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THE BEAUTIFUL
AND DAMNED
BY F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
1922
BY F. SCOTT FITZGERALD
1922
Novels
Books
THE LAST TYCOON (Unfinished) With a foreword by Edmund Wilson and notes by the author
THE LAST TYCOON (Unfinished) With a foreword by Edmund Wilson and notes by the author
TENDER IS THE NIGHT
Tender is the Night
THE GREAT GATSBY
THE GREAT GATSBY
THE BEAUTIFUL AND DAMNED
The Beautiful and Damned
THIS SIDE OF PARADISE
This Side of Paradise
Stories
Stories
THE PAT HOBBY STORIES With an introduction by Arnold Gingrich
THE PAT HOBBY STORIES With an introduction by Arnold Gingrich
TAPS AT REVEILLE
Taps at Reveille
SIX TALES OF THE JAZZ AGE AND OTHER STORIES With an introduction by Frances Fitzgerald Lanahan
SIX TALES OF THE JAZZ AGE AND OTHER STORIES With an introduction by Frances Fitzgerald Lanahan
FLAPPERS AND PHILOSOPHERS With an introduction by Arthur Mizener
FLAPPERS AND PHILOSOPHERS With an introduction by Arthur Mizener
THE STORIES OF F. SCOTT FITZGERALD A selection of 28 stories, with an introduction by Malcolm Cowley
THE STORIES OF F. SCOTT FITZGERALD A selection of 28 stories, with an introduction by Malcolm Cowley
Stories and Essays
Stories & Essays
AFTERNOON OF AN AUTHOR With an introduction and notes by Arthur Mizener
AFTERNOON OF AN AUTHOR With an introduction and notes by Arthur Mizener
THE FITZGERALD READER: A Selection Edited and with an introduction by Arthur Mizener
THE FITZGERALD READER: A Selection Edited and with an introduction by Arthur Mizener
TO
SHANE LESLIE, GEORGE JEAN NATHAN
AND MAXWELL PERKINS
IN APPRECIATION OF MUCH LITERARY HELP
AND ENCOURAGEMENT
TO
SHANE LESLIE, GEORGE JEAN NATHAN
AND MAXWELL PERKINS
IN APPRECIATION OF MUCH LITERARY HELP
AND ENCOURAGEMENT
CONTENTS
BOOK ONE | |
I. | ANTHONY PATCH |
II. | PORTRAIT OF A SIREN |
III. | THE CONNOISSEUR OF KISSES |
BOOK TWO | |
I. | THE RADIANT HOUR |
II. | SYMPOSIUM |
III. | THE BROKEN LUTE |
BOOK THREE | |
I. | A MATTER OF CIVILIZATION |
II. | A MATTER OF AESTHETICS |
III. | NO MATTER! |
BOOK ONE
CHAPTER I
ANTHONY PATCH
In 1913, when Anthony Patch was twenty-five, two years were already gone since irony, the Holy Ghost of this later day, had, theoretically at least, descended upon him. Irony was the final polish of the shoe, the ultimate dab of the clothes-brush, a sort of intellectual "There!"—yet at the brink of this story he has as yet gone no further than the conscious stage. As you first see him he wonders frequently whether he is not without honor and slightly mad, a shameful and obscene thinness glistening on the surface of the world like oil on a clean pond, these occasions being varied, of course, with those in which he thinks himself rather an exceptional young man, thoroughly sophisticated, well adjusted to his environment, and somewhat more significant than any one else he knows.
In 1913, when Anthony Patch was twenty-five, two years had already passed since irony, the guiding spirit of his time, had, at least in theory, come upon him. Irony was like the final touch on a shoe, the last swipe of a clothes brush, a kind of intellectual “There!”—yet at the start of this story, he has only reached a conscious awareness of this. As you first meet him, he often wonders if he is lacking honor and a bit crazy, a shameful and grotesque thinness shimmering on the surface of the world like oil on a clear pond. These moments are, of course, mixed with times when he thinks of himself as quite an exceptional young man, fully sophisticated, well-adjusted to his surroundings, and somewhat more significant than anyone else he knows.
This was his healthy state and it made him cheerful, pleasant, and very attractive to intelligent men and to all women. In this state he considered that he would one day accomplish some quiet subtle thing that the elect would deem worthy and, passing on, would join the dimmer stars in a nebulous, indeterminate heaven half-way between death and immortality. Until the time came for this effort he would be Anthony Patch—not a portrait of a man but a distinct and dynamic personality, opinionated, contemptuous, functioning from within outward—a man who was aware that there could be no honor and yet had honor, who knew the sophistry of courage and yet was brave.
This was his healthy state, and it made him cheerful, pleasant, and very appealing to smart men and all women. In this state, he believed that one day he would achieve some quiet, subtle thing that the chosen few would find worthy and, afterward, would transition to the dimmer stars in a hazy, uncertain heaven somewhere between death and immortality. Until that time for this effort arrived, he would be Anthony Patch—not just a depiction of a man but a unique and dynamic personality, opinionated, disdainful, operating from the inside out—a man who understood that there could be no honor yet possessed honor, who recognized the trickery of bravery yet was courageous.
A WORTHY MAN AND HIS GIFTED SON
Anthony drew as much consciousness of social security from being the grandson of Adam J. Patch as he would have had from tracing his line over the sea to the crusaders. This is inevitable; Virginians and Bostonians to the contrary notwithstanding, an aristocracy founded sheerly on money postulates wealth in the particular.
Anthony drew as much awareness of social status from being the grandson of Adam J. Patch as he would have from tracing his lineage back to the crusaders. This is inevitable; regardless of what Virginians and Bostonians might argue, an aristocracy based solely on wealth implies specific riches.
Now Adam J. Patch, more familiarly known as "Cross Patch," left his father's farm in Tarrytown early in sixty-one to join a New York cavalry regiment. He came home from the war a major, charged into Wall Street, and amid much fuss, fume, applause, and ill will he gathered to himself some seventy-five million dollars.
Now Adam J. Patch, better known as "Cross Patch," left his father's farm in Tarrytown early in 1861 to join a New York cavalry regiment. He returned from the war as a major, charged into Wall Street, and amidst a lot of excitement, controversy, applause, and resentment, he amassed about seventy-five million dollars.
This occupied his energies until he was fifty-seven years old. It was then that he determined, after a severe attack of sclerosis, to consecrate the remainder of his life to the moral regeneration of the world. He became a reformer among reformers. Emulating the magnificent efforts of Anthony Comstock, after whom his grandson was named, he levelled a varied assortment of uppercuts and body-blows at liquor, literature, vice, art, patent medicines, and Sunday theatres. His mind, under the influence of that insidious mildew which eventually forms on all but the few, gave itself up furiously to every indignation of the age. From an armchair in the office of his Tarrytown estate he directed against the enormous hypothetical enemy, unrighteousness, a campaign which went on through fifteen years, during which he displayed himself a rabid monomaniac, an unqualified nuisance, and an intolerable bore. The year in which this story opens found him wearying; his campaign had grown desultory; 1861 was creeping up slowly on 1895; his thoughts ran a great deal on the Civil War, somewhat on his dead wife and son, almost infinitesimally on his grandson Anthony.
This kept him busy until he was fifty-seven. It was then that he decided, after a serious bout of sclerosis, to dedicate the rest of his life to the moral improvement of the world. He became a prominent reformer. Inspired by the impressive work of Anthony Comstock, after whom his grandson was named, he launched a variety of attacks on alcohol, literature, vice, art, patent medicines, and Sunday theaters. His mind, under the influence of that subtle decay that eventually affects almost everyone, became consumed by every indignation of the time. From an armchair in his Tarrytown estate office, he waged a campaign against the enormous imagined enemy, immorality, which lasted for fifteen years, during which he showed himself to be a fervent fanatic, an absolute nuisance, and an unbearable bore. The year this story begins found him growing weary; his campaign had become aimless; 1861 was slowly moving toward 1895; his thoughts frequently wandered to the Civil War, somewhat to his deceased wife and son, and barely at all to his grandson Anthony.
Early in his career Adam Patch had married an anemic lady of thirty, Alicia Withers, who brought him one hundred thousand dollars and an impeccable entré into the banking circles of New York. Immediately and rather spunkily she had borne him a son and, as if completely devitalized by the magnificence of this performance, she had thenceforth effaced herself within the shadowy dimensions of the nursery. The boy, Adam Ulysses Patch, became an inveterate joiner of clubs, connoisseur of good form, and driver of tandems—at the astonishing age of twenty-six he began his memoirs under the title "New York Society as I Have Seen It." On the rumor of its conception this work was eagerly bid for among publishers, but as it proved after his death to be immoderately verbose and overpoweringly dull, it never obtained even a private printing.
Early in his career, Adam Patch married a pale thirty-year-old woman named Alicia Withers, who brought him a hundred thousand dollars and a strong connection to the banking circles of New York. Immediately and rather boldly, she gave birth to a son and, as if completely drained by this impressive feat, she then withdrew into the background of the nursery. The boy, Adam Ulysses Patch, became a relentless member of clubs, a connoisseur of good taste, and a driver of tandem bikes—astonishingly, at the age of twenty-six, he began writing his memoirs titled "New York Society as I Have Seen It." When news of its creation spread, publishers eagerly competed for it, but after his death, it turned out to be excessively wordy and incredibly dull, and it never even got a private printing.
This Fifth Avenue Chesterfield married at twenty-two. His wife was Henrietta Lebrune, the Boston "Society Contralto," and the single child of the union was, at the request of his grandfather, christened Anthony Comstock Patch. When he went to Harvard, the Comstock dropped out of his name to a nether hell of oblivion and was never heard of thereafter.
This Fifth Avenue Chesterfield got married at twenty-two. His wife was Henrietta Lebrune, the Boston "Society Contralto," and their only child was, at his grandfather's request, named Anthony Comstock Patch. When he went to Harvard, the Comstock part of his name fell into obscurity and was never mentioned again.
Young Anthony had one picture of his father and mother together—so often had it faced his eyes in childhood that it had acquired the impersonality of furniture, but every one who came into his bedroom regarded it with interest. It showed a dandy of the nineties, spare and handsome, standing beside a tall dark lady with a muff and the suggestion of a bustle. Between them was a little boy with long brown curls, dressed in a velvet Lord Fauntleroy suit. This was Anthony at five, the year of his mother's death.
Young Anthony had one picture of his dad and mom together—he had seen it so many times in his childhood that it felt as familiar as the furniture, but everyone who entered his bedroom looked at it with interest. It depicted a stylish man from the nineties, slim and attractive, standing next to a tall dark-haired woman with a fur muff and hints of a bustle. In between them was a little boy with long brown curls, dressed in a fancy velvet suit. This was Anthony at five, the year his mother passed away.
His memories of the Boston Society Contralto were nebulous and musical. She was a lady who sang, sang, sang, in the music room of their house on Washington Square—sometimes with guests scattered all about her, the men with their arms folded, balanced breathlessly on the edges of sofas, the women with their hands in their laps, occasionally making little whispers to the men and always clapping very briskly and uttering cooing cries after each song—and often she sang to Anthony alone, in Italian or French or in a strange and terrible dialect which she imagined to be the speech of the Southern negro.
His memories of the Boston Society Contralto were vague yet melodic. She was a woman who sang, sang, sang in the music room of their house on Washington Square—sometimes with guests scattered around her, the men with their arms crossed, breathlessly perched on the edges of sofas, the women with their hands in their laps, occasionally whispering to the men and always clapping enthusiastically and making cooing sounds after each song—and often she sang to Anthony alone, in Italian or French or in a strange and terrible dialect that she thought was the speech of Southern Black people.
His recollections of the gallant Ulysses, the first man in America to roll the lapels of his coat, were much more vivid. After Henrietta Lebrune Patch had "joined another choir," as her widower huskily remarked from time to time, father and son lived up at grampa's in Tarrytown, and Ulysses came daily to Anthony's nursery and expelled pleasant, thick-smelling words for sometimes as much as an hour. He was continually promising Anthony hunting trips and fishing trips and excursions to Atlantic City, "oh, some time soon now"; but none of them ever materialized. One trip they did take; when Anthony was eleven they went abroad, to England and Switzerland, and there in the best hotel in Lucerne his father died with much sweating and grunting and crying aloud for air. In a panic of despair and terror Anthony was brought back to America, wedded to a vague melancholy that was to stay beside him through the rest of his life.
His memories of the brave Ulysses, the first man in America to roll the lapels of his coat, were much clearer. After Henrietta Lebrune Patch had "joined another choir," as her widower would huskily mention from time to time, father and son lived with Grandpa in Tarrytown, and Ulysses came to Anthony's nursery every day, sharing pleasant, thick-smelling words for sometimes up to an hour. He was always promising Anthony hunting trips, fishing trips, and outings to Atlantic City, "oh, sometime soon now"; but none of those trips ever happened. They did take one trip; when Anthony was eleven, they went abroad to England and Switzerland, and there in the best hotel in Lucerne, his father died after a lot of sweating, grunting, and gasping for air. In a panic of despair and terror, Anthony was brought back to America, burdened by a vague sadness that would follow him for the rest of his life.
PAST AND PERSON OF THE HERO
At eleven he had a horror of death. Within six impressionable years his parents had died and his grandmother had faded off almost imperceptibly, until, for the first time since her marriage, her person held for one day an unquestioned supremacy over her own drawing room. So to Anthony life was a struggle against death, that waited at every corner. It was as a concession to his hypochondriacal imagination that he formed the habit of reading in bed—it soothed him. He read until he was tired and often fell asleep with the lights still on.
At eleven, he was terrified of death. In just six impressionable years, his parents had passed away, and his grandmother had gradually faded away, until, for the first time since her marriage, she had full authority over her own living room for a day. For Anthony, life felt like a battle against death, which lurked around every corner. To calm his anxious mind, he developed a habit of reading in bed—it brought him comfort. He would read until he got tired and often dozed off with the lights still on.
His favorite diversion until he was fourteen was his stamp collection; enormous, as nearly exhaustive as a boy's could be—his grandfather considered fatuously that it was teaching him geography. So Anthony kept up a correspondence with a half dozen "Stamp and Coin" companies and it was rare that the mail failed to bring him new stamp-books or packages of glittering approval sheets—there was a mysterious fascination in transferring his acquisitions interminably from one book to another. His stamps were his greatest happiness and he bestowed impatient frowns on any one who interrupted him at play with them; they devoured his allowance every month, and he lay awake at night musing untiringly on their variety and many-colored splendor.
His favorite hobby until he was fourteen was his stamp collection; it was huge, nearly as extensive as a boy's could be—his grandfather thought foolishly that it was teaching him geography. So Anthony kept in touch with a handful of "Stamp and Coin" companies, and it was rare for the mail not to bring him new stamp albums or packages of shiny approval sheets—there was a mysterious thrill in endlessly shifting his acquisitions from one album to another. His stamps brought him the most joy, and he shot annoyed looks at anyone who interrupted him while he was playing with them; they consumed his allowance every month, and he often lay awake at night thoughtfully considering their variety and colorful beauty.
At sixteen he had lived almost entirely within himself, an inarticulate boy, thoroughly un-American, and politely bewildered by his contemporaries. The two preceding years had been spent in Europe with a private tutor, who persuaded him that Harvard was the thing; it would "open doors," it would be a tremendous tonic, it would give him innumerable self-sacrificing and devoted friends. So he went to Harvard—there was no other logical thing to be done with him.
At sixteen, he had mostly kept to himself, an awkward kid, completely un-American, and politely confused by his peers. The previous two years had been spent in Europe with a private tutor, who convinced him that Harvard was the way to go; it would "open doors," it would be a huge boost, it would provide him with countless selfless and loyal friends. So he went to Harvard—there was no other sensible choice for him.
Oblivious to the social system, he lived for a while alone and unsought in a high room in Beck Hall—a slim dark boy of medium height with a shy sensitive mouth. His allowance was more than liberal. He laid the foundations for a library by purchasing from a wandering bibliophile first editions of Swinburne, Meredith, and Hardy, and a yellowed illegible autograph letter of Keats's, finding later that he had been amazingly overcharged. He became an exquisite dandy, amassed a rather pathetic collection of silk pajamas, brocaded dressing-gowns, and neckties too flamboyant to wear; in this secret finery he would parade before a mirror in his room or lie stretched in satin along his window-seat looking down on the yard and realizing dimly this clamor, breathless and immediate, in which it seemed he was never to have a part.
Oblivious to the social structure, he spent some time alone and unnoticed in a high room at Beck Hall—a slim, dark-skinned boy of average height with a shy, sensitive mouth. His allowance was quite generous. He started building a library by buying first editions of Swinburne, Meredith, and Hardy from a traveling book lover, along with a yellowed, barely legible autograph letter from Keats, later realizing he had been shockingly overcharged. He became a stylish dandy, collecting a rather sad assortment of silk pajamas, brocade dressing gowns, and ties too flashy to wear; in this secret fancy attire, he would strut in front of a mirror in his room or lie stretched out in satin on his window seat, looking down at the yard and vaguely realizing this loud, breathless world that he felt he would never be part of.
Curiously enough he found in senior year that he had acquired a position in his class. He learned that he was looked upon as a rather romantic figure, a scholar, a recluse, a tower of erudition. This amused him but secretly pleased him—he began going out, at first a little and then a great deal. He made the Pudding. He drank—quietly and in the proper tradition. It was said of him that had he not come to college so young he might have "done extremely well." In 1909, when he graduated, he was only twenty years old.
Curiously enough, by his senior year, he realized he had achieved a certain status in his class. He discovered he was seen as a somewhat romantic figure, a scholar, a loner, and a beacon of knowledge. This amused him but also secretly made him happy—he started going out, initially a bit and then a lot more. He became part of the social scene. He drank—calmly and following tradition. People said that if he hadn't come to college so young, he might have "done extremely well." In 1909, when he graduated, he was only twenty years old.
Then abroad again—to Rome this time, where he dallied with architecture and painting in turn, took up the violin, and wrote some ghastly Italian sonnets, supposedly the ruminations of a thirteenth-century monk on the joys of the contemplative life. It became established among his Harvard intimates that he was in Rome, and those of them who were abroad that year looked him up and discovered with him, on many moonlight excursions, much in the city that was older than the Renaissance or indeed than the republic. Maury Noble, from Philadelphia, for instance, remained two months, and together they realized the peculiar charm of Latin women and had a delightful sense of being very young and free in a civilization that was very old and free. Not a few acquaintances of his grandfather's called on him, and had he so desired he might have been persona grata with the diplomatic set—indeed, he found that his inclinations tended more and more toward conviviality, but that long adolescent aloofness and consequent shyness still dictated to his conduct.
Then he traveled abroad again—this time to Rome, where he explored architecture and painting, picked up the violin, and wrote some terrible Italian sonnets, supposedly reflecting the thoughts of a thirteenth-century monk on the joys of a contemplative life. It became known among his friends at Harvard that he was in Rome, and those of them who were traveling that year sought him out and discovered with him, during many moonlit outings, much of the city that was older than the Renaissance or even the republic. Maury Noble, from Philadelphia, for example, stayed for two months, and together they appreciated the unique charm of Latin women and enjoyed the feeling of being very young and free in a civilization that was very old and free. Several acquaintances of his grandfather visited him, and had he wanted to, he could have been well-regarded within the diplomatic circles—indeed, he noticed that he was increasingly drawn to socializing, but that long-standing adolescent detachment and resulting shyness still influenced his behavior.
He returned to America in 1912 because of one of his grandfather's sudden illnesses, and after an excessively tiresome talk with the perpetually convalescent old man he decided to put off until his grandfather's death the idea of living permanently abroad. After a prolonged search he took an apartment on Fifty-second Street and to all appearances settled down.
He came back to America in 1912 due to one of his grandfather's sudden illnesses, and after an incredibly exhausting conversation with the always recovering old man, he decided to postpone the idea of living abroad permanently until after his grandfather passed away. After a lengthy search, he found an apartment on Fifty-second Street and seemed to settle down.
In 1913 Anthony Patch's adjustment of himself to the universe was in process of consummation. Physically, he had improved since his undergraduate days—he was still too thin but his shoulders had widened and his brunette face had lost the frightened look of his freshman year. He was secretly orderly and in person spick and span—his friends declared that they had never seen his hair rumpled. His nose was too sharp; his mouth was one of those unfortunate mirrors of mood inclined to droop perceptibly in moments of unhappiness, but his blue eyes were charming, whether alert with intelligence or half closed in an expression of melancholy humor.
In 1913, Anthony Patch was in the process of adjusting himself to the world around him. Physically, he had improved since his college days—he was still a bit thin, but his shoulders had broadened, and his tanned face had lost the anxious look from his freshman year. He was secretly organized and always looked sharp—his friends claimed they had never seen his hair out of place. His nose was a little too pointy; his mouth was one of those unfortunate indicators of mood that tended to droop noticeably when he was unhappy, but his blue eyes were captivating, whether shining with intelligence or partially closed in a look of wistful humor.
One of those men devoid of the symmetry of feature essential to the Aryan ideal, he was yet, here and there, considered handsome—moreover, he was very clean, in appearance and in reality, with that especial cleanness borrowed from beauty.
One of those men lacking the facial symmetry essential to the Aryan ideal, he was still, in some ways, considered good-looking—additionally, he was very clean, both in appearance and in reality, with that special kind of cleanliness that comes from beauty.
THE REPROACHLESS APARTMENT
Fifth and Sixth Avenues, it seemed to Anthony, were the uprights of a gigantic ladder stretching from Washington Square to Central Park. Coming up-town on top of a bus toward Fifty-second Street invariably gave him the sensation of hoisting himself hand by hand on a series of treacherous rungs, and when the bus jolted to a stop at his own rung he found something akin to relief as he descended the reckless metal steps to the sidewalk.
Fifth and Sixth Avenues felt to Anthony like the sides of a giant ladder stretching from Washington Square to Central Park. Riding uptown on a bus toward Fifty-second Street always made him feel like he was climbing hand over hand on a set of risky rungs, and when the bus suddenly stopped at his stop, he felt a sense of relief as he stepped down the shaky metal stairs to the sidewalk.
After that, he had but to walk down Fifty-second Street half a block, pass a stodgy family of brownstone houses—and then in a jiffy he was under the high ceilings of his great front room. This was entirely satisfactory. Here, after all, life began. Here he slept, breakfasted, read, and entertained.
After that, all he had to do was walk down Fifty-second Street for half a block, pass a stiff family of brownstone houses—and then in no time he was under the high ceilings of his large front room. This was completely satisfying. Here, after all, life began. Here he slept, had breakfast, read, and entertained.
The house itself was of murky material, built in the late nineties; in response to the steadily growing need of small apartments each floor had been thoroughly remodelled and rented individually. Of the four apartments Anthony's, on the second floor, was the most desirable.
The house was made of unclear material, built in the late nineties; in response to the increasing demand for small apartments, each floor had been completely remodeled and rented out separately. Of the four apartments, Anthony's, on the second floor, was the most sought after.
The front room had fine high ceilings and three large windows that loomed down pleasantly upon Fifty-second Street. In its appointments it escaped by a safe margin being of any particular period; it escaped stiffness, stuffiness, bareness, and decadence. It smelt neither of smoke nor of incense—it was tall and faintly blue. There was a deep lounge of the softest brown leather with somnolence drifting about it like a haze. There was a high screen of Chinese lacquer chiefly concerned with geometrical fishermen and huntsmen in black and gold; this made a corner alcove for a voluminous chair guarded by an orange-colored standing lamp. Deep in the fireplace a quartered shield was burned to a murky black.
The front room had high ceilings and three big windows that looked out over Fifty-second Street. Its decor was stylish and timeless, avoiding any specific period; it was free from stiffness, stuffiness, emptiness, and decay. It didn’t smell of smoke or incense—it felt tall and had a faint blue tint. There was a deep lounge made of the softest brown leather, giving off a sleepy vibe. A tall Chinese lacquer screen featured geometric fishermen and hunters in black and gold, creating a cozy corner with a big chair and an orange standing lamp. At the back of the fireplace, a quartered shield was burned to a dark, murky black.
Passing through the dining-room, which, as Anthony took only breakfast at home, was merely a magnificent potentiality, and down a comparatively long hall, one came to the heart and core of the apartment—Anthony's bedroom and bath.
Passing through the dining room, which, since Anthony only had breakfast at home, was just a grand possibility, and down a fairly long hallway, you arrived at the heart of the apartment—Anthony's bedroom and bathroom.
Both of them were immense. Under the ceilings of the former even the great canopied bed seemed of only average size. On the floor an exotic rug of crimson velvet was soft as fleece on his bare feet. His bathroom, in contrast to the rather portentous character of his bedroom, was gay, bright, extremely habitable and even faintly facetious. Framed around the walls were photographs of four celebrated thespian beauties of the day: Julia Sanderson as "The Sunshine Girl," Ina Claire as "The Quaker Girl," Billie Burke as "The Mind-the-Paint Girl," and Hazel Dawn as "The Pink Lady." Between Billie Burke and Hazel Dawn hung a print representing a great stretch of snow presided over by a cold and formidable sun—this, claimed Anthony, symbolized the cold shower.
Both of them were huge. Under the ceilings of the former, even the grand canopied bed seemed just average in size. On the floor, an exotic crimson velvet rug felt as soft as fleece on his bare feet. His bathroom, in contrast to the rather serious vibe of his bedroom, was cheerful, bright, extremely inviting, and even a bit cheeky. Framed on the walls were photos of four famous actresses of the day: Julia Sanderson as "The Sunshine Girl," Ina Claire as "The Quaker Girl," Billie Burke as "The Mind-the-Paint Girl," and Hazel Dawn as "The Pink Lady." Between Billie Burke and Hazel Dawn hung a print showing a vast expanse of snow under a cold and imposing sun—this, Anthony claimed, symbolized the cold shower.
The bathtub, equipped with an ingenious bookholder, was low and large. Beside it a wall wardrobe bulged with sufficient linen for three men and with a generation of neckties. There was no skimpy glorified towel of a carpet—instead, a rich rug, like the one in his bedroom a miracle of softness, that seemed almost to massage the wet foot emerging from the tub....
The bathtub, fitted with a clever book holder, was big and low. Next to it, a wall wardrobe was stuffed with enough linens for three guys and a lifetime's worth of neckties. There wasn’t a thin, fancy towel serving as a carpet—instead, there was a luxurious rug, like the one in his bedroom, that felt so soft it almost massaged the wet foot stepping out of the tub...
All in all a room to conjure with—it was easy to see that Anthony dressed there, arranged his immaculate hair there, in fact did everything but sleep and eat there. It was his pride, this bathroom. He felt that if he had a love he would have hung her picture just facing the tub so that, lost in the soothing steamings of the hot water, he might lie and look up at her and muse warmly and sensuously on her beauty.
Overall, it was a room to impress—clearly, Anthony got ready here, styled his perfect hair here, and basically did everything except sleep and eat. This bathroom was his pride and joy. He thought that if he were in love, he would have hung her picture right across from the tub so that while lost in the soothing steam of the hot water, he could lie back, gaze up at her, and think fondly and sensually about her beauty.
NOR DOES HE SPIN
The apartment was kept clean by an English servant with the singularly, almost theatrically, appropriate name of Bounds, whose technic was marred only by the fact that he wore a soft collar. Had he been entirely Anthony's Bounds this defect would have been summarily remedied, but he was also the Bounds of two other gentlemen in the neighborhood. From eight until eleven in the morning he was entirely Anthony's. He arrived with the mail and cooked breakfast. At nine-thirty he pulled the edge of Anthony's blanket and spoke a few terse words—Anthony never remembered clearly what they were and rather suspected they were deprecative; then he served breakfast on a card-table in the front room, made the bed and, after asking with some hostility if there was anything else, withdrew.
The apartment was kept clean by an English servant with the oddly fitting name of Bounds, whose technique was only slightly compromised by the fact that he wore a soft collar. If he had belonged solely to Anthony, this flaw would have been quickly fixed, but he also served two other gentlemen in the area. From eight to eleven in the morning, he was entirely Anthony's. He arrived with the mail and made breakfast. At nine-thirty, he tugged at the edge of Anthony's blanket and said a few brief words—Anthony never quite remembered what they were and suspected they were critical; then he served breakfast on a card table in the front room, made the bed and, after asking somewhat coldly if there was anything else, left.
In the mornings, at least once a week, Anthony went to see his broker. His income was slightly under seven thousand a year, the interest on money inherited from his mother. His grandfather, who had never allowed his own son to graduate from a very liberal allowance, judged that this sum was sufficient for young Anthony's needs. Every Christmas he sent him a five-hundred-dollar bond, which Anthony usually sold, if possible, as he was always a little, not very, hard up.
In the mornings, at least once a week, Anthony visited his broker. He earned just under seven thousand a year from the interest on money he inherited from his mother. His grandfather, who never let his own son have a very generous allowance, decided that this amount was enough for young Anthony's needs. Every Christmas, he sent him a five-hundred-dollar bond, which Anthony typically sold, if he could, since he was often a bit short on cash.
The visits to his broker varied from semi-social chats to discussions of the safety of eight per cent investments, and Anthony always enjoyed them. The big trust company building seemed to link him definitely to the great fortunes whose solidarity he respected and to assure him that he was adequately chaperoned by the hierarchy of finance. From these hurried men he derived the same sense of safety that he had in contemplating his grandfather's money—even more, for the latter appeared, vaguely, a demand loan made by the world to Adam Patch's own moral righteousness, while this money down-town seemed rather to have been grasped and held by sheer indomitable strengths and tremendous feats of will; in addition, it seemed more definitely and explicitly—money.
The visits to his broker ranged from casual chats to discussions about the safety of eight percent investments, and Anthony always enjoyed them. The large trust company building felt like a solid connection to the great fortunes he admired and assured him that he was well-supported by the financial elite. From these busy men, he felt the same sense of security he experienced when thinking about his grandfather's money—maybe even more, because his grandfather’s wealth seemed like a moral obligation owed to Adam Patch's righteousness, while the money downtown seemed to have been earned through sheer strength and remarkable determination; plus, it felt much more clearly—money.
Closely as Anthony trod on the heels of his income, he considered it to be enough. Some golden day, of course, he would have many millions; meanwhile he possessed a raison d'etre in the theoretical creation of essays on the popes of the Renaissance. This flashes back to the conversation with his grandfather immediately upon his return from Rome.
As closely as Anthony kept an eye on his income, he thought it was sufficient. Some day, he believed, he would have millions; in the meantime, he had a reason to exist in the theoretical writing of essays about the popes of the Renaissance. This brings to mind the conversation with his grandfather right after he got back from Rome.
He had hoped to find his grandfather dead, but had learned by telephoning from the pier that Adam Patch was comparatively well again—the next day he had concealed his disappointment and gone out to Tarrytown. Five miles from the station his taxicab entered an elaborately groomed drive that threaded a veritable maze of walls and wire fences guarding the estate—this, said the public, was because it was definitely known that if the Socialists had their way, one of the first men they'd assassinate would be old Cross Patch.
He had hoped to find his grandfather dead but learned by calling from the pier that Adam Patch was doing relatively well again. The next day, he hid his disappointment and went out to Tarrytown. Five miles from the station, his taxi entered a well-manicured driveway that wound through a maze of walls and fences surrounding the estate—this was because, as the public believed, if the Socialists had their way, one of the first people they would target for assassination would be old Cross Patch.
Anthony was late and the venerable philanthropist was awaiting him in a glass-walled sun parlor, where he was glancing through the morning papers for the second time. His secretary, Edward Shuttleworth—who before his regeneration had been gambler, saloon-keeper, and general reprobate—ushered Anthony into the room, exhibiting his redeemer and benefactor as though he were displaying a treasure of immense value.
Anthony was late, and the well-respected philanthropist was waiting for him in a sunroom with glass walls, where he was browsing through the morning papers for the second time. His secretary, Edward Shuttleworth—who, before turning his life around, had been a gambler, bar owner, and general troublemaker—led Anthony into the room, showcasing his redeemer and benefactor as if he were presenting a priceless treasure.
They shook hands gravely. "I'm awfully glad to hear you're better," Anthony said.
They shook hands seriously. "I'm really glad to hear you're feeling better," Anthony said.
The senior Patch, with an air of having seen his grandson only last week, pulled out his watch.
The elderly Patch, looking like he had just seen his grandson last week, took out his watch.
"Train late?" he asked mildly.
"Running late?" he asked mildly.
It had irritated him to wait for Anthony. He was under the delusion not only that in his youth he had handled his practical affairs with the utmost scrupulousness, even to keeping every engagement on the dot, but also that this was the direct and primary cause of his success.
It annoyed him to wait for Anthony. He was under the misconception that back in his youth, he had managed his practical matters with perfect care, even showing up for every appointment right on time, and he believed this was the main reason for his success.
"It's been late a good deal this month," he remarked with a shade of meek accusation in his voice—and then after a long sigh, "Sit down."
"It's been late a lot this month," he said, a hint of mild blame in his voice—and then after a long sigh, "Please sit down."
Anthony surveyed his grandfather with that tacit amazement which always attended the sight. That this feeble, unintelligent old man was possessed of such power that, yellow journals to the contrary, the men in the republic whose souls he could not have bought directly or indirectly would scarcely have populated White Plains, seemed as impossible to believe as that he had once been a pink-and-white baby.
Anthony looked at his grandfather with the same quiet awe he always felt when he saw him. It was hard to believe that this frail, simple old man had such power; despite what the tabloids said, the influential men in the country whose loyalty he couldn’t have bought, either directly or indirectly, were hardly enough to fill White Plains. It seemed as unbelievable as the fact that he had once been a pink-and-white baby.
The span of his seventy-five years had acted as a magic bellows—the first quarter-century had blown him full with life, and the last had sucked it all back. It had sucked in the cheeks and the chest and the girth of arm and leg. It had tyrannously demanded his teeth, one by one, suspended his small eyes in dark-bluish sacks, tweeked out his hairs, changed him from gray to white in some places, from pink to yellow in others—callously transposing his colors like a child trying over a paintbox. Then through his body and his soul it had attacked his brain. It had sent him night-sweats and tears and unfounded dreads. It had split his intense normality into credulity and suspicion. Out of the coarse material of his enthusiasm it had cut dozens of meek but petulant obsessions; his energy was shrunk to the bad temper of a spoiled child, and for his will to power was substituted a fatuous puerile desire for a land of harps and canticles on earth.
The span of his seventy-five years had acted like a magic bellows—the first twenty-five years had filled him with life, while the last had drawn it all back. It had hollowed out his cheeks, chest, and limbs. It had cruelly taken his teeth, left his little eyes in dark bluish bags, pulled out his hair, and changed his color from gray to white in some places and from pink to yellow in others—callously rearranging his colors like a child messing with a paint set. Then, it had invaded his body and soul, attacking his brain. It had brought him night sweats, tears, and unfounded fears. It had split his once vibrant normalcy into gullibility and suspicion. From the rough material of his enthusiasm, it had carved out dozens of meek but irritable obsessions; his energy had shrunk to the bad temper of a spoiled child, and in place of his will to power, there was a silly, childish longing for a world filled with harps and songs on earth.
The amenities having been gingerly touched upon, Anthony felt that he was expected to outline his intentions—and simultaneously a glimmer in the old man's eye warned him against broaching, for the present, his desire to live abroad. He wished that Shuttleworth would have tact enough to leave the room—he detested Shuttleworth—but the secretary had settled blandly in a rocker and was dividing between the two Patches the glances of his faded eyes.
The amenities having been carefully mentioned, Anthony felt that he needed to share his intentions—and at the same time, a hint in the old man's eye warned him not to mention, for now, his desire to live abroad. He wished that Shuttleworth would have enough sense to leave the room—he couldn't stand Shuttleworth—but the secretary had comfortably settled into a rocking chair and was splitting his faded gaze between the two Patches.
"Now that you're here you ought to do something," said his grandfather softly, "accomplish something."
"Now that you're here, you should do something," his grandfather said gently, "achieve something."
Anthony waited for him to speak of "leaving something done when you pass on." Then he made a suggestion:
Anthony waited for him to talk about "leaving something behind when you’re gone." Then he made a suggestion:
"I thought—it seemed to me that perhaps I'm best qualified to write—"
"I thought—it seemed to me that maybe I'm the most qualified to write—"
Adam Patch winced, visualizing a family poet with a long hair and three mistresses.
Adam Patch winced, imagining a family poet with long hair and three girlfriends.
"—history," finished Anthony.
"—history," Anthony concluded.
"History? History of what? The Civil War? The Revolution?"
"History? History of what? The Civil War? The Revolution?"
"Why—no, sir. A history of the Middle Ages." Simultaneously an idea was born for a history of the Renaissance popes, written from some novel angle. Still, he was glad he had said "Middle Ages."
"Why—no, sir. A history of the Middle Ages." At the same time, an idea was formed for a history of the Renaissance popes, written from a fresh perspective. Still, he was glad he had said "Middle Ages."
"Middle Ages? Why not your own country? Something you know about?"
"Middle Ages? Why not talk about your own country? Something you're familiar with?"
"Well, you see I've lived so much abroad—"
"Well, you see I've lived a lot overseas—"
"Why you should write about the Middle Ages, I don't know. Dark Ages, we used to call 'em. Nobody knows what happened, and nobody cares, except that they're over now." He continued for some minutes on the uselessness of such information, touching, naturally, on the Spanish Inquisition and the "corruption of the monasteries." Then:
"Why you should write about the Middle Ages, I really don't get. We used to call them the Dark Ages. Nobody knows what happened, and honestly, nobody cares, except that they're in the past now." He went on for a few minutes about how pointless that information is, naturally mentioning the Spanish Inquisition and the "corruption of the monasteries." Then:
"Do you think you'll be able to do any work in New York—or do you really intend to work at all?" This last with soft, almost imperceptible, cynicism.
"Do you think you'll be able to find any work in New York—or do you actually plan to work at all?" This last part was said with a gentle, almost unnoticeable, cynicism.
"Why, yes, I do, sir."
"Yes, I do, sir."
"When'll you be done?"
"When will you be done?"
"Well, there'll be an outline, you see—and a lot of preliminary reading."
"Well, there will be an outline, you see—and a lot of background reading."
"I should think you'd have done enough of that already."
"I would think you've done enough of that by now."
The conversation worked itself jerkily toward a rather abrupt conclusion, when Anthony rose, looked at his watch, and remarked that he had an engagement with his broker that afternoon. He had intended to stay a few days with his grandfather, but he was tired and irritated from a rough crossing, and quite unwilling to stand a subtle and sanctimonious browbeating. He would come out again in a few days, he said.
The conversation awkwardly moved towards a sudden ending when Anthony stood up, glanced at his watch, and mentioned that he had a meeting with his broker that afternoon. He had planned to spend a few days with his grandfather, but he was worn out and annoyed from a rough journey and wasn’t keen on enduring any subtle, self-righteous lecturing. He said he would come back in a few days.
Nevertheless, it was due to this encounter that work had come into his life as a permanent idea. During the year that had passed since then, he had made several lists of authorities, he had even experimented with chapter titles and the division of his work into periods, but not one line of actual writing existed at present, or seemed likely ever to exist. He did nothing—and contrary to the most accredited copy-book logic, he managed to divert himself with more than average content.
Nevertheless, it was because of this encounter that work had become a constant idea in his life. In the year that followed, he had created several lists of sources, even tried out chapter titles and divided his work into sections, but not a single line of actual writing existed at the moment, nor did it seem likely to ever materialize. He did nothing—and contrary to what everyone always says, he somehow managed to entertain himself with more than average satisfaction.
AFTERNOON
It was October in 1913, midway in a week of pleasant days, with the sunshine loitering in the cross-streets and the atmosphere so languid as to seem weighted with ghostly falling leaves. It was pleasant to sit lazily by the open window finishing a chapter of "Erewhon." It was pleasant to yawn about five, toss the book on a table, and saunter humming along the hall to his bath.
It was October 1913, halfway through a week of nice days, with sunshine lingering in the side streets and the air feeling so relaxed it seemed heavy with drifting leaves. It was nice to sit comfortably by the open window finishing a chapter of "Erewhon." It was nice to yawn around five, toss the book on a table, and stroll down the hall humming to himself on the way to his bath.
he was singing as he turned on the tap.
he was singing as he turned on the faucet.
He raised his voice to compete with the flood of water pouring into the tub, and as he looked at the picture of Hazel Dawn upon the wall he put an imaginary violin to his shoulder and softly caressed it with a phantom bow. Through his closed lips he made a humming noise, which he vaguely imagined resembled the sound of a violin. After a moment his hands ceased their gyrations and wandered to his shirt, which he began to unfasten. Stripped, and adopting an athletic posture like the tiger-skin man in the advertisement, he regarded himself with some satisfaction in the mirror, breaking off to dabble a tentative foot in the tub. Readjusting a faucet and indulging in a few preliminary grunts, he slid in.
He raised his voice to drown out the sound of water pouring into the tub, and as he glanced at the picture of Hazel Dawn on the wall, he imagined a violin on his shoulder and gently stroked it with an invisible bow. He hummed through his closed lips, picturing it sounded like a violin. After a moment, his hands stopped moving and started to unbutton his shirt. Once bare, he struck an athletic pose like the tiger-skin man in the ad and looked at himself with some satisfaction in the mirror, pausing to dip a tentative foot into the tub. He adjusted a faucet and let out a few grunts before sliding in.
Once accustomed to the temperature of the water he relaxed into a state of drowsy content. When he finished his bath he would dress leisurely and walk down Fifth Avenue to the Ritz, where he had an appointment for dinner with his two most frequent companions, Dick Caramel and Maury Noble. Afterward he and Maury were going to the theatre—Caramel would probably trot home and work on his book, which ought to be finished pretty soon.
Once he got used to the temperature of the water, he settled into a comfortable, drowsy state. After finishing his bath, he would take his time getting dressed and stroll down Fifth Avenue to the Ritz, where he had dinner plans with his two regular friends, Dick Caramel and Maury Noble. After that, he and Maury were headed to the theater—Caramel would likely head home to work on his book, which should be done pretty soon.
Anthony was glad he wasn't going to work on his book. The notion of sitting down and conjuring up, not only words in which to clothe thoughts but thoughts worthy of being clothed—the whole thing was absurdly beyond his desires.
Anthony was relieved he wasn't going to work on his book. The idea of sitting down and coming up with not just words to express his thoughts, but thoughts worth expressing—it all felt absurdly out of reach for him.
Emerging from his bath he polished himself with the meticulous attention of a bootblack. Then he wandered into the bedroom, and whistling the while a weird, uncertain melody, strolled here and there buttoning, adjusting, and enjoying the warmth of the thick carpet on his feet.
Stepping out of his bath, he dried himself off with the careful precision of a shoe shiner. Then he walked into the bedroom, whistling a strange, unsure tune, moving around as he buttoned and adjusted his clothes while relishing the warmth of the plush carpet under his feet.
He lit a cigarette, tossed the match out the open top of the window, then paused in his tracks with the cigarette two inches from his mouth—which fell faintly ajar. His eyes were focussed upon a spot of brilliant color on the roof of a house farther down the alley.
He lit a cigarette, tossed the match out the open window, then paused with the cigarette two inches from his mouth—his mouth slightly open. His eyes were fixed on a bright spot of color on the roof of a house further down the alley.
It was a girl in a red negligé, silk surely, drying her hair by the still hot sun of late afternoon. His whistle died upon the stiff air of the room; he walked cautiously another step nearer the window with a sudden impression that she was beautiful. Sitting on the stone parapet beside her was a cushion the same color as her garment and she was leaning both arms upon it as she looked down into the sunny areaway, where Anthony could hear children playing.
It was a girl in a red nightgown, made of silk for sure, drying her hair in the still warm sun of late afternoon. His whistle faded into the still air of the room; he cautiously stepped closer to the window, suddenly struck by how beautiful she was. Sitting on the stone ledge next to her was a cushion that matched her outfit, and she rested both arms on it while looking down into the sunny area below, where Anthony could hear children playing.
He watched her for several minutes. Something was stirred in him, something not accounted for by the warm smell of the afternoon or the triumphant vividness of red. He felt persistently that the girl was beautiful—then of a sudden he understood: it was her distance, not a rare and precious distance of soul but still distance, if only in terrestrial yards. The autumn air was between them, and the roofs and the blurred voices. Yet for a not altogether explained second, posing perversely in time, his emotion had been nearer to adoration than in the deepest kiss he had ever known.
He watched her for several minutes. Something stirred inside him, something that couldn't be explained by the warm scent of the afternoon or the bright red colors all around. He felt consistently that the girl was beautiful—then suddenly he realized: it was her distance, not a rare and valuable distance of spirit, but still distance, if only in physical space. The autumn air was between them, along with the rooftops and the muffled voices. Yet for a moment that was hard to explain, his feelings were closer to adoration than during the deepest kiss he had ever experienced.
He finished his dressing, found a black bow tie and adjusted it carefully by the three-sided mirror in the bathroom. Then yielding to an impulse he walked quickly into the bedroom and again looked out the window. The woman was standing up now; she had tossed her hair back and he had a full view of her. She was fat, full thirty-five, utterly undistinguished. Making a clicking noise with his mouth he returned to the bathroom and reparted his hair.
He finished getting ready, found a black bow tie, and adjusted it carefully in the three-sided mirror in the bathroom. Then, acting on a whim, he quickly walked into the bedroom and looked out the window again. The woman was standing now; she had tossed her hair back, and he could see her fully. She was heavyset, about thirty-five, and completely unremarkable. Making a clicking sound with his mouth, he went back to the bathroom and fixed his hair again.
he sang lightly,
he sang softly,
Then with a last soothing brush that left an iridescent surface of sheer gloss he left his bathroom and his apartment and walked down Fifth Avenue to the Ritz-Carlton.
Then, with one final gentle stroke that left a shiny, iridescent finish, he left his bathroom and apartment and walked down Fifth Avenue to the Ritz-Carlton.
THREE MEN
At seven Anthony and his friend Maury Noble are sitting at a corner table on the cool roof. Maury Noble is like nothing so much as a large slender and imposing cat. His eyes are narrow and full of incessant, protracted blinks. His hair is smooth and flat, as though it has been licked by a possible—and, if so, Herculean—mother-cat. During Anthony's time at Harvard he had been considered the most unique figure in his class, the most brilliant, the most original—smart, quiet and among the saved.
At seven, Anthony and his friend Maury Noble are sitting at a corner table on the cool rooftop. Maury Noble resembles a large, slender, and striking cat. His eyes are narrow and filled with constant, prolonged blinks. His hair is smooth and flat, as if it has been licked by a possible—and if so, very strong—mother cat. During Anthony's time at Harvard, he was seen as the most unique person in his class, the most brilliant, the most original—smart, quiet, and among the elite.
This is the man whom Anthony considers his best friend. This is the only man of all his acquaintance whom he admires and, to a bigger extent than he likes to admit to himself, envies.
This is the man whom Anthony considers his best friend. This is the only man among all his acquaintances whom he admires and, more than he likes to admit to himself, envies.
They are glad to see each other now—their eyes are full of kindness as each feels the full effect of novelty after a short separation. They are drawing a relaxation from each other's presence, a new serenity; Maury Noble behind that fine and absurdly catlike face is all but purring. And Anthony, nervous as a will-o'-the-wisp, restless—he is at rest now.
They’re happy to see each other now—their eyes are filled with warmth as they both experience the excitement of being together again after a brief separation. They’re drawing comfort from each other’s presence, a fresh sense of calm; Maury Noble, behind that striking and strangely feline face, is almost purring. And Anthony, nervous and restless as a flickering light, is finally at ease.
They are engaged in one of those easy short-speech conversations that only men under thirty or men under great stress indulge in.
They are having one of those easy, short conversations that only guys under thirty or those under a lot of stress take part in.
ANTHONY: Seven o'clock. Where's the Caramel? (Impatiently.) I wish he'd finish that interminable novel. I've spent more time hungry——
ANTHONY: Seven o'clock. Where's the Caramel? (Impatiently.) I wish he'd finish that endless novel. I've spent more time hungry——
MAURY: He's got a new name for it. "The Demon Lover "—not bad, eh?
MAURY: He’s come up with a new name for it. "The Demon Lover"—not bad, right?
ANTHONY: (interested) "The Demon Lover"? Oh "woman wailing"—No—not a bit bad! Not bad at all—d'you think?
ANTHONY: (interested) "The Demon Lover"? Oh, "woman wailing"—No—not bad at all! Do you think?
MAURY: Rather good. What time did you say?
MAURY: Pretty good. What time did you say?
ANTHONY: Seven.
ANTHONY: 7.
MAURY: (His eyes narrowing—not unpleasantly, but to express a faint disapproval) Drove me crazy the other day.
MAURY: (His eyes narrowing—not unkindly, but to show a slight disapproval) Drove me crazy the other day.
ANTHONY: How?
ANTHONY: How?
MAURY: That habit of taking notes.
MAURY: That habit of jotting down notes.
ANTHONY: Me, too. Seems I'd said something night before that he considered material but he'd forgotten it—so he had at me. He'd say "Can't you try to concentrate?" And I'd say "You bore me to tears. How do I remember?"
ANTHONY: Me, too. It seems I said something the night before that he thought was important but forgot, so he snapped at me. He'd say, "Can't you try to concentrate?" And I'd say, "You bore me to tears. How am I supposed to remember?"
(MAURY laughs noiselessly, by a sort of bland and appreciative widening
of his features.)
(MAURY laughs silently, with a sort of mild and appreciative smile on his face.)
MAURY: Dick doesn't necessarily see more than any one else. He merely can put down a larger proportion of what he sees.
MAURY: Dick doesn't necessarily see more than anyone else. He just expresses a larger share of what he observes.
ANTHONY: That rather impressive talent——
ANTHONY: That's quite an impressive talent——
MAURY: Oh, yes. Impressive!
MAURY: Oh, yes. Very impressive!
ANTHONY: And energy—ambitious, well-directed energy. He's so entertaining—he's so tremendously stimulating and exciting. Often there's something breathless in being with him.
ANTHONY: And energy—ambitious, focused energy. He’s so entertaining—he’s incredibly stimulating and exciting. Being with him often leaves you feeling breathless.
MAURY: Oh, yes.
MAURY: Oh, totally.
(Silence, and then:)
(Silence, and then:)
ANTHONY: (With his thin, somewhat uncertain face at its most convinced) But not indomitable energy. Some day, bit by bit, it'll blow away, and his rather impressive talent with it, and leave only a wisp of a man, fretful and egotistic and garrulous.
ANTHONY: (With his thin, somewhat unsure face looking as convinced as possible) But not unstoppable energy. One day, little by little, it’ll fade away, taking his rather impressive talent with it, and leaving behind just a shadow of a man, anxious, self-centered, and talkative.
MAURY: (With laughter) Here we sit vowing to each other that little Dick sees less deeply into things than we do. And I'll bet he feels a measure of superiority on his side—creative mind over merely critical mind and all that.
MAURY: (Laughing) Here we are promising each other that little Dick understands things less deeply than we do. And I’m sure he thinks he’s superior—creative mind versus just a critical one and all that.
ANTHONY: Oh, yes. But he's wrong. He's inclined to fall for a million silly enthusiasms. If it wasn't that he's absorbed in realism and therefore has to adopt the garments of the cynic he'd be—he'd be credulous as a college religious leader. He's an idealist. Oh, yes. He thinks he's not, because he's rejected Christianity. Remember him in college? just swallow every writer whole, one after another, ideas, technic, and characters, Chesterton, Shaw, Wells, each one as easily as the last.
ANTHONY: Oh, definitely. But he’s mistaken. He tends to get swept up in a million pointless passions. If he weren’t so caught up in realism and didn’t have to play the cynic, he'd be—he’d be just as gullible as a college religious leader. He’s an idealist. Oh, for sure. He believes he’s not because he’s rejected Christianity. Remember him in college? He would just take in every writer completely, one after another—ideas, techniques, and characters—Chesterton, Shaw, Wells, each one just as easily as the last.
MAURY:(Still considering his own last observation) I remember.
MAURY:(Still thinking about his last comment) I remember.
ANTHONY: It's true. Natural born fetich-worshipper. Take art—
ANTHONY: It's true. A natural-born fetish-worshipper. Take art—
MAURY: Let's order. He'll be—
MAURY: Let’s order. He’ll be—
ANTHONY: Sure. Let's order. I told him—
ANTHONY: Sure. Let's order. I told him—
MAURY: Here he comes. Look—he's going to bump that waiter. (He lifts his finger as a signal—lifts it as though it were a soft and friendly claw.) Here y'are, Caramel.
MAURY: Here he comes. Look—he's about to bump that waiter. (He raises his finger as a signal—lifting it like it’s a soft and friendly claw.) Here you go, Caramel.
A NEW VOICE: (Fiercely) Hello, Maury. Hello, Anthony Comstock Patch. How is old Adam's grandson? Débutantes still after you, eh?
A NEW VOICE: (Fiercely) Hey, Maury. Hey, Anthony Comstock Patch. How's old Adam's grandson doing? Still on the radar of debutantes, huh?
In person RICHARD CARAMEL is short and fair—he is to be bald at thirty-five. He has yellowish eyes—one of them startlingly clear, the other opaque as a muddy pool—and a bulging brow like a funny-paper baby. He bulges in other places—his paunch bulges, prophetically, his words have an air of bulging from his mouth, even his dinner coat pockets bulge, as though from contamination, with a dog-eared collection of time-tables, programmes, and miscellaneous scraps—on these he takes his notes with great screwings up of his unmatched yellow eyes and motions of silence with his disengaged left hand.
In person, RICHARD CARAMEL is short and light-skinned—he’s going to be bald by thirty-five. He has yellowish eyes—one of them strikingly clear, the other dull and murky—and a protruding forehead like a cartoon baby. He also has a protruding belly that seems to predict his future, his words appear to bulge out of his mouth, and even his dinner jacket pockets bulge, as if they're stuffed with a messy collection of schedules, programs, and random scraps—he takes notes on these while squinting his mismatched yellow eyes and making silent gestures with his disengaged left hand.
When he reaches the table he shakes hands with ANTHONY and MAURY. He is one of those men who invariably shake hands, even with people whom they have seen an hour before.
When he gets to the table, he shakes hands with ANTHONY and MAURY. He’s one of those guys who always shakes hands, even with people he saw just an hour ago.
ANTHONY: Hello, Caramel. Glad you're here. We needed a comic relief.
ANTHONY: Hey, Caramel. I'm glad you're here. We really needed some comic relief.
MAURY: You're late. Been racing the postman down the block? We've been clawing over your character.
MAURY: You're late. Been racing the mailman down the street? We've been going back and forth about your character.
DICK: (Fixing ANTHONY eagerly with the bright eye) What'd you say? Tell me and I'll write it down. Cut three thousand words out of Part One this afternoon.
DICK: (Fixing ANTHONY eagerly with the bright eye) What did you say? Tell me and I'll write it down. I cut three thousand words out of Part One this afternoon.
MAURY: Noble aesthete. And I poured alcohol into my stomach.
MAURY: Refined admirer of beauty. And I drank alcohol.
DICK: I don't doubt it. I bet you two have been sitting here for an hour talking about liquor.
DICK: I’m sure of it. I bet you two have been sitting here for an hour talking about booze.
ANTHONY: We never pass out, my beardless boy.
ANTHONY: We never black out, my young friend.
MAURY: We never go home with ladies we meet when we're lit.
MAURY: We never take home girls we meet when we’re drunk.
ANTHONY: All in our parties are characterized by a certain haughty distinction.
ANTHONY: Everyone in our groups has a certain proud uniqueness.
DICK: The particularly silly sort who boast about being "tanks"! Trouble is you're both in the eighteenth century. School of the Old English Squire. Drink quietly until you roll under the table. Never have a good time. Oh, no, that isn't done at all.
DICK: The really foolish type who brag about being "tanks"! The problem is you're both stuck in the eighteenth century. School of the Old English Squire. Drink quietly until you pass out under the table. Never have a good time. Oh, no, that's just not acceptable at all.
ANTHONY: This from Chapter Six, I'll bet.
ANTHONY: This is from Chapter Six, I bet.
DICK: Going to the theatre?
DICK: Going to the movies?
MAURY: Yes. We intend to spend the evening doing some deep thinking over of life's problems. The thing is tersely called "The Woman." I presume that she will "pay."
MAURY: Yes. We plan to spend the evening deeply reflecting on life's issues. The topic is simply called "The Woman." I assume she will "contribute."
ANTHONY: My God! Is that what it is? Let's go to the Follies again.
ANTHONY: Oh my God! Is that really what it is? Let's go to the Follies again.
MAURY: I'm tired of it. I've seen it three times. (To DICK:) The first time, we went out after Act One and found a most amazing bar. When we came back we entered the wrong theatre.
MAURY: I'm done with it. I've seen it three times. (To DICK:) The first time, we went out after Act One and found this incredible bar. When we came back, we ended up in the wrong theater.
ANTHONY: Had a protracted dispute with a scared young couple we thought were in our seats.
ANTHONY: We had a long argument with a nervous young couple who we thought were in our seats.
DICK: (As though talking to himself) I think—that when I've done another novel and a play, and maybe a book of short stories, I'll do a musical comedy.
DICK: (Talking to himself) I think that once I finish another novel, a play, and maybe a book of short stories, I'll make a musical comedy.
MAURY: I know—with intellectual lyrics that no one will listen to. And all the critics will groan and grunt about "Dear old Pinafore." And I shall go on shining as a brilliantly meaningless figure in a meaningless world.
MAURY: I know—with smart lyrics that no one will pay attention to. And all the critics will complain and mumble about "Dear old Pinafore." And I’ll keep shining as a brilliantly pointless character in a pointless world.
DICK: (Pompously) Art isn't meaningless.
DICK: (Pompously) Art isn’t pointless.
MAURY: It is in itself. It isn't in that it tries to make life less so.
MAURY: It exists on its own. It’s not about trying to make life easier.
ANTHONY: In other words, Dick, you're playing before a grand stand peopled with ghosts.
ANTHONY: In other words, Dick, you're performing in front of an audience made up of ghosts.
MAURY: Give a good show anyhow.
MAURY: Just put on a good show, no matter what.
ANTHONY:(To MAURY) On the contrary, I'd feel that it being a meaningless world, why write? The very attempt to give it purpose is purposeless.
ANTHONY: (To MAURY) On the contrary, if this world is meaningless, then why bother writing? Trying to give it purpose is pointless.
DICK: Well, even admitting all that, be a decent pragmatist and grant a poor man the instinct to live. Would you want every one to accept that sophistic rot?
DICK: Well, even if we accept all that, be a reasonable pragmatist and give a poor man the instinct to survive. Would you want everyone to agree with that nonsensical nonsense?
ANTHONY: Yeah, I suppose so.
ANTHONY: Yeah, I guess so.
MAURY: No, sir! I believe that every one in America but a selected thousand should be compelled to accept a very rigid system of morals—Roman Catholicism, for instance. I don't complain of conventional morality. I complain rather of the mediocre heretics who seize upon the findings of sophistication and adopt the pose of a moral freedom to which they are by no means entitled by their intelligences.
MAURY: No way! I think that everyone in America, except for a select few, should be required to follow a strict moral code—like Roman Catholicism, for example. I'm not criticizing traditional morality. I'm actually bothered by the average heretics who take on the ideas of sophistication and act like they deserve moral freedom that they really aren’t qualified for intellectually.
(Here the soup arrives and what MAURY might have gone on to say is lost
for all time.)
(Here the soup arrives, and whatever MAURY might have continued to say is gone
for good.)
NIGHT
Afterward they visited a ticket speculator and, at a price, obtained seats for a new musical comedy called "High Jinks." In the foyer of the theatre they waited a few moments to see the first-night crowd come in. There were opera cloaks stitched of myriad, many-colored silks and furs; there were jewels dripping from arms and throats and ear-tips of white and rose; there were innumerable broad shimmers down the middles of innumerable silk hats; there were shoes of gold and bronze and red and shining black; there were the high-piled, tight-packed coiffures of many women and the slick, watered hair of well-kept men—most of all there was the ebbing, flowing, chattering, chuckling, foaming, slow-rolling wave effect of this cheerful sea of people as to-night it poured its glittering torrent into the artificial lake of laughter....
Afterward, they went to a ticket scalper and, for a price, got seats for a new musical comedy called "High Jinks." In the theater's lobby, they waited a moment to see the opening night crowd come in. There were opera cloaks made of countless colorful silks and furs; there were jewels hanging from arms, necks, and ear-lobes of fair and rosy complexions; there were numerous shiny accents on countless silk hats; there were shoes in gold, bronze, red, and shiny black; there were the high, tightly packed hairstyles of many women and the slick, styled hair of well-groomed men—most of all, there was the ebbing, flowing, chattering, chuckling, bubbling, and slow-rolling wave effect of this cheerful crowd as tonight it poured its sparkling stream into the artificial lake of laughter....
After the play they parted—Maury was going to a dance at Sherry's, Anthony homeward and to bed.
After the play, they went their separate ways—Maury was heading to a dance at Sherry's, while Anthony was going home to sleep.
He found his way slowly over the jostled evening mass of Times Square, which the chariot race and its thousand satellites made rarely beautiful and bright and intimate with carnival. Faces swirled about him, a kaleidoscope of girls, ugly, ugly as sin—too fat, too lean, yet floating upon this autumn air as upon their own warm and passionate breaths poured out into the night. Here, for all their vulgarity, he thought, they were faintly and subtly mysterious. He inhaled carefully, swallowing into his lungs perfume and the not unpleasant scent of many cigarettes. He caught the glance of a dark young beauty sitting alone in a closed taxicab. Her eyes in the half-light suggested night and violets, and for a moment he stirred again to that half-forgotten remoteness of the afternoon.
He slowly made his way through the bustling evening crowd of Times Square, where the chariot race and its thousand lights created a unique mix of beauty, brightness, and a carnival-like atmosphere. Faces swirled around him, a vibrant mix of girls, some unattractive—too fat, too lean—but still floating in the autumn air as if breathing their own warm and passionate breaths into the night. Here, despite their crudeness, he thought they had a faint and intriguing mystery. He inhaled carefully, drawing in the scent of perfume and the not-unpleasant aroma of countless cigarettes. He noticed a dark young beauty sitting alone in a closed taxi. Her eyes in the dim light hinted at night and violets, and for a moment, he was transported back to that nearly forgotten feeling from the afternoon.
Two young Jewish men passed him, talking in loud voices and craning their necks here and there in fatuous supercilious glances. They were dressed in suits of the exaggerated tightness then semi-fashionable; their turned over collars were notched at the Adam's apple; they wore gray spats and carried gray gloves on their cane handles.
Two young Jewish men walked past him, chatting loudly and looking around with arrogant glances. They were wearing suits that were overly tight, which was somewhat in style at the time; their turned-down collars were cut around their Adam's apples; they had gray spats on and carried gray gloves on the handles of their canes.
Passed a bewildered old lady borne along like a basket of eggs between two men who exclaimed to her of the wonders of Times Square—explained them so quickly that the old lady, trying to be impartially interested, waved her head here and there like a piece of wind-worried old orange-peel. Anthony heard a snatch of their conversation:
Passed a confused old lady being carried like a basket of eggs between two men who excitedly told her about the wonders of Times Square—explaining them so fast that the old lady, trying to show genuine interest, moved her head around like a piece of old orange peel caught in the wind. Anthony caught a bit of their conversation:
"There's the Astor, mama!"
"Look, it's the Astor, Mom!"
"Look! See the chariot race sign——"
"Look! Check out the chariot race sign——"
"There's where we were to-day. No, there!"
"That's where we are today. No, there!"
"Good gracious! ..."
"Wow! ..."
"You should worry and grow thin like a dime." He recognized the current witticism of the year as it issued stridently from one of the pairs at his elbow.
"You should stress and get as thin as a dime." He recognized the popular joke of the year as it loudly came from one of the couples next to him.
"And I says to him, I says——"
"And I say to him, I say——"
The soft rush of taxis by him, and laughter, laughter hoarse as a crow's, incessant and loud, with the rumble of the subways underneath—and over all, the revolutions of light, the growings and recedings of light—light dividing like pearls—forming and reforming in glittering bars and circles and monstrous grotesque figures cut amazingly on the sky.
The gentle rush of taxis passing by him, and laughter, laughter rough as a crow's, constant and loud, with the rumble of the subway below—and above it all, the shifting lights, the bright flashes that come and go—light splitting like pearls—shaping and reshaping into shining bars and circles and bizarre, exaggerated figures outlined strikingly against the sky.
He turned thankfully down the hush that blew like a dark wind out of a cross-street, passed a bakery-restaurant in whose windows a dozen roast chickens turned over and over on an automatic spit. From the door came a smell that was hot, doughy, and pink. A drug-store next, exhaling medicines, spilt soda water and a pleasant undertone from the cosmetic counter; then a Chinese laundry, still open, steamy and stifling, smelling folded and vaguely yellow. All these depressed him; reaching Sixth Avenue he stopped at a corner cigar store and emerged feeling better—the cigar store was cheerful, humanity in a navy blue mist, buying a luxury ....
He gratefully turned away from the silence that blew like a dark wind from a side street, passing a bakery-restaurant where a dozen roast chickens spun endlessly on an automatic spit. From the door wafted a hot, doughy, and savory smell. Next was a drugstore, releasing scents of medicines, soda water, and a pleasant hint from the cosmetic counter; then a Chinese laundry, still open, steamy and stifling, with a folded, vaguely yellow smell. All of this brought him down; when he reached Sixth Avenue, he stopped at a corner cigar store and stepped out feeling better—the cigar store was bright, full of people surrounded by a navy blue haze, enjoying a luxury....
Once in his apartment he smoked a last cigarette, sitting in the dark by his open front window. For the first time in over a year he found himself thoroughly enjoying New York. There was a rare pungency in it certainly, a quality almost Southern. A lonesome town, though. He who had grown up alone had lately learned to avoid solitude. During the past several months he had been careful, when he had no engagement for the evening, to hurry to one of his clubs and find some one. Oh, there was a loneliness here——
Once in his apartment, he smoked one last cigarette, sitting in the dark by his open front window. For the first time in over a year, he found himself truly enjoying New York. There was definitely a unique richness to it, almost reminiscent of the South. It was a lonely city, though. Having grown up alone, he had recently learned to steer clear of solitude. Over the past few months, when he had no plans for the evening, he made sure to rush to one of his clubs and find someone to be with. Oh, there was a loneliness here——
His cigarette, its smoke bordering the thin folds of curtain with rims of faint white spray, glowed on until the clock in St. Anne's down the street struck one with a querulous fashionable beauty. The elevated, half a quiet block away, sounded a rumble of drums—and should he lean from his window he would see the train, like an angry eagle, breasting the dark curve at the corner. He was reminded of a fantastic romance he had lately read in which cities had been bombed from aerial trains, and for a moment he fancied that Washington Square had declared war on Central Park and that this was a north-bound menace loaded with battle and sudden death. But as it passed the illusion faded; it diminished to the faintest of drums—then to a far-away droning eagle.
His cigarette, its smoke brushing against the thin folds of the curtain with hints of faint white, glowed on until the clock at St. Anne's down the street struck one with a stylish, nagging beauty. The elevated train, half a quiet block away, let out a rumble like drums—and if he leaned out his window, he would see the train, like an angry eagle, rounding the dark curve at the corner. It reminded him of a wild story he had recently read where cities were bombed from aerial trains, and for a moment, he imagined that Washington Square had declared war on Central Park and that this was a northbound threat filled with chaos and sudden death. But as it passed, the illusion faded; it shrank to the faintest sound of drums—then to a distant droning eagle.
There were the bells and the continued low blur of auto horns from Fifth Avenue, but his own street was silent and he was safe in here from all the threat of life, for there was his door and the long hall and his guardian bedroom—safe, safe! The arc-light shining into his window seemed for this hour like the moon, only brighter and more beautiful than the moon.
There were bells and the constant low hum of car horns from Fifth Avenue, but his own street was quiet, and he felt safe inside, away from all the chaos of life, with his door, the long hallway, and his protective bedroom—safe, safe! The streetlight shining through his window felt like the moon for this hour, only brighter and more beautiful than the moon.
A FLASH-BACK IN PARADISE
Beauty, who was born anew every hundred years, sat in a sort of outdoor waiting room through which blew gusts of white wind and occasionally a breathless hurried star. The stars winked at her intimately as they went by and the winds made a soft incessant flurry in her hair. She was incomprehensible, for, in her, soul and spirit were one—the beauty of her body was the essence of her soul. She was that unity sought for by philosophers through many centuries. In this outdoor waiting room of winds and stars she had been sitting for a hundred years, at peace in the contemplation of herself.
Beauty, who was reborn every hundred years, sat in a kind of outdoor waiting room where gusts of white wind blew and occasionally a hurried star zipped by. The stars winked at her playfully as they passed, while the wind gently tousled her hair. She was beyond understanding, as her soul and spirit were one—the beauty of her body reflected the essence of her soul. She embodied the unity that philosophers had sought for centuries. In this outdoor waiting room of winds and stars, she had been sitting for a hundred years, peacefully contemplating herself.
It became known to her, at length, that she was to be born again. Sighing, she began a long conversation with a voice that was in the white wind, a conversation that took many hours and of which I can give only a fragment here.
Eventually, she realized that she was going to be born again. Sighing, she started a long conversation with a voice carried by the white wind, a conversation that lasted many hours and of which I can provide only a small part here.
BEAUTY: (Her lips scarcely stirring, her eyes turned, as always, inward upon herself) Whither shall I journey now?
BEAUTY: (Her lips barely moving, her eyes directed, as always, inward toward herself) Where should I go now?
THE VOICE: To a new country—a land you have never seen before.
THE VOICE: To a new country—a place you've never seen before.
BEAUTY: (Petulantly) I loathe breaking into these new civilizations. How long a stay this time?
BEAUTY: (Poutingly) I hate having to break into these new civilizations. How long are we staying this time?
THE VOICE: Fifteen years.
THE VOICE: 15 years.
BEAUTY: And what's the name of the place?
BEAUTY: So, what's the name of the place?
THE VOICE: It is the most opulent, most gorgeous land on earth—a land whose wisest are but little wiser than its dullest; a land where the rulers have minds like little children and the law-givers believe in Santa Claus; where ugly women control strong men——
THE VOICE: It is the most lavish, most beautiful land on earth—a land where the smartest are barely smarter than the dullest; a land where the rulers think like little kids and the lawmakers believe in Santa Claus; where unattractive women dominate strong men——
BEAUTY: (In astonishment) What?
BEAUTY: (In shock) What?
THE VOICE: (Very much depressed) Yes, it is truly a melancholy spectacle. Women with receding chins and shapeless noses go about in broad daylight saying "Do this!" and "Do that!" and all the men, even those of great wealth, obey implicitly their women to whom they refer sonorously either as "Mrs. So-and-so" or as "the wife."
THE VOICE: (Very much depressed) Yes, it is truly a sad sight. Women with weak chins and unshapely noses walk around in the open, saying "Do this!" and "Do that!" and all the men, even those with considerable wealth, follow their women's orders without question, referring to them grandly as "Mrs. So-and-so" or simply "the wife."
BEAUTY: But this can't be true! I can understand, of course, their obedience to women of charm—but to fat women? to bony women? to women with scrawny cheeks?
BEAUTY: But this can't be true! I can understand, of course, their obedience to charming women—but to overweight women? to skinny women? to women with gaunt cheeks?
THE VOICE: Even so.
THE VOICE: Still.
BEAUTY: What of me? What chance shall I have?
BEAUTY: What about me? What chance do I have?
THE VOICE: It will be "harder going," if I may borrow a phrase.
THE VOICE: It will be "tougher," if I may borrow a phrase.
BEAUTY: (After a dissatisfied pause) Why not the old lands, the land of grapes and soft-tongued men or the land of ships and seas?
BEAUTY: (After a dissatisfied pause) Why not the old countries, the land of vineyards and smooth-talking people or the land of ships and oceans?
