of the house; that is absolutely necessary.  [Goes L.]  But how shall I do it?  It must be done somehow.  Ah!

Mrs. Erlynne. Thanks! What can I do? What can I do? I'm feeling a passion inside me that I've never felt before. What could it mean? The daughter must not end up like the mother—that would be awful. How can I protect her? How can I save my child? A single moment could ruin a life. Who knows that better than I? Windermere has to be gotten out of the house; that’s absolutely necessary. [Goes L.] But how am I going to do it? It has to be done somehow. Ah!

[Enter Lord Augustus R.U.E. carrying bouquet.]

[Enter Lord Augustus R.U.E. holding bouquet.]

Lord Augustus.  Dear lady, I am in such suspense!  May I not have an answer to my request?

Lord Augustus. Dear lady, I am really anxious! Can I please have an answer to my request?

Mrs. Erlynne.  Lord Augustus, listen to me.  You are to take Lord Windermere down to your club at once, and keep him there as long as possible.  You understand?

Ms. Erlynne. Lord Augustus, listen to me. You need to take Lord Windermere down to your club right away and keep him there for as long as you can. Got it?

Lord Augustus.  But you said you wished me to keep early hours!

Lord Augustus. But you said you wanted me to wake up early!

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Nervously.]  Do what I tell you.  Do what I tell you.

Mrs. Erlynne. [Nervously.] Just do what I say. Do what I say.

Lord Augustus.  And my reward?

Lord Augustus. And what do I get?

Mrs. Erlynne.  Your reward?  Your reward?  Oh! ask me that to-morrow.  But don’t let Windermere out of your sight to-night.  If you do I will never forgive you.  I will never speak to you again.  I’ll have nothing to do with you.  Remember you are to keep Windermere at your club, and don’t let him come back to-night.

Mrs. Erlynne. Your reward? Your reward? Oh! Ask me that tomorrow. But don't take your eyes off Windermere tonight. If you do, I will never forgive you. I will never talk to you again. I’ll have nothing to do with you. Remember, you need to keep Windermere at your club and don’t let him come back tonight.

[Exit L.]

[Exit L.]

Lord Augustus.  Well, really, I might be her husband already.  Positively I might.  [Follows her in a bewildered manner.]

Lord Augustus.  Well, honestly, I could already be her husband.  Absolutely, I could.  [Follows her in a confused manner.]

 

Act Drop.

Take Action Drop.

THIRD ACT

SCENE

SCENE

Lord Darlington’s RoomsA large sofa is in front of fireplace R.  At the back of the stage a curtain is drawn across the windowDoors L. and R.  Table R. with writing materials.  Table C. with syphons, glasses, and Tantalus frameTable L. with cigar and cigarette box.  Lamps lit.

Lord Darlington’s Rooms. A large sofa is positioned in front of the fireplace on the right. A curtain is drawn across the window at the back of the stage. There are doors on the left and right. A table on the right has writing materials. A center table holds syphons, glasses, and a Tantalus frame. A table on the left has a box for cigars and cigarettes. Lamps are lit.

Lady Windermere.  [Standing by the fireplace.]  Why doesn’t he come?  This waiting is horrible.  He should be here.  Why is he not here, to wake by passionate words some fire within me?  I am cold—cold as a loveless thing.  Arthur must have read my letter by this time.  If he cared for me, he would have come after me, would have taken me back by force.  But he doesn’t care.  He’s entrammelled by this woman—fascinated by her—dominated by her.  If a woman wants to hold a man, she has merely to appeal to what is worst in him.  We make gods of men and they leave us.  Others make brutes of them and they fawn and are faithful.  How hideous life is! . . . Oh! it was mad of me to come here, horribly mad.  And yet, which is the worst, I wonder, to be at the mercy of a man who loves one, or the wife of a man who in one’s own house dishonours one?  What woman knows?  What woman in the whole world?  But will he love me always, this man to whom I am giving my life?  What do I bring him?  Lips that have lost the note of joy, eyes that are blinded by tears, chill hands and icy heart.  I bring him nothing.  I must go back—no; I can’t go back, my letter has put me in their power—Arthur would not take me back!  That fatal letter!  No!  Lord Darlington leaves England to-morrow.  I will go with him—I have no choice.  [Sits down for a few momentsThen starts up and puts on her cloak.]  No, no!  I will go back, let Arthur do with me what he pleases.  I can’t wait here.  It has been madness my coming.  I must go at once.  As for Lord Darlington—Oh! here he is!  What shall I do?  What can I say to him?  Will he let me go away at all?  I have heard that men are brutal, horrible . . . Oh!  [Hides her face in her hands.]

Lady Windermere.  [Standing by the fireplace.]  Why isn’t he here?  This waiting is unbearable.  He should be here.  Why isn’t he here to ignite some passion in me with his words?  I feel cold—cold like something without love.  Arthur must have read my letter by now.  If he really cared for me, he would have come after me, would have brought me back by force.  But he doesn’t care.  He’s trapped by this woman—enamored with her—under her control.  If a woman wants to keep a man, all she has to do is appeal to the worst parts of him.  We put men on pedestals, and they abandon us.  Others turn them into brutes, and those men comply and remain loyal.  How awful life is! . . . Oh! It was crazy of me to come here, incredibly crazy.  But I wonder which is worse: being at the mercy of a man who loves you or being the wife of a man who dishonors you in your own home?  What woman knows?  What woman in the entire world?  But will he love me forever, this man to whom I’m giving my life?  What do I have to offer him?  Lips that have forgotten how to smile, eyes clouded by tears, cold hands, and a frozen heart.  I have nothing to give him.  I need to go back—no; I can’t go back, my letter has put me in their control—Arthur wouldn’t take me back!  That cursed letter!  No!  Lord Darlington is leaving England tomorrow.  I’ll go with him—I have no choice.  [Sits down for a few momentsThen starts up and puts on her cloak.]  No, no!  I will go back, let Arthur do whatever he wants with me.  I can’t stay here.  Coming here was madness.  I have to leave immediately.  As for Lord Darlington—Oh! here he is!  What should I do?  What can I say to him?  Will he even let me leave?  I’ve heard that men can be cruel, terrible . . . Oh!  [Hides her face in her hands.]

[Enter Mrs. Erlynne L.]

[Enter Mrs. Erlynne L.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  Lady Windermere!  [Lady Windermere starts and looks upThen recoils in contempt.]  Thank Heaven I am in time.  You must go back to your husband’s house immediately.

Mrs. Erlynne. Lady Windermere! [Lady Windermere startles and looks up. Then pulls back in disdain.] Thank God I made it in time. You need to return to your husband’s house right away.

Lady Windermere.  Must?

Lady Windermere. Required?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Authoritatively.]  Yes, you must!  There is not a second to be lost.  Lord Darlington may return at any moment.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Authoritatively.]  Yes, you have to!  There’s no time to waste.  Lord Darlington could come back at any moment.

Lady Windermere.  Don’t come near me!

Lady Windermere. Stay back!

Mrs. Erlynne.  Oh!  You are on the brink of ruin, you are on the brink of a hideous precipice.  You must leave this place at once, my carriage is waiting at the corner of the street.  You must come with me and drive straight home.

Mrs. Erlynne. Oh! You are about to face disaster, you're standing on the edge of a terrible downfall. You need to leave this place right now; my car is waiting at the corner of the street. You have to come with me and head straight home.

[Lady Windermere throws off her cloak and flings it on the sofa.]

[Lady Windermere takes off her cloak and throws it onto the sofa.]

What are you doing?

What are you up to?

Lady Windermere.  Mrs. Erlynne—if you had not come here, I would have gone back.  But now that I see you, I feel that nothing in the whole world would induce me to live under the same roof as Lord Windermere.  You fill me with horror.  There is something about you that stirs the wildest—rage within me.  And I know why you are here.  My husband sent you to lure me back that I might serve as a blind to whatever relations exist between you and him.

Lady Windermere. Mrs. Erlynne—if you hadn't shown up, I would have gone back. But now that I see you, I realize that nothing could make me live under the same roof as Lord Windermere. You terrify me. There's something about you that ignites the fiercest anger within me. And I know why you’re here. My husband sent you to draw me back so that I could act as a cover for whatever relationship exists between you and him.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Oh!  You don’t think that—you can’t.

Mrs. Erlynne. Oh! You don't really think that—you can't.

Lady Windermere.  Go back to my husband, Mrs. Erlynne.  He belongs to you and not to me.  I suppose he is afraid of a scandal.  Men are such cowards.  They outrage every law of the world, and are afraid of the world’s tongue.  But he had better prepare himself.  He shall have a scandal.  He shall have the worst scandal there has been in London for years.  He shall see his name in every vile paper, mine on every hideous placard.

Lady Windermere. Go back to my husband, Mrs. Erlynne. He’s yours and not mine. I guess he’s worried about a scandal. Men are such cowards. They break every rule in the book but fear what others will say. But he better brace himself. He will have a scandal. The worst scandal London has seen in years. He will see his name in every trashy tabloid, and mine on every disgusting poster.

Mrs. Erlynne.  No—no—

Mrs. Erlynne. No—no—

Lady Windermere.  Yes! he shall.  Had he come himself, I admit I would have gone back to the life of degradation you and he had prepared for me—I was going back—but to stay himself at home, and to send you as his messenger—oh! it was infamous—infamous.

Lady Windermere. Yes! He will. If he had come himself, I admit I would have returned to the miserable life you and he planned for me—I was on my way back—but for him to stay home and send you as his messenger—oh! That was disgraceful—disgraceful.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [C.]  Lady Windermere, you wrong me horribly—you wrong your husband horribly.  He doesn’t know you are here—he thinks you are safe in your own house.  He thinks you are asleep in your own room.  He never read the mad letter you wrote to him!

Mrs. Erlynne. [C.] Lady Windermere, you’re really misunderstanding me—you’re misunderstanding your husband terribly. He doesn’t know you’re here—he believes you’re safe at home. He thinks you’re asleep in your room. He never saw the crazy letter you sent him!

Lady Windermere.  [R.]  Never read it!

Lady Windermere.  [R.]  Never read it!

Mrs. Erlynne.  No—he knows nothing about it.

Mrs. Erlynne. No—he doesn't know anything about it.

Lady Windermere.  How simple you think me!  [Going to her.]  You are lying to me!

Lady Windermere. How naive you think I am! [Going to her.] You’re deceiving me!

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Restraining herself.]  I am not.  I am telling you the truth.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Keeping her composure.]  I'm not.  I'm being honest with you.

Lady Windermere.  If my husband didn’t read my letter, how is it that you are here?  Who told you I had left the house you were shameless enough to enter?  Who told you where I had gone to?  My husband told you, and sent you to decoy me back.  [Crosses L.]

Lady Windermere. If my husband didn’t read my letter, how come you’re here? Who let you know I had left the house you had the nerve to enter? Who told you where I went? My husband must have told you and sent you to lure me back. [Crosses L.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  [R.C.]  Your husband has never seen the letter.  I—saw it, I opened it.  I—read it.

Mrs. Erlynne. [R.C.] Your husband has never seen the letter. I saw it, I opened it. I read it.

Lady Windermere.  [Turning to her.]  You opened a letter of mine to my husband?  You wouldn’t dare!

Lady Windermere.  [Turning to her.]  You opened a letter that was meant for my husband? You wouldn't actually do that!

Mrs. Erlynne.  Dare!  Oh! to save you from the abyss into which you are falling, there is nothing in the world I would not dare, nothing in the whole world.  Here is the letter.  Your husband has never read it.  He never shall read it.  [Going to fireplace.]  It should never have been written.  [Tears it and throws it into the fire.]

Mrs. Erlynne. Dare! Oh! To save you from the pit you're slipping into, there's nothing in the world I wouldn't risk, nothing at all. Here's the letter. Your husband has never seen it. He never will see it. [Going to fireplace.] It should have never been written. [Tears it and throws it into the fire.]

Lady Windermere.  [With infinite contempt in her voice and look.]  How do I know that that was my letter after all?  You seem to think the commonest device can take me in!

