This is a modern-English version of England, My England, originally written by Lawrence, D. H. (David Herbert).
It has been thoroughly updated, including changes to sentence structure, words, spelling,
and grammar—to ensure clarity for contemporary readers, while preserving the original spirit and nuance. If
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England, My England
AND OTHER STORIES
by D.H. Lawrence
Contents
ENGLAND, MY ENGLAND |
TICKETS, PLEASE |
THE BLIND MAN |
MONKEY NUTS |
WINTRY PEACOCK |
YOU TOUCHED ME |
SAMSON AND DELILAH |
THE PRIMROSE PATH |
THE HORSE DEALER’S DAUGHTER |
FANNY AND ANNIE |
ENGLAND, MY ENGLAND
He was working on the edge of the common, beyond the small brook that ran in the dip at the bottom of the garden, carrying the garden path in continuation from the plank bridge on to the common. He had cut the rough turf and bracken, leaving the grey, dryish soil bare. But he was worried because he could not get the path straight, there was a pleat between his brows. He had set up his sticks, and taken the sights between the big pine trees, but for some reason everything seemed wrong. He looked again, straining his keen blue eyes, that had a touch of the Viking in them, through the shadowy pine trees as through a doorway, at the green-grassed garden-path rising from the shadow of alders by the log bridge up to the sunlit flowers. Tall white and purple columbines, and the butt-end of the old Hampshire cottage that crouched near the earth amid flowers, blossoming in the bit of shaggy wildness round about.
He was working at the edge of the common, beyond the small brook that flowed in the dip at the bottom of the garden, extending the garden path from the plank bridge onto the common. He had cleared the rough turf and bracken, leaving the grey, dry soil exposed. But he was frustrated because he couldn’t get the path to be straight; there was a crease between his brows. He had set up his sticks and taken measurements between the tall pine trees, but for some reason, everything seemed off. He looked again, straining his sharp blue eyes, which had a hint of Viking ancestry, through the shadowy pine trees as if looking through a doorway, at the green garden path rising from the shadows of alders by the log bridge up to the sunlit flowers. Tall white and purple columbines intertwined with the back corner of the old Hampshire cottage that nestled close to the ground amidst the flowers, blooming in the little patch of untamed nature surrounding it.
There was a sound of children’s voices calling and talking: high, childish, girlish voices, slightly didactic and tinged with domineering: “If you don’t come quick, nurse, I shall run out there to where there are snakes.” And nobody had the sang-froid to reply: “Run then, little fool.” It was always, “No, darling. Very well, darling. In a moment, darling. Darling, you must be patient.”
There were sounds of kids' voices calling and chatting: high-pitched, childish, girly voices, a bit preachy and a little bossy: “If you don’t come quick, nurse, I’m going to run out there where the snakes are.” And no one had the sang-froid to respond: “Go ahead then, little fool.” It was always, “No, sweetheart. Okay, sweetheart. Just a moment, sweetheart. Sweetheart, you have to be patient.”
His heart was hard with disillusion: a continual gnawing and resistance. But he worked on. What was there to do but submit!
His heart was filled with disappointment: a constant struggle and pushback. But he kept going. What else could he do but accept it!
The sunlight blazed down upon the earth, there was a vividness of flamy vegetation, of fierce seclusion amid the savage peace of the commons. Strange how the savage England lingers in patches: as here, amid these shaggy gorse commons, and marshy, snake infested places near the foot of the south downs. The spirit of place lingering on primeval, as when the Saxons came, so long ago.
The sun beat down on the ground, and the bright fiery plants stood out in the intense isolation of the wild, untamed countryside. It's strange how wild England still survives in pockets: like here, among these tangled gorse-covered fields and swampy areas crawling with snakes at the base of the South Downs. The essence of the land remains primordial, just like it was when the Saxons arrived, so long ago.
Ah, how he had loved it! The green garden path, the tufts of flowers, purple and white columbines, and great oriental red poppies with their black chaps and mulleins tall and yellow, this flamy garden which had been a garden for a thousand years, scooped out in the little hollow among the snake-infested commons. He had made it flame with flowers, in a sun cup under its hedges and trees. So old, so old a place! And yet he had re-created it.
Ah, how he had loved it! The green garden path, the clusters of flowers, purple and white columbines, and large oriental red poppies with their dark centers and tall, yellow mulleins—this vibrant garden that had existed for a thousand years, nestled in the small hollow among the snake-infested fields. He had made it burst with flowers, in a sunny spot beneath its hedges and trees. Such an old place! And yet, he had brought it back to life.
The timbered cottage with its sloping, cloak-like roof was old and forgotten. It belonged to the old England of hamlets and yeomen. Lost all alone on the edge of the common, at the end of a wide, grassy, briar-entangled lane shaded with oak, it had never known the world of today. Not till Egbert came with his bride. And he had come to fill it with flowers.
The wooden cottage with its sloped, cloak-like roof was old and neglected. It belonged to the old England of small villages and farmers. Isolated on the edge of the common, at the end of a wide, grassy lane tangled with briars and shaded by oak trees, it had never experienced the modern world. That was until Egbert arrived with his bride. And he had come to fill it with flowers.
The house was ancient and very uncomfortable. But he did not want to alter it. Ah, marvellous to sit there in the wide, black, time-old chimney, at night when the wind roared overhead, and the wood which he had chopped himself sputtered on the hearth! Himself on one side the angle, and Winifred on the other.
The house was old and quite uncomfortable. But he didn't want to change it. Ah, it was wonderful to sit there in the wide, dark, ancient chimney at night when the wind howled overhead, and the wood he had chopped himself crackled on the fire! He was on one side of the corner, and Winifred was on the other.
Ah, how he had wanted her: Winifred! She was young and beautiful and strong with life, like a flame in sunshine. She moved with a slow grace of energy like a blossoming, red-flowered bush in motion. She, too, seemed to come out of the old England, ruddy, strong, with a certain crude, passionate quiescence and a hawthorn robustness. And he, he was tall and slim and agile, like an English archer with his long supple legs and fine movements. Her hair was nut-brown and all in energic curls and tendrils. Her eyes were nut-brown, too, like a robin’s for brightness. And he was white-skinned with fine, silky hair that had darkened from fair, and a slightly arched nose of an old country family. They were a beautiful couple.
Ah, how he had wanted her: Winifred! She was young, beautiful, and full of life, like a flame in the sunlight. She moved with a smooth grace of energy, like a blooming red-flowered bush in motion. She, too, seemed to embody the essence of old England, strong and vibrant, with a certain raw, passionate calmness and a sturdy robustness. And he, he was tall, slim, and agile, like an English archer with his long, flexible legs and graceful movements. Her hair was chestnut brown, full of lively curls and tendrils. Her eyes were also chestnut brown, bright like a robin’s. He had fair skin with fine, silky hair that had darkened over time, and a slightly arched nose from an old country family. They were a stunning couple.
The house was Winifred’s. Her father was a man of energy, too. He had come from the north poor. Now he was moderately rich. He had bought this fair stretch of inexpensive land, down in Hampshire. Not far from the tiny church of the almost extinct hamlet stood his own house, a commodious old farmhouse standing back from the road across a bare grassed yard. On one side of this quadrangle was the long, long barn or shed which he had made into a cottage for his youngest daughter Priscilla. One saw little blue-and-white check curtains at the long windows, and inside, overhead, the grand old timbers of the high-pitched shed. This was Prissy’s house. Fifty yards away was the pretty little new cottage which he had built for his daughter Magdalen, with the vegetable garden stretching away to the oak copse. And then away beyond the lawns and rose trees of the house-garden went the track across a shaggy, wild grass space, towards the ridge of tall black pines that grew on a dyke-bank, through the pines and above the sloping little bog, under the wide, desolate oak trees, till there was Winifred’s cottage crouching unexpectedly in front, so much alone, and so primitive.
The house belonged to Winifred. Her father was also an energetic man. He had come from the north with nothing. Now he was doing moderately well. He had bought this nice piece of affordable land in Hampshire. Not far from the tiny church of the nearly abandoned village stood his own home, a spacious old farmhouse set back from the road across a bare grassy yard. On one side of this area was the long barn or shed that he had converted into a cottage for his youngest daughter, Priscilla. You could see little blue-and-white check curtains at the long windows, and inside, the grand old beams of the high-pitched shed were visible overhead. This was Prissy’s house. Fifty yards away was the charming little new cottage that he had built for his daughter, Magdalen, with a vegetable garden extending to the oak grove. Beyond the lawns and rose bushes of the house garden, a path meandered across a patch of shaggy, wild grass, leading toward a ridge of tall black pines growing on a bank, through the pines and over the sloping little bog, beneath the wide, desolate oak trees, until you reached Winifred’s cottage, which sat unexpectedly in front, so isolated and so basic.
It was Winifred’s own house, and the gardens and the bit of common and the boggy slope were hers: her tiny domain. She had married just at the time when her father had bought the estate, about ten years before the war, so she had been able to come to Egbert with this for a marriage portion. And who was more delighted, he or she, it would be hard to say. She was only twenty at the time, and he was only twenty-one. He had about a hundred and fifty pounds a year of his own—and nothing else but his very considerable personal attractions. He had no profession: he earned nothing. But he talked of literature and music, he had a passion for old folk-music, collecting folk-songs and folk-dances, studying the Morris-dance and the old customs. Of course in time he would make money in these ways.
It was Winifred’s own house, and the gardens, the little bit of common land, and the boggy slope were hers: her tiny kingdom. She had married just around the time her father bought the estate, about ten years before the war, so she was able to bring this as her marriage portion to Egbert. It would be hard to say who was more thrilled, him or her. She was only twenty at the time, and he was just twenty-one. He had about a hundred and fifty pounds a year of his own—and nothing else except for his very notable personal charm. He didn’t have a profession: he earned nothing. But he talked about literature and music, had a passion for traditional folk music, collected folk songs and folk dances, and studied the Morris dance and old customs. Of course, in time he would find a way to make money from these interests.
Meanwhile youth and health and passion and promise. Winifred’s father was always generous: but still, he was a man from the north with a hard head and a hard skin too, having received a good many knocks. At home he kept the hard head out of sight, and played at poetry and romance with his literary wife and his sturdy, passionate girls. He was a man of courage, not given to complaining, bearing his burdens by himself. No, he did not let the world intrude far into his home. He had a delicate, sensitive wife whose poetry won some fame in the narrow world of letters. He himself, with his tough old barbarian fighting spirit, had an almost child-like delight in verse, in sweet poetry, and in the delightful game of a cultured home. His blood was strong even to coarseness. But that only made the home more vigorous, more robust and Christmassy. There was always a touch of Christmas about him, now he was well off. If there was poetry after dinner, there were also chocolates and nuts, and good little out-of-the-way things to be munching.
Meanwhile, there was youth, health, passion, and promise. Winifred’s father was always generous, but he was also a man from the north with a tough mindset and a tough exterior, having taken quite a few hits in life. At home, he kept his tough side hidden and engaged in poetry and romance with his literary wife and their strong, passionate daughters. He was a courageous man who didn’t complain and carried his burdens on his own. No, he didn’t let the outside world intrude much into his home. He had a delicate, sensitive wife whose poetry gained some recognition in the limited literary circles. He himself, with his rugged fighting spirit, found almost child-like joy in verse, sweet poetry, and the charming experience of a cultured home. His blood was strong, even to the point of being coarse. But that only made the home feel more lively, more hearty, and full of a festive spirit. There was always a hint of Christmas in him, especially now that he was doing well. If there was poetry after dinner, there were also chocolates, nuts, and delightful little treats to enjoy.
Well then, into this family came Egbert. He was made of quite a different paste. The girls and the father were strong-limbed, thick-blooded people, true English, as holly-trees and hawthorn are English. Their culture was grafted on to them, as one might perhaps graft a common pink rose on to a thornstem. It flowered oddly enough, but it did not alter their blood.
Well then, into this family came Egbert. He was made of a different kind of stuff. The girls and their father were strong-limbed, thick-blooded people, true English, just like holly and hawthorn are English. Their culture was like a graft, similar to how one might graft a common pink rose onto a thorny stem. It bloomed in a strange way, but it didn’t change their essence.
And Egbert was a born rose. The age-long breeding had left him with a delightful spontaneous passion. He was not clever, nor even “literary”. No, but the intonation of his voice, and the movement of his supple, handsome body, and the fine texture of his flesh and his hair, the slight arch of his nose, the quickness of his blue eyes would easily take the place of poetry. Winifred loved him, loved him, this southerner, as a higher being. A higher being, mind you. Not a deeper. And as for him, he loved her in passion with every fibre of him. She was the very warm stuff of life to him.
And Egbert was a natural charmer. Generations of breeding had given him a wonderfully spontaneous passion. He wasn’t particularly smart or even “literary.” No, but the tone of his voice, the way his supple, handsome body moved, the smoothness of his skin and hair, the gentle curve of his nose, and the sparkle in his blue eyes could easily replace poetry. Winifred adored him, loved him, this southern guy, as if he were a superior being. A superior being, mind you. Not a deeper one. And for his part, he loved her intensely with every part of himself. She was the very essence of life for him.
Wonderful then, those days at Crockham Cottage, the first days, all alone save for the woman who came to work in the mornings. Marvellous days, when she had all his tall, supple, fine-fleshed youth to herself, for herself, and he had her like a ruddy fire into which he could cast himself for rejuvenation. Ah, that it might never end, this passion, this marriage! The flame of their two bodies burnt again into that old cottage, that was haunted already by so much by-gone, physical desire. You could not be in the dark room for an hour without the influences coming over you. The hot blood-desire of by-gone yeomen, there in this old den where they had lusted and bred for so many generations. The silent house, dark, with thick, timbered walls and the big black chimney-place, and the sense of secrecy. Dark, with low, little windows, sunk into the earth. Dark, like a lair where strong beasts had lurked and mated, lonely at night and lonely by day, left to themselves and their own intensity for so many generations. It seemed to cast a spell on the two young people. They became different. There was a curious secret glow about them, a certain slumbering flame hard to understand, that enveloped them both. They too felt that they did not belong to the London world any more. Crockham had changed their blood: the sense of the snakes that lived and slept even in their own garden, in the sun, so that he, going forward with the spade, would see a curious coiled brownish pile on the black soil, which suddenly would start up, hiss, and dazzle rapidly away, hissing. One day Winifred heard the strangest scream from the flower-bed under the low window of the living room: ah, the strangest scream, like the very soul of the dark past crying aloud. She ran out, and saw a long brown snake on the flower-bed, and in its flat mouth the one hind leg of a frog was striving to escape, and screaming its strange, tiny, bellowing scream. She looked at the snake, and from its sullen flat head it looked at her, obstinately. She gave a cry, and it released the frog and slid angrily away.
Wonderful then, those days at Crockham Cottage, the early days, completely alone except for the woman who came to work in the mornings. Incredible days, when she had all his tall, agile, youthful energy just for herself, and he had her like a warm fire he could sink into for rejuvenation. Ah, that this passion, this bond, could last forever! The fire of their bodies burned again in that old cottage, already filled with so much past physical desire. You couldn't spend an hour in that dark room without feeling the influences surrounding you. The intense desires of long-ago inhabitants lingered in this old hideaway where they had loved and reproduced for generations. The silent house, dim, with thick timbered walls and a big black chimney, carried a sense of secrecy. Dark, with small windows, set deep into the earth. Dark, like a den where powerful creatures had lurked and mated, lonely at night and lonely by day, left to their own intensity for so many generations. It seemed to cast a spell on the young couple. They became different. There was an odd secret glow about them, a certain smoldering flame that was hard to decipher, enveloping them both. They felt like they no longer belonged to the London world. Crockham had changed their essence: a sense of the snakes that lived and basked in their own garden under the sun, so that he, digging with the spade, would see a curious coiled brownish shape on the dark soil, which would suddenly spring up, hiss, and quickly dart away. One day Winifred heard the strangest scream from the flower bed under the low window of the living room: a scream like the very soul of the dark past crying out. She rushed outside and saw a long brown snake in the flower bed, with a frog's hind leg caught in its flat mouth, struggling to escape and making its strange, tiny, bellowing scream. She stared at the snake, and it looked back at her with its sullen flat head, stubbornly. She cried out, and it released the frog and slid away angrily.
That was Crockham. The spear of modern invention had not passed through it, and it lay there secret, primitive, savage as when the Saxons first came. And Egbert and she were caught there, caught out of the world.
That was Crockham. The spear of modern invention hadn’t touched it, and it remained hidden, basic, and wild like it was when the Saxons first arrived. And Egbert and she were stuck there, removed from the world.
He was not idle, nor was she. There were plenty of things to be done, the house to be put into final repair after the workmen had gone, cushions and curtains to sew, the paths to make, the water to fetch and attend to, and then the slope of the deep-soiled, neglected garden to level, to terrace with little terraces and paths, and to fill with flowers. He worked away, in his shirt-sleeves, worked all day intermittently doing this thing and the other. And she, quiet and rich in herself, seeing him stooping and labouring away by himself, would come to help him, to be near him. He of course was an amateur—a born amateur. He worked so hard, and did so little, and nothing he ever did would hold together for long. If he terraced the garden, he held up the earth with a couple of long narrow planks that soon began to bend with the pressure from behind, and would not need many years to rot through and break and let the soil slither all down again in a heap towards the stream-bed. But there you are. He had not been brought up to come to grips with anything, and he thought it would do. Nay, he did not think there was anything else except little temporary contrivances possible, he who had such a passion for his old enduring cottage, and for the old enduring things of the bygone England. Curious that the sense of permanency in the past had such a hold over him, whilst in the present he was all amateurish and sketchy.
He wasn't lazy, and neither was she. There was a lot to do—getting the house ready after the workers had left, sewing cushions and curtains, creating paths, fetching and managing water, and leveling the steep, neglected garden to make little terraces and paths filled with flowers. He worked hard in his shirt sleeves, doing this and that all day long. She, serene and self-assured, would come to help him, wanting to be close to him. He was, of course, an amateur—a born amateur. He worked so hard yet achieved so little, and nothing he did ever lasted long. When he terraced the garden, he used a couple of long, narrow planks to hold up the earth, which would soon start to bend under the pressure and wouldn't last many years before rotting and giving way, letting the soil slide down toward the stream. But there it was. He hadn't been raised to tackle anything seriously, and he figured it would be fine. In fact, he believed that only temporary fixes were possible—he, who had such a love for his old, sturdy cottage and for the lasting things of a bygone England. It was strange how the feeling of permanence from the past held such a grip on him, while in the present, he was all amateurish and haphazard.
Winifred could not criticize him. Town-bred, everything seemed to her splendid, and the very digging and shovelling itself seemed romantic. But neither Egbert nor she yet realised the difference between work and romance.
Winifred couldn't criticize him. Coming from the town, everything felt wonderful to her, and even the digging and shoveling seemed romantic. But neither Egbert nor she understood the difference between work and romance yet.
Godfrey Marshall, her father, was at first perfectly pleased with the ménage down at Crockham Cottage. He thought Egbert was wonderful, the many things he accomplished, and he was gratified by the glow of physical passion between the two young people. To the man who in London still worked hard to keep steady his modest fortune, the thought of this young couple digging away and loving one another down at Crockham Cottage, buried deep among the commons and marshes, near the pale-showing bulk of the downs, was like a chapter of living romance. And they drew the sustenance for their fire of passion from him, from the old man. It was he who fed their flame. He triumphed secretly in the thought. And it was to her father that Winifred still turned, as the one source of all surety and life and support. She loved Egbert with passion. But behind her was the power of her father. It was the power of her father she referred to, whenever she needed to refer. It never occurred to her to refer to Egbert, if she were in difficulty or doubt. No, in all the serious matters she depended on her father.
Godfrey Marshall, her dad, was initially really happy with life at Crockham Cottage. He thought Egbert was amazing, what with all the things he could do, and he felt great about the intense attraction between the two young people. For a man who still worked hard in London to maintain his modest fortune, the idea of this young couple digging and falling in love at Crockham Cottage, tucked away among the commons and marshes near the faint outline of the hills, felt like a page out of a romantic story. They drew the energy for their passionate relationship from him, from the old man. He was the one who fueled their fire. He secretly reveled in that thought. And it was to her dad that Winifred continued to turn, as her sole source of certainty and support. She was deeply in love with Egbert. But her father’s influence was always behind her. It was her father's authority she relied on whenever she needed to refer to someone. It never crossed her mind to turn to Egbert if she faced trouble or uncertainty. No, in all the serious matters, she relied on her father.
For Egbert had no intention of coming to grips with life. He had no ambition whatsoever. He came from a decent family, from a pleasant country home, from delightful surroundings. He should, of course, have had a profession. He should have studied law or entered business in some way. But no—that fatal three pounds a week would keep him from starving as long as he lived, and he did not want to give himself into bondage. It was not that he was idle. He was always doing something, in his amateurish way. But he had no desire to give himself to the world, and still less had he any desire to fight his way in the world. No, no, the world wasn’t worth it. He wanted to ignore it, to go his own way apart, like a casual pilgrim down the forsaken sidetracks. He loved his wife, his cottage and garden. He would make his life there, as a sort of epicurean hermit. He loved the past, the old music and dances and customs of old England. He would try and live in the spirit of these, not in the spirit of the world of business.
For Egbert had no intention of dealing with life. He had no ambition at all. He came from a good family, from a nice country home, and from pleasant surroundings. He really should have had a profession. He should have studied law or gotten into business somehow. But no—that life-saving three pounds a week would keep him from starving for as long as he lived, and he didn't want to bind himself to anything. It wasn't that he was lazy; he was always doing something, in his amateurish way. But he had no desire to engage with the world, and even less desire to struggle for his place in it. No, the world wasn’t worth it. He wanted to ignore it, to follow his own path like a casual traveler on the forgotten side roads. He loved his wife, his cottage, and his garden. He would build his life there, like a sort of hedonistic hermit. He cherished the past, the old music, dances, and customs of old England. He aimed to live in the spirit of those things, not in the spirit of the business world.
But often Winifred’s father called her to London: for he loved to have his children round him. So Egbert and she must have a tiny flat in town, and the young couple must transfer themselves from time to time from the country to the city. In town Egbert had plenty of friends, of the same ineffectual sort as himself, tampering with the arts, literature, painting, sculpture, music. He was not bored.
But often Winifred’s dad would call her to London because he loved having his kids around him. So, Egbert and she had to get a small apartment in the city, and the young couple had to move back and forth from the countryside to the city. In town, Egbert had plenty of friends, the same kind of aimless people as him, dabbling in the arts, literature, painting, sculpture, and music. He wasn’t bored.
Three pounds a week, however, would not pay for all this. Winifred’s father paid. He liked paying. He made her only a very small allowance, but he often gave her ten pounds—or gave Egbert ten pounds. So they both looked on the old man as the mainstay. Egbert didn’t mind being patronized and paid for. Only when he felt the family was a little too condescending, on account of money, he began to get huffy.
Three pounds a week, however, wouldn’t cover all of this. Winifred’s dad picked up the tab. He enjoyed paying. He only gave her a tiny allowance, but he often handed out ten pounds—or gave ten pounds to Egbert. So they both saw the old man as their support system. Egbert didn't mind being treated like a charity case. It was only when he felt the family was a bit too condescending because of the money that he started to get annoyed.
Then of course children came: a lovely little blonde daughter with a head of thistle-down. Everybody adored the child. It was the first exquisite blonde thing that had come into the family, a little mite with the white, slim, beautiful limbs of its father, and as it grew up the dancing, dainty movement of a wild little daisy-spirit. No wonder the Marshalls all loved the child: they called her Joyce. They themselves had their own grace, but it was slow, rather heavy. They had everyone of them strong, heavy limbs and darkish skins, and they were short in stature. And now they had for one of their own this light little cowslip child. She was like a little poem in herself.
Then, of course, children arrived: a lovely little blonde daughter with fluffy hair. Everyone adored her. She was the first exquisite blonde addition to the family, a tiny girl with her father’s white, slim, beautiful limbs, and as she grew, she moved with the graceful, playful energy of a wild little daisy. It’s no surprise that the Marshalls all loved her; they named her Joyce. They each had their own charm, but it was slow and a bit heavy. They all had strong, sturdy limbs and darker skin, and they were short. Now they had this light, delicate little flower of a child. She was like a little poem all on her own.
But nevertheless, she brought a new difficulty. Winifred must have a nurse for her. Yes, yes, there must be a nurse. It was the family decree. Who was to pay for the nurse? The grandfather—seeing the father himself earned no money. Yes, the grandfather would pay, as he had paid all the lying-in expenses. There came a slight sense of money-strain. Egbert was living on his father-in-law.
But still, she introduced a new challenge. Winifred needed a nurse. Yes, definitely, a nurse was necessary. It was the family's decision. Who would cover the costs for the nurse? The grandfather—since the father wasn’t bringing in any income. Yes, the grandfather would pay, just as he had covered all the delivery expenses. There was a slight feeling of financial pressure. Egbert was relying on his father-in-law.
After the child was born, it was never quite the same between him and Winifred. The difference was at first hardly perceptible. But it was there. In the first place Winifred had a new centre of interest. She was not going to adore her child. But she had what the modern mother so often has in the place of spontaneous love: a profound sense of duty towards her child. Winifred appreciated her darling little girl, and felt a deep sense of duty towards her. Strange, that this sense of duty should go deeper than the love for her husband. But so it was. And so it often is. The responsibility of motherhood was the prime responsibility in Winifred’s heart: the responsibility of wifehood came a long way second.
After the child was born, things were never quite the same between him and Winifred. The change was initially hard to notice. But it was there. For one, Winifred had a new focus. She didn't plan to idolize her child. Instead, she felt what many modern mothers experience instead of spontaneous love: a deep sense of duty toward her child. Winifred valued her precious little girl and felt a strong obligation to her. It's strange that this sense of duty felt stronger than her love for her husband. But it was true. And it often is. The responsibility of being a mother was Winifred’s top priority; her role as a wife came a distant second.
Her child seemed to link her up again in a circuit with her own family. Her father and mother, herself, and her child, that was the human trinity for her. Her husband—? Yes, she loved him still. But that was like play. She had an almost barbaric sense of duty and of family. Till she married, her first human duty had been towards her father: he was the pillar, the source of life, the everlasting support. Now another link was added to the chain of duty: her father, herself, and her child.
Her child seemed to reconnect her with her own family. Her father and mother, herself, and her child—this was her version of the human trinity. Her husband? Yes, she still loved him. But that felt more like play. She had a strong, almost primitive sense of duty and family. Until she got married, her primary responsibility had been to her father: he was the pillar, the source of life, her constant support. Now another link had been added to her chain of duty: her father, herself, and her child.
Egbert was out of it. Without anything happening, he was gradually, unconsciously excluded from the circle. His wife still loved him, physically. But, but—he was almost the unnecessary party in the affair. He could not complain of Winifred. She still did her duty towards him. She still had a physical passion for him, that physical passion on which he had put all his life and soul. But—but—
Egbert was out of it. With nothing really going on, he was slowly, without realizing it, pushed out of the circle. His wife still loved him, physically. But, but—he was almost the unnecessary one in the relationship. He couldn't complain about Winifred. She still fulfilled her responsibilities towards him. She still had a physical passion for him, that physical passion he had invested all his life and soul into. But—but—
It was for a long while an ever-recurring but. And then, after the second child, another blonde, winsome touching little thing, not so proud and flame-like as Joyce; after Annabel came, then Egbert began truly to realise how it was. His wife still loved him. But—and now the but had grown enormous—her physical love for him was of secondary importance to her. It became ever less important. After all, she had had it, this physical passion, for two years now. It was not this that one lived from. No, no—something sterner, realer.
It was for a long time an ongoing but. And then, after the second child, another blonde, a charming little thing, not as proud and fiery as Joyce; after Annabel came, Egbert started to truly realize what was happening. His wife still loved him. But—and now the but had grown huge—her physical love for him had become less important to her. It became less significant over time. After all, she had experienced that physical passion for two years now. It wasn't this that people really lived for. No, no—something tougher, more genuine.
She began to resent her own passion for Egbert—just a little she began to despise it. For after all there he was, he was charming, he was lovable, he was terribly desirable. But—but—oh, the awful looming cloud of that but!—He did not stand firm in the landscape of her life like a tower of strength, like a great pillar of significance. No, he was like a cat one has about the house, which will one day disappear and leave no trace. He was like a flower in the garden, trembling in the wind of life, and then gone, leaving nothing to show. As an adjunct, as an accessory, he was perfect. Many a woman would have adored to have him about her all her life, the most beautiful and desirable of all her possessions. But Winifred belonged to another school.
She started to feel resentment toward her own passion for Egbert—just a little she began to loathe it. Because there he was, charming and lovable, terribly desirable. But—but—oh, that awful looming cloud of that but!—He didn’t stand firm in the landscape of her life like a strong tower, like a significant pillar. No, he was like a cat that you have around the house, which will one day vanish without a trace. He was like a flower in the garden, swaying in the winds of life, and then gone, leaving nothing behind. As an addition, as an accessory, he was perfect. Many women would have loved to have him around all their lives, the most beautiful and desirable of all their belongings. But Winifred belonged to another school.
The years went by, and instead of coming more to grips with life, he relaxed more. He was of a subtle, sensitive, passionate nature. But he simply would not give himself to what Winifred called life, Work. No, he would not go into the world and work for money. No, he just would not. If Winifred liked to live beyond their small income—well, it was her look-out.
The years passed, and instead of dealing with life more seriously, he became more relaxed. He had a subtle, sensitive, passionate personality. But he just would not dedicate himself to what Winifred referred to as life, Work. No, he wouldn't go out into the world and work for money. No, he just wouldn't. If Winifred wanted to live beyond their limited income—well, that was her concern.
And Winifred did not really want him to go out into the world to work for money. Money became, alas, a word like a firebrand between them, setting them both aflame with anger. But that is because we must talk in symbols. Winifred did not really care about money. She did not care whether he earned or did not earn anything. Only she knew she was dependent on her father for three-fourths of the money spent for herself and her children, that she let that be the casus belli, the drawn weapon between herself and Egbert.
And Winifred didn’t really want him to go out into the world to earn money. Sadly, money became a heated topic between them, igniting their anger. But that’s because we have to speak in symbols. Winifred didn’t actually care about money. She didn’t care whether he made any or not. The only thing she understood was that she relied on her father for three-fourths of the money spent on herself and her kids, and she let that be the casus belli, the weapon drawn between her and Egbert.
What did she want—what did she want? Her mother once said to her, with that characteristic touch of irony: “Well, dear, if it is your fate to consider the lilies, that toil not, neither do they spin, that is one destiny among many others, and perhaps not so unpleasant as most. Why do you take it amiss, my child?”
What did she want—what did she want? Her mother once told her, with that typical hint of irony: “Well, dear, if it’s your fate to admire the lilies, which don’t work or weave, that’s one path among many others, and maybe not as unpleasant as most. Why are you taking it the wrong way, my child?”
The mother was subtler than her children, they very rarely knew how to answer her. So Winifred was only more confused. It was not a question of lilies. At least, if it were a question of lilies, then her children were the little blossoms. They at least grew. Doesn’t Jesus say: “Consider the lilies how they grow.” Good then, she had her growing babies. But as for that other tall, handsome flower of a father of theirs, he was full grown already, so she did not want to spend her life considering him in the flower of his days.
The mother was more subtle than her kids; they rarely knew how to respond to her. This left Winifred even more confused. It wasn’t about lilies. At least if it were about lilies, then her kids would be the little blossoms. They at least grew. Doesn’t Jesus say: “Consider the lilies how they grow.” Well, she had her growing babies. But as for that tall, handsome flower of a father, he was already fully grown, so she didn’t want to spend her life thinking about him in the prime of his days.
No, it was not that he didn’t earn money. It was not that he was idle. He was not idle. He was always doing something, always working away, down at Crockham, doing little jobs. But, oh dear, the little jobs—the garden paths—the gorgeous flowers—the chairs to mend, old chairs to mend!
No, it wasn't that he didn't make money. It wasn't that he was lazy. He was not lazy. He was always busy, always working on something down at Crockham, handling small tasks. But, oh dear, those small tasks—the garden paths—the beautiful flowers—the chairs to fix, old chairs to fix!
It was that he stood for nothing. If he had done something unsuccessfully, and lost what money they had! If he had but striven with something. Nay, even if he had been wicked, a waster, she would have been more free. She would have had something to resist, at least. A waster stands for something, really. He says: “No, I will not aid and abet society in this business of increase and hanging together, I will upset the apple-cart as much as I can, in my small way.” Or else he says: “No, I will not bother about others. If I have lusts, they are my own, and I prefer them to other people’s virtues.” So, a waster, a scamp, takes a sort of stand. He exposes himself to opposition and final castigation: at any rate in story-books.
It was that he stood for nothing. If he had done something, even if it failed, and lost what little money they had! If he had just tried to fight against something. Even if he had been bad, a slacker, she would have felt more free. She would have had something to push against, at least. A slacker actually stands for something. He says, "No, I will not support society in its quest for growth and unity; I will shake things up as much as I can, in my small way." Or he says, "No, I will not care about others. If I have desires, they are mine, and I prefer them over other people's virtues." So, a slacker, a rogue, takes a kind of stand. He opens himself up to opposition and eventual condemnation, at least in storybooks.
But Egbert! What are you to do with a man like Egbert? He had no vices. He was really kind, nay generous. And he was not weak. If he had been weak Winifred could have been kind to him. But he did not even give her that consolation. He was not weak, and he did not want her consolation or her kindness. No, thank you. He was of a fine passionate temper, and of a rarer steel than she. He knew it, and she knew it. Hence she was only the more baffled and maddened, poor thing. He, the higher, the finer, in his way the stronger, played with his garden, and his old folk-songs and Morris-dances, just played, and let her support the pillars of the future on her own heart.
But Egbert! What are you supposed to do with someone like Egbert? He had no bad habits. He was truly kind, even generous. And he wasn't weak. If he had been weak, Winifred could have felt kind towards him. But he didn't even give her that comfort. He wasn't weak, and he didn't want her comfort or her kindness. No, thanks. He had a strong, passionate nature and was made of a rarer stuff than she was. He knew it, and she knew it. That’s why she was only more confused and frustrated, poor thing. He, being higher, finer, and stronger in his own way, just played with his garden, his old folk songs, and Morris dances, simply played, while she was left to carry the future on her own heart.
And he began to get bitter, and a wicked look began to come on his face. He did not give in to her; not he. There were seven devils inside his long, slim, white body. He was healthy, full of restrained life. Yes, even he himself had to lock up his own vivid life inside himself, now she would not take it from him. Or rather, now that she only took it occasionally. For she had to yield at times. She loved him so, she desired him so, he was so exquisite to her, the fine creature that he was, finer than herself. Yes, with a groan she had to give in to her own unquenched passion for him. And he came to her then—ah, terrible, ah, wonderful, sometimes she wondered how either of them could live after the terror of the passion that swept between them. It was to her as if pure lightning, flash after flash, went through every fibre of her, till extinction came.
And he started to feel bitter, and a wicked look began to appear on his face. He didn't give in to her; not at all. There were seven demons inside his tall, slender, pale body. He was healthy, full of suppressed energy. Yes, even he had to keep his vibrant life locked away inside himself, now that she wouldn’t take it from him. Or rather, now that she only took it sometimes. Because she had to give in at times. She loved him so much, she desired him so deeply, he was so beautiful to her, the amazing being that he was, finer than herself. Yes, with a sigh she had to surrender to her own insatiable passion for him. And he came to her then—oh, it was both terrifying and wonderful; sometimes she wondered how they could survive the intensity of the passion that surged between them. It felt to her like pure lightning, flash after flash, coursing through every fiber of her being, until she felt extinguished.
But it is the fate of human beings to live on. And it is the fate of clouds that seem nothing but bits of vapour slowly to pile up, to pile up and fill the heavens and blacken the sun entirely.
But it's the fate of humans to continue living. And it's the fate of clouds, which seem like nothing but bits of vapor, to gather, to build up and fill the sky, completely blocking out the sun.
So it was. The love came back, the lightning of passion flashed tremendously between them. And there was blue sky and gorgeousness for a little while. And then, as inevitably, as inevitably, slowly the clouds began to edge up again above the horizon, slowly, slowly to lurk about the heavens, throwing an occasional cold and hateful shadow: slowly, slowly to congregate, to fill the empyrean space.
So it happened. Love returned, and the spark of passion flashed powerfully between them. For a short time, there was blue sky and beauty. Then, inevitably, the clouds began to creep back over the horizon, slowly, slowly gathering in the sky, casting an occasional cold and hateful shadow: slowly, slowly coming together, filling the vast space above.
And as the years passed, the lightning cleared the sky more and more rarely, less and less the blue showed. Gradually the grey lid sank down upon them, as if it would be permanent.
And as the years went by, the lightning lit up the sky less and less, and the blue appeared less frequently. Gradually, the grey cover settled in over them, as if it were going to stay forever.
Why didn’t Egbert do something, then? Why didn’t he come to grips with life? Why wasn’t he like Winifred’s father, a pillar of society, even if a slender, exquisite column? Why didn’t he go into harness of some sort? Why didn’t he take some direction?
Why didn’t Egbert take action, then? Why didn’t he face life head-on? Why wasn’t he like Winifred’s dad, a solid member of the community, even if a thin, elegant one? Why didn’t he settle into some kind of role? Why didn’t he choose some path?
Well, you can bring an ass to the water, but you cannot make him drink. The world was the water and Egbert was the ass. And he wasn’t having any. He couldn’t: he just couldn’t. Since necessity did not force him to work for his bread and butter, he would not work for work’s sake. You can’t make the columbine flowers nod in January, nor make the cuckoo sing in England at Christmas. Why? It isn’t his season. He doesn’t want to. Nay, he can’t want to.
Well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. The world was the water, and Egbert was the horse. And he wasn’t interested. He couldn't: he just couldn't. Since necessity didn't force him to earn a living, he wouldn't work for the sake of working. You can't make the columbine flowers bloom in January, nor make the cuckoo sing in England at Christmas. Why? It's not their season. They don’t want to. No, they can’t want to.
And there it was with Egbert. He couldn’t link up with the world’s work, because the basic desire was absent from him. Nay, at the bottom of him he had an even stronger desire: to hold aloof. To hold aloof. To do nobody any damage. But to hold aloof. It was not his season.
And there it was with Egbert. He couldn’t connect with the world's tasks because he lacked the fundamental desire. No, deep down he had an even stronger urge: to stay detached. To stay detached. To not hurt anyone. But to stay detached. It wasn’t his time.
Perhaps he should not have married and had children. But you can’t stop the waters flowing.
Perhaps he shouldn't have gotten married and had kids. But you can't stop the waters from flowing.
Which held true for Winifred, too. She was not made to endure aloof. Her family tree was a robust vegetation that had to be stirring and believing. In one direction or another her life had to go. In her own home she had known nothing of this diffidence which she found in Egbert, and which she could not understand, and which threw her into such dismay. What was she to do, what was she to do, in face of this terrible diffidence?
Which held true for Winifred, too. She wasn’t meant to deal with being distant. Her family tree was a strong foundation that needed to be vibrant and hopeful. Her life had to move in one direction or another. In her own home, she hadn’t experienced this shyness that she found in Egbert, which she couldn’t understand and that confused her. What was she supposed to do, what was she supposed to do, in the face of this awful shyness?
It was all so different in her own home. Her father may have had his own misgivings, but he kept them to himself. Perhaps he had no very profound belief in this world of ours, this society which we have elaborated with so much effort, only to find ourselves elaborated to death at last. But Godfrey Marshall was of tough, rough fibre, not without a vein of healthy cunning through it all. It was for him a question of winning through, and leaving the rest to heaven. Without having many illusions to grace him, he still did believe in heaven. In a dark and unquestioning way, he had a sort of faith: an acrid faith like the sap of some not-to-be-exterminated tree. Just a blind acrid faith as sap is blind and acrid, and yet pushes on in growth and in faith. Perhaps he was unscrupulous, but only as a striving tree is unscrupulous, pushing its single way in a jungle of others.
It was completely different in her own home. Her father might have had his doubts, but he kept them to himself. Maybe he didn't have a deep belief in this world of ours, this society that we've built with so much effort, only to end up feeling overwhelmed by it all. But Godfrey Marshall was made of tough, rough material, with a bit of healthy cunning mixed in. For him, it was about pushing through and leaving the rest to fate. Despite lacking many illusions, he still did believe in fate. In a dark and unquestioning way, he had a sort of faith: a harsh faith like the sap of an indestructible tree. Just a blind, harsh faith, like sap is blind and harsh, yet still grows and believes. He might have been ruthless, but only in the way that a striving tree is ruthless, pushing its way through a jungle of others.
In the end, it is only this robust, sap-like faith which keeps man going. He may live on for many generations inside the shelter of the social establishment which he has erected for himself, as pear-trees and currant bushes would go on bearing fruit for many seasons, inside a walled garden, even if the race of man were suddenly exterminated. But bit by bit the wall-fruit-trees would gradually pull down the very walls that sustained them. Bit by bit every establishment collapses, unless it is renewed or restored by living hands, all the while.
In the end, it’s only this strong, life-giving faith that keeps us going. A person might thrive for many generations within the social structure they’ve built for themselves, just like pear trees and currant bushes can keep producing fruit for many seasons in a walled garden, even if humanity were suddenly wiped out. But little by little, the fruit trees would start to weaken the very walls that support them. Gradually, every establishment falls apart unless it’s constantly renewed or restored by active, caring hands.
Egbert could not bring himself to any more of this restoring or renewing business. He was not aware of the fact: but awareness doesn’t help much, anyhow. He just couldn’t. He had the stoic and epicurean quality of his old, fine breeding. His father-in-law, however, though he was not one bit more of a fool than Egbert, realised that since we are here we may as well live. And so he applied himself to his own tiny section of the social work, and to doing the best for his family, and to leaving the rest to the ultimate will of heaven. A certain robustness of blood made him able to go on. But sometimes even from him spurted a sudden gall of bitterness against the world and its make-up. And yet—he had his own will-to-succeed, and this carried him through. He refused to ask himself what the success would amount to. It amounted to the estate down in Hampshire, and his children lacking for nothing, and himself of some importance in the world: and basta!—Basta! Basta!
Egbert couldn't handle any more of this restoring or renewing stuff. He didn't realize it, but awareness isn't really helpful anyway. He just couldn't do it. He had the stoic and pleasure-seeking traits of his distinguished upbringing. His father-in-law, however, although he wasn’t any smarter than Egbert, understood that since we're here, we might as well live. So, he focused on his small part of social work, doing what was best for his family, and leaving the rest to fate. A certain strength in his blood helped him keep going. But sometimes, even he would burst out in sudden bitterness against the world and how it was made. And yet—he had his determination to succeed, which pushed him through. He refused to ponder what success would really mean. It meant owning the estate down in Hampshire, ensuring his children had everything they needed, and having some significance in the world: and basta!—Basta! Basta!
Nevertheless do not let us imagine that he was a common pusher. He was not. He knew as well as Egbert what disillusion meant. Perhaps in his soul he had the same estimation of success. But he had a certain acrid courage, and a certain will-to-power. In his own small circle he would emanate power, the single power of his own blind self. With all his spoiling of his children, he was still the father of the old English type. He was too wise to make laws and to domineer in the abstract. But he had kept, and all honour to him, a certain primitive dominion over the souls of his children, the old, almost magic prestige of paternity. There it was, still burning in him, the old smoky torch or paternal godhead.
Nevertheless, let's not think of him as a typical pusher. He wasn’t. He understood as well as Egbert what disillusionment meant. Perhaps deep down, he had the same view of success. But he had a certain biting courage and a strong will to dominate. In his own small circle, he radiated power, the raw power of his own blind self. Despite spoiling his children, he was still the father of the old English type. He was too wise to create laws and to rule in the abstract. But he managed to maintain, and all credit to him, a certain primitive control over the souls of his children, the old, almost magical respect that comes with fatherhood. It was still there, burning in him, the old smoky torch of paternal authority.
And in the sacred glare of this torch his children had been brought up. He had given the girls every liberty, at last. But he had never really let them go beyond his power. And they, venturing out into the hard white light of our fatherless world, learned to see with the eyes of the world. They learned to criticize their father, even, from some effulgence of worldly white light, to see him as inferior. But this was all very well in the head. The moment they forgot their tricks of criticism, the old red glow of his authority came over them again. He was not to be quenched.
And in the bright light of this torch, his children had been raised. He finally gave the girls a lot of freedom. But he never truly let them step outside his control. As they stepped into the harsh, bright light of our fatherless world, they learned to see things differently. They even began to criticize their father, looking at him through the brightness of the world and seeing him as lesser. But this was all fine in theory. The moment they forgot their criticisms, the old red glow of his authority surrounded them once more. He was not to be extinguished.
Let the psychoanalysts talk about father complex. It is just a word invented. Here was a man who had kept alive the old red flame of fatherhood, fatherhood that had even the right to sacrifice the child to God, like Isaac. Fatherhood that had life-and-death authority over the children: a great natural power. And till his children could be brought under some other great authority as girls; or could arrive at manhood and become themselves centres of the same power, continuing the same male mystery as men; until such time, willy-nilly, Godfrey Marshall would keep his children.
Let the psychoanalysts discuss the father complex. It’s just a term they made up. Here was a man who kept the old, passionate spirit of fatherhood alive, a fatherhood that even had the right to sacrifice a child to God, like Isaac. Fatherhood that had life-and-death control over the children: a tremendous natural power. And until his children could be placed under some other significant authority as girls, or could grow up and become their own sources of that same power, maintaining the same male mystery as men; until then, whether he liked it or not, Godfrey Marshall would keep his children.
It had seemed as if he might lose Winifred. Winifred had adored her husband, and looked up to him as to something wonderful. Perhaps she had expected in him another great authority, a male authority greater, finer than her father’s. For having once known the glow of male power, she would not easily turn to the cold white light of feminine independence. She would hunger, hunger all her life for the warmth and shelter of true male strength.
It seemed like he might lose Winifred. Winifred had adored her husband and viewed him as something amazing. Maybe she expected him to be another great authority figure, a male authority even stronger and more refined than her father's. After experiencing the warmth of male power, she wouldn’t easily switch to the cold, harsh light of female independence. She would crave, crave for the rest of her life the warmth and security of genuine male strength.
And hunger she might, for Egbert’s power lay in the abnegation of power. He was himself the living negative of power. Even of responsibility. For the negation of power at last means the negation of responsibility. As far as these things went, he would confine himself to himself. He would try to confine his own influence even to himself. He would try, as far as possible, to abstain from influencing his children by assuming any responsibility for them. “A little child shall lead them—” His child should lead, then. He would try not to make it go in any direction whatever. He would abstain from influencing it. Liberty!—
And she might be hungry, because Egbert's strength was in giving up power. He was the living example of what it means to not have power. Even when it came to responsibility. In the end, denying power also means denying responsibility. He would keep to himself as much as possible. He would attempt to limit his own influence to just himself. He would do his best to avoid influencing his children by taking on any responsibility for them. “A little child shall lead them—” His child should lead, then. He would make an effort not to push it in any particular direction. He would refrain from influencing it. Freedom!—
Poor Winifred was like a fish out of water in this liberty, gasping for the denser element which should contain her. Till her child came. And then she knew that she must be responsible for it, that she must have authority over it.
Poor Winifred felt completely out of place in this freedom, struggling for the solid ground that should support her. That was until her child arrived. Then she realized that she had to take responsibility for it, that she needed to have authority over it.
But here Egbert silently and negatively stepped in. Silently, negatively, but fatally he neutralized her authority over her children.
But here, Egbert quietly and stubbornly intervened. Quietly, stubbornly, but decisively, he undermined her authority over her children.
There was a third little girl born. And after this Winifred wanted no more children. Her soul was turning to salt.
There was a third little girl born. And after this, Winifred wanted no more kids. Her spirit was turning to salt.
So she had charge of the children, they were her responsibility. The money for them had come from her father. She would do her very best for them, and have command over their life and death. But no! Egbert would not take the responsibility. He would not even provide the money. But he would not let her have her way. Her dark, silent, passionate authority he would not allow. It was a battle between them, the battle between liberty and the old blood-power. And of course he won. The little girls loved him and adored him. “Daddy! Daddy!” They could do as they liked with him. Their mother would have ruled them. She would have ruled them passionately, with indulgence, with the old dark magic of parental authority, something looming and unquestioned and, after all, divine: if we believe in divine authority. The Marshalls did, being Catholic.
So she was in charge of the kids; they were her responsibility. The money for them had come from her dad. She would do her best for them and have control over their lives. But no! Egbert wouldn't take on the responsibility. He wouldn’t even provide the money. But he wouldn't let her have her way. His resistance against her strong, quiet, passionate authority was firm. It was a conflict between them, a struggle between freedom and the old hierarchical power. And of course, he won. The little girls loved him and adored him. “Daddy! Daddy!” They could do whatever they wanted with him. Their mom would have ruled them. She would have ruled them passionately, with indulgence, and with the old dark magic of parental authority, something powerful and unquestioned and, ultimately, divine—if we believe in divine authority. The Marshalls did, being Catholic.
And Egbert, he turned her old dark, Catholic blood-authority into a sort of tyranny. He would not leave her her children. He stole them from her, and yet without assuming responsibility for them. He stole them from her, in emotion and spirit, and left her only to command their behaviour. A thankless lot for a mother. And her children adored him, adored him, little knowing the empty bitterness they were preparing for themselves when they too grew up to have husbands: husbands such as Egbert, adorable and null.
And Egbert turned her old, dark, Catholic authority into a type of tyranny. He wouldn’t let her keep her children. He took them from her, yet without taking any responsibility for them. He took them from her emotionally and spiritually, leaving her only to control their behavior. A thankless role for a mother. And her children worshipped him, completely unaware of the emptiness and bitterness they were setting themselves up for when they grew up to have husbands: husbands like Egbert, charming yet meaningless.
Joyce, the eldest, was still his favourite. She was now a quicksilver little thing of six years old. Barbara, the youngest, was a toddler of two years. They spent most of their time down at Crockham, because he wanted to be there. And even Winifred loved the place really. But now, in her frustrated and blinded state, it was full of menace for her children. The adders, the poison-berries, the brook, the marsh, the water that might not be pure—one thing and another. From mother and nurse it was a guerilla gunfire of commands, and blithe, quicksilver disobedience from the three blonde, never-still little girls. Behind the girls was the father, against mother and nurse. And so it was.
Joyce, the oldest, was still his favorite. Now she was a lively little thing at six years old. Barbara, the youngest, was a two-year-old toddler. They spent most of their time at Crockham because he wanted to be there. And even Winifred really loved the place. But now, in her frustrated and blinded state, it felt full of danger for her kids. The adders, the poisonous berries, the stream, the marsh, the questionable water—just one thing after another. From mom and the nurse, it was a constant barrage of commands, and from the three energetic blonde girls, a cheerful, quicksilver defiance. Behind the girls stood their father, supporting them against mom and the nurse. And that was how it was.
“If you don’t come quick, nurse, I shall run out there to where there are snakes.”
“If you don’t come quickly, nurse, I’ll run out there where the snakes are.”
“Joyce, you must be patient. I’m just changing Annabel.”
“Joyce, you need to be patient. I’m just changing Annabel.”
There you are. There it was: always the same. Working away on the common across the brook he heard it. And he worked on, just the same.
There you are. There it was: always the same. Working away on the common across the stream, he heard it. And he kept working, just like before.
Suddenly he heard a shriek, and he flung the spade from him and started for the bridge, looking up like a startled deer. Ah, there was Winifred—Joyce had hurt herself. He went on up the garden.
Suddenly, he heard a scream, and he tossed the spade aside and ran toward the bridge, looking up like a startled deer. Ah, there was Winifred—Joyce had injured herself. He continued up the garden.
“What is it?”
"What's that?"
The child was still screaming—now it was—“Daddy! Daddy! Oh—oh, Daddy!” And the mother was saying:
The child was still screaming—now it was—“Daddy! Daddy! Oh—oh, Daddy!” And the mother was saying:
“Don’t be frightened, darling. Let mother look.”
“Don’t be scared, sweetheart. Let me take a look.”
But the child only cried:
But the kid just cried:
“Oh, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!”
“Oh, Dad, Dad, Dad!”
She was terrified by the sight of the blood running from her own knee. Winifred crouched down, with her child of six in her lap, to examine the knee. Egbert bent over also.
She was scared by the sight of the blood flowing from her own knee. Winifred crouched down, with her six-year-old child in her lap, to check her knee. Egbert leaned over as well.
“Don’t make such a noise, Joyce,” he said irritably. “How did she do it?”
“Don’t make so much noise, Joyce,” he said irritably. “How did she manage that?”
“She fell on that sickle thing which you left lying about after cutting the grass,” said Winifred, looking into his face with bitter accusation as he bent near.
“She fell on that sickle you left lying around after cutting the grass,” Winifred said, glaring at him with a harsh accusation as he leaned closer.
He had taken his handkerchief and tied it round the knee. Then he lifted the still sobbing child in his arms, and carried her into the house and upstairs to her bed. In his arms she became quiet. But his heart was burning with pain and with guilt. He had left the sickle there lying on the edge of the grass, and so his first-born child whom he loved so dearly had come to hurt. But then it was an accident—it was an accident. Why should he feel guilty? It would probably be nothing, better in two or three days. Why take it to heart, why worry? He put it aside.
He took his handkerchief and tied it around her knee. Then he picked up the still-sobbing child in his arms and carried her into the house and upstairs to her bed. In his arms, she calmed down. But his heart was aching with pain and guilt. He had left the sickle lying on the edge of the grass, and now his first-born child, whom he loved so much, had gotten hurt. But it was just an accident—just an accident. Why should he feel guilty? It would probably heal up in two or three days. Why dwell on it, why worry? He pushed it aside.
The child lay on the bed in her little summer frock, her face very white now after the shock, Nurse had come carrying the youngest child: and little Annabel stood holding her skirt. Winifred, terribly serious and wooden-seeming, was bending over the knee, from which she had taken his blood-soaked handkerchief. Egbert bent forward, too, keeping more sang-froid in his face than in his heart. Winifred went all of a lump of seriousness, so he had to keep some reserve. The child moaned and whimpered.
The child lay on the bed in her little summer dress, her face very pale now after the shock. The nurse had come carrying the youngest child, and little Annabel stood holding her skirt. Winifred, looking very serious and stiff, was bent over the knee, having removed his blood-soaked handkerchief. Egbert leaned in as well, trying to keep a calm expression, though his heart was not as steady. Winifred's overwhelming seriousness made him feel like he had to hold back a bit. The child moaned and whimpered.
The knee was still bleeding profusely—it was a deep cut right in the joint.
The knee was still bleeding heavily—it was a deep cut right in the joint.
“You’d better go for the doctor, Egbert,” said Winifred bitterly.
“You should go see the doctor, Egbert,” Winifred said bitterly.
“Oh, no! Oh, no!” cried Joyce in a panic.
“Oh, no! Oh, no!” Joyce cried in a panic.
“Joyce, my darling, don’t cry!” said Winifred, suddenly catching the little girl to her breast in a strange tragic anguish, the Mater Dolorata. Even the child was frightened into silence. Egbert looked at the tragic figure of his wife with the child at her breast, and turned away. Only Annabel started suddenly to cry: “Joycey, Joycey, don’t have your leg bleeding!”
“Joyce, my dear, don’t cry!” Winifred said, suddenly pulling the little girl to her chest in a strange, tragic sadness, the Mater Dolorata. Even the child became silent out of fear. Egbert looked at his wife’s tragic form with the child in her arms and turned away. Only Annabel suddenly started to cry: “Joycey, Joycey, don’t let your leg bleed!”
Egbert rode four miles to the village for the doctor. He could not help feeling that Winifred was laying it on rather. Surely the knee itself wasn’t hurt! Surely not. It was only a surface cut.
Egbert rode four miles to the village to get the doctor. He couldn't shake the feeling that Winifred was exaggerating. Surely the knee wasn’t actually injured! It couldn't be. It was just a surface cut.
The doctor was out. Egbert left the message and came cycling swiftly home, his heart pinched with anxiety. He dropped sweating off his bicycle and went into the house, looking rather small, like a man who is at fault. Winifred was upstairs sitting by Joyce, who was looking pale and important in bed, and was eating some tapioca pudding. The pale, small, scared face of his child went to Egbert’s heart.
The doctor was out. Egbert left a message and quickly cycled home, his heart heavy with anxiety. He jumped off his bike, sweating, and went into the house, looking a bit small, like someone who has done something wrong. Winifred was upstairs sitting by Joyce, who was looking pale and serious in bed, eating some tapioca pudding. The sight of his child's pale, small, scared face touched Egbert's heart.
“Doctor Wing was out. He’ll be here about half past two,” said Egbert.
“Doctor Wing is out. He'll be here around 2:30,” said Egbert.
“I don’t want him to come,” whimpered Joyce.
“I don’t want him to come,” Joyce whined.
“Joyce, dear, you must be patient and quiet,” said Winifred. “He won’t hurt you. But he will tell us what to do to make your knee better quickly. That is why he must come.”
“Joyce, honey, you need to be patient and calm,” said Winifred. “He won’t hurt you. But he’ll tell us what to do to help your knee feel better fast. That’s why he has to come.”
Winifred always explained carefully to her little girls: and it always took the words off their lips for the moment.
Winifred always explained things carefully to her little girls, and it always silenced them for the moment.
“Does it bleed yet?” said Egbert.
“Does it bleed yet?” Egbert asked.
Winifred moved the bedclothes carefully aside.
Winifred carefully pushed the blankets aside.
“I think not,” she said.
"I'm not so sure," she said.
Egbert stooped also to look.
Egbert bent down to look.
“No, it doesn’t,” she said. Then he stood up with a relieved look on his face. He turned to the child.
“No, it doesn’t,” she said. Then he stood up with a relieved look on his face. He turned to the child.
“Eat your pudding, Joyce,” he said. “It won’t be anything. You’ve only got to keep still for a few days.”
“Eat your pudding, Joyce,” he said. “It won’t be anything. You just have to stay quiet for a few days.”
“You haven’t had your dinner, have you, Daddy?”
“You haven’t had your dinner, have you, Dad?”
“Not yet.”
"Not yet."
“Nurse will give it to you,” said Winifred.
“Nurse will hand it to you,” said Winifred.
“You’ll be all right, Joyce,” he said, smiling to the child and pushing the blonde hair off her brow. She smiled back winsomely into his face.
“You’ll be fine, Joyce,” he said, smiling at the girl and brushing the blonde hair from her forehead. She smiled back sweetly at him.
He went downstairs and ate his meal alone. Nurse served him. She liked waiting on him. All women liked him and liked to do things for him.
He went downstairs and ate his meal by himself. The nurse served him. She enjoyed taking care of him. All the women liked him and loved doing things for him.
The doctor came—a fat country practitioner, pleasant and kind.
The doctor arrived—a friendly, kind, and slightly overweight rural doctor.
“What, little girl, been tumbling down, have you? There’s a thing to be doing, for a smart little lady like you! What! And cutting your knee! Tut-tut-tut! That wasn’t clever of you, now was it? Never mind, never mind, soon be better. Let us look at it. Won’t hurt you. Not the least in life. Bring a bowl with a little warm water, nurse. Soon have it all right again, soon have it all right.”
“What’s going on, little girl? Did you fall down? That’s not something a smart little lady like you should be doing! And you cut your knee! Tsk tsk! That wasn’t clever at all, was it? Don’t worry, it’ll be better soon. Let’s take a look at it. It won’t hurt you. Not at all. Nurse, please bring a bowl of warm water. We’ll have it all fixed up in no time.”
Joyce smiled at him with a pale smile of faint superiority. This was not the way in which she was used to being talked to.
Joyce smiled at him with a weak smile of slight superiority. This was not how she was used to being spoken to.
He bent down, carefully looking at the little, thin, wounded knee of the child. Egbert bent over him.
He bent down, closely examining the child's small, thin, injured knee. Egbert leaned over him.
“Oh, dear, oh, dear! Quite a deep little cut. Nasty little cut. Nasty little cut. But, never mind. Never mind, little lady. We’ll soon have it better. Soon have it better, little lady. What’s your name?”
“Oh, dear, oh, dear! That’s quite a deep cut. A nasty little cut. A nasty little cut. But don’t worry. Don’t worry, little lady. We’ll have it fixed up soon. We’ll have it fixed up soon, little lady. What’s your name?”
“My name is Joyce,” said the child distinctly.
“My name is Joyce,” the child said clearly.
“Oh, really!” he replied. “Oh, really! Well, that’s a fine name too, in my opinion. Joyce, eh?—And how old might Miss Joyce be? Can she tell me that?”
“Oh, really!” he replied. “Oh, really! Well, that’s a nice name too, in my opinion. Joyce, huh?—And how old is Miss Joyce? Can she tell me that?”
“I’m six,” said the child, slightly amused and very condescending.
“I’m six,” the child said, a little amused and very condescending.
“Six! There now. Add up and count as far as six, can you? Well, that’s a clever little girl, a clever little girl. And if she has to drink a spoonful of medicine, she won’t make a murmur, I’ll be bound. Not like some little girls. What? Eh?”
“Six! There you go. Can you add up and count to six? Well, that’s a smart little girl, a smart little girl. And if she has to take a spoonful of medicine, she won't even complain, I bet. Not like some little girls. What? Huh?”
“I take it if mother wishes me to,” said Joyce.
“I'll do it if mom wants me to,” said Joyce.
“Ah, there now! That’s the style! That’s what I like to hear from a little lady in bed because she’s cut her knee. That’s the style—”
“Ah, there you go! That’s the way! That’s what I love to hear from a little girl in bed because she’s scraped her knee. That’s the way—”
The comfortable and prolix doctor dressed and bandaged the knee and recommended bed and a light diet for the little lady. He thought a week or a fortnight would put it right. No bones or ligatures damaged—fortunately. Only a flesh cut. He would come again in a day or two.
The friendly and talkative doctor wrapped up the knee and suggested rest and a light diet for the young lady. He believed a week or two would fix it. Luckily, there were no broken bones or damaged ligaments—just a flesh wound. He said he would check in again in a day or two.
So Joyce was reassured and stayed in bed and had all her toys up. Her father often played with her. The doctor came the third day. He was fairly pleased with the knee. It was healing. It was healing—yes—yes. Let the child continue in bed. He came again after a day or two. Winifred was a trifle uneasy. The wound seemed to be healing on the top, but it hurt the child too much. It didn’t look quite right. She said so to Egbert.
So Joyce felt better and stayed in bed with all her toys around her. Her dad often played with her. The doctor came on the third day. He was pretty happy with the knee; it was healing. It was healing—yes—yes. Let the child stay in bed. He returned a day or two later. Winifred felt a bit uneasy. The wound seemed to be healing on the surface, but it still hurt the child a lot. It didn’t look quite right. She mentioned this to Egbert.
“Egbert, I’m sure Joyce’s knee isn’t healing properly.”
“Egbert, I'm pretty sure Joyce's knee isn't healing right.”
“I think it is,” he said. “I think it’s all right.”
“I think it is,” he said. “I think it’s all good.”
“I’d rather Doctor Wing came again—I don’t feel satisfied.”
“I'd prefer if Doctor Wing came again—I don't feel satisfied.”
“Aren’t you trying to imagine it worse than it really is?”
“Aren’t you just exaggerating how bad it really is?”
“You would say so, of course. But I shall write a post-card to Doctor Wing now.”
“You would say that, of course. But I'm going to write a postcard to Doctor Wing now.”
The doctor came next day. He examined the knee. Yes, there was inflammation. Yes, there might be a little septic poisoning—there might. There might. Was the child feverish?
The doctor came the next day. He examined the knee. Yes, it was inflamed. Yes, there could be a little septic poisoning—there could. There could. Was the child running a fever?
So a fortnight passed by, and the child was feverish, and the knee was more inflamed and grew worse and was painful, painful. She cried in the night, and her mother had to sit up with her. Egbert still insisted it was nothing, really—it would pass. But in his heart he was anxious.
So two weeks went by, and the child was running a fever, and her knee was more swollen and got worse and was really painful. She cried at night, and her mother had to stay up with her. Egbert still insisted it was nothing, really—it would pass. But deep down, he was worried.
Winifred wrote again to her father. On Saturday the elderly man appeared. And no sooner did Winifred see the thick, rather short figure in its grey suit than a great yearning came over her.
Winifred wrote to her dad again. On Saturday, the old man showed up. As soon as Winifred saw the stocky, somewhat short figure in its gray suit, a deep longing filled her.
“Father, I’m not satisfied with Joyce. I’m not satisfied with Doctor Wing.”
“Dad, I'm not happy with Joyce. I'm not happy with Dr. Wing.”
“Well, Winnie, dear, if you’re not satisfied we must have further advice, that is all.”
“Well, Winnie, dear, if you’re not happy, we need to get more advice, that’s all.”
The sturdy, powerful, elderly man went upstairs, his voice sounding rather grating through the house, as if it cut upon the tense atmosphere.
The strong, older man went upstairs, his voice harshly echoing throughout the house, as if it pierced the tense atmosphere.
“How are you, Joyce, darling?” he said to the child. “Does your knee hurt you? Does it hurt you, dear?”
“How are you, Joyce, sweetheart?” he said to the child. “Does your knee hurt? Does it hurt, honey?”
“It does sometimes.” The child was shy of him, cold towards him.
“It does sometimes.” The child was nervous around him, distant towards him.
“Well, dear, I’m sorry for that. I hope you try to bear it, and not trouble mother too much.”
“Well, dear, I’m sorry about that. I hope you can manage it and not worry mom too much.”
There was no answer. He looked at the knee. It was red and stiff.
There was no response. He glanced at the knee. It was swollen and rigid.
“Of course,” he said, “I think we must have another doctor’s opinion. And if we’re going to have it, we had better have it at once. Egbert, do you think you might cycle in to Bingham for Doctor Wayne? I found him very satisfactory for Winnie’s mother.”
“Of course,” he said, “I think we need to get another doctor’s opinion. And if we’re going to do it, we should do it right away. Egbert, do you think you could bike to Bingham for Doctor Wayne? I found him very reliable for Winnie’s mom.”
“I can go if you think it necessary,” said Egbert.
“I can go if you think it's necessary,” said Egbert.
“Certainly I think it necessary. Even if there is nothing, we can have peace of mind. Certainly I think it necessary. I should like Doctor Wayne to come this evening if possible.”
“Definitely, I believe it’s important. Even if there’s nothing wrong, we can have peace of mind. Definitely, I believe it’s important. I would like Doctor Wayne to come this evening if possible.”
So Egbert set off on his bicycle through the wind, like a boy sent on an errand, leaving his father-in-law a pillar of assurance, with Winifred.
So Egbert rode off on his bike through the wind, like a kid sent on an errand, leaving his father-in-law a pillar of confidence, along with Winifred.
Doctor Wayne came, and looked grave. Yes, the knee was certainly taking the wrong way. The child might be lame for life.
Doctor Wayne arrived and appeared serious. Yes, the knee was definitely going in the wrong direction. The child could be lame for life.
Up went the fire and fear and anger in every heart. Doctor Wayne came again the next day for a proper examination. And, yes, the knee had really taken bad ways. It should be X-rayed. It was very important.
Up went the fire, fear, and anger in every heart. Doctor Wayne came back the next day for a proper examination. And, yes, the knee had really gone badly. It should be X-rayed. That was very important.
Godfrey Marshall walked up and down the lane with the doctor, beside the standing motor-car: up and down, up and down in one of those consultations of which he had had so many in his life.
Godfrey Marshall paced back and forth along the lane with the doctor, next to the parked car: back and forth, back and forth in one of those consultations he had experienced countless times in his life.
As a result he came indoors to Winifred.
As a result, he went inside to see Winifred.
“Well, Winnie, dear, the best thing to do is to take Joyce up to London, to a nursing home where she can have proper treatment. Of course this knee has been allowed to go wrong. And apparently there is a risk that the child may even lose her leg. What do you think, dear? You agree to our taking her up to town and putting her under the best care?”
“Well, Winnie, dear, the best thing to do is to take Joyce to London, to a nursing home where she can get proper treatment. Of course, this knee has been allowed to get worse. And apparently, there’s a risk that the child could even lose her leg. What do you think, dear? Do you agree with us taking her to the city and getting her the best care?”
“Oh, father, you know I would do anything on earth for her.”
“Oh, Dad, you know I would do anything in the world for her.”
“I know you would, Winnie darling. The pity is that there has been this unfortunate delay already. I can’t think what Doctor Wing was doing. Apparently the child is in danger of losing her leg. Well then, if you will have everything ready, we will take her up to town tomorrow. I will order the large car from Denley’s to be here at ten. Egbert, will you take a telegram at once to Doctor Jackson? It is a small nursing home for children and for surgical cases, not far from Baker Street. I’m sure Joyce will be all right there.”
“I know you would, Winnie, darling. The unfortunate part is that there's already been this delay. I can’t understand what Doctor Wing was doing. Apparently, the child might lose her leg. So, if you can get everything ready, we’ll take her up to town tomorrow. I’ll have the large car from Denley’s here by ten. Egbert, can you send a telegram to Doctor Jackson right away? It’s a small nursing home for children and surgical cases, not far from Baker Street. I’m sure Joyce will be fine there.”
“Oh, father, can’t I nurse her myself!”
“Oh, dad, can’t I take care of her myself!”
“Well, darling, if she is to have proper treatment, she had best be in a home. The X-ray treatment, and the electric treatment, and whatever is necessary.”
“Well, dear, if she is going to get the right treatment, she should probably be in a home. The X-ray treatment, the electrical treatment, and anything else that’s needed.”
“It will cost a great deal—” said Winifred.
“It’s going to be really expensive—” said Winifred.
“We can’t think of cost, if the child’s leg is in danger—or even her life. No use speaking of cost,” said the elder man impatiently.
“We can’t think about cost if the child’s leg is in danger—or even her life. There’s no point in talking about cost,” said the older man impatiently.
And so it was. Poor Joyce, stretched out on a bed in the big closed motor-car—the mother sitting by her head, the grandfather in his short grey beard and a bowler hat, sitting by her feet, thick, and implacable in his responsibility—they rolled slowly away from Crockham, and from Egbert who stood there bareheaded and a little ignominious, left behind. He was to shut up the house and bring the rest of the family back to town, by train, the next day.
And so it was. Poor Joyce was lying on a bed in the big closed car—the mother sitting by her head, the grandfather with his short grey beard and bowler hat, sitting by her feet, solid and unyielding in his responsibility—they drove slowly away from Crockham, leaving Egbert standing there, bareheaded and a bit embarrassed, behind. He was supposed to close up the house and bring the rest of the family back to town by train the next day.
Followed a dark and bitter time. The poor child. The poor, poor child, how she suffered, an agony and a long crucifixion in that nursing home. It was a bitter six weeks which changed the soul of Winifred for ever. As she sat by the bed of her poor, tortured little child, tortured with the agony of the knee, and the still worse agony of these diabolic, but perhaps necessary modern treatments, she felt her heart killed and going cold in her breast. Her little Joyce, her frail, brave, wonderful, little Joyce, frail and small and pale as a white flower! Ah, how had she, Winifred, dared to be so wicked, so wicked, so careless, so sensual.
Followed a dark and painful time. The poor child. The poor, poor child, how she suffered, enduring agony and a long ordeal in that nursing home. It was a tough six weeks that changed Winifred's soul forever. As she sat by the bed of her poor, tortured little girl, in pain from her knee and the even worse agony of these extreme, but maybe necessary modern treatments, she felt her heart shatter and grow cold in her chest. Her little Joyce, her delicate, brave, amazing little Joyce, so frail and small and pale like a white flower! Ah, how could she, Winifred, have been so wicked, so wicked, so careless, so indulgent?
“Let my heart die! Let my woman’s heart of flesh die! Saviour, let my heart die. And save my child. Let my heart die from the world and from the flesh. Oh, destroy my heart that is so wayward. Let my heart of pride die. Let my heart die.”
“Let my heart die! Let my woman’s heart of flesh die! Savior, let my heart die. And save my child. Let my heart die from the world and from the flesh. Oh, destroy my heart that is so wayward. Let my proud heart die. Let my heart die.”
So she prayed beside the bed of her child. And like the Mother with the seven swords in her breast, slowly her heart of pride and passion died in her breast, bleeding away. Slowly it died, bleeding away, and she turned to the Church for comfort, to Jesus, to the Mother of God, but most of all, to that great and enduring institution, the Roman Catholic Church. She withdrew into the shadow of the Church. She was a mother with three children. But in her soul she died, her heart of pride and passion and desire bled to death, her soul belonged to her church, her body belonged to her duty as a mother.
So she prayed beside her child's bed. And like the Mother with seven swords in her heart, slowly her pride and passion faded away, bleeding out. Gradually, it diminished, and she turned to the Church for solace, to Jesus, to the Mother of God, but most importantly, to that vast and enduring institution, the Roman Catholic Church. She retreated into the shadow of the Church. She was a mother of three. But inside, she withered; her pride, passion, and desires bled away, her soul belonged to her church, her body was tied to her duty as a mother.
Her duty as a wife did not enter. As a wife she had no sense of duty: only a certain bitterness towards the man with whom she had known such sensuality and distraction. She was purely the Mater Dolorata. To the man she was closed as a tomb.
Her role as a wife didn’t register. As a wife, she felt no sense of obligation; only a kind of bitterness towards the man with whom she had experienced such desire and distraction. She was purely the Mater Dolorata. To the man, she was as impenetrable as a tomb.
Egbert came to see his child. But Winifred seemed to be always seated there, like the tomb of his manhood and his fatherhood. Poor Winifred: she was still young, still strong and ruddy and beautiful like a ruddy hard flower of the field. Strange—her ruddy, healthy face, so sombre, and her strong, heavy, full-blooded body, so still. She, a nun! Never. And yet the gates of her heart and soul had shut in his face with a slow, resonant clang, shutting him out for ever. There was no need for her to go into a convent. Her will had done it.
Egbert came to see his child. But Winifred always seemed to be sitting there, like the grave of his manhood and fatherhood. Poor Winifred: she was still young, still strong, and vibrant, like a tough, bright flower in the field. It was strange—her bright, healthy face looked so serious, and her strong, full-bodied figure was so still. She, a nun! Never. And yet the doors to her heart and soul had closed slowly and heavily in his face, shutting him out forever. There was no need for her to enter a convent. Her will had accomplished that.
And between this young mother and this young father lay the crippled child, like a bit of pale silk floss on the pillow, and a little white pain-quenched face. He could not bear it. He just could not bear it. He turned aside. There was nothing to do but to turn aside. He turned aside, and went hither and thither, desultory. He was still attractive and desirable. But there was a little frown between his brow as if he had been cleft there with a hatchet: cleft right in, for ever, and that was the stigma.