THE VOICE: It's expected that they'll be very busy shortly.
THE VOICE: They’ll probably be super busy soon.
BEAUTY: Oh!
BEAUTY: Wow!
THE VOICE: Your life on earth will be, as always, the interval between two significant glances in a mundane mirror.
THE VOICE: Your life on earth will be, as always, the time spent between two meaningful looks in an ordinary mirror.
BEAUTY: What will I be? Tell me?
BEAUTY: What will I be? Can you tell me?
THE VOICE: At first it was thought that you would go this time as an actress in the motion pictures but, after all, it's not advisable. You will be disguised during your fifteen years as what is called a "susciety gurl."
THE VOICE: At first, it was believed you would go this time as a movie actress, but in the end, that's not a good idea. You'll be disguised during your fifteen years as what is referred to as a "society girl."
BEAUTY: What's that?
BEAUTY: What is that?
(There is a new sound in the wind which must for our purposes be interpreted as THE VOICE scratching its head.)
(There’s a new sound in the wind that we must interpret as THE VOICE scratching its head.)
THE VOICE: (At length) It's a sort of bogus aristocrat.
THE VOICE: (Eventually) It's a kind of fake aristocrat.
BEAUTY: Bogus? What is bogus?
BEAUTY: Fake? What is fake?
THE VOICE: That, too, you will discover in this land. You will find much that is bogus. Also, you will do much that is bogus.
THE VOICE: You will discover that in this land as well. You'll find a lot that's fake. Also, you'll do a lot that's fake.
BEAUTY: (Placidly) It all sounds so vulgar.
BEAUTY: (Calmly) Everything sounds so tacky.
THE VOICE: Not half as vulgar as it is. You will be known during your fifteen years as a ragtime kid, a flapper, a jazz-baby, and a baby vamp. You will dance new dances neither more nor less gracefully than you danced the old ones.
THE VOICE: Not nearly as crude as it is. You will be recognized during your fifteen years as a ragtime kid, a flapper, a jazz-baby, and a baby vamp. You will dance new dances with the same grace as you danced the old ones.
BEAUTY: (In a whisper) Will I be paid?
BEAUTY: (In a whisper) Will I get paid?
THE VOICE: Yes, as usual—in love.
THE VOICE: Yeah, as usual—in love.
BEAUTY: (With a faint laugh which disturbs only momentarily the immobility of her lips) And will I like being called a jazz-baby?
BEAUTY: (With a soft laugh that barely disrupts the stillness of her lips) So, will I like being called a jazz-baby?
THE VOICE: (Soberly) You will love it....
THE VOICE: (Seriously) You're going to love it....
(The dialogue ends here, with BEAUTY still sitting quietly, the stars
pausing in an ecstasy of appreciation, the wind, white and gusty,
blowing through her hair.
(The dialogue ends here, with BEAUTY still sitting quietly, the stars
pausing in a moment of admiration, the wind, bright and breezy,
blowing through her hair.
All this took place seven years before ANTHONY sat by the front windows of his apartment and listened to the chimes of St. Anne's.)
All this happened seven years before ANTHONY sat by the front windows of his apartment and listened to the chimes of St. Anne's.
CHAPTER II
PORTRAIT OF A SIREN
Crispness folded down upon New York a month later, bringing November and the three big football games and a great fluttering of furs along Fifth Avenue. It brought, also, a sense of tension to the city, and suppressed excitement. Every morning now there were invitations in Anthony's mail. Three dozen virtuous females of the first layer were proclaiming their fitness, if not their specific willingness, to bear children unto three dozen millionaires. Five dozen virtuous females of the second layer were proclaiming not only this fitness, but in addition a tremendous undaunted ambition toward the first three dozen young men, who were of course invited to each of the ninety-six parties—as were the young lady's group of family friends, acquaintances, college boys, and eager young outsiders. To continue, there was a third layer from the skirts of the city, from Newark and the Jersey suburbs up to bitter Connecticut and the ineligible sections of Long Island—and doubtless contiguous layers down to the city's shoes: Jewesses were coming out into a society of Jewish men and women, from Riverside to the Bronx, and looking forward to a rising young broker or jeweller and a kosher wedding; Irish girls were casting their eyes, with license at last to do so, upon a society of young Tammany politicians, pious undertakers, and grown-up choirboys.
Crispness settled over New York a month later, bringing November and the three big football games, as well as a flurry of furs along Fifth Avenue. It also brought a feeling of tension and suppressed excitement to the city. Every morning now, Anthony found invitations in his mail. Three dozen respectable women from the top tier were declaring their readiness, if not their direct willingness, to have children for three dozen millionaires. Five dozen respectable women from the second tier were not only stating their fitness but also expressing a strong ambition toward the first three dozen young men, who were, of course, invited to each of the ninety-six parties—along with the young lady's circle of family friends, acquaintances, college mates, and eager young outsiders. Additionally, there was a third layer coming from the outskirts of the city, from Newark and the Jersey suburbs up to chilly Connecticut and the less desirable areas of Long Island—and probably other layers reaching down to the city’s foundations: Jewish women were entering the social scene with Jewish men and women, from Riverside to the Bronx, looking forward to a successful young broker or jeweler and a kosher wedding; Irish girls were finally looking at a society of young Tammany politicians, respectful undertakers, and grown-up choirboys.
And, naturally, the city caught the contagious air of entré—the working girls, poor ugly souls, wrapping soap in the factories and showing finery in the big stores, dreamed that perhaps in the spectacular excitement of this winter they might obtain for themselves the coveted male—as in a muddled carnival crowd an inefficient pickpocket may consider his chances increased. And the chimneys commenced to smoke and the subway's foulness was freshened. And the actresses came out in new plays and the publishers came out with new books and the Castles came out with new dances. And the railroads came out with new schedules containing new mistakes instead of the old ones that the commuters had grown used to....
And, of course, the city caught the contagious vibe of excitement—the working girls, poor and plain, wrapping soap in the factories and showcasing fancy clothes in the big stores, dreamed that maybe during the thrilling chaos of this winter, they could snag the attention of a desirable guy—just like a clumsy pickpocket in a crowded carnival thinks his odds have improved. The chimneys started puffing smoke, and the subway’s stench was lessened. New plays were introduced by actresses, publishers released new books, and the Castles revealed new dance routines. The railroads rolled out new schedules that included new errors instead of the old ones that commuters had come to expect....
The City was coming out!
The city is coming out!
Anthony, walking along Forty-second Street one afternoon under a steel-gray sky, ran unexpectedly into Richard Caramel emerging from the Manhattan Hotel barber shop. It was a cold day, the first definitely cold day, and Caramel had on one of those knee-length, sheep-lined coats long worn by the working men of the Middle West, that were just coming into fashionable approval. His soft hat was of a discreet dark brown, and from under it his clear eye flamed like a topaz. He stopped Anthony enthusiastically, slapping him on the arms more from a desire to keep himself warm than from playfulness, and, after his inevitable hand shake, exploded into sound.
Anthony was walking down Forty-second Street one afternoon under a steel-gray sky when he unexpectedly bumped into Richard Caramel as he was leaving the barber shop at the Manhattan Hotel. It was a chilly day, the first truly cold day of the season, and Caramel was wearing one of those knee-length shearling coats that had long been favored by working men in the Midwest and were just starting to become fashionable. His soft hat was a subtle dark brown, and from beneath it, his clear eye sparkled like a topaz. He excitedly stopped Anthony, slapping him on the arms more to keep warm than out of playfulness, and after their usual handshake, he burst into conversation.
"Cold as the devil—Good Lord, I've been working like the deuce all day till my room got so cold I thought I'd get pneumonia. Darn landlady economizing on coal came up when I yelled over the stairs for her for half an hour. Began explaining why and all. God! First she drove me crazy, then I began to think she was sort of a character, and took notes while she talked—so she couldn't see me, you know, just as though I were writing casually—"
"Cold as hell—Good Lord, I've been working like crazy all day and my room got so cold I thought I’d catch pneumonia. Stupid landlady saving on coal came up when I yelled for her from the stairs for half an hour. Started explaining why and everything. Wow! First, she drove me nuts, then I started to think she was kind of a character, and I took notes while she talked—so she couldn’t see me, you know, just like I was writing casually—"
He had seized Anthony's arm and walking him briskly up Madison Avenue.
He had grabbed Anthony's arm and was walking him quickly up Madison Avenue.
"Where to?"
"Where to now?"
"Nowhere in particular."
"Nowhere specific."
"Well, then what's the use?" demanded Anthony.
"Well, what's the point?" Anthony asked.
They stopped and stared at each other, and Anthony wondered if the cold made his own face as repellent as Dick Caramel's, whose nose was crimson, whose bulging brow was blue, whose yellow unmatched eyes were red and watery at the rims. After a moment they began walking again.
They paused and looked at each other, and Anthony wondered if the cold made his own face as unattractive as Dick Caramel's, whose nose was bright red, whose swollen forehead was blue, and whose mismatched yellow eyes were red and watery at the edges. After a moment, they started walking again.
"Done some good work on my novel." Dick was looking and talking emphatically at the sidewalk. "But I have to get out once in a while." He glanced at Anthony apologetically, as though craving encouragement.
"Done some good work on my novel." Dick was looking and speaking passionately at the sidewalk. "But I need to get out once in a while." He glanced at Anthony with an apologetic look, as if seeking encouragement.
"I have to talk. I guess very few people ever really think, I mean sit down and ponder and have ideas in sequence. I do my thinking in writing or conversation. You've got to have a start, sort of—something to defend or contradict—don't you think?"
"I need to talk. I suppose very few people actually think, like really sit down and reflect and organize their thoughts. I do my thinking through writing or conversation. You need to have a starting point, right? Something to support or oppose—don't you agree?"
Anthony grunted and withdrew his arm gently.
Anthony grunted and carefully pulled his arm back.
"I don't mind carrying you, Dick, but with that coat—"
"I don't mind carrying you, Dick, but with that coat—"
"I mean," continued Richard Caramel gravely, "that on paper your first paragraph contains the idea you're going to damn or enlarge on. In conversation you've got your vis-à-vis's last statement—but when you simply ponder, why, your ideas just succeed each other like magic-lantern pictures and each one forces out the last."
"I mean," continued Richard Caramel seriously, "that on paper your first paragraph includes the idea you intend to discuss or expand on. In conversation, you have your partner's last statement—but when you just think, your ideas come one after another like slides in a projector, and each one pushes out the previous one."
They passed Forty-fifth Street and slowed down slightly. Both of them lit cigarettes and blew tremendous clouds of smoke and frosted breath into the air.
They passed 45th Street and slowed down a bit. Both of them lit cigarettes and blew huge clouds of smoke and frosty breath into the air.
"Let's walk up to the Plaza and have an egg-nog," suggested Anthony. "Do you good. Air'll get the rotten nicotine out of your lungs. Come on—I'll let you talk about your book all the way."
"Let’s walk up to the Plaza and grab some eggnog," Anthony suggested. "It'll do you good. The fresh air will clear that awful nicotine out of your lungs. Come on—I’ll let you talk about your book the whole way."
"I don't want to if it bores you. I mean you needn't do it as a favor." The words tumbled out in haste, and though he tried to keep his face casual it screwed up uncertainly. Anthony was compelled to protest: "Bore me? I should say not!"
"I don't want to if it bores you. I mean you don’t have to do it as a favor." The words came out quickly, and even though he tried to act cool, his face was awkward. Anthony felt he had to protest: "Bore me? Not at all!"
"Got a cousin—" began Dick, but Anthony interrupted by stretching out his arms and breathing forth a low cry of exultation.
"Got a cousin—" started Dick, but Anthony cut him off by reaching out his arms and letting out a soft cry of joy.
"Good weather!" he exclaimed, "isn't it? Makes me feel about ten. I mean it makes me feel as I should have felt when I was ten. Murderous! Oh, God! one minute it's my world, and the next I'm the world's fool. To-day it's my world and everything's easy, easy. Even Nothing is easy!"
"Nice weather!" he exclaimed, "isn't it? It makes me feel like I'm ten. I really mean it makes me feel like I should have felt when I was ten. Wild! Oh, man! one minute it's my world, and the next I'm the biggest fool. Today it's my world and everything's simple, simple. Even Nothing is simple!"
"Got a cousin up at the Plaza. Famous girl. We can go up and meet her. She lives there in the winter—has lately anyway—with her mother and father."
"Got a cousin at the Plaza. She's famous. We can go meet her. She lives there in the winter—has been for a while now—with her mom and dad."
"Didn't know you had cousins in New York."
"Didn’t know you had relatives in New York."
"Her name's Gloria. She's from home—Kansas City. Her mother's a practising Bilphist, and her father's quite dull but a perfect gentleman."
"Her name's Gloria. She's from home—Kansas City. Her mom's a practicing Bilphist, and her dad's pretty boring but a total gentleman."
"What are they? Literary material?"
"What are they? Writing material?"
"They try to be. All the old man does is tell me he just met the most wonderful character for a novel. Then he tells me about some idiotic friend of his and then he says: 'There's a character for you! Why don't you write him up? Everybody'd be interested in him.' Or else he tells me about Japan or Paris, or some other very obvious place, and says: 'Why don't you write a story about that place? That'd be a wonderful setting for a story!'"
"They really try to be. All the old guy does is tell me he just met the most amazing character for a novel. Then he goes on about some ridiculous friend of his and says: 'There's a character for you! Why don't you write about him? Everyone would be interested in him.' Or he talks about Japan or Paris, or some other very obvious place, and says: 'Why don't you write a story about that place? That'd be a fantastic setting for a story!'"
"How about the girl?" inquired Anthony casually, "Gloria—Gloria what?"
"How about the girl?" Anthony asked casually, "Gloria—Gloria what?"
"Gilbert. Oh, you've heard of her—Gloria Gilbert. Goes to dances at colleges—all that sort of thing."
"Gilbert. Oh, you've heard of her—Gloria Gilbert. She goes to college dances—all that kind of stuff."
"I've heard her name."
"I know her name."
"Good-looking—in fact damned attractive."
"Good-looking—actually super attractive."
They reached Fiftieth Street and turned over toward the Avenue.
They arrived at Fiftieth Street and turned toward the Avenue.
"I don't care for young girls as a rule," said Anthony, frowning.
"I usually don't care for young girls," said Anthony, scowling.
This was not strictly true. While it seemed to him that the average debutante spent every hour of her day thinking and talking about what the great world had mapped out for her to do during the next hour, any girl who made a living directly on her prettiness interested him enormously.
This wasn't exactly true. Although it seemed to him that the average debutante spent every hour of her day thinking and talking about what the high society had planned for her next, he was greatly intrigued by any girl who earned a living based on her looks.
"Gloria's darn nice—not a brain in her head."
"Gloria's really sweet—not the brightest person."
Anthony laughed in a one-syllabled snort.
Anthony let out a one-syllable snort of laughter.
"By that you mean that she hasn't a line of literary patter."
"By that, you mean that she doesn't have a bit of literary flair."
"No, I don't."
"No, I don't."
"Dick, you know what passes as brains in a girl for you. Earnest young women who sit with you in a corner and talk earnestly about life. The kind who when they were sixteen argued with grave faces as to whether kissing was right or wrong—and whether it was immoral for freshmen to drink beer."
"Dick, you know what you consider intelligence in a girl. Serious young women who sit with you in a corner and have deep conversations about life. The type who, when they were sixteen, debated seriously about whether kissing was right or wrong—and whether it was wrong for freshmen to drink beer."
Richard Caramel was offended. His scowl crinkled like crushed paper.
Richard Caramel was annoyed. His frown wrinkled like crumpled paper.
"No—" he began, but Anthony interrupted ruthlessly.
"No—" he started, but Anthony cut him off harshly.
"Oh, yes; kind who just at present sit in corners and confer on the latest Scandinavian Dante available in English translation."
"Oh, yes; the kind who just now sit in corners and discuss the latest Scandinavian Dante translated into English."
Dick turned to him, a curious falling in his whole countenance. His question was almost an appeal.
Dick turned to him, a curious look on his face. His question was almost a plea.
"What's the matter with you and Maury? You talk sometimes as though I were a sort of inferior."
"What's wrong with you and Maury? Sometimes it feels like you talk to me like I'm some kind of lesser person."
Anthony was confused, but he was also cold and a little uncomfortable, so he took refuge in attack.
Anthony was confused, but he was also cold and a bit uncomfortable, so he decided to fight back.
"I don't think your brains matter, Dick."
"I don't think your brains are important, Dick."
"Of course they matter!" exclaimed Dick angrily. "What do you mean? Why don't they matter?"
"Of course they matter!" Dick shouted angrily. "What do you mean? Why don’t they matter?"
"You might know too much for your pen."
"You might know too much for your writing."
"I couldn't possibly."
"I can't possibly."
"I can imagine," insisted Anthony, "a man knowing too much for his talent to express. Like me. Suppose, for instance, I have more wisdom than you, and less talent. It would tend to make me inarticulate. You, on the contrary, have enough water to fill the pail and a big enough pail to hold the water."
"I can picture it," Anthony insisted, "a guy who knows too much to express it well. Like me. For example, what if I have more knowledge than you but less talent? That would probably make it hard for me to communicate. You, on the other hand, have enough substance to fill the bucket and a big enough bucket to hold it."
"I don't follow you at all," complained Dick in a crestfallen tone. Infinitely dismayed, he seemed to bulge in protest. He was staring intently at Anthony and caroming off a succession of passers-by, who reproached him with fierce, resentful glances.
"I don't get what you're saying at all," complained Dick in a disappointed tone. Deeply upset, he seemed to swell in resistance. He was glaring intensely at Anthony and bouncing off a series of passers-by, who shot him fierce, resentful looks.
"I simply mean that a talent like Wells's could carry the intelligence of a Spencer. But an inferior talent can only be graceful when it's carrying inferior ideas. And the more narrowly you can look at a thing the more entertaining you can be about it."
"I just mean that a talent like Wells's could hold the intelligence of a Spencer. But a lesser talent can only be charming when it’s dealing with lesser ideas. And the more focused you can be on something, the more entertaining you can make it."
Dick considered, unable to decide the exact degree of criticism intended by Anthony's remarks. But Anthony, with that facility which seemed so frequently to flow from him, continued, his dark eyes gleaming in his thin face, his chin raised, his voice raised, his whole physical being raised:
Dick thought about it, unsure of how critical Anthony's comments really were. But Anthony, with that ease that seemed to come naturally to him, kept going, his dark eyes shining in his thin face, his chin up, his voice elevated, his entire presence energetic:
"Say I am proud and sane and wise—an Athenian among Greeks. Well, I might fail where a lesser man would succeed. He could imitate, he could adorn, he could be enthusiastic, he could be hopefully constructive. But this hypothetical me would be too proud to imitate, too sane to be enthusiastic, too sophisticated to be Utopian, too Grecian to adorn."
"Let me say I'm proud, rational, and wise—an Athenian among Greeks. Sure, I might not do as well where someone less capable might thrive. That person could imitate, embellish, be passionate, and construct things with hope. But this version of me would be too proud to imitate, too logical to be overly enthusiastic, too worldly to dream of a perfect society, and too much of a Greek to embellish."
"Then you don't think the artist works from his intelligence?"
"So you don't think the artist uses his mind?"
"No. He goes on improving, if he can, what he imitates in the way of style, and choosing from his own interpretation of the things around him what constitutes material. But after all every writer writes because it's his mode of living. Don't tell me you like this 'Divine Function of the Artist' business?"
"No. He keeps getting better, if he can, by refining what he copies in terms of style and selecting from his own take on the world around him what counts as material. But ultimately, every writer writes because it’s their way of making a living. Don’t tell me you buy into this 'Divine Function of the Artist' nonsense?"
"I'm not accustomed even to refer to myself as an artist."
"I'm not used to calling myself an artist."
"Dick," said Anthony, changing his tone, "I want to beg your pardon."
"Dick," Anthony said, changing his tone, "I want to apologize."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"For that outburst. I'm honestly sorry. I was talking for effect."
"I'm really sorry for that outburst. I was just trying to make a point."
Somewhat mollified, Dick rejoined:
Somewhat calmed, Dick replied:
"I've often said you were a Philistine at heart."
"I've often said you were uncultured at heart."
It was a crackling dusk when they turned in under the white façade of the Plaza and tasted slowly the foam and yellow thickness of an egg-nog. Anthony looked at his companion. Richard Caramel's nose and brow were slowly approaching a like pigmentation; the red was leaving the one, the blue deserting the other. Glancing in a mirror, Anthony was glad to find that his own skin had not discolored. On the contrary, a faint glow had kindled in his cheeks—he fancied that he had never looked so well.
It was a chilly evening when they stepped beneath the white façade of the Plaza and slowly savored the frothy, yellow richness of an egg-nog. Anthony glanced at his friend. Richard Caramel's nose and forehead were gradually becoming similar in color; the red was fading from one, the blue was vanishing from the other. Looking in a mirror, Anthony was relieved to see that his own complexion had remained unchanged. In fact, a soft glow had developed in his cheeks—he thought he had never looked better.
"Enough for me," said Dick, his tone that of an athlete in training. "I want to go up and see the Gilberts. Won't you come?"
"That's good enough for me," said Dick, sounding like an athlete in training. "I want to go up and see the Gilberts. Will you come?"
"Why—yes. If you don't dedicate me to the parents and dash off in the corner with Dora."
"Of course. If you don't introduce me to your parents and sneak off to the corner with Dora."
"Not Dora—Gloria."
"Not Dora—it's Gloria."
A clerk announced them over the phone, and ascending to the tenth floor they followed a winding corridor and knocked at 1088. The door was answered by a middle-aged lady—Mrs. Gilbert herself.
A clerk announced them over the phone, and after taking the elevator to the tenth floor, they followed a winding hallway and knocked on 1088. The door was opened by a middle-aged woman—Mrs. Gilbert herself.
"How do you do?" She spoke in the conventional American lady-lady language. "Well, I'm awfully glad to see you—"
"How are you?" She spoke in the typical American polite manner. "Well, I'm really glad to see you—"
Hasty interjections by Dick, and then:
Hasty comments from Dick, and then:
"Mr. Pats? Well, do come in, and leave your coat there." She pointed to a chair and changed her inflection to a deprecatory laugh full of minute gasps. "This is really lovely—lovely. Why, Richard, you haven't been here for so long—no!—no!" The latter monosyllables served half as responses, half as periods, to some vague starts from Dick. "Well, do sit down and tell me what you've been doing."
"Mr. Pats? Please come in and hang your coat over there." She gestured to a chair and shifted her tone to a dismissive laugh filled with tiny gasps. "This is really lovely—just lovely. Wow, Richard, you haven't been here in ages—no!—no!" Those last words served as both answers and pauses to some vague comments from Dick. "So, have a seat and tell me what you've been up to."
One crossed and recrossed; one stood and bowed ever so gently; one smiled again and again with helpless stupidity; one wondered if she would ever sit down at length one slid thankfully into a chair and settled for a pleasant call.
One crossed and recrossed; one stood and bowed very gently; one smiled repeatedly with cluelessness; one wondered if she would ever sit down; finally, one slid gratefully into a chair and settled in for a nice chat.
"I suppose it's because you've been busy—as much as anything else," smiled Mrs. Gilbert somewhat ambiguously. The "as much as anything else" she used to balance all her more rickety sentences. She had two other ones: "at least that's the way I look at it" and "pure and simple"—these three, alternated, gave each of her remarks an air of being a general reflection on life, as though she had calculated all causes and, at length, put her finger on the ultimate one.
"I guess it's because you've been busy—like everything else," smiled Mrs. Gilbert with a hint of ambiguity. The "like everything else" was her way of balancing out her more shaky statements. She had two other phrases: "at least that's how I see it" and "just plain and simple"—these three, used interchangeably, gave each of her comments the feel of a broader commentary on life, as if she had weighed all the factors and finally pinpointed the main one.
Richard Caramel's face, Anthony saw, was now quite normal. The brow and cheeks were of a flesh color, the nose politely inconspicuous. He had fixed his aunt with the bright-yellow eye, giving her that acute and exaggerated attention that young males are accustomed to render to all females who are of no further value.
Richard Caramel's face, Anthony noticed, was now pretty normal. His forehead and cheeks were a flesh color, and his nose was barely noticeable. He was giving his aunt that bright yellow-eyed stare, showing her the intense and exaggerated attention that young guys typically give to women who hold no further interest for them.
"Are you a writer too, Mr. Pats? ... Well, perhaps we can all bask in Richard's fame."—Gentle laughter led by Mrs. Gilbert.
"Are you a writer too, Mr. Pats? ... Well, maybe we can all enjoy Richard's fame."—Gentle laughter led by Mrs. Gilbert.
"Gloria's out," she said, with an air of laying down an axiom from which she would proceed to derive results. "She's dancing somewhere. Gloria goes, goes, goes. I tell her I don't see how she stands it. She dances all afternoon and all night, until I think she's going to wear herself to a shadow. Her father is very worried about her."
"Gloria's out," she said, as if stating a fact from which she would draw conclusions. "She's dancing somewhere. Gloria just goes, goes, goes. I tell her I don't understand how she manages it. She dances all afternoon and all night, and I worry she's going to run herself into the ground. Her dad is really concerned about her."
She smiled from one to the other. They both smiled.
She smiled at each of them. They both smiled back.
She was composed, Anthony perceived, of a succession of semicircles and parabolas, like those figures that gifted folk make on the typewriter: head, arms, bust, hips, thighs, and ankles were in a bewildering tier of roundnesses. Well ordered and clean she was, with hair of an artificially rich gray; her large face sheltered weather-beaten blue eyes and was adorned with just the faintest white mustache.
She appeared to Anthony as a series of semicircles and parabolas, much like the shapes that talented people create on a typewriter: her head, arms, torso, hips, thighs, and ankles all blended into a confusing array of curves. She was neat and polished, with artificially vibrant gray hair; her broad face held weathered blue eyes and was decorated with the faintest hint of a white mustache.
"I always say," she remarked to Anthony, "that Richard is an ancient soul."
"I always say," she told Anthony, "that Richard is an old soul."
In the tense pause that followed, Anthony considered a pun—something about Dick having been much walked upon.
In the tense silence that came after, Anthony thought about a pun—something about Dick having been walked on a lot.
"We all have souls of different ages," continued Mrs. Gilbert radiantly; "at least that's what I say."
"We all have souls of different ages," Mrs. Gilbert said with a bright smile; "at least that's what I think."
"Perhaps so," agreed Anthony with an air of quickening to a hopeful idea. The voice bubbled on:
"Maybe," Anthony said, feeling energized by a hopeful thought. The voice continued:
"Gloria has a very young soul—irresponsible, as much as anything else. She has no sense of responsibility."
"Gloria has a very youthful spirit—reckless, just like everything else. She lacks any sense of responsibility."
"She's sparkling, Aunt Catherine," said Richard pleasantly. "A sense of responsibility would spoil her. She's too pretty."
"She's dazzling, Aunt Catherine," Richard said cheerfully. "Having a sense of responsibility would ruin her. She's just too beautiful."
"Well," confessed Mrs. Gilbert, "all I know is that she goes and goes and goes—"
"Well," admitted Mrs. Gilbert, "all I know is that she just keeps going and going and going—"
The number of goings to Gloria's discredit was lost in the rattle of the door-knob as it turned to admit Mr. Gilbert.
The number of visits to Gloria's discredit was drowned out by the sound of the door knob rattling as Mr. Gilbert entered.
He was a short man with a mustache resting like a small white cloud beneath his undistinguished nose. He had reached the stage where his value as a social creature was a black and imponderable negative. His ideas were the popular delusions of twenty years before; his mind steered a wabbly and anaemic course in the wake of the daily newspaper editorials. After graduating from a small but terrifying Western university, he had entered the celluloid business, and as this required only the minute measure of intelligence he brought to it, he did well for several years—in fact until about 1911, when he began exchanging contracts for vague agreements with the moving picture industry. The moving picture industry had decided about 1912 to gobble him up, and at this time he was, so to speak, delicately balanced on its tongue. Meanwhile he was supervising manager of the Associated Mid-western Film Materials Company, spending six months of each year in New York and the remainder in Kansas City and St. Louis. He felt credulously that there was a good thing coming to him—and his wife thought so, and his daughter thought so too.
He was a short guy with a mustache that looked like a small white cloud under his plain nose. He had reached a point where his social value was a total negative. His ideas were the popular misconceptions from twenty years earlier; his thinking followed a shaky and weak path behind the daily newspaper editorials. After graduating from a small yet intimidating Western university, he had entered the film business, which required only the minimal intelligence he possessed, and he succeeded for several years—up until about 1911, when he started swapping contracts for vague agreements with the movie industry. The movie industry had decided around 1912 to take him in, and at that moment, he was, in a way, delicately balanced on its tongue. In the meantime, he was the supervising manager of the Associated Mid-western Film Materials Company, spending six months of each year in New York and the rest in Kansas City and St. Louis. He naively believed that something good was coming his way—and his wife thought so too, and his daughter thought so as well.
He disapproved of Gloria: she stayed out late, she never ate her meals, she was always in a mix-up—he had irritated her once and she had used toward him words that he had not thought were part of her vocabulary. His wife was easier. After fifteen years of incessant guerilla warfare he had conquered her—it was a war of muddled optimism against organized dulness, and something in the number of "yes's" with which he could poison a conversation had won him the victory.
He was not a fan of Gloria: she stayed out late, she never ate her meals, and she was always in some sort of trouble—he had annoyed her once, and she had used words he didn’t think were in her vocabulary. His wife was simpler. After fifteen years of constant back-and-forth fighting, he had managed to win her over—it was a battle of messy optimism against structured boredom, and the number of “yeses” he could throw into a conversation had earned him the win.
"Yes-yes-yes-yes," he would say, "yes-yes-yes-yes. Let me see. That was the summer of—let me see—ninety-one or ninety-two—Yes-yes-yes-yes——"
"Yes, yes, yes, yes," he would say, "yes, yes, yes, yes. Let me think. That was the summer of—let me think—ninety-one or ninety-two—Yes, yes, yes, yes——"
Fifteen years of yes's had beaten Mrs. Gilbert. Fifteen further years of that incessant unaffirmative affirmative, accompanied by the perpetual flicking of ash-mushrooms from thirty-two thousand cigars, had broken her. To this husband of hers she made the last concession of married life, which is more complete, more irrevocable, than the first—she listened to him. She told herself that the years had brought her tolerance—actually they had slain what measure she had ever possessed of moral courage.
Fifteen years of agreeing had worn Mrs. Gilbert down. Another fifteen years of that constant half-hearted agreement, along with the endless flicking of ash from thirty-two thousand cigars, had broken her spirit. To this husband of hers, she made the final concession of married life, which is more complete and more irreversible than the first—she listened to him. She told herself that the years had given her tolerance—actually, they had killed whatever small amount of moral courage she had ever had.
She introduced him to Anthony.
She introduced him to Anthony.
"This is Mr. Pats," she said.
"This is Mr. Pats," she said.
The young man and the old touched flesh; Mr. Gilbert's hand was soft, worn away to the pulpy semblance of a squeezed grapefruit. Then husband and wife exchanged greetings—he told her it had grown colder out; he said he had walked down to a news-stand on Forty-fourth Street for a Kansas City paper. He had intended to ride back in the bus but he had found it too cold, yes, yes, yes, yes, too cold.
The young man and the old man touched hands; Mr. Gilbert's hand was soft, worn down to the mushy feel of a squished grapefruit. Then husband and wife exchanged hellos—he told her it had gotten colder outside; he said he had walked to a newsstand on Forty-fourth Street for a Kansas City newspaper. He had planned to take the bus back but found it too cold, yes, yes, yes, yes, too cold.
Mrs. Gilbert added flavor to his adventure by being impressed with his courage in braving the harsh air.
Mrs. Gilbert made his adventure more exciting by being impressed with his bravery in facing the harsh weather.
"Well, you are spunky!" she exclaimed admiringly. "You are spunky. I wouldn't have gone out for anything."
"Well, you are bold!" she said with admiration. "You are bold. I wouldn't have gone out for anything."
Mr. Gilbert with true masculine impassivity disregarded the awe he had excited in his wife. He turned to the two young men and triumphantly routed them on the subject of the weather. Richard Caramel was called on to remember the month of November in Kansas. No sooner had the theme been pushed toward him, however, than it was violently fished back to be lingered over, pawed over, elongated, and generally devitalized by its sponsor.
Mr. Gilbert, with a true masculine indifference, ignored the awe he had stirred in his wife. He turned to the two young men and confidently launched into a discussion about the weather. Richard Caramel was asked to recall the month of November in Kansas. However, as soon as the topic was brought up, it was quickly yanked back, stretched out, picked apart, and generally drained of energy by its originator.
The immemorial thesis that the days somewhere were warm but the nights very pleasant was successfully propounded and they decided the exact distance on an obscure railroad between two points that Dick had inadvertently mentioned. Anthony fixed Mr. Gilbert with a steady stare and went into a trance through which, after a moment, Mrs. Gilbert's smiling voice penetrated:
The old idea that the days were warm somewhere but the nights were quite nice was presented successfully, and they figured out the exact distance on a little-known railroad between two points that Dick had accidentally mentioned. Anthony gave Mr. Gilbert a steady look and zoned out until, after a moment, he heard Mrs. Gilbert's cheerful voice break through:
"It seems as though the cold were damper here—it seems to eat into my bones."
"It feels like the cold is heavier here—it seems to seep into my bones."
As this remark, adequately yessed, had been on the tip of Mr. Gilbert's tongue, he could not be blamed for rather abruptly changing the subject.
As this comment, perfectly timed, had been on the tip of Mr. Gilbert's tongue, he couldn’t be blamed for quickly changing the subject.
"Where's Gloria?"
"Where is Gloria?"
"She ought to be here any minute."
"She should be here any minute."
"Have you met my daughter, Mr.——?"
"Have you met my daughter, Mr.——?"
"Haven't had the pleasure. I've heard Dick speak of her often."
"Haven't had the chance to meet her. I've heard Dick talk about her a lot."
"She and Richard are cousins."
"She and Richard are cousins."
"Yes?" Anthony smiled with some effort. He was not used to the society of his seniors, and his mouth was stiff from superfluous cheerfulness. It was such a pleasant thought about Gloria and Dick being cousins. He managed within the next minute to throw an agonized glance at his friend.
"Yes?" Anthony smiled with some effort. He wasn't used to being around older people, and his mouth felt stiff from trying too hard to be cheerful. The idea of Gloria and Dick being cousins was such a nice thought. He managed, within the next minute, to give his friend an agonized look.
Richard Caramel was afraid they'd have to toddle off.
Richard Caramel was afraid they’d have to leave.
Mrs. Gilbert was tremendously sorry.
Mrs. Gilbert was really sorry.
Mr. Gilbert thought it was too bad.
Mr. Gilbert thought it was a shame.
Mrs. Gilbert had a further idea—something about being glad they'd come, anyhow, even if they'd only seen an old lady 'way too old to flirt with them. Anthony and Dick evidently considered this a sly sally, for they laughed one bar in three-four time.
Mrs. Gilbert had another thought—something about how glad she was they came, even if they had only seen an old lady who was way too old to flirt with them. Anthony and Dick clearly thought this was a clever joke, because they laughed one measure in three-four time.
Would they come again soon?
Will they come back soon?
"Oh, yes."
"Yeah."
Gloria would be awfully sorry!
Gloria would be so sorry!
"Good-by——"
"Goodbye—"
"Good-by——"
"Goodbye——"
Smiles!
Smiles!
Smiles!
Smiles!
Bang!
Bang!
Two disconsolate young men walking down the tenth-floor corridor of the Plaza in the direction of the elevator.
Two unhappy young men were walking down the tenth-floor hallway of the Plaza toward the elevator.
A LADY'S LEGS
Behind Maury Noble's attractive indolence, his irrelevance and his easy mockery, lay a surprising and relentless maturity of purpose. His intention, as he stated it in college, had been to use three years in travel, three years in utter leisure—and then to become immensely rich as quickly as possible.
Behind Maury Noble's charming laziness, his insignificance, and his casual teasing, was a surprising and determined sense of purpose. He had said during college that his plan was to spend three years traveling, three years doing absolutely nothing—and then to get extremely wealthy as fast as he could.
His three years of travel were over. He had accomplished the globe with an intensity and curiosity that in any one else would have seemed pedantic, without redeeming spontaneity, almost the self-editing of a human Baedeker; but, in this case, it assumed an air of mysterious purpose and significant design—as though Maury Noble were some predestined anti-Christ, urged by a preordination to go everywhere there was to go along the earth and to see all the billions of humans who bred and wept and slew each other here and there upon it.
His three years of traveling were done. He had explored the world with a level of intensity and curiosity that would seem overly serious in anyone else, lacking any hint of spontaneity, almost like a human guidebook; but in his case, it took on an aura of mysterious purpose and significant intention—as if Maury Noble were some destined anti-Christ, driven by fate to travel everywhere on Earth and witness all the billions of people who were born, cried, and fought with each other all over it.
Back in America, he was sallying into the search for amusement with the same consistent absorption. He who had never taken more than a few cocktails or a pint of wine at a sitting, taught himself to drink as he would have taught himself Greek—like Greek it would be the gateway to a wealth of new sensations, new psychic states, new reactions in joy or misery.
Back in America, he was diving into the pursuit of fun with the same dedicated focus. He, who had never had more than a few cocktails or a pint of wine at once, taught himself to drink as if he were learning Greek—like Greek, it would open the door to a treasure trove of new experiences, new emotional states, new reactions in happiness or sadness.
His habits were a matter for esoteric speculation. He had three rooms in a bachelor apartment on Forty-forth street, but he was seldom to be found there. The telephone girl had received the most positive instructions that no one should even have his ear without first giving a name to be passed upon. She had a list of half a dozen people to whom he was never at home, and of the same number to whom he was always at home. Foremost on the latter list were Anthony Patch and Richard Caramel.
His habits were a topic of endless speculation. He had three rooms in a bachelor apartment on Forty-Fourth Street, but he was rarely found there. The telephone operator had strict instructions that no one could speak to him without first providing a name to be approved. She had a list of half a dozen people to whom he was never available, along with another list of people to whom he was always available. At the top of the latter list were Anthony Patch and Richard Caramel.
Maury's mother lived with her married son in Philadelphia, and there Maury went usually for the week-ends, so one Saturday night when Anthony, prowling the chilly streets in a fit of utter boredom, dropped in at the Molton Arms he was overjoyed to find that Mr. Noble was at home.
Maury's mom lived with her married son in Philadelphia, and that’s where Maury usually went for weekends. So, one Saturday night, while Anthony was wandering the cold streets out of sheer boredom, he stopped by the Molton Arms and was thrilled to find that Mr. Noble was home.
His spirits soared faster than the flying elevator. This was so good, so extremely good, to be about to talk to Maury—who would be equally happy at seeing him. They would look at each other with a deep affection just behind their eyes which both would conceal beneath some attenuated raillery. Had it been summer they would have gone out together and indolently sipped two long Tom Collinses, as they wilted their collars and watched the faintly diverting round of some lazy August cabaret. But it was cold outside, with wind around the edges of the tall buildings and December just up the street, so better far an evening together under the soft lamplight and a drink or two of Bushmill's, or a thimbleful of Maury's Grand Marnier, with the books gleaming like ornaments against the walls, and Maury radiating a divine inertia as he rested, large and catlike, in his favorite chair.
His mood lifted faster than the elevator. It felt so good, really good, to be about to talk to Maury—who would be just as happy to see him. They would look at each other with a deep affection in their eyes that they'd both try to hide with some light teasing. If it had been summer, they would have gone out together and lazily sipped on long Tom Collinses, as they loosened their collars and watched the mildly entertaining scene of some laid-back August cabaret. But it was cold outside, with the wind whipping around the tall buildings and December just around the corner, so spending the evening together under the soft lamp light with a drink or two of Bushmill's, or a splash of Maury's Grand Marnier, was much better. The books gleamed like ornaments against the walls, and Maury exuded a relaxed charm as he lounged, large and catlike, in his favorite chair.
There he was! The room closed about Anthony, warmed him. The glow of that strong persuasive mind, that temperament almost Oriental in its outward impassivity, warmed Anthony's restless soul and brought him a peace that could be likened only to the peace a stupid woman gives. One must understand all—else one must take all for granted. Maury filled the room, tigerlike, godlike. The winds outside were stilled; the brass candlesticks on the mantel glowed like tapers before an altar.
There he was! The room surrounded Anthony, making him feel warm. The energy of that strong, persuasive mind, with a temperament almost Eastern in its outward calm, settled Anthony's restless spirit and gave him a peace that could only be compared to the comfort a clueless woman provides. You have to understand everything—otherwise, you have to accept everything without question. Maury filled the room, exuding a powerful presence like a tiger or a god. The winds outside had quieted; the brass candlesticks on the mantel glowed like candles before an altar.
"What keeps you here to-day?" Anthony spread himself over a yielding sofa and made an elbow-rest among the pillows.
"What brings you here today?" Anthony sprawled out on a comfy sofa and propped his elbow up on the pillows.
"Just been here an hour. Tea dance—and I stayed so late I missed my train to Philadelphia."
"Just been here for an hour. Tea dance—and I stayed so late that I missed my train to Philadelphia."
"Strange to stay so long," commented Anthony curiously.
"Isn't it odd to stay here for so long?" Anthony remarked with curiosity.
"Rather. What'd you do?"
"Actually, what did you do?"
"Geraldine. Little usher at Keith's. I told you about her."
"Geraldine. The little usher at Keith's. I mentioned her to you."
"Oh!"
"Oh!"
"Paid me a call about three and stayed till five. Peculiar little soul—she gets me. She's so utterly stupid."
"She came over around three and stayed until five. Such a peculiar person—she really gets me. She's completely clueless."
Maury was silent.
Maury didn't say anything.
"Strange as it may seem," continued Anthony, "so far as I'm concerned, and even so far as I know, Geraldine is a paragon of virtue."
"Strange as it may sound," Anthony continued, "as far as I'm concerned, and even as far as I know, Geraldine is a model of virtue."
He had known her a month, a girl of nondescript and nomadic habits. Someone had casually passed her on to Anthony, who considered her amusing and rather liked the chaste and fairylike kisses she had given him on the third night of their acquaintance, when they had driven in a taxi through the Park. She had a vague family—a shadowy aunt and uncle who shared with her an apartment in the labyrinthine hundreds. She was company, familiar and faintly intimate and restful. Further than that he did not care to experiment—not from any moral compunction, but from a dread of allowing any entanglement to disturb what he felt was the growing serenity of his life.
He had known her for a month, a girl with vague, wandering habits. Someone had casually introduced her to Anthony, who found her amusing and liked the innocent, fairy-like kisses she had given him on the third night of their acquaintance while they were driving through the Park in a taxi. She had a blurry family—a distant aunt and uncle who shared an apartment with her in the confusing maze of buildings. She was company, familiar and slightly intimate and comforting. Beyond that, he didn’t want to take any chances—not out of any moral issues, but out of a fear that any kind of relationship would disrupt the growing peace of his life.
"She has two stunts," he informed Maury; "one of them is to get her hair over her eyes some way and then blow it out, and the other is to say 'You cra-a-azy!' when some one makes a remark that's over her head. It fascinates me. I sit there hour after hour, completely intrigued by the maniacal symptoms she finds in my imagination."
"She has two tricks," he told Maury; "one is to get her hair in front of her eyes somehow and then blow it away, and the other is to say 'You cra-a-azy!' when someone makes a comment that's beyond her understanding. It captivates me. I sit there for hours, totally fascinated by the wild things she discovers in my imagination."
Maury stirred in his chair and spoke.
Maury shifted in his chair and said.
"Remarkable that a person can comprehend so little and yet live in such a complex civilization. A woman like that actually takes the whole universe in the most matter-of-fact way. From the influence of Rousseau to the bearing of the tariff rates on her dinner, the whole phenomenon is utterly strange to her. She's just been carried along from an age of spearheads and plunked down here with the equipment of an archer for going into a pistol duel. You could sweep away the entire crust of history and she'd never know the difference."
"It's amazing that someone can understand so little and still thrive in such a complicated society. A woman like her takes in everything about the universe in the most casual way. From Rousseau's impact to how tariff rates affect her dinner, the whole thing is completely foreign to her. She’s been dropped here from a time of spearheads, equipped with the skills of an archer, and thrown into a pistol duel. You could erase all of history, and she wouldn't even notice the difference."
"I wish our Richard would write about her."
"I wish Richard would write about her."
"Anthony, surely you don't think she's worth writing about."
"Anthony, you can't seriously think she's worth writing about."
"As much as anybody," he answered, yawning. "You know I was thinking to-day that I have a great confidence in Dick. So long as he sticks to people and not to ideas, and as long as his inspirations come from life and not from art, and always granting a normal growth, I believe he'll be a big man."
"As much as anyone," he replied, yawning. "You know, I was thinking today that I really have a lot of faith in Dick. As long as he focuses on people rather than ideas, and as long as his inspirations come from real life instead of art, and assuming he grows normally, I believe he'll become a big deal."
"I should think the appearance of the black note-book would prove that he's going to life."
"I think the appearance of the black notebook shows that he's moving on with his life."
Anthony raised himself on his elbow and answered eagerly:
Anthony propped himself up on his elbow and replied eagerly:
"He tries to go to life. So does every author except the very worst, but after all most of them live on predigested food. The incident or character may be from life, but the writer usually interprets it in terms of the last book he read. For instance, suppose he meets a sea captain and thinks he's an original character. The truth is that he sees the resemblance between the sea captain and the last sea captain Dana created, or who-ever creates sea captains, and therefore he knows how to set this sea captain on paper. Dick, of course, can set down any consciously picturesque, character-like character, but could he accurately transcribe his own sister?"
"He tries to engage with real life. So do all authors except for the very worst, but most of them rely on material that's already been processed. The event or character might come from real life, but the writer typically interprets it based on the last book they read. For example, if he meets a sea captain and thinks he's a unique character, the reality is that he sees similarities between the sea captain and the last sea captain created by Dana or whoever else writes about sea captains, so he knows how to portray this sea captain on the page. Dick, of course, can write any intentionally vivid, character-like figure, but could he accurately describe his own sister?"
Then they were off for half an hour on literature.
Then they were off for half an hour discussing literature.
"A classic," suggested Anthony, "is a successful book that has survived the reaction of the next period or generation. Then it's safe, like a style in architecture or furniture. It's acquired a picturesque dignity to take the place of its fashion...."
"A classic," Anthony proposed, "is a successful book that has stood the test of time and remains relevant through different eras or generations. It becomes safe, much like a style in architecture or furniture. It gains a certain timeless charm that replaces its original trend...."
After a time the subject temporarily lost its tang. The interest of the two young men was not particularly technical. They were in love with generalities. Anthony had recently discovered Samuel Butler and the brisk aphorisms in the note-book seemed to him the quintessence of criticism. Maury, his whole mind so thoroughly mellowed by the very hardness of his scheme of life, seemed inevitably the wiser of the two, yet in the actual stuff of their intelligences they were not, it seemed, fundamentally different.
After a while, the topic lost its appeal. The two young men weren't really focused on any technical details; they were more interested in broad ideas. Anthony had recently come across Samuel Butler, and the sharp quotes in his notebook struck him as the perfect example of criticism. Maury, whose thinking was deeply shaped by the strictness of his lifestyle, seemed to be the wiser of the two, but in terms of their actual intelligence, they didn't seem fundamentally different.
They drifted from letters to the curiosities of each other's day.
They moved from writing letters to sharing the interesting things that happened in their day.
"Whose tea was it?"
"Whose tea is it?"
"People named Abercrombie."
"Abercrombie-named individuals."
"Why'd you stay late? Meet a luscious débutante?"
"Why did you stay late? Meet a gorgeous newcomer?"
"Yes."
"Yeah."
"Did you really?" Anthony's voice lifted in surprise.
"Did you actually?" Anthony's voice rose in surprise.
"Not a débutante exactly. Said she came out two winters ago in Kansas City."
"Not exactly a debutante. She said she had her coming out two winters ago in Kansas City."
"Sort of left-over?"
"Kind of leftover?"
"No," answered Maury with some amusement, "I think that's the last thing I'd say about her. She seemed—well, somehow the youngest person there."
"No," Maury replied with a hint of amusement, "I think that's the last thing I'd say about her. She seemed—well, in a way, the youngest person there."
"Not too young to make you miss a train."
"Not too young to make you miss a train."
"Young enough. Beautiful child."
"Young enough. Beautiful kid."
Anthony chuckled in his one-syllable snort.
Anthony let out a short chuckle.
"Oh, Maury, you're in your second childhood. What do you mean by beautiful?"
"Oh, Maury, you're acting like a kid again. What do you mean by beautiful?"
Maury gazed helplessly into space.
Maury stared blankly into space.
"Well, I can't describe her exactly—except to say that she was beautiful. She was—tremendously alive. She was eating gum-drops."
"Well, I can't describe her exactly—except to say that she was beautiful. She was—so full of life. She was eating gumdrops."
"What!"
"What?!"
"It was a sort of attenuated vice. She's a nervous kind—said she always ate gum-drops at teas because she had to stand around so long in one place."
"It was a kind of mild weakness. She's a nervous type—said she always ate gumdrops at tea because she had to stand still for so long."
"What'd you talk about—Bergson? Bilphism? Whether the one-step is immoral?"
"What did you discuss—Bergson? Bilphism? Whether the one-step is wrong?"
Maury was unruffled; his fur seemed to run all ways.
Maury was calm; his fur appeared to be going in every direction.
"As a matter of fact we did talk on Bilphism. Seems her mother's a Bilphist. Mostly, though, we talked about legs."
"As a matter of fact, we did talk about Bilphism. It turns out her mom is a Bilphist. Mostly, though, we talked about legs."
Anthony rocked in glee.
Anthony bounced with joy.
"My God! Whose legs?"
"Oh my God! Whose legs?"
"Hers. She talked a lot about hers. As though they were a sort of choice bric-à-brac. She aroused a great desire to see them."
"Hers. She talked a lot about hers. As if they were some kind of curated collection. She sparked a strong desire to see them."
"What is she—a dancer?"
"Is she a dancer?"
"No, I found she was a cousin of Dick's."
"No, I discovered she was a cousin of Dick's."
Anthony sat upright so suddenly that the pillow he released stood on end like a live thing and dove to the floor.
Anthony sat up so quickly that the pillow he let go shot up like it was alive and then fell to the floor.
"Name's Gloria Gilbert?" he cried.
"Is your name Gloria Gilbert?" he cried.
"Yes. Isn't she remarkable?"
"Yes. She's so amazing!"
"I'm sure I don't know—but for sheer dulness her father—"
"I'm not sure, but when it comes to pure dullness, her father—"
"Well," interrupted Maury with implacable conviction, "her family may be as sad as professional mourners but I'm inclined to think that she's a quite authentic and original character. The outer signs of the cut-and-dried Yale prom girl and all that—but different, very emphatically different."
"Well," Maury interrupted with unwavering certainty, "her family might be as sorrowful as professional mourners, but I believe she's a genuinely unique character. Sure, she has the typical look of a standard Yale prom girl and all that—but there’s something distinctly different about her, very much so."
"Go on, go on!" urged Anthony. "Soon as Dick told me she didn't have a brain in her head I knew she must be pretty good."
"Come on, come on!" urged Anthony. "As soon as Dick told me she wasn't the brightest, I knew she must be pretty cool."
"Did he say that?"
"Did he really say that?"
"Swore to it," said Anthony with another snorting laugh.
"Swore to it," Anthony said with another snort of laughter.
"Well, what he means by brains in a woman is—"
"Well, what he means by being smart in a woman is—"
"I know," interrupted Anthony eagerly, "he means a smattering of literary misinformation."
"I know," interrupted Anthony eagerly, "he means a bit of literary misinformation."
"That's it. The kind who believes that the annual moral let-down of the country is a very good thing or the kind who believes it's a very ominous thing. Either pince-nez or postures. Well, this girl talked about legs. She talked about skin too—her own skin. Always her own. She told me the sort of tan she'd like to get in the summer and how closely she usually approximated it."
"That's it. The kind who thinks that the yearly moral decline of the country is a pretty good thing or the kind who thinks it's a really bad thing. Either snobby or dramatic. Well, this girl talked about legs. She talked about skin too—her own skin. Always her own. She told me about the kind of tan she'd like to get in the summer and how closely she usually achieved it."
"You sat enraptured by her low alto?"
"You sat captivated by her deep voice?"
"By her low alto! No, by tan! I began thinking about tan. I began to think what color I turned when I made my last exposure about two years ago. I did use to get a pretty good tan. I used to get a sort of bronze, if I remember rightly."
"By her low alto! No, by tan! I started thinking about tan. I thought about what color I turned when I last tanned about two years ago. I used to get a pretty good tan. I used to get a sort of bronze, if I remember correctly."
Anthony retired into the cushions, shaken with laughter.
Anthony sank into the cushions, shaking with laughter.
"She's got you going—oh, Maury! Maury the Connecticut life-saver. The human nutmeg. Extra! Heiress elopes with coast-guard because of his luscious pigmentation! Afterward found to be Tasmanian strain in his family!"
"She's got you all worked up—oh, Maury! Maury the Connecticut hero. The human nutmeg. Extra! Heiress runs away with the coast guard because of his amazing looks! Later discovered to have Tasmanian roots in his family!"
Maury sighed; rising he walked to the window and raised the shade.
Maury sighed, got up, and walked to the window to pull up the shade.
"Snowing hard."
"Snowing heavily."
Anthony, still laughing quietly to himself, made no answer.
Anthony, still quietly laughing to himself, didn’t respond.
"Another winter." Maury's voice from the window was almost a whisper. "We're growing old, Anthony. I'm twenty-seven, by God! Three years to thirty, and then I'm what an undergraduate calls a middle-aged man."
"Another winter." Maury's voice from the window was almost a whisper. "We're getting old, Anthony. I'm twenty-seven, for crying out loud! Three years to thirty, and then I'm what an undergrad calls a middle-aged man."
Anthony was silent for a moment.
Anthony was quiet for a moment.
"You are old, Maury," he agreed at length. "The first signs of a very dissolute and wabbly senescence—you have spent the afternoon talking about tan and a lady's legs."
"You are old, Maury," he finally agreed. "The first signs of a pretty wild and shaky old age—you’ve spent the afternoon talking about tan lines and a woman's legs."
Maury pulled down the shade with a sudden harsh snap.
Maury yanked down the shade with a quick, sharp motion.
"Idiot!" he cried, "that from you! Here I sit, young Anthony, as I'll sit for a generation or more and watch such gay souls as you and Dick and Gloria Gilbert go past me, dancing and singing and loving and hating one another and being moved, being eternally moved. And I am moved only by my lack of emotion. I shall sit and the snow will come—oh, for a Caramel to take notes—and another winter and I shall be thirty and you and Dick and Gloria will go on being eternally moved and dancing by me and singing. But after you've all gone I'll be saying things for new Dicks to write down, and listening to the disillusions and cynicisms and emotions of new Anthonys—yes, and talking to new Glorias about the tans of summers yet to come."
"Idiot!" he yelled, "how can you say that? Here I am, young Anthony, sitting for a generation or more, watching lively people like you, Dick, and Gloria Gilbert pass by, dancing, singing, loving, and hating each other, always on the move. And I’m only moved by my own lack of feelings. I’ll keep sitting here while the snow falls—oh, how I wish I had a Caramel to take notes—and another winter will come, and I'll be thirty, while you, Dick, and Gloria just keep being endlessly moved, dancing and singing by me. But after you’re all gone, I’ll be saying things for new Dicks to write down, listening to the disillusionment, cynicism, and emotions of new Anthonys—yes, and chatting with new Glorias about the tans of summers that are yet to come."
The firelight flurried up on the hearth. Maury left the window, stirred the blaze with a poker, and dropped a log upon the andirons. Then he sat back in his chair and the remnants of his voice faded in the new fire that spit red and yellow along the bark.
The firelight flickered on the hearth. Maury stepped away from the window, stirred the flames with a poker, and added a log to the andirons. Then he settled back in his chair, and the last traces of his voice faded into the new fire as it crackled in red and yellow against the bark.
"After all, Anthony, it's you who are very romantic and young. It's you who are infinitely more susceptible and afraid of your calm being broken. It's me who tries again and again to be moved—let myself go a thousand times and I'm always me. Nothing—quite—stirs me.
"After all, Anthony, you're the one who's really romantic and young. You're the one who's way more sensitive and scared of your peace being disturbed. I'm the one who keeps trying over and over to be moved—letting myself go a thousand times, but I'm always still me. Nothing—really—moves me."
"Yet," he murmured after another long pause, "there was something about that little girl with her absurd tan that was eternally old—like me."
"Yet," he murmured after another long pause, "there was something about that little girl with her ridiculous tan that felt timeless—like me."
TURBULENCE
Anthony turned over sleepily in his bed, greeting a patch of cold sun on his counterpane, crisscrossed with the shadows of the leaded window. The room was full of morning. The carved chest in the corner, the ancient and inscrutable wardrobe, stood about the room like dark symbols of the obliviousness of matter; only the rug was beckoning and perishable to his perishable feet, and Bounds, horribly inappropriate in his soft collar, was of stuff as fading as the gauze of frozen breath he uttered. He was close to the bed, his hand still lowered where he had been jerking at the upper blanket, his dark-brown eyes fixed imperturbably upon his master.
Anthony turned over sleepily in his bed, feeling a cool patch of sunlight on his blanket, crisscrossed with the shadows from the leaded window. The room was filled with morning light. The carved chest in the corner and the old, mysterious wardrobe stood around the room like dark symbols of the indifference of inanimate objects; only the rug was inviting and temporary under his fleeting feet, and Bounds, inappropriately soft-collared, seemed as fleeting as the misty breath he exhaled. He was close to the bed, his hand still down where he had been tugging at the top blanket, his dark brown eyes fixed steadily on his master.
"Bows!" muttered the drowsy god. "Thachew, Bows?"
"Bows!" murmured the sleepy god. "Thachew, Bows?"
"It's I, sir."
"It's me, sir."
Anthony moved his head, forced his eyes wide, and blinked triumphantly.
Anthony turned his head, opened his eyes wide, and blinked with satisfaction.
"Bounds."
"Limits."
"Yes, sir?"
"Yes, sir?"
"Can you get off—yeow-ow-oh-oh-oh God!—" Anthony yawned insufferably and the contents of his brain seemed to fall together in a dense hash. He made a fresh start.
"Can you get off—ow-ow-oh-oh-oh God!—" Anthony yawned annoyingly and the contents of his brain seemed to jumble together into a thick mess. He tried to reset.
"Can you come around about four and serve some tea and sandwiches or something?"
"Can you come over around four and bring some tea and sandwiches or something?"
"Yes, sir."
"Yes, sir."
Anthony considered with chilling lack of inspiration. "Some sandwiches," he repeated helplessly, "oh, some cheese sandwiches and jelly ones and chicken and olive, I guess. Never mind breakfast."
Anthony thought about it with a completely uninspired mindset. "Some sandwiches," he said helplessly, "just some cheese sandwiches and jelly ones and chicken and olive, I guess. Forget about breakfast."
The strain of invention was too much. He shut his eyes wearily, let his head roll to rest inertly, and quickly relaxed what he had regained of muscular control. Out of a crevice of his mind crept the vague but inevitable spectre of the night before—but it proved in this case to be nothing but a seemingly interminable conversation with Richard Caramel, who had called on him at midnight; they had drunk four bottles of beer and munched dry crusts of bread while Anthony listened to a reading of the first part of "The Demon Lover."
The pressure of coming up with new ideas was overwhelming. He closed his eyes tiredly, let his head drop down to rest limply, and quickly relaxed any muscle control he had regained. From a corner of his mind, the dim but unavoidable memory of the night before crept in—but it turned out to be nothing more than a long conversation with Richard Caramel, who had visited him at midnight; they had shared four bottles of beer and nibbled on dry crusts of bread while Anthony listened to a reading of the first part of "The Demon Lover."
—Came a voice now after many hours. Anthony disregarded it, as sleep closed over him, folded down upon him, crept up into the byways of his mind.
—A voice came now after many hours. Anthony ignored it as sleep enveloped him, settling down upon him, creeping into the corners of his mind.
Suddenly he was awake, saying: "What?"
Suddenly, he woke up and said, "What?"
"For how many, sir?" It was still Bounds, standing patient and motionless at the foot of the bed—Bounds who divided his manner among three gentlemen.
"For how many, sir?" It was still Bounds, standing patiently and motionless at the foot of the bed—Bounds who split his attention among three gentlemen.
"How many what?"
"How many of what?"
"I think, sir, I'd better know how many are coming. I'll have to plan for the sandwiches, sir."
"I think, sir, I should know how many people are coming. I need to plan for the sandwiches, sir."
"Two," muttered Anthony huskily; "lady and a gentleman."
"Two," Anthony said in a low voice; "a lady and a gentleman."
Bounds said, "Thank you, sir," and moved away, bearing with him his humiliating reproachful soft collar, reproachful to each of the three gentlemen, who only demanded of him a third.
Bounds said, "Thank you, sir," and walked away, carrying with him his embarrassing, judgmental soft collar, which seemed to criticize each of the three gentlemen who only expected him to provide a third.
After a long time Anthony arose and drew an opalescent dressing grown of brown and blue over his slim pleasant figure. With a last yawn he went into the bathroom, and turning on the dresser light (the bathroom had no outside exposure) he contemplated himself in the mirror with some interest. A wretched apparition, he thought; he usually thought so in the morning—sleep made his face unnaturally pale. He lit a cigarette and glanced through several letters and the morning Tribune.
After a long while, Anthony got up and put on a shimmering brown and blue robe over his slim, pleasant figure. With one last yawn, he headed to the bathroom, turning on the light at the dresser (the bathroom had no windows), and he looked at himself in the mirror with some curiosity. A miserable sight, he thought; he usually felt that way in the morning—sleep made his face look unnaturally pale. He lit a cigarette and skimmed through several letters and the morning Tribune.
An hour later, shaven and dressed, he was sitting at his desk looking at a small piece of paper he had taken out of his wallet. It was scrawled with semi-legible memoranda: "See Mr. Howland at five. Get hair-cut. See about Rivers' bill. Go book-store."
An hour later, clean-shaven and dressed, he was sitting at his desk staring at a small piece of paper he had taken out of his wallet. It was covered in barely-readable notes: "Meet Mr. Howland at five. Get a haircut. Check on Rivers' bill. Go to the bookstore."
—And under the last: "Cash in bank, $690 (crossed out), $612 (crossed out), $607."
—And under the last: "Cash in bank, $690 (crossed out), $612 (crossed out), $607."
Finally, down at the bottom and in a hurried scrawl: "Dick and Gloria Gilbert for tea."
Finally, at the bottom, in a rushed handwriting: "Dick and Gloria Gilbert for tea."
This last item brought him obvious satisfaction. His day, usually a jelly-like creature, a shapeless, spineless thing, had attained Mesozoic structure. It was marching along surely, even jauntily, toward a climax, as a play should, as a day should. He dreaded the moment when the backbone of the day should be broken, when he should have met the girl at last, talked to her, and then bowed her laughter out the door, returning only to the melancholy dregs in the teacups and the gathering staleness of the uneaten sandwiches.
This last thing brought him clear satisfaction. His day, usually like a jelly-like blob, a formless, spineless thing, had gained some real structure. It was moving confidently, even cheerfully, toward a conclusion, like a play should, like a day should. He dreaded the moment when the backbone of the day would snap, when he would finally meet the girl, talk to her, and then send her laughter out the door, only to return to the sad remnants in the teacups and the growing staleness of the uneaten sandwiches.
There was a growing lack of color in Anthony's days. He felt it constantly and sometimes traced it to a talk he had had with Maury Noble a month before. That anything so ingenuous, so priggish, as a sense of waste should oppress him was absurd, but there was no denying the fact that some unwelcome survival of a fetish had drawn him three weeks before down to the public library, where, by the token of Richard Caramel's card, he had drawn out half a dozen books on the Italian Renaissance. That these books were still piled on his desk in the original order of carriage, that they were daily increasing his liabilities by twelve cents, was no mitigation of their testimony. They were cloth and morocco witnesses to the fact of his defection. Anthony had had several hours of acute and startling panic.
Anthony's days were increasingly devoid of color. He felt it all the time and sometimes traced it back to a conversation he had with Maury Noble a month ago. It seemed ridiculous that something as naïve and uptight as a sense of waste could weigh on him, but there was no denying that some unwanted remnant of a fixation had led him three weeks prior to the public library. With Richard Caramel's card, he had checked out half a dozen books on the Italian Renaissance. The fact that these books still sat piled on his desk in the same order he carried them back, racking up daily fees of twelve cents, didn’t change their significance. They were tangible evidence of his drift. Anthony had experienced several hours of intense and startling panic.
In justification of his manner of living there was first, of course, The Meaninglessness of Life. As aides and ministers, pages and squires, butlers and lackeys to this great Khan there were a thousand books glowing on his shelves, there was his apartment and all the money that was to be his when the old man up the river should choke on his last morality. From a world fraught with the menace of débutantes and the stupidity of many Geraldines he was thankfully delivered—rather should he emulate the feline immobility of Maury and wear proudly the culminative wisdom of the numbered generations.
In justifying his way of life, there was, of course, The Meaninglessness of Life. As assistants and servants, pages and squires, butlers and footmen to this great Khan, there were countless books glowing on his shelves, there was his apartment, and all the money that would be his when the old man up the river finally passed away. He was gratefully freed from a world filled with the threat of debutantes and the foolishness of many Geraldines—rather, he should embody the calm stillness of Maury and proudly carry the accumulated wisdom of past generations.
Over and against these things was something which his brain persistently analyzed and dealt with as a tiresome complex but which, though logically disposed of and bravely trampled under foot, had sent him out through the soft slush of late November to a library which had none of the books he most wanted. It is fair to analyze Anthony as far as he could analyze himself; further than that it is, of course, presumption. He found in himself a growing horror and loneliness. The idea of eating alone frightened him; in preference he dined often with men he detested. Travel, which had once charmed him, seemed at length, unendurable, a business of color without substance, a phantom chase after his own dream's shadow.
Against all of this, his mind kept analyzing and wrestling with a frustrating puzzle that, even though he had logically dismissed it and tried to ignore it, had driven him out into the slushy streets of late November to a library that didn’t have any of the books he really wanted. It’s fair to dissect Anthony as far as he could understand himself; going beyond that would be presumptuous. He felt an increasing sense of dread and isolation. The thought of eating alone terrified him; instead, he often had dinner with people he couldn’t stand. Travel, which used to captivate him, had become unbearable, a colorful yet empty pursuit, a ghostly chase after the shadow of his own dreams.
—If I am essentially weak, he thought, I need work to do, work to do. It worried him to think that he was, after all, a facile mediocrity, with neither the poise of Maury nor the enthusiasm of Dick. It seemed a tragedy to want nothing—and yet he wanted something, something. He knew in flashes what it was—some path of hope to lead him toward what he thought was an imminent and ominous old age.
—If I’m basically weak, he thought, I need something to keep me busy, something to keep me busy. It bothered him to consider that he might just be a common mediocre, lacking the confidence of Maury and the excitement of Dick. It felt tragic to desire nothing—and yet he wanted something, something. He sometimes realized what it was—some hopeful path to guide him through what he believed was a looming and threatening old age.
After cocktails and luncheon at the University Club Anthony felt better. He had run into two men from his class at Harvard, and in contrast to the gray heaviness of their conversation his life assumed color. Both of them were married: one spent his coffee time in sketching an extra-nuptial adventure to the bland and appreciative smiles of the other. Both of them, he thought, were Mr. Gilberts in embryo; the number of their "yes's" would have to be quadrupled, their natures crabbed by twenty years—then they would be no more than obsolete and broken machines, pseudo-wise and valueless, nursed to an utter senility by the women they had broken.
After cocktails and lunch at the University Club, Anthony felt better. He had bumped into two guys from his Harvard class, and compared to the dullness of their conversation, his life seemed vibrant. Both of them were married: one spent his coffee break sketching an extramarital fling while the other smiled blandly and appreciatively. Anthony thought both were like future versions of Mr. Gilbert; they would need to multiply their “yes's” by four, and their spirits would be worn down over twenty years—then they’d be nothing more than outdated and broken machines, pseudo-wise and worthless, coddled into complete senility by the women they’d let down.
Ah, he was more than that, as he paced the long carpet in the lounge after dinner, pausing at the window to look into the harried street. He was Anthony Patch, brilliant, magnetic, the heir of many years and many men. This was his world now—and that last strong irony he craved lay in the offing.
Ah, he was more than that as he walked back and forth on the long carpet in the lounge after dinner, stopping at the window to gaze out at the busy street. He was Anthony Patch—brilliant, charismatic, the heir to many years and many people. This was his world now—and the last strong irony he desired was just on the horizon.
With a stray boyishness he saw himself a power upon the earth; with his grandfather's money he might build his own pedestal and be a Talleyrand, a Lord Verulam. The clarity of his mind, its sophistication, its versatile intelligence, all at their maturity and dominated by some purpose yet to be born would find him work to do. On this minor his dream faded—work to do: he tried to imagine himself in Congress rooting around in the litter of that incredible pigsty with the narrow and porcine brows he saw pictured sometimes in the rotogravure sections of the Sunday newspapers, those glorified proletarians babbling blandly to the nation the ideas of high school seniors! Little men with copy-book ambitions who by mediocrity had thought to emerge from mediocrity into the lustreless and unromantic heaven of a government by the people—and the best, the dozen shrewd men at the top, egotistic and cynical, were content to lead this choir of white ties and wire collar-buttons in a discordant and amazing hymn, compounded of a vague confusion between wealth as a reward of virtue and wealth as a proof of vice, and continued cheers for God, the Constitution, and the Rocky Mountains!
With a hint of youthful arrogance, he saw himself as a force to be reckoned with on earth; with his grandfather's wealth, he could create his own legacy and be a Talleyrand or a Lord Verulam. His clear mind, with its sophistication and adaptable intelligence, was ready and waiting for a purpose yet to emerge that would give him a mission. In this moment, his dream started to wane—work to do: he envisioned himself in Congress sifting through the mess of that astonishing cesspool, surrounded by the narrow-minded, pig-like faces he sometimes saw in the rotogravure sections of the Sunday papers, those inflated commoners mindlessly sharing high school-level ideas with the nation! Small-minded people with basic aspirations who believed they could rise from mediocrity to the dull and unexciting realm of a government by the people—and at the top, the best of the bunch, a dozen shrewd, self-centered, and cynical men, were satisfied to lead this choir of bow ties and wire collar buttons in a jarring and strange anthem, mixing up the vague notion that wealth is a reward for virtue with the belief that it’s a sign of vice, and continued cheers for God, the Constitution, and the Rocky Mountains!
Lord Verulam! Talleyrand!
Lord Verulam! Talleyrand!
Back in his apartment the grayness returned. His cocktails had died, making him sleepy, somewhat befogged and inclined to be surly. Lord Verulam—he? The very thought was bitter. Anthony Patch with no record of achievement, without courage, without strength to be satisfied with truth when it was given him. Oh, he was a pretentious fool, making careers out of cocktails and meanwhile regretting, weakly and secretly, the collapse of an insufficient and wretched idealism. He had garnished his soul in the subtlest taste and now he longed for the old rubbish. He was empty, it seemed, empty as an old bottle—
Back in his apartment, the grayness returned. His cocktails had worn off, leaving him sleepy, somewhat dazed, and in a bad mood. Lord Verulam—him? The thought was bitter. Anthony Patch, with no achievements to his name, lacking the courage and strength to appreciate truth when it was presented to him. Oh, he was a pretentious fool, building his life around cocktails and secretly regretting the downfall of a meager and pathetic idealism. He had decorated his soul with the finest tastes and now he missed the old trash. He felt empty, like an empty bottle—
The buzzer rang at the door. Anthony sprang up and lifted the tube to his ear. It was Richard Caramel's voice, stilted and facetious:
The buzzer rang at the door. Anthony jumped up and held the tube to his ear. It was Richard Caramel's voice, awkward and sarcastic:
"Announcing Miss Gloria Gilbert."