Lady Windermere.  [With endless disdain in her voice and expression.]  How can I be sure that was my letter after all?  You act like the simplest trick can fool me!

Mrs. Erlynne.  Oh! why do you disbelieve everything I tell you?  What object do you think I have in coming here, except to save you from utter ruin, to save you from the consequence of a hideous mistake?  That letter that is burnt now was your letter.  I swear it to you!

Ms. Erlynne. Oh! Why don’t you believe anything I say? What do you think my purpose is in coming here, other than to save you from complete disaster, to protect you from the fallout of a terrible mistake? That letter that’s burned now was your letter. I swear it to you!

Lady Windermere.  [Slowly.]  You took good care to burn it before I had examined it.  I cannot trust you.  You, whose whole life is a lie, could you speak the truth about anything?  [Sits down.]

Lady Windermere. [Slowly.] You were careful to destroy it before I had a chance to look at it. I can't trust you. You, whose entire life is a lie, could you ever tell the truth about anything? [Sits down.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Hurriedly.]  Think as you like about me—say what you choose against me, but go back, go back to the husband you love.

Mrs. Erlynne. [Hurriedly.] Think whatever you want about me—say whatever you want against me, but go back, go back to the husband you love.

Lady Windermere.  [Sullenly.]  I do not love him!

Lady Windermere. [Sullenly.] I do not love him!

Mrs. Erlynne.  You do, and you know that he loves you.

Ms. Erlynne. You do, and you know he loves you.

Lady Windermere.  He does not understand what love is.  He understands it as little as you do—but I see what you want.  It would be a great advantage for you to get me back.  Dear Heaven! what a life I would have then!  Living at the mercy of a woman who has neither mercy nor pity in her, a woman whom it is an infamy to meet, a degradation to know, a vile woman, a woman who comes between husband and wife!

Lady Windermere. He doesn't understand what love really is. He understands it as little as you do—but I can see what you're after. It would be a huge benefit for you to win me back. Oh my God! What a life I would have then! Living under the control of a woman who has no mercy or compassion, a woman it's shameful to meet, humiliating to know, a despicable woman, a woman who comes between husband and wife!

Mrs. Erlynne.  [With a gesture of despair.]  Lady Windermere, Lady Windermere, don’t say such terrible things.  You don’t know how terrible they are, how terrible and how unjust.  Listen, you must listen!  Only go back to your husband, and I promise you never to communicate with him again on any pretext—never to see him—never to have anything to do with his life or yours.  The money that he gave me, he gave me not through love, but through hatred, not in worship, but in contempt.  The hold I have over him—

Ms. Erlynne.  [With a gesture of despair.]  Lady Windermere, Lady Windermere, don’t say such awful things.  You have no idea how awful they are, how awful and how unfair.  Listen, you have to listen!  Just go back to your husband, and I promise I will never contact him again for any reason—never see him—never be involved in his life or yours.  The money he gave me, he didn’t give out of love, but out of hatred, not as a sign of devotion, but in disdain.  The power I have over him—

Lady Windermere.  [Rising.]  Ah! you admit you have a hold!

Lady Windermere. [Rising.]  Ah! so you admit you have a grip!

Mrs. Erlynne.  Yes, and I will tell you what it is.  It is his love for you, Lady Windermere.

Mrs. Erlynne. Yes, and I’ll tell you what it is. It’s his love for you, Lady Windermere.

Lady Windermere.  You expect me to believe that?

Lady Windermere. You really think I'm going to buy that?

Mrs. Erlynne.  You must believe it!  It is true.  It is his love for you that has made him submit to—oh! call it what you like, tyranny, threats, anything you choose.  But it is his love for you.  His desire to spare you—shame, yes, shame and disgrace.

Mrs. Erlynne. You have to believe it! It’s true. His love for you has made him accept—oh! call it whatever you want, oppression, intimidation, anything you like. But it’s his love for you. His wish to protect you from—embarrassment, yes, embarrassment and disgrace.

Lady Windermere.  What do you mean?  You are insolent!  What have I to do with you?

Lady Windermere. What are you talking about? You’re being rude! Why do I even care about you?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Humbly.]  Nothing.  I know it—but I tell you that your husband loves you—that you may never meet with such love again in your whole life—that such love you will never meet—and that if you throw it away, the day may come when you will starve for love and it will not be given to you, beg for love and it will be denied you—Oh! Arthur loves you!

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Humbly.]  Nothing.  I know this—but I'm telling you that your husband loves you—that you may never experience such love again in your entire life—that you will never find such love again—and if you let it slip away, there may come a day when you'll crave love and it won’t be offered to you, when you'll beg for love and it will be refused—Oh! Arthur loves you!

Lady Windermere.  Arthur?  And you tell me there is nothing between you?

Lady Windermere. Arthur? And you say there's nothing going on between you?

Mrs. Erlynne.  Lady Windermere, before Heaven your husband is guiltless of all offence towards you!  And I—I tell you that had it ever occurred to me that such a monstrous suspicion would have entered your mind, I would have died rather than have crossed your life or his—oh! died, gladly died!  [Moves away to sofa R.]

Mrs. Erlynne. Lady Windermere, I swear on my life that your husband hasn’t done anything wrong to you! And I—I’m telling you that if I had ever thought such an outrageous suspicion could enter your mind, I would have rather died than have affected your life or his—oh! I would have gladly died! [Moves away to sofa R.]

Lady Windermere.  You talk as if you had a heart.  Women like you have no hearts.  Heart is not in you.  You are bought and sold.  [Sits L.C.]

Lady Windermere. You speak like you actually care. Women like you don’t have a caring side. There’s no heart in you. You’re just a commodity. [Sits L.C.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Starts, with a gesture of painThen restrains herself, and comes over to where Lady Windermere is sittingAs she speaks, she stretches out her hands towards her, but does not dare to touch her.]  Believe what you choose about me.  I am not worth a moment’s sorrow.  But don’t spoil your beautiful young life on my account!  You don’t know what may be in store for you, unless you leave this house at once.  You don’t know what it is to fall into the pit, to be despised, mocked, abandoned, sneered at—to be an outcast! to find the door shut against one, to have to creep in by hideous byways, afraid every moment lest the mask should be stripped from one’s face, and all the while to hear the laughter, the horrible laughter of the world, a thing more tragic than all the tears the world has ever shed.  You don’t know what it is.  One pays for one’s sin, and then one pays again, and all one’s life one pays.  You must never know that.—As for me, if suffering be an expiation, then at this moment I have expiated all my faults, whatever they have been; for to-night you have made a heart in one who had it not, made it and broken it.—But let that pass.  I may have wrecked my own life, but I will not let you wreck yours.  You—why, you are a mere girl, you would be lost.  You haven’t got the kind of brains that enables a woman to get back.  You have neither the wit nor the courage.  You couldn’t stand dishonour!  No!  Go back, Lady Windermere, to the husband who loves you, whom you love.  You have a child, Lady Windermere.  Go back to that child who even now, in pain or in joy, may be calling to you.  [Lady Windermere rises.]  God gave you that child.  He will require from you that you make his life fine, that you watch over him.  What answer will you make to God if his life is ruined through you?  Back to your house, Lady Windermere—your husband loves you!  He has never swerved for a moment from the love he bears you.  But even if he had a thousand loves, you must stay with your child.  If he was harsh to you, you must stay with your child.  If he ill-treated you, you must stay with your child.  If he abandoned you, your place is with your child.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Starts, with a gesture of painThen restrains herself, and comes over to where Lady Windermere is sittingAs she speaks, she stretches out her hands towards her, but does not dare to touch her.]  Believe what you want about me.  I’m not worth even a moment of your sadness.  But don’t throw away your beautiful young life because of me!  You have no idea what could happen to you if you don’t leave this house right now.  You don’t know what it’s like to fall into darkness, to be looked down on, mocked, abandoned, sneered at—to be an outcast! To find doors shut in your face, to have to sneak in through ugly side paths, constantly afraid that your true self will be exposed, all while hearing the mocking laughter of the world, a pain more tragic than all the tears it has ever shed.  You don’t know what that is.  We pay for our sins, and then we pay again, and we spend our whole lives paying.  You must never experience that.—As for me, if suffering is a way to atone, then I’ve made up for all my wrongs at this moment; for tonight you’ve created a heart in someone who didn’t have one, and then you broke it.—But let that go.  I may have ruined my own life, but I won’t allow you to ruin yours.  You—you're just a girl; you'd be lost.  You don’t have the kind of smarts that helps a woman bounce back.  You lack both the cleverness and the bravery.  You couldn’t handle dishonor!  No!  Go back, Lady Windermere, to your husband who loves you, whom you love.  You have a child, Lady Windermere.  Go back to that child who, whether in pain or joy, might be calling for you even now.  [Lady Windermere rises.]  God gave you that child.  He will expect you to make his life beautiful, to look after him.  What will you say to God if his life is messed up because of you?  Back to your home, Lady Windermere—your husband loves you!  He has never wavered in his love for you.  And even if he had a thousand loves, you must stay with your child.  If he was harsh with you, you must stay with your child.  If he mistreated you, you must stay with your child.  If he left you, your place is with your child.

[Lady Windermere bursts into tears and buries her face in her hands.]

[Lady Windermere breaks down in tears and hides her face in her hands.]

[Rushing to her.]  Lady Windermere!

[Rushing to her.] Lady Windermere!

Lady Windermere.  [Holding out her hands to her, helplessly, as a child might do.]  Take me home.  Take me home.

Lady Windermere.  [Reaching out her hands to her, helplessly, like a child might.]  Take me home.  Take me home.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Is about to embrace herThen restrains herselfThere is a look of wonderful joy in her face.]  Come!  Where is your cloak?  [Getting it from sofa.]  Here.  Put it on.  Come at once!

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Is about to hug herThen stops herselfThere is a look of pure joy on her face.]  Come!  Where's your coat?  [Getting it from the sofa.]  Here.  Put it on.  Let's go right now!

[They go to the door.]

They head to the door.

Lady Windermere.  Stop!  Don’t you hear voices?

Lady Windermere.  Wait! Don’t you hear those voices?

Mrs. Erlynne.  No, no!  There was no one!

Mrs. Erlynne. No, no! There was nobody!

Lady Windermere.  Yes, there is!  Listen!  Oh! that is my husband’s voice!  He is coming in!  Save me!  Oh, it’s some plot!  You have sent for him.

Lady Windermere. Yes, there is! Listen! Oh! That’s my husband’s voice! He’s coming in! Help me! Oh, it’s a trap! You called him here.

[Voices outside.]

[Sound of voices outside.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  Silence!  I’m here to save you, if I can.  But I fear it is too late!  There! [Points to the curtain across the window.]  The first chance you have, slip out, if you ever get a chance!

Mrs. Erlynne.  Quiet! I’m here to help you, if I can.  But I worry it might be too late!  Look! [Points to the curtain across the window.]  The first moment you get, sneak out, if you ever have the chance!

Lady Windermere.  But you?

Lady Windermere. But you?

Mrs. Erlynne.  Oh! never mind me.  I’ll face them.

Mrs. Erlynne. Oh! Just forget about me. I can handle them.

[Lady Windermere hides herself behind the curtain.]

[Lady Windermere hides behind the curtain.]

Lord Augustus.  [Outside.]  Nonsense, dear Windermere, you must not leave me!

Lord Augustus. [Outside.]  Come on, Windermere, you can’t just leave me!

Mrs. Erlynne.  Lord Augustus!  Then it is I who am lost!  [Hesitates for a moment, then looks round and sees door R., and exits through it.]

Mrs. Erlynne. Lord Augustus! Then I'm the one who's in trouble! [Pauses for a moment, then looks around and sees the door on the right, and exits through it.]

[Enter Lord Darlington, Mr. Dumby, Lord Windermere, Lord Augustus Lorton, and Mr. Cecil Graham.

[Enter Lord Darlington, Mr. Dumby, Lord Windermere, Lord Augustus Lorton, and Mr. Cecil Graham.