And between this young mother and young father lay the disabled child, like a small piece of pale silk on the pillow, with a little white face that looked devoid of pain. He couldn't handle it. He just couldn’t handle it. He turned away. There was nothing else to do but turn away. He turned away and wandered aimlessly. He was still attractive and desirable. But there was a slight frown on his forehead as if he had been struck there with a hatchet: struck right in, forever, and that was the mark.
The child’s leg was saved: but the knee was locked stiff. The fear now was lest the lower leg should wither, or cease to grow. There must be long-continued massage and treatment, daily treatment, even when the child left the nursing home. And the whole of the expense was borne by the grandfather.
The child’s leg was saved, but the knee was locked stiff. The concern now was that the lower leg might wither or stop growing. There would need to be ongoing massage and treatment, daily care, even after the child left the nursing home. And all of the expenses were covered by the grandfather.
Egbert now had no real home. Winifred with the children and nurse was tied to the little flat in London. He could not live there: he could not contain himself. The cottage was shut-up—or lent to friends. He went down sometimes to work in his garden and keep the place in order. Then with the empty house around him at night, all the empty rooms, he felt his heart go wicked. The sense of frustration and futility, like some slow, torpid snake, slowly bit right through his heart. Futility, futility: the horrible marsh-poison went through his veins and killed him.
Egbert no longer had a real home. Winifred, along with the kids and the nurse, was stuck in their small flat in London. He couldn't live there; he couldn't hold himself together. The cottage was either closed up or lent to friends. He would occasionally go down to work in his garden and keep the place tidy. But at night, surrounded by the empty house, all the vacant rooms made his heart feel heavy. The feeling of frustration and emptiness, like a slow, sluggish snake, crept right through him. Futility, futility: the terrible swamp poison coursed through his veins and consumed him.
As he worked in the garden in the silence of day he would listen for a sound. No sound. No sound of Winifred from the dark inside of the cottage: no sound of children’s voices from the air, from the common, from the near distance. No sound, nothing but the old dark marsh-venomous atmosphere of the place. So he worked spasmodically through the day, and at night made a fire and cooked some food alone.
As he worked in the garden during the quiet of the day, he listened for a sound. No sound. No sound of Winifred from the dark inside the cottage; no sound of children's voices from the surroundings, from the common, from nearby. No sound, just the old, dark, toxic atmosphere of the place. So he worked irregularly throughout the day, and at night, he made a fire and cooked some food by himself.
He was alone. He himself cleaned the cottage and made his bed. But his mending he did not do. His shirts were slit on the shoulders, when he had been working, and the white flesh showed through. He would feel the air and the spots of rain on his exposed flesh. And he would look again across the common, where the dark, tufted gorse was dying to seed, and the bits of cat-heather were coming pink in tufts, like a sprinkling of sacrificial blood.
He was on his own. He cleaned the cottage and made his bed by himself. But he didn’t do any mending. His shirts were ripped at the shoulders from working, exposing his bare skin. He could feel the cool air and the raindrops on his exposed flesh. He glanced again across the field, where the dark, tufted gorse was ready to seed, and the patches of cat-heather were blooming pink in bunches, like a splash of sacrificial blood.
His heart went back to the savage old spirit of the place: the desire for old gods, old, lost passions, the passion of the cold-blooded, darting snakes that hissed and shot away from him, the mystery of blood-sacrifices, all the lost, intense sensations of the primeval people of the place, whose passions seethed in the air still, from those long days before the Romans came. The seethe of a lost, dark passion in the air. The presence of unseen snakes.
His heart returned to the wild, ancient spirit of the place: the longing for old gods, forgotten passions, the thrill of cold-blooded snakes that hissed and darted away from him, the enigma of blood sacrifices, all the intense feelings of the primitive people of the area, whose emotions still simmered in the air from those distant days before the Romans arrived. The intensity of a dark, lost passion filled the atmosphere. The presence of unseen snakes.
A queer, baffled, half-wicked look came on his face. He could not stay long at the cottage. Suddenly he must swing on to his bicycle and go—anywhere. Anywhere, away from the place. He would stay a few days with his mother in the old home. His mother adored him and grieved as a mother would. But the little, baffled, half-wicked smile curled on his face, and he swung away from his mother’s solicitude as from everything else.
A strange, confused, slightly mischievous look appeared on his face. He couldn’t stay at the cottage for long. Suddenly, he needed to grab his bike and go—anywhere. Anywhere, away from this place. He would spend a few days with his mom at the old house. His mom loved him dearly and was worried, as any mother would be. But that little, confused, slightly mischievous smile played on his lips, and he turned away from her concern just like he did with everything else.
Always moving on—from place to place, friend to friend: and always swinging away from sympathy. As soon as sympathy, like a soft hand, was reached out to touch him, away he swerved, instinctively, as a harmless snake swerves and swerves and swerves away from an outstretched hand. Away he must go. And periodically he went back to Winifred.
Always moving on—from one place to another, from friend to friend: and always pulling away from sympathy. As soon as sympathy, like a gentle hand, reached out to touch him, he instinctively swerved away, like a harmless snake dodging an outstretched hand. He had to move away. And from time to time, he returned to Winifred.
He was terrible to her now, like a temptation. She had devoted herself to her children and her church. Joyce was once more on her feet; but, alas! lame, with iron supports to her leg, and a little crutch. It was strange how she had grown into a long, pallid, wild little thing. Strange that the pain had not made her soft and docile, but had brought out a wild, almost maenad temper in the child. She was seven, and long and white and thin, but by no means subdued. Her blonde hair was darkening. She still had long sufferings to face, and, in her own childish consciousness, the stigma of her lameness to bear.
He was awful to her now, like a temptation. She had dedicated herself to her kids and her church. Joyce was on her feet again; but, unfortunately, she was lame, with metal supports on her leg and a small crutch. It was odd how she had transformed into a tall, pale, wild little thing. Strange that the pain hadn’t made her gentle and compliant but had instead revealed a wild, almost frenzied temper in the child. She was seven, tall, pale, and thin, but definitely not subdued. Her blonde hair was getting darker. She still had a lot of suffering ahead of her, and in her childish mind, she carried the burden of her lameness.
And she bore it. An almost maenad courage seemed to possess her, as if she were a long, thin, young weapon of life. She acknowledged all her mother’s care. She would stand by her mother for ever. But some of her father’s fine-tempered desperation flashed in her.
And she endured it. An almost frenzied courage seemed to take over her, as if she were a slender, young instrument of life. She recognized all her mother’s efforts. She would support her mother forever. But some of her father’s intense desperation shone through her.
When Egbert saw his little girl limping horribly—not only limping but lurching horribly in crippled, childish way, his heart again hardened with chagrin, like steel that is tempered again. There was a tacit understanding between him and his little girl: not what we would call love, but a weapon-like kinship. There was a tiny touch of irony in his manner towards her, contrasting sharply with Winifred’s heavy, unleavened solicitude and care. The child flickered back to him with an answering little smile of irony and recklessness: an odd flippancy which made Winifred only the more sombre and earnest.
When Egbert saw his little girl limping badly—not just limping but stumbling in a painful, childish way, his heart hardened again with frustration, like steel that’s been tempered. There was an unspoken understanding between him and his little girl: not what we would call love, but more like a bond forged in battle. A hint of irony colored his attitude toward her, sharply contrasting with Winifred’s heavy, earnest concern and care. The child responded with a small smile of irony and defiance: a strange lightheartedness that only made Winifred more serious and worried.
The Marshalls took endless thought and trouble for the child, searching out every means to save her limb and her active freedom. They spared no effort and no money, they spared no strength of will. With all their slow, heavy power of will they willed that Joyce should save her liberty of movement, should win back her wild, free grace. Even if it took a long time to recover, it should be recovered.
The Marshalls put in a lot of thought and effort for the child, looking for every way to save her limb and her active freedom. They held nothing back in terms of effort and money; they didn't spare any determination. With all their slow, intense willpower, they wanted Joyce to regain her ability to move freely and recover her wild, graceful spirit. Even if it took time to heal, she would get it back.
So the situation stood. And Joyce submitted, week after week, month after month to the tyranny and pain of the treatment. She acknowledged the honourable effort on her behalf. But her flamy reckless spirit was her father’s. It was he who had all the glamour for her. He and she were like members of some forbidden secret society who know one another but may not recognise one another. Knowledge they had in common, the same secret of life, the father and the child. But the child stayed in the camp of her mother, honourably, and the father wandered outside like Ishmael, only coming sometimes to sit in the home for an hour or two, an evening or two beside the camp fire, like Ishmael, in a curious silence and tension, with the mocking answer of the desert speaking out of his silence, and annulling the whole convention of the domestic home.
So that's how things were. Joyce went along with the treatment, week after week, month after month, enduring the stress and pain. She understood the good intentions behind it all. But her fiery, reckless spirit belonged to her father. He was the one who fascinated her. They were like members of a secret society who know each other but can’t openly acknowledge one another. They shared a special understanding, the same secret of life—father and child. Yet, the child stayed loyal to her mother, doing what was expected, while the father roamed outside like Ishmael, only coming by occasionally to sit at home for an hour or two, an evening or two by the campfire, like Ishmael, caught in a strange silence and tension, with the mocking echoes of the desert undermining the whole idea of a cozy family life.
His presence was almost an anguish to Winifred. She prayed against it. That little cleft between his brow, that flickering, wicked, little smile that seemed to haunt his face, and above all, the triumphant loneliness, the Ishmael quality. And then the erectness of his supple body, like a symbol. The very way he stood, so quiet, so insidious, like an erect, supple symbol of life, the living body, confronting her downcast soul, was torture to her. He was like a supple living idol moving before her eyes, and she felt if she watched him she was damned.
His presence was almost unbearable for Winifred. She wished it away. That small wrinkle between his brows, that flickering, mischievous smile that seemed to linger on his face, and above all, the triumphant loneliness, the Ishmael vibe. And then there was the posture of his flexible body, like a symbol. The way he stood, so quiet, so subtly threatening, like a strong, flexible representation of life, the living body, confronting her sorrowful soul, was torture for her. He was like a living idol moving in front of her, and she felt that if she kept watching him, she was doomed.
And he came and made himself at home in her little home. When he was there, moving in his own quiet way, she felt as if the whole great law of sacrifice, by which she had elected to live, were annulled. He annulled by his very presence the laws of her life. And what did he substitute? Ah, against that question she hardened herself in recoil.
And he came and made himself comfortable in her small home. When he was there, moving quietly, she felt like the entire principle of sacrifice, which she had chosen to follow, was canceled out. His very presence nullified the rules of her life. And what did he replace it with? Oh, against that question, she braced herself in resistance.
It was awful to her to have to have him about—moving about in his shirt-sleeves, speaking in his tenor, throaty voice to the children. Annabel simply adored him, and he teased the little girl. The baby, Barbara, was not sure of him. She had been born a stranger to him. But even the nurse, when she saw his white shoulder of flesh through the slits of his torn shirt, thought it a shame.
It was terrible for her to have him around—wandering in his shirt sleeves, talking in his deep, rich voice to the kids. Annabel absolutely adored him, and he playfully teased the little girl. The baby, Barbara, wasn’t quite sure of him. She had come into the world as a stranger to him. But even the nurse, when she noticed his bare shoulder through the rips in his shirt, thought it was a shame.
Winifred felt it was only another weapon of his against her.
Winifred thought it was just another tool he was using against her.
“You have other shirts—why do you wear that old one that is all torn, Egbert?” she said.
“You have other shirts—why do you wear that old one that's all torn, Egbert?” she said.
“I may as well wear it out,” he said subtly.
"I might as well wear it out," he said gently.
He knew she would not offer to mend it for him. She could not. And no, she would not. Had she not her own gods to honour? And could she betray them, submitting to his Baal and Ashtaroth? And it was terrible to her, his unsheathed presence, that seemed to annul her and her faith, like another revelation. Like a gleaming idol evoked against her, a vivid life-idol that might triumph.
He knew she wouldn’t offer to fix it for him. She couldn’t. And no, she wouldn’t. Didn’t she have her own gods to honor? And could she turn her back on them, submitting to his Baal and Ashtaroth? His bare presence was terrifying to her, as if it could erase her and her faith, like another revelation. Like a shining idol conjured against her, a vibrant life-idol that could overpower her.
He came and he went—and she persisted. And then the great war broke out. He was a man who could not go to the dogs. He could not dissipate himself. He was pure-bred in his Englishness, and even when he would have killed to be vicious, he could not.
He came and he went—and she kept going. Then the great war started. He was a guy who couldn’t fall apart. He couldn’t waste himself. He was a true Englishman, and even when he would have loved to be ruthless, he just couldn’t.
So when the war broke out his whole instinct was against it: against war. He had not the faintest desire to overcome any foreigners or to help in their death. He had no conception of Imperial England, and Rule Britannia was just a joke to him. He was a pure-blooded Englishman, perfect in his race, and when he was truly himself he could no more have been aggressive on the score of his Englishness than a rose can be aggressive on the score of its rosiness.
So when the war started, he was completely against it: against war. He had no desire to defeat any foreigners or contribute to their deaths. He didn’t understand Imperial England, and "Rule Britannia" was just a joke to him. He was a pure-blooded Englishman, perfect in his heritage, and when he was truly being himself, he couldn’t have been aggressive about his Englishness any more than a rose could be aggressive about its rosiness.
No, he had no desire to defy Germany and to exalt England. The distinction between German and English was not for him the distinction between good and bad. It was the distinction between blue water-flowers and red or white bush-blossoms: just difference. The difference between the wild boar and the wild bear. And a man was good or bad according to his nature, not according to his nationality.
No, he didn't want to challenge Germany or glorify England. To him, the difference between German and English wasn't about good and bad. It was like the difference between blue water flowers and red or white bush blossoms: just different. It was the distinction between a wild boar and a wild bear. A person was good or bad based on their character, not their nationality.
Egbert was well-bred, and this was part of his natural understanding. It was merely unnatural to him to hate a nation en bloc. Certain individuals he disliked, and others he liked, and the mass he knew nothing about. Certain deeds he disliked, certain deeds seemed natural to him, and about most deeds he had no particular feeling.
Egbert was raised well, and this was part of his inherent understanding. It felt totally unnatural for him to hate an entire nation. There were some individuals he didn't like, and others he did, but he knew nothing about the general population. He disliked certain actions, some actions felt normal to him, and he had no strong feelings about most actions.
He had, however, the one deepest pure-bred instinct. He recoiled inevitably from having his feelings dictated to him by the mass feeling. His feelings were his own, his understanding was his own, and he would never go back on either, willingly. Shall a man become inferior to his own true knowledge and self, just because the mob expects it of him?
He did have one deeply ingrained instinct. He instinctively pulled back from having his feelings controlled by the emotions of the crowd. His feelings were his own, his understanding was his own, and he would never willingly abandon either. Should a man become less than his true knowledge and self just because the masses expect it from him?
What Egbert felt subtly and without question, his father-in-law felt also in a rough, more combative way. Different as the two men were, they were two real Englishmen, and their instincts were almost the same.
What Egbert sensed quietly and without doubt, his father-in-law sensed as well, but in a harsher, more aggressive manner. Though the two men were quite different, they were both authentic Englishmen, and their instincts were nearly identical.
And Godfrey Marshall had the world to reckon with. There was German military aggression, and the English non-military idea of liberty and the “conquests of peace”—meaning industrialism. Even if the choice between militarism and industrialism were a choice of evils, the elderly man asserted his choice of the latter, perforce. He whose soul was quick with the instinct of power.
And Godfrey Marshall had the world to deal with. There was German military aggression and the English non-military concept of freedom and the “conquests of peace”—which meant industrialism. Even if the choice between militarism and industrialism was a choice between evils, the old man firmly chose the latter. He had a soul that was alive with the instinct for power.
Egbert just refused to reckon with the world. He just refused even to decide between German militarism and British industrialism. He chose neither. As for atrocities, he despised the people who committed them as inferior criminal types. There was nothing national about crime.
Egbert simply refused to engage with the world. He wouldn't even choose between German militarism and British industrialism. He picked neither. When it came to atrocities, he looked down on those who committed them as lower-class criminals. There was nothing national about crime.
And yet, war! War! Just war! Not right or wrong, but just war itself. Should he join? Should he give himself over to war? The question was in his mind for some weeks. Not because he thought England was right and Germany wrong. Probably Germany was wrong, but he refused to make a choice. Not because he felt inspired. No. But just—war.
And yet, war! War! Just war! Not about right or wrong, but just war itself. Should he join? Should he surrender himself to war? This question occupied his mind for several weeks. Not because he believed England was right and Germany was wrong. Germany was probably wrong, but he wouldn’t make a choice. Not because he felt inspired. No. Just—war.
The deterrent was, the giving himself over into the power of other men, and into the power of the mob-spirit of a democratic army. Should he give himself over? Should he make over his own life and body to the control of something which he knew was inferior, in spirit, to his own self? Should he commit himself into the power of an inferior control? Should he? Should he betray himself?
The deterrent was giving himself up to the control of other people and the collective mindset of a democratic army. Should he surrender? Should he hand over his own life and body to something he knew was spiritually inferior to himself? Should he let himself be under the command of something lesser? Should he? Should he betray who he is?
He was going to put himself into the power of his inferiors, and he knew it. He was going to subjugate himself. He was going to be ordered about by petty canaille of non-commissioned officers—and even commissioned officers. He who was born and bred free. Should he do it?
He was about to give himself over to those beneath him, and he was aware of it. He was preparing to submit himself. He would be directed by the lowly canaille of non-commissioned officers—and even by commissioned officers. He, who was born and raised free. Should he really go through with it?
He went to his wife, to speak to her.
He went to his wife to talk to her.
“Shall I join up, Winifred?”
“Should I join, Winifred?”
She was silent. Her instinct also was dead against it. And yet a certain profound resentment made her answer:
She was quiet. Her instincts were strongly opposed to it. But a deep sense of resentment pushed her to respond:
“You have three children dependent on you. I don’t know whether you have thought of that.”
“You have three kids relying on you. I’m not sure if you’ve considered that.”
It was still only the third month of the war, and the old pre-war ideas were still alive.
It was still just the third month of the war, and the old pre-war ideas were still very much alive.
“Of course. But it won’t make much difference to them. I shall be earning a shilling a day, at least.”
“Of course. But it won’t mean much to them. I’ll be making a shilling a day, at least.”
“You’d better speak to father, I think,” she replied heavily.
“You should talk to Dad, I think,” she said slowly.
Egbert went to his father-in-law. The elderly man’s heart was full of resentment.
Egbert went to see his father-in-law. The old man was filled with resentment.
“I should say,” he said rather sourly, “it is the best thing you could do.”
“I should say,” he said a bit grumpily, “it’s the best thing you could do.”
Egbert went and joined up immediately, as a private soldier. He was drafted into the light artillery.
Egbert joined right away as a private soldier. He was assigned to the light artillery.
Winifred now had a new duty towards him: the duty of a wife towards a husband who is himself performing his duty towards the world. She loved him still. She would always love him, as far as earthly love went. But it was duty she now lived by. When he came back to her in khaki, a soldier, she submitted to him as a wife. It was her duty. But to his passion she could never again fully submit. Something prevented her, for ever: even her own deepest choice.
Winifred now had a new responsibility towards him: the responsibility of a wife to a husband who was fulfilling his own responsibilities to the world. She still loved him. She would always love him, as much as any earthly love allowed. But now, it was duty that guided her actions. When he returned to her in his military uniform, a soldier, she accepted her role as his wife. It was her obligation. But she could never completely give in to his passion again. Something held her back, forever: even her own deepest desires.
He went back again to camp. It did not suit him to be a modern soldier. In the thick, gritty, hideous khaki his subtle physique was extinguished as if he had been killed. In the ugly intimacy of the camp his thoroughbred sensibilities were just degraded. But he had chosen, so he accepted. An ugly little look came on to his face, of a man who has accepted his own degradation.
He returned to camp. Being a modern soldier didn't suit him. In the thick, gritty, ugly khaki, his refined physique felt entirely lost, as if he had been killed. In the harsh reality of camp life, his sensitive nature was just diminished. But he had made his choice, so he accepted it. A pained expression appeared on his face, that of a man who has come to terms with his own degradation.
In the early spring Winifred went down to Crockham to be there when primroses were out, and the tassels hanging on the hazel-bushes. She felt something like a reconciliation towards Egbert, now he was a prisoner in camp most of his days. Joyce was wild with delight at seeing the garden and the common again, after the eight or nine months of London and misery. She was still lame. She still had the irons up her leg. But she lurched about with a wild, crippled agility.
In early spring, Winifred went down to Crockham to see the primroses blooming and the catkins hanging on the hazel bushes. She felt a sense of reconciliation with Egbert now that he was mostly a prisoner in camp. Joyce was thrilled to be back in the garden and the common after spending eight or nine months in London and dealing with misery. She was still limping and had the brace on her leg, but she moved around with a wild, awkward energy.
Egbert came for a week-end, in his gritty, thick, sand-paper khaki and puttees and the hideous cap. Nay, he looked terrible. And on his face a slightly impure look, a little sore on his lip, as if he had eaten too much or drunk too much or let his blood become a little unclean. He was almost uglily healthy, with the camp life. It did not suit him.
Egbert came for the weekend, dressed in his rough, thick khaki and puttees, along with his awful cap. Honestly, he looked terrible. His face had a slightly unhealthy look, with a little sore on his lip, as if he had overindulged in food or drink, or let his body get a bit out of balance. He appeared almost unappealingly healthy from the camp life. It didn't suit him.
Winifred waited for him in a little passion of duty and sacrifice, willing to serve the soldier, if not the man. It only made him feel a little more ugly inside. The week-end was torment to him: the memory of the camp, the knowledge of the life he led there; even the sight of his own legs in that abhorrent khaki. He felt as if the hideous cloth went into his blood and made it gritty and dirty. Then Winifred so ready to serve the soldier, when she repudiated the man. And this made the grit worse between his teeth. And the children running around playing and calling in the rather mincing fashion of children who have nurses and governesses and literature in the family. And Joyce so lame! It had all become unreal to him, after the camp. It only set his soul on edge. He left at dawn on the Monday morning, glad to get back to the realness and vulgarity of the camp.
Winifred waited for him with a mix of duty and sacrifice, eager to support the soldier, even if not the man. It just made him feel even more ugly inside. The weekend was torture for him: the memories of camp, the awareness of the life he led there; even seeing his own legs in that disgusting khaki. It felt like that awful fabric seeped into his blood, making it gritty and dirty. And Winifred was so ready to serve the soldier, while she turned away from the man. This only added to the grit in his mouth. The children ran around playing and calling out in that overly formal way typical of kids with nurses, governesses, and a literary family background. And Joyce was so lame! Everything had become surreal to him after camp. It just put him on edge. He left at dawn on Monday morning, relieved to return to the harsh reality and rawness of camp.
Winifred would never meet him again at the cottage—only in London, where the world was with them. But sometimes he came alone to Crockham perhaps when friends were staying there. And then he would work awhile in his garden. This summer still it would flame with blue anchusas and big red poppies, the mulleins would sway their soft, downy erections in the air: he loved mulleins: and the honeysuckle would stream out scent like memory, when the owl was whooing. Then he sat by the fire with the friends and with Winifred’s sisters, and they sang the folk-songs. He put on thin civilian clothes and his charm and his beauty and the supple dominancy of his body glowed out again. But Winifred was not there.
Winifred would never see him again at the cottage—only in London, where the world was with them. But sometimes he would come alone to Crockham, maybe when friends were visiting. Then he would work for a while in his garden. This summer, it would still burst with blue anchusas and big red poppies; the mulleins would sway gently in the breeze: he loved mulleins; and the honeysuckle would release its scent like a memory when the owl was hooting. Then he would sit by the fire with his friends and Winifred’s sisters, and they sang folk songs. He would wear simple civilian clothes and his charm and beauty, and the graceful dominance of his body would shine again. But Winifred was not there.
At the end of the summer he went to Flanders, into action. He seemed already to have gone out of life, beyond the pale of life. He hardly remembered his life any more, being like a man who is going to take a jump from a height, and is only looking to where he must land.
At the end of the summer, he went to Flanders to fight. He seemed like he had already stepped out of life, beyond its boundaries. He could barely remember his life anymore, like someone preparing to jump from a high place, focusing only on where they will land.
He was twice slightly wounded, in two months. But not enough to put him off duty for more than a day or two. They were retiring again, holding the enemy back. He was in the rear—three machine-guns. The country was all pleasant, war had not yet trampled it. Only the air seemed shattered, and the land awaiting death. It was a small, unimportant action in which he was engaged.
He got hurt a couple of times in two months, but it wasn't serious enough to keep him off duty for more than a day or so. They were pulling back again, fighting to hold off the enemy. He was stationed in the rear with three machine guns. The landscape was still nice; the war hadn't ruined it yet. Only the air felt broken, and the land seemed like it was waiting for destruction. He was involved in a small, insignificant skirmish.
The guns were stationed on a little bushy hillock just outside a village. But occasionally, it was difficult to say from which direction, came the sharp crackle of rifle-fire, and beyond, the far-off thud of cannon. The afternoon was wintry and cold.
The guns were set up on a small, bushy hill just outside a village. But sometimes, it was hard to tell from which direction the sharp crack of rifle fire came, along with the distant thud of cannons. The afternoon was chilly and cold.
A lieutenant stood on a little iron platform at the top of the ladders, taking the sights and giving the aim, calling in a high, tense, mechanical voice. Out of the sky came the sharp cry of the directions, then the warning numbers, then “Fire!” The shot went, the piston of the gun sprang back, there was a sharp explosion, and a very faint film of smoke in the air. Then the other two guns fired, and there was a lull. The officer was uncertain of the enemy’s position. The thick clump of horse-chestnut trees below was without change. Only in the far distance the sound of heavy firing continued, so far off as to give a sense of peace.
A lieutenant stood on a small iron platform at the top of the ladders, adjusting the sights and giving commands in a high, tense, mechanical voice. From the sky came the sharp call of the directions, followed by the warning numbers, then “Fire!” The shot was fired, the gun's piston recoiled, there was a loud explosion, and a faint wisp of smoke lingered in the air. Then the other two guns fired, and there was a brief pause. The officer was unsure of the enemy’s location. The dense cluster of horse-chestnut trees below remained unchanged. Only in the distance was the sound of heavy gunfire still going, so far away that it felt oddly peaceful.
The gorse bushes on either hand were dark, but a few sparks of flowers showed yellow. He noticed them almost unconsciously as he waited, in the lull. He was in his shirt-sleeves, and the air came chill on his arms. Again his shirt was slit on the shoulders, and the flesh showed through. He was dirty and unkempt. But his face was quiet. So many things go out of consciousness before we come to the end of consciousness.
The gorse bushes on both sides were dark, but a few yellow flowers peeked through. He noticed them almost without thinking as he waited in the quiet moment. He was in his shirt sleeves, and the cool air felt chilly against his arms. Once again, his shirt was torn at the shoulders, revealing his skin. He looked dirty and disheveled. But his face was calm. So many things fade from our awareness before we reach the end of awareness.
Before him, below, was the highroad, running between high banks of grass and gorse. He saw the whitish muddy tracks and deep scores in the road, where the part of the regiment had retired. Now all was still. Sounds that came, came from the outside. The place where he stood was still silent, chill, serene: the white church among the trees beyond seemed like a thought only.
Before him, down below, was the main road, flanked by tall banks of grass and gorse. He noticed the pale, muddy tracks and deep ruts in the road, where part of the regiment had pulled back. Now everything was quiet. The sounds that reached him came from afar. The spot where he stood was still, cold, and peaceful: the white church among the trees in the distance felt like just an idea.
He moved into a lightning-like mechanical response at the sharp cry from the officer overhead. Mechanism, the pure mechanical action of obedience at the guns. Pure mechanical action at the guns. It left the soul unburdened, brooding in dark nakedness. In the end, the soul is alone, brooding on the face of the uncreated flux, as a bird on a dark sea.
He reacted instantly to the sharp shout from the officer above. It was a mechanical response, just the pure instinct of obeying orders at the guns. Pure instinct at the guns. It allowed the soul to be unencumbered, lost in dark emptiness. In the end, the soul is alone, reflecting on the chaos of existence, like a bird on a dark ocean.
Nothing could be seen but the road, and a crucifix knocked slanting and the dark, autumnal fields and woods. There appeared three horsemen on a little eminence, very small, on the crest of a ploughed field. They were our own men. Of the enemy, nothing.
Nothing could be seen except the road, and a crucifix that tilted awkwardly along with the dark, autumn fields and woods. Three horsemen appeared on a small rise at the edge of a plowed field. They were our own men. There was no sign of the enemy.
The lull continued. Then suddenly came sharp orders, and a new direction of the guns, and an intense, exciting activity. Yet at the centre the soul remained dark and aloof, alone.
The silence went on. Then suddenly there were sharp commands, a new direction for the guns, and intense, thrilling activity. But in the center, the soul stayed dark and detached, alone.
But even so, it was the soul that heard the new sound: the new, deep “papp!” of a gun that seemed to touch right upon the soul. He kept up the rapid activity at the machine-gun, sweating. But in his soul was the echo of the new, deep sound, deeper than life.
But even then, it was the soul that heard the new sound: the new, deep “papp!” of a gun that seemed to resonate deeply within. He continued the rapid movement at the machine-gun, sweating. But in his soul was the echo of that new, deep sound, deeper than life itself.
And in confirmation came the awful faint whistling of a shell, advancing almost suddenly into a piercing, tearing shriek that would tear through the membrane of life. He heard it in his ears, but he heard it also in his soul, in tension. There was relief when the thing had swung by and struck, away beyond. He heard the hoarseness of its explosion, and the voice of the soldier calling to the horses. But he did not turn round to look. He only noticed a twig of holly with red berries fall like a gift on to the road below.
And then came the terrible faint whistling of a shell, quickly turning into a piercing, ripping scream that felt like it would cut through the very essence of life. He sensed it in his ears, but also deep in his soul, creating tension. There was a sense of relief when it passed by and landed far away. He heard the harsh sound of the explosion and the soldier’s voice calling to the horses. But he didn't turn around to look. He just noticed a sprig of holly with red berries fall like a gift onto the road below.
Not this time, not this time. Whither thou goest I will go. Did he say it to the shell, or to whom? Whither thou goest I will go. Then, the faint whistling of another shell dawned, and his blood became small and still to receive it. It drew nearer, like some horrible blast of wind; his blood lost consciousness. But in the second of suspension he saw the heavy shell swoop to earth, into the rocky bushes on the right, and earth and stones poured up into the sky. It was as if he heard no sound. The earth and stones and fragments of bush fell to earth again, and there was the same unchanging peace. The Germans had got the aim.
Not this time, not this time. Where you go, I will go. Did he say it to the shell, or to someone else? Where you go, I will go. Then, the faint whistling of another shell started, and his blood turned small and still to receive it. It came closer, like a terrible gust of wind; his blood lost consciousness. But in that moment of suspension, he saw the heavy shell drop to the ground, into the rocky bushes on the right, and earth and stones shot up into the sky. It was as if he didn't hear any sound. The earth, stones, and bits of bush fell back to the ground, and there was the same unchanging calm. The Germans had found their target.
Would they move now? Would they retire? Yes. The officer was giving the last lightning-rapid orders to fire before withdrawing. A shell passed unnoticed in the rapidity of action. And then, into the silence, into the suspense where the soul brooded, finally crashed a noise and a darkness and a moment’s flaming agony and horror. Ah, he had seen the dark bird flying towards him, flying home this time. In one instant life and eternity went up in a conflagration of agony, then there was a weight of darkness.
Would they move now? Would they retreat? Yes. The officer was giving the final quick orders to fire before pulling back. A shell passed by unnoticed in the flurry of action. And then, into the silence, into the suspense where the soul lingered, suddenly pierced a sound and a darkness and a brief moment of fiery pain and terror. Ah, he had seen the dark bird flying toward him, heading home this time. In an instant, life and eternity erupted in a blaze of suffering, then there was a heavy darkness.
When faintly something began to struggle in the darkness, a consciousness of himself, he was aware of a great load and a clanging sound. To have known the moment of death! And to be forced, before dying, to review it. So, fate, even in death.
When something started to stir in the darkness, a sense of himself emerged, and he felt a heavy weight and a loud clanging noise. To have experienced the moment of death! And to be compelled, before dying, to reflect on it. So, fate, even in death.
There was a resounding of pain. It seemed to sound from the outside of his consciousness: like a loud bell clanging very near. Yet he knew it was himself. He must associate himself with it. After a lapse and a new effort, he identified a pain in his head, a large pain that clanged and resounded. So far he could identify himself with himself. Then there was a lapse.
There was a loud echo of pain. It felt like it was coming from outside his awareness, like a big bell ringing very close by. But he knew it was him. He had to connect with it. After a moment and another try, he recognized a pain in his head, a heavy pain that clanged and echoed. Up to that point, he could still identify with himself. Then there was another pause.
After a time he seemed to wake up again, and waking, to know that he was at the front, and that he was killed. He did not open his eyes. Light was not yet his. The clanging pain in his head rang out the rest of his consciousness. So he lapsed away from consciousness, in unutterable sick abandon of life.
After a while, he seemed to come to again and realized that he was at the front and that he had died. He didn’t open his eyes. Light wasn’t his yet. The intense pain in his head consumed the rest of his awareness. So he drifted away from consciousness in an indescribable, sickly surrender to life.
Bit by bit, like a doom came the necessity to know. He was hit in the head. It was only a vague surmise at first. But in the swinging of the pendulum of pain, swinging ever nearer and nearer, to touch him into an agony of consciousness and a consciousness of agony, gradually the knowledge emerged—he must be hit in the head—hit on the left brow; if so, there would be blood—was there blood?—could he feel blood in his left eye? Then the clanging seemed to burst the membrane of his brain, like death-madness.
Bit by bit, like a doom came the necessity to know. He was hit in the head. It was only a vague guess at first. But with the swinging of the pendulum of pain, getting ever closer, he was forced into an agony of awareness and an awareness of agony. Gradually, the realization set in—he must have been hit in the head—struck on the left brow; if that were true, there would be blood—was there blood?—could he feel blood in his left eye? Then the ringing seemed to burst the membrane of his brain, like death-induced madness.
Was there blood on his face? Was hot blood flowing? Or was it dry blood congealing down his cheek? It took him hours even to ask the question: time being no more than an agony in darkness, without measurement.
Was there blood on his face? Was hot blood flowing? Or was it dry blood congealing down his cheek? It took him hours just to ask the question: time felt like nothing more than agony in darkness, without any way to measure it.
A long time after he had opened his eyes he realised he was seeing something—something, something, but the effort to recall what was too great. No, no; no recall!
A long time after he had opened his eyes, he realized he was looking at something—something, something, but trying to remember what it was felt like too much effort. No, no; no remembering!
Were they the stars in the dark sky? Was it possible it was stars in the dark sky? Stars? The world? Ah, no, he could not know it! Stars and the world were gone for him, he closed his eyes. No stars, no sky, no world. No, No! The thick darkness of blood alone. It should be one great lapse into the thick darkness of blood in agony.
Were they the stars in the dark sky? Could it be that they were stars in the dark sky? Stars? The world? Ah, no, he couldn’t know! Stars and the world were gone for him; he closed his eyes. No stars, no sky, no world. No, no! Only the thick darkness of blood. It should be one long plunge into the thick darkness of blood in pain.
Death, oh, death! The world all blood, and the blood all writhing with death. The soul like the tiniest little light out on a dark sea, the sea of blood. And the light guttering, beating, pulsing in a windless storm, wishing it could go out, yet unable.
Death, oh, death! The world is filled with blood, and the blood is all twisting with death. The soul is like the tiniest light flickering on a dark sea, a sea of blood. And the light flickers, struggles, pulses in a windless storm, wanting to go out but unable to.
There had been life. There had been Winifred and his children. But the frail death-agony effort to catch at straws of memory, straws of life from the past, brought on too great a nausea. No, No! No Winifred, no children. No world, no people. Better the agony of dissolution ahead than the nausea of the effort backwards. Better the terrible work should go forward, the dissolving into the black sea of death, in the extremity of dissolution, than that there should be any reaching back towards life. To forget! To forget! Utterly, utterly to forget, in the great forgetting of death. To break the core and the unit of life, and to lapse out on the great darkness. Only that. To break the clue, and mingle and commingle with the one darkness, without afterwards or forwards. Let the black sea of death itself solve the problem of futurity. Let the will of man break and give up.
There had been life. There had been Winifred and his children. But the weak struggle to grab onto memories, the remnants of life from the past, brought on an overwhelming nausea. No, no! No Winifred, no children. No world, no people. It’s better to face the pain of dying ahead than to deal with the nausea of looking back. It’s better for the terrible process to move forward, dissolving into the black sea of death, at the end of it all, than to reach back towards life. To forget! To forget! Completely, completely to forget in the great forgetting of death. To shatter the essence and the unit of life, and to drift into the vast darkness. That’s all. To break the bond and merge into the singular darkness, with no past or future. Let the black sea of death itself figure out what comes next. Let the will of man shatter and surrender.
What was that? A light! A terrible light! Was it figures? Was it legs of a horse colossal—colossal above him: huge, huge?
What was that? A light! A blinding light! Was it shapes? Were those the legs of a gigantic horse—massive, massive above him: enormous, enormous?
The Germans heard a slight noise, and started. Then, in the glare of a light-bomb, by the side of the heap of earth thrown up by the shell, they saw the dead face.
The Germans heard a faint noise and jumped. Then, in the bright light of a flare, next to the mound of earth thrown up by the shell, they saw the lifeless face.
TICKETS, PLEASE
There is in the Midlands a single-line tramway system which boldly leaves the county town and plunges off into the black, industrial countryside, up hill and down dale, through the long ugly villages of workmen’s houses, over canals and railways, past churches perched high and nobly over the smoke and shadows, through stark, grimy cold little market-places, tilting away in a rush past cinemas and shops down to the hollow where the collieries are, then up again, past a little rural church, under the ash trees, on in a rush to the terminus, the last little ugly place of industry, the cold little town that shivers on the edge of the wild, gloomy country beyond. There the green and creamy coloured tram-car seems to pause and purr with curious satisfaction. But in a few minutes—the clock on the turret of the Co-operative Wholesale Society’s Shops gives the time—away it starts once more on the adventure. Again there are the reckless swoops downhill, bouncing the loops: again the chilly wait in the hill-top market-place: again the breathless slithering round the precipitous drop under the church: again the patient halts at the loops, waiting for the outcoming car: so on and on, for two long hours, till at last the city looms beyond the fat gas-works, the narrow factories draw near, we are in the sordid streets of the great town, once more we sidle to a standstill at our terminus, abashed by the great crimson and cream-coloured city cars, but still perky, jaunty, somewhat dare-devil, green as a jaunty sprig of parsley out of a black colliery garden.
There’s a single-line tram system in the Midlands that boldly leaves the main town and dives into the dark, industrial countryside, going up and down hills, through long, unattractive villages of workers’ homes, over canals and railways, past churches standing tall and proudly above the smoke and shadows, through stark, grimy little market places, rushing past cinemas and shops down to the hollow where the coal mines are, then back up again, past a small rural church, under ash trees, speeding toward the terminus, the last little unattractive spot of industry, the cold little town that shivers at the edge of the wild, gloomy countryside beyond. There, the green and cream-colored tram seems to stop and hum with a sense of curious satisfaction. But in a few minutes—the clock on the turret of the Co-operative Wholesale Society’s Shops shows the time—off it goes again on its journey. Once more, there are the reckless descents downhill, bouncing through the loops: once more, the chilly wait in the hilltop market place: once more, the breathless glide around the steep drop under the church: again, the patient stops at the loops, waiting for the outgoing tram: and on and on it goes, for two long hours, until finally, the city appears beyond the large gas works, the narrow factories come closer, we find ourselves in the shabby streets of the big town, and once more we come to a stop at our terminus, feeling small next to the large crimson and cream-colored city trams, but still lively, jaunty, a bit daring, green like a sprig of parsley sticking out from a black coal miner's garden.
To ride on these cars is always an adventure. Since we are in war-time, the drivers are men unfit for active service: cripples and hunchbacks. So they have the spirit of the devil in them. The ride becomes a steeple-chase. Hurray! we have leapt in a clear jump over the canal bridges—now for the four-lane corner. With a shriek and a trail of sparks we are clear again. To be sure, a tram often leaps the rails—but what matter! It sits in a ditch till other trams come to haul it out. It is quite common for a car, packed with one solid mass of living people, to come to a dead halt in the midst of unbroken blackness, the heart of nowhere on a dark night, and for the driver and the girl conductor to call, “All get off—car’s on fire!” Instead, however, of rushing out in a panic, the passengers stolidly reply: “Get on—get on! We’re not coming out. We’re stopping where we are. Push on, George.” So till flames actually appear.
To ride on these trolleys is always an adventure. Since it’s wartime, the drivers are men unfit for active duty: disabled and hunchbacked. So they drive like they’re possessed. The ride turns into a wild chase. Hurray! We’ve jumped over the canal bridges—now onto the four-lane corner. With a scream and a shower of sparks, we’re clear again. Sure, a trolley often jumps the tracks—but who cares! It just sits in a ditch until other trolleys come to pull it out. It’s quite normal for a car packed with a solid mass of people to suddenly stop in the middle of complete darkness, in the middle of nowhere on a dark night, and for the driver and the girl conductor to shout, “Everyone off—the car’s on fire!” Instead of panicking and rushing out, the passengers calmly reply: “Keep going—keep going! We’re not getting out. We’re staying right here. Push on, George.” So it goes until flames actually appear.
The reason for this reluctance to dismount is that the nights are howlingly cold, black, and windswept, and a car is a haven of refuge. From village to village the miners travel, for a change of cinema, of girl, of pub. The trams are desperately packed. Who is going to risk himself in the black gulf outside, to wait perhaps an hour for another tram, then to see the forlorn notice “Depot Only,” because there is something wrong! Or to greet a unit of three bright cars all so tight with people that they sail past with a howl of derision. Trams that pass in the night.
The reason for this hesitation to get out is that the nights are brutally cold, dark, and windy, and a car feels like a safe haven. The miners move from village to village for a change of movie, a different girl, or a new pub. The trams are packed to the brim. Who's willing to risk stepping out into the dark void outside, waiting maybe an hour for another tram, only to see the disappointing sign “Depot Only” because something's wrong? Or to watch a trio of bright cars go by, so full of people that they zoom past with a mocking noise. Trams that pass in the night.
This, the most dangerous tram-service in England, as the authorities themselves declare, with pride, is entirely conducted by girls, and driven by rash young men, a little crippled, or by delicate young men, who creep forward in terror. The girls are fearless young hussies. In their ugly blue uniform, skirts up to their knees, shapeless old peaked caps on their heads, they have all the sang-froid of an old non-commissioned officer. With a tram packed with howling colliers, roaring hymns downstairs and a sort of antiphony of obscenities upstairs, the lasses are perfectly at their ease. They pounce on the youths who try to evade their ticket-machine. They push off the men at the end of their distance. They are not going to be done in the eye—not they. They fear nobody—and everybody fears them.
This, the most dangerous tram service in England, as the authorities themselves proudly state, is completely run by girls, and driven by reckless young men, slightly disabled, or by timid young men who move forward hesitantly. The girls are bold and fearless. In their unattractive blue uniforms, with skirts up to their knees and shapeless old peaked caps on their heads, they exude the confidence of an experienced non-commissioned officer. With a tram full of shouting coal miners, roaring hymns downstairs and a mix of profanity upstairs, the girls are completely unfazed. They jump on the young men trying to dodge their ticket machines. They push the men off at the end of their route. They’re not going to let anyone get the best of them—not a chance. They fear no one—and everyone fears them.
“Hello, Annie!”
“Hey, Annie!”
“Hello, Ted!”
“Hey, Ted!”
“Oh, mind my corn, Miss Stone. It’s my belief you’ve got a heart of stone, for you’ve trod on it again.”
“Oh, watch out for my corn, Miss Stone. I really think you have a heart of stone because you've stepped on it once more.”
“You should keep it in your pocket,” replies Miss Stone, and she goes sturdily upstairs in her high boots.
“You should keep it in your pocket,” replies Miss Stone, and she confidently heads upstairs in her high boots.
“Tickets, please.”
"Ticket validation, please."
She is peremptory, suspicious, and ready to hit first. She can hold her own against ten thousand. The step of that tram-car is her Thermopylæ.
She is commanding, distrustful, and quick to strike first. She can stand her ground against anyone. The step of that tram-car is her battleground.
Therefore, there is a certain wild romance aboard these cars—and in the sturdy bosom of Annie herself. The time for soft romance is in the morning, between ten o’clock and one, when things are rather slack: that is, except market-day and Saturday. Thus Annie has time to look about her. Then she often hops off her car and into a shop where she has spied something, while the driver chats in the main road. There is very good feeling between the girls and the drivers. Are they not companions in peril, shipments aboard this careering vessel of a tram-car, for ever rocking on the waves of a stormy land?
Therefore, there’s a certain adventurous vibe on these cars—and in the strong spirit of Annie herself. The time for sweet romance is in the morning, between ten and one, when things are pretty relaxed: unless it’s market day or Saturday. So, Annie has time to look around. Then she often jumps off her car and into a shop where she spotted something, while the driver chats on the main road. There’s a really good bond between the girls and the drivers. Aren't they partners in danger, like cargo on this fast-moving tram, always swaying on the waves of a turbulent land?
Then, also, during the easy hours, the inspectors are most in evidence. For some reason, everybody employed in this tram-service is young: there are no grey heads. It would not do. Therefore the inspectors are of the right age, and one, the chief, is also good-looking. See him stand on a wet, gloomy morning, in his long oil-skin, his peaked cap well down over his eyes, waiting to board a car. His face is ruddy, his small brown moustache is weathered, he has a faint impudent smile. Fairly tall and agile, even in his waterproof, he springs aboard a car and greets Annie.
Then, during the quieter hours, the inspectors are really noticeable. For some reason, everyone working in this tram service is young; there are no older folks around. That just wouldn’t work. So, the inspectors are the right age, and one of them, the chief, is also attractive. Picture him standing on a wet, gloomy morning, dressed in his long raincoat and with his peaked cap pulled low over his eyes while he waits to get on a tram. His face is flushed, his small brown mustache looks weathered, and he has a slight cocky smile. Fairly tall and agile, even in his rain gear, he jumps onto a tram and greets Annie.
“Hello, Annie! Keeping the wet out?”
“Hey, Annie! Keeping the rain out?”
“Trying to.”
"Working on it."
There are only two people in the car. Inspecting is soon over. Then for a long and impudent chat on the foot-board, a good, easy, twelve-mile chat.
There are only two people in the car. The inspection doesn't take long. Then, there’s a lengthy and carefree conversation on the footboard, an easy twelve-mile chat.
The inspector’s name is John Thomas Raynor—always called John Thomas, except sometimes, in malice, Coddy. His face sets in fury when he is addressed, from a distance, with this abbreviation. There is considerable scandal about John Thomas in half a dozen villages. He flirts with the girl conductors in the morning, and walks out with them in the dark night, when they leave their tram-car at the depôt. Of course, the girls quit the service frequently. Then he flirts and walks out with the newcomer: always providing she is sufficiently attractive, and that she will consent to walk. It is remarkable, however, that most of the girls are quite comely, they are all young, and this roving life aboard the car gives them a sailor’s dash and recklessness. What matter how they behave when the ship is in port. Tomorrow they will be aboard again.
The inspector’s name is John Thomas Raynor—always called John Thomas, except sometimes, out of spite, Coddy. His face gets furious when someone calls him that from afar. There's quite a bit of gossip about John Thomas in several villages. He flirts with the girl conductors in the morning and goes out with them late at night when they leave their tramcar at the depot. Of course, the girls often quit the job. Then he flirts and goes out with the new girl, as long as she’s attractive enough and willing to go out. It’s interesting, though, that most of the girls are pretty cute, they’re all young, and this lifestyle on the tram gives them a boldness and carefree attitude. What does it matter how they behave when the tram is at a stop? Tomorrow, they’ll be on board again.
Annie, however, was something of a Tartar, and her sharp tongue had kept John Thomas at arm’s length for many months. Perhaps, therefore, she liked him all the more: for he always came up smiling, with impudence. She watched him vanquish one girl, then another. She could tell by the movement of his mouth and eyes, when he flirted with her in the morning, that he had been walking out with this lass, or the other, the night before. A fine cock-of-the-walk he was. She could sum him up pretty well.
Annie, however, was a bit of a firecracker, and her sharp tongue had kept John Thomas at a distance for many months. Perhaps that’s why she liked him even more: he always approached her with a smile and a bit of attitude. She watched him charm one girl after another. She could tell by the way his mouth moved and the look in his eyes when he flirted with her in the morning that he had been out with one girl or another the night before. He was quite the show-off. She felt she had him figured out pretty well.
In this subtle antagonism they knew each other like old friends, they were as shrewd with one another almost as man and wife. But Annie had always kept him sufficiently at arm’s length. Besides, she had a boy of her own.
In this subtle rivalry, they understood each other like long-time friends; they were almost as sharp with one another as a married couple. But Annie had always maintained a comfortable distance. Plus, she had a son of her own.
The Statutes fair, however, came in November, at Bestwood. It happened that Annie had the Monday night off. It was a drizzling ugly night, yet she dressed herself up and went to the fair ground. She was alone, but she expected soon to find a pal of some sort.
The Statutes fair, however, took place in November at Bestwood. As luck would have it, Annie had the night off on Monday. It was a dreary, drizzly night, but she dressed up and headed to the fairgrounds. She was on her own, but she hoped to find a friend there soon.
The roundabouts were veering round and grinding out their music, the side shows were making as much commotion as possible. In the cocoanut shies there were no cocoanuts, but artificial war-time substitutes, which the lads declared were fastened into the irons. There was a sad decline in brilliance and luxury. None the less, the ground was muddy as ever, there was the same crush, the press of faces lighted up by the flares and the electric lights, the same smell of naphtha and a few fried potatoes, and of electricity.
The roundabouts were spinning around and playing their music, while the side shows were making as much noise as they could. In the coconut shies, there were no real coconuts, just fake wartime substitutes that the guys claimed were stuck in the targets. There was a noticeable drop in shine and extravagance. Still, the ground was as muddy as ever, there was the same crowd, the sea of faces illuminated by the flares and electric lights, and the same smells of naphtha, a few fried potatoes, and electricity.
Who should be the first to greet Miss Annie on the showground but John Thomas? He had a black overcoat buttoned up to his chin, and a tweed cap pulled down over his brows, his face between was ruddy and smiling and handy as ever. She knew so well the way his mouth moved.
Who should be the first to greet Miss Annie at the fairground but John Thomas? He was wearing a black overcoat buttoned all the way up to his chin, and a tweed cap pulled down over his brow. His face was rosy and smiling, just as always. She knew exactly how his mouth moved.
She was very glad to have a “boy”. To be at the Statutes without a fellow was no fun. Instantly, like the gallant he was, he took her on the dragons, grim-toothed, round-about switchbacks. It was not nearly so exciting as a tram-car actually. But, then, to be seated in a shaking, green dragon, uplifted above the sea of bubble faces, careering in a rickety fashion in the lower heavens, whilst John Thomas leaned over her, his cigarette in his mouth, was after all the right style. She was a plump, quick, alive little creature. So she was quite excited and happy.
She was really happy to have a “boy.” Being at the Statutes alone wasn’t fun at all. As soon as he showed up, like the gentleman he was, he took her on the dragons, with their scary teeth and winding paths. It wasn’t nearly as thrilling as riding a tram, but sitting in a shaking, green dragon, looking down at a sea of smiling faces, zooming around in a shaky way, while John Thomas leaned over her with a cigarette in his mouth, felt just right. She was a lively, plump little thing. So she was definitely excited and happy.
John Thomas made her stay on for the next round. And therefore she could hardly for shame repulse him when he put his arm round her and drew her a little nearer to him, in a very warm and cuddly manner. Besides, he was fairly discreet, he kept his movement as hidden as possible. She looked down, and saw that his red, clean hand was out of sight of the crowd. And they knew each other so well. So they warmed up to the fair.
John Thomas made her stay for the next round. So, she could hardly refuse him when he put his arm around her and pulled her a little closer in a cozy way. Plus, he was pretty discreet; he kept his movements as low-key as possible. She looked down and saw that his clean, red hand was out of sight of the crowd. They knew each other well. So, they relaxed into the atmosphere.
After the dragons they went on the horses. John Thomas paid each time, so she could but be complaisant. He, of course, sat astride on the outer horse—named “Black Bess”—and she sat sideways, towards him, on the inner horse—named “Wildfire”. But of course John Thomas was not going to sit discreetly on “Black Bess”, holding the brass bar. Round they spun and heaved, in the light. And round he swung on his wooden steed, flinging one leg across her mount, and perilously tipping up and down, across the space, half lying back, laughing at her. He was perfectly happy; she was afraid her hat was on one side, but she was excited.
After the dragons, they jumped on the horses. John Thomas paid each time, so she couldn't help but be agreeable. He, of course, sat sideways on the outer horse—named “Black Bess”—while she sat sideways, facing him, on the inner horse—named “Wildfire.” But John Thomas definitely wasn't going to sit still on “Black Bess,” holding onto the brass bar. They spun and swayed in the light. He swung on his wooden horse, throwing one leg over hers and precariously tipping up and down across the space, half lying back and laughing at her. He was completely happy; she was worried her hat was crooked, but she was excited.
He threw quoits on a table, and won for her two large, pale-blue hat-pins. And then, hearing the noise of the cinemas, announcing another performance, they climbed the boards and went in.
He tossed quoits on a table and won her two large, pale-blue hat pins. Then, hearing the sounds of the cinemas announcing another show, they climbed the steps and went inside.
Of course, during these performances pitch darkness falls from time to time, when the machine goes wrong. Then there is a wild whooping, and a loud smacking of simulated kisses. In these moments John Thomas drew Annie towards him. After all, he had a wonderfully warm, cosy way of holding a girl with his arm, he seemed to make such a nice fit. And, after all, it was pleasant to be so held: so very comforting and cosy and nice. He leaned over her and she felt his breath on her hair; she knew he wanted to kiss her on the lips. And, after all, he was so warm and she fitted in to him so softly. After all, she wanted him to touch her lips.
Of course, during these performances, it occasionally goes pitch dark when the machine malfunctions. Then there's wild cheering and loud smacking sounds of fake kisses. In those moments, John Thomas pulled Annie close to him. He had a wonderfully warm and cozy way of holding a girl with his arm; it felt like they fit together perfectly. And honestly, being held like that was quite nice—so comforting and cozy. He leaned over her, and she felt his breath in her hair; she knew he wanted to kiss her on the lips. After all, he was so warm, and she nestled into him so softly. Ultimately, she wanted him to kiss her lips.
But the light sprang up; she also started electrically, and put her hat straight. He left his arm lying nonchalantly behind her. Well, it was fun, it was exciting to be at the Statutes with John Thomas.
But the light turned on; she also jumped a bit and adjusted her hat. He casually left his arm behind her. It was fun; it was exciting to be at the Statutes with John Thomas.
When the cinema was over they went for a walk across the dark, damp fields. He had all the arts of love-making. He was especially good at holding a girl, when he sat with her on a stile in the black, drizzling darkness. He seemed to be holding her in space, against his own warmth and gratification. And his kisses were soft and slow and searching.
When the movie ended, they took a walk through the dark, wet fields. He had all the skills of romance. He was especially great at embracing a girl when they sat together on a fence in the pitch-black, drizzly night. It felt like he was cradling her in the air, surrounded by his own warmth and satisfaction. His kisses were gentle, slow, and exploratory.
So Annie walked out with John Thomas, though she kept her own boy dangling in the distance. Some of the tram-girls chose to be huffy. But there, you must take things as you find them, in this life.
So Annie walked out with John Thomas, but she kept her own guy hanging back at a distance. Some of the tram girls decided to act all offended. But there you go, you have to take things as they come in this life.
There was no mistake about it, Annie liked John Thomas a good deal. She felt so rich and warm in herself whenever he was near. And John Thomas really liked Annie, more than usual. The soft, melting way in which she could flow into a fellow, as if she melted into his very bones, was something rare and good. He fully appreciated this.
There was no doubt about it, Annie really liked John Thomas. She felt so fulfilled and warm inside whenever he was around. And John Thomas genuinely liked Annie, more than usual. The soft, melting way she could connect with someone, as if she blended into his very being, was something special and unique. He truly appreciated it.
But with a developing acquaintance there began a developing intimacy. Annie wanted to consider him a person, a man; she wanted to take an intelligent interest in him, and to have an intelligent response. She did not want a mere nocturnal presence, which was what he was so far. And she prided herself that he could not leave her.
But as their friendship grew, so did their closeness. Annie wanted to see him as a person, a real man; she wanted to take a genuine interest in him and have him respond thoughtfully. She didn't want just a shadowy figure who only showed up at night, which was all he had been up until now. And she took pride in the fact that he couldn't walk away from her.
Here she made a mistake. John Thomas intended to remain a nocturnal presence; he had no idea of becoming an all-round individual to her. When she started to take an intelligent interest in him and his life and his character, he sheered off. He hated intelligent interest. And he knew that the only way to stop it was to avoid it. The possessive female was aroused in Annie. So he left her.
Here she made a mistake. John Thomas wanted to keep his nighttime persona; he had no intention of becoming a well-rounded person in her eyes. When she began to show a genuine interest in him, his life, and his character, he pulled away. He couldn't stand genuine interest. He knew the only way to avoid it was to distance himself. The possessive side of Annie kicked in. So, he left her.
It is no use saying she was not surprised. She was at first startled, thrown out of her count. For she had been so very sure of holding him. For a while she was staggered, and everything became uncertain to her. Then she wept with fury, indignation, desolation, and misery. Then she had a spasm of despair. And then, when he came, still impudently, on to her car, still familiar, but letting her see by the movement of his head that he had gone away to somebody else for the time being, and was enjoying pastures new, then she determined to have her own back.
It’s pointless to say she wasn’t surprised. At first, she was taken aback, completely thrown off balance. She had been so very confident she would keep him. For a moment, she was in shock, and everything felt uncertain. Then she cried out in rage, indignation, hopelessness, and sadness. After that, she had a wave of despair. And when he came back, still brazenly stepping onto her car, still acting familiar, but letting her see by the tilt of his head that he had temporarily moved on to someone else and was enjoying new experiences, she decided to get revenge.
She had a very shrewd idea what girls John Thomas had taken out. She went to Nora Purdy. Nora was a tall, rather pale, but well-built girl, with beautiful yellow hair. She was rather secretive.
She had a pretty good idea of which girls John Thomas had gone out with. She went to see Nora Purdy. Nora was a tall, somewhat pale, but well-built girl with beautiful blonde hair. She was a bit secretive.
“Hey!” said Annie, accosting her; then softly, “Who’s John Thomas on with now?”
“Hey!” Annie called out to her, then quietly asked, “Who’s John Thomas with now?”
“I don’t know,” said Nora.
“I don't know,” Nora said.
“Why tha does,” said Annie, ironically lapsing into dialect. “Tha knows as well as I do.”
“Why you do that,” said Annie, ironically slipping into dialect. “You know as well as I do.”
“Well, I do, then,” said Nora. “It isn’t me, so don’t bother.”
“Well, I do, then,” said Nora. “It’s not me, so don’t waste your time.”
“It’s Cissy Meakin, isn’t it?”
"It's Cissy Meakin, right?"
“It is, for all I know.”
“It is, as far as I know.”
“Hasn’t he got a face on him!” said Annie. “I don’t half like his cheek. I could knock him off the foot-board when he comes round at me.”
“Doesn’t he have a face!” said Annie. “I really don’t like his attitude. I could knock him off the footboard when he comes at me.”
“He’ll get dropped-on one of these days,” said Nora.
“He’ll get dropped one of these days,” Nora said.
“Ay, he will, when somebody makes up their mind to drop it on him. I should like to see him taken down a peg or two, shouldn’t you?”
“Yeah, he will, when someone decides to throw it at him. I’d love to see him get knocked down a notch or two, wouldn’t you?”
“I shouldn’t mind,” said Nora.
"I don’t mind," said Nora.
“You’ve got quite as much cause to as I have,” said Annie. “But we’ll drop on him one of these days, my girl. What? Don’t you want to?”
“You’ve got just as much reason to as I do,” Annie said. “But we’ll catch up with him one of these days, my girl. What? Don’t you want to?”
“I don’t mind,” said Nora.
"I don't mind," Nora said.
But as a matter of fact, Nora was much more vindictive than Annie.
But in reality, Nora was much more vengeful than Annie.
One by one Annie went the round of the old flames. It so happened that Cissy Meakin left the tramway service in quite a short time. Her mother made her leave. Then John Thomas was on the qui-vive. He cast his eyes over his old flock. And his eyes lighted on Annie. He thought she would be safe now. Besides, he liked her.
One by one, Annie visited her old flames. It just so happened that Cissy Meakin left the tramway service pretty quickly. Her mother made her quit. Then John Thomas was on the lookout. He scanned his old connections and his eyes landed on Annie. He thought she would be safe now. Plus, he liked her.
She arranged to walk home with him on Sunday night. It so happened that her car would be in the depôt at half past nine: the last car would come in at 10.15. So John Thomas was to wait for her there.
She planned to walk home with him on Sunday night. It just so happened that her car would be at the depot at 9:30 PM: the last car would arrive at 10:15 PM. So, John Thomas was supposed to wait for her there.
At the depôt the girls had a little waiting-room of their own. It was quite rough, but cosy, with a fire and an oven and a mirror, and table and wooden chairs. The half dozen girls who knew John Thomas only too well had arranged to take service this Sunday afternoon. So, as the cars began to come in, early, the girls dropped into the waiting-room. And instead of hurrying off home, they sat around the fire and had a cup of tea. Outside was the darkness and lawlessness of war-time.
At the depot, the girls had their own little waiting room. It was a bit rough around the edges, but cozy, with a fire, an oven, a mirror, a table, and wooden chairs. The half dozen girls who knew John Thomas all too well had planned to work that Sunday afternoon. So, as the cars started arriving early, the girls settled into the waiting room. Instead of rushing home, they gathered around the fire and enjoyed a cup of tea. Outside was the darkness and chaos of wartime.
John Thomas came on the car after Annie, at about a quarter to ten. He poked his head easily into the girls’ waiting-room.
John Thomas arrived in the car after Annie, around a quarter to ten. He casually peeked into the girls' waiting room.
“Prayer-meeting?” he asked.
"Prayer meeting?" he asked.
“Ay,” said Laura Sharp. “Ladies only.”
“Ay,” said Laura Sharp. “Ladies only.”
“That’s me!” said John Thomas. It was one of his favourite exclamations.
“That’s me!” said John Thomas. It was one of his favorite exclamations.
“Shut the door, boy,” said Muriel Baggaley.
“Close the door, kid,” said Muriel Baggaley.
“On which side of me?” said John Thomas.
“Which side am I on?” asked John Thomas.
“Which tha likes,” said Polly Birkin.
“Which do you like?” said Polly Birkin.
He had come in and closed the door behind him. The girls moved in their circle, to make a place for him near the fire. He took off his great-coat and pushed back his hat.
He came in and shut the door behind him. The girls shifted in their circle to make space for him by the fire. He removed his coat and pulled back his hat.
“Who handles the teapot?” he said.
“Who’s in charge of the teapot?” he said.
Nora Purdy silently poured him out a cup of tea.
Nora Purdy quietly poured him a cup of tea.
“Want a bit o’ my bread and drippin’?” said Muriel Baggaley to him.
“Do you want some of my bread and dripping?” Muriel Baggaley asked him.
“Ay, give us a bit.”
"Hey, give us a bit."
And he began to eat his piece of bread.
And he started to eat his piece of bread.
“There’s no place like home, girls,” he said.
“There’s no place like home, girls,” he said.
They all looked at him as he uttered this piece of impudence. He seemed to be sunning himself in the presence of so many damsels.
They all stared at him as he said this bold remark. He appeared to be soaking up the attention from so many ladies.
“Especially if you’re not afraid to go home in the dark,” said Laura Sharp.
“Especially if you’re not scared to go home in the dark,” said Laura Sharp.
“Me! By myself I am.”
“Me! I'm by myself.”
They sat till they heard the last tram come in. In a few minutes Emma Houselay entered.
They sat until they heard the last tram arrive. A few minutes later, Emma Houselay walked in.
“Come on, my old duck!” cried Polly Birkin.
“Come on, my old friend!” yelled Polly Birkin.
“It is perishing,” said Emma, holding her fingers to the fire.
“It is perishing,” Emma said, holding her fingers to the fire.
“But—I’m afraid to, go home in, the dark,” sang Laura Sharp, the tune having got into her mind.
“But—I’m scared to go home in the dark,” sang Laura Sharp, the tune stuck in her head.
“Who’re you going with tonight, John Thomas?” asked Muriel Baggaley, coolly.
“Who are you going with tonight, John Thomas?” asked Muriel Baggaley, casually.
“Tonight?” said John Thomas. “Oh, I’m going home by myself tonight—all on my lonely-O.”
“Tonight?” John Thomas said. “Oh, I’m going home alone tonight—all by myself.”
“That’s me!” said Nora Purdy, using his own ejaculation.
“That’s me!” said Nora Purdy, using his own ejaculation.
The girls laughed shrilly.
The girls laughed loudly.
“Me as well, Nora,” said John Thomas.
“Me too, Nora,” said John Thomas.
“Don’t know what you mean,” said Laura.
“I'm not sure what you mean,” said Laura.
“Yes, I’m toddling,” said he, rising and reaching for his overcoat.
“Yes, I’m walking unsteadily,” he said, getting up and grabbing his overcoat.
“Nay,” said Polly. “We’re all here waiting for you.”
“Nah,” said Polly. “We’re all here waiting for you.”
“We’ve got to be up in good time in the morning,” he said, in the benevolent official manner.
“We need to get up early in the morning,” he said, in a friendly official way.
They all laughed.
They all laughed.
“Nay,” said Muriel. “Don’t leave us all lonely, John Thomas. Take one!”
“Nah,” said Muriel. “Don’t leave us all alone, John Thomas. Take one!”
“I’ll take the lot, if you like,” he responded gallantly.
“I’ll take them all, if you want,” he replied confidently.
“That you won’t either,” said Muriel, “Two’s company; seven’s too much of a good thing.”
“That you won’t either,” Muriel said, “Two's company; seven's way too much of a good thing.”
“Nay—take one,” said Laura. “Fair and square, all above board, and say which.”
“Nah—take one,” said Laura. “Fair and square, completely open, and just say which one.”
“Ay,” cried Annie, speaking for the first time. “Pick, John Thomas; let’s hear thee.”
“Ay,” Annie shouted, speaking for the first time. “Go on, John Thomas; let’s hear you.”
“Nay,” he said. “I’m going home quiet tonight. Feeling good, for once.”
“No,” he said. “I’m going home quietly tonight. Feeling good, for once.”
“Whereabouts?” said Annie. “Take a good un, then. But tha’s got to take one of us!”
“Where are you?” asked Annie. “Go ahead and take a good look, then. But you have to take one of us!”
“Nay, how can I take one,” he said, laughing uneasily. “I don’t want to make enemies.”
“Nah, how can I take one?” he said, laughing awkwardly. “I don’t want to make enemies.”
“You’d only make one,” said Annie.
“You’d only make one,” said Annie.
“The chosen one,” added Laura.
“The chosen one,” added Laura.
“Oh, my! Who said girls!” exclaimed John Thomas, again turning, as if to escape. “Well—good-night.”
“Oh, my! Who said girls?” John Thomas exclaimed, turning again as if to get away. “Well—good night.”
“Nay, you’ve got to make your pick,” said Muriel. “Turn your face to the wall, and say which one touches you. Go on—we shall only just touch your back—one of us. Go on—turn your face to the wall, and don’t look, and say which one touches you.”
“Nah, you have to choose,” Muriel said. “Turn your back to us, and see which one moves you. Go on—we'll just touch your back—one of us. Go on—turn your back to the wall, don’t look, and say which one touches you.”
He was uneasy, mistrusting them. Yet he had not the courage to break away. They pushed him to a wall and stood him there with his face to it. Behind his back they all grimaced, tittering. He looked so comical. He looked around uneasily.
He felt uncomfortable and didn't trust them. But he didn't have the courage to walk away. They backed him against a wall, forcing him to face it. Behind him, they all made faces and snickered. He looked ridiculous. He glanced around nervously.
“Go on!” he cried.
"Go ahead!" he shouted.
“You’re looking—you’re looking!” they shouted.
"You’re looking—you’re looking!" they yelled.
He turned his head away. And suddenly, with a movement like a swift cat, Annie went forward and fetched him a box on the side of the head that sent his cap flying and himself staggering. He started round.
He turned his head away. And suddenly, with a quick movement like a fast cat, Annie moved in and hit him on the side of the head, sending his cap flying and knocking him off balance. He spun around.
But at Annie’s signal they all flew at him, slapping him, pinching him, pulling his hair, though more in fun than in spite or anger. He, however, saw red. His blue eyes flamed with strange fear as well as fury, and he butted through the girls to the door. It was locked. He wrenched at it. Roused, alert, the girls stood round and looked at him. He faced them, at bay. At that moment they were rather horrifying to him, as they stood in their short uniforms. He was distinctly afraid.
But at Annie’s signal, they all rushed at him, slapping, pinching, and pulling his hair, mostly just for fun rather than out of spite or anger. He, however, saw red. His blue eyes burned with a mix of strange fear and fury, and he pushed his way through the girls to the door. It was locked. He yanked at it. Awake and alert, the girls surrounded him and stared. He faced them, cornered. At that moment, they seemed quite terrifying to him, with their short uniforms. He was definitely scared.
“Come on, John Thomas! Come on! Choose!” said Annie.
“Come on, John Thomas! Hurry up! Choose!” said Annie.
“What are you after? Open the door,” he said.
“What do you want? Open the door,” he said.
“We shan’t—not till you’ve chosen!” said Muriel.
“We won’t—not until you’ve made your choice!” said Muriel.
“Chosen what?” he said.
"Chosen what?" he asked.
“Chosen the one you’re going to marry,” she replied.
“Have you chosen the one you're going to marry?” she replied.
He hesitated a moment.
He paused for a moment.
“Open the blasted door,” he said, “and get back to your senses.” He spoke with official authority.
“Open the damn door,” he said, “and get a grip.” He spoke with an air of authority.
“You’ve got to choose!” cried the girls.
“You have to choose!” yelled the girls.
“Come on!” cried Annie, looking him in the eye.” Come on! Come on!”
“Come on!” shouted Annie, looking him in the eye. “Come on! Come on!”
He went forward, rather vaguely. She had taken off her belt, and swinging it, she fetched him a sharp blow over the head with the buckle end. He sprang and seized her. But immediately the other girls rushed upon him, pulling and tearing and beating him. Their blood was now thoroughly up. He was their sport now. They were going to have their own back, out of him. Strange, wild creatures, they hung on him and rushed at him to bear him down. His tunic was torn right up the back, Nora had hold at the back of his collar, and was actually strangling him. Luckily the button burst. He struggled in a wild frenzy of fury and terror, almost mad terror. His tunic was simply torn off his back, his shirt-sleeves were torn away, his arms were naked. The girls rushed at him, clenched their hands on him and pulled at him: or they rushed at him and pushed him, butted him with all their might: or they struck him wild blows. He ducked and cringed and struck sideways. They became more intense.
He moved forward, feeling a bit lost. She took off her belt and swung it, landing a sharp hit on his head with the buckle. He jumped and grabbed her. But right away, the other girls jumped on him, pulling, tearing, and hitting him. They were really fired up now. He was their target. They were getting back at him. Wild and fierce, they clung to him and charged at him to take him down. His tunic was ripped all the way down the back, and Nora was gripping the back of his collar, actually choking him. Luckily, the button popped off. He fought back in a crazy mix of rage and fear, nearly losing it. His tunic was completely torn from his back, his shirt sleeves were ripped off, and his arms were bare. The girls rushed at him, grabbing and pulling him, or they charged at him, pushing and butting him with all their strength, or they threw wild punches at him. He ducked, flinched, and swung back. They only became more aggressive.
At last he was down. They rushed on him, kneeling on him. He had neither breath nor strength to move. His face was bleeding with a long scratch, his brow was bruised.
At last he was down. They rushed at him, kneeling on him. He had no breath or strength to move. His face was bleeding from a long scratch, and his brow was bruised.
Annie knelt on him, the other girls knelt and hung on to him. Their faces were flushed, their hair wild, their eyes were all glittering strangely. He lay at last quite still, with face averted, as an animal lies when it is defeated and at the mercy of the captor. Sometimes his eye glanced back at the wild faces of the girls. His breast rose heavily, his wrists were torn.
Annie knelt on him, and the other girls knelt and held on to him. Their faces were flushed, their hair messy, and their eyes sparkled in a strange way. He lay still at last, turning his face away, like an animal that’s been defeated and is at the mercy of its captor. Sometimes his gaze flicked back to the wild faces of the girls. His chest rose heavily, and his wrists were bruised.
“Now, then, my fellow!” gasped Annie at length. “Now then—now—”
“Okay, my friend!” Annie finally exclaimed. “Alright—now—”
At the sound of her terrifying, cold triumph, he suddenly started to struggle as an animal might, but the girls threw themselves upon him with unnatural strength and power, forcing him down.
At the sound of her chilling, fierce triumph, he suddenly began to fight as an animal might, but the girls jumped on him with unnatural strength and power, pushing him down.
“Yes—now, then!” gasped Annie at length.
“Yeah—so, what now?” Annie finally said, breathless.
And there was a dead silence, in which the thud of heart-beating was to be heard. It was a suspense of pure silence in every soul.
And there was complete silence, where you could hear the pounding of heartbeats. It was a tense stillness felt in every soul.
“Now you know where you are,” said Annie.
“Now you know where you are,” Annie said.
The sight of his white, bare arm maddened the girls. He lay in a kind of trance of fear and antagonism. They felt themselves filled with supernatural strength.
The sight of his bare white arm drove the girls wild. He lay there in a daze of fear and hostility. They felt an incredible surge of strength.
Suddenly Polly started to laugh—to giggle wildly—helplessly—and Emma and Muriel joined in. But Annie and Nora and Laura remained the same, tense, watchful, with gleaming eyes. He winced away from these eyes.
Suddenly, Polly burst out laughing—giggling uncontrollably—helplessly—and Emma and Muriel joined in. But Annie, Nora, and Laura stayed the same, tense and watchful, with shining eyes. He flinched away from those eyes.