"Introducing Miss Gloria Gilbert."
"How do you do?" he said, smiling and holding the door ajar.
"How's it going?" he said, smiling and holding the door open slightly.
Dick bowed.
Dick bowed.
"Gloria, this is Anthony."
"Gloria, meet Anthony."
"Well!" she cried, holding out a little gloved hand. Under her fur coat her dress was Alice-blue, with white lace crinkled stiffly about her throat.
"Well!" she exclaimed, extending a small gloved hand. Beneath her fur coat, her dress was a light blue, with white lace stiffly ruffled around her neck.
"Let me take your things."
"Let me grab your stuff."
Anthony stretched out his arms and the brown mass of fur tumbled into them.
Anthony stretched out his arms and the brown bundle of fur fell into them.
"Thanks."
"Thanks!"
"What do you think of her, Anthony?" Richard Caramel demanded barbarously. "Isn't she beautiful?"
"What do you think of her, Anthony?" Richard Caramel asked harshly. "Isn't she beautiful?"
"Well!" cried the girl defiantly—withal unmoved.
"Well!" exclaimed the girl boldly, still unaffected.
She was dazzling—alight; it was agony to comprehend her beauty in a glance. Her hair, full of a heavenly glamour, was gay against the winter color of the room.
She was stunning—radiant; it was painful to take in her beauty in a single look. Her hair, filled with a divine charm, stood out brightly against the winter tones of the room.
Anthony moved about, magician-like, turning the mushroom lamp into an orange glory. The stirred fire burnished the copper andirons on the hearth—
Anthony moved around like a magician, transforming the mushroom lamp into a brilliant orange light. The flickering fire polished the copper andirons on the hearth—
"I'm a solid block of ice," murmured Gloria casually, glancing around with eyes whose irises were of the most delicate and transparent bluish white. "What a slick fire! We found a place where you could stand on an iron-bar grating, sort of, and it blew warm air up at you—but Dick wouldn't wait there with me. I told him to go on alone and let me be happy."
"I'm a solid block of ice," Gloria said casually, looking around with eyes that were a delicate and translucent bluish-white. "What a nice fire! We found a spot where you could stand on an iron grate, and it blew warm air up at you—but Dick wouldn't stay there with me. I told him to go on without me and let me be happy."
Conventional enough this. She seemed talking for her own pleasure, without effort. Anthony, sitting at one end of the sofa, examined her profile against the foreground of the lamp: the exquisite regularity of nose and upper lip, the chin, faintly decided, balanced beautifully on a rather short neck. On a photograph she must have been completely classical, almost cold—but the glow of her hair and cheeks, at once flushed and fragile, made her the most living person he had ever seen.
This is pretty ordinary. She appeared to be talking just for her own enjoyment, effortlessly. Anthony, sitting at one end of the sofa, studied her profile lit by the lamp: the perfect shape of her nose and upper lip, the chin, slightly defined, perfectly balanced on her somewhat short neck. In a photograph, she would have looked completely classic, almost detached—but the warmth of her hair and cheeks, both flushed and delicate, made her the most vibrant person he had ever seen.
"... Think you've got the best name I've heard," she was saying, still apparently to herself; her glance rested on him a moment and then flitted past him—to the Italian bracket-lamps clinging like luminous yellow turtles at intervals along the walls, to the books row upon row, then to her cousin on the other side. "Anthony Patch. Only you ought to look sort of like a horse, with a long narrow face—and you ought to be in tatters."
"... I think you have the best name I've ever heard," she was saying, still seemingly to herself; her gaze lingered on him for a moment before darting past him—to the Italian bracket lamps resembling glowing yellow turtles at intervals along the walls, to the books stacked row after row, then to her cousin on the other side. "Anthony Patch. But you should look a bit like a horse, with a long, narrow face—and you should be in rags."
"That's all the Patch part, though. How should Anthony look?"
"That's all about the Patch part. How should Anthony look?"
"You look like Anthony," she assured him seriously—he thought she had scarcely seen him—"rather majestic," she continued, "and solemn."
"You look like Anthony," she said earnestly—he thought she hardly knew him—"kind of majestic," she added, "and serious."
Anthony indulged in a disconcerted smile.
Anthony gave a puzzled smile.
"Only I like alliterative names," she went on, "all except mine. Mine's too flamboyant. I used to know two girls named Jinks, though, and just think if they'd been named anything except what they were named—Judy Jinks and Jerry Jinks. Cute, what? Don't you think?" Her childish mouth was parted, awaiting a rejoinder.
"Only I like names that alliterate," she continued, "except for my own. Mine is too flashy. I used to know two girls named Jinks, though, and just imagine if they had been called anything other than what they were—Judy Jinks and Jerry Jinks. Adorable, right? Don't you think?" Her childlike lips were slightly parted, waiting for a response.
"Everybody in the next generation," suggested Dick, "will be named Peter or Barbara—because at present all the piquant literary characters are named Peter or Barbara."
"Everyone in the next generation," suggested Dick, "will be named Peter or Barbara—because right now, all the interesting literary characters are named Peter or Barbara."
Anthony continued the prophecy:
Anthony carried on the prophecy:
"Of course Gladys and Eleanor, having graced the last generation of heroines and being at present in their social prime, will be passed on to the next generation of shop-girls—"
"Of course, Gladys and Eleanor, who were part of the last generation of heroines and are currently in their social prime, will be handed down to the next generation of shop girls—"
"Displacing Ella and Stella," interrupted Dick.
"Displacing Ella and Stella," Dick interrupted.
"And Pearl and Jewel," Gloria added cordially, "and Earl and Elmer and Minnie."
"And Pearl and Jewel," Gloria added warmly, "and Earl and Elmer and Minnie."
"And then I'll come along," remarked Dick, "and picking up the obsolete name, Jewel, I'll attach it to some quaint and attractive character and it'll start its career all over again."
"And then I'll come along," said Dick, "and picking up the old name, Jewel, I'll give it to some unique and charming character, and it will start its journey all over again."
Her voice took up the thread of subject and wove along with faintly upturning, half-humorous intonations for sentence ends—as though defying interruption—and intervals of shadowy laughter. Dick had told her that Anthony's man was named Bounds—she thought that was wonderful! Dick had made some sad pun about Bounds doing patchwork, but if there was one thing worse than a pun, she said, it was a person who, as the inevitable come-back to a pun, gave the perpetrator a mock-reproachful look.
Her voice picked up the topic and flowed along with a slightly playful, half-humorous tone at the end of her sentences—as if daring anyone to interrupt—and moments of soft laughter. Dick had told her that Anthony's guy was named Bounds—she thought that was amazing! Dick had made a cheesy joke about Bounds doing patchwork, but if there was one thing worse than a bad pun, she said, it was someone who, as the predictable comeback to a pun, gave the joker a fake reproachful look.
"Where are you from?" inquired Anthony. He knew, but beauty had rendered him thoughtless.
"Where are you from?" Anthony asked. He already knew, but her beauty had left him dazed.
"Kansas City, Missouri."
"Kansas City, MO."
"They put her out the same time they barred cigarettes."
"They kicked her out at the same time they banned cigarettes."
"Did they bar cigarettes? I see the hand of my holy grandfather."
"Did they ban cigarettes? I see the influence of my holy grandfather."
"He's a reformer or something, isn't he?"
"He's some kind of reformer, right?"
"I blush for him."
"I'm embarrassed for him."
"So do I," she confessed. "I detest reformers, especially the sort who try to reform me."
"So do I," she admitted. "I can’t stand reformers, especially those who try to change me."
"Are there many of those?"
"Are there a lot of those?"
"Dozens. It's 'Oh, Gloria, if you smoke so many cigarettes you'll lose your pretty complexion!' and 'Oh, Gloria, why don't you marry and settle down?'"
"Dozens. It's 'Oh, Gloria, if you smoke that many cigarettes, you'll lose your pretty skin!' and 'Oh, Gloria, why don't you just get married and settle down?'"
Anthony agreed emphatically while he wondered who had had the temerity to speak thus to such a personage.
Anthony agreed strongly while he wondered who had the nerve to speak that way to someone like him.
"And then," she continued, "there are all the subtle reformers who tell you the wild stories they've heard about you and how they've been sticking up for you."
"And then," she continued, "there are all the subtle reformers who tell you the crazy stories they've heard about you and how they've been defending you."
He saw, at length, that her eyes were gray, very level and cool, and when they rested on him he understood what Maury had meant by saying she was very young and very old. She talked always about herself as a very charming child might talk, and her comments on her tastes and distastes were unaffected and spontaneous.
He eventually noticed that her eyes were gray, very calm and cool, and when they focused on him, he understood what Maury meant by saying she was both very young and very old. She always spoke about herself in the way a charming child would, and her opinions on what she liked and disliked were genuine and natural.
"I must confess," said Anthony gravely, "that even I've heard one thing about you."
"I have to admit," said Anthony seriously, "that even I have heard something about you."
Alert at once, she sat up straight. Those eyes, with the grayness and eternity of a cliff of soft granite, caught his.
Alert right away, she sat up straight. Those eyes, with the grayness and timelessness of a soft granite cliff, locked onto his.
"Tell me. I'll believe it. I always believe anything any one tells me about myself—don't you?"
"Tell me. I'll believe it. I always believe whatever anyone tells me about myself—don't you?"
"Invariably!" agreed the two men in unison.
"Invariably!" both men agreed at the same time.
"Well, tell me."
"Go ahead, tell me."
"I'm not sure that I ought to," teased Anthony, smiling unwillingly. She was so obviously interested, in a state of almost laughable self-absorption.
"I'm not sure that I should," teased Anthony, smiling reluctantly. She was so clearly interested, in a state of almost ridiculous self-absorption.
"He means your nickname," said her cousin.
"He means your nickname," her cousin said.
"What name?" inquired Anthony, politely puzzled.
"What name?" asked Anthony, genuinely confused.
Instantly she was shy—then she laughed, rolled back against the cushions, and turned her eyes up as she spoke:
Instantly, she felt shy—then she laughed, leaned back against the cushions, and looked up as she spoke:
"Coast-to-Coast Gloria." Her voice was full of laughter, laughter undefined as the varying shadows playing between fire and lamp upon her hair. "O Lord!"
"Coast-to-Coast Gloria." Her voice was filled with laughter, laughter undefined like the shifting shadows dancing between the fire and the lamp on her hair. "Oh Lord!"
Still Anthony was puzzled.
Anthony was still confused.
"What do you mean?"
"What do you mean?"
"Me, I mean. That's what some silly boys coined for me."
"Me, I mean. That's what some silly boys came up with for me."
"Don't you see, Anthony," explained Dick, "traveller of a nation-wide notoriety and all that. Isn't that what you've heard? She's been called that for years—since she was seventeen."
"Don't you get it, Anthony," Dick explained, "a traveler with nationwide fame and all that. Isn't that what you've heard? She's been known like that for years—ever since she was seventeen."
Anthony's eyes became sad and humorous.
Anthony's eyes were filled with a mix of sadness and humor.
"Who's this female Methuselah you've brought in here, Caramel?"
"Who’s this old lady you’ve brought in here, Caramel?"
She disregarded this, possibly rather resented it, for she switched back to the main topic.
She ignored this, maybe even resented it, and went back to the main topic.
"What have you heard of me?"
"What have you heard about me?"
"Something about your physique."
"Something about your body."
"Oh," she said, coolly disappointed, "that all?"
"Oh," she said, coolly disappointed, "is that it?"
"Your tan."
"Your tan is nice."
"My tan?" She was puzzled. Her hand rose to her throat, rested there an instant as though the fingers were feeling variants of color.
"My tan?" She looked confused. Her hand moved to her throat, lingering there for a moment as if her fingers were sensing different shades of color.
"Do you remember Maury Noble? Man you met about a month ago. You made a great impression."
"Do you remember Maury Noble? The guy you met about a month ago. You made a great impression."
She thought a moment.
She paused for a moment.
"I remember—but he didn't call me up."
"I remember—but he didn't reach out to me."
"He was afraid to, I don't doubt."
"He was definitely scared to."
It was black dark without now and Anthony wondered that his apartment had ever seemed gray—so warm and friendly were the books and pictures on the walls and the good Bounds offering tea from a respectful shadow and the three nice people giving out waves of interest and laughter back and forth across the happy fire.
It was pitch dark outside, and Anthony thought about how his apartment had ever seemed gray—so warm and inviting were the books and pictures on the walls, the nice Bounds offering tea from a respectful distance, and the three friendly people exchanging waves of interest and laughter across the cheerful fire.
DISSATISFACTION
On Thursday afternoon Gloria and Anthony had tea together in the grill room at the Plaza. Her fur-trimmed suit was gray—"because with gray you have to wear a lot of paint," she explained—and a small toque sat rakishly on her head, allowing yellow ripples of hair to wave out in jaunty glory. In the higher light it seemed to Anthony that her personality was infinitely softer—she seemed so young, scarcely eighteen; her form under the tight sheath, known then as a hobble-skirt, was amazingly supple and slender, and her hands, neither "artistic" nor stubby, were small as a child's hands should be.
On Thursday afternoon, Gloria and Anthony had tea together in the grill room at the Plaza. Her fur-trimmed suit was gray—"because with gray you have to wear a lot of makeup," she explained—and a small toque sat stylishly on her head, letting yellow waves of hair flow out in cheerful glory. In the brighter light, Anthony thought her personality seemed much softer—she looked so young, barely eighteen; her figure under the tight dress, then called a hobble skirt, was surprisingly flexible and slim, and her hands, neither "artistic" nor bulky, were small like a child's hands should be.
As they entered, the orchestra were sounding the preliminary whimpers to a maxixe, a tune full of castanets and facile faintly languorous violin harmonies, appropriate to the crowded winter grill teeming with an excited college crowd, high-spirited at the approach of the holidays. Carefully, Gloria considered several locations, and rather to Anthony's annoyance paraded him circuitously to a table for two at the far side of the room. Reaching it she again considered. Would she sit on the right or on the left? Her beautiful eyes and lips were very grave as she made her choice, and Anthony thought again how naïve was her every gesture; she took all the things of life for hers to choose from and apportion, as though she were continually picking out presents for herself from an inexhaustible counter.
As they walked in, the orchestra was playing the opening notes of a maxixe, a lively tune filled with castanets and subtly dreamy violin melodies, fitting for the packed winter grill buzzing with an excited college crowd, cheerful at the holidays approaching. Thoughtfully, Gloria scanned several spots and, much to Anthony's annoyance, led him in a roundabout way to a table for two at the far side of the room. Once they reached it, she paused again. Should she sit on the right or the left? Her striking eyes and lips looked serious as she made her decision, and Anthony thought once more how innocent her every gesture was; she treated every aspect of life as if it were hers to choose and distribute, as if she were constantly selecting gifts for herself from an endless display.
Abstractedly she watched the dancers for a few moments, commenting murmurously as a couple eddied near.
Abstractedly, she watched the dancers for a few moments, whispering comments as a couple swirled nearby.
"There's a pretty girl in blue"—and as Anthony looked obediently—" there! No. behind you—there!"
"There's a pretty girl in blue"—and as Anthony looked right away—"there! No. behind you—there!"
"Yes," he agreed helplessly.
"Yes," he agreed reluctantly.
"You didn't see her."
"You didn't see her."
"I'd rather look at you."
"I'd rather look at you."
"I know, but she was pretty. Except that she had big ankles."
"I know, but she was beautiful. The only thing was that she had big ankles."
"Was she?—I mean, did she?" he said indifferently.
"Was she?—I mean, did she?" he said casually.
A girl's salutation came from a couple dancing close to them.
A girl greeted them as a couple danced close by.
"Hello, Gloria! O Gloria!"
"Hey, Gloria! Oh, Gloria!"
"Hello there."
"Hey there."
"Who's that?" he demanded.
"Who’s that?" he asked.
"I don't know. Somebody." She caught sight of another face. "Hello, Muriel!" Then to Anthony: "There's Muriel Kane. Now I think she's attractive, 'cept not very."
"I don't know. Somebody." She noticed another face. "Hello, Muriel!" Then to Anthony: "There's Muriel Kane. I think she's attractive, but not really."
Anthony chuckled appreciatively.
Anthony laughed happily.
"Attractive, 'cept not very," he repeated.
"Attractive, just not really," he repeated.
She smiled—was interested immediately.
She smiled—showed interest right away.
"Why is that funny?" Her tone was pathetically intent.
"Why is that funny?" Her tone was overly serious.
"It just was."
"It simply was."
"Do you want to dance?"
"Do you want to dance?"
"Do you?"
"Do you?"
"Sort of. But let's sit," she decided.
"Kind of. But let's sit down," she said.
"And talk about you? You love to talk about you, don't you?"
"And talk about yourself? You love talking about yourself, don't you?"
"Yes." Caught in a vanity, she laughed.
"Yeah." Caught up in pride, she laughed.
"I imagine your autobiography would be a classic."
"I think your autobiography would be a classic."
"Dick says I haven't got one."
"Dick says I don't have one."
"Dick!" he exclaimed. "What does he know about you?"
"Dick!" he said. "What does he know about you?"
"Nothing. But he says the biography of every woman begins with the first kiss that counts, and ends when her last child is laid in her arms."
"Nothing. But he says that the biography of every woman starts with the first kiss that matters, and ends when her last child is placed in her arms."
"He's talking from his book."
"He's quoting from his book."
"He says unloved women have no biographies—they have histories."
"He says that women who are unloved don’t have biographies—they have histories."
Anthony laughed again.
Anthony laughed once more.
"Surely you don't claim to be unloved!"
"Surely you’re not saying you’re unloved!"
"Well, I suppose not."
"Guess not."
"Then why haven't you a biography? Haven't you ever had a kiss that counted?" As the words left his lips he drew in his breath sharply as though to suck them back. This baby!
"Then why don’t you have a biography? Have you never had a kiss that meant something?" As soon as he said it, he gasped as if trying to take the words back. This baby!
"I don't know what you mean 'counts,'" she objected.
"I don't know what you mean by 'counts,'" she said.
"I wish you'd tell me how old you are."
"I’d like to know how old you are."
"Twenty-two," she said, meeting his eyes gravely. "How old did you think?"
"Twenty-two," she said, looking into his eyes seriously. "How old did you think I was?"
"About eighteen."
"About 18."
"I'm going to start being that. I don't like being twenty-two. I hate it more than anything in the world."
"I'm going to start being that. I don't like being twenty-two. I hate it more than anything."
"Being twenty-two?"
"Turning twenty-two?"
"No. Getting old and everything. Getting married."
"No. Growing old and all that. Getting married."
"Don't you ever want to marry?"
"Don't you ever think about getting married?"
"I don't want to have responsibility and a lot of children to take care of."
"I don't want the responsibility of taking care of a bunch of kids."
Evidently she did not doubt that on her lips all things were good. He waited rather breathlessly for her next remark, expecting it to follow up her last. She was smiling, without amusement but pleasantly, and after an interval half a dozen words fell into the space between them:
Evidently, she believed that everything was good when it came to her. He waited, slightly breathless, for her next comment, anticipating it to build on what she had just said. She was smiling, not with amusement but in a nice, pleasant way, and after a pause, half a dozen words broke the silence between them:
"I wish I had some gum-drops."
"I wish I had some gumdrops."
"You shall!" He beckoned to a waiter and sent him to the cigar counter.
"You will!" He signaled to a waiter and sent him to the cigar counter.
"D'you mind? I love gum-drops. Everybody kids me about it because I'm always whacking away at one—whenever my daddy's not around."
"Do you mind? I love gumdrops. Everyone teases me about it because I'm always eating one—whenever my dad's not around."
"Not at all.—Who are all these children?" he asked suddenly. "Do you know them all?"
"Not at all.—Who are all these kids?" he asked suddenly. "Do you know them all?"
"Why—no, but they're from—oh, from everywhere, I suppose. Don't you ever come here?"
"Why—no, but they're from—oh, from everywhere, I guess. Don't you ever come here?"
"Very seldom. I don't care particularly for 'nice girls.'"
"Very rarely. I'm not really into 'nice girls.'"
Immediately he had her attention. She turned a definite shoulder to the dancers, relaxed in her chair, and demanded:
Immediately, he had her attention. She turned away from the dancers, relaxed in her chair, and demanded:
"What do you do with yourself?"
"What do you do?"
Thanks to a cocktail Anthony welcomed the question. In a mood to talk, he wanted, moreover, to impress this girl whose interest seemed so tantalizingly elusive—she stopped to browse in unexpected pastures, hurried quickly over the inobviously obvious. He wanted to pose. He wanted to appear suddenly to her in novel and heroic colors. He wanted to stir her from that casualness she showed toward everything except herself.
Thanks to a drink, Anthony welcomed the question. In a chatty mood, he also wanted to impress this girl whose interest seemed so tantalizingly out of reach—she paused to explore unexpected things, quickly rushed past the obvious. He wanted to pose. He wanted to appear suddenly to her in fresh and heroic ways. He wanted to shake her out of that carefree attitude she had toward everything except herself.
"I do nothing," he began, realizing simultaneously that his words were to lack the debonair grace he craved for them. "I do nothing, for there's nothing I can do that's worth doing."
"I do nothing," he started, realizing at the same time that his words wouldn't have the smooth charm he wanted. "I do nothing, because there's nothing I can do that's worth doing."
"Well?" He had neither surprised her nor even held her, yet she had certainly understood him, if indeed he had said aught worth understanding.
"Well?" He hadn't surprised her or even held her, but she definitely understood him, if he had said anything worth understanding.
"Don't you approve of lazy men?"
"Don't you like laid-back guys?"
She nodded.
She agreed.
"I suppose so, if they're gracefully lazy. Is that possible for an American?"
"I guess so, if they're relaxed about it. Is that even possible for an American?"
"Why not?" he demanded, discomfited.
"Why not?" he asked, uncomfortable.
But her mind had left the subject and wandered up ten floors.
But her mind had drifted away from the topic and moved up ten floors.
"My daddy's mad at me," she observed dispassionately.
"My dad's mad at me," she said flatly.
"Why? But I want to know just why it's impossible for an American to be gracefully idle"—his words gathered conviction—"it astonishes me. It—it—I don't understand why people think that every young man ought to go down-town and work ten hours a day for the best twenty years of his life at dull, unimaginative work, certainly not altruistic work."
"Why? But I want to know why it's impossible for an American to relax gracefully,"—his words gained strength—"it amazes me. I just don’t get why people believe that every young man should head downtown and work ten hours a day for the best twenty years of his life at boring, uncreative jobs, definitely not selfless jobs."
He broke off. She watched him inscrutably. He waited for her to agree or disagree, but she did neither.
He stopped talking. She observed him with a blank expression. He waited for her to say yes or no, but she did neither.
"Don't you ever form judgments on things?" he asked with some exasperation.
"Don’t you ever judge anything?" he asked, a bit frustrated.
She shook her head and her eyes wandered back to the dancers as she answered:
She shook her head, and her eyes drifted back to the dancers as she replied:
"I don't know. I don't know anything about—what you should do, or what anybody should do."
"I don't know. I don’t know anything about—what you should do, or what anyone should do."
She confused him and hindered the flow of his ideas. Self-expression had never seemed at once so desirable and so impossible.
She confused him and blocked the flow of his ideas. Self-expression had never felt so desirable yet so impossible at the same time.
"Well," he admitted apologetically, "neither do I, of course, but—"
"Well," he confessed with an apologetic tone, "neither do I, obviously, but—"
"I just think of people," she continued, "whether they seem right where they are and fit into the picture. I don't mind if they don't do anything. I don't see why they should; in fact it always astonishes me when anybody does anything."
"I just think about people," she continued, "whether they seem to belong where they are and fit into the scene. I don't care if they don't do anything. I don’t see why they should; actually, it always surprises me when anyone does anything."
"You don't want to do anything?"
"You don't want to do anything?"
"I want to sleep."
"I want to nap."
For a second he was startled, almost as though she had meant this literally.
For a moment, he was taken aback, as if she had actually meant this in a serious way.
"Sleep?"
"Want to sleep?"
"Sort of. I want to just be lazy and I want some of the people around me to be doing things, because that makes me feel comfortable and safe—and I want some of them to be doing nothing at all, because they can be graceful and companionable for me. But I never want to change people or get excited over them."
"Kind of. I just want to be lazy, and I need some of the people around me to be active because that makes me feel comfortable and secure—and I also want some of them to be doing absolutely nothing, as they can be calm and nice company for me. But I never want to change people or get overly enthusiastic about them."
"You're a quaint little determinist," laughed Anthony. "It's your world, isn't it?"
"You're a quirky little determinist," laughed Anthony. "It's your world, right?"
"Well—" she said with a quick upward glance, "isn't it? As long as I'm—young."
"Well—" she said with a quick upward glance, "isn't it? As long as I'm—young."
She had paused slightly before the last word and Anthony suspected that she had started to say "beautiful." It was undeniably what she had intended.
She hesitated a bit before the last word, and Anthony guessed that she was going to say "beautiful." It was definitely what she meant.
Her eyes brightened and he waited for her to enlarge on the theme. He had drawn her out, at any rate—he bent forward slightly to catch the words.
Her eyes lit up, and he waited for her to elaborate on the topic. He had gotten her to open up, at least—he leaned in a bit to catch what she said.
But "Let's dance!" was all she said.
But "Let's dance!" was all she said.
ADMIRATION
That winter afternoon at the Plaza was the first of a succession of "dates" Anthony made with her in the blurred and stimulating days before Christmas. Invariably she was busy. What particular strata of the city's social life claimed her he was a long time finding out. It seemed to matter very little. She attended the semi-public charity dances at the big hotels; he saw her several times at dinner parties in Sherry's, and once as he waited for her to dress, Mrs. Gilbert, apropos of her daughter's habit of "going," rattled off an amazing holiday programme that included half a dozen dances to which Anthony had received cards.
That winter afternoon at the Plaza was the first of many "dates" Anthony had with her during the exciting and busy days leading up to Christmas. She was always occupied. It took him a while to figure out what part of the city's social scene kept her so busy. It didn't seem to matter much. She went to the semi-public charity dances at the big hotels; he saw her a few times at dinner parties at Sherry's, and once, while waiting for her to get ready, Mrs. Gilbert casually mentioned her daughter's habit of "going out," listing off an impressive holiday schedule that included several dances for which Anthony had received invitations.
He made engagements with her several times for lunch and tea—the former were hurried and, to him at least, rather unsatisfactory occasions, for she was sleepy-eyed and casual, incapable of concentrating upon anything or of giving consecutive attention to his remarks. When after two of these sallow meals he accused her of tendering him the skin and bones of the day she laughed and gave him a tea-time three days off. This was infinitely more satisfactory.
He made plans with her several times for lunch and tea—the lunches were rushed and, at least for him, pretty unsatisfying, because she seemed sleepy-eyed and laid-back, unable to focus on anything or pay consistent attention to what he was saying. After two of these lackluster meals, he told her she was only giving him the scraps of the day. She laughed and gave him three days off for tea. This was way more satisfying.
One Sunday afternoon just before Christmas he called up and found her in the lull directly after some important but mysterious quarrel: she informed him in a tone of mingled wrath and amusement that she had sent a man out of her apartment—here Anthony speculated violently—and that the man had been giving a little dinner for her that very night and that of course she wasn't going. So Anthony took her to supper.
One Sunday afternoon right before Christmas, he called her up and found her in that calm moment right after some important but mysterious argument: she told him with a mix of anger and amusement that she had kicked a guy out of her apartment—here Anthony wondered a lot—and that the guy had been planning a little dinner for her that same night and, of course, she wasn’t going. So, Anthony took her out for dinner instead.
"Let's go to something!" she proposed as they went down in the elevator. "I want to see a show, don't you?"
"Let's do something!" she suggested as they rode down in the elevator. "I want to see a show, don't you?"
Inquiry at the hotel ticket desk disclosed only two Sunday night "concerts."
Inquiry at the hotel ticket desk revealed only two Sunday night "concerts."
"They're always the same," she complained unhappily, "same old Yiddish comedians. Oh, let's go somewhere!"
"They're always the same," she said, sounding frustrated. "Same old Yiddish comedians. Oh, let's go somewhere!"
To conceal a guilty suspicion that he should have arranged a performance of some kind for her approval Anthony affected a knowing cheerfulness.
To hide the guilty feeling that he should have planned some kind of performance for her approval, Anthony put on a cheerful front.
"We'll go to a good cabaret."
"We'll go to a great cabaret."
"I've seen every one in town."
"I've seen everyone around here."
"Well, we'll find a new one."
"Well, we’ll find a new one."
She was in wretched humor; that was evident. Her gray eyes were granite now indeed. When she wasn't speaking she stared straight in front of her as if at some distasteful abstraction in the lobby.
She was in a terrible mood; that was clear. Her gray eyes were like stone now. When she wasn't talking, she stared straight ahead as if looking at something unpleasant in the lobby.
"Well, come on, then."
"Alright, let's go."
He followed her, a graceful girl even in her enveloping fur, out to a taxicab, and, with an air of having a definite place in mind, instructed the driver to go over to Broadway and then turn south. He made several casual attempts at conversation but as she adopted an impenetrable armor of silence and answered him in sentences as morose as the cold darkness of the taxicab he gave up, and assuming a like mood fell into a dim gloom.
He followed her, a graceful girl even in her warm fur coat, to a taxi, and, acting like he had a specific destination in mind, told the driver to head over to Broadway and then turn south. He made a few casual attempts to chat, but since she wrapped herself in a wall of silence and replied with sentences as bleak as the cold, dark interior of the taxi, he gave up. Adopting a similar mood, he sank into a dull gloom.
A dozen blocks down Broadway Anthony's eyes were caught by a large and unfamiliar electric sign spelling "Marathon" in glorious yellow script, adorned with electrical leaves and flowers that alternately vanished and beamed upon the wet and glistening street. He leaned and rapped on the taxi-window and in a moment was receiving information from a colored doorman: Yes, this was a cabaret. Fine cabaret. Bes' showina city!
A dozen blocks down Broadway, Anthony noticed a large and unfamiliar electric sign that read "Marathon" in vibrant yellow script, decorated with electric leaves and flowers that alternately faded and lit up the wet and shiny street. He leaned over and tapped on the taxi window, and in a moment, he was getting info from a Black doorman: Yes, this was a cabaret. Great cabaret. Best show in the city!
"Shall we try it?"
"Should we give it a go?"
With a sigh Gloria tossed her cigarette out the open door and prepared to follow it; then they had passed under the screaming sign, under the wide portal, and up by a stuffy elevator into this unsung palace of pleasure.
With a sigh, Gloria tossed her cigarette out the open door and got ready to follow it; then they went beneath the loud sign, through the big entrance, and up the stuffy elevator into this unnoticed palace of enjoyment.
The gay habitats of the very rich and the very poor, the very dashing and the very criminal, not to mention the lately exploited very Bohemian, are made known to the awed high school girls of Augusta, Georgia, and Redwing, Minnesota, not only through the bepictured and entrancing spreads of the Sunday theatrical supplements but through the shocked and alarmful eyes of Mr. Rupert Hughes and other chroniclers of the mad pace of America. But the excursions of Harlem onto Broadway, the deviltries of the dull and the revelries of the respectable are a matter of esoteric knowledge only to the participants themselves.
The vibrant lifestyles of the extremely wealthy and the very poor, the glamorous and the criminal, along with the recently exploited artistic crowd, are revealed to the astonished high school girls of Augusta, Georgia, and Redwing, Minnesota, not just through the flashy and captivating features of the Sunday entertainment sections but also through the shocked and alarmed observations of Mr. Rupert Hughes and other chroniclers of America's wild pace. However, the experiences of Harlem on Broadway, the antics of the mundane, and the parties of the respectable remain hidden knowledge known only to those who partake in them.
A tip circulates—and in the place knowingly mentioned, gather the lower moral-classes on Saturday and Sunday nights—the little troubled men who are pictured in the comics as "the Consumer" or "the Public." They have made sure that the place has three qualifications: it is cheap; it imitates with a sort of shoddy and mechanical wistfulness the glittering antics of the great cafes in the theatre district; and—this, above all, important—it is a place where they can "take a nice girl," which means, of course, that every one has become equally harmless, timid, and uninteresting through lack of money and imagination.
A rumor goes around—at the place mentioned, the lower middle class gathers on Saturday and Sunday nights—the little troubled guys who are depicted in comics as "the Consumer" or "the Public." They’ve ensured that the spot meets three criteria: it’s affordable; it imitates, in a cheap and mechanical way, the flashy vibes of the big cafes in the theater district; and—most importantly—it’s a place where they can "take a nice girl," which means, of course, that everyone has become equally bland, shy, and uninteresting due to a lack of money and creativity.
There on Sunday nights gather the credulous, sentimental, underpaid, overworked people with hyphenated occupations: book-keepers, ticket-sellers, office-managers, salesmen, and, most of all, clerks—clerks of the express, of the mail, of the grocery, of the brokerage, of the bank. With them are their giggling, over-gestured, pathetically pretentious women, who grow fat with them, bear them too many babies, and float helpless and uncontent in a colorless sea of drudgery and broken hopes.
On Sunday nights, you’ll find the naive, sentimental, underpaid, and overworked people with hyphenated jobs: bookkeepers, ticket-sellers, office managers, salespeople, and, most of all, clerks—clerks for the express, the mail, the grocery, the brokerage, and the bank. They’re joined by their giggling, overly dramatic, and sadly pretentious partners, who grow overweight alongside them, have too many kids, and drift aimlessly and unfulfilled in a dull sea of hard work and shattered dreams.
They name these brummagem cabarets after Pullman cars. The "Marathon"! Not for them the salacious similes borrowed from the cafés of Paris! This is where their docile patrons bring their "nice women," whose starved fancies are only too willing to believe that the scene is comparatively gay and joyous, and even faintly immoral. This is life! Who cares for the morrow?
They name these cheap cabarets after Pullman cars. The "Marathon"! Not for them the risqué comparisons taken from the cafés of Paris! This is where their obedient customers bring their "nice women," whose neglected desires eagerly convince themselves that the atmosphere is somewhat lively and fun, and even a little bit naughty. This is life! Who cares about tomorrow?
Abandoned people!
Abandoned individuals!
Anthony and Gloria, seated, looked about them. At the next table a party of four were in process of being joined by a party of three, two men and a girl, who were evidently late—and the manner of the girl was a study in national sociology. She was meeting some new men—and she was pretending desperately. By gesture she was pretending and by words and by the scarcely perceptible motionings of her eyelids that she belonged to a class a little superior to the class with which she now had to do, that a while ago she had been, and presently would again be, in a higher, rarer air. She was almost painfully refined—she wore a last year's hat covered with violets no more yearningly pretentious and palpably artificial than herself.
Anthony and Gloria, sitting down, looked around. At the next table, a group of four was being joined by a group of three, two men and a girl, who clearly arrived late—and the girl's behavior was a fascinating study in social dynamics. She was meeting some new guys—and she was trying really hard to impress. Through her gestures, her words, and the barely noticeable movements of her eyelids, she was acting like she belonged to a higher class than the one she was currently in, as if she had just come from and would soon return to a more exclusive, elevated atmosphere. She seemed almost painfully refined—wearing last year's hat adorned with violets that were no more desperately pretentious and obviously fake than she was.
Fascinated, Anthony and Gloria watched the girl sit down and radiate the impression that she was only condescendingly present. For me, her eyes said, this is practically a slumming expedition, to be cloaked with belittling laughter and semi-apologetics.
Fascinated, Anthony and Gloria watched the girl sit down and give off the vibe that she was only sort of there. For me, her eyes said, this is basically a slumming trip, covered in dismissive laughter and half-hearted apologies.
—And the other women passionately poured out the impression that though they were in the crowd they were not of it. This was not the sort of place to which they were accustomed; they had dropped in because it was near by and convenient—every party in the restaurant poured out that impression ... who knew? They were forever changing class, all of them—the women often marrying above their opportunities, the men striking suddenly a magnificent opulence: a sufficiently preposterous advertising scheme, a celestialized ice cream cone. Meanwhile, they met here to eat, closing their eyes to the economy displayed in infrequent changings of table-cloths, in the casualness of the cabaret performers, most of all in the colloquial carelessness and familiarity of the waiters. One was sure that these waiters were not impressed by their patrons. One expected that presently they would sit at the tables ...
—And the other women intensely expressed the feeling that even though they were in the crowd, they didn't belong to it. This wasn't the kind of place they were used to; they had dropped by because it was nearby and convenient—every group in the restaurant gave off that vibe... who knows? They were always shifting social classes, all of them—the women often marrying into better situations, the men suddenly acquiring a wealth that seemed extravagant: a ridiculously ambitious marketing plan, a prima donna ice cream cone. Meanwhile, they gathered here to eat, ignoring the evidence of their surroundings in the sporadic changing of tablecloths, the nonchalant attitude of the cabaret performers, and especially the informal familiarity of the waiters. One could tell that these waiters weren’t impressed by their customers. One would expect that soon they would be sitting at the tables...
"Do you object to this?" inquired Anthony.
"Do you have a problem with this?" Anthony asked.
Gloria's face warmed and for the first time that evening she smiled.
Gloria's face flushed, and for the first time that evening, she smiled.
"I love it," she said frankly. It was impossible to doubt her. Her gray eyes roved here and there, drowsing, idle or alert, on each group, passing to the next with unconcealed enjoyment, and to Anthony were made plain the different values of her profile, the wonderfully alive expressions of her mouth, and the authentic distinction of face and form and manner that made her like a single flower amidst a collection of cheap bric-à-brac. At her happiness, a gorgeous sentiment welled into his eyes, choked him up, set his nerves a-tingle, and filled his throat with husky and vibrant emotion. There was a hush upon the room. The careless violins and saxophones, the shrill rasping complaint of a child near by, the voice of the violet-hatted girl at the next table, all moved slowly out, receded, and fell away like shadowy reflections on the shining floor—and they two, it seemed to him, were alone and infinitely remote, quiet. Surely the freshness of her cheeks was a gossamer projection from a land of delicate and undiscovered shades; her hand gleaming on the stained table-cloth was a shell from some far and wildly virginal sea....
"I love it," she said honestly. It was impossible to doubt her. Her gray eyes wandered around, sometimes drowsy, sometimes alert, enjoying each group, moving on to the next with clear pleasure. Anthony could see the different angles of her profile, the vibrant expressions on her face, and the genuine elegance of her looks and presence that made her stand out like a single flower among a bunch of inexpensive trinkets. Seeing her happy stirred intense feelings in him, bringing tears to his eyes, making him feel overwhelmed, and filling his throat with deep, raw emotion. The room fell silent. The casual sounds of violins and saxophones, the high-pitched cries of a nearby child, the voice of the girl in the violet hat at the next table all faded away, like faint reflections on the glossy floor—and it felt like they were the only two people in the world, completely separate and tranquil. Wasn’t the glow of her cheeks like a delicate glimpse of a land filled with unseen, gentle colors? Her hand, shining on the stained tablecloth, was like a treasure from some distant, untouched ocean...
Then the illusion snapped like a nest of threads; the room grouped itself around him, voices, faces, movement; the garish shimmer of the lights overhead became real, became portentous; breath began, the slow respiration that she and he took in time with this docile hundred, the rise and fall of bosoms, the eternal meaningless play and interplay and tossing and reiterating of word and phrase—all these wrenched his senses open to the suffocating pressure of life—and then her voice came at him, cool as the suspended dream he had left behind.
Then the illusion shattered like a tangle of threads; the room formed around him, filled with voices, faces, and movement; the harsh glare of the lights overhead became real, became significant; breathing began, the slow rhythm that they both shared with this laid-back crowd, the rise and fall of chests, the endless, trivial exchange of words and phrases—all of this overwhelmed his senses with the suffocating weight of life—and then her voice reached him, cool like the lingering dream he had just left behind.
"I belong here," she murmured, "I'm like these people."
"I belong here," she whispered, "I'm just like these people."
For an instant this seemed a sardonic and unnecessary paradox hurled at him across the impassable distances she created about herself. Her entrancement had increased—her eyes rested upon a Semitic violinist who swayed his shoulders to the rhythm of the year's mellowest fox-trot:
For a moment, this felt like a sarcastic and pointless contradiction thrown at him from the vast distance she had created around herself. Her fascination had grown—her eyes were fixed on a Jewish violinist who swayed his shoulders to the rhythm of the year's smoothest fox-trot:
Again she spoke, from the centre of this pervasive illusion of her own. It amazed him. It was like blasphemy from the mouth of a child.
Again she spoke, from the middle of this all-encompassing illusion of her own. It amazed him. It was like blasphemy coming from the mouth of a child.
"I'm like they are—like Japanese lanterns and crape paper, and the music of that orchestra."
"I'm like them—like Japanese lanterns and crepe paper, and the music from that orchestra."
"You're a young idiot!" he insisted wildly. She shook her blond head.
"You're a young fool!" he insisted frantically. She shook her blonde head.
"No, I'm not. I am like them.... You ought to see.... You don't know me." She hesitated and her eyes came back to him, rested abruptly on his, as though surprised at the last to see him there. "I've got a streak of what you'd call cheapness. I don't know where I get it but it's—oh, things like this and bright colors and gaudy vulgarity. I seem to belong here. These people could appreciate me and take me for granted, and these men would fall in love with me and admire me, whereas the clever men I meet would just analyze me and tell me I'm this because of this or that because of that."
“No, I'm not. I am like them.... You should see.... You don't know me.” She paused, her eyes returned to him, landing abruptly on his, as if surprised to find him there. “I have a bit of what you'd call tackiness. I don't know where it comes from, but it’s—oh, things like this and bright colors and flashy vulgarity. I feel like I belong here. These people could appreciate me and take me for granted, and these men would fall for me and admire me, while the smart men I meet would just analyze me and say I'm this because of this or that because of that.”
—Anthony for the moment wanted fiercely to paint her, to set her down now, as she was, as, as with each relentless second she could never be again.
—Anthony for the moment wanted desperately to paint her, to capture her now, just as she was, because with each passing second she could never be that way again.
"What were you thinking?" she asked.
"What were you thinking?" she asked.
"Just that I'm not a realist," he said, and then: "No, only the romanticist preserves the things worth preserving."
"Just that I'm not a realist," he said, and then: "No, only a romantic keeps the things that are worth keeping."
Out of the deep sophistication of Anthony an understanding formed, nothing atavistic or obscure, indeed scarcely physical at all, an understanding remembered from the romancings of many generations of minds that as she talked and caught his eyes and turned her lovely head, she moved him as he had never been moved before. The sheath that held her soul had assumed significance—that was all. She was a sun, radiant, growing, gathering light and storing it—then after an eternity pouring it forth in a glance, the fragment of a sentence, to that part of him that cherished all beauty and all illusion.
From the deep complexity of Anthony, a realization emerged, nothing primitive or unclear, and hardly physical at all—an understanding recalled from the romantic notions of countless generations of thinkers. As she spoke, caught his gaze, and gracefully turned her beautiful head, she stirred him like he had never been stirred before. The vessel that contained her essence became meaningful—that was it. She was a sun, shining, evolving, accumulating light and holding it—then after what felt like forever, releasing it in a look, a fragment of a sentence, to that part of him that valued all beauty and all illusion.
CHAPTER III
THE CONNOISSEUR OF KISSES
From his undergraduate days as editor of The Harvard Crimson Richard Caramel had desired to write. But as a senior he had picked up the glorified illusion that certain men were set aside for "service" and, going into the world, were to accomplish a vague yearnful something which would react either in eternal reward or, at the least, in the personal satisfaction of having striven for the greatest good of the greatest number.
From his college days as the editor of The Harvard Crimson, Richard Caramel had always wanted to write. But as a senior, he had adopted the inflated belief that some people were destined for "service" and, by entering the world, were meant to achieve a vague, deep-seated goal that would result in either eternal reward or, at the very least, in the personal satisfaction of having worked for the greatest good of the greatest number.
This spirit has long rocked the colleges in America. It begins, as a rule, during the immaturities and facile impressions of freshman year—sometimes back in preparatory school. Prosperous apostles known for their emotional acting go the rounds of the universities and, by frightening the amiable sheep and dulling the quickening of interest and intellectual curiosity which is the purpose of all education, distil a mysterious conviction of sin, harking back to childhood crimes and to the ever-present menace of "women." To these lectures go the wicked youths to cheer and joke and the timid to swallow the tasty pills, which would be harmless if administered to farmers' wives and pious drug-clerks but are rather dangerous medicine for these "future leaders of men."
This vibe has been shaking up colleges in America for a long time. It usually starts during the naive and impressionable freshman year—sometimes even back in prep school. Well-off influencers known for their emotional performances make the rounds at universities, and by scaring the good-natured students and dulling the spark of interest and intellectual curiosity that education is supposed to inspire, they create a mysterious sense of guilt tied to childhood misdeeds and the constant threat of "women." The rebellious students attend these lectures to laugh and joke, while the more timid ones gulp down the appealing ideas, which might be harmless for farmers' wives and devout pharmacists but are quite risky for these "future leaders of men."
This octopus was strong enough to wind a sinuous tentacle about Richard Caramel. The year after his graduation it called him into the slums of New York to muck about with bewildered Italians as secretary to an "Alien Young Men's Rescue Association." He labored at it over a year before the monotony began to weary him. The aliens kept coming inexhaustibly—Italians, Poles, Scandinavians, Czechs, Armenians—with the same wrongs, the same exceptionally ugly faces and very much the same smells, though he fancied that these grew more profuse and diverse as the months passed. His eventual conclusions about the expediency of service were vague, but concerning his own relation to it they were abrupt and decisive. Any amiable young man, his head ringing with the latest crusade, could accomplish as much as he could with the débris of Europe—and it was time for him to write.
This octopus was strong enough to wrap a flexible tentacle around Richard Caramel. The year after he graduated, it drew him into the slums of New York to work with confused Italians as a secretary for an "Alien Young Men's Rescue Association." He stuck with it for over a year before the monotony started to wear on him. The immigrants kept coming endlessly—Italians, Poles, Scandinavians, Czechs, Armenians—each with the same problems, the same exceptionally unattractive faces, and very similar smells, though he thought these became more intense and varied as the months went by. His final thoughts about the usefulness of this work were unclear, but regarding his own involvement, they were blunt and firm. Any friendly young man, fired up with the latest cause, could do as much as he could with the remnants of Europe—and it was time for him to start writing.
He had been living in a down-town Y.M.C.A., but when he quit the task of making sow-ear purses out of sows' ears, he moved up-town and went to work immediately as a reporter for The Sun. He kept at this for a year, doing desultory writing on the side, with little success, and then one day an infelicitous incident peremptorily closed his newspaper career. On a February afternoon he was assigned to report a parade of Squadron A. Snow threatening, he went to sleep instead before a hot fire, and when he woke up did a smooth column about the muffled beats of the horses' hoofs in the snow... This he handed in. Next morning a marked copy of the paper was sent down to the City Editor with a scrawled note: "Fire the man who wrote this." It seemed that Squadron A had also seen the snow threatening—had postponed the parade until another day.
He had been living in a downtown Y.M.C.A., but when he quit making sow-ear purses out of sows' ears, he moved uptown and immediately started working as a reporter for The Sun. He did this for a year, doing random writing on the side, with little success, and then one day an unfortunate incident abruptly ended his newspaper career. On a February afternoon, he was assigned to report on a parade of Squadron A. With snow threatening, he ended up falling asleep in front of a warm fire, and when he woke up, he wrote a smooth column about the muffled sound of the horses' hooves in the snow... This he submitted. The next morning, a marked copy of the paper was sent down to the City Editor with a scrawled note: "Fire the man who wrote this." It turned out that Squadron A had also noticed the snow threat and had postponed the parade for another day.
A week later he had begun "The Demon Lover."...
A week later, he had started "The Demon Lover."...
In January, the Monday of the months, Richard Caramel's nose was blue constantly, a sardonic blue, vaguely suggestive of the flames licking around a sinner. His book was nearly ready, and as it grew in completeness it seemed to grow also in its demands, sapping him, overpowering him, until he walked haggard and conquered in its shadow. Not only to Anthony and Maury did he pour out his hopes and boasts and indecisions, but to any one who could be prevailed upon to listen. He called on polite but bewildered publishers, he discussed it with his casual vis-à-vis at the Harvard Club; it was even claimed by Anthony that he had been discovered, one Sunday night, debating the transposition of Chapter Two with a literary ticket-collector in the chill and dismal recesses of a Harlem subway station. And latest among his confidantes was Mrs. Gilbert, who sat with him by the hour and alternated between Bilphism and literature in an intense cross-fire.
In January, the first Monday of the month, Richard Caramel's nose was always a sardonic shade of blue, somewhat resembling flames flickering around a sinner. His book was almost finished, and as it neared completion, its demands seemed to multiply, draining him and overpowering him, until he walked around looking worn out and defeated in its shadow. He didn’t just share his hopes, boasts, and uncertainties with Anthony and Maury, but with anyone who would listen. He approached polite but confused publishers, discussed it with casual acquaintances at the Harvard Club; Anthony even claimed he caught Richard one Sunday night debating the rearrangement of Chapter Two with a literary ticket collector in the cold, bleak corners of a Harlem subway station. And the most recent of his confidantes was Mrs. Gilbert, who spent hours with him, alternating between deep discussions about Bilphism and literature in an intense exchange.
"Shakespeare was a Bilphist," she assured him through a fixed smile. "Oh, yes! He was a Bilphist. It's been proved."
"Shakespeare was a Bilphist," she assured him with a forced smile. "Oh, yes! He was a Bilphist. It's been proven."
At this Dick would look a bit blank.
At this, Dick would seem a little confused.
"If you've read 'Hamlet' you can't help but see."
"If you've read 'Hamlet,' you can't help but notice."
"Well, he—he lived in a more credulous age—a more religious age."
"Well, he lived in a time that was more trusting—a more religious time."
But she demanded the whole loaf:
But she wanted the whole loaf:
"Oh, yes, but you see Bilphism isn't a religion. It's the science of all religions." She smiled defiantly at him. This was the bon mot of her belief. There was something in the arrangement of words which grasped her mind so definitely that the statement became superior to any obligation to define itself. It is not unlikely that she would have accepted any idea encased in this radiant formula—which was perhaps not a formula; it was the reductio ad absurdum of all formulas.
"Oh, definitely, but you see Bilphism isn't a religion. It's the science of all religions." She smiled defiantly at him. This was the bon mot of her belief. There was something about the way the words were arranged that captured her mind so completely that the statement became more important than any need to define it. It's not unlikely that she would have accepted any idea wrapped up in this brilliant formula—which was possibly not a formula; it was the reductio ad absurdum of all formulas.
Then eventually, but gorgeously, would come Dick's turn.
Then eventually, but beautifully, it would be Dick's turn.
"You've heard of the new poetry movement. You haven't? Well, it's a lot of young poets that are breaking away from the old forms and doing a lot of good. Well, what I was going to say was that my book is going to start a new prose movement, a sort of renaissance."
"You've heard about the new poetry movement. You haven't? Well, it's a bunch of young poets breaking away from traditional forms and making a real impact. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that my book is going to kick off a new prose movement, a kind of renaissance."
"I'm sure it will," beamed Mrs. Gilbert. "I'm sure it will. I went to Jenny Martin last Tuesday, the palmist, you know, that every one's mad about. I told her my nephew was engaged upon a work and she said she knew I'd be glad to hear that his success would be extraordinary. But she'd never seen you or known anything about you—not even your name."
"I'm sure it will," Mrs. Gilbert smiled brightly. "I'm sure it will. I went to see Jenny Martin last Tuesday, the fortune teller that everyone’s crazy about. I mentioned that my nephew was working on something, and she said she'd be happy to tell me that his success would be extraordinary. But she had never met you or known anything about you—not even your name."
Having made the proper noises to express his amazement at this astounding phenomenon, Dick waved her theme by him as though he were an arbitrary traffic policeman, and, so to speak, beckoned forward his own traffic.
Having made the right sounds to show his amazement at this incredible phenomenon, Dick waved her theme past him as if he were a traffic cop, and, so to speak, signaled for his own traffic to move forward.
"I'm absorbed, Aunt Catherine," he assured her, "I really am. All my friends are joshing me—oh, I see the humor in it and I don't care. I think a person ought to be able to take joshing. But I've got a sort of conviction," he concluded gloomily.
"I'm really into it, Aunt Catherine," he assured her, "I truly am. All my friends are teasing me—oh, I get the joke and it doesn't bother me. I believe a person should be able to handle teasing. But I've got this sense of dread," he finished bleakly.
"You're an ancient soul, I always say."
"You're an old soul, I always say."
"Maybe I am." Dick had reached the stage where he no longer fought, but submitted. He must be an ancient soul, he fancied grotesquely; so old as to be absolutely rotten. However, the reiteration of the phrase still somewhat embarrassed him and sent uncomfortable shivers up his back. He changed the subject.
"Maybe I am." Dick had reached a point where he no longer resisted but surrendered. He had to be an ancient soul, he imagined in a twisted way; so old that he was completely decrepit. Still, repeating the phrase made him feel uneasy and sent chills down his spine. He shifted the conversation.
"Where is my distinguished cousin Gloria?"
"Where is my impressive cousin Gloria?"
"She's on the go somewhere, with some one."
"She's out and about with someone."
Dick paused, considered, and then, screwing up his face into what was evidently begun as a smile but ended as a terrifying frown, delivered a comment.
Dick paused, thought for a moment, and then, scrunching his face into what clearly started as a smile but turned into a frightening frown, made a comment.
"I think my friend Anthony Patch is in love with her."
"I think my friend Anthony Patch is in love with her."
Mrs. Gilbert started, beamed half a second too late, and breathed her "Really?" in the tone of a detective play-whisper.
Mrs. Gilbert jumped, smiled a moment too late, and said her "Really?" in a tone like a detective's stage whisper.
"I think so," corrected Dick gravely. "She's the first girl I've ever seen him with, so much."
"I think so," Dick said seriously. "She's the first girl I've ever seen him with like that."
"Well, of course," said Mrs. Gilbert with meticulous carelessness, "Gloria never makes me her confidante. She's very secretive. Between you and me"—she bent forward cautiously, obviously determined that only Heaven and her nephew should share her confession—"between you and me, I'd like to see her settle down."
"Well, of course," Mrs. Gilbert said with deliberate nonchalance, "Gloria never confides in me. She's super private. Just between us"—she leaned in carefully, clearly intent on making sure that only God and her nephew would hear her secret—"just between us, I wish she'd settle down."
Dick arose and paced the floor earnestly, a small, active, already rotund young man, his hands thrust unnaturally into his bulging pockets.
Dick got up and walked back and forth across the room with purpose, a short, lively, and already chubby young man, his hands awkwardly shoved into his bulging pockets.
"I'm not claiming I'm right, mind you," he assured the infinitely-of-the-hotel steel-engraving which smirked respectably back at him. "I'm saying nothing that I'd want Gloria to know. But I think Mad Anthony is interested—tremendously so. He talks about her constantly. In any one else that'd be a bad sign."
"I'm not saying I'm right, just to be clear," he assured the fancy hotel portrait that looked back at him with a smug expression. "I'm not saying anything I’d want Gloria to find out. But I really think Mad Anthony is interested—like, a lot. He talks about her all the time. If it were anyone else, that would be a red flag."
"Gloria is a very young soul—" began Mrs. Gilbert eagerly, but her nephew interrupted with a hurried sentence:
"Gloria is a very young soul—" started Mrs. Gilbert excitedly, but her nephew cut in with a quick response:
"Gloria'd be a very young nut not to marry him." He stopped and faced her, his expression a battle map of lines and dimples, squeezed and strained to its ultimate show of intensity—this as if to make up by his sincerity for any indiscretion in his words. "Gloria's a wild one, Aunt Catherine. She's uncontrollable. How she's done it I don't know, but lately she's picked up a lot of the funniest friends. She doesn't seem to care. And the men she used to go with around New York were—" He paused for breath.
"Gloria would be really foolish not to marry him." He stopped and faced her, his face a mix of expressions with deep lines and dimples, showing ultimate intensity—like he was trying to balance any slip-up in his words with his sincerity. "Gloria's a free spirit, Aunt Catherine. She's unpredictable. I don’t know how she does it, but recently she’s made friends with some of the funniest people. She doesn’t seem to care. And the guys she used to date in New York were—" He paused to catch his breath.
"Yes-yes-yes," interjected Mrs. Gilbert, with an anaemic attempt to hide the immense interest with which she listened.
"Yes-yes-yes," interrupted Mrs. Gilbert, making a weak effort to conceal the deep interest she had in the conversation.
"Well," continued Richard Caramel gravely, "there it is. I mean that the men she went with and the people she went with used to be first rate. Now they aren't."
"Well," Richard Caramel said seriously, "there it is. What I mean is that the guys she hung out with and the people she surrounded herself with used to be top-notch. Now they’re not."
Mrs. Gilbert blinked very fast—her bosom trembled, inflated, remained so for an instant, and with the exhalation her words flowed out in a torrent.
Mrs. Gilbert blinked rapidly—her chest quivered, expanded, stayed that way for a moment, and with a breath, her words poured out in a rush.
She knew, she cried in a whisper; oh, yes, mothers see these things. But what could she do? He knew Gloria. He'd seen enough of Gloria to know how hopeless it was to try to deal with her. Gloria had been so spoiled—in a rather complete and unusual way. She had been suckled until she was three, for instance, when she could probably have chewed sticks. Perhaps—one never knew—it was this that had given that health and hardiness to her whole personality. And then ever since she was twelve years old she'd had boys about her so thick—oh, so thick one couldn't move. At sixteen she began going to dances at preparatory schools, and then came the colleges; and everywhere she went, boys, boys, boys. At first, oh, until she was eighteen there had been so many that it never seemed one any more than the others, but then she began to single them out.
She knew, she cried softly; oh, yes, mothers notice these things. But what could she do? He knew Gloria. He had seen enough of Gloria to realize how hopeless it was to try to handle her. Gloria had been so spoiled—in a pretty complete and unusual way. She had been breastfed until she was three, for example, when she could probably have chewed on sticks. Maybe—one never knows—this is what gave her whole personality that health and hardiness. And ever since she was twelve, she had had boys around her so densely—oh, so densely that it was impossible to move. At sixteen, she started going to dances at prep schools, and then came the colleges; and everywhere she went, boys, boys, boys. At first, oh, until she was eighteen, there were so many that none stood out more than the others, but then she began to pick them out.
She knew there had been a string of affairs spread over about three years, perhaps a dozen of them altogether. Sometimes the men were undergraduates, sometimes just out of college—they lasted on an average of several months each, with short attractions in between. Once or twice they had endured longer and her mother had hoped she would be engaged, but always a new one came—a new one—
She knew there had been a series of affairs over about three years, maybe around a dozen in total. Sometimes the guys were undergraduates, sometimes they had just graduated—they usually lasted a few months each, with brief flings in between. Once or twice they had lasted longer, and her mom had hoped she would get engaged, but there was always someone new—someone new—
The men? Oh, she made them miserable, literally! There was only one who had kept any sort of dignity, and he had been a mere child, young Carter Kirby, of Kansas City, who was so conceited anyway that he just sailed out on his vanity one afternoon and left for Europe next day with his father. The others had been—wretched. They never seemed to know when she was tired of them, and Gloria had seldom been deliberately unkind. They would keep phoning, writing letters to her, trying to see her, making long trips after her around the country. Some of them had confided in Mrs. Gilbert, told her with tears in their eyes that they would never get over Gloria ... at least two of them had since married, though.... But Gloria, it seemed, struck to kill—to this day Mr. Carstairs called up once a week, and sent her flowers which she no longer bothered to refuse.
The men? Oh, she made their lives miserable, seriously! There was only one who managed to keep any dignity, and he was just a kid, young Carter Kirby from Kansas City, who was so full of himself that he just floated away on his ego one afternoon and left for Europe the next day with his dad. The others had been—awful. They never seemed to realize when she was done with them, and Gloria had rarely been intentionally unkind. They kept calling, writing her letters, trying to meet up, making long trips across the country to chase after her. Some of them had confided in Mrs. Gilbert, telling her with tears in their eyes that they would never get over Gloria... at least two of them had since gotten married, though... But Gloria, it seemed, struck to hurt—up to this day, Mr. Carstairs called her once a week and sent her flowers, which she no longer bothered to refuse.
Several times, twice, at least, Mrs. Gilbert knew it had gone as far as a private engagement—with Tudor Baird and that Holcome boy at Pasadena. She was sure it had, because—this must go no further—she had come in unexpectedly and found Gloria acting, well, very much engaged indeed. She had not spoken to her daughter, of course. She had had a certain sense of delicacy and, besides, each time she had expected an announcement in a few weeks. But the announcement never came; instead, a new man came.
Several times, at least twice, Mrs. Gilbert realized it had gone as far as a private engagement—with Tudor Baird and that Holcome guy in Pasadena. She was certain of it because—this couldn’t get out—she had walked in unexpectedly and found Gloria acting quite engaged. Of course, she hadn’t talked to her daughter about it. She felt it was a delicate situation, plus each time she expected an announcement in a few weeks. But the announcement never came; instead, a new guy appeared.
Scenes! Young men walking up and down the library like caged tigers! Young men glaring at each other in the hall as one came and the other left! Young men calling up on the telephone and being hung up upon in desperation! Young men threatening South America! ... Young men writing the most pathetic letters! (She said nothing to this effect, but Dick fancied that Mrs. Gilbert's eyes had seen some of these letters.)
Scenes! Young guys pacing the library like caged tigers! Young guys glaring at each other in the hall as one came in and the other left! Young guys making phone calls and getting hung up on in frustration! Young guys threatening South America! ... Young guys writing the most pathetic letters! (She didn’t say anything like this, but Dick thought Mrs. Gilbert’s eyes had glimpsed some of these letters.)
... And Gloria, between tears and laughter, sorry, glad, out of love and in love, miserable, nervous, cool, amidst a great returning of presents, substitution of pictures in immemorial frames, and taking of hot baths and beginning again—with the next.
... And Gloria, caught between tears and laughter, feeling sorry yet glad, in love and out of love, miserable, anxious, relaxed, amid a large exchange of gifts, swapping photos in old frames, soaking in hot baths, and starting over—with the next.
That state of things continued, assumed an air of permanency. Nothing harmed Gloria or changed her or moved her. And then out of a clear sky one day she informed her mother that undergraduates wearied her. She was absolutely going to no more college dances.
That situation went on and felt like it was going to last forever. Nothing affected Gloria or changed her or moved her. Then one day, out of the blue, she told her mother that undergraduates bored her. She was definitely not going to any more college dances.
This had begun the change—not so much in her actual habits, for she danced, and had as many "dates" as ever—but they were dates in a different spirit. Previously it had been a sort of pride, a matter of her own vainglory. She had been, probably, the most celebrated and sought-after young beauty in the country. Gloria Gilbert of Kansas City! She had fed on it ruthlessly—enjoying the crowds around her, the manner in which the most desirable men singled her out; enjoying the fierce jealousy of other girls; enjoying the fabulous, not to say scandalous, and, her mother was glad to say, entirely unfounded rumors about her—for instance, that she had gone in the Yale swimming-pool one night in a chiffon evening dress.
This marked the start of a change—not so much in her actual habits, since she still danced and had just as many "dates" as before—but these dates felt different. Before, it was a source of pride, a matter of her own vanity. She had probably been the most celebrated and sought-after young beauty in the country. Gloria Gilbert from Kansas City! She thrived on it—loving the crowds around her, the way the most desirable guys would focus on her; relishing the intense jealousy of other girls; enjoying the outrageous, not to mention scandalous, and, her mother would be happy to say, completely unfounded rumors about her—like the one that said she had gone into the Yale swimming pool one night in a chiffon evening dress.
And from loving it with a vanity that was almost masculine—it had been in the nature of a triumphant and dazzling career—she became suddenly anaesthetic to it. She retired. She who had dominated countless parties, who had blown fragrantly through many ballrooms to the tender tribute of many eyes, seemed to care no longer. He who fell in love with her now was dismissed utterly, almost angrily. She went listlessly with the most indifferent men. She continually broke engagements, not as in the past from a cool assurance that she was irreproachable, that the man she insulted would return like a domestic animal—but indifferently, without contempt or pride. She rarely stormed at men any more—she yawned at them. She seemed—and it was so strange—she seemed to her mother to be growing cold.
And from loving it with a pride that was almost like a man's—it had been a stunning and extraordinary journey—she suddenly became numb to it. She withdrew. She, who had looked after countless parties, who had swept through many ballrooms leaving a trail of admiration, seemed to lose interest. The man who fell for her now was completely dismissed, almost with anger. She drifted along with the most uninterested men. She frequently canceled plans, not as she had in the past with a cool confidence that she was untouchable, believing the man she rejected would return like a loyal pet—but indifferently, without disdain or pride. She rarely got angry with men anymore—she just yawned at them. She seemed—and it was so unusual—she seemed to her mother to be growing distant.
Richard Caramel listened. At first he had remained standing, but as his aunt's discourse waxed in content—it stands here pruned by half, of all side references to the youth of Gloria's soul and to Mrs. Gilbert's own mental distresses—he drew a chair up and attended rigorously as she floated, between tears and plaintive helplessness, down the long story of Gloria's life. When she came to the tale of this last year, a tale of the ends of cigarettes left all over New York in little trays marked "Midnight Frolic" and "Justine Johnson's Little Club," he began nodding his head slowly, then faster and faster, until, as she finished on a staccato note, it was bobbing briskly up and down, absurdly like a doll's wired head, expressing—almost anything.
Richard Caramel listened. At first, he stood, but as his aunt's speech grew more intense—here it's cut down by half, omitting side comments about Gloria's youthful spirit and Mrs. Gilbert's own struggles—he pulled up a chair and listened intently as she wove through the long saga of Gloria's life, teetering between tears and a sense of helplessness. When she reached the story of the past year, filled with the ends of cigarettes left scattered around New York in little trays labeled "Midnight Frolic" and "Justine Johnson's Little Club," he started nodding his head slowly, then picked up speed until, as she concluded with a sharp note, it was bobbing up and down rapidly, almost like a doll's head on a spring, conveying—just about anything.
In a sense Gloria's past was an old story to him. He had followed it with the eyes of a journalist, for he was going to write a book about her some day. But his interests, just at present, were family interests. He wanted to know, in particular, who was this Joseph Bloeckman that he had seen her with several times; and those two girls she was with constantly, "this" Rachael Jerryl and "this" Miss Kane—surely Miss Kane wasn't exactly the sort one would associate with Gloria!
In a way, Gloria's past felt like an old story to him. He had kept track of it like a journalist because he planned to write a book about her someday. But right now, his focus was on family matters. He wanted to know specifically who this Joseph Bloeckman was that he had seen her with a few times; and those two girls she was always with, "this" Rachael Jerryl and "this" Miss Kane—wasn't Miss Kane the kind of person you wouldn’t expect to see with Gloria?
But the moment had passed. Mrs. Gilbert having climbed the hill of exposition was about to glide swiftly down the ski-jump of collapse. Her eyes were like a blue sky seen through two round, red window-casements. The flesh about her mouth was trembling.
But the moment had passed. Mrs. Gilbert, having climbed the hill of explanation, was about to quickly glide down the slope of collapse. Her eyes were like a blue sky seen through two round, red window frames. The flesh around her mouth was quivering.
And at the moment the door opened, admitting into the room Gloria and the two young ladies lately mentioned.
And at that moment the door opened, bringing in Gloria and the two young ladies mentioned earlier.
TWO YOUNG WOMEN
"Well!"
"Wow!"
"How do you do, Mrs. Gilbert!"
"How's it going, Mrs. Gilbert!"
Miss Kane and Miss Jerryl are presented to Mr. Richard Caramel. "This is Dick" (laughter).
Miss Kane and Miss Jerryl are introduced to Mr. Richard Caramel. "This is Dick" (laughter).
"I've heard so much about you," says Miss Kane between a giggle and a shout.
"I've heard so much about you," says Miss Kane, caught between a giggle and a shout.
"How do you do," says Miss Jerryl shyly.
"How do you do," Miss Jerryl says shyly.
Richard Caramel tries to move about as if his figure were better. He is torn between his innate cordiality and the fact that he considers these girls rather common—not at all the Farmover type.
Richard Caramel tries to act like he's more attractive than he really is. He's caught between his natural friendliness and the feeling that these girls are pretty ordinary—not at all the type he usually goes for.
Gloria has disappeared into the bedroom.
Gloria has gone into the bedroom.
"Do sit down," beams Mrs. Gilbert, who is by now quite herself. "Take off your things." Dick is afraid she will make some remark about the age of his soul, but he forgets his qualms in completing a conscientious, novelist's examination of the two young women.
"Please, have a seat," Mrs. Gilbert says with a smile, now fully herself. "Take off your things." Dick worries she might comment on the age of his soul, but he pushes that thought aside as he takes a careful, novelist's look at the two young women.
Muriel Kane had originated in a rising family of East Orange. She was short rather than small, and hovered audaciously between plumpness and width. Her hair was black and elaborately arranged. This, in conjunction with her handsome, rather bovine eyes, and her over-red lips, combined to make her resemble Theda Bara, the prominent motion picture actress. People told her constantly that she was a "vampire," and she believed them. She suspected hopefully that they were afraid of her, and she did her utmost under all circumstances to give the impression of danger. An imaginative man could see the red flag that she constantly carried, waving it wildly, beseechingly—and, alas, to little spectacular avail. She was also tremendously timely: she knew the latest songs, all the latest songs—when one of them was played on the phonograph she would rise to her feet and rock her shoulders back and forth and snap her fingers, and if there was no music she would accompany herself by humming.
Muriel Kane came from a rising family in East Orange. She was short but not small, teetering boldly between being plump and just wide. Her black hair was styled elaborately. This, along with her striking, somewhat cow-like eyes and her overly red lips, made her look like Theda Bara, the famous movie actress. People constantly referred to her as a "vampire," and she took it to heart. She hoped they were scared of her and did her best in every situation to project an aura of danger. A creative guy could see the red flag she always waved, flailing it dramatically and pleadingly—but, unfortunately, to little impressive effect. She was also incredibly timely: she knew all the latest songs. When one played on the phonograph, she would get up, rock her shoulders back and forth, and snap her fingers. If there was no music, she would hum along to herself.
Her conversation was also timely: "I don't care," she would say, "I should worry and lose my figure"—and again: "I can't make my feet behave when I hear that tune. Oh, baby!"
Her conversation was also right on point: "I don't care," she'd say, "Should I worry and ruin my figure?"—and again: "I can't control my feet when I hear that song. Oh, baby!"
Her finger-nails were too long and ornate, polished to a pink and unnatural fever. Her clothes were too tight, too stylish, too vivid, her eyes too roguish, her smile too coy. She was almost pitifully overemphasized from head to foot.
Her nails were overly long and fancy, polished a bright pink that seemed artificial. Her clothes were too tight, too fashionable, too bright, her eyes too mischievous, her smile too playful. She looked almost tragically exaggerated from head to toe.
The other girl was obviously a more subtle personality. She was an exquisitely dressed Jewess with dark hair and a lovely milky pallor. She seemed shy and vague, and these two qualities accentuated a rather delicate charm that floated about her. Her family were "Episcopalians," owned three smart women's shops along Fifth Avenue, and lived in a magnificent apartment on Riverside Drive. It seemed to Dick, after a few moments, that she was attempting to imitate Gloria—he wondered that people invariably chose inimitable people to imitate.
The other girl clearly had a more subtle personality. She was an elegantly dressed Jewish woman with dark hair and a beautiful, pale complexion. She seemed shy and distant, and these two traits added to a delicate charm that surrounded her. Her family were Episcopalians, owned three upscale women’s shops on Fifth Avenue, and lived in a stunning apartment on Riverside Drive. After a few moments, Dick felt that she was trying to imitate Gloria—he wondered why people always chose unique individuals to copy.