Dumby.  What a nuisance their turning us out of the club at this hour!  It’s only two o’clock.  [Sinks into a chair.]  The lively part of the evening is only just beginning.  [Yawns and closes his eyes.]

Dumb. What a hassle they’re kicking us out of the club at this time! It’s only two o’clock. [Sinks into a chair.] The fun part of the night is just getting started. [Yawns and closes his eyes.]

Lord Windermere.  It is very good of you, Lord Darlington, allowing Augustus to force our company on you, but I’m afraid I can’t stay long.

Lord Windermere. It's really nice of you, Lord Darlington, to let Augustus drag our group into your space, but I’m sorry, I can't stay for long.

Lord Darlington.  Really!  I am so sorry!  You’ll take a cigar, won’t you?

Lord Darlington. Honestly! I’m really sorry! You’ll have a cigar, right?

Lord Windermere.  Thanks!  [Sits down.]

Lord Windermere. Thanks!  [Sits down.]

Lord Augustus.  [To Lord Windermere.]  My dear boy, you must not dream of going.  I have a great deal to talk to you about, of demmed importance, too.  [Sits down with him at L. table.]

Lord Augustus.  [To Lord Windermere.]  My dear friend, you can't think about leaving.  I have a lot to discuss with you, and it's really important.  [Sits down with him at L. table.]

Cecil Graham.  Oh!  We all know what that is!  Tuppy can’t talk about anything but Mrs. Erlynne.

Cecil Graham.  Oh!  We all know what that is!  Tuppy can’t stop talking about Mrs. Erlynne.

Lord Windermere.  Well, that is no business of yours, is it, Cecil?

Lord Windermere. Well, that’s not your concern, is it, Cecil?

Cecil Graham.  None!  That is why it interests me.  My own business always bores me to death.  I prefer other people’s.

Cecil Graham. None! That’s what makes it interesting to me. My own stuff always bores me to death. I prefer other people’s.

Lord Darlington.  Have something to drink, you fellows.  Cecil, you’ll have a whisky and soda?

Lord Darlington. Grab a drink, guys. Cecil, you want a whisky and soda?

Cecil Graham.  Thanks.  [Goes to table with Lord Darlington.]  Mrs. Erlynne looked very handsome to-night, didn’t she?

Cecil Graham. Thanks. [Walks to the table with Lord Darlington.] Mrs. Erlynne looked stunning tonight, didn’t she?

Lord Darlington.  I am not one of her admirers.

Lord Darlington. I'm not one of her fans.

Cecil Graham.  I usen’t to be, but I am now.  Why! she actually made me introduce her to poor dear Aunt Caroline.  I believe she is going to lunch there.

Cecil Graham. I didn't used to be, but I am now. Wow! She actually made me introduce her to poor dear Aunt Caroline. I think she's going to have lunch there.

Lord Darlington.  [In Purple.]  No?

Lord Darlington.  [In Purple.]  No?

Cecil Graham.  She is, really.

Cecil Graham. She really is.

Lord Darlington.  Excuse me, you fellows.  I’m going away to-morrow.  And I have to write a few letters.  [Goes to writing table and sits down.]

Lord Darlington. Excuse me, guys. I'm leaving tomorrow. I need to write a few letters. [Goes to writing table and sits down.]

Dumby.  Clever woman, Mrs. Erlynne.

Dumby. Smart woman, Mrs. Erlynne.

Cecil Graham.  Hallo, Dumby!  I thought you were asleep.

Cecil Graham. Hey, Dumby! I thought you were sleeping.

Dumby.  I am, I usually am!

Dumbo. I am, and I usually am!

Lord Augustus.  A very clever woman.  Knows perfectly well what a demmed fool I am—knows it as well as I do myself.

Lord Gus. A very smart woman. She knows exactly what a complete idiot I am—knows it just as well as I do.

[Cecil Graham comes towards him laughing.]

[Cecil Graham approaches him laughing.]

Ah, you may laugh, my boy, but it is a great thing to come across a woman who thoroughly understands one.

Ah, you can laugh, kid, but it’s a big deal to meet a woman who really gets you.

Dumby.  It is an awfully dangerous thing.  They always end by marrying one.

Dumb. It's a really dangerous thing. They always end up marrying one.

Cecil Graham.  But I thought, Tuppy, you were never going to see her again!  Yes! you told me so yesterday evening at the club.  You said you’d heard—

Cecil Graham. But I thought, Tuppy, you said you were never going to see her again! Yes! You told me that last night at the club. You said you’d heard—

[Whispering to him.]

[Speaking softly to him.]

Lord Augustus.  Oh, she’s explained that.

Lord Augustus. Oh, she’s already explained that.

Cecil Graham.  And the Wiesbaden affair?

Cecil Graham. And what about the Wiesbaden incident?

Lord Augustus.  She’s explained that too.

Lord Augustus. She’s explained that as well.

Dumby.  And her income, Tuppy?  Has she explained that?

Dumby. And what about her income, Tuppy? Has she explained that?

Lord Augustus.  [In a very serious voice.]  She’s going to explain that to-morrow.

Lord Augustus.  [In a very serious voice.]  She's going to explain that tomorrow.

[Cecil Graham goes back to C. table.]

Cecil Graham returns to C. table.

Dumby.  Awfully commercial, women nowadays.  Our grandmothers threw their caps over the mills, of course, but, by Jove, their granddaughters only throw their caps over mills that can raise the wind for them.

Dumb. Women today are way too commercial. Our grandmothers took risks without a second thought, but, honestly, their granddaughters only take risks that can bring them money.

Lord Augustus.  You want to make her out a wicked woman.  She is not!

Lord Augustus. You want to paint her as a bad woman. She isn't!

Cecil Graham.  Oh!  Wicked women bother one.  Good women bore one.  That is the only difference between them.

Cecil Graham. Oh! Wicked women annoy you. Good women are just plain dull. That’s the only difference between the two.

Lord Augustus.  [Puffing a cigar.]  Mrs. Erlynne has a future before her.

Lord Augustus.  [Smoking a cigar.]  Mrs. Erlynne has a bright future ahead of her.

Dumby.  Mrs. Erlynne has a past before her.

Dumbbell. Mrs. Erlynne has a history behind her.

Lord Augustus.  I prefer women with a past.  They’re always so demmed amusing to talk to.

Lord Augustus. I like women with a history. They’re always so damn entertaining to chat with.

Cecil Graham.  Well, you’ll have lots of topics of conversation with her, Tuppy.  [Rising and going to him.]

Cecil Graham. Well, you’ll have plenty to talk about with her, Tuppy. [Getting up and heading over to him.]

Lord Augustus.  You’re getting annoying, dear-boy; you’re getting demmed annoying.

Lord Augustus. You’re becoming really annoying, dear boy; you’re getting seriously annoying.

Cecil Graham.  [Puts his hands on his shoulders.]  Now, Tuppy, you’ve lost your figure and you’ve lost your character.  Don’t lose your temper; you have only got one.

Cecil Graham.  [Puts his hands on his shoulders.]  Now, Tuppy, you’ve let yourself go and lost your charm.  Don’t get angry; you only have one temper.

Lord Augustus.  My dear boy, if I wasn’t the most good-natured man in London—

Lord Augustus. My dear boy, if I weren’t the most easygoing man in London—

Cecil Graham.  We’d treat you with more respect, wouldn’t we, Tuppy?  [Strolls away.]

Cecil Graham. We’d show you more respect, right, Tuppy? [Walks away.]

Dumby.  The youth of the present day are quite monstrous.  They have absolutely no respect for dyed hair.  [Lord Augustus looks round angrily.]

Dumb. The young people today are really ridiculous. They have no respect for dyed hair at all. [Lord Augustus looks around angrily.]

Cecil Graham.  Mrs. Erlynne has a very great respect for dear Tuppy.

Cecil Graham. Mrs. Erlynne has a lot of respect for dear Tuppy.

Dumby.  Then Mrs. Erlynne sets an admirable example to the rest of her sex.  It is perfectly brutal the way most women nowadays behave to men who are not their husbands.

Dumb. Then Mrs. Erlynne sets a great example for other women. It's honestly harsh how most women these days treat men who aren't their husbands.

Lord Windermere.  Dumby, you are ridiculous, and Cecil, you let your tongue run away with you.  You must leave Mrs. Erlynne alone.  You don’t really know anything about her, and you’re always talking scandal against her.

Lord Windermere. Dumby, you’re being silly, and Cecil, you need to watch what you say. You should leave Mrs. Erlynne out of this. You don’t actually know anything about her, and you keep spreading gossip about her.

Cecil Graham.  [Coming towards him L.C.]  My dear Arthur, I never talk scandal.  I only talk gossip.

Cecil Graham.  [Walking towards him L.C.]  My dear Arthur, I never discuss scandal.  I only share gossip.

Lord Windermere.  What is the difference between scandal and gossip?

Lord Windermere. What’s the difference between scandal and gossip?

Cecil Graham.  Oh! gossip is charming!  History is merely gossip.  But scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.  Now, I never moralise.  A man who moralises is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who moralises is invariably plain.  There is nothing in the whole world so unbecoming to a woman as a Nonconformist conscience.  And most women know it, I’m glad to say.

Cecil Graham. Oh! Gossip is delightful! History is just gossip. But scandal is gossip that's weighed down by morality. Now, I never preach. A man who preaches is usually a hypocrite, and a woman who preaches is always unattractive. There's nothing in the world that looks worse on a woman than a strong sense of moral obligation. And most women are aware of this, thankfully.

Lord Augustus.  Just my sentiments, dear boy, just my sentiments.

Lord Augustus. Just what I think, my dear friend, just what I think.

Cecil Graham.  Sorry to hear it, Tuppy; whenever people agree with me, I always feel I must be wrong.

Cecil Graham.  Sorry to hear that, Tuppy; whenever people agree with me, I always feel I must be mistaken.

Lord Augustus.  My dear boy, when I was your age—

Lord Augustus. My dear boy, when I was your age—

Cecil Graham.  But you never were, Tuppy, and you never will be.  [Goes up C.]  I say, Darlington, let us have some cards.  You’ll play, Arthur, won’t you?

Cecil Graham. But you never were, Tuppy, and you never will be. [Goes up C.] I say, Darlington, let’s get some cards. You’ll join in, Arthur, right?

Lord Windermere.  No, thanks, Cecil.

Lord Windermere. No, thanks, Cecil.

Dumby.  [With a sigh.]  Good heavens! how marriage ruins a man!  It’s as demoralising as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

Dumb.  [With a sigh.]  Wow! marriage really messes a guy up! It’s as damaging as smoking, and way more costly.

Cecil Graham.  You’ll play, of course, Tuppy?

Cecil Graham. You’ll play, right, Tuppy?

Lord Augustus.  [Pouring himself out a brandy and soda at table.]  Can’t, dear boy.  Promised Mrs. Erlynne never to play or drink again.

Lord Augustus.  [Pouring himself a brandy and soda at the table.]  I can’t, my friend. I promised Mrs. Erlynne that I would never play or drink again.

Cecil Graham.  Now, my dear Tuppy, don’t be led astray into the paths of virtue.  Reformed, you would be perfectly tedious.  That is the worst of women.  They always want one to be good.  And if we are good, when they meet us, they don’t love us at all.  They like to find us quite irretrievably bad, and to leave us quite unattractively good.

Cecil Graham. Now, my dear Tuppy, don’t get fooled into being virtuous. If you reform, you’ll just be really boring. That’s the worst thing about women. They always want us to be good. And if we are good when they meet us, they don’t love us at all. They prefer to find us totally irreversibly bad and then leave us completely unappealingly good.

Lord Darlington.  [Rising from R. table, where he has been writing letters.]  They always do find us bad!

Lord Darlington.  [Getting up from the table, where he has been writing letters.]  They always think the worst of us!

Dumby.  I don’t think we are bad.  I think we are all good, except Tuppy.

Dumb. I don’t think we’re bad. I think we’re all good, except for Tuppy.

Lord Darlington.  No, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.  [Sits down at C. table.]