“Yes,” said Annie, in a curious low tone, secret and deadly. “Yes! You’ve got it now! You know what you’ve done, don’t you? You know what you’ve done.”
“Yes,” said Annie, in a low, curious tone, secretive and intense. “Yes! You understand now! You realize what you’ve done, don’t you? You know what you’ve done.”
He made no sound nor sign, but lay with bright, averted eyes, and averted, bleeding face.
He didn’t make a sound or any sign, just lay there with bright, turned-away eyes and a bleeding face.
“You ought to be killed, that’s what you ought,” said Annie, tensely. “You ought to be killed.” And there was a terrifying lust in her voice.
“You should be killed, that’s what you should,” said Annie, tensely. “You should be killed.” And there was a frightening excitement in her voice.
Polly was ceasing to laugh, and giving long-drawn Oh-h-hs and sighs as she came to herself.
Polly was stopping her laughter and letting out long Oh-h-hs and sighs as she regained her composure.
“He’s got to choose,” she said vaguely.
“He has to decide,” she said vaguely.
“Oh, yes, he has,” said Laura, with vindictive decision.
“Oh, yes, he has,” Laura said, with a vengeful certainty.
“Do you hear—do you hear?” said Annie. And with a sharp movement, that made him wince, she turned his face to her.
“Do you hear—do you hear?” Annie asked. With a quick movement that made him flinch, she turned his face to hers.
“Do you hear?” she repeated, shaking him.
“Do you hear?” she said again, shaking him.
But he was quite dumb. She fetched him a sharp slap on the face. He started, and his eyes widened. Then his face darkened with defiance, after all.
But he was really clueless. She gave him a sharp slap across the face. He flinched, and his eyes widened. Then his expression turned dark with defiance, after all.
“Do you hear?” she repeated.
"Do you hear me?" she repeated.
He only looked at her with hostile eyes.
He just looked at her with hostile eyes.
“Speak!” she said, putting her face devilishly near his.
“Speak!” she said, leaning in close to his face.
“What?” he said, almost overcome.
“What?” he said, nearly overwhelmed.
“You’ve got to choose!” she cried, as if it were some terrible menace, and as if it hurt her that she could not exact more.
“You’ve got to decide!” she exclaimed, as if it were some terrible threat, and as if it pained her that she couldn’t demand more.
“What?” he said, in fear.
“What?” he said, nervously.
“Choose your girl, Coddy. You’ve got to choose her now. And you’ll get your neck broken if you play any more of your tricks, my boy. You’re settled now.”
“Choose your girl, Coddy. You need to decide right now. And you’ll end up in serious trouble if you keep pulling any more of your stunts, my boy. You’re locked in now.”
There was a pause. Again he averted his face. He was cunning in his overthrow. He did not give in to them really—no, not if they tore him to bits.
There was a pause. Again he turned away. He was clever in his downfall. He really didn't give in to them—no, not even if they ripped him apart.
“All right, then,” he said, “I choose Annie.” His voice was strange and full of malice. Annie let go of him as if he had been a hot coal.
"Okay, then," he said, "I choose Annie." His voice sounded weird and full of anger. Annie released him as if he had been a hot coal.
“He’s chosen Annie!” said the girls in chorus.
“He's picked Annie!” said the girls together.
“Me!” cried Annie. She was still kneeling, but away from him. He was still lying prostrate, with averted face. The girls grouped uneasily around.
“Me!” shouted Annie. She was still kneeling, but away from him. He remained lying flat on his stomach, with his face turned away. The girls gathered awkwardly around.
“Me!” repeated Annie, with a terrible bitter accent.
“Me!” Annie repeated, her tone filled with terrible bitterness.
Then she got up, drawing away from him with strange disgust and bitterness.
Then she stood up, pulling away from him with a strange sense of disgust and bitterness.
“I wouldn’t touch him,” she said.
“I wouldn’t touch him,” she said.
But her face quivered with a kind of agony, she seemed as if she would fall. The other girls turned aside. He remained lying on the floor, with his torn clothes and bleeding, averted face.
But her face shook with a kind of pain; she looked like she was about to collapse. The other girls looked away. He stayed lying on the floor, with his ripped clothes and bleeding, turned-away face.
“Oh, if he’s chosen—” said Polly.
“Oh, if he’s been picked—” said Polly.
“I don’t want him—he can choose again,” said Annie, with the same rather bitter hopelessness.
“I don’t want him—he can pick someone else,” said Annie, with the same kind of bitter hopelessness.
“Get up,” said Polly, lifting his shoulder. “Get up.”
“Get up,” said Polly, shaking his shoulder. “Get up.”
He rose slowly, a strange, ragged, dazed creature. The girls eyed him from a distance, curiously, furtively, dangerously.
He got up slowly, looking like a strange, messy, disoriented figure. The girls watched him from afar, curious, sneaky, and a bit threatening.
“Who wants him?” cried Laura, roughly.
“Who wants him?” Laura shouted harshly.
“Nobody,” they answered, with contempt. Yet each one of them waited for him to look at her, hoped he would look at her. All except Annie, and something was broken in her.
“Nobody,” they replied, full of disdain. Yet each of them waited for him to glance at her, hoping he would notice her. All except Annie, and something inside her felt shattered.
He, however, kept his face closed and averted from them all. There was a silence of the end. He picked up the torn pieces of his tunic, without knowing what to do with them. The girls stood about uneasily, flushed, panting, tidying their hair and their dress unconsciously, and watching him. He looked at none of them. He espied his cap in a corner, and went and picked it up. He put it on his head, and one of the girls burst into a shrill, hysteric laugh at the sight he presented. He, however, took no heed, but went straight to where his overcoat hung on a peg. The girls moved away from contact with him as if he had been an electric wire. He put on his coat and buttoned it down. Then he rolled his tunic-rags into a bundle, and stood before the locked door, dumbly.
He kept his face to himself and turned away from everyone. There was an awkward silence. He picked up the torn pieces of his shirt, not sure what to do with them. The girls stood around nervously, blushing, breathing heavily, and unconsciously fixing their hair and clothes while watching him. He didn’t look at any of them. He spotted his cap in a corner and went to grab it. He put it on his head, and one of the girls let out a sharp, hysterical laugh at how he looked. He ignored her and walked straight to where his coat was hanging. The girls stepped back from him as if he were an electric wire. He put on his coat and buttoned it up. Then he rolled his shirt rags into a bundle and stood silently in front of the locked door.
“Open the door, somebody,” said Laura.
“Open the door, someone,” said Laura.
“Annie’s got the key,” said one.
“Annie has the key,” said one.
Annie silently offered the key to the girls. Nora unlocked the door.
Annie quietly handed the key to the girls. Nora opened the door.
“Tit for tat, old man,” she said. “Show yourself a man, and don’t bear a grudge.”
“Tit for tat, old man,” she said. “Be a man, and let go of your grudge.”
But without a word or sign he had opened the door and gone, his face closed, his head dropped.
But without saying a word or giving any sign, he opened the door and left, his face expressionless, his head down.
“That’ll learn him,” said Laura.
“That'll teach him,” said Laura.
“Coddy!” said Nora.
“Coddy!” Nora exclaimed.
“Shut up, for God’s sake!” cried Annie fiercely, as if in torture.
“Shut up, for God’s sake!” Annie shouted fiercely, as if she were in pain.
“Well, I’m about ready to go, Polly. Look sharp!” said Muriel.
“Well, I’m about ready to go, Polly. Look alive!” said Muriel.
The girls were all anxious to be off. They were tidying themselves hurriedly, with mute, stupefied faces.
The girls were all eager to leave. They were quickly fixing themselves up, with silent, dazed expressions.
THE BLIND MAN
Isabel Pervin was listening for two sounds—for the sound of wheels on the drive outside and for the noise of her husband’s footsteps in the hall. Her dearest and oldest friend, a man who seemed almost indispensable to her living, would drive up in the rainy dusk of the closing November day. The trap had gone to fetch him from the station. And her husband, who had been blinded in Flanders, and who had a disfiguring mark on his brow, would be coming in from the outhouses.
Isabel Pervin was listening for two sounds— the sound of wheels on the driveway outside and her husband’s footsteps in the hallway. Her closest and oldest friend, a man who felt almost essential to her life, would be arriving in the rainy twilight of the last November day. The carriage had gone to pick him up from the station. And her husband, who had been blinded in Flanders and had a noticeable scar on his forehead, would be coming in from the outbuildings.
He had been home for a year now. He was totally blind. Yet they had been very happy. The Grange was Maurice’s own place. The back was a farmstead, and the Wernhams, who occupied the rear premises, acted as farmers. Isabel lived with her husband in the handsome rooms in front. She and he had been almost entirely alone together since he was wounded. They talked and sang and read together in a wonderful and unspeakable intimacy. Then she reviewed books for a Scottish newspaper, carrying on her old interest, and he occupied himself a good deal with the farm. Sightless, he could still discuss everything with Wernham, and he could also do a good deal of work about the place—menial work, it is true, but it gave him satisfaction. He milked the cows, carried in the pails, turned the separator, attended to the pigs and horses. Life was still very full and strangely serene for the blind man, peaceful with the almost incomprehensible peace of immediate contact in darkness. With his wife he had a whole world, rich and real and invisible.
He had been home for a year now. He was completely blind. Yet they had been very happy. The Grange was Maurice’s own place. The back was a farmstead, and the Wernhams, who lived in the back, acted as the farmers. Isabel lived with her husband in the beautiful rooms in front. They had been almost entirely alone together since he was wounded. They talked, sang, and read together in a wonderful and deep intimacy. She then reviewed books for a Scottish newspaper, continuing her old passion, and he spent a lot of time working on the farm. Even without sight, he could still have discussions with Wernham about everything, and he could also do quite a bit of work around the place—menial tasks, it’s true, but they gave him satisfaction. He milked the cows, carried in the pails, operated the separator, and took care of the pigs and horses. Life was still very rich and strangely calm for the blind man, peaceful with the almost incomprehensible tranquility of direct contact in the darkness. With his wife, he had a whole world, abundant and real and invisible.
They were newly and remotely happy. He did not even regret the loss of his sight in these times of dark, palpable joy. A certain exultance swelled his soul.
They were newly and distantly happy. He didn't even regret losing his sight in these moments of deep, tangible joy. A sense of exhilaration filled his soul.
But as time wore on, sometimes the rich glamour would leave them. Sometimes, after months of this intensity, a sense of burden overcame Isabel, a weariness, a terrible ennui, in that silent house approached between a colonnade of tall-shafted pines. Then she felt she would go mad, for she could not bear it. And sometimes he had devastating fits of depression, which seemed to lay waste his whole being. It was worse than depression—a black misery, when his own life was a torture to him, and when his presence was unbearable to his wife. The dread went down to the roots of her soul as these black days recurred. In a kind of panic she tried to wrap herself up still further in her husband. She forced the old spontaneous cheerfulness and joy to continue. But the effort it cost her was almost too much. She knew she could not keep it up. She felt she would scream with the strain, and would give anything, anything, to escape. She longed to possess her husband utterly; it gave her inordinate joy to have him entirely to herself. And yet, when again he was gone in a black and massive misery, she could not bear him, she could not bear herself; she wished she could be snatched away off the earth altogether, anything rather than live at this cost.
But as time went on, the rich glamour sometimes faded away. After months of this intensity, Isabel would often feel a weight over her, a weariness, a terrible ennui, in that quiet house surrounded by tall pine trees. Then she felt like she might go crazy because she couldn't handle it. And sometimes he would have devastating bouts of depression that seemed to destroy his entire being. It was worse than just being down; it was a deep misery when his own life felt torturous, and his presence became unbearable for her. The dread sank deep into her soul as these dark days kept coming back. In a sort of panic, she tried to cling to her husband even more. She forced herself to keep up the old spontaneous cheerfulness and joy. But the effort was almost too much for her. She knew she couldn't maintain it. She felt like she would scream from the pressure and would give anything, anything, to escape. She desperately wanted to have her husband completely to herself; it brought her immense joy to have him all to herself. And yet, when he sank again into a deep and heavy misery, she could hardly stand him or herself; she wished she could just be taken away from the earth entirely, anything other than living at this cost.
Dazed, she schemed for a way out. She invited friends, she tried to give him some further connexion with the outer world. But it was no good. After all their joy and suffering, after their dark, great year of blindness and solitude and unspeakable nearness, other people seemed to them both shallow, prattling, rather impertinent. Shallow prattle seemed presumptuous. He became impatient and irritated, she was wearied. And so they lapsed into their solitude again. For they preferred it.
Dazed, she thought of a way to escape. She invited friends and tried to give him a little connection to the outside world. But it didn't help. After all their joy and pain, after their long, tough year of isolation and intense closeness, other people felt shallow, chatty, and a bit rude to them both. Their superficial chatter seemed arrogant. He grew impatient and annoyed, while she felt exhausted. So they drifted back into their solitude. They preferred it.
But now, in a few weeks’ time, her second baby would be born. The first had died, an infant, when her husband first went out to France. She looked with joy and relief to the coming of the second. It would be her salvation. But also she felt some anxiety. She was thirty years old, her husband was a year younger. They both wanted the child very much. Yet she could not help feeling afraid. She had her husband on her hands, a terrible joy to her, and a terrifying burden. The child would occupy her love and attention. And then, what of Maurice? What would he do? If only she could feel that he, too, would be at peace and happy when the child came! She did so want to luxuriate in a rich, physical satisfaction of maternity. But the man, what would he do? How could she provide for him, how avert those shattering black moods of his, which destroyed them both?
But now, in just a few weeks, her second baby would be born. The first had died as an infant when her husband first went to France. She felt joy and relief about the arrival of the second. It would be her salvation. But she also felt some anxiety. She was thirty, and her husband was a year younger. They both wanted this child very much. Yet, she couldn't shake the fear. She had her husband, a source of immense joy for her, but also a heavy burden. The child would take up her love and attention. And what about Maurice? What would he do? If only she could feel that he would also be at peace and happy when the child arrived! She longed to indulge in the deep, physical satisfaction of being a mother. But what about the man? How could she take care of him and prevent those crushing dark moods of his that harmed them both?
She sighed with fear. But at this time Bertie Reid wrote to Isabel. He was her old friend, a second or third cousin, a Scotchman, as she was a Scotchwoman. They had been brought up near to one another, and all her life he had been her friend, like a brother, but better than her own brothers. She loved him—though not in the marrying sense. There was a sort of kinship between them, an affinity. They understood one another instinctively. But Isabel would never have thought of marrying Bertie. It would have seemed like marrying in her own family.
She sighed in fear. But at that moment, Bertie Reid wrote to Isabel. He was her old friend, a second or third cousin, a Scotsman, just like she was a Scot. They had grown up close to each other, and throughout her life, he had been her friend, almost like a brother, but better than her own brothers. She loved him—though not in a romantic way. There was a kind of kinship between them, a connection. They understood each other instinctively. But Isabel would never have considered marrying Bertie. It would have felt like marrying a member of her own family.
Bertie was a barrister and a man of letters, a Scotchman of the intellectual type, quick, ironical, sentimental, and on his knees before the woman he adored but did not want to marry. Maurice Pervin was different. He came of a good old country family—the Grange was not a very great distance from Oxford. He was passionate, sensitive, perhaps over-sensitive, wincing—a big fellow with heavy limbs and a forehead that flushed painfully. For his mind was slow, as if drugged by the strong provincial blood that beat in his veins. He was very sensitive to his own mental slowness, his feelings being quick and acute. So that he was just the opposite to Bertie, whose mind was much quicker than his emotions, which were not so very fine.
Bertie was a lawyer and a man of letters, a Scottish intellectual, quick-witted, ironic, sentimental, and on his knees before the woman he adored but didn’t want to marry. Maurice Pervin was different. He came from a good old countryside family—the Grange wasn’t too far from Oxford. He was passionate, sensitive, maybe too sensitive, wincing—a big guy with heavy limbs and a forehead that flushed painfully. His mind was slow, as if dulled by the strong provincial blood that ran through him. He was very aware of his own mental slowness, while his feelings were quick and sharp. So he was the complete opposite of Bertie, whose mind worked much faster than his emotions, which weren’t very refined.
From the first the two men did not like each other. Isabel felt that they ought to get on together. But they did not. She felt that if only each could have the clue to the other there would be such a rare understanding between them. It did not come off, however. Bertie adopted a slightly ironical attitude, very offensive to Maurice, who returned the Scotch irony with English resentment, a resentment which deepened sometimes into stupid hatred.
From the start, the two men didn’t like each other. Isabel thought that they should get along. But they didn’t. She believed that if only each of them could understand the other, there would be a unique connection between them. However, that didn’t happen. Bertie took on a somewhat sarcastic attitude, which really annoyed Maurice, who responded to the Scottish sarcasm with English bitterness, a bitterness that sometimes escalated into a foolish hatred.
This was a little puzzling to Isabel. However, she accepted it in the course of things. Men were made freakish and unreasonable. Therefore, when Maurice was going out to France for the second time, she felt that, for her husband’s sake, she must discontinue her friendship with Bertie. She wrote to the barrister to this effect. Bertram Reid simply replied that in this, as in all other matters, he must obey her wishes, if these were indeed her wishes.
This was a bit confusing for Isabel. Still, she accepted it as part of life. Men could be strange and irrational. So, when Maurice was heading to France for the second time, she felt she needed to end her friendship with Bertie for her husband’s sake. She wrote to the lawyer to let him know. Bertram Reid simply responded that, in this matter and all others, he would respect her wishes if that was what she truly wanted.
For nearly two years nothing had passed between the two friends. Isabel rather gloried in the fact; she had no compunction. She had one great article of faith, which was, that husband and wife should be so important to one another, that the rest of the world simply did not count. She and Maurice were husband and wife. They loved one another. They would have children. Then let everybody and everything else fade into insignificance outside this connubial felicity. She professed herself quite happy and ready to receive Maurice’s friends. She was happy and ready: the happy wife, the ready woman in possession. Without knowing why, the friends retired abashed and came no more. Maurice, of course, took as much satisfaction in this connubial absorption as Isabel did.
For almost two years, nothing had happened between the two friends. Isabel took pride in this; she felt no guilt. She had one strong belief: that a husband and wife should be so significant to each other that the rest of the world didn’t matter. She and Maurice were husband and wife. They loved each other. They would have kids. So, let everyone and everything else fade into the background of this marital happiness. She declared herself quite happy and ready to welcome Maurice’s friends. She was happy and prepared: the joyful wife, the willing woman in her role. For reasons unknown, the friends felt awkward and stopped coming around. Maurice, of course, took just as much pleasure in this marital focus as Isabel did.
He shared in Isabel’s literary activities, she cultivated a real interest in agriculture and cattle-raising. For she, being at heart perhaps an emotional enthusiast, always cultivated the practical side of life, and prided herself on her mastery of practical affairs. Thus the husband and wife had spent the five years of their married life. The last had been one of blindness and unspeakable intimacy. And now Isabel felt a great indifference coming over her, a sort of lethargy. She wanted to be allowed to bear her child in peace, to nod by the fire and drift vaguely, physically, from day to day. Maurice was like an ominous thunder-cloud. She had to keep waking up to remember him.
He participated in Isabel's literary activities, and she developed a genuine interest in farming and raising cattle. Deep down, she was perhaps an emotional enthusiast, but she always focused on the practical side of life and took pride in her skills with real-world matters. So, the husband and wife spent their five years of marriage this way. The last year had been filled with blindness and an indescribable closeness. Now, Isabel felt a wave of indifference washing over her, a kind of lethargy. She wanted the chance to have her child in peace, to relax by the fire and drift aimlessly, day by day. Maurice loomed over her like a dark thundercloud. She constantly had to wake up just to remember he was there.
When a little note came from Bertie, asking if he were to put up a tombstone to their dead friendship, and speaking of the real pain he felt on account of her husband’s loss of sight, she felt a pang, a fluttering agitation of re-awakening. And she read the letter to Maurice.
When a brief note arrived from Bertie, asking if he should put up a tombstone for their dead friendship and mentioning the real pain he felt over her husband's loss of sight, she felt a jolt, a nervous excitement of reawakening. And she read the letter to Maurice.
“Ask him to come down,” he said.
“Tell him to come down,” he said.
“Ask Bertie to come here!” she re-echoed.
“Ask Bertie to come here!” she repeated.
“Yes—if he wants to.”
"Yes—if that's what he wants."
Isabel paused for a few moments.
Isabel took a moment to pause.
“I know he wants to—he’d only be too glad,” she replied. “But what about you, Maurice? How would you like it?”
“I know he wants to—he’d be more than happy,” she replied. “But what about you, Maurice? How do you feel about it?”
“I should like it.”
"I would like it."
“Well—in that case—— But I thought you didn’t care for him—”
“Well—in that case—— But I thought you didn’t like him—”
“Oh, I don’t know. I might think differently of him now,” the blind man replied. It was rather abstruse to Isabel.
“Oh, I don’t know. I might feel differently about him now,” the blind man replied. It was pretty unclear to Isabel.
“Well, dear,” she said, “if you’re quite sure—”
“Well, dear,” she said, “if you’re really sure—”
“I’m sure enough. Let him come,” said Maurice.
“I’m sure about it. Let him come,” said Maurice.
So Bertie was coming, coming this evening, in the November rain and darkness. Isabel was agitated, racked with her old restlessness and indecision. She had always suffered from this pain of doubt, just an agonizing sense of uncertainty. It had begun to pass off, in the lethargy of maternity. Now it returned, and she resented it. She struggled as usual to maintain her calm, composed, friendly bearing, a sort of mask she wore over all her body.
So Bertie was on his way, arriving this evening in the November rain and darkness. Isabel was anxious, troubled by her familiar restlessness and indecision. She had always dealt with this pain of doubt, just an excruciating feeling of uncertainty. It had started to fade away during the fatigue of motherhood. Now it was back, and she was annoyed by it. She fought, as usual, to keep her calm, composed, friendly demeanor, a kind of mask she wore over her entire self.
A woman had lighted a tall lamp beside the table, and spread the cloth. The long dining-room was dim, with its elegant but rather severe pieces of old furniture. Only the round table glowed softly under the light. It had a rich, beautiful effect. The white cloth glistened and dropped its heavy, pointed lace corners almost to the carpet, the china was old and handsome, creamy-yellow, with a blotched pattern of harsh red and deep blue, the cups large and bell-shaped, the teapot gallant. Isabel looked at it with superficial appreciation.
A woman had turned on a tall lamp next to the table and laid out the cloth. The long dining room was dim, featuring elegant but rather stark pieces of old furniture. Only the round table shimmered softly in the light. It created a rich, beautiful ambiance. The white cloth sparkled, with its heavy, pointed lace corners nearly touching the carpet. The china was old and beautiful, creamy-yellow with a splotchy pattern of bold red and deep blue, the cups large and bell-shaped, and the teapot elegant. Isabel looked at it with a casual appreciation.
Her nerves were hurting her. She looked automatically again at the high, uncurtained windows. In the last dusk she could just perceive outside a huge fir-tree swaying its boughs: it was as if she thought it rather than saw it. The rain came flying on the window panes. Ah, why had she no peace? These two men, why did they tear at her? Why did they not come—why was there this suspense?
Her nerves were frayed. She glanced again at the tall, bare windows. In the fading light, she could barely make out a huge fir tree swaying outside; it felt more like a thought than something she actually saw. Rain lashed against the window panes. Why couldn't she find any peace? These two men, why were they tormenting her? Why weren't they here—why was there this tension?
She sat in a lassitude that was really suspense and irritation. Maurice, at least, might come in—there was nothing to keep him out. She rose to her feet. Catching sight of her reflection in a mirror, she glanced at herself with a slight smile of recognition, as if she were an old friend to herself. Her face was oval and calm, her nose a little arched. Her neck made a beautiful line down to her shoulder. With hair knotted loosely behind, she had something of a warm, maternal look. Thinking this of herself, she arched her eyebrows and her rather heavy eyelids, with a little flicker of a smile, and for a moment her grey eyes looked amused and wicked, a little sardonic, out of her transfigured Madonna face.
She sat in a state of boredom that was really a mix of suspense and irritation. Maurice could at least come in—there was nothing stopping him. She got up. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she smiled slightly in recognition, as if she were an old friend. Her face was oval and calm, her nose slightly arched. Her neck created a beautiful line down to her shoulder. With her hair loosely tied up, she had a warm, maternal vibe. Thinking this about herself, she raised her eyebrows and her somewhat heavy eyelids, with a flicker of a smile, and for a moment, her grey eyes appeared amused and a bit wicked, a touch sardonic, breaking through her transformed Madonna-like face.
Then, resuming her air of womanly patience—she was really fatally self-determined—she went with a little jerk towards the door. Her eyes were slightly reddened.
Then, putting on her usual air of patient womanliness—she was truly stubbornly self-willed—she moved with a small jerk toward the door. Her eyes were a bit red.
She passed down the wide hall, and through a door at the end. Then she was in the farm premises. The scent of dairy, and of farm-kitchen, and of farm-yard and of leather almost overcame her: but particularly the scent of dairy. They had been scalding out the pans. The flagged passage in front of her was dark, puddled and wet. Light came out from the open kitchen door. She went forward and stood in the doorway. The farm-people were at tea, seated at a little distance from her, round a long, narrow table, in the centre of which stood a white lamp. Ruddy faces, ruddy hands holding food, red mouths working, heads bent over the tea-cups: men, land-girls, boys: it was tea-time, feeding-time. Some faces caught sight of her. Mrs. Wernham, going round behind the chairs with a large black teapot, halting slightly in her walk, was not aware of her for a moment. Then she turned suddenly.
She walked down the wide hall and through a door at the end. Then she was outside on the farm. The smells of dairy, the kitchen, the yard, and leather nearly overwhelmed her, especially the smell of dairy. They had been rinsing out the pans. The stone passage in front of her was dark, puddled, and wet. Light spilled out from the open kitchen door. She moved forward and stood in the doorway. The farm workers were having tea, sitting a little distance from her around a long, narrow table, with a white lamp in the center. Faces flushed, hands holding food, mouths moving, heads bent over tea cups: men, farm girls, boys: it was tea time, feeding time. Some faces noticed her. Mrs. Wernham, moving around behind the chairs with a large black teapot, paused slightly in her walk and didn’t see her for a moment. Then she turned suddenly.
“Oh, is it Madam!” she exclaimed. “Come in, then, come in! We’re at tea.” And she dragged forward a chair.
“Oh, it’s you, Madam!” she exclaimed. “Come in, then, come in! We’re having tea.” And she pulled a chair forward.
“No, I won’t come in,” said Isabel, “I’m afraid I interrupt your meal.”
“No, I won’t come in,” said Isabel, “I’m afraid I’ll interrupt your meal.”
“No—no—not likely, Madam, not likely.”
“No—no—not gonna happen, Madam, not gonna happen.”
“Hasn’t Mr. Pervin come in, do you know?”
“Do you know if Mr. Pervin has come in?”
“I’m sure I couldn’t say! Missed him, have you, Madam?”
“I can’t say for sure! You missed him, did you, Madam?”
“No, I only wanted him to come in,” laughed Isabel, as if shyly.
“No, I just wanted him to come in,” Isabel laughed, a bit shyly.
“Wanted him, did ye? Get you, boy—get up, now—”
“Did you want him? Come on, boy—get up, now—”
Mrs. Wernham knocked one of the boys on the shoulder. He began to scrape to his feet, chewing largely.
Mrs. Wernham tapped one of the boys on the shoulder. He started to get up, chewing loudly.
“I believe he’s in top stable,” said another face from the table.
“I think he’s in the best condition,” said another person at the table.
“Ah! No, don’t get up. I’m going myself,” said Isabel.
“Ah! No, don’t get up. I’ll go myself,” said Isabel.
“Don’t you go out of a dirty night like this. Let the lad go. Get along wi’ ye, boy,” said Mrs. Wernham.
“Don’t go out on a night like this. Let the boy go. Go on, kid,” said Mrs. Wernham.
“No, no,” said Isabel, with a decision that was always obeyed. “Go on with your tea, Tom. I’d like to go across to the stable, Mrs. Wernham.”
“No, no,” said Isabel, with a firmness that everyone always followed. “Go ahead with your tea, Tom. I’d like to go over to the stable, Mrs. Wernham.”
“Did ever you hear tell!” exclaimed the woman.
“Did you ever hear about that!” exclaimed the woman.
“Isn’t the trap late?” asked Isabel.
“Isn’t the trap late?” Isabel asked.
“Why, no,” said Mrs. Wernham, peering into the distance at the tall, dim clock. “No, Madam—we can give it another quarter or twenty minutes yet, good—yes, every bit of a quarter.”
“Why, no,” said Mrs. Wernham, looking off into the distance at the tall, faded clock. “No, ma’am—we can wait another fifteen or twenty minutes for sure—yes, definitely a full quarter.”
“Ah! It seems late when darkness falls so early,” said Isabel.
“Wow! It feels late when it gets dark so early,” said Isabel.
“It do, that it do. Bother the days, that they draw in so,” answered Mrs. Wernham. “Proper miserable!”
“It does, it really does. It’s annoying how the days get shorter,” answered Mrs. Wernham. “So frustrating!”
“They are,” said Isabel, withdrawing.
“They are,” Isabel said, stepping back.
She pulled on her overshoes, wrapped a large tartan shawl around her, put on a man’s felt hat, and ventured out along the causeways of the first yard. It was very dark. The wind was roaring in the great elms behind the outhouses. When she came to the second yard the darkness seemed deeper. She was unsure of her footing. She wished she had brought a lantern. Rain blew against her. Half she liked it, half she felt unwilling to battle.
She put on her overshoes, wrapped a big tartan shawl around her, wore a man's felt hat, and stepped out along the walkways of the first yard. It was really dark. The wind was howling in the large elms behind the outbuildings. When she reached the second yard, the darkness felt even thicker. She was unsure of her footing. She wished she had brought a flashlight. Rain pelted against her. Part of her enjoyed it, but part of her didn't want to fight against it.
She reached at last the just visible door of the stable. There was no sign of a light anywhere. Opening the upper half, she looked in: into a simple well of darkness. The smell of horses, and ammonia, and of warmth was startling to her, in that full night. She listened with all her ears, but could hear nothing save the night, and the stirring of a horse.
She finally got to the barely visible door of the stable. There was no light in sight. As she opened the top half of the door, she peered inside: into a simple pool of darkness. The smells of horses, ammonia, and warmth hit her unexpectedly in the still night. She listened carefully but could only hear the sounds of the night and the rustling of a horse.
“Maurice!” she called, softly and musically, though she was afraid. “Maurice—are you there?”
“Maurice!” she called, softly and sweetly, even though she was scared. “Maurice—are you there?”
Nothing came from the darkness. She knew the rain and wind blew in upon the horses, the hot animal life. Feeling it wrong, she entered the stable, and drew the lower half of the door shut, holding the upper part close. She did not stir, because she was aware of the presence of the dark hindquarters of the horses, though she could not see them, and she was afraid. Something wild stirred in her heart.
Nothing came from the darkness. She knew the rain and wind lashed against the horses, the hot animal life. Sensing it wasn't right, she entered the stable and pulled the lower half of the door shut, keeping the upper part secure. She didn’t move because she could feel the presence of the dark shapes of the horses, even though she couldn't see them, and she was scared. Something wild stirred in her heart.
She listened intensely. Then she heard a small noise in the distance—far away, it seemed—the chink of a pan, and a man’s voice speaking a brief word. It would be Maurice, in the other part of the stable. She stood motionless, waiting for him to come through the partition door. The horses were so terrifyingly near to her, in the invisible.
She listened closely. Then she heard a faint sound in the distance—seemingly far away—the clink of a pan, and a man's voice saying a quick word. It must be Maurice, on the other side of the stable. She stood still, waiting for him to come through the partition door. The horses were alarmingly close to her, in the unseen.
The loud jarring of the inner door-latch made her start; the door was opened. She could hear and feel her husband entering and invisibly passing among the horses near to her, in darkness as they were, actively intermingled. The rather low sound of his voice as he spoke to the horses came velvety to her nerves. How near he was, and how invisible! The darkness seemed to be in a strange swirl of violent life, just upon her. She turned giddy.
The loud clanging of the inner door latch startled her; the door swung open. She could hear and sense her husband coming in, moving among the horses close to her, even though it was dark and they were all mixed together. The soft sound of his voice as he talked to the horses felt soothing to her nerves. He was so close, yet completely unseen! The darkness seemed to swirl around her in an intense, chaotic way. She felt dizzy.
Her presence of mind made her call, quietly and musically:
Her calm demeanor allowed her to call out softly and melodically:
“Maurice! Maurice—dea-ar!”
“Maurice! Maurice—dear!”
“Yes,” he answered. “Isabel?”
“Yes,” he replied. “Isabel?”
She saw nothing, and the sound of his voice seemed to touch her.
She saw nothing, but the sound of his voice felt like it reached her.
“Hello!” she answered cheerfully, straining her eyes to see him. He was still busy, attending to the horses near her, but she saw only darkness. It made her almost desperate.
“Hello!” she replied happily, squinting to see him. He was still occupied, tending to the horses close by, but all she could see was darkness. It was making her feel nearly desperate.
“Won’t you come in, dear?” she said.
“Will you come in, dear?” she asked.
“Yes, I’m coming. Just half a minute. Stand over—now! Trap’s not come, has it?”
“Yes, I’m on my way. Just give me half a minute. Hold on—now! The trap hasn’t arrived yet, has it?”
“Not yet,” said Isabel.
“Not yet,” Isabel replied.
His voice was pleasant and ordinary, but it had a slight suggestion of the stable to her. She wished he would come away. Whilst he was so utterly invisible she was afraid of him.
His voice was nice and average, but it had a hint of the stable to her. She wished he would leave. While he was completely unseen, she felt scared of him.
“How’s the time?” he asked.
"What's the time?" he asked.
“Not yet six,” she replied. She disliked to answer into the dark. Presently he came very near to her, and she retreated out of doors.
“Not yet six,” she replied. She didn't like answering in the dark. Soon he came quite close to her, and she stepped outside.
“The weather blows in here,” he said, coming steadily forward, feeling for the doors. She shrank away. At last she could dimly see him.
“The weather comes in here,” he said, walking steadily forward, searching for the doors. She recoiled. Finally, she could faintly see him.
“Bertie won’t have much of a drive,” he said, as he closed the doors.
“Bertie won't have to drive much,” he said, as he closed the doors.
“He won’t indeed!” said Isabel calmly, watching the dark shape at the door.
“He definitely won't!” said Isabel calmly, watching the dark figure at the door.
“Give me your arm, dear,” she said.
“Give me your arm, darling,” she said.
She pressed his arm close to her, as she went. But she longed to see him, to look at him. She was nervous. He walked erect, with face rather lifted, but with a curious tentative movement of his powerful, muscular legs. She could feel the clever, careful, strong contact of his feet with the earth, as she balanced against him. For a moment he was a tower of darkness to her, as if he rose out of the earth.
She pressed her arm against his as she moved forward. But she really wanted to see him, to look at him. She felt anxious. He walked upright, with his face slightly raised, but his powerful, muscular legs moved with a strange, cautious rhythm. She could sense the smart, deliberate way his feet connected with the ground while she leaned against him. For a moment, he seemed like a tall shadow to her, as if he were emerging from the earth.
In the house-passage he wavered, and went cautiously, with a curious look of silence about him as he felt for the bench. Then he sat down heavily. He was a man with rather sloping shoulders, but with heavy limbs, powerful legs that seemed to know the earth. His head was small, usually carried high and light. As he bent down to unfasten his gaiters and boots he did not look blind. His hair was brown and crisp, his hands were large, reddish, intelligent, the veins stood out in the wrists; and his thighs and knees seemed massive. When he stood up his face and neck were surcharged with blood, the veins stood out on his temples. She did not look at his blindness.
In the hallway, he hesitated and moved carefully, wearing an expression of quiet curiosity as he searched for the bench. Then he sat down heavily. He was a man with slightly sloping shoulders but strong limbs and powerful legs that seemed connected to the earth. His head was small, usually held high and light. As he bent down to untie his gaiters and boots, he didn't appear blind. His hair was brown and crisp, his hands were large, reddish, and intelligent, with prominent veins in his wrists; his thighs and knees looked robust. When he stood up, his face and neck flushed with blood, and the veins were visible on his temples. She chose not to focus on his blindness.
Isabel was always glad when they had passed through the dividing door into their own regions of repose and beauty. She was a little afraid of him, out there in the animal grossness of the back. His bearing also changed, as he smelt the familiar, indefinable odour that pervaded his wife’s surroundings, a delicate, refined scent, very faintly spicy. Perhaps it came from the pot-pourri bowls.
Isabel was always happy when they had gone through the separating door into their own peaceful and beautiful space. She felt a bit uneasy around him, out there in the primal messiness of the back. His demeanor also shifted as he caught the familiar, vague scent that filled his wife's environment, a subtle, refined fragrance that was slightly spicy. Maybe it came from the potpourri bowls.
He stood at the foot of the stairs, arrested, listening. She watched him, and her heart sickened. He seemed to be listening to fate.
He stood at the bottom of the stairs, frozen, listening. She watched him, and her heart sank. He appeared to be hearing what destiny had in store.
“He’s not here yet,” he said. “I’ll go up and change.”
“He's not here yet,” he said. “I’ll go change upstairs.”
“Maurice,” she said, “you’re not wishing he wouldn’t come, are you?”
“Maurice,” she said, “you’re not hoping he won’t come, are you?”
“I couldn’t quite say,” he answered. “I feel myself rather on the qui vive.”
“I can’t really say,” he replied. “I feel like I’m on high alert.”
“I can see you are,” she answered. And she reached up and kissed his cheek. She saw his mouth relax into a slow smile.
“I can see that you are,” she replied. Then she leaned up and kissed his cheek. She noticed his mouth soften into a slow smile.
“What are you laughing at?” she said roguishly.
“What are you laughing at?” she said playfully.
“You consoling me,” he answered.
"You comforting me," he replied.
“Nay,” she answered. “Why should I console you? You know we love each other—you know how married we are! What does anything else matter?”
“Nah,” she replied. “Why should I comfort you? You know we love each other—you know how married we are! What else matters?”
“Nothing at all, my dear.”
"Not a thing, my dear."
He felt for her face, and touched it, smiling.
He reached out for her face, touched it, and smiled.
“You’re all right, aren’t you?” he asked, anxiously.
“Are you okay?” he asked, anxiously.
“I’m wonderfully all right, love,” she answered. “It’s you I am a little troubled about, at times.”
“I’m doing great, sweetheart,” she replied. “It’s you I worry about sometimes.”
“Why me?” he said, touching her cheeks delicately with the tips of his fingers. The touch had an almost hypnotizing effect on her.
“Why me?” he said, gently touching her cheeks with the tips of his fingers. The touch was almost hypnotic for her.
He went away upstairs. She saw him mount into the darkness, unseeing and unchanging. He did not know that the lamps on the upper corridor were unlighted. He went on into the darkness with unchanging step. She heard him in the bathroom.
He went upstairs. She watched him disappear into the darkness, unaware and unchanged. He didn't realize that the lights in the upper hallway were off. He continued into the darkness with the same steady pace. She could hear him in the bathroom.
Pervin moved about almost unconsciously in his familiar surroundings, dark though everything was. He seemed to know the presence of objects before he touched them. It was a pleasure to him to rock thus through a world of things, carried on the flood in a sort of blood-prescience. He did not think much or trouble much. So long as he kept this sheer immediacy of blood-contact with the substantial world he was happy, he wanted no intervention of visual consciousness. In this state there was a certain rich positivity, bordering sometimes on rapture. Life seemed to move in him like a tide lapping, and advancing, enveloping all things darkly. It was a pleasure to stretch forth the hand and meet the unseen object, clasp it, and possess it in pure contact. He did not try to remember, to visualize. He did not want to. The new way of consciousness substituted itself in him.
Pervin moved around almost instinctively in his familiar surroundings, even though everything was dark. He seemed to sense the presence of objects before he even touched them. It was a pleasure for him to drift through this world of things, carried by a kind of intuitive awareness. He didn’t think much or worry too much. As long as he maintained this immediate, physical connection with the tangible world, he was happy; he didn’t want any visual distractions. In this state, there was a rich sense of positivity, sometimes even bordering on bliss. Life felt like a tide moving within him, ebbing and flowing, enveloping everything in darkness. It was enjoyable to reach out his hand, find an unseen object, grasp it, and experience it through pure contact. He didn’t try to remember or visualize. He simply didn’t want to. A new kind of awareness took hold of him.
The rich suffusion of this state generally kept him happy, reaching its culmination in the consuming passion for his wife. But at times the flow would seem to be checked and thrown back. Then it would beat inside him like a tangled sea, and he was tortured in the shattered chaos of his own blood. He grew to dread this arrest, this throw-back, this chaos inside himself, when he seemed merely at the mercy of his own powerful and conflicting elements. How to get some measure of control or surety, this was the question. And when the question rose maddening in him, he would clench his fists as if he would compel the whole universe to submit to him. But it was in vain. He could not even compel himself.
The rich feeling of this state generally kept him happy, peaking in his deep love for his wife. But sometimes that feeling would seem to be blocked and pushed back. Then it would churn inside him like a turbulent sea, and he felt tormented in the shattered chaos of his own being. He started to dread this halt, this regression, this turmoil within himself, when he felt completely at the mercy of his own powerful and conflicting emotions. How to find some control or certainty, that was the question. And when that question became maddening in him, he would clench his fists as if he could force the whole universe to obey him. But it was pointless. He couldn't even force himself.
Tonight, however, he was still serene, though little tremors of unreasonable exasperation ran through him. He had to handle the razor very carefully, as he shaved, for it was not at one with him, he was afraid of it. His hearing also was too much sharpened. He heard the woman lighting the lamps on the corridor, and attending to the fire in the visitor’s room. And then, as he went to his room he heard the trap arrive. Then came Isabel’s voice, lifted and calling, like a bell ringing:
Tonight, though, he was still calm, even though small waves of irrational irritation coursed through him. He had to use the razor very carefully while shaving because he didn’t feel in sync with it; he was scared of it. His hearing was also overly heightened. He could hear the woman lighting the lamps in the hallway and tending to the fire in the guest room. Then, as he walked to his room, he heard the trap arrive. After that, Isabel's voice rang out, clear and calling, like a bell tolling:
“Is it you, Bertie? Have you come?”
“Is that you, Bertie? Did you arrive?”
And a man’s voice answered out of the wind:
And a man's voice responded from the wind:
“Hello, Isabel! There you are.”
“Hey, Isabel! There you are.”
“Have you had a miserable drive? I’m so sorry we couldn’t send a closed carriage. I can’t see you at all, you know.”
“Have you had a terrible drive? I’m really sorry we couldn’t send a private carriage. I can’t see you at all, you know.”
“I’m coming. No, I liked the drive—it was like Perthshire. Well, how are you? You’re looking fit as ever, as far as I can see.”
“I’m on my way. No, I enjoyed the drive—it reminded me of Perthshire. So, how have you been? You look as fit as ever, from what I can tell.”
“Oh, yes,” said Isabel. “I’m wonderfully well. How are you? Rather thin, I think—”
“Oh, yes,” said Isabel. “I’m doing really well. How about you? You look a bit thin, I think—”
“Worked to death—everybody’s old cry. But I’m all right, Ciss. How’s Pervin?—isn’t he here?”
“Worked to death—everyone's old complaint. But I’m good, Ciss. How's Pervin?—isn’t he around?”
“Oh, yes, he’s upstairs changing. Yes, he’s awfully well. Take off your wet things; I’ll send them to be dried.”
“Oh, yes, he’s upstairs getting changed. Yes, he’s doing really well. Take off your wet clothes; I’ll have them dried.”
“And how are you both, in spirits? He doesn’t fret?”
“And how are you both doing? Is he not worried?”
“No—no, not at all. No, on the contrary, really. We’ve been wonderfully happy, incredibly. It’s more than I can understand—so wonderful: the nearness, and the peace—”
“No—no, not at all. No, actually, it’s quite the opposite. We’ve been really happy, truly. It’s more than I can grasp—so amazing: the closeness, and the tranquility—”
“Ah! Well, that’s awfully good news—”
“Ah! Well, that’s really good news—”
They moved away. Pervin heard no more. But a childish sense of desolation had come over him, as he heard their brisk voices. He seemed shut out—like a child that is left out. He was aimless and excluded, he did not know what to do with himself. The helpless desolation came over him. He fumbled nervously as he dressed himself, in a state almost of childishness. He disliked the Scotch accent in Bertie’s speech, and the slight response it found on Isabel’s tongue. He disliked the slight purr of complacency in the Scottish speech. He disliked intensely the glib way in which Isabel spoke of their happiness and nearness. It made him recoil. He was fretful and beside himself like a child, he had almost a childish nostalgia to be included in the life circle. And at the same time he was a man, dark and powerful and infuriated by his own weakness. By some fatal flaw, he could not be by himself, he had to depend on the support of another. And this very dependence enraged him. He hated Bertie Reid, and at the same time he knew the hatred was nonsense, he knew it was the outcome of his own weakness.
They moved away. Pervin heard nothing more. But a childish sense of loneliness washed over him as he listened to their cheerful voices. He felt shut out—like a kid who’s been left behind. He was aimless and excluded, unsure of what to do with himself. The helpless loneliness took over him. He nervously fumbled as he got dressed, almost behaving childishly. He didn’t like Bertie’s Scottish accent and the way it slightly resonated with Isabel. He disliked the soft tone of self-satisfaction in the Scottish speech. He was intensely bothered by how casually Isabel talked about their happiness and closeness. It made him pull back. He felt irritable and out of sorts like a child; he had a naive longing to be included in their circle. Yet he was also a man, dark and strong, and furious with himself for feeling weak. Due to some unfortunate flaw, he couldn’t be alone; he needed to rely on someone else. And this very dependence made him angry. He hated Bertie Reid, but deep down, he knew that the hatred was ridiculous, that it stemmed from his own weakness.
He went downstairs. Isabel was alone in the dining-room. She watched him enter, head erect, his feet tentative. He looked so strong-blooded and healthy, and, at the same time, cancelled. Cancelled—that was the word that flew across her mind. Perhaps it was his scars suggested it.
He went downstairs. Isabel was alone in the dining room. She watched him walk in, head held high, his steps cautious. He looked so vibrant and healthy, and, at the same time, erased. Erased—that was the word that flashed through her mind. Maybe it was his scars that made her think that.
“You heard Bertie come, Maurice?” she said.
“You heard Bertie come, Maurice?” she said.
“Yes—isn’t he here?”
"Yes—isn't he around?"
“He’s in his room. He looks very thin and worn.”
"He's in his room. He looks really thin and exhausted."
“I suppose he works himself to death.”
"I guess he's working himself to death."
A woman came in with a tray—and after a few minutes Bertie came down. He was a little dark man, with a very big forehead, thin, wispy hair, and sad, large eyes. His expression was inordinately sad—almost funny. He had odd, short legs.
A woman walked in with a tray—and after a few minutes, Bertie came down. He was a small, dark-skinned man with a very big forehead, thin, wispy hair, and large, sad eyes. His expression was unusually sad—almost comical. He had strange, short legs.
Isabel watched him hesitate under the door, and glance nervously at her husband. Pervin heard him and turned.
Isabel watched him pause by the door and look nervously at her husband. Pervin heard him and turned.
“Here you are, now,” said Isabel. “Come, let us eat.”
“Here you are, now,” Isabel said. “Come on, let’s eat.”
Bertie went across to Maurice.
Bertie went over to Maurice.
“How are you, Pervin,” he said, as he advanced.
“How are you, Pervin?” he said as he approached.
The blind man stuck his hand out into space, and Bertie took it.
The blind man reached his hand out into the empty air, and Bertie took it.
“Very fit. Glad you’ve come,” said Maurice.
“Really fit. Glad you made it,” said Maurice.
Isabel glanced at them, and glanced away, as if she could not bear to see them.
Isabel looked at them and then looked away, as if she couldn't stand to see them.
“Come,” she said. “Come to table. Aren’t you both awfully hungry? I am, tremendously.”
“Come on,” she said. “Join me at the table. Aren’t you both really hungry? I definitely am.”
“I’m afraid you waited for me,” said Bertie, as they sat down.
“I’m afraid you waited for me,” Bertie said as they sat down.
Maurice had a curious monolithic way of sitting in a chair, erect and distant. Isabel’s heart always beat when she caught sight of him thus.
Maurice had a unique, statue-like way of sitting in a chair—straight and aloof. Isabel's heart always raced when she saw him like that.
“No,” she replied to Bertie. “We’re very little later than usual. We’re having a sort of high tea, not dinner. Do you mind? It gives us such a nice long evening, uninterrupted.”
“No,” she replied to Bertie. “We're just a little later than usual. We're having a kind of high tea, not dinner. Is that okay with you? It gives us such a nice long evening, without interruptions.”
“I like it,” said Bertie.
“I like it,” Bertie said.
Maurice was feeling, with curious little movements, almost like a cat kneading her bed, for his place, his knife and fork, his napkin. He was getting the whole geography of his cover into his consciousness. He sat erect and inscrutable, remote-seeming Bertie watched the static figure of the blind man, the delicate tactile discernment of the large, ruddy hands, and the curious mindless silence of the brow, above the scar. With difficulty he looked away, and without knowing what he did, picked up a little crystal bowl of violets from the table, and held them to his nose.
Maurice was fidgeting, almost like a cat kneading its bed, as he looked for his place, his knife and fork, and his napkin. He was mapping out the entire layout of his area in his mind. Sitting straight and unreadable, Bertie observed the still figure of the blind man, noticing the delicate touch of his large, red hands and the strange, unthinking silence of his brow above the scar. With effort, he forced himself to look away, and without realizing it, he picked up a small crystal bowl of violets from the table and held it to his nose.
“They are sweet-scented,” he said. “Where do they come from?”
“They smell really good,” he said. “Where do they come from?”
“From the garden—under the windows,” said Isabel.
“From the garden—under the windows,” Isabel said.
“So late in the year—and so fragrant! Do you remember the violets under Aunt Bell’s south wall?”
“So late in the year—and so fragrant! Do you remember the violets under Aunt Bell’s south wall?”
The two friends looked at each other and exchanged a smile, Isabel’s eyes lighting up.
The two friends glanced at each other and shared a smile, Isabel's eyes shining brightly.
“Don’t I?” she replied. “Wasn’t she queer!”
“Don’t I?” she replied. “Wasn’t she strange!”
“A curious old girl,” laughed Bertie. “There’s a streak of freakishness in the family, Isabel.”
“A weird old girl,” laughed Bertie. “There’s a touch of oddness in the family, Isabel.”
“Ah—but not in you and me, Bertie,” said Isabel. “Give them to Maurice, will you?” she added, as Bertie was putting down the flowers. “Have you smelled the violets, dear? Do!—they are so scented.”
“Ah—but not between you and me, Bertie,” Isabel said. “Please give them to Maurice, okay?” she added as Bertie was setting down the flowers. “Have you smelled the violets, dear? You should!—they're so fragrant.”
Maurice held out his hand, and Bertie placed the tiny bowl against his large, warm-looking fingers. Maurice’s hand closed over the thin white fingers of the barrister. Bertie carefully extricated himself. Then the two watched the blind man smelling the violets. He bent his head and seemed to be thinking. Isabel waited.
Maurice stretched out his hand, and Bertie set the tiny bowl against his large, warm-looking fingers. Maurice's hand wrapped around the slender white fingers of the barrister. Bertie carefully pulled away. Then they both watched the blind man inhaling the scent of the violets. He leaned down and appeared to be deep in thought. Isabel waited.
“Aren’t they sweet, Maurice?” she said at last, anxiously.
“Aren’t they cute, Maurice?” she finally said, nervously.
“Very,” he said. And he held out the bowl. Bertie took it. Both he and Isabel were a little afraid, and deeply disturbed.
“Very,” he said. He then held out the bowl. Bertie took it. Both he and Isabel felt a bit scared and profoundly unsettled.
The meal continued. Isabel and Bertie chatted spasmodically. The blind man was silent. He touched his food repeatedly, with quick, delicate touches of his knife-point, then cut irregular bits. He could not bear to be helped. Both Isabel and Bertie suffered: Isabel wondered why. She did not suffer when she was alone with Maurice. Bertie made her conscious of a strangeness.
The meal went on. Isabel and Bertie made small talk sporadically. The blind man stayed quiet. He gingerly touched his food multiple times with the tip of his knife before cutting uneven pieces. He couldn’t stand being assisted. Both Isabel and Bertie felt uneasy: Isabel questioned why. She didn’t feel discomfort when she was alone with Maurice. Bertie made her aware of an odd tension.
After the meal the three drew their chairs to the fire, and sat down to talk. The decanters were put on a table near at hand. Isabel knocked the logs on the fire, and clouds of brilliant sparks went up the chimney. Bertie noticed a slight weariness in her bearing.
After the meal, the three of them pulled their chairs closer to the fire and sat down to chat. The decanters were placed on a nearby table. Isabel poked the logs in the fire, sending up clouds of bright sparks into the chimney. Bertie noticed a hint of fatigue in her posture.
“You will be glad when your child comes now, Isabel?” he said.
"You'll be happy when your child comes now, Isabel?" he said.
She looked up to him with a quick wan smile.
She glanced up at him with a quick, weak smile.
“Yes, I shall be glad,” she answered. “It begins to seem long. Yes, I shall be very glad. So will you, Maurice, won’t you?” she added.
“Yes, I’ll be happy,” she replied. “It’s starting to feel like it’s been a while. Yes, I’ll be really happy. You will be too, Maurice, right?” she added.
“Yes, I shall,” replied her husband.
“Yes, I will,” replied her husband.
“We are both looking forward so much to having it,” she said.
“We're both really looking forward to having it,” she said.
“Yes, of course,” said Bertie.
"Sure, of course," said Bertie.
He was a bachelor, three or four years older than Isabel. He lived in beautiful rooms overlooking the river, guarded by a faithful Scottish man-servant. And he had his friends among the fair sex—not lovers, friends. So long as he could avoid any danger of courtship or marriage, he adored a few good women with constant and unfailing homage, and he was chivalrously fond of quite a number. But if they seemed to encroach on him, he withdrew and detested them.
He was a bachelor, three or four years older than Isabel. He lived in beautiful apartments overlooking the river, attended by a loyal Scottish butler. He had friendships with some wonderful women—not romantic relationships, just friends. As long as he could steer clear of any risk of courtship or marriage, he genuinely admired a few good women with unwavering respect, and he was chivalrously fond of quite a few. But if they started to get too close, he would pull away and resent them.
Isabel knew him very well, knew his beautiful constancy, and kindness, also his incurable weakness, which made him unable ever to enter into close contact of any sort. He was ashamed of himself, because he could not marry, could not approach women physically. He wanted to do so. But he could not. At the centre of him he was afraid, helplessly and even brutally afraid. He had given up hope, had ceased to expect any more that he could escape his own weakness. Hence he was a brilliant and successful barrister, also littérateur of high repute, a rich man, and a great social success. At the centre he felt himself neuter, nothing.
Isabel knew him very well; she understood his beautiful constancy and kindness, as well as his incurable weakness that made it impossible for him to engage in close relationships of any kind. He felt ashamed of himself because he couldn’t marry or get physically close to women. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. Deep down, he was terrified—helplessly and brutally so. He had given up hope and stopped expecting to escape his own weakness. As a result, he was a brilliant and successful barrister, a well-regarded writer, a wealthy man, and a great social success. Yet at his core, he felt neuter, like nothing.
Isabel knew him well. She despised him even while she admired him. She looked at his sad face, his little short legs, and felt contempt of him. She looked at his dark grey eyes, with their uncanny, almost childlike intuition, and she loved him. He understood amazingly—but she had no fear of his understanding. As a man she patronized him.
Isabel knew him well. She hated him even while she admired him. She looked at his sad face, his short legs, and felt disdain for him. She looked into his dark gray eyes, with their strange, almost childlike intuition, and she loved him. He understood things incredibly well—but she had no fear of his understanding. As a man, she looked down on him.
And she turned to the impassive, silent figure of her husband. He sat leaning back, with folded arms, and face a little uptilted. His knees were straight and massive. She sighed, picked up the poker, and again began to prod the fire, to rouse the clouds of soft, brilliant sparks.
And she turned to her husband, who was sitting silently and unemotionally. He was leaning back with his arms crossed, his face slightly lifted. His knees were straight and strong. She sighed, picked up the poker, and started poking the fire again to stir up the soft, bright sparks.
“Isabel tells me,” Bertie began suddenly, “that you have not suffered unbearably from the loss of sight.”
“Isabel tells me,” Bertie suddenly started, “that you haven’t been suffering too much from losing your sight.”
Maurice straightened himself to attend, but kept his arms folded.
Maurice straightened up to pay attention but kept his arms crossed.
“No,” he said, “not unbearably. Now and again one struggles against it, you know. But there are compensations.”
“Not really,” he said. “Sometimes you fight against it, you know. But there are perks.”
“They say it is much worse to be stone deaf,” said Isabel.
“They say it's way worse to be completely deaf,” said Isabel.
“I believe it is,” said Bertie. “Are there compensations?” he added, to Maurice.
"I think it is," Bertie said. "Are there any benefits?" he added, turning to Maurice.
“Yes. You cease to bother about a great many things.” Again Maurice stretched his figure, stretched the strong muscles of his back, and leaned backwards, with uplifted face.
“Yes. You stop worrying about a lot of things.” Once more, Maurice stretched his body, extending the strong muscles of his back, and leaned back, lifting his face up.
“And that is a relief,” said Bertie. “But what is there in place of the bothering? What replaces the activity?”
“And that’s a relief,” said Bertie. “But what takes the place of the bothering? What replaces the activity?”
There was a pause. At length the blind man replied, as out of a negligent, unattentive thinking:
There was a pause. Finally, the blind man answered, as if he were lost in careless, distracted thoughts:
“Oh, I don’t know. There’s a good deal when you’re not active.”
“Oh, I’m not sure. There’s a lot happening when you’re not active.”
“Is there?” said Bertie. “What, exactly? It always seems to me that when there is no thought and no action, there is nothing.”
“Is there?” said Bertie. “What exactly? It always seems to me that when there’s no thought and no action, there’s nothing.”
Again Maurice was slow in replying.
Again, Maurice was slow to respond.
“There is something,” he replied. “I couldn’t tell you what it is.”
“There’s something,” he said. “I can’t tell you what it is.”
And the talk lapsed once more, Isabel and Bertie chatting gossip and reminiscence, the blind man silent.
And the conversation faded again, with Isabel and Bertie sharing gossip and memories, while the blind man stayed quiet.
At length Maurice rose restlessly, a big, obtrusive figure. He felt tight and hampered. He wanted to go away.
At last, Maurice stood up uneasily, a large, noticeable figure. He felt constricted and restricted. He wanted to leave.
“Do you mind,” he said, “if I go and speak to Wernham?”
“Do you mind,” he said, “if I go talk to Wernham?”
“No—go along, dear,” said Isabel.
"No—just go, dear," said Isabel.
And he went out. A silence came over the two friends. At length Bertie said:
And he walked out. A silence fell over the two friends. Finally, Bertie spoke up:
“Nevertheless, it is a great deprivation, Cissie.”
“Still, it's a major loss, Cissie.”
“It is, Bertie. I know it is.”
“It is, Bertie. I know it is.”
“Something lacking all the time,” said Bertie.
“Something's always missing,” said Bertie.
“Yes, I know. And yet—and yet—Maurice is right. There is something else, something there, which you never knew was there, and which you can’t express.”
“Yes, I know. And yet—and yet—Maurice is right. There’s something else, something there, that you never realized was there, and that you can’t put into words.”
“What is there?” asked Bertie.
"What's there?" Bertie asked.
“I don’t know—it’s awfully hard to define it—but something strong and immediate. There’s something strange in Maurice’s presence—indefinable—but I couldn’t do without it. I agree that it seems to put one’s mind to sleep. But when we’re alone I miss nothing; it seems awfully rich, almost splendid, you know.”
“I don’t know—it’s really hard to put into words—but there’s something powerful and immediate about it. There’s something odd about Maurice’s presence—hard to define—but I can’t imagine being without it. I agree that it feels like it puts your mind to rest. But when we’re alone, I don’t miss anything; it feels incredibly rich, almost magnificent, you know.”
“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” said Bertie.
“I’m afraid I don’t get it,” said Bertie.
They talked desultorily. The wind blew loudly outside, rain chattered on the window-panes, making a sharp, drum-sound, because of the closed, mellow-golden shutters inside. The logs burned slowly, with hot, almost invisible small flames. Bertie seemed uneasy, there were dark circles round his eyes. Isabel, rich with her approaching maternity, leaned looking into the fire. Her hair curled in odd, loose strands, very pleasing to the man. But she had a curious feeling of old woe in her heart, old, timeless night-woe.
They talked aimlessly. The wind roared outside, and rain tapped on the window panes, creating a sharp, drumming sound against the closed, warm golden shutters inside. The logs burned slowly, with small flames that were hot but almost invisible. Bertie looked uneasy, with dark circles under his eyes. Isabel, glowing with her impending motherhood, leaned in and stared into the fire. Her hair curled in loose, irregular strands, which were very attractive to him. But she felt a strange sense of old sorrow in her heart, a classic, timeless sadness.
“I suppose we’re all deficient somewhere,” said Bertie.
“I guess we all have our shortcomings,” said Bertie.
“I suppose so,” said Isabel wearily.
“I guess so,” said Isabel tiredly.
“Damned, sooner or later.”
"Damned eventually."
“I don’t know,” she said, rousing herself. “I feel quite all right, you know. The child coming seems to make me indifferent to everything, just placid. I can’t feel that there’s anything to trouble about, you know.”
“I don’t know,” she said, waking up. “I feel pretty good, you know. The baby coming makes me feel indifferent to everything, just calm. I can’t sense that there’s anything to worry about, you know.”
“A good thing, I should say,” he replied slowly.
“A good thing, I’d say,” he replied slowly.
“Well, there it is. I suppose it’s just Nature. If only I felt I needn’t trouble about Maurice, I should be perfectly content—”
“Well, there it is. I guess it’s just Nature. If only I didn’t feel I had to worry about Maurice, I would be completely content—”
“But you feel you must trouble about him?”
“But you feel you have to worry about him?”
“Well—I don’t know—” She even resented this much effort.
“Well—I’m not sure—” She even felt annoyed by this much effort.
The evening passed slowly. Isabel looked at the clock. “I say,” she said. “It’s nearly ten o’clock. Where can Maurice be? I’m sure they’re all in bed at the back. Excuse me a moment.”
The evening dragged on. Isabel glanced at the clock. “Hey,” she said. “It’s almost ten o’clock. Where could Maurice be? I’m pretty sure they’re all asleep in the back. Just give me a sec.”
She went out, returning almost immediately.
She went out and came back almost right away.
“It’s all shut up and in darkness,” she said. “I wonder where he is. He must have gone out to the farm—”
“It’s all locked up and dark,” she said. “I wonder where he is. He must have gone out to the farm—”
Bertie looked at her.
Bertie stared at her.
“I suppose he’ll come in,” he said.
“I guess he’ll come in,” he said.
“I suppose so,” she said. “But it’s unusual for him to be out now.”
“I guess so,” she said. “But it’s unusual for him to be out at this time.”
“Would you like me to go out and see?”
“Do you want me to go out and check?”
“Well—if you wouldn’t mind. I’d go, but—” She did not want to make the physical effort.
“Well—if you don’t mind. I’d go, but—” She didn’t want to put in the effort.
Bertie put on an old overcoat and took a lantern. He went out from the side door. He shrank from the wet and roaring night. Such weather had a nervous effect on him: too much moisture everywhere made him feel almost imbecile. Unwilling, he went through it all. A dog barked violently at him. He peered in all the buildings. At last, as he opened the upper door of a sort of intermediate barn, he heard a grinding noise, and looking in, holding up his lantern, saw Maurice, in his shirt-sleeves, standing listening, holding the handle of a turnip-pulper. He had been pulping sweet roots, a pile of which lay dimly heaped in a corner behind him.
Bertie put on an old overcoat and grabbed a lantern. He exited through the side door. The wet and stormy night made him feel uneasy. The dampness everywhere made him feel almost foolish. Reluctantly, he pushed through it all. A dog started barking aggressively at him. He peeked into all the buildings. Finally, as he opened the upper door of a sort of intermediate barn, he heard a grinding noise, and looking inside while holding up his lantern, he saw Maurice, in his shirt sleeves, standing there listening, holding the handle of a turnip pulper. He had been pulping sweet roots, a pile of which sat dimly heaped in a corner behind him.
“That you, Wernham?” said Maurice, listening.
"Is that you, Wernham?" Maurice asked, listening.
“No, it’s me,” said Bertie.
“No, it’s me,” Bertie said.
A large, half-wild grey cat was rubbing at Maurice’s leg. The blind man stooped to rub its sides. Bertie watched the scene, then unconsciously entered and shut the door behind him, He was in a high sort of barn-place, from which, right and left, ran off the corridors in front of the stalled cattle. He watched the slow, stooping motion of the other man, as he caressed the great cat.
A large, half-wild gray cat was rubbing against Maurice's leg. The blind man bent down to pet its sides. Bertie observed the scene, then automatically stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He was in a tall barn-like space, from which corridors extended to the right and left in front of the parked cattle. He watched the slow, bending motion of the other man as he petted the big cat.
Maurice straightened himself.
Maurice stood up straight.
“You came to look for me?” he said.
“You came looking for me?” he said.
“Isabel was a little uneasy,” said Bertie.
“Isabel felt a bit uneasy,” said Bertie.
“I’ll come in. I like messing about doing these jobs.”
“I’ll come in. I enjoy working on these tasks.”
The cat had reared her sinister, feline length against his leg, clawing at his thigh affectionately. He lifted her claws out of his flesh.
The cat had pressed her menacing, feline body against his leg, playfully clawing at his thigh. He gently pulled her claws out of his skin.
“I hope I’m not in your way at all at the Grange here,” said Bertie, rather shy and stiff.
“I hope I’m not in your way at all here at the Grange,” said Bertie, feeling a bit shy and awkward.
“My way? No, not a bit. I’m glad Isabel has somebody to talk to. I’m afraid it’s I who am in the way. I know I’m not very lively company. Isabel’s all right, don’t you think? She’s not unhappy, is she?”
“My way? Not at all. I'm just happy Isabel has someone to talk to. I worry that I'm the one getting in the way. I know I'm not very exciting to be around. Isabel's doing okay, right? She’s not unhappy, is she?”
“I don’t think so.”
"Not likely."
“What does she say?”
"What does she say?"
“She says she’s very content—only a little troubled about you.”
“She says she’s very happy—just a bit worried about you.”
“Why me?”
“Why me?”
“Perhaps afraid that you might brood,” said Bertie, cautiously.
“Maybe worried that you’d start overthinking,” said Bertie, carefully.
“She needn’t be afraid of that.” He continued to caress the flattened grey head of the cat with his fingers. “What I am a bit afraid of,” he resumed, “is that she’ll find me a dead weight, always alone with me down here.”
“She doesn’t need to be afraid of that.” He kept petting the flattened gray head of the cat with his fingers. “What I’m a bit worried about,” he continued, “is that she’ll see me as a burden, always just stuck with me down here.”
“I don’t think you need think that,” said Bertie, though this was what he feared himself.
“I don’t think you need to worry about that,” said Bertie, although this was exactly what he feared himself.
“I don’t know,” said Maurice. “Sometimes I feel it isn’t fair that she’s saddled with me.” Then he dropped his voice curiously. “I say,” he asked, secretly struggling, “is my face much disfigured? Do you mind telling me?”
“I don’t know,” Maurice said. “Sometimes I feel it’s not fair that she’s stuck with me.” Then he lowered his voice. “Hey,” he asked, trying to hide his struggle, “is my face really messed up? Would you mind telling me?”
“There is the scar,” said Bertie, wondering. “Yes, it is a disfigurement. But more pitiable than shocking.”
“There’s the scar,” said Bertie, pondering. “Yeah, it’s a disfigurement. But it’s more sad than shocking.”
“A pretty bad scar, though,” said Maurice.
“A pretty bad scar, though,” Maurice said.
“Oh, yes.”
“Oh, totally.”
There was a pause.
There was a break.
“Sometimes I feel I am horrible,” said Maurice, in a low voice, talking as if to himself. And Bertie actually felt a quiver of horror.
“Sometimes I feel like I'm terrible,” said Maurice, in a soft voice, talking as if to himself. And Bertie actually felt a shiver of fear.
“That’s nonsense,” he said.
"That's crazy," he said.
Maurice again straightened himself, leaving the cat.
Maurice straightened up again, leaving the cat.
“There’s no telling,” he said. Then again, in an odd tone, he added: “I don’t really know you, do I?”
“Who knows,” he said. Then again, in a strange tone, he added: “I don’t really know you, do I?”
“Probably not,” said Bertie.
“Probably not,” Bertie said.
“Do you mind if I touch you?”
“Is it okay if I touch you?”
The lawyer shrank away instinctively. And yet, out of very philanthropy, he said, in a small voice: “Not at all.”
The lawyer instinctively backed away. Still, out of pure kindness, he said in a quiet voice, “Not at all.”
But he suffered as the blind man stretched out a strong, naked hand to him. Maurice accidentally knocked off Bertie’s hat.
But he struggled as the blind man reached out a strong, bare hand to him. Maurice accidentally knocked off Bertie’s hat.
“I thought you were taller,” he said, starting. Then he laid his hand on Bertie Reid’s head, closing the dome of the skull in a soft, firm grasp, gathering it, as it were; then, shifting his grasp and softly closing again, with a fine, close pressure, till he had covered the skull and the face of the smaller man, tracing the brows, and touching the full, closed eyes, touching the small nose and the nostrils, the rough, short moustache, the mouth, the rather strong chin. The hand of the blind man grasped the shoulder, the arm, the hand of the other man. He seemed to take him, in the soft, travelling grasp.
“I thought you were taller,” he said, surprised. Then he placed his hand on Bertie Reid’s head, gently holding it in a soft, firm grip, as if gathering it together; then, shifting his hold and softly closing it again with a delicate, close pressure, until he had covered the skull and the face of the shorter man, tracing the brows and touching the closed eyes, the small nose and nostrils, the rough, short mustache, the mouth, and the strong chin. The blind man's hand grasped the shoulder, the arm, and the hand of the other man. He seemed to envelop him in a gentle, exploring hold.
“You seem young,” he said quietly, at last.
“You look young,” he said softly, finally.
The lawyer stood almost annihilated, unable to answer.
The lawyer stood nearly defeated, unable to respond.
“Your head seems tender, as if you were young,” Maurice repeated. “So do your hands. Touch my eyes, will you?—touch my scar.”
“Your head seems delicate, like you're still young,” Maurice repeated. “So do your hands. Can you touch my eyes?—touch my scar.”
Now Bertie quivered with revulsion. Yet he was under the power of the blind man, as if hypnotized. He lifted his hand, and laid the fingers on the scar, on the scarred eyes. Maurice suddenly covered them with his own hand, pressed the fingers of the other man upon his disfigured eye-sockets, trembling in every fibre, and rocking slightly, slowly, from side to side. He remained thus for a minute or more, whilst Bertie stood as if in a swoon, unconscious, imprisoned.
Now Bertie shivered with disgust. Yet he was under the blind man's control, as if in a trance. He lifted his hand and placed his fingers on the scar, on the scarred eyes. Maurice suddenly covered them with his own hand, pressing Bertie's fingers against his disfigured eye sockets, trembling all over and swaying slowly from side to side. He stayed like that for a minute or more while Bertie stood as if in a daze, oblivious and trapped.
Then suddenly Maurice removed the hand of the other man from his brow, and stood holding it in his own.
Then suddenly, Maurice took the other man's hand away from his forehead and held it in his own.
“Oh, my God’ he said, “we shall know each other now, shan’t we? We shall know each other now.”
“Oh my God,” he said, “we’ll know each other now, won’t we? We’ll know each other now.”
Bertie could not answer. He gazed mute and terror-struck, overcome by his own weakness. He knew he could not answer. He had an unreasonable fear, lest the other man should suddenly destroy him. Whereas Maurice was actually filled with hot, poignant love, the passion of friendship. Perhaps it was this very passion of friendship which Bertie shrank from most.
Bertie couldn't respond. He stood there speechless and terrified, overwhelmed by his own weakness. Deep down, he knew he couldn't answer. He felt an irrational fear that the other man might suddenly harm him. Meanwhile, Maurice was genuinely filled with intense, heartfelt love and the passion of friendship. It was probably that very passion of friendship that Bertie was most afraid of.
“We’re all right together now, aren’t we?” said Maurice. “It’s all right now, as long as we live, so far as we’re concerned?”
“We're good together now, aren't we?” said Maurice. “It's all good now, as long as we’re alive, as far as we’re concerned?”
“Yes,” said Bertie, trying by any means to escape.
“Yes,” Bertie said, doing everything he could to get away.
Maurice stood with head lifted, as if listening. The new delicate fulfilment of mortal friendship had come as a revelation and surprise to him, something exquisite and unhoped-for. He seemed to be listening to hear if it were real.
Maurice stood with his head held high, as if he were listening. The new delicate experience of human friendship felt like a revelation and a surprise to him, something beautiful and unexpected. He seemed to be trying to hear if it was real.
Then he turned for his coat.
Then he turned to get his coat.
“Come,” he said, “we’ll go to Isabel.”
“Come on,” he said, “let’s go see Isabel.”
Bertie took the lantern and opened the door. The cat disappeared. The two men went in silence along the causeways. Isabel, as they came, thought their footsteps sounded strange. She looked up pathetically and anxiously for their entrance. There seemed a curious elation about Maurice. Bertie was haggard, with sunken eyes.
Bertie grabbed the lantern and opened the door. The cat vanished. The two men walked silently along the pathways. Isabel, as they approached, thought their footsteps sounded odd. She looked up sadly and anxiously for them to come in. There was a strange excitement about Maurice. Bertie looked worn out, with deep-set eyes.
“What is it?” she asked.
"What is it?" she asked.
“We’ve become friends,” said Maurice, standing with his feet apart, like a strange colossus.
“We’ve become friends,” said Maurice, standing with his feet apart, like an odd giant.
“Friends!” re-echoed Isabel. And she looked again at Bertie. He met her eyes with a furtive, haggard look; his eyes were as if glazed with misery.
“Friends!” echoed Isabel. She glanced back at Bertie. He met her gaze with a wary, exhausted expression; his eyes looked dull with despair.
“I’m so glad,” she said, in sheer perplexity.
“I’m so glad,” she said, feeling completely confused.
“Yes,” said Maurice.
“Yes,” Maurice said.
He was indeed so glad. Isabel took his hand with both hers, and held it fast.
He was really happy. Isabel took his hand in both of hers and held it tightly.