"We had the most hectic time!" Muriel was exclaiming enthusiastically. "There was a crazy woman behind us on the bus. She was absitively, posolutely nutty! She kept talking to herself about something she'd like to do to somebody or something. I was petrified, but Gloria simply wouldn't get off."
"We had the most hectic time!" Muriel exclaimed excitedly. "There was a crazy woman behind us on the bus. She was absolutely nuts! She kept talking to herself about something she wanted to do to someone or something. I was terrified, but Gloria just wouldn't get off."
Mrs. Gilbert opened her mouth, properly awed.
Mrs. Gilbert opened her mouth, genuinely amazed.
"Really?"
"Seriously?"
"Oh, she was crazy. But we should worry, she didn't hurt us. Ugly! Gracious! The man across from us said her face ought to be on a night-nurse in a home for the blind, and we all howled, naturally, so the man tried to pick us up."
"Oh, she was insane. But we shouldn’t worry, she didn’t harm us. Gross! Wow! The guy across from us said her face should be on a night-shift nurse in a home for the blind, and we all laughed, of course, so the guy tried to hit on us."
Presently Gloria emerged from her bedroom and in unison every eye turned on her. The two girls receded into a shadowy background, unperceived, unmissed.
Currently, Gloria came out of her bedroom and all eyes turned to her at once. The two girls faded into the shadows, unnoticed and unmissed.
"We've been talking about you," said Dick quickly, "—your mother and I."
"We've been talking about you," Dick said quickly, "—your mom and I."
"Well," said Gloria.
"Okay," said Gloria.
A pause—Muriel turned to Dick.
A pause—Muriel looked at Dick.
"You're a great writer, aren't you?"
"You're a really great writer, right?"
"I'm a writer," he confessed sheepishly.
"I'm a writer," he admitted shyly.
"I always say," said Muriel earnestly, "that if I ever had time to write down all my experiences it'd make a wonderful book."
"I always say," Muriel said seriously, "that if I ever had time to write down all my experiences, it would make a fantastic book."
Rachael giggled sympathetically; Richard Caramel's bow was almost stately. Muriel continued:
Rachael chuckled gently; Richard Caramel's bow was nearly impressive. Muriel went on:
"But I don't see how you can sit down and do it. And poetry! Lordy, I can't make two lines rhyme. Well, I should worry!"
"But I just don't get how you can sit down and actually do it. And poetry! Wow, I can't even make two lines rhyme. Well, I shouldn't stress about it!"
Richard Caramel with difficulty restrained a shout of laughter. Gloria was chewing an amazing gum-drop and staring moodily out the window. Mrs. Gilbert cleared her throat and beamed.
Richard Caramel barely held back a laugh. Gloria was chewing a crazy gum-drop and staring glumly out the window. Mrs. Gilbert cleared her throat and smiled brightly.
"But you see," she said in a sort of universal exposition, "you're not an ancient soul—like Richard."
"But you see," she said in a kind of universal explanation, "you're not an old soul—like Richard."
The Ancient Soul breathed a gasp of relief—it was out at last.
The Ancient Soul let out a sigh of relief—it was finally free.
Then as if she had been considering it for five minutes, Gloria made a sudden announcement:
Then, as if she had been thinking it over for five minutes, Gloria suddenly announced:
"I'm going to give a party."
"I'm going to throw a party."
"Oh, can I come?" cried Muriel with facetious daring.
"Oh, can I come?" Muriel exclaimed with playful boldness.
"A dinner. Seven people: Muriel and Rachael and I, and you, Dick, and Anthony, and that man named Noble—I liked him—and Bloeckman."
"A dinner. Seven people: Muriel, Rachael, me, you, Dick, Anthony, that guy named Noble—I liked him—and Bloeckman."
Muriel and Rachael went into soft and purring ecstasies of enthusiasm. Mrs. Gilbert blinked and beamed. With an air of casualness Dick broke in with a question:
Muriel and Rachael became overwhelmed with soft, joyful excitement. Mrs. Gilbert blinked and smiled brightly. Trying to act casual, Dick jumped in with a question:
"Who is this fellow Bloeckman, Gloria?"
"Who is this guy Bloeckman, Gloria?"
Scenting a faint hostility, Gloria turned to him.
Sensing a slight hostility, Gloria turned to him.
"Joseph Bloeckman? He's the moving picture man. Vice-president of 'Films Par Excellence.' He and father do a lot of business."
"Joseph Bloeckman? He's the film guy. Vice-president of 'Films Par Excellence.' He does a lot of business with my dad."
"Oh!"
"Oh!"
"Well, will you all come?"
"So, will everyone come?"
They would all come. A date was arranged within the week. Dick rose, adjusted hat, coat, and muffler, and gave out a general smile.
They would all be there. A date was set for sometime this week. Dick got up, fixed his hat, coat, and scarf, and flashed a big smile.
"By-by," said Muriel, waving her hand gaily, "call me up some time."
"Bye-bye," said Muriel, waving her hand happily, "give me a call sometime."
Richard Caramel blushed for her.
Richard Caramel blushed for her.
DEPLORABLE END OF THE CHEVALIER O'KEEFE
It was Monday and Anthony took Geraldine Burke to luncheon at the Beaux Arts—afterward they went up to his apartment and he wheeled out the little rolling-table that held his supply of liquor, selecting vermouth, gin, and absinthe for a proper stimulant.
It was Monday, and Anthony took Geraldine Burke to lunch at the Beaux Arts. Afterward, they went up to his apartment, and he brought out the small rolling cart that held his liquor, choosing vermouth, gin, and absinthe for a good boost.
Geraldine Burke, usher at Keith's, had been an amusement of several months. She demanded so little that he liked her, for since a lamentable affair with a débutante the preceding summer, when he had discovered that after half a dozen kisses a proposal was expected, he had been wary of girls of his own class. It was only too easy to turn a critical eye on their imperfections: some physical harshness or a general lack of personal delicacy—but a girl who was usher at Keith's was approached with a different attitude. One could tolerate qualities in an intimate valet that would be unforgivable in a mere acquaintance on one's social level.
Geraldine Burke, an usher at Keith's, had been a source of amusement for several months. She asked for so little that he found her enjoyable, especially since a regrettable incident with a debutante the summer before when he realized that after a few kisses, a proposal was expected. Since then, he had been cautious around girls from his own social circle. It was all too easy to spot their flaws: some physical roughness or a general lack of personal refinement—but a girl who worked as an usher at Keith's was viewed differently. You could overlook certain traits in an intimate valet that would be unacceptable in a mere acquaintance from your social class.
Geraldine, curled up at the foot of the lounge, considered him with narrow slanting eyes.
Geraldine, curled up at the end of the couch, watched him with narrowed, slanted eyes.
"You drink all the time, don't you?" she said suddenly.
"You drink all the time, right?" she said out of the blue.
"Why, I suppose so," replied Anthony in some surprise. "Don't you?"
"Well, I guess so," Anthony replied, somewhat surprised. "Don't you?"
"Nope. I go on parties sometimes—you know, about once a week, but I only take two or three drinks. You and your friends keep on drinking all the time. I should think you'd ruin your health."
"Nope. I go to parties sometimes—you know, about once a week—but I only have two or three drinks. You and your friends keep drinking all the time. I’d think you’d ruin your health."
Anthony was somewhat touched.
Anthony was a bit moved.
"Why, aren't you sweet to worry about me!"
"Aw, that's so sweet of you to worry about me!"
"Well, I do."
"Sure, I do."
"I don't drink so very much," he declared. "Last month I didn't touch a drop for three weeks. And I only get really tight about once a week."
"I don't drink that much," he said. "Last month, I went three weeks without having a single drink. And I only get really drunk about once a week."
"But you have something to drink every day and you're only twenty-five. Haven't you any ambition? Think what you'll be at forty?"
"But you drink every day and you're only twenty-five. Don't you have any ambitions? Just imagine where you'll be at forty."
"I sincerely trust that I won't live that long."
"I honestly hope I won't live that long."
She clicked her tongue with her teeth.
She tsked.
"You cra-azy!" she said as he mixed another cocktail—and then: "Are you any relation to Adam Patch?"
"You're crazy!" she said as he mixed another cocktail—and then: "Are you related to Adam Patch?"
"Yes, he's my grandfather."
"Yes, he's my granddad."
"Really?" She was obviously thrilled.
"Seriously?" She was obviously thrilled.
"Absolutely."
"Definitely."
"That's funny. My daddy used to work for him."
"That's funny. My dad used to work for him."
"He's a queer old man."
"He's an eccentric old man."
"Is he nice?" she demanded.
"Is he nice?" she asked.
"Well, in private life he's seldom unnecessarily disagreeable."
"Well, in private life he's rarely unpleasant for no reason."
"Tell us about him."
"Tell us about him."
"Why," Anthony considered "—he's all shrunken up and he's got the remains of some gray hair that always looks as though the wind were in it. He's very moral."
"Why," Anthony thought, "he's all shriveled up and he has some gray hair that always seems like the wind blew through it. He’s really moral."
"He's done a lot of good," said Geraldine with intense gravity.
"He's done a lot of good," Geraldine said seriously.
"Rot!" scoffed Anthony. "He's a pious ass—a chickenbrain."
"Rot!" Anthony scoffed. "He's a holier-than-thou jerk—a coward."
Her mind left the subject and flitted on.
Her mind moved away from the topic and wandered.
"Why don't you live with him?"
"Why don't you move in with him?"
"Why don't I board in a Methodist parsonage?"
"Why don't I stay in a Methodist pastor's house?"
"You cra-azy!"
"You're crazy!"
Again she made a little clicking sound to express disapproval. Anthony thought how moral was this little waif at heart—how completely moral she would still be after the inevitable wave came that would wash her off the sands of respectability.
Again she made a clicking sound to show her disapproval. Anthony thought about how morally upright this little waif was at heart—how completely moral she would still be after the inevitable wave came that would wash her away from the shores of respectability.
"Do you hate him?"
"Do you dislike him?"
"I wonder. I never liked him. You never like people who do things for you."
"I wonder. I never liked him. You never really like people who do things for you."
"Does he hate you?"
"Is he mad at you?"
"My dear Geraldine," protested Anthony, frowning humorously, "do have another cocktail. I annoy him. If I smoke a cigarette he comes into the room sniffing. He's a prig, a bore, and something of a hypocrite. I probably wouldn't be telling you this if I hadn't had a few drinks, but I don't suppose it matters."
"My dear Geraldine," Anthony said with a playful frown, "please have another cocktail. He gets on my nerves. If I light up a cigarette, he walks in smelling the air. He's such a prude, a drag, and a bit of a hypocrite. I probably wouldn’t share this if I hadn’t had a few drinks, but I guess it doesn’t really matter."
Geraldine was persistently interested. She held her glass, untasted, between finger and thumb and regarded him with eyes in which there was a touch of awe.
Geraldine was constantly intrigued. She held her glass, untouched, between her fingers and looked at him with a hint of admiration in her eyes.
"How do you mean a hypocrite?"
"How do you mean a hypocrite?"
"Well," said Anthony impatiently, "maybe he's not. But he doesn't like the things that I like, and so, as far as I'm concerned, he's uninteresting."
"Well," Anthony said impatiently, "maybe he isn't. But he doesn't like the things I like, so as far as I'm concerned, he's boring."
"Hm." Her curiosity seemed, at length, satisfied. She sank back into the sofa and sipped her cocktail.
"Hm." Her curiosity finally seemed satisfied. She sank back into the sofa and took a sip of her cocktail.
"You're a funny one," she commented thoughtfully. "Does everybody want to marry you because your grandfather is rich?"
"You're really funny," she said, thinking it over. "Does everyone want to marry you just because your grandfather is wealthy?"
"They don't—but I shouldn't blame them if they did. Still, you see, I never intend to marry."
"They don't—but I shouldn't hold it against them if they did. Still, you see, I never plan to get married."
She scorned this.
She disdained this.
"You'll fall in love someday. Oh, you will—I know." She nodded wisely.
"You'll fall in love one day. Trust me, you will—I know it." She nodded knowingly.
"It'd be idiotic to be overconfident. That's what ruined the Chevalier O'Keefe."
"It would be foolish to be too confident. That’s what caused the downfall of Chevalier O'Keefe."
"Who was he?"
"Who is he?"
"A creature of my splendid mind. He's my one creation, the Chevalier."
"A being from my amazing imagination. He's my one creation, the Chevalier."
"Cra-a-azy!" she murmured pleasantly, using the clumsy rope ladder with which she bridged all gaps and climbed after her mental superiors. Subconsciously she felt that it eliminated distances and brought the person whose imagination had eluded her back within range.
"Crazy!" she whispered cheerfully, using the awkward rope ladder that helped her bridge gaps and catch up with those she admired. Unknowingly, she sensed that it closed the distance and brought the person whose imagination had slipped away back within reach.
"Oh, no!" objected Anthony, "oh, no, Geraldine. You mustn't play the alienist upon the Chevalier. If you feel yourself unable to understand him I won't bring him in. Besides, I should feel a certain uneasiness because of his regrettable reputation."
"Oh, no!" Anthony protested, "oh, no, Geraldine. You shouldn't try to analyze the Chevalier. If you can't understand him, I won't bring him in. Plus, I'd feel a bit uncomfortable because of his unfortunate reputation."
"I guess I can understand anything that's got any sense to it," answered Geraldine a bit testily.
"I guess I can understand anything that makes sense," Geraldine replied a bit irritably.
"In that case there are various episodes in the life of the Chevalier which might prove diverting."
"In that case, there are several interesting episodes in the life of the Chevalier that could be entertaining."
"Well?"
"What's up?"
"It was his untimely end that caused me to think of him and made him apropos in the conversation. I hate to introduce him end foremost, but it seems inevitable that the Chevalier must back into your life."
"It was his unexpected death that made me think of him and brought him up in the conversation. I don't want to bring him up first, but it seems unavoidable that the Chevalier will re-enter your life."
"Well, what about him? Did he die?"
"Well, what about him? Did he pass away?"
"He did! In this manner. He was an Irishman, Geraldine, a semi-fictional Irishman—the wild sort with a genteel brogue and 'reddish hair.' He was exiled from Erin in the late days of chivalry and, of course, crossed over to France. Now the Chevalier O'Keefe, Geraldine, had, like me, one weakness. He was enormously susceptible to all sorts and conditions of women. Besides being a sentimentalist he was a romantic, a vain fellow, a man of wild passions, a little blind in one eye and almost stone-blind in the other. Now a male roaming the world in this condition is as helpless as a lion without teeth, and in consequence the Chevalier was made utterly miserable for twenty years by a series of women who hated him, used him, bored him, aggravated him, sickened him, spent his money, made a fool of him—in brief, as the world has it, loved him.
"He did! Like this. He was an Irishman, Geraldine, a semi-fictional Irishman—the wild type with a classy accent and 'reddish hair.' He was exiled from Ireland during the last days of chivalry and, of course, made his way to France. Now, the Chevalier O'Keefe, Geraldine, had, like me, one weakness. He was incredibly susceptible to all kinds of women. Besides being sentimental, he was a romantic, a vain guy, a man of wild passions, a little blind in one eye and almost completely blind in the other. Now, a guy wandering the world in this condition is as helpless as a toothless lion, and as a result, the Chevalier was made utterly miserable for twenty years by a series of women who hated him, used him, bored him, aggravated him, sickened him, spent his money, made a fool of him—in short, as the world puts it, loved him."
"This was bad, Geraldine, and as the Chevalier, save for this one weakness, this exceeding susceptibility, was a man of penetration, he decided that he would rescue himself once and for all from these drains upon him. With this purpose he went to a very famous monastery in Champagne called—well, anachronistically known as St. Voltaire's. It was the rule at St. Voltaire's that no monk could descend to the ground story of the monastery so long as he lived, but should exist engaged in prayer and contemplation in one of the four towers, which were called after the four commandments of the monastery rule: Poverty, Chastity, Obedience, and Silence.
"This was bad, Geraldine, and since the Chevalier, aside from this one weakness, this strong susceptibility, was a perceptive man, he decided that he would finally free himself from these drains on him. With this intention, he went to a famous monastery in Champagne called—well, anachronistically known as St. Voltaire's. The rule at St. Voltaire's was that no monk could go down to the ground floor of the monastery for as long as he lived, but should spend his time in prayer and contemplation in one of the four towers, which were named after the four commandments of the monastery rule: Poverty, Chastity, Obedience, and Silence.
"When the day came that was to witness the Chevalier's farewell to the world he was utterly happy. He gave all his Greek books to his landlady, and his sword he sent in a golden sheath to the King of France, and all his mementos of Ireland he gave to the young Huguenot who sold fish in the street where he lived.
"When the day arrived for the Chevalier to say goodbye to the world, he was completely content. He gave all his Greek books to his landlady, sent his sword in a golden sheath to the King of France, and gave all his souvenirs from Ireland to the young Huguenot who sold fish on the street where he lived."
"Then he rode out to St. Voltaire's, slew his horse at the door, and presented the carcass to the monastery cook.
"Then he rode out to St. Voltaire's, killed his horse at the door, and handed the carcass to the monastery cook."
"At five o'clock that night he felt, for the first time, free—forever free from sex. No woman could enter the monastery; no monk could descend below the second story. So as he climbed the winding stair that led to his cell at the very top of the Tower of Chastity he paused for a moment by an open window which looked down fifty feet on to a road below. It was all so beautiful, he thought, this world that he was leaving, the golden shower of sun beating down upon the long fields, the spray of trees in the distance, the vineyards, quiet and green, freshening wide miles before him. He leaned his elbows on the window casement and gazed at the winding road.
At five o'clock that night, he felt free for the first time—truly free from sex. No woman could enter the monastery; no monk could go below the second floor. As he climbed the winding stairs to his cell at the very top of the Tower of Chastity, he paused for a moment by an open window that looked down fifty feet to the road below. It was all so beautiful, he thought, this world he was leaving behind: the golden sunlight pouring down on the long fields, the trees in the distance, the vineyards, calm and green, stretching for miles ahead of him. He rested his elbows on the window frame and stared at the winding road.
"Now, as it happened, Thérèse, a peasant girl of sixteen from a neighboring village, was at that moment passing along this same road that ran in front of the monastery. Five minutes before, the little piece of ribbon which held up the stocking on her pretty left leg had worn through and broken. Being a girl of rare modesty she had thought to wait until she arrived home before repairing it, but it had bothered her to such an extent that she felt she could endure it no longer. So, as she passed the Tower of Chastity, she stopped and with a pretty gesture lifted her skirt—as little as possible, be it said to her credit—to adjust her garter.
"At that moment, Thérèse, a sixteen-year-old peasant girl from a nearby village, was walking along the same road in front of the monastery. Just five minutes earlier, the little ribbon that held up the stocking on her pretty left leg had worn through and snapped. Being a girl of rare modesty, she thought it would be best to wait until she got home to fix it, but it bothered her so much that she couldn’t take it anymore. So, as she passed the Tower of Chastity, she stopped and, with a delicate gesture, lifted her skirt—just a little, to her credit—to adjust her garter."
"Up in the tower the newest arrival in the ancient monastery of St. Voltaire, as though pulled forward by a gigantic and irresistible hand, leaned from the window. Further he leaned and further until suddenly one of the stones loosened under his weight, broke from its cement with a soft powdery sound—and, first headlong, then head over heels, finally in a vast and impressive revolution tumbled the Chevalier O'Keefe, bound for the hard earth and eternal damnation.
"Up in the tower, the newest arrival at the ancient monastery of St. Voltaire, as if drawn forward by a massive and unstoppable force, leaned out of the window. He leaned further and further until suddenly one of the stones loosened under his weight, broke away from its cement with a soft, powdery sound—and, first headfirst, then flipping over completely, the Chevalier O'Keefe tumbled down, heading for the hard ground and eternal damnation."
"Thérèse was so much upset by the occurrence that she ran all the way home and for ten years spent an hour a day in secret prayer for the soul of the monk whose neck and vows were simultaneously broken on that unfortunate Sunday afternoon.
"Thérèse was so upset by what happened that she ran all the way home and for ten years spent an hour a day in secret prayer for the soul of the monk whose neck and vows were both broken on that unfortunate Sunday afternoon."
"And the Chevalier O'Keefe, being suspected of suicide, was not buried in consecrated ground, but tumbled into a field near by, where he doubtless improved the quality of the soil for many years afterward. Such was the untimely end of a very brave and gallant gentleman. What do you think, Geraldine?"
"And the Chevalier O'Keefe, suspected of suicide, wasn't buried in holy ground but was tossed into a nearby field, where he probably enriched the soil for many years afterward. Such was the premature end of a truly brave and noble gentleman. What do you think, Geraldine?"
But Geraldine, lost long before, could only smile roguishly, wave her first finger at him, and repeat her bridge-all, her explain-all:
But Geraldine, who had been lost for a while, could only smile playfully, wave her index finger at him, and repeat her all-encompassing explanation:
"Crazy!" she said, "you cra-a-azy!"
"That's crazy!" she said, "you're crazy!"
His thin face was kindly, she thought, and his eyes quite gentle. She liked him because he was arrogant without being conceited, and because, unlike the men she met about the theatre, he had a horror of being conspicuous. What an odd, pointless story! But she had enjoyed the part about the stocking!
His thin face seemed kind, she thought, and his eyes were very gentle. She liked him because he was confident without being arrogant, and because, unlike the guys she met around the theater, he hated drawing attention to himself. What a strange, pointless story! But she enjoyed the part about the stocking!
After the fifth cocktail he kissed her, and between laughter and bantering caresses and a half-stifled flare of passion they passed an hour. At four-thirty she claimed an engagement, and going into the bathroom she rearranged her hair. Refusing to let him order her a taxi she stood for a moment in the doorway.
After the fifth cocktail, he kissed her, and amidst laughter, playful touches, and a barely contained spark of passion, they spent an hour together. At four-thirty, she mentioned she had plans, and when she went into the bathroom, she fixed her hair. Not allowing him to call her a taxi, she paused for a moment in the doorway.
"You will get married," she was insisting, "you wait and see."
"You are going to get married," she insisted, "just wait and see."
Anthony was playing with an ancient tennis ball, and he bounced it carefully on the floor several times before he answered with a soupçon of acidity:
Anthony was playing with an old tennis ball, and he bounced it gently on the floor a few times before he replied with a hint of sarcasm:
"You're a little idiot, Geraldine."
"You're such a little idiot, Geraldine."
She smiled provokingly.
She smiled flirtatiously.
"Oh, I am, am I? Want to bet?"
"Oh, really? Want to wager on it?"
"That'd be silly too."
"That would be silly too."
"Oh, it would, would it? Well, I'll just bet you'll marry somebody inside of a year."
"Oh, really? I bet you'll get married to someone within a year."
Anthony bounced the tennis ball very hard. This was one of his handsome days, she thought; a sort of intensity had displaced the melancholy in his dark eyes.
Anthony hit the tennis ball really hard. This was one of his good days, she thought; a kind of intensity had replaced the sadness in his dark eyes.
"Geraldine," he said, at length, "in the first place I have no one I want to marry; in the second place I haven't enough money to support two people; in the third place I am entirely opposed to marriage for people of my type; in the fourth place I have a strong distaste for even the abstract consideration of it."
"Geraldine," he said finally, "first of all, I don’t want to marry anyone; second, I don’t have enough money to support two people; third, I’m completely against marriage for people like me; and fourth, I really dislike even the idea of it."
But Geraldine only narrowed her eyes knowingly, made her clicking sound, and said she must be going. It was late.
But Geraldine just narrowed her eyes knowingly, made her clicking sound, and said she had to go. It was late.
"Call me up soon," she reminded him as he kissed her goodbye, "you haven't for three weeks, you know."
"Call me soon," she reminded him as he kissed her goodbye, "you haven't done it in three weeks, you know."
"I will," he promised fervently.
"I will," he promised passionately.
He shut the door and coming back into the room stood for a moment lost in thought with the tennis ball still clasped in his hand. There was one of his lonelinesses coming, one of those times when he walked the streets or sat, aimless and depressed, biting a pencil at his desk. It was a self-absorption with no comfort, a demand for expression with no outlet, a sense of time rushing by, ceaselessly and wastefully—assuaged only by that conviction that there was nothing to waste, because all efforts and attainments were equally valueless.
He closed the door and, walking back into the room, stood for a moment lost in thought with the tennis ball still in his hand. One of his bouts of loneliness was creeping in, those times when he wandered the streets or sat aimlessly at his desk, feeling down and chewing on a pencil. It was a kind of self-absorption that offered no comfort, a need to express himself with no way to do so, a feeling of time speeding by, endlessly and wastefully—relieved only by the belief that there was nothing to waste, since all efforts and achievements were equally pointless.
He thought with emotion—aloud, ejaculative, for he was hurt and confused.
He thought emotionally—out loud, exclaiming, because he was hurt and confused.
"No idea of getting married, by God!"
"No idea of getting married, seriously!"
Of a sudden he hurled the tennis ball violently across the room, where it barely missed the lamp, and, rebounding here and there for a moment, lay still upon the floor.
Suddenly, he threw the tennis ball sharply across the room, where it barely missed the lamp, and after bouncing around for a moment, it finally came to rest on the floor.
SIGNLIGHT AND MOONLIGHT
For her dinner Gloria had taken a table in the Cascades at the Biltmore, and when the men met in the hall outside a little after eight, "that person Bloeckman" was the target of six masculine eyes. He was a stoutening, ruddy Jew of about thirty-five, with an expressive face under smooth sandy hair—and, no doubt, in most business gatherings his personality would have been considered ingratiating. He sauntered up to the three younger men, who stood in a group smoking as they waited for their hostess, and introduced himself with a little too evident assurance—nevertheless it is to be doubted whether he received the intended impression of faint and ironic chill: there was no hint of understanding in his manner.
For dinner, Gloria had reserved a table at the Cascades in the Biltmore, and when the men gathered in the hallway just after eight, "that guy Bloeckman" was the focus of six male gazes. He was a slightly overweight, ruddy-skinned Jewish man around thirty-five, with an expressive face and smooth sandy hair—and surely, in most business settings, his personality would have been seen as charming. He casually approached the three younger men who were standing together, smoking while waiting for their hostess, and introduced himself with a bit too much confidence—still, it’s questionable whether he conveyed the intended vibe of subtle and ironic coolness: there was no sign of understanding in his demeanor.
"You related to Adam J. Patch?" he inquired of Anthony, emitting two slender strings of smoke from nostrils overwide.
"You know Adam J. Patch?" he asked Anthony, letting out two thin streams of smoke from his overly wide nostrils.
Anthony admitted it with the ghost of a smile.
Anthony admitted it with a faint smile.
"He's a fine man," pronounced Bloeckman profoundly. "He's a fine example of an American."
"He's a great guy," Bloeckman said seriously. "He's a great example of an American."
"Yes," agreed Anthony, "he certainly is."
"Yeah," Anthony agreed, "he definitely is."
—I detest these underdone men, he thought coldly. Boiled looking! Ought to be shoved back in the oven; just one more minute would do it.
—I can't stand these undercooked guys, he thought coldly. They look so pale! They should be put back in the oven; just one more minute would fix them.
Bloeckman squinted at his watch.
Bloeckman squinted at his watch.
"Time these girls were showing up ..."
"About time these girls showed up ..."
—Anthony waited breathlessly; it came—
—Anthony waited anxiously; it arrived—
"... but then," with a widening smile, "you know how women are."
"... but then," with a bigger smile, "you know how women can be."
The three young men nodded; Bloeckman looked casually about him, his eyes resting critically on the ceiling and then passing lower. His expression combined that of a Middle Western farmer appraising his wheat crop and that of an actor wondering whether he is observed—the public manner of all good Americans. As he finished his survey he turned back quickly to the reticent trio, determined to strike to their very heart and core.
The three young men nodded; Bloeckman glanced around casually, his eyes critically scanning the ceiling before moving lower. His expression reflected both a Midwestern farmer assessing his wheat and an actor wondering if he's being watched—the typical demeanor of all good Americans. As he completed his look, he quickly turned back to the quiet trio, intent on getting to their very heart and core.
"You college men? ... Harvard, eh. I see the Princeton boys beat you fellows in hockey."
"You college guys? ... Harvard, huh. I see the Princeton guys beat you all in hockey."
Unfortunate man. He had drawn another blank. They had been three years out and heeded only the big football games. Whether, after the failure of this sally, Mr. Bloeckman would have perceived himself to be in a cynical atmosphere is problematical, for—
Unfortunate man. He had come up empty again. They had been out for three years and only paid attention to the big football games. Whether, after this failed attempt, Mr. Bloeckman recognized that he was in a cynical environment is uncertain, for—
Gloria arrived. Muriel arrived. Rachael arrived. After a hurried "Hello, people!" uttered by Gloria and echoed by the other two, the three swept by into the dressing room.
Gloria showed up. Muriel showed up. Rachael showed up. After a rushed "Hey, everyone!" from Gloria, which the other two repeated, the three of them hurried into the dressing room.
A moment later Muriel appeared in a state of elaborate undress and crept toward them. She was in her element: her ebony hair was slicked straight back on her head; her eyes were artificially darkened; she reeked of insistent perfume. She was got up to the best of her ability as a siren, more popularly a "vamp"—a picker up and thrower away of men, an unscrupulous and fundamentally unmoved toyer with affections. Something in the exhaustiveness of her attempt fascinated Maury at first sight—a woman with wide hips affecting a panther-like litheness! As they waited the extra three minutes for Gloria, and, by polite assumption, for Rachael, he was unable to take his eyes from her. She would turn her head away, lowering her eyelashes and biting her nether lip in an amazing exhibition of coyness. She would rest her hands on her hips and sway from side to side in tune to the music, saying:
A moment later, Muriel showed up in an elaborate state of undress and crept toward them. She was in her element: her dark hair was slicked straight back; her eyes were heavily made up; she smelled strongly of perfume. She was dressed to the best of her ability as a siren, more popularly known as a "vamp"—someone who attracts and discards men, a heartless player with emotions. Something about the intensity of her effort captivated Maury at first sight—a woman with wide hips trying to project a panther-like grace! As they waited an extra three minutes for Gloria, and, by polite assumption, for Rachael, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She would turn her head away, lower her eyelashes, and bite her lower lip in a stunning show of flirtation. She would place her hands on her hips and sway from side to side, moving to the music, saying:
"Did you ever hear such perfect ragtime? I just can't make my shoulders behave when I hear that."
"Have you ever heard such amazing ragtime? I just can't keep my shoulders still when I hear that."
Mr. Bloeckman clapped his hands gallantly.
Mr. Bloeckman clapped his hands confidently.
"You ought to be on the stage."
"You belong on stage."
"I'd like to be!" cried Muriel; "will you back me?"
"I want to be!" shouted Muriel; "will you support me?"
"I sure will."
"Of course!"
With becoming modesty Muriel ceased her motions and turned to Maury, asking what he had "seen" this year. He interpreted this as referring to the dramatic world, and they had a gay and exhilarating exchange of titles, after this manner:
With newfound modesty, Muriel stopped what she was doing and faced Maury, asking what he had "seen" this year. He took this to mean the world of drama, and they shared a lively and thrilling conversation about different titles, like this:
MURIEL: Have you seen "Peg o' My Heart"?
MURIEL: Have you seen "Peg o' My Heart"?
MAURY: No, I haven't.
MAURY: Nope, I haven't.
MURIEL: (Eagerly) It's wonderful! You want to see it.
MURIEL: (Eagerly) It's amazing! You have to check it out.
MAURY: Have you seen "Omar, the Tentmaker"?
MAURY: Have you seen "Omar, the Tentmaker"?
MURIEL: No, but I hear it's wonderful. I'm very anxious to see it. Have you seen "Fair and Warmer"?
MURIEL: No, but I hear it's amazing. I'm really excited to see it. Have you seen "Fair and Warmer"?
MAURY: (Hopefully) Yes.
MAURY: (Hopefully) Yes.
MURIEL: I don't think it's very good. It's trashy.
MURIEL: I don’t think it’s very good. It’s garbage.
MAURY: (Faintly) Yes, that's true.
MAURY: (Softly) Yes, that's true.
MURIEL: But I went to "Within the Law" last night and I thought it was fine. Have you seen "The Little Cafe"?...
MURIEL: But I went to "Within the Law" last night and I thought it was great. Have you seen "The Little Cafe"?...
This continued until they ran out of plays. Dick, meanwhile, turned to Mr. Bloeckman, determined to extract what gold he could from this unpromising load.
This went on until they had no more plays left. Meanwhile, Dick turned to Mr. Bloeckman, eager to get whatever value he could from this seemingly worthless situation.
"I hear all the new novels are sold to the moving pictures as soon as they come out."
"I've heard that all the new novels get sold to the movies as soon as they're released."
"That's true. Of course the main thing in a moving picture is a strong story."
"That's true. The most important thing in a movie is a compelling story."
"Yes, I suppose so."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"So many novels are all full of talk and psychology. Of course those aren't as valuable to us. It's impossible to make much of that interesting on the screen."
"So many novels are just filled with dialogue and psychology. Obviously, those aren't as valuable to us. It's hard to make that work well on screen."
"You want plots first," said Richard brilliantly.
"You want plots first," Richard said smartly.
"Of course. Plots first—" He paused, shifted his gaze. His pause spread, included the others with all the authority of a warning finger. Gloria followed by Rachael was coming out of the dressing room.
"Of course. First, the plots—" He paused, looking away. His silence lingered, encompassing the others with the weight of a warning finger. Gloria, followed by Rachael, emerged from the dressing room.
Among other things it developed during dinner that Joseph Bloeckman never danced, but spent the music time watching the others with the bored tolerance of an elder among children. He was a dignified man and a proud one. Born in Munich he had begun his American career as a peanut vender with a travelling circus. At eighteen he was a side show ballyhoo; later, the manager of the side show, and, soon after, the proprietor of a second-class vaudeville house. Just when the moving picture had passed out of the stage of a curiosity and become a promising industry he was an ambitious young man of twenty-six with some money to invest, nagging financial ambitions and a good working knowledge of the popular show business. That had been nine years before. The moving picture industry had borne him up with it where it threw off dozens of men with more financial ability, more imagination, and more practical ideas...and now he sat here and contemplated the immortal Gloria for whom young Stuart Holcome had gone from New York to Pasadena—watched her, and knew that presently she would cease dancing and come back to sit on his left hand.
During dinner, it became clear that Joseph Bloeckman never danced but instead spent the music watching the others with the bored patience of someone older among kids. He was a dignified and proud man. Born in Munich, he had started his American journey as a peanut vendor with a traveling circus. By the age of eighteen, he was a barker at a sideshow; later, he became the manager of the sideshow, and soon after, the owner of a small vaudeville theater. Just as moving pictures transitioned from curiosity to a promising industry, he was a driven young man of twenty-six with some money to invest, persistent financial ambitions, and a solid understanding of the entertainment business. That had been nine years ago. The movie industry had lifted him up while it left behind many men with more financial savvy, more creativity, and better practical ideas...and now he sat here, observing the unforgettable Gloria, for whom young Stuart Holcome had traveled from New York to Pasadena—watching her, knowing she would soon stop dancing and come back to sit beside him.
He hoped she would hurry. The oysters had been standing some minutes.
He hoped she would move quickly. The oysters had been sitting for a few minutes.
Meanwhile Anthony, who had been placed on Gloria's left hand, was dancing with her, always in a certain fourth of the floor. This, had there been stags, would have been a delicate tribute to the girl, meaning "Damn you, don't cut in!" It was very consciously intimate.
Meanwhile, Anthony, who was positioned on Gloria's left side, was dancing with her, always in a specific section of the floor. If there had been other guys around, this would have been a subtle way to signal to them, "No way, don’t interrupt!" It felt really close and personal.
"Well," he began, looking down at her, "you look mighty sweet to-night."
"Well," he started, glancing down at her, "you look really sweet tonight."
She met his eyes over the horizontal half foot that separated them.
She met his gaze across the six inches that divided them.
"Thank you—Anthony."
"Thanks—Anthony."
"In fact you're uncomfortably beautiful," he added. There was no smile this time.
"In fact, you're uncomfortably beautiful," he added. There was no smile this time.
"And you're very charming."
"And you're so charming."
"Isn't this nice?" he laughed. "We actually approve of each other."
"Isn't this great?" he chuckled. "We really like each other."
"Don't you, usually?" She had caught quickly at his remark, as she always did at any unexplained allusion to herself, however faint.
"Don't you, usually?" She quickly picked up on his comment, as she always did with any vague suggestion about herself, no matter how subtle.
He lowered his voice, and when he spoke there was in it no more than a wisp of badinage.
He lowered his voice, and when he spoke, there was barely a hint of playfulness in it.
"Does a priest approve the Pope?"
"Does a priest approve of the Pope?"
"I don't know—but that's probably the vaguest compliment I ever received."
"I don't know—but that's probably the most unclear compliment I've ever gotten."
"Perhaps I can muster a few bromides."
"Maybe I can come up with some comforting phrases."
"Well, I wouldn't have you strain yourself. Look at Muriel! Right here next to us."
"Well, I wouldn't want you to overexert yourself. Look at Muriel! She's right here next to us."
He glanced over his shoulder. Muriel was resting her brilliant cheek against the lapel of Maury Noble's dinner coat and her powdered left arm was apparently twisted around his head. One was impelled to wonder why she failed to seize the nape of his neck with her hand. Her eyes, turned ceiling-ward, rolled largely back and forth; her hips swayed, and as she danced she kept up a constant low singing. This at first seemed to be a translation of the song into some foreign tongue but became eventually apparent as an attempt to fill out the metre of the song with the only words she knew—the words of the title—
He glanced over his shoulder. Muriel was resting her gorgeous cheek against the lapel of Maury Noble's dinner coat, and her powdered left arm was apparently wrapped around his head. One couldn't help but wonder why she didn’t grab the back of his neck with her hand. Her eyes, looking up at the ceiling, rolled back and forth; her hips swayed, and as she danced, she kept up a constant low hum. At first, it seemed like she was translating the song into some foreign language, but it soon became clear that she was trying to fill the rhythm of the song with the only words she knew—the words of the title.
—and so on, into phrases still more strange and barbaric. When she caught the amused glances of Anthony and Gloria she acknowledged them only with a faint smile and a half-closing of her eyes, to indicate that the music entering into her soul had put her into an ecstatic and exceedingly seductive trance.
—and so on, into phrases that were even stranger and more primitive. When she noticed the amused looks from Anthony and Gloria, she responded with just a slight smile and a half-closing of her eyes, signaling that the music filling her soul had placed her in an ecstatic and incredibly seductive trance.
The music ended and they returned to their table, whose solitary but dignified occupant arose and tendered each of them a smile so ingratiating that it was as if he were shaking their hands and congratulating them on a brilliant performance.
The music stopped, and they went back to their table, where the lone but dignified occupant stood up and gave each of them a smile so charming that it felt like he was shaking their hands and congratulating them on an amazing performance.
"Blockhead never will dance! I think he has a wooden leg," remarked Gloria to the table at large. The three young men started and the gentleman referred to winced perceptibly.
"Blockhead will never dance! I think he has a wooden leg," Gloria said to the group at the table. The three young men jumped slightly, and the man she was talking about flinched noticeably.
This was the one rough spot in the course of Bloeckman's acquaintance with Gloria. She relentlessly punned on his name. First it had been "Block-house." lately, the more invidious "Blockhead." He had requested with a strong undertone of irony that she use his first name, and this she had done obediently several times—then slipping, helpless, repentant but dissolved in laughter, back into "Blockhead."
This was the one awkward moment in Bloeckman's relationship with Gloria. She constantly made puns on his name. At first, it was "Block-house," and recently it had turned into the more insulting "Blockhead." He had asked, somewhat ironically, that she call him by his first name, which she had done a few times—only to revert, helpless and laughing, back to "Blockhead."
It was a very sad and thoughtless thing.
It was a really sad and careless thing.
"I'm afraid Mr. Bloeckman thinks we're a frivolous crowd," sighed Muriel, waving a balanced oyster in his direction.
"I'm afraid Mr. Bloeckman thinks we're a silly group," sighed Muriel, waving a perfectly balanced oyster in his direction.
"He has that air," murmured Rachael. Anthony tried to remember whether she had said anything before. He thought not. It was her initial remark.
"He has that vibe," Rachael whispered. Anthony tried to recall if she had said anything earlier. He didn't think so. It was her first comment.
Mr. Bloeckman suddenly cleared his throat and said in a loud, distinct voice:
Mr. Bloeckman suddenly cleared his throat and said in a loud, clear voice:
"On the contrary. When a man speaks he's merely tradition. He has at best a few thousand years back of him. But woman, why, she is the miraculous mouthpiece of posterity."
"On the contrary. When a man speaks, he’s just following tradition. He has, at best, a few thousand years of history behind him. But a woman, well, she is the incredible voice of the future."
In the stunned pause that followed this astounding remark, Anthony choked suddenly on an oyster and hurried his napkin to his face. Rachael and Muriel raised a mild if somewhat surprised laugh, in which Dick and Maury joined, both of them red in the face and restraining uproariousness with the most apparent difficulty.
In the shocked silence that came after this incredible comment, Anthony suddenly choked on an oyster and quickly brought his napkin to his face. Rachael and Muriel let out a light, somewhat surprised laugh, which Dick and Maury joined, both of them flushed and struggling to contain their laughter with noticeable effort.
"—My God!" thought Anthony. "It's a subtitle from one of his movies. The man's memorized it!"
"—Oh my God!" Anthony thought. "It's a line from one of his movies. The guy has it memorized!"
Gloria alone made no sound. She fixed Mr. Bloeckman with a glance of silent reproach.
Gloria didn't say a word. She shot Mr. Bloeckman a look of silent accusation.
"Well, for the love of Heaven! Where on earth did you dig that up?"
"Well, for heaven's sake! Where on earth did you find that?"
Bloeckman looked at her uncertainly, not sure of her intention. But in a moment he recovered his poise and assumed the bland and consciously tolerant smile of an intellectual among spoiled and callow youth.
Bloeckman looked at her hesitantly, unsure of what she meant. But after a moment, he regained his composure and put on the neutral and intentionally accepting smile of an intellectual surrounded by entitled and immature young people.
The soup came up from the kitchen—but simultaneously the orchestra leader came up from the bar, where he had absorbed the tone color inherent in a seidel of beer. So the soup was left to cool during the delivery of a ballad entitled "Everything's at Home Except Your Wife."
The soup was brought up from the kitchen—but at the same time, the bandleader came up from the bar, where he had soaked in the vibes of a glass of beer. So, the soup was left to cool while a ballad called "Everything's at Home Except Your Wife" was performed.
Then the champagne—and the party assumed more amusing proportions. The men, except Richard Caramel, drank freely; Gloria and Muriel sipped a glass apiece; Rachael Jerryl took none. They sat out the waltzes but danced to everything else—all except Gloria, who seemed to tire after a while and preferred to sit smoking at the table, her eyes now lazy, now eager, according to whether she listened to Bloeckman or watched a pretty woman among the dancers. Several times Anthony wondered what Bloeckman was telling her. He was chewing a cigar back and forth in his mouth, and had expanded after dinner to the extent of violent gestures.
Then the champagne came, and the party got a lot more fun. The guys, except for Richard Caramel, drank freely; Gloria and Muriel each sipped a glass, while Rachael Jerryl didn’t drink at all. They skipped the waltzes but danced to everything else—everyone except Gloria, who seemed to get tired after a while and preferred to sit at the table smoking, her eyes now lazy, now eager, depending on whether she was listening to Bloeckman or watching a pretty woman among the dancers. Several times, Anthony wondered what Bloeckman was telling her. He was chewing a cigar back and forth in his mouth and had become very animated after dinner, using wild gestures.
Ten o'clock found Gloria and Anthony beginning a dance. Just as they were out of ear-shot of the table she said in a low voice:
Ten o'clock found Gloria and Anthony starting a dance. Just as they were out of earshot from the table, she said in a quiet voice:
"Dance over by the door. I want to go down to the drug-store."
"Dance over by the door. I want to go down to the store."
Obediently Anthony guided her through the crowd in the designated direction; in the hall she left him for a moment, to reappear with a cloak over her arm.
Obediently, Anthony led her through the crowd in the right direction; in the hall, she left him for a moment and came back with a cloak draped over her arm.
"I want some gum-drops," she said, humorously apologetic; "you can't guess what for this time. It's just that I want to bite my finger-nails, and I will if I don't get some gum-drops." She sighed, and resumed as they stepped into the empty elevator: "I've been biting 'em all day. A bit nervous, you see. Excuse the pun. It was unintentional—the words just arranged themselves. Gloria Gilbert, the female wag."
"I want some gumdrops," she said, playfully apologetic; "you can't guess what that's about this time. It's just that I really want to bite my nails, and I will if I don't get some gumdrops." She sighed and continued as they stepped into the empty elevator: "I've been biting them all day. A bit nervous, you know. Sorry for the pun. It was unintentional— the words just came out like that. Gloria Gilbert, the comedic female."
Reaching the ground floor they naïvely avoided the hotel candy counter, descended the wide front staircase, and walking through several corridors found a drug-store in the Grand Central Station. After an intense examination of the perfume counter she made her purchase. Then on some mutual unmentioned impulse they strolled, arm in arm, not in the direction from which they had come, but out into Forty-third Street.
Reaching the ground floor, they innocently walked past the hotel candy counter, went down the wide front staircase, and after walking through a few hallways, found a pharmacy in Grand Central Station. After a thorough look at the perfume counter, she made her purchase. Then, on some unspoken impulse, they strolled arm in arm, not back the way they had come, but out onto Forty-third Street.
The night was alive with thaw; it was so nearly warm that a breeze drifting low along the sidewalk brought to Anthony a vision of an unhoped-for hyacinthine spring. Above in the blue oblong of sky, around them in the caress of the drifting air, the illusion of a new season carried relief from the stiff and breathed-over atmosphere they had left, and for a hushed moment the traffic sounds and the murmur of water flowing in the gutters seemed an illusive and rarefied prolongation of that music to which they had lately danced. When Anthony spoke it was with surety that his words came from something breathless and desirous that the night had conceived in their two hearts.
The night was buzzing with warmth; it was almost warm enough that a breeze blowing low along the sidewalk brought Anthony a vision of a longed-for spring full of hyacinths. Above in the blue stretch of sky, around them in the gentle air, the feeling of a new season provided relief from the stuffy atmosphere they had left behind. For a quiet moment, the sounds of traffic and the murmur of water running in the gutters felt like an elusive and elevated extension of that music to which they had recently danced. When Anthony spoke, his words came confidently from something breathless and eager that the night had sparked in their two hearts.
"Let's take a taxi and ride around a bit!" he suggested, without looking at her.
"Let's grab a taxi and ride around for a bit!" he suggested, not looking at her.
Oh, Gloria, Gloria!
Oh, Gloria!
A cab yawned at the curb. As it moved off like a boat on a labyrinthine ocean and lost itself among the inchoate night masses of the great buildings, among the now stilled, now strident, cries and clangings, Anthony put his arm around the girl, drew her over to him and kissed her damp, childish mouth.
A cab waited at the curb. As it pulled away like a boat on a winding ocean and disappeared into the darkening masses of the tall buildings, amidst the now quiet, now loud, shouts and clanging sounds, Anthony put his arm around the girl, pulled her close, and kissed her wet, youthful lips.
She was silent. She turned her face up to him, pale under the wisps and patches of light that trailed in like moonshine through a foliage. Her eyes were gleaming ripples in the white lake of her face; the shadows of her hair bordered the brow with a persuasive unintimate dusk. No love was there, surely; nor the imprint of any love. Her beauty was cool as this damp breeze, as the moist softness of her own lips.
She was quiet. She looked up at him, her face pale beneath the strands and spots of light filtering through the leaves like moonlight. Her eyes sparkled like ripples on a white lake; the shadows of her hair framed her forehead with a subtle, intimate darkness. There was no love there, for sure; nor any trace of love. Her beauty was as cool as the damp breeze, as soft and moist as her own lips.
"You're such a swan in this light," he whispered after a moment. There were silences as murmurous as sound. There were pauses that seemed about to shatter and were only to be snatched back to oblivion by the tightening of his arms about her and the sense that she was resting there as a caught, gossamer feather, drifted in out of the dark. Anthony laughed, noiselessly and exultantly, turning his face up and away from her, half in an overpowering rush of triumph, half lest her sight of him should spoil the splendid immobility of her expression. Such a kiss—it was a flower held against the face, never to be described, scarcely to be remembered; as though her beauty were giving off emanations of itself which settled transiently and already dissolving upon his heart.
"You're like a swan in this light," he whispered after a moment. There were silences that felt as rich as sound. There were pauses that seemed about to break apart, only to be pulled back into nothingness by the tightening of his arms around her and the feeling that she was resting there like a delicate feather drifting in and out of the darkness. Anthony laughed silently and joyfully, turning his face up and away from her, partly out of an overwhelming rush of victory, partly to keep her from seeing him and risking the perfect stillness of her expression. That kiss—it was like a flower pressed against her face, impossible to describe, barely memorable; as if her beauty was radiating something that settled momentarily, already fading, on his heart.
... The buildings fell away in melted shadows; this was the Park now, and after a long while the great white ghost of the Metropolitan Museum moved majestically past, echoing sonorously to the rush of the cab.
... The buildings faded into melting shadows; this was the Park now, and after a long time, the grand white ghost of the Metropolitan Museum glided elegantly by, resonating with the rush of the cab.
"Why, Gloria! Why, Gloria!"
"Why, Gloria! Why, Gloria!"
Her eyes appeared to regard him out of many thousand years: all emotion she might have felt, all words she might have uttered, would have seemed inadequate beside the adequacy of her silence, ineloquent against the eloquence of her beauty—and of her body, close to him, slender and cool.
Her eyes seemed to watch him from thousands of years ago: any emotion she might have felt, any words she could have said, would have seemed insufficient compared to the power of her silence, and lacking when matched against the beauty of her form—and her body, near him, slender and cool.
"Tell him to turn around," she murmured, "and drive pretty fast going back...."
"Tell him to turn around," she whispered, "and drive pretty fast on the way back...."
Up in the supper room the air was hot. The table, littered with napkins and ash-trays, was old and stale. It was between dances as they entered, and Muriel Kane looked up with roguishness extraordinary.
Up in the dining room, the air was warm. The table, covered with napkins and ashtrays, felt old and musty. They came in during a break between dances, and Muriel Kane looked up with an unusually mischievous glint in her eye.
"Well, where have you been?"
"Well, where have you been?"
"To call up mother," answered Gloria coolly. "I promised her I would. Did we miss a dance?"
"To call my mom," Gloria replied casually. "I promised I would. Did we miss a dance?"
Then followed an incident that though slight in itself Anthony had cause to reflect on many years afterward. Joseph Bloeckman, leaning well back in his chair, fixed him with a peculiar glance, in which several emotions were curiously and inextricably mingled. He did not greet Gloria except by rising, and he immediately resumed a conversation with Richard Caramel about the influence of literature on the moving pictures.
Then came a moment that, while it seemed minor at the time, Anthony would think about for many years to come. Joseph Bloeckman, leaning back in his chair, gave him a strange look, one that mixed several emotions in a way that was hard to untangle. He didn’t acknowledge Gloria except by standing up, and then he went right back to chatting with Richard Caramel about how literature affects movies.
MAGIC
The stark and unexpected miracle of a night fades out with the lingering death of the last stars and the premature birth of the first newsboys. The flame retreats to some remote and platonic fire; the white heat has gone from the iron and the glow from the coal.
The shocking and surprising miracle of night fades away with the lingering death of the last stars and the early arrival of the first newsboys. The flame pulls back to some distant and ideal fire; the intense heat has vanished from the iron and the glow from the coal.
Along the shelves of Anthony's library, filling a wall amply, crept a chill and insolent pencil of sunlight touching with frigid disapproval Thérèse of France and Ann the Superwoman, Jenny of the Orient Ballet and Zuleika the Conjurer—and Hoosier Cora—then down a shelf and into the years, resting pityingly on the over-invoked shades of Helen, Thaïs, Salome, and Cleopatra.
Along the shelves of Anthony's library, which filled a wall completely, a cold and disrespectful beam of sunlight snuck in, casting a chill of disapproval on Thérèse of France, Ann the Superwoman, Jenny of the Orient Ballet, and Zuleika the Conjurer—and Hoosier Cora—before moving down a shelf and into the years, resting mournfully on the often-referenced figures of Helen, Thaïs, Salome, and Cleopatra.
Anthony, shaved and bathed, sat in his most deeply cushioned chair and watched it until at the steady rising of the sun it lay glinting for a moment on the silk ends of the rug—and went out.
Anthony, clean-shaven and freshly bathed, sat in his most comfortable chair and watched until, with the rising sun, it briefly sparkled on the silk ends of the rug—and then faded away.
It was ten o'clock. The Sunday Times, scattered about his feet, proclaimed by rotogravure and editorial, by social revelation and sporting sheet, that the world had been tremendously engrossed during the past week in the business of moving toward some splendid if somewhat indeterminate goal. For his part Anthony had been once to his grandfather's, twice to his broker's, and three times to his tailor's—and in the last hour of the week's last day he had kissed a very beautiful and charming girl.
It was ten o'clock. The Sunday Times, spread out around his feet, declared through its pictures and articles, along with updates on society and sports, that everyone had been deeply focused over the past week on working towards some amazing, though somewhat unclear, goal. As for Anthony, he had visited his grandfather once, his broker twice, and his tailor three times—and in the last hour of the week's final day, he had kissed a very beautiful and charming girl.
When he reached home his imagination had been teeming with high pitched, unfamiliar dreams. There was suddenly no question on his mind, no eternal problem for a solution and resolution. He had experienced an emotion that was neither mental nor physical, nor merely a mixture of the two, and the love of life absorbed him for the present to the exclusion of all else. He was content to let the experiment remain isolated and unique. Almost impersonally he was convinced that no woman he had ever met compared in any way with Gloria. She was deeply herself; she was immeasurably sincere—of these things he was certain. Beside her the two dozen schoolgirls and debutantes, young married women and waifs and strays whom he had known were so many females, in the word's most contemptuous sense, breeders and bearers, exuding still that faintly odorous atmosphere of the cave and the nursery.
When he got home, his mind was buzzing with strange, intense dreams. Suddenly, there were no questions nagging at him, no endless problems needing answers. He felt an emotion that wasn't purely mental or physical, and the love of life completely consumed him for the moment, pushing everything else aside. He was fine with keeping this experience special and one-of-a-kind. Almost dispassionately, he believed that no woman he had ever met could compare to Gloria. She was authentically herself; she was deeply sincere—he was sure of that. Next to her, the two dozen schoolgirls, debutantes, young married women, and drifters he had known were just women, in the most dismissive sense of the word, mere breeders and bearers, still giving off that faintly unpleasant vibe of the cave and the nursery.
So far as he could see, she had neither submitted to any will of his nor caressed his vanity—except as her pleasure in his company was a caress. Indeed he had no reason for thinking she had given him aught that she did not give to others. This was as it should be. The idea of an entanglement growing out of the evening was as remote as it would have been repugnant. And she had disclaimed and buried the incident with a decisive untruth. Here were two young people with fancy enough to distinguish a game from its reality—who by the very casualness with which they met and passed on would proclaim themselves unharmed.
As far as he could tell, she hadn’t submitted to any of his wishes or boosted his ego—except for the fact that her enjoyment of his company was a kind of boost. In fact, he had no reason to believe she had given him anything she didn’t offer to others. That was how it should be. The idea of an affair developing from the evening felt as unlikely as it was unwelcome. Plus, she had dismissed and buried the incident with a clear lie. Here were two young people who had enough imagination to recognize a game for what it was—who, by the very casual way they met and moved on, would show that they were unscathed.
Having decided this he went to the phone and called up the Plaza Hotel.
Having made this decision, he picked up the phone and called the Plaza Hotel.
Gloria was out. Her mother knew neither where she had gone nor when she would return.
Gloria was out. Her mother didn’t know where she had gone or when she would be back.
It was somehow at this point that the first wrongness in the case asserted itself. There was an element of callousness, almost of indecency, in Gloria's absence from home. He suspected that by going out she had intrigued him into a disadvantage. Returning she would find his name, and smile. Most discreetly! He should have waited a few hours in order to drive home the utter inconsequence with which he regarded the incident. What an asinine blunder! She would think he considered himself particularly favored. She would think he was reacting with the most inept intimacy to a quite trivial episode.
It was at this point that the first issue in the case became clear. There was something cold, almost disrespectful, about Gloria not being home. He suspected that by going out, she had put him at a disadvantage. When she returned, she would see his name and smile. Very discreetly! He should have waited a few hours to emphasize how little he cared about the whole thing. What a stupid mistake! She would think he believed he was something special. She would think he was reacting with a ridiculous level of intimacy to a completely insignificant situation.
He remembered that during the previous month his janitor, to whom he had delivered a rather muddled lecture on the "brother-hoove man," had come up next day and, on the basis of what had happened the night before, seated himself in the window seat for a cordial and chatty half-hour. Anthony wondered in horror if Gloria would regard him as he had regarded that man. Him—Anthony Patch! Horror!
He recalled that last month his janitor, to whom he had given a rather confusing lecture on the "brotherhood man," had come by the next day and, based on what had happened the night before, settled himself in the window seat for a friendly and casual half-hour chat. Anthony felt a wave of dread as he wondered if Gloria would see him the same way he had viewed that man. Him—Anthony Patch! What a nightmare!
It never occurred to him that he was a passive thing, acted upon by an influence above and beyond Gloria, that he was merely the sensitive plate on which the photograph was made. Some gargantuan photographer had focussed the camera on Gloria and snap!—the poor plate could but develop, confined like all things to its nature.
It never crossed his mind that he was just a passive being, shaped by something greater than Gloria, that he was merely the sensitive surface where the image was created. Some enormous photographer had pointed the camera at Gloria and snap!—the poor surface could only develop, limited like everything else to its nature.
But Anthony, lying upon his couch and staring at the orange lamp, passed his thin fingers incessantly through his dark hair and made new symbols for the hours. She was in a shop now, it seemed, moving lithely among the velvets and the furs, her own dress making, as she walked, a debonair rustle in that world of silken rustles and cool soprano laughter and scents of many slain but living flowers. The Minnies and Pearls and jewels and jennies would gather round her like courtiers, bearing wispy frailties of Georgette crepe, delicate chiffon to echo her cheeks in faint pastel, milky lace to rest in pale disarray against her neck—damask was used but to cover priests and divans in these days, and cloth of Samarand was remembered only by the romantic poets.
But Anthony, lying on his couch and staring at the orange lamp, continually ran his thin fingers through his dark hair, marking the passage of time in his own way. She was in a shop now, it seemed, moving gracefully among the velvets and furs, her dress creating a stylish rustle in a world filled with silky sounds, light laughter, and the scents of many flowers that had been cut but still lived. The Minnies, Pearls, jewels, and jennies would gather around her like courtiers, showcasing delicate fabrics like wispy Georgette crepe, light chiffon that complemented her cheeks in soft pastels, and milky lace that rested in airy disarray against her neck—damask was only used to cover priests and couches these days, and the cloth of Samarand was remembered only by romantic poets.
She would go elsewhere after a while, tilting her head a hundred ways under a hundred bonnets, seeking in vain for mock cherries to match her lips or plumes that were graceful as her own supple body.
She would go somewhere else after a while, tilting her head in different ways under many bonnets, looking in vain for false cherries to match her lips or feathers that were as graceful as her own flexible body.
Noon would come—she would hurry along Fifth Avenue, a Nordic Ganymede, her fur coat swinging fashionably with her steps, her cheeks redder by a stroke of the wind's brush, her breath a delightful mist upon the bracing air—and the doors of the Ritz would revolve, the crowd would divide, fifty masculine eyes would start, stare, as she gave back forgotten dreams to the husbands of many obese and comic women.
Noon would arrive—she would rush down Fifth Avenue, a Nordic Ganymede, her fur coat swaying stylishly with her movements, her cheeks flushed from the wind's touch, her breath a lovely mist on the crisp air—and the doors of the Ritz would spin open, the crowd would part, fifty male gazes would turn, staring as she revived long-lost dreams for the husbands of many heavy and amusing women.
One o'clock. With her fork she would tantalize the heart of an adoring artichoke, while her escort served himself up in the thick, dripping sentences of an enraptured man.
One o'clock. With her fork, she would tease the heart of a loving artichoke, while her date indulged himself in the heavy, flowing sentences of a captivated man.
Four o'clock: her little feet moving to melody, her face distinct in the crowd, her partner happy as a petted puppy and mad as the immemorial hatter.... Then—then night would come drifting down and perhaps another damp. The signs would spill their light into the street. Who knew? No wiser than he, they haply sought to recapture that picture done in cream and shadow they had seen on the hushed Avenue the night before. And they might, ah, they might! A thousand taxis would yawn at a thousand corners, and only to him was that kiss forever lost and done. In a thousand guises Thaïs would hail a cab and turn up her face for loving. And her pallor would be virginal and lovely, and her kiss chaste as the moon....
Four o'clock: her little feet dancing to the music, her face clear in the crowd, her partner as happy as a spoiled puppy and as crazy as the classic hatter... Then—then night would drift in, bringing maybe another damp breeze. The signs would cast their light onto the street. Who knew? Just as clueless as he was, they might try to recapture that scene painted in cream and shadow that they had seen on the quiet Avenue the night before. And they could, oh, they could! A thousand taxis would be waiting at a thousand corners, and only to him was that kiss forever lost and gone. In a thousand different ways, Thaïs would call for a cab and lift her face for love. And her pale skin would be pure and beautiful, and her kiss sacred like the moon...
He sprang excitedly to his feet. How inappropriate that she should be out! He had realized at last what he wanted—to kiss her again, to find rest in her great immobility. She was the end of all restlessness, all malcontent.
He jumped up excitedly. How wrong it was for her to be out! He finally understood what he wanted—to kiss her again, to find peace in her stillness. She was the solution to all his restlessness, all his dissatisfaction.
Anthony dressed and went out, as he should have done long before, and down to Richard Caramel's room to hear the last revision of the last chapter of "The Demon Lover." He did not call Gloria again until six. He did not find her in until eight and—oh, climax of anticlimaxes!—she could give him no engagement until Tuesday afternoon. A broken piece of gutta-percha clattered to the floor as he banged up the phone.
Anthony got dressed and left, which he should have done a while ago, and headed down to Richard Caramel's room to hear the final revision of the last chapter of "The Demon Lover." He didn't call Gloria again until six. He didn’t reach her until eight and—oh, what an anticlimax!—she couldn't meet him until Tuesday afternoon. A broken piece of rubber clattered to the floor as he slammed down the phone.
BLACK MAGIC
Tuesday was freezing cold. He called at a bleak two o'clock and as they shook hands he wondered confusedly whether he had ever kissed her; it was almost unbelievable—he seriously doubted if she remembered it.
Tuesday was freezing cold. He arrived at a gloomy two o'clock, and as they shook hands, he wondered in confusion if he had ever kissed her; it was hard to believe—he genuinely doubted if she even remembered it.
"I called you four times on Sunday," he told her.
"I called you four times on Sunday," he said to her.
"Did you?"
"Did you?"
There was surprise in her voice and interest in her expression. Silently he cursed himself for having told her. He might have known her pride did not deal in such petty triumphs. Even then he had not guessed at the truth—that never having had to worry about men she had seldom used the wary subterfuges, the playings out and haulings in, that were the stock in trade of her sisterhood. When she liked a man, that was trick enough. Did she think she loved him—there was an ultimate and fatal thrust. Her charm endlessly preserved itself.
There was surprise in her voice and curiosity in her expression. He silently cursed himself for mentioning it to her. He should have known her pride wasn't about such trivial victories. Even then, he didn’t realize the truth—that since she had never had to deal with men, she rarely used the clever tactics, the games of pushing away and pulling in, that were common among her peers. When she liked a guy, that was enough of a strategy. Did she think she loved him—there was a final and dangerous twist. Her charm kept renewing itself endlessly.
"I was anxious to see you," he said simply. "I want to talk to you—I mean really talk, somewhere where we can be alone. May I?"
"I was eager to see you," he said straightforwardly. "I want to talk to you—I mean really talk, somewhere we can be alone. Can I?"
"What do you mean?"
"What do you mean?"
He swallowed a sudden lump of panic. He felt that she knew what he wanted.
He gulped down a sudden wave of panic. He had the sense that she knew what he wanted.
"I mean, not at a tea table," he said.
"I mean, not at a tea table," he said.
"Well, all right, but not to-day. I want to get some exercise. Let's walk!"
"Okay, but not today. I want to get some exercise. Let's go for a walk!"
It was bitter and raw. All the evil hate in the mad heart of February was wrought into the forlorn and icy wind that cut its way cruelly across Central Park and down along Fifth Avenue. It was almost impossible to talk, and discomfort made him distracted, so much so that he turned at Sixty-first Street to find that she was no longer beside him. He looked around. She was forty feet in the rear standing motionless, her face half hidden in her fur coat collar, moved either by anger or laughter—he could not determine which. He started back.
It was bitter and raw. All the evil hate in the chaotic heart of February was woven into the forlorn and icy wind that cruelly sliced through Central Park and down Fifth Avenue. It was almost impossible to talk, and the discomfort made him restless, to the point that he turned at Sixty-first Street to realize she was no longer beside him. He looked around. She was forty feet behind, standing still, her face half-hidden in her fur coat collar, moved either by anger or laughter—he couldn't figure out which. He started back.
"Don't let me interrupt your walk!" she called.
"Don't let me interrupt your walk!" she shouted.
"I'm mighty sorry," he answered in confusion. "Did I go too fast?"
"I'm really sorry," he replied, feeling confused. "Did I go too fast?"
"I'm cold," she announced. "I want to go home. And you walk too fast."
"I'm cold," she said. "I want to go home. And you walk too fast."
"I'm very sorry."
"I'm really sorry."
Side by side they started for the Plaza. He wished he could see her face.
Side by side, they headed to the Plaza. He wished he could see her face.
"Men don't usually get so absorbed in themselves when they're with me."
"Guys don't usually get so caught up in themselves when they’re with me."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"That's very interesting."
"That's really interesting."
"It is rather too cold to walk," he said, briskly, to hide his annoyance.
"It is pretty cold to walk," he said quickly, trying to mask his annoyance.
She made no answer and he wondered if she would dismiss him at the hotel entrance. She walked in without speaking, however, and to the elevator, throwing him a single remark as she entered it:
She didn't respond, and he thought she might send him away at the hotel entrance. However, she went inside without saying a word and headed to the elevator, tossing him just one comment as she stepped in:
"You'd better come up."
"Come upstairs now."
He hesitated for the fraction of a moment.
He paused for a split second.
"Perhaps I'd better call some other time."
"Maybe I should call another time."
"Just as you say." Her words were murmured as an aside. The main concern of life was the adjusting of some stray wisps of hair in the elevator mirror. Her cheeks were brilliant, her eyes sparkled—she had never seemed so lovely, so exquisitely to be desired.
"Just as you say." She murmured her words quietly to herself. The main focus of her attention was fixing a few loose strands of hair in the elevator mirror. Her cheeks were radiant, her eyes sparkled—she had never looked so beautiful, so perfectly desirable.
Despising himself, he found that he was walking down the tenth-floor corridor a subservient foot behind her; was in the sitting room while she disappeared to shed her furs. Something had gone wrong—in his own eyes he had lost a shred of dignity; in an unpremeditated yet significant encounter he had been completely defeated.
Despising himself, he realized he was walking down the tenth-floor hallway a submissive step behind her; he was in the living room while she went to take off her fur coat. Something was off—he felt he had lost a bit of his dignity; in an unexpected but important moment, he had been utterly defeated.
However, by the time she reappeared in the sitting-room he had explained himself to himself with sophistic satisfaction. After all he had done the strongest thing, he thought. He had wanted to come up, he had come. Yet what happened later on that afternoon must be traced to the indignity he had experienced in the elevator; the girl was worrying him intolerably, so much so that when she came out he involuntarily drifted into criticism.
However, by the time she came back to the living room, he had convinced himself of his own reasoning with a sense of smugness. After all, he thought he had done something significant. He had wanted to go up, and he had gone. Yet, what happened later that afternoon could be linked to the embarrassment he felt in the elevator; the girl was bothering him to an unbearable extent, so much that when she finally emerged, he involuntarily shifted into a mode of criticism.
"Who's this Bloeckman, Gloria?"
"Who's this Bloeckman, Gloria?"
"A business friend of father's."
"A business associate of Dad's."
"Odd sort of fellow!"
"Strange kind of guy!"
"He doesn't like you either," she said with a sudden smile.
"He doesn't like you either," she said with a sudden smile.
Anthony laughed.
Anthony chuckled.
"I'm flattered at his notice. He evidently considers me a—" He broke off with "Is he in love with you?"
"I'm flattered that he noticed me. He clearly thinks I’m a—" He stopped abruptly, asking, "Is he in love with you?"
"I don't know."
"I have no idea."
"The deuce you don't," he insisted. "Of course he is. I remember the look he gave me when we got back to the table. He'd probably have had me quietly assaulted by a delegation of movie supes if you hadn't invented that phone call."
"The hell you don’t," he insisted. "Of course he is. I remember the look he gave me when we got back to the table. He probably would’ve had me quietly attacked by a group of movie extras if you hadn’t made up that phone call."
"He didn't mind. I told him afterward what really happened."
"He didn't care. I told him later what actually happened."
"You told him!"
"You told him!"
"He asked me."
"He asked me."
"I don't like that very well," he remonstrated.
"I don't really like that," he protested.
She laughed again.
She laughed once more.
"Oh, you don't?"
"Oh, you don't?"
"What business is it of his?"
"What does it matter to him?"
"None. That's why I told him."
"None. That's why I told him."
Anthony in a turmoil bit savagely at his mouth.
Anthony, in turmoil, bit down hard on his lip.
"Why should I lie?" she demanded directly. "I'm not ashamed of anything I do. It happened to interest him to know that I kissed you, and I happened to be in a good humor, so I satisfied his curiosity by a simple and precise 'yes.' Being rather a sensible man, after his fashion, he dropped the subject."
"Why should I lie?" she asked directly. "I'm not ashamed of anything I do. He was curious to know that I kissed you, and I was in a good mood, so I answered his question with a straightforward 'yes.' Since he’s a fairly sensible guy, he dropped the subject after that."
"Except to say that he hated me."
"Except to say that he hated me."
"Oh, it worries you? Well, if you must probe this stupendous matter to its depths he didn't say he hated you. I simply know he does."
"Oh, is that bothering you? Well, if you need to dig into this huge issue, he didn’t say he hated you. I just know he does."
"It doesn't wor——"
"It doesn't work——"
"Oh, let's drop it!" she cried spiritedly. "It's a most uninteresting matter to me."
"Oh, let’s forget it!" she said with enthusiasm. "It's really not interesting to me."
With a tremendous effort Anthony made his acquiescence a twist of subject, and they drifted into an ancient question-and-answer game concerned with each other's pasts, gradually warming as they discovered the age-old, immemorial resemblances in tastes and ideas. They said things that were more revealing than they intended—but each pretended to accept the other at face, or rather word, value.
With a lot of effort, Anthony shifted the topic to agree, and they fell into a classic question-and-answer game about each other's pasts, gradually getting more comfortable as they found the timeless similarities in their tastes and ideas. They revealed more than they meant to, but each pretended to take the other at face value, or more accurately, at word value.
The growth of intimacy is like that. First one gives off his best picture, the bright and finished product mended with bluff and falsehood and humor. Then more details are required and one paints a second portrait, and a third—before long the best lines cancel out—and the secret is exposed at last; the planes of the pictures have intermingled and given us away, and though we paint and paint we can no longer sell a picture. We must be satisfied with hoping that such fatuous accounts of ourselves as we make to our wives and children and business associates are accepted as true.