Lord Darlington. No, we’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. [Sits down at C. table.]

Dumby.  We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars?  Upon my word, you are very romantic to-night, Darlington.

Dumb. We’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. I must say, you’re really romantic tonight, Darlington.

Cecil Graham.  Too romantic!  You must be in love.  Who is the girl?

Cecil Graham. Too romantic! You must be in love. Who's the girl?

Lord Darlington.  The woman I love is not free, or thinks she isn’t.  [Glances instinctively at Lord Windermere while he speaks.]

Lord Darlington. The woman I love isn’t available, or she believes she isn’t. [Glances instinctively at Lord Windermere while he speaks.]

Cecil Graham.  A married woman, then!  Well, there’s nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman.  It’s a thing no married man knows anything about.

Cecil Graham. A married woman, huh! Well, there’s nothing quite like the loyalty of a married woman. It’s something no married man really understands.

Lord Darlington.  Oh! she doesn’t love me.  She is a good woman.  She is the only good woman I have ever met in my life.

Lord Darlington. Oh! She doesn't love me. She’s a good woman. She’s the only truly good woman I've ever met in my life.

Cecil Graham.  The only good woman you have ever met in your life?

Cecil Graham. The only decent woman you’ve ever encountered in your life?

Lord Darlington.  Yes!

Lord Darlington. Yeah!

Cecil Graham.  [Lighting a cigarette.]  Well, you are a lucky fellow!  Why, I have met hundreds of good women.  I never seem to meet any but good women.  The world is perfectly packed with good women.  To know them is a middle-class education.

Cecil Graham.  [Lighting a cigarette.]  Well, you’re a lucky guy!  I’ve met tons of great women.  I never seem to run into anyone but great women.  The world is filled with amazing women.  Getting to know them is like a middle-class education.

Lord Darlington.  This woman has purity and innocence.  She has everything we men have lost.

Lord Darlington. This woman has purity and innocence. She has everything we men have lost.

Cecil Graham.  My dear fellow, what on earth should we men do going about with purity and innocence?  A carefully thought-out buttonhole is much more effective.

Cecil Graham. My dear friend, what are we men supposed to do while trying to stay pure and innocent? A well-planned buttonhole is much more impactful.

Dumby.  She doesn’t really love you then?

Dumb. She doesn't really love you, does she?

Lord Darlington.  No, she does not!

Lord Darlington. No, she doesn't!

Dumby.  I congratulate you, my dear fellow.  In this world there are only two tragedies.  One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.  The last is much the worst; the last is a real tragedy!  But I am interested to hear she does not love you.  How long could you love a woman who didn’t love you, Cecil?

Dumbass. I’m happy for you, my friend. In this world, there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what you want, and the other is getting it. The latter is far worse; that’s a real tragedy! But I'm curious to know she doesn’t love you. How long could you love a woman who didn’t love you, Cecil?

Cecil Graham.  A woman who didn’t love me?  Oh, all my life!

Cecil Graham. A woman who didn’t love me? Oh, my whole life!

Dumby.  So could I.  But it’s so difficult to meet one.

Dumb. So can I. But it’s really hard to find one.

Lord Darlington.  How can you be so conceited, Dumby?

Lord Darlington. How can you be so full of yourself, Dumb?

Dumby.  I didn’t say it as a matter of conceit.  I said it as a matter of regret.  I have been wildly, madly adored.  I am sorry I have.  It has been an immense nuisance.  I should like to be allowed a little time to myself now and then.

Dumb. I didn’t say it out of arrogance. I said it out of regret. I have been intensely, crazily adored. I’m sorry about that. It has been a huge hassle. I would like to be given some time to myself every now and then.

Lord Augustus.  [Looking round.]  Time to educate yourself, I suppose.

Lord Augustus.  [Looking around.]  I guess it's time for you to learn something.

Dumby.  No, time to forget all I have learned.  That is much more important, dear Tuppy.  [Lord Augustus moves uneasily in his chair.]

Dumb. No, it's time to forget everything I've learned. That’s way more important, dear Tuppy. [Lord Augustus shifts uncomfortably in his chair.]

Lord Darlington.  What cynics you fellows are!

Lord Darlington. What a bunch of cynics you all are!

Cecil Graham.  What is a cynic?  [Sitting on the back of the sofa.]

Cecil Graham. What’s a cynic? [Sitting on the back of the sofa.]

Lord Darlington.  A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Lord Darlington. A man who knows the cost of everything but understands the worth of nothing.

Cecil Graham.  And a sentimentalist, my dear Darlington, is a man who sees an absurd value in everything, and doesn’t know the market price of any single thing.

Cecil Graham. And a sentimentalist, my dear Darlington, is someone who sees an unreasonable value in everything and doesn't know the market price of a single thing.

Lord Darlington.  You always amuse me, Cecil.  You talk as if you were a man of experience.

Lord Darlington. You always make me laugh, Cecil. You speak like you have a lot of experience.

Cecil Graham.  I am.  [Moves up to front off fireplace.]

Cecil Graham. I am. [Moves up to front of fireplace.]

Lord Darlington.  You are far too young!

Lord Darlington. You’re way too young!

Cecil Graham.  That is a great error.  Experience is a question of instinct about life.  I have got it.  Tuppy hasn’t.  Experience is the name Tuppy gives to his mistakes.  That is all.  [Lord Augustus looks round indignantly.]

Cecil Graham. That's a big mistake. Experience is just an instinct about life. I've got it. Tuppy doesn’t. Experience is what Tuppy calls his mistakes. That’s it. [Lord Augustus looks around indignantly.]

Dumby.  Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.

Dumb. Everyone calls their mistakes experience.

Cecil Graham.  [Standing with his back to the fireplace.]  One shouldn’t commit any.  [Sees Lady Windermere’s fan on sofa.]

Cecil Graham.  [Standing with his back to the fireplace.]  You shouldn’t make any.  [Notices Lady Windermere’s fan on the sofa.]

Dumby.  Life would be very dull without them.

Dumb. Life would be pretty boring without them.

Cecil Graham.  Of course you are quite faithful to this woman you are in love with, Darlington, to this good woman?

Cecil Graham. Of course, you are totally committed to this woman you love, Darlington, to this wonderful woman?

Lord Darlington.  Cecil, if one really loves a woman, all other women in the world become absolutely meaningless to one.  Love changes one—I am changed.

Lord Darlington. Cecil, if you truly love a woman, all other women in the world become completely insignificant. Love transforms a person—I have been transformed.

Cecil Graham.  Dear me!  How very interesting!  Tuppy, I want to talk to you.  [Lord Augustus takes no notice.]

Cecil Graham. Oh my! How fascinating! Tuppy, I need to talk to you. [Lord Augustus ignores them.]

Dumby.  It’s no use talking to Tuppy.  You might just as well talk to a brick wall.

Dumb. It's pointless to talk to Tuppy. You might as well be talking to a brick wall.

Cecil Graham.  But I like talking to a brick wall—it’s the only thing in the world that never contradicts me!  Tuppy!

Cecil Graham. But I enjoy talking to a brick wall—it's the only thing in the world that never disagrees with me! Tuppy!

Lord Augustus.  Well, what is it?  What is it?  [Rising and going over to Cecil Graham.]

Lord Augustus. Well, what’s going on? What’s happening? [Getting up and walking over to Cecil Graham.]

Cecil Graham.  Come over here.  I want you particularly.  [Aside.]  Darlington has been moralising and talking about the purity of love, and that sort of thing, and he has got some woman in his rooms all the time.

Cecil Graham. Come over here. I need to talk to you. [Aside] Darlington’s been going on about the morality of love and all that stuff, yet he always has some woman in his room.

Lord Augustus.  No, really! really!

Lord Augustus. Seriously!

Cecil Graham.  [In a low voice.]  Yes, here is her fan.  [Points to the fan.]

Cecil Graham.  [In a quiet voice.]  Yes, here’s her fan.  [Points to the fan.]

Lord Augustus.  [Chuckling.]  By Jove!  By Jove!

Lord Augustus. [Chuckling.] Wow! Wow!

Lord Windermere.  [Up by door.]  I am really off now, Lord Darlington.  I am sorry you are leaving England so soon.  Pray call on us when you come back!  My wife and I will be charmed to see you!

Lord Windermere.  [Up by door.]  I'm really heading out now, Lord Darlington.  I'm sorry to see you're leaving England so soon.  Please visit us when you return!  My wife and I would love to see you!

Lord Darlington.  [Upstage with Lord Windermere.]  I am afraid I shall be away for many years.  Good-night!

Lord Darlington.  [Upstage with Lord Windermere.]  I’m afraid I’ll be gone for many years.  Good night!

Cecil Graham.  Arthur!

Cecil Graham. Arthur!

Lord Windermere.  What?

Lord Windermere. What?

Cecil Graham.  I want to speak to you for a moment.  No, do come!

Cecil Graham. I need to talk to you for a second. No, please stay!

Lord Windermere.  [Putting on his coat.]  I can’t—I’m off!

Lord Windermere.  [Putting on his coat.]  I can't—I’m leaving!

Cecil Graham.  It is something very particular.  It will interest you enormously.

Cecil Graham. It's something really special. You'll find it incredibly interesting.

Lord Windermere.  [Smiling.]  It is some of your nonsense, Cecil.

Lord Windermere.  [Smiling.]  It's just some of your nonsense, Cecil.

Cecil Graham.  It isn’t!  It isn’t really.

Cecil Graham. It's not! It's not really.

Lord Augustus.  [Going to him.]  My dear fellow, you mustn’t go yet.  I have a lot to talk to you about.  And Cecil has something to show you.

Lord Augustus.  [Walking over to him.]  Hey, my friend, you can’t leave yet.  I have so much to discuss with you.  And Cecil has something to show you.

Lord Windermere.  [Walking over.]  Well, what is it?

Lord Windermere.  [Walking over.]  So, what’s going on?

Cecil Graham.  Darlington has got a woman here in his rooms.  Here is her fan.  Amusing, isn’t it?  [A pause.]

Cecil Graham. Darlington has a woman in his room. Here’s her fan. Pretty funny, right? [A pause.]

Lord Windermere.  Good God!  [Seizes the fanDumby rises.]

Lord Windermere. Good grief! [Grabs the fanDumbbell stands up.]

Cecil Graham.  What is the matter?

Cecil Graham. What's happening?

Lord Windermere.  Lord Darlington!

Lord Windermere. Lord Darlington!

Lord Darlington.  [Turning round.]  Yes!

Lord Darlington. [Turning around.] Yes!

Lord Windermere.  What is my wife’s fan doing here in your rooms?  Hands off, Cecil.  Don’t touch me.

Lord Windermere. What is my wife’s fan doing in your rooms? Back off, Cecil. Don’t touch me.

Lord Darlington.  Your wife’s fan?

Lord Darlington. Your wife's fan?

Lord Windermere.  Yes, here it is!

Lord Windermere. Yes, here it is!

Lord Darlington.  [Walking towards him.]  I don’t know!

Lord Darlington.  [Walking toward him.]  I have no idea!

Lord Windermere.  You must know.  I demand an explanation.  Don’t hold me, you fool.  [To Cecil Graham.]

Lord Windermere. You have to explain this to me. I want answers. Don’t try to stop me, you idiot. [To Cecil Graham.]

Lord Darlington.  [Aside.]  She is here after all!

Lord Darlington.  [Aside.]  She's actually here!

Lord Windermere.  Speak, sir!  Why is my wife’s fan here?  Answer me!  By God!  I’ll search your rooms, and if my wife’s here, I’ll—  [Moves.]

Lord Windermere. Speak, man! Why is my wife’s fan here? Answer me! I swear! I’ll search your rooms, and if my wife’s here, I’ll— [Moves.]

Lord Darlington.  You shall not search my rooms.  You have no right to do so.  I forbid you!

Lord Darlington. You can't search my rooms. You have no right to do that. I forbid you!

Lord Windermere.  You scoundrel!  I’ll not leave your room till I have searched every corner of it!  What moves behind that curtain?  [Rushes towards the curtain C.]