“You’ll be happier now, dear,” she said.
“You're going to be happier now, dear,” she said.
But she was watching Bertie. She knew that he had one desire—to escape from this intimacy, this friendship, which had been thrust upon him. He could not bear it that he had been touched by the blind man, his insane reserve broken in. He was like a mollusc whose shell is broken.
But she was watching Bertie. She knew that he only wanted one thing—to get away from this closeness, this friendship, that had been forced on him. He couldn't stand that he had been touched by the blind man, his crazy ability to keep things in check shattered. He was like a mollusk whose shell had been cracked.
MONKEY NUTS
At first Joe thought the job O.K. He was loading hay on the trucks, along with Albert, the corporal. The two men were pleasantly billeted in a cottage not far from the station: they were their own masters, for Joe never thought of Albert as a master. And the little sidings of the tiny village station was as pleasant a place as you could wish for. On one side, beyond the line, stretched the woods: on the other, the near side, across a green smooth field red houses were dotted among flowering apple trees. The weather being sunny, work being easy, Albert, a real good pal, what life could be better! After Flanders, it was heaven itself.
At first, Joe thought the job was fine. He was loading hay onto the trucks with Albert, the corporal. The two men were comfortably settled in a cottage not far from the station; they were their own bosses, as Joe never saw Albert as a boss. The little sidings of the small village station were as nice a place as you could hope for. On one side, beyond the tracks, stretched the woods; on the other side, across a smooth green field, red houses were scattered among flowering apple trees. With the sunny weather and easy work, and Albert being a really good friend, what could be better? After Flanders, it was like paradise itself.
Albert, the corporal, was a clean-shaven, shrewd-looking fellow of about forty. He seemed to think his one aim in life was to be full of fun and nonsense. In repose, his face looked a little withered, old. He was a very good pal to Joe, steady, decent and grave under all his “mischief”; for his mischief was only his laborious way of skirting his own ennui.
Albert, the corporal, was a clean-shaven, clever-looking guy around forty. It seemed like his main goal in life was to have a good time and joke around. When he was relaxed, his face had a slightly worn, older appearance. He was a great friend to Joe—reliable, decent, and serious despite all his “mischief,” which was really just his way of dealing with his own boredom.
Joe was much younger than Albert—only twenty-three. He was a tallish, quiet youth, pleasant looking. He was of a slightly better class than his corporal, more personable. Careful about his appearance, he shaved every day. “I haven’t got much of a face,” said Albert. “If I was to shave every day like you, Joe, I should have none.”
Joe was a lot younger than Albert—just twenty-three. He was a tall, quiet guy who looked good. He came from a slightly better background than his corporal and was more charming. He paid attention to his appearance and shaved every day. “I don’t have much of a face,” Albert said. “If I shaved every day like you, Joe, I wouldn’t have one at all.”
There was plenty of life in the little goods-yard: three porter youths, a continual come and go of farm wagons bringing hay, wagons with timber from the woods, coal carts loading at the trucks. The black coal seemed to make the place sleepier, hotter. Round the big white gate the station-master’s children played and his white chickens walked, whilst the stationmaster himself, a young man getting too fat, helped his wife to peg out the washing on the clothes line in the meadow.
There was a lot happening in the small goods yard: three young porters, a steady stream of farm wagons bringing in hay, trucks loaded with timber from the woods, and coal carts filling up at the loading docks. The black coal made the area feel sleepier and hotter. Around the large white gate, the station master's kids played while his white chickens wandered around. The station master himself, a young man who was becoming a bit overweight, helped his wife hang the laundry on the clothesline in the meadow.
The great boat-shaped wagons came up from Playcross with the hay. At first the farm-men waggoned it. On the third day one of the land-girls appeared with the first load, drawing to a standstill easily at the head of her two great horses. She was a buxom girl, young, in linen overalls and gaiters. Her face was ruddy, she had large blue eyes.
The big wagon-shaped carts arrived from Playcross with the hay. At first, the farm workers transported it. On the third day, one of the farm girls showed up with the first load, stopping effortlessly at the front with her two large horses. She was a curvy young woman, wearing linen overalls and gaiters. Her face was rosy, and she had big blue eyes.
“Now that’s the waggoner for us, boys,” said the corporal loudly.
“Now that’s the wagon driver for us, guys,” said the corporal loudly.
“Whoa!” she said to her horses; and then to the corporal: “Which boys do you mean?”
“Whoa!” she said to her horses; and then to the corporal: “Which boys are you talking about?”
“We are the pick of the bunch. That’s Joe, my pal. Don’t you let on that my name’s Albert,” said the corporal to his private. “I’m the corporal.”
“We're the best of the best. That’s Joe, my buddy. Don't let on that my name’s Albert,” said the corporal to his private. “I’m the corporal.”
“And I’m Miss Stokes,” said the land-girl coolly, “if that’s all the boys you are.”
“And I’m Miss Stokes,” said the land girl casually, “if that’s all the guys you are.”
“You know you couldn’t want more, Miss Stokes,” said Albert politely. Joe, who was bare-headed, whose grey flannel sleeves were rolled up to the elbow, and whose shirt was open at the breast, looked modestly aside as if he had no part in the affair.
“You know you couldn’t want more, Miss Stokes,” Albert said politely. Joe, who was hatless, with his gray flannel sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his shirt open at the collar, looked modestly away as if he had no involvement in the situation.
“Are you on this job regular, then?” said the corporal to Miss Stokes.
“Are you working this job regularly, then?” the corporal asked Miss Stokes.
“I don’t know for sure,” she said, pushing a piece of hair under her hat, and attending to her splendid horses.
“I’m not really sure,” she said, tucking a strand of hair under her hat while taking care of her beautiful horses.
“Oh, make it a certainty,” said Albert.
“Oh, make sure of it,” said Albert.
She did not reply. She turned and looked over the two men coolly. She was pretty, moderately blonde, with crisp hair, a good skin, and large blue eyes. She was strong, too, and the work went on leisurely and easily.
She didn't respond. She turned and looked over the two men calmly. She was attractive, somewhat blonde, with neat hair, good skin, and big blue eyes. She was also strong, and the work continued at a relaxed and easy pace.
“Now!” said the corporal, stopping as usual to look round, “pleasant company makes work a pleasure—don’t hurry it, boys.” He stood on the truck surveying the world. That was one of his great and absorbing occupations: to stand and look out on things in general. Joe, also standing on the truck, also turned round to look what was to be seen. But he could not become blankly absorbed, as Albert could.
“Now!” said the corporal, stopping as usual to look around, “good company makes work enjoyable—take your time, guys.” He stood on the truck, surveying the surroundings. That was one of his favorite pastimes: standing and observing everything in general. Joe, also standing on the truck, turned around to see what was out there. But he couldn’t become as spaced out and absorbed as Albert could.
Miss Stokes watched the two men from under her broad felt hat. She had seen hundreds of Alberts, khaki soldiers standing in loose attitudes, absorbed in watching nothing in particular. She had seen also a good many Joes, quiet, good-looking young soldiers with half-averted faces. But there was something in the turn of Joe’s head, and something in his quiet, tender-looking form, young and fresh—which attracted her eye. As she watched him closely from below, he turned as if he felt her, and his dark-blue eye met her straight, light-blue gaze. He faltered and turned aside again and looked as if he were going to fall off the truck. A slight flush mounted under the girl’s full, ruddy face. She liked him.
Miss Stokes watched the two men from beneath her wide felt hat. She had seen hundreds of Alberts, khaki-clad soldiers standing casually, absorbed in observing nothing in particular. She had also seen quite a few Joes, quiet, good-looking young soldiers with half-turned faces. But there was something about the way Joe turned his head and something in his gentle, youthful form, fresh and vibrant—that caught her attention. As she scrutinized him closely from below, he turned as if he sensed her gaze, and his dark-blue eyes met her steady, light-blue ones. He hesitated and looked away as if he might tumble off the truck. A slight flush rose beneath the girl’s full, rosy cheeks. She liked him.
Always, after this, when she came into the sidings with her team, it was Joe she looked for. She acknowledged to herself that she was sweet on him. But Albert did all the talking. He was so full of fun and nonsense. Joe was a very shy bird, very brief and remote in his answers. Miss Stokes was driven to indulge in repartee with Albert, but she fixed her magnetic attention on the younger fellow. Joe would talk with Albert, and laugh at his jokes. But Miss Stokes could get little out of him. She had to depend on her silent forces. They were more effective than might be imagined.
Always, after this, when she arrived at the sidings with her team, it was Joe she looked for. She admitted to herself that she had a crush on him. But Albert did all the talking. He was so full of fun and silly banter. Joe was really shy, giving short and distant replies. Miss Stokes found herself engaging in witty conversation with Albert, but her focus was on the younger guy. Joe would chat with Albert and laugh at his jokes. But Miss Stokes could barely get anything out of him. She had to rely on her unspoken charm. It was more effective than one might think.
Suddenly, on Saturday afternoon, at about two o’clock, Joe received a bolt from the blue—a telegram: “Meet me Belbury Station 6.00 p.m. today. M.S.” He knew at once who M.S. was. His heart melted, he felt weak as if he had had a blow.
Suddenly, on Saturday afternoon, around 2 o'clock, Joe got an unexpected shock—a telegram: “Meet me at Belbury Station at 6:00 p.m. today. M.S.” He instantly knew who M.S. was. His heart raced, and he felt weak as if he had been struck.
“What’s the trouble, boy?” asked Albert anxiously.
“What’s the problem, kid?” asked Albert nervously.
“No—no trouble—it’s to meet somebody.” Joe lifted his dark-blue eyes in confusion towards his corporal.
“No—no trouble—it’s to meet someone.” Joe raised his dark-blue eyes in confusion toward his corporal.
“Meet somebody!” repeated the corporal, watching his young pal with keen blue eyes. “It’s all right, then; nothing wrong?”
“Meet someone!” the corporal said again, observing his young friend with sharp blue eyes. “So it’s all good; nothing’s wrong?”
“No—nothing wrong. I’m not going,” said Joe.
“No—nothing’s wrong. I’m not going,” said Joe.
Albert was old and shrewd enough to see that nothing more should be said before the housewife. He also saw that Joe did not want to take him into confidence. So he held his peace, though he was piqued.
Albert was old and wise enough to realize that nothing more should be said in front of the housewife. He also noticed that Joe didn’t want to share his secrets with him. So he kept quiet, even though he was annoyed.
The two soldiers went into town, smartened up. Albert knew a fair number of the boys round about; there would be plenty of gossip in the market-place, plenty of lounging in groups on the Bath Road, watching the Saturday evening shoppers. Then a modest drink or two, and the movies. They passed an agreeable, casual, nothing-in-particular evening, with which Joe was quite satisfied. He thought of Belbury Station, and of M.S. waiting there. He had not the faintest intention of meeting her. And he had not the faintest intention of telling Albert.
The two soldiers went into town, looking sharp. Albert knew quite a few of the guys around; there would be tons of gossip in the market square, plenty of people hanging out on the Bath Road, watching Saturday evening shoppers. Then a couple of casual drinks and maybe a movie. They enjoyed a laid-back, uneventful evening, which Joe was completely okay with. He thought about Belbury Station and M.S. waiting there. He had no intention of meeting her. And he definitely didn’t plan on telling Albert.
And yet, when the two men were in their bedroom, half undressed, Joe suddenly held out the telegram to his corporal, saying: “What d’you think of that?”
And yet, when the two men were in their bedroom, half undressed, Joe suddenly held out the telegram to his corporal, saying, "What do you think of that?"
Albert was just unbuttoning his braces. He desisted, took the telegram form, and turned towards the candle to read it.
Albert was just unbuttoning his suspenders. He stopped, grabbed the telegram form, and turned toward the candle to read it.
“Meet me Belbury Station 6.00 p.m. today. M.S.,” he read, sotto voce. His face took on its fun-and-nonsense look.
“Meet me at Belbury Station at 6:00 p.m. today. M.S.,” he read, softly. His face took on its playful and silly expression.
“Who’s M.S.?” he asked, looking shrewdly at Joe.
“Who’s M.S.?” he asked, eyeing Joe smartly.
“You know as well as I do,” said Joe, non-committal.
“You know just as I do,” Joe said, indifferent.
“M.S.,” repeated Albert. “Blamed if I know, boy. Is it a woman?”
“M.S.,” repeated Albert. “I have no idea, kid. Is it a woman?”
The conversation was carried on in tiny voices, for fear of disturbing the householders.
The conversation was held in hushed tones, worried about waking the people in the house.
“I don’t know,” said Joe, turning. He looked full at Albert, the two men looked straight into each other’s eyes. There was a lurking grin in each of them.
“I don’t know,” said Joe, turning. He looked directly at Albert, and the two men stared straight into each other’s eyes. There was a hidden grin on both of their faces.
“Well, I’m—blamed!” said Albert at last, throwing the telegram down emphatically on the bed.
“Well, I’m—blamed!” Albert finally said, throwing the telegram down emphatically on the bed.
“Wha-at?” said Joe, grinning rather sheepishly, his eyes clouded none the less.
“Wha-at?” Joe said, grinning a bit sheepishly, his eyes still clouded.
Albert sat on the bed and proceeded to undress, nodding his head with mock gravity all the while. Joe watched him foolishly.
Albert sat on the bed and started undressing, nodding his head with a serious expression the whole time. Joe watched him, looking foolish.
“What?” he repeated faintly.
“What?” he said softly.
Albert looked up at him with a knowing look.
Albert looked up at him with an understanding expression.
“If that isn’t coming it quick, boy!” he said. “What the blazes! What ha’ you bin doing?”
“If that isn’t coming in fast, boy!” he said. “What the heck! What have you been doing?”
“Nothing!” said Joe.
"Nothing!" Joe said.
Albert slowly shook his head as he sat on the side of the bed.
Albert slowly shook his head while sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Don’t happen to me when I’ve bin doin’ nothing,” he said. And he proceeded to pull off his stockings.
“Don’t come at me when I’ve been doing nothing,” he said. And he went ahead and took off his socks.
Joe turned away, looking at himself in the mirror as he unbuttoned his tunic.
Joe turned away, checking himself out in the mirror as he unbuttoned his shirt.
“You didn’t want to keep the appointment?” Albert asked, in a changed voice, from the bedside.
“You didn’t want to keep the appointment?” Albert asked, his voice different, from the bedside.
Joe did not answer for a moment. Then he said:
Joe didn't respond for a moment. Then he said:
“I made no appointment.”
“I didn’t make an appointment.”
“I’m not saying you did, boy. Don’t be nasty about it. I mean you didn’t want to answer the—unknown person’s summons—shall I put it that way?”
“I’m not saying you did, kid. Don’t be rude about it. What I mean is, you didn’t want to respond to the—unknown person’s request—should I put it that way?”
“No,” said Joe.
“No,” Joe said.
“What was the deterring motive?” asked Albert, who was now lying on his back in bed.
“What was the reason for the deterrent?” asked Albert, who was now lying on his back in bed.
“Oh,” said Joe, suddenly looking round rather haughtily. “I didn’t want to.” He had a well-balanced head, and could take on a sudden distant bearing.
“Oh,” Joe said, turning around a bit arrogantly. “I didn’t want to.” He had a well-proportioned head and could quickly adopt a distant demeanor.
“Didn’t want to—didn’t cotton on, like. Well—they be artful, the women—” he mimicked his landlord. “Come on into bed, boy. Don’t loiter about as if you’d lost something.”
“Didn’t want to—didn’t get it, you know. Well—they are clever, the women—” he mimicked his landlord. “Come on into bed, kid. Don’t hang around like you’ve lost something.”
Albert turned over, to sleep.
Albert rolled over to sleep.
On Monday Miss Stokes turned up as usual, striding beside her team. Her “whoa!” was resonant and challenging, she looked up at the truck as her steeds came to a standstill. Joe had turned aside, and had his face averted from her. She glanced him over—save for his slender succulent tenderness she would have despised him. She sized him up in a steady look. Then she turned to Albert, who was looking down at her and smiling in his mischievous turn. She knew his aspects by now. She looked straight back at him, though her eyes were hot. He saluted her.
On Monday, Miss Stokes arrived as usual, striding alongside her team. Her “whoa!” was loud and authoritative as she looked up at the truck while her horses came to a stop. Joe had turned away, keeping his face turned from her. She glanced at him—if it weren't for his slim, gentle features, she would have completely dismissed him. She gave him a steady look. Then she turned to Albert, who was looking down at her and smiling mischievously. She knew his expressions well by now. She looked straight back at him, even though her eyes were burning with intensity. He gave her a salute.
“Beautiful morning, Miss Stokes.”
“Beautiful morning, Ms. Stokes.”
“Very!” she replied.
“Absolutely!” she replied.
“Handsome is as handsome looks,” said Albert.
“Good looks are just that—good looks,” said Albert.
Which produced no response.
Which got no response.
“Now, Joe, come on here,” said the corporal. “Don’t keep the ladies waiting—it’s the sign of a weak heart.”
“Now, Joe, come over here,” said the corporal. “Don’t make the ladies wait—it shows a weak heart.”
Joe turned, and the work began. Nothing more was said for the time being. As the week went on all parties became more comfortable. Joe remained silent, averted, neutral, a little on his dignity. Miss Stokes was off-hand and masterful. Albert was full of mischief.
Joe turned, and the work started. No one said anything for the moment. As the week went by, everyone got more comfortable. Joe stayed quiet, turned away, neutral, a bit dignified. Miss Stokes was casual and in control. Albert was full of mischief.
The great theme was a circus, which was coming to the market town on the following Saturday.
The big theme was a circus that was arriving in the market town next Saturday.
“You’ll go to the circus, Miss Stokes?” said Albert.
“You’re going to the circus, Miss Stokes?” Albert asked.
“I may go. Are you going?”
“I might go. Are you coming?”
“Certainly. Give us the pleasure of escorting you.”
“Of course. We’d be happy to escort you.”
“No, thanks.”
"No, thank you."
“That’s what I call a flat refusal—what, Joe? You don’t mean that you have no liking for our company, Miss Stokes?”
“That’s what I call a flat refusal—what about you, Joe? You can’t seriously mean that you don’t enjoy spending time with us, Miss Stokes?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Miss Stokes. “How many are there of you?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” said Miss Stokes. “How many of you are there?”
“Only me and Joe.”
“Just me and Joe.”
“Oh, is that all?” she said, satirically.
“Oh, is that it?” she said, sarcastically.
Albert was a little nonplussed.
Albert was a bit confused.
“Isn’t that enough for you?” he asked.
“Isn’t that enough for you?” he asked.
“Too many by half,” blurted out Joe, jeeringly, in a sudden fit of uncouth rudeness that made both the others stare.
“Too many by half,” Joe blurted out, mockingly, in a sudden burst of uncivil rudeness that caused both of the others to stare.
“Oh, I’ll stand out of the way, boy, if that’s it,” said Albert to Joe. Then he turned mischievously to Miss Stokes. “He wants to know what M. stands for,” he said, confidentially.
“Oh, I’ll stay out of the way, kid, if that’s what you want,” said Albert to Joe. Then he turned playfully to Miss Stokes. “He wants to know what M. stands for,” he said, in a low voice.
“Monkeys,” she replied, turning to her horses.
“Monkeys,” she said, turning to her horses.
“What’s M.S.?” said Albert.
“What’s M.S.?” asked Albert.
“Monkey-nuts,” she retorted, leading off her team.
“Monkey-nuts,” she shot back, leading her team.
Albert looked after her a little discomfited. Joe had flushed dark, and cursed Albert in his heart.
Albert watched her, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Joe had turned red and cursed Albert silently.
On the Saturday afternoon the two soldiers took the train into town. They would have to walk home. They had tea at six o’clock, and lounged about till half past seven. The circus was in a meadow near the river—a great red-and-white striped tent. Caravans stood at the side. A great crowd of people was gathered round the ticket-caravan.
On Saturday afternoon, the two soldiers took the train into town. They would have to walk home. They had tea at six o’clock and relaxed until half past seven. The circus was set up in a meadow by the river—a huge red-and-white striped tent. Caravans were parked alongside it. A big crowd of people was gathered around the ticket caravan.
Inside the tent the lamps were lighted, shining on a ring of faces, a great circular bank of faces round the green grassy centre. Along with some comrades, the two soldiers packed themselves on a thin plank seat, rather high. They were delighted with the flaring lights, the wild effect. But the circus performance did not affect them deeply. They admired the lady in black velvet with rose-purple legs who leapt so neatly on to the galloping horse; they watched the feats of strength and laughed at the clown. But they felt a little patronizing, they missed the sensational drama of the cinema.
Inside the tent, the lamps were lit, glowing on a circle of faces surrounding the green, grassy center. Together with some friends, the two soldiers squeezed onto a narrow, somewhat high plank seat. They were thrilled by the bright lights and the wild atmosphere. However, the circus show didn't move them deeply. They admired the woman in black velvet with rose-purple legs who jumped gracefully onto the galloping horse; they watched the strength acts and laughed at the clown. But they also felt a bit superior; they missed the dramatic excitement of the movies.
Half-way through the performance Joe was electrified to see the face of Miss Stokes not very far from him. There she was, in her khaki and her felt hat, as usual; he pretended not to see her. She was laughing at the clown; she also pretended not to see him. It was a blow to him, and it made him angry. He would not even mention it to Albert. Least said, soonest mended. He liked to believe she had not seen him. But he knew, fatally, that she had.
Halfway through the show, Joe was thrilled to spot Miss Stokes not too far away. There she was, in her khaki outfit and felt hat, just like always; he acted like he didn’t see her. She was laughing at the clown, and she also pretended not to notice him. It stung, and it made him angry. He wouldn’t even bring it up to Albert. Less said, quicker resolved. He wanted to believe she hadn’t noticed him. But deep down, he knew she had.
When they came out it was nearly eleven o’clock; a lovely night, with a moon and tall, dark, noble trees: a magnificent May night. Joe and Albert laughed and chaffed with the boys. Joe looked round frequently to see if he were safe from Miss Stokes. It seemed so.
When they came out, it was almost eleven o’clock; a beautiful night, with a moon and tall, dark, majestic trees: a stunning May night. Joe and Albert joked and teased with the guys. Joe looked around often to check if he was safe from Miss Stokes. It seemed so.
But there were six miles to walk home. At last the two soldiers set off, swinging their canes. The road was white between tall hedges, other stragglers were passing out of the town towards the villages; the air was full of pleased excitement.
But there were six miles to walk home. Finally, the two soldiers set off, swinging their canes. The road was dusty between tall hedges, and other stragglers were heading out of town towards the villages; the air was filled with a sense of happy excitement.
They were drawing near to the village when they saw a dark figure ahead. Joe’s heart sank with pure fear. It was a figure wheeling a bicycle; a land girl; Miss Stokes. Albert was ready with his nonsense. Miss Stokes had a puncture.
They were getting close to the village when they spotted a dark figure up ahead. Joe's heart dropped with pure fear. It was a person riding a bicycle; a land girl; Miss Stokes. Albert was quick with his jokes. Miss Stokes had a flat tire.
“Let me wheel the rattler,” said Albert.
“Let me drive the rattletrap,” said Albert.
“Thank you,” said Miss Stokes. “You are kind.”
“Thanks,” said Miss Stokes. “You’re sweet.”
“Oh, I’d be kinder than that, if you’d show me how,” said Albert.
“Oh, I’d be nicer than that if you’d just show me how,” said Albert.
“Are you sure?” said Miss Stokes.
“Are you sure?” Miss Stokes asked.
“Doubt my words?” said Albert. “That’s cruel of you, Miss Stokes.”
“Doubt my words?” Albert said. “That’s harsh of you, Miss Stokes.”
Miss Stokes walked between them, close to Joe.
Miss Stokes walked between them, right next to Joe.
“Have you been to the circus?” she asked him.
“Have you been to the circus?” she asked him.
“Yes,” he replied, mildly.
"Yeah," he replied, mildly.
“Have you been?” Albert asked her.
"Have you been?" Albert asked her.
“Yes. I didn’t see you,” she replied.
“Yes. I didn’t see you,” she replied.
“What!—you say so! Didn’t see us! Didn’t think us worth looking at,” began Albert. “Aren’t I as handsome as the clown, now? And you didn’t as much as glance in our direction? I call it a downright oversight.”
“What!—you really mean that! You didn’t see us? You didn’t think we were worth a look?” Albert started. “Aren’t I just as good-looking as the clown now? And you didn’t even bother to glance our way? I’d call that a major oversight.”
“I never saw you,” reiterated Miss Stokes. “I didn’t know you saw me.”
“I never saw you,” Miss Stokes repeated. “I didn’t know you saw me.”
“That makes it worse,” said Albert.
“That makes it worse,” Albert said.
The road passed through a belt of dark pine-wood. The village, and the branch road, was very near. Miss Stokes put out her fingers and felt for Joe’s hand as it swung at his side. To say he was staggered is to put it mildly. Yet he allowed her softly to clasp his fingers for a few moments. But he was a mortified youth.
The road went through a stretch of dark pine trees. The village and the side road were very close. Miss Stokes reached out and searched for Joe’s hand as it hung at his side. Saying he was surprised would be an understatement. Still, he let her gently hold his fingers for a moment. But he was a embarrassed young man.
At the cross-road they stopped—Miss Stokes should turn off. She had another mile to go.
At the crossroads, they stopped—Miss Stokes was supposed to turn off. She had another mile to go.
“You’ll let us see you home,” said Albert.
“You’ll let us walk you home,” said Albert.
“Do me a kindness,” she said. “Put my bike in your shed, and take it to Baker’s on Monday, will you?”
“Can you do me a favor?” she said. “Please put my bike in your shed and take it to Baker’s on Monday, okay?”
“I’ll sit up all night and mend it for you, if you like.”
“I can stay up all night and fix it for you, if you want.”
“No thanks. And Joe and I’ll walk on.”
“No thanks. Joe and I will walk on.”
“Oh—ho! Oh—ho!” sang Albert. “Joe! Joe! What do you say to that, now, boy? Aren’t you in luck’s way. And I get the bloomin’ old bike for my pal. Consider it again, Miss Stokes.”
“Oh—ho! Oh—ho!” sang Albert. “Joe! Joe! What do you think about that, huh, buddy? Aren’t you lucky? And I get the darn old bike for my friend. Think it over again, Miss Stokes.”
Joe turned aside his face, and did not speak.
Joe turned away and didn't say anything.
“Oh, well! I wheel the grid, do I? I leave you, boy—”
“Oh, really! I'm in charge of the situation, am I? I'm out of here, kid—”
“I’m not keen on going any further,” barked out Joe, in an uncouth voice. “She hain’t my choice.”
“I'm not interested in going any further,” Joe snapped in a rough voice. “She's not my pick.”
The girl stood silent, and watched the two men.
The girl stood quietly and watched the two men.
“There now!” said Albert. “Think o’ that! If it was me now—” But he was uncomfortable. “Well, Miss Stokes, have me,” he added.
“There now!” said Albert. “Can you believe that! If it were me now—” But he felt uneasy. “Well, Miss Stokes, go ahead and take me,” he added.
Miss Stokes stood quite still, neither moved nor spoke. And so the three remained for some time at the lane end. At last Joe began kicking the ground—then he suddenly lifted his face. At that moment Miss Stokes was at his side. She put her arm delicately round his waist.
Miss Stokes stood completely still, not moving or speaking. So the three of them stayed at the end of the lane for a while. Finally, Joe started kicking the ground—then he suddenly looked up. At that moment, Miss Stokes was right beside him. She gently wrapped her arm around his waist.
“Seems I’m the one extra, don’t you think?” Albert inquired of the high bland moon.
“Looks like I’m the odd one out, don’t you think?” Albert asked the dull, pale moon.
Joe had dropped his head and did not answer. Miss Stokes stood with her arm lightly round his waist. Albert bowed, saluted, and bade good-night. He walked away, leaving the two standing.
Joe had lowered his head and didn’t say anything. Miss Stokes stood with her arm gently around his waist. Albert bowed, saluted, and said goodnight. He walked away, leaving the two of them standing there.
Miss Stokes put a light pressure on Joe’s waist, and drew him down the road. They walked in silence. The night was full of scent—wild cherry, the first bluebells. Still they walked in silence. A nightingale was singing. They approached nearer and nearer, till they stood close by his dark bush. The powerful notes sounded from the cover, almost like flashes of light—then the interval of silence—then the moaning notes, almost like a dog faintly howling, followed by the long, rich trill, and flashing notes. Then a short silence again.
Miss Stokes lightly held Joe's waist and led him down the road. They walked in silence. The night was filled with scent—wild cherry, the first bluebells. Still, they walked in silence. A nightingale was singing. They got closer and closer, until they stood right by his dark bush. The powerful notes came from the cover, almost like flashes of light—then a pause—then the moaning notes, similar to a dog faintly howling, followed by the long, rich trill and bright notes. Then there was a brief silence again.
Miss Stokes turned at last to Joe. She looked up at him, and in the moonlight he saw her faintly smiling. He felt maddened, but helpless. Her arm was round his waist, she drew him closely to her with a soft pressure that made all his bones rotten.
Miss Stokes finally turned to Joe. She looked up at him, and in the moonlight, he saw her faintly smiling. He felt both furious and powerless. Her arm was around his waist, pulling him close with a gentle pressure that made him feel weak all over.
Meanwhile Albert was waiting at home. He put on his overcoat, for the fire was out, and he had had malarial fever. He looked fitfully at the Daily Mirror and the Daily Sketch, but he saw nothing. It seemed a long time. He began to yawn widely, even to nod. At last Joe came in.
Meanwhile, Albert was waiting at home. He put on his overcoat because the fire was out and he had experienced malarial fever. He glanced at the Daily Mirror and the Daily Sketch, but didn’t see anything of interest. It felt like it was taking a long time. He started to yawn widely, even starting to nod off. Finally, Joe walked in.
Albert looked at him keenly. The young man’s brow was black, his face sullen.
Albert stared at him intently. The young man's brow was furrowed, and his face looked gloomy.
“All right, boy?” asked Albert.
“All good, dude?” asked Albert.
Joe merely grunted for a reply. There was nothing more to be got out of him. So they went to bed.
Joe just grunted in response. There was nothing else to get from him. So they went to bed.
Next day Joe was silent, sullen. Albert could make nothing of him. He proposed a walk after tea.
Next day, Joe was quiet and moody. Albert couldn't figure him out. He suggested going for a walk after tea.
“I’m going somewhere,” said Joe.
“I’m going somewhere,” Joe said.
“Where—Monkey-nuts?” asked the corporal. But Joe’s brow only became darker.
“Where—Monkey-nuts?” asked the corporal. But Joe’s expression only grew more severe.
So the days went by. Almost every evening Joe went off alone, returning late. He was sullen, taciturn and had a hang-dog look, a curious way of dropping his head and looking dangerously from under his brows. And he and Albert did not get on so well any more with one another. For all his fun and nonsense, Albert was really irritable, soon made angry. And Joe’s stand-offish sulkiness and complete lack of confidence riled him, got on his nerves. His fun and nonsense took a biting, sarcastic turn, at which Joe’s eyes glittered occasionally, though the young man turned unheeding aside. Then again Joe would be full of odd, whimsical fun, outshining Albert himself.
So the days passed. Almost every evening, Joe left alone, coming back late. He was moody, quiet, and had a defeated look, a strange way of dropping his head and glaring from under his brows. He and Albert didn’t get along as well anymore. Despite his jokes and antics, Albert was actually pretty irritable and got angry quickly. Joe’s aloof sulkiness and total lack of confidence irritated him and got on his nerves. Albert’s jokes took on a sharp, sarcastic tone, which occasionally made Joe’s eyes sparkle, even though he turned away without acknowledgment. Then Joe would be full of strange, whimsical fun, even outshining Albert himself.
Miss Stokes still came to the station with the wain: Monkey-nuts, Albert called her, though not to her face. For she was very clear and good-looking, almost she seemed to gleam. And Albert was a tiny bit afraid of her. She very rarely addressed Joe whilst the hay-loading was going on, and that young man always turned his back to her. He seemed thinner, and his limber figure looked more slouching. But still it had the tender, attractive appearance, especially from behind. His tanned face, a little thinned and darkened, took a handsome, slightly sinister look.
Miss Stokes still came to the station with the wagon: Monkey-nuts, Albert called her, though not to her face. She was very attractive and almost seemed to shine. Albert was a little afraid of her. She rarely spoke to Joe while they were loading hay, and that young man always turned his back to her. He seemed thinner, and his lean figure looked more slouched. But it still had a soft, appealing look, especially from behind. His tanned face, a bit gaunt and darkened, had a handsome, somewhat mysterious appearance.
“Come on, Joe!” the corporal urged sharply one day. “What’re you doing, boy? Looking for beetles on the bank?”
“Come on, Joe!” the corporal insisted sharply one day. “What are you doing, kid? Searching for bugs on the riverbank?”
Joe turned round swiftly, almost menacing, to work.
Joe turned around quickly, almost threatening, to get to work.
“He’s a different fellow these days, Miss Stokes,” said Albert to the young woman. “What’s got him? Is it Monkey-nuts that don’t suit him, do you think?”
“He's a different guy these days, Miss Stokes,” Albert said to the young woman. “What’s going on with him? Do you think it’s Monkey-nuts that he doesn’t like?”
“Choked with chaff, more like,” she retorted. “It’s as bad as feeding a threshing machine, to have to listen to some folks.”
“More like overwhelmed with nonsense,” she shot back. “It’s just as annoying as listening to a threshing machine.”
“As bad as what?” said Albert. “You don’t mean me, do you, Miss Stokes?”
“As bad as what?” Albert asked. “You can’t be talking about me, can you, Miss Stokes?”
“No,” she cried. “I don’t mean you.”
“No,” she exclaimed. “I’m not talking about you.”
Joe’s face became dark red during these sallies, but he said nothing. He would eye the young woman curiously, as she swung so easily at the work, and he had some of the look of a dog which is going to bite.
Joe’s face turned a deep red during these exchanges, but he didn’t say a word. He watched the young woman with curiosity as she worked so effortlessly, and he had the expression of a dog that’s about to bite.
Albert, with his nerves on edge, began to find the strain rather severe. The next Saturday evening, when Joe came in more black-browed than ever, he watched him, determined to have it out with him.
Albert, feeling anxious, started to find the pressure quite intense. The following Saturday evening, when Joe walked in looking more upset than ever, Albert observed him, resolved to confront him.
When the boy went upstairs to bed, the corporal followed him. He closed the door behind him carefully, sat on the bed and watched the younger man undressing. And for once he spoke in a natural voice, neither chaffing nor commanding.
When the boy went upstairs to bed, the corporal followed him. He closed the door behind him gently, sat on the bed, and watched the younger man take off his clothes. And for once, he spoke in a casual tone, neither teasing nor giving orders.
“What’s gone wrong, boy?”
"What's wrong, dude?"
Joe stopped a moment as if he had been shot. Then he went on unwinding his puttees, and did not answer or look up.
Joe paused for a moment as if he had been shot. Then he continued unwinding his puttees, not answering or looking up.
“You can hear, can’t you?” said Albert, nettled.
“You can hear, right?” said Albert, irritated.
“Yes, I can hear,” said Joe, stooping over his puttees till his face was purple.
“Yes, I can hear,” Joe said, bending over his puttees until his face turned purple.
“Then why don’t you answer?”
“Then why don't you respond?”
Joe sat up. He gave a long, sideways look at the corporal. Then he lifted his eyes and stared at a crack in the ceiling.
Joe sat up. He gave a long, sideways glance at the corporal. Then he lifted his eyes and stared at a crack in the ceiling.
The corporal watched these movements shrewdly.
The corporal observed these movements keenly.
“And then what?” he asked, ironically.
“And then what?” he asked, ironically.
Again Joe turned and stared him in the face. The corporal smiled very slightly, but kindly.
Again, Joe turned and looked him in the face. The corporal smiled just a little, but in a friendly way.
“There’ll be murder done one of these days,” said Joe, in a quiet, unimpassioned voice.
“There’s going to be a murder one of these days,” Joe said in a calm, emotionless voice.
“So long as it’s by daylight—” replied Albert. Then he went over, sat down by Joe, put his hand on his shoulder affectionately, and continued, “What is it, boy? What’s gone wrong? You can trust me, can’t you?”
“So long as it’s during the day—” replied Albert. Then he walked over, sat down next to Joe, put his hand on his shoulder in a friendly way, and continued, “What’s up, kid? What’s gone wrong? You can trust me, right?”
Joe turned and looked curiously at the face so near to his.
Joe turned and curiously looked at the face so close to his.
“It’s nothing, that’s all,” he said laconically.
“It’s nothing, that’s it,” he said casually.
Albert frowned.
Albert scowled.
“Then who’s going to be murdered?—and who’s going to do the murdering?—me or you—which is it, boy?” He smiled gently at the stupid youth, looking straight at him all the while, into his eyes. Gradually the stupid, hunted, glowering look died out of Joe’s eyes. He turned his head aside, gently, as one rousing from a spell.
“Then who's going to get killed?—and who's going to do the killing?—me or you—which is it, kid?” He smiled softly at the clueless young man, looking directly into his eyes the whole time. Gradually, the dumb, frightened, angry look faded from Joe’s eyes. He turned his head away gently, like someone waking up from a trance.
“I don’t want her,” he said, with fierce resentment.
“I don’t want her,” he said, with burning resentment.
“Then you needn’t have her,” said Albert. “What do you go for, boy?”
“Then you don’t have to have her,” Albert said. “What are you into, man?”
But it wasn’t as simple as all that. Joe made no remark.
But it wasn't that straightforward. Joe didn't say anything.
“She’s a smart-looking girl. What’s wrong with her, my boy? I should have thought you were a lucky chap, myself.”
“She's a smart-looking girl. What's wrong with her, my boy? I would have thought you were a lucky guy, honestly.”
“I don’t want ’er,” Joe barked, with ferocity and resentment.
“I don’t want her,” Joe snapped, full of anger and bitterness.
“Then tell her so and have done,” said Albert. He waited awhile. There was no response. “Why don’t you?” he added.
“Then just tell her and be done with it,” said Albert. He waited for a bit. There was no response. “Why not?” he added.
“Because I don’t,” confessed Joe, sulkily.
“Because I don’t,” Joe admitted, pouting.
Albert pondered—rubbed his head.
Albert thought—rubbed his head.
“You’re too soft-hearted, that’s where it is, boy. You want your mettle dipping in cold water, to temper it. You’re too soft-hearted—”
“You’re too soft-hearted, that’s the problem, kid. You need your courage tested in cold water to toughen it up. You’re too soft-hearted—”
He laid his arm affectionately across the shoulders of the younger man. Joe seemed to yield a little towards him.
He draped his arm warmly over the younger man's shoulders. Joe appeared to lean in slightly towards him.
“When are you going to see her again?” Albert asked. For a long time there was no answer.
“When are you going to see her again?” Albert asked. For a long time, there was no answer.
“When is it, boy?” persisted the softened voice of the corporal.
“When is it, kid?” pressed the gentler voice of the corporal.
“Tomorrow,” confessed Joe.
"Tomorrow," Joe admitted.
“Then let me go,” said Albert. “Let me go, will you?”
“Then let me leave,” said Albert. “Let me leave, okay?”
The morrow was Sunday, a sunny day, but a cold evening. The sky was grey, the new foliage very green, but the air was chill and depressing. Albert walked briskly down the white road towards Beeley. He crossed a larch plantation, and followed a narrow by-road, where blue speedwell flowers fell from the banks into the dust. He walked swinging his cane, with mixed sensations. Then having gone a certain length, he turned and began to walk in the opposite direction.
The next day was Sunday, a sunny day, but it turned cold in the evening. The sky was gray, the new leaves were bright green, but the air felt chilly and gloomy. Albert walked quickly down the white road toward Beeley. He passed through a larch grove and followed a narrow side road, where blue speedwell flowers dropped from the banks into the dirt. He walked, swinging his cane, feeling a mix of emotions. After a while, he turned around and started walking back the way he came.
So he saw a young woman approaching him. She was wearing a wide hat of grey straw, and a loose, swinging dress of nigger-grey velvet. She walked with slow inevitability. Albert faltered a little as he approached her. Then he saluted her, and his roguish, slightly withered skin flushed. She was staring straight into his face.
So he saw a young woman walking toward him. She had a wide gray straw hat on and a flowing, loose dress made of dark gray velvet. She walked with a slow, steady pace. Albert hesitated a bit as he got closer to her. Then he greeted her, and his mischievous, slightly weathered skin turned red. She was looking directly at his face.
He fell in by her side, saying impudently:
He slipped in next to her, saying shamelessly:
“Not so nice for a walk as it was, is it?”
“It's not as nice for a walk as it used to be, right?”
She only stared at him. He looked back at her.
She just stared at him. He looked back at her.
“You’ve seen me before, you know,” he said, grinning slightly. “Perhaps you never noticed me. Oh, I’m quite nice looking, in a quiet way, you know. What—?”
“You’ve seen me before, you know,” he said, smiling a bit. “Maybe you never paid attention to me. Oh, I’m pretty good-looking, in a subtle way, you know. What—?”
But Miss Stokes did not speak: she only stared with large, icy blue eyes at him. He became self-conscious, lifted up his chin, walked with his nose in the air, and whistled at random. So they went down the quiet, deserted grey lane. He was whistling the air: “I’m Gilbert, the filbert, the colonel of the nuts.”
But Miss Stokes didn’t say anything: she just stared at him with her big, icy blue eyes. He felt awkward, lifted his chin, walked with his nose in the air, and whistled absentmindedly. So they continued down the quiet, empty grey lane. He was whistling the tune: “I’m Gilbert, the filbert, the colonel of the nuts.”
At last she found her voice:
At last, she found her voice:
“Where’s Joe?”
"Where's Joe?"
“He thought you’d like a change: they say variety’s the salt of life—that’s why I’m mostly in pickle.”
“He thought you’d appreciate a change: they say variety is the spice of life—that's why I’m mostly in a jam.”
“Where is he?”
"Where's he?"
“Am I my brother’s keeper? He’s gone his own ways.”
“Am I responsible for my brother? He’s chosen his own path.”
“Where?”
“Where at?”
“Nay, how am I to know? Not so far but he’ll be back for supper.”
“Nah, how am I supposed to know? It’s not like he won’t be back for dinner.”
She stopped in the middle of the lane. He stopped facing her.
She paused in the middle of the lane. He stopped facing her.
“Where’s Joe?” she asked.
“Where's Joe?” she asked.
He struck a careless attitude, looked down the road this way and that, lifted his eyebrows, pushed his khaki cap on one side, and answered:
He acted nonchalant, glanced down the road in both directions, raised his eyebrows, tilted his khaki cap to the side, and replied:
“He is not conducting the service tonight: he asked me if I’d officiate.”
“He’s not leading the service tonight: he asked me if I’d take over.”
“Why hasn’t he come?”
“Why hasn’t he shown up?”
“Didn’t want to, I expect. I wanted to.”
“Didn’t want to, I guess. I wanted to.”
She stared him up and down, and he felt uncomfortable in his spine, but maintained his air of nonchalance. Then she turned slowly on her heel, and started to walk back. The corporal went at her side.
She looked him up and down, making him feel uneasy, but he kept his cool. Then she turned slowly on her heel and started to walk away. The corporal walked alongside her.
“You’re not going back, are you?” he pleaded. “Why, me and you, we should get on like a house on fire.”
“You're not really going back, are you?” he asked earnestly. “Come on, you and I should get along great.”
She took no heed, but walked on. He went uncomfortably at her side, making his funny remarks from time to time. But she was as if stone deaf. He glanced at her, and to his dismay saw the tears running down her cheeks. He stopped suddenly, and pushed back his cap.
She ignored him and kept walking. He awkwardly stayed by her side, making his jokes now and then. But she seemed completely oblivious. He looked at her and, to his surprise, saw tears streaming down her face. He abruptly stopped and pushed his cap back.
“I say, you know—” he began.
“I mean, you know—” he started.
But she was walking on like an automaton, and he had to hurry after her.
But she was walking on like a robot, and he had to hurry to catch up with her.
She never spoke to him. At the gate of her farm she walked straight in, as if he were not there. He watched her disappear. Then he turned on his heel, cursing silently, puzzled, lifting off his cap to scratch his head.
She never talked to him. At the gate of her farm, she walked right by him as if he weren't there. He watched her walk away and then turned on his heel, cursing quietly, confused, and took off his cap to scratch his head.
That night, when they were in bed, he remarked: “Say, Joe, boy; strikes me you’re well-off without Monkey-nuts. Gord love us, beans ain’t in it.”
That night, when they were in bed, he said: “Hey, Joe, it seems to me you’re doing pretty well without Monkey-nuts. Goodness, beans can’t compare.”
So they slept in amity. But they waited with some anxiety for the morrow.
So they slept peacefully. But they felt a bit anxious about the next day.
It was a cold morning, a grey sky shifting in a cold wind, and threatening rain. They watched the wagon come up the road and through the yard gates. Miss Stokes was with her team as usual; her “Whoa!” rang out like a war-whoop.
It was a chilly morning, with a gray sky moving in a cold wind and hinting at rain. They saw the wagon coming up the road and through the yard gates. Miss Stokes was there with her team as usual; her “Whoa!” echoed like a battle cry.
She faced up at the truck where the two men stood.
She looked up at the truck where the two men were standing.
“Joe!” she called, to the averted figure which stood up in the wind.
“Joe!” she called out to the turned-away figure standing in the wind.
“What?” he turned unwillingly.
“What?” he turned reluctantly.
She made a queer movement, lifting her head slightly in a sipping, half-inviting, half-commanding gesture. And Joe was crouching already to jump off the truck to obey her, when Albert put his hand on his shoulder.
She made a strange movement, tilting her head slightly in a sipping, half-inviting, half-commanding gesture. And Joe was already crouching to jump off the truck to follow her request when Albert put his hand on his shoulder.
“Half a minute, boy! Where are you off? Work’s work, and nuts is nuts. You stop here.”
“Hold on a second, kid! Where do you think you’re going? Work is work, and nonsense is nonsense. You stay here.”
Joe slowly straightened himself.
Joe gradually stood up.
“Joe!” came the woman’s clear call from below.
“Joe!” called the woman clearly from below.
Again Joe looked at her. But Albert’s hand was on his shoulder, detaining him. He stood half averted, with his tail between his legs.
Again Joe looked at her. But Albert’s hand was on his shoulder, holding him back. He stood turned slightly away, feeling nervous.
“Take your hand off him, you!” said Miss Stokes.
“Take your hand off him, you!” said Miss Stokes.
“Yes, Major,” retorted Albert satirically.
“Yes, Major,” Albert replied sarcastically.
She stood and watched.
She stood and observed.
“Joe!” Her voice rang for the third time.
“Joe!” Her voice echoed for the third time.
Joe turned and looked at her, and a slow, jeering smile gathered on his face.
Joe turned to her, and a slow, mocking smile spread across his face.
“Monkey-nuts!” he replied, in a tone mocking her call.
“Monkey-nuts!” he replied, mocking her call.
She turned white—dead white. The men thought she would fall. Albert began yelling to the porters up the line to come and help with the load. He could yell like any non-commissioned officer upon occasion.
She turned pale—really pale. The guys thought she was going to collapse. Albert started shouting to the porters further up the line to come and help with the load. He could yell like any sergeant when he needed to.
Some way or other the wagon was unloaded, the girl was gone. Joe and his corporal looked at one another and smiled slowly. But they had a weight on their minds, they were afraid.
Somehow, the wagon was unloaded, and the girl was gone. Joe and his corporal exchanged slow smiles. But there was a heaviness in their minds; they were worried.
They were reassured, however, when they found that Miss Stokes came no more with the hay. As far as they were concerned, she had vanished into oblivion. And Joe felt more relieved even than he had felt when he heard the firing cease, after the news had come that the armistice was signed.
They felt reassured, though, when they realized that Miss Stokes no longer brought the hay. To them, she seemed to have disappeared completely. Joe felt even more relieved than he did when he heard the gunfire stop after the news broke that the armistice was signed.
WINTRY PEACOCK
There was thin, crisp snow on the ground, the sky was blue, the wind very cold, the air clear. Farmers were just turning out the cows for an hour or so in the midday, and the smell of cow-sheds was unendurable as I entered Tible. I noticed the ash-twigs up in the sky were pale and luminous, passing into the blue. And then I saw the peacocks. There they were in the road before me, three of them, and tailless, brown, speckled birds, with dark-blue necks and ragged crests. They stepped archly over the filigree snow, and their bodies moved with slow motion, like small, light, flat-bottomed boats. I admired them, they were curious. Then a gust of wind caught them, heeled them over as if they were three frail boats opening their feathers like ragged sails. They hopped and skipped with discomfort, to get out of the draught of the wind. And then, in the lee of the walls, they resumed their arch, wintry motion, light and unballasted now their tails were gone, indifferent. They were indifferent to my presence. I might have touched them. They turned off to the shelter of an open shed.
There was a thin layer of crisp snow on the ground, the sky was blue, the wind was really cold, and the air was clear. Farmers were just letting the cows out for an hour or so at midday, and the smell from the cow sheds was unbearable as I entered Tible. I noticed the ash twigs in the sky were pale and glowing, blending into the blue. And then I saw the peacocks. There they were in the road in front of me, three tailless, brown, speckled birds with dark-blue necks and ragged crests. They stepped delicately over the delicate snow, their bodies moving in slow motion like small, light, flat-bottomed boats. I admired them; they were fascinating. Then a gust of wind caught them, tipping them over as if they were three fragile boats unfurling their feathers like tattered sails. They hopped and skipped uncomfortably to escape the chill of the wind. And then, sheltered by the walls, they resumed their elegant, wintry movements, light and unburdened now that their tails were gone, indifferent. They seemed indifferent to my presence. I could have reached out and touched them. They turned toward the shelter of an open shed.
As I passed the end of the upper house, I saw a young woman just coming out of the back door. I had spoken to her in the summer. She recognised me at once, and waved to me. She was carrying a pail, wearing a white apron that was longer than her preposterously short skirt, and she had on the cotton bonnet. I took off my hat to her and was going on. But she put down her pail and darted with a swift, furtive movement after me.
As I walked past the end of the upper house, I saw a young woman stepping out of the back door. I had talked to her in the summer. She recognized me immediately and waved. She was holding a pail, wearing a white apron that was longer than her ridiculously short skirt, and she had on a cotton bonnet. I took off my hat to her and started to move on. But she set down her pail and quickly darted after me with a sneaky motion.
“Do you mind waiting a minute?” she said. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Do you mind waiting a minute?” she said. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
She gave me a slight, odd smile, and ran back. Her face was long and sallow and her nose rather red. But her gloomy black eyes softened caressively to me for a moment, with that momentary humility which makes a man lord of the earth.
She gave me a slight, strange smile and ran back. Her face was long and pale, and her nose was somewhat red. But her dark, sad eyes softened towards me for a moment, with that brief humility that makes a person feel like they own the world.
I stood in the road, looking at the fluffy, dark-red young cattle that mooed and seemed to bark at me. They seemed happy, frisky cattle, a little impudent, and either determined to go back into the warm shed, or determined not to go back, I could not decide which.
I stood in the road, watching the fluffy, dark-red young cows that mooed and seemed to bark at me. They looked happy and playful, a bit cheeky, and I couldn’t tell if they were eager to head back to the warm shed or if they were just as determined not to go back.
Presently the woman came forward again, her head rather ducked. But she looked up at me and smiled, with that odd, immediate intimacy, something witch-like and impossible.
Currently, the woman stepped forward again, her head slightly lowered. But she looked up at me and smiled, with that strange, instant closeness, something almost magical and unreal.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” she said. “Shall we stand in this cart-shed—it will be more out of the wind.”
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” she said. “Shall we stand in this cart shed? It’ll be more sheltered from the wind.”
So we stood among the shafts of the open cart-shed that faced the road. Then she looked down at the ground, a little sideways, and I noticed a small black frown on her brows. She seemed to brood for a moment. Then she looked straight into my eyes, so that I blinked and wanted to turn my face aside. She was searching me for something and her look was too near. The frown was still on her keen, sallow brow.
So we stood among the beams of the open cart shed that faced the road. Then she glanced down at the ground, a bit sideways, and I noticed a small dark frown on her forehead. She seemed to think for a moment. Then she looked directly into my eyes, making me blink and wanting to look away. She was searching me for something, and her gaze felt too intense. The frown was still there on her sharp, pale brow.
“Can you speak French?” she asked me abruptly.
“Can you speak French?” she asked me suddenly.
“More or less,” I replied.
"More or less," I said.
“I was supposed to learn it at school,” she said. “But I don’t know a word.” She ducked her head and laughed, with a slightly ugly grimace and a rolling of her black eyes.
“I was supposed to learn it in school,” she said. “But I don’t know a thing.” She lowered her head and laughed, with a somewhat awkward grimace and a roll of her dark eyes.
“No good keeping your mind full of scraps,” I answered.
“No point in keeping your mind filled with random bits,” I replied.
But she had turned aside her sallow, long face, and did not hear what I said. Suddenly again she looked at me. She was searching. And at the same time she smiled at me, and her eyes looked softly, darkly, with infinite trustful humility into mine. I was being cajoled.
But she had turned away her pale, long face and didn’t hear what I said. Suddenly she looked at me again. She was searching. At the same time, she smiled at me, and her eyes gazed softly, darkly, with infinite trusting humility into mine. I was being charmed.
“Would you mind reading a letter for me, in French,” she said, her face immediately black and bitter-looking. She glanced at me, frowning.
“Could you read a letter for me, in French?” she asked, her face instantly dark and sour. She looked at me, frowning.
“Not at all,” I said.
"Not at all," I said.
“It’s a letter to my husband,” she said, still scrutinizing.
“It’s a letter to my husband,” she said, still examining it closely.
I looked at her, and didn’t quite realise. She looked too far into me, my wits were gone. She glanced round. Then she looked at me shrewdly. She drew a letter from her pocket, and handed it to me. It was addressed from France to Lance-Corporal Goyte, at Tible. I took out the letter and began to read it, as mere words. “Mon cher Alfred”—it might have been a bit of a torn newspaper. So I followed the script: the trite phrases of a letter from a French-speaking girl to an English soldier. “I think of you always, always. Do you think sometimes of me?” And then I vaguely realised that I was reading a man’s private correspondence. And yet, how could one consider these trivial, facile French phrases private! Nothing more trite and vulgar in the world, than such a love-letter—no newspaper more obvious.
I looked at her, not fully understanding. She seemed to see right through me, and my thoughts scattered. She glanced around, then focused on me with a knowing look. She pulled a letter from her pocket and handed it to me. It was addressed from France to Lance-Corporal Goyte, at Tible. I took out the letter and started reading it, just the words. “Mon cher Alfred”—it could have been a scrap of a newspaper. So I followed along: the clichéd phrases of a letter from a French girl to an English soldier. “I think of you always, always. Do you think of me sometimes?” Then it hit me that I was reading someone’s private correspondence. But how could these trivial, simple French phrases be considered private? There’s nothing more clichéd and cringeworthy in the world than a love letter like this—no newspaper more obvious.
Therefore I read with a callous heart the effusions of the Belgian damsel. But then I gathered my attention. For the letter went on, “Notre cher petit bébé—our dear little baby was born a week ago. Almost I died, knowing you were far away, and perhaps forgetting the fruit of our perfect love. But the child comforted me. He has the smiling eyes and virile air of his English father. I pray to the Mother of Jesus to send me the dear father of my child, that I may see him with my child in his arms, and that we may be united in holy family love. Ah, my Alfred, can I tell you how I miss you, how I weep for you. My thoughts are with you always, I think of nothing but you, I live for nothing but you and our dear baby. If you do not come back to me soon, I shall die, and our child will die. But no, you cannot come back to me. But I can come to you, come to England with our child. If you do not wish to present me to your good mother and father, you can meet me in some town, some city, for I shall be so frightened to be alone in England with my child, and no one to take care of us. Yet I must come to you, I must bring my child, my little Alfred to his father, the big, beautiful Alfred that I love so much. Oh, write and tell me where I shall come. I have some money, I am not a penniless creature. I have money for myself and my dear baby—”
Therefore, I read with a cold heart the letters from the Belgian woman. But then I focused. The letter continued, “Notre cher petit bébé—our dear little baby was born a week ago. I nearly died, knowing you were far away and might forget the result of our perfect love. But the child comforted me. He has the smiling eyes and strong look of his English father. I pray to the Mother of Jesus to send me the dear father of my child so I can see him holding our baby, and that we can be united in holy family love. Ah, my Alfred, can I express how much I miss you, how I cry for you? My thoughts are always with you; I think of nothing but you, I live for nothing but you and our dear baby. If you don’t come back to me soon, I will die, and our child will die. But no, you cannot return to me. However, I can come to you, come to England with our child. If you don’t want to introduce me to your good mother and father, we can meet in some town or city because I’ll be so scared to be alone in England with my child and no one to take care of us. Yet I must come to you; I must bring my child, my little Alfred, to his father, the big, beautiful Alfred that I love so much. Oh, write and tell me where I should go. I have some money; I am not broke. I have money for myself and my dear baby—”
I read to the end. It was signed: “Your very happy and still more unhappy Élise.” I suppose I must have been smiling.
I read until the end. It was signed: “Your very happy and even more unhappy Élise.” I guess I must have been smiling.
“I can see it makes you laugh,” said Mrs. Goyte, sardonically. I looked up at her.
“I can see it makes you laugh,” Mrs. Goyte said with a sarcastic tone. I looked up at her.
“It’s a love-letter, I know that,” she said. “There’s too many ‘Alfreds’ in it.”
“It’s a love letter, I know,” she said. “There are too many ‘Alfreds’ in it.”
“One too many,” I said.
"One too many," I said.
“Oh, yes—And what does she say—Eliza? We know her name’s Eliza, that’s another thing.” She grimaced a little, looking up at me with a mocking laugh.
“Oh, yes—And what does she say—Eliza? We know her name’s Eliza, that’s another thing.” She made a slight grimace, looking up at me with a sarcastic laugh.
“Where did you get this letter?” I said.
“Where did you get this letter?” I asked.
“Postman gave it me last week.”
“Postman gave it to me last week.”
“And is your husband at home?”
“Is your husband home?”
“I expect him home tonight. He’s been wounded, you know, and we’ve been applying for him home. He was home about six weeks ago—he’s been in Scotland since then. Oh, he was wounded in the leg. Yes, he’s all right, a great strapping fellow. But he’s lame, he limps a bit. He expects he’ll get his discharge—but I don’t think he will. We married? We’ve been married six years—and he joined up the first day of the war. Oh, he thought he’d like the life. He’d been through the South African War. No, he was sick of it, fed up. I’m living with his father and mother—I’ve no home of my own now. My people had a big farm—over a thousand acres—in Oxfordshire. Not like here—no. Oh, they’re very good to me, his father and mother. Oh, yes, they couldn’t be better. They think more of me than of their own daughters. But it’s not like being in a place of your own, is it? You can’t really do as you like. No, there’s only me and his father and mother at home. Before the war? Oh, he was anything. He’s had a good education—but he liked the farming better. Then he was a chauffeur. That’s how he knew French. He was driving a gentleman in France for a long time—”
“I expect him home tonight. He’s been wounded, you know, and we’ve been waiting for him to come back. He was home about six weeks ago—he’s been in Scotland since then. Oh, he was hurt in the leg. Yes, he’s fine, a really strong guy. But he’s limping a bit. He thinks he’ll get his discharge—but I don’t think he will. Are we married? We’ve been married six years—and he signed up on the first day of the war. Oh, he thought he’d enjoy the life. He went through the South African War. No, he got tired of it, just fed up. I’m living with his parents—I don’t have a home of my own now. My family had a big farm—over a thousand acres—in Oxfordshire. It’s not like here—no. Oh, they’re really good to me, his parents. Oh, yes, they couldn’t treat me better. They care more about me than their own daughters. But it’s not the same as living in your own place, is it? You can’t really do what you want. No, it’s just me and his parents at home. Before the war? Oh, he did everything. He had a good education—but he preferred farming. Then he was a chauffeur. That’s how he learned French. He spent a long time driving a gentleman in France—”
At this point the peacocks came round the corner on a puff of wind.
At this moment, the peacocks appeared around the corner on a gust of wind.
“Hello, Joey!” she called, and one of the birds came forward, on delicate legs. Its grey speckled back was very elegant, it rolled its full, dark-blue neck as it moved to her. She crouched down. “Joey, dear,” she said, in an odd, saturnine caressive voice, “you’re bound to find me, aren’t you?” She put her face forward, and the bird rolled his neck, almost touching her face with his beak, as if kissing her.
“Hey, Joey!” she called, and one of the birds stepped forward on its slender legs. Its gray speckled back looked really elegant as it rolled its full, dark blue neck while approaching her. She crouched down. “Joey, honey,” she said in a strange, playful tone, “you’re going to find me, right?” She leaned in, and the bird rolled his neck, almost brushing his beak against her face, like he was giving her a kiss.
“He loves you,” I said.
“I love you,” I said.
She twisted her face up at me with a laugh.
She laughed and made a funny face at me.
“Yes,” she said, “he loves me, Joey does,”—then, to the bird—“and I love Joey, don’t I. I do love Joey.” And she smoothed his feathers for a moment. Then she rose, saying: “He’s an affectionate bird.”
“Yeah,” she said, “he loves me, Joey does,”—then, to the bird—“and I love Joey, right? I really love Joey.” And she smoothed his feathers for a moment. Then she got up, saying: “He’s such a loving bird.”
I smiled at the roll of her “bir-rrd’.
I smiled at the way she said "bir-rrd."
“Oh, yes, he is,” she protested. “He came with me from my home seven years ago. Those others are his descendants—but they’re not like Joey—are they, dee-urr?” Her voice rose at the end with a witch-like cry.
“Oh, yes, he is,” she protested. “He came with me from my home seven years ago. Those others are his descendants—but they’re not like Joey—are they, dear?” Her voice rose at the end with a witch-like cry.
Then she forgot the birds in the cart-shed and turned to business again.
Then she forgot about the birds in the cart shed and got back to work.
“Won’t you read that letter?” she said. “Read it, so that I know what it says.”
“Can you please read that letter?” she said. “Read it, so I know what it says.”
“It’s rather behind his back,” I said.
“It’s kind of behind his back,” I said.
“Oh, never mind him,” she cried. “He’s been behind my back long enough—all these four years. If he never did no worse things behind my back than I do behind his, he wouldn’t have cause to grumble. You read me what it says.”
“Oh, forget him,” she exclaimed. “He’s been doing this behind my back for way too long—four whole years. If he didn’t do worse things behind my back than I do behind his, he wouldn’t have any reason to complain. Just read me what it says.”
Now I felt a distinct reluctance to do as she bid, and yet I began—“My dear Alfred.”
Now I felt a clear hesitation to do what she asked, and yet I started—“My dear Alfred.”
“I guessed that much,” she said. “Eliza’s dear Alfred.” She laughed. “How do you say it in French? Eliza?”
“I figured that out,” she said. “Eliza’s dear Alfred.” She laughed. “How do you say it in French? Eliza?”
I told her, and she repeated the name with great contempt—Élise.
I told her, and she repeated the name with a lot of disdain—Élise.
“Go on,” she said. “You’re not reading.”
“Go ahead,” she said. “You’re not reading.”
So I began—“I have been thinking of you sometimes—have you been thinking of me?”—
So I started—“I’ve been thinking about you sometimes—have you been thinking about me?”—
“Of several others as well, beside her, I’ll wager,” said Mrs. Goyte.
“I'm betting there are a few others besides her,” said Mrs. Goyte.
“Probably not,” said I, and continued. “A dear little baby was born here a week ago. Ah, can I tell you my feelings when I take my darling little brother into my arms—”
“Probably not,” I said, and went on. “A sweet baby was born here a week ago. Ah, can I share my feelings when I hold my precious little brother in my arms—”
“I’ll bet it’s his,” cried Mrs. Goyte.
“I’ll bet it’s his,” yelled Mrs. Goyte.
“No,” I said. “It’s her mother’s.”
“No,” I said. “It belongs to her mother.”
“Don’t you believe it,” she cried. “It’s a blind. You mark, it’s her own right enough—and his.”
“Don't you believe it,” she exclaimed. “It's a trap. Just watch, it's definitely hers—and his.”
“No,” I said, “it’s her mother’s.” “He has sweet smiling eyes, but not like your beautiful English eyes—”
“No,” I said, “it belongs to her mother.” “He has sweet, smiling eyes, but not like your beautiful English eyes—”
She suddenly struck her hand on her skirt with a wild motion, and bent down, doubled with laughter. Then she rose and covered her face with her hand.
She suddenly slapped her hand against her skirt in a wild gesture and bent down, doubled over with laughter. Then she stood up and covered her face with her hand.
“I’m forced to laugh at the beautiful English eyes,” she said.
“I can't help but laugh at those beautiful English eyes,” she said.
“Aren’t his eyes beautiful?” I asked.
“Aren’t his eyes gorgeous?” I asked.
“Oh, yes—very! Go on!—Joey, dear, dee-urr, Joey!”—this to the peacock.
“Oh, yes—definitely! Go on!—Joey, dear, sweetheart, Joey!”—this to the peacock.
—“Er—We miss you very much. We all miss you. We wish you were here to see the darling baby. Ah, Alfred, how happy we were when you stayed with us. We all loved you so much. My mother will call the baby Alfred so that we shall never forget you—”
—“Um—We miss you a lot. We all miss you. We really wish you were here to see the sweet baby. Oh, Alfred, we were so happy when you stayed with us. We all cared for you deeply. My mom will name the baby Alfred so that we will always remember you—”
“Of course it’s his right enough,” cried Mrs. Goyte.
“Of course it’s his right,” shouted Mrs. Goyte.
“No,” I said. “It’s the mother’s.” Er—“My mother is very well. My father came home yesterday—on leave. He is delighted with his son, my little brother, and wishes to have him named after you, because you were so good to us all in that terrible time, which I shall never forget. I must weep now when I think of it. Well, you are far away in England, and perhaps I shall never see you again. How did you find your dear mother and father? I am so happy that your wound is better, and that you can nearly walk—”
“No,” I said. “It’s the mother’s.” Um—“My mom is doing great. My dad came home yesterday—on leave. He’s really happy with his son, my little brother, and wants to name him after you, because you were so good to us all during that awful time, which I’ll never forget. I feel like crying just thinking about it. Well, you’re far away in England, and maybe I’ll never see you again. How did you find your dear mom and dad? I’m so glad your wound is better, and that you can almost walk—”
“How did he find his dear wife!” cried Mrs. Goyte. “He never told her he had one. Think of taking the poor girl in like that!”
“How did he find his dear wife!” exclaimed Mrs. Goyte. “He never mentioned he had one. Can you imagine taking the poor girl in like that!”
“We are so pleased when you write to us. Yet now you are in England you will forget the family you served so well—”
“We’re so happy when you write to us. But now that you’re in England, you might forget the family you served so well—”
“A bit too well—eh, Joey!” cried the wife.
“A bit too well—eh, Joey!” shouted the wife.
“If it had not been for you we should not be alive now, to grieve and to rejoice in this life, that is so hard for us. But we have recovered some of our losses, and no longer feel the burden of poverty. The little Alfred is a great comfort to me. I hold him to my breast and think of the big, good Alfred, and I weep to think that those times of suffering were perhaps the times of a great happiness that is gone for ever.”
“If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be alive right now, to feel both the pain and joy in this life, which is so tough for us. But we’ve managed to regain some of what we lost, and we no longer feel the weight of poverty. Little Alfred brings me so much comfort. I hold him close and think of the big, wonderful Alfred, and I can’t help but cry to realize that those times of suffering may have been moments of great happiness that are lost forever.”
“Oh, but isn’t it a shame, to take a poor girl in like that!” cried Mrs. Goyte. “Never to let on that he was married, and raise her hopes—I call it beastly, I do.”
“Oh, but isn’t it a shame to take in a poor girl like that!” cried Mrs. Goyte. “Never letting on that he was married and raising her hopes—I think it’s just terrible, I really do.”
“You don’t know,” I said. “You know how anxious women are to fall in love, wife or no wife. How could he help it, if she was determined to fall in love with him?”
“You don’t know,” I said. “You know how eager women are to fall in love, married or not. How could he resist if she was set on falling in love with him?”
“He could have helped it if he’d wanted.”
“He could have stopped it if he had wanted to.”
“Well,” I said, “we aren’t all heroes.”
“Well,” I said, “not everyone is a hero.”
“Oh, but that’s different! The big, good Alfred!—did ever you hear such tommy-rot in your life! Go on—what does she say at the end?”
“Oh, but that’s different! The big, nice Alfred!—have you ever heard such nonsense in your life! Go on—what does she say at the end?”
“Er—We shall be pleased to hear of your life in England. We all send many kind regards to your good parents. I wish you all happiness for your future days. Your very affectionate and ever-grateful Élise.”
“Um—We would love to hear about your life in England. We all send our warm regards to your wonderful parents. I wish you all the happiness in your future days. Your very affectionate and always grateful, Élise.”
There was silence for a moment, during which Mrs. Goyte remained with her head dropped, sinister and abstracted. Suddenly she lifted her face, and her eyes flashed.
There was a moment of silence, during which Mrs. Goyte kept her head down, looking dark and lost in thought. Suddenly, she raised her face, and her eyes lit up.
“Oh, but I call it beastly, I call it mean, to take a girl in like that.”
“Oh, but I think it's cruel, I think it's unfair, to treat a girl like that.”
“Nay,” I said. “Probably he hasn’t taken her in at all. Do you think those French girls are such poor innocent things? I guess she’s a great deal more downy than he.”
“Nah,” I said. “He probably hasn't gotten anywhere with her at all. Do you really think those French girls are that naive? I bet she's a lot savvier than he is.”
“Oh, he’s one of the biggest fools that ever walked,” she cried.
“Oh, he’s one of the biggest idiots that ever lived,” she shouted.
“There you are!” said I.
“There you are!” I said.
“But it’s his child right enough,” she said.
“But it’s definitely his child,” she said.
“I don’t think so,” said I.
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“I’m sure of it.”
"I'm positive."
“Oh, well,” I said, “if you prefer to think that way.”
“Oh, well,” I said, “if that’s how you want to see it.”
“What other reason has she for writing like that—”
“What other reason does she have for writing like that—”
I went out into the road and looked at the cattle.
I went out onto the road and checked out the cattle.
“Who is this driving the cows?” I said. She too came out.
“Who’s driving the cows?” I asked. She stepped outside as well.
“It’s the boy from the next farm,” she said.
“It’s the boy from the next farm,” she said.
“Oh, well,” said I, “those Belgian girls! You never know where their letters will end. And, after all, it’s his affair—you needn’t bother.”
“Oh, well,” I said, “those Belgian girls! You never know where their messages will end up. And, anyway, it’s his problem—you don’t have to worry about it.”
“Oh—!” she cried, with rough scorn—“it’s not me that bothers. But it’s the nasty meanness of it—me writing him such loving letters”—she put her hand before her face and laughed malevolently—“and sending him parcels all the time. You bet he fed that gurrl on my parcels—I know he did. It’s just like him. I’ll bet they laughed together over my letters. I bet anything they did—”
“Oh—!” she exclaimed with harsh disdain—“it’s not me that bothers. It’s the nasty meanness of it—all those loving letters I wrote him”—she covered her face and laughed wickedly—“and sending him packages all the time. You can bet he fed that girl with my packages—I know he did. It’s just like him. I’ll bet they laughed together over my letters. I’d bet anything they did—”
“Nay,” said I. “He’d burn your letters for fear they’d give him away.”
“Nah,” I said. “He’d burn your letters because he’s afraid they’d expose him.”
There was a black look on her yellow face. Suddenly a voice was heard calling. She poked her head out of the shed, and answered coolly:
There was a dark expression on her yellow face. Suddenly, a voice called out. She poked her head out of the shed and replied casually:
“All right!” Then turning to me: “That’s his mother looking after me.”
“All right!” Then turning to me: “That’s his mom taking care of me.”
She laughed into my face, witch-like, and we turned down the road.
She laughed in my face, like a witch, and we walked down the road.
When I awoke, the morning after this episode, I found the house darkened with deep, soft snow, which had blown against the large west windows, covering them with a screen. I went outside, and saw the valley all white and ghastly below me, the trees beneath black and thin looking like wire, the rock-faces dark between the glistening shroud, and the sky above sombre, heavy, yellowish-dark, much too heavy for this world below of hollow bluey whiteness figured with black. I felt I was in a valley of the dead. And I sensed I was a prisoner, for the snow was everywhere deep, and drifted in places. So all the morning I remained indoors, looking up the drive at the shrubs so heavily plumed with snow, at the gateposts raised high with a foot or more of extra whiteness. Or I looked down into the white-and-black valley that was utterly motionless and beyond life, a hollow sarcophagus.
When I woke up the morning after this event, I found the house covered in deep, soft snow that had blown against the large west windows, hiding them completely. I stepped outside and saw the valley below, all white and eerie, with the trees looking thin and black like wire, the rock faces dark between the sparkling blanket, and the sky above gloomy, heavy, and yellowish-dark—much too oppressive for this world below, which was a hollow bluish-white dotted with black. I felt like I was in a valley of the dead. I also sensed that I was trapped, since the snow was deep everywhere and drifted in spots. So all morning, I stayed inside, staring up the driveway at the shrubs heavily weighed down with snow, and at the gateposts topped with over a foot of extra whiteness. Or I looked down into the white-and-black valley that was completely still and lifeless, a hollow tomb.
Nothing stirred the whole day—no plume fell off the shrubs, the valley was as abstracted as a grove of death. I looked over at the tiny, half-buried farms away on the bare uplands beyond the valley hollow, and I thought of Tible in the snow, of the black witch-like little Mrs. Goyte. And the snow seemed to lay me bare to influences I wanted to escape.
Nothing moved all day—no leaves fell from the bushes, the valley felt as lifeless as a graveyard. I glanced over at the small, half-buried farms on the bare hills beyond the valley, and I thought about Tible in the snow, about the dark, witch-like Mrs. Goyte. The snow felt like it exposed me to forces I wanted to avoid.
In the faint glow of the half-clear light that came about four o’clock in the afternoon, I was roused to see a motion in the snow away below, near where the thorn-trees stood very black and dwarfed, like a little savage group, in the dismal white. I watched closely. Yes, there was a flapping and a struggle—a big bird, it must be, labouring in the snow. I wondered. Our biggest birds, in the valley, were the large hawks that often hung flickering opposite my windows, level with me, but high above some prey on the steep valleyside. This was much too big for a hawk—too big for any known bird. I searched in my mind for the largest English wild birds, geese, buzzards.