The way we build intimacy is similar. At first, we show our best side, the polished version of ourselves adorned with exaggerations, lies, and humor. Then, we need to share more details, creating a second and then a third version—before long, the best traits fade away—and the truth comes out. The layers of our portrayals mix together and reveal who we really are, and even though we keep trying to present ourselves in a certain way, we can no longer convince anyone with our façade. We have to settle for hoping that the silly stories we tell our spouses, kids, and colleagues are believed as the truth.
"It seems to me," Anthony was saying earnestly, "that the position of a man with neither necessity nor ambition is unfortunate. Heaven knows it'd be pathetic of me to be sorry for myself—yet, sometimes I envy Dick."
"It seems to me," Anthony was saying earnestly, "that the situation of a man who has neither necessity nor ambition is unfortunate. God knows it would be sad of me to feel sorry for myself—yet, sometimes I envy Dick."
Her silence was encouragement. It was as near as she ever came to an intentional lure.
Her silence was encouraging. It was as close as she ever got to a deliberate invitation.
"—And there used to be dignified occupations for a gentleman who had leisure, things a little more constructive than filling up the landscape with smoke or juggling some one else's money. There's science, of course: sometimes I wish I'd taken a good foundation, say at Boston Tech. But now, by golly, I'd have to sit down for two years and struggle through the fundamentals of physics and chemistry."
"—There used to be respectable jobs for a gentleman with free time, things that were a bit more meaningful than just filling the air with smoke or playing around with someone else's money. There's science, of course: sometimes I wish I'd built a solid foundation, like at Boston Tech. But now, honestly, I'd have to spend two years getting through the basics of physics and chemistry."
She yawned.
She yawned.
"I've told you I don't know what anybody ought to do," she said ungraciously, and at her indifference his rancor was born again.
"I've told you I don’t know what anyone should do," she said dismissively, and at her indifference, his bitterness flared up once more.
"Aren't you interested in anything except yourself?"
"Aren't you interested in anything other than yourself?"
"Not much."
"Not a lot."
He glared; his growing enjoyment in the conversation was ripped to shreds. She had been irritable and vindictive all day, and it seemed to him that for this moment he hated her hard selfishness. He stared morosely at the fire.
He glared; his increasing enjoyment in the conversation was completely shattered. She had been snappy and vengeful all day, and at that moment, he felt a deep hatred for her selfishness. He stared gloomily at the fire.
Then a strange thing happened. She turned to him and smiled, and as he saw her smile every rag of anger and hurt vanity dropped from him—as though his very moods were but the outer ripples of her own, as though emotion rose no longer in his breast unless she saw fit to pull an omnipotent controlling thread.
Then something unusual occurred. She turned to him and smiled, and as he saw her smile, all his anger and wounded pride vanished—like his feelings were just reflections of hers, as if his emotions only stirred in his heart when she decided to pull an all-powerful controlling thread.
He moved closer and taking her hand pulled her ever so gently toward him until she half lay against his shoulder. She smiled up at him as he kissed her.
He moved closer, took her hand, and gently pulled her toward him until she was half lying against his shoulder. She smiled up at him as he kissed her.
"Gloria," he whispered very softly. Again she had made a magic, subtle and pervading as a spilt perfume, irresistible and sweet.
"Gloria," he whispered very softly. Once again, she had created a magic, subtle and all-encompassing like a spilled perfume, irresistible and sweet.
Afterward, neither the next day nor after many years, could he remember the important things of that afternoon. Had she been moved? In his arms had she spoken a little—or at all? What measure of enjoyment had she taken in his kisses? And had she at any time lost herself ever so little?
After that, neither the next day nor even after many years, could he recall the significant moments of that afternoon. Had she been affected? Had she said anything at all while he held her? How much pleasure had she found in his kisses? And had she ever, even for a moment, let herself go?
Oh, for him there was no doubt. He had risen and paced the floor in sheer ecstasy. That such a girl should be; should poise curled in a corner of the couch like a swallow newly landed from a clean swift flight, watching him with inscrutable eyes. He would stop his pacing and, half shy each time at first, drop his arm around her and find her kiss.
Oh, for him there was no doubt. He had gotten up and walked around the room in pure bliss. That such a girl existed; poised, curled up in a corner of the couch like a swallow just landed after a smooth, fast flight, watching him with mysterious eyes. He would stop pacing and, feeling a bit bashful at first, would drop his arm around her and find her kiss.
She was fascinating, he told her. He had never met any one like her before. He besought her jauntily but earnestly to send him away; he didn't want to fall in love. He wasn't coming to see her any more—already she had haunted too many of his ways.
She was captivating, he told her. He had never met anyone like her before. He playfully yet sincerely urged her to send him away; he didn’t want to fall in love. He wasn’t going to see her anymore—she had already occupied too much of his mind.
What delicious romance! His true reaction was neither fear nor sorrow—only this deep delight in being with her that colored the banality of his words and made the mawkish seem sad and the posturing seem wise. He would come back—eternally. He should have known!
What a delicious romance! His real reaction was neither fear nor sadness—just this deep joy in being with her that transformed the ordinary nature of his words, making the sentimental seem tragic and the pretentious seem wise. He would come back—forever. He should have known!
"This is all. It's been very rare to have known you, very strange and wonderful. But this wouldn't do—and wouldn't last." As he spoke there was in his heart that tremulousness that we take for sincerity in ourselves.
"This is it. It's been really rare to know you, very strange and wonderful. But this can't continue—and it won't last." As he spoke, there was in his heart that shakiness that we confuse for sincerity in ourselves.
Afterward he remembered one reply of hers to something he had asked her. He remembered it in this form—perhaps he had unconsciously arranged and polished it:
Afterward, he recalled one of her responses to something he had asked her. He remembered it this way—maybe he had unknowingly refined and shaped it:
"A woman should be able to kiss a man beautifully and romantically without any desire to be either his wife or his mistress."
"A woman should be able to kiss a man in a beautiful and romantic way without wanting to be his wife or his mistress."
As always when he was with her she seemed to grow gradually older until at the end ruminations too deep for words would be wintering in her eyes.
As always when he was with her, she seemed to grow gradually older until, by the end, thoughts too deep for words would be settling in her eyes.
An hour passed, and the fire leaped up in little ecstasies as though its fading life was sweet. It was five now, and the clock over the mantel became articulate in sound. Then as if a brutish sensibility in him was reminded by those thin, tinny beats that the petals were falling from the flowered afternoon, Anthony pulled her quickly to her feet and held her helpless, without breath, in a kiss that was neither a game nor a tribute.
An hour went by, and the fire flickered in bursts, as if its dying flames were enjoying their last moments. It was five o'clock now, and the clock above the mantel chimed. Then, as if something primal inside him was awakened by those faint, tinny sounds, reminding him that the beauty of the afternoon was slipping away, Anthony pulled her up quickly, holding her breathless in a kiss that was neither playful nor respectful.
Her arms fell to her side. In an instant she was free.
Her arms dropped to her sides. In a瞬間, she was free.
"Don't!" she said quietly. "I don't want that."
"Don't!" she said softly. "I don't want that."
She sat down on the far side of the lounge and gazed straight before her. A frown had gathered between her eyes. Anthony sank down beside her and closed his hand over hers. It was lifeless and unresponsive.
She sat down on the far side of the lounge and stared straight ahead. A frown etched itself between her eyes. Anthony sat down next to her and took her hand in his. It felt lifeless and unresponsive.
"Why, Gloria!" He made a motion as if to put his arm about her but she drew away.
"Wow, Gloria!" He reached out as if to wrap his arm around her, but she pulled away.
"I don't want that," she repeated.
"I don't want that," she said again.
"I'm very sorry," he said, a little impatiently. "I—I didn't know you made such fine distinctions."
"I'm really sorry," he said, a bit impatiently. "I—I didn’t realize you made such fine distinctions."
She did not answer.
She didn't respond.
"Won't you kiss me, Gloria?"
"Will you kiss me, Gloria?"
"I don't want to." It seemed to him she had not moved for hours.
"I don't want to." It felt to him like she hadn't moved in hours.
"A sudden change, isn't it?" Annoyance was growing in his voice.
"A sudden change, right?" Annoyance was creeping into his voice.
"Is it?" She appeared uninterested. It was almost as though she were looking at some one else.
"Is it?" She seemed disinterested. It was almost like she was looking at someone else.
"Perhaps I'd better go."
"Maybe I should go."
No reply. He rose and regarded her angrily, uncertainly. Again he sat down.
No response. He stood up and looked at her with anger and confusion. Then he sat back down.
"Gloria, Gloria, won't you kiss me?"
"Gloria, Gloria, will you kiss me?"
"No." Her lips, parting for the word, had just faintly stirred.
"No." Her lips, which only slightly moved to say the word, were just beginning to part.
Again he got to his feet, this time with less decision, less confidence.
Again he got to his feet, this time with less certainty, less confidence.
"Then I'll go."
"Then I'm out."
Silence.
Silence.
"All right—I'll go."
"Okay—I'm in."
He was aware of a certain irremediable lack of originality in his remarks. Indeed he felt that the whole atmosphere had grown oppressive. He wished she would speak, rail at him, cry out upon him, anything but this pervasive and chilling silence. He cursed himself for a weak fool; his clearest desire was to move her, to hurt her, to see her wince. Helplessly, involuntarily, he erred again.
He knew that there was an undeniable lack of originality in what he said. In fact, he felt that the whole atmosphere had become stifling. He wished she would say something, yell at him, accuse him of something—anything but this spreading and cold silence. He cursed himself for being such a weak fool; his strongest desire was to provoke her, to hurt her, to see her react. Helplessly, against his will, he messed up again.
"If you're tired of kissing me I'd better go."
"If you're done kissing me, I should leave."
He saw her lips curl slightly and his last dignity left him. She spoke, at length:
He saw her lips curve slightly, and all his dignity vanished. She spoke, at length:
"I believe you've made that remark several times before."
"I think you've said that multiple times already."
He looked about him immediately, saw his hat and coat on a chair—blundered into them, during an intolerable moment. Looking again at the couch he perceived that she had not turned, not even moved. With a shaken, immediately regretted "good-by" he went quickly but without dignity from the room.
He looked around right away, saw his hat and coat on a chair—bumped into them during an unbearable moment. Looking back at the couch, he noticed that she hadn't turned or even moved. With a hesitant, instantly regretted "goodbye," he quickly but without grace left the room.
For over a moment Gloria made no sound. Her lips were still curled; her glance was straight, proud, remote. Then her eyes blurred a little, and she murmured three words half aloud to the death-bound fire:
For a moment, Gloria didn't make a sound. Her lips were still curled; her gaze was direct, proud, and distant. Then her eyes blurred a bit, and she softly murmured three words to the dying fire:
"Good-by, you ass!" she said.
"Goodbye, you jerk!" she said.
PANIC
The man had had the hardest blow of his life. He knew at last what he wanted, but in finding it out it seemed that he had put it forever beyond his grasp. He reached home in misery, dropped into an armchair without even removing his overcoat, and sat there for over an hour, his mind racing the paths of fruitless and wretched self-absorption. She had sent him away! That was the reiterated burden of his despair. Instead of seizing the girl and holding her by sheer strength until she became passive to his desire, instead of beating down her will by the force of his own, he had walked, defeated and powerless, from her door, with the corners of his mouth drooping and what force there might have been in his grief and rage hidden behind the manner of a whipped schoolboy. At one minute she had liked him tremendously—ah, she had nearly loved him. In the next he had become a thing of indifference to her, an insolent and efficiently humiliated man.
The man had just experienced the hardest blow of his life. He finally understood what he wanted, but in realizing it, it felt like he had pushed it forever beyond his reach. He got home in despair, sank into an armchair without even taking off his coat, and sat there for over an hour, his mind racing with thoughts of pointless and miserable self-pity. She had sent him away! That was the constant weight of his anguish. Instead of grabbing the girl and holding her tight until she surrendered to his desires, instead of overpowering her will with his own, he had walked away, defeated and powerless, from her door, with his mouth turned down and any strength his grief and anger might have had hidden behind the demeanor of a beaten schoolboy. One moment she had liked him immensely—ah, she had almost loved him. Then in the next moment, he had turned into someone she didn’t care about, a disrespectful and thoroughly humiliated man.
He had no great self-reproach—some, of course, but there were other things dominant in him now, far more urgent. He was not so much in love with Gloria as mad for her. Unless he could have her near him again, kiss her, hold her close and acquiescent, he wanted nothing more from life. By her three minutes of utter unwavering indifference the girl had lifted herself from a high but somehow casual position in his mind, to be instead his complete preoccupation. However much his wild thoughts varied between a passionate desire for her kisses and an equally passionate craving to hurt and mar her, the residue of his mind craved in finer fashion to possess the triumphant soul that had shone through those three minutes. She was beautiful—but especially she was without mercy. He must own that strength that could send him away.
He didn't feel too guilty—sure, a little, but there were other things that mattered more to him now, things that were much more urgent. He wasn't just in love with Gloria; he was obsessed with her. Unless he could have her close again, kiss her, and hold her tight and compliant, he didn't want anything else from life. In just three minutes of complete indifference, she had moved from a high but somewhat casual place in his mind to being his total fixation. No matter how much his wild thoughts swung between a burning desire for her kisses and an equally intense urge to hurt and ruin her, at the core of his mind, he craved something finer: to possess the victorious spirit that shone through those three minutes. She was stunning—but more than that, she was merciless. He needed to have that strength that could drive him away.
At present no such analysis was possible to Anthony. His clarity of mind, all those endless resources which he thought his irony had brought him were swept aside. Not only for that night but for the days and weeks that followed his books were to be but furniture and his friends only people who lived and walked in a nebulous outer world from which he was trying to escape—that world was cold and full of bleak wind, and for a little while he had seen into a warm house where fires shone.
Right now, Anthony couldn't do any kind of analysis. His clear thinking, all those endless resources he thought his irony had given him, were pushed aside. Not just for that night, but for the days and weeks to come, his books became just decorations, and his friends were just people living in a vague outer world that he was trying to get away from—that world was cold and filled with harsh winds, and for a brief moment, he had glimpsed a warm home where fires were glowing.
About midnight he began to realize that he was hungry. He went down into Fifty-second Street, where it was so cold that he could scarcely see; the moisture froze on his lashes and in the corners of his lips. Everywhere dreariness had come down from the north, settling upon the thin and cheerless street, where black bundled figures blacker still against the night, moved stumbling along the sidewalk through the shrieking wind, sliding their feet cautiously ahead as though they were on skis. Anthony turned over toward Sixth Avenue, so absorbed in his thoughts as not to notice that several passers-by had stared at him. His overcoat was wide open, and the wind was biting in, hard and full of merciless death.
Around midnight, he started to feel hungry. He went down to Fifty-second Street, where the cold was so intense that he could barely see; the moisture froze on his eyelashes and the corners of his lips. A gloomy chill had drifted down from the north, settling over the thin, cheerless street, where dark figures, even darker against the night, stumbled along the sidewalk through the howling wind, carefully sliding their feet as if they were on skis. Anthony turned toward Sixth Avenue, so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t notice several people staring at him. His overcoat was wide open, and the biting wind cut through him, harsh and deadly.
... After a while a waitress spoke to him, a fat waitress with black-rimmed eye-glasses from which dangled a long black cord.
... After a while, a waitress spoke to him, a plump waitress with black-rimmed glasses from which hung a long black cord.
"Order, please!"
"Order up!"
Her voice, he considered, was unnecessarily loud. He looked up resentfully.
Her voice, he thought, was way too loud. He glanced up with annoyance.
"You wanna order or doncha?"
"You want to order or not?"
"Of course," he protested.
"Of course," he said.
"Well, I ast you three times. This ain't no rest-room."
"Well, I asked you three times. This isn't a restroom."
He glanced at the big clock and discovered with a start that it was after two. He was down around Thirtieth Street somewhere, and after a moment he found and translated the
He looked at the big clock and realized with a shock that it was past two. He was somewhere around Thirtieth Street, and after a moment, he found and translated the

in a white semicircle of letters upon the glass front. The place was inhabited sparsely by three or four bleak and half-frozen night-hawks.
in a white semicircle of letters on the glass front. The place was occupied only by three or four cold and half-frozen night owls.
"Give me some bacon and eggs and coffee, please."
"Can I get some bacon, eggs, and coffee, please?"
The waitress bent upon him a last disgusted glance and, looking ludicrously intellectual in her corded glasses, hurried away.
The waitress shot him one last annoyed look and, looking absurdly smart in her thick glasses, hurried off.
God! Gloria's kisses had been such flowers. He remembered as though it had been years ago the low freshness of her voice, the beautiful lines of her body shining through her clothes, her face lily-colored under the lamps of the street—under the lamps.
God! Gloria's kisses were like flowers. He recalled, as if it had been years ago, the soft freshness of her voice, the beautiful curves of her body shining through her clothes, her face pale under the streetlights—under the lights.
Misery struck at him again, piling a sort of terror upon the ache and yearning. He had lost her. It was true—no denying it, no softening it. But a new idea had seared his sky—what of Bloeckman! What would happen now? There was a wealthy man, middle-aged enough to be tolerant with a beautiful wife, to baby her whims and indulge her unreason, to wear her as she perhaps wished to be worn—a bright flower in his button-hole, safe and secure from the things she feared. He felt that she had been playing with the idea of marrying Bloeckman, and it was well possible that this disappointment in Anthony might throw her on sudden impulse into Bloeckman's arms.
Misery hit him again, layering a kind of dread on top of the pain and longing. He had lost her. It was true—there was no denying it, no way to soften the blow. But a new thought struck him—what about Bloeckman? What would happen now? There was a wealthy man, old enough to be understanding with a beautiful wife, to indulge her whims and tolerate her nonsense, to present her like she might want to be presented—a bright flower in his lapel, safe and protected from the things she feared. He sensed that she had been toying with the idea of marrying Bloeckman, and it was very possible that this disappointment with Anthony might lead her to impulsively seek comfort in Bloeckman's arms.
The idea drove him childishly frantic. He wanted to kill Bloeckman and make him suffer for his hideous presumption. He was saying this over and over to himself with his teeth tight shut, and a perfect orgy of hate and fright in his eyes.
The thought drove him into a childish frenzy. He wanted to kill Bloeckman and make him pay for his awful arrogance. He kept repeating this to himself with his teeth clenched, a complete whirlwind of hate and fear in his eyes.
But, behind this obscene jealousy, Anthony was in love at last, profoundly and truly in love, as the word goes between man and woman.
But beneath this outrageous jealousy, Anthony was finally in love, deeply and truly in love, as the term is used between a man and a woman.
His coffee appeared at his elbow and gave off for a certain time a gradually diminishing wisp of steam. The night manager, seated at his desk, glanced at the motionless figure alone at the last table, and then with a sigh moved down upon him just as the hour hand crossed the figure three on the big clock.
His coffee arrived at his side, releasing a fading wisp of steam for a while. The night manager, sitting at his desk, looked at the still figure alone at the last table, and then with a sigh, approached him just as the hour hand hit three on the big clock.
WISDOM
After another day the turmoil subsided and Anthony began to exercise a measure of reason. He was in love—he cried it passionately to himself. The things that a week before would have seemed insuperable obstacles, his limited income, his desire to be irresponsible and independent, had in this forty hours become the merest chaff before the wind of his infatuation. If he did not marry her his life would be a feeble parody on his own adolescence. To be able to face people and to endure the constant reminder of Gloria that all existence had become, it was necessary for him to have hope. So he built hope desperately and tenaciously out of the stuff of his dream, a hope flimsy enough, to be sure, a hope that was cracked and dissipated a dozen times a day, a hope mothered by mockery, but, nevertheless, a hope that would be brawn and sinew to his self-respect.
After another day, the chaos calmed down, and Anthony started to think more clearly. He was in love—he declared it passionately to himself. The things that just a week ago had seemed like huge obstacles—his low income, his desire to be carefree and independent—now felt like nothing in the face of his infatuation. If he didn't marry her, his life would be a weak imitation of his own youth. To be able to face people and cope with the constant reminder of Gloria that had taken over everything, he needed to have hope. So he built hope desperately and stubbornly out of the ashes of his dreams, a hope that was fragile, for sure, a hope that cracked and faded a dozen times a day, a hope that was often mocked, but still, a hope that would support his self-respect.
Out of this developed a spark of wisdom, a true perception of his own from out the effortless past.
Out of this emerged a spark of wisdom, a genuine understanding of himself from the effortless past.
"Memory is short," he thought.
"Memories fade quickly," he thought.
So very short. At the crucial point the Trust President is on the stand, a potential criminal needing but one push to be a jailbird, scorned by the upright for leagues around. Let him be acquitted—and in a year all is forgotten. "Yes, he did have some trouble once, just a technicality, I believe." Oh, memory is very short!
So brief. At the critical moment, the Trust President is on the stand, a potential criminal just one nudge away from being behind bars, looked down upon by everyone for miles around. If he’s acquitted—and in a year, it will all be forgotten. “Yeah, he had some issues once, just a small mistake, I think.” Oh, how quickly we forget!
Anthony had seen Gloria altogether about a dozen times, say two dozen hours. Supposing he left her alone for a month, made no attempt to see her or speak to her, and avoided every place where she might possibly be. Wasn't it possible, the more possible because she had never loved him, that at the end of that time the rush of events would efface his personality from her conscious mind, and with his personality his offense and humiliation? She would forget, for there would be other men. He winced. The implication struck out at him—other men. Two months—God! Better three weeks, two weeks——
Anthony had seen Gloria maybe about a dozen times, probably around two dozen hours. If he left her alone for a month, didn’t try to see or talk to her, and avoided every place she might be, wasn’t it possible—especially since she had never loved him—that by the end of that time, everything happening around her would erase him from her memory, along with his offense and embarrassment? She would forget, because there would be other guys. He flinched. The thought hit him hard—other guys. Two months—God! Better make it three weeks, two weeks—
He thought this the second evening after the catastrophe when he was undressing, and at this point he threw himself down on the bed and lay there, trembling very slightly and looking at the top of the canopy.
He thought this on the second evening after the disaster when he was getting undressed, and at that moment, he collapsed onto the bed, lying there, shaking just a bit and staring at the top of the canopy.
Two weeks—that was worse than no time at all. In two weeks he would approach her much as he would have to now, without personality or confidence—remaining still the man who had gone too far and then for a period that in time was but a moment but in fact an eternity, whined. No, two weeks was too short a time. Whatever poignancy there had been for her in that afternoon must have time to dull. He must give her a period when the incident should fade, and then a new period when she should gradually begin to think of him, no matter how dimly, with a true perspective that would remember his pleasantness as well as his humiliation.
Two weeks—that felt worse than having no time at all. In two weeks, he would approach her much like he would have to now, without any personality or confidence—still the same guy who had gone too far and then, for what seemed like a tiny moment but was actually an eternity, just complained. No, two weeks was too short. Whatever sadness she felt that afternoon needed time to wear off. He had to give her a period for the incident to fade, followed by another period where she might slowly start to think of him, even if just a little, with a clearer perspective that would remember both his kindness and his embarrassment.
He fixed, finally, on six weeks as approximately the interval best suited to his purpose, and on a desk calendar he marked the days off, finding that it would fall on the ninth of April. Very well, on that day he would phone and ask her if he might call. Until then—silence.
He finally decided on six weeks as the best amount of time for his plan, and on a desk calendar, he marked off the days, realizing that it would land on April ninth. Alright, on that day he would call and ask her if he could come over. Until then—silence.
After his decision a gradual improvement was manifest. He had taken at least a step in the direction to which hope pointed, and he realized that the less he brooded upon her the better he would be able to give the desired impression when they met.
After his decision, he gradually started to improve. He had taken at least one step toward what hope suggested, and he understood that the less he dwelled on her, the better he would be able to make the impression he wanted when they met.
In another hour he fell into a deep sleep.
In another hour, he fell into a deep sleep.
THE INTERVAL
Nevertheless, though, as the days passed, the glory of her hair dimmed perceptibly for him and in a year of separation might have departed completely, the six weeks held many abominable days. He dreaded the sight of Dick and Maury, imagining wildly that they knew all—but when the three met it was Richard Caramel and not Anthony who was the centre of attention; "The Demon Lover" had been accepted for immediate publication. Anthony felt that from now on he moved apart. He no longer craved the warmth and security of Maury's society which had cheered him no further back than November. Only Gloria could give that now and no one else ever again. So Dick's success rejoiced him only casually and worried him not a little. It meant that the world was going ahead—writing and reading and publishing—and living. And he wanted the world to wait motionless and breathless for six weeks—while Gloria forgot.
Nevertheless, as the days went by, the brilliance of her hair faded noticeably for him, and after a year of separation, it might have completely vanished. Those six weeks were filled with many terrible days. He dreaded running into Dick and Maury, wildly imagining that they knew everything—but when the three of them met, it was Richard Caramel, not Anthony, who stole the spotlight; "The Demon Lover" had been accepted for immediate publication. Anthony felt like he was growing distant from them. He no longer yearned for the warmth and security of Maury's company, which had only cheered him back in November. Only Gloria could provide that now, and no one else ever could. So, Dick's success made him feel only mildly happy and concerned him quite a bit. It meant the world was moving forward—writing, reading, publishing—and living. And he wished the world would stop and hold its breath for six weeks—while Gloria forgot.
TWO ENCOUNTERS
His greatest satisfaction was in Geraldine's company. He took her once to dinner and the theatre and entertained her several times in his apartment. When he was with her she absorbed him, not as Gloria had, but quieting those erotic sensibilities in him that worried over Gloria. It didn't matter how he kissed Geraldine. A kiss was a kiss—to be enjoyed to the utmost for its short moment. To Geraldine things belonged in definite pigeonholes: a kiss was one thing, anything further was quite another; a kiss was all right; the other things were "bad."
His greatest satisfaction came from being with Geraldine. He took her out to dinner and the theater once and hosted her several times in his apartment. When he was with her, she completely engaged him, not like Gloria had, but by calming the erotic feelings he had about Gloria. It didn't matter how he kissed Geraldine. A kiss was just a kiss—meant to be enjoyed for that brief moment. To Geraldine, everything had its proper place: a kiss was one thing, anything more was something entirely different; a kiss was fine; the other stuff was "wrong."
When half the interval was up two incidents occurred on successive days that upset his increasing calm and caused a temporary relapse.
When half the time was up, two incidents happened on consecutive days that disturbed his growing calm and led to a temporary setback.
The first was—he saw Gloria. It was a short meeting. Both bowed. Both spoke, yet neither heard the other. But when it was over Anthony read down a column of The Sun three times in succession without understanding a single sentence.
The first was—he saw Gloria. It was a brief meeting. Both bowed. Both spoke, yet neither heard the other. But when it was over, Anthony read a column in The Sun three times in a row without grasping a single sentence.
One would have thought Sixth Avenue a safe street! Having forsworn his barber at the Plaza he went around the corner one morning to be shaved, and while waiting his turn he took off coat and vest, and with his soft collar open at the neck stood near the front of the shop. The day was an oasis in the cold desert of March and the sidewalk was cheerful with a population of strolling sun-worshippers. A stout woman upholstered in velvet, her flabby cheeks too much massaged, swirled by with her poodle straining at its leash—the effect being given of a tug bringing in an ocean liner. Just behind them a man in a striped blue suit, walking slue-footed in white-spatted feet, grinned at the sight and catching Anthony's eye, winked through the glass. Anthony laughed, thrown immediately into that humor in which men and women were graceless and absurd phantasms, grotesquely curved and rounded in a rectangular world of their own building. They inspired the same sensations in him as did those strange and monstrous fish who inhabit the esoteric world of green in the aquarium.
One would think Sixth Avenue was a safe street! After skipping his barber at the Plaza, he went around the corner one morning to get a shave. While waiting for his turn, he took off his coat and vest, and with his soft collar open at the neck, stood near the front of the shop. The day was a refreshing break in the cold March weather, and the sidewalk was lively with people enjoying the sun. A stout woman dressed in velvet, with overly pampered cheeks, swirled by with her poodle tugging at its leash—making it look like a tugboat pulling in a giant ship. Just behind them, a man in a striped blue suit, walking awkwardly in his white-spatted shoes, grinned at the scene and, catching Anthony's eye, winked through the glass. Anthony laughed, immediately transported into that mindset where men and women appeared awkward and absurd, grotesquely shaped in a rectangular world they had created for themselves. They evoked in him the same feelings as those strange and monstrous fish that live in the mysterious green of the aquarium.
Two more strollers caught his eye casually, a man and a girl—then in a horrified instant the girl resolved herself into Gloria. He stood here powerless; they came nearer and Gloria, glancing in, saw him. Her eyes widened and she smiled politely. Her lips moved. She was less than five feet away.
Two more strollers caught his eye casually, a man and a girl—then in a horrified instant, the girl turned into Gloria. He stood there powerless; they got closer, and Gloria, glancing in, saw him. Her eyes widened and she smiled politely. Her lips moved. She was less than five feet away.
"How do you do?" he muttered inanely.
"How's it going?" he mumbled awkwardly.
Gloria, happy, beautiful, and young—with a man he had never seen before!
Gloria, joyful, attractive, and young—with a guy he had never seen before!
It was then that the barber's chair was vacated and he read down the newspaper column three times in succession.
It was then that the barber's chair was empty, and he read the newspaper column three times in a row.
The second incident took place the next day. Going into the Manhattan bar about seven he was confronted with Bloeckman. As it happened, the room was nearly deserted, and before the mutual recognition he had stationed himself within a foot of the older man and ordered his drink, so it was inevitable that they should converse.
The second incident happened the following day. When he walked into the Manhattan bar around seven, he ran into Bloeckman. The room was almost empty, and before they recognized each other, he had stood just a foot away from the older man and ordered his drink, so it was bound to lead to a conversation.
"Hello, Mr. Patch," said Bloeckman amiably enough.
"Hi, Mr. Patch," Bloeckman said cheerfully.
Anthony took the proffered hand and exchanged a few aphorisms on the fluctuations of the mercury.
Anthony took the offered hand and exchanged a few sayings about the changes in temperature.
"Do you come in here much?" inquired Bloeckman.
"Do you come in here often?" Bloeckman asked.
"No, very seldom." He omitted to add that the Plaza bar had, until lately, been his favorite.
"No, very rarely." He didn't mention that the Plaza bar had, until recently, been his favorite.
"Nice bar. One of the best bars in town."
"Great bar. One of the best in town."
Anthony nodded. Bloeckman emptied his glass and picked up his cane. He was in evening dress.
Anthony nodded. Bloeckman finished his drink and picked up his cane. He was wearing formal attire.
"Well, I'll be hurrying on. I'm going to dinner with Miss Gilbert."
"Well, I’ll be on my way. I’m going to dinner with Miss Gilbert."
Death looked suddenly out at him from two blue eyes. Had he announced himself as his vis-à-vis's prospective murderer he could not have struck a more vital blow at Anthony. The younger man must have reddened visibly, for his every nerve was in instant clamor. With tremendous effort he mustered a rigid—oh, so rigid—smile, and said a conventional good-by. But that night he lay awake until after four, half wild with grief and fear and abominable imaginings.
Death suddenly stared at him from two blue eyes. If he had declared himself as his enemy's potential killer, it couldn't have hit Anthony harder. The younger man must have flushed visibly, as every nerve in him was instantly on edge. With a huge effort, he forced a stiff—oh, so stiff—smile and said a typical goodbye. But that night he stayed awake until after four, half frantic with grief, fear, and terrible thoughts.
WEAKNESS
And one day in the fifth week he called her up. He had been sitting in his apartment trying to read "L'Education Sentimental," and something in the book had sent his thoughts racing in the direction that, set free, they always took, like horses racing for a home stable. With suddenly quickened breath he walked to the telephone. When he gave the number it seemed to him that his voice faltered and broke like a schoolboy's. The Central must have heard the pounding of his heart. The sound of the receiver being taken up at the other end was a crack of doom, and Mrs. Gilbert's voice, soft as maple syrup running into a glass container, had for him a quality of horror in its single "Hello-o-ah?"
And one day in the fifth week, he called her up. He had been sitting in his apartment trying to read "L'Education Sentimental," and something in the book made his thoughts race in that familiar direction, like horses rushing back to their stable. Breathing faster, he walked to the telephone. When he dialed the number, it felt like his voice trembled and broke like a nervous schoolboy's. The operator must have heard the pounding of his heart. The sound of the receiver being picked up on the other end was a heavy blow, and Mrs. Gilbert's voice, soft like maple syrup pouring into a glass, struck him with a sense of dread in her simple "Hello-o-ah?"
"Miss Gloria's not feeling well. She's lying down, asleep. Who shall I say called?"
"Miss Gloria isn't feeling well. She's lying down, asleep. Who should I say called?"
"Nobody!" he shouted.
"Nobody!" he yelled.
In a wild panic he slammed down the receiver; collapsed into his armchair in the cold sweat of breathless relief.
In a frenzied panic, he hung up the phone and sank into his armchair, drenched in a cold sweat and feeling a breathless sense of relief.
SERENADE
The first thing he said to her was: "Why, you've bobbed your hair!" and she answered: "Yes, isn't it gorgeous?"
The first thing he said to her was: "Wow, you cut your hair!" and she replied: "Yeah, isn't it amazing?"
It was not fashionable then. It was to be fashionable in five or six years. At that time it was considered extremely daring.
It wasn't trendy back then. It would become fashionable in five or six years. At that time, it was seen as really bold.
"It's all sunshine outdoors," he said gravely. "Don't you want to take a walk?"
"It's all sunshine outside," he said seriously. "Don't you want to go for a walk?"
She put on a light coat and a quaintly piquant Napoleon hat of Alice Blue, and they walked along the Avenue and into the Zoo, where they properly admired the grandeur of the elephant and the collar-height of the giraffe, but did not visit the monkey house because Gloria said that monkeys smelt so bad.
She put on a light coat and a stylish Alice Blue Napoleon hat, and they walked along the Avenue and into the Zoo, where they admired the majesty of the elephant and the height of the giraffe, but skipped the monkey house because Gloria said that monkeys smelled really bad.
Then they returned toward the Plaza, talking about nothing, but glad for the spring singing in the air and for the warm balm that lay upon the suddenly golden city. To their right was the Park, while at the left a great bulk of granite and marble muttered dully a millionaire's chaotic message to whosoever would listen: something about "I worked and I saved and I was sharper than all Adam and here I sit, by golly, by golly!"
Then they headed back to the Plaza, chatting about nothing in particular, but feeling happy for the spring sounds in the air and the warm touch that enveloped the suddenly golden city. On their right was the Park, while on the left, a massive structure of granite and marble vaguely echoed a wealthy person's chaotic message to anyone who would pay attention: something like, "I worked hard, I saved, and I was smarter than everyone else, and here I am, can you believe it?"
All the newest and most beautiful designs in automobiles were out on Fifth Avenue, and ahead of them the Plaza loomed up rather unusually white and attractive. The supple, indolent Gloria walked a short shadow's length ahead of him, pouring out lazy casual comments that floated a moment on the dazzling air before they reached his ear.
All the latest and most beautiful car designs were on Fifth Avenue, and in front of them, the Plaza stood out as unusually white and appealing. The graceful, easygoing Gloria strolled a little ahead of him, sharing relaxed, offhand remarks that hung in the bright air for a moment before they reached his ears.
"Oh!" she cried, "I want to go south to Hot Springs! I want to get out in the air and just roll around on the new grass and forget there's ever been any winter."
"Oh!" she exclaimed, "I want to go south to Hot Springs! I want to get outside and just roll around on the fresh grass and forget there was ever a winter."
"Don't you, though!"
"Don’t you think so!"
"I want to hear a million robins making a frightful racket. I sort of like birds."
"I want to hear a million robins making a loud noise. I kind of like birds."
"All women are birds," he ventured.
"All women are awesome," he ventured.
"What kind am I?"—quick and eager.
"What kind of person am I?"—quick and eager.
"A swallow, I think, and sometimes a bird of paradise. Most girls are sparrows, of course—see that row of nurse-maids over there? They're sparrows—or are they magpies? And of course you've met canary girls—and robin girls."
"A swallow, I think, and sometimes a bird of paradise. Most girls are sparrows, of course—look at that line of nannies over there? They're sparrows—or are they magpies? And of course, you've met canary girls—and robin girls."
"And swan girls and parrot girls. All grown women are hawks, I think, or owls."
"And swan girls and parrot girls. I believe all grown women are like hawks or owls."
"What am I—a buzzard?"
"What am I—a vulture?"
She laughed and shook her head.
She laughed and shook her head.
"Oh, no, you're not a bird at all, do you think? You're a Russian wolfhound."
"Oh, no, you don't really think you're a bird, do you? You're a Russian wolfhound."
Anthony remembered that they were white and always looked unnaturally hungry. But then they were usually photographed with dukes and princesses, so he was properly flattered.
Anthony remembered that they were white and always looked strangely hungry. But then they were usually photographed with dukes and princesses, so he felt pretty flattered.
"Dick's a fox terrier, a trick fox terrier," she continued.
"Dick's a fox terrier, a clever little fox terrier," she continued.
"And Maury's a cat." Simultaneously it occurred to him how like Bloeckman was to a robust and offensive hog. But he preserved a discreet silence.
"And Maury's a cat." At the same time, he realized how much Bloeckman resembled a strong and unpleasant hog. But he kept quiet.
Later, as they parted, Anthony asked when he might see her again.
Later, as they said goodbye, Anthony asked when he could see her again.
"Don't you ever make long engagements?" he pleaded, "even if it's a week ahead, I think it'd be fun to spend a whole day together, morning and afternoon both."
"Don’t you ever do long dates?" he asked earnestly, "even if it’s just a week from now, I think it’d be fun to spend a whole day together, both morning and afternoon."
"It would be, wouldn't it?" She thought for a moment. "Let's do it next Sunday."
"It would be, right?" She thought for a moment. "Let's do it next Sunday."
"All right. I'll map out a programme that'll take up every minute."
"Okay. I'll create a plan that will fill every minute."
He did. He even figured to a nicety what would happen in the two hours when she would come to his apartment for tea: how the good Bounds would have the windows wide to let in the fresh breeze—but a fire going also lest there be chill in the air—and how there would be clusters of flowers about in big cool bowls that he would buy for the occasion. They would sit on the lounge.
He did. He even planned exactly what would happen in the two hours when she came to his apartment for tea: how the nice Bounds would have the windows wide open to let in the fresh breeze—but a fire going too in case it got chilly—and how there would be bunches of flowers in big cool bowls that he would buy for the occasion. They would sit on the couch.
And when the day came they did sit upon the lounge. After a while Anthony kissed her because it came about quite naturally; he found sweetness sleeping still upon her lips, and felt that he had never been away. The fire was bright and the breeze sighing in through the curtains brought a mellow damp, promising May and world of summer. His soul thrilled to remote harmonies; he heard the strum of far guitars and waters lapping on a warm Mediterranean shore—for he was young now as he would never be again, and more triumphant than death.
And when the day arrived, they sat on the couch. After a while, Anthony kissed her because it felt completely natural; he found a sweetness lingering on her lips and felt like he had never left. The fire was bright, and the breeze flowing in through the curtains brought a warm dampness, hinting at May and the arrival of summer. His soul resonated with distant melodies; he heard the sound of faraway guitars and the gentle lapping of waves on a warm Mediterranean shore—for he was young now in a way he would never be again, and more triumphant than death.
Six o'clock stole down too soon and rang the querulous melody of St. Anne's chimes on the corner. Through the gathering dusk they strolled to the Avenue, where the crowds, like prisoners released, were walking with elastic step at last after the long winter, and the tops of the busses were thronged with congenial kings and the shops full of fine soft things for the summer, the rare summer, the gay promising summer that seemed for love what the winter was for money. Life was singing for his supper on the corner! Life was handing round cocktails in the street! Old women there were in that crowd who felt that they could have run and won a hundred-yard dash!
Six o'clock crept up too quickly and rang the complaining tune of St. Anne's bells at the corner. As dusk settled in, they walked to the Avenue, where the crowds, like freed prisoners, strolled with a spring in their step after the long winter. The tops of the buses were packed with cheerful passengers, and the shops were filled with lovely, soft items for the summer—the rare summer, the exciting, promising summer that felt like love, while winter was about money. Life was vibrant at the corner! Life was serving cocktails right in the street! There were elderly women in that crowd who felt like they could have sprinted and won a hundred-yard dash!
In bed that night with the lights out and the cool room swimming with moonlight, Anthony lay awake and played with every minute of the day like a child playing in turn with each one of a pile of long-wanted Christmas toys. He had told her gently, almost in the middle of a kiss, that he loved her, and she had smiled and held him closer and murmured, "I'm glad," looking into his eyes. There had been a new quality in her attitude, a new growth of sheer physical attraction toward him and a strange emotional tenseness, that was enough to make him clinch his hands and draw in his breath at the recollection. He had felt nearer to her than ever before. In a rare delight he cried aloud to the room that he loved her.
In bed that night with the lights off and the cool room bathed in moonlight, Anthony lay awake and replayed every moment of the day like a child enjoying each toy from a long-desired pile of Christmas gifts. He had softly told her, almost in the middle of a kiss, that he loved her, and she had smiled, pulled him closer, and whispered, "I'm glad," while looking into his eyes. There was a new spark in her attitude, a fresh surge of pure physical attraction towards him and a strange emotional tension that made him clench his fists and catch his breath at the memory. He felt closer to her than ever before. In a burst of joy, he proclaimed to the room that he loved her.
He phoned next morning—no hesitation now, no uncertainty—instead a delirious excitement that doubled and trebled when he heard her voice:
He called the next morning—no hesitation now, no uncertainty—instead a wild excitement that intensified when he heard her voice:
"Good morning—Gloria."
"Good morning, Gloria."
"Good morning."
"Morning!"
"That's all I called you up to say-dear."
"That's all I called you to say, dear."
"I'm glad you did."
"Glad you did."
"I wish I could see you."
"I wish I could see you."
"You will, to-morrow night."
"You will tomorrow night."
"That's a long time, isn't it?"
"That's a long time, huh?"
"Yes—" Her voice was reluctant. His hand tightened on the receiver.
"Yeah—" Her voice was hesitant. His grip on the receiver tightened.
"Couldn't I come to-night?" He dared anything in the glory and revelation of that almost whispered "yes."
"Can’t I come tonight?" He was brave enough to risk anything in the splendor and revelation of that almost whispered "yes."
"I have a date."
"I'm going on a date."
"Oh—"
"Oh—"
"But I might—I might be able to break it."
"But I might—I might be able to fix it."
"Oh!"—a sheer cry, a rhapsody. "Gloria?"
"Oh!"—a pure cry, an expression of joy. "Gloria?"
"What?"
"What did you say?"
"I love you."
"I love you."
Another pause and then:
Another pause, and then:
"I—I'm glad."
"I'm really glad."
Happiness, remarked Maury Noble one day, is only the first hour after the alleviation of some especially intense misery. But oh, Anthony's face as he walked down the tenth-floor corridor of the Plaza that night! His dark eyes were gleaming—around his mouth were lines it was a kindness to see. He was handsome then if never before, bound for one of those immortal moments which come so radiantly that their remembered light is enough to see by for years.
"Happiness," Maury Noble said one day, "is just the first hour after getting over some really intense pain." But oh, the look on Anthony's face as he walked down the tenth-floor corridor of the Plaza that night! His dark eyes were shining—there were lines around his mouth that were nice to see. He was handsome then, if he had never been before, on his way to one of those unforgettable moments that shine so brightly that their remembered glow is enough to light your way for years.
He knocked and, at a word, entered. Gloria, dressed in simple pink, starched and fresh as a flower, was across the room, standing very still, and looking at him wide-eyed.
He knocked and, after a brief exchange, walked in. Gloria, wearing a plain pink dress, crisp and fresh like a flower, was across the room, standing still and gazing at him with wide eyes.
As he closed the door behind him she gave a little cry and moved swiftly over the intervening space, her arms rising in a premature caress as she came near. Together they crushed out the stiff folds of her dress in one triumphant and enduring embrace.
As he shut the door behind him, she let out a small cry and quickly crossed the gap between them, her arms lifting in an eager hug as she got closer. Together, they smoothed out the stiff folds of her dress in one triumphant and lasting embrace.
BOOK TWO
CHAPTER I
THE RADIANT HOUR
After a fortnight Anthony and Gloria began to indulge in "practical discussions," as they called those sessions when under the guise of severe realism they walked in an eternal moonlight.
After two weeks, Anthony and Gloria started to engage in "practical discussions," as they referred to those times when, pretending to be serious, they strolled in a never-ending moonlight.
"Not as much as I do you," the critic of belles-lettres would insist. "If you really loved me you'd want every one to know it."
"Not as much as I do," the literary critic would insist. "If you really loved me, you'd want everyone to know it."
"I do," she protested; "I want to stand on the street corner like a sandwich man, informing all the passers-by."
"I do," she protested; "I want to stand on the street corner like a sandwich board person, letting all the passersby know."
"Then tell me all the reasons why you're going to marry me in June."
"Then tell me all the reasons why you're planning to marry me in June."
"Well, because you're so clean. You're sort of blowy clean, like I am. There's two sorts, you know. One's like Dick: he's clean like polished pans. You and I are clean like streams and winds. I can tell whenever I see a person whether he is clean, and if so, which kind of clean he is."
"Well, it’s because you’re so clean. You’re kind of naturally clean, like I am. There are two types, you know. One is like Dick: he’s clean like shiny pots and pans. You and I are clean like fresh streams and breezy air. I can tell whenever I see someone whether they’re clean, and if they are, what kind of clean they are."
"We're twins."
"We're twins."
Ecstatic thought!
Exciting idea!
"Mother says"—she hesitated uncertainly—"mother says that two souls are sometimes created together and—and in love before they're born."
"Mom says"—she paused, unsure—"Mom says that sometimes two souls are made together and—and they’re in love before they're born."
Bilphism gained its easiest convert.... After a while he lifted up his head and laughed soundlessly toward the ceiling. When his eyes came back to her he saw that she was angry.
Bilphism gained its easiest convert.... After a while, he raised his head and laughed silently at the ceiling. When his eyes returned to her, he noticed that she was angry.
"Why did you laugh?" she cried, "you've done that twice before. There's nothing funny about our relation to each other. I don't mind playing the fool, and I don't mind having you do it, but I can't stand it when we're together."
"Why did you laugh?" she exclaimed. "You've done that twice before. There's nothing funny about our relationship. I don't mind playing the fool, and I don't mind if you do it, but I can't stand it when we're together."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"Oh, don't say you're sorry! If you can't think of anything better than that, just keep quiet!"
"Oh, don’t apologize! If you can't come up with anything better than that, just stay silent!"
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I don't care."
"I don't care."
There was a pause. Anthony was depressed.... At length Gloria murmured:
There was a pause. Anthony was feeling down... Eventually, Gloria whispered:
"I'm sorry I was mean."
"I'm sorry I was rude."
"You weren't. I was the one."
"You weren't. I was."
Peace was restored—the ensuing moments were so much more sweet and sharp and poignant. They were stars on this stage, each playing to an audience of two: the passion of their pretense created the actuality. Here, finally, was the quintessence of self-expression—yet it was probable that for the most part their love expressed Gloria rather than Anthony. He felt often like a scarcely tolerated guest at a party she was giving.
Peace was restored—the next moments felt much sweeter, sharper, and more intense. They were stars in this performance, each playing to an audience of two: the intensity of their act created the reality. Here, finally, was the purest form of self-expression—yet it was likely that their love reflected Gloria more than Anthony. He often felt like an unwelcome guest at a party she was hosting.
Telling Mrs. Gilbert had been an embarrassed matter. She sat stuffed into a small chair and listened with an intense and very blinky sort of concentration. She must have known it—for three weeks Gloria had seen no one else—and she must have noticed that this time there was an authentic difference in her daughter's attitude. She had been given special deliveries to post; she had heeded, as all mothers seem to heed, the hither end of telephone conversations, disguised but still rather warm—
Telling Mrs. Gilbert had been an awkward situation. She sat squeezed into a small chair, listening with a focused and very blink-prone intensity. She must have known it—since Gloria hadn’t seen anyone else for three weeks—and she had to have noticed that this time there was a real change in her daughter's attitude. She had been given important letters to send; she had paid attention, as all mothers seem to do, to the beginning of phone conversations, disguised but still kind of warm—
—Yet she had delicately professed surprise and declared herself immensely pleased; she doubtless was; so were the geranium plants blossoming in the window-boxes, and so were the cabbies when the lovers sought the romantic privacy of hansom cabs—quaint device—and the staid bill of fares on which they scribbled "you know I do," pushing it over for the other to see.
—Yet she had gently expressed surprise and said she was really happy; she definitely was; so were the geraniums blooming in the window boxes, and so were the cab drivers when the couple sought the romantic privacy of horse-drawn cabs—a charming idea—and the serious fare sheet on which they wrote "you know I do," sliding it over for the other to read.
But between kisses Anthony and this golden girl quarrelled incessantly.
But between kisses, Anthony and this golden girl argued constantly.
"Now, Gloria," he would cry, "please let me explain!"
"Now, Gloria," he would shout, "please let me explain!"
"Don't explain. Kiss me."
"Just kiss me."
"I don't think that's right. If I hurt your feelings we ought to discuss it. I don't like this kiss-and-forget."
"I don't think that's fair. If I hurt your feelings, we should talk about it. I’m not a fan of this kiss-and-forget approach."
"But I don't want to argue. I think it's wonderful that we can kiss and forget, and when we can't it'll be time to argue."
"But I don't want to fight. I think it's great that we can kiss and make up, and when we can't, then we can have a real argument."
At one time some gossamer difference attained such bulk that Anthony arose and punched himself into his overcoat—for a moment it appeared that the scene of the preceding February was to be repeated, but knowing how deeply she was moved he retained his dignity with his pride, and in a moment Gloria was sobbing in his arms, her lovely face miserable as a frightened little girl's.
At one point, a slight difference grew so significant that Anthony got up and put on his overcoat. For a moment, it seemed like he would relive the event from the previous February, but acknowledging how deeply she was affected, he kept his dignity along with his pride. Soon, Gloria was crying in his arms, her beautiful face looking as miserable as a scared little girl’s.
Meanwhile they kept unfolding to each other, unwillingly, by curious reactions and evasions, by distastes and prejudices and unintended hints of the past. The girl was proudly incapable of jealousy and, because he was extremely jealous, this virtue piqued him. He told her recondite incidents of his own life on purpose to arouse some spark of it, but to no avail. She possessed him now—nor did she desire the dead years.
Meanwhile, they kept revealing things about themselves to each other, even though they didn't intend to, through their curious reactions and evasions, dislikes and biases, and unintended hints from the past. The girl was proudly incapable of jealousy, and because he was extremely jealous, this trait bothered him. He shared obscure moments from his own life to try to spark some jealousy in her, but it didn’t work. She had him now—nor did she want the years that had gone by.
"Oh, Anthony," she would say, "always when I'm mean to you I'm sorry afterward. I'd give my right hand to save you one little moment's pain."
"Oh, Anthony," she would say, "I'm always sorry after I'm mean to you. I'd give my right hand to save you from even a moment of pain."
And in that instant her eyes were brimming and she was not aware that she was voicing an illusion. Yet Anthony knew that there were days when they hurt each other purposely—taking almost a delight in the thrust. Incessantly she puzzled him: one hour so intimate and charming, striving desperately toward an unguessed, transcendent union; the next, silent and cold, apparently unmoved by any consideration of their love or anything he could say. Often he would eventually trace these portentous reticences to some physical discomfort—of these she never complained until they were over—or to some carelessness or presumption in him, or to an unsatisfactory dish at dinner, but even then the means by which she created the infinite distances she spread about herself were a mystery, buried somewhere back in those twenty-two years of unwavering pride.
And in that moment, her eyes were full of tears, and she didn’t realize she was expressing something unreal. But Anthony understood that there were times when they intentionally hurt each other—almost enjoying the pain. She constantly confused him: one moment, she was warm and affectionate, desperately seeking an unspoken, deep connection; the next, she was silent and distant, seemingly unaffected by their love or anything he could say. Often, he would eventually trace these heavy silences back to some physical discomfort—she never complained about these until they passed—or to some careless mistake he made, or even to a disappointing meal at dinner. But even then, the way she created the vast emotional barriers around herself remained a mystery, buried somewhere in those twenty-two years of unyielding pride.
"Why do you like Muriel?" he demanded one day.
"Why do you like Muriel?" he asked one day.
"I don't very much."
"I don't care much."
"Then why do you go with her?"
"Then why do you hang out with her?"
"Just for some one to go with. They're no exertion, those girls. They sort of believe everything I tell them—but I rather like Rachael. I think she's cute—and so clean and slick, don't you? I used to have other friends—in Kansas City and at school—casual, all of them, girls who just flitted into my range and out of it for no more reason than that boys took us places together. They didn't interest me after environment stopped throwing us together. Now they're mostly married. What does it matter—they were all just people."
"Just someone to hang out with. Those girls aren’t a hassle. They kind of believe everything I say—but I really like Rachael. I think she’s cute—so neat and put together, don’t you? I used to have other friends—in Kansas City and at school—casual ones, all of them, girls who just drifted in and out of my life because boys took us out together. They didn’t interest me once circumstances stopped connecting us. Now most of them are married. What does it matter—they were all just people."
"You like men better, don't you?"
"You like guys, right?"
"Oh, much better. I've got a man's mind."
"Oh, much better. I've got a guy's mindset."
"You've got a mind like mine. Not strongly gendered either way."
"You have a mind like mine. It’s not strongly tied to either gender."
Later she told him about the beginnings of her friendship with Bloeckman. One day in Delmonico's, Gloria and Rachael had come upon Bloeckman and Mr. Gilbert having luncheon and curiosity had impelled her to make it a party of four. She had liked him—rather. He was a relief from younger men, satisfied as he was with so little. He humored her and he laughed, whether he understood her or not. She met him several times, despite the open disapproval of her parents, and within a month he had asked her to marry him, tendering her everything from a villa in Italy to a brilliant career on the screen. She had laughed in his face—and he had laughed too.
Later, she told him how her friendship with Bloeckman started. One day at Delmonico's, Gloria and Rachael ran into Bloeckman and Mr. Gilbert having lunch, and her curiosity made her want to join them as a group of four. She found him somewhat likable. He was a refreshing change from younger men, content with so little. He played along with her and laughed, whether he got her jokes or not. She saw him several times, despite her parents' open disapproval, and within a month, he proposed to her, offering everything from a villa in Italy to a dazzling career in film. She had laughed in his face—and he laughed too.
But he had not given up. To the time of Anthony's arrival in the arena he had been making steady progress. She treated him rather well—except that she had called him always by an invidious nickname—perceiving, meanwhile, that he was figuratively following along beside her as she walked the fence, ready to catch her if she should fall.
But he hadn’t given up. By the time Anthony arrived in the arena, he had been making steady progress. She treated him pretty well—except she always called him a derogatory nickname—while noticing that he was figuratively walking alongside her as she strolled by the fence, ready to catch her if she fell.
The night before the engagement was announced she told Bloeckman. It was a heavy blow. She did not enlighten Anthony as to the details, but she implied that he had not hesitated to argue with her. Anthony gathered that the interview had terminated on a stormy note, with Gloria very cool and unmoved lying in her corner of the sofa and Joseph Bloeckman of "Films Par Excellence" pacing the carpet with eyes narrowed and head bowed. Gloria had been sorry for him but she had judged it best not to show it. In a final burst of kindness she had tried to make him hate her, there at the last. But Anthony, understanding that Gloria's indifference was her strongest appeal, judged how futile this must have been. He wondered, often but quite casually, about Bloeckman—finally he forgot him entirely.
The night before the engagement was announced, she told Bloeckman. It was a heavy blow. She didn't share the details with Anthony, but she suggested that he hadn’t hesitated to argue with her. Anthony figured that the meeting ended on a tense note, with Gloria very cool and unbothered lounging on her side of the sofa and Joseph Bloeckman of "Films Par Excellence" pacing the room, eyes narrowed and head down. Gloria felt bad for him but thought it was best not to show it. In a final act of kindness, she tried to make him hate her in those last moments. But Anthony, realizing that Gloria's indifference was her strongest attraction, saw how pointless this must have been. He often wondered, but casually, about Bloeckman—eventually, he completely forgot him.
HEYDAY
One afternoon they found front seats on the sunny roof of a bus and rode for hours from the fading Square up along the sullied river, and then, as the stray beams fled the westward streets, sailed down the turgid Avenue, darkening with ominous bees from the department stores. The traffic was clotted and gripped in a patternless jam; the busses were packed four deep like platforms above the crowd as they waited for the moan of the traffic whistle.
One afternoon, they snagged front seats on the sunny roof of a bus and rode for hours from the fading Square along the dirty river, and then, as the stray beams disappeared down the westward streets, sailed down the sluggish Avenue, growing darker with ominous crowds from the department stores. The traffic was clogged and stuck in a chaotic jam; the buses were packed four deep like platforms above the crowd as they waited for the sound of the traffic whistle.
"Isn't it good!" cried Gloria. "Look!"
"Isn't this great!" shouted Gloria. "Check it out!"
A miller's wagon, stark white with flour, driven by a powdery clown, passed in front of them behind a white horse and his black team-mate.
A miller's wagon, bright white with flour, pulled by a dusty clown, passed in front of them behind a white horse and its black teammate.
"What a pity!" she complained; "they'd look so beautiful in the dusk, if only both horses were white. I'm mighty happy just this minute, in this city."
"What a shame!" she complained; "they would look so beautiful at dusk if only both horses were white. I’m really happy right now, in this city."
Anthony shook his head in disagreement.
Anthony shook his head, signaling his disagreement.
"I think the city's a mountebank. Always struggling to approach the tremendous and impressive urbanity ascribed to it. Trying to be romantically metropolitan."
"I think the city's a fraud. Always trying to live up to the amazing and impressive urban vibe it claims to have. It’s trying to be romantically sophisticated."
"I don't. I think it is impressive."
"I don’t. I think it’s impressive."
"Momentarily. But it's really a transparent, artificial sort of spectacle. It's got its press-agented stars and its flimsy, unenduring stage settings and, I'll admit, the greatest army of supers ever assembled—" He paused, laughed shortly, and added: "Technically excellent, perhaps, but not convincing."
"Just for a moment. But it's honestly a shallow, fake kind of show. It's got its PR-managed celebrities and its flimsy, temporary stage designs and, I’ll confess, the biggest cast of extras ever brought together—" He paused, chuckled briefly, and added: "Technically impressive, maybe, but not believable."
"I'll bet policemen think people are fools," said Gloria thoughtfully, as she watched a large but cowardly lady being helped across the street. "He always sees them frightened and inefficient and old—they are," she added. And then: "We'd better get off. I told mother I'd have an early supper and go to bed. She says I look tired, damn it."
"I bet cops think people are idiots," Gloria said thoughtfully as she watched a big but timid woman getting helped across the street. "He always sees them scared, clumsy, and old—they really are," she added. Then she said, "We should get going. I told my mom I’d have an early dinner and go to bed. She says I look tired, damn it."
"I wish we were married," he muttered soberly; "there'll be no good night then and we can do just as we want."
"I wish we were married," he said quietly; "then there wouldn't be a good night, and we could do whatever we wanted."
"Won't it be good! I think we ought to travel a lot. I want to go to the Mediterranean and Italy. And I'd like to go on the stage some time—say for about a year."
"Won't that be great! I think we should travel a lot. I want to go to the Mediterranean and Italy. And I'd like to be on stage sometime—let's say for about a year."
"You bet. I'll write a play for you."
"You got it. I'll write a play for you."
"Won't that be good! And I'll act in it. And then some time when we have more money"—old Adam's death was always thus tactfully alluded to—"we'll build a magnificent estate, won't we?"
"Won't that be great! And I'll be in it. And then sometime when we have more money"—old Adam's death was always referenced like this—"we'll build an amazing estate, right?"
"Oh, yes, with private swimming pools."
"Oh, yes, with private pools."
"Dozens of them. And private rivers. Oh, I wish it were now."
"Lots of them. And private rivers. Oh, I wish it were happening now."
Odd coincidence—he had just been wishing that very thing. They plunged like divers into the dark eddying crowd and emerging in the cool fifties sauntered indolently homeward, infinitely romantic to each other ... both were walking alone in a dispassionate garden with a ghost found in a dream.
Odd coincidence—he had just been wishing for that very thing. They dove like divers into the dark, swirling crowd and came out in the cool fifties, strolling lazily homeward, infinitely romantic to each other... both were walking alone in a detached garden with a ghost discovered in a dream.
Halcyon days like boats drifting along slow-moving rivers; spring evenings full of a plaintive melancholy that made the past beautiful and bitter, bidding them look back and see that the loves of other summers long gone were dead with the forgotten waltzes of their years. Always the most poignant moments were when some artificial barrier kept them apart: in the theatre their hands would steal together, join, give and return gentle pressures through the long dark; in crowded rooms they would form words with their lips for each other's eyes—not knowing that they were but following in the footsteps of dusty generations but comprehending dimly that if truth is the end of life happiness is a mode of it, to be cherished in its brief and tremulous moment. And then, one fairy night, May became June. Sixteen days now—fifteen—fourteen——
Halcyon days like boats drifting down slow rivers; spring evenings filled with a wistful sadness that made the past seem beautiful and bittersweet, urging them to look back and realize that the loves of long-gone summers had faded away with the forgotten waltzes of their youth. The most touching moments were when some artificial barrier kept them apart: in the theater, their hands would secretly reach for each other, join, and exchange gentle squeezes in the long dark; in crowded rooms, they would form words with their lips meant only for each other's eyes—not realizing they were simply following in the paths of generations past, but vaguely understanding that while truth is the essence of life, happiness is a way of experiencing it, to be treasured in its fleeting and delicate moments. And then, one magical night, May turned into June. Sixteen days now—fifteen—fourteen——
THREE DIGRESSIONS
Just before the engagement was announced Anthony had gone up to Tarrytown to see his grandfather, who, a little more wizened and grizzly as time played its ultimate chuckling tricks, greeted the news with profound cynicism.
Just before the engagement was announced, Anthony had gone up to Tarrytown to see his grandfather, who, a bit more aged and gray as time worked its playful tricks, received the news with deep cynicism.
"Oh, you're going to get married, are you?" He said this with such a dubious mildness and shook his head up and down so many times that Anthony was not a little depressed. While he was unaware of his grandfather's intentions he presumed that a large part of the money would come to him. A good deal would go in charities, of course; a good deal to carry on the business of reform.
"Oh, so you're getting married, huh?" He said this with such a skeptical tone and nodded so many times that Anthony felt pretty down. While he had no idea what his grandfather was really planning, he assumed that a big chunk of the money would end up with him. A good amount would go to charities, of course; a significant portion would be used to continue the reform efforts.
"Are you going to work?"
"Are you heading to work?"
"Why—" temporized Anthony, somewhat disconcerted. "I am working. You know—"
"Why—" Anthony hesitated, a bit troubled. "I am working. You know—"
"Ah, I mean work," said Adam Patch dispassionately.
"Ah, I mean work," Adam Patch said flatly.
"I'm not quite sure yet what I'll do. I'm not exactly a beggar, grampa," he asserted with some spirit.
"I'm not really sure what I'll do yet. I'm not exactly a beggar, grandpa," he said with some determination.
The old man considered this with eyes half closed. Then almost apologetically he asked:
The old man thought about this with his eyes half shut. Then, almost apologetically, he asked:
"How much do you save a year?"
"How much do you save in a year?"
"Nothing so far—"
"Nothing yet—"
"And so after just managing to get along on your money you've decided that by some miracle two of you can get along on it."
"And so, after barely making ends meet with your money, you've decided that somehow the two of you can manage with it."
"Gloria has some money of her own. Enough to buy clothes."
"Gloria has some money saved up. Enough to buy clothes."
"How much?"
"What's the cost?"
Without considering this question impertinent, Anthony answered it.
Without finding this question rude, Anthony replied to it.
"About a hundred a month."
"About a hundred per month."
"That's altogether about seventy-five hundred a year." Then he added softly: "It ought to be plenty. If you have any sense it ought to be plenty. But the question is whether you have any or not."
"That's about seven thousand five hundred a year." Then he added softly: "That should be enough. If you have any sense, it should be enough. But the question is whether you actually have any or not."
"I suppose it is." It was shameful to be compelled to endure this pious browbeating from the old man, and his next words were stiffened with vanity. "I can manage very well. You seem convinced that I'm utterly worthless. At any rate I came up here simply to tell you that I'm getting married in June. Good-by, sir." With this he turned away and headed for the door, unaware that in that instant his grandfather, for the first time, rather liked him.
"I guess it is." It was embarrassing to have to put up with this self-righteous lecturing from the old man, and his next words were full of arrogance. "I can handle things just fine. You seem to think I'm completely useless. Anyway, I came up here just to let you know that I'm getting married in June. Goodbye, sir." With that, he turned away and walked toward the door, not realizing that at that moment his grandfather, for the first time, actually liked him.
"Wait!" called Adam Patch, "I want to talk to you."
"Wait!" Adam Patch called, "I want to talk to you."
Anthony faced about.
Anthony turned around.
"Well, sir?"
"What's up, sir?"
"Sit down. Stay all night."
"Sit down. Stay the night."
Somewhat mollified, Anthony resumed his seat.
Somewhat calmed down, Anthony took his seat again.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm going to see Gloria to-night."
"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm going to see Gloria tonight."
"What's her name?"
"What's her name?"
"Gloria Gilbert."
"Gloria Gilbert."
"New York girl? Someone you know?"
"New York girl? Is she someone you know?"
"She's from the Middle West."
"She's from the Midwest."
"What business her father in?"
"What business is her father in?"
"In a celluloid corporation or trust or something. They're from Kansas City."
"In a film company or a trust or something. They're from Kansas City."
"You going to be married out there?"
"Are you getting married?"
"Why, no, sir. We thought we'd be married in New York—rather quietly."
"Why, no, sir. We thought we’d get married in New York—just quietly."
"Like to have the wedding out here?"
"Do you want to have the wedding out here?"
Anthony hesitated. The suggestion made no appeal to him, but it was certainly the part of wisdom to give the old man, if possible, a proprietary interest in his married life. In addition Anthony was a little touched.
Anthony paused. The suggestion didn't interest him, but it was definitely wise to give the old man, if possible, a sense of ownership in his married life. On top of that, Anthony felt a bit moved.
"That's very kind of you, grampa, but wouldn't it be a lot of trouble?"
"That's really nice of you, Grandpa, but wouldn't that be a lot of work?"
"Everything's a lot of trouble. Your father was married here—but in the old house."
"Everything's a hassle. Your dad was married here—but in the old house."
"Why—I thought he was married in Boston."
"Wait—I thought he was married in Boston."
Adam Patch considered.
Adam Patch thought.
"That's true. He was married in Boston."
"That's true. He was married in Boston."
Anthony felt a moment's embarrassment at having made the correction, and he covered it up with words.
Anthony felt a brief embarrassment after making the correction, and he masked it with words.
"Well, I'll speak to Gloria about it. Personally I'd like to, but of course it's up to the Gilberts, you see."
"Alright, I'll talk to Gloria about it. Personally, I'd like to, but it's really up to the Gilberts, you know."
His grandfather drew a long sigh, half closed his eyes, and sank back in his chair.
His grandfather let out a long sigh, half-closed his eyes, and leaned back in his chair.
"In a hurry?" he asked in a different tone.
"In a rush?" he asked in a different tone.
"Not especially."
"Not really."
"I wonder," began Adam Patch, looking out with a mild, kindly glance at the lilac bushes that rustled against the windows, "I wonder if you ever think about the after-life."
"I wonder," started Adam Patch, gazing out with a gentle, warm expression at the lilac bushes swaying against the windows, "I wonder if you ever think about the afterlife."
"Why—sometimes."
"Why—sometimes."
"I think a great deal about the after-life." His eyes were dim but his voice was confident and clear. "I was sitting here to-day thinking about what's lying in wait for us, and somehow I began to remember an afternoon nearly sixty-five years ago, when I was playing with my little sister Annie, down where that summer-house is now." He pointed out into the long flower-garden, his eyes trembling of tears, his voice shaking.
"I think a lot about the afterlife." His eyes were dull, but his voice was strong and clear. "I was sitting here today, thinking about what’s waiting for us, and somehow I started remembering an afternoon almost sixty-five years ago, when I was playing with my little sister Annie, down where that summer house is now." He pointed out into the long flower garden, his eyes brimming with tears, his voice trembling.
"I began thinking—and it seemed to me that you ought to think a little more about the after-life. You ought to be—steadier"—he paused and seemed to grope about for the right word—"more industrious—why—"
"I started to think—and it felt like you should think a bit more about the afterlife. You should be—more stable"—he paused and seemed to search for the right word—"more hardworking—why—"
Then his expression altered, his entire personality seemed to snap together like a trap, and when he continued the softness had gone from his voice.
Then his expression changed, and his whole demeanor seemed to click into place like a trap, and when he spoke again, the softness was gone from his voice.
"—Why, when I was just two years older than you," he rasped with a cunning chuckle, "I sent three members of the firm of Wrenn and Hunt to the poorhouse."
"—You know, when I was only two years older than you," he said with a sly laugh, "I sent three partners from Wrenn and Hunt to the poorhouse."
Anthony started with embarrassment.
Anthony began feeling embarrassed.
"Well, good-by," added his grandfather suddenly, "you'll miss your train."
"Well, goodbye," his grandfather suddenly added, "you're going to miss your train."
Anthony left the house unusually elated, and strangely sorry for the old man; not because his wealth could buy him "neither youth nor digestion" but because he had asked Anthony to be married there, and because he had forgotten something about his son's wedding that he should have remembered.
Anthony left the house feeling unusually happy and oddly sympathetic for the old man; not because his wealth could buy him "neither youth nor digestion" but because he had asked Anthony to get married there, and because he had forgotten something about his son's wedding that he should have remembered.
Richard Caramel, who was one of the ushers, caused Anthony and Gloria much distress in the last few weeks by continually stealing the rays of their spot-light. "The Demon Lover" had been published in April, and it interrupted the love affair as it may be said to have interrupted everything its author came in contact with. It was a highly original, rather overwritten piece of sustained description concerned with a Don Juan of the New York slums. As Maury and Anthony had said before, as the more hospitable critics were saying then, there was no writer in America with such power to describe the atavistic and unsubtle reactions of that section of society.
Richard Caramel, one of the ushers, caused Anthony and Gloria a lot of stress in the past few weeks by constantly stealing their spotlight. "The Demon Lover" had been published in April, and it disrupted their romance as it seemed to disrupt everything its author touched. It was a very original but somewhat overwritten piece of detailed description about a Don Juan from the New York slums. As Maury and Anthony had said before, and as the more generous critics were saying at the time, there was no writer in America capable of describing the primal and straightforward reactions of that part of society like he could.
The book hesitated and then suddenly "went." Editions, small at first, then larger, crowded each other week by week. A spokesman of the Salvation Army denounced it as a cynical misrepresentation of all the uplift taking place in the underworld. Clever press-agenting spread the unfounded rumor that "Gypsy" Smith was beginning a libel suit because one of the principal characters was a burlesque of himself. It was barred from the public library of Burlington, Iowa, and a Mid-Western columnist announced by innuendo that Richard Caramel was in a sanitarium with delirium tremens.
The book took a moment and then suddenly took off. It started with small editions and gradually grew larger, bumping into each other week after week. A representative of the Salvation Army criticized it as a cynical twist on all the progress happening in the underworld. Smart marketing created the baseless rumor that "Gypsy" Smith was about to file a libel suit because one of the main characters was a parody of him. It was banned from the public library in Burlington, Iowa, and a columnist from the Midwest hinted that Richard Caramel was in a treatment center for alcohol withdrawal.