Lord Windermere. You jerk! I won't leave your room until I've checked every single corner! What's hiding behind that curtain? [Rushes towards the curtain C.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Enters behind R.]  Lord Windermere!

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Enters from behind R.]  Lord Windermere!

Lord Windermere.  Mrs. Erlynne!

Lord Windermere. Mrs. Erlynne!

[Every one starts and turns roundLady Windermere slips out from behind the curtain and glides from the room L.]

[Everyone starts and turns aroundLady Windermere slips out from behind the curtain and glides out of the room L.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  I am afraid I took your wife’s fan in mistake for my own, when I was leaving your house to-night.  I am so sorry.  [Takes fan from himLord Windermere looks at her in contemptLord Darlington in mingled astonishment and angerLord Augustus turns awayThe other men smile at each other.]

Mrs. Erlynne. I'm sorry, but I accidentally took your wife's fan instead of mine when I left your house tonight. I feel terrible about it. [Takes fan from him. Lord Windermere glares at her. Lord Darlington shows a mix of shock and anger. Lord Augustus turns away. The other men exchange knowing smiles.]

Act Drop.

Act Drop.

FOURTH ACT

SCENE—Same as in Act I.

SCENE—Same as Act I.

Lady Windermere.  [Lying on sofa.]  How can I tell him?  I can’t tell him.  It would kill me.  I wonder what happened after I escaped from that horrible room.  Perhaps she told them the true reason of her being there, and the real meaning of that—fatal fan of mine.  Oh, if he knows—how can I look him in the face again?  He would never forgive me.  [Touches bell.]  How securely one thinks one lives—out of reach of temptation, sin, folly.  And then suddenly—Oh!  Life is terrible.  It rules us, we do not rule it.

Lady Windermere.  [Lying on sofa.]  How do I tell him?  I can’t tell him.  It would break me.  I wonder what happened after I got away from that awful room.  Maybe she told them the real reason she was there and the true significance of that—cursed fan of mine.  Oh, if he knows—how can I ever look him in the eye again?  He would never forgive me.  [Touches bell.]  How securely we think we live—out of reach of temptation, sin, and foolishness.  And then suddenly—Oh!  Life is horrible.  It controls us; we don’t control it.

[Enter Rosalie R.]

[Enter Rosalie R.]

Rosalie.  Did your ladyship ring for me?

Rosie. Did you call for me, my lady?

Lady Windermere.  Yes.  Have you found out at what time Lord Windermere came in last night?

Lady Windermere. Yes. Have you figured out what time Lord Windermere came home last night?

Rosalie.  His lordship did not come in till five o’clock.

Rosie. His lordship didn't arrive until five o'clock.

Lady Windermere.  Five o’clock?  He knocked at my door this morning, didn’t he?

Lady Windermere. Five o'clock? He knocked on my door this morning, right?

Rosalie.  Yes, my lady—at half-past nine.  I told him your ladyship was not awake yet.

Rosie. Yes, my lady—at 9:30. I told him you weren't awake yet.

Lady Windermere.  Did he say anything?

Lady Windermere. Did he mention anything?

Rosalie.  Something about your ladyship’s fan.  I didn’t quite catch what his lordship said.  Has the fan been lost, my lady?  I can’t find it, and Parker says it was not left in any of the rooms.  He has looked in all of them and on the terrace as well.

Rosie. Something about your fan, my lady. I didn't quite hear what his lordship said. Has the fan gone missing, my lady? I can't find it, and Parker says it wasn't left in any of the rooms. He has checked all of them and the terrace too.

Lady Windermere.  It doesn’t matter.  Tell Parker not to trouble.  That will do.

Lady Windermere. It’s fine. Tell Parker not to worry about it. That’s enough.

[Exit Rosalie.]

[Leave Rosalie.]

Lady Windermere.  [Rising.]  She is sure to tell him.  I can fancy a person doing a wonderful act of self-sacrifice, doing it spontaneously, recklessly, nobly—and afterwards finding out that it costs too much.  Why should she hesitate between her ruin and mine? . . . How strange!  I would have publicly disgraced her in my own house.  She accepts public disgrace in the house of another to save me. . . . There is a bitter irony in things, a bitter irony in the way we talk of good and bad women. . . . Oh, what a lesson! and what a pity that in life we only get our lessons when they are of no use to us!  For even if she doesn’t tell, I must.  Oh! the shame of it, the shame of it.  To tell it is to live through it all again.  Actions are the first tragedy in life, words are the second.  Words are perhaps the worst.  Words are merciless. . . . Oh!  [Starts as Lord Windermere enters.]

Lady Windermere. [Rising.] She’s definitely going to tell him. I can imagine someone doing an amazing act of self-sacrifice, doing it spontaneously, recklessly, nobly—and then realizing afterward that it’s too much to bear. Why should she choose between her destruction and mine? . . . How strange! I would have publicly humiliated her in my own home. She accepts public humiliation in someone else’s house to protect me. . . . There’s a harsh irony in things, a harsh irony in how we speak of good and bad women. . . . Oh, what a lesson! What a shame that in life we only learn our lessons when they're no longer helpful! For even if she doesn’t tell, I have to. Oh! The shame of it, the shame of it. To tell it is to relive it all over again. Actions are the first tragedy in life; words are the second. Words can be the worst. Words are relentless. . . . Oh! [Starts as Lord Windermere enters.]

Lord Windermere.  [Kisses her.]  Margaret—how pale you look!

Lord Windermere.  [Kisses her.]  Margaret—you're looking really pale!

Lady Windermere.  I slept very badly.

Lady Windermere. I didn't sleep well at all.

Lord Windermere.  [Sitting on sofa with her.]  I am so sorry.  I came in dreadfully late, and didn’t like to wake you.  You are crying, dear.

Lord Windermere.  [Sitting on the sofa with her.]  I’m really sorry. I came in much later than I intended and didn’t want to wake you. You’re crying, sweetheart.

Lady Windermere.  Yes, I am crying, for I have something to tell you, Arthur.

Lady Windermere. Yes, I’m crying because I have something to tell you, Arthur.

Lord Windermere.  My dear child, you are not well.  You’ve been doing too much.  Let us go away to the country.  You’ll be all right at Selby.  The season is almost over.  There is no use staying on.  Poor darling!  We’ll go away to-day, if you like.  [Rises.]  We can easily catch the 3.40.  I’ll send a wire to Fannen.  [Crosses and sits down at table to write a telegram.]

Lord Windermere. My dear, you’re not feeling well. You’ve been overdoing it. Let’s head out to the countryside. You’ll feel better at Selby. The season is almost over, and there’s no point in sticking around. Poor thing! We can leave today if you want. [Rises.] We can easily make the 3:40 train. I’ll send a message to Fannen. [Crosses and sits down at the table to write a telegram.]

Lady Windermere.  Yes; let us go away to-day.  No; I can’t go to-day, Arthur.  There is some one I must see before I leave town—some one who has been kind to me.

Lady Windermere. Yes; let’s get out of here today. No, I can’t leave today, Arthur. There’s someone I need to see before I head out of town—someone who has been good to me.

Lord Windermere.  [Rising and leaning over sofa.]  Kind to you?

Lord Windermere.  [Getting up and leaning over the sofa.]  Kind to you?

Lady Windermere.  Far more than that.  [Rises and goes to him.]  I will tell you, Arthur, but only love me, love me as you used to love me.

Lady Windermere. Much more than that. [Stands up and approaches him.] I'll tell you, Arthur, but just love me, love me the way you used to.

Lord Windermere.  Used to?  You are not thinking of that wretched woman who came here last night?  [Coming round and sitting R. of her.]  You don’t still imagine—no, you couldn’t.

Lord Windermere. Used to? You’re not thinking about that awful woman who showed up here last night? [Coming around and sitting to her right.] You don’t still think—no, you couldn’t.

Lady Windermere.  I don’t.  I know now I was wrong and foolish.

Lady Windermere. I don’t. I realize now that I was wrong and naive.

Lord Windermere.  It was very good of you to receive her last night—but you are never to see her again.

Lord Windermere. It was really nice of you to meet her last night—but you are never to see her again.

Lady Windermere.  Why do you say that?  [A pause.]

Lady Windermere. Why do you say that? [A pause.]

Lord Windermere.  [Holding her hand.]  Margaret, I thought Mrs. Erlynne was a woman more sinned against than sinning, as the phrase goes.  I thought she wanted to be good, to get back into a place that she had lost by a moment’s folly, to lead again a decent life.  I believed what she told me—I was mistaken in her.  She is bad—as bad as a woman can be.

Lord Windermere.  [Holding her hand.]  Margaret, I thought Mrs. Erlynne was a woman who was more wronged than wronging, as the saying goes.  I thought she wanted to be good, to return to a place she lost due to a moment's mistake, to live a decent life again.  I believed what she told me—I was wrong about her.  She is bad—truly as bad as a woman can be.

Lady Windermere.  Arthur, Arthur, don’t talk so bitterly about any woman.  I don’t think now that people can be divided into the good and the bad as though they were two separate races or creations.  What are called good women may have terrible things in them, mad moods of recklessness, assertion, jealousy, sin.  Bad women, as they are termed, may have in them sorrow, repentance, pity, sacrifice.  And I don’t think Mrs. Erlynne a bad woman—I know she’s not.

Lady Windermere. Arthur, don’t speak so harshly about any woman. I don’t believe people can be split into good and bad like they’re two different species. What we call good women might have dark sides, wild moments of recklessness, pride, jealousy, and sin. And so-called bad women can possess sorrow, regret, compassion, and selflessness. I don’t consider Mrs. Erlynne a bad woman—I know she’s not.

Lord Windermere.  My dear child, the woman’s impossible.  No matter what harm she tries to do us, you must never see her again.  She is inadmissible anywhere.

Lord Windermere. My dear child, that woman is unbelievable. No matter how much trouble she causes us, you can never see her again. She isn't welcome anywhere.

Lady Windermere.  But I want to see her.  I want her to come here.

Lady Windermere. But I want to see her. I want her to come here.

Lord Windermere.  Never!

Lord Windermere. No way!

Lady Windermere.  She came here once as your guest.  She must come now as mine.  That is but fair.

Lady Windermere. She visited here once as your guest. She needs to come now as mine. That just seems fair.

Lord Windermere.  She should never have come here.

Lord Windermere. She should not have come here.

Lady Windermere.  [Rising.]  It is too late, Arthur, to say that now.  [Moves away.]

Lady Windermere.  [Rising.]  It's too late, Arthur, to say that now.  [Moves away.]

Lord Windermere.  [Rising.]  Margaret, if you knew where Mrs. Erlynne went last night, after she left this house, you would not sit in the same room with her.  It was absolutely shameless, the whole thing.

Lord Windermere. [Rising.] Margaret, if you knew where Mrs. Erlynne went last night after she left this house, you wouldn't stay in the same room with her. The whole thing was completely shameless.

Lady Windermere.  Arthur, I can’t bear it any longer.  I must tell you.  Last night—

Lady Windermere. Arthur, I can't take this anymore. I have to tell you. Last night—

[Enter Parker with a tray on which lie Lady Windermere’s fan and a card.]

[Enter Parker with a tray on which lie Lady Windermere's fan and a card.]

Parker.  Mrs. Erlynne has called to return your ladyship’s fan which she took away by mistake last night.  Mrs. Erlynne has written a message on the card.

Parker. Mrs. Erlynne has come to return your fan, which she accidentally took last night. She has also written a note on the card.

Lady Windermere.  Oh, ask Mrs. Erlynne to be kind enough to come up.  [Reads card.]  Say I shall be very glad to see her.

Lady Windermere. Oh, could you please ask Mrs. Erlynne to come up? [Reads card.] Tell her I would be really happy to see her.

[Exit Parker.]

[Exit Parker.]

She wants to see me, Arthur.

She wants to see me, Arthur.

Lord Windermere.  [Takes card and looks at it.]  Margaret, I beg you not to.  Let me see her first, at any rate.  She’s a very dangerous woman.  She is the most dangerous woman I know.  You don’t realise what you’re doing.