In the faint light that came around four in the afternoon, I was suddenly alert to see some movement in the snow down below, near the thorn trees that stood black and small, like a little wild group, against the bleak white backdrop. I watched intently. Yes, there was flapping and struggling—a large bird, it had to be, struggling in the snow. I was curious. The largest birds in the valley were the big hawks that often hovered just outside my windows, level with me but high above some prey on the steep valley side. This was way too big for a hawk—too big for any bird I knew. I racked my brain for the biggest wild birds in England—geese, buzzards.
Still it laboured and strove, then was still, a dark spot, then struggled again. I went out of the house and down the steep slope, at risk of breaking my leg between the rocks. I knew the ground so well—and yet I got well shaken before I drew near the thorn-trees.
Still it worked hard and fought, then stopped, a dark spot, then struggled again. I left the house and headed down the steep slope, risking a leg injury on the rocks. I knew the ground so well—and yet I was pretty rattled before I got close to the thorn trees.
Yes, it was a bird. It was Joey. It was the grey-brown peacock with a blue neck. He was snow-wet and spent.
Yes, it was a bird. It was Joey. It was the gray-brown peacock with a blue neck. He was soaked and exhausted.
“Joey—Joey, de-urr!” I said, staggering unevenly towards him. He looked so pathetic, rowing and struggling in the snow, too spent to rise, his blue neck stretching out and lying sometimes on the snow, his eye closing and opening quickly, his crest all battered.
“Joey—Joey, come here!” I said, stumbling toward him. He looked so pitiful, struggling in the snow, too worn out to get up, his blue neck stretching out and resting on the snow at times, his eye blinking rapidly, his crest all messed up.
“Joey dee-uur! Dee-urr!” I said caressingly to him. And at last he lay still, blinking, in the surged and furrowed snow, whilst I came near and touched him, stroked him, gathered him under my arm. He stretched his long, wetted neck away from me as I held him, none the less he was quiet in my arm, too tired, perhaps, to struggle. Still he held his poor, crested head away from me, and seemed sometimes to droop, to wilt, as if he might suddenly die.
“Joey, dear! Come here!” I said lovingly to him. Finally, he lay still, blinking in the piled and uneven snow, while I approached and touched him, stroked him, and pulled him under my arm. He stretched his long, wet neck away from me as I held him, but he was quiet in my arms, probably too exhausted to fight back. Still, he kept his poor, drooping head away from me and occasionally seemed to slump, as if he might suddenly pass away.
He was not so heavy as I expected, yet it was a struggle to get up to the house with him again. We set him down, not too near the fire, and gently wiped him with cloths. He submitted, only now and then stretched his soft neck away from us, avoiding us helplessly. Then we set warm food by him. I put it to his beak, tried to make him eat. But he ignored it. He seemed to be ignorant of what we were doing, recoiled inside himself inexplicably. So we put him in a basket with cloths, and left him crouching oblivious. His food we put near him. The blinds were drawn, the house was warm, it was night. Sometimes he stirred, but mostly he huddled still, leaning his queer crested head on one side. He touched no food, and took no heed of sounds or movements. We talked of brandy or stimulants. But I realised we had best leave him alone.
He wasn't as heavy as I thought he would be, but it was still a struggle to get him back to the house. We set him down, keeping a distance from the fire, and carefully wiped him with cloths. He tolerated it, occasionally stretching his soft neck away from us, trying to avoid us helplessly. Then we placed warm food by him. I put it up to his beak, trying to get him to eat. But he ignored it. He seemed clueless about what we were doing, retreating into himself for no apparent reason. So we put him in a basket with cloths and left him huddled there, unaware. We placed his food nearby. The blinds were drawn, the house was warm, and it was night. Sometimes he moved, but mostly he stayed still, leaning his oddly crested head to one side. He didn't touch the food and paid no attention to sounds or movement. We discussed giving him brandy or stimulants. But I realized it was best to just leave him alone.
In the night, however, we heard him thumping about. I got up anxiously with a candle. He had eaten some food, and scattered more, making a mess. And he was perched on the back of a heavy arm-chair. So I concluded he was recovered, or recovering.
In the night, though, we heard him making noise. I got up worried with a candle. He had eaten some food and made a mess, scattering more around. And he was sitting on the back of a heavy armchair. So, I figured he was better or on the mend.
The next day was clear, and the snow had frozen, so I decided to carry him back to Tible. He consented, after various flappings, to sit in a big fish-bag with his battered head peeping out with wild uneasiness. And so I set off with him, slithering down into the valley, making good progress down in the pale shadow beside the rushing waters, then climbing painfully up the arrested white valleyside, plumed with clusters of young pine trees, into the paler white radiance of the snowy, upper regions, where the wind cut fine. Joey seemed to watch all the time with wide anxious, unseeing eye, brilliant and inscrutable. As I drew near to Tible township he stirred violently in the bag, though I do not know if he had recognised the place. Then, as I came to the sheds, he looked sharply from side to side, and stretched his neck out long. I was a little afraid of him. He gave a loud, vehement yell, opening his sinister beak, and I stood still, looking at him as he struggled in the bag, shaken myself by his struggles, yet not thinking to release him.
The next day was clear, and the snow had frozen, so I decided to carry him back to Tible. He agreed, after some flapping around, to sit in a big fish bag with his battered head poking out, looking wild and uneasy. So I set off with him, sliding down into the valley, making good progress in the pale shadow beside the rushing waters, then painfully climbing up the snowy hillside, dotted with clusters of young pine trees, into the brighter white of the snowy upper regions, where the wind was sharp. Joey seemed to watch the whole time with wide, anxious, unseeing eyes—brilliant and mysterious. As I got closer to Tible township, he stirred wildly in the bag, though I couldn't tell if he recognized the place. Then, when I reached the sheds, he looked sharply from side to side and stretched his neck out. I was a bit afraid of him. He let out a loud, intense yell, opening his menacing beak, and I stood still, watching him as he struggled in the bag, shaken by his movements but not thinking to let him out.
Mrs. Goyte came darting past the end of the house, her head sticking forward in sharp scrutiny. She saw me, and came forward.
Mrs. Goyte dashed past the end of the house, her head jutting forward in keen observation. She spotted me and approached.
“Have you got Joey?” she cried sharply, as if I were a thief.
“Do you have Joey?” she shouted sharply, as if I were a criminal.
I opened the bag, and he flopped out, flapping as if he hated the touch of the snow now. She gathered him up, and put her lips to his beak. She was flushed and handsome, her eyes bright, her hair slack, thick, but more witch-like than ever. She did not speak.
I opened the bag, and he fell out, flapping as if he hated the snow now. She picked him up and pressed her lips to his beak. She looked flushed and attractive, her eyes bright, her hair loose and thick, but more witch-like than ever. She didn’t say a word.
She had been followed by a grey-haired woman with a round, rather sallow face and a slightly hostile bearing.
She was being followed by an older woman with gray hair, a round, somewhat pale face, and a slightly unfriendly demeanor.
“Did you bring him with you, then?” she asked sharply. I answered that I had rescued him the previous evening.
“Did you bring him with you, then?” she asked sharply. I replied that I had saved him the night before.
From the background slowly approached a slender man with a grey moustache and large patches on his trousers.
From the background, a thin man with a grey mustache and big stains on his pants slowly walked forward.
“You’ve got ’im back ’gain, ah see,” he said to his daughter-in-law. His wife explained how I had found Joey.
“You’ve got him back again, I see,” he said to his daughter-in-law. His wife explained how I had found Joey.
“Ah,” went on the grey man. “It wor our Alfred scared him off, back your life. He must’a flyed ower t’valley. Tha ma’ thank thy stars as ’e wor fun, Maggie. ’E’d a bin froze. They a bit nesh, you know,” he concluded to me.
“Ah,” the grey man continued. “It was our Alfred who scared him off, for sure. He must have flown over the valley. You should thank your lucky stars he was just playing, Maggie. He would have been frozen. They’re a bit soft, you know,” he finished to me.
“They are,” I answered. “This isn’t their country.”
“They are,” I replied. “This isn’t their country.”
“No, it isna,” replied Mr. Goyte. He spoke very slowly and deliberately, quietly, as if the soft pedal were always down in his voice. He looked at his daughter-in-law as she crouched, flushed and dark, before the peacock, which would lay its long blue neck for a moment along her lap. In spite of his grey moustache and thin grey hair, the elderly man had a face young and almost delicate, like a young man’s. His blue eyes twinkled with some inscrutable source of pleasure, his skin was fine and tender, his nose delicately arched. His grey hair being slightly ruffled, he had a debonair look, as of a youth who is in love.
“No, it isn’t,” replied Mr. Goyte. He spoke very slowly and deliberately, quietly, as if he always had the soft pedal down in his voice. He looked at his daughter-in-law as she crouched, flushed and dark, in front of the peacock, which would lay its long blue neck along her lap for a moment. Despite his gray mustache and thin gray hair, the elderly man had a face that was young and almost delicate, like a young man’s. His blue eyes twinkled with some mysterious source of pleasure, his skin was smooth and tender, and his nose was slightly arched. With his gray hair a little tousled, he had a charming look, like a young man in love.
“We mun tell ’im it’s come,” he said slowly, and turning he called: “Alfred—Alfred! Wheer’s ter gotten to?”
“We must tell him it's come,” he said slowly, and turning he called: “Alfred—Alfred! Where have you gone to?”
Then he turned again to the group.
Then he turned back to the group.
“Get up then, Maggie, lass, get up wi’ thee. Tha ma’es too much o’ th’ bod.”
“Get up then, Maggie, girl, get up with you. You're making too much of the bed.”
A young man approached, wearing rough khaki and kneebreeches. He was Danish looking, broad at the loins.
A young man walked up, dressed in rough khaki and knee-length pants. He had a Danish look, stocky in the hips.
“I’s come back then,” said the father to the son; “leastwise, he’s bin browt back, flyed ower the Griff Low.”
“I’ve come back then,” said the father to the son; “at least, he’s been brought back, flew over the Griff Low.”
The son looked at me. He had a devil-may-care bearing, his cap on one side, his hands stuck in the front pockets of his breeches. But he said nothing.
The son looked at me. He had a carefree attitude, his cap tilted to one side, his hands shoved into the front pockets of his pants. But he said nothing.
“Shall you come in a minute, Master,” said the elderly woman, to me.
“Could you come in for a minute, sir?” said the elderly woman to me.
“Ay, come in an’ ha’e a cup o’ tea or summat. You’ll do wi’ summat, carrin’ that bod. Come on, Maggie wench, let’s go in.”
“Hey, come in and have a cup of tea or something. You’ll need something after carrying that load. Come on, Maggie, let’s go inside.”
So we went indoors, into the rather stuffy, overcrowded living-room, that was too cosy, and too warm. The son followed last, standing in the doorway. The father talked to me.
So we went inside, into the pretty stuffy, crowded living room that felt too cozy and too warm. The son was the last to follow, standing in the doorway. The father chatted with me.
Maggie put out the tea-cups. The mother went into the dairy again.
Maggie set out the tea cups. The mother went back into the dairy.
“Tha’lt rouse thysen up a bit again, now, Maggie,” the father-in-law said—and then to me: “’ers not bin very bright sin’ Alfred came whoam, an’ the bod flyed awee. ’E come whoam a Wednesday night, Alfred did. But ay, you knowed, didna yer. Ay, ’e comed ’a Wednesday—an’ I reckon there wor a bit of a to-do between ’em, worn’t there, Maggie?”
“Get yourself up a bit again, now, Maggie,” the father-in-law said—and then to me: “She hasn’t been very bright since Alfred came home, and the bug flew away. He came home on a Wednesday night, Alfred did. But yeah, you knew that, didn’t you? Yeah, he came on a Wednesday—and I think there was a bit of a fuss between them, wasn’t there, Maggie?”
He twinkled maliciously to his daughter-in-law, who was flushed, brilliant and handsome.
He grinned wickedly at his daughter-in-law, who was flushed, stunning, and good-looking.
“Oh, be quiet, father. You’re wound up, by the sound of you,” she said to him, as if crossly. But she could never be cross with him.
“Oh, calm down, Dad. You sound really worked up,” she said to him, sounding a bit annoyed. But she could never actually be mad at him.
“’Ers got ’er colour back this mornin’,” continued the father-in-law slowly. “It’s bin heavy weather wi’ ’er this last two days. Ay—’er’s bin northeast sin ’er seed you a Wednesday.”
“Ers got her color back this morning,” continued the father-in-law slowly. “It’s been rough on her these last two days. Yeah—she’s been northeast since she saw you last Wednesday.”
“Father, do stop talking. You’d wear the leg off an iron pot. I can’t think where you’ve found your tongue, all of a sudden,” said Maggie, with caressive sharpness.
“Dad, please stop talking. You’d wear the leg off an iron pot. I can’t believe how you’ve suddenly found your voice,” said Maggie, with pointed tenderness.
“Ah’ve found it wheer I lost it. Aren’t goin’ ter come in an’ sit thee down, Alfred?”
“Ah’ve found it where I lost it. Aren’t you going to come in and sit down, Alfred?”
But Alfred turned and disappeared.
But Alfred turned and vanished.
“’E’s got th’ monkey on ’is back ower this letter job,” said the father secretly to me. “Mother, ’er knows nowt about it. Lot o’ tom-foolery, isn’t it? Ay! What’s good o’ makkin’ a peck o’ trouble over what’s far enough off, an’ ned niver come no nigher. No—not a smite o’ use. That’s what I tell ’er. ’Er should ta’e no notice on’t. Ty, what can y’ expect.”
“He's really stressed about this letter job,” the father said quietly to me. “Mother doesn’t know anything about it. It's a lot of nonsense, isn’t it? Yeah! What’s the point of causing so much trouble over something that’s far away and will never come closer? No, it’s not worth it at all. That’s what I tell her. She shouldn’t pay any attention to it. Honestly, what can you expect?”
The mother came in again, and the talk became general. Maggie flashed her eyes at me from time to time, complacent and satisfied, moving among the men. I paid her little compliments, which she did not seem to hear. She attended to me with a kind of sinister, witch-like graciousness, her dark head ducked between her shoulders, at once humble and powerful. She was happy as a child attending to her father-in-law and to me. But there was something ominous between her eyebrows, as if a dark moth were settled there—and something ominous in her bent, hulking bearing.
The mother walked in again, and the conversation became lively. Maggie shot me occasional glances, looking pleased and content, as she moved among the men. I gave her a few compliments that she didn’t seem to notice. She attended to me with a kind of eerie, witch-like charm, her dark hair bowed between her shoulders, both humble and commanding. She was as happy as a child serving her father-in-law and me. But there was something unsettling in the way her eyebrows knitted together, as if a dark moth was resting there—and something foreboding in her hunched, heavy posture.
She sat on a low stool by the fire, near her father-in-law. Her head was dropped, she seemed in a state of abstraction. From time to time she would suddenly recover, and look up at us, laughing and chatting. Then she would forget again. Yet in her hulked black forgetting she seemed very near to us.
She sat on a low stool by the fire, close to her father-in-law. Her head was lowered, and she appeared lost in thought. Every now and then, she would suddenly snap back to reality, looking up at us, laughing and talking. Then she'd drift off again. Still, even in her deep black forgetfulness, she felt very close to us.
The door having been opened, the peacock came slowly in, prancing calmly. He went near to her and crouched down, coiling his blue neck. She glanced at him, but almost as if she did not observe him. The bird sat silent, seeming to sleep, and the woman also sat hulked and silent, seemingly oblivious. Then once more there was a heavy step, and Alfred entered. He looked at his wife, and he looked at the peacock crouching by her. He stood large in the doorway, his hands stuck in front of him, in his breeches pockets. Nobody spoke. He turned on his heel and went out again.
The door was opened, and the peacock slowly walked in, strutting calmly. He approached her and crouched down, tucking his blue neck in. She glanced at him, but it was almost like she didn’t notice him. The bird sat quietly, appearing to sleep, while the woman also sat still and silent, seemingly unaware. Then there was another heavy step, and Alfred walked in. He looked at his wife and then at the peacock crouching next to her. He stood tall in the doorway, with his hands stuck in his breeches pockets. No one spoke. He turned on his heel and walked out again.
I rose also to go. Maggie started as if coming to herself.
I also got up to leave. Maggie jumped as if she was coming back to reality.
“Must you go?” she asked, rising and coming near to me, standing in front of me, twisting her head sideways and looking up at me. “Can’t you stop a bit longer? We can all be cosy today, there’s nothing to do outdoors.” And she laughed, showing her teeth oddly. She had a long chin.
“Do you really have to go?” she asked, getting up and coming closer to me, standing in front of me, tilting her head to the side and looking up at me. “Can’t you stay a little longer? We can all be comfy today; there’s nothing to do outside.” And she laughed, revealing her teeth in a strange way. She had a long chin.
I said I must go. The peacock uncoiled and coiled again his long blue neck, as he lay on the hearth. Maggie still stood close in front of me, so that I was acutely aware of my waistcoat buttons.
I said I had to go. The peacock unraveled and then wrapped up his long blue neck again while lounging on the hearth. Maggie was still standing right in front of me, making me very aware of my waistcoat buttons.
“Oh, well,” she said, “you’ll come again, won’t you? Do come again.”
“Oh, well,” she said, “you’ll come back again, right? Please come back.”
I promised.
I said I would.
“Come to tea one day—yes, do!”
“Come over for tea one day—yes, please do!”
I promised—one day.
I promised—someday.
The moment I went out of her presence I ceased utterly to exist for her—as utterly as I ceased to exist for Joey. With her curious abstractedness she forgot me again immediately. I knew it as I left her. Yet she seemed almost in physical contact with me while I was with her.
The moment I stepped away from her, I completely vanished from her mind—just like I disappeared for Joey. With her strange detachment, she forgot about me right away. I felt it as I walked away from her. Still, it felt like there was almost a physical connection between us while I was with her.
The sky was all pallid again, yellowish. When I went out there was no sun; the snow was blue and cold. I hurried away down the hill, musing on Maggie. The road made a loop down the sharp face of the slope. As I went crunching over the laborious snow I became aware of a figure striding down the steep scarp to intercept me. It was a man with his hands in front of him, half stuck in his breeches pockets, and his shoulders square—a real farmer of the hills; Alfred, of course. He waited for me by the stone fence.
The sky was pale again, with a yellow tint. When I stepped outside, there was no sun; the snow looked blue and felt cold. I hurried down the hill, thinking about Maggie. The road curved down the steep slope. As I crunched through the heavy snow, I noticed a figure coming down the steep bank to meet me. It was a man with his hands in front of him, half tucked into his pants pockets, and his shoulders squared—a true farmer of the hills; Alfred, of course. He waited for me by the stone fence.
“Excuse me,” he said as I came up.
“Excuse me,” he said as I approached.
I came to a halt in front of him and looked into his sullen blue eyes. He had a certain odd haughtiness on his brows. But his blue eyes stared insolently at me.
I stopped in front of him and looked into his gloomy blue eyes. There was an unusual arrogance about him. But his blue eyes stared defiantly at me.
“Do you know anything about a letter—in French—that my wife opened—a letter of mine—?”
“Do you know anything about a letter—in French—that my wife opened—a letter of mine?”
“Yes,” said I. “She asked me to read it to her.”
“Yes,” I said. “She asked me to read it to her.”
He looked square at me. He did not know exactly how to feel.
He looked straight at me. He wasn't sure how to feel.
“What was there in it?” he asked.
“What was in it?” he asked.
“Why?” I said. “Don’t you know?”
“Why?” I asked. “Don’t you know?”
“She makes out she’s burnt it,” he said.
“She pretends she’s burned it,” he said.
“Without showing it you?” I asked.
“Without showing it to you?” I asked.
He nodded slightly. He seemed to be meditating as to what line of action he should take. He wanted to know the contents of the letter: he must know: and therefore he must ask me, for evidently his wife had taunted him. At the same time, no doubt, he would like to wreak untold vengeance on my unfortunate person. So he eyed me, and I eyed him, and neither of us spoke. He did not want to repeat his request to me. And yet I only looked at him, and considered.
He nodded slightly. It seemed like he was thinking about what to do next. He wanted to know what the letter said; he had to know; so he had to ask me, since it was clear his wife had teased him about it. At the same time, he probably wanted to take out his anger on me for no reason. So we stared at each other, both silent. He didn’t want to ask me again. And yet, I just looked at him and thought.
Suddenly he threw back his head and glanced down the valley. Then he changed his position—he was a horse-soldier. Then he looked at me confidentially.
Suddenly, he tilted his head back and looked down the valley. Then he shifted his stance—he was a cavalryman. After that, he gave me a secretive look.
“She burnt the blasted thing before I saw it,” he said.
“She burned the damn thing before I got a look at it,” he said.
“Well,” I answered slowly, “she doesn’t know herself what was in it.”
“Well,” I replied slowly, “she doesn’t even know what was in it herself.”
He continued to watch me narrowly. I grinned to myself.
He kept watching me closely. I smiled to myself.
“I didn’t like to read her out what there was in it,” I continued.
“I didn’t want to read out to her what was in it,” I continued.
He suddenly flushed so that the veins in his neck stood out, and he stirred again uncomfortably.
He suddenly blushed, making the veins in his neck pop out, and he shifted again, feeling uneasy.
“The Belgian girl said her baby had been born a week ago, and that they were going to call it Alfred,” I told him.
“The Belgian girl said her baby was born a week ago and that they were going to name him Alfred,” I told him.
He met my eyes. I was grinning. He began to grin, too.
He looked into my eyes. I was smiling. He started to smile back, too.
“Good luck to her,” he said.
“Good luck to her,” he said.
“Best of luck,” said I.
"Good luck," I said.
“And what did you tell her?” he asked.
“And what did you tell her?” he asked.
“That the baby belonged to the old mother—that it was brother to your girl, who was writing to you as a friend of the family.”
“That the baby was the old mother’s—that it was your girl’s brother, who was reaching out to you as a family friend.”
He stood smiling, with the long, subtle malice of a farmer.
He stood there smiling, with the quiet, lingering malice of a farmer.
“And did she take it in?” he asked.
“And did she understand it?” he asked.
“As much as she took anything else.”
“As much as she took anything else.”
He stood grinning fixedly. Then he broke into a short laugh.
He stood there grinning widely. Then he suddenly burst into a short laugh.
“Good for her” he exclaimed cryptically.
"Good for her," he said mysteriously.
And then he laughed aloud once more, evidently feeling he had won a big move in his contest with his wife.
And then he laughed out loud again, clearly feeling like he had made a major move in his competition with his wife.
“What about the other woman?” I asked.
“What about the other woman?” I asked.
“Who?”
"Who is it?"
“Élise.”
“Elyse.”
“Oh”—he shifted uneasily—“she was all right—”
“Oh”—he shifted awkwardly—“she was fine—”
“You’ll be getting back to her,” I said.
“You'll be getting back to her,” I said.
He looked at me. Then he made a grimace with his mouth.
He looked at me. Then he grimaced.
“Not me,” he said. “Back your life it’s a plant.”
“Not me,” he said. “You’re betting your life on a plant.”
“You don’t think the cher petit bébé is a little Alfred?”
“You don’t think the cher petit bébé is a little Alfred?”
“It might be,” he said.
“It could be,” he said.
“Only might?”
"Just might?"
“Yes—an’ there’s lots of mites in a pound of cheese.” He laughed boisterously but uneasily.
“Yes—and there are a lot of mites in a pound of cheese.” He laughed loudly but nervously.
“What did she say, exactly?” he asked.
“What did she say, exactly?” he asked.
I began to repeat, as well as I could, the phrases of the letter:
I started to repeat, as best as I could, the phrases from the letter:
“Mon cher Alfred— Figure-toi comme je suis desolée—”
“My dear Alfred— Can you imagine how sorry I am—”
He listened with some confusion. When I had finished all I could remember, he said:
He listened with a bit of confusion. Once I had shared everything I could recall, he said:
“They know how to pitch you out a letter, those Belgian lasses.”
“They know how to throw you a letter, those Belgian girls.”
“Practice,” said I.
"Practice," I said.
“They get plenty,” he said.
"They get enough," he said.
There was a pause.
There was a moment of silence.
“Oh, well,” he said. “I’ve never got that letter, anyhow.”
“Oh, well,” he said. “I’ve never received that letter, anyway.”
The wind blew fine and keen, in the sunshine, across the snow. I blew my nose and prepared to depart.
The wind blew sharp and crisp in the sunshine over the snow. I blew my nose and got ready to leave.
“And she doesn’t know anything?” he continued, jerking his head up the hill in the direction of Tible.
“And she doesn’t know anything?” he kept asking, pointing his head up the hill toward Tible.
“She knows nothing but what I’ve said—that is, if she really burnt the letter.”
“She knows nothing except what I’ve told her—that is, if she actually burned the letter.”
“I believe she burnt it,” he said, “for spite. She’s a little devil, she is. But I shall have it out with her.” His jaw was stubborn and sullen. Then suddenly he turned to me with a new note.
“I think she burned it,” he said, “out of spite. She’s a little devil, that’s for sure. But I’m going to confront her about it.” His jaw was determined and brooding. Then, out of nowhere, he turned to me with a different tone.
“Why?” he said. “Why didn’t you wring that b—— peacock’s neck—that b—— Joey?”
“Why?” he asked. “Why didn’t you break that damn peacock’s neck—that damn Joey?”
“Why?” I said. “What for?”
"Why?" I asked. "What for?"
“I hate the brute,” he said. “I had a shot at him—”
“I hate that jerk,” he said. “I had a chance to shoot him—”
I laughed. He stood and mused.
I laughed. He stood and thought.
“Poor little Élise,” he murmured.
"Poor little Elise," he murmured.
“Was she small—petite?” I asked. He jerked up his head.
“Was she small—petite?” I asked. He snapped his head up.
“No,” he said. “Rather tall.”
“No,” he said. “Pretty tall.”
“Taller than your wife, I suppose.”
“Taller than your wife, I guess.”
Again he looked into my eyes. And then once more he went into a loud burst of laughter that made the still, snow-deserted valley clap again.
Again he looked into my eyes. And then once more he burst into loud laughter that echoed through the quiet, snow-covered valley.
“God, it’s a knockout!” he said, thoroughly amused. Then he stood at ease, one foot out, his hands in his breeches pockets, in front of him, his head thrown back, a handsome figure of a man.
“Wow, it’s amazing!” he said, clearly entertained. Then he relaxed, one foot out, his hands in his pants pockets, standing tall with his head thrown back, looking like a handsome guy.
“But I’ll do that blasted Joey in—” he mused.
“But I’ll take care of that damn Joey in—” he thought.
I ran down the hill, shouting with laughter.
I ran down the hill, laughing out loud.
YOU TOUCHED ME
The Pottery House was a square, ugly, brick house girt in by the wall that enclosed the whole grounds of the pottery itself. To be sure, a privet hedge partly masked the house and its ground from the pottery-yard and works: but only partly. Through the hedge could be seen the desolate yard, and the many-windowed, factory-like pottery, over the hedge could be seen the chimneys and the outhouses. But inside the hedge, a pleasant garden and lawn sloped down to a willow pool, which had once supplied the works.
The Pottery House was a square, unattractive brick building surrounded by a wall that enclosed the entire pottery grounds. True, a privet hedge partially hid the house and its property from the pottery yard and factory area, but only somewhat. Through the hedge, you could see the bleak yard and the many-windowed, factory-style pottery, and above the hedge, the chimneys and outbuildings were visible. However, inside the hedge, a lovely garden and lawn sloped down to a willow pool that had once supplied water for the works.
The Pottery itself was now closed, the great doors of the yard permanently shut. No more the great crates with yellow straw showing through, stood in stacks by the packing shed. No more the drays drawn by great horses rolled down the hill with a high load. No more the pottery-lasses in their clay-coloured overalls, their faces and hair splashed with grey fine mud, shrieked and larked with the men. All that was over.
The Pottery was now closed, the massive yard doors permanently locked. The big crates with yellow straw poking through were no longer piled up next to the packing shed. The carts pulled by strong horses no longer rolled down the hill loaded high. The pottery workers in their clay-colored overalls, faces and hair splattered with fine grey mud, no longer shrieked and joked with the men. That was all finished.
“We like it much better—oh, much better—quieter,” said Matilda Rockley.
“We like it a lot better—oh, so much better—quieter,” said Matilda Rockley.
“Oh, yes,” assented Emmie Rockley, her sister.
“Oh, yes,” agreed Emmie Rockley, her sister.
“I’m sure you do,” agreed the visitor.
“I’m sure you do,” the visitor replied.
But whether the two Rockley girls really liked it better, or whether they only imagined they did, is a question. Certainly their lives were much more grey and dreary now that the grey clay had ceased to spatter its mud and silt its dust over the premises. They did not quite realise how they missed the shrieking, shouting lasses, whom they had known all their lives and disliked so much.
But whether the two Rockley girls actually liked it better or just thought they did is debatable. Clearly, their lives were a lot more dull and depressing now that the grey clay had stopped splattering its mud and dust all over the place. They didn’t entirely understand how much they missed the loud, rowdy girls they had known all their lives and had disliked so much.
Matilda and Emmie were already old maids. In a thorough industrial district, it is not easy for the girls who have expectations above the common to find husbands. The ugly industrial town was full of men, young men who were ready to marry. But they were all colliers or pottery-hands, mere workmen. The Rockley girls would have about ten thousand pounds each when their father died: ten thousand pounds’ worth of profitable house-property. It was not to be sneezed at: they felt so themselves, and refrained from sneezing away such a fortune on any mere member of the proletariat. Consequently, bank-clerks or nonconformist clergymen or even school-teachers having failed to come forward, Matilda had begun to give up all idea of ever leaving the Pottery House.
Matilda and Emmie were already past their prime. In a heavily industrial area, it's tough for girls with higher expectations to find husbands. The unattractive town was filled with men, young men eager to marry. But they were all miners or factory workers, just regular guys. The Rockley sisters would each inherit about ten thousand pounds when their father passed away: a valuable amount of income-generating real estate. It was a significant sum, and they recognized that, deciding not to waste such a fortune on any ordinary man from the working class. As a result, with no bank clerks, nonconformist ministers, or even teachers stepping up, Matilda had started to lose hope of ever leaving the Pottery House.
Matilda was a tall, thin, graceful fair girl, with a rather large nose. She was the Mary to Emmie’s Martha: that is, Matilda loved painting and music, and read a good many novels, whilst Emmie looked after the house-keeping. Emmie was shorter, plumper than her sister, and she had no accomplishments. She looked up to Matilda, whose mind was naturally refined and sensible.
Matilda was a tall, slender, graceful blonde girl with a somewhat prominent nose. She was the Mary to Emmie's Martha: Matilda loved painting and music and read a lot of novels, while Emmie managed the house. Emmie was shorter and curvier than her sister, and she had no special talents. She admired Matilda, whose mind was naturally refined and practical.
In their quiet, melancholy way, the two girls were happy. Their mother was dead. Their father was ill also. He was an intelligent man who had had some education, but preferred to remain as if he were one with the rest of the working people. He had a passion for music and played the violin pretty well. But now he was getting old, he was very ill, dying of a kidney disease. He had been rather a heavy whisky-drinker.
In their quiet, sad way, the two girls were happy. Their mother was dead. Their father was also sick. He was a smart man who had some education, but chose to blend in with the rest of the working-class people. He loved music and played the violin quite well. But now he was getting older, very sick, and dying from kidney disease. He had been quite a heavy drinker of whisky.
This quiet household, with one servant-maid, lived on year after year in the Pottery House. Friends came in, the girls went out, the father drank himself more and more ill. Outside in the street there was a continual racket of the colliers and their dogs and children. But inside the pottery wall was a deserted quiet.
This quiet home, with one maid, went on year after year in the Pottery House. Friends visited, the girls went out, and the father drank himself into worse health. Outside in the street, there was a constant noise from the coal miners, their dogs, and children. But inside the pottery walls, it was deserted and silent.
In all this ointment there was one little fly. Ted Rockley, the father of the girls, had had four daughters, and no son. As his girls grew, he felt angry at finding himself always in a house-hold of women. He went off to London and adopted a boy out of a Charity Institution. Emmie was fourteen years old, and Matilda sixteen, when their father arrived home with his prodigy, the boy of six, Hadrian.
In all this ointment, there was one tiny fly. Ted Rockley, the father of the girls, had four daughters and no son. As his daughters grew up, he felt frustrated being surrounded by women all the time. He went to London and adopted a boy from a charity. Emmie was fourteen, and Matilda was sixteen when their dad came home with his new addition, a six-year-old boy named Hadrian.
Hadrian was just an ordinary boy from a Charity Home, with ordinary brownish hair and ordinary bluish eyes and of ordinary rather cockney speech. The Rockley girls—there were three at home at the time of his arrival—had resented his being sprung on them. He, with his watchful, charity-institution instinct, knew this at once. Though he was only six years old, Hadrian had a subtle, jeering look on his face when he regarded the three young women. They insisted he should address them as Cousin: Cousin Flora, Cousin Matilda, Cousin Emmie. He complied, but there seemed a mockery in his tone.
Hadrian was just an average boy from a group home, with plain brown hair and typical blue eyes, speaking in a somewhat Cockney accent. The Rockley girls—there were three of them at home when he arrived—didn't like having him there. He sensed this immediately, thanks to his instinct from living in a charity setting. Even though he was only six years old, Hadrian had a sly, mocking expression when he looked at the three young women. They insisted he call them Cousin: Cousin Flora, Cousin Matilda, Cousin Emmie. He went along with it, but there was a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
The girls, however, were kind-hearted by nature. Flora married and left home. Hadrian did very much as he pleased with Matilda and Emmie, though they had certain strictnesses. He grew up in the Pottery House and about the Pottery premises, went to an elementary school, and was invariably called Hadrian Rockley. He regarded Cousin Matilda and Cousin Emmie with a certain laconic indifference, was quiet and reticent in his ways. The girls called him sly, but that was unjust. He was merely cautious, and without frankness. His Uncle, Ted Rockley, understood him tacitly, their natures were somewhat akin. Hadrian and the elderly man had a real but unemotional regard for one another.
The girls were naturally kind-hearted. Flora got married and moved out. Hadrian pretty much did whatever he wanted with Matilda and Emmie, even though they had some strict rules. He grew up in the Pottery House and around the Pottery property, attended elementary school, and was always known as Hadrian Rockley. He looked at Cousin Matilda and Cousin Emmie with a sort of dry indifference, and he was quiet and reserved. The girls called him sly, but that wasn’t fair. He was just cautious and not very open. His Uncle, Ted Rockley, understood him without needing to say much; they shared similar traits. Hadrian and the older man had a genuine but emotionally restrained bond.
When he was thirteen years old the boy was sent to a High School in the County town. He did not like it. His Cousin Matilda had longed to make a little gentleman of him, but he refused to be made. He would give a little contemptuous curve to his lip, and take on a shy, charity-boy grin, when refinement was thrust upon him. He played truant from the High School, sold his books, his cap with its badge, even his very scarf and pocket-handkerchief, to his school-fellows, and went raking off heaven knows where with the money. So he spent two very unsatisfactory years.
When he was thirteen, the boy was sent to a high school in the county town. He didn’t like it. His cousin Matilda had always hoped to turn him into a little gentleman, but he refused to change. He’d curl his lip in contempt and put on a shy, charity-boy smile whenever someone tried to refine him. He skipped school, sold his books, his cap with its badge, even his scarf and pocket handkerchief to his classmates, and then went off to who knows where with the money. Thus, he spent two very unsatisfying years.
When he was fifteen he announced that he wanted to leave England and go to the Colonies. He had kept touch with the Home. The Rockleys knew that, when Hadrian made a declaration, in his quiet, half-jeering manner, it was worse than useless to oppose him. So at last the boy departed, going to Canada under the protection of the Institution to which he had belonged. He said good-bye to the Rockleys without a word of thanks, and parted, it seemed, without a pang. Matilda and Emmie wept often to think of how he left them: even on their father’s face a queer look came. But Hadrian wrote fairly regularly from Canada. He had entered some electricity works near Montreal, and was doing well.
When he was fifteen, he announced that he wanted to leave England and go to the Colonies. He kept in touch with home. The Rockleys knew that when Hadrian made a statement in his quiet, half-mocking way, it was pointless to oppose him. So eventually, the boy left, heading to Canada under the protection of the Institution he had belonged to. He said goodbye to the Rockleys without a word of thanks and seemed to part without any regret. Matilda and Emmie often cried at the thought of how he left them; even their father's face showed a strange expression. But Hadrian wrote fairly regularly from Canada. He had started working in an electricity company near Montreal and was doing well.
At last, however, the war came. In his turn, Hadrian joined up and came to Europe. The Rockleys saw nothing of him. They lived on, just the same, in the Pottery House. Ted Rockley was dying of a sort of dropsy, and in his heart he wanted to see the boy. When the armistice was signed, Hadrian had a long leave, and wrote that he was coming home to the Pottery House.
At last, the war finally arrived. Eventually, Hadrian enlisted and came to Europe. The Rockleys didn’t hear from him at all. They continued their lives in the Pottery House. Ted Rockley was suffering from a kind of dropsy, and deep down, he wanted to see the boy. When the armistice was signed, Hadrian got a long leave and wrote that he was coming home to the Pottery House.
The girls were terribly fluttered. To tell the truth, they were a little afraid of Hadrian. Matilda, tall and thin, was frail in her health, both girls were worn with nursing their father. To have Hadrian, a young man of twenty-one, in the house with them, after he had left them so coldly five years before, was a trying circumstance.
The girls were really anxious. Honestly, they were a bit scared of Hadrian. Matilda, who was tall and thin, had fragile health, and both of them were worn out from taking care of their father. Having Hadrian, a twenty-one-year-old man, in the house with them after he had treated them so coldly five years ago was a tough situation.
They were in a flutter. Emmie persuaded her father to have his bed made finally in the morning-room downstairs, whilst his room upstairs was prepared for Hadrian. This was done, and preparations were going on for the arrival, when, at ten o’clock in the morning the young man suddenly turned up, quite unexpectedly. Cousin Emmie, with her hair bobbed up in absurd little bobs round her forehead, was busily polishing the stair-rods, while Cousin Matilda was in the kitchen washing the drawing-room ornaments in a lather, her sleeves rolled back on her thin arms, and her head tied up oddly and coquettishly in a duster.
They were all in a rush. Emmie convinced her dad to finally get his bed set up in the morning room downstairs while they got his bedroom upstairs ready for Hadrian. This was all in progress when, at 10 a.m., the young man showed up unexpectedly. Cousin Emmie, with her hair cut into silly little bobs framing her forehead, was busy polishing the stair rods, while Cousin Matilda was in the kitchen washing the drawing room decorations in soapy water, her sleeves rolled up on her skinny arms and her head wrapped in a duster in a quirky, flirtatious way.
Cousin Matilda blushed deep with mortification when the self-possessed young man walked in with his kit-bag, and put his cap on the sewing machine. He was little and self-confident, with a curious neatness about him that still suggested the Charity Institution. His face was brown, he had a small moustache, he was vigorous enough in his smallness.
Cousin Matilda blushed deeply with embarrassment when the composed young man walked in with his kit bag and placed his cap on the sewing machine. He was short and self-assured, with an oddly tidy appearance that still hinted at the Charity Institution. His face was tanned, he had a small mustache, and he was energetic despite his small stature.
“Well, is it Hadrian!” exclaimed Cousin Matilda, wringing the lather off her hand. “We didn’t expect you till tomorrow.”
Well, is it Hadrian!” exclaimed Cousin Matilda, wringing the lather off her hand. “We didn’t expect you until tomorrow.”
“I got off Monday night,” said Hadrian, glancing round the room.
“I got off Monday night,” Hadrian said, looking around the room.
“Fancy!” said Cousin Matilda. Then, having dried her hands, she went forward, held out her hand, and said:
“Fancy!” said Cousin Matilda. Then, after drying her hands, she stepped forward, extended her hand, and said:
“How are you?”
"How's it going?"
“Quite well, thank you,” said Hadrian.
“I'm doing quite well, thank you,” said Hadrian.
“You’re quite a man,” said Cousin Matilda.
“You’re quite a guy,” said Cousin Matilda.
Hadrian glanced at her. She did not look her best: so thin, so large-nosed, with that pink-and-white checked duster tied round her head. She felt her disadvantage. But she had had a good deal of suffering and sorrow, she did not mind any more.
Hadrian glanced at her. She didn’t look her best: so thin, so large-nosed, with that pink-and-white checked duster tied around her head. She felt her disadvantage. But she had been through a lot of suffering and sorrow; she didn’t mind anymore.
The servant entered—one that did not know Hadrian.
The servant walked in—one who didn’t know Hadrian.
“Come and see my father,” said Cousin Matilda.
“Come and meet my dad,” said Cousin Matilda.
In the hall they roused Cousin Emmie like a partridge from cover. She was on the stairs pushing the bright stair-rods into place. Instinctively her hand went to the little knobs, her front hair bobbed on her forehead.
In the hall, they stirred Cousin Emmie like a bird from its hiding spot. She was on the stairs, adjusting the shiny stair rods. Instinctively, she reached for the little knobs, and her front hair fell onto her forehead.
“Why!” she exclaimed, crossly. “What have you come today for?”
“Why!” she exclaimed, angrily. “What did you come here for today?”
“I got off a day earlier,” said Hadrian, and his man’s voice so deep and unexpected was like a blow to Cousin Emmie.
“I got off a day earlier,” said Hadrian, and his deep and unexpected voice hit Cousin Emmie like a punch.
“Well, you’ve caught us in the midst of it,” she said, with resentment. Then all three went into the middle room.
“Well, you’ve caught us in the middle of it,” she said, with resentment. Then all three went into the middle room.
Mr. Rockley was dressed—that is, he had on his trousers and socks—but he was resting on the bed, propped up just under the window, from whence he could see his beloved and resplendent garden, where tulips and apple-trees were ablaze. He did not look as ill as he was, for the water puffed him up, and his face kept its colour. His stomach was much swollen. He glanced round swiftly, turning his eyes without turning his head. He was the wreck of a handsome, well-built man.
Mr. Rockley was dressed—he had on his pants and socks—but he was lounging on the bed, propped up just below the window, from where he could see his cherished and vibrant garden, where tulips and apple trees were in full bloom. He didn't appear as sick as he really was, since the water had made him puffy, and his face still had some color. His stomach was quite swollen. He quickly glanced around, turning his eyes without moving his head. He was a shadow of the handsome, well-built man he once was.
Seeing Hadrian, a queer, unwilling smile went over his face. The young man greeted him sheepishly.
Seeing Hadrian, a hesitant, awkward smile crossed his face. The young man greeted him shyly.
“You wouldn’t make a life-guardsman,” he said. “Do you want something to eat?”
“You wouldn’t make a lifeguard,” he said. “Do you want something to eat?”
Hadrian looked round—as if for the meal.
Hadrian looked around—as if he were looking for the meal.
“I don’t mind,” he said.
"I don't mind," he said.
“What shall you have—egg and bacon?” asked Emmie shortly.
“What do you want—egg and bacon?” Emmie asked briefly.
“Yes, I don’t mind,” said Hadrian.
“Yes, I don’t mind,” Hadrian said.
The sisters went down to the kitchen, and sent the servant to finish the stairs.
The sisters went to the kitchen and sent the servant to finish the stairs.
“Isn’t he altered?” said Matilda, sotto voce.
“Isn’t he changed?” said Matilda, quietly.
“Isn’t he!” said Cousin Emmie. “What a little man!”
“Isn’t he?” said Cousin Emmie. “What a little guy!”
They both made a grimace, and laughed nervously.
They both grimaced and laughed nervously.
“Get the frying-pan,” said Emmie to Matilda.
“Get the frying pan,” Emmie said to Matilda.
“But he’s as cocky as ever,” said Matilda, narrowing her eyes and shaking her head knowingly, as she handed the frying-pan.
“But he’s as cocky as ever,” Matilda said, narrowing her eyes and shaking her head knowingly as she handed the frying pan.
“Mannie!” said Emmie sarcastically. Hadrian’s new-fledged, cock-sure manliness evidently found no favour in her eyes.
“Mannie!” Emmie said with sarcasm. Hadrian’s newfound, overly confident masculinity clearly didn’t appeal to her.
“Oh, he’s not bad,” said Matilda. “You don’t want to be prejudiced against him.”
“Oh, he’s not that bad,” said Matilda. “You shouldn’t judge him too quickly.”
I’m not prejudiced against him, I think he’s all right for looks,” said Emmie, “but there’s too much of the little mannie about him.”
“I’m not biased against him; I think he looks fine,” said Emmie, “but he has too much of that little man vibe.”
“Fancy catching us like this,” said Matilda.
“Fancy catching us like this,” Matilda said.
“They’ve no thought for anything,” said Emmie with contempt. “You go up and get dressed, our Matilda. I don’t care about him. I can see to things, and you can talk to him. I shan’t.”
“They don’t think about anything,” Emmie said with disdain. “You go ahead and get dressed, our Matilda. I don’t care about him. I can handle things, and you can talk to him. I won’t.”
“He’ll talk to my father,” said Matilda, meaningful.
“He’ll talk to my dad,” Matilda said, with significance.
“Sly—!” exclaimed Emmie, with a grimace.
“Sly—!” Emmie exclaimed, wrinkling her face.
The sisters believed that Hadrian had come hoping to get something out of their father—hoping for a legacy. And they were not at all sure he would not get it.
The sisters thought Hadrian had come with the expectation of getting something from their father—hoping for an inheritance. And they weren't at all certain he wouldn't get it.
Matilda went upstairs to change. She had thought it all out how she would receive Hadrian, and impress him. And he had caught her with her head tied up in a duster, and her thin arms in a basin of lather. But she did not care. She now dressed herself most scrupulously, carefully folded her long, beautiful, blonde hair, touched her pallor with a little rouge, and put her long string of exquisite crystal beads over her soft green dress. Now she looked elegant, like a heroine in a magazine illustration, and almost as unreal.
Matilda went upstairs to get changed. She had planned out how she would greet Hadrian and make an impression on him. He had found her with her hair tied up in a duster and her thin arms in a basin of soapy water. But she didn’t mind. She now dressed herself very carefully, neatly arranging her long, beautiful blonde hair, adding a bit of blush to her pale cheeks, and draping a long string of exquisite crystal beads over her soft green dress. Now she looked stylish, like a heroine in a magazine illustration, and nearly as unreal.
She found Hadrian and her father talking away. The young man was short of speech as a rule, but he could find his tongue with his “uncle”. They were both sipping a glass of brandy, and smoking, and chatting like a pair of old cronies. Hadrian was telling about Canada. He was going back there when his leave was up.
She found Hadrian and her dad chatting away. Normally, the young man didn't say much, but he could talk freely with his “uncle.” They were both sipping brandy, smoking, and chatting like a couple of old friends. Hadrian was talking about Canada. He was planning to go back there when his leave was over.
“You wouldn’t like to stop in England, then?” said Mr. Rockley.
"You wouldn't want to stop in England, would you?" said Mr. Rockley.
“No, I wouldn’t stop in England,” said Hadrian.
“No, I wouldn’t stop in England,” Hadrian said.
“How’s that? There’s plenty of electricians here,” said Mr. Rockley.
“How’s that? There are plenty of electricians here,” said Mr. Rockley.
“Yes. But there’s too much difference between the men and the employers over here—too much of that for me,” said Hadrian.
“Yes. But there’s too big of a gap between the workers and the employers here—too much of that for me,” said Hadrian.
The sick man looked at him narrowly, with oddly smiling eyes.
The sick man looked at him closely, with strangely smiling eyes.
“That’s it, is it?” he replied.
"Is that all there is?" he responded.
Matilda heard and understood. “So that’s your big idea, is it, my little man,” she said to herself. She had always said of Hadrian that he had no proper respect for anybody or anything, that he was sly and common. She went down to the kitchen for a sotto voce confab with Emmie.
Matilda heard and understood. “So that’s your big idea, huh, my little man,” she said to herself. She had always said about Hadrian that he had no real respect for anyone or anything, that he was sneaky and basic. She went down to the kitchen for a quiet chat with Emmie.
“He thinks a rare lot of himself!” she whispered.
"She whispered, 'He has a really high opinion of himself!'"
“He’s somebody, he is!” said Emmie with contempt.
“He's someone, he really is!” Emmie said with disdain.
“He thinks there’s too much difference between masters and men, over here,” said Matilda.
“He thinks there’s too much of a divide between bosses and workers over here,” said Matilda.
“Is it any different in Canada?” asked Emmie.
“Is it different in Canada?” asked Emmie.
“Oh, yes—democratic,” replied Matilda, “He thinks they’re all on a level over there.”
“Oh, yes—democratic,” Matilda replied, “He thinks everyone is equal over there.”
“Ay, well he’s over here now,” said Emmie dryly, “so he can keep his place.”
“Ay, well he’s here now,” Emmie said flatly, “so he can stay in his spot.”
As they talked they saw the young man sauntering down the garden, looking casually at the flowers. He had his hands in his pockets, and his soldier’s cap neatly on his head. He looked quite at his ease, as if in possession. The two women, fluttered, watched him through the window.
As they chatted, they noticed a young man strolling through the garden, casually admiring the flowers. He had his hands in his pockets, and his soldier’s cap perfectly placed on his head. He seemed completely relaxed, as if he owned the place. The two women, feeling a bit flustered, watched him through the window.
“We know what he’s come for,” said Emmie, churlishly. Matilda looked a long time at the neat khaki figure. It had something of the charity-boy about it still; but now it was a man’s figure, laconic, charged with plebeian energy. She thought of the derisive passion in his voice as he had declaimed against the propertied classes, to her father.
“We know what he’s here for,” Emmie said grumpily. Matilda stared at the tidy khaki figure for a long time. It still had a bit of the charity-boy vibe to it, but now it was the figure of a man, reserved, filled with working-class energy. She recalled the mocking intensity in his voice as he had railed against the wealthy classes, to her father.
“You don’t know, Emmie. Perhaps he’s not come for that,” she rebuked her sister. They were both thinking of the money.
“You don’t get it, Emmie. Maybe he’s not here for that,” she scolded her sister. They were both thinking about the money.
They were still watching the young soldier. He stood away at the bottom of the garden, with his back to them, his hands in his pockets, looking into the water of the willow pond. Matilda’s dark-blue eyes had a strange, full look in them, the lids, with the faint blue veins showing, dropped rather low. She carried her head light and high, but she had a look of pain. The young man at the bottom of the garden turned and looked up the path. Perhaps he saw them through the window. Matilda moved into shadow.
They were still watching the young soldier. He stood at the bottom of the garden, facing away from them, his hands in his pockets, gazing into the water of the willow pond. Matilda's dark blue eyes had an unusual, full look, with her eyelids slightly lowered, faint blue veins visible. She held her head high, but there was a pained expression on her face. The young man at the bottom of the garden turned and glanced up the path. Maybe he saw them through the window. Matilda stepped into the shadows.
That afternoon their father seemed weak and ill. He was easily exhausted. The doctor came, and told Matilda that the sick man might die suddenly at any moment—but then he might not. They must be prepared.
That afternoon, their dad looked weak and sick. He got tired really easily. The doctor came and told Matilda that the sick man could die suddenly at any time—but then again, he might not. They needed to be ready.
So the day passed, and the next. Hadrian made himself at home. He went about in the morning in his brownish jersey and his khaki trousers, collarless, his bare neck showing. He explored the pottery premises, as if he had some secret purpose in so doing, he talked with Mr. Rockley, when the sick man had strength. The two girls were always angry when the two men sat talking together like cronies. Yet it was chiefly a kind of politics they talked.
So the day went by, and then the next. Hadrian settled in comfortably. He wandered around in the morning wearing his brownish sweater and khaki pants, collarless, with his bare neck exposed. He checked out the pottery area, as if he had some hidden reason for doing so, and he chatted with Mr. Rockley whenever the sick man had the energy. The two girls always got annoyed when the two men sat talking together like close friends. However, their conversation was mostly about politics.
On the second day after Hadrian’s arrival, Matilda sat with her father in the evening. She was drawing a picture which she wanted to copy. It was very still, Hadrian was gone out somewhere, no one knew where, and Emmie was busy. Mr. Rockley reclined on his bed, looking out in silence over his evening-sunny garden.
On the second day after Hadrian arrived, Matilda was sitting with her dad in the evening. She was drawing a picture that she wanted to replicate. It was really quiet, Hadrian was out somewhere, and no one knew where he had gone, while Emmie was occupied. Mr. Rockley was lounging on his bed, silently looking out at his garden, lit by the evening sun.
“If anything happens to me, Matilda,” he said, “you won’t sell this house—you’ll stop here—”
“If anything happens to me, Matilda,” he said, “you won’t sell this house—you’ll stay here—”
Matilda’s eyes took their slightly haggard look as she stared at her father.
Matilda's eyes had a slightly tired look as she stared at her father.
“Well, we couldn’t do anything else,” she said.
“Well, we couldn’t do anything else,” she said.
“You don’t know what you might do,” he said. “Everything is left to you and Emmie, equally. You’do as you like with it—only don’t sell this house, don’t part with it.”
“You don’t know what you might do,” he said. “Everything is left to you and Emmie, equally. You can do what you want with it—just don’t sell this house, don’t get rid of it.”
“No,” she said.
“No,” she replied.
“And give Hadrian my watch and chain, and a hundred pounds out of what’s in the bank—and help him if he ever wants helping. I haven’t put his name in the will.”
“And give Hadrian my watch and chain, and a hundred pounds from what's in the bank—and help him if he ever needs it. I didn’t put his name in the will.”
“Your watch and chain, and a hundred pounds—yes. But you’ll be here when he goes back to Canada, father.”
“Your watch and chain, and a hundred pounds—yes. But you'll be here when he goes back to Canada, Dad.”
“You never know what’ll happen,” said her father.
“You never know what will happen,” her father said.
Matilda sat and watched him, with her full, haggard eyes, for a long time, as if tranced. She saw that he knew he must go soon—she saw like a clairvoyant.
Matilda sat and watched him, her tired eyes wide open, for a long time, almost in a trance. She realized he knew he had to leave soon—she saw it like a psychic.
Later on she told Emmie what her father had said about the watch and chain and the money.
Later on, she told Emmie what her dad had said about the watch, the chain, and the money.
“What right has he”—he—meaning Hadrian—“to my father’s watch and chain—what has it to do with him? Let him have the money, and get off,” said Emmie. She loved her father.
“What right does he”—he—meaning Hadrian—“have to my dad’s watch and chain—what does that have to do with him? Just give him the money and let him go,” said Emmie. She loved her father.
That night Matilda sat late in her room. Her heart was anxious and breaking, her mind seemed entranced. She was too much entranced even to weep, and all the time she thought of her father, only her father. At last she felt she must go to him.
That night, Matilda sat up late in her room. Her heart was anxious and breaking, and her mind felt spellbound. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she couldn’t even cry, and all she could think about was her father—only her father. Eventually, she realized she needed to go to him.
It was near midnight. She went along the passage and to his room. There was a faint light from the moon outside. She listened at his door. Then she softly opened and entered. The room was faintly dark. She heard a movement on the bed.
It was almost midnight. She walked down the hallway to his room. A soft light from the moon lit the space outside. She listened at his door, then quietly opened it and stepped inside. The room was dimly lit. She heard a sound coming from the bed.
“Are you asleep?” she said softly, advancing to the side of the bed.
“Are you asleep?” she said gently, moving to the side of the bed.
“Are you asleep?” she repeated gently, as she stood at the side of the bed. And she reached her hand in the darkness to touch his forehead. Delicately, her fingers met the nose and the eyebrows, she laid her fine, delicate hand on his brow. It seemed fresh and smooth—very fresh and smooth. A sort of surprise stirred her, in her entranced state. But it could not waken her. Gently, she leaned over the bed and stirred her fingers over the low-growing hair on his brow.
“Are you asleep?” she asked softly, standing by the bed. She reached her hand into the darkness to touch his forehead. Lightly, her fingers brushed against his nose and eyebrows, and she rested her delicate hand on his brow. It felt cool and smooth—really cool and smooth. A kind of surprise stirred within her, in her dreamy state. But it couldn’t wake her up. Gently, she leaned over the bed and ran her fingers through the short hair on his forehead.
“Can’t you sleep tonight?” she said.
“Can’t you sleep tonight?” she asked.
There was a quick stirring in the bed. “Yes, I can,” a voice answered. It was Hadrian’s voice. She started away. Instantly, she was wakened from her late-at-night trance. She remembered that her father was downstairs, that Hadrian had his room. She stood in the darkness as if stung.
There was a sudden movement in the bed. “Yes, I can,” a voice replied. It was Hadrian’s voice. She pulled away quickly. Instantly, she was pulled out of her late-night daze. She remembered that her father was downstairs and that Hadrian had his own room. She stood in the darkness as if stung.
“It is you, Hadrian?” she said. “I thought it was my father.” She was so startled, so shocked, that she could not move. The young man gave an uncomfortable laugh, and turned in his bed.
“It’s you, Hadrian?” she said. “I thought it was my dad.” She was so surprised, so taken aback, that she couldn’t move. The young man gave an awkward laugh and turned in his bed.
At last she got out of the room. When she was back in her own room, in the light, and her door was closed, she stood holding up her hand that had touched him, as if it were hurt. She was almost too shocked, she could not endure.
At last, she left the room. Once she was back in her own space, bathed in light, and had closed her door, she held up her hand that had touched him, as if it was in pain. She was almost too stunned to handle it.
“Well,” said her calm and weary mind, “it was only a mistake, why take any notice of it.”
“Well,” said her calm and tired mind, “it was just a mistake, why bother to think about it.”
But she could not reason her feelings so easily. She suffered, feeling herself in a false position. Her right hand, which she had laid so gently on his face, on his fresh skin, ached now, as if it were really injured. She could not forgive Hadrian for the mistake: it made her dislike him deeply.
But she couldn't sort out her feelings that easily. She was in pain, feeling like she was in the wrong place. Her right hand, which she had gently placed on his face, on his smooth skin, now throbbed as if it were truly hurt. She couldn't forgive Hadrian for the mistake; it made her dislike him intensely.
Hadrian too slept badly. He had been awakened by the opening of the door, and had not realised what the question meant. But the soft, straying tenderness of her hand on his face startled something out of his soul. He was a charity boy, aloof and more or less at bay. The fragile exquisiteness of her caress startled him most, revealed unknown things to him.
Hadrian also had a rough night's sleep. He was jolted awake by the sound of the door opening and didn't quite understand what the question meant. But the gentle, wandering touch of her hand on his face stirred something deep within him. He was a charity kid, distant and somewhat defensive. The delicate beauty of her caress surprised him the most, uncovering feelings he had never experienced before.
In the morning she could feel the consciousness in his eyes, when she came downstairs. She tried to bear herself as if nothing at all had happened, and she succeeded. She had the calm self-control, self-indifference, of one who has suffered and borne her suffering. She looked at him from her darkish, almost drugged blue eyes, she met the spark of consciousness in his eyes, and quenched it. And with her long, fine hand she put the sugar in his coffee.
In the morning, she could sense his awareness in his eyes as she came downstairs. She attempted to act as if nothing had happened, and she managed to do so. She had the calm self-control and indifference of someone who has endured pain and moved past it. She looked at him with her dark, almost dazed blue eyes, met the spark of awareness in his gaze, and extinguished it. Then, with her slender hand, she added sugar to his coffee.
But she could not control him as she thought she could. He had a keen memory stinging his mind, a new set of sensations working in his consciousness. Something new was alert in him. At the back of his reticent, guarded mind he kept his secret alive and vivid. She was at his mercy, for he was unscrupulous, his standard was not her standard.
But she couldn't control him the way she thought she could. He had a sharp memory probing his mind, a brand-new set of feelings rising in his awareness. Something fresh was awake in him. Deep within his reserved, cautious mind, he kept his secret alive and clear. She was at his mercy because he had no scruples; his standards were not hers.
He looked at her curiously. She was not beautiful, her nose was too large, her chin was too small, her neck was too thin. But her skin was clear and fine, she had a high-bred sensitiveness. This queer, brave, high-bred quality she shared with her father. The charity boy could see it in her tapering fingers, which were white and ringed. The same glamour that he knew in the elderly man he now saw in the woman. And he wanted to possess himself of it, he wanted to make himself master of it. As he went about through the old pottery-yard, his secretive mind schemed and worked. To be master of that strange soft delicacy such as he had felt in her hand upon his face,—this was what he set himself towards. He was secretly plotting.
He looked at her with curiosity. She wasn’t conventionally beautiful; her nose was too big, her chin too small, and her neck too thin. But her skin was clear and smooth, and she had a refined sensitivity about her. This unique, courageous, aristocratic quality was something she shared with her father. The charity boy could see it in her slender fingers, which were pale and adorned with rings. The same charm he recognized in the older man was now evident in her. He longed to possess it, to take control of it. As he wandered through the old pottery yard, his secretive mind was busy scheming. To master that strange, delicate softness he had felt in her hand on his face was what he aimed for. He was secretly plotting.
He watched Matilda as she went about, and she became aware of his attention, as of some shadow following her. But her pride made her ignore it. When he sauntered near her, his hands in his pockets, she received him with that same commonplace kindliness which mastered him more than any contempt. Her superior breeding seemed to control him. She made herself feel towards him exactly as she had always felt: he was a young boy who lived in the house with them, but was a stranger. Only, she dared not remember his face under her hand. When she remembered that, she was bewildered. Her hand had offended her, she wanted to cut it off. And she wanted, fiercely, to cut off the memory in him. She assumed she had done so.
He watched Matilda as she moved around, and she noticed his attention, like a shadow trailing her. But her pride made her ignore it. When he strolled over to her, his hands in his pockets, she greeted him with the same simple kindness that affected him more than any disdain. Her superior upbringing seemed to have a hold on him. She felt towards him exactly as she always had: he was a young guy living in the house with them, yet a stranger. Only, she couldn’t dare remember his face when she touched him. When that came to mind, she felt confused. Her hand had betrayed her; she wanted to cut it off. And she fiercely wanted to erase the memory of him. She believed she had done just that.
One day, when he sat talking with his “uncle”, he looked straight into the eyes of the sick man, and said:
One day, while he was sitting and chatting with his “uncle,” he looked straight into the sick man's eyes and said:
“But I shouldn’t like to live and die here in Rawsley.”
“But I wouldn’t want to live and die here in Rawsley.”
“No—well—you needn’t,” said the sick man.
“No—well—you don’t have to,” said the sick man.
“Do you think Cousin Matilda likes it?”
“Do you think Cousin Matilda likes it?”
“I should think so.”
"I would think so."
“I don’t call it much of a life,” said the youth. “How much older is she than me, Uncle?”
“I don’t think it’s much of a life,” said the young man. “How much older is she than me, Uncle?”
The sick man looked at the young soldier.
The sick man stared at the young soldier.
“A good bit,” he said.
"A decent amount," he said.
“Over thirty?” said Hadrian.
“Over thirty?” Hadrian asked.
“Well, not so much. She’s thirty-two.”
"Well, not really. She's 32."
Hadrian considered a while.
Hadrian thought for a moment.
“She doesn’t look it,” he said.
“She doesn’t look like it,” he said.
Again the sick father looked at him.
Again, the sick father gazed at him.
“Do you think she’d like to leave here?” said Hadrian.
“Do you think she’d want to leave here?” Hadrian asked.
“Nay, I don’t know,” replied the father, restive.
“Nah, I don’t know,” replied the father, uneasy.
Hadrian sat still, having his own thoughts. Then in a small, quiet voice, as if he were speaking from inside himself, he said:
Hadrian sat quietly, lost in his own thoughts. Then, in a soft, almost whispering voice, as if he were speaking to himself, he said:
“I’d marry her if you wanted me to.”
“I'd marry her if you wanted me to.”
The sick man raised his eyes suddenly, and stared. He stared for a long time. The youth looked inscrutably out of the window.
The sick man suddenly lifted his gaze and stared. He stared for a long time. The young man looked blankly out the window.
“You!” said the sick man, mocking, with some contempt. Hadrian turned and met his eyes. The two men had an inexplicable understanding.
“You!” said the sick man, with mockery and a hint of contempt. Hadrian turned and locked eyes with him. The two men shared an unexplainable connection.
“If you wasn’t against it,” said Hadrian.
“If you weren’t against it,” said Hadrian.
“Nay,” said the father, turning aside, “I don’t think I’m against it. I’ve never thought of it. But—But Emmie’s the youngest.”
“Nah,” said the father, turning away, “I don’t think I’m opposed to it. I’ve just never considered it. But—But Emmie’s the youngest.”
He had flushed, and looked suddenly more alive. Secretly he loved the boy.
He blushed and suddenly seemed more vibrant. Deep down, he cared for the boy.
“You might ask her,” said Hadrian.
“You could ask her,” said Hadrian.
The elder man considered.
The older man thought.
“Hadn’t you better ask her yourself?” he said.
“Why don’t you just ask her yourself?” he said.
“She’d take more notice of you,” said Hadrian.
“She would pay more attention to you,” said Hadrian.
They were both silent. Then Emmie came in.
They both stayed quiet. Then Emmie walked in.
For two days Mr. Rockley was excited and thoughtful. Hadrian went about quietly, secretly, unquestioning. At last the father and daughter were alone together. It was very early morning, the father had been in much pain. As the pain abated, he lay still, thinking.
For two days, Mr. Rockley was both excited and contemplative. Hadrian moved about quietly, discreetly, and without questioning. Finally, the father and daughter found themselves alone together. It was very early morning, and the father had been in a lot of pain. As the pain lessened, he lay still, lost in thought.
“Matilda!” he said suddenly, looking at his daughter.
“Matilda!” he said suddenly, glancing at his daughter.
“Yes, I’m here,” she said.
“Yes, I'm here,” she said.
“Ay! I want you to do something—”
“Ay! I need you to do something—”
She rose in anticipation.
She stood up excitedly.
“Nay, sit still. I want you to marry Hadrian—”
“Nah, just sit still. I want you to marry Hadrian—”
She thought he was raving. She rose, bewildered and frightened.
She thought he was out of his mind. She stood up, confused and scared.
“Nay, sit you still, sit you still. You hear what I tell you.”
“Nah, stay put, stay put. You hear what I’m saying.”
“But you don’t know what you’re saying, father.”
“But you don’t realize what you’re saying, dad.”
“Ay, I know well enough. I want you to marry Hadrian, I tell you.”
“Ay, I know well enough. I want you to marry Hadrian, I’m telling you.”
She was dumbfounded. He was a man of few words.
She was speechless. He was a man of few words.
“You’ll do what I tell you,” he said.
“You’re going to do what I say,” he said.
She looked at him slowly.
She stared at him slowly.
“What put such an idea in your mind?” she said proudly.
“What gave you that idea?” she said proudly.
“He did.”
"He did."
Matilda almost looked her father down, her pride was so offended.
Matilda almost stared her father down; her pride was so hurt.
“Why, it’s disgraceful,” she said.
"That's just disgraceful," she said.
“Why?”
“Why?”
She watched him slowly.
She observed him closely.
“What do you ask me for?” she said. “It’s disgusting.”
“What are you asking me for?” she said. “It’s gross.”
“The lad’s sound enough,” he replied, testily.
“The kid's fine,” he replied, irritated.
“You’d better tell him to clear out,” she said, coldly.
“You should tell him to leave,” she said, coldly.
He turned and looked out of the window. She sat flushed and erect for a long time. At length her father turned to her, looking really malevolent.
He turned and looked out the window. She sat blushing and straight for a long time. Finally, her father turned to her, looking genuinely hostile.
“If you won’t,” he said, “you’re a fool, and I’ll make you pay for your foolishness, do you see?”
“If you don’t,” he said, “you’re an idiot, and I’ll make you pay for your stupidity, got it?”
Suddenly a cold fear gripped her. She could not believe her senses. She was terrified and bewildered. She stared at her father, believing him to be delirious, or mad, or drunk. What could she do?
Suddenly, a cold fear took hold of her. She couldn't believe what she was experiencing. She was scared and confused. She looked at her father, thinking he must be out of his mind, insane, or drunk. What was she supposed to do?
“I tell you,” he said. “I’ll send for Whittle tomorrow if you don’t. You shall neither of you have anything of mine.”
“I’m telling you,” he said. “I’ll call for Whittle tomorrow if you don’t. Neither of you will get anything of mine.”
Whittle was the solicitor. She understood her father well enough: he would send for his solicitor, and make a will leaving all his property to Hadrian: neither she nor Emmie should have anything. It was too much. She rose and went out of the room, up to her own room, where she locked herself in.
Whittle was the lawyer. She knew her father well enough: he would call his lawyer and make a will leaving all his property to Hadrian; neither she nor Emmie would get anything. It was too much. She stood up and left the room, going to her own room, where she locked herself in.
She did not come out for some hours. At last, late at night, she confided in Emmie.
She didn't come out for several hours. Finally, late at night, she opened up to Emmie.
“The sliving demon, he wants the money,” said Emmie. “My father’s out of his mind.”
“The sneaky demon wants the cash,” Emmie said. “My dad is losing it.”
The thought that Hadrian merely wanted the money was another blow to Matilda. She did not love the impossible youth—but she had not yet learned to think of him as a thing of evil. He now became hideous to her mind.
The idea that Hadrian just wanted money was another hit to Matilda. She didn't love the impossible guy—but she hadn't yet learned to see him as something evil. He now seemed horrible to her.
Emmie had a little scene with her father next day.
Emmie had a small argument with her dad the next day.
“You don’t mean what you said to our Matilda yesterday, do you, father?” she asked aggressively.
“You don't mean what you said to our Matilda yesterday, do you, dad?” she asked angrily.
“Yes,” he replied.
“Yes,” he said.
“What, that you’ll alter your will?”
“What, are you going to change your mind?”
“Yes.”
"Yep."
“You won’t,” said his angry daughter.
"You won't," said his annoyed daughter.
But he looked at her with a malevolent little smile.
But he looked at her with a wicked little smile.
“Annie!” he shouted. “Annie!”
"Annie!" he yelled. "Annie!"
He had still power to make his voice carry. The servant maid came in from the kitchen.
He still had the ability to project his voice. The maid walked in from the kitchen.
“Put your things on, and go down to Whittle’s office, and say I want to see Mr. Whittle as soon as he can, and will he bring a will-form.”
“Put on your things and head down to Whittle’s office. Tell him I want to see Mr. Whittle as soon as possible, and ask if he can bring a will-form.”
The sick man lay back a little—he could not lie down. His daughter sat as if she had been struck. Then she left the room.
The sick man leaned back a bit—he couldn't lie flat. His daughter sat there as if she had been hit. Then she walked out of the room.
Hadrian was pottering about in the garden. She went straight down to him.
Hadrian was busy in the garden. She went right up to him.
“Here,” she said. “You’d better get off. You’d better take your things and go from here, quick.”
“Here,” she said. “You should get out. You need to grab your stuff and leave quickly.”
Hadrian looked slowly at the infuriated girl.
Hadrian slowly looked at the angry girl.
“Who says so?” he asked.
“Who says that?” he asked.
“We say so—get off, you’ve done enough mischief and damage.”
We say so—get lost, you’ve caused enough trouble and damage.
“Does Uncle say so?”
“Does Uncle think so?”
“Yes, he does.”
“Yeah, he does.”
“I’ll go and ask him.”
“I'll go ask him.”
But like a fury Emmie barred his way.
But Emmie blocked his path like a whirlwind.
“No, you needn’t. You needn’t ask him nothing at all. We don’t want you, so you can go.”
“No, you don’t have to. You don’t need to ask him anything at all. We don’t want you here, so you can leave.”
“Uncle’s boss here.”
"Uncle's boss is here."
“A man that’s dying, and you crawling round and working on him for his money!—you’re not fit to live.”
“A man who’s dying, and you’re crawling around and working on him for his money!—you’re not fit to live.”
“Oh!” he said. “Who says I’m working for his money?”
“Oh!” he said. “Who says I’m working for his money?”
“I say. But my father told our Matilda, and she knows what you are. She knows what you’re after. So you might as well clear out, for all you’ll get—guttersnipe!”
“I say. But my dad told our Matilda, and she knows what you are. She knows what you want. So you might as well leave, because that’s all you’ll get—guttersnipe!”
He turned his back on her, to think. It had not occurred to him that they would think he was after the money. He did want the money—badly. He badly wanted to be an employer himself, not one of the employed. But he knew, in his subtle, calculating way, that it was not for money he wanted Matilda. He wanted both the money and Matilda. But he told himself the two desires were separate, not one. He could not do with Matilda, without the money. But he did not want her for the money.
He turned his back to her to think. It hadn't crossed his mind that they would assume he was only after the money. He did want the money—desperately. He really wanted to be an employer himself, not just one of the employees. But he understood, in his clever, calculating way, that he didn’t want Matilda just for the money. He wanted both the money and Matilda. But he convinced himself that those two desires were separate, not one. He couldn’t have Matilda, without the money. But he didn’t want her for the money.
When he got this clear in his mind, he sought for an opportunity to tell it her, lurking and watching. But she avoided him. In the evening the lawyer came. Mr. Rockley seemed to have a new access of strength—a will was drawn up, making the previous arrangements wholly conditional. The old will held good, if Matilda would consent to marry Hadrian. If she refused then at the end of six months the whole property passed to Hadrian.
When he finally understood this, he looked for a chance to tell her, staying hidden and observing. But she kept avoiding him. In the evening, the lawyer arrived. Mr. Rockley appeared to have a new surge of strength—a will was created that made the previous arrangements completely conditional. The old will remained valid if Matilda agreed to marry Hadrian. If she refused, then after six months, the entire property would go to Hadrian.
Mr. Rockley told this to the young man, with malevolent satisfaction. He seemed to have a strange desire, quite unreasonable, for revenge upon the women who had surrounded him for so long, and served him so carefully.
Mr. Rockley told this to the young man, with a wicked sense of satisfaction. He appeared to have an odd, almost irrational, urge for revenge against the women who had been around him for so long and had taken such great care of him.
“Tell her in front of me,” said Hadrian.
“Tell her in front of me,” Hadrian said.
So Mr. Rockley sent for his daughters.
So Mr. Rockley called for his daughters.
At last they came, pale, mute, stubborn. Matilda seemed to have retired far off, Emmie seemed like a fighter ready to fight to the death. The sick man reclined on the bed, his eyes bright, his puffed hand trembling. But his face had again some of its old, bright handsomeness. Hadrian sat quiet, a little aside: the indomitable, dangerous charity boy.
At last they arrived, pale, silent, and determined. Matilda appeared to be far away, while Emmie looked like a fighter ready to go all out. The sick man lay on the bed, his eyes shining, his swollen hand shaking. Yet his face still held some of its former, striking handsomeness. Hadrian sat quietly off to the side: the fierce, unpredictable charity boy.
“There’s the will,” said their father, pointing them to the paper.