The author, indeed, spent his days in a state of pleasant madness. The book was in his conversation three-fourths of the time—he wanted to know if one had heard "the latest"; he would go into a store and in a loud voice order books to be charged to him, in order to catch a chance morsel of recognition from clerk or customer. He knew to a town in what sections of the country it was selling best; he knew exactly what he cleared on each edition, and when he met any one who had not read it, or, as it happened only too often, had not heard of it, he succumbed to moody depression.
The author definitely spent his days in a state of enjoyable craziness. The book was part of his conversations most of the time—he wanted to know if anyone had heard "the latest"; he'd walk into a store and loudly order books to be charged to him, hoping for a bit of recognition from the clerk or other customers. He knew precisely where it was selling best across the country; he was aware of his earnings on each edition, and whenever he met someone who hadn’t read it, or, as often happened, hadn’t even heard of it, he would fall into a sulky mood.
So it was natural for Anthony and Gloria to decide, in their jealousy, that he was so swollen with conceit as to be a bore. To Dick's great annoyance Gloria publicly boasted that she had never read "The Demon Lover," and didn't intend to until every one stopped talking about it. As a matter of fact, she had no time to read now, for the presents were pouring in—first a scattering, then an avalanche, varying from the bric-à-brac of forgotten family friends to the photographs of forgotten poor relations.
So it was only fitting for Anthony and Gloria to think, out of jealousy, that he was so full of himself that he was just a bore. To Dick's irritation, Gloria bragged that she had never read "The Demon Lover" and wasn't going to until everyone stopped talking about it. In reality, she had no time to read now because gifts were coming in—first a few, then a flood, ranging from knick-knacks from distant family friends to pictures of long-forgotten relatives.
Maury gave them an elaborate "drinking set," which included silver goblets, cocktail shaker, and bottle-openers. The extortion from Dick was more conventional—a tea set from Tiffany's. From Joseph Bloeckman came a simple and exquisite travelling clock, with his card. There was even a cigarette-holder from Bounds; this touched Anthony and made him want to weep—indeed, any emotion short of hysteria seemed natural in the half-dozen people who were swept up by this tremendous sacrifice to convention. The room set aside in the Plaza bulged with offerings sent by Harvard friends and by associates of his grandfather, with remembrances of Gloria's Farmover days, and with rather pathetic trophies from her former beaux, which last arrived with esoteric, melancholy messages, written on cards tucked carefully inside, beginning "I little thought when—" or "I'm sure I wish you all the happiness—" or even "When you get this I shall be on my way to—"
Maury gave them a fancy "drinking set," which included silver goblets, a cocktail shaker, and bottle openers. The request from Dick was more traditional—a tea set from Tiffany's. Joseph Bloeckman sent a simple yet beautiful traveling clock with his card. There was even a cigarette holder from Bounds; this touched Anthony deeply and made him want to cry—really, any emotion short of hysteria felt appropriate among the half-dozen people overwhelmed by this incredible gesture of tradition. The room reserved in the Plaza overflowed with gifts from Harvard friends and associates of his grandfather, along with mementos from Gloria's Farmover days, and rather sad trophies from her former lovers, which came with cryptic, wistful messages written on cards carefully tucked inside, starting with "I never thought when—" or "I truly wish you all the happiness—" or even "By the time you get this, I will be on my way to—"
The most munificent gift was simultaneously the most disappointing. It was a concession of Adam Patch's—a check for five thousand dollars.
The biggest and most generous gift was also the most disappointing. It was a concession from Adam Patch—a check for five thousand dollars.
To most of the presents Anthony was cold. It seemed to him that they would necessitate keeping a chart of the marital status of all their acquaintances during the next half-century. But Gloria exulted in each one, tearing at the tissue-paper and excelsior with the rapaciousness of a dog digging for a bone, breathlessly seizing a ribbon or an edge of metal and finally bringing to light the whole article and holding it up critically, no emotion except rapt interest in her unsmiling face.
To most of the gifts, Anthony was indifferent. He felt that they would require keeping track of the marital status of all their friends over the next fifty years. But Gloria delighted in each one, ripping through the tissue paper and packing material with the eagerness of a dog digging for a bone, eagerly grabbing at a ribbon or a piece of metal and finally revealing the entire item, holding it up for inspection, her face showing only intense interest without any smile.
"Look, Anthony!"
"Hey, Anthony!"
"Darn nice, isn't it!"
"Pretty nice, isn't it!"
No answer until an hour later when she would give him a careful account of her precise reaction to the gift, whether it would have been improved by being smaller or larger, whether she was surprised at getting it, and, if so, just how much surprised.
No answer until an hour later when she would carefully explain her exact reaction to the gift, whether it would have been better smaller or larger, whether she was surprised to get it, and, if so, how surprised she actually was.
Mrs. Gilbert arranged and rearranged a hypothetical house, distributing the gifts among the different rooms, tabulating articles as "second-best clock" or "silver to use every day," and embarrassing Anthony and Gloria by semi-facetious references to a room she called the nursery. She was pleased by old Adam's gift and thereafter had it that he was a very ancient soul, "as much as anything else." As Adam Patch never quite decided whether she referred to the advancing senility of his mind or to some private and psychic schema of her own, it cannot be said to have pleased him. Indeed he always spoke of her to Anthony as "that old woman, the mother," as though she were a character in a comedy he had seen staged many times before. Concerning Gloria he was unable to make up his mind. She attracted him but, as she herself told Anthony, he had decided that she was frivolous and was afraid to approve of her.
Mrs. Gilbert kept arranging and rearranging a hypothetical house, spreading the gifts across different rooms, labeling items like "second-best clock" or "silver to use every day," and embarrassing Anthony and Gloria with her half-joking references to a room she called the nursery. She was happy with Adam's gift and concluded that he was an old soul, "just like anything else." Adam Patch could never quite figure out whether she was commenting on his mental decline or her own private, psychic ideas, so it didn't really make him happy. In fact, he always referred to her when talking to Anthony as "that old woman, the mother," as if she were part of a comedy he'd seen many times before. As for Gloria, he couldn't decide what to think. He found her attractive but, as she told Anthony herself, he had concluded that she was shallow and was too scared to fully support her.
Five days!—A dancing platform was being erected on the lawn at Tarrytown. Four days!—A special train was chartered to convey the guests to and from New York. Three days!——
Five days!—A dance floor was being set up on the lawn at Tarrytown. Four days!—A special train was hired to transport the guests to and from New York. Three days!——
THE DIARY
She was dressed in blue silk pajamas and standing by her bed with her hand on the light to put the room in darkness, when she changed her mind and opening a table drawer brought out a little black book—a "Line-a-day" diary. This she had kept for seven years. Many of the pencil entries were almost illegible and there were notes and references to nights and afternoons long since forgotten, for it was not an intimate diary, even though it began with the immemorial "I am going to keep a diary for my children." Yet as she thumbed over the pages the eyes of many men seemed to look out at her from their half-obliterated names. With one she had gone to New Haven for the first time—in 1908, when she was sixteen and padded shoulders were fashionable at Yale—she had been flattered because "Touch down" Michaud had "rushed" her all evening. She sighed, remembering the grown-up satin dress she had been so proud of and the orchestra playing "Yama-yama, My Yama Man" and "Jungle-Town." So long ago!—the names: Eltynge Reardon, Jim Parsons, "Curly" McGregor, Kenneth Cowan, "Fish-eye" Fry (whom she had liked for being so ugly), Carter Kirby—he had sent her a present; so had Tudor Baird;—Marty Reffer, the first man she had been in love with for more than a day, and Stuart Holcome, who had run away with her in his automobile and tried to make her marry him by force. And Larry Fenwick, whom she had always admired because he had told her one night that if she wouldn't kiss him she could get out of his car and walk home. What a list!
She was wearing blue silk pajamas and standing by her bed with her hand on the light switch to darken the room when she changed her mind. She opened a drawer and pulled out a little black book—a "Line-a-day" diary. She had kept this diary for seven years. Many of the pencil entries were hard to read, and there were notes and references to nights and afternoons long forgotten, since it wasn’t an intimate diary, despite starting with the timeless line, "I am going to keep a diary for my children." But as she flipped through the pages, the eyes of many men seemed to look out at her from their faded names. With one, she had gone to New Haven for the first time—in 1908, when she was sixteen and padded shoulders were in style at Yale—she had felt flattered because "Touchdown" Michaud had "rushed" her all evening. She sighed, remembering the grown-up satin dress she had been so proud of and the orchestra playing "Yama-yama, My Yama Man" and "Jungle-Town." So long ago!—the names: Eltynge Reardon, Jim Parsons, "Curly" McGregor, Kenneth Cowan, "Fish-eye" Fry (whom she had liked for being so ugly), Carter Kirby—he had sent her a gift; so had Tudor Baird;—Marty Reffer, the first guy she had loved for more than a day, and Stuart Holcome, who had run away with her in his car and tried to force her to marry him. And Larry Fenwick, whom she had always admired because he told her one night that if she didn’t kiss him, she could get out of his car and walk home. What a list!
... And, after all, an obsolete list. She was in love now, set for the eternal romance that was to be the synthesis of all romance, yet sad for these men and these moonlights and for the "thrills" she had had—and the kisses. The past—her past, oh, what a joy! She had been exuberantly happy.
... And, after all, a useless list. She was in love now, ready for the everlasting romance that was supposed to be the culmination of all romance, yet she felt a twinge of sadness for those men and those moonlit nights and for the "excitements" she had experienced—and the kisses. The past—her past, oh, what a joy! She had been incredibly happy.
Turning over the pages her eyes rested idly on the scattered entries of the past four months. She read the last few carefully.
Turning the pages, her eyes wandered over the scattered notes from the last four months. She read the final entries carefully.
"April 1st.—I know Bill Carstairs hates me because I was so disagreeable, but I hate to be sentimentalized over sometimes. We drove out to the Rockyear Country Club and the most wonderful moon kept shining through the trees. My silver dress is getting tarnished. Funny how one forgets the other nights at Rockyear—with Kenneth Cowan when I loved him so!
"April 1st.—I know Bill Carstairs dislikes me because I was so unpleasant, but I really hate being treated like I'm overly sentimental sometimes. We drove out to the Rockyear Country Club, and the most beautiful moon kept shining through the trees. My silver dress is getting dull. It's strange how one forgets the other nights at Rockyear—with Kenneth Cowan when I loved him so much!"
"April 3rd.—After two hours of Schroeder who, they inform me, has millions, I've decided that this matter of sticking to things wears one out, particularly when the things concerned are men. There's nothing so often overdone and from to-day I swear to be amused. We talked about 'love'—how banal! With how many men have I talked about love?
"April 3rd.—After two hours with Schroeder, who, I've been told, has millions, I've concluded that sticking to things can really tire you out, especially when it's about people. There's nothing so frequently overdone, and starting today, I promise to just have fun. We talked about 'love'—how cliché! How many men have I had discussions about love with?"
"April 11th.—Patch actually called up to-day! and when he forswore me about a month ago he fairly raged out the door. I'm gradually losing faith in any man being susceptible to fatal injuries.
"April 11th.—Patch actually called today! When he swore me off about a month ago, he stormed out the door. I'm slowly losing faith in any man being vulnerable to serious harm."
"April 20th.—Spent the day with Anthony. Maybe I'll marry him some time. I kind of like his ideas—he stimulates all the originality in me. Blockhead came around about ten in his new car and took me out Riverside Drive. I liked him to-night: he's so considerate. He knew I didn't want to talk so he was quiet all during the ride.
"April 20th.—Spent the day with Anthony. Maybe I'll marry him someday. I kind of like his ideas—he brings out all my creativity. Blockhead showed up around ten in his new car and took me out on Riverside Drive. I liked him tonight: he's so thoughtful. He knew I didn't want to talk, so he was quiet the whole ride."
"April 21st.—Woke up thinking of Anthony and sure enough he called and sounded sweet on the phone—so I broke a date for him. To-day I feel I'd break anything for him, including the ten commandments and my neck. He's coming at eight and I shall wear pink and look very fresh and starched——"
"April 21st.—Woke up thinking about Anthony and, sure enough, he called and sounded really sweet on the phone—so I canceled a date for him. Today, I feel like I'd do anything for him, even break the ten commandments and risk my neck. He's coming at eight, and I’ll wear pink and look very fresh and neatly pressed——"
She paused here, remembering that after he had gone that night she had undressed with the shivering April air streaming in the windows. Yet it seemed she had not felt the cold, warmed by the profound banalities burning in her heart.
She stopped here, recalling that after he left that night, she had taken off her clothes with the chilly April air flowing in through the windows. But it felt like she hadn’t noticed the cold, warmed instead by the deep, ordinary feelings glowing in her heart.
The next entry occurred a few days later:
The next entry happened a few days later:
"April 24th.—I want to marry Anthony, because husbands are so often 'husbands' and I must marry a lover.
"April 24th.—I want to marry Anthony because husbands are usually just 'husbands,' and I need to marry someone who is a lover."
"There are four general types of husbands.
There are four general types of husbands.
"(1) The husband who always wants to stay in in the evening, has no vices and works for a salary. Totally undesirable!
"(1) The husband who always wants to stay in at night, has no bad habits and works for a paycheck. Completely undesirable!"
"(2) The atavistic master whose mistress one is, to wait on his pleasure. This sort always considers every pretty woman 'shallow,' a sort of peacock with arrested development.
"(2) The outdated master whose mistress you are, waiting on his whims. This type always thinks of every attractive woman as 'superficial,' like a peacock that never fully grew up."
"(3) Next comes the worshipper, the idolater of his wife and all that is his, to the utter oblivion of everything else. This sort demands an emotional actress for a wife. God! it must be an exertion to be thought righteous.
"(3) Next comes the worshipper, the idolater of his wife and everything that's his, completely forgetting about everything else. This type needs an emotional actress for a wife. Wow! It must be exhausting to be seen as righteous."
"(4) And Anthony—a temporarily passionate lover with wisdom enough to realize when it has flown and that it must fly. And I want to get married to Anthony.
"(4) And Anthony—a temporarily passionate lover who is smart enough to know when it's gone and that it has to go. And I want to marry Anthony."
"What grubworms women are to crawl on their bellies through colorless marriages! Marriage was created not to be a background but to need one. Mine is going to be outstanding. It can't, shan't be the setting—it's going to be the performance, the live, lovely, glamourous performance, and the world shall be the scenery. I refuse to dedicate my life to posterity. Surely one owes as much to the current generation as to one's unwanted children. What a fate—to grow rotund and unseemly, to lose my self-love, to think in terms of milk, oatmeal, nurse, diapers.... Dear dream children, how much more beautiful you are, dazzling little creatures who flutter (all dream children must flutter) on golden, golden wings——
"What a pitiful existence it is for women to crawl on their bellies through dull marriages! Marriage wasn’t meant to be a backdrop but to require one. Mine is going to be extraordinary. It can’t, it won’t just be the setting—it’s going to be the show, the live, beautiful, glamorous show, and the world will be the stage. I refuse to devote my life to future generations. Surely, we owe just as much to the present generation as to children we didn’t want. What a fate—to become round and unattractive, to lose my self-esteem, to think only about milk, oatmeal, caretakers, diapers.... Oh, dear dream children, how much more beautiful you are, dazzling little beings who flutter (all dream children must flutter) on golden, golden wings——
"Such children, however, poor dear babies, have little in common with the wedded state.
"Such children, however, poor dear babies, have little in common with the wedded state."
"June 7th.—Moral question: Was it wrong to make Bloeckman love me? Because I did really make him. He was almost sweetly sad to-night. How opportune it was that my throat is swollen plunk together and tears were easy to muster. But he's just the past—buried already in my plentiful lavender.
"June 7th.—Moral question: Was it wrong to make Bloeckman love me? Because I really did make him. He seemed almost sweetly sad tonight. How convenient it was that my throat is swollen and tears were easy to summon. But he's just the past—already buried in my abundant lavender."
"June 8th.—And to-day I've promised not to chew my mouth. Well, I won't, I suppose—but if he'd only asked me not to eat!
"June 8th.—And today I've promised not to chew on my mouth. Well, I guess I won't, but if he had just asked me not to eat!"
"Blowing bubbles—that's what we're doing, Anthony and me. And we blew such beautiful ones to-day, and they'll explode and then we'll blow more and more, I guess—bubbles just as big and just as beautiful, until all the soap and water is used up."
"Blowing bubbles—that's what we're doing, Anthony and me. And we blew such beautiful ones today, and they'll pop and then we'll blow more and more, I guess—bubbles just as big and just as beautiful, until all the soap and water is gone."
On this note the diary ended. Her eyes wandered up the page, over the June 8th's of 1912, 1910, 1907. The earliest entry was scrawled in the plump, bulbous hand of a sixteen-year-old girl—it was the name, Bob Lamar, and a word she could not decipher. Then she knew what it was—and, knowing, she found her eyes misty with tears. There in a graying blur was the record of her first kiss, faded as its intimate afternoon, on a rainy veranda seven years before. She seemed to remember something one of them had said that day and yet she could not remember. Her tears came faster, until she could scarcely see the page. She was crying, she told herself, because she could remember only the rain and the wet flowers in the yard and the smell of the damp grass.
On this note, the diary ended. Her eyes drifted over the past entries, looking at June 8th from 1912, 1910, and 1907. The earliest note was written in the clumsy script of a sixteen-year-old girl—it said the name Bob Lamar and a word she couldn’t read. Then she realized what it was—and, understanding, she felt tears welling up in her eyes. There, blurred with age, was the record of her first kiss, faded like that special afternoon, on a rainy porch seven years ago. She thought she recalled something one of them had said that day, but the memory slipped away. Her tears flowed more quickly, making it hard to see the page. She told herself she was crying because all she could remember was the rain, the wet flowers in the yard, and the smell of the damp grass.
... After a moment she found a pencil and holding it unsteadily drew three parallel lines beneath the last entry. Then she printed FINIS in large capitals, put the book back in the drawer, and crept into bed.
... After a moment, she found a pencil and, holding it unsteadily, drew three parallel lines beneath the last entry. Then she wrote FINIS in large capitals, put the book back in the drawer, and crept into bed.
BREATH OF THE CAVE
Back in his apartment after the bridal dinner, Anthony snapped out his lights and, feeling impersonal and fragile as a piece of china waiting on a serving table, got into bed. It was a warm night—a sheet was enough for comfort—and through his wide-open windows came sound, evanescent and summery, alive with remote anticipation. He was thinking that the young years behind him, hollow and colorful, had been lived in facile and vacillating cynicism upon the recorded emotions of men long dust. And there was something beyond that; he knew now. There was the union of his soul with Gloria's, whose radiant fire and freshness was the living material of which the dead beauty of books was made.
Back in his apartment after the bridal dinner, Anthony turned off his lights and, feeling impersonal and fragile like a piece of china on a serving table, got into bed. It was a warm night—a sheet was enough for comfort—and through his wide-open windows came sounds, fleeting and summery, filled with distant anticipation. He thought about how the young years behind him, empty and colorful, had been lived in easy and wavering cynicism based on the recorded feelings of people long gone. And there was something more to it; he realized now. There was the connection of his soul with Gloria's, whose vibrant energy and freshness were the living essence from which the dead beauty of books came.
From the night into his high-walled room there came, persistently, that evanescent and dissolving sound—something the city was tossing up and calling back again, like a child playing with a ball. In Harlem, the Bronx, Gramercy Park, and along the water-fronts, in little parlors or on pebble-strewn, moon-flooded roofs, a thousand lovers were making this sound, crying little fragments of it into the air. All the city was playing with this sound out there in the blue summer dark, throwing it up and calling it back, promising that, in a little while, life would be beautiful as a story, promising happiness—and by that promise giving it. It gave love hope in its own survival. It could do no more.
From the night outside his high-walled room came a persistent, fleeting sound—something the city was tossing up and pulling back, like a child playing with a ball. In Harlem, the Bronx, Gramercy Park, and along the waterfront, in cozy living rooms or on roofs covered in pebbles and bathed in moonlight, a thousand lovers were creating this sound, sending little pieces of it into the air. The whole city was playing with this sound out there in the warm summer darkness, tossing it up and pulling it back, promising that soon, life would be beautiful like a story, promising happiness—and by that promise, delivering it. It gave love hope for its continued existence. It could do no more.
It was then that a new note separated itself jarringly from the soft crying of the night. It was a noise from an areaway within a hundred feet from his rear window, the noise of a woman's laughter. It began low, incessant and whining—some servant-maid with her fellow, he thought—and then it grew in volume and became hysterical, until it reminded him of a girl he had seen overcome with nervous laughter at a vaudeville performance. Then it sank, receded, only to rise again and include words—a coarse joke, some bit of obscure horseplay he could not distinguish. It would break off for a moment and he would just catch the low rumble of a man's voice, then begin again—interminably; at first annoying, then strangely terrible. He shivered, and getting up out of bed went to the window. It had reached a high point, tensed and stifled, almost the quality of a scream—then it ceased and left behind it a silence empty and menacing as the greater silence overhead. Anthony stood by the window a moment longer before he returned to his bed. He found himself upset and shaken. Try as he might to strangle his reaction, some animal quality in that unrestrained laughter had grasped at his imagination, and for the first time in four months aroused his old aversion and horror toward all the business of life. The room had grown smothery. He wanted to be out in some cool and bitter breeze, miles above the cities, and to live serene and detached back in the corners of his mind. Life was that sound out there, that ghastly reiterated female sound.
It was then that a new sound broke through the soft cries of the night. It was coming from an area just a hundred feet away from his back window—a woman's laughter. It began quietly, persistent and pitiful—some maid with her partner, he thought—and then it grew louder and became hysterical, reminding him of a girl he had seen who was overcome with nervous laughter at a vaudeville show. Then it faded, only to rise again, filled with words—a crude joke, some obscure banter he couldn't quite make out. It would stop for a moment, and he could just catch the low rumble of a man's voice, then it would start again—endlessly; at first annoying, then oddly horrifying. He shivered, got out of bed, and went to the window. The laughter had reached a peak, tense and stifled, almost sounding like a scream—then it stopped, leaving behind a silence that felt empty and threatening, like the deeper silence above him. Anthony paused by the window a little longer before returning to bed. He felt unsettled and shaken. No matter how hard he tried to suppress his reaction, some primal aspect of that uncontrolled laughter had captured his imagination, bringing back his old feelings of repulsion and dread toward all of life's chaos for the first time in four months. The room felt stifling. He wanted to be out in a cool, harsh breeze, miles above the city, living peacefully and distantly in the corners of his mind. Life was that sound outside, that dreadful, repeated female laughter.
"Oh, my God!" he cried, drawing in his breath sharply.
"Oh, my God!" he exclaimed, taking a sharp breath.
Burying his face in the pillows he tried in vain to concentrate upon the details of the next day.
Burying his face in the pillows, he struggled to focus on the details of the next day.
MORNING
In the gray light he found that it was only five o'clock. He regretted nervously that he had awakened so early—he would appear fagged at the wedding. He envied Gloria who could hide her fatigue with careful pigmentation.
In the dim light, he realized it was only five o'clock. He nervously regretted waking up so early—he would look worn out at the wedding. He envied Gloria, who could mask her tiredness with skillful makeup.
In his bathroom he contemplated himself in the mirror and saw that he was unusually white—half a dozen small imperfections stood out against the morning pallor of his complexion, and overnight he had grown the faint stubble of a beard—the general effect, he fancied, was unprepossessing, haggard, half unwell.
In his bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror and noticed that he was unusually pale—half a dozen small flaws stood out against the morning whiteness of his skin, and overnight he had developed the light stubble of a beard—the overall effect, he thought, was unappealing, worn out, and somewhat sickly.
On his dressing table were spread a number of articles which he told over carefully with suddenly fumbling fingers—their tickets to California, the book of traveller's checks, his watch, set to the half minute, the key to his apartment, which he must not forget to give to Maury, and, most important of all, the ring. It was of platinum set around with small emeralds; Gloria had insisted on this; she had always wanted an emerald wedding ring, she said.
On his dressing table were a number of items that he counted over carefully with suddenly shaky fingers—his tickets to California, a book of traveler's checks, his watch, set to the half-minute, the key to his apartment, which he couldn’t forget to give to Maury, and, most importantly, the ring. It was platinum surrounded by small emeralds; Gloria had insisted on this; she had always wanted an emerald wedding ring, she said.
It was the third present he had given her; first had come the engagement ring, and then a little gold cigarette-case. He would be giving her many things now—clothes and jewels and friends and excitement. It seemed absurd that from now on he would pay for all her meals. It was going to cost: he wondered if he had not underestimated for this trip, and if he had not better cash a larger check. The question worried him.
It was the third gift he had given her; first was the engagement ring, and then a small gold cigarette case. He would be giving her a lot now—clothes, jewelry, friends, and thrills. It felt ridiculous that from now on he would be covering all her meals. This was going to add up: he wondered if he had underestimated the costs for this trip and if he should cash a bigger check. The thought troubled him.
Then the breathless impendency of the event swept his mind clear of details. This was the day—unsought, unsuspected six months before, but now breaking in yellow light through his east window, dancing along the carpet as though the sun were smiling at some ancient and reiterated gag of his own.
Then the overwhelming anticipation of the event cleared his mind of details. This was the day—unexpected, unimagined six months earlier, but now flooding in with yellow light through his east window, dancing across the carpet as if the sun were smiling at some old and recurring joke of its own.
Anthony laughed in a nervous one-syllable snort.
Anthony let out a nervous, one-syllable snort of laughter.
"By God!" he muttered to himself, "I'm as good as married!"
"Wow!" he murmured to himself, "I'm basically married!"
THE USHERS
Six young men in CROSS PATCH'S library growing more and more cheery under the influence of Mumm's Extra Dry, set surreptitiously in cold pails by the bookcases.
Six young men in CROSS PATCH'S library were getting increasingly cheerful thanks to Mumm's Extra Dry, discreetly placed in cold buckets by the bookshelves.
THE FIRST YOUNG MAN: By golly! Believe me, in my next book I'm going to do a wedding scene that'll knock 'em cold!
THE FIRST YOUNG MAN: Wow! Trust me, in my next book, I'm going to write a wedding scene that'll blow everyone away!
THE SECOND YOUNG MAN: Met a débutante th'other day said she thought your book was powerful. As a rule young girls cry for this primitive business.
THE SECOND YOUNG MAN: I met a debutante the other day who said she thought your book was powerful. Usually, young girls go wild for this basic stuff.
THE THIRD YOUNG MAN: Where's Anthony?
THE THIRD YOUNG MAN: Where's Anthony?
THE FOURTH YOUNG MAN: Walking up and down outside talking to himself.
THE FOURTH YOUNG MAN: pacing back and forth outside, talking to himself.
SECOND YOUNG MAN: Lord! Did you see the minister? Most peculiar looking teeth.
SECOND YOUNG MAN: Wow! Did you see the minister? Those teeth are really strange looking.
FIFTH YOUNG MAN: Think they're natural. Funny thing people having gold teeth.
FIFTH YOUNG MAN: I think they're natural. It's funny how people have gold teeth.
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: They say they love 'em. My dentist told me once a woman came to him and insisted on having two of her teeth covered with gold. No reason at all. All right the way they were.
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: They say they love them. My dentist once told me about a woman who came in and insisted on having two of her teeth covered in gold. Didn’t make any sense. They were fine the way they were.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: Hear you got out a book, Dicky. 'Gratulations!
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: I heard you released a book, Dicky. Congratulations!
DICK: (Stiffly) Thanks.
DICK: (Stiffly) Thanks.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: (Innocently) What is it? College stories?
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: (Innocently) What's going on? College stories?
DICK: (More stiffly) No. Not college stories.
DICK: (More stiffly) No. Not college stories.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: Pity! Hasn't been a good book about Harvard for years.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: What a shame! There hasn’t been a good book about Harvard in years.
DICK: (Touchily) Why don't you supply the lack?
DICK: (Touchily) Why don't you fill the gap?
THIRD YOUNG MAN: I think I saw a squad of guests turn the drive in a Packard just now.
THIRD YOUNG MAN: I think I just saw a group of guests pull into the driveway in a Packard.
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: Might open a couple more bottles on the strength of that.
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: We could probably open a couple more bottles based on that.
THIRD YOUNG MAN: It was the shock of my life when I heard the old man was going to have a wet wedding. Rabid prohibitionist, you know.
THIRD YOUNG MAN: It was the biggest shock of my life when I heard the old man was going to have a wet wedding. Total prohibitionist, you know.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: (Snapping his fingers excitedly) By gad! I knew I'd forgotten something. Kept thinking it was my vest.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: (Snapping his fingers excitedly) Oh man! I knew I forgot something. I kept thinking it was my vest.
DICK: What was it?
DICK: What happened?
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: By gad! By gad!
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: Wow! Wow!
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: Here! Here! Why the tragedy?
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: Hey! Hey! What's with the drama?
SECOND YOUNG MAN: What'd you forget? The way home?
SECOND YOUNG MAN: What did you forget? The way back home?
DICK: (Maliciously) He forgot the plot for his book of Harvard stories.
DICK: (Maliciously) He forgot the storyline for his book about Harvard.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: No, sir, I forgot the present, by George! I forgot to buy old Anthony a present. I kept putting it off and putting it off, and by gad I've forgotten it! What'll they think?
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: No way, I completely forgot the gift! I didn't get old Anthony anything. I kept procrastinating and now it’s too late! What are they going to think?
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: (Facetiously) That's probably what's been holding up the wedding.
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: (Jokingly) That’s probably what’s been delaying the wedding.
(THE FOURTH YOUNG MAN looks nervously at his watch. Laughter.)
(THE FOURTH YOUNG MAN glances anxiously at his watch. Laughter.)
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: By gad! What an ass I am!
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: Wow! What an idiot I am!
SECOND YOUNG MAN: What d'you make of the bridesmaid who thinks she's Nora Bayes? Kept telling me she wished this was a ragtime wedding. Name's Haines or Hampton.
SECOND YOUNG MAN: What do you think of the bridesmaid who acts like she’s Nora Bayes? She kept saying she wished this was a ragtime wedding. Her name is Haines or Hampton.
DICK: (Hurriedly spurring his imagination) Kane, you mean, Muriel Kane. She's a sort of debt of honor, I believe. Once saved Gloria from drowning, or something of the sort.
DICK: (Quickly trying to think of something) Kane, you mean Muriel Kane. She's like a debt of gratitude, I think. She once saved Gloria from drowning or something like that.
SECOND YOUNG MAN: I didn't think she could stop that perpetual swaying long enough to swim. Fill up my glass, will you? Old man and I had a long talk about the weather just now.
SECOND YOUNG MAN: I didn’t think she could stop that constant swaying long enough to swim. Can you fill up my glass? The old man and I just had a long chat about the weather.
MAURY: Who? Old Adam?
MAURY: Who? Old Adam?
SECOND YOUNG MAN: No, the bride's father. He must be with a weather bureau.
SECOND YOUNG MAN: No, the bride's dad. He must be working with a weather service.
DICK: He's my uncle, Otis.
DICK: He's my uncle, Otis.
OTIS: Well, it's an honorable profession. (Laughter.)
OTIS: Well, it's a respected profession. (Laughter.)
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: Bride your cousin, isn't she?
SIXTH YOUNG MAN: Isn't she your cousin, the bride?
DICK: Yes, Cable, she is.
DICK: Yes, Cable, she is.
CABLE: She certainly is a beauty. Not like you, Dicky. Bet she brings old Anthony to terms.
CABLE: She really is gorgeous. Not like you, Dicky. I bet she can get old Anthony to shape up.
MAURY: Why are all grooms given the title of "old"? I think marriage is an error of youth.
MAURY: Why are all grooms called "old"? I believe marriage is a mistake of youth.
DICK: Maury, the professional cynic.
DICK: Maury, the ultimate cynic.
MAURY: Why, you intellectual faker!
MAURY: Why, you phony intellectual!
FIFTH YOUNG MAN: Battle of the highbrows here, Otis. Pick up what crumbs you can.
FIFTH YOUNG MAN: It's a battle of the intellectuals here, Otis. Grab whatever you can.
DICK: Faker yourself! What do you know?
DICK: Pretend you know! What do you know?
MAURY: What do you know?
MAURY: What do you know?
LICK: Ask me anything. Any branch of knowledge.
LICK: Ask me anything. Any area of knowledge.
MAURY: All right. What's the fundamental principle of biology?
MAURY: All right. What's the basic principle of biology?
DICK: You don't know yourself.
DICK: You don’t know who you are.
MAURY: Don't hedge!
MAURY: Don't play it safe!
DICK: Well, natural selection?
DICK: So, natural selection?
MAURY: Wrong.
MAURY: Incorrect.
DICK: I give it up.
DICK: I'm done with it.
MAURY: Ontogony recapitulates phyllogony.
MAURY: Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
FIFTH YOUNG MAN: Take your base!
FIFTH YOUNG MAN: Take what's yours!
MAURY: Ask you another. What's the influence of mice on the clover crop? (Laughter.)
MAURY: Let me ask you another question. How do mice affect the clover crop? (Laughter.)
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: What's the influence of rats on the Decalogue?
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: How do rats affect the Ten Commandments?
MAURY: Shut up, you saphead. There is a connection.
MAURY: Shut up, you idiot. There is a connection.
DICK: What is it then?
DICK: What is it?
MAURY: (Pausing a moment in growing disconcertion) Why, let's see. I seem to have forgotten exactly. Something about the bees eating the clover.
MAURY: (Pausing for a moment, increasingly unsettled) Well, let's think. I seem to have lost track of exactly what it was. Something about the bees eating the clover.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: And the clover eating the mice! Haw! Haw!
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: And the clover munching on the mice! Ha! Ha!
MAURY: (Frowning) Let me just think a minute.
MAURY: (Frowning) Let me think for a moment.
DICK: (Sitting up suddenly) Listen!
DICK: (Sitting up suddenly) Hey!
(A volley of chatter explodes in the adjoining room. The six young men arise, feeling at their neckties.)
(A burst of conversation erupts in the next room. The six young men stand up, adjusting their neckties.)
DICK: (Weightily) We'd better join the firing squad. They're going to take the picture, I guess. No, that's afterward.
DICK: (Seriously) We should probably join the firing squad. I think they're about to take the picture. Wait, no, that's later.
OTIS: Cable, you take the ragtime bridesmaid.
OTIS: Cable, you take the jazzy bridesmaid.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: I wish to God I'd sent that present.
FOURTH YOUNG MAN: I really wish I had sent that gift.
MAURY: If you'll give me another minute I'll think of that about the mice.
MAURY: Just give me another minute and I'll come up with that thing about the mice.
OTIS: I was usher last month for old Charlie McIntyre and——
OTIS: I was an usher last month for old Charlie McIntyre and——
(They move slowly toward the door as the chatter becomes a babel and
the practising preliminary to the overture issues in long pious groans
from ADAM PATCH'S organ.)
(They walk slowly toward the door as the conversation turns into a jumble and
the practicing before the performance comes out as long, heartfelt groans
from ADAM PATCH'S organ.)
ANTHONY
ANTHONY
There were five hundred eyes boring through the back of his cutaway and the sun glinting on the clergyman's inappropriately bourgeois teeth. With difficulty he restrained a laugh. Gloria was saying something in a clear proud voice and he tried to think that the affair was irrevocable, that every second was significant, that his life was being slashed into two periods and that the face of the world was changing before him. He tried to recapture that ecstatic sensation of ten weeks before. All these emotions eluded him, he did not even feel the physical nervousness of that very morning—it was all one gigantic aftermath. And those gold teeth! He wondered if the clergyman were married; he wondered perversely if a clergyman could perform his own marriage service....
There were five hundred eyes staring through the back of his cutaway, and the sun was shining on the clergyman's oddly upper-class teeth. He struggled to hold back a laugh. Gloria was speaking clearly and proudly, and he tried to convince himself that the situation was irreversible, that every moment mattered, that his life was being split into two parts, and that the world around him was changing. He attempted to recapture that intense feeling from ten weeks ago. All these emotions slipped away from him; he didn’t even feel the physical anxiety of that very morning—it was just one huge aftershock. And those gold teeth! He wondered if the clergyman was married; he even thought, somewhat mischievously, if a clergyman could officiate his own wedding....
But as he took Gloria into his arms he was conscious of a strong reaction. The blood was moving in his veins now. A languorous and pleasant content settled like a weight upon him, bringing responsibility and possession. He was married.
But as he held Gloria in his arms, he felt a powerful reaction. The blood was rushing in his veins now. A lazy and satisfying sense of contentment settled on him like a weight, bringing with it a sense of responsibility and ownership. He was married.
GLORIA
So many, such mingled emotions, that no one of them was separable from the others! She could have wept for her mother, who was crying quietly back there ten feet and for the loveliness of the June sunlight flooding in at the windows. She was beyond all conscious perceptions. Only a sense, colored with delirious wild excitement, that the ultimately important was happening—and a trust, fierce and passionate, burning in her like a prayer, that in a moment she would be forever and securely safe.
So many mixed emotions, all intertwined so that you couldn’t separate one from another! She could have cried for her mom, who was quietly sobbing a few feet away, and for the beauty of the June sunlight pouring in through the windows. She was beyond any conscious thoughts. There was just a feeling, filled with ecstatic excitement, that something truly important was happening—and a deep, intense trust burning inside her like a prayer, that soon she would be forever safe and secure.
Late one night they arrived in Santa Barbara, where the night clerk at the Hotel Lafcadio refused to admit them, on the grounds that they were not married.
Late one night, they arrived in Santa Barbara, where the night clerk at the Hotel Lafcadio denied them entry because they were not married.
The clerk thought that Gloria was beautiful. He did not think that anything so beautiful as Gloria could be moral.
The clerk thought Gloria was beautiful. He didn't believe that anything as beautiful as Gloria could be moral.
"CON AMORE"
That first half-year—the trip West, the long months' loiter along the California coast, and the gray house near Greenwich where they lived until late autumn made the country dreary—those days, those places, saw the enraptured hours. The breathless idyl of their engagement gave way, first, to the intense romance of the more passionate relationship. The breathless idyl left them, fled on to other lovers; they looked around one day and it was gone, how they scarcely knew. Had either of them lost the other in the days of the idyl, the love lost would have been ever to the loser that dim desire without fulfilment which stands back of all life. But magic must hurry on, and the lovers remain....
That first half-year—the trip west, the long months spent lounging along the California coast, and the gray house near Greenwich where they lived until late autumn made everything feel dull—those days, those places, were filled with enchanted moments. The breathless excitement of their engagement slowly transitioned into the intense passion of a deeper relationship. The magic of that initial bliss slipped away; one day, they looked around and realized it was gone, though they hardly knew how it had vanished. If either of them had lost the other during that blissful time, the loss would always linger in the background, a faint longing that underlies all of life. But magic must move on, and the lovers are left...
The idyl passed, bearing with it its extortion of youth. Came a day when Gloria found that other men no longer bored her; came a day when Anthony discovered that he could sit again late into the evening, talking with Dick of those tremendous abstractions that had once occupied his world. But, knowing they had had the best of love, they clung to what remained. Love lingered—by way of long conversations at night into those stark hours when the mind thins and sharpens and the borrowings from dreams become the stuff of all life, by way of deep and intimate kindnesses they developed toward each other, by way of their laughing at the same absurdities and thinking the same things noble and the same things sad.
The idyllic phase ended, taking with it its demand for youth. There came a day when Gloria realized that other men no longer bored her; there came a day when Anthony found that he could once again sit late into the evening, chatting with Dick about those huge ideas that had once filled his world. But, knowing they had experienced the best of love, they held on to what was left. Love lingered—through long late-night conversations that stretched into those quiet hours when the mind becomes both fragile and sharp, turning dreams into the essence of life, through deep and intimate acts of kindness they showed each other, through their shared laughter at the same absurdities and their mutual recognition of what they considered noble and what they found sad.
It was, first of all, a time of discovery. The things they found in each other were so diverse, so intermixed and, moreover, so sugared with love as to seem at the time not so much discoveries as isolated phenomena—to be allowed for, and to be forgotten. Anthony found that he was living with a girl of tremendous nervous tension and of the most high-handed selfishness. Gloria knew within a month that her husband was an utter coward toward any one of a million phantasms created by his imagination. Her perception was intermittent, for this cowardice sprang out, became almost obscenely evident, then faded and vanished as though it had been only a creation of her own mind. Her reactions to it were not those attributed to her sex—it roused her neither to disgust nor to a premature feeling of motherhood. Herself almost completely without physical fear, she was unable to understand, and so she made the most of what she felt to be his fear's redeeming feature, which was that though he was a coward under a shock and a coward under a strain—when his imagination was given play—he had yet a sort of dashing recklessness that moved her on its brief occasions almost to admiration, and a pride that usually steadied him when he thought he was observed.
It was, above all, a time of discovery. The things they uncovered about each other were so different, so mixed together, and, in addition, so sweetened with love that they seemed less like findings and more like random occurrences—things to account for and then forget. Anthony realized he was living with a girl who had intense nervous energy and a very selfish nature. Gloria knew within a month that her husband was a complete coward when faced with any of the countless fears created by his imagination. Her awareness was inconsistent, as this cowardice would suddenly appear, almost embarrassingly obvious, then fade and disappear as if it was just a figment of her imagination. Her reactions were not typical of her gender—it didn’t evoke disgust or an early sense of motherhood. Being almost entirely fearless herself, she couldn’t fully comprehend it, so she focused on what she believed was a redeeming aspect of his fear: although he was timid under shock and pressure—when his imagination took over—he often displayed a kind of daring recklessness that almost made her admire him, along with a pride that usually kept him steady when he thought he was being watched.
The trait first showed itself in a dozen incidents of little more than nervousness—his warning to a taxi-driver against fast driving, in Chicago; his refusal to take her to a certain tough café she had always wished to visit; these of course admitted the conventional interpretation—that it was of her he had been thinking; nevertheless, their culminative weight disturbed her. But something that occurred in a San Francisco hotel, when they had been married a week, gave the matter certainty.
The trait first appeared in several incidents that were just a bit more than nervousness—his warning to a taxi driver about speeding in Chicago; his refusal to take her to a particular rough café she had always wanted to check out. These incidents, of course, could easily be interpreted as him thinking of her; still, their overall impact unsettled her. But something that happened in a hotel in San Francisco, just a week into their marriage, confirmed her concerns.
It was after midnight and pitch dark in their room. Gloria was dozing off and Anthony's even breathing beside her made her suppose that he was asleep, when suddenly she saw him raise himself on his elbow and stare at the window.
It was after midnight and completely dark in their room. Gloria was dozing off, and Anthony's steady breathing next to her made her think he was asleep, when suddenly she saw him propping himself up on his elbow and staring at the window.
"What is it, dearest?" she murmured.
"What is it, my love?" she whispered.
"Nothing"—he had relaxed to his pillow and turned toward her—"nothing, my darling wife."
"Nothing," he said as he settled into his pillow and turned toward her, "nothing, my dear wife."
"Don't say 'wife.' I'm your mistress. Wife's such an ugly word. Your 'permanent mistress' is so much more tangible and desirable.... Come into my arms," she added in a rush of tenderness; "I can sleep so well, so well with you in my arms."
"Don't call me 'wife.' I'm your mistress. 'Wife' is such an ugly word. Your 'permanent mistress' sounds so much more appealing and desirable.... Come into my arms," she added quickly, filled with tenderness; "I sleep so well, so well with you in my arms."
Coming into Gloria's arms had a quite definite meaning. It required that he should slide one arm under her shoulder, lock both arms about her, and arrange himself as nearly as possible as a sort of three-sided crib for her luxurious ease. Anthony, who tossed, whose arms went tinglingly to sleep after half an hour of that position, would wait until she was asleep and roll her gently over to her side of the bed—then, left to his own devices, he would curl himself into his usual knots.
Coming into Gloria's arms had a specific meaning. It meant he had to slide one arm under her shoulder, wrap both arms around her, and position himself as closely as possible like a three-sided crib for her comfort. Anthony, who often tossed around and felt his arms start to tingle and go numb after thirty minutes of that position, would wait until she fell asleep and then gently roll her onto her side of the bed—after which, left to his own devices, he would curl up into his usual awkward positions.
Gloria, having attained sentimental comfort, retired into her doze. Five minutes ticked away on Bloeckman's travelling clock; silence lay all about the room, over the unfamiliar, impersonal furniture and the half-oppressive ceiling that melted imperceptibly into invisible walls on both sides. Then there was suddenly a rattling flutter at the window, staccato and loud upon the hushed, pent air.
Gloria, feeling emotionally at ease, settled into a nap. Five minutes passed on Bloeckman's travel clock; silence enveloped the room, surrounding the strange, impersonal furniture and the somewhat heavy ceiling that blended seamlessly into invisible walls on either side. Then, out of nowhere, there was a sudden rustling at the window, quick and loud against the quiet, stagnant air.
With a leap Anthony was out of the bed and standing tense beside it.
With a leap, Anthony jumped out of bed and stood tensely beside it.
"Who's there?" he cried in an awful voice.
"Who's there?" he shouted in a terrifying voice.
Gloria lay very still, wide awake now and engrossed not so much in the rattling as in the rigid breathless figure whose voice had reached from the bedside into that ominous dark.
Gloria lay completely still, now wide awake and focused not so much on the rattling but on the tense, breathless figure whose voice had reached from the bedside into that threatening darkness.
The sound stopped; the room was quiet as before—then Anthony pouring words in at the telephone.
The sound stopped; the room was quiet like before—then Anthony was pouring words into the telephone.
"Some one just tried to get into the room! ...
"Someone just tried to get into the room! ...
"There's some one at the window!" His voice was emphatic now, faintly terrified.
"There's someone at the window!" His voice was intense now, slightly terrified.
"All right! Hurry!" He hung up the receiver; stood motionless.
"Okay! Move quickly!" He hung up the phone and stood still.
... There was a rush and commotion at the door, a knocking—Anthony went to open it upon an excited night clerk with three bell-boys grouped staring behind him. Between thumb and finger the night clerk held a wet pen with the threat of a weapon; one of the bell-boys had seized a telephone directory and was looking at it sheepishly. Simultaneously the group was joined by the hastily summoned house-detective, and as one man they surged into the room.
... There was a flurry and noise at the door, a knocking—Anthony went to open it to find an excited night clerk with three bellboys standing behind him, staring. The night clerk held a wet pen between his thumb and finger, like it was a weapon; one of the bellboys had grabbed a phone book and was looking at it awkwardly. At the same time, the quickly called house detective joined the group, and together they burst into the room.
Lights sprang on with a click. Gathering a piece of sheet about her Gloria dove away from sight, shutting her eyes to keep out the horror of this unpremeditated visitation. There was no vestige of an idea in her stricken sensibilities save that her Anthony was at grievous fault.
Lights turned on with a click. Wrapping a piece of fabric around her, Gloria jumped out of view, closing her eyes to block out the shock of this unexpected visit. All she could feel in her overwhelmed state was that her Anthony had done something terribly wrong.
... The night clerk was speaking from the window, his tone half of the servant, half of the teacher reproving a schoolboy.
... The night clerk was speaking from the window, his tone a mix of a servant and a teacher scolding a schoolboy.
"Nobody out there," he declared conclusively; "my golly, nobody could be out there. This here's a sheer fall to the street of fifty feet. It was the wind you heard, tugging at the blind."
"Nobody's out there," he said confidently; "my gosh, nobody could be out there. There's a straight drop to the street of fifty feet. It was the wind you heard, pulling at the blind."
"Oh."
"Oh."
Then she was sorry for him. She wanted only to comfort him and draw him back tenderly into her arms, to tell them to go away because the thing their presence connotated was odious. Yet she could not raise her head for shame. She heard a broken sentence, apologies, conventions of the employee and one unrestrained snicker from a bell-boy.
Then she felt sorry for him. All she wanted was to comfort him and gently pull him back into her arms, telling everyone to leave because what their presence implied was disgusting. But she couldn't lift her head out of shame. She heard a fragment of a sentence, apologies, the usual formalities from the employee, and one loud laugh from a bellboy.
"I've been nervous as the devil all evening," Anthony was saying; "somehow that noise just shook me—I was only about half awake."
"I've been really on edge all evening," Anthony was saying; "that noise freaked me out—it caught me off guard."
"Sure, I understand," said the night clerk with comfortable tact; "been that way myself."
"Sure, I get it," said the night clerk with easy empathy; "I've been there myself."
The door closed; the lights snapped out; Anthony crossed the floor quietly and crept into bed. Gloria, feigning to be heavy with sleep, gave a quiet little sigh and slipped into his arms.
The door closed; the lights went out; Anthony walked quietly across the room and climbed into bed. Gloria, pretending to be deeply asleep, let out a soft sigh and snuggled into his arms.
"What was it, dear?"
"What was it, love?"
"Nothing," he answered, his voice still shaken; "I thought there was somebody at the window, so I looked out, but I couldn't see any one and the noise kept up, so I phoned down-stairs. Sorry if I disturbed you, but I'm awfully darn nervous to-night."
"Nothing," he replied, his voice still trembling; "I thought I saw someone at the window, so I checked outside, but I didn't see anyone, and the noise kept going, so I called downstairs. Sorry if I bothered you, but I'm really on edge tonight."
Catching the lie, she gave an interior start—he had not gone to the window, nor near the window. He had stood by the bed and then sent in his call of fear.
Catching the lie, she felt a jolt inside—he hadn’t gone to the window, nor had he come close to it. He had stood by the bed and then sent out his call for help.
"Oh," she said—and then: "I'm so sleepy."
"Oh," she said—and then: "I'm really tired."
For an hour they lay awake side by side, Gloria with her eyes shut so tight that blue moons formed and revolved against backgrounds of deepest mauve, Anthony staring blindly into the darkness overhead.
For an hour, they lay awake next to each other, Gloria with her eyes squeezed shut so tightly that blue moons appeared and spun against a backdrop of deep mauve, while Anthony stared blankly into the darkness above.
After many weeks it came gradually out into the light, to be laughed and joked at. They made a tradition to fit over it—whenever that overpowering terror of the night attacked Anthony, she would put her arms about him and croon, soft as a song:
After many weeks, it finally emerged into the light, to be laughed at and joked about. They created a tradition around it—whenever that overwhelming fear of the night struck Anthony, she would wrap her arms around him and sing softly, like a lullaby:
"I'll protect my Anthony. Oh, nobody's ever going to harm my Anthony!"
"I'll protect my Anthony. No one is ever going to hurt my Anthony!"
He would laugh as though it were a jest they played for their mutual amusement, but to Gloria it was never quite a jest. It was, at first, a keen disappointment; later, it was one of the times when she controlled her temper.
He would laugh as if it were a joke they shared for fun, but for Gloria, it was never really a joke. At first, it was a sharp disappointment; later, it became one of those moments when she managed to keep her cool.
The management of Gloria's temper, whether it was aroused by a lack of hot water for her bath or by a skirmish with her husband, became almost the primary duty of Anthony's day. It must be done just so—by this much silence, by that much pressure, by this much yielding, by that much force. It was in her angers with their attendant cruelties that her inordinate egotism chiefly displayed itself. Because she was brave, because she was "spoiled," because of her outrageous and commendable independence of judgment, and finally because of her arrogant consciousness that she had never seen a girl as beautiful as herself, Gloria had developed into a consistent, practising Nietzschean. This, of course, with overtones of profound sentiment.
Managing Gloria's temper, whether it was triggered by not having hot water for her bath or by a disagreement with her husband, became almost Anthony's main responsibility each day. It had to be done just right—by a specific amount of silence, a certain level of pressure, a precise degree of yielding, and the right amount of force. Her outbursts, along with the cruelty that often accompanied them, revealed her excessive self-centeredness. Because she was courageous, because she was "spoiled," because of her outrageous yet admirable independence of thought, and ultimately because of her arrogant belief that she was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen, Gloria had transformed into a true, practicing Nietzschean. This, of course, with shades of deep emotion.
There was, for example, her stomach. She was used to certain dishes, and she had a strong conviction that she could not possibly eat anything else. There must be a lemonade and a tomato sandwich late in the morning, then a light lunch with a stuffed tomato. Not only did she require food from a selection of a dozen dishes, but in addition this food must be prepared in just a certain way. One of the most annoying half hours of the first fortnight occurred in Los Angeles, when an unhappy waiter brought her a tomato stuffed with chicken salad instead of celery.
There was, for example, her stomach. She was accustomed to certain foods, and she firmly believed that she couldn't eat anything else. There had to be lemonade and a tomato sandwich late in the morning, followed by a light lunch with a stuffed tomato. Not only did she need food from a selection of about a dozen dishes, but it also had to be prepared in a specific way. One of the most frustrating thirty minutes of the first two weeks happened in Los Angeles when a distressed waiter brought her a tomato stuffed with chicken salad instead of celery.
"We always serve it that way, madame," he quavered to the gray eyes that regarded him wrathfully.
"We always serve it like that, ma'am," he stammered to the gray eyes that looked at him angrily.
Gloria made no answer, but when the waiter had turned discreetly away she banged both fists upon the table until the china and silver rattled.
Gloria didn’t say anything, but when the waiter had turned away respectfully, she slammed both fists on the table until the dishes and silverware rattled.
"Poor Gloria!" laughed Anthony unwittingly, "you can't get what you want ever, can you?"
"Poor Gloria!" Anthony laughed without realizing, "You can never get what you want, can you?"
"I can't eat stuff!" she flared up.
"I can't eat stuff!" she exploded.
"I'll call back the waiter."
"I'll call the waiter back."
"I don't want you to! He doesn't know anything, the darn fool!"
"I don't want you to! He doesn't know anything, the stupid fool!"
"Well, it isn't the hotel's fault. Either send it back, forget it, or be a sport and eat it."
"Well, it's not the hotel's fault. You can either send it back, let it go, or be cool about it and eat it."
"Shut up!" she said succinctly.
"Shut up!" she said plainly.
"Why take it out on me?"
"Why are you taking this out on me?"
"Oh, I'm not," she wailed, "but I simply can't eat it."
"Oh, I'm not," she cried, "but I just can't eat it."
Anthony subsided helplessly.
Anthony fell silent helplessly.
"We'll go somewhere else," he suggested.
"We can go somewhere else," he suggested.
"I don't want to go anywhere else. I'm tired of being trotted around to a dozen cafés and not getting one thing fit to eat."
"I don't want to go anywhere else. I'm tired of being taken to a dozen cafés and not getting one thing worth eating."
"When did we go around to a dozen cafés?"
"When did we visit a dozen cafés?"
"You'd have to in this town," insisted Gloria with ready sophistry.
"You'd have to in this town," Gloria insisted, displaying her usual cleverness.
Anthony, bewildered, tried another tack.
Anthony, confused, tried a different approach.
"Why don't you try to eat it? It can't be as bad as you think."
"Why don't you give it a try? It can't be that bad."
"Just—because—I—don't—like—chicken!"
"Just because I don't like chicken!"
She picked up her fork and began poking contemptuously at the tomato, and Anthony expected her to begin flinging the stuffings in all directions. He was sure that she was approximately as angry as she had ever been—for an instant he had detected a spark of hate directed as much toward him as toward any one else—and Gloria angry was, for the present, unapproachable.
She grabbed her fork and started poking the tomato with disdain, and Anthony thought she might start flinging the stuffing everywhere. He was convinced she was as angry as she had ever been—he caught a glimpse of hate aimed at him as much as at anyone else—and when Gloria was angry, she was totally unapproachable.
Then, surprisingly, he saw that she had tentatively raised the fork to her lips and tasted the chicken salad. Her frown had not abated and he stared at her anxiously, making no comment and daring scarcely to breathe. She tasted another forkful—in another moment she was eating. With difficulty Anthony restrained a chuckle; when at length he spoke his words had no possible connection with chicken salad.
Then, surprisingly, he saw that she had cautiously brought the fork to her lips and tried the chicken salad. Her frown hadn't faded, and he stared at her nervously, saying nothing and hardly daring to breathe. She took another bite—in a moment she was eating. With some effort, Anthony held back a laugh; when he finally spoke, his words had nothing to do with chicken salad.
This incident, with variations, ran like a lugubrious fugue through the first year of marriage; always it left Anthony baffled, irritated, and depressed. But another rough brushing of temperaments, a question of laundry-bags, he found even more annoying as it ended inevitably in a decisive defeat for him.
This incident, with some differences, played out like a sad melody during the first year of marriage; it always left Anthony confused, irritated, and down. But another clash of personalities, a dispute over laundry bags, annoyed him even more as it always resulted in a clear loss for him.
One afternoon in Coronado, where they made the longest stay of their trip, more than three weeks, Gloria was arraying herself brilliantly for tea. Anthony, who had been down-stairs listening to the latest rumor bulletins of war in Europe, entered the room, kissed the back of her powdered neck, and went to his dresser. After a great pulling out and pushing in of drawers, evidently unsatisfactory, he turned around to the Unfinished Masterpiece.
One afternoon in Coronado, where they spent the longest time of their trip—over three weeks—Gloria was getting dressed up beautifully for tea. Anthony, who had been downstairs catching up on the latest war rumors from Europe, walked into the room, kissed the back of her powdered neck, and headed to his dresser. After rummaging through the drawers without finding what he wanted, he turned around to the Unfinished Masterpiece.
"Got any handkerchiefs, Gloria?" he asked. Gloria shook her golden head.
"Do you have any handkerchiefs, Gloria?" he asked. Gloria shook her golden head.
"Not a one. I'm using one of yours."
"Not a single one. I'm using one of yours."
"The last one, I deduce." He laughed dryly.
"The last one, I guess." He chuckled lightly.
"Is it?" She applied an emphatic though very delicate contour to her lips.
"Is it?" She carefully defined her lips with a bold yet gentle line.
"Isn't the laundry back?"
"Isn't the laundry done yet?"
"I don't know."
"I have no idea."
Anthony hesitated—then, with sudden discernment, opened the closet door. His suspicions were verified. On the hook provided hung the blue bag furnished by the hotel. This was full of his clothes—he had put them there himself. The floor beneath it was littered with an astonishing mass of finery—lingerie, stockings, dresses, nightgowns, and pajamas—most of it scarcely worn but all of it coming indubitably under the general heading of Gloria's laundry.
Anthony hesitated—then, with a sudden insight, opened the closet door. His suspicions were confirmed. On the hook hung the blue bag from the hotel. It was filled with his clothes—he had placed them there himself. The floor beneath it was strewn with an astonishing amount of fine clothing—lingerie, stockings, dresses, nightgowns, and pajamas—most of it barely worn but all clearly belonging to Gloria's laundry.
He stood holding the closet door open.
He stood there with the closet door open.
"Why, Gloria!"
"Wow, Gloria!"
"What?"
"What did you say?"
The lip line was being erased and corrected according to some mysterious perspective; not a finger trembled as she manipulated the lip-stick, not a glance wavered in his direction. It was a triumph of concentration.
The lip line was being smoothed out and fixed according to some secret angle; not a finger twitched as she applied the lipstick, not a glance shifted toward him. It was a victory of focus.
"Haven't you ever sent out the laundry?"
"Haven't you ever done the laundry?"
"Is it there?"
"Is it there?"
"It most certainly is."
"It definitely is."
"Well, I guess I haven't, then."
"Well, I guess I haven't, then."
"Gloria," began Anthony, sitting down on the bed and trying to catch her mirrored eyes, "you're a nice fellow, you are! I've sent it out every time it's been sent since we left New York, and over a week ago you promised you'd do it for a change. All you'd have to do would be to cram your own junk into that bag and ring for the chambermaid."
"Gloria," Anthony said, sitting on the bed and trying to catch her reflection in her eyes, "you're such a nice person! I've sent it out every time since we left New York, and more than a week ago you promised you'd handle it this time. All you have to do is pack your stuff into that bag and call the maid."
"Oh, why fuss about the laundry?" exclaimed Gloria petulantly, "I'll take care of it."
"Oh, why worry about the laundry?" Gloria said irritably, "I'll handle it."
"I haven't fussed about it. I'd just as soon divide the bother with you, but when we run out of handkerchiefs it's darn near time something's done."
"I haven't stressed about it. I'd rather share the hassle with you, but when we run out of handkerchiefs, it’s really time to take action."
Anthony considered that he was being extraordinarily logical. But Gloria, unimpressed, put away her cosmetics and casually offered him her back.
Anthony thought he was being really logical. But Gloria, unfazed, put away her makeup and casually turned her back to him.
"Hook me up," she suggested; "Anthony, dearest, I forgot all about it. I meant to, honestly, and I will to-day. Don't be cross with your sweetheart."
"Set me up," she suggested; "Anthony, my love, I totally forgot about it. I really meant to, and I will today. Please don’t be upset with your sweetheart."
What could Anthony do then but draw her down upon his knee and kiss a shade of color from her lips.
What could Anthony do then but pull her down onto his knee and kiss a hint of color from her lips.
"But I don't mind," she murmured with a smile, radiant and magnanimous. "You can kiss all the paint off my lips any time you want."
"But I don't mind," she said with a smile, glowing and generous. "You can kiss all the lipstick off my lips whenever you want."
They went down to tea. They bought some handkerchiefs in a notion store near by. All was forgotten.
They went downstairs for tea. They picked up some handkerchiefs at a nearby gift shop. Everything was forgotten.
But two days later Anthony looked in the closet and saw the bag still hung limp upon its hook and that the gay and vivid pile on the floor had increased surprisingly in height.
But two days later, Anthony looked in the closet and saw the bag still hanging limply on its hook, and the colorful pile on the floor had surprisingly grown taller.
"Gloria!" he cried.
"Gloria!" he yelled.
"Oh—" Her voice was full of real distress. Despairingly Anthony went to the phone and called the chambermaid.
"Oh—" Her voice was filled with genuine distress. Desperately, Anthony went to the phone and called the maid.
"It seems to me," he said impatiently, "that you expect me to be some sort of French valet to you."
"It seems to me," he said impatiently, "that you expect me to be some kind of French servant for you."
Gloria laughed, so infectiously that Anthony was unwise enough to smile. Unfortunate man! In some intangible manner his smile made her mistress of the situation—with an air of injured righteousness she went emphatically to the closet and began pushing her laundry violently into the bag. Anthony watched her—ashamed of himself.
Gloria laughed so infectiously that Anthony couldn't help but smile. Poor guy! In some unexplainable way, his smile gave her control over the situation—looking offended and righteous, she went decisively to the closet and started shoving her laundry angrily into the bag. Anthony watched her, feeling ashamed of himself.
"There!" she said, implying that her fingers had been worked to the bone by a brutal taskmaster.
"There!" she said, suggesting that her fingers had been worn out by a harsh taskmaster.
He considered, nevertheless, that he had given her an object-lesson and that the matter was closed, but on the contrary it was merely beginning. Laundry pile followed laundry pile—at long intervals; dearth of handkerchief followed dearth of handkerchief—at short ones; not to mention dearth of sock, of shirt, of everything. And Anthony found at length that either he must send it out himself or go through the increasingly unpleasant ordeal of a verbal battle with Gloria.
He thought he had taught her a lesson and that the issue was resolved, but in reality, it was just starting. The laundry kept piling up—one load after another, and not long after, he was running out of handkerchiefs—again and again—not to mention socks, shirts, and everything else. Eventually, Anthony realized he either needed to send it out himself or face the increasingly uncomfortable fight with Gloria.
GLORIA AND GENERAL LEE
On their way East they stopped two days in Washington, strolling about with some hostility in its atmosphere of harsh repellent light, of distance without freedom, of pomp without splendor—it seemed a pasty-pale and self-conscious city. The second day they made an ill-advised trip to General Lee's old home at Arlington.
On their way East, they paused for two days in Washington, wandering around in a place that felt unfriendly with its harsh, bright light, the distance without any sense of freedom, and a showy vibe that lacked real beauty—it felt like a pale and overly self-aware city. On the second day, they took a poorly thought-out trip to General Lee's old home in Arlington.
The bus which bore them was crowded with hot, unprosperous people, and Anthony, intimate to Gloria, felt a storm brewing. It broke at the Zoo, where the party stopped for ten minutes. The Zoo, it seemed, smelt of monkeys. Anthony laughed; Gloria called down the curse of Heaven upon monkeys, including in her malevolence all the passengers of the bus and their perspiring offspring who had hied themselves monkey-ward.
The bus carrying them was packed with hot, struggling people, and Anthony, close to Gloria, sensed trouble brewing. It erupted at the Zoo, where the group paused for ten minutes. The Zoo, it seemed, had a strong smell of monkeys. Anthony laughed; Gloria cursed the monkeys and also included all the bus passengers and their sweaty kids who had headed there.
Eventually the bus moved on to Arlington. There it met other busses and immediately a swarm of women and children were leaving a trail of peanut-shells through the halls of General Lee and crowding at length into the room where he was married. On the wall of this room a pleasing sign announced in large red letters "Ladies' Toilet." At this final blow Gloria broke down.
Eventually, the bus headed to Arlington. There, it connected with other buses, and right away, a crowd of women and children started leaving a trail of peanut shells through the halls of General Lee, finally packing into the room where he got married. On the wall of this room, a bright sign proclaimed in large red letters "Ladies' Toilet." At this moment, Gloria lost it.
"I think it's perfectly terrible!" she said furiously, "the idea of letting these people come here! And of encouraging them by making these houses show-places."
"I think it's absolutely outrageous!" she said angrily, "the idea of letting these people come here! And of supporting them by turning these houses into tourist spots."
"Well," objected Anthony, "if they weren't kept up they'd go to pieces."
"Well," Anthony protested, "if they weren't taken care of, they'd fall apart."
"What if they did!" she exclaimed as they sought the wide pillared porch. "Do you think they've left a breath of 1860 here? This has become a thing of 1914."
"What if they did!" she exclaimed as they approached the wide pillared porch. "Do you think they've left any trace of 1860 here? This has turned into a part of 1914."
"Don't you want to preserve old things?"
"Don't you want to keep old things?"
"But you can't, Anthony. Beautiful things grow to a certain height and then they fail and fade off, breathing out memories as they decay. And just as any period decays in our minds, the things of that period should decay too, and in that way they're preserved for a while in the few hearts like mine that react to them. That graveyard at Tarrytown, for instance. The asses who give money to preserve things have spoiled that too. Sleepy Hollow's gone; Washington Irving's dead and his books are rotting in our estimation year by year—then let the graveyard rot too, as it should, as all things should. Trying to preserve a century by keeping its relics up to date is like keeping a dying man alive by stimulants."
"But you can't, Anthony. Beautiful things grow to a certain point and then they wither and fade, letting go of memories as they decay. Just like any period fades in our minds, the things from that time should fade too, preserving them for a while in the few hearts like mine that respond to them. That graveyard at Tarrytown, for example. The fools who donate money to preserve things have ruined that too. Sleepy Hollow is gone; Washington Irving is dead and his books are becoming less valued each year—so let the graveyard decay as it should, like everything else. Trying to keep a century alive by maintaining its relics is like trying to keep a dying man alive with stimulants."
"So you think that just as a time goes to pieces its houses ought to go too?"
"So you think that when a time falls apart, its houses should fall apart too?"
"Of course! Would you value your Keats letter if the signature was traced over to make it last longer? It's just because I love the past that I want this house to look back on its glamourous moment of youth and beauty, and I want its stairs to creak as if to the footsteps of women with hoop skirts and men in boots and spurs. But they've made it into a blondined, rouged-up old woman of sixty. It hasn't any right to look so prosperous. It might care enough for Lee to drop a brick now and then. How many of these—these animals"—she waved her hand around—"get anything from this, for all the histories and guide-books and restorations in existence? How many of them who think that, at best, appreciation is talking in undertones and walking on tiptoes would even come here if it was any trouble? I want it to smell of magnolias instead of peanuts and I want my shoes to crunch on the same gravel that Lee's boots crunched on. There's no beauty without poignancy and there's no poignancy without the feeling that it's going, men, names, books, houses—bound for dust—mortal—"
"Of course! Would you really appreciate your Keats letter if the signature was traced over to preserve it? It’s because I cherish the past that I want this house to reflect its glamorous moments of youth and beauty, and I want its stairs to creak as if echoing the footsteps of women in hoop skirts and men in boots and spurs. But they’ve turned it into an overly made-up old woman of sixty. It has no right to look so affluent. It could at least show a bit of respect for Lee and drop a hint now and then. How many of these—these animals—” she gestured around, “get anything from this, despite all the histories and guidebooks and restorations out there? How many of them, who think that at best appreciation means whispering and walking on tiptoes, would even bother coming here if it required any effort? I want it to smell of magnolias instead of peanuts, and I want my shoes to crunch on the same gravel that Lee’s boots crunched on. There’s no beauty without poignancy, and there’s no poignancy without the awareness that everything is fading away—men, names, books, houses—heading for dust—mortal—”
A small boy appeared beside them and, swinging a handful of banana-peels, flung them valiantly in the direction of the Potomac.
A little boy showed up next to them and, swinging a bunch of banana peels, bravely threw them toward the Potomac.
SENTIMENT
Simultaneously with the fall of Liège, Anthony and Gloria arrived in New York. In retrospect the six weeks seemed miraculously happy. They had found to a great extent, as most young couples find in some measure, that they possessed in common many fixed ideas and curiosities and odd quirks of mind; they were essentially companionable.
At the same time as Liège fell, Anthony and Gloria arrived in New York. Looking back, those six weeks felt incredibly joyful. They had discovered, like most young couples do, that they shared a lot of the same beliefs, interests, and quirky thoughts; they were truly compatible.
But it had been a struggle to keep many of their conversations on the level of discussions. Arguments were fatal to Gloria's disposition. She had all her life been associated either with her mental inferiors or with men who, under the almost hostile intimidation of her beauty, had not dared to contradict her; naturally, then, it irritated her when Anthony emerged from the state in which her pronouncements were an infallible and ultimate decision.
But it was a challenge to keep most of their conversations at a discussion level. Arguments were detrimental to Gloria's mood. Throughout her life, she had either surrounded herself with people she considered less intelligent or with men who, intimidated by her looks, never dared to disagree with her. So, it was natural for her to feel irritated when Anthony began to challenge her, breaking the pattern where her opinions were regarded as the final word.
He failed to realize, at first, that this was the result partly of her "female" education and partly of her beauty, and he was inclined to include her with her entire sex as curiously and definitely limited. It maddened him to find she had no sense of justice. But he discovered that, when a subject did interest her, her brain tired less quickly than his. What he chiefly missed in her mind was the pedantic teleology—the sense of order and accuracy, the sense of life as a mysteriously correlated piece of patchwork, but he understood after a while that such a quality in her would have been incongruous.
He didn't initially realize that this was partly due to her "female" education and partly because of her beauty, and he tended to group her with all women as being curiously and definitely limited. It frustrated him to find that she had no sense of justice. However, he noticed that when a topic interested her, her mind tired less quickly than his. What he mainly missed in her thinking was the pedantic teleology—the sense of order and precision, the view of life as a mysteriously interconnected patchwork. But after a while, he understood that having such a quality wouldn't have suited her at all.
Of the things they possessed in common, greatest of all was their almost uncanny pull at each other's hearts. The day they left the hotel in Coronado she sat down on one of the beds while they were packing, and began to weep bitterly.
Of all the things they shared, the strongest was their almost uncanny connection to each other's hearts. The day they checked out of the hotel in Coronado, she sat down on one of the beds while they were packing and started to cry intensely.
"Dearest—" His arms were around her; he pulled her head down upon his shoulder. "What is it, my own Gloria? Tell me."
"Sweetheart—" He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her head down onto his shoulder. "What’s wrong, my dear Gloria? Please, tell me."
"We're going away," she sobbed. "Oh, Anthony, it's sort of the first place we've lived together. Our two little beds here—side by side—they'll be always waiting for us, and we're never coming back to 'em any more."
"We're leaving," she cried. "Oh, Anthony, this is kind of the first place we've lived together. Our two little beds here—right next to each other—they'll always be waiting for us, and we’re never coming back to them again."
She was tearing at his heart as she always could. Sentiment came over him, rushed into his eyes.
She was pulling at his heart like she always did. Emotions hit him, filling his eyes with tears.
"Gloria, why, we're going on to another room. And two other little beds. We're going to be together all our lives."