Lord Windermere.  [Takes card and looks at it.]  Margaret, I plead with you not to.  Let me meet her first, at the very least.  She’s a very risky woman.  She’s the most dangerous woman I know.  You don’t understand what you’re getting into.

Lady Windermere.  It is right that I should see her.

Lady Windermere. I should definitely see her.

Lord Windermere.  My child, you may be on the brink of a great sorrow.  Don’t go to meet it.  It is absolutely necessary that I should see her before you do.

Lord Windermere. My child, you might be facing a huge sadness. Don’t go to meet it. I absolutely need to see her before you do.

Lady Windermere.  Why should it be necessary?

Lady Windermere. Why does it need to be?

[Enter Parker.]

[Enter Parker.]

Parker.  Mrs. Erlynne.

Parker. Mrs. Erlynne.

[Enter Mrs. Erlynne.]

[Enter Mrs. Erlynne.]

[Exit Parker.]

[Exit Parker.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  How do you do, Lady Windermere?  [To Lord Windermere.]  How do you do?  Do you know, Lady Windermere, I am so sorry about your fan.  I can’t imagine how I made such a silly mistake.  Most stupid of me.  And as I was driving in your direction, I thought I would take the opportunity of returning your property in person with many apologies for my carelessness, and of bidding you good-bye.

Mrs. Erlynne. Hi, Lady Windermere! [To Lord Windermere.] Hello! You know, Lady Windermere, I'm really sorry about your fan. I can't believe I made such a silly mistake. It was so dumb of me. Since I was heading your way, I thought I’d take the chance to return your property in person, apologize for my carelessness, and say goodbye.

Lady Windermere.  Good-bye?  [Moves towards sofa with Mrs. Erlynne and sits down beside her.]  Are you going away, then, Mrs. Erlynne?

Lady Windermere. Goodbye? [Moves towards sofa with Mrs. Erlynne and sits down beside her.] Are you leaving, then, Mrs. Erlynne?

Mrs. Erlynne.  Yes; I am going to live abroad again.  The English climate doesn’t suit me.  My—heart is affected here, and that I don’t like.  I prefer living in the south.  London is too full of fogs and—and serious people, Lord Windermere.  Whether the fogs produce the serious people or whether the serious people produce the fogs, I don’t know, but the whole thing rather gets on my nerves, and so I’m leaving this afternoon by the Club Train.

Mrs. Erlynne. Yes; I'm going to live abroad again. The English climate doesn't agree with me. My—heart is affected here, and I don't like that. I prefer living in the south. London is just too foggy and—and filled with serious people, Lord Windermere. I don't know if the fogs make the serious people or if the serious people create the fogs, but it all gets on my nerves, so I'm leaving this afternoon on the Club Train.

Lady Windermere.  This afternoon?  But I wanted so much to come and see you.

Lady Windermere. This afternoon? I really wanted to come and see you.

Mrs. Erlynne.  How kind of you!  But I am afraid I have to go.

Ms. Erlynne. That’s very nice of you! But I’m afraid I have to leave.

Lady Windermere.  Shall I never see you again, Mrs. Erlynne?

Lady Windermere. Will I never see you again, Mrs. Erlynne?

Mrs. Erlynne.  I am afraid not.  Our lives lie too far apart.  But there is a little thing I would like you to do for me.  I want a photograph of you, Lady Windermere—would you give me one?  You don’t know how gratified I should be.

Mrs. Erlynne. I'm afraid not. Our lives are just too different. But there’s a small favor I’d like to ask. I would love a photograph of you, Lady Windermere—would you give me one? You have no idea how happy that would make me.

Lady Windermere.  Oh, with pleasure.  There is one on that table.  I’ll show it to you. [Goes across to the table.]

Lady Windermere. Oh, absolutely. There's one on that table. I'll show it to you. [Goes across to the table.]

Lord Windermere.  [Coming up to Mrs. Erlynne and speaking in a low voice.]  It is monstrous your intruding yourself here after your conduct last night.

Lord Windermere.  [Approaching Mrs. Erlynne and speaking in a low voice.]  It's outrageous that you would show up here after how you acted last night.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [With an amused smile.]  My dear Windermere, manners before morals!

Mrs. Erlynne.  [With an amused smile.]  My dear Windermere, etiquette over ethics!

Lady Windermere.  [Returning.]  I’m afraid it is very flattering—I am not so pretty as that.  [Showing photograph.]

Lady Windermere. [Returning.]  I'm afraid it's quite flattering—I’m not that pretty.  [Showing photograph.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  You are much prettier.  But haven’t you got one of yourself with your little boy?

Mrs. Erlynne. You look so much prettier. But don’t you have a picture of yourself with your little boy?

Lady Windermere.  I have.  Would you prefer one of those?

Lady Windermere. I have. Would you like one of those?

Mrs. Erlynne.  Yes.

Mrs. Erlynne. Yes.

Lady Windermere.  I’ll go and get it for you, if you’ll excuse me for a moment.  I have one upstairs.

Lady Windermere. I’ll go get it for you, if you’ll excuse me for a moment. I have one upstairs.

Mrs. Erlynne.  So sorry, Lady Windermere, to give you so much trouble.

Mrs. Erlynne. I'm really sorry, Lady Windermere, for causing you so much trouble.

Lady Windermere.  [Moves to door R.]  No trouble at all, Mrs. Erlynne.

Lady Windermere.  [Moves to door R.]  No problem at all, Mrs. Erlynne.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Thanks so much.

Mrs. Erlynne. Thanks so much.

[Exit Lady Windermere R.]  You seem rather out of temper this morning, Windermere.  Why should you be?  Margaret and I get on charmingly together.

[Exit Lady Windermere R.] You seem a bit upset this morning, Windermere. Why is that? Margaret and I are getting along great.

Lord Windermere.  I can’t bear to see you with her.  Besides, you have not told me the truth, Mrs. Erlynne.

Lord Windermere. I can't stand seeing you with her. Besides, you haven't told me the truth, Mrs. Erlynne.

Mrs. Erlynne.  I have not told her the truth, you mean.

Mrs. Erlynne. I haven't told her the truth, right?

Lord Windermere.  [Standing C.]  I sometimes wish you had.  I should have been spared then the misery, the anxiety, the annoyance of the last six months.  But rather than my wife should know—that the mother whom she was taught to consider as dead, the mother whom she has mourned as dead, is living—a divorced woman, going about under an assumed name, a bad woman preying upon life, as I know you now to be—rather than that, I was ready to supply you with money to pay bill after bill, extravagance after extravagance, to risk what occurred yesterday, the first quarrel I have ever had with my wife.  You don’t understand what that means to me.  How could you?  But I tell you that the only bitter words that ever came from those sweet lips of hers were on your account, and I hate to see you next her.  You sully the innocence that is in her. [Moves L.C.]  And then I used to think that with all your faults you were frank and honest.  You are not.

Lord Windermere.  [Standing C.]  I sometimes wish you had.  I should have been spared the misery, anxiety, and annoyance of the last six months.  But rather than have my wife know—that the mother she was taught to believe was dead, the mother she has mourned as dead, is actually alive—a divorced woman, living under a fake name, a dishonest person preying on life, as I now know you to be—rather than that, I was ready to give you money to cover bill after bill, extravagance after extravagance, to risk what happened yesterday, the first real argument I've ever had with my wife.  You don’t grasp what that means to me.  How could you?  But I tell you that the only harsh words that ever came from those sweet lips of hers were about you, and I loathe seeing you next to her.  You tarnish the innocence in her. [Moves L.C.]  And I used to think that despite all your flaws, you were straightforward and honest.  You’re not.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Why do you say that?

Ms. Erlynne. Why do you say that?

Lord Windermere.  You made me get you an invitation to my wife’s ball.

Lord Windermere. You made me get you an invitation to my wife's party.

Mrs. Erlynne.  For my daughter’s ball—yes.

Mrs. Erlynne. For my daughter’s party—yes.

Lord Windermere.  You came, and within an hour of your leaving the house you are found in a man’s rooms—you are disgraced before every one.  [Goes up stage C.]

Lord Windermere. You came, and just an hour after you left the house, you were found in a man's place—you are embarrassed in front of everyone.  [Goes up stage C.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  Yes.

Mrs. Erlynne. Yes.

Lord Windermere.  [Turning round on her.]  Therefore I have a right to look upon you as what you are—a worthless, vicious woman.  I have the right to tell you never to enter this house, never to attempt to come near my wife—

Lord Windermere.  [Turning around to her.]  So I have the right to see you for what you really are—a worthless, cruel woman.  I have the right to tell you to never step foot in this house, never try to get close to my wife—

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Coldly.]  My daughter, you mean.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Coldly.]  You’re talking about my daughter.

Lord Windermere.  You have no right to claim her as your daughter.  You left her, abandoned her when she was but a child in the cradle, abandoned her for your lover, who abandoned you in turn.

Lord Windermere. You have no right to call her your daughter. You left her, abandoned her when she was just a baby, choosing your lover over her, who eventually left you as well.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Rising.]  Do you count that to his credit, Lord Windermere—or to mine?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Rising.]  Do you see that as a positive for him, Lord Windermere—or for me?

Lord Windermere.  To his, now that I know you.

Lord Windermere. To his, now that I know you.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Take care—you had better be careful.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Be careful—you should really watch out.

Lord Windermere.  Oh, I am not going to mince words for you.  I know you thoroughly.

Lord Windermere. Oh, I'm not going to sugarcoat anything for you. I know you inside and out.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Looks steadily at him.]  I question that.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Looks steadily at him.]  I doubt that.

Lord Windermere.  I do know you.  For twenty years of your life you lived without your child, without a thought of your child.  One day you read in the papers that she had married a rich man.  You saw your hideous chance.  You knew that to spare her the ignominy of learning that a woman like you was her mother, I would endure anything.  You began your blackmailing.

Lord Windermere. I do know you. For twenty years of your life, you lived without your child, without caring about her. One day, you read in the news that she had married a wealthy man. You saw your ugly opportunity. You knew that to protect her from the shame of discovering that someone like you was her mother, I would go through anything. You started your blackmail.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Shrugging her shoulders.]  Don’t use ugly words, Windermere.  They are vulgar.  I saw my chance, it is true, and took it.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Shrugging her shoulders.]  Don't use crude language, Windermere.  It’s tacky.  I saw an opportunity, it’s true, and I went for it.

Lord Windermere.  Yes, you took it—and spoiled it all last night by being found out.

Lord Windermere. Yes, you took it—and ruined everything last night by getting caught.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [With a strange smile.]  You are quite right, I spoiled it all last night.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [With a strange smile.]  You're absolutely right, I messed everything up last night.

Lord Windermere.  And as for your blunder in taking my wife’s fan from here and then leaving it about in Darlington’s rooms, it is unpardonable.  I can’t bear the sight of it now.  I shall never let my wife use it again.  The thing is soiled for me.  You should have kept it and not brought it back.

Lord Windermere. And about your mistake of taking my wife’s fan from here and leaving it in Darlington’s rooms, it’s unforgivable. I can’t even look at it now. I will never let my wife use it again. The fan feels tainted for me. You should have either kept it or not brought it back at all.

Mrs. Erlynne.  I think I shall keep it.  [Goes up.]  It’s extremely pretty.  [Takes up fan.]  I shall ask Margaret to give it to me.

Mrs. Erlynne. I think I’ll keep it. [Goes up.] It’s really pretty. [Takes up fan.] I’ll ask Margaret to give it to me.

Lord Windermere.  I hope my wife will give it you.

Lord Windermere. I hope my wife will give it to you.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Oh, I’m sure she will have no objection.

Mrs. Erlynne. Oh, I'm sure she won't mind.

Lord Windermere.  I wish that at the same time she would give you a miniature she kisses every night before she prays—It’s the miniature of a young innocent-looking girl with beautiful dark hair.