“There’s the will,” their father said, pointing to the paper.
The two women sat mute and immovable, they took no notice.
The two women sat silently and motionless, ignoring everything around them.
“Either you marry Hadrian, or he has everything,” said the father with satisfaction.
“Either you marry Hadrian, or he gets everything,” said the father with satisfaction.
“Then let him have everything,” said Matilda boldly.
“Then let him have everything,” Matilda said confidently.
“He’s not! He’s not!” cried Emmie fiercely. “He’s not going to have it. The guttersnipe!”
“He's not! He's not!” Emmie shouted angrily. “He's not going to get it. The brat!”
An amused look came on her father’s face.
An amused expression appeared on her father's face.
“You hear that, Hadrian,” he said.
“You hear that, Hadrian?” he said.
“I didn’t offer to marry Cousin Matilda for the money,” said Hadrian, flushing and moving on his seat.
“I didn’t ask Cousin Matilda to marry me for the money,” Hadrian said, blushing and adjusting himself in his seat.
Matilda looked at him slowly, with her dark-blue, drugged eyes. He seemed a strange little monster to her.
Matilda looked at him slowly, her dark blue, glazed eyes revealing her confusion. He seemed like a strange little monster to her.
“Why, you liar, you know you did,” cried Emmie.
“Why, you liar, you know you did,” shouted Emmie.
The sick man laughed. Matilda continued to gaze strangely at the young man.
The sick man laughed. Matilda kept looking at the young man with an odd expression.
“She knows I didn’t,” said Hadrian.
“She knows I didn’t,” Hadrian said.
He too had his courage, as a rat has indomitable courage in the end. Hadrian had some of the neatness, the reserve, the underground quality of the rat. But he had perhaps the ultimate courage, the most unquenchable courage of all.
He also had his bravery, like a rat who possesses an unyielding courage in the end. Hadrian had some of the tidiness, the restraint, the secretive nature of the rat. But he may have had the greatest courage of all, an unbreakable courage that was unmatched.
Emmie looked at her sister.
Emmie glanced at her sister.
“Oh, well,” she said. “Matilda—don’t bother. Let him have everything, we can look after ourselves.”
“Oh, well,” she said. “Matilda—don’t worry about it. Let him have it all, we can take care of ourselves.”
“I know he’ll take everything,” said Matilda, abstractedly.
“I know he’ll take everything,” Matilda said, lost in thought.
Hadrian did not answer. He knew in fact that if Matilda refused him he would take everything, and go off with it.
Hadrian didn’t respond. He knew that if Matilda turned him down, he would take everything and leave with it.
“A clever little mannie—!” said Emmie, with a jeering grimace.
“A clever little guy—!” said Emmie, with a mocking face.
The father laughed noiselessly to himself. But he was tired....
The father chuckled quietly to himself. But he was exhausted....
“Go on, then,” he said. “Go on, let me be quiet.”
“Go ahead,” he said. “Go on, just let me be quiet.”
Emmie turned and looked at him.
Emmie turned to look at him.
“You deserve what you’ve got,” she said to her father bluntly.
“You deserve what you have,” she said to her father straightforwardly.
“Go on,” he answered mildly. “Go on.”
“Go ahead,” he replied gently. “Go ahead.”
Another night passed—a night nurse sat up with Mr. Rockley. Another day came. Hadrian was there as ever, in his woollen jersey and coarse khaki trousers and bare neck. Matilda went about, frail and distant, Emmie black-browed in spite of her blondness. They were all quiet, for they did not intend the mystified servant to learn anything.
Another night went by—a night nurse stayed up with Mr. Rockley. A new day arrived. Hadrian was there as usual, wearing his wool sweater and rough khaki pants with his neck bare. Matilda moved around, fragile and detached, while Emmie looked serious despite her blonde hair. They were all quiet because they didn’t want the confused servant to find out anything.
Mr. Rockley had very bad attacks of pain, he could not breathe. The end seemed near. They all went about quiet and stoical, all unyielding. Hadrian pondered within himself. If he did not marry Matilda he would go to Canada with twenty thousand pounds. This was itself a very satisfactory prospect. If Matilda consented he would have nothing—she would have her own money.
Mr. Rockley was suffering from severe pain and struggled to breathe. It felt like the end was close. Everyone moved around quietly and stoically, all resolute. Hadrian reflected to himself. If he didn’t marry Matilda, he could go to Canada with twenty thousand pounds. This was a pretty appealing option. If Matilda agreed to marry him, he would have nothing—she would keep her own money.
Emmie was the one to act. She went off in search of the solicitor and brought him with her. There was an interview, and Whittle tried to frighten the youth into withdrawal—but without avail. The clergyman and relatives were summoned—but Hadrian stared at them and took no notice. It made him angry, however.
Emmie took the initiative. She went to find the lawyer and brought him along. There was a meeting, and Whittle attempted to intimidate the young man into backing down—but it didn’t work. The clergyman and family were called in—but Hadrian just looked at them and didn’t react. This, however, made him angry.
He wanted to catch Matilda alone. Many days went by, and he was not successful: she avoided him. At last, lurking, he surprised her one day as she came to pick gooseberries, and he cut off her retreat. He came to the point at once.
He wanted to catch Matilda by herself. Days went by, and he wasn’t successful: she was avoiding him. Finally, hiding, he caught her one day as she came to pick gooseberries, and he blocked her way out. He got straight to the point.
“You don’t want me, then?” he said, in his subtle, insinuating voice.
“You don’t want me, do you?” he said, his voice smooth and suggestive.
“I don’t want to speak to you,” she said, averting her face.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” she said, turning her face away.
“You put your hand on me, though,” he said. “You shouldn’t have done that, and then I should never have thought of it. You shouldn’t have touched me.”
“You put your hand on me, though,” he said. “You shouldn't have done that, and I never should have thought of it. You shouldn't have touched me.”
“If you were anything decent, you’d know that was a mistake, and forget it,” she said.
“If you were any decent person, you’d realize that was a mistake, and just let it go,” she said.
“I know it was a mistake—but I shan’t forget it. If you wake a man up, he can’t go to sleep again because he’s told to.”
“I know it was a mistake—but I won’t forget it. Once you wake someone up, they can't just go back to sleep because you tell them to.”
“If you had any decent feeling in you, you’d have gone away,” she replied.
“If you cared at all, you would have left,” she replied.
“I didn’t want to,” he replied.
“I didn’t want to,” he said.
She looked away into the distance. At last she asked:
She turned her gaze away into the distance. Finally, she asked:
“What do you persecute me for, if it isn’t for the money. I’m old enough to be your mother. In a way I’ve been your mother.”
“What are you chasing me for, if it’s not about the money? I’m old enough to be your mother. In a way, I’ve been like your mother.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “You’ve been no mother to me. Let us marry and go out to Canada—you might as well—you’ve touched me.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “You haven’t been a mother to me. Let’s get married and go to Canada—you might as well—you’ve already touched me.”
She was white and trembling. Suddenly she flushed with anger.
She was pale and shaking. Suddenly, she turned red with anger.
“It’s so indecent,” she said.
“It’s so inappropriate,” she said.
“How?” he retorted. “You touched me.”
“How?” he shot back. “You touched me.”
But she walked away from him. She felt as if he had trapped her. He was angry and depressed, he felt again despised.
But she walked away from him. She felt like he had trapped her. He was angry and depressed, feeling despised once more.
That same evening she went into her father’s room.
That same evening, she entered her father's room.
“Yes,” she said suddenly. “I’ll marry him.”
"Yes," she said suddenly. "I'm going to marry him."
Her father looked up at her. He was in pain, and very ill.
Her father looked up at her. He was in pain and very sick.
“You like him now, do you?” he said, with a faint smile.
“You like him now, huh?” he said with a slight smile.
She looked down into his face, and saw death not far off. She turned and went coldly out of the room.
She looked down at his face and saw death was close by. She turned and walked out of the room, her expression flat.
The solicitor was sent for, preparations were hastily made. In all the interval Matilda did not speak to Hadrian, never answered him if he addressed her. He approached her in the morning.
The lawyer was called, and arrangements were quickly made. During that time, Matilda didn’t speak to Hadrian and didn’t respond when he talked to her. He went up to her in the morning.
“You’ve come round to it, then?” he said, giving her a pleasant look from his twinkling, almost kindly eyes. She looked down at him and turned aside. She looked down on him both literally and figuratively. Still he persisted, and triumphed.
“You’ve come around to it, then?” he said, giving her a friendly look from his twinkling, almost kind eyes. She glanced down at him and turned away. She looked down on him both literally and figuratively. Still, he kept at it and succeeded.
Emmie raved and wept, the secret flew abroad. But Matilda was silent and unmoved, Hadrian was quiet and satisfied, and nipped with fear also. But he held out against his fear. Mr. Rockley was very ill, but unchanged.
Emmie cried and shouted, and the secret got out. But Matilda stayed quiet and unaffected, Hadrian was calm but also filled with fear. Still, he resisted his fear. Mr. Rockley was very sick, but he remained the same.
On the third day the marriage took place. Matilda and Hadrian drove straight home from the registrar, and went straight into the room of the dying man. His face lit up with a clear twinkling smile.
On the third day, the wedding happened. Matilda and Hadrian drove directly home from the registrar and went right into the room of the dying man. His face brightened with a clear, twinkling smile.
“Hadrian—you’ve got her?” he said, a little hoarsely.
“Hadrian—you have her?” he said, slightly hoarse.
“Yes,” said Hadrian, who was pale round the gills.
“Yes,” said Hadrian, who looked pale and a bit queasy.
“Ay, my lad, I’m glad you’re mine,” replied the dying man. Then he turned his eyes closely on Matilda.
“Ay, my boy, I’m glad you’re mine,” replied the dying man. Then he focused his gaze intently on Matilda.
“Let’s look at you, Matilda,” he said. Then his voice went strange and unrecognisable. “Kiss me,” he said.
“Let’s see you, Matilda,” he said. Then his voice became odd and unfamiliar. “Kiss me,” he said.
She stooped and kissed him. She had never kissed him before, not since she was a tiny child. But she was quiet, very still.
She bent down and kissed him. She had never kissed him before, not since she was a little kid. But she was quiet, very still.
“Kiss him,” the dying man said.
“Kiss him,” the dying man said.
Obediently, Matilda put forward her mouth and kissed the young husband.
Obediently, Matilda leaned in and kissed her young husband.
“That’s right! That’s right!” murmured the dying man.
"That's right! That's right!" whispered the dying man.
SAMSON AND DELILAH
A man got down from the motor-omnibus that runs from Penzance to St Just-in-Penwith, and turned northwards, uphill towards the Polestar. It was only half past six, but already the stars were out, a cold little wind was blowing from the sea, and the crystalline, three-pulse flash of the lighthouse below the cliffs beat rhythmically in the first darkness.
A man got off the bus that runs from Penzance to St Just-in-Penwith and turned north, heading uphill toward the Polestar. It was only 6:30, but the stars were already out, a chilly little wind was blowing in from the sea, and the sharp, three-pulse flash of the lighthouse below the cliffs was beating rhythmically in the early darkness.
The man was alone. He went his way unhesitating, but looked from side to side with cautious curiosity. Tall, ruined power-houses of tin-mines loomed in the darkness from time to time, like remnants of some by-gone civilization. The lights of many miners’ cottages scattered on the hilly darkness twinkled desolate in their disorder, yet twinkled with the lonely homeliness of the Celtic night.
The man was alone. He walked confidently, but glanced around with wary curiosity. Tall, abandoned tin-mine structures appeared in the darkness occasionally, like relics of a forgotten civilization. The lights from various miners’ cottages dotted the hilly darkness, twinkling in a disordered way, yet shining with the lonely warmth of a Celtic night.
He tramped steadily on, always watchful with curiosity. He was a tall, well-built man, apparently in the prime of life. His shoulders were square and rather stiff, he leaned forwards a little as he went, from the hips, like a man who must stoop to lower his height. But he did not stoop his shoulders: he bent his straight back from the hips.
He walked steadily, always alert and curious. He was a tall, well-built man, clearly in the prime of his life. His shoulders were square and somewhat rigid, and he leaned slightly forward as he walked, like someone who has to bend down to lessen his height. But he didn’t hunch his shoulders; he bent his straight back from the hips.
Now and again short, stump, thick-legged figures of Cornish miners passed him, and he invariably gave them goodnight, as if to insist that he was on his own ground. He spoke with the west-Cornish intonation. And as he went along the dreary road, looking now at the lights of the dwellings on land, now at the lights away to sea, vessels veering round in sight of the Longships Lighthouse, the whole of the Atlantic Ocean in darkness and space between him and America, he seemed a little excited and pleased with himself, watchful, thrilled, veering along in a sense of mastery and of power in conflict.
Now and then, short, stocky figures of Cornish miners walked by him, and he always said goodnight to them, as if to emphasize that he belonged there. He spoke with a west-Cornish accent. As he made his way down the gloomy road, glancing at the lights of homes on land and then at the lights of ships navigating near the Longships Lighthouse, with the vast Atlantic Ocean dark and empty between him and America, he felt a bit excited, pleased with himself, alert, thrilled, moving forward with a sense of control and power in the midst of conflict.
The houses began to close on the road, he was entering the straggling, formless, desolate mining village, that he knew of old. On the left was a little space set back from the road, and cosy lights of an inn. There it was. He peered up at the sign: “The Tinners’ Rest”. But he could not make out the name of the proprietor. He listened. There was excited talking and laughing, a woman’s voice laughing shrilly among the men’s.
The houses started to crowd the road as he entered the scattered, shapeless, desolate mining village that he remembered well. To the left, there was a small area set back from the road with the warm glow of an inn. There it was. He looked up at the sign: “The Tinners’ Rest.” But he couldn’t read the name of the owner. He listened. There was lively conversation and laughter, with a woman’s voice ringing out sharply among the men’s.
Stooping a little, he entered the warmly-lit bar. The lamp was burning, a buxom woman rose from the white-scrubbed deal table where the black and white and red cards were scattered, and several men, miners, lifted their faces from the game.
Stooping a bit, he entered the warmly lit bar. The lamp was glowing, a curvy woman got up from the white-scrubbed table where the black, white, and red cards were spread out, and several men, miners, looked up from their game.
The stranger went to the counter, averting his face. His cap was pulled down over his brow.
The stranger walked up to the counter, turning his face away. His cap was pulled down over his forehead.
“Good-evening!” said the landlady, in her rather ingratiating voice.
“Good evening!” said the landlady, in her somewhat flattering voice.
“Good-evening. A glass of ale.”
“Good evening. A glass of beer.”
“A glass of ale,” repeated the landlady suavely. “Cold night—but bright.”
“A glass of beer,” the landlady said smoothly. “Cold night—but bright.”
“Yes,” the man assented, laconically. Then he added, when nobody expected him to say any more: “Seasonable weather.”
“Yes,” the man agreed, briefly. Then he added, when no one expected him to say anything else: “Nice weather.”
“Quite seasonable, quite,” said the landlady. “Thank you.”
“Very fitting, indeed,” said the landlady. “Thanks.”
The man lifted his glass straight to his lips, and emptied it. He put it down again on the zinc counter with a click.
The man raised his glass to his lips and drank it all. He set it back down on the metal counter with a clink.
“Let’s have another,” he said.
“Let’s do another,” he said.
The woman drew the beer, and the man went away with his glass to the second table, near the fire. The woman, after a moment’s hesitation, took her seat again at the table with the card-players. She had noticed the man: a big fine fellow, well dressed, a stranger.
The woman poured the beer, and the man walked off with his glass to the second table, close to the fire. After a moment of hesitation, the woman returned to her seat at the table with the card players. She had noticed the man: a tall, handsome guy, well-dressed, and a stranger.
But he spoke with that Cornish-Yankee accent she accepted as the natural twang among the miners.
But he spoke with that Cornish-Yankee accent she considered a natural tone among the miners.
The stranger put his foot on the fender and looked into the fire. He was handsome, well coloured, with well-drawn Cornish eyebrows, and the usual dark, bright, mindless Cornish eyes. He seemed abstracted in thought. Then he watched the card-party.
The stranger rested his foot on the fender and gazed into the fire. He was attractive, had a good complexion, with well-defined Cornish eyebrows, and the typical dark, bright, vacant Cornish eyes. He appeared lost in thought. Then, he observed the card game.
The woman was buxom and healthy, with dark hair and small, quick brown eyes. She was bursting with life and vigour, the energy she threw into the game of cards excited all the men, they shouted, and laughed, and the woman held her breast, shrieking with laughter.
The woman was curvy and healthy, with dark hair and small, quick brown eyes. She was full of life and energy, and the way she played cards energized all the men; they shouted, laughed, and she held her chest, laughing loudly.
“Oh, my, it’ll be the death o’ me,” she panted. “Now, come on, Mr. Trevorrow, play fair. Play fair, I say, or I s’ll put the cards down.”
“Oh, my, it’s gonna kill me,” she panted. “Now, come on, Mr. Trevorrow, be fair. Be fair, I say, or I’ll put the cards down.”
“Play fair! Why who’s played unfair?” ejaculated Mr. Trevorrow. “Do you mean t’accuse me, as I haven’t played fair, Mrs. Nankervis?”
“Play fair! Who’s being unfair?” shouted Mr. Trevorrow. “Are you accusing me of not playing fair, Mrs. Nankervis?”
“I do. I say it, and I mean it. Haven’t you got the queen of spades? Now, come on, no dodging round me. I know you’ve got that queen, as well as I know my name’s Alice.”
“I do. I say it, and I mean it. Don’t you have the queen of spades? Now, come on, don’t try to avoid the question. I know you have that queen, just like I know my name is Alice.”
“Well—if your name’s Alice, you’ll have to have it—”
“Well—if your name's Alice, you'll have to take it—”
“Ay, now—what did I say? Did you ever see such a man? My word, but your missus must be easy took in, by the looks of things.”
“Hey now—what did I just say? Have you ever seen a guy like that? Wow, your wife must be really easy to fool, judging by what I see.”
And off she went into peals of laughter. She was interrupted by the entrance of four men in khaki, a short, stumpy sergeant of middle age, a young corporal, and two young privates. The woman leaned back in her chair.
And off she went into bursts of laughter. She was interrupted by the entrance of four men in khaki: a short, stocky sergeant in middle age, a young corporal, and two young privates. The woman leaned back in her chair.
“Oh, my!” she cried. “If there isn’t the boys back: looking perished, I believe—”
“Oh, my!” she exclaimed. “If it isn’t the boys back: looking frozen, I think—”
“Perished, Ma!” exclaimed the sergeant. “Not yet.”
“Died, Mom!” the sergeant exclaimed. “Not yet.”
“Near enough,” said a young private, uncouthly.
“Close enough,” said a young private, awkwardly.
The woman got up.
The woman stood up.
“I’m sure you are, my dears. You’ll be wanting your suppers, I’ll be bound.”
“I’m sure you are, my dears. You’ll want your dinners, I’m certain.”
“We could do with ’em.”
"We could use them."
“Let’s have a wet first,” said the sergeant.
“Let’s kick things off with a drink,” said the sergeant.
The woman bustled about getting the drinks. The soldiers moved to the fire, spreading out their hands.
The woman hurried around preparing the drinks. The soldiers gathered around the fire, warming their hands.
“Have your suppers in here, will you?” she said. “Or in the kitchen?”
“Will you have your dinners in here?” she asked. “Or in the kitchen?”
“Let’s have it here,” said the sergeant. “More cosier—if you don’t mind.”
“Let’s have it here,” said the sergeant. “It’s more comfortable—if you don’t mind.”
“You shall have it where you like, boys, where you like.”
“You can have it wherever you want, guys, wherever you want.”
She disappeared. In a minute a girl of about sixteen came in. She was tall and fresh, with dark, young, expressionless eyes, and well-drawn brows, and the immature softness and mindlessness of the sensuous Celtic type.
She vanished. In a moment, a girl around sixteen walked in. She was tall and vibrant, with dark, youthful, expressionless eyes, and well-defined brows, embodying the immature softness and carefree innocence typical of the sensuous Celtic type.
“Ho, Maryann! Evenin’, Maryann! How’s Maryann, now?” came the multiple greeting.
“Hey, Maryann! Good evening, Maryann! How are you doing, Maryann?” came the multiple greeting.
She replied to everybody in a soft voice, a strange, soft aplomb that was very attractive. And she moved round with rather mechanical, attractive movements, as if her thoughts were elsewhere. But she had always this dim far-awayness in her bearing: a sort of modesty. The strange man by the fire watched her curiously. There was an alert, inquisitive, mindless curiosity on his well-coloured face.
She spoke to everyone in a gentle voice, a peculiar, gentle confidence that was really appealing. She moved around with somewhat mechanical, yet attractive movements, as if her mind was somewhere else. But she always carried this vague, distant quality about her: a kind of modesty. The mysterious man by the fire observed her with interest. There was a keen, curious, mindless curiosity on his well-colored face.
“I’ll have a bit of supper with you, if I might,” he said.
“I’d like to have some dinner with you, if that’s okay,” he said.
She looked at him, with her clear, unreasoning eyes, just like the eyes of some non-human creature.
She looked at him with her clear, unthinking eyes, like the eyes of some non-human creature.
“I’ll ask mother,” she said. Her voice was soft-breathing, gently singsong.
“I’ll ask Mom,” she said. Her voice was soft and melodious, gently playful.
When she came in again:
When she walked in again:
“Yes,” she said, almost whispering. “What will you have?”
“Yes,” she said, almost in a whisper. “What do you want?”
“What have you got?” he said, looking up into her face.
“What do you have?” he asked, looking up at her face.
“There’s cold meat—”
“There's leftover meat—”
“That’s for me, then.”
"That's for me, I guess."
The stranger sat at the end of the table and ate with the tired, quiet soldiers. Now, the landlady was interested in him. Her brow was knit rather tense, there was a look of panic in her large, healthy face, but her small brown eyes were fixed most dangerously. She was a big woman, but her eyes were small and tense. She drew near the stranger. She wore a rather loud-patterned flannelette blouse, and a dark skirt.
The stranger sat at the end of the table and ate with the weary, silent soldiers. Now, the landlady was curious about him. Her forehead was furrowed with worry, and there was a look of panic on her large, healthy face, but her small brown eyes were locked on him with intensity. She was a big woman, but her eyes were small and tense. She approached the stranger, wearing a brightly patterned flannelette blouse and a dark skirt.
“What will you have to drink with your supper?” she asked, and there was a new, dangerous note in her voice.
“What do you want to drink with your dinner?” she asked, and there was a new, risky tone in her voice.
He moved uneasily.
He shifted nervously.
“Oh, I’ll go on with ale.”
“Oh, I’ll just have a beer.”
She drew him another glass. Then she sat down on the bench at the table with him and the soldiers, and fixed him with her attention.
She poured him another glass. Then she sat down on the bench at the table with him and the soldiers, focusing her attention on him.
“You’ve come from St Just, have you?” she said.
"You've come from St Just, right?" she said.
He looked at her with those clear, dark, inscrutable Cornish eyes, and answered at length:
He looked at her with his clear, dark, unreadable Cornish eyes and replied at length:
“No, from Penzance.”
“No, from Penzance.”
“Penzance!—but you’re not thinking of going back there tonight?”
“Penzance!—but you’re not planning to go back there tonight?”
“No—no.”
"No way."
He still looked at her with those wide, clear eyes that seemed like very bright agate. Her anger began to rise. It was seen on her brow. Yet her voice was still suave and deprecating.
He still looked at her with those wide, clear eyes that were like very bright agate. Her anger started to build. It showed on her brow. Yet her voice remained smooth and humble.
“I thought not—but you’re not living in these parts, are you?”
“I thought not—but you don’t live around here, do you?”
“No—no, I’m not living here.” He was always slow in answering, as if something intervened between him and any outside question.
“No—no, I’m not living here.” He always took his time to respond, as if something was getting in the way between him and any question from the outside.
“Oh, I see,” she said. “You’ve got relations down here.”
“Oh, I see,” she said. “You have family here.”
Again he looked straight into her eyes, as if looking her into silence.
Again he looked directly into her eyes, as if he could stare her into silence.
“Yes,” he said.
"Yeah," he said.
He did not say any more. She rose with a flounce. The anger was tight on her brow. There was no more laughing and card-playing that evening, though she kept up her motherly, suave, good-humoured way with the men. But they knew her, they were all afraid of her.
He didn’t say anything else. She stood up with a flourish. The anger was evident on her forehead. There was no more laughing or card-playing that evening, even though she maintained her motherly, charming, good-natured demeanor with the guys. But they knew her well; they were all afraid of her.
The supper was finished, the table cleared, the stranger did not go. Two of the young soldiers went off to bed, with their cheery:
The dinner was over, the table was cleaned up, but the stranger didn’t leave. Two of the young soldiers headed to bed, cheerily saying:
“Good-night, Ma. Good-night, Maryann.”
“Good night, Mom. Good night, Maryann.”
The stranger talked a little to the sergeant about the war, which was in its first year, about the new army, a fragment of which was quartered in this district, about America.
The stranger chatted a bit with the sergeant about the war, which was in its first year, about the new army, a part of which was stationed in this area, about America.
The landlady darted looks at him from her small eyes, minute by minute the electric storm welled in her bosom, as still he did not go. She was quivering with suppressed, violent passion, something frightening and abnormal. She could not sit still for a moment. Her heavy form seemed to flash with sudden, involuntary movements as the minutes passed by, and still he sat there, and the tension on her heart grew unbearable. She watched the hands of the dock move on. Three of the soldiers had gone to bed, only the crop-headed, terrier-like old sergeant remained.
The landlady shot him glances from her small eyes, and with each passing minute, the electric storm inside her grew stronger as he still didn't leave. She was trembling with intense, suppressed emotion, something frightening and out of the ordinary. She couldn’t stay still for even a moment. Her hefty figure seemed to flicker with sudden, involuntary movements as the minutes dragged on, and he remained seated, the tension in her chest becoming unbearable. She watched the clock's hands move. Three of the soldiers had gone to bed, leaving only the crop-headed, terrier-like old sergeant.
The landlady sat behind the bar fidgeting spasmodically with the newspaper. She looked again at the clock. At last it was five minutes to ten.
The landlady sat behind the bar, nervously fiddling with the newspaper. She glanced at the clock again. Finally, it was five minutes to ten.
“Gentlemen—the enemy!” she said, in her diminished, furious voice. “Time, please. Time, my dears. And good-night all!”
“Gentlemen—the enemy!” she said, in her weakened, angry voice. “Just a moment, please. Time, my dears. And good night, everyone!”
The men began to drop out, with a brief good-night. It was a minute to ten. The landlady rose.
The guys started to leave, saying a quick goodnight. It was a minute to ten. The landlady got up.
“Come,” she said. “I’m shutting the door.”
“Come on,” she said. “I’m closing the door.”
The last of the miners passed out. She stood, stout and menacing, holding the door. Still the stranger sat on by the fire, his black overcoat opened, smoking.
The last of the miners fainted. She stood there, sturdy and intimidating, blocking the door. Meanwhile, the stranger remained seated by the fire, his black overcoat unbuttoned, smoking.
“We’re closed now, sir,” came the perilous, narrowed voice of the landlady.
“We're closed now, sir,” said the landlady in a tense, low voice.
The little, dog-like, hard-headed sergeant touched the arm of the stranger.
The small, dog-like, stubborn sergeant tapped the arm of the stranger.
“Closing time,” he said.
“Time to close,” he said.
The stranger turned round in his seat, and his quick-moving, dark, jewel-like eyes went from the sergeant to the landlady.
The stranger turned around in his seat, and his fast-moving, dark, jewel-like eyes shifted from the sergeant to the landlady.
“I’m stopping here tonight,” he said, in his laconic Cornish-Yankee accent.
“I’m stopping here tonight,” he said, in his concise Cornish-Yankee accent.
The landlady seemed to tower. Her eyes lifted strangely, frightening.
The landlady seemed to loom over everyone. Her eyes looked up oddly, which was unsettling.
“Oh! indeed!” she cried.” Oh, indeed! And whose orders are those, may I ask?”
“Oh! really!” she exclaimed. “Oh, really! And whose orders are those, if I may ask?”
He looked at her again.
He glanced at her again.
“My orders,” he said.
"My orders," he said.
Involuntarily she shut the door, and advanced like a great, dangerous bird. Her voice rose, there was a touch of hoarseness in it.
Involuntarily, she shut the door and moved forward like a large, intimidating bird. Her voice rose, carrying a hint of hoarseness.
“And what might your orders be, if you please?” she cried. “Who might you be, to give orders, in the house?”
“And what might your orders be, if you don’t mind me asking?” she exclaimed. “Who might you be to give orders in this house?”
He sat still, watching her.
He sat quietly, watching her.
“You know who I am,” he said. “At least, I know who you are.”
“You know who I am,” he said. “At least, I know who you are.”
“Oh, you do? Oh, do you? And who am I then, if you’ll be so good as to tell me?”
“Oh, you do? Oh, really? And who am I then, if you would be so kind as to tell me?”
He stared at her with his bright, dark eyes.
He looked at her with his bright, dark eyes.
“You’re my Missis, you are,” he said. “And you know it, as well as I do.”
“You’re my lady, you are,” he said. “And you know it, just like I do.”
She started as if something had exploded in her.
She jumped as if something had gone off inside her.
Her eyes lifted and flared madly.
Her eyes widened and flashed with intensity.
“Do I know it, indeed!” she cried. “I know no such thing! I know no such thing! Do you think a man’s going to walk into this bar, and tell me off-hand I’m his Missis, and I’m going to believe him?—I say to you, whoever you may be, you’re mistaken. I know myself for no Missis of yours, and I’ll thank you to go out of this house, this minute, before I get those that will put you out.”
“Do I know it, really!” she exclaimed. “I don’t know anything like that! I don’t know anything like that! Do you really think a guy is going to walk into this bar and just tell me I’m his wife, and I’m going to believe him?—I’m telling you, whoever you are, you’re wrong. I don’t see myself as your wife, and I’d appreciate it if you left this house right now before I call someone to throw you out.”
The man rose to his feet, stretching his head towards her a little. He was a handsomely built Cornishman in the prime of life.
The man stood up, tilting his head slightly towards her. He was a good-looking Cornishman in the prime of his life.
“What you say, eh? You don’t know me?” he said, in his singsong voice, emotionless, but rather smothered and pressing: it reminded one of the girl’s. “I should know you anywhere, you see. I should! I shouldn’t have to look twice to know you, you see. You see, now, don’t you?”
“What are you saying, huh? You don’t know who I am?” he said in a sing-song voice, flat but a bit overwhelming: it reminded one of the girl’s. “I should recognize you anywhere, you know. I really should! I shouldn’t have to look twice to know it’s you, you know. You get that, right?”
The woman was baffled.
The woman was confused.
“So you may say,” she replied, staccato. “So you may say. That’s easy enough. My name’s known, and respected, by most people for ten miles round. But I don’t know you.”
“So you might say,” she replied, sharply. “So you might say. That’s simple enough. My name’s known and respected by most people within a ten-mile radius. But I don’t know you.”
Her voice ran to sarcasm. “I can’t say I know you. You’re a perfect stranger to me, and I don’t believe I’ve ever set eyes on you before tonight.”
Her voice dripped with sarcasm. “I can’t say I know you. You’re a complete stranger to me, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before tonight.”
Her voice was very flexible and sarcastic.
Her voice was really flexible and sarcastic.
“Yes, you have,” replied the man, in his reasonable way.” Yes, you have. Your name’s my name, and that girl Maryann is my girl; she’s my daughter. You’re my Missis right enough. As sure as I’m Willie Nankervis.”
“Yes, you have,” replied the man, calmly. “Yes, you have. Your name’s my name, and that girl Maryann is my girl; she’s my daughter. You’re definitely my Missis. As sure as I’m Willie Nankervis.”
He spoke as if it were an accepted fact. His face was handsome, with a strange, watchful alertness and a fundamental fixity of intention that maddened her.
He spoke as if it were a commonly known fact. His face was attractive, with a peculiar, vigilant awareness and a deep-set determination that drove her crazy.
“You villain!” she cried. “You villain, to come to this house and dare to speak to me. You villain, you down-right rascal!”
“You scoundrel!” she shouted. “You scoundrel, to come to this house and have the nerve to talk to me. You scoundrel, you absolute rogue!”
He looked at her.
He gazed at her.
“Ay,” he said, unmoved. “All that.” He was uneasy before her. Only he was not afraid of her. There was something impenetrable about him, like his eyes, which were as bright as agate.
“Yeah,” he said, unfazed. “All of that.” He felt uncomfortable in front of her. The thing was, he wasn’t scared of her. There was something unreadable about him, like his eyes, which shone as brightly as agate.
She towered, and drew near to him menacingly.
She loomed over him and approached menacingly.
“You’re going out of this house, aren’t you?”—She stamped her foot in sudden madness. “This minute!”
“You’re leaving this house, right?”—She stamped her foot in a burst of anger. “Right now!”
He watched her. He knew she wanted to strike him.
He watched her. He knew she wanted to hit him.
“No,” he said, with suppressed emphasis. “I’ve told you, I’m stopping here.”
“No,” he said, with controlled intensity. “I’ve told you, I’m staying right here.”
He was afraid of her personality, but it did not alter him. She wavered. Her small, tawny-brown eyes concentrated in a point of vivid, sightless fury, like a tiger’s. The man was wincing, but he stood his ground. Then she bethought herself. She would gather her forces.
He was scared of her personality, but it didn’t change him. She hesitated. Her small, light brown eyes focused on a spot with intense, blind rage, like a tiger’s. The man flinched, but he held his ground. Then she remembered. She would gather her strength.
“We’ll see whether you’re stopping here,” she said. And she turned, with a curious, frightening lifting of her eyes, and surged out of the room. The man, listening, heard her go upstairs, heard her tapping at a bedroom door, heard her saying: “Do you mind coming down a minute, boys? I want you. I’m in trouble.”
“We’ll see if you’re actually stopping here,” she said. Then she turned, her eyes lifting in a way that was both curious and unsettling, and rushed out of the room. The man, listening, heard her go upstairs, heard her knock on a bedroom door, and heard her say: “Can you come down for a minute, guys? I need you. I’m in trouble.”
The man in the bar took off his cap and his black overcoat, and threw them on the seat behind him. His black hair was short and touched with grey at the temples. He wore a well-cut, well-fitting suit of dark grey, American in style, and a turn-down collar. He looked well-to-do, a fine, solid figure of a man. The rather rigid look of the shoulders came from his having had his collar-bone twice broken in the mines.
The man in the bar removed his cap and black overcoat, tossing them onto the seat behind him. His short black hair had some grey at the temples. He wore a well-tailored, fitted dark grey suit in an American style, along with a turn-down collar. He appeared to be well-off, a strong, solid-looking man. The somewhat stiff appearance of his shoulders was due to having broken his collarbone twice while working in the mines.
The little terrier of a sergeant, in dirty khaki, looked at him furtively.
The scrappy little sergeant in dirty khaki glanced at him sneakily.
“She’s your Missis?” he asked, jerking his head in the direction of the departed woman.
“She’s your wife?” he asked, nodding toward the woman who had just left.
“Yes, she is,” barked the man. “She’s that, sure enough.”
“Yes, she is,” the man shouted. “That’s definitely true.”
“Not seen her for a long time, haven’t ye?”
“Haven't seen her in a long time, have you?”
“Sixteen years come March month.”
“Sixteen years come March.”
“Hm!”
“Hm!”
And the sergeant laconically resumed his smoking.
And the sergeant casually went back to smoking.
The landlady was coming back, followed by the three young soldiers, who entered rather sheepishly, in trousers and shirt and stocking-feet. The woman stood histrionically at the end of the bar, and exclaimed:
The landlady was coming back, followed by the three young soldiers, who walked in a bit awkwardly, wearing pants and shirts with bare feet. The woman dramatically stood at the end of the bar and exclaimed:
“That man refuses to leave the house, claims he’s stopping the night here. You know very well I have no bed, don’t you? And this house doesn’t accommodate travellers. Yet he’s going to stop in spite of all! But not while I’ve a drop of blood in my body, that I declare with my dying breath. And not if you men are worth the name of men, and will help a woman as has no one to help her.”
“That guy won’t leave the house, insists he’s staying the night here. You know I don’t have a bed, right? And this place isn’t set up for guests. Still, he’s going to stay despite all! But not as long as I have a drop of blood in my body, I swear it with my last breath. And not if you guys are really men and will help a woman who has no one to support her.”
Her eyes sparkled, her face was flushed pink. She was drawn up like an Amazon.
Her eyes gleamed, her face was flushed pink. She stood tall like a warrior.
The young soldiers did not quite know what to do. They looked at the man, they looked at the sergeant, one of them looked down and fastened his braces on the second button.
The young soldiers were unsure of what to do. They stared at the man, glanced at the sergeant, and one of them looked down to fasten his suspenders on the second button.
“What say, sergeant?” asked one whose face twinkled for a little devilment.
“What do you think, sergeant?” asked someone whose face sparkled with a bit of mischief.
“Man says he’s husband to Mrs. Nankervis,” said the sergeant.
“Man says he’s the husband of Mrs. Nankervis,” said the sergeant.
“He’s no husband of mine. I declare I never set eyes on him before this night. It’s a dirty trick, nothing else, it’s a dirty trick.”
“He's not my husband. I swear I've never seen him before tonight. It's a filthy trick, nothing more, just a filthy trick.”
“Why, you’re a liar, saying you never set eyes on me before,” barked the man near the hearth. “You’re married to me, and that girl Maryann you had by me—well enough you know it.”
“Why, you're lying, saying you’ve never seen me before,” shouted the man by the fireplace. “You’re my wife, and that girl Maryann you had with me—well, you know it well enough.”
The young soldiers looked on in delight, the sergeant smoked imperturbed.
The young soldiers watched in amazement while the sergeant smoked casually.
“Yes,” sang the landlady, slowly shaking her head in supreme sarcasm, “it sounds very pretty, doesn’t it? But you see we don’t believe a word of it, and how are you going to prove it?” She smiled nastily.
“Yes,” sang the landlady, slowly shaking her head in supreme sarcasm, “it sounds really nice, doesn’t it? But you see, we don’t believe a word of it, and how are you going to prove it?” She smiled nastily.
The man watched in silence for a moment, then he said:
The man watched quietly for a moment, then he said:
“It wants no proof.”
"It needs no proof."
“Oh, yes, but it does! Oh, yes, but it does, sir, it wants a lot of proving!” sang the lady’s sarcasm. “We’re not such gulls as all that, to swallow your words whole.”
“Oh, yes, but it does! Oh, yes, but it does, sir, it needs a lot of proof!” the lady said sarcastically. “We’re not so gullible as to just swallow your words whole.”
But he stood unmoved near the fire. She stood with one hand resting on the zinc-covered bar, the sergeant sat with legs crossed, smoking, on the seat halfway between them, the three young soldiers in their shirts and braces stood wavering in the gloom behind the bar. There was silence.
But he stayed still by the fire. She leaned against the zinc-covered bar, the sergeant sat with his legs crossed, smoking, on the seat halfway between them, and the three young soldiers in their shirts and braces stood unsteadily in the dim light behind the bar. There was silence.
“Do you know anything of the whereabouts of your husband, Mrs. Nankervis? Is he still living?” asked the sergeant, in his judicious fashion.
“Do you know where your husband is, Mrs. Nankervis? Is he still alive?” asked the sergeant, in his thoughtful way.
Suddenly the landlady began to cry, great scalding tears, that left the young men aghast.
Suddenly, the landlady started to cry, big, hot tears, leaving the young men shocked.
“I know nothing of him,” she sobbed, feeling for her pocket handkerchief. “He left me when Maryann was a baby, went mining to America, and after about six months never wrote a line nor sent me a penny bit. I can’t say whether he’s alive or dead, the villain. All I’ve heard of him’s to the bad—and I’ve heard nothing for years an’ all, now.” She sobbed violently.
“I know nothing about him,” she cried, searching for her pocket handkerchief. “He left me when Maryann was a baby, went mining in America, and after about six months never wrote a single line or sent me a penny. I can’t say whether he’s alive or dead, the jerk. All I’ve heard about him is negative—and I haven’t heard anything for years now.” She sobbed uncontrollably.
The golden-skinned, handsome man near the fire watched her as she wept. He was frightened, he was troubled, he was bewildered, but none of his emotions altered him underneath.
The handsome man with golden skin by the fire watched her as she cried. He felt scared, troubled, and confused, but none of his emotions changed who he was inside.
There was no sound in the room but the violent sobbing of the landlady. The men, one and all, were overcome.
There was complete silence in the room except for the loud sobbing of the landlady. Everyone else was deeply affected.
“Don’t you think as you’d better go, for tonight?” said the sergeant to the man, with sweet reasonableness. “You’d better leave it a bit, and arrange something between you. You can’t have much claim on a woman, I should imagine, if it’s how she says. And you’ve come down on her a bit too sudden-like.”
“Don’t you think you should head out for tonight?” the sergeant said to the man, sounding quite reasonable. “It’s better to wait and figure something out between you two. I imagine you don’t have much of a claim on a woman if she feels differently. And you’ve come on a bit too strong.”
The landlady sobbed heart-brokenly. The man watched her large breasts shaken. They seemed to cast a spell over his mind.
The landlady cried uncontrollably. The man watched her big breasts move. They seemed to mesmerize him.
“How I’ve treated her, that’s no matter,” he replied. “I’ve come back, and I’m going to stop in my own home—for a bit, anyhow. There you’ve got it.”
“How I’ve treated her doesn't matter,” he replied. “I’ve come back, and I’m going to stay in my own home—for a while, at least. There you have it.”
“A dirty action,” said the sergeant, his face flushing dark. “A dirty action, to come, after deserting a woman for that number of years, and want to force yourself on her! A dirty action—as isn’t allowed by the law.”
“A dirty action,” said the sergeant, his face turning dark red. “A dirty action, to come back after abandoning a woman for all those years, and try to impose yourself on her! A dirty action—that the law doesn’t allow.”
The landlady wiped her eyes.
The landlady wiped her tears.
“Never you mind about law nor nothing,” cried the man, in a strange, strong voice. “I’m not moving out of this public tonight.”
“Don’t worry about the law or anything else,” the man shouted, in a strange, powerful voice. “I’m not leaving this place tonight.”
The woman turned to the soldiers behind her, and said in a wheedling, sarcastic tone:
The woman turned to the soldiers behind her and said in a pleading, sarcastic tone:
“Are we going to stand it, boys?—Are we going to be done like this, Sergeant Thomas, by a scoundrel and a bully as has led a life beyond mention, in those American mining-camps, and then wants to come back and make havoc of a poor woman’s life and savings, after having left her with a baby in arms to struggle as best she might? It’s a crying shame if nobody will stand up for me—a crying shame—!”
“Are we going to put up with this, guys? Are we really going to let ourselves be beaten like this, Sergeant Thomas, by a jerk and a bully who has lived a life too messed up to even talk about, in those American mining camps, and then wants to come back and ruin a poor woman's life and savings, after leaving her with a baby to fend for herself? It's a real shame if no one will stand up for me—a real shame!”
The soldiers and the little sergeant were bristling. The woman stooped and rummaged under the counter for a minute. Then, unseen to the man away near the fire, she threw out a plaited grass rope, such as is used for binding bales, and left it lying near the feet of the young soldiers, in the gloom at the back of the bar.
The soldiers and the little sergeant were on edge. The woman bent down and searched under the counter for a moment. Then, out of sight from the man by the fire, she tossed out a braided grass rope, like the kind used for tying bales, and left it lying at the feet of the young soldiers in the dimness at the back of the bar.
Then she rose and fronted the situation.
Then she stood up and faced the situation.
“Come now,” she said to the man, in a reasonable, coldly-coaxing tone, “put your coat on and leave us alone. Be a man, and not worse than a brute of a German. You can get a bed easy enough in St Just, and if you’ve nothing to pay for it sergeant would lend you a couple of shillings, I’m sure he would.”
“Come on,” she said to the man in a calm, persuasive tone, “put your coat on and leave us alone. Be a man, and don’t act worse than a German brute. You can find a place to sleep easily enough in St Just, and if you don’t have any money for it, I’m sure the sergeant would lend you a couple of shillings.”
All eyes were fixed on the man. He was looking down at the woman like a creature spell-bound or possessed by some devil’s own intention.
All eyes were on the man. He was looking down at the woman like a creature under a spell or possessed by some devil's design.
“I’ve got money of my own,” he said. “Don’t you be frightened for your money, I’ve plenty of that, for the time.”
“I have my own money,” he said. “Don’t worry about your money, I have plenty of that for now.”
“Well, then,” she coaxed, in a cold, almost sneering propitiation, “put your coat on and go where you’re wanted—be a man, not a brute of a German.”
“Well, then,” she urged, in a cold, almost mocking tone, “put your coat on and go where you’re wanted—be a man, not a beast of a German.”
She had drawn quite near to him, in her challenging coaxing intentness. He looked down at her with his bewitched face.
She had gotten pretty close to him, her challenging and teasing gaze fixed on him. He looked down at her with his enchanted expression.
“No, I shan’t,” he said. “I shan’t do no such thing. You’ll put me up for tonight.”
“No, I won’t,” he said. “I won’t do anything like that. You’ll let me stay here tonight.”
“Shall I!” she cried. And suddenly she flung her arms round him, hung on to him with all her powerful weight, calling to the soldiers: “Get the rope, boys, and fasten him up. Alfred—John, quick now—”
“Sure!” she exclaimed. And suddenly she wrapped her arms around him, holding on with all her strength, shouting to the soldiers: “Get the rope, guys, and tie him up. Alfred—John, hurry now—”
The man reared, looked round with maddened eyes, and heaved his powerful body. But the woman was powerful also, and very heavy, and was clenched with the determination of death. Her face, with its exulting, horribly vindictive look, was turned up to him from his own breast; he reached back his head frantically, to get away from it. Meanwhile the young soldiers, after having watched this frightful Laocoon swaying for a moment, stirred, and the malicious one darted swiftly with the rope. It was tangled a little.
The man reared back, glanced around with wild eyes, and heaved his strong body. But the woman was strong too, very heavy, and determined to the point of death. Her face, twisted with a mix of triumph and rage, was turned up toward him from his own chest; he threw his head back in a frantic attempt to escape it. Meanwhile, the young soldiers, after observing this horrifying scene reminiscent of Laocoon for a moment, began to move, and the malicious one quickly rushed in with the rope. It got a bit tangled.
“Give me the end here,” cried the sergeant.
“Give me the end here,” shouted the sergeant.
Meanwhile the big man heaved and struggled, swung the woman round against the seat and the table, in his convulsive effort to get free. But she pinned down his arms like a cuttlefish wreathed heavily upon him. And he heaved and swayed, and they crashed about the room, the soldiers hopping, the furniture bumping.
Meanwhile, the big guy strained and fought, swinging the woman against the seat and the table in a desperate attempt to break free. But she held his arms down like a cuttlefish wrapped tightly around him. He thrashed and swayed, and they crashed around the room, the soldiers jumping, the furniture bumping.
The young soldier had got the rope once round, the brisk sergeant helping him. The woman sank heavily lower, they got the rope round several times. In the struggle the victim fell over against the table. The ropes tightened till they cut his arms. The woman clung to his knees. Another soldier ran in a flash of genius, and fastened the strange man’s feet with the pair of braces. Seats had crashed over, the table was thrown against the wall, but the man was bound, his arms pinned against his sides, his feet tied. He lay half fallen, sunk against the table, still for a moment.
The young soldier got the rope wrapped around once, with the quick help of the sergeant. The woman sank down heavily as they wrapped the rope around several times. During the struggle, the victim fell against the table. The ropes tightened until they dug into his arms. The woman held onto his knees. Another soldier had a sudden idea and tied the strange man’s feet with a pair of braces. Chairs had toppled over, and the table was shoved against the wall, but the man was tied up, his arms pinned to his sides, his feet secured. He lay half slumped, leaning against the table, still for a moment.
The woman rose, and sank, faint, on to the seat against the wall. Her breast heaved, she could not speak, she thought she was going to die. The bound man lay against the overturned table, his coat all twisted and pulled up beneath the ropes, leaving the loins exposed. The soldiers stood around, a little dazed, but excited with the row.
The woman got up and then collapsed, faint, onto the seat against the wall. Her chest heaved, she couldn't speak, and she thought she was going to die. The tied-up man was lying against the flipped-over table, his coat all twisted and pulled up beneath the ropes, leaving his lower body exposed. The soldiers stood around, a bit dazed but stirred up by the commotion.
The man began to struggle again, heaving instinctively against the ropes, taking great, deep breaths. His face, with its golden skin, flushed dark and surcharged, he heaved again. The great veins in his neck stood out. But it was no good, he went relaxed. Then again, suddenly, he jerked his feet.
The man started to struggle again, instinctively pulling against the ropes and taking deep breaths. His face, with its golden skin, turned dark and strained as he exerted himself. The large veins in his neck bulged. But it was no use; he went limp. Then, suddenly, he jerked his feet again.
“Another pair of braces, William,” cried the excited soldier. He threw himself on the legs of the bound man, and managed to fasten the knees. Then again there was stillness. They could hear the clock tick.
“Another pair of cuffs, William,” shouted the excited soldier. He threw himself at the legs of the tied-up man and managed to secure the knees. Then it was quiet again. They could hear the clock ticking.
The woman looked at the prostrate figure, the strong, straight limbs, the strong back bound in subjection, the wide-eyed face that reminded her of a calf tied in a sack in a cart, only its head stretched dumbly backwards. And she triumphed.
The woman stared at the figure lying flat, the strong, straight limbs, the strong back tied up in submission, the wide-eyed face that reminded her of a calf stuck in a sack in a cart, its head bent awkwardly backward. And she felt victorious.
The bound-up body began to struggle again. She watched fascinated the muscles working, the shoulders, the hips, the large, clean thighs. Even now he might break the ropes. She was afraid. But the lively young soldier sat on the shoulders of the bound man, and after a few perilous moments, there was stillness again.
The tied-up body started to struggle again. She watched in fascination as the muscles moved—shoulders, hips, and strong, clean thighs. He could still break the ropes. She felt scared. But the energetic young soldier sat on the bound man's shoulders, and after a few tense moments, everything went still again.
“Now,” said the judicious sergeant to the bound man, “if we untie you, will you promise to go off and make no more trouble.”
“Now,” said the wise sergeant to the tied-up man, “if we let you go, will you promise to leave and not cause any more trouble?”
“You’ll not untie him in here,” cried the woman. “I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could blow him.”
“You won’t get him free in here,” the woman shouted. “I wouldn’t trust him any farther than I could blow him.”
There was silence.
It was silent.
“We might carry him outside, and undo him there,” said the soldier. “Then we could get the policeman, if he made any bother.”
“We could take him outside and untie him there,” said the soldier. “Then we could call the police if he causes any trouble.”
“Yes,” said the sergeant. “We could do that.” Then again, in an altered, almost severe tone, to the prisoner. “If we undo you outside, will you take your coat and go without creating any more disturbance?”
“Yes,” said the sergeant. “We can do that.” Then, in a different, almost harsh tone, he said to the prisoner, “If we release you outside, will you grab your coat and leave without causing any more trouble?”
But the prisoner would not answer, he only lay with wide, dark, bright, eyes, like a bound animal. There was a space of perplexed silence.
But the prisoner wouldn’t respond; he just lay there with wide, dark, bright eyes, like a trapped animal. An awkward silence followed.
“Well, then, do as you say,” said the woman irritably. “Carry him out amongst you, and let us shut up the house.”
“Well, then, do what you want,” the woman said irritably. “Take him outside with you, and let’s close up the house.”
They did so. Picking up the bound man, the four soldiers staggered clumsily into the silent square in front of the inn, the woman following with the cap and the overcoat. The young soldiers quickly unfastened the braces from the prisoner’s legs, and they hopped indoors. They were in their stocking-feet, and outside the stars flashed cold. They stood in the doorway watching. The man lay quite still on the cold ground.
They did just that. Picking up the restrained man, the four soldiers awkwardly made their way into the quiet square in front of the inn, with the woman trailing behind carrying the cap and overcoat. The young soldiers quickly loosened the straps from the prisoner’s legs, and they hopped inside. They were in their socks, and outside, the stars twinkled coldly. They stood in the doorway watching. The man lay completely still on the chilly ground.
“Now,” said the sergeant, in a subdued voice, “I’ll loosen the knot, and he can work himself free, if you go in, Missis.”
“Now,” said the sergeant, in a quiet voice, “I’ll loosen the knot, and he can get himself free if you go in, Missis.”
She gave a last look at the dishevelled, bound man, as he sat on the ground. Then she went indoors, followed quickly by the sergeant. Then they were heard locking and barring the door.
She took one last look at the messy, restrained man as he sat on the ground. Then she went inside, followed closely by the sergeant. After that, they could be heard locking and securing the door.
The man seated on the ground outside worked and strained at the rope. But it was not so easy to undo himself even now. So, with hands bound, making an effort, he got on his feet, and went and worked the cord against the rough edge of an old wall. The rope, being of a kind of plaited grass, soon frayed and broke, and he freed himself. He had various contusions. His arms were hurt and bruised from the bonds. He rubbed them slowly. Then he pulled his clothes straight, stooped, put on his cap, struggled into his overcoat, and walked away.
The man sitting on the ground outside pulled at the rope, but it wasn't easy to free himself even now. So, with his hands tied, he made an effort to stand up and worked the cord against the rough edge of an old wall. The rope, made of woven grass, quickly frayed and snapped, and he managed to free himself. He had several bruises. His arms were sore and marked from the bindings. He rubbed them gently. Then he straightened his clothes, bent down to put on his cap, struggled into his overcoat, and walked away.
The stars were very brilliant. Clear as crystal, the beam from the lighthouse under the cliffs struck rhythmically on the night. Dazed, the man walked along the road past the churchyard. Then he stood leaning up against a wall, for a long time.
The stars shone brightly. Clear as crystal, the beam from the lighthouse under the cliffs flashed rhythmically into the night. Dazed, the man walked along the road past the churchyard. After a while, he leaned against a wall, staying there for a long time.
He was roused because his feet were so cold. So he pulled himself together, and turned again in the silent night, back towards the inn.
He woke up because his feet were freezing. So he gathered himself and turned back into the silent night, heading towards the inn.
The bar was in darkness. But there was a light in the kitchen. He hesitated. Then very quietly he tried the door.
The bar was dark. But there was a light in the kitchen. He hesitated. Then, very quietly, he tried the door.
He was surprised to find it open. He entered, and quietly closed it behind him. Then he went down the step past the bar-counter, and through to the lighted doorway of the kitchen. There sat his wife, planted in front of the range, where a furze fire was burning. She sat in a chair full in front of the range, her knees wide apart on the fender. She looked over her shoulder at him as he entered, but she did not speak. Then she stared in the fire again.
He was surprised to find it open. He stepped inside and quietly shut the door behind him. Then he walked down the step past the bar counter and into the brightly lit doorway of the kitchen. There sat his wife, positioned in front of the stove, where a furze fire was burning. She sat in a chair directly in front of the stove, her knees spread apart on the fender. She looked back at him as he came in, but she didn’t say a word. Then she turned her gaze back to the fire.
It was a small, narrow kitchen. He dropped his cap on the table that was covered with yellowish American cloth, and took a seat with his back to the wall, near the oven. His wife still sat with her knees apart, her feet on the steel fender and stared into the fire, motionless. Her skin was smooth and rosy in the firelight. Everything in the house was very clean and bright. The man sat silent, too, his head dropped. And thus they remained.
It was a small, narrow kitchen. He threw his cap on the table covered with yellowish American cloth and took a seat with his back against the wall, close to the oven. His wife sat with her knees apart, her feet on the steel fender, staring into the fire, completely still. Her skin glowed smooth and rosy in the firelight. Everything in the house was very clean and bright. The man sat silent as well, his head bowed. And so they stayed.
It was a question who would speak first. The woman leaned forward and poked the ends of the sticks in between the bars of the range. He lifted his head and looked at her.
It was a question of who would speak first. The woman leaned in and poked the ends of the sticks between the bars of the stove. He lifted his head and looked at her.
“Others gone to bed, have they?” he asked.
“Have the others gone to bed?” he asked.
But she remained closed in silence.
But she stayed quiet and closed off.
“’S a cold night, out,” he said, as if to himself.
“It's a cold night out,” he said, almost to himself.
And he laid his large, yet well-shapen workman’s hand on the top of the stove, that was polished black and smooth as velvet. She would not look at him, yet she glanced out of the corners of her eyes.
And he placed his large, well-shaped worker's hand on the top of the stove, which was polished black and smooth like velvet. She wouldn't look at him, but she stole glances out of the corners of her eyes.
His eyes were fixed brightly on her, the pupils large and electric like those of a cat.
His eyes were brightly focused on her, his pupils large and intense like those of a cat.
“I should have picked you out among thousands,” he said. “Though you’re bigger than I’d have believed. Fine flesh you’ve made.”
“I should have recognized you among thousands,” he said. “Even though you’re bigger than I expected. You’ve grown into quite a fine figure.”
She was silent for some time. Then she turned in her chair upon him.
She sat quietly for a while. Then she turned in her chair to face him.
“What do you think of yourself,” she said, “coming back on me like this after over fifteen years? You don’t think I’ve not heard of you, neither, in Butte City and elsewhere?”
“What do you think of yourself,” she said, “coming back at me like this after more than fifteen years? You really think I haven’t heard about you, either, in Butte City and elsewhere?”
He was watching her with his clear, translucent, unchallenged eyes.
He was watching her with his clear, bright, confident eyes.
“Yes,” he said. “Chaps comes an’ goes—I’ve heard tell of you from time to time.”
“Yes,” he said. “Guys come and go—I’ve heard about you from time to time.”
She drew herself up.
She straightened up.
“And what lies have you heard about me?” she demanded superbly.
“And what lies have you heard about me?” she asked confidently.
“I dunno as I’ve heard any lies at all—’cept as you was getting on very well, like.”
“I don’t know if I’ve heard any lies at all—except that you were doing really well, you know?”
His voice ran warily and detached. Her anger stirred again in her violently. But she subdued it, because of the danger there was in him, and more, perhaps, because of the beauty of his head and his level drawn brows, which she could not bear to forfeit.
His voice came out cautious and disconnected. Her anger flared up again intensely. But she held it back, due to the threat he posed, and maybe even more because of the beauty of his face and his straight, defined brows, which she couldn't bear to lose.
“That’s more than I can say of you,” she said. “I’ve heard more harm than good about you.”
“That's more than I can say about you,” she said. “I've heard more bad than good about you.”
“Ay, I dessay,” he said, looking in the fire. It was a long time since he had seen the furze burning, he said to himself. There was a silence, during which she watched his face.
“Ay, I guess,” he said, staring into the fire. It had been a long time since he had seen the furze burning, he thought to himself. There was silence, during which she watched his face.
“Do you call yourself a man?” she said, more in contemptuous reproach than in anger. “Leave a woman as you’ve left me, you don’t care to what!—and then to turn up in this fashion, without a word to say for yourself.”
“Do you call yourself a man?” she said, more in scornful reproach than in anger. “You leave a woman like you’ve left me, you don’t care about anything!—and then to show up in this way, without a word to say for yourself.”
He stirred in his chair, planted his feet apart, and resting his arms on his knees, looked steadily into the fire, without answering. So near to her was his head, and the close black hair, she could scarcely refrain from starting away, as if it would bite her.
He shifted in his chair, spread his feet apart, and rested his arms on his knees as he stared intently into the fire, not responding. His head was so close to hers, with that dark black hair, she could barely stop herself from flinching back, as if it might bite her.
“Do you call that the action of a man?” she repeated.
“Do you really think that's how a man acts?” she repeated.
“No,” he said, reaching and poking the bits of wood into the fire with his fingers. “I didn’t call it anything, as I know of. It’s no good calling things by any names whatsoever, as I know of.”
“No,” he said, reaching in and poking the pieces of wood into the fire with his fingers. “I didn’t call it anything, as far as I know. It doesn’t help to call things by any names at all, as far as I know.”
She watched him in his actions. There was a longer and longer pause between each speech, though neither knew it.
She observed him as he acted. There was a longer and longer pause between each comment, although neither of them realized it.
“I wonder what you think of yourself!” she exclaimed, with vexed emphasis. “I wonder what sort of a fellow you take yourself to be!” She was really perplexed as well as angry.
“I wonder what you think of yourself!” she shouted, clearly irritated. “I wonder what kind of person you believe you are!” She was truly confused as well as upset.
“Well,” he said, lifting his head to look at her, “I guess I’ll answer for my own faults, if everybody else’ll answer for theirs.”
“Well,” he said, raising his head to look at her, “I guess I’ll take responsibility for my own mistakes if everyone else is going to take responsibility for theirs.”
Her heart beat fiery hot as he lifted his face to her. She breathed heavily, averting her face, almost losing her self-control.
Her heart raced as he lifted his face to hers. She breathed heavily, turning away, nearly losing her self-control.
“And what do you take me to be?” she cried, in real helplessness.
“And what do you think I am?” she cried, feeling truly helpless.
His face was lifted watching her, watching her soft, averted face, and the softly heaving mass of her breasts.
His face was raised as he watched her, observing her gentle, turned-away expression and the gently rising and falling shape of her breasts.
“I take you,” he said, with that laconic truthfulness which exercised such power over her, “to be the deuce of a fine woman—darn me if you’re not as fine a built woman as I’ve seen, handsome with it as well. I shouldn’t have expected you to put on such handsome flesh: ’struth I shouldn’t.”
“I choose you,” he said, with that blunt honesty that had such a strong effect on her, “to be an incredible woman—honestly, you’re one of the best-built women I’ve ever seen, and you’re beautiful too. I wouldn’t have thought you’d have such a lovely figure: I really wouldn’t.”
Her heart beat fiery hot, as he watched her with those bright agate eyes, fixedly.
Her heart raced with intensity as he watched her with those bright agate eyes, unwavering.
“Been very handsome to you, for fifteen years, my sakes!” she replied.
“It's been quite handsome to you, for fifteen years, my goodness!” she replied.
He made no answer to this, but sat with his bright, quick eyes upon her.
He didn't respond to this, but sat with his bright, sharp eyes on her.
Then he rose. She started involuntarily. But he only said, in his laconic, measured way:
Then he stood up. She flinched a little. But he just said, in his brief, controlled manner:
“It’s warm in here now.”
“It’s warm in here now.”
And he pulled off his overcoat, throwing it on the table. She sat as if slightly cowed, whilst he did so.
And he took off his overcoat and tossed it on the table. She sat there looking a bit intimidated while he did that.
“Them ropes has given my arms something, by Ga-ard,” he drawled, feeling his arms with his hands.
“Them ropes have really given my arms a workout, by God,” he said slowly, feeling his arms with his hands.
Still she sat in her chair before him, slightly cowed.
Still, she sat in her chair in front of him, a bit intimidated.
“You was sharp, wasn’t you, to catch me like that, eh?” he smiled slowly. “By Ga-ard, you had me fixed proper, proper you had. Darn me, you fixed me up proper—proper, you did.”
“You were sharp, weren’t you, to catch me like that, huh?” he smiled slowly. “By God, you had me all figured out, you really did. Dang it, you had me sorted out good—really, you did.”
He leaned forwards in his chair towards her.
He leaned forward in his chair towards her.
“I don’t think no worse of you for it, no, darned if I do. Fine pluck in a woman’s what I admire. That I do, indeed.”
“I don’t think any less of you for it, no, I definitely don’t. I really admire a woman with guts. I truly do.”
She only gazed into the fire.
She simply stared into the fire.
“We fet from the start, we did. And, my word, you begin again quick the minute you see me, you did. Darn me, you was too sharp for me. A darn fine woman, puts up a darn good fight. Darn me if I could find a woman in all the darn States as could get me down like that. Wonderful fine woman you be, truth to say, at this minute.”
“We felt it from the beginning, we really did. And, wow, you start again right away the moment you see me, you do. Honestly, you were too clever for me. Such a great woman, puts up a really good fight. I swear, I couldn't find a woman in all the states who could put me down like that. You're a wonderful woman, to be honest, right at this moment.”
She only sat glowering into the fire.
She just sat staring angrily into the fire.
“As grand a pluck as a man could wish to find in a woman, true as I’m here,” he said, reaching forward his hand and tentatively touching her between her full, warm breasts, quietly.
“As bold as a man could hope to find in a woman, as sure as I'm standing here,” he said, reaching out his hand and gently touching her between her full, warm breasts.
She started, and seemed to shudder. But his hand insinuated itself between her breasts, as she continued to gaze in the fire.
She flinched and appeared to shiver. But his hand slipped between her breasts as she kept staring into the fire.
“And don’t you think I’ve come back here a-begging,” he said. “I’ve more than one thousand pounds to my name, I have. And a bit of a fight for a how-de-do pleases me, that it do. But that doesn’t mean as you’re going to deny as you’re my Missis....”
“And don’t you think I’ve come back here begging,” he said. “I’ve got more than one thousand pounds to my name, I do. And a little bit of a fight for a greeting makes me happy, it does. But that doesn’t mean you’re going to deny that you’re my Missis...”
THE PRIMROSE PATH
A young man came out of the Victoria station, looking undecidedly at the taxi-cabs, dark-red and black, pressing against the kerb under the glass-roof. Several men in greatcoats and brass buttons jerked themselves erect to catch his attention, at the same time keeping an eye on the other people as they filtered through the open doorways of the station. Berry, however, was occupied by one of the men, a big, burly fellow whose blue eyes glared back and whose red-brown moustache bristled in defiance.
A young man stepped out of Victoria station, hesitantly looking at the taxi cabs, dark red and black, lined up against the curb under the glass roof. Several men in overcoats with brass buttons straightened up to get his attention, while also watching the other people as they streamed through the station's open doorways. However, Berry was focused on one of the men, a large, burly guy whose blue eyes stared back defiantly and whose red-brown mustache bristled with challenge.
“Do you want a cab, sir?” the man asked, in a half-mocking, challenging voice.
“Do you want a cab, sir?” the man asked, in a half-mocking, challenging tone.
Berry hesitated still.
Berry still hesitated.
“Are you Daniel Sutton?” he asked.
“Are you Daniel Sutton?” he asked.
“Yes,” replied the other defiantly, with uneasy conscience.
“Yes,” replied the other defiantly, feeling uneasy about it.
“Then you are my uncle,” said Berry.
“Then you’re my uncle,” said Berry.
They were alike in colouring, and somewhat in features, but the taxi driver was a powerful, well-fleshed man who glared at the world aggressively, being really on the defensive against his own heart. His nephew, of the same height, was thin, well-dressed, quiet and indifferent in his manner. And yet they were obviously kin.
They looked similar in color and somewhat in their features, but the taxi driver was a strong, muscular guy who stared at the world with an aggressive attitude, really just protecting himself from his own feelings. His nephew, who was the same height, was skinny, well-dressed, and had a quiet, indifferent demeanor. Still, it was clear they were related.
“And who the devil are you?” asked the taxi driver.
“And who the heck are you?” asked the taxi driver.
“I’m Daniel Berry,” replied the nephew.
“I’m Daniel Berry,” the nephew replied.
“Well, I’m damned—never saw you since you were a kid.”
“Well, I can’t believe it—I haven’t seen you since you were a kid.”
Rather awkwardly at this late hour the two shook hands.
Rather awkwardly at this late hour, the two shook hands.
“How are you, lad?”
“How’s it going, dude?”
“All right. I thought you were in Australia.”
“All right. I thought you were in Australia.”
“Been back three months—bought a couple of these damned things,”—he kicked the tyre of his taxi-cab in affectionate disgust. There was a moment’s silence.
“Been back for three months—got a couple of these damn things,”—he kicked the tire of his taxi in a mix of fondness and annoyance. There was a brief silence.
“Oh, but I’m going back out there. I can’t stand this cankering, rotten-hearted hell of a country any more; you want to come out to Sydney with me, lad. That’s the place for you—beautiful place, oh, you could wish for nothing better. And money in it, too.—How’s your mother?”
“Oh, but I’m going back out there. I can’t stand this decaying, rotten-hearted hell of a country anymore; you should come to Sydney with me, kid. That’s the place for you—such a beautiful place, oh, you couldn’t wish for anything better. And there’s money to be made too.—How’s your mom?”
“She died at Christmas,” said the young man.
“She died at Christmas,” said the young man.
“Dead! What!—our Anna!” The big man’s eyes stared, and he recoiled in fear. “God, lad,” he said, “that’s three of ’em gone!”
“Dead! What!—our Anna!” The big man’s eyes widened, and he stepped back in fear. “God, kid,” he said, “that’s three of them gone!”
The two men looked away at the people passing along the pale grey pavements, under the wall of Trinity Church.
The two men turned their gaze to the people walking by on the light grey sidewalks, beneath the wall of Trinity Church.
“Well, strike me lucky!” said the taxi driver at last, out of breath. “She wor th’ best o’ th’ bunch of ’em. I see nowt nor hear nowt from any of ’em—they’re not worth it, I’ll be damned if they are—our sermon-lapping Adela and Maud,” he looked scornfully at his nephew. “But she was the best of ’em, our Anna was, that’s a fact.”
“Wow, what a surprise!” said the taxi driver finally, out of breath. “She was the best of the lot. I don’t see or hear anything from any of them—they aren’t worth it, I swear they aren’t—our sermon-loving Adela and Maud,” he looked at his nephew with disdain. “But she was the best of them, our Anna was, that’s for sure.”
He was talking because he was afraid.
He was talking because he was scared.
“An’ after a hard life like she’d had. How old was she, lad?”
“After a tough life like she’d had. How old was she, kid?”
“Fifty-five.”
"55."
“Fifty-five....” He hesitated. Then, in a rather hushed voice, he asked the question that frightened him:
“Fifty-five....” He paused. Then, in a quiet voice, he asked the question that scared him:
“And what was it, then?”
"And what was it?"
“Cancer.”
“Cancer.”
“Cancer again, like Julia! I never knew there was cancer in our family. Oh, my good God, our poor Anna, after the life she’d had!—What, lad, do you see any God at the back of that?—I’m damned if I do.”
“Cancer again, just like Julia! I never knew we had cancer in our family. Oh my God, our poor Anna, after everything she’s been through!—What about you, do you see any God in that?—I sure don’t.”
He was glaring, very blue-eyed and fierce, at his nephew. Berry lifted his shoulders slightly.
He was glaring, his bright blue eyes fierce, at his nephew. Berry shrugged slightly.
“God?” went on the taxi driver, in a curious intense tone, “You’ve only to look at the folk in the street to know there’s nothing keeps it going but gravitation. Look at ’em. Look at him!”—A mongrel-looking man was nosing past. “Wouldn’t he murder you for your watch-chain, but that he’s afraid of society. He’s got it in him.... Look at ’em.”
“God?” the taxi driver continued, with a curious intense tone, “You just have to look at the people on the street to see that nothing keeps it going but gravity. Look at them. Look at him!”—A scruffy-looking guy was walking by. “Wouldn’t he rob you for your watch-chain, but he’s scared of getting caught. It’s in him.... Look at them.”
Berry watched the towns-people go by, and, sensitively feeling his uncle’s antipathy, it seemed he was watching a sort of danse macabre of ugly criminals.
Berry watched the townspeople pass by, and, acutely aware of his uncle’s dislike, it felt like he was witnessing a kind of danse macabre of ugly criminals.
“Did you ever see such a God-forsaken crew creeping about! It gives you the very horrors to look at ’em. I sit in this damned car and watch ’em till, I can tell you, I feel like running the cab amuck among ’em, and running myself to kingdom come—”
“Have you ever seen such a hopeless group lurking around? It's terrifying just to look at them. I sit in this damn car and watch them until, I swear, I feel like driving the cab wild among them and crashing myself into oblivion—”
Berry wondered at this outburst. He knew his uncle was the black-sheep, the youngest, the darling of his mother’s family. He knew him to be at outs with respectability, mixing with the looser, sporting type, all betting and drinking and showing dogs and birds, and racing. As a critic of life, however, he did not know him. But the young man felt curiously understanding. “He uses words like I do, he talks nearly as I talk, except that I shouldn’t say those things. But I might feel like that, in myself, if I went a certain road.”
Berry was taken aback by this outburst. He knew his uncle was the black sheep, the youngest and the favorite of his mother's family. He recognized that his uncle was at odds with respectability, hanging out with a rough crowd that was all about betting, drinking, showing dogs and birds, and racing. However, he didn't know him as a critic of life. Yet, the young man felt strangely understanding. “He uses words like I do, he talks almost like I talk, except I wouldn’t say those things. But I might feel that way deep down if I went down a certain path.”
“I’ve got to go to Watmore,” he said. “Can you take me?”
“I need to go to Watmore,” he said. “Can you give me a ride?”
“When d’you want to go?” asked the uncle fiercely.
“When do you want to go?” asked the uncle fiercely.
“Now.”
"Now."
“Come on, then. What d’yer stand gassin’ on th’ causeway for?”
“Come on, then. What are you standing around talking for on the sidewalk?”
The nephew took his seat beside the driver. The cab began to quiver, then it started forward with a whirr. The uncle, his hands and feet acting mechanically, kept his blue eyes fixed on the highroad into whose traffic the car was insinuating its way. Berry felt curiously as if he were sitting beside an older development of himself. His mind went back to his mother. She had been twenty years older than this brother of hers whom she had loved so dearly. “He was one of the most affectionate little lads, and such a curly head! I could never have believed he would grow into the great, coarse bully he is—for he’s nothing else. My father made a god of him—well, it’s a good thing his father is dead. He got in with that sporting gang, that’s what did it. Things were made too easy for him, and so he thought of no one but himself, and this is the result.”
The nephew settled into the seat next to the driver. The cab started to shake, then it pulled away with a hum. The uncle, his hands and feet moving automatically, kept his blue eyes focused on the road as the car eased into the traffic. Berry felt oddly like he was sitting next to an older version of himself. His thoughts drifted back to his mother. She had been twenty years older than this brother of hers whom she had loved so much. “He was one of the sweetest little kids, and with such curly hair! I never would have imagined he’d turn into the big, rough bully he is now—because that’s all he is. My father treated him like a god—well, it’s a good thing his dad is gone. He got involved with that group of gamblers, and that’s what changed him. Everything was handed to him too easily, and he only thought of himself, and this is what it led to.”
Not that “Joky” Sutton was so very black a sheep. He had lived idly till he was eighteen, then had suddenly married a young, beautiful girl with clear brows and dark grey eyes, a factory girl. Having taken her to live with his parents he, lover of dogs and pigeons, went on to the staff of a sporting paper. But his wife was without uplift or warmth. Though they made money enough, their house was dark and cold and uninviting. He had two or three dogs, and the whole attic was turned into a great pigeon-house. He and his wife lived together roughly, with no warmth, no refinement, no touch of beauty anywhere, except that she was beautiful. He was a blustering, impetuous man, she was rather cold in her soul, did not care about anything very much, was rather capable and close with money. And she had a common accent in her speech. He outdid her a thousand times in coarse language, and yet that cold twang in her voice tortured him with shame that he stamped down in bullying and in becoming more violent in his own speech.