"Gloria, we’re moving to another room with two little beds. We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives."
Words flooded from her in a low husky voice.
Words flowed from her in a low, husky voice.
"But it won't be—like our two beds—ever again. Everywhere we go and move on and change, something's lost—something's left behind. You can't ever quite repeat anything, and I've been so yours, here—"
"But it won't be—like our two beds—ever again. Everywhere we go and move on and change, something's lost—something's left behind. You can't ever quite repeat anything, and I've been so yours, here—"
He held her passionately near, discerning far beyond any criticism of her sentiment, a wise grasping of the minute, if only an indulgence of her desire to cry—Gloria the idler, caresser of her own dreams, extracting poignancy from the memorable things of life and youth.
He held her close, understanding deeply beyond any judgment of her feelings, a keen awareness of the details, even if just allowing her the space to cry—Gloria, the dreamer, savoring her own fantasies, drawing meaning from the unforgettable moments of life and youth.
Later in the afternoon when he returned from the station with the tickets he found her asleep on one of the beds, her arm curled about a black object which he could not at first identify. Coming closer he found it was one of his shoes, not a particularly new one, nor clean one, but her face, tear-stained, was pressed against it, and he understood her ancient and most honorable message. There was almost ecstasy in waking her and seeing her smile at him, shy but well aware of her own nicety of imagination.
Later in the afternoon, when he got back from the station with the tickets, he found her asleep on one of the beds, her arm wrapped around a black object that he couldn’t immediately identify. As he approached, he realized it was one of his shoes, not particularly new or clean, but her tear-stained face was pressed against it, and he understood her deep and meaningful message. There was almost a thrill in waking her up and seeing her smile at him, shy but clearly aware of her own vivid imagination.
With no appraisal of the worth or dross of these two things, it seemed to Anthony that they lay somewhere near the heart of love.
With no judgment on the value or trash of these two things, it seemed to Anthony that they were close to the core of love.
THE GRAY HOUSE
It is in the twenties that the actual momentum of life begins to slacken, and it is a simple soul indeed to whom as many things are significant and meaningful at thirty as at ten years before. At thirty an organ-grinder is a more or less moth-eaten man who grinds an organ—and once he was an organ-grinder! The unmistakable stigma of humanity touches all those impersonal and beautiful things that only youth ever grasps in their impersonal glory. A brilliant ball, gay with light romantic laughter, wears through its own silks and satins to show the bare framework of a man-made thing—oh, that eternal hand!—a play, most tragic and most divine, becomes merely a succession of speeches, sweated over by the eternal plagiarist in the clammy hours and acted by men subject to cramps, cowardice, and manly sentiment.
It's in your twenties that the real drive of life starts to slow down, and it takes a special person to find as much significance and meaning at thirty as they did ten years earlier. By thirty, an organ grinder is just a somewhat worn-out guy who plays an organ—and he used to be an organ grinder! The undeniable mark of humanity affects all those impersonal and beautiful things that only youth can fully appreciate in their pure glory. A dazzling party, filled with bright laughter and light, eventually reveals its worn-out silks and satins, exposing the basic structure of something made by humans—oh, that timeless touch!—a play, which is both tragic and divine, turns into just a series of lines, painstakingly worked over by the eternal copycat in the damp hours and performed by men prone to cramps, fear, and heavy emotions.
And this time with Gloria and Anthony, this first year of marriage, and the gray house caught them in that stage when the organ-grinder was slowly undergoing his inevitable metamorphosis. She was twenty-three; he was twenty-six.
And this time with Gloria and Anthony, this first year of marriage, the gray house found them in that phase when the organ-grinder was gradually going through his unavoidable transformation. She was twenty-three; he was twenty-six.
The gray house was, at first, of sheerly pastoral intent. They lived impatiently in Anthony's apartment for the first fortnight after the return from California, in a stifled atmosphere of open trunks, too many callers, and the eternal laundry-bags. They discussed with their friends the stupendous problem of their future. Dick and Maury would sit with them agreeing solemnly, almost thoughtfully, as Anthony ran through his list of what they "ought" to do, and where they "ought" to live.
The gray house was initially meant to be a simple retreat. After returning from California, they spent the first two weeks in Anthony's cramped apartment, filled with open suitcases, too many visitors, and constant laundry. They talked with their friends about the huge question of their future. Dick and Maury would sit with them, nodding in agreement, as Anthony went over his list of what they "should" do and where they "should" live.
"I'd like to take Gloria abroad," he complained, "except for this damn war—and next to that I'd sort of like to have a place in the country, somewhere near New York, of course, where I could write—or whatever I decide to do."
"I want to take Gloria overseas," he complained, "but with this stupid war going on—and on top of that, I’d really like to have a place in the country, somewhere near New York, where I could write—or whatever I end up doing."
Gloria laughed.
Gloria chuckled.
"Isn't he cute?" she required of Maury. "'Whatever he decides to do!' But what am I going to do if he works? Maury, will you take me around if Anthony works?"
"Isn't he adorable?" she asked Maury. "'Whatever he wants to do!' But what am I going to do if he gets a job? Maury, will you take me out if Anthony starts working?"
"Anyway, I'm not going to work yet," said Anthony quickly.
"Anyway, I'm not going to work yet," Anthony said quickly.
It was vaguely understood between them that on some misty day he would enter a sort of glorified diplomatic service and be envied by princes and prime ministers for his beautiful wife.
It was somewhat understood between them that on some foggy day he would join a kind of prestigious diplomatic service and be envied by kings and prime ministers for his stunning wife.
"Well," said Gloria helplessly, "I'm sure I don't know. We talk and talk and never get anywhere, and we ask all our friends and they just answer the way we want 'em to. I wish somebody'd take care of us."
"Well," Gloria said, feeling stuck, "I really don’t know. We keep talking and talking and never make any progress, and when we ask our friends, they just give us the answers we want to hear. I wish someone would take care of us."
"Why don't you go out to—out to Greenwich or something?" suggested Richard Caramel.
"Why don't you go out to—out to Greenwich or something?" suggested Richard Caramel.
"I'd like that," said Gloria, brightening. "Do you think we could get a house there?"
"I'd love that," said Gloria, lighting up. "Do you think we could get a house there?"
Dick shrugged his shoulders and Maury laughed.
Dick shrugged, and Maury laughed.
"You two amuse me," he said. "Of all the unpractical people! As soon as a place is mentioned you expect us to pull great piles of photographs out of our pockets showing the different styles of architecture available in bungalows."
"You two make me laugh," he said. "Of all the impractical people! As soon as a location comes up, you expect us to whip out loads of photographs from our pockets displaying the various architecture styles found in bungalows."
"That's just what I don't want," wailed Gloria, "a hot stuffy bungalow, with a lot of babies next door and their father cutting the grass in his shirt sleeves—"
"That’s exactly what I don’t want," complained Gloria, "a hot, stuffy bungalow with a bunch of babies next door and their dad mowing the lawn in his shirt sleeves—"
"For Heaven's sake, Gloria," interrupted Maury, "nobody wants to lock you up in a bungalow. Who in God's name brought bungalows into the conversation? But you'll never get a place anywhere unless you go out and hunt for it."
"For heaven's sake, Gloria," interrupted Maury, "nobody wants to confine you to a bungalow. Who on earth even mentioned bungalows? But you'll never find a place unless you go out and look for it."
"Go where? You say 'go out and hunt for it,' but where?"
"Go where? You say 'go out and look for it,' but where?"
With dignity Maury waved his hand paw-like about the room.
With dignity, Maury waved his hand around the room like a paw.
"Out anywhere. Out in the country. There're lots of places."
"Out anywhere. Out in the countryside. There are plenty of places."
"Thanks."
"Thank you."
"Look here!" Richard Caramel brought his yellow eye rakishly into play. "The trouble with you two is that you're all disorganized. Do you know anything about New York State? Shut up, Anthony, I'm talking to Gloria."
"Hey, look here!" Richard Caramel casually focused his yellow eye. "The problem with you two is that you're all over the place. Do you know anything about New York State? Quiet down, Anthony, I'm talking to Gloria."
"Well," she admitted finally, "I've been to two or three house parties in Portchester and around in Connecticut—but, of course, that isn't in New York State, is it? And neither is Morristown," she finished with drowsy irrelevance.
"Well," she finally said, "I've been to two or three house parties in Portchester and around Connecticut—but, of course, that doesn't count as being in New York State, does it? And neither does Morristown," she added, sounding a bit out of it.
There was a shout of laughter.
There was a burst of laughter.
"Oh, Lord!" cried Dick, "neither is Morristown!' No, and neither is Santa Barbara, Gloria. Now listen. To begin with, unless you have a fortune there's no use considering any place like Newport or Southhampton or Tuxedo. They're out of the question."
"Oh, come on!" shouted Dick, "and Morristown isn't either!" No, and neither is Santa Barbara, Gloria. Now hear me out. First of all, unless you have a fortune, there's no point in thinking about places like Newport, Southampton, or Tuxedo. They're not an option."
They all agreed to this solemnly.
They all agreed to this seriously.
"And personally I hate New Jersey. Then, of course, there's upper New York, above Tuxedo."
"And honestly, I can't stand New Jersey. Then, of course, there's upstate New York, above Tuxedo."
"Too cold," said Gloria briefly. "I was there once in an automobile."
"Too cold," Gloria said shortly. "I was there once in a car."
"Well, it seems to me there're a lot of towns like Rye between New York and Greenwich where you could buy a little gray house of some—"
"Well, it seems to me there are a lot of towns like Rye between New York and Greenwich where you could buy a little gray house of some—"
Gloria leaped at the phrase triumphantly. For the first time since their return East she knew what she wanted.
Gloria jumped at the phrase triumphantly. For the first time since they returned East, she knew what she wanted.
"Oh, yes!" she cried. "Oh, yes! that's it: a little gray house with sort of white around and a whole lot of swamp maples just as brown and gold as an October picture in a gallery. Where can we find one?"
"Oh, yes!" she exclaimed. "Oh, yes! That's it: a small gray house with some white trim and lots of swamp maples that are just as brown and gold as an October painting in a gallery. Where can we find one?"
"Unfortunately, I've mislaid my list of little gray houses with swamp maples around them—but I'll try to find it. Meanwhile you take a piece of paper and write down the names of seven possible towns. And every day this week you take a trip to one of those towns."
"Unfortunately, I've lost my list of little gray houses with swamp maples around them—but I'll try to find it. In the meantime, grab a piece of paper and write down the names of seven potential towns. And every day this week, take a trip to one of those towns."
"Oh, gosh!" protested Gloria, collapsing mentally, "why won't you do it for us? I hate trains."
"Oh, come on!" Gloria protested, feeling overwhelmed, "why won't you do it for us? I can't stand trains."
"Well, hire a car, and—"
"Well, rent a car, and—"
Gloria yawned.
Gloria yawned.
"I'm tired of discussing it. Seems to me all we do is talk about where to live."
"I'm tired of talking about it. It feels like all we do is discuss where to live."
"My exquisite wife wearies of thought," remarked Anthony ironically. "She must have a tomato sandwich to stimulate her jaded nerves. Let's go out to tea."
"My lovely wife is tired of thinking," Anthony said with irony. "She needs a tomato sandwich to refresh her worn-out nerves. Let's go out for tea."
As the unfortunate upshot of this conversation, they took Dick's advice literally, and two days later went out to Rye, where they wandered around with an irritated real estate agent, like bewildered babes in the wood. They were shown houses at a hundred a month which closely adjoined other houses at a hundred a month; they were shown isolated houses to which they invariably took violent dislikes, though they submitted weakly to the agent's desire that they "look at that stove—some stove!" and to a great shaking of doorposts and tapping of walls, intended evidently to show that the house would not immediately collapse, no matter how convincingly it gave that impression. They gazed through windows into interiors furnished either "commercially" with slab-like chairs and unyielding settees, or "home-like" with the melancholy bric-à-brac of other summers—crossed tennis rackets, fit-form couches, and depressing Gibson girls. With a feeling of guilt they looked at a few really nice houses, aloof, dignified, and cool—at three hundred a month. They went away from Rye thanking the real estate agent very much indeed.
As a result of this conversation, they took Dick's advice literally, and two days later, they went out to Rye, where they wandered around with an annoyed real estate agent, like confused kids in the woods. They were shown houses for a hundred a month that were right next to other houses also costing a hundred a month; they were shown isolated houses to which they always took an intense dislike, though they weakly went along with the agent's insistence that they "check out that stove—what a stove!" and allowed a lot of shaking of doorframes and tapping of walls, clearly meant to prove that the house wouldn't fall apart right away, even if it seemed like it might. They looked through windows into homes furnished either "commercially" with flat chairs and stiff sofas, or "homey" with the sad decorations of past summers—crossed tennis rackets, fit-form couches, and gloomy Gibson girls. Feeling guilty, they glanced at a few really nice houses, distant, elegant, and cool—at three hundred a month. They left Rye thanking the real estate agent very much.
On the crowded train back to New York the seat behind was occupied by a super-respirating Latin whose last few meals had obviously been composed entirely of garlic. They reached the apartment gratefully, almost hysterically, and Gloria rushed for a hot bath in the reproachless bathroom. So far as the question of a future abode was concerned both of them were incapacitated for a week.
On the packed train back to New York, the seat behind them was taken by a heavy-breathing Latin whose last few meals had clearly consisted solely of garlic. They arrived at the apartment feeling grateful, almost hysterical, and Gloria quickly headed for a hot bath in the spotless bathroom. As far as finding a future place to live was concerned, neither of them was able to focus on it for a week.
The matter eventually worked itself out with unhoped-for romance. Anthony ran into the living room one afternoon fairly radiating "the idea."
The situation eventually resolved itself with an unexpected romance. Anthony rushed into the living room one afternoon, practically glowing with "the idea."
"I've got it," he was exclaiming as though he had just caught a mouse. "We'll get a car."
"I've got it," he exclaimed as if he had just caught a mouse. "We'll get a car."
"Gee whiz! Haven't we got troubles enough taking care of ourselves?"
"Wow! Don’t we have enough problems just taking care of ourselves?"
"Give me a second to explain, can't you? just let's leave our stuff with Dick and just pile a couple of suitcases in our car, the one we're going to buy—we'll have to have one in the country anyway—and just start out in the direction of New Haven. You see, as we get out of commuting distance from New York, the rents'll get cheaper, and as soon as we find a house we want we'll just settle down."
"Can you give me a second to explain? Let's just leave our stuff with Dick and throw a couple of suitcases in the car we're going to buy—we'll need one in the country anyway—and head towards New Haven. Look, as we move further away from New York, the rent will become more affordable, and once we find a house we like, we can just settle down."
By his frequent and soothing interpolation of the word "just" he aroused her lethargic enthusiasm. Strutting violently about the room, he simulated a dynamic and irresistible efficiency. "We'll buy a car to-morrow."
By constantly and gently using the word "just," he sparked her sluggish excitement. Strutting around the room with energy, he pretended to be incredibly active and compelling. "We'll buy a car tomorrow."
Life, limping after imagination's ten-league boots, saw them out of town a week later in a cheap but sparkling new roadster, saw them through the chaotic unintelligible Bronx, then over a wide murky district which alternated cheerless blue-green wastes with suburbs of tremendous and sordid activity. They left New York at eleven and it was well past a hot and beatific noon when they moved rakishly through Pelham.
Life, struggling to keep up with imagination's enormous shoes, watched them leave town a week later in a shiny, inexpensive new car. It saw them through the confusing, chaotic Bronx and then over a vast, dull area that alternated between bleak blue-green wastelands and busy, grimy suburbs. They left New York at eleven, and it was well past a hot, blissful noon when they cruised stylishly through Pelham.
"These aren't towns," said Gloria scornfully, "these are just city blocks plumped down coldly into waste acres. I imagine all the men here have their mustaches stained from drinking their coffee too quickly in the morning."
"These aren't towns," Gloria said disdainfully, "they're just city blocks dropped down coldly into empty land. I bet all the guys here have mustaches stained from chugging their coffee too fast in the morning."
"And play pinochle on the commuting trains."
"And play pinochle on the trains during the commute."
"What's pinochle?"
"What's pinochle?"
"Don't be so literal. How should I know? But it sounds as though they ought to play it."
"Don't take everything so literally. How should I know? But it seems like they should go for it."
"I like it. It sounds as if it were something where you sort of cracked your knuckles or something.... Let me drive."
"I like it. It sounds like something where you kind of crack your knuckles or something... Let me drive."
Anthony looked at her suspiciously.
Anthony eyed her suspiciously.
"You swear you're a good driver?"
"You really think you're a good driver?"
"Since I was fourteen."
"Since I was 14."
He stopped the car cautiously at the side of the road and they changed seats. Then with a horrible grinding noise the car was put in gear, Gloria adding an accompaniment of laughter which seemed to Anthony disquieting and in the worst possible taste.
He pulled the car over carefully to the side of the road, and they swapped seats. Then, with a terrible grinding noise, the car was put into gear, with Gloria laughing in a way that Anthony found unsettling and totally inappropriate.
"Here we go!" she yelled. "Whoo-oop!"
"Here we go!" she shouted. "Whoo-oop!"
Their heads snapped back like marionettes on a single wire as the car leaped ahead and curved retchingly about a standing milk-wagon, whose driver stood up on his seat and bellowed after them. In the immemorial tradition of the road Anthony retorted with a few brief epigrams as to the grossness of the milk-delivering profession. He cut his remarks short, however, and turned to Gloria with the growing conviction that he had made a grave mistake in relinquishing control and that Gloria was a driver of many eccentricities and of infinite carelessness.
Their heads snapped back like puppets on a string as the car surged forward and swerved sickeningly past a stationary milk truck, whose driver stood up on his seat and shouted after them. Following the age-old tradition of the road, Anthony fired back with a few quick jabs about the unrefined nature of the milk delivery job. However, he cut his comments short and turned to Gloria with a deepening realization that he had made a serious mistake in giving up control, and that Gloria was a driver of many quirks and considerable recklessness.
"Remember now!" he warned her nervously, "the man said we oughtn't to go over twenty miles an hour for the first five thousand miles."
"Remember!" he warned her anxiously, "the guy said we shouldn't go over twenty miles an hour for the first five thousand miles."
She nodded briefly, but evidently intending to accomplish the prohibitive distance as quickly as possible, slightly increased her speed. A moment later he made another attempt.
She nodded quickly, but clearly wanting to cover the distance as fast as she could, picked up her pace a bit. A moment later, he tried again.
"See that sign? Do you want to get us pinched?"
"Do you see that sign? Do you want to get us caught?"
"Oh, for Heaven's sake," cried Gloria in exasperation, "you always exaggerate things so!"
"Oh, for heaven's sake," Gloria exclaimed in frustration, "you always blow things out of proportion!"
"Well, I don't want to get arrested."
"Well, I don’t want to get caught."
"Who's arresting you? You're so persistent—just like you were about my cough medicine last night."
"Who's getting you arrested? You’re really pushy—just like you were about my cough medicine last night."
"It was for your own good."
"It was for your own benefit."
"Ha! I might as well be living with mama."
"Ha! I might as well be living with Mom."
"What a thing to say to me!"
"What a thing to say to me!"
A standing policeman swerved into view, was hastily passed.
A police officer on foot appeared suddenly and was quickly bypassed.
"See him?" demanded Anthony.
"Do you see him?" demanded Anthony.
"Oh, you drive me crazy! He didn't arrest us, did he?"
"Oh, you drive me nuts! He didn’t arrest us, did he?"
"When he does it'll be too late," countered Anthony brilliantly.
"When he does, it'll be too late," Anthony countered smartly.
Her reply was scornful, almost injured.
Her reply was filled with contempt, almost like she was hurt.
"Why, this old thing won't go over thirty-five."
"Why, this old thing won't get over thirty-five."
"It isn't old."
"It's not old."
"It is in spirit."
"It's in the spirit."
That afternoon the car joined the laundry-bags and Gloria's appetite as one of the trinity of contention. He warned her of railroad tracks; he pointed out approaching automobiles; finally he insisted on taking the wheel and a furious, insulted Gloria sat silently beside him between the towns of Larchmont and Rye.
That afternoon, the car became part of the ongoing struggle along with the laundry bags and Gloria's cravings. He cautioned her about the railroad tracks, pointed out oncoming cars, and eventually insisted on driving. An angry, offended Gloria sat silently next to him between the towns of Larchmont and Rye.
But it was due to this furious silence of hers that the gray house materialized from its abstraction, for just beyond Rye he surrendered gloomily to it and re-relinquished the wheel. Mutely he beseeched her and Gloria, instantly cheered, vowed to be more careful. But because a discourteous street-car persisted callously in remaining upon its track Gloria ducked down a side-street—and thereafter that afternoon was never able to find her way back to the Post Road. The street they finally mistook for it lost its Post-Road aspect when it had gone five miles from Cos Cob. Its macadam became gravel, then dirt—moreover, it narrowed and developed a border of maple trees, through which filtered the weltering sun, making its endless experiments with shadow designs upon the long grass.
But it was because of her intense silence that the gray house became real, for just beyond Rye he gloomily gave in to it and let go of the steering wheel. Silently, he pleaded with her, and Gloria, instantly uplifted, promised to be more careful. But because an inconsiderate streetcar stubbornly stayed on its track, Gloria turned down a side street—and after that afternoon, she was never able to find her way back to the Post Road. The street they eventually mistook for it lost its Post-Road character after five miles from Cos Cob. Its paved surface turned to gravel, then dirt—plus, it narrowed and developed a line of maple trees, through which the warm sun filtered, casting endless shadows on the long grass.
"We're lost now," complained Anthony.
"We're lost now," Anthony complained.
"Read that sign!"
"Check out that sign!"
"Marietta—Five Miles. What's Marietta?"
"Marietta—5 Miles. What’s Marietta?"
"Never heard of it, but let's go on. We can't turn here and there's probably a detour back to the Post Road."
"Never heard of it, but let's keep going. We can't turn here, and there’s probably a detour back to the Post Road."
The way became scarred with deepening ruts and insidious shoulders of stone. Three farmhouses faced them momentarily, slid by. A town sprang up in a cluster of dull roofs around a white tall steeple.
The road was marked by deep grooves and hidden stone edges. They passed three farmhouses briefly. A town emerged with a group of bland rooftops surrounding a tall white steeple.
Then Gloria, hesitating between two approaches, and making her choice too late, drove over a fire-hydrant and ripped the transmission violently from the car.
Then Gloria, unsure between two options and making her decision too late, ran over a fire hydrant and violently tore the transmission from the car.
It was dark when the real-estate agent of Marietta showed them the gray house. They came upon it just west of the village, where it rested against a sky that was a warm blue cloak buttoned with tiny stars. The gray house had been there when women who kept cats were probably witches, when Paul Revere made false teeth in Boston preparatory to arousing the great commercial people, when our ancestors were gloriously deserting Washington in droves. Since those days the house had been bolstered up in a feeble corner, considerably repartitioned and newly plastered inside, amplified by a kitchen and added to by a side-porch—but, save for where some jovial oaf had roofed the new kitchen with red tin, Colonial it defiantly remained.
It was dark when the real estate agent in Marietta showed them the gray house. They found it just west of the village, where it sat against a sky that was a warm blue, dotted with tiny stars. The gray house had been there when women who owned cats were probably considered witches, when Paul Revere was making false teeth in Boston to prepare for stirring up the big business folks, when our ancestors were boldly leaving Washington in large numbers. Since then, the house had been propped up in a weak corner, significantly rearranged and newly plastered inside, expanded with a kitchen and a side porch added on—but, except for the fact that some cheerful guy had covered the new kitchen with red tin, it defiantly remained Colonial.
"How did you happen to come to Marietta?" demanded the real-estate agent in a tone that was first cousin to suspicion. He was showing them through four spacious and airy bedrooms.
"How did you end up in Marietta?" asked the real estate agent, sounding a bit suspicious. He was showing them through four large and bright bedrooms.
"We broke down," explained Gloria. "I drove over a fire-hydrant and we had ourselves towed to the garage and then we saw your sign."
"We broke down," Gloria said. "I drove over a fire hydrant, and we got towed to the garage, and then we saw your sign."
The man nodded, unable to follow such a sally of spontaneity. There was something subtly immoral in doing anything without several months' consideration.
The man nodded, unable to keep up with such a burst of spontaneity. There was something subtly wrong about doing anything without several months of thought.
They signed a lease that night and, in the agent's car, returned jubilantly to the somnolent and dilapidated Marietta Inn, which was too broken for even the chance immoralities and consequent gaieties of a country road-house. Half the night they lay awake planning the things they were to do there. Anthony was going to work at an astounding pace on his history and thus ingratiate himself with his cynical grandfather.... When the car was repaired they would explore the country and join the nearest "really nice" club, where Gloria would play golf "or something" while Anthony wrote. This, of course, was Anthony's idea—Gloria was sure she wanted but to read and dream and be fed tomato sandwiches and lemonades by some angelic servant still in a shadowy hinterland. Between paragraphs Anthony would come and kiss her as she lay indolently in the hammock.... The hammock! a host of new dreams in tune to its imagined rhythm, while the wind stirred it and waves of sun undulated over the shadows of blown wheat, or the dusty road freckled and darkened with quiet summer rain....
They signed a lease that night and, in the agent's car, drove back joyfully to the sleepy and rundown Marietta Inn, which was too decrepit for even the potential mischiefs and resulting fun of a country roadside inn. Half the night, they lay awake planning everything they were going to do there. Anthony was going to work at an incredible pace on his history and win over his cynical grandfather.... When the car was fixed, they would explore the countryside and join the nearest "really nice" club, where Gloria would play golf "or something" while Anthony wrote. This was, of course, Anthony's idea—Gloria was certain she only wanted to read, dream, and be served tomato sandwiches and lemonades by some angelic servant still in a shadowy past. Between paragraphs, Anthony would come and kiss her as she lay lazily in the hammock.... The hammock! A whole new set of dreams in tune with its imagined rhythm, as the wind swayed it and waves of sunlight moved over the shadows of swaying wheat, or the dusty road spotted and darkened with gentle summer rain....
And guests—here they had a long argument, both of them trying to be extraordinarily mature and far-sighted. Anthony claimed that they would need people at least every other week-end "as a sort of change." This provoked an involved and extremely sentimental conversation as to whether Anthony did not consider Gloria change enough. Though he assured her that he did, she insisted upon doubting him.... Eventually the conversation assumed its eternal monotone: "What then? Oh, what'll we do then?"
And the guests—here they had a lengthy debate, both trying to be exceptionally mature and forward-thinking. Anthony argued that they would need people over every other weekend "as a sort of refresh." This led to a complicated and very sentimental discussion about whether Anthony didn't think Gloria was enough of a change. Even though he assured her that she was, she kept doubting him.... Eventually, the conversation fell into its usual pattern: "What then? Oh, what will we do then?"
"Well, we'll have a dog," suggested Anthony.
"Well, we should get a dog," Anthony suggested.
"I don't want one. I want a kitty." She went thoroughly and with great enthusiasm into the history, habits, and tastes of a cat she had once possessed. Anthony considered that it must have been a horrible character with neither personal magnetism nor a loyal heart.
"I don't want one. I want a kitty." She eagerly dove into the story, sharing all about the history, habits, and likes of a cat she had once owned. Anthony thought it must have been an awful creature with no charm or loyalty.
Later they slept, to wake an hour before dawn with the gray house dancing in phantom glory before their dazzled eyes.
Later, they slept, waking up an hour before dawn to see the gray house shimmering in ghostly glory before their amazed eyes.
THE SOUL OF GLORIA
For that autumn the gray house welcomed them with a rush of sentiment that falsified its cynical old age. True, there were the laundry-bags, there was Gloria's appetite, there was Anthony's tendency to brood and his imaginative "nervousness," but there were intervals also of an unhoped-for serenity. Close together on the porch they would wait for the moon to stream across the silver acres of farmland, jump a thick wood and tumble waves of radiance at their feet. In such a moonlight Gloria's face was of a pervading, reminiscent white, and with a modicum of effort they would slip off the blinders of custom and each would find in the other almost the quintessential romance of the vanished June.
That autumn, the gray house greeted them with a rush of feeling that contradicted its cynical old age. Sure, there were the laundry bags, Gloria's big appetite, and Anthony's tendency to brood along with his imaginative "nervousness," but there were also moments of unexpected calm. Sitting close together on the porch, they would wait for the moon to shine over the silver fields, jump through a thick forest, and wash over them with waves of light. In that moonlight, Gloria's face glowed with a soft, nostalgic whiteness, and with a little effort, they would push aside the blinders of routine to discover in each other an almost perfect romance reminiscent of the long-gone June.
One night while her head lay upon his heart and their cigarettes glowed in swerving buttons of light through the dome of darkness over the bed, she spoke for the first time and fragmentarily of the men who had hung for brief moments on her beauty.
One night, while her head rested on his heart and their cigarettes glowed in flickering orbs of light against the dark above the bed, she talked for the first time, in bits and pieces, about the men who had briefly been captivated by her beauty.
"Do you ever think of them?" he asked her.
"Do you ever think about them?" he asked her.
"Only occasionally—when something happens that recalls a particular man."
"Only sometimes—when something occurs that brings a specific man to mind."
"What do you remember—their kisses?"
"What do you remember—their hugs?"
"All sorts of things.... Men are different with women."
"All kinds of things... Men act differently around women."
"Different in what way?"
"In what way is it different?"
"Oh, entirely—and quite inexpressibly. Men who had the most firmly rooted reputation for being this way or that would sometimes be surprisingly inconsistent with me. Brutal men were tender, negligible men were astonishingly loyal and lovable, and, often, honorable men took attitudes that were anything but honorable."
"Oh, absolutely—and in ways I can't even describe. Men who had the strongest reputations for being one way or another could sometimes be surprisingly inconsistent with me. Tough men could be gentle, unremarkable men could be remarkably loyal and lovable, and often, men who were supposed to be honorable acted in ways that were anything but."
"For instance?"
"Like, for example?"
"Well, there was a boy named Percy Wolcott from Cornell who was quite a hero in college, a great athlete, and saved a lot of people from a fire or something like that. But I soon found he was stupid in a rather dangerous way."
"Well, there was a guy named Percy Wolcott from Cornell who was quite the hero in college, a great athlete, and saved a lot of people from a fire or something like that. But I quickly realized he was foolish in a pretty risky way."
"What way?"
"What direction?"
"It seems he had some naïve conception of a woman 'fit to be his wife,' a particular conception that I used to run into a lot and that always drove me wild. He demanded a girl who'd never been kissed and who liked to sew and sit home and pay tribute to his self-esteem. And I'll bet a hat if he's gotten an idiot to sit and be stupid with him he's tearing out on the side with some much speedier lady."
"It seems he had some unrealistic idea of a woman 'suitable to be his wife,' a specific idea that I used to encounter frequently and that always drove me crazy. He wanted a girl who had never been kissed, who enjoyed sewing, and who would stay home to boost his ego. And I bet if he found an idiot to sit and be clueless with him, he's off on the side with some much more exciting woman."
"I'd be sorry for his wife."
"I'd feel sorry for his wife."
"I wouldn't. Think what an ass she'd be not to realize it before she married him. He's the sort whose idea of honoring and respecting a woman would be never to give her any excitement. With the best intentions, he was deep in the dark ages."
"I wouldn't. Imagine how foolish she'd be not to see it before she married him. He's the type who thinks that honoring and respecting a woman means never giving her any excitement. Even with the best intentions, he was stuck in the dark ages."
"What was his attitude toward you?"
"What was his attitude towards you?"
"I'm coming to that. As I told you—or did I tell you?—he was mighty good-looking: big brown honest eyes and one of those smiles that guarantee the heart behind it is twenty-karat gold. Being young and credulous, I thought he had some discretion, so I kissed him fervently one night when we were riding around after a dance at the Homestead at Hot Springs. It had been a wonderful week, I remember—with the most luscious trees spread like green lather, sort of, all over the valley and a mist rising out of them on October mornings like bonfires lit to turn them brown—"
"I'm getting to that. As I told you—or did I mention it?—he was really good-looking: big, honest brown eyes and one of those smiles that makes you sure the heart behind it is pure gold. Being young and naive, I thought he had some sense, so I kissed him passionately one night while we were driving around after a dance at the Homestead in Hot Springs. It had been a fantastic week, I remember—with the most beautiful trees spread like lush green foam all over the valley and a mist rising from them on October mornings like bonfires lit to turn them brown—"
"How about your friend with the ideals?" interrupted Anthony.
"How's it going with your friend who has all those ideals?" interrupted Anthony.
"It seems that when he kissed me he began to think that perhaps he could get away with a little more, that I needn't be 'respected' like this Beatrice Fairfax glad-girl of his imagination."
"It seems that when he kissed me, he started to think that maybe he could push things a bit further, that I didn’t need to be treated with 'respect' like this Beatrice Fairfax fantasy girl in his mind."
"What'd he do?"
"What did he do?"
"Not much. I pushed him off a sixteen-foot embankment before he was well started."
"Not much. I shoved him off a sixteen-foot drop before he even got going."
"Hurt him?" inquired Anthony with a laugh.
"Hurt him?" Anthony asked with a laugh.
"Broke his arm and sprained his ankle. He told the story all over Hot Springs, and when his arm healed a man named Barley who liked me fought him and broke it over again. Oh, it was all an awful mess. He threatened to sue Barley, and Barley—he was from Georgia—was seen buying a gun in town. But before that mama had dragged me North again, much against my will, so I never did find out all that happened—though I saw Barley once in the Vanderbilt lobby."
"Broke his arm and sprained his ankle. He shared the story everywhere in Hot Springs, and when his arm healed, a guy named Barley, who was into me, fought him and broke it again. Oh, it was a total disaster. He threatened to sue Barley, and Barley—he was from Georgia—was spotted buying a gun in town. But before that, Mom dragged me North again, which I really didn’t want, so I never found out everything that happened—though I did see Barley once in the Vanderbilt lobby."
Anthony laughed long and loud.
Anthony laughed heartily.
"What a career! I suppose I ought to be furious because you've kissed so many men. I'm not, though."
"What a career! I guess I should be really angry because you've kissed so many guys. But I'm not."
At this she sat up in bed.
At this, she sat up in bed.
"It's funny, but I'm so sure that those kisses left no mark on me—no taint of promiscuity, I mean—even though a man once told me in all seriousness that he hated to think I'd been a public drinking glass."
"It's funny, but I'm convinced that those kisses didn't leave a trace on me—no hint of promiscuity, I mean—even though a guy once told me seriously that he couldn't stand the thought of me being a public drinking glass."
"He had his nerve."
"He had some nerve."
"I just laughed and told him to think of me rather as a loving-cup that goes from hand to hand but should be valued none the less."
"I just laughed and told him to think of me more like a loving cup that passes from person to person, but should still be valued just the same."
"Somehow it doesn't bother me—on the other hand it would, of course, if you'd done any more than kiss them. But I believe you're absolutely incapable of jealousy except as hurt vanity. Why don't you care what I've done? Wouldn't you prefer it if I'd been absolutely innocent?"
"Somehow it doesn't bother me—on the flip side, it definitely would if you had done more than just kiss them. But I really think you're completely unable to feel jealousy, except when it comes to wounded pride. Why don't you care about what I've done? Wouldn't you rather I had been totally innocent?"
"It's all in the impression it might have made on you. My kisses were because the man was good-looking, or because there was a slick moon, or even because I've felt vaguely sentimental and a little stirred. But that's all—it's had utterly no effect on me. But you'd remember and let memories haunt you and worry you."
"It's all about the impression it might have left on you. My kisses were just because the guy was attractive, or because the moon looked great, or even because I was feeling a bit sentimental and a little emotional. But that's it—it's had zero impact on me. But you'd remember and let those memories haunt you and stress you out."
"Haven't you ever kissed any one like you've kissed me?"
"Haven't you ever kissed anyone the way you kissed me?"
"No," she answered simply. "As I've told you, men have tried—oh, lots of things. Any pretty girl has that experience.... You see," she resumed, "it doesn't matter to me how many women you've stayed with in the past, so long as it was merely a physical satisfaction, but I don't believe I could endure the idea of your ever having lived with another woman for a protracted period or even having wanted to marry some possible girl. It's different somehow. There'd be all the little intimacies remembered—and they'd dull that freshness that after all is the most precious part of love."
"No," she replied simply. "Like I’ve told you, guys have tried—oh, many things. Any pretty girl knows that experience.... You see," she continued, "it doesn’t really matter to me how many women you’ve been with before, as long as it was just for physical satisfaction, but I don’t think I could stand the thought of you ever having lived with another woman for a long time or even having wanted to marry some potential girl. It feels different somehow. There would be all those little memories— and they’d take away from that freshness that, after all, is the most important part of love."
Rapturously he pulled her down beside him on the pillow.
He happily pulled her down next to him on the pillow.
"Oh, my darling," he whispered, "as if I remembered anything but your dear kisses."
"Oh, my love," he whispered, "as if I could remember anything except your sweet kisses."
Then Gloria, in a very mild voice:
Then Gloria, in a gentle tone:
"Anthony, did I hear anybody say they were thirsty?"
"Anthony, did I hear anyone say they were thirsty?"
Anthony laughed abruptly and with a sheepish and amused grin got out of bed.
Anthony suddenly laughed and, with a sheepish and amused grin, got out of bed.
"With just a little piece of ice in the water," she added. "Do you suppose I could have that?"
"Could I have just a little piece of ice in the water?" she added.
Gloria used the adjective "little" whenever she asked a favor—it made the favor sound less arduous. But Anthony laughed again—whether she wanted a cake of ice or a marble of it, he must go down-stairs to the kitchen.... Her voice followed him through the hall: "And just a little cracker with just a little marmalade on it...."
Gloria used the word "little" whenever she asked for a favor—it made the request sound less demanding. But Anthony laughed again—whether she wanted a block of ice or a piece of it, he still had to go downstairs to the kitchen.... Her voice trailed after him through the hallway: "And just a little cracker with just a little marmalade on it...."
"Oh, gosh!" sighed Anthony in rapturous slang, "she's wonderful, that girl! She has it!"
"Oh, wow!" sighed Anthony in excited slang, "she's amazing, that girl! She has it!"
"When we have a baby," she began one day—this, it had already been decided, was to be after three years—"I want it to look like you."
"When we have a baby," she started one day—this had already been decided, and it was supposed to be after three years—"I want it to look like you."
"Except its legs," he insinuated slyly.
"Except for its legs," he hinted sneakily.
"Oh, yes, except his legs. He's got to have my legs. But the rest of him can be you."
"Oh, yes, except for his legs. He has to have my legs. But everything else can be you."
"My nose?"
"My nose?"
Gloria hesitated.
Gloria paused.
"Well, perhaps my nose. But certainly your eyes—and my mouth, and I guess my shape of the face. I wonder; I think he'd be sort of cute if he had my hair."
"Well, maybe my nose. But definitely your eyes—and my mouth, and I guess the shape of my face. I wonder; I think he'd be kind of cute if he had my hair."
"My dear Gloria, you've appropriated the whole baby."
"My dear Gloria, you've taken over the entire baby."
"Well, I didn't mean to," she apologized cheerfully.
"Well, I didn’t mean to,” she said with a cheerful apology.
"Let him have my neck at least," he urged, regarding himself gravely in the glass. "You've often said you liked my neck because the Adam's apple doesn't show, and, besides, your neck's too short."
"At least let him have my neck," he insisted, looking seriously at himself in the mirror. "You've always said you liked my neck because my Adam's apple doesn't stick out, and besides, your neck is too short."
"Why, it is not!" she cried indignantly, turning to the mirror, "it's just right. I don't believe I've ever seen a better neck."
"Why, it's not!" she exclaimed angrily, turning to the mirror, "it's perfect. I don't think I've ever seen a better neck."
"It's too short," he repeated teasingly.
"That's too short," he said playfully.
"Short?" Her tone expressed exasperated wonder.
"Short?" Her tone showed frustrated disbelief.
"Short? You're crazy!" She elongated and contracted it to convince herself of its reptilian sinuousness. "Do you call that a short neck?"
"Short? You're insane!" She stretched and shrank it to prove its snake-like smoothness. "Do you really call that a short neck?"
"One of the shortest I've ever seen."
"One of the shortest I've ever seen."
For the first time in weeks tears started from Gloria's eyes and the look she gave him had a quality of real pain.
For the first time in weeks, tears filled Gloria's eyes, and the look she gave him showed genuine pain.
"Oh, Anthony—"
"Oh, Anthony—"
"My Lord, Gloria!" He approached her in bewilderment and took her elbows in his hands. "Don't cry, please! Didn't you know I was only kidding? Gloria, look at me! Why, dearest, you've got the longest neck I've ever seen. Honestly."
"My Lord, Gloria!" He walked up to her in confusion and took her elbows in his hands. "Please don't cry! Didn't you realize I was just joking? Gloria, look at me! Honestly, you have the longest neck I've ever seen."
Her tears dissolved in a twisted smile.
Her tears blended into a crooked smile.
"Well—you shouldn't have said that, then. Let's talk about the b-baby."
"Well—you shouldn't have said that, then. Let's talk about the b-baby."
Anthony paced the floor and spoke as though rehearsing for a debate.
Anthony walked back and forth, talking as if he were practicing for a debate.
"To put it briefly, there are two babies we could have, two distinct and logical babies, utterly differentiated. There's the baby that's the combination of the best of both of us. Your body, my eyes, my mind, your intelligence—and then there is the baby which is our worst—my body, your disposition, and my irresolution."
"To sum it up, there are two kinds of babies we could have, two completely different and logical options. One is the baby that combines the best traits of both of us—your body, my eyes, my mind, your intelligence. The other is the baby that reflects our worst—my body, your temperament, and my indecisiveness."
"I like that second baby," she said.
"I like that second baby," she said.
"What I'd really like," continued Anthony, "would be to have two sets of triplets one year apart and then experiment with the six boys—"
"What I really want," continued Anthony, "is to have two sets of triplets a year apart and then experiment with the six boys—"
"Poor me," she interjected.
“Poor me,” she said.
"—I'd educate them each in a different country and by a different system and when they were twenty-three I'd call them together and see what they were like."
"I'd educate each of them in a different country and through a different system, and when they turned twenty-three, I'd bring them together and see what they were like."
"Let's have 'em all with my neck," suggested Gloria.
"Let's have them all around my neck," suggested Gloria.
THE END OF A CHAPTER
The car was at length repaired and with a deliberate vengeance took up where it left off the business of causing infinite dissension. Who should drive? How fast should Gloria go? These two questions and the eternal recriminations involved ran through the days. They motored to the Post-Road towns, Rye, Portchester, and Greenwich, and called on a dozen friends, mostly Gloria's, who all seemed to be in different stages of having babies and in this respect as well as in others bored her to a point of nervous distraction. For an hour after each visit she would bite her fingers furiously and be inclined to take out her rancor on Anthony.
The car was finally fixed and, with a sense of determined vengeance, picked up right where it left off in causing endless disputes. Who should drive? How fast should Gloria go? These two questions, along with the ongoing arguments, consumed their days. They drove to the Post-Road towns of Rye, Portchester, and Greenwich, visiting a dozen friends, mostly Gloria's, who all seemed to be at various stages of having babies. In this regard, as well as others, they bored her to the point of nervous distraction. For an hour after each visit, she would furiously bite her fingers and be inclined to take out her frustrations on Anthony.
"I loathe women," she cried in a mild temper. "What on earth can you say to them—except talk 'lady-lady'? I've enthused over a dozen babies that I've wanted only to choke. And every one of those girls is either incipiently jealous and suspicious of her husband if he's charming or beginning to be bored with him if he isn't."
"I can't stand women," she said, slightly annoyed. "What can you possibly say to them—other than 'lady-lady' stuff? I've gushed over a dozen babies that I've just wanted to strangle. And every one of those girls is either getting jealous and suspicious of her charming husband or starting to get bored with him if he's not."
"Don't you ever intend to see any women?"
"Don't you ever plan to meet any women?"
"I don't know. They never seem clean to me—never—never. Except just a few. Constance Shaw—you know, the Mrs. Merriam who came over to see us last Tuesday—is almost the only one. She's so tall and fresh-looking and stately."
"I don't know. They never seem clean to me—never—never. Except for just a few. Constance Shaw—you know, the Mrs. Merriam who visited us last Tuesday—is almost the only one. She's so tall, fresh-looking, and elegant."
"I don't like them so tall."
"I don't like them that tall."
Though they went to several dinner dances at various country clubs, they decided that the autumn was too nearly over for them to "go out" on any scale, even had they been so inclined. He hated golf; Gloria liked it only mildly, and though she enjoyed a violent rush that some undergraduates gave her one night and was glad that Anthony should be proud of her beauty, she also perceived that their hostess for the evening, a Mrs. Granby, was somewhat disquieted by the fact that Anthony's classmate, Alec Granby, joined with enthusiasm in the rush. The Granbys never phoned again, and though Gloria laughed, it piqued her not a little.
Although they attended several dinner dances at different country clubs, they thought that autumn was almost over for them to "go out" on any significant level, even if they had wanted to. He despised golf; Gloria liked it only a little, and while she enjoyed the thrill that some college students gave her one night and was happy that Anthony was proud of her beauty, she also noticed that their hostess for the evening, Mrs. Granby, seemed a bit unsettled by the fact that Anthony's classmate, Alec Granby, eagerly joined in on the fun. The Granbys never called again, and although Gloria laughed, it annoyed her quite a bit.
"You see," she explained to Anthony, "if I wasn't married it wouldn't worry her—but she's been to the movies in her day and she thinks I may be a vampire. But the point is that placating such people requires an effort that I'm simply unwilling to make.... And those cute little freshmen making eyes at me and paying me idiotic compliments! I've grown up, Anthony."
"You see," she told Anthony, "if I weren’t married, it wouldn’t bother her—but she’s been to the movies in her day and thinks I might be a vampire. The thing is, keeping people like that calm takes effort I just don't want to put in.... And those cute little freshmen flirting with me and paying me silly compliments! I’ve matured, Anthony."
Marietta itself offered little social life. Half a dozen farm-estates formed a hectagon around it, but these belonged to ancient men who displayed themselves only as inert, gray-thatched lumps in the back of limousines on their way to the station, whither they were sometimes accompanied by equally ancient and doubly massive wives. The townspeople were a particularly uninteresting type—unmarried females were predominant for the most part—with school-festival horizons and souls bleak as the forbidding white architecture of the three churches. The only native with whom they came into close contact was the broad-hipped, broad-shouldered Swedish girl who came every day to do their work. She was silent and efficient, and Gloria, after finding her weeping violently into her bowed arms upon the kitchen table, developed an uncanny fear of her and stopped complaining about the food. Because of her untold and esoteric grief the girl stayed on.
Marietta offered very little in terms of social life. Half a dozen farms surrounded it, but these belonged to old men who were mostly seen as motionless, gray-haired figures slumped in the back of limousines on their way to the station, often accompanied by equally old and hefty wives. The townspeople were quite dull—mostly unmarried women—with their lives limited to school festivals, their spirits as bleak as the stark white of the three churches. The only local they interacted with closely was a tall, sturdy Swedish girl who came every day to do their chores. She was quiet and efficient, and after Gloria found her crying hard into her arms on the kitchen table, she developed an odd fear of her and stopped complaining about the food. Because of the girl’s deep, mysterious sorrow, she continued to work there.
Gloria's penchant for premonitions and her bursts of vague supernaturalism were a surprise to Anthony. Either some complex, properly and scientifically inhibited in the early years with her Bilphistic mother, or some inherited hypersensitiveness, made her susceptible to any suggestion of the psychic, and, far from gullible about the motives of people, she was inclined to credit any extraordinary happening attributed to the whimsical perambulations of the buried. The desperate squeakings about the old house on windy nights that to Anthony were burglars with revolvers ready in hand represented to Gloria the auras, evil and restive, of dead generations, expiating the inexpiable upon the ancient and romantic hearth. One night, because of two swift bangs down-stairs, which Anthony fearfully but unavailingly investigated, they lay awake nearly until dawn asking each other examination-paper questions about the history of the world.
Gloria's knack for premonitions and her flashes of vague supernatural insight surprised Anthony. Whether it was some intricate, scientifically stifled aspect from her early years with her Bilphistic mother, or some inherited sensitivity, she was open to any hint of the psychic. Rather than being naive about people's motives, she was more inclined to believe in any strange occurrence linked to the playful wanderings of the deceased. The desperate noises in the old house on windy nights, which Anthony thought were burglars with guns at the ready, represented for Gloria the auras—evil and restless—of dead generations, making amends for the unforgivable on the ancient and romantic hearth. One night, after hearing two loud bangs downstairs, which Anthony fearfully yet futilely investigated, they lay awake nearly until dawn, asking each other exam-style questions about the history of the world.
In October Muriel came out for a two weeks' visit. Gloria had called her on long-distance, and Miss Kane ended the conversation characteristically by saying "All-ll-ll righty. I'll be there with bells!" She arrived with a dozen popular songs under her arm.
In October, Muriel came for a two-week visit. Gloria had called her long-distance, and Miss Kane ended the conversation in her usual way by saying, "All-ll-ll righty. I'll be there with bells!" She showed up with a dozen hit songs in her hand.
"You ought to have a phonograph out here in the country," she said, "just a little Vic—they don't cost much. Then whenever you're lonesome you can have Caruso or Al Jolson right at your door."
"You should get a phonograph out here in the country," she said, "just a little Vic—they're not that expensive. Then whenever you're feeling lonely, you can have Caruso or Al Jolson right at your doorstep."
She worried Anthony to distraction by telling him that "he was the first clever man she had ever known and she got so tired of shallow people." He wondered that people fell in love with such women. Yet he supposed that under a certain impassioned glance even she might take on a softness and promise.
She drove Anthony crazy by saying that "he was the first smart guy she had ever met and she was so tired of superficial people." He couldn't understand why people fell for women like her. Still, he thought that with the right passionate look, even she could seem soft and inviting.
But Gloria, violently showing off her love for Anthony, was diverted into a state of purring content.
But Gloria, passionately displaying her love for Anthony, was swept into a state of blissful contentment.
Finally Richard Caramel arrived for a garrulous and to Gloria painfully literary week-end, during which he discussed himself with Anthony long after she lay in childlike sleep up-stairs.
Finally, Richard Caramel arrived for a talkative and, for Gloria, painfully literary weekend, during which he talked about himself with Anthony long after she had fallen into a childlike sleep upstairs.
"It's been mighty funny, this success and all," said Dick. "Just before the novel appeared I'd been trying, without success, to sell some short stories. Then, after my book came out, I polished up three and had them accepted by one of the magazines that had rejected them before. I've done a lot of them since; publishers don't pay me for my book till this winter."
"It's been really weird, this success and all," said Dick. "Right before the novel came out, I was trying, and failing, to sell some short stories. Then, after my book was published, I revised three of them and got them accepted by one of the magazines that had turned them down before. I've written a lot since then; publishers won't pay me for my book until this winter."
"Don't let the victor belong to the spoils."
"Don't let the winner take everything."
"You mean write trash?" He considered. "If you mean deliberately injecting a slushy fade-out into each one, I'm not. But I don't suppose I'm being so careful. I'm certainly writing faster and I don't seem to be thinking as much as I used to. Perhaps it's because I don't get any conversation, now that you're married and Maury's gone to Philadelphia. Haven't the old urge and ambition. Early success and all that."
"You mean write junk?" He thought about it. "If you mean putting a cheesy ending in every piece, I’m not doing that. But I guess I’m not being as careful. I’m definitely writing faster and I don’t seem to be thinking as much as I used to. Maybe it’s because I don’t have anyone to talk to now that you’re married and Maury’s gone to Philadelphia. I don’t have the same drive and ambition anymore. Early success and all that."
"Doesn't it worry you?"
"Doesn't that concern you?"
"Frantically. I get a thing I call sentence-fever that must be like buck-fever—it's a sort of intense literary self-consciousness that comes when I try to force myself. But the really awful days aren't when I think I can't write. They're when I wonder whether any writing is worth while at all—I mean whether I'm not a sort of glorified buffoon."
"Frantically. I get what I call sentence-fever, which is probably similar to buck-fever—it's this intense self-awareness about writing that hits when I try to push myself. But the really terrible days aren't when I feel like I can't write. They're when I question if any writing is even worthwhile at all—I mean, if I'm just a kind of overhyped fool."
"I like to hear you talk that way," said Anthony with a touch of his old patronizing insolence. "I was afraid you'd gotten a bit idiotic over your work. Read the damnedest interview you gave out——"
"I like hearing you talk like that," Anthony said, showing a hint of his usual patronizing attitude. "I was worried you’d gotten a little clueless with all your work. I saw the craziest interview you gave out—"
Dick interrupted with an agonized expression.
Dick interrupted with a pained look.
"Good Lord! Don't mention it. Young lady wrote it—most admiring young lady. Kept telling me my work was 'strong,' and I sort of lost my head and made a lot of strange pronouncements. Some of it was good, though, don't you think?"
"Good Lord! No need to bring it up. A young lady wrote it—such a complimentary young lady. She kept saying my work was 'strong,' and I kind of got carried away and said a bunch of weird things. But some of it was good, right?"
"Oh, yes; that part about the wise writer writing for the youth of his generation, the critic of the next, and the schoolmaster of ever afterward."
"Oh, yes; that part about the wise writer writing for the young people of his time, the critic of the next generation, and the teacher for all time."
"Oh, I believe a lot of it," admitted Richard Caramel with a faint beam. "It simply was a mistake to give it out."
"Oh, I believe a lot of it," Richard Caramel admitted with a slight smile. "It was just a mistake to share it."
In November they moved into Anthony's apartment, from which they sallied triumphantly to the Yale-Harvard and Harvard-Princeton football games, to the St. Nicholas ice-skating rink, to a thorough round of the theatres and to a miscellany of entertainments—from small, staid dances to the great affairs that Gloria loved, held in those few houses where lackeys with powdered wigs scurried around in magnificent Anglomania under the direction of gigantic majordomos. Their intention was to go abroad the first of the year or, at any rate, when the war was over. Anthony had actually completed a Chestertonian essay on the twelfth century by way of introduction to his proposed book and Gloria had done some extensive research work on the question of Russian sable coats—in fact the winter was approaching quite comfortably, when the Bilphistic demiurge decided suddenly in mid-December that Mrs. Gilbert's soul had aged sufficiently in its present incarnation. In consequence Anthony took a miserable and hysterical Gloria out to Kansas City, where, in the fashion of mankind, they paid the terrible and mind-shaking deference to the dead.
In November, they moved into Anthony's apartment, from which they confidently attended the Yale-Harvard and Harvard-Princeton football games, went to the St. Nicholas ice-skating rink, enjoyed a variety of shows, and participated in a range of events—from small, formal dances to the grand parties that Gloria adored, held in those few homes where servants in powdered wigs rushed around in extravagant style under the supervision of massive butlers. Their plan was to travel abroad at the beginning of the year or, at the very least, once the war was over. Anthony had actually finished a Chestertonian essay on the twelfth century as an introduction to his proposed book, and Gloria had conducted thorough research on Russian sable coats—in fact, the winter was shaping up to be quite pleasant, when the all-powerful force suddenly decided in mid-December that Mrs. Gilbert's soul had aged enough in this life. As a result, Anthony took a distraught and frantic Gloria to Kansas City, where, following human customs, they showed their heavy and overwhelming respect for the dead.
Mr. Gilbert became, for the first and last time in his life, a truly pathetic figure. That woman he had broken to wait upon his body and play congregation to his mind had ironically deserted him—just when he could not much longer have supported her. Never again would he be able so satisfactorily to bore and bully a human soul.
Mr. Gilbert became, for the first and last time in his life, a truly pathetic figure. The woman he had molded to care for him and cater to his intellect had ironically left him—just when he could no longer have supported her. He would never again be able to so satisfactorily bore and bully another human being.
CHAPTER II
SYMPOSIUM
Gloria had lulled Anthony's mind to sleep. She, who seemed of all women the wisest and the finest, hung like a brilliant curtain across his doorways, shutting out the light of the sun. In those first years what he believed bore invariably the stamp of Gloria; he saw the sun always through the pattern of the curtain.
Gloria had put Anthony's mind to rest. She, who seemed to be the wisest and most refined of all women, hung like a vibrant curtain across his doorways, blocking out the sunlight. In those early years, everything he believed always carried the mark of Gloria; he saw the sun only through the design of the curtain.
It was a sort of lassitude that brought them back to Marietta for another summer. Through a golden enervating spring they had loitered, restive and lazily extravagant, along the California coast, joining other parties intermittently and drifting from Pasadena to Coronado, from Coronado to Santa Barbara, with no purpose more apparent than Gloria's desire to dance by different music or catch some infinitesimal variant among the changing colors of the sea. Out of the Pacific there rose to greet them savage rocklands and equally barbaric hostelries built that at tea-time one might drowse into a languid wicker bazaar glorified by the polo costumes of Southhampton and Lake Forest and Newport and Palm Beach. And, as the waves met and splashed and glittered in the most placid of the bays, so they joined this group and that, and with them shifted stations, murmuring ever of those strange unsubstantial gaieties in wait just over the next green and fruitful valley.
It was a kind of weariness that brought them back to Marietta for another summer. During a golden, tiring spring, they had hung out, restless and lazily indulgent, along the California coast, occasionally joining other groups and drifting from Pasadena to Coronado, from Coronado to Santa Barbara, with no goal more obvious than Gloria's wish to dance to different music or find some tiny variation among the changing colors of the sea. Out of the Pacific, they were welcomed by rugged cliffs and equally rough accommodations where, at tea-time, one could doze in a relaxed wicker marketplace, adorned by the polo outfits from Southampton, Lake Forest, Newport, and Palm Beach. And as the waves met and splashed in the calmest of the bays, they mingled with this group and that, shifting around and always whispering about those strange, fleeting pleasures waiting just beyond the next lush, fruitful valley.
A simple healthy leisure class it was—the best of the men not unpleasantly undergraduate—they seemed to be on a perpetual candidates list for some etherealized "Porcellian" or "Skull and Bones" extended out indefinitely into the world; the women, of more than average beauty, fragilely athletic, somewhat idiotic as hostesses but charming and infinitely decorative as guests. Sedately and gracefully they danced the steps of their selection in the balmy tea hours, accomplishing with a certain dignity the movements so horribly burlesqued by clerk and chorus girl the country over. It seemed ironic that in this lone and discredited offspring of the arts Americans should excel, unquestionably.
It was a simple, healthy leisure class—the best of the guys not unpleasantly resembling college students—they seemed to be on a never-ending list of candidates for some fancy "Porcellian" or "Skull and Bones," stretched out into the world; the women, more than usually beautiful, delicately athletic, a bit clueless as hostesses but charming and endlessly decorative as guests. Calmly and gracefully, they danced the steps of their choice during the pleasant tea hours, executing the movements with a certain dignity that had been so ridiculously mocked by clerks and chorus girls across the country. It seemed ironic that in this isolated and discredited branch of the arts, Americans should shine, without a doubt.
Having danced and splashed through a lavish spring, Anthony and Gloria found that they had spent too much money and for this must go into retirement for a certain period. There was Anthony's "work," they said. Almost before they knew it they were back in the gray house, more aware now that other lovers had slept there, other names had been called over the banisters, other couples had sat upon the porch steps watching the gray-green fields and the black bulk of woods beyond.
Having danced and splashed through a lavish spring, Anthony and Gloria realized they had spent too much money and needed to take a break for a while. They talked about Anthony's "work." Almost before they knew it, they were back in the gray house, more aware now that other lovers had stayed there, other names had echoed over the banisters, and other couples had sat on the porch steps watching the gray-green fields and the dark mass of woods beyond.
It was the same Anthony, more restless, inclined to quicken only under the stimulus of several high-balls, faintly, almost imperceptibly, apathetic toward Gloria. But Gloria—she would be twenty-four in August and was in an attractive but sincere panic about it. Six years to thirty! Had she been less in love with Anthony her sense of the flight of time would have expressed itself in a reawakened interest in other men, in a deliberate intention of extracting a transient gleam of romance from every potential lover who glanced at her with lowered brows over a shining dinner table. She said to Anthony one day:
It was the same Anthony, but more restless, only wanting to speed things up after a few drinks, and he was kind of apathetic toward Gloria. But Gloria—she would turn twenty-four in August and was genuinely panicking about it. Six years until thirty! If she had been less in love with Anthony, her feeling of time slipping away would have shown up as a renewed interest in other guys, as she tried to squeeze a little bit of romance from every potential suitor who looked at her with furrowed brows across a sparkling dinner table. One day, she said to Anthony:
"How I feel is that if I wanted anything I'd take it. That's what I've always thought all my life. But it happens that I want you, and so I just haven't room for any other desires."
"Honestly, if I wanted something, I'd just take it. That's how I've felt my whole life. But right now, all I want is you, so I don't have space for anything else."
They were bound eastward through a parched and lifeless Indiana, and she had looked up from one of her beloved moving picture magazines to find a casual conversation suddenly turned grave.
They were traveling east through the dry and lifeless Indiana, and she had glanced up from one of her favorite movie magazines to see a casual conversation suddenly become serious.
Anthony frowned out the car window. As the track crossed a country road a farmer appeared momentarily in his wagon; he was chewing on a straw and was apparently the same farmer they had passed a dozen times before, sitting in silent and malignant symbolism. As Anthony turned to Gloria his frown intensified.
Anthony frowned out the car window. As the track crossed a country road, a farmer briefly appeared in his wagon; he was chewing on a straw and seemed to be the same farmer they had seen countless times before, sitting there silently with a dark attitude. As Anthony turned to Gloria, his frown deepened.
"You worry me," he objected; "I can imagine wanting another woman under certain transitory circumstances, but I can't imagine taking her."
"You worry me," he said; "I can understand wanting another woman in certain passing situations, but I can’t imagine actually being with her."
"But I don't feel that way, Anthony. I can't be bothered resisting things I want. My way is not to want them—to want nobody but you."
"But I don't feel that way, Anthony. I can't be bothered resisting the things I want. My way is not to want them—to only want you."
"Yet when I think that if you just happened to take a fancy to some one—"
"Yet when I think about how you might just take a liking to someone—"
"Oh, don't be an idiot!" she exclaimed. "There'd be nothing casual about it. And I can't even imagine the possibility."
"Oh, don’t be stupid!" she exclaimed. "There would be nothing casual about it. And I can’t even picture how that could happen."
This emphatically closed the conversation. Anthony's unfailing appreciation made her happier in his company than in any one's else. She definitely enjoyed him—she loved him. So the summer began very much as had the one before.
This clearly ended the conversation. Anthony's constant appreciation made her happier with him than with anyone else. She definitely enjoyed his company—she loved him. So the summer started out pretty much like the one before.
There was, however, one radical change in ménage. The icy-hearted Scandinavian, whose austere cooking and sardonic manner of waiting on table had so depressed Gloria, gave way to an exceedingly efficient Japanese whose name was Tanalahaka, but who confessed that he heeded any summons which included the dissyllable "Tana."
There was, however, one major change in the household. The cold-hearted Scandinavian, whose strict cooking and sarcastic way of serving had deeply upset Gloria, was replaced by an extremely efficient Japanese man named Tanalahaka, who admitted that he responded to any call that included the two-syllable name "Tana."
Tana was unusually small even for a Japanese, and displayed a somewhat naïve conception of himself as a man of the world. On the day of his arrival from "R. Gugimoniki, Japanese Reliable Employment Agency," he called Anthony into his room to see the treasures of his trunk. These included a large collection of Japanese post cards, which he was all for explaining to his employer at once, individually and at great length. Among them were half a dozen of pornographic intent and plainly of American origin, though the makers had modestly omitted both their names and the form for mailing. He next brought out some of his own handiwork—a pair of American pants, which he had made himself, and two suits of solid silk underwear. He informed Anthony confidentially as to the purpose for which these latter were reserved. The next exhibit was a rather good copy of an etching of Abraham Lincoln, to whose face he had given an unmistakable Japanese cast. Last came a flute; he had made it himself but it was broken: he was going to fix it soon.
Tana was unusually small even for a Japanese and had a somewhat naive view of himself as a worldly guy. On the day he arrived from "R. Gugimoniki, Japanese Reliable Employment Agency," he invited Anthony into his room to show off the treasures from his trunk. These included a large collection of Japanese postcards, which he was eager to explain to his employer one by one and in great detail. Among them were half a dozen with explicit content that were clearly of American origin, though the creators had modestly left out both their names and the mailing instructions. He then showcased some of his own creations—a pair of American pants he had sewn himself, along with two suits of solid silk underwear. He confidentially informed Anthony about what those were reserved for. The next item was a fairly good replica of an etching of Abraham Lincoln, to whose face he had given a distinctly Japanese look. Finally, there was a flute; he had made it himself, but it was broken and he planned to fix it soon.
After these polite formalities, which Anthony conjectured must be native to Japan, Tana delivered a long harangue in splintered English on the relation of master and servant from which Anthony gathered that he had worked on large estates but had always quarrelled with the other servants because they were not honest. They had a great time over the word "honest," and in fact became rather irritated with each other, because Anthony persisted stubbornly that Tana was trying to say "hornets," and even went to the extent of buzzing in the manner of a bee and flapping his arms to imitate wings.
After the polite greetings, which Anthony guessed were typical in Japan, Tana launched into a long rant in broken English about the relationship between a master and a servant. From this, Anthony understood that Tana had worked on large estates but always fought with the other servants because they were not honest. They had a lot of fun arguing over the word "honest," and it actually made them quite irritated with each other, as Anthony stubbornly insisted that Tana was trying to say "hornets," even going so far as to buzz like a bee and flap his arms to mimic wings.
After three-quarters of an hour Anthony was released with the warm assurance that they would have other nice chats in which Tana would tell "how we do in my countree."
After fifty minutes, Anthony was let go with the friendly reassurance that they would have more nice conversations where Tana would share "how we do in my country."
Such was Tana's garrulous première in the gray house—and he fulfilled its promise. Though he was conscientious and honorable, he was unquestionably a terrific bore. He seemed unable to control his tongue, sometimes continuing from paragraph to paragraph with a look akin to pain in his small brown eyes.
Such was Tana's chatty debut in the gray house—and he lived up to it. While he was diligent and respectable, he was definitely a huge bore. He seemed unable to rein in his chatter, sometimes moving from one point to the next with an expression that resembled pain in his small brown eyes.
Sunday and Monday afternoons he read the comic sections of the newspapers. One cartoon which contained a facetious Japanese butler diverted him enormously, though he claimed that the protagonist, who to Anthony appeared clearly Oriental, had really an American face. The difficulty with the funny paper was that when, aided by Anthony, he had spelled out the last three pictures and assimilated their context with a concentration surely adequate for Kant's "Critique," he had entirely forgotten what the first pictures were about.
On Sunday and Monday afternoons, he read the comic sections of the newspapers. One cartoon featuring a humorous Japanese butler really entertained him, even though he insisted that the main character, who clearly looked Oriental to Anthony, actually had an American face. The problem with the comic was that when he finally managed, with Anthony's help, to figure out the last three panels and understand their context with a concentration surely good enough for Kant's "Critique," he had completely forgotten what the first panels were about.
In the middle of June Anthony and Gloria celebrated their first anniversary by having a "date." Anthony knocked at the door and she ran to let him in. Then they sat together on the couch calling over those names they had made for each other, new combinations of endearments ages old. Yet to this "date" was appended no attenuated good-night with its ecstasy of regret.
In the middle of June, Anthony and Gloria celebrated their first anniversary by going on a "date." Anthony knocked on the door, and she ran to let him in. Then they sat together on the couch, using the nicknames they had created for each other, a mix of old-fashioned terms of endearment. However, this "date" didn't include a long, emotional goodbye filled with regret.
Later in June horror leered out at Gloria, struck at her and frightened her bright soul back half a generation. Then slowly it faded out, faded back into that impenetrable darkness whence it had come—taking relentlessly its modicum of youth.
Later in June, horror stared at Gloria, hit her, and scared her vibrant spirit back by half a generation. Then slowly it faded away, retreating into the impenetrable darkness from which it had come—taking its small share of youth with it.
With an infallible sense of the dramatic it chose a little railroad station in a wretched village near Portchester. The station platform lay all day bare as a prairie, exposed to the dusty yellow sun and to the glance of that most obnoxious type of countryman who lives near a metropolis and has attained its cheap smartness without its urbanity. A dozen of these yokels, red-eyed, cheerless as scarecrows, saw the incident. Dimly it passed across their confused and uncomprehending minds, taken at its broadest for a coarse joke, at its subtlest for a "shame." Meanwhile there upon the platform a measure of brightness faded from the world.
With an unerring sense of drama, it picked a small train station in a run-down village near Portchester. The station platform was bare all day, like a prairie, exposed to the dusty yellow sun and to the gaze of that most annoying type of local who lives near a big city and has picked up its cheap style without its sophistication. A dozen of these country folks, red-eyed and as gloomy as scarecrows, witnessed the event. It barely registered in their confused and bewildered minds, seen at its simplest as a crude joke, and at its most nuanced as a "shame." Meanwhile, on that platform, a bit of brightness faded from the world.
With Eric Merriam, Anthony had been sitting over a decanter of Scotch all the hot summer afternoon, while Gloria and Constance Merriam swam and sunned themselves at the Beach Club, the latter under a striped parasol-awning, Gloria stretched sensuously upon the soft hot sand, tanning her inevitable legs. Later they had all four played with inconsequential sandwiches; then Gloria had risen, tapping Anthony's knee with her parasol to get his attention.
With Eric Merriam, Anthony had been sitting over a bottle of Scotch all afternoon on that hot summer day, while Gloria and Constance Merriam swam and lounged at the Beach Club. Constance was under a striped umbrella, while Gloria lay sensually on the warm sand, tanning her legs. Later, all four of them munched on some trivial sandwiches; then Gloria got up and tapped Anthony's knee with her umbrella to get his attention.
"We've got to go, dear."
"We need to go, honey."
"Now?" He looked at her unwillingly. At that moment nothing seemed of more importance than to idle on that shady porch drinking mellowed Scotch, while his host reminisced interminably on the byplay of some forgotten political campaign.
"Now?" He glanced at her reluctantly. At that moment, nothing felt more important than lounging on that shaded porch, sipping smooth Scotch, while his host endlessly reminisced about the details of some forgotten political campaign.
"We've really got to go," repeated Gloria. "We can get a taxi to the station.... Come on, Anthony!" she commanded a bit more imperiously.
"We really have to go," Gloria insisted. "We can take a taxi to the station.... Come on, Anthony!" she said, a bit more forcefully.
"Now see here—" Merriam, his yarn cut off, made conventional objections, meanwhile provocatively filling his guest's glass with a high-ball that should have been sipped through ten minutes. But at Gloria's annoyed "We really must!" Anthony drank it off, got to his feet and made an elaborate bow to his hostess.
"Now look here—" Merriam, his story interrupted, made standard objections while daringly filling his guest's glass with a high-ball that should’ve been savored over ten minutes. But at Gloria's irritated "We really must!" Anthony downed it, stood up, and gave an exaggerated bow to his hostess.
"It seems we 'must,'" he said, with little grace.
"It looks like we 'have to,'" he said, not very gracefully.
In a minute he was following Gloria down a garden-walk between tall rose-bushes, her parasol brushing gently the June-blooming leaves. Most inconsiderate, he thought, as they reached the road. He felt with injured naïvete that Gloria should not have interrupted such innocent and harmless enjoyment. The whiskey had both soothed and clarified the restless things in his mind. It occurred to him that she had taken this same attitude several times before. Was he always to retreat from pleasant episodes at a touch of her parasol or a flicker of her eye? His unwillingness blurred to ill will, which rose within him like a resistless bubble. He kept silent, perversely inhibiting a desire to reproach her. They found a taxi in front of the Inn; rode silently to the little station....