Lord Windermere. I wish she would also give you a tiny portrait she kisses every night before she prays—It’s a portrait of a young, innocent-looking girl with beautiful dark hair.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Ah, yes, I remember.  How long ago that seems!  [Goes to sofa and sits down.]  It was done before I was married.  Dark hair and an innocent expression were the fashion then, Windermere!  [A pause.]

Mrs. Erlynne. Ah, yes, I remember. It feels like ages ago! [Goes to sofa and sits down.] It happened before I got married. Dark hair and an innocent look were in style back then, Windermere! [A pause.]

Lord Windermere.  What do you mean by coming here this morning?  What is your object?  [Crossing L.C. and sitting.]

Lord Windermere. What do you mean by coming here this morning? What’s your purpose? [Crossing L.C. and sitting.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  [With a note of irony in her voice.]  To bid good-bye to my dear daughter, of course.  [Lord Windermere bites his under lip in angerMrs. Erlynne looks at him, and her voice and manner become seriousIn her accents as she talks there is a note of deep tragedyFor a moment she reveals herself.]  Oh, don’t imagine I am going to have a pathetic scene with her, weep on her neck and tell her who I am, and all that kind of thing.  I have no ambition to play the part of a mother.  Only once in my life have I known a mother’s feelings.  That was last night.  They were terrible—they made me suffer—they made me suffer too much.  For twenty years, as you say, I have lived childless,—I want to live childless still.  [Hiding her feelings with a trivial laugh.]  Besides, my dear Windermere, how on earth could I pose as a mother with a grown-up daughter?  Margaret is twenty-one, and I have never admitted that I am more than twenty-nine, or thirty at the most.  Twenty-nine when there are pink shades, thirty when there are not.  So you see what difficulties it would involve.  No, as far as I am concerned, let your wife cherish the memory of this dead, stainless mother.  Why should I interfere with her illusions?  I find it hard enough to keep my own.  I lost one illusion last night.  I thought I had no heart.  I find I have, and a heart doesn’t suit me, Windermere.  Somehow it doesn’t go with modern dress.  It makes one look old.  [Takes up hand-mirror from table and looks into it.]  And it spoils one’s career at critical moments.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [With a hint of irony in her voice.]  I'm just saying goodbye to my dear daughter, of course.  [Lord Windermere bites his lip in angerMs. Erlynne looks at him, and her voice and demeanor become seriousThere’s a sense of deep tragedy in her toneFor a moment, she shows her true self.]  Oh, don’t think I’m going to have some dramatic scene with her, crying on her shoulder and revealing who I am, and all that sort of thing.  I have no desire to play the role of a mother.  I’ve only felt a mother’s emotions once in my life.  That was last night.  It was awful—it made me suffer—it hurt too much.  For twenty years, as you said, I’ve lived without children—I want to continue living without them.  [Covering her feelings with a light laugh.]  Besides, my dear Windermere, how could I possibly act like a mother to a grown daughter?  Margaret is twenty-one, and I’ve never claimed to be more than twenty-nine, or thirty at the most.  Twenty-nine when I'm feeling youthful, thirty when I'm not.  So you see the complications that would arise.  No, as far as I’m concerned, let your wife hold on to the memory of this pure, deceased mother.  Why should I disrupt her fantasies?  I struggle enough to maintain my own.  I lost one illusion last night.  I thought I had no heart.  I find out that I do, and a heart doesn’t suit me, Windermere.  Somehow it just doesn’t fit with modern fashion.  It makes one look older.  [Picks up a hand mirror from the table and looks at herself in it.]  And it ruins one’s career at crucial times.

Lord Windermere.  You fill me with horror—with absolute horror.

Lord Windermere. You terrify me—with complete terror.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Rising.]  I suppose, Windermere, you would like me to retire into a convent, or become a hospital nurse, or something of that kind, as people do in silly modern novels.  That is stupid of you, Arthur; in real life we don’t do such things—not as long as we have any good looks left, at any rate.  No—what consoles one nowadays is not repentance, but pleasure.  Repentance is quite out of date.  And besides, if a woman really repents, she has to go to a bad dressmaker, otherwise no one believes in her.  And nothing in the world would induce me to do that.  No; I am going to pass entirely out of your two lives.  My coming into them has been a mistake—I discovered that last night.

Mrs. Erlynne. [Rising.] I guess, Windermere, you want me to join a convent or become a nurse or something like that, like people do in silly modern novels. That’s foolish of you, Arthur; in real life, we don’t do those things—not as long as we still have any good looks, anyway. No—what comforts people today isn’t repentance, but pleasure. Repentance is totally outdated. Plus, if a woman really feels remorse, she has to go to a terrible dressmaker, otherwise no one believes her. And nothing in the world would make me do that. No; I am going to completely step out of your lives. My presence in them has been a mistake—I realized that last night.

Lord Windermere.  A fatal mistake.

Lord Windermere. A critical error.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Smiling.]  Almost fatal.

Mrs. Erlynne. [Smiling.] Almost deadly.

Lord Windermere.  I am sorry now I did not tell my wife the whole thing at once.

Lord Windermere. I regret not telling my wife everything all at once.

Mrs. Erlynne.  I regret my bad actions.  You regret your good ones—that is the difference between us.

Mrs. Erlynne. I regret my wrongdoings. You regret your right choices—that's the difference between us.

Lord Windermere.  I don’t trust you.  I will tell my wife.  It’s better for her to know, and from me.  It will cause her infinite pain—it will humiliate her terribly, but it’s right that she should know.

Lord Windermere. I don’t trust you. I will tell my wife. It’s better for her to know, and to hear it from me. It will cause her a lot of pain—it will humiliate her greatly, but she deserves to know.

Mrs. Erlynne.  You propose to tell her?

Mrs. Erlynne. Are you planning to tell her?

Lord Windermere.  I am going to tell her.

Lord Windermere. I’m going to tell her.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Going up to him.]  If you do, I will make my name so infamous that it will mar every moment of her life.  It will ruin her, and make her wretched.  If you dare to tell her, there is no depth of degradation I will not sink to, no pit of shame I will not enter.  You shall not tell her—I forbid you.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Approaching him.]  If you do, I will make my name so notorious that it will spoil every moment of her life.  It will destroy her and make her miserable.  If you even think about telling her, there’s no level of disgrace I won’t reach, no pit of humiliation I won’t dive into.  You can’t tell her—I’m telling you not to.

Lord Windermere.  Why?

Lord Windermere. Why?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [After a pause.]  If I said to you that I cared for her, perhaps loved her even—you would sneer at me, wouldn’t you?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [After a pause.]  If I told you that I cared for her, maybe even loved her—you would just laugh at me, right?

Lord Windermere.  I should feel it was not true.  A mother’s love means devotion, unselfishness, sacrifice.  What could you know of such things?

Lord Windermere. I would find it hard to believe. A mother’s love is all about devotion, selflessness, and sacrifice. What do you really know about that?

Mrs. Erlynne.  You are right.  What could I know of such things?  Don’t let us talk any more about it—as for telling my daughter who I am, that I do not allow.  It is my secret, it is not yours.  If I make up my mind to tell her, and I think I will, I shall tell her before I leave the house—if not, I shall never tell her.

Mrs. Erlynne. You’re right. What could I possibly know about that? Let’s not discuss it anymore—about telling my daughter who I am, that’s not happening. It’s my secret, not yours. If I decide to tell her, and I think I will, I’ll do it before I leave the house—if not, I’ll never say anything.

Lord Windermere.  [Angrily.]  Then let me beg of you to leave our house at once.  I will make your excuses to Margaret.

Lord Windermere. [Angrily.] Then please, just leave our house right now. I'll tell Margaret you had reasons for it.

[Enter Lady Windermere R.  She goes over to Mrs. Erlynne with the photograph in her handLord Windermere moves to back of sofa, and anxiously watches Mrs. Erlynne as the scene progresses.]

[Enter Lady Windermere R. She walks over to Mrs. Erlynne holding the photograph. Lord Windermere moves to the back of the sofa, and watches Mrs. Erlynne anxiously as the scene unfolds.]

Lady Windermere.  I am so sorry, Mrs. Erlynne, to have kept you waiting.  I couldn’t find the photograph anywhere.  At last I discovered it in my husband’s dressing-room—he had stolen it.

Lady Windermere. I'm really sorry, Mrs. Erlynne, for making you wait. I couldn’t find the photograph anywhere. Finally, I found it in my husband’s dressing room—he had taken it.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Takes the photograph from her and looks at it.]  I am not surprised—it is charming.  [Goes over to sofa with Lady Windermere, and sits down beside herLooks again at the photograph.]  And so that is your little boy!  What is he called?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Takes the photo from her and looks at it.]  I'm not surprised—it's lovely.  [Walks over to the sofa with Lady Windermere, and sits down next to herLooks at the photo again.]  And so that's your little boy!  What's his name?

Lady Windermere.  Gerard, after my dear father.

Lady Windermere. Gerard, after my dear father.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Laying the photograph down.]  Really?

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Putting the photograph down.]  Seriously?

Lady Windermere.  Yes.  If it had been a girl, I would have called it after my mother.  My mother had the same name as myself, Margaret.

Lady Windermere. Yes. If it had been a girl, I would have named her after my mother. My mother had the same name as me, Margaret.

Mrs. Erlynne.  My name is Margaret too.

Mrs. Erlwyn. My name is Margaret as well.

Lady Windermere.  Indeed!

Lady Windermere. Indeed!

Mrs. Erlynne.  Yes.  [Pause.]  You are devoted to your mother’s memory, Lady Windermere, your husband tells me.

Mrs. Erlynne. Yes. [Pause.] You are devoted to your mother’s memory, Lady Windermere, your husband told me.

Lady Windermere.  We all have ideals in life.  At least we all should have.  Mine is my mother.

Lady Windermere. We all have ideals in life. At least, we all should. Mine is my mom.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Ideals are dangerous things.  Realities are better.  They wound, but they’re better.

Ms. Erlynne. Ideals are risky things. Realities are more sensible. They can hurt, but they’re more reliable.

Lady Windermere.  [Shaking her head.]  If I lost my ideals, I should lose everything.

Lady Windermere.  [Shaking her head.]  If I lost my ideals, I'd lose everything.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Everything?

Mrs. Erlynne.  All of it?

Lady Windermere.  Yes.  [Pause.]

Lady Windermere. Yes. [Pause.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  Did your father often speak to you of your mother?

Mrs. Erlynne. Did your dad often talk to you about your mom?

Lady Windermere.  No, it gave him too much pain.  He told me how my mother had died a few months after I was born.  His eyes filled with tears as he spoke.  Then he begged me never to mention her name to him again.  It made him suffer even to hear it.  My father—my father really died of a broken heart.  His was the most ruined life know.

Lady Windermere. No, it caused him too much pain. He told me how my mother passed away a few months after I was born. His eyes filled with tears as he spoke. Then he begged me never to mention her name to him again. It hurt him just to hear it. My father—my father truly died from a broken heart. His was the most shattered life I know.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Rising.]  I am afraid I must go now, Lady Windermere.

Ms. Erlynne.  [Rising.]  I’m afraid I have to leave now, Lady Windermere.

Lady Windermere.  [Rising.]  Oh no, don’t.

Lady Windermere.  [Rising.]  Oh no, please don’t.

Mrs. Erlynne.  I think I had better.  My carriage must have come back by this time.  I sent it to Lady Jedburgh’s with a note.

Mrs. Erlynne. I think I should. My carriage should be back by now. I sent it to Lady Jedburgh's with a note.

Lady Windermere.  Arthur, would you mind seeing if Mrs. Erlynne’s carriage has come back?

Lady Windermere. Arthur, could you check if Mrs. Erlynne's carriage has returned?

Mrs. Erlynne.  Pray don’t trouble, Lord Windermere.

Mrs. Erlynne. Please don’t bother Lord Windermere.

Lady Windermere.  Yes, Arthur, do go, please.

Lady Windermere. Yes, Arthur, please go.

[Lord Windermere hesitated for a moment and looks at Mrs. ErlynneShe remains quite impassiveHe leaves the room.]