Not that “Joky” Sutton was such a black sheep. He had lived aimlessly until he turned eighteen, then suddenly married a young, beautiful girl with clear brows and dark gray eyes, a factory worker. After bringing her to live with his parents, he, a lover of dogs and pigeons, joined the staff of a sports magazine. But his wife lacked warmth or inspiration. Even though they made enough money, their home was dark, cold, and uninviting. He had two or three dogs, and the entire attic was converted into a large pigeon coop. He and his wife lived together in a rough manner, with no warmth, no refinement, and no touch of beauty anywhere, except that she was beautiful. He was a loud, impulsive man, while she was somewhat cold at heart, indifferent to most things, rather capable, and stingy with money. She also had a common accent in her speech. He far surpassed her in coarse language, yet that cold twang in her voice filled him with shame, which he suppressed through bullying and by becoming even more aggressive in his own speech.
Only his dogs adored him, and to them, and to his pigeons, he talked with rough, yet curiously tender caresses while they leaped and fluttered for joy.
Only his dogs loved him, and to them, and to his pigeons, he spoke with rough but strangely gentle affection as they jumped and flapped around happily.
After he and his wife had been married for seven years a little girl was born to them, then later, another. But the husband and wife drew no nearer together. She had an affection for her children almost like a cool governess. He had an emotional man’s fear of sentiment, which helped to nip his wife from putting out any shoots. He treated his children roughly, and pretended to think it a good job when one was adopted by a well-to-do maternal aunt. But in his soul he hated his wife that she could give away one of his children. For after her cool fashion, she loved him. With a chaos of a man such as he, she had no chance of being anything but cold and hard, poor thing. For she did love him.
After he and his wife had been married for seven years, they had a little girl, and later, another one. But the husband and wife didn't grow closer. She seemed to care for her children almost like a distant governess. He had a sentimental man's fear of emotions, which kept his wife from expressing any warmth. He treated his kids harshly and pretended it was a good thing when one was taken in by a wealthy aunt. But deep down, he resented his wife for giving away one of their children. In her detached way, she loved him. With a complicated man like him, she had no chance of being anything but cold and hard, poor thing. Because she did love him.
In the end he fell absurdly and violently in love with a rather sentimental young woman who read Browning. He made his wife an allowance and established a new ménage with the young lady, shortly after emigrating with her to Australia. Meanwhile his wife had gone to live with a publican, a widower, with whom she had had one of those curious, tacit understandings of which quiet women are capable, something like an arrangement for provision in the future.
In the end, he fell ridiculously and passionately in love with a somewhat sentimental young woman who read Browning. He gave his wife an allowance and started a new life with the young lady, shortly after moving with her to Australia. Meanwhile, his wife had moved in with a pub owner, a widower, with whom she had one of those strange, unspoken agreements that quiet women can have, something like a plan for future support.
This was as much as the nephew knew. He sat beside his uncle, wondering how things stood at the present. They raced lightly out past the cemetery and along the boulevard, then turned into the rather grimy country. The mud flew out on either side, there was a fine mist of rain which blew in their faces. Berry covered himself up.
This was all the nephew knew. He sat next to his uncle, wondering about the current situation. They zipped past the cemetery and along the boulevard, then went into the somewhat dirty countryside. Mud splattered on either side, and a light mist of rain blew into their faces. Berry wrapped himself up.
In the lanes the high hedges shone black with rain. The silvery grey sky, faintly dappled, spread wide over the low, green land. The elder man glanced fiercely up the road, then turned his red face to his nephew.
In the lanes, the tall hedges glistened black with rain. The silver-gray sky, lightly speckled, stretched out over the flat, green land. The older man shot a fierce look up the road, then turned his flushed face toward his nephew.
“And how’re you going on, lad?” he said loudly. Berry noticed that his uncle was slightly uneasy of him. It made him also uncomfortable. The elder man had evidently something pressing on his soul.
“And how are you doing, kid?” he said loudly. Berry noticed that his uncle seemed a little uneasy around him. It made him uncomfortable too. The older man clearly had something weighing heavily on his mind.
“Who are you living with in town?” asked the nephew. “Have you gone back to Aunt Maud?”
“Who are you living with in town?” asked the nephew. “Have you gone back to Aunt Maud?”
“No,” barked the uncle. “She wouldn’t have me. I offered to—I want to—but she wouldn’t.”
“No,” the uncle snapped. “She wouldn’t have me. I offered to—I want to—but she wouldn’t.”
“You’re alone, then?”
"Are you alone, then?"
“No, I’m not alone.”
“No, I’m not by myself.”
He turned and glared with his fierce blue eyes at his nephew, but said no more for some time. The car ran on through the mud, under the wet wall of the park.
He turned and glared with his intense blue eyes at his nephew, but didn’t say anything for a while. The car continued on through the mud, under the damp wall of the park.
“That other devil tried to poison me,” suddenly shouted the elder man. “The one I went to Australia with.” At which, in spite of himself, the younger smiled in secret.
“That other jerk tried to poison me,” the older man suddenly yelled. “The one I went to Australia with.” At that, despite himself, the younger man secretly smiled.
“How was that?” he asked.
“How was that?” he asked.
“Wanted to get rid of me. She got in with another fellow on the ship.... By Jove, I was bad.”
“Wanted to get rid of me. She got involved with another guy on the ship.... Honestly, I was terrible.”
“Where?—on the ship?”
"Where?—on the boat?"
“No,” bellowed the other. “No. That was in Wellington, New Zealand. I was bad, and got lower an’ lower—couldn’t think what was up. I could hardly crawl about. As certain as I’m here, she was poisoning me, to get to th’ other chap—I’m certain of it.”
“No,” shouted the other. “No. That was in Wellington, New Zealand. I was in a bad place, getting worse and worse—couldn’t figure out what was going on. I could barely move. As sure as I'm here, she was poisoning me to get to the other guy—I’m sure of it.”
“And what did you do?”
"And what did you do?"
“I cleared out—went to Sydney—”
"I moved to Sydney."
“And left her?”
“Did you leave her?”
“Yes, I thought begod, I’d better clear out if I wanted to live.”
“Yes, I thought to myself, I’d better get out of here if I want to survive.”
“And you were all right in Sydney?”
“And you were okay in Sydney?”
“Better in no time—I know she was putting poison in my coffee.”
“Better in no time—I know she was putting poison in my coffee.”
“Hm!”
"Hmm!"
There was a glum silence. The driver stared at the road ahead, fixedly, managing the car as if it were a live thing. The nephew felt that his uncle was afraid, quite stupefied with fear, fear of life, of death, of himself.
There was a heavy silence. The driver focused intently on the road ahead, handling the car as if it were a living creature. The nephew sensed that his uncle was scared, completely paralyzed by fear—fear of life, death, and himself.
“You’re in rooms, then?” asked the nephew.
“You’re in rooms, then?” asked the nephew.
“No, I’m in a house of my own,” said the uncle defiantly, “wi’ th’ best little woman in th’ Midlands. She’s a marvel.—Why don’t you come an’ see us?”
“No, I have my own house,” said the uncle defiantly, “with the best little woman in the Midlands. She’s amazing.—Why don’t you come and visit us?”
“I will. Who is she?”
"I will. Who's she?"
“Oh, she’s a good girl—a beautiful little thing. I was clean gone on her first time I saw her. An’ she was on me. Her mother lives with us—respectable girl, none o’ your....”
“Oh, she’s a good girl—a beautiful little thing. I was totally smitten the first time I saw her. And she was into me. Her mother lives with us—respectable girl, none of your....”
“And how old is she?”
"How old is she?"
“—how old is she?—she’s twenty-one.”
“—how old is she?—she's 21.”
“Poor thing.”
"Poor thing."
“She’s right enough.”
“She’s correct.”
“You’d marry her—getting a divorce—?”
“You’d marry her, then get divorced?”
“I shall marry her.”
“I’m going to marry her.”
There was a little antagonism between the two men.
There was some tension between the two men.
“Where’s Aunt Maud?” asked the younger.
“Where's Aunt Maud?” asked the younger one.
“She’s at the Railway Arms—we passed it, just against Rollin’s Mill Crossing.... They sent me a note this morning to go an’ see her when I can spare time. She’s got consumption.”
“She’s at the Railway Arms—we passed it, right by Rollin’s Mill Crossing.... They sent me a note this morning to go see her whenever I have some time. She’s got tuberculosis.”
“Good Lord! Are you going?”
“OMG! Are you going?”
“Yes—”
“Yep—”
But again Berry felt that his uncle was afraid.
But once more, Berry sensed that his uncle was scared.
The young man got through his commission in the village, had a drink with his uncle at the inn, and the two were returning home. The elder man’s subject of conversation was Australia. As they drew near the town they grew silent, thinking both of the public-house. At last they saw the gates of the railway crossing were closed before them.
The young man finished his work in the village, had a drink with his uncle at the bar, and the two were on their way home. The older man talked about Australia. As they got closer to the town, they both went quiet, thinking about the pub. Finally, they noticed that the railway crossing gates were closed in front of them.
“Shan’t you call?” asked Berry, jerking his head in the direction of the inn, which stood at the corner between two roads, its sign hanging under a bare horse-chestnut tree in front.
“Won't you call?” asked Berry, nodding toward the inn, which was located at the junction of two roads, its sign hanging under a bare horse-chestnut tree in front.
“I might as well. Come in an’ have a drink,” said the uncle.
“I might as well. Come in and have a drink,” said the uncle.
It had been raining all the morning, so shallow pools of water lay about. A brewer’s wagon, with wet barrels and warm-smelling horses, stood near the door of the inn. Everywhere seemed silent, but for the rattle of trains at the crossing. The two men went uneasily up the steps and into the bar. The place was paddled with wet feet, empty. As the bar-man was heard approaching, the uncle asked, his usual bluster slightly hushed by fear:
It had been raining all morning, so shallow puddles of water were everywhere. A brewer’s wagon, with damp barrels and horses that smelled warm, stood by the inn’s door. Everything felt quiet, except for the rattling of trains at the crossing. The two men climbed the steps nervously and entered the bar. The floor was wet from shoes and the place was empty. As the bartender was heard coming closer, the uncle spoke, his usual confidence slightly dampened by fear:
“What yer goin’ ta have, lad? Same as last time?”
“What are you going to have, kid? The same as last time?”
A man entered, evidently the proprietor. He was good-looking, with a long, heavy face and quick, dark eyes. His glance at Sutton was swift, a start, a recognition, and a withdrawal, into heavy neutrality.
A man walked in, clearly the owner. He was attractive, with a long, serious face and sharp, dark eyes. His look at Sutton was quick—a moment of surprise, a recognition, and then a shift to a neutral demeanor.
“How are yer, Dan?” he said, scarcely troubling to speak.
“How are you, Dan?” he said, barely bothering to speak.
“Are yer, George?” replied Sutton, hanging back. “My nephew, Dan Berry.—Give us Red Seal, George.”
“Is that you, George?” replied Sutton, holding back. “My nephew, Dan Berry.—Give us Red Seal, George.”
The publican nodded to the younger man, and set the glasses on the bar. He pushed forward the two glasses, then leaned back in the dark corner behind the door, his arms folded, evidently preferring to get back from the watchful eyes of the nephew.
The bartender nodded to the younger man and placed the glasses on the bar. He slid the two glasses forward, then leaned back in the dark corner by the door, arms crossed, clearly wanting to stay out of the watchful gaze of his nephew.
“—’s luck,” said Sutton.
“—’s luck,” Sutton said.
The publican nodded in acknowledgement. Sutton and his nephew drank.
The bartender nodded in acknowledgment. Sutton and his nephew drank.
“Why the hell don’t you get that road mended in Cinder Hill—,” said Sutton fiercely, pushing back his driver’s cap and showing his short-cut, bristling hair.
“Why don’t you fix that road in Cinder Hill—,” said Sutton angrily, pushing back his driver’s cap and revealing his short, bristly hair.
“They can’t find it in their hearts to pull it up,” replied the publican, laconically.
“They can’t bring themselves to do it,” replied the pub owner, dryly.
“Find in their hearts! They want settin’ in barrows an’ runnin’ up an’ down it till they cried for mercy.”
“Look inside their hearts! They want to be lounging in fields and running back and forth until they beg for mercy.”
Sutton put down his glass. The publican renewed it with a sure hand, at ease in whatsoever he did. Then he leaned back against the bar. He wore no coat. He stood with arms folded, his chin on his chest, his long moustache hanging. His back was round and slack, so that the lower part of his abdomen stuck forward, though he was not stout. His cheek was healthy, brown-red, and he was muscular. Yet there was about him this physical slackness, a reluctance in his slow, sure movements. His eyes were keen under his dark brows, but reluctant also, as if he were gloomily apathetic.
Sutton set his glass down. The bartender quickly refilled it, moving with confidence in everything he did. Then he leaned back against the bar. He wasn't wearing a coat. He stood with his arms crossed, his chin resting on his chest, and his long mustache drooping. His back was rounded and loose, making his lower abdomen protrude, even though he wasn't overweight. His cheeks were healthy and brownish-red, and he had a muscular build. Still, there was a certain physical laziness about him, a hesitance in his slow, deliberate movements. His eyes were sharp under his dark brows but seemed reluctant, as if he was bleakly indifferent.
There was a halt. The publican evidently would say nothing. Berry looked at the mahogany bar-counter, slopped with beer, at the whisky-bottles on the shelves. Sutton, his cap pushed back, showing a white brow above a weather-reddened face, rubbed his cropped hair uneasily.
There was a pause. The bartender clearly didn’t want to say anything. Berry stared at the mahogany bar counter, stained with beer, and at the whiskey bottles on the shelves. Sutton, his cap pushed back to reveal a pale forehead above a sunburned face, rubbed his short hair awkwardly.
The publican glanced round suddenly. It seemed that only his dark eyes moved.
The bartender suddenly looked around. It felt like only his dark eyes were moving.
“Going up?” he asked.
"Going up?" he asked.
And something, perhaps his eyes, indicated the unseen bed-chamber.
And something, maybe his eyes, hinted at the hidden bedroom.
“Ay—that’s what I came for,” replied Sutton, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. “She’s been asking for me?”
“Ay—that’s what I came for,” replied Sutton, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. “She’s been asking for me?”
“This morning,” replied the publican, neutral.
“This morning,” replied the pub owner, neutral.
Then he put up a flap of the bar, and turned away through the dark doorway behind. Sutton, pulling off his cap, showing a round, short-cropped head which now was ducked forward, followed after him, the buttons holding the strap of his great-coat behind glittering for a moment.
Then he lifted a flap of the bar and walked through the dark doorway behind. Sutton, taking off his cap, revealing a round, short-cropped head that was now bent forward, followed after him, the buttons on the strap of his greatcoat shining for a moment.
They climbed the dark stairs, the husband placing his feet carefully, because of his big boots. Then he followed down the passage, trying vaguely to keep a grip on his bowels, which seemed to be melting away, and definitely wishing for a neat brandy. The publican opened a door. Sutton, big and burly in his great-coat, went past him.
They climbed the dark stairs, the husband placing his feet carefully because of his big boots. Then he walked down the hallway, vaguely trying to hold in his stomach, which felt like it was churning, and he definitely wished for a strong brandy. The pub owner opened a door. Sutton, big and burly in his overcoat, walked past him.
The bedroom seemed light and warm after the passage. There was a red eider-down on the bed. Then, making an effort, Sutton turned his eyes to see the sick woman. He met her eyes direct, dark, dilated. It was such a shock he almost started away. For a second he remained in torture, as if some invisible flame were playing on him to reduce his bones and fuse him down. Then he saw the sharp white edge of her jaw, and the black hair beside the hollow cheek. With a start he went towards the bed.
The bedroom felt bright and warm after he walked in. There was a red comforter on the bed. Then, mustering some courage, Sutton turned his gaze to the sick woman. He met her direct, dark, dilated eyes. It was such a shock that he nearly recoiled. For a moment he lingered in agony, as if some invisible flame were burning him down to his bones. Then he noticed the sharp white line of her jaw and the black hair next to her hollow cheek. With a jolt, he moved towards the bed.
“Hello, Maud!” he said. “Why, what ye been doin’?”
“Hello, Maud!” he said. “What have you been up to?”
The publican stood at the window with his back to the bed. The husband, like one condemned but on the point of starting away, stood by the bedside staring in horror at his wife, whose dilated grey eyes, nearly all black now, watched him wearily, as if she were looking at something a long way off.
The bartender stood at the window with his back to the bed. The husband, like someone sentenced but about to leave, stood by the bedside staring in horror at his wife, whose dilated gray eyes, now nearly all black, watched him wearily, as if she were looking at something far away.
Going exceedingly pale, he jerked up his head and stared at the wall over the pillows. There was a little coloured picture of a bird perched on a bell, and a nest among ivy leaves beneath. It appealed to him, made him wonder, roused a feeling of childish magic in him. They were wonderfully fresh, green ivy leaves, and nobody had seen the nest among them save him.
Going very pale, he lifted his head and looked at the wall above the pillows. There was a small colored picture of a bird sitting on a bell, with a nest hidden among ivy leaves below it. It caught his attention, made him curious, and stirred a sense of childlike wonder within him. The ivy leaves were a vibrant green, and he felt like he was the only one who had noticed the nest among them.
Then suddenly he looked down again at the face on the bed, to try and recognise it. He knew the white brow and the beautiful clear eyebrows. That was his wife, with whom he had passed his youth, flesh of his flesh, his, himself. Then those tired eyes, which met his again from a long way off, disturbed him until he did not know where he was. Only the sunken cheeks, and the mouth that seemed to protrude now were foreign to him, and filled him with horror. It seemed he lost his identity. He was the young husband of the woman with the clear brows; he was the married man fighting with her whose eyes watched him, a little indifferently, from a long way off; and he was a child in horror of that protruding mouth.
Then suddenly he looked down again at the face on the bed, trying to recognize it. He knew the pale forehead and the beautiful, clear eyebrows. That was his wife, with whom he had spent his youth, flesh of his flesh, his own self. But those tired eyes, meeting his again from afar, unsettled him until he didn't know where he was. Only the sunken cheeks and the mouth that seemed to stick out now felt foreign to him and filled him with dread. It felt like he was losing his identity. He was the young husband of the woman with the clear brows; he was the married man arguing with her, whose eyes observed him somewhat indifferently from a distance; and he was a child, terrified of that protruding mouth.
There came a crackling sound of her voice. He knew she had consumption of the throat, and braced himself hard to bear the noise.
There was a crackling sound to her voice. He knew she had throat problems, and he braced himself tightly to withstand the noise.
“What was it, Maud?” he asked in panic.
“What was it, Maud?” he asked, panicked.
Then the broken, crackling voice came again. He was too terrified of the sound of it to hear what was said. There was a pause.
Then the broken, crackling voice came again. He was too scared of the sound to hear what was said. There was a pause.
“You’ll take Winnie?” the publican’s voice interpreted from the window.
“You’re taking Winnie?” the pub owner’s voice called from the window.
“Don’t you bother, Maud, I’ll take her,” he said, stupefying his mind so as not to understand.
“Don’t worry about it, Maud, I’ll handle her,” he said, blocking out his thoughts so he wouldn’t understand.
He looked curiously round the room. It was not a bad bedroom, light and warm. There were many medicine bottles aggregated in a corner of the washstand—and a bottle of Three Star brandy, half full. And there were also photographs of strange people on the chest of drawers. It was not a bad room.
He looked around the room with curiosity. It wasn't a bad bedroom, bright and cozy. There were several medicine bottles piled up in a corner of the washstand—and a half-full bottle of Three Star brandy. There were also photos of unfamiliar people on the chest of drawers. It wasn't a bad room.
Again he started as if he were shot. She was speaking. He bent down, but did not look at her.
Again, he jumped as if he had been shot. She was talking. He leaned down, but didn’t look at her.
“Be good to her,” she whispered.
“Take care of her,” she whispered.
When he realised her meaning, that he should be good to their child when the mother was gone, a blade went through his flesh.
When he understood what she meant, that he needed to take care of their child when she was no longer around, it felt like a knife stabbed into him.
“I’ll be good to her, Maud, don’t you bother,” he said, beginning to feel shaky.
“I’ll treat her well, Maud, don't worry about it,” he said, starting to feel anxious.
He looked again at the picture of the bird. It perched cheerfully under a blue sky, with robust, jolly ivy leaves near. He was gathering his courage to depart. He looked down, but struggled hard not to take in the sight of his wife’s face.
He looked again at the picture of the bird. It sat happily under a blue sky, with vibrant, cheerful ivy leaves nearby. He was mustering his courage to leave. He glanced down, but fought hard not to look at his wife's face.
“I s’ll come again, Maud,” he said. “I hope you’ll go on all right. Is there anything as you want?”
“I'll come again, Maud,” he said. “I hope you’re doing okay. Is there anything you need?”
There was an almost imperceptible shake of the head from the sick woman, making his heart melt swiftly again. Then, dragging his limbs, he got out of the room and down the stairs.
There was a barely noticeable shake of the head from the sick woman, causing his heart to melt again. Then, feeling heavy, he left the room and went down the stairs.
The landlord came after him.
The landlord chased after him.
“I’ll let you know if anything happens,” the publican said, still laconic, but with his eyes dark and swift.
“I’ll let you know if anything happens,” the pub owner said, still casual, but with his eyes sharp and quick.
“Ay, a’ right,” said Sutton blindly. He looked round for his cap, which he had all the time in his hand. Then he got out of doors.
“Ay, alright,” said Sutton, not really paying attention. He looked around for his cap, which he had been holding the whole time. Then he stepped outside.
In a moment the uncle and nephew were in the car jolting on the level crossing. The elder man seemed as if something tight in his brain made him open his eyes wide, and stare. He held the steering wheel firmly. He knew he could steer accurately, to a hair’s breadth. Glaring fixedly ahead, he let the car go, till it bounded over the uneven road. There were three coal-carts in a string. In an instant the car grazed past them, almost biting the kerb on the other side. Sutton aimed his car like a projectile, staring ahead. He did not want to know, to think, to realise, he wanted to be only the driver of that quick taxi.
In a moment, the uncle and nephew were in the car bumping over the level crossing. The older man seemed like something tight in his head made him open his eyes wide and stare. He held the steering wheel tightly. He knew he could steer with precision, to a hair's breadth. Glaring straight ahead, he let the car speed up until it bounced over the uneven road. There were three coal trucks lined up. In an instant, the car zipped past them, nearly hitting the curb on the other side. Sutton aimed his car like a projectile, focused on the road ahead. He didn’t want to know, to think, or to realize; he just wanted to be the driver of that fast taxi.
The town drew near, suddenly. There were allotment-gardens with dark-purple twiggy fruit-trees and wet alleys between the hedges. Then suddenly the streets of dwelling-houses whirled close, and the car was climbing the hill, with an angry whirr,—up—up—till they rode out on to the crest and could see the tram-cars, dark-red and yellow, threading their way round the corner below, and all the traffic roaring between the shops.
The town appeared out of nowhere. There were community gardens with dark purple, spindly fruit trees and soggy paths between the hedges. Then, without warning, the streets lined with houses rushed in, and the car was climbing the hill with an angry buzz—up—up—until they reached the top and could see the dark red and yellow trams winding around the corner below, with all the traffic buzzing between the stores.
“Got anywhere to go?” asked Sutton of his nephew.
“Got anywhere to go?” Sutton asked his nephew.
“I was going to see one or two people.”
“I was going to meet with a couple of people.”
“Come an’ have a bit o’ dinner with us,” said the other.
“Come and have some dinner with us,” said the other.
Berry knew that his uncle wanted to be distracted, so that he should not think nor realise. The big man was running hard away from the horror of realisation.
Berry knew his uncle needed a distraction, so he wouldn't think or come to terms with things. The big man was sprinting away from the nightmare of understanding.
“All right,” Berry agreed.
"Okay," Berry agreed.
The car went quickly through the town. It ran up a long street nearly into the country again. Then it pulled up at a house that stood alone, below the road.
The car sped through the town. It drove up a long street almost out into the countryside again. Then it stopped in front of a house that sat alone, below the road.
“I s’ll be back in ten minutes,” said the uncle.
“I'll be back in ten minutes,” said the uncle.
The car went on to the garage. Berry stood curiously at the top of the stone stairs that led from the highroad down to the level of the house, an old stone place. The garden was dilapidated. Broken fruit-trees leaned at a sharp angle down the steep bank. Right across the dim grey atmosphere, in a kind of valley on the edge of the town, new suburb-patches showed pinkish on the dark earth. It was a kind of unresolved borderland.
The car pulled into the garage. Berry stood curiously at the top of the stone steps that descended from the main road to the house, an old stone building. The garden was run-down. Broken fruit trees leaned steeply down the bank. Across the dim grey sky, in a sort of valley on the town's edge, new suburban areas appeared pinkish against the dark soil. It felt like an unclear borderland.
Berry went down the steps. Through the broken black fence of the orchard, long grass showed yellow. The place seemed deserted. He knocked, then knocked again. An elderly woman appeared. She looked like a housekeeper. At first she said suspiciously that Mr. Sutton was not in.
Berry went down the steps. Through the broken black fence of the orchard, the long grass looked yellow. The place seemed empty. He knocked, then knocked again. An older woman appeared. She seemed like a housekeeper. At first, she said suspiciously that Mr. Sutton wasn’t home.
“My uncle just put me down. He’ll be in in ten minutes,” replied the visitor.
“My uncle just dropped me off. He’ll be in ten minutes,” replied the visitor.
“Oh, are you the Mr. Berry who is related to him?” exclaimed the elderly woman. “Come in—come in.”
“Oh, are you Mr. Berry who’s related to him?” exclaimed the elderly woman. “Come in—come in.”
She was at once kindly and a little bit servile. The young man entered. It was an old house, rather dark, and sparsely furnished. The elderly woman sat nervously on the edge of one of the chairs in a drawing-room that looked as if it were furnished from dismal relics of dismal homes, and there was a little straggling attempt at conversation. Mrs. Greenwell was evidently a working class woman unused to service or to any formality.
She was both warm and somewhat submissive. The young man walked in. It was an old house, quite dim, and sparsely decorated. The older woman sat anxiously on the edge of one of the chairs in a living room that seemed to be filled with depressing remnants from other dreary homes, and there was a small, awkward attempt at conversation. Mrs. Greenwell was clearly a working-class woman not accustomed to service or any kind of formalities.
Presently she gathered up courage to invite her visitor into the dining-room. There from the table under the window rose a tall, slim girl with a cat in her arms. She was evidently a little more lady-like than was habitual to her, but she had a gentle, delicate, small nature. Her brown hair almost covered her ears, her dark lashes came down in shy awkwardness over her beautiful blue eyes. She shook hands in a frank way, yet she was shrinking. Evidently she was not sure how her position would affect her visitor. And yet she was assured in herself, shrinking and timid as she was.
Currently, she mustered the courage to invite her visitor into the dining room. There, from the table by the window, stood a tall, slender girl holding a cat in her arms. She appeared a little more refined than usual, but her nature was gentle and delicate. Her brown hair almost covered her ears, and her dark lashes fell shyly over her beautiful blue eyes. She shook hands openly, though she seemed nervous. Clearly, she was uncertain about how her situation might impact her visitor. Yet, despite her shrinking and timid demeanor, she exuded confidence in herself.
“She must be a good deal in love with him,” thought Berry.
“She must really be in love with him,” thought Berry.
Both women glanced shamefacedly at the roughly laid table. Evidently they ate in a rather rough and ready fashion.
Both women looked sheepishly at the hastily set table. Clearly, they ate in a pretty casual and unrefined way.
Elaine—she had this poetic name—fingered her cat timidly, not knowing what to say or to do, unable even to ask her visitor to sit down. He noticed how her skirt hung almost flat on her hips. She was young, scarce developed, a long, slender thing. Her colouring was warm and exquisite.
Elaine—she had such a poetic name—gently stroked her cat, unsure of what to say or do, unable even to invite her guest to sit down. He observed how her skirt draped flat against her hips. She was young, not fully developed, a tall, slender figure. Her coloring was warm and beautiful.
The elder woman bustled out to the kitchen. Berry fondled the terrier dogs that had come curiously to his heels, and glanced out of the window at the wet, deserted orchard.
The older woman hurried out to the kitchen. Berry petted the terrier dogs that had curiously followed him, and looked out the window at the wet, empty orchard.
This room, too, was not well furnished, and rather dark. But there was a big red fire.
This room wasn't well furnished and was pretty dim. But there was a big red fire.
“He always has fox terriers,” he said.
“He always has fox terriers,” he said.
“Yes,” she answered, showing her teeth in a smile.
"Yes," she replied, flashing a smile.
“Do you like them, too?”
"Do you like them as well?"
“Yes”—she glanced down at the dogs. “I like Tam better than Sally—”
“Yes,” she looked down at the dogs. “I like Tam more than Sally—”
Her speech always tailed off into an awkward silence.
Her speech always faded into an uncomfortable silence.
“We’ve been to see Aunt Maud,” said the nephew.
"We went to visit Aunt Maud," said the nephew.
Her eyes, blue and scared and shrinking, met his.
Her eyes, blue and fearful and shrinking, locked onto his.
“Dan had a letter,” he explained. “She’s very bad.”
“Dan got a letter,” he explained. “She’s really bad.”
“Isn’t it horrible!” she exclaimed, her face crumbling up with fear.
“Isn’t it awful!” she exclaimed, her face contorting with fear.
The old woman, evidently a hard-used, rather down-trodden workman’s wife, came in with two soup-plates. She glanced anxiously to see how her daughter was progressing with the visitor.
The old woman, clearly a weary and somewhat mistreated workman's wife, walked in with two soup plates. She looked over with concern to check how her daughter was doing with the guest.
“Mother, Dan’s been to see Maud,” said Elaine, in a quiet voice full of fear and trouble.
“Mom, Dan went to see Maud,” said Elaine, in a soft voice full of fear and worry.
The old woman looked up anxiously, in question.
The old woman looked up nervously, as if asking a question.
“I think she wanted him to take the child. She’s very bad, I believe,” explained Berry.
“I think she wanted him to take the kid. She’s really bad, I believe,” Berry explained.
“Oh, we should take Winnie!” cried Elaine. But both women seemed uncertain, wavering in their position. Already Berry could see that his uncle had bullied them, as he bullied everybody. But they were used to unpleasant men, and seemed to keep at a distance.
“Oh, we should take Winnie!” Elaine exclaimed. But both women appeared unsure, hesitating in their stance. Already, Berry could tell his uncle had intimidated them, just like he did with everyone else. However, they were familiar with unpleasant men and seemed to keep their distance.
“Will you have some soup?” asked the mother, humbly.
“Would you like some soup?” the mother asked, kindly.
She evidently did the work. The daughter was to be a lady, more or less, always dressed and nice for when Sutton came in.
She clearly did the work. The daughter was expected to be a lady, more or less, always dressed nicely for when Sutton came home.
They heard him heavily running down the steps outside. The dogs got up. Elaine seemed to forget the visitor. It was as if she came into life. Yet she was nervous and afraid. The mother stood as if ready to exculpate herself.
They heard him running heavily down the steps outside. The dogs got up. Elaine seemed to forget about the visitor. It was like she came to life. Still, she was nervous and scared. The mother stood as if she was ready to defend herself.
Sutton burst open the door. Big, blustering, wet in his immense grey coat, he came into the dining-room.
Sutton kicked open the door. Big, loud, and dripping in his huge grey coat, he walked into the dining room.
“Hello!” he said to his nephew, “making yourself at home?”
“Hey!” he said to his nephew, “getting comfortable?”
“Oh, yes,” replied Berry.
“Oh, definitely,” replied Berry.
“Hello, Jack,” he said to the girl. “Got owt to grizzle about?”
“Hey, Jack,” he said to the girl. “Got anything to complain about?”
“What for?” she asked, in a clear, half-challenging voice, that had that peculiar twang, almost petulant, so female and so attractive. Yet she was defiant like a boy.
“What for?” she asked, in a clear, slightly challenging tone, with that unique inflection, almost sulky, so feminine and so appealing. Yet she was defiant like a boy.
“It’s a wonder if you haven’t,” growled Sutton. And, with a really intimate movement, he stooped down and fondled his dogs, though paying no attention to them. Then he stood up, and remained with feet apart on the hearthrug, his head ducked forward, watching the girl. He seemed abstracted, as if he could only watch her. His great-coat hung open, so that she could see his figure, simple and human in the great husk of cloth. She stood nervously with her hands behind her, glancing at him, unable to see anything else. And he was scarcely conscious but of her. His eyes were still strained and staring, and as they followed the girl, when, long-limbed and languid, she moved away, it was as if he saw in her something impersonal, the female, not the woman.
“It's surprising if you haven't,” Sutton growled. Then, with an oddly intimate gesture, he bent down and petted his dogs, although he wasn't really paying attention to them. He stood up again, feet apart on the hearthrug, his head tilted forward as he watched the girl. He seemed lost in thought, as if she were the only thing he could focus on. His great coat hung open, revealing his simple, human figure beneath the heavy fabric. She stood nervously with her hands behind her, glancing at him, unable to look at anything else. He was barely aware of anything except her. His eyes were still strained and wide, and as he followed her movements—long-limbed and languid—moving away, it seemed like he saw in her something impersonal, the female form, not the individual woman.
“Had your dinner?” he asked.
"Have you had dinner?" he asked.
“We were just going to have it,” she replied, with the same curious little vibration in her voice, like the twang of a string.
“We were just about to have it,” she replied, with the same curious little vibration in her voice, like the twang of a string.
The mother entered, bringing a saucepan from which she ladled soup into three plates.
The mother walked in, carrying a saucepan, and served soup into three plates.
“Sit down, lad,” said Sutton. “You sit down, Jack, an’ give me mine here.”
“Sit down, kid,” said Sutton. “You sit down, Jack, and pass me mine right here.”
“Oh, aren’t you coming to table?” she complained.
“Oh, aren’t you coming to the table?” she complained.
“No, I tell you,” he snarled, almost pretending to be disagreeable. But she was slightly afraid even of the pretence, which pleased and relieved him. He stood on the hearthrug eating his soup noisily.
“No, I’m telling you,” he growled, almost acting like he wanted to be difficult. But she was a little scared even of the act, which pleased and eased him. He stood on the rug, eating his soup loudly.
“Aren’t you going to take your coat off?” she said. “It’s filling the place full of steam.”
“Aren’t you going to take off your coat?” she asked. “It’s making the room all steamy.”
He did not answer, but, with his head bent forward over the plate, he ate his soup hastily, to get it done with. When he put down his empty plate, she rose and went to him.
He didn't reply, but with his head lowered over the plate, he quickly ate his soup just to finish it. When he set down his empty plate, she stood up and went over to him.
“Do take your coat off, Dan,” she said, and she took hold of the breast of his coat, trying to push it back over his shoulder. But she could not. Only the stare in his eyes changed to a glare as her hand moved over his shoulder. He looked down into her eyes. She became pale, rather frightened-looking, and she turned her face away, and it was drawn slightly with love and fear and misery. She tried again to put off his coat, her thin wrists pulling at it. He stood solidly planted, and did not look at her, but stared straight in front. She was playing with passion, afraid of it, and really wretched because it left her, the person, out of count. Yet she continued. And there came into his bearing, into his eyes, the curious smile of passion, pushing away even the death-horror. It was life stronger than death in him. She stood close to his breast. Their eyes met, and she was carried away.
“Please take off your coat, Dan,” she said, grabbing the front of his coat and trying to push it back over his shoulder. But she couldn’t. The look in his eyes shifted to a glare as her hand brushed over his shoulder. He looked down into her eyes. She turned pale, looking somewhat scared, and turned her face away, a mix of love, fear, and sadness crossing her features. She tried again to take off his coat, her thin wrists tugging at it. He stood firmly in place, not looking at her, but staring straight ahead. She was caught up in her feelings, afraid of them, and truly miserable because it made her feel invisible. But she persisted. And in his demeanor, in his eyes, there emerged a strange smile of desire, even pushing aside the fear of death. It was life winning over death in him. She stood close to his chest. Their eyes connected, and she was swept away.
“Take your coat off, Dan,” she said coaxingly, in a low tone meant for no one but him. And she slid her hands on his shoulder, and he yielded, so that the coat was pushed back. She had flushed, and her eyes had grown very bright. She got hold of the cuff of his coat. Gently, he eased himself, so that she drew it off. Then he stood in a thin suit, which revealed his vigorous, almost mature form.
“Take off your coat, Dan,” she said softly, in a tone meant just for him. She put her hands on his shoulders, and he gave in, letting the coat fall back. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes sparkled. She grabbed the cuff of his coat. Slowly, he shifted, allowing her to pull it off. Then he stood there in a thin suit that revealed his strong, almost grown-up physique.
“What a weight!” she exclaimed, in a peculiar penetrating voice, as she went out hugging the overcoat. In a moment she came back.
“What a weight!” she exclaimed in a strangely sharp voice as she walked out holding the overcoat. A moment later, she returned.
He stood still in the same position, a frown over his fiercely staring eyes. The pain, the fear, the horror in his breast were all burning away in the new, fiercest flame of passion.
He stood still in the same position, a frown on his intensely staring eyes. The pain, the fear, the horror in his heart were all burning away in the new, fiercest flame of passion.
“Get your dinner,” he said roughly to her.
“Get your dinner,” he said harshly to her.
“I’ve had all I want,” she said. “You come an’ have yours.”
“I’ve had all I want,” she said. “You come and have yours.”
He looked at the table as if he found it difficult to see things.
He stared at the table as if he was struggling to see clearly.
“I want no more,” he said.
“I don’t want anything more,” he said.
She stood close to his chest. She wanted to touch him and to comfort him. There was something about him now that fascinated her. Berry felt slightly ashamed that she seemed to ignore the presence of others in the room.
She stood close to his chest. She wanted to touch him and comfort him. There was something about him now that fascinated her. Berry felt a bit ashamed that she seemed to overlook the others in the room.
The mother came in. She glanced at Sutton, standing planted on the hearthrug, his head ducked, the heavy frown hiding his eyes. There was a peculiar braced intensity about him that made the elder woman afraid. Suddenly he jerked his head round to his nephew.
The mother walked in. She looked at Sutton, who was standing rigid on the hearthrug, his head down, the deep frown covering his eyes. There was a strange, tense energy about him that made the older woman uneasy. Then he suddenly turned his head to his nephew.
“Get on wi’ your dinner, lad,” he said, and he went to the door. The dogs, which had continually lain down and got up again, uneasy, now rose and watched. The girl went after him, saying, clearly:
“Come on, eat your dinner, kid,” he said, and he headed to the door. The dogs, which had been lying down and getting back up restlessly, now stood and watched. The girl followed him, saying clearly:
“What did you want, Dan?”
“What do you want, Dan?”
Her slim, quick figure was gone, the door was closed behind her.
Her slim, quick figure was gone; the door shut behind her.
There was silence. The mother, still more slave-like in her movement, sat down in a low chair. Berry drank some beer.
There was silence. The mother, moving almost like a slave, sat down in a low chair. Berry had some beer.
“That girl will leave him,” he said to himself. “She’ll hate him like poison. And serve him right. Then she’ll go off with somebody else.”
"That girl is going to leave him," he thought to himself. "She'll despise him like poison. And he deserves it. Then she'll run off with someone else."
And she did.
And she did.
THE HORSE DEALER’S DAUGHTER
“Well, Mabel, and what are you going to do with yourself?” asked Joe, with foolish flippancy. He felt quite safe himself. Without listening for an answer, he turned aside, worked a grain of tobacco to the tip of his tongue, and spat it out. He did not care about anything, since he felt safe himself.
“Well, Mabel, what are you going to do with yourself?” asked Joe, with a silly nonchalance. He felt completely secure. Without waiting for an answer, he turned away, rolled a bit of tobacco to the tip of his tongue, and spat it out. He didn’t care about anything, since he felt safe himself.
The three brothers and the sister sat round the desolate breakfast table, attempting some sort of desultory consultation. The morning’s post had given the final tap to the family fortunes, and all was over. The dreary dining-room itself, with its heavy mahogany furniture, looked as if it were waiting to be done away with.
The three brothers and their sister sat around the empty breakfast table, trying to have a somewhat aimless discussion. The morning mail had dealt the final blow to the family’s fortunes, and it was all over. The gloomy dining room, with its heavy mahogany furniture, seemed like it was just waiting to be cleared out.
But the consultation amounted to nothing. There was a strange air of ineffectuality about the three men, as they sprawled at table, smoking and reflecting vaguely on their own condition. The girl was alone, a rather short, sullen-looking young woman of twenty-seven. She did not share the same life as her brothers. She would have been good-looking, save for the impassive fixity of her face, “bull-dog”, as her brothers called it.
But the meeting didn’t lead to anything. The three men had a strange vibe of not being productive as they lounged at the table, smoking and vaguely pondering their own situation. The girl was by herself, a somewhat short, sulky-looking young woman of twenty-seven. She didn’t have the same life as her brothers. She could have been attractive, except for the lifeless expression on her face, which her brothers referred to as “bull-dog”.
There was a confused tramping of horses’ feet outside. The three men all sprawled round in their chairs to watch. Beyond the dark holly-bushes that separated the strip of lawn from the highroad, they could see a cavalcade of shire horses swinging out of their own yard, being taken for exercise. This was the last time. These were the last horses that would go through their hands. The young men watched with critical, callous look. They were all frightened at the collapse of their lives, and the sense of disaster in which they were involved left them no inner freedom.
There was a noisy clattering of horses' hooves outside. The three men all turned in their chairs to watch. Beyond the dark holly bushes that separated the patch of lawn from the main road, they could see a group of county horses coming out of their yard for exercise. This was the last time. These would be the last horses they would handle. The young men observed with a critical, indifferent expression. They were all scared about the breakdown of their lives, and the feeling of disaster they were caught up in left them no sense of freedom.
Yet they were three fine, well-set fellows enough. Joe, the eldest, was a man of thirty-three, broad and handsome in a hot, flushed way. His face was red, he twisted his black moustache over a thick finger, his eyes were shallow and restless. He had a sensual way of uncovering his teeth when he laughed, and his bearing was stupid. Now he watched the horses with a glazed look of helplessness in his eyes, a certain stupor of downfall.
Yet they were three decent guys overall. Joe, the oldest, was thirty-three, broad and good-looking in a flushed, hot way. His face was red, and he twisted his black mustache around a thick finger; his eyes were shallow and restless. He had a sensual way of showing his teeth when he laughed, and his posture was dull. Now, he was watching the horses with a glazed look of helplessness in his eyes, a certain daze of decline.
The great draught-horses swung past. They were tied head to tail, four of them, and they heaved along to where a lane branched off from the highroad, planting their great hoofs floutingly in the fine black mud, swinging their great rounded haunches sumptuously, and trotting a few sudden steps as they were led into the lane, round the corner. Every movement showed a massive, slumbrous strength, and a stupidity which held them in subjection. The groom at the head looked back, jerking the leading rope. And the calvalcade moved out of sight up the lane, the tail of the last horse, bobbed up tight and stiff, held out taut from the swinging great haunches as they rocked behind the hedges in a motionlike sleep.
The big draft horses passed by. They were tied together head to tail, four of them, and they lumbered on to where a road branched off from the main highway, sinking their huge hooves dramatically into the rich black mud, swaying their massive rounded hips elegantly, and taking a few sudden steps as they were led into the lane around the corner. Every move revealed a powerful, lazy strength, along with an ignorance that kept them under control. The stable hand at the front glanced back, tugging on the leading rope. Then the procession disappeared up the lane, the tail of the last horse sticking up straight and tense, trailing behind the swinging large hips as they swayed out of sight behind the hedges in a dreamlike motion.
Joe watched with glazed hopeless eyes. The horses were almost like his own body to him. He felt he was done for now. Luckily he was engaged to a woman as old as himself, and therefore her father, who was steward of a neighbouring estate, would provide him with a job. He would marry and go into harness. His life was over, he would be a subject animal now.
Joe watched with empty, hopeless eyes. The horses felt almost like part of him. He sensed that he was finished now. Fortunately, he was engaged to a woman the same age as him, so her father, who managed a nearby estate, would give him a job. He would get married and settle down. His life was over; he would now be a working animal.
He turned uneasily aside, the retreating steps of the horses echoing in his ears. Then, with foolish restlessness, he reached for the scraps of bacon-rind from the plates, and making a faint whistling sound, flung them to the terrier that lay against the fender. He watched the dog swallow them, and waited till the creature looked into his eyes. Then a faint grin came on his face, and in a high, foolish voice he said:
He turned away uncomfortably, the sound of the horses’ hooves fading behind him. Then, feeling restless for no good reason, he grabbed the leftover bits of bacon from the plates and, making a soft whistling noise, tossed them to the terrier lying by the fireplace. He watched the dog gulp them down and waited for the animal to look up at him. Then a small grin appeared on his face, and in a silly, high-pitched voice, he said:
“You won’t get much more bacon, shall you, you little b——?”
“You won’t get much more bacon, will you, you little b——?”
The dog faintly and dismally wagged its tail, then lowered his haunches, circled round, and lay down again.
The dog weakly and sadly wagged its tail, then crouched down, turned around, and lay back down.
There was another helpless silence at the table. Joe sprawled uneasily in his seat, not willing to go till the family conclave was dissolved. Fred Henry, the second brother, was erect, clean-limbed, alert. He had watched the passing of the horses with more sang-froid. If he was an animal, like Joe, he was an animal which controls, not one which is controlled. He was master of any horse, and he carried himself with a well-tempered air of mastery. But he was not master of the situations of life. He pushed his coarse brown moustache upwards, off his lip, and glanced irritably at his sister, who sat impassive and inscrutable.
There was another uncomfortable silence at the table. Joe slouched uneasily in his seat, not willing to leave until the family meeting was over. Fred Henry, the second brother, sat up straight, fit, and alert. He had watched the horses pass by with more coolness. If he were an animal, like Joe, he would be one that controls, not one that is controlled. He was in charge of any horse, and he carried himself with a calm air of authority. But he wasn’t in charge of life’s situations. He pushed his rough brown mustache up off his lip and glanced irritably at his sister, who remained unmoved and unreadable.
“You’ll go and stop with Lucy for a bit, shan’t you?” he asked. The girl did not answer.
“You’ll go and hang out with Lucy for a while, right?” he asked. The girl didn’t respond.
“I don’t see what else you can do,” persisted Fred Henry.
"I don't see what else you can do," Fred Henry insisted.
“Go as a skivvy,” Joe interpolated laconically.
“Go as a maid,” Joe added dryly.
The girl did not move a muscle.
The girl didn't move at all.
“If I was her, I should go in for training for a nurse,” said Malcolm, the youngest of them all. He was the baby of the family, a young man of twenty-two, with a fresh, jaunty museau.
“If I were her, I’d go for training to become a nurse,” said Malcolm, the youngest of them all. He was the baby of the family, a twenty-two-year-old with a fresh, jaunty museau.
But Mabel did not take any notice of him. They had talked at her and round her for so many years, that she hardly heard them at all.
But Mabel didn’t pay any attention to him. They had talked at her and around her for so many years that she barely heard them at all.
The marble clock on the mantel-piece softly chimed the half-hour, the dog rose uneasily from the hearthrug and looked at the party at the breakfast table. But still they sat on in ineffectual conclave.
The marble clock on the mantelpiece gently chimed the half-hour, the dog got up restlessly from the hearth rug and looked at the group at the breakfast table. But they continued to sit there in a pointless discussion.
“Oh, all right,” said Joe suddenly, à propos of nothing. “I’ll get a move on.”
“Oh, fine,” Joe said out of nowhere. “I’ll get started.”
He pushed back his chair, straddled his knees with a downward jerk, to get them free, in horsy fashion, and went to the fire. Still he did not go out of the room; he was curious to know what the others would do or say. He began to charge his pipe, looking down at the dog and saying, in a high, affected voice:
He pushed back his chair, swung his legs down to get free, like a horse, and walked over to the fireplace. He still didn’t leave the room; he was curious about what the others would do or say. He started to fill his pipe, looking down at the dog and speaking in an exaggerated, high-pitched voice:
“Going wi’ me? Going wi’ me are ter? Tha’rt goin’ further than tha counts on just now, dost hear?”
“Going with me? Going with me are you? You're going further than you think right now, do you hear?”
The dog faintly wagged its tail, the man stuck out his jaw and covered his pipe with his hands, and puffed intently, losing himself in the tobacco, looking down all the while at the dog with an absent brown eye. The dog looked up at him in mournful distrust. Joe stood with his knees stuck out, in real horsy fashion.
The dog barely wagged its tail, the man jutted out his jaw, covered his pipe with his hands, and puffed thoughtfully, getting lost in the tobacco while his absent brown eye glanced down at the dog. The dog looked up at him with a sad distrust. Joe stood with his knees sticking out, in a distinctly horse-like manner.
“Have you had a letter from Lucy?” Fred Henry asked of his sister.
“Did you get a letter from Lucy?” Fred Henry asked his sister.
“Last week,” came the neutral reply.
“Last week,” came the calm response.
“And what does she say?”
"What does she say?"
There was no answer.
No response.
“Does she ask you to go and stop there?” persisted Fred Henry.
“Does she ask you to go and stop there?” Fred Henry kept pressing.
“She says I can if I like.”
“She says I can if I want.”
“Well, then, you’d better. Tell her you’ll come on Monday.”
“Well, then, you should. Tell her you’ll come on Monday.”
This was received in silence.
This was received quietly.
“That’s what you’ll do then, is it?” said Fred Henry, in some exasperation.
“Is that what you’re going to do then?” said Fred Henry, sounding somewhat frustrated.
But she made no answer. There was a silence of futility and irritation in the room. Malcolm grinned fatuously.
But she didn't respond. The room was filled with a sense of frustration and annoyance. Malcolm grinned stupidly.
“You’ll have to make up your mind between now and next Wednesday,” said Joe loudly, “or else find yourself lodgings on the kerbstone.”
“You need to decide between now and next Wednesday,” Joe said loudly, “or you’ll end up finding a place to stay on the sidewalk.”
The face of the young woman darkened, but she sat on immutable.
The young woman's expression soured, but she remained seated, unfazed.
“Here’s Jack Fergusson!” exclaimed Malcolm, who was looking aimlessly out of the window.
“Here’s Jack Fergusson!” shouted Malcolm, who was staring out of the window without focus.
“Where?” exclaimed Joe, loudly.
“Where?” Joe exclaimed, loudly.
“Just gone past.”
"Just passed."
“Coming in?”
"Want to come in?"
Malcolm craned his neck to see the gate.
Malcolm stretched his neck to get a look at the gate.
“Yes,” he said.
“Yes,” he replied.
There was a silence. Mabel sat on like one condemned, at the head of the table. Then a whistle was heard from the kitchen. The dog got up and barked sharply. Joe opened the door and shouted:
There was silence. Mabel sat there like someone waiting for a verdict, at the head of the table. Then a whistle sounded from the kitchen. The dog stood up and barked loudly. Joe opened the door and yelled:
“Come on.”
“Let’s go.”
After a moment a young man entered. He was muffled up in overcoat and a purple woollen scarf, and his tweed cap, which he did not remove, was pulled down on his head. He was of medium height, his face was rather long and pale, his eyes looked tired.
After a moment, a young man walked in. He was bundled up in an overcoat and a purple wool scarf, and he kept his tweed cap pulled down over his head. He was of average height, his face was somewhat long and pale, and his eyes looked tired.
“Hello, Jack! Well, Jack!” exclaimed Malcolm and Joe. Fred Henry merely said, “Jack.”
“Hey, Jack! Alright, Jack!” shouted Malcolm and Joe. Fred Henry just said, “Jack.”
“What’s doing?” asked the newcomer, evidently addressing Fred Henry.
“What’s up?” asked the newcomer, clearly talking to Fred Henry.
“Same. We’ve got to be out by Wednesday.—Got a cold?”
“Same. We need to be out by Wednesday.—You have a cold?”
“I have—got it bad, too.”
“I’ve got it bad, too.”
“Why don’t you stop in?”
"Why don't you drop by?"
“Me stop in? When I can’t stand on my legs, perhaps I shall have a chance.” The young man spoke huskily. He had a slight Scotch accent.
“Me stop in? When I can’t stand on my legs, maybe I’ll have a chance.” The young man spoke in a hoarse voice. He had a slight Scottish accent.
“It’s a knock-out, isn’t it,” said Joe, boisterously, “if a doctor goes round croaking with a cold. Looks bad for the patients, doesn’t it?”
“It’s a real shocker, isn’t it,” said Joe, loudly, “if a doctor walks around coughing with a cold. It looks bad for the patients, doesn’t it?”
The young doctor looked at him slowly.
The young doctor stared at him slowly.
“Anything the matter with you, then?” he asked sarcastically.
“Is there something wrong with you, then?” he asked sarcastically.
“Not as I know of. Damn your eyes, I hope not. Why?”
“Not that I know of. Damn it, I hope not. Why?”
“I thought you were very concerned about the patients, wondered if you might be one yourself.”
“I thought you cared a lot about the patients and started to wonder if you might actually be one of them.”
“Damn it, no, I’ve never been patient to no flaming doctor, and hope I never shall be,” returned Joe.
“Damn it, no, I’ve never been patient with any damn doctor, and I hope I never will be,” Joe replied.
At this point Mabel rose from the table, and they all seemed to become aware of her existence. She began putting the dishes together. The young doctor looked at her, but did not address her. He had not greeted her. She went out of the room with the tray, her face impassive and unchanged.
At this point, Mabel got up from the table, and they all seemed to notice her for the first time. She started gathering the dishes. The young doctor looked at her but didn’t speak to her. He hadn’t acknowledged her. She left the room with the tray, her expression neutral and unchanging.
“When are you off then, all of you?” asked the doctor.
“When are you all off then?” asked the doctor.
“I’m catching the eleven-forty,” replied Malcolm. “Are you goin’ down wi’ th’ trap, Joe?”
“I’m taking the eleven-forty,” replied Malcolm. “Are you going down with the cart, Joe?”
“Yes, I’ve told you I’m going down wi’ th’ trap, haven’t I?”
“Yes, I’ve told you I’m going down with the trap, haven’t I?”
“We’d better be getting her in then.—So long, Jack, if I don’t see you before I go,” said Malcolm, shaking hands.
“We should get her in then.—See you later, Jack, if I don’t catch you before I leave,” said Malcolm, shaking hands.
He went out, followed by Joe, who seemed to have his tail between his legs.
He went out, followed by Joe, who looked like he was dragging his tail.
“Well, this is the devil’s own,” exclaimed the doctor, when he was left alone with Fred Henry. “Going before Wednesday, are you?”
“Well, this is the devil’s own,” the doctor exclaimed when he was left alone with Fred Henry. “Going before Wednesday, are you?”
“That’s the orders,” replied the other.
"Those are the orders," replied the other.
“Where, to Northampton?”
"Heading to Northampton?"
“That’s it.”
"That's all."
“The devil!” exclaimed Fergusson, with quiet chagrin.
“The devil!” Fergusson exclaimed, feeling quietly annoyed.
And there was silence between the two.
And there was silence between them.
“All settled up, are you?” asked Fergusson.
“All settled up, are you?” asked Fergusson.
“About.”
“About.”
There was another pause.
There was another break.
“Well, I shall miss yer, Freddy, boy,” said the young doctor.
“Well, I’m really going to miss you, Freddy, man,” said the young doctor.
“And I shall miss thee, Jack,” returned the other.
“And I’m going to miss you, Jack,” the other person replied.
“Miss you like hell,” mused the doctor.
“Missing you like crazy,” the doctor thought.
Fred Henry turned aside. There was nothing to say. Mabel came in again, to finish clearing the table.
Fred Henry turned away. There was nothing to say. Mabel came back in to finish cleaning the table.
“What are you going to do, then, Miss Pervin?” asked Fergusson. “Going to your sister’s, are you?”
“What are you going to do, then, Miss Pervin?” Fergusson asked. “Heading to your sister’s, are you?”
Mabel looked at him with her steady, dangerous eyes, that always made him uncomfortable, unsettling his superficial ease.
Mabel stared at him with her intense, sharp eyes that always made him uneasy, disturbing his casual confidence.
“No,” she said.
“No,” she responded.
“Well, what in the name of fortune are you going to do? Say what you mean to do,” cried Fred Henry, with futile intensity.
“Well, what in the world are you going to do? Just say what you plan to do,” yelled Fred Henry, with pointless urgency.
But she only averted her head, and continued her work. She folded the white table-cloth, and put on the chenille cloth.
But she just turned her head away and kept working. She folded the white tablecloth and put on the chenille cloth.
“The sulkiest bitch that ever trod!” muttered her brother.
“The sulkiest person that ever walked!” muttered her brother.
But she finished her task with perfectly impassive face, the young doctor watching her interestedly all the while. Then she went out.
But she completed her task with a totally expressionless face, while the young doctor watched her with great interest the whole time. Then she left.
Fred Henry stared after her, clenching his lips, his blue eyes fixing in sharp antagonism, as he made a grimace of sour exasperation.
Fred Henry watched her go, his lips pressed together, his blue eyes filled with intense hostility as he grimaced in frustrated annoyance.
“You could bray her into bits, and that’s all you’d get out of her,” he said, in a small, narrowed tone.
“You could beat her to pieces, and that’s all you’d get from her,” he said, in a low, narrowed tone.
The doctor smiled faintly.
The doctor gave a weak smile.
“What’s she going to do, then?” he asked.
“What’s she going to do, then?” he asked.
“Strike me if I know!” returned the other.
“Hit me if I know!” replied the other.
There was a pause. Then the doctor stirred.
There was a pause. Then the doctor moved.
“I’ll be seeing you tonight, shall I?” he said to his friend.
“I'll see you tonight, right?” he said to his friend.
“Ay—where’s it to be? Are we going over to Jessdale?”
“Ay—where is it going to be? Are we heading over to Jessdale?”
“I don’t know. I’ve got such a cold on me. I’ll come round to the Moon and Stars, anyway.”
“I don’t know. I have such a bad cold. I’ll come by the Moon and Stars, anyway.”
“Let Lizzie and May miss their night for once, eh?”
“Let Lizzie and May skip their night for once, okay?”
“That’s it—if I feel as I do now.”
“That’s it—if I feel like this now.”
“All’s one—”
"All's one—"
The two young men went through the passage and down to the back door together. The house was large, but it was servantless now, and desolate. At the back was a small bricked house-yard, and beyond that a big square, gravelled fine and red, and having stables on two sides. Sloping, dank, winter-dark fields stretched away on the open sides.
The two young men walked through the hallway and headed down to the back door together. The house was big, but it was now empty of servants and felt deserted. At the back was a small bricked yard, and beyond that was a large, fine, red gravel area with stables on two sides. Damp, winter-dark fields sloped away on the open sides.
But the stables were empty. Joseph Pervin, the father of the family, had been a man of no education, who had become a fairly large horse dealer. The stables had been full of horses, there was a great turmoil and come-and-go of horses and of dealers and grooms. Then the kitchen was full of servants. But of late things had declined. The old man had married a second time, to retrieve his fortunes. Now he was dead and everything was gone to the dogs, there was nothing but debt and threatening.
But the stables were empty. Joseph Pervin, the family’s patriarch, had been an uneducated man who managed to become a fairly successful horse dealer. The stables had once been filled with horses, buzzing with the hustle and bustle of horses, dealers, and grooms. The kitchen had been crowded with servants. But recently, things had gone downhill. The old man had married a second time to try to recover his fortunes. Now he was dead, and everything had fallen apart; all that remained were debts and threats.
For months, Mabel had been servantless in the big house, keeping the home together in penury for her ineffectual brothers. She had kept house for ten years. But previously, it was with unstinted means. Then, however brutal and coarse everything was, the sense of money had kept her proud, confident. The men might be foul-mouthed, the women in the kitchen might have bad reputations, her brothers might have illegitimate children. But so long as there was money, the girl felt herself established, and brutally proud, reserved.
For months, Mabel had been living without any help in the big house, holding everything together in poverty for her useless brothers. She had been managing the household for ten years. Before, it was with plenty of resources. No matter how harsh and rough everything was, the presence of money made her feel proud and confident. The men could be vulgar, the women in the kitchen might have bad reputations, and her brothers could have illegitimate kids. But as long as there was money, she felt secure and fiercely proud, keeping to herself.
No company came to the house, save dealers and coarse men. Mabel had no associates of her own sex, after her sister went away. But she did not mind. She went regularly to church, she attended to her father. And she lived in the memory of her mother, who had died when she was fourteen, and whom she had loved. She had loved her father, too, in a different way, depending upon him, and feeling secure in him, until at the age of fifty-four he married again. And then she had set hard against him. Now he had died and left them all hopelessly in debt.
No one ever visited the house except for salespeople and rough men. After her sister left, Mabel didn't have any friends her age. But she didn’t care. She regularly went to church, took care of her father, and held onto the memory of her mother, who had passed away when she was fourteen and whom she had loved deeply. She had also loved her father, but in a different way, relying on him and feeling secure with him, until he remarried at fifty-four. After that, she had become resentful toward him. Now he had died, leaving them all drowning in debt.
She had suffered badly during the period of poverty. Nothing, however, could shake the curious sullen, animal pride that dominated each member of the family. Now, for Mabel, the end had come. Still she would not cast about her. She would follow her own way just the same. She would always hold the keys of her own situation. Mindless and persistent, she endured from day to day. Why should she think? Why should she answer anybody? It was enough that this was the end, and there was no way out. She need not pass any more darkly along the main street of the small town, avoiding every eye. She need not demean herself any more, going into the shops and buying the cheapest food. This was at an end. She thought of nobody, not even of herself. Mindless and persistent, she seemed in a sort of ecstasy to be coming nearer to her fulfilment, her own glorification, approaching her dead mother, who was glorified.
She had gone through a lot during the tough times. Nothing could shake the stubborn, animal pride that defined each family member. Now, for Mabel, it was the end. Still, she wouldn’t look around. She would stick to her own path regardless. She would always hold the keys to her own situation. Mindless and persistent, she got through each day. Why should she think? Why should she respond to anyone? It was enough that this was the end, and there was no way out. She didn’t have to walk down the main street of the small town, avoiding everyone’s gaze. She didn’t have to lower herself anymore by going into shops and buying the cheapest food. That was over. She thought of no one, not even herself. Mindless and persistent, she seemed to be in some kind of ecstasy, coming closer to her fulfillment, her own glorification, approaching her glorified dead mother.
In the afternoon she took a little bag, with shears and sponge and a small scrubbing brush, and went out. It was a grey, wintry day, with saddened, dark-green fields and an atmosphere blackened by the smoke of foundries not far off. She went quickly, darkly along the causeway, heeding nobody, through the town to the churchyard.
In the afternoon, she grabbed a small bag filled with shears, a sponge, and a little scrubbing brush, and headed out. It was a gloomy, wintry day, with somber, dark-green fields and an air thick with the smoke from nearby factories. She moved quickly and quietly along the path, ignoring everyone, on her way to the churchyard.
There she always felt secure, as if no one could see her, although as a matter of fact she was exposed to the stare of everyone who passed along under the churchyard wall. Nevertheless, once under the shadow of the great looming church, among the graves, she felt immune from the world, reserved within the thick churchyard wall as in another country.
There, she always felt safe, as if no one could see her, even though she was actually visible to everyone passing by under the churchyard wall. Still, once she was under the shadow of the large, towering church, surrounded by the graves, she felt shielded from the outside world, tucked away behind the thick churchyard wall like she was in another place.
Carefully she clipped the grass from the grave, and arranged the pinky-white, small chrysanthemums in the tin cross. When this was done, she took an empty jar from a neighbouring grave, brought water, and carefully, most scrupulously sponged the marble headstone and the coping-stone.
Carefully, she trimmed the grass from the grave and arranged the pinkish-white small chrysanthemums in the tin cross. Once that was done, she took an empty jar from a nearby grave, filled it with water, and meticulously sponged the marble headstone and the coping stone.
It gave her sincere satisfaction to do this. She felt in immediate contact with the world of her mother. She took minute pains, went through the park in a state bordering on pure happiness, as if in performing this task she came into a subtle, intimate connexion with her mother. For the life she followed here in the world was far less real than the world of death she inherited from her mother.
It genuinely pleased her to do this. She felt a direct connection to her mother's world. She took great care, walking through the park in a state close to pure happiness, as if by doing this task, she established a subtle, intimate bond with her mother. The life she lived in this world felt much less real than the world of death she had inherited from her mother.
The doctor’s house was just by the church. Fergusson, being a mere hired assistant, was slave to the countryside. As he hurried now to attend to the outpatients in the surgery, glancing across the graveyard with his quick eye, he saw the girl at her task at the grave. She seemed so intent and remote, it was like looking into another world. Some mystical element was touched in him. He slowed down as he walked, watching her as if spell-bound.
The doctor's house was right next to the church. Fergusson, being just a hired help, felt trapped by the countryside. As he rushed to care for the outpatients in the surgery, glancing across the graveyard with a keen eye, he noticed the girl working at a grave. She looked so focused and distant; it felt like peering into another world. Something mystical stirred within him. He slowed his pace, watching her as if he were under a spell.
She lifted her eyes, feeling him looking. Their eyes met. And each looked again at once, each feeling, in some way, found out by the other. He lifted his cap and passed on down the road. There remained distinct in his consciousness, like a vision, the memory of her face, lifted from the tombstone in the churchyard, and looking at him with slow, large, portentous eyes. It was portentous, her face. It seemed to mesmerise him. There was a heavy power in her eyes which laid hold of his whole being, as if he had drunk some powerful drug. He had been feeling weak and done before. Now the life came back into him, he felt delivered from his own fretted, daily self.
She looked up, sensing his gaze. Their eyes locked. Then they both glanced away, each feeling somehow revealed to the other. He tipped his cap and continued down the road. The memory of her face stayed vividly in his mind, like a vision pulled from a tombstone in the churchyard, staring at him with slow, deep, significant eyes. It was significant, her face. It seemed to captivate him. There was a strong intensity in her eyes that seized his entire being, as if he had taken some potent drug. He had felt weak and exhausted before. Now, life surged back into him; he felt free from his own troubled, routine self.
He finished his duties at the surgery as quickly as might be, hastily filling up the bottles of the waiting people with cheap drugs. Then, in perpetual haste, he set off again to visit several cases in another part of his round, before teatime. At all times he preferred to walk, if he could, but particularly when he was not well. He fancied the motion restored him.
He wrapped up his tasks at the clinic as quickly as possible, rushing to fill the bottles of the waiting patients with inexpensive medications. Then, always in a hurry, he headed off to check on several cases in another area before tea time. He always preferred to walk if he could, especially when he wasn't feeling well. He believed that the movement helped him feel better.
The afternoon was falling. It was grey, deadened, and wintry, with a slow, moist, heavy coldness sinking in and deadening all the faculties. But why should he think or notice? He hastily climbed the hill and turned across the dark-green fields, following the black cinder-track. In the distance, across a shallow dip in the country, the small town was clustered like smouldering ash, a tower, a spire, a heap of low, raw, extinct houses. And on the nearest fringe of the town, sloping into the dip, was Oldmeadow, the Pervins’ house. He could see the stables and the outbuildings distinctly, as they lay towards him on the slope. Well, he would not go there many more times! Another resource would be lost to him, another place gone: the only company he cared for in the alien, ugly little town he was losing. Nothing but work, drudgery, constant hastening from dwelling to dwelling among the colliers and the iron-workers. It wore him out, but at the same time he had a craving for it. It was a stimulant to him to be in the homes of the working people, moving as it were through the innermost body of their life. His nerves were excited and gratified. He could come so near, into the very lives of the rough, inarticulate, powerfully emotional men and women. He grumbled, he said he hated the hellish hole. But as a matter of fact it excited him, the contact with the rough, strongly-feeling people was a stimulant applied direct to his nerves.
The afternoon was setting in. It was grey, dull, and chilly, with a slow, damp cold sinking in and numbing everything. But why should he think or care? He quickly climbed the hill and crossed the dark-green fields, following the black cinder path. In the distance, across a small dip in the land, the little town looked like smoldering ash—there was a tower, a spire, and a cluster of low, rundown houses. And on the nearest edge of the town, sloping down into the dip, was Oldmeadow, the Pervins' house. He could clearly see the stables and outbuildings as they lay on the slope. Well, he wouldn’t be going there many more times! Another option would be taken from him, another place lost: the only company he cared for in the strange, ugly little town he was saying goodbye to. It was nothing but work, toil, and constant rushing from one place to another among the coal miners and steelworkers. It wore him out, but at the same time, he craved it. Being in the homes of the working class was a thrill for him, as if he were moving through the very core of their lives. His nerves were alive and satisfied. He could get so close to the real lives of these rough, passionate men and women. He complained and said he hated the miserable place. But the truth was, it energized him; the connection with these intense, feeling people was a direct boost to his nerves.
Below Oldmeadow, in the green, shallow, soddened hollow of fields, lay a square, deep pond. Roving across the landscape, the doctor’s quick eye detected a figure in black passing through the gate of the field, down towards the pond. He looked again. It would be Mabel Pervin. His mind suddenly became alive and attentive.
Below Oldmeadow, in the green, shallow, soggy hollow of the fields, lay a square, deep pond. Scanning the landscape, the doctor’s sharp eye spotted a figure in black moving through the gate of the field, heading towards the pond. He looked again. It was definitely Mabel Pervin. His mind suddenly sprang to life and became alert.
Why was she going down there? He pulled up on the path on the slope above, and stood staring. He could just make sure of the small black figure moving in the hollow of the failing day. He seemed to see her in the midst of such obscurity, that he was like a clairvoyant, seeing rather with the mind’s eye than with ordinary sight. Yet he could see her positively enough, whilst he kept his eye attentive. He felt, if he looked away from her, in the thick, ugly falling dusk, he would lose her altogether.
Why was she going down there? He stopped on the path on the slope above and stood staring. He could just make out the small black figure moving in the fading light of the day. It felt like he was seeing her through a haze so thick that it was more like using his mind’s eye than his regular sight. Still, he could see her clearly enough as long as he stayed focused. He felt that if he looked away from her in the dark, ugly dusk, he would lose her entirely.
He followed her minutely as she moved, direct and intent, like something transmitted rather than stirring in voluntary activity, straight down the field towards the pond. There she stood on the bank for a moment. She never raised her head. Then she waded slowly into the water.
He watched her closely as she moved, focused and determined, like something being directed rather than acting on its own, straight down the field toward the pond. There, she paused on the bank for a moment. She never looked up. Then she slowly stepped into the water.
He stood motionless as the small black figure walked slowly and deliberately towards the centre of the pond, very slowly, gradually moving deeper into the motionless water, and still moving forward as the water got up to her breast. Then he could see her no more in the dusk of the dead afternoon.
He stood still as the small black figure walked slowly and purposefully toward the center of the pond, moving deeper into the still water, and continuing forward as the water reached her chest. Then he could no longer see her in the dim light of the fading afternoon.
“There!” he exclaimed. “Would you believe it?”
“There!” he exclaimed. “Can you believe it?”
And he hastened straight down, running over the wet, soddened fields, pushing through the hedges, down into the depression of callous wintry obscurity. It took him several minutes to come to the pond. He stood on the bank, breathing heavily. He could see nothing. His eyes seemed to penetrate the dead water. Yes, perhaps that was the dark shadow of her black clothing beneath the surface of the water.
And he quickly headed down, sprinting over the wet, soaked fields, pushing through the bushes, into the gloomy winter darkness. It took him a few minutes to reach the pond. He stood on the bank, breathing hard. He saw nothing. His eyes seemed to stare into the lifeless water. Yes, maybe that was the dark shape of her black clothing beneath the surface.
He slowly ventured into the pond. The bottom was deep, soft clay, he sank in, and the water clasped dead cold round his legs. As he stirred he could smell the cold, rotten clay that fouled up into the water. It was objectionable in his lungs. Still, repelled and yet not heeding, he moved deeper into the pond. The cold water rose over his thighs, over his loins, upon his abdomen. The lower part of his body was all sunk in the hideous cold element. And the bottom was so deeply soft and uncertain, he was afraid of pitching with his mouth underneath. He could not swim, and was afraid.
He slowly stepped into the pond. The bottom was deep, soft clay, and he sank in; the water wrapped around his legs, freezing cold. As he moved, he could smell the cold, decaying clay rising into the water. It felt unpleasant in his lungs. Still, feeling both repulsed and indifferent, he waded deeper into the pond. The cold water climbed over his thighs, past his hips, and onto his stomach. The lower part of his body was completely submerged in the horrible cold. The bottom was so soft and unstable that he worried about losing his balance and getting his face submerged. He couldn’t swim, and he felt scared.
He crouched a little, spreading his hands under the water and moving them round, trying to feel for her. The dead cold pond swayed upon his chest. He moved again, a little deeper, and again, with his hands underneath, he felt all around under the water. And he touched her clothing. But it evaded his fingers. He made a desperate effort to grasp it.
He crouched down a bit, spreading his hands in the water and moving them around, trying to find her. The frigid pond pressed against his chest. He moved again, a little deeper, and once more, with his hands below the surface, he felt all around. He touched her clothing, but it slipped away from his fingers. He made a desperate attempt to grab it.
And so doing he lost his balance and went under, horribly, suffocating in the foul earthy water, struggling madly for a few moments. At last, after what seemed an eternity, he got his footing, rose again into the air and looked around. He gasped, and knew he was in the world. Then he looked at the water. She had risen near him. He grasped her clothing, and drawing her nearer, turned to take his way to land again.
And in the process, he lost his balance and went under, choking on the murky water, thrashing wildly for a few moments. Finally, after what felt like forever, he found his footing, surfaced, and looked around. He gasped and realized he was back in the world. Then he focused on the water. She had surfaced close to him. He grabbed her clothes, pulled her closer, and turned to head back to the shore.
He went very slowly, carefully, absorbed in the slow progress. He rose higher, climbing out of the pond. The water was now only about his legs; he was thankful, full of relief to be out of the clutches of the pond. He lifted her and staggered on to the bank, out of the horror of wet, grey clay.
He moved slowly and deliberately, focused on the gradual journey. He climbed higher, emerging from the pond. The water was now just around his legs; he felt grateful and relieved to be out of the pond's grasp. He picked her up and stumbled onto the bank, away from the dreadful wet, grey clay.
He laid her down on the bank. She was quite unconscious and running with water. He made the water come from her mouth, he worked to restore her. He did not have to work very long before he could feel the breathing begin again in her; she was breathing naturally. He worked a little longer. He could feel her live beneath his hands; she was coming back. He wiped her face, wrapped her in his overcoat, looked round into the dim, dark-grey world, then lifted her and staggered down the bank and across the fields.
He laid her down on the shore. She was completely unconscious and soaking wet. He managed to get the water out of her mouth and worked to bring her back to life. It didn't take long before he felt her start breathing again; she was breathing normally. He continued for a bit longer. He could feel her life beneath his hands; she was coming back. He wiped her face, wrapped her in his coat, looked around at the dim, dark-grey world, then lifted her and stumbled down the bank and across the fields.
It seemed an unthinkably long way, and his burden so heavy he felt he would never get to the house. But at last he was in the stable-yard, and then in the house-yard. He opened the door and went into the house. In the kitchen he laid her down on the hearthrug, and called. The house was empty. But the fire was burning in the grate.
It felt like an impossibly long journey, and his load was so heavy he thought he would never reach the house. But finally, he was in the stable yard, and then in the house yard. He opened the door and entered the house. In the kitchen, he laid her down on the hearth rug and called out. The house was empty. But the fire was burning in the fireplace.
Then again he kneeled to attend to her. She was breathing regularly, her eyes were wide open and as if conscious, but there seemed something missing in her look. She was conscious in herself, but unconscious of her surroundings.
Then he knelt down to take care of her. She was breathing normally, her eyes wide open and appearing aware, but there seemed to be something lacking in her expression. She was aware of herself, but unaware of her surroundings.
He ran upstairs, took blankets from a bed, and put them before the fire to warm. Then he removed her saturated, earthy-smelling clothing, rubbed her dry with a towel, and wrapped her naked in the blankets. Then he went into the dining-room, to look for spirits. There was a little whisky. He drank a gulp himself, and put some into her mouth.
He ran upstairs, grabbed some blankets from a bed, and laid them in front of the fire to warm up. Then he took off her soaked, musty clothes, dried her off with a towel, and wrapped her up in the blankets. After that, he headed into the dining room to look for some drinks. He found a little whisky, took a sip himself, and poured some into her mouth.
The effect was instantaneous. She looked full into his face, as if she had been seeing him for some time, and yet had only just become conscious of him.
The effect was immediate. She looked right into his face, as if she had been seeing him for a while, but had only just noticed him.
“Dr. Fergusson?” she said.
"Dr. Fergusson?" she asked.
“What?” he answered.
“What?” he replied.
He was divesting himself of his coat, intending to find some dry clothing upstairs. He could not bear the smell of the dead, clayey water, and he was mortally afraid for his own health.
He was taking off his coat, planning to find some dry clothes upstairs. He couldn’t stand the smell of the dead, muddy water, and he was really worried about his own health.
“What did I do?” she asked.
“What did I do?” she asked.
“Walked into the pond,” he replied. He had begun to shudder like one sick, and could hardly attend to her. Her eyes remained full on him, he seemed to be going dark in his mind, looking back at her helplessly. The shuddering became quieter in him, his life came back in him, dark and unknowing, but strong again.
“Walked into the pond,” he said. He started to shiver like someone who was ill and could barely focus on her. Her gaze was fixed on him, and he appeared to be fading mentally, looking back at her in despair. The trembling within him calmed down, his energy returned, dark and uncertain, but strong once more.
“Was I out of my mind?” she asked, while her eyes were fixed on him all the time.
“Was I crazy?” she asked, her eyes locked on him the whole time.
“Maybe, for the moment,” he replied. He felt quiet, because his strength had come back. The strange fretful strain had left him.
“Maybe, for now,” he replied. He felt at peace, because his strength had returned. The odd, restless tension had faded away.
“Am I out of my mind now?” she asked.
“Am I losing my mind now?” she asked.
“Are you?” he reflected a moment. “No,” he answered truthfully, “I don’t see that you are.” He turned his face aside. He was afraid now, because he felt dazed, and felt dimly that her power was stronger than his, in this issue. And she continued to look at him fixedly all the time. “Can you tell me where I shall find some dry things to put on?” he asked.
“Are you?” he thought for a moment. “No,” he replied honestly, “I don’t think you are.” He turned his face away. He was scared now, because he felt confused, and sensed that her influence was stronger than his in this situation. And she kept staring at him intently the whole time. “Can you tell me where I can find some dry clothes to put on?” he asked.
“Did you dive into the pond for me?” she asked.
“Did you jump into the pond for me?” she asked.
“No,” he answered. “I walked in. But I went in overhead as well.”
“No,” he replied. “I walked in. But I also went in through the ceiling.”
There was silence for a moment. He hesitated. He very much wanted to go upstairs to get into dry clothing. But there was another desire in him. And she seemed to hold him. His will seemed to have gone to sleep, and left him, standing there slack before her. But he felt warm inside himself. He did not shudder at all, though his clothes were sodden on him.
There was a moment of silence. He paused. He really wanted to go upstairs and change into dry clothes. But there was another urge within him. And she seemed to keep him there. His will felt dormant, leaving him standing there loose in front of her. But he felt warm inside. He didn’t shiver at all, even though his clothes were soaked.
“Why did you?” she asked.
“Why did you do that?” she asked.
“Because I didn’t want you to do such a foolish thing,” he said.
“Because I didn’t want you to do something so silly,” he said.
“It wasn’t foolish,” she said, still gazing at him as she lay on the floor, with a sofa cushion under her head. “It was the right thing to do. I knew best, then.”
“It wasn’t foolish,” she said, still looking at him as she lay on the floor with a sofa cushion under her head. “It was the right thing to do. I knew best back then.”
“I’ll go and shift these wet things,” he said. But still he had not the power to move out of her presence, until she sent him. It was as if she had the life of his body in her hands, and he could not extricate himself. Or perhaps he did not want to.
“I’ll go and move these wet things,” he said. But he still couldn’t make himself leave her presence until she told him to. It was like she had control over his very being, and he couldn’t pull away. Or maybe he just didn’t want to.
Suddenly she sat up. Then she became aware of her own immediate condition. She felt the blankets about her, she knew her own limbs. For a moment it seemed as if her reason were going. She looked round, with wild eye, as if seeking something. He stood still with fear. She saw her clothing lying scattered.
Suddenly, she sat up. Then she became aware of her own immediate situation. She felt the blankets around her and was aware of her own limbs. For a moment, it seemed like her mind was slipping away. She looked around with wild eyes, as if searching for something. He stood still, filled with fear. She saw her clothes lying scattered.
“Who undressed me?” she asked, her eyes resting full and inevitable on his face.
“Who undressed me?” she asked, her eyes fixed intently on his face.
“I did,” he replied, “to bring you round.”
“I did,” he replied, “to get you to come around.”
For some moments she sat and gazed at him awfully, her lips parted.
For a while, she sat and stared at him in shock, her lips slightly parted.
“Do you love me then?” she asked.
“Do you love me?" she asked.
He only stood and stared at her, fascinated. His soul seemed to melt.
He just stood there and looked at her, completely captivated. It felt like his soul was melting.
She shuffled forward on her knees, and put her arms round him, round his legs, as he stood there, pressing her breasts against his knees and thighs, clutching him with strange, convulsive certainty, pressing his thighs against her, drawing him to her face, her throat, as she looked up at him with flaring, humble eyes, of transfiguration, triumphant in first possession.
She crawled forward on her knees and wrapped her arms around him, clutching his legs as he stood there, pressing her chest against his knees and thighs. She held onto him with a strange, intense certainty, pushing his thighs against her, bringing him close to her face and throat, looking up at him with passionate, humble eyes, transformed and triumphant in her first possession.
“You love me,” she murmured, in strange transport, yearning and triumphant and confident. “You love me. I know you love me, I know.”
"You love me," she whispered, in a strange mix of longing and victory, feeling sure of herself. "You love me. I know you love me, I know."
And she was passionately kissing his knees, through the wet clothing, passionately and indiscriminately kissing his knees, his legs, as if unaware of everything.
And she was passionately kissing his knees, through the wet clothes, passionately and without a care kissing his knees, his legs, as if she didn’t notice anything else.
He looked down at the tangled wet hair, the wild, bare, animal shoulders. He was amazed, bewildered, and afraid. He had never thought of loving her. He had never wanted to love her. When he rescued her and restored her, he was a doctor, and she was a patient. He had had no single personal thought of her. Nay, this introduction of the personal element was very distasteful to him, a violation of his professional honour. It was horrible to have her there embracing his knees. It was horrible. He revolted from it, violently. And yet—and yet—he had not the power to break away.
He looked down at her tangled wet hair and her wild, bare shoulders. He felt amazed, confused, and scared. He had never considered loving her. He never wanted to love her. When he saved her and helped her recover, he was a doctor, and she was a patient. He hadn’t thought about her in a personal way at all. No, bringing in a personal element was really uncomfortable for him, a breach of his professional integrity. It felt terrible to have her there, clinging to his knees. It was awful. He wanted to escape from it, strongly. And yet—and yet—he couldn’t break free.
She looked at him again, with the same supplication of powerful love, and that same transcendent, frightening light of triumph. In view of the delicate flame which seemed to come from her face like a light, he was powerless. And yet he had never intended to love her. He had never intended. And something stubborn in him could not give way.
She looked at him again, with the same pleading intensity of deep love, and that same overwhelming, almost eerie glow of victory. Seeing the soft light that seemed to radiate from her face, he felt powerless. Yet, he had never meant to fall for her. He had never intended to. And something stubborn within him just wouldn’t back down.
“You love me,” she repeated, in a murmur of deep, rhapsodic assurance. “You love me.”
“You love me,” she said again, her voice soft and filled with joyful certainty. “You love me.”
Her hands were drawing him, drawing him down to her. He was afraid, even a little horrified. For he had, really, no intention of loving her. Yet her hands were drawing him towards her. He put out his hand quickly to steady himself, and grasped her bare shoulder. A flame seemed to burn the hand that grasped her soft shoulder. He had no intention of loving her: his whole will was against his yielding. It was horrible. And yet wonderful was the touch of her shoulders, beautiful the shining of her face. Was she perhaps mad? He had a horror of yielding to her. Yet something in him ached also.
Her hands were pulling him in, pulling him closer to her. He felt scared, even a bit horrified. Because, honestly, he had no plans to love her. But her hands kept drawing him towards her. He quickly reached out to steady himself and grabbed her bare shoulder. It felt like a flame burned on the hand that held her soft shoulder. He didn't want to love her; everything in him resisted surrendering. It was terrifying. And yet, the touch of her shoulders was amazing, her face radiant. Was she maybe crazy? He dreaded giving in to her. But something inside him was also aching.
He had been staring away at the door, away from her. But his hand remained on her shoulder. She had gone suddenly very still. He looked down at her. Her eyes were now wide with fear, with doubt, the light was dying from her face, a shadow of terrible greyness was returning. He could not bear the touch of her eyes’ question upon him, and the look of death behind the question.
He had been staring at the door, away from her. But his hand stayed on her shoulder. She had gone suddenly very still. He looked down at her. Her eyes were wide with fear and doubt, the light fading from her face, a shadow of terrible greyness appearing. He couldn’t stand the weight of her questioning gaze on him, and the look of death behind that question.
With an inward groan he gave way, and let his heart yield towards her. A sudden gentle smile came on his face. And her eyes, which never left his face, slowly, slowly filled with tears. He watched the strange water rise in her eyes, like some slow fountain coming up. And his heart seemed to burn and melt away in his breast.
With a quiet sigh, he surrendered and let his heart open up to her. A soft smile appeared on his face. Her eyes, never leaving his gaze, gradually filled with tears. He observed the unusual tears welling up in her eyes, like a slow fountain bubbling over. His heart felt like it was burning and melting away in his chest.
He could not bear to look at her any more. He dropped on his knees and caught her head with his arms and pressed her face against his throat. She was very still. His heart, which seemed to have broken, was burning with a kind of agony in his breast. And he felt her slow, hot tears wetting his throat. But he could not move.
He couldn't stand to look at her any longer. He sank to his knees and wrapped his arms around her head, pressing her face against his throat. She was completely still. His heart, which felt like it had shattered, was aflame with a type of agony in his chest. And he felt her slow, hot tears soaking his throat. But he couldn't move.
He felt the hot tears wet his neck and the hollows of his neck, and he remained motionless, suspended through one of man’s eternities. Only now it had become indispensable to him to have her face pressed close to him; he could never let her go again. He could never let her head go away from the close clutch of his arm. He wanted to remain like that for ever, with his heart hurting him in a pain that was also life to him. Without knowing, he was looking down on her damp, soft brown hair.
He felt the hot tears soaking his neck, and he stayed completely still, caught in one of life's endless moments. It was now essential for him to have her face pressed against him; he could never let her go again. He could never let her head slip away from the tight hold of his arm. He wanted to stay like this forever, with his heart aching in a way that was also a part of being alive. Without realizing it, he was staring down at her damp, soft brown hair.
Then, as it were suddenly, he smelt the horrid stagnant smell of that water. And at the same moment she drew away from him and looked at him. Her eyes were wistful and unfathomable. He was afraid of them, and he fell to kissing her, not knowing what he was doing. He wanted her eyes not to have that terrible, wistful, unfathomable look.
Then, suddenly, he caught the awful stale smell of the water. At the same moment, she pulled away from him and looked at him. Her eyes were full of longing and mystery. He was afraid of them, and he started kissing her, not really knowing why. He just wished her eyes wouldn’t have that terrible, longing, mysterious look.
When she turned her face to him again, a faint delicate flush was glowing, and there was again dawning that terrible shining of joy in her eyes, which really terrified him, and yet which he now wanted to see, because he feared the look of doubt still more.
When she faced him again, a soft blush was glowing on her cheeks, and once more, that frightening brightness of joy was appearing in her eyes, which truly scared him, but now he wanted to see it because he was even more afraid of the look of doubt.
“You love me?” she said, rather faltering.
“You love me?” she asked, a bit hesitant.
“Yes.” The word cost him a painful effort. Not because it wasn’t true. But because it was too newly true, the saying seemed to tear open again his newly-torn heart. And he hardly wanted it to be true, even now.
“Yes.” Saying it felt like a real struggle. Not because it wasn’t true, but because it was so freshly true that the words seemed to rip open his recently wounded heart all over again. And even now, he hardly wanted it to be true.
She lifted her face to him, and he bent forward and kissed her on the mouth, gently, with the one kiss that is an eternal pledge. And as he kissed her his heart strained again in his breast. He never intended to love her. But now it was over. He had crossed over the gulf to her, and all that he had left behind had shrivelled and become void.
She lifted her face to him, and he leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips, with that one kiss that feels like a promise forever. As he kissed her, his heart felt heavy in his chest. He never planned to fall for her. But now it was too late. He had moved across the divide to her, and everything he had left behind had withered away and lost its meaning.
After the kiss, her eyes again slowly filled with tears. She sat still, away from him, with her face drooped aside, and her hands folded in her lap. The tears fell very slowly. There was complete silence. He too sat there motionless and silent on the hearthrug. The strange pain of his heart that was broken seemed to consume him. That he should love her? That this was love! That he should be ripped open in this way!—Him, a doctor!—How they would all jeer if they knew!—It was agony to him to think they might know.
After the kiss, her eyes slowly filled with tears again. She sat still, turned away from him, with her face tilted to the side and her hands folded in her lap. The tears fell very slowly. There was complete silence. He sat there, motionless and quiet on the hearthrug. The strange pain of his broken heart seemed to consume him. How could he love her? This was love! How could he feel so exposed like this?—Him, a doctor!—They would all mock him if they knew!—It was torture for him to think they might find out.
In the curious naked pain of the thought he looked again to her. She was sitting there drooped into a muse. He saw a tear fall, and his heart flared hot. He saw for the first time that one of her shoulders was quite uncovered, one arm bare, he could see one of her small breasts; dimly, because it had become almost dark in the room.
In the raw, painful realization of his thoughts, he looked at her again. She was sitting there, lost in thought. He noticed a tear fall, and his heart burned with emotion. For the first time, he saw that one of her shoulders was completely bare, one arm exposed, and he could make out one of her small breasts; faintly, since the room had grown almost dark.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, in an altered voice.
“Why are you crying?” he asked, his voice sounding different.
She looked up at him, and behind her tears the consciousness of her situation for the first time brought a dark look of shame to her eyes.
She looked up at him, and for the first time, the awareness of her situation behind her tears brought a dark look of shame to her eyes.
“I’m not crying, really,” she said, watching him half frightened.
“I’m not crying, really,” she said, watching him with half fear.
He reached his hand, and softly closed it on her bare arm.
He reached out and gently clasped her bare arm.
“I love you! I love you!” he said in a soft, low vibrating voice, unlike himself.
“I love you! I love you!” he said in a soft, low, vibrating voice, different from usual.
She shrank, and dropped her head. The soft, penetrating grip of his hand on her arm distressed her. She looked up at him.
She recoiled and lowered her head. The gentle but insistent pressure of his hand on her arm troubled her. She glanced up at him.
“I want to go,” she said. “I want to go and get you some dry things.”
“I want to go,” she said. “I want to go and get you some dry stuff.”
“Why?” he said. “I’m all right.”
“Why?” he said. “I’m good.”
“But I want to go,” she said. “And I want you to change your things.”
“But I want to go,” she said. “And I want you to change your stuff.”
He released her arm, and she wrapped herself in the blanket, looking at him rather frightened. And still she did not rise.
He let go of her arm, and she pulled the blanket around herself, staring at him with a bit of fear. Yet, she still didn't get up.
“Kiss me,” she said wistfully.
“Kiss me,” she said dreamily.
He kissed her, but briefly, half in anger.
He kissed her, but it was quick, partly out of anger.
Then, after a second, she rose nervously, all mixed up in the blanket. He watched her in her confusion, as she tried to extricate herself and wrap herself up so that she could walk. He watched her relentlessly, as she knew. And as she went, the blanket trailing, and as he saw a glimpse of her feet and her white leg, he tried to remember her as she was when he had wrapped her in the blanket. But then he didn’t want to remember, because she had been nothing to him then, and his nature revolted from remembering her as she was when she was nothing to him.
Then, after a moment, she got up, looking nervous and tangled in the blanket. He watched her struggle to free herself and wrap up so she could walk. He kept his gaze on her, and she was aware of it. As she moved, the blanket dragging behind her, he caught a glimpse of her feet and her bare leg. He tried to recall how she looked when he had covered her in the blanket. But then he didn’t want to remember, because she had meant nothing to him back then, and he instinctively shied away from thinking of her as she had been when she was unimportant to him.
A tumbling, muffled noise from within the dark house startled him. Then he heard her voice:—“There are clothes.” He rose and went to the foot of the stairs, and gathered up the garments she had thrown down. Then he came back to the fire, to rub himself down and dress. He grinned at his own appearance when he had finished.
A soft, muffled noise from inside the dark house surprised him. Then he heard her voice: “There are clothes.” He got up and went to the bottom of the stairs, picking up the clothes she had tossed down. Then he returned to the fire to warm himself and get dressed. He smiled at his reflection when he was done.
The fire was sinking, so he put on coal. The house was now quite dark, save for the light of a street-lamp that shone in faintly from beyond the holly trees. He lit the gas with matches he found on the mantel-piece. Then he emptied the pockets of his own clothes, and threw all his wet things in a heap into the scullery. After which he gathered up her sodden clothes, gently, and put them in a separate heap on the copper-top in the scullery.
The fire was dying down, so he added some coal. The house was now pretty dark, except for the dim light of a streetlamp shining in from beyond the holly trees. He lit the gas using matches he found on the mantel. Then he emptied his pockets and tossed all his wet clothes in a pile in the scullery. After that, he carefully gathered her soaked clothes and placed them in a separate pile on the copper-top in the scullery.
It was six o’clock on the clock. His own watch had stopped. He ought to go back to the surgery. He waited, and still she did not come down. So he went to the foot of the stairs and called:
It was six o'clock. His watch had stopped. He should go back to the surgery. He waited, but she still didn't come down. So he went to the bottom of the stairs and called:
“I shall have to go.”
“I need to go.”
Almost immediately he heard her coming down. She had on her best dress of black voile, and her hair was tidy, but still damp. She looked at him—and in spite of herself, smiled.
Almost immediately, he heard her coming down. She was wearing her best black voile dress, and her hair was neat but still damp. She looked at him—and despite herself, smiled.
“I don’t like you in those clothes,” she said.
“I don’t like you in those clothes,” she said.
“Do I look a sight?” he answered.
“Do I look ridiculous?” he replied.
They were shy of one another.
They were shy around each other.
“I’ll make you some tea,” she said.
“I’ll make you some tea,” she said.
“No, I must go.”
“No, I have to go.”
“Must you?” And she looked at him again with the wide, strained, doubtful eyes. And again, from the pain of his breast, he knew how he loved her. He went and bent to kiss her, gently, passionately, with his heart’s painful kiss.
“Do you really have to?” She looked at him again with her wide, strained, uncertain eyes. And once more, from the ache in his chest, he realized how deeply he loved her. He leaned in to kiss her, softly, passionately, with a kiss filled with the pain of his heart.
“And my hair smells so horrible,” she murmured in distraction. “And I’m so awful, I’m so awful! Oh, no, I’m too awful.” And she broke into bitter, heart-broken sobbing. “You can’t want to love me, I’m horrible.”
“And my hair smells so bad,” she murmured, lost in thought. “And I’m just awful, I’m really awful! Oh no, I’m too terrible.” Then she started to cry bitterly, heartbroken. “You can’t really want to love me, I’m just awful.”
“Don’t be silly, don’t be silly,” he said, trying to comfort her, kissing her, holding her in his arms. “I want you, I want to marry you, we’re going to be married, quickly, quickly—tomorrow if I can.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, don’t be ridiculous,” he said, trying to comfort her, kissing her, holding her close. “I want you, I want to marry you, we’re getting married, fast, fast—tomorrow if I can.”
But she only sobbed terribly, and cried:
But she just sobbed hard and cried:
“I feel awful. I feel awful. I feel I’m horrible to you.”
“I feel terrible. I feel terrible. I think I’m awful to you.”
“No, I want you, I want you,” was all he answered, blindly, with that terrible intonation which frightened her almost more than her horror lest he should not want her.
“No, I want you, I want you,” was all he replied, without thinking, with that terrible tone that scared her almost more than her fear that he might not want her.
FANNY AND ANNIE
Flame-lurid his face as he turned among the throng of flame-lit and dark faces upon the platform. In the light of the furnace she caught sight of his drifting countenance, like a piece of floating fire. And the nostalgia, the doom of homecoming went through her veins like a drug. His eternal face, flame-lit now! The pulse and darkness of red fire from the furnace towers in the sky, lighting the desultory, industrial crowd on the wayside station, lit him and went out.
Flames reflecting off his face as he moved through the crowd of brightly lit and shadowy faces on the platform. In the glow of the furnace, she noticed his wandering expression, like a piece of floating fire. And the longing, the weight of returning home surged through her like a drug. His timeless face, now glowing with fire! The pulse and dark glow of red flames from the furnace towers above lit up the scattered industrial crowd at the wayside station, illuminating him before fading away.
Of course he did not see her. Flame-lit and unseeing! Always the same, with his meeting eyebrows, his common cap, and his red-and-black scarf knotted round his throat. Not even a collar to meet her! The flames had sunk, there was shadow.
Of course he didn’t see her. Flame-lit and unaware! Always the same, with his furrowed brows, his plain cap, and his red-and-black scarf tied around his neck. Not even a collar to greet her! The flames had died down, and there was darkness.
She opened the door of her grimy, branch-line carriage, and began to get down her bags. The porter was nowhere, of course, but there was Harry, obscure, on the outer edge of the little crowd, missing her, of course.
She opened the door of her dirty, branch-line carriage and started to take down her bags. The porter was nowhere to be seen, but there was Harry, standing off to the side of the small crowd, definitely missing her.
“Here! Harry!” she called, waving her umbrella in the twilight. He hurried forward.
“Hey! Harry!” she shouted, waving her umbrella in the fading light. He rushed over.
“Tha’s come, has ter?” he said, in a sort of cheerful welcome. She got down, rather flustered, and gave him a peck of a kiss.
“Have you come, then?” he said, with a cheerful greeting. She got down, a bit flustered, and gave him a quick kiss.
“Two suit-cases!” she said.
"Two suitcases!" she said.
Her soul groaned within her, as he clambered into the carriage after her bags. Up shot the fire in the twilight sky, from the great furnace behind the station. She felt the red flame go across her face. She had come back, she had come back for good. And her spirit groaned dismally. She doubted if she could bear it.
Her heart ached inside her as he climbed into the carriage after her bags. The fire flared up in the darkening sky, coming from the big furnace behind the station. She felt the heat of the red flames against her face. She had returned, she had come back for good. And her spirit felt heavy with despair. She wasn't sure if she could handle it.
There, on the sordid little station under the furnaces, she stood, tall and distinguished, in her well-made coat and skirt and her broad grey velour hat. She held her umbrella, her bead chatelaine, and a little leather case in her grey-gloved hands, while Harry staggered out of the ugly little train with her bags.
There, at the shabby little station under the smelters, she stood, tall and elegant, in her well-tailored coat and skirt and her wide grey velour hat. She held her umbrella, her beaded chatelaine, and a small leather case in her grey-gloved hands, while Harry stumbled out of the unattractive little train with her bags.
“There’s a trunk at the back,” she said in her bright voice. But she was not feeling bright. The twin black cones of the iron foundry blasted their sky-high fires into the night. The whole scene was lurid. The train waited cheerfully. It would wait another ten minutes. She knew it. It was all so deadly familiar.
“There’s a trunk at the back,” she said in her cheerful voice. But she wasn’t feeling cheerful. The twin black smokestacks of the iron foundry shot their fiery flames into the night sky. The whole scene was intense. The train sat patiently. It would stay for another ten minutes. She knew that. It was all so painfully familiar.
Let us confess it at once. She was a lady’s maid, thirty years old, come back to marry her first-love, a foundry worker: after having kept him dangling, off and on, for a dozen years. Why had she come back? Did she love him? No. She didn’t pretend to. She had loved her brilliant and ambitious cousin, who had jilted her, and who had died. She had had other affairs which had come to nothing. So here she was, come back suddenly to marry her first-love, who had waited—or remained single—all these years.
Let’s be honest. She was a thirty-year-old lady’s maid, back to marry her first love, a foundry worker, after keeping him waiting on and off for twelve years. Why had she returned? Did she love him? No, she didn’t even pretend to. She had loved her talented and ambitious cousin, who had dumped her and passed away. She’d had other relationships that didn’t go anywhere. So here she was, suddenly back to marry her first love, who had been waiting—or stayed single—all these years.
“Won’t a porter carry those?” she said, as Harry strode with his workman’s stride down the platform towards the guard’s van.
“Isn't there a porter to carry those?” she said, as Harry walked with his workman’s gait down the platform towards the guard’s van.
“I can manage,” he said.
"I got this," he said.
And with her umbrella, her chatelaine, and her little leather case, she followed him.
And with her umbrella, her keychain, and her small leather bag, she followed him.
The trunk was there.
The trunk was present.
“We’ll get Heather’s greengrocer’s cart to fetch it up,” he said.
"We'll get Heather's grocery cart to pick it up," he said.
“Isn’t there a cab?” said Fanny, knowing dismally enough that there wasn’t.
“Is there no cab?” Fanny asked, feeling bleakly aware that there wasn’t.
“I’ll just put it aside o’ the penny-in-the-slot, and Heather’s greengrocers’ll fetch it about half past eight,” he said.
“I'll just put it aside for the slot machine, and Heather's grocery store will grab it around 8:30,” he said.
He seized the box by its two handles and staggered with it across the level-crossing, bumping his legs against it as he waddled. Then he dropped it by the red sweet-meats machine.
He grabbed the box by its two handles and stumbled across the level-crossing, bumping his legs against it as he waddled. Then he set it down by the red candy machine.
“Will it be safe there?” she said.
“Is it going to be safe there?” she asked.
“Ay—safe as houses,” he answered. He returned for the two bags. Thus laden, they started to plod up the hill, under the great long black building of the foundry. She walked beside him—workman of workmen he was, trudging with that luggage. The red lights flared over the deepening darkness. From the foundry came the horrible, slow clang, clang, clang of iron, a great noise, with an interval just long enough to make it unendurable.
“Yeah—safe as houses,” he replied. He went back for the two bags. With them in hand, they began to trudge up the hill, passing under the huge, long black building of the foundry. She walked beside him—he was a true worker, hauling that luggage. The red lights flickered against the deepening darkness. From the foundry came the dreadful, slow clang, clang, clang of iron, a booming noise, with pauses just long enough to make it unbearable.
Compare this with the arrival at Gloucester: the carriage for her mistress, the dog-cart for herself with the luggage; the drive out past the river, the pleasant trees of the carriage-approach; and herself sitting beside Arthur, everybody so polite to her.
Compare this with the arrival at Gloucester: the carriage for her mistress, the dog cart for herself with the luggage; the drive out past the river, the nice trees lining the entrance; and herself sitting next to Arthur, with everyone being so polite to her.
She had come home—for good! Her heart nearly stopped beating as she trudged up that hideous and interminable hill, beside the laden figure. What a come-down! What a come-down! She could not take it with her usual bright cheerfulness. She knew it all too well. It is easy to bear up against the unusual, but the deadly familiarity of an old stale past!
She had come home—for good! Her heart nearly stopped as she dragged herself up that ugly, endless hill, next to the burdened figure. What a letdown! What a letdown! She couldn't handle it with her usual bright cheerfulness. She knew it all too well. It's easy to cope with the unusual, but the suffocating familiarity of a worn-out past!
He dumped the bags down under a lamp-post, for a rest. There they stood, the two of them, in the lamplight. Passers-by stared at her, and gave good-night to Harry. Her they hardly knew, she had become a stranger.
He dropped the bags under a streetlight to take a break. There they were, the two of them, in the glow of the lamp. People walking by stared at her and said goodnight to Harry. They barely recognized her; she had become a stranger.
“They’re too heavy for you, let me carry one,” she said.
“They're too heavy for you, let me carry one,” she said.
“They begin to weigh a bit by the time you’ve gone a mile,” he answered.
“They start to feel heavy after you’ve walked a mile,” he replied.
“Let me carry the little one,” she insisted.
“Let me carry the baby,” she insisted.
“Tha can ha’e it for a minute, if ter’s a mind,” he said, handing over the valise.
"Here, you can have it for a minute, if you want," he said, handing over the suitcase.
And thus they arrived in the streets of shops of the little ugly town on top of the hill. How everybody stared at her; my word, how they stared! And the cinema was just going in, and the queues were tailing down the road to the corner. And everybody took full stock of her. “Night, Harry!” shouted the fellows, in an interested voice.
And so they reached the shopping streets of the small, unattractive town on the hill. Everyone was staring at her; wow, how they stared! The movie was just starting, and the lines were stretching down the road to the corner. Everyone was taking her in. “Hey, Harry!” the guys shouted, sounding intrigued.
However, they arrived at her aunt’s—a little sweet-shop in a side street. They “pinged” the door-bell, and her aunt came running forward out of the kitchen.
However, they arrived at her aunt’s—a small sweet shop on a side street. They rang the doorbell, and her aunt came running out of the kitchen.
“There you are, child! Dying for a cup of tea, I’m sure. How are you?”
“There you are, kid! I bet you’re craving a cup of tea. How are you?”
Fanny’s aunt kissed her, and it was all Fanny could do to refrain from bursting into tears, she felt so low. Perhaps it was her tea she wanted.
Fanny's aunt kissed her, and it took all of Fanny's strength not to burst into tears; she felt so down. Maybe it was just her tea she was after.
“You’ve had a drag with that luggage,” said Fanny’s aunt to Harry.
“You’ve had a tough time with that luggage,” said Fanny’s aunt to Harry.
“Ay—I’m not sorry to put it down,” he said, looking at his hand which was crushed and cramped by the bag handle.
“Ay—I’m not sorry to put it down,” he said, looking at his hand that was crushed and cramped from the bag handle.
Then he departed to see about Heather’s greengrocery cart.
Then he left to check on Heather’s grocery cart.
When Fanny sat at tea, her aunt, a grey-haired, fair-faced little woman, looked at her with an admiring heart, feeling bitterly sore for her. For Fanny was beautiful: tall, erect, finely coloured, with her delicately arched nose, her rich brown hair, her large lustrous grey eyes. A passionate woman—a woman to be afraid of. So proud, so inwardly violent! She came of a violent race.
When Fanny sat down for tea, her aunt, a small, grey-haired woman with a fair complexion, looked at her with admiration, feeling a deep sense of sorrow for her. Fanny was beautiful: tall and poised, with a lovely complexion, delicately arched nose, rich brown hair, and large, striking grey eyes. She was a passionate woman—someone to be wary of. So proud, so intensely emotional! She came from a fierce lineage.
It needed a woman to sympathise with her. Men had not the courage. Poor Fanny! She was such a lady, and so straight and magnificent. And yet everything seemed to do her down. Every time she seemed to be doomed to humiliation and disappointment, this handsome, brilliantly sensitive woman, with her nervous, overwrought laugh.
It took a woman to truly understand her. Men just didn’t have the guts. Poor Fanny! She was such a refined lady, so poised and impressive. Yet it felt like everything was against her. Every time she looked like she might find happiness, this stunning, incredibly sensitive woman, with her anxious, strained laughter, ended up facing humiliation and disappointment instead.
“So you’ve really come back, child?” said her aunt.
“So you’ve really come back, kid?” said her aunt.
“I really have, Aunt,” said Fanny.
“I really have, Aunt,” Fanny said.
“Poor Harry! I’m not sure, you know, Fanny, that you’re not taking a bit of an advantage of him.”
“Poor Harry! I’m not really sure, you know, Fanny, that you’re not taking a bit of advantage of him.”
“Oh, Aunt, he’s waited so long, he may as well have what he’s waited for.” Fanny laughed grimly.
“Oh, Aunt, he’s waited so long, he might as well get what he’s been waiting for.” Fanny laughed darkly.
“Yes, child, he’s waited so long, that I’m not sure it isn’t a bit hard on him. You know, I like him, Fanny—though as you know quite well, I don’t think he’s good enough for you. And I think he thinks so himself, poor fellow.”
“Yes, kid, he’s waited so long that I’m not sure it’s not a bit tough on him. You know, I like him, Fanny—though, as you know very well, I don’t think he’s good enough for you. And I believe he thinks so himself, poor guy.”
“Don’t you be so sure of that, Aunt. Harry is common, but he’s not humble. He wouldn’t think the Queen was any too good for him, if he’d a mind to her.”
“Don’t be so sure of that, Aunt. Harry is ordinary, but he’s not modest. He wouldn’t think the Queen was too good for him if he set his mind to her.”
“Well—It’s as well if he has a proper opinion of himself.”
“Well—It’s good if he has a healthy self-esteem.”
“It depends what you call proper,” said Fanny. “But he’s got his good points—”
“It depends on what you consider proper,” Fanny said. “But he has his good qualities—”
“Oh, he’s a nice fellow, and I like him, I do like him. Only, as I tell you, he’s not good enough for you.”
“Oh, he’s a great guy, and I like him, I really do. But, as I told you, he’s not good enough for you.”
“I’ve made up my mind, Aunt,” said Fanny, grimly.
“I’ve made up my mind, Aunt,” Fanny said, looking serious.
“Yes,” mused the aunt. “They say all things come to him who waits—”
“Yes,” the aunt thought. “They say all good things come to those who wait—”
“More than he’s bargained for, eh, Aunt?” laughed Fanny rather bitterly.
“More than he expected, right, Aunt?” laughed Fanny somewhat bitterly.
The poor aunt, this bitterness grieved her for her niece.
The poor aunt was really upset about her niece because of this bitterness.
They were interrupted by the ping of the shop-bell, and Harry’s call of “Right!” But as he did not come in at once, Fanny, feeling solicitous for him presumably at the moment, rose and went into the shop. She saw a cart outside, and went to the door.
They were interrupted by the sound of the shop bell and Harry’s shout of “Right!” But since he didn’t come in right away, Fanny, presumably worried about him at that moment, stood up and walked into the shop. She noticed a cart outside and headed for the door.
And the moment she stood in the doorway, she heard a woman’s common vituperative voice crying from the darkness of the opposite side of the road:
And the moment she stood in the doorway, she heard a woman's familiar scolding voice calling out from the darkness across the street:
“Tha’rt theer, ar ter? I’ll shame thee, Mester. I’ll shame thee, see if I dunna.”
“Are you there? I’ll shame you, Master. I’ll shame you, just watch me.”
Startled, Fanny stared across the darkness, and saw a woman in a black bonnet go under one of the lamps up the side street.
Startled, Fanny gazed across the darkness and noticed a woman in a black bonnet walk beneath one of the streetlights up the side street.
Harry and Bill Heather had dragged the trunk off the little dray, and she retreated before them as they came up the shop step with it.
Harry and Bill Heather had pulled the trunk off the small cart, and she stepped back as they approached the shop step with it.
“Wheer shalt ha’e it?” asked Harry.
“Where will you have it?” asked Harry.
“Best take it upstairs,” said Fanny.
“Better take it upstairs,” said Fanny.
She went up first to light the gas.
She went up first to turn on the gas.
When Heather had gone, and Harry was sitting down having tea and pork pie, Fanny asked:
When Heather left, and Harry was sitting down to tea and pork pie, Fanny asked:
“Who was that woman shouting?”
“Who was that lady yelling?”
“Nay, I canna tell thee. To somebody, I’s’d think,” replied Harry. Fanny looked at him, but asked no more.
“Nah, I can’t tell you. To someone, I’d think,” replied Harry. Fanny looked at him but didn’t ask anything else.
He was a fair-haired fellow of thirty-two, with a fair moustache. He was broad in his speech, and looked like a foundry-hand, which he was. But women always liked him. There was something of a mother’s lad about him—something warm and playful and really sensitive.
He was a light-haired guy of thirty-two, sporting a light mustache. He spoke with a heavy accent and looked like a factory worker, which he was. But women always found him appealing. There was something a bit soft about him—something warm, playful, and genuinely sensitive.
He had his attractions even for Fanny. What she rebelled against so bitterly was that he had no sort of ambition. He was a moulder, but of very commonplace skill. He was thirty-two years old, and hadn’t saved twenty pounds. She would have to provide the money for the home. He didn’t care. He just didn’t care. He had no initiative at all. He had no vices—no obvious ones. But he was just indifferent, spending as he went, and not caring. Yet he did not look happy. She remembered his face in the fire-glow: something haunted, abstracted about it. As he sat there eating his pork pie, bulging his cheek out, she felt he was like a doom to her. And she raged against the doom of him. It wasn’t that he was gross. His way was common, almost on purpose. But he himself wasn’t really common. For instance, his food was not particularly important to him, he was not greedy. He had a charm, too, particularly for women, with his blondness and his sensitiveness and his way of making a woman feel that she was a higher being. But Fanny knew him, knew the peculiar obstinate limitedness of him, that would nearly send her mad.
He had his attractions even for Fanny. What she was so upset about was that he had no ambition at all. He was a moulder, but his skills were very ordinary. At thirty-two years old, he hadn’t saved even twenty pounds. She would have to be the one to provide for their home. He didn’t care. He just didn’t care. He had zero initiative. He had no vices—none that were obvious. But he was just indifferent, spending whatever he had without a care. Yet he didn’t seem happy. She remembered his face in the firelight: it looked haunted, lost in thought. As he sat there eating his pork pie, his cheek bulging out, she felt he was like a curse to her. And she was furious about the burden he represented. It wasn’t that he was unpleasant. His behavior was mundane, almost intentionally so. But he himself wasn’t truly common. For example, food didn’t really matter to him; he wasn’t greedy. He had a certain charm, especially with women, due to his blondeness, his sensitivity, and the way he made a woman feel elevated. But Fanny knew him well; she understood his stubborn, limiting nature, which was enough to drive her mad.
He stayed till about half past nine. She went to the door with him.
He stayed until about 9:30. She walked him to the door.
“When are you coming up?” he said, jerking his head in the direction, presumably, of his own home.
“When are you coming over?” he said, nodding his head toward what was likely his own home.
“I’ll come tomorrow afternoon,” she said brightly. Between Fanny and Mrs. Goodall, his mother, there was naturally no love lost.
“I’ll come tomorrow afternoon,” she said cheerfully. There was clearly no love lost between Fanny and Mrs. Goodall, his mother.
Again she gave him an awkward little kiss, and said good-night.
Again, she gave him an awkward little kiss and said goodnight.
“You can’t wonder, you know, child, if he doesn’t seem so very keen,” said her aunt. “It’s your own fault.”
“You can’t be surprised, you know, kid, if he doesn’t seem that interested,” said her aunt. “It’s your own fault.”
“Oh, Aunt, I couldn’t stand him when he was keen. I can do with him a lot better as he is.”
“Oh, Aunt, I couldn’t stand him when he was so eager. I can handle him a lot better now as he is.”
The two women sat and talked far into the night. They understood each other. The aunt, too, had married as Fanny was marrying: a man who was no companion to her, a violent man, brother of Fanny’s father. He was dead, Fanny’s father was dead.
The two women sat and talked late into the night. They really understood each other. The aunt, too, had married like Fanny was marrying: a man who was no partner to her, a violent man, the brother of Fanny’s father. He was dead; Fanny’s father was dead.
Poor Aunt Lizzie, she cried woefully over her bright niece, when she had gone to bed.
Poor Aunt Lizzie, she cried sadly over her bright niece after she had gone to bed.
Fanny paid the promised visit to his people the next afternoon. Mrs. Goodall was a large woman with smooth-parted hair, a common, obstinate woman, who had spoiled her four lads and her one vixen of a married daughter. She was one of those old-fashioned powerful natures that couldn’t do with looks or education or any form of showing off. She fairly hated the sound of correct English. She thee’d and tha’d her prospective daughter-in-law, and said:
Fanny made the visit she promised to his family the next afternoon. Mrs. Goodall was a big woman with neatly parted hair, an ordinary and stubborn person, who had spoiled her four sons and her troublemaking married daughter. She was one of those old-fashioned strong personalities who didn’t care about appearance or education or any form of showing off. She absolutely disliked the sound of proper English. She addressed her future daughter-in-law with "thee" and "tha," and said:
“I’m none as ormin’ as I look, seest ta.”
“I’m not as ordinary as I seem, you see.”
Fanny did not think her prospective mother-in-law looked at all orming, so the speech was unnecessary.
Fanny didn’t think her future mother-in-law looked appealing at all, so the speech was pointless.
“I towd him mysen,” said Mrs. Goodall, “’Er’s held back all this long, let ’er stop as ’er is. ’E’d none ha’ had thee for my tellin’—tha hears. No, ’e’s a fool, an’ I know it. I says to him, ‘Tha looks a man, doesn’t ter, at thy age, goin’ an’ openin’ to her when ter hears her scrat’ at th’ gate, after she’s done gallivantin’ round wherever she’d a mind. That looks rare an’ soft.’ But it’s no use o’ any talking: he answered that letter o’ thine and made his own bad bargain.”
“I told him myself,” said Mrs. Goodall, “She’s held back all this time, let her stay as she is. He wouldn’t have you for my telling—you hear me? No, he’s a fool, and I know it. I said to him, ‘You look like a man, don’t you? At your age, going and opening the door for her when you hear her scratching at the gate, after she’s been off gallivanting wherever she wants. That looks really soft.’ But it’s no use talking: he replied to that letter of yours and made his own bad deal.”
But in spite of the old woman’s anger, she was also flattered at Fanny’s coming back to Harry. For Mrs. Goodall was impressed by Fanny—a woman of her own match. And more than this, everybody knew that Fanny’s Aunt Kate had left her two hundred pounds: this apart from the girl’s savings.
But despite the old woman’s anger, she also felt flattered by Fanny’s return to Harry. Mrs. Goodall was impressed by Fanny—a woman of her own caliber. And more than that, everyone knew that Fanny’s Aunt Kate had left her two hundred pounds, not to mention the girl’s own savings.
So there was high tea in Princes Street when Harry came home black from work, and a rather acrid odour of cordiality, the vixen Jinny darting in to say vulgar things. Of course Jinny lived in a house whose garden end joined the paternal garden. They were a clan who stuck together, these Goodalls.
So there was high tea on Princes Street when Harry came home tired from work, and a rather sharp scent of friendliness, with the teasing Jinny popping in to say inappropriate things. Of course, Jinny lived in a house whose garden shared a border with the family garden. They were a close-knit group, these Goodalls.
It was arranged that Fanny should come to tea again on the Sunday, and the wedding was discussed. It should take place in a fortnight’s time at Morley Chapel. Morley was a hamlet on the edge of the real country, and in its little Congregational Chapel Fanny and Harry had first met.
It was arranged that Fanny would come over for tea again on Sunday, and they talked about the wedding. It was set to happen in two weeks at Morley Chapel. Morley was a small village on the outskirts of the countryside, and it was in its little Congregational Chapel where Fanny and Harry had first met.
What a creature of habit he was! He was still in the choir of Morley Chapel—not very regular. He belonged just because he had a tenor voice, and enjoyed singing. Indeed his solos were only spoilt to local fame because when he sang he handled his aitches so hopelessly.
What a creature of habit he was! He was still part of the Morley Chapel choir—not very consistently, though. He was there just because he had a tenor voice and enjoyed singing. In fact, his solos only gained local fame because he mangled his "h" sounds so badly when he sang.
“And I saw ’eaven hopened
And be’old, a wite ’orse——”
“And I saw heaven opened
And behold, a white horse——”
This was one of Harry’s classics, only surpassed by the fine outburst of his heaving:
This was one of Harry’s classics, only topped by the impressive outburst of his heaving:
“Hangels—hever bright an’ fair——”
“Angels—ever bright and fair——”
It was a pity, but it was inalterable. He had a good voice, and he sang with a certain lacerating fire, but his pronunciation made it all funny. And nothing could alter him.
It was a shame, but it couldn't be changed. He had a nice voice, and he sang with a certain intense passion, but his pronunciation made it all sound funny. And nothing could change him.
So he was never heard save at cheap concerts and in the little, poorer chapels. The others scoffed.
So he was only ever heard at low-cost concerts and in the small, working-class chapels. The others mocked him.
Now the month was September, and Sunday was Harvest Festival at Morley Chapel, and Harry was singing solos. So that Fanny was to go to afternoon service, and come home to a grand spread of Sunday tea with him. Poor Fanny! One of the most wonderful afternoons had been a Sunday afternoon service, with her cousin Luther at her side, Harvest Festival in Morley Chapel. Harry had sung solos then—ten years ago. She remembered his pale blue tie, and the purple asters and the great vegetable marrows in which he was framed, and her cousin Luther at her side, young, clever, come down from London, where he was getting on well, learning his Latin and his French and German so brilliantly.
Now it was September, and Sunday was Harvest Festival at Morley Chapel, where Harry was singing solos. Fanny was set to go to the afternoon service and then come home to a big Sunday tea spread with him. Poor Fanny! One of her most memorable afternoons had been a Sunday service, with her cousin Luther beside her, during the Harvest Festival at Morley Chapel. Harry had sung solos back then—ten years ago. She recalled his pale blue tie, the purple asters, and the huge vegetable marrows framing him, along with her cousin Luther, young and smart, who had come down from London, where he was doing well, studying Latin, French, and German with impressive skill.
However, once again it was Harvest Festival at Morley Chapel, and once again, as ten years before, a soft, exquisite September day, with the last roses pink in the cottage gardens, the last dahlias crimson, the last sunflowers yellow. And again the little old chapel was a bower, with its famous sheaves of corn and corn-plaited pillars, its great bunches of grapes, dangling like tassels from the pulpit corners, its marrows and potatoes and pears and apples and damsons, its purple asters and yellow Japanese sunflowers. Just as before, the red dahlias round the pillars were dropping, weak-headed among the oats. The place was crowded and hot, the plates of tomatoes seemed balanced perilously on the gallery front, the Rev. Enderby was weirder than ever to look at, so long and emaciated and hairless.
However, once again it was Harvest Festival at Morley Chapel, and once again, just like ten years ago, it was a soft, beautiful September day, with the last pink roses in the cottage gardens, the last crimson dahlias, and the last yellow sunflowers. The little old chapel looked lovely, adorned with its famous sheaves of corn and corn-plaited pillars, its big bunches of grapes hanging like tassels from the pulpit corners, along with marrows, potatoes, pears, apples, and damsons, as well as purple asters and yellow Japanese sunflowers. Just like before, the red dahlias around the pillars were drooping, weak among the oats. The place was packed and warm, the plates of tomatoes seemed to be teetering on the edge of the gallery, and the Rev. Enderby looked even stranger than usual, so tall and thin and bald.
The Rev. Enderby, probably forewarned, came and shook hands with her and welcomed her, in his broad northern, melancholy singsong before he mounted the pulpit. Fanny was handsome in a gauzy dress and a beautiful lace hat. Being a little late, she sat in a chair in the side-aisle wedged in, right in front of the chapel. Harry was in the gallery above, and she could only see him from the eyes upwards. She noticed again how his eyebrows met, blond and not very marked, over his nose. He was attractive too: physically lovable, very. If only—if only her pride had not suffered! She felt he dragged her down.
The Rev. Enderby, probably expecting her, came over, shook her hand, and welcomed her in his deep northern, somewhat sad sing-song voice before heading up to the pulpit. Fanny looked beautiful in a lightweight dress and a lovely lace hat. Since she arrived a bit late, she took a seat in a chair in the side aisle, squeezed in right in front of the chapel. Harry was in the gallery above, and she could only see him from the eyes up. She noticed again how his eyebrows connected, blond and not very pronounced, above his nose. He was good-looking too: very physically appealing. If only—if only her pride hadn’t been hurt! She felt like he was holding her back.
“Come, ye thankful people come,
Raise the song of harvest-home.
All is safely gathered in
Ere the winter storms begin——”
“Come, you thankful people, come,
Raise the song of harvest home.
Everything is safely gathered in
Before the winter storms begin——”
Even the hymn was a falsehood, as the season had been wet, and half the crops were still out, and in a poor way.
Even the hymn was a lie, since the season had been rainy, and half the crops were still unharvested and in bad shape.
Poor Fanny! She sang little, and looked beautiful through that inappropriate hymn. Above her stood Harry—mercifully in a dark suit and dark tie, looking almost handsome. And his lacerating, pure tenor sounded well, when the words were drowned in the general commotion. Brilliant she looked, and brilliant she felt, for she was hot and angrily miserable and inflamed with a sort of fatal despair. Because there was about him a physical attraction which she really hated, but which she could not escape from. He was the first man who had ever kissed her. And his kisses, even while she rebelled from them, had lived in her blood and sent roots down into her soul. After all this time she had come back to them. And her soul groaned, for she felt dragged down, dragged down to earth, as a bird which some dog has got down in the dust. She knew her life would be unhappy. She knew that what she was doing was fatal. Yet it was her doom. She had to come back to him.
Poor Fanny! She sang little and looked beautiful during that inappropriate hymn. Above her stood Harry—thankfully in a dark suit and dark tie, looking almost handsome. His piercing, pure tenor sounded good, even as the words got lost in the general noise. She looked stunning and felt that way too, though she was hot and angrily miserable, consumed by a kind of hopeless despair. There was something about him that attracted her physically, something she truly hated but couldn’t escape. He was the first man who had ever kissed her. And his kisses, even as she resisted, had stayed with her and taken root in her soul. After all this time, she had returned to them. And her soul ached, feeling dragged down to earth, like a bird caught in the dust by a dog. She knew her life would be unhappy. She knew that what she was doing was doomed. Yet it was her fate. She had to come back to him.
He had to sing two solos this afternoon: one before the “address” from the pulpit and one after. Fanny looked at him, and wondered he was not too shy to stand up there in front of all the people. But no, he was not shy. He had even a kind of assurance on his face as he looked down from the choir gallery at her: the assurance of a common man deliberately entrenched in his commonness. Oh, such a rage went through her veins as she saw the air of triumph, laconic, indifferent triumph which sat so obstinately and recklessly on his eyelids as he looked down at her. Ah, she despised him! But there he stood up in that choir gallery like Balaam’s ass in front of her, and she could not get beyond him. A certain winsomeness also about him. A certain physical winsomeness, and as if his flesh were new and lovely to touch. The thorn of desire rankled bitterly in her heart.
He had to sing two solos this afternoon: one before the “address” from the pulpit and one after. Fanny looked at him and wondered how he wasn’t too shy to stand up there in front of all those people. But no, he wasn’t shy. He had a kind of confidence on his face as he looked down from the choir balcony at her: the confidence of an ordinary guy who was comfortable with his ordinariness. Oh, such anger surged through her as she saw the air of triumph, a cool, indifferent triumph that sat so stubbornly and recklessly on his eyelids as he looked down at her. Ah, she despised him! But there he stood up in that choir balcony like Balaam’s donkey in front of her, and she couldn’t get past him. There was also a certain charm about him. A certain physical charm, as if his skin were new and inviting to touch. The sting of desire hurt bitterly in her heart.
He, it goes without saying, sang like a canary this particular afternoon, with a certain defiant passion which pleasantly crisped the blood of the congregation. Fanny felt the crisp flames go through her veins as she listened. Even the curious loud-mouthed vernacular had a certain fascination. But, oh, also, it was so repugnant. He would triumph over her, obstinately he would drag her right back into the common people: a doom, a vulgar doom.
He, of course, sang like a canary that afternoon, with a certain defiant passion that energized the crowd. Fanny felt the intensity surge through her veins as she listened. Even the curious, loud-mouthed slang had a certain allure. But, oh, it was also so off-putting. He would triumph over her; stubbornly, he would pull her back into the ordinary crowd: a curse, a crass curse.
The second performance was an anthem, in which Harry sang the solo parts. It was clumsy, but beautiful, with lovely words.
The second performance was an anthem, in which Harry sang the solo parts. It was a bit awkward but beautiful, with lovely lyrics.
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy,
He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with
him—”
“Those who sow in tears will reap in joy,
Whoever goes out weeping, carrying precious seed
Will surely return with joy, bringing their harvest with them—”
“Shall doubtless come, Shall doubtless come—” softly intoned the altos—“Bringing his she-e-eaves with him,” the trebles flourished brightly, and then again began the half-wistful solo:
“Will definitely come, will definitely come—” softly intoned the altos—“Bringing his she-e-eaves with him,” the trebles flourished brightly, and then once again began the half-wistful solo:
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy—”
“They who plant in tears will harvest in joy—”
Yes, it was effective and moving.
Yes, it was powerful and touching.
But at the moment when Harry’s voice sank carelessly down to his close, and the choir, standing behind him, were opening their mouths for the final triumphant outburst, a shouting female voice rose up from the body of the congregation. The organ gave one startled trump, and went silent; the choir stood transfixed.
But just as Harry's voice dropped carelessly to his close, and the choir, standing behind him, was about to unleash their final triumphant note, a loud female voice erupted from the audience. The organ blared out a surprised note and fell silent; the choir was frozen in place.
“You look well standing there, singing in God’s holy house,” came the loud, angry female shout. Everybody turned electrified. A stoutish, red-faced woman in a black bonnet was standing up denouncing the soloist. Almost fainting with shock, the congregation realised it. “You look well, don’t you, standing there singing solos in God’s holy house, you, Goodall. But I said I’d shame you. You look well, bringing your young woman here with you, don’t you? I’ll let her know who she’s dealing with. A scamp as won’t take the consequences of what he’s done.” The hard-faced, frenzied woman turned in the direction of Fanny. “That’s what Harry Goodall is, if you want to know.”
“You look good up there, singing in God’s holy house,” came the loud, angry shout from a woman. Everyone turned in shock. A stout, red-faced woman in a black bonnet stood up, condemning the soloist. Almost fainting from the surprise, the congregation realized what was happening. “You look good, don’t you, up there singing solos in God’s holy house, you, Goodall. But I said I’d shame you. You look good bringing your young woman here with you, don’t you? I’ll make sure she knows who she’s dealing with. A scoundrel who won’t face the consequences of what he’s done.” The hard-faced, frantic woman turned towards Fanny. “That’s what Harry Goodall is, if you want to know.”
And she sat down again in her seat. Fanny, startled like all the rest, had turned to look. She had gone white, and then a burning red, under the attack. She knew the woman: a Mrs. Nixon, a devil of a woman, who beat her pathetic, drunken, red-nosed second husband, Bob, and her two lanky daughters, grown-up as they were. A notorious character. Fanny turned round again, and sat motionless as eternity in her seat.
And she sat back down in her seat. Fanny, just as startled as everyone else, had turned to look. She went pale and then flushed bright red from the shock. She recognized the woman: Mrs. Nixon, a notorious piece of work, who mistreated her pathetic, drunken, red-nosed second husband, Bob, and her two tall daughters, despite them being adults. Fanny turned back around and sat perfectly still in her seat, as if time had frozen.
There was a minute of perfect silence and suspense. The audience was open-mouthed and dumb; the choir stood like Lot’s wife; and Harry, with his music-sheet, stood there uplifted, looking down with a dumb sort of indifference on Mrs. Nixon, his face naïve and faintly mocking. Mrs. Nixon sat defiant in her seat, braving them all.
There was a moment of complete silence and tension. The audience was wide-eyed and speechless; the choir stood frozen like Lot's wife; and Harry, with his music sheet, stood there elevated, looking down with a blank kind of indifference at Mrs. Nixon, his expression innocent yet slightly mocking. Mrs. Nixon sat confidently in her seat, challenging them all.
Then a rustle, like a wood when the wind suddenly catches the leaves. And then the tall, weird minister got to his feet, and in his strong, bell-like, beautiful voice—the only beautiful thing about him—he said with infinite mournful pathos:
Then there was a rustling, like trees when the wind suddenly stirs the leaves. Then the tall, strange minister rose to his feet, and in his strong, bell-like, beautiful voice—the only beautiful thing about him—he said with deep, mournful emotion:
“Let us unite in singing the last hymn on the hymn-sheet; the last hymn on the hymn-sheet, number eleven.
“Let’s come together and sing the last hymn on the hymn sheet; the last hymn on the hymn sheet, number eleven.”
‘Fair waved the golden corn,
In Canaan’s pleasant land.’”
‘The golden corn swayed beautifully,
In Canaan’s lovely land.’”
The organ tuned up promptly. During the hymn the offertory was taken. And after the hymn, the prayer.
The organ got ready quickly. During the hymn, the collection was taken. And after the hymn, there was a prayer.
Mr. Enderby came from Northumberland. Like Harry, he had never been able to conquer his accent, which was very broad. He was a little simple, one of God’s fools, perhaps, an odd bachelor soul, emotional, ugly, but very gentle.
Mr. Enderby came from Northumberland. Like Harry, he had never managed to get rid of his thick accent. He was somewhat simple, maybe one of God’s fools, an unusual bachelor, sensitive, unattractive, but very kind.
“And if, O our dear Lord, beloved Jesus, there should fall a shadow of sin upon our harvest, we leave it to Thee to judge, for Thou art judge. We lift our spirits and our sorrow, Jesus, to Thee, and our mouths are dumb. O, Lord, keep us from forward speech, restrain us from foolish words and thoughts, we pray Thee, Lord Jesus, who knowest all and judgest all.”
“And if, our dear Lord, beloved Jesus, any shadow of sin should fall on our harvest, we leave it to You to judge, for You are the judge. We lift our spirits and our sorrow to You, Jesus, and our mouths are silent. O, Lord, keep us from speaking too freely, and hold us back from foolish words and thoughts, we pray to You, Lord Jesus, who knows everything and judges all.”
Thus the minister said in his sad, resonant voice, washed his hands before the Lord. Fanny bent forward open-eyed during the prayer. She could see the roundish head of Harry, also bent forward. His face was inscrutable and expressionless. The shock left her bewildered. Anger perhaps was her dominating emotion.
Thus the minister said in his sad, echoing voice, washed his hands before the Lord. Fanny leaned forward, wide-eyed during the prayer. She could see Harry's roundish head, also leaning forward. His face was unreadable and emotionless. The shock left her confused. Anger was perhaps her primary feeling.
The audience began to rustle to its feet, to ooze slowly and excitedly out of the chapel, looking with wildly-interested eyes at Fanny, at Mrs. Nixon, and at Harry. Mrs. Nixon, shortish, stood defiant in her pew, facing the aisle, as if announcing that, without rolling her sleeves up, she was ready for anybody. Fanny sat quite still. Luckily the people did not have to pass her. And Harry, with red ears, was making his way sheepishly out of the gallery. The loud noise of the organ covered all the downstairs commotion of exit.
The crowd started to shuffle to their feet, slowly and excitedly spilling out of the chapel, casting curious glances at Fanny, Mrs. Nixon, and Harry. Mrs. Nixon, who was a bit shorter, stood confidently in her pew, facing the aisle, as if to say she was ready for anything without needing to roll up her sleeves. Fanny remained completely still. Fortunately, people didn’t have to walk past her. Meanwhile, Harry, his ears red, was awkwardly making his way down from the gallery. The loud music from the organ drowned out all the noise of people leaving downstairs.
The minister sat silent and inscrutable in his pulpit, rather like a death’s-head, while the congregation filed out. When the last lingerers had unwillingly departed, craning their necks to stare at the still seated Fanny, he rose, stalked in his hooked fashion down the little country chapel and fastened the door. Then he returned and sat down by the silent young woman.
The minister sat quietly and unfathomable in his pulpit, resembling a skull, while the congregation left. When the last stragglers had reluctantly gone, stretching their necks to look back at the still-seated Fanny, he got up, walked in his crooked way down the small country chapel, and locked the door. Then he returned and sat down beside the quiet young woman.
“This is most unfortunate, most unfortunate!” he moaned. “I am so sorry, I am so sorry, indeed, indeed, ah, indeed!” he sighed himself to a close.
“This is really unfortunate, really unfortunate!” he complained. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, truly, truly, ah, truly!” he sighed as he finished.
“It’s a sudden surprise, that’s one thing,” said Fanny brightly.
“It’s a sudden surprise, that’s for sure,” Fanny said cheerfully.
“Yes—yes—indeed. Yes, a surprise, yes. I don’t know the woman, I don’t know her.”
“Yes—yes—definitely. Yes, a surprise, yes. I don’t know the woman, I don’t know her.”
“I know her,” said Fanny. “She’s a bad one.”
“I know her,” Fanny said. “She’s trouble.”
“Well! Well!” said the minister. “I don’t know her. I don’t understand. I don’t understand at all. But it is to be regretted, it is very much to be regretted. I am very sorry.”
“Well! Well!” said the minister. “I don’t know her. I don’t get it. I don’t get it at all. But it's a shame, it’s really a shame. I’m very sorry.”
Fanny was watching the vestry door. The gallery stairs communicated with the vestry, not with the body of the chapel. She knew the choir members had been peeping for information.
Fanny was watching the vestry door. The gallery stairs connected to the vestry, not to the main part of the chapel. She knew the choir members had been sneaking glances for information.
At last Harry came—rather sheepishly—with his hat in his hand.
At last, Harry arrived—looking a bit embarrassed—with his hat in his hand.
“Well!” said Fanny, rising to her feet.
“Well!” Fanny said, getting to her feet.
“We’ve had a bit of an extra,” said Harry.
“We’ve had a bit of extra,” said Harry.
“I should think so,” said Fanny.
"I think so," Fanny said.
“A most unfortunate circumstance—a most unfortunate circumstance. Do you understand it, Harry? I don’t understand it at all.”
“A really unfortunate situation—a really unfortunate situation. Do you get it, Harry? I don’t get it at all.”
“Ah, I understand it. The daughter’s goin’ to have a childt, an’ ’er lays it on to me.”
“Ah, I get it. The daughter’s going to have a kid, and she’s putting it all on me.”
“And has she no occasion to?” asked Fanny, rather censorious.
“And does she have no reason to?” asked Fanny, a bit critical.
“It’s no more mine than it is some other chap’s,” said Harry, looking aside.
“It’s not mine any more than it is some other guy’s,” said Harry, looking away.
There was a moment of pause.
There was a moment of pause.
“Which girl is it?” asked Fanny.
“Which girl is it?” Fanny asked.
“Annie—the young one—”
“Annie—the youngest—”
There followed another silence.
There was another silence.
“I don’t think I know them, do I?” asked the minister.
“I don’t think I know them, do I?” asked the minister.
“I shouldn’t think so. Their name’s Nixon—mother married old Bob for her second husband. She’s a tanger—’s driven the gel to what she is. They live in Manners Road.”
“I don’t think so. Their last name is Nixon—mom married old Bob for her second husband. She’s a mess—she’s pushed the girl to become who she is. They live on Manners Road.”
“Why, what’s amiss with the girl?” asked Fanny sharply. “She was all right when I knew her.”
“Why, what’s wrong with the girl?” Fanny asked sharply. “She was fine when I knew her.”
“Ay—she’s all right. But she’s always in an’ out o’ th’ pubs, wi’ th’ fellows,” said Harry.
“Yeah—she's fine. But she's always going in and out of the bars with the guys,” said Harry.
“A nice thing!” said Fanny.
“A great thing!” said Fanny.
Harry glanced towards the door. He wanted to get out.
Harry looked at the door. He wanted to leave.
“Most distressing, indeed!” The minister slowly shook his head.
“That's truly upsetting!” The minister slowly shook his head.
“What about tonight, Mr. Enderby?” asked Harry, in rather a small voice. “Shall you want me?”
“What about tonight, Mr. Enderby?” Harry asked in a soft voice. “Do you need me?”
Mr. Enderby looked up painedly, and put his hand to his brow. He studied Harry for some time, vacantly. There was the faintest sort of a resemblance between the two men.
Mr. Enderby looked up with a pained expression and rubbed his forehead. He stared at Harry for a while, blankly. There was a slight resemblance between the two men.
“Yes,” he said. “Yes, I think. I think we must take no notice, and cause as little remark as possible.”
“Yes,” he said. “Yes, I think so. I think we should not draw any attention and make as little fuss as possible.”
Fanny hesitated. Then she said to Harry.
Fanny hesitated. Then she said to Harry.
“But will you come?”
“But will you come?”
He looked at her.
He glanced at her.
“Ay, I s’ll come,” he said.
“Yeah, I'll come,” he said.
Then he turned to Mr. Enderby.
Then he turned to Mr. Enderby.
“Well, good-afternoon, Mr. Enderby,” he said.
“Well, good afternoon, Mr. Enderby,” he said.
“Good-afternoon, Harry, good-afternoon,” replied the mournful minister. Fanny followed Harry to the door, and for some time they walked in silence through the late afternoon.
“Good afternoon, Harry, good afternoon,” replied the sad minister. Fanny followed Harry to the door, and for a while, they walked in silence through the late afternoon.
“And it’s yours as much as anybody else’s?” she said.
“And it's yours just like it is for anyone else?” she said.
“Ay,” he answered shortly.
“Yeah,” he replied briefly.
And they went without another word, for the long mile or so, till they came to the corner of the street where Harry lived. Fanny hesitated. Should she go on to her aunt’s? Should she? It would mean leaving all this, for ever. Harry stood silent.
And they walked in silence for about a mile until they reached the corner of the street where Harry lived. Fanny paused. Should she continue on to her aunt’s? Should she? It would mean leaving all of this behind, for good. Harry remained quiet.
Some obstinacy made her turn with him along the road to his own home. When they entered the house-place, the whole family was there, mother and father and Jinny, with Jinny’s husband and children and Harry’s two brothers.
Some stubbornness made her walk with him down the road to his house. When they got inside, the whole family was there: mother, father, Jinny, Jinny’s husband and kids, and Harry’s two brothers.
“You’ve been having yours ears warmed, they tell me,” said Mrs. Goodall grimly.
“You’ve been getting an earful, they tell me,” Mrs. Goodall said grimly.
“Who telled thee?” asked Harry shortly.
“Who told you?” asked Harry shortly.
“Maggie and Luke’s both been in.”
“Maggie and Luke have both been in.”
“You look well, don’t you!” said interfering Jinny.
“You look great, don’t you!” said nosy Jinny.
Harry went and hung his hat up, without replying.
Harry went and hung up his hat without saying anything.
“Come upstairs and take your hat off,” said Mrs. Goodall to Fanny, almost kindly. It would have annoyed her very much if Fanny had dropped her son at this moment.
“Come upstairs and take your hat off,” Mrs. Goodall said to Fanny, almost kindly. It would have really annoyed her if Fanny had dropped her son at that moment.
“What’s ’er say, then?” asked the father secretly of Harry, jerking his head in the direction of the stairs whence Fanny had disappeared.
“What did she say?” the father quietly asked Harry, nodding his head toward the stairs where Fanny had gone.
“Nowt yet,” said Harry.
“Nothing yet,” said Harry.
“Serve you right if she chucks you now,” said Jinny. “I’ll bet it’s right about Annie Nixon an’ you.”
“Serves you right if she dumps you now,” said Jinny. “I’ll bet it’s about Annie Nixon and you.”
“Tha bets so much,” said Harry.
"That's a lot," said Harry.
“Yi—but you can’t deny it,” said Jinny.
“Yeah—but you can’t deny it,” Jinny said.
“I can if I’ve a mind.”
“I can if I want to.”
His father looked at him inquiringly.
His father looked at him with curiosity.
“It’s no more mine than it is Bill Bower’s, or Ted Slaney’s, or six or seven on ’em,” said Harry to his father.
“It’s not mine any more than it is Bill Bower’s, or Ted Slaney’s, or six or seven others,” Harry said to his father.
And the father nodded silently.
And the dad nodded silently.
“That’ll not get you out of it, in court,” said Jinny.
"That won't help you in court," said Jinny.
Upstairs Fanny evaded all the thrusts made by his mother, and did not declare her hand. She tidied her hair, washed her hands, and put the tiniest bit of powder on her face, for coolness, there in front of Mrs. Goodall’s indignant gaze. It was like a declaration of independence. But the old woman said nothing.
Upstairs, Fanny dodged all of her mother's attempts and didn’t reveal her hand. She fixed her hair, washed her hands, and applied a little powder to her face to feel fresh, all while under Mrs. Goodall’s disapproving stare. It felt like a statement of freedom. But the older woman said nothing.
They came down to Sunday tea, with sardines and tinned salmon and tinned peaches, besides tarts and cakes. The chatter was general. It concerned the Nixon family and the scandal.
They came down for Sunday tea, with sardines, canned salmon, and canned peaches, along with tarts and cakes. The conversation was lively. It was about the Nixon family and the scandal.
“Oh, she’s a foul-mouthed woman,” said Jinny of Mrs. Nixon. “She may well talk about God’s holy house, she had. It’s first time she’s set foot in it, ever since she dropped off from being converted. She’s a devil and she always was one. Can’t you remember how she treated Bob’s children, mother, when we lived down in the Buildings? I can remember when I was a little girl she used to bathe them in the yard, in the cold, so that they shouldn’t splash the house. She’d half kill them if they made a mark on the floor, and the language she’d use! And one Saturday I can remember Garry, that was Bob’s own girl, she ran off when her stepmother was going to bathe her—ran off without a rag of clothes on—can you remember, mother? And she hid in Smedley’s closes—it was the time of mowing-grass—and nobody could find her. She hid out there all night, didn’t she, mother? Nobody could find her. My word, there was a talk. They found her on Sunday morning—”
“Oh, she's a foul-mouthed woman,” Jinny said about Mrs. Nixon. “She can talk about God's holy house, but this is the first time she's been in it since she gave up being converted. She's a devil, and she always was one. Can you remember how she treated Bob's kids, Mom, when we lived down in the Buildings? I remember when I was a little girl, she used to bathe them in the yard, in the cold, so they wouldn't splash in the house. She'd nearly kill them if they marked the floor, and the language she'd use! And I remember one Saturday, Garry, Bob's own daughter, ran off when her stepmother was going to give her a bath—ran off without a stitch of clothes on—do you remember, Mom? She hid in Smedley's closes—it was during haymaking—and nobody could find her. She stayed out there all night, didn't she, Mom? No one could find her. Wow, there was quite a stir. They found her on Sunday morning—”
“Fred Coutts threatened to break every bone in the woman’s body, if she touched the children again,” put in the father.
“Fred Coutts threatened to break every bone in the woman’s body if she touched the kids again,” said the father.
“Anyhow, they frightened her,” said Jinny. “But she was nearly as bad with her own two. And anybody can see that she’s driven old Bob till he’s gone soft.”
“Anyway, they scared her,” said Jinny. “But she was almost as tough on her own two. And anyone can see that she’s worn old Bob down until he’s gone soft.”
“Ah, soft as mush,” said Jack Goodall. “’E’d never addle a week’s wage, nor yet a day’s if th’ chaps didn’t make it up to him.”
“Ah, soft as mush,” said Jack Goodall. “He’d never save a week’s wage, nor even a day’s if the guys didn’t cover for him.”
“My word, if he didn’t bring her a week’s wage, she’d pull his head off,” said Jinny.
“My gosh, if he didn’t bring her a week’s pay, she’d rip his head off,” said Jinny.
“But a clean woman, and respectable, except for her foul mouth,” said Mrs. Goodall. “Keeps to herself like a bull-dog. Never lets anybody come near the house, and neighbours with nobody.”
“But a clean woman, and respectable, except for her foul mouth,” said Mrs. Goodall. “Keeps to herself like a bulldog. Never lets anybody near the house, and neighbors with no one.”
“Wanted it thrashed out of her,” said Mr. Goodall, a silent, evasive sort of man.
“Wanted it beaten out of her,” said Mr. Goodall, a quiet, elusive kind of guy.
“Where Bob gets the money for his drink from is a mystery,” said Jinny.
“Where Bob gets the money for his drink is a mystery,” said Jinny.
“Chaps treats him,” said Harry.
“Guys treat him,” said Harry.
“Well, he’s got the pair of frightenedest rabbit-eyes you’d wish to see,” said Jinny.
“Well, he’s got the most terrified rabbit eyes you’d ever want to see,” said Jinny.
“Ay, with a drunken man’s murder in them, I think,” said Mrs. Goodall.
“Ay, with a drunk man's murder in them, I think,” said Mrs. Goodall.
So the talk went on after tea, till it was practically time to start off to chapel again.
So the conversation continued after tea until it was almost time to head back to chapel.
“You’ll have to be getting ready, Fanny,” said Mrs. Goodall.
“You need to get ready, Fanny,” said Mrs. Goodall.
“I’m not going tonight,” said Fanny abruptly. And there was a sudden halt in the family. “I’ll stop with you tonight, Mother,” she added.
“I’m not going tonight,” Fanny said suddenly. The family fell quiet. “I’ll stay with you tonight, Mom,” she added.
“Best you had, my gel,” said Mrs. Goodall, flattered and assured.
“Best you had, my dear,” Mrs. Goodall said, feeling flattered and confident.
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