[Mr. Windermere pauses for a moment and glances at Ms. Erlynne. She stays completely composed. He exits the room.]

[To Mrs. Erlynne.]  Oh!  What am I to say to you?  You saved me last night?  [Goes towards her.]

[To Mrs. Erlynne.] Oh! What should I say to you? You rescued me last night? [Goes towards her.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  Hush—don’t speak of it.

Mrs. Erlynne. Shh—let's not talk about it.

Lady Windermere.  I must speak of it.  I can’t let you think that I am going to accept this sacrifice.  I am not.  It is too great.  I am going to tell my husband everything.  It is my duty.

Lady Windermere. I need to talk about this. I can't let you believe that I'm going to accept this sacrifice. I'm not. It's too much. I'm going to tell my husband everything. It's my responsibility.

Mrs. Erlynne.  It is not your duty—at least you have duties to others besides him.  You say you owe me something?

Mrs. Erlynne. It’s not your responsibility—at least you have obligations to others besides him. You claim you owe me something?

Lady Windermere.  I owe you everything.

Lady Windermere. I owe you everything.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Then pay your debt by silence.  That is the only way in which it can be paid.  Don’t spoil the one good thing I have done in my life by telling it to any one.  Promise me that what passed last night will remain a secret between us.  You must not bring misery into your husband’s life.  Why spoil his love?  You must not spoil it.  Love is easily killed.  Oh! how easily love is killed.  Pledge me your word, Lady Windermere, that you will never tell him.  I insist upon it.

Mrs. Erlynne. Then settle your debt by staying silent. That's the only way it can be settled. Don’t ruin the one good thing I've done in my life by sharing it with anyone. Promise me that what happened last night will stay between us. You can’t bring sadness into your husband’s life. Why ruin his love? You mustn’t ruin it. Love can be easily destroyed. Oh! how easily love can be destroyed. Promise me, Lady Windermere, that you will never tell him. I insist on it.

Lady Windermere.  [With bowed head.]  It is your will, not mine.

Lady Windermere.  [With bowed head.]  It's your choice, not mine.

Mrs. Erlynne.  Yes, it is my will.  And never forget your child—I like to think of you as a mother.  I like you to think of yourself as one.

Mrs. Erlynne. Yes, that’s my decision. And don't ever forget your child—I prefer to see you as a mother. I want you to see yourself that way too.

Lady Windermere.  [Looking up.]  I always will now.  Only once in my life I have forgotten my own mother—that was last night.  Oh, if I had remembered her I should not have been so foolish, so wicked.

Lady Windermere.  [Looking up.]  I will always remember from now on.  There was only one time in my life when I forgot about my mother—that was last night.  Oh, if only I had thought of her, I wouldn’t have been so foolish, so wrong.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [With a slight shudder.]  Hush, last night is quite over.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [With a slight shudder.]  Quiet, last night is totally done.

[Enter Lord Windermere.]

[Enter Lord Windermere.]

Lord Windermere.  Your carriage has not come back yet, Mrs. Erlynne.

Lord Windermere. Your car hasn’t returned yet, Mrs. Erlynne.

Mrs. Erlynne.  It makes no matter.  I’ll take a hansom.  There is nothing in the world so respectable as a good Shrewsbury and Talbot.  And now, dear Lady Windermere, I am afraid it is really good-bye.  [Moves up C.]  Oh, I remember.  You’ll think me absurd, but do you know I’ve taken a great fancy to this fan that I was silly enough to run away with last night from your ball.  Now, I wonder would you give it to me?  Lord Windermere says you may.  I know it is his present.

Mrs. Erlynne. It doesn’t matter. I’ll take a cab. There’s nothing more respectable than a good Shrewsbury and Talbot. And now, dear Lady Windermere, I’m afraid it’s really goodbye. [Moves up C.] Oh, I remember. You’ll think I’m silly, but I’ve grown quite fond of this fan that I foolishly took from your ball last night. Now, I wonder if you would let me keep it? Lord Windermere says it’s okay. I know it’s his gift.

Lady Windermere.  Oh, certainly, if it will give you any pleasure.  But it has my name on it.  It has ‘Margaret’ on it.

Lady Windermere. Oh, of course, if it will make you happy. But it’s got my name on it. It says ‘Margaret’ on it.

Mrs. Erlynne.  But we have the same Christian name.

Mrs. Erlynne. But we share the same first name.

Lady Windermere.  Oh, I forgot.  Of course, do have it.  What a wonderful chance our names being the same!

Lady Windermere. Oh, I forgot. Of course, I do have it. What a great coincidence that our names are the same!

Mrs. Erlynne.  Quite wonderful.  Thanks—it will always remind me of you.  [Shakes hands with her.]

Mrs. Erlynne.  That's amazing.  Thank you—it will always make me think of you.  [Shakes hands with her.]

[Enter Parker.]

[Enter Parker.]

Parker.  Lord Augustus Lorton.  Mrs. Erlynne’s carriage has come.

Parker. Lord Augustus Lorton. Mrs. Erlynne’s carriage has arrived.

[Enter Lord Augustus.]

[Enter Lord Augustus.]

Lord Augustus.  Good morning, dear boy.  Good morning, Lady Windermere.  [Sees Mrs. Erlynne.]  Mrs. Erlynne!

Lord Augustus. Good morning, dear boy. Good morning, Lady Windermere. [Notices Mrs. Erlynne.] Mrs. Erlynne!

Mrs. Erlynne.  How do you do, Lord Augustus?  Are you quite well this morning?

Mrs. Erlynne. How are you, Lord Augustus? Are you feeling okay this morning?

Lord Augustus.  [Coldly.]  Quite well, thank you, Mrs. Erlynne.

Lord Augustus. [Coldly.]  I'm doing quite well, thank you, Mrs. Erlynne.

Mrs. Erlynne.  You don’t look at all well, Lord Augustus.  You stop up too late—it is so bad for you.  You really should take more care of yourself.  Good-bye, Lord Windermere. [Goes towards door with a bow to Lord AugustusSuddenly smiles and looks back at him.]  Lord Augustus!  Won’t you see me to my carriage?  You might carry the fan.

Mrs. Erlynne. You don’t look well at all, Lord Augustus. You stay up too late—it’s really bad for you. You should take better care of yourself. Goodbye, Lord Windermere. [She walks towards the door, bowing to Lord Augustus. Suddenly she smiles and looks back at him.] Lord Augustus! Will you see me to my carriage? You could carry the fan.

Lord Windermere.  Allow me!

Lord Windermere. Let me!

Mrs. Erlynne.  No; I want Lord Augustus.  I have a special message for the dear Duchess.  Won’t you carry the fan, Lord Augustus?

Mrs. Erlynne. No; I want Lord Augustus. I have a special message for the dear Duchess. Won't you take the fan, Lord Augustus?

Lord Augustus.  If you really desire it, Mrs. Erlynne.

Lord Augustus. If you truly want it, Mrs. Erlynne.

Mrs. Erlynne.  [Laughing.]  Of course I do.  You’ll carry it so gracefully.  You would carry off anything gracefully, dear Lord Augustus.

Mrs. Erlynne. [Laughing.] Of course I do. You’ll handle it so effortlessly. You could pull off anything with style, dear Lord Augustus.

[When she reaches the door she looks back for a moment at Lady WindermereTheir eyes meetThen she turns, and exit C. followed by Lord Augustus.]

[When she gets to the door, she glances back for a moment at Lady Windermere. Their eyes connect. Then she turns, and exits through C. followed by Lord Augustus.]

Lady Windermere.  You will never speak against Mrs. Erlynne again, Arthur, will you?

Lady Windermere. You won’t ever say anything bad about Mrs. Erlynne again, Arthur, will you?

Lord Windermere.  [Gravely.]  She is better than one thought her.

Lord Windermere. [Seriously.] She is better than we expected.

Lady Windermere.  She is better than I am.

Lady Windermere. She’s better than me.

Lord Windermere.  [Smiling as he strokes her hair.]  Child, you and she belong to different worlds.  Into your world evil has never entered.

Lord Windermere.  [Smiling as he gently runs his fingers through her hair.]  Sweetheart, you and she come from completely different worlds.  Evil has never touched your world.

Lady Windermere.  Don’t say that, Arthur.  There is the same world for all of us, and good and evil, sin and innocence, go through it hand in hand.  To shut one’s eyes to half of life that one may live securely is as though one blinded oneself that one might walk with more safety in a land of pit and precipice.

Lady Windermere. Don’t say that, Arthur. Everyone experiences the same world, and good and evil, sin and innocence, exist together. Ignoring half of life to feel safe is like choosing to be blind so you can walk more securely in a dangerous place filled with pitfalls and cliffs.

Lord Windermere.  [Moves down with her.]  Darling, why do you say that?

Lord Windermere.  [Moves down with her.]  Sweetheart, why do you say that?

Lady Windermere.  [Sits on sofa.]  Because I, who had shut my eyes to life, came to the brink.  And one who had separated us—

Lady Windermere.  [Sits on sofa.]  Because I, who had ignored the reality of life, reached the edge.  And one who had put distance between us—

Lord Windermere.  We were never separated.

Lord Windermere. We were never apart.

Lady Windermere.  We never must be again.  O Arthur, don’t love me less, and I will trust you more.  I will trust you absolutely.  Let us go to Selby.  In the Rose Garden at Selby the roses are white and red.

Lady Windermere. We can never go back. O Arthur, please don’t love me less, and I’ll trust you more. I will trust you completely. Let’s go to Selby. In the Rose Garden at Selby, the roses are white and red.

[Enter Lord Augustus C.]

[Enter Lord Augustus C.]

Lord Augustus.  Arthur, she has explained everything!

Lord Augustus. Arthur, she has explained it all!

[Lady Windermere looks horribly frightened at thisLord Windermere startsLord Augustus takes Windermere by the arm and brings him to front of stageHe talks rapidly and in a low voiceLady Windermere stands watching them in terror.]  My dear fellow, she has explained every demmed thing.  We all wronged her immensely.  It was entirely for my sake she went to Darlington’s rooms.  Called first at the Club—fact is, wanted to put me out of suspense—and being told I had gone on—followed—naturally frightened when she heard a lot of us coming in—retired to another room—I assure you, most gratifying to me, the whole thing.  We all behaved brutally to her.  She is just the woman for me.  Suits me down to the ground.  All the conditions she makes are that we live entirely out of England.  A very good thing too.  Demmed clubs, demmed climate, demmed cooks, demmed everything.  Sick of it all!

[Lady Windermere looks really scared by this. Lord Windermere jumps. Lord Augustus grabs Windermere by the arm and brings him to the front of the stage. He speaks quickly and quietly. Lady Windermere stands watching them in fear.] My dear friend, she has cleared everything up. We all treated her horribly. She only went to Darlington’s place for my sake. She stopped by the Club first— the truth is, she wanted to relieve my worries—and when she found out I had already left—she followed—naturally she was scared when she heard a bunch of us coming in—so she went into another room—I assure you, it’s all very reassuring for me. We all acted terribly towards her. She is exactly the kind of woman for me. She fits me perfectly. All the conditions she has are that we live completely outside of England. Which is definitely a good thing. Tiring clubs, awful weather, terrible food, everything is so frustrating. I’m just done with it all!

Lady Windermere.  [Frightened.]  Has Mrs. Erlynne—?

Lady Windermere.  [Frightened.]  Has Mrs. Erlynne—?

Lord Augustus.  [Advancing towards her with a low bow.]  Yes, Lady Windermere—  Mrs. Erlynne has done me the honour of accepting my hand.

Lord Gus.  [Moving closer to her with a respectful bow.]  Yes, Lady Windermere— Mrs. Erlynne has honored me by accepting my proposal.

Lord Windermere.  Well, you are certainly marrying a very clever woman!

Lord Windermere. Well, you really are marrying a very smart woman!

Lady Windermere.  [Taking her husband’s hand.]  Ah, you’re marrying a very good woman!

Lady Windermere.  [Taking her husband’s hand.]  Ah, you’re marrying an amazing woman!

 

Curtain

Curtain


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