In a minute, he was following Gloria down a garden path between tall rose bushes, her parasol lightly brushing the June-blooming leaves. How inconsiderate, he thought, as they reached the road. He felt, with a sense of injured innocence, that Gloria shouldn't have interrupted such innocent and harmless enjoyment. The whiskey had both calmed and clarified the restless thoughts in his mind. It struck him that she had taken this same attitude several times before. Was he always going to back away from enjoyable moments at the touch of her parasol or a flicker of her eye? His reluctance turned into resentment, bubbling up inside him like an unstoppable surge. He stayed silent, stubbornly holding back a desire to confront her. They found a taxi in front of the inn and rode silently to the little station...
Then Anthony knew what he wanted—to assert his will against this cool and impervious girl, to obtain with one magnificent effort a mastery that seemed infinitely desirable.
Then Anthony realized what he wanted—to assert his will against this cool and unyielding girl, to achieve with one stunning effort a control that felt incredibly appealing.
"Let's go over to see the Barneses," he said without looking at her. "I don't feel like going home."
"Let's go see the Barneses," he said without looking at her. "I don't feel like going home."
—Mrs. Barnes, née Rachael Jerryl, had a summer place several miles from Redgate.
—Mrs. Barnes, born Rachael Jerryl, had a summer home a few miles from Redgate.
"We went there day before yesterday," she answered shortly.
"We went there the day before yesterday," she replied shortly.
"I'm sure they'd be glad to see us." He felt that that was not a strong enough note, braced himself stubbornly, and added: "I want to see the Barneses. I haven't any desire to go home."
"I'm sure they'd be happy to see us." He felt that wasn’t a strong enough statement, steeled himself stubbornly, and added: "I want to see the Barneses. I have no desire to go home."
"Well, I haven't any desire to go to the Barneses."
"Well, I have no desire to go to the Barneses."
Suddenly they stared at each other.
Suddenly, they looked at each other.
"Why, Anthony," she said with annoyance, "this is Sunday night and they probably have guests for supper. Why we should go in at this hour—"
"Why, Anthony," she said with annoyance, "it's Sunday night and they probably have guests over for dinner. I don’t understand why we should go in at this hour—"
"Then why couldn't we have stayed at the Merriams'?" he burst out. "Why go home when we were having a perfectly decent time? They asked us to supper."
"Then why couldn't we have stayed at the Merriams'?" he exclaimed. "Why go home when we were having a great time? They invited us for dinner."
"They had to. Give me the money and I'll get the railroad tickets."
"They had to. Give me the money and I’ll buy the train tickets."
"I certainly will not! I'm in no humour for a ride in that damn hot train."
"I definitely will not! I'm not in the mood for a ride on that awful hot train."
Gloria stamped her foot on the platform.
Gloria stamped her foot on the platform.
"Anthony, you act as if you're tight!"
"Anthony, you’re acting like you’re cheap!"
"On the contrary, I'm perfectly sober."
"Actually, I'm totally sober."
But his voice had slipped into a husky key and she knew with certainty that this was untrue.
But his voice had dropped into a husky tone, and she knew for sure that this was a lie.
"If you're sober you'll give me the money for the tickets."
"If you're sober, you'll give me the money for the tickets."
But it was too late to talk to him that way. In his mind was but one idea—that Gloria was being selfish, that she was always being selfish and would continue to be unless here and now he asserted himself as her master. This was the occasion of all occasions, since for a whim she had deprived him of a pleasure. His determination solidified, approached momentarily a dull and sullen hate.
But it was too late to talk to him like that. All he could think about was that Gloria was being selfish, that she always was and would keep being selfish unless he stepped up as her master right now. This was the perfect moment, especially since she had taken away something he enjoyed just on a whim. His resolve hardened, edging closer to a dull, brooding anger.
"I won't go in the train," he said, his voice trembling a little with anger. "We're going to the Barneses."
"I’m not getting on the train," he said, his voice shaking a bit with anger. "We’re going to the Barneses."
"I'm not!" she cried. "If you go I'm going home alone."
"I'm not!" she shouted. "If you leave, I'm going home by myself."
"Go on, then."
"Go ahead, then."
Without a word she turned toward the ticket office; simultaneously he remembered that she had some money with her and that this was not the sort of victory he wanted, the sort he must have. He took a step after her and seized her arm.
Without saying a word, she headed toward the ticket office; at the same time, he remembered that she had some cash and that this wasn't the kind of victory he wanted, the kind he needed. He took a step after her and grabbed her arm.
"See here!" he muttered, "you're not going alone!"
"Look here!" he murmured, "you're not going by yourself!"
"I certainly am—why, Anthony!" This exclamation as she tried to pull away from him and he only tightened his grasp.
"I definitely am—why, Anthony!" she exclaimed as she tried to pull away from him, but he only tightened his grip.
He looked at her with narrowed and malicious eyes.
He glanced at her with narrowed, spiteful eyes.
"Let go!" Her cry had a quality of fierceness. "If you have any decency you'll let go."
"Let go!" Her shout was intense. "If you have any decency, you'll let go."
"Why?" He knew why. But he took a confused and not quite confident pride in holding her there.
"Why?" He knew the answer. But he felt a mix of confusion and uncertain pride in keeping her there.
"I'm going home, do you understand? And you're going to let me go!"
"I'm going home, do you get that? And you're going to let me leave!"
"No, I'm not."
“Nope, I’m not.”
Her eyes were burning now.
Her eyes were stinging now.
"Are you going to make a scene here?"
"Are you going to cause a scene here?"
"I say you're not going! I'm tired of your eternal selfishness!"
"I’m telling you, you’re not going! I’m sick of your endless selfishness!"
"I only want to go home." Two wrathful tears started from her eyes.
"I just want to go home." Two angry tears fell from her eyes.
"This time you're going to do what I say."
"This time you’re going to do what I say."
Slowly her body straightened: her head went back in a gesture of infinite scorn.
Slowly, her body straightened; her head tilted back in a gesture of utter disdain.
"I hate you!" Her low words were expelled like venom through her clenched teeth. "Oh, let me go! Oh, I hate you!" She tried to jerk herself away but he only grasped the other arm. "I hate you! I hate you!"
"I hate you!" Her quiet words spit out like poison through her clenched teeth. "Oh, let me go! Oh, I hate you!" She tried to pull herself away, but he just grabbed her other arm. "I hate you! I hate you!"
At Gloria's fury his uncertainty returned, but he felt that now he had gone too far to give in. It seemed that he had always given in and that in her heart she had despised him for it. Ah, she might hate him now, but afterward she would admire him for his dominance.
At Gloria's anger, his doubt came back, but he felt that he had gone too far to back down now. It felt like he always backed down, and deep down, she had looked down on him for it. Sure, she might hate him now, but later she would respect him for being in control.
The approaching train gave out a premonitory siren that tumbled melodramatically toward them down the glistening blue tracks. Gloria tugged and strained to free herself, and words older than the Book of Genesis came to her lips.
The oncoming train let out a warning siren that echoed dramatically toward them along the shiny blue tracks. Gloria pulled and struggled to break free, and words older than the Book of Genesis rose to her lips.
"Oh, you brute!" she sobbed. "Oh, you brute! Oh, I hate you! Oh, you brute! Oh—"
"Oh, you monster!" she cried. "Oh, you monster! Oh, I hate you! Oh, you monster! Oh—"
On the station platform other prospective passengers were beginning to turn and stare; the drone of the train was audible, it increased to a clamor. Gloria's efforts redoubled, then ceased altogether, and she stood there trembling and hot-eyed at this helpless humiliation, as the engine roared and thundered into the station.
On the train platform, other potential passengers were starting to turn and stare; the sound of the train was clear and grew louder. Gloria's efforts intensified, then stopped completely, and she stood there shaking and with teary eyes at this overwhelming humiliation as the engine roared and thundered into the station.
Low, below the flood of steam and the grinding of the brakes came her voice:
Low, beneath the rush of steam and the squeaking of the brakes came her voice:
"Oh, if there was one man here you couldn't do this! You couldn't do this! You coward! You coward, oh, you coward!"
"Oh, if there were just one man here, you wouldn't be able to do this! You couldn't do this! You're such a coward! You're a coward, oh, you're a coward!"
Anthony, silent, trembling himself, gripped her rigidly, aware that faces, dozens of them, curiously unmoved, shadows of a dream, were regarding him. Then the bells distilled metallic crashes that were like physical pain, the smoke-stacks volleyed in slow acceleration at the sky, and in a moment of noise and gray gaseous turbulence the line of faces ran by, moved off, became indistinct—until suddenly there was only the sun slanting east across the tracks and a volume of sound decreasing far off like a train made out of tin thunder. He dropped her arms. He had won.
Anthony, silent and trembling, held onto her tightly, aware that faces—dozens of them, strangely indifferent, like shadows in a dream—were watching him. Then the bells erupted with metallic crashes that felt almost like physical pain, the smokestacks shot up into the sky in slow motion, and in a moment of noise and swirling gray smoke, the line of faces blurred and faded away—until suddenly there was just the sun shining from the east across the tracks and a volume of sound fading in the distance like a train made of tin thunder. He released her arms. He had won.
Now, if he wished, he might laugh. The test was done and he had sustained his will with violence. Let leniency walk in the wake of victory.
Now, if he wanted to, he could laugh. The test was over, and he had kept his determination intact through sheer force. Let kindness follow in the footsteps of success.
"We'll hire a car here and drive back to Marietta," he said with fine reserve.
"We'll rent a car here and drive back to Marietta," he said with calm composure.
For answer Gloria seized his hand with both of hers and raising it to her mouth bit deeply into his thumb. He scarcely noticed the pain; seeing the blood spurt he absent-mindedly drew out his handkerchief and wrapped the wound. That too was part of the triumph he supposed—it was inevitable that defeat should thus be resented—and as such was beneath notice.
For an answer, Gloria grabbed his hand with both of hers and raised it to her mouth, biting down hard on his thumb. He hardly felt the pain; noticing the blood spurt, he mindlessly pulled out his handkerchief and wrapped it around the wound. That was just part of the victory he thought—it was expected that defeat would be reacted to this way—and so it wasn’t worth paying attention to.
She was sobbing, almost without tears, profoundly and bitterly.
She was crying hard, almost without tears, deeply and with bitterness.
"I won't go! I won't go! You—can't—make—me—go! You've—you've killed any love I ever had for you, and any respect. But all that's left in me would die before I'd move from this place. Oh, if I'd thought you'd lay your hands on me—"
"I won't go! I won't go! You can't make me go! You've killed any love I ever had for you and any respect. But all that's left in me would die before I move from this place. Oh, if I'd known you'd lay your hands on me—"
"You're going with me," he said brutally, "if I have to carry you."
"You're coming with me," he said harshly, "even if I have to carry you."
He turned, beckoned to a taxicab, told the driver to go to Marietta. The man dismounted and swung the door open. Anthony faced his wife and said between his clenched teeth:
He turned, waved to a taxi, and told the driver to go to Marietta. The man got out and opened the door. Anthony faced his wife and said through clenched teeth:
"Will you get in?—or will I put you in?"
"Are you going to get in?—or do you want me to put you in?"
With a subdued cry of infinite pain and despair she yielded herself up and got into the car.
With a quiet cry of endless pain and despair, she surrendered and got into the car.
All the long ride, through the increasing dark of twilight, she sat huddled in her side of the car, her silence broken by an occasional dry and solitary sob. Anthony stared out the window, his mind working dully on the slowly changing significance of what had occurred. Something was wrong—that last cry of Gloria's had struck a chord which echoed posthumously and with incongruous disquiet in his heart. He must be right—yet, she seemed such a pathetic little thing now, broken and dispirited, humiliated beyond the measure of her lot to bear. The sleeves of her dress were torn; her parasol was gone, forgotten on the platform. It was a new costume, he remembered, and she had been so proud of it that very morning when they had left the house.... He began wondering if any one they knew had seen the incident. And persistently there recurred to him her cry:
All through the long ride, as twilight deepened, she stayed huddled on her side of the car, her silence occasionally interrupted by a dry, lonely sob. Anthony stared out the window, his mind slowly processing the significance of what had happened. Something was off—Gloria's last cry had struck a chord that resonated deeply and uneasily in his heart. He had to be right—yet she looked so fragile now, broken and defeated, humiliated beyond what anyone should endure. The sleeves of her dress were torn; her parasol was gone, left behind on the platform. He remembered it was a new outfit, and she had been so proud of it that very morning when they left the house... He started to wonder if anyone they knew had witnessed the incident. And her cry persisted in his mind:
"All that's left in me would die—"
"Everything left in me would die—"
This gave him a confused and increasing worry. It fitted so well with the Gloria who lay in the corner—no longer a proud Gloria, nor any Gloria he had known. He asked himself if it were possible. While he did not believe she would cease to love him—this, of course, was unthinkable—it was yet problematical whether Gloria without her arrogance, her independence, her virginal confidence and courage, would be the girl of his glory, the radiant woman who was precious and charming because she was ineffably, triumphantly herself.
This filled him with a growing sense of confusion and worry. It matched so perfectly with the Gloria who lay in the corner—no longer the proud Gloria, nor any version of her he had known. He wondered if it was possible. While he couldn't imagine that she would stop loving him—this was unthinkable—it was uncertain whether a Gloria stripped of her arrogance, independence, and confident, courageous nature would still be the girl he admired, the radiant woman who was precious and captivating simply because she was undeniably herself.
He was very drunk even then, so drunk as not to realize his own drunkenness. When they reached the gray house he went to his own room and, his mind still wrestling helplessly and sombrely with what he had done, fell into a deep stupor on his bed.
He was really drunk even then, so drunk that he didn't even notice how drunk he was. When they got to the gray house, he went to his own room and, his mind still struggling helplessly and gloomily with what he had done, fell into a deep sleep on his bed.
It was after one o'clock and the hall seemed extraordinarily quiet when Gloria, wide-eyed and sleepless, traversed it and pushed open the door of his room. He had been too befuddled to open the windows and the air was stale and thick with whiskey. She stood for a moment by his bed, a slender, exquisitely graceful figure in her boyish silk pajamas—then with abandon she flung herself upon him, half waking him in the frantic emotion of her embrace, dropping her warm tears upon his throat.
It was after one o'clock, and the hall felt incredibly quiet when Gloria, wide-eyed and sleep-deprived, walked through it and pushed open the door to his room. He had been too dazed to open the windows, and the air was stale and heavy with whiskey. She stood for a moment by his bed, a slender, elegantly graceful figure in her boyish silk pajamas—then with abandon, she threw herself at him, half waking him in the frantic emotion of her embrace, letting her warm tears fall on his throat.
"Oh, Anthony!" she cried passionately, "oh, my darling, you don't know what you did!"
"Oh, Anthony!" she exclaimed fervently, "oh, my love, you have no idea what you just did!"
Yet in the morning, coming early into her room, he knelt down by her bed and cried like a little boy, as though it was his heart that had been broken.
Yet in the morning, coming early into her room, he knelt down by her bed and cried like a little boy, as if it was his heart that had been broken.
"It seemed, last night," she said gravely, her fingers playing in his hair, "that all the part of me you loved, the part that was worth knowing, all the pride and fire, was gone. I knew that what was left of me would always love you, but never in quite the same way."
"It seemed, last night," she said seriously, her fingers running through his hair, "that all the parts of me you loved, the ones that mattered, all the pride and passion, were gone. I knew that what was left of me would always love you, but never quite the same way."
Nevertheless, she was aware even then that she would forget in time and that it is the manner of life seldom to strike but always to wear away. After that morning the incident was never mentioned and its deep wound healed with Anthony's hand—and if there was triumph some darker force than theirs possessed it, possessed the knowledge and the victory.
Nevertheless, she knew even then that she would eventually forget and that life tends to not hit hard but rather to slowly wear you down. After that morning, the incident was never brought up again, and its deep wound healed with Anthony's touch—and if there was any triumph, some darker force beyond their control held onto it, holding the knowledge and the victory.
NIETZSCHEAN INCIDENT
Gloria's independence, like all sincere and profound qualities, had begun unconsciously, but, once brought to her attention by Anthony's fascinated discovery of it, it assumed more nearly the proportions of a formal code. From her conversation it might be assumed that all her energy and vitality went into a violent affirmation of the negative principle "Never give a damn."
Gloria's independence, like all genuine and deep qualities, had started out unconsciously, but once Anthony noticed it with fascination, it took on a more defined structure. From her conversations, one might think that all her energy and enthusiasm were devoted to strongly affirming the negative principle, "Never care."
"Not for anything or anybody," she said, "except myself and, by implication, for Anthony. That's the rule of all life and if it weren't I'd be that way anyhow. Nobody'd do anything for me if it didn't gratify them to, and I'd do as little for them."
"Not for anything or anyone," she said, "except myself and, by extension, for Anthony. That's the way life is, and even if it weren't, I'd feel the same. Nobody would do anything for me unless it benefited them, and I’d do as little for them."
She was on the front porch of the nicest lady in Marietta when she said this, and as she finished she gave a curious little cry and sank in a dead faint to the porch floor.
She was on the front porch of the sweetest lady in Marietta when she said this, and as she finished, she let out a strange little gasp and collapsed in a dead faint onto the porch floor.
The lady brought her to and drove her home in her car. It had occurred to the estimable Gloria that she was probably with child.
The lady took her and drove her home in her car. It crossed Gloria's mind that she was likely pregnant.
She lay upon the long lounge down-stairs. Day was slipping warmly out the window, touching the late roses on the porch pillars.
She lay on the long couch downstairs. The day was slowly fading outside the window, warming the late roses on the porch pillars.
"All I think of ever is that I love you," she wailed. "I value my body because you think it's beautiful. And this body of mine—of yours—to have it grow ugly and shapeless? It's simply intolerable. Oh, Anthony, I'm not afraid of the pain."
"All I ever think about is how much I love you," she cried. "I cherish my body because you find it beautiful. And this body of mine—yours too—turning ugly and shapeless? That's just unbearable. Oh, Anthony, I'm not scared of the pain."
He consoled her desperately—but in vain. She continued:
He tried to comfort her urgently—but it didn't work. She went on:
"And then afterward I might have wide hips and be pale, with all my freshness gone and no radiance in my hair."
"And then later, I might have wide hips and pale skin, with all my youth gone and no shine in my hair."
He paced the floor with his hands in his pockets, asking:
He walked back and forth with his hands in his pockets, asking:
"Is it certain?"
"Is it certain?"
"I don't know anything. I've always hated obstrics, or whatever you call them. I thought I'd have a child some time. But not now."
"I don't know anything. I've always disliked obstetrics, or whatever they’re called. I thought I’d have a kid someday. But not now."
"Well, for God's sake don't lie there and go to pieces."
"Well, for heaven's sake, don’t just lie there and fall apart."
Her sobs lapsed. She drew down a merciful silence from the twilight which filled the room. "Turn on the lights," she pleaded. "These days seem so short—June seemed—to—have—longer days when I was a little girl."
Her sobs quieted. She pulled in a comforting silence from the evening light that filled the room. "Turn on the lights," she begged. "These days feel so short—June seemed to have longer days when I was a little girl."
The lights snapped on and it was as though blue drapes of softest silk had been dropped behind the windows and the door. Her pallor, her immobility, without grief now, or joy, awoke his sympathy.
The lights turned on, and it felt like blue silk curtains had been drawn behind the windows and the door. Her pale face, her stillness, lacking any sadness or happiness, stirred his compassion.
"Do you want me to have it?" she asked listlessly.
"Do you want me to take it?" she asked flatly.
"I'm indifferent. That is, I'm neutral. If you have it I'll probably be glad. If you don't—well, that's all right too."
"I'm indifferent. I mean, I'm neutral. If you have it, I'll probably be glad. If you don't—well, that's okay too."
"I wish you'd make up your mind one way or the other!"
"I wish you’d just decide one way or the other!"
"Suppose you make up your mind."
"Suppose you decide."
She looked at him contemptuously, scorning to answer.
She looked at him with disdain, refusing to reply.
"You'd think you'd been singled out of all the women in the world for this crowning indignity."
"You'd think you were chosen out of all the women in the world for this humiliating situation."
"What if I do!" she cried angrily. "It isn't an indignity for them. It's their one excuse for living. It's the one thing they're good for. It is an indignity for me.
"What if I do!" she shouted, her anger clear. "It’s not a disgrace for them. It's their only reason to live. It's the one thing they're actually good at. It is a disgrace for me.
"See here, Gloria, I'm with you whatever you do, but for God's sake be a sport about it."
"Look, Gloria, I'm with you no matter what, but for heaven's sake, just be cool about it."
"Oh, don't fuss at me!" she wailed.
"Oh, don't freak at me!" she wailed.
They exchanged a mute look of no particular significance but of much stress. Then Anthony took a book from the shelf and dropped into a chair.
They shared a silent glance that held no real meaning but carried a lot of tension. Then Anthony grabbed a book from the shelf and plopped down in a chair.
Half an hour later her voice came out of the intense stillness that pervaded the room and hung like incense on the air.
Half an hour later, her voice broke the intense silence that filled the room, floating in the air like incense.
"I'll drive over and see Constance Merriam to-morrow."
"I'll drive over and see Constance Merriam tomorrow."
"All right. And I'll go to Tarrytown and see Grampa."
"Okay. I'll head to Tarrytown and visit Grampa."
"—You see," she added, "it isn't that I'm afraid—of this or anything else. I'm being true to me, you know."
"—You see," she added, "it's not that I'm scared—of this or anything else. I'm being true to myself, you know."
"I know," he agreed.
"I know," he said.
THE PRACTICAL MEN
Adam Patch, in a pious rage against the Germans, subsisted on the war news. Pin maps plastered his walls; atlases were piled deep on tables convenient to his hand together with "Photographic Histories of the World War," official Explain-alls, and the "Personal Impressions" of war correspondents and of Privates X, Y, and Z. Several times during Anthony's visit his grandfather's secretary, Edward Shuttleworth, the one-time "Accomplished Gin-physician" of "Pat's Place" in Hoboken, now shod with righteous indignation, would appear with an extra. The old man attacked each paper with untiring fury, tearing out those columns which appeared to him of sufficient pregnancy for preservation and thrusting them into one of his already bulging files.
Adam Patch, filled with righteous anger towards the Germans, lived off the war news. His walls were covered with pin maps; atlases were stacked high on tables within reach, alongside "Photographic Histories of the World War," official explanations, and the "Personal Impressions" of war correspondents and Privates X, Y, and Z. Several times during Anthony's visit, his grandfather's secretary, Edward Shuttleworth, the former "Accomplished Gin-physician" of "Pat's Place" in Hoboken, now fueled by righteous indignation, would show up with an extra newspaper. The old man pounced on each paper with relentless fury, ripping out the columns he deemed important enough to keep and shoving them into one of his already overflowing files.
"Well, what have you been doing?" he asked Anthony blandly. "Nothing? Well, I thought so. I've been intending to drive over and see you, all summer."
"Well, what have you been up to?" he asked Anthony casually. "Nothing? I figured as much. I've been meaning to come by and see you all summer."
"I've been writing. Don't you remember the essay I sent you—the one I sold to The Florentine last winter?"
"I've been writing. Don't you remember the essay I sent you—the one I sold to The Florentine last winter?"
"Essay? You never sent me any essay."
"Essay? You never sent me any essay."
"Oh, yes, I did. We talked about it."
"Oh, yes, I did. We talked about it."
Adam Patch shook his head mildly.
Adam Patch shook his head slightly.
"Oh, no. You never sent me any essay. You may have thought you sent it but it never reached me."
"Oh, no. You never sent me any essay. You might have thought you sent it, but it never got to me."
"Why, you read it, Grampa," insisted Anthony, somewhat exasperated, "you read it and disagreed with it."
"Come on, Grampa," Anthony said, a bit frustrated, "you read it and didn't agree with it."
The old man suddenly remembered, but this was made apparent only by a partial falling open of his mouth, displaying rows of gray gums. Eying Anthony with a green and ancient stare he hesitated between confessing his error and covering it up.
The old man suddenly remembered, but this was clear only by a slight parting of his lips, revealing rows of gray gums. Looking at Anthony with a piercing, old-fashioned gaze, he hesitated between admitting his mistake and hiding it.
"So you're writing," he said quickly. "Well, why don't you go over and write about these Germans? Write something real, something about what's going on, something people can read."
"So you're writing," he said quickly. "Well, why don't you go over and write about these Germans? Write something genuine, something about what's really happening, something people can actually read."
"Anybody can't be a war correspondent," objected Anthony. "You have to have some newspaper willing to buy your stuff. And I can't spare the money to go over as a free-lance."
"Anyone can't be a war correspondent," Anthony protested. "You need to have a newspaper that’s willing to buy your work. And I can't afford to go over as a freelancer."
"I'll send you over," suggested his grandfather surprisingly. "I'll get you over as an authorized correspondent of any newspaper you pick out."
"I'll send you," his grandfather suggested surprisingly. "I'll get you set up as an authorized correspondent for any newspaper you choose."
Anthony recoiled from the idea—almost simultaneously he bounded toward it.
Anthony shrank back from the idea—almost at the same time, he rushed toward it.
"I—don't—know—"
"I don't know."
He would have to leave Gloria, whose whole life yearned toward him and enfolded him. Gloria was in trouble. Oh, the thing wasn't feasible—yet—he saw himself in khaki, leaning, as all war correspondents lean, upon a heavy stick, portfolio at shoulder—trying to look like an Englishman. "I'd like to think it over," he, confessed. "It's certainly very kind of you. I'll think it over and I'll let you know."
He would have to leave Gloria, whose whole life was devoted to him and wrapped around him. Gloria was in trouble. Oh, it just didn’t seem possible—yet—he imagined himself in khaki, leaning, like all war correspondents do, on a heavy stick, portfolio on his shoulder—trying to look like a British man. "I’d like to think it over," he admitted. "It’s really very kind of you. I’ll think it over and I’ll let you know."
Thinking it over absorbed him on the journey to New York. He had had one of those sudden flashes of illumination vouchsafed to all men who are dominated by a strong and beloved woman, which show them a world of harder men, more fiercely trained and grappling with the abstractions of thought and war. In that world the arms of Gloria would exist only as the hot embrace of a chance mistress, coolly sought and quickly forgotten....
Thinking about it took over his mind on the trip to New York. He experienced one of those sudden moments of clarity granted to all men who are under the influence of a strong and cherished woman, revealing a world of tougher men, more intensely focused and wrestling with complex ideas and conflicts. In that world, Gloria's affection would only be like a passionate fling, casually pursued and swiftly forgotten....
These unfamiliar phantoms were crowding closely about him when he boarded his train for Marietta, in the Grand Central Station. The car was crowded; he secured the last vacant seat and it was only after several minutes that he gave even a casual glance to the man beside him. When he did he saw a heavy lay of jaw and nose, a curved chin and small, puffed-under eyes. In a moment he recognized Joseph Bloeckman.
These strange figures were gathered around him as he got on his train to Marietta at Grand Central Station. The car was packed; he grabbed the last empty seat and only after a few minutes did he casually look at the guy next to him. When he did, he noticed a strong jaw and nose, a curved chin, and small, puffy eyes. In a moment, he realized it was Joseph Bloeckman.
Simultaneously they both half rose, were half embarrassed, and exchanged what amounted to a half handshake. Then, as though to complete the matter, they both half laughed.
At the same time, they both half stood up, feeling a bit awkward, and shared what was basically a half handshake. Then, just to wrap things up, they both chuckled a little.
"Well," remarked Anthony without inspiration, "I haven't seen you for a long time." Immediately he regretted his words and started to add: "I didn't know you lived out this way." But Bloeckman anticipated him by asking pleasantly:
"Well," Anthony said unenthusiastically, "I haven't seen you in a while." He instantly regretted his words and began to add, "I didn’t know you lived out here." But Bloeckman cut him off by asking cheerfully:
"How's your wife? ..."
"How's your partner?"
"She's very well. How've you been?"
"She's doing great. How have you been?"
"Excellent." His tone amplified the grandeur of the word.
"Awesome." His tone emphasized the importance of the word.
It seemed to Anthony that during the last year Bloeckman had grown tremendously in dignity. The boiled look was gone, he seemed "done" at last. In addition he was no longer overdressed. The inappropriate facetiousness he had affected in ties had given way to a sturdy dark pattern, and his right hand, which had formerly displayed two heavy rings, was now innocent of ornament and even without the raw glow of a manicure.
It seemed to Anthony that over the past year, Bloeckman had gained a lot of dignity. The stiff look was gone; he finally seemed "finished." On top of that, he was no longer overdressed. The inappropriate jokes he used to make with his ties had been replaced by a solid dark pattern, and his right hand, which used to show off two heavy rings, was now bare and even free of the shine of a manicure.
This dignity appeared also in his personality. The last aura of the successful travelling-man had faded from him, that deliberate ingratiation of which the lowest form is the bawdy joke in the Pullman smoker. One imagined that, having been fawned upon financially, he had attained aloofness; having been snubbed socially, he had acquired reticence. But whatever had given him weight instead of bulk, Anthony no longer felt a correct superiority in his presence.
This dignity also showed in his personality. The last trace of the confident traveler had faded from him, that careful way of trying to be charming, which at its most basic level includes a crude joke in the train's lounge. One could picture that, after being pampered financially, he had achieved a sense of distance; after being rejected socially, he had become more reserved. But whatever had given him depth instead of just heft, Anthony no longer felt a sense of proper superiority when he was around.
"D'you remember Caramel, Richard Caramel? I believe you met him one night."
"Do you remember Caramel, Richard Caramel? I think you met him one night."
"I remember. He was writing a book."
"I remember. He was writing a book."
"Well, he sold it to the movies. Then they had some scenario man named Jordan work on it. Well, Dick subscribes to a clipping bureau and he's furious because about half the movie reviewers speak of the 'power and strength of William Jordan's "Demon Lover."' Didn't mention old Dick at all. You'd think this fellow Jordan had actually conceived and developed the thing."
"Well, he sold it to the movies. Then they had some scriptwriter named Jordan work on it. Dick subscribes to a clipping service and he's furious because about half the movie reviewers talk about the 'power and strength of William Jordan's "Demon Lover."' They didn’t mention old Dick at all. You’d think this guy Jordan actually came up with and developed the whole thing."
Bloeckman nodded comprehensively.
Bloeckman nodded in agreement.
"Most of the contracts state that the original writer's name goes into all the paid publicity. Is Caramel still writing?"
"Most of the contracts say that the original writer's name must be included in all the paid publicity. Is Caramel still writing?"
"Oh, yes. Writing hard. Short stories."
"Oh, definitely. Writing is tough. Short stories."
"Well, that's fine, that's fine.... You on this train often?"
"Well, that's okay, that's okay.... Do you ride this train often?"
"About once a week. We live in Marietta."
"About once a week. We live in Marietta."
"Is that so? Well, well! I live near Cos Cob myself. Bought a place there only recently. We're only five miles apart."
"Really? That’s interesting! I actually live close to Cos Cob, too. I just bought a place there recently. We’re only five miles away from each other."
"You'll have to come and see us." Anthony was surprised at his own courtesy. "I'm sure Gloria'd be delighted to see an old friend. Anybody'll tell you where the house is—it's our second season there."
"You'll have to come and visit us." Anthony was impressed by his own politeness. "I'm sure Gloria would be thrilled to see an old friend. Anyone can tell you where the house is—it's our second season there."
"Thank you." Then, as though returning a complementary politeness: "How is your grandfather?"
"Thank you." Then, as if returning the polite gesture: "How's your grandfather?"
"He's been well. I had lunch with him to-day."
"He's doing well. I had lunch with him today."
"A great character," said Bloeckman severely. "A fine example of an American."
"A great character," Bloeckman said firmly. "A great example of an American."
THE TRIUMPH OF LETHARGY
Anthony found his wife deep in the porch hammock voluptuously engaged with a lemonade and a tomato sandwich and carrying on an apparently cheery conversation with Tana upon one of Tana's complicated themes.
Anthony found his wife comfortably settled in the porch hammock, enjoying a lemonade and a tomato sandwich while having a seemingly cheerful conversation with Tana about one of Tana's complex topics.
"In my countree," Anthony recognized his invariable preface, "all time—peoples—eat rice—because haven't got. Cannot eat what no have got." Had his nationality not been desperately apparent one would have thought he had acquired his knowledge of his native land from American primary-school geographies.
"In my country," Anthony noted, sticking to his usual introduction, "all the time—people—eat rice—because they don't have anything else. You can’t eat what you don’t have." If his nationality weren't so obvious, one might think he had learned about his homeland from American elementary school textbooks.
When the Oriental had been squelched and dismissed to the kitchen, Anthony turned questioningly to Gloria:
When the Oriental had been silenced and sent to the kitchen, Anthony looked at Gloria with a questioning expression:
"It's all right," she announced, smiling broadly. "And it surprised me more than it does you."
"It's okay," she said, grinning widely. "And it surprised me even more than it surprises you."
"There's no doubt?"
"Are you sure?"
"None! Couldn't be!"
"Impossible! No way!"
They rejoiced happily, gay again with reborn irresponsibility. Then he told her of his opportunity to go abroad, and that he was almost ashamed to reject it.
They celebrated joyfully, feeling carefree once more. Then he told her about his chance to go overseas and that he almost felt guilty about turning it down.
"What do you think? Just tell me frankly."
"What do you think? Just be honest with me."
"Why, Anthony!" Her eyes were startled. "Do you want to go? Without me?"
"Why, Anthony!" Her eyes widened in surprise. "Do you want to leave? Without me?"
His face fell—yet he knew, with his wife's question, that it was too late. Her arms, sweet and strangling, were around him, for he had made all such choices back in that room in the Plaza the year before. This was an anachronism from an age of such dreams.
His expression changed—yet he realized, with his wife's question, that it was too late. Her arms, both comforting and suffocating, were around him, because he had made all those choices in that room at the Plaza the year before. This felt like something from a bygone era of dreams.
"Gloria," he lied, in a great burst of comprehension, "of course I don't. I was thinking you might go as a nurse or something." He wondered dully if his grandfather would consider this.
"Gloria," he lied, suddenly understanding, "of course I don't. I was just thinking you might want to go as a nurse or something." He wondered, feeling numb, if his grandfather would think this was a good idea.
As she smiled he realized again how beautiful she was, a gorgeous girl of miraculous freshness and sheerly honorable eyes. She embraced his suggestion with luxurious intensity, holding it aloft like a sun of her own making and basking in its beams. She strung together an amazing synopsis for an extravaganza of martial adventure.
As she smiled, he was reminded once more of how beautiful she was, a stunning girl with an amazing freshness and genuinely honorable eyes. She accepted his suggestion with passionate enthusiasm, lifting it up like a sun she had created and soaking up its rays. She crafted an incredible overview for an epic adventure filled with action.
After supper, surfeited with the subject, she yawned. She wanted not to talk but only to read "Penrod," stretched upon the lounge until at midnight she fell asleep. But Anthony, after he had carried her romantically up the stairs, stayed awake to brood upon the day, vaguely angry with her, vaguely dissatisfied.
After dinner, tired of the topic, she yawned. She didn't want to talk anymore, just read "Penrod," lying on the couch until she fell asleep at midnight. But Anthony, after he had carried her up the stairs in a romantic gesture, stayed awake to reflect on the day, feeling vaguely angry with her and somewhat unsatisfied.
"What am I going to do?" he began at breakfast. "Here we've been married a year and we've just worried around without even being efficient people of leisure."
"What am I going to do?" he started at breakfast. "We've been married for a year now and we've just been going through the motions without even being productive leisure seekers."
"Yes, you ought to do something," she admitted, being in an agreeable and loquacious humor. This was not the first of these discussions, but as they usually developed Anthony in the rôle of protagonist, she had come to avoid them.
"Yeah, you should definitely do something," she admitted, feeling chatty and agreeable. This wasn't their first discussion like this, but since Anthony usually ended up playing the main role, she had started to steer clear of them.
"It's not that I have any moral compunctions about work," he continued, "but grampa may die to-morrow and he may live for ten years. Meanwhile we're living above our income and all we've got to show for it is a farmer's car and a few clothes. We keep an apartment that we've only lived in three months and a little old house way off in nowhere. We're frequently bored and yet we won't make any effort to know any one except the same crowd who drift around California all summer wearing sport clothes and waiting for their families to die."
"It's not that I have any moral issues with working," he continued, "but Grandpa might die tomorrow or he could live for another ten years. In the meantime, we're spending more than we earn and all we've got to show for it is an old car and a few clothes. We pay for an apartment we've only lived in for three months and a little rundown house out in the sticks. We're often bored, yet we won't try to meet anyone new besides the same people who hang around California all summer in casual clothes, just waiting for their families to pass away."
"How you've changed!" remarked Gloria. "Once you told me you didn't see why an American couldn't loaf gracefully."
"Wow, you've changed!" Gloria said. "You once told me you didn't see why an American couldn't take it easy in style."
"Well, damn it, I wasn't married. And the old mind was working at top speed and now it's going round and round like a cog-wheel with nothing to catch it. As a matter of fact I think that if I hadn't met you I would have done something. But you make leisure so subtly attractive—"
"Well, damn it, I wasn't married. And my mind was racing at full speed and now it's just spinning in circles like a cogwheel with nothing to hold onto. Honestly, I think that if I hadn't met you, I would have done something. But you make doing nothing so effortlessly appealing—"
"Oh, it's all my fault—"
"Oh, it's all my fault—"
"I didn't mean that, and you know I didn't. But here I'm almost twenty-seven and—"
"I didn't mean that, and you know I didn't. But here I am, almost twenty-seven and—"
"Oh," she interrupted in vexation, "you make me tired! Talking as though I were objecting or hindering you!"
"Oh," she interrupted in annoyance, "you're exhausting me! Talking as if I were against you or holding you back!"
"I was just discussing it, Gloria. Can't I discuss—"
"I was just talking about it, Gloria. Can't I talk—"
"I should think you'd be strong enough to settle—"
"I think you'd be strong enough to settle—"
"—something with you without—"
"—something with you without—"
"—your own problems without coming to me. You talk a lot about going to work. I could use more money very easily, but I'm not complaining. Whether you work or not I love you." Her last words were gentle as fine snow upon hard ground. But for the moment neither was attending to the other—they were each engaged in polishing and perfecting his own attitude.
"—your own issues without coming to me. You talk a lot about going to work. I could use some extra money easily, but I'm not complaining. No matter if you work or not, I love you." Her last words were soft like delicate snow on hard ground. But at that moment, neither was really listening to the other—they were both focused on refining and perfecting their own feelings.
"I have worked—some." This by Anthony was an imprudent bringing up of raw reserves. Gloria laughed, torn between delight and derision; she resented his sophistry as at the same time she admired his nonchalance. She would never blame him for being the ineffectual idler so long as he did it sincerely, from the attitude that nothing much was worth doing.
"I've done some work." Anthony was being careless by mentioning his lack of effort. Gloria laughed, caught between amusement and mockery; she felt frustrated by his clever arguments but also appreciated his carefree attitude. She could never hold it against him for being an ineffective slacker as long as he approached it sincerely, from the belief that not much was really worth doing.
"Work!" she scoffed. "Oh, you sad bird! You bluffer! Work—that means a great arranging of the desk and the lights, a great sharpening of pencils, and 'Gloria, don't sing!' and 'Please keep that damn Tana away from me,' and 'Let me read you my opening sentence,' and 'I won't be through for a long time, Gloria, so don't stay up for me,' and a tremendous consumption of tea or coffee. And that's all. In just about an hour I hear the old pencil stop scratching and look over. You've got out a book and you're 'looking up' something. Then you're reading. Then yawns—then bed and a great tossing about because you're all full of caffeine and can't sleep. Two weeks later the whole performance over again."
"Work!" she scoffed. "Oh, you poor thing! You faker! Work—that means a big setup of the desk and lights, a lot of sharpening pencils, and 'Gloria, stop singing!' and 'Please keep that annoying Tana away from me,' and 'Let me read you my opening line,' and 'I won't be done for a while, Gloria, so don’t wait up for me,' and a huge amount of tea or coffee. And that's it. About an hour later, I hear the scratching of the pencil stop and look over. You've pulled out a book and you're 'looking up' something. Then you're reading. Then yawning—then off to bed and tossing around because you're all wired from caffeine and can’t sleep. Two weeks later, it’s the same routine all over again."
With much difficulty Anthony retained a scanty breech-clout of dignity.
With great difficulty, Anthony held on to a thin semblance of dignity.
"Now that's a slight exaggeration. You know darn well I sold an essay to The Florentine—and it attracted a lot of attention considering the circulation of The Florentine. And what's more, Gloria, you know I sat up till five o'clock in the morning finishing it."
"Now that's a slight exaggeration. You know damn well I sold an essay to The Florentine—and it got a lot of attention considering the circulation of The Florentine. And what's more, Gloria, you know I stayed up till five in the morning finishing it."
She lapsed into silence, giving him rope. And if he had not hanged himself he had certainly come to the end of it.
She fell silent, giving him space. And if he hadn’t trapped himself, he had definitely reached the end of it.
"At least," he concluded feebly, "I'm perfectly willing to be a war correspondent."
"At least," he said weakly, "I'm totally willing to be a war correspondent."
But so was Gloria. They were both willing—anxious; they assured each other of it. The evening ended on a note of tremendous sentiment, the majesty of leisure, the ill health of Adam Patch, love at any cost.
But so was Gloria. They were both willing—eager; they assured each other of it. The evening wrapped up with a wave of deep emotion, the grandeur of relaxation, Adam Patch's poor health, love no matter the cost.
"Anthony!" she called over the banister one afternoon a week later, "there's some one at the door." Anthony, who had been lolling in the hammock on the sun-speckled south porch, strolled around to the front of the house. A foreign car, large and impressive, crouched like an immense and saturnine bug at the foot of the path. A man in a soft pongee suit, with cap to match, hailed him.
"Anthony!" she called over the banister one afternoon a week later, "there's someone at the door." Anthony, who had been lounging in the hammock on the sunlit south porch, strolled around to the front of the house. A foreign car, large and impressive, sat like a huge, dark bug at the end of the path. A man in a soft pongee suit, with a matching cap, greeted him.
"Hello there, Patch. Ran over to call on you."
"Hey, Patch. I stopped by to see you."
It was Bloeckman; as always, infinitesimally improved, of subtler intonation, of more convincing ease.
It was Bloeckman; as always, slightly better, with a more nuanced tone and a more convincing confidence.
"I'm awfully glad you did." Anthony raised his voice to a vine-covered window: "Glor-i-a! We've got a visitor!"
"I'm really glad you did." Anthony raised his voice to a vine-covered window: "Glor-i-a! We have a visitor!"
"I'm in the tub," wailed Gloria politely.
"I'm in the tub," Gloria said politely, sounding upset.
With a smile the two men acknowledged the triumph of her alibi.
With a smile, the two men recognized the success of her alibi.
"She'll be down. Come round here on the side-porch. Like a drink? Gloria's always in the tub—good third of every day."
"She'll be here soon. Come over to the side porch. Want a drink? Gloria spends a good third of her day in the tub."
"Pity she doesn't live on the Sound."
"Pity she doesn't live by the Sound."
"Can't afford it."
"Can't pay for it."
As coming from Adam Patch's grandson, Bloeckman took this as a form of pleasantry. After fifteen minutes filled with estimable brilliancies, Gloria appeared, fresh in starched yellow, bringing atmosphere and an increase of vitality.
As the grandson of Adam Patch, Bloeckman saw this as a lighthearted joke. After fifteen minutes filled with impressive insights, Gloria appeared, looking fresh in her crisp yellow outfit, bringing a lively energy to the room.
"I want to be a successful sensation in the movies," she announced. "I hear that Mary Pickford makes a million dollars annually."
"I want to be a huge movie star," she said. "I heard that Mary Pickford makes a million dollars a year."
"You could, you know," said Bloeckman. "I think you'd film very well."
"You could, you know," Bloeckman said. "I think you'd be great on camera."
"Would you let me, Anthony? If I only play unsophisticated rôles?"
"Would you let me, Anthony? If I only play simple roles?"
As the conversation continued in stilted commas, Anthony wondered that to him and Bloeckman both this girl had once been the most stimulating, the most tonic personality they had ever known—and now the three sat like overoiled machines, without conflict, without fear, without elation, heavily enamelled little figures secure beyond enjoyment in a world where death and war, dull emotion and noble savagery were covering a continent with the smoke of terror.
As the conversation dragged on in awkward pauses, Anthony thought about how he and Bloeckman had once found this girl to be the most exciting, the most energizing person they had ever met—and now the three of them sat like over-oiled machines, lacking conflict, fear, or excitement, like heavy, shiny little figures utterly removed from any sense of pleasure in a world where death and war, dull feelings, and primitive instincts were blanketing a continent in a haze of terror.
In a moment he would call Tana and they would pour into themselves a gay and delicate poison which would restore them momentarily to the pleasurable excitement of childhood, when every face in a crowd had carried its suggestion of splendid and significant transactions taking place somewhere to some magnificent and illimitable purpose.... Life was no more than this summer afternoon; a faint wind stirring the lace collar of Gloria's dress; the slow baking drowsiness of the veranda.... Intolerably unmoved they all seemed, removed from any romantic imminency of action. Even Gloria's beauty needed wild emotions, needed poignancy, needed death....
In a moment, he would call Tana, and they would drink a light and charming poison that would temporarily bring back the joyful excitement of their childhood, when every face in a crowd hinted at amazing and important events happening somewhere for a grand and limitless purpose.... Life was nothing more than this summer afternoon; a gentle breeze playing with the lace collar of Gloria's dress; the slow, drowsy heat of the veranda.... They all seemed intolerably detached, cut off from any romantic urgency of action. Even Gloria's beauty craved wild emotions, needed depth, needed an end....
"... Any day next week," Bloeckman was saying to Gloria. "Here—take this card. What they do is to give you a test of about three hundred feet of film, and they can tell pretty accurately from that."
"... Any day next week," Bloeckman was saying to Gloria. "Here—take this card. What they do is give you a test with about three hundred feet of film, and they can tell pretty accurately from that."
"How about Wednesday?"
"Is Wednesday good?"
"Wednesday's fine. Just phone me and I'll go around with you—"
"Wednesday works for me. Just call me and I'll come with you—"
He was on his feet, shaking hands briskly—then his car was a wraith of dust down the road. Anthony turned to his wife in bewilderment.
He was standing, shaking hands quickly—then his car vanished in a cloud of dust down the road. Anthony turned to his wife, confused.
"Why, Gloria!"
"Wow, Gloria!"
"You don't mind if I have a trial, Anthony. Just a trial? I've got to go to town Wednesday, anyhow."
"You don't mind if I try it out, Anthony. Just a trial? I have to go to town on Wednesday, anyway."
"But it's so silly! You don't want to go into the movies—moon around a studio all day with a lot of cheap chorus people."
"But it's so ridiculous! You don't want to hang out at the movies—mosey around a studio all day with a bunch of low-budget chorus people."
"Lot of mooning around Mary Pickford does!"
"Mary Pickford does a lot of wandering around!"
"Everybody isn't a Mary Pickford."
"Not everyone is a Mary Pickford."
"Well, I can't see how you'd object to my trying."
"Well, I don't see how you could be against my trying."
"I do, though. I hate actors."
"I really do. I hate actors."
"Oh, you make me tired. Do you imagine I have a very thrilling time dozing on this damn porch?"
"Oh, you wear me out. Do you really think I have a great time napping on this stupid porch?"
"You wouldn't mind if you loved me."
"You wouldn't care if you loved me."
"Of course I love you," she said impatiently, making out a quick case for herself. "It's just because I do that I hate to see you go to pieces by just lying around and saying you ought to work. Perhaps if I did go into this for a while it'd stir you up so you'd do something."
"Of course I love you," she said, a bit frustrated, quickly trying to justify her point. "It's precisely because I care that I hate to see you fall apart just lying around and saying you should be working. Maybe if I actually got involved in this for a bit, it would motivate you to take some action."
"It's just your craving for excitement, that's all it is."
"It's just your desire for excitement, that's all it is."
"Maybe it is! It's a perfectly natural craving, isn't it?"
"Maybe it is! It's a completely natural desire, right?"
"Well, I'll tell you one thing. If you go to the movies I'm going to Europe."
"Well, I’ll tell you this: if you go to the movies, I’m heading to Europe."
"Well, go on then! I'm not stopping you!"
"Go ahead then! I'm not holding you back!"
To show she was not stopping him she melted into melancholy tears. Together they marshalled the armies of sentiment—words, kisses, endearments, self-reproaches. They attained nothing. Inevitably they attained nothing. Finally, in a burst of gargantuan emotion each of them sat down and wrote a letter. Anthony's was to his grandfather; Gloria's was to Joseph Bloeckman. It was a triumph of lethargy.
To prove she wasn't holding him back, she broke down in sad tears. Together, they gathered their feelings—words, kisses, sweet nothings, and self-blame. They achieved nothing. Of course, they achieved nothing. Finally, overwhelmed with emotion, each of them sat down and wrote a letter. Anthony’s was to his grandfather; Gloria’s was to Joseph Bloeckman. It was a win for inaction.
One day early in July Anthony, returned from an afternoon in New York, called up-stairs to Gloria. Receiving no answer he guessed she was asleep and so went into the pantry for one of the little sandwiches that were always prepared for them. He found Tana seated at the kitchen table before a miscellaneous assortment of odds and ends—cigar-boxes, knives, pencils, the tops of cans, and some scraps of paper covered with elaborate figures and diagrams.
One day in early July, Anthony returned from an afternoon in New York and called upstairs to Gloria. When he got no response, he figured she was asleep, so he went into the pantry to grab one of the little sandwiches that they always had ready for them. He found Tana sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by a random assortment of stuff—cigar boxes, knives, pencils, can tops, and some scraps of paper filled with complex figures and diagrams.
"What the devil you doing?" demanded Anthony curiously.
"What on earth are you doing?" Anthony asked, intrigued.
Tana politely grinned.
Tana smiled politely.
"I show you," he exclaimed enthusiastically. "I tell—"
"I'll show you," he said excitedly. "I mean—"
"You making a dog-house?"
"Are you building a dog house?"
"No, sa." Tana grinned again. "Make typewutta."
"No, sir." Tana grinned again. "Make typewriter."
"Typewriter?"
"Typewriter?"
"Yes, sa. I think, oh all time I think, lie in bed think 'bout typewutta."
"Yeah, I always do. I lie in bed thinking about typewriters."
"So you thought you'd make one, eh?"
"So, you thought you’d create one, huh?"
"Wait. I tell."
"Hold on. I'm telling."
Anthony, munching a sandwich, leaned leisurely against the sink. Tana opened and closed his mouth several times as though testing its capacity for action. Then with a rush he began:
Anthony, casually eating a sandwich, leaned against the sink. Tana opened and closed his mouth a few times, as if checking how well it could move. Then, with sudden energy, he started:
"I been think—typewutta—has, oh, many many many many thing. Oh many many many many." "Many keys. I see."
"I've been thinking—typewriter—has, oh, so many many many many things. Oh so many many many many." "Many keys. I get it."
"No-o? Yes-key! Many many many many lettah. Like so a-b-c."
"No-o? Yes-key! Lots and lots of letters. Just like a-b-c."
"Yes, you're right."
"Yeah, you're right."
"Wait. I tell." He screwed his face up in a tremendous effort to express himself: "I been think—many words—end same. Like i-n-g."
"Wait. Let me explain." He contorted his face in a huge effort to communicate: "I've been thinking—a lot of words—end up being the same. Like i-n-g."
"You bet. A whole raft of them."
"You bet. A whole bunch of them."
"So—I make—typewutta—quick. Not so many lettah—"
"So—I make—type it—quick. Not so many letters—"
"That's a great idea, Tana. Save time. You'll make a fortune. Press one key and there's 'ing.' Hope you work it out."
"That's a great idea, Tana. Save time. You'll make a lot of money. Just press one key and there's 'ing.' Hope you figure it out."
Tana laughed disparagingly. "Wait. I tell—" "Where's Mrs. Patch?"
Tana laughed mockingly. "Hold on. I’m saying—" "Where's Mrs. Patch?"
"She out. Wait, I tell—" Again he screwed up his face for action. "My typewutta——"
"She’s out. Wait, I’ll tell—" Again he contorted his face for action. "My typewriter——"
"Where is she?"
"Where’s she?"
"Here—I make." He pointed to the miscellany of junk on the table.
"Here—I made this." He pointed to the collection of junk on the table.
"I mean Mrs. Patch."
"I mean Mrs. Patch."
"She out." Tana reassured him. "She be back five o'clock, she say."
"She's out." Tana reassured him. "She'll be back at five o'clock, she said."
"Down in the village?"
"Down in the neighborhood?"
"No. Went off before lunch. She go Mr. Bloeckman."
"No. Left before lunch. She went to see Mr. Bloeckman."
Anthony started.
Anthony got started.
"Went out with Mr. Bloeckman?"
"Went out with Mr. Bloeckman?"
"She be back five."
"She'll be back in five."
Without a word Anthony left the kitchen with Tana's disconsolate "I tell" trailing after him. So this was Gloria's idea of excitement, by God! His fists were clenched; within a moment he had worked himself up to a tremendous pitch of indignation. He went to the door and looked out; there was no car in sight and his watch stood at four minutes of five. With furious energy he dashed down to the end of the path—as far as the bend of the road a mile off he could see no car—except—but it was a farmer's flivver. Then, in an undignified pursuit of dignity, he rushed back to the shelter of the house as quickly as he had rushed out.
Without saying a word, Anthony left the kitchen with Tana's sad "I tell" echoing behind him. So this was Gloria's idea of excitement, for heaven's sake! His fists clenched, and in no time he had worked himself up to a boiling point of anger. He went to the door and looked outside; there was no car in sight and his watch read four minutes to five. With fierce determination, he sprinted down to the end of the path—there was no car in sight even as far as the bend of the road a mile away—except for one, but it was just a farmer's old jalopy. Then, in a desperate attempt to regain his dignity, he rushed back to the safety of the house just as quickly as he had run out.
Pacing up and down the living room he began an angry rehearsal of the speech he would make to her when she came in—
Pacing back and forth in the living room, he started angrily rehearsing the speech he would give her when she walked in—
"So this is love!" he would begin—or no, it sounded too much like the popular phrase "So this is Paris!" He must be dignified, hurt, grieved. Anyhow—"So this is what you do when I have to go up and trot all day around the hot city on business. No wonder I can't write! No wonder I don't dare let you out of my sight!" He was expanding now, warming to his subject. "I'll tell you," he continued, "I'll tell you—" He paused, catching a familiar ring in the words—then he realized—it was Tana's "I tell."
"So this is love!" he would start—or no, that sounded too much like the popular phrase "So this is Paris!" He needed to keep his composure, feel hurt, and be sad. Anyway—"So this is what you do while I'm stuck running around the hot city all day on business. No wonder I can't write! No wonder I can't let you out of my sight!" He was getting more animated now, really getting into it. "I'll tell you," he continued, "I'll tell you—" He paused, recognizing a familiar tone in his words—then it hit him—it was Tana's "I tell."
Yet Anthony neither laughed nor seemed absurd to himself. To his frantic imagination it was already six—seven—eight, and she was never coming! Bloeckman finding her bored and unhappy had persuaded her to go to California with him....
Yet Anthony neither laughed nor felt ridiculous. In his panicked mind, it was already six—seven—eight, and she wasn’t coming! Bloeckman, seeing her bored and unhappy, had convinced her to go to California with him....
—There was a great to-do out in front, a joyous "Yoho, Anthony!" and he rose trembling, weakly happy to see her fluttering up the path. Bloeckman was following, cap in hand.
—There was a big fuss out front, a cheerful "Yoho, Anthony!" and he stood up, trembling, feeling weakly happy to see her coming up the path. Bloeckman was following, holding his cap in his hands.
"Dearest!" she cried.
"Darling!" she cried.
"We've been for the best jaunt—all over New York State."
"We've had the best adventure all around New York State."
"I'll have to be starting home," said Bloeckman, almost immediately. "Wish you'd both been here when I came."
"I should be heading home now," Bloeckman said right away. "I wish you both had been here when I arrived."
"I'm sorry I wasn't," answered Anthony dryly. When he had departed Anthony hesitated. The fear was gone from his heart, yet he felt that some protest was ethically apropos. Gloria resolved his uncertainty.
"I'm sorry I wasn't," Anthony replied flatly. After he left, Anthony hesitated. The fear had faded from his heart, but he felt that he needed to express some kind of protest. Gloria cleared up his uncertainty.
"I knew you wouldn't mind. He came just before lunch and said he had to go to Garrison on business and wouldn't I go with him. He looked so lonesome, Anthony. And I drove his car all the way."
"I knew you wouldn't mind. He showed up just before lunch and said he had to head to Garrison for work and asked if I wanted to go with him. He looked so lonely, Anthony. So, I drove his car all the way."
Listlessly Anthony dropped into a chair, his mind tired—tired with nothing, tired with everything, with the world's weight he had never chosen to bear. He was ineffectual and vaguely helpless here as he had always been. One of those personalities who, in spite of all their words, are inarticulate, he seemed to have inherited only the vast tradition of human failure—that, and the sense of death.
Listlessly, Anthony sank into a chair, his mind exhausted—exhausted from nothing, exhausted from everything, from the weight of the world he never chose to bear. He felt ineffective and vaguely helpless here, just as he always had. He was one of those people who, despite all their talk, were inarticulate; he seemed to have inherited only the immense legacy of human failure—that, and a sense of mortality.
"I suppose I don't care," he answered.
"I guess I don't care," he replied.
One must be broad about these things, and Gloria being young, being beautiful, must have reasonable privileges. Yet it wearied him that he failed to understand.
One has to be open-minded about these things, and since Gloria is young and beautiful, she deserves some fair privileges. Still, it frustrated him that he couldn't figure it out.
WINTER
She rolled over on her back and lay still for a moment in the great bed watching the February sun suffer one last attenuated refinement in its passage through the leaded panes into the room. For a time she had no accurate sense of her whereabouts or of the events of the day before, or the day before that; then, like a suspended pendulum, memory began to beat out its story, releasing with each swing a burdened quota of time until her life was given back to her.
She rolled onto her back and lay still for a moment in the large bed, watching the February sun slowly filter through the leaded windows and into the room. For a while, she didn't have a clear sense of where she was or what had happened the day before, or the day before that; then, like a swinging pendulum, her memory started to come back, releasing bits of time with each swing until her life was returned to her.
She could hear, now, Anthony's troubled breathing beside her; she could smell whiskey and cigarette smoke. She noticed that she lacked complete muscular control; when she moved it was not a sinuous motion with the resultant strain distributed easily over her body—it was a tremendous effort of her nervous system as though each time she were hypnotizing herself into performing an impossible action....
She could hear Anthony's troubled breathing next to her; she could smell whiskey and cigarette smoke. She realized she didn't have full control over her muscles; when she moved, it wasn't a smooth motion with the strain naturally spread across her body—it felt like a huge effort from her nervous system, almost as if she had to hypnotize herself each time to accomplish something impossible....
She was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth to get rid of that intolerable taste; then back by the bedside listening to the rattle of Bounds's key in the outer door.
She was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth to get rid of that awful taste; then back by the bedside, listening to Bounds’s key rattling in the outer door.
"Wake up, Anthony!" she said sharply.
"Wake up, Anthony!" she said firmly.
She climbed into bed beside him and closed her eyes. Almost the last thing she remembered was a conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Lacy. Mrs. Lacy had said, "Sure you don't want us to get you a taxi?" and Anthony had replied that he guessed they could walk over to Fifth all right. Then they had both attempted, imprudently, to bow—and collapsed absurdly into a battalion of empty milk bottles just outside the door. There must have been two dozen milk bottles standing open-mouthed in the dark. She could conceive of no plausible explanation of those milk bottles. Perhaps they had been attracted by the singing in the Lacy house and had hurried over agape with wonder to see the fun. Well, they'd had the worst of it—though it seemed that she and Anthony never would get up, the perverse things rolled so....
She got into bed next to him and shut her eyes. Almost the last thing she remembered was talking to Mr. and Mrs. Lacy. Mrs. Lacy had asked, "Are you sure you don’t want us to call you a taxi?" and Anthony had said they could walk over to Fifth just fine. Then they both tried to bow, which was a bad idea, and ended up clumsily crashing into a bunch of empty milk bottles right outside the door. There must have been about two dozen milk bottles standing wide open in the dark. She couldn’t come up with a good reason for those milk bottles. Maybe they had been drawn in by the singing from the Lacy house and rushed over in awe to see what was happening. Well, they certainly got the worst of it—though it seemed like she and Anthony would never get up, those pesky bottles just rolled everywhere...
Still, they had found a taxi. "My meter's broken and it'll cost you a dollar and a half to get home," said the taxi driver. "Well," said Anthony, "I'm young Packy McFarland and if you'll come down here I'll beat you till you can't stand up." ...At that point the man had driven off without them. They must have found another taxi, for they were in the apartment....
Still, they had found a taxi. "My meter's broken, and it'll cost you a dollar and a half to get home," said the taxi driver. "Well," said Anthony, "I'm young Packy McFarland, and if you come down here, I'll beat you until you can't stand up." ...At that point, the man had driven off without them. They must have found another taxi because they were in the apartment....
"What time is it?" Anthony was sitting up in bed, staring at her with owlish precision.
"What time is it?" Anthony sat up in bed, staring at her with wide-eyed focus.
This was obviously a rhetorical question. Gloria could think of no reason why she should be expected to know the time.
This was clearly a rhetorical question. Gloria couldn't think of any reason why she should be expected to know the time.
"Golly, I feel like the devil!" muttered Anthony dispassionately. Relaxing, he tumbled back upon his pillow. "Bring on your grim reaper!"
"Gosh, I feel like hell!" Anthony muttered flatly. Relaxing, he flopped back onto his pillow. "Bring it on, grim reaper!"
"Anthony, how'd we finally get home last night?"
"Anthony, how did we finally make it home last night?"
"Taxi."
"Ride share."
"Oh!" Then, after a pause: "Did you put me to bed?"
"Oh!" Then, after a pause: "Did you tuck me in?"
"I don't know. Seems to me you put me to bed. What day is it?"
"I don't know. It seems like you put me to bed. What day is it?"
"Tuesday."
"Tuesday."
"Tuesday? I hope so. If it's Wednesday, I've got to start work at that idiotic place. Supposed to be down at nine or some such ungodly hour."
"Tuesday? I hope so. If it’s Wednesday, I have to start work at that ridiculous place. I’m supposed to be there by nine or some other awful time."
"Ask Bounds," suggested Gloria feebly.
"Ask Bounds," Gloria suggested weakly.
"Bounds!" he called.
"Out of bounds!" he called.
Sprightly, sober—a voice from a world that it seemed in the past two days they had left forever, Bounds sprang in short steps down the hall and appeared in the half darkness of the door.
Sprightly, sober—a voice from a world they seemed to have left behind forever in the past two days, Bounds jumped down the hall in quick steps and appeared in the dim light of the doorway.
"What day, Bounds?"
"What day is it, Bounds?"
"February the twenty-second, I think, sir."
"February 22, I believe, sir."
"I mean day of the week."
"I mean the day of the week."
"Tuesday, sir." "Thanks." After a pause: "Are you ready for breakfast, sir?"
"Tuesday, sir." "Thanks." After a pause: "Are you ready for breakfast, sir?"
"Yes, and Bounds, before you get it, will you make a pitcher of water, and set it here beside the bed? I'm a little thirsty."
"Yeah, and Bounds, before you get it, can you make a pitcher of water and put it here next to the bed? I'm a bit thirsty."
"Yes, sir."
"Yes, sir."
Bounds retreated in sober dignity down the hallway.
Bounds walked away down the hallway with serious dignity.
"Lincoln's birthday," affirmed Anthony without enthusiasm, "or St. Valentine's or somebody's. When did we start on this insane party?"
"Lincoln's birthday," Anthony said flatly, "or St. Valentine's or someone else's. When did we start this crazy party?"
"Sunday night."
"Sunday night."
"After prayers?" he suggested sardonically.
"After prayers?" he said sarcastically.
"We raced all over town in those hansoms and Maury sat up with his driver, don't you remember? Then we came home and he tried to cook some bacon—came out of the pantry with a few blackened remains, insisting it was 'fried to the proverbial crisp.'"
"We raced all over town in those cabs, and Maury sat up with his driver, remember? Then we came home, and he tried to cook some bacon—came out of the pantry with a few charred bits, insisting it was 'fried to a perfect crisp.'"
Both of them laughed, spontaneously but with some difficulty, and lying there side by side reviewed the chain of events that had ended in this rusty and chaotic dawn.
Both of them laughed, spontaneously but with some effort, and lying there side by side, they reflected on the series of events that had led to this rusty and chaotic dawn.
They had been in New York for almost four months, since the country had grown too cool in late October. They had given up California this year, partly because of lack of funds, partly with the idea of going abroad should this interminable war, persisting now into its second year, end during the winter. Of late their income had lost elasticity; no longer did it stretch to cover gay whims and pleasant extravagances, and Anthony had spent many puzzled and unsatisfactory hours over a densely figured pad, making remarkable budgets that left huge margins for "amusements, trips, etc.," and trying to apportion, even approximately, their past expenditures.
They had been in New York for almost four months, since the weather had turned chilly in late October. They had given up California this year, partly because they didn’t have enough money and partly with the hope of going abroad if this never-ending war, now in its second year, ended during the winter. Recently, their income had lost its flexibility; it no longer stretched to cover fun treats and nice splurges, and Anthony had spent many confused and frustrating hours on a complicated spreadsheet, creating impressive budgets that still left big gaps for "entertainment, trips, etc.," and trying to estimate, even roughly, their past spending.
He remembered a time when in going on a "party" with his two best friends, he and Maury had invariably paid more than their share of the expenses. They would buy the tickets for the theatre or squabble between themselves for the dinner check. It had seemed fitting; Dick, with his naïveté and his astonishing fund of information about himself, had been a diverting, almost juvenile, figure—court jester to their royalty. But this was no longer true. It was Dick who always had money; it was Anthony who entertained within limitations—always excepting occasional wild, wine-inspired, check-cashing parties—and it was Anthony who was solemn about it next morning and told the scornful and disgusted Gloria that they'd have to be "more careful next time."
He remembered a time when, during a "party" with his two best friends, he and Maury always ended up paying more than their share of the expenses. They would get the tickets for the theater or argue over who would take care of the dinner bill. It had seemed appropriate; Dick, with his innocence and surprising amount of self-knowledge, was an entertaining, almost childish figure—like the court jester to their royalty. But that was no longer the case. Now, it was Dick who always had money; it was Anthony who entertained within limits—aside from the occasional crazy, wine-fueled parties where they would cash checks—and it was Anthony who was serious about it the next morning, telling the disdainful and appalled Gloria that they needed to "be more careful next time."
In the two years since the publication of "The Demon Lover," Dick had made over twenty-five thousand dollars, most of it lately, when the reward of the author of fiction had begun to swell unprecedentedly as a result of the voracious hunger of the motion pictures for plots. He received seven hundred dollars for every story, at that time a large emolument for such a young man—he was not quite thirty—and for every one that contained enough "action" (kissing, shooting, and sacrificing) for the movies, he obtained an additional thousand. His stories varied; there was a measure of vitality and a sort of instinctive in all of them, but none attained the personality of "The Demon Lover," and there were several that Anthony considered downright cheap. These, Dick explained severely, were to widen his audience. Wasn't it true that men who had attained real permanence from Shakespeare to Mark Twain had appealed to the many as well as to the elect?
In the two years since "The Demon Lover" was published, Dick had made over twenty-five thousand dollars, mostly recently, as the rewards for fiction writers started to grow rapidly due to the movie industry's insatiable demand for plots. He earned seven hundred dollars for each story, which was a significant amount for someone so young—he was not even thirty—and for every story that had enough "action" (kissing, shooting, and sacrifice) for films, he received an extra thousand. His stories varied; there was a certain energy and an instinctive quality in all of them, but none had the impact of "The Demon Lover," and there were a few that Anthony thought were pretty low-quality. Dick insisted that these stories were meant to reach a broader audience. Wasn’t it true that writers who achieved lasting fame, from Shakespeare to Mark Twain, appealed to both the masses and the elite?
Though Anthony and Maury disagreed, Gloria told him to go ahead and make as much money as he could—that was the only thing that counted anyhow....
Though Anthony and Maury disagreed, Gloria told him to go ahead and make as much money as he could—that was the only thing that mattered anyway....
Maury, a little stouter, faintly mellower, and more complaisant, had gone to work in Philadelphia. He came to New York once or twice a month and on such occasions the four of them travelled the popular routes from dinner to the theatre, thence to the Frolic or, perhaps, at the urging of the ever-curious Gloria, to one of the cellars of Greenwich Village, notorious through the furious but short-lived vogue of the "new poetry movement."
Maury, a bit heavier, slightly softer, and more agreeable, had started working in Philadelphia. He visited New York once or twice a month, and during those visits, the four of them would take the usual paths from dinner to the theater, then on to the Frolic or, perhaps, at the urging of the ever-curious Gloria, to one of the basements in Greenwich Village, famous for the intense but brief trend of the "new poetry movement."
In January, after many monologues directed at his reticent wife, Anthony determined to "get something to do," for the winter at any rate. He wanted to please his grandfather and even, in a measure, to see how he liked it himself. He discovered during several tentative semi-social calls that employers were not interested in a young man who was only going to "try it for a few months or so." As the grandson of Adam Patch he was received everywhere with marked courtesy, but the old man was a back number now—the heyday of his fame as first an "oppressor" and then an uplifter of the people had been during the twenty years preceding his retirement. Anthony even found several of the younger men who were under the impression that Adam Patch had been dead for some years.
In January, after many one-sided conversations with his quiet wife, Anthony decided he needed to "find something to do," at least for the winter. He wanted to make his grandfather happy and also see how he felt about it. He found out during a few awkward social visits that employers weren't interested in a young guy who was only planning to "give it a try for a few months." As Adam Patch's grandson, he was greeted with great respect everywhere, but his grandfather was seen as outdated—the peak of his fame as first an "oppressor" and then a champion of the people was in the twenty years before he retired. Anthony even noticed that several younger men thought Adam Patch had been dead for some time.
Eventually Anthony went to his grandfather and asked his advice, which turned out to be that he should enter the bond business as a salesman, a tedious suggestion to Anthony, but one that in the end he determined to follow. Sheer money in deft manipulation had fascinations under all circumstances, while almost any side of manufacturing would be insufferably dull. He considered newspaper work but decided that the hours were not ordered for a married man. And he lingered over pleasant fancies of himself either as editor of a brilliant weekly of opinion, an American Mercure de France, or as scintillant producer of satiric comedy and Parisian musical revue. However, the approaches to these latter guilds seemed to be guarded by professional secrets. Men drifted into them by the devious highways of writing and acting. It was palpably impossible to get on a magazine unless you had been on one before.
Eventually, Anthony went to his grandfather for advice, which turned out to be that he should enter the bond business as a salesman. This felt tedious to Anthony, but he ultimately decided to go for it. The idea of making money through skilled manipulation was appealing under any circumstances, while nearly every aspect of manufacturing seemed unbearably boring. He thought about going into newspaper work but concluded that the hours weren't suitable for a married man. Instead, he entertained nice daydreams of himself as the editor of a brilliant weekly opinion magazine, like an American version of the Mercure de France, or as a dazzling producer of satirical comedy and Parisian musical revues. However, it seemed like getting into those areas was protected by professional secrets. People typically found their way in through the winding paths of writing and acting. It was clearly impossible to join a magazine unless you had already been part of one.
So in the end he entered, by way of his grandfather's letter, that Sanctum Americanum where sat the president of Wilson, Hiemer and Hardy at his "cleared desk," and issued therefrom employed. He was to begin work on the twenty-third of February.
So in the end, he entered, thanks to his grandfather's letter, that Sanctum Americanum where the president of Wilson, Hiemer, and Hardy sat at his "cleared desk" and worked from there. He was set to start on February 23rd.
In tribute to the momentous occasion this two-day revel had been planned, since, he said, after he began working he'd have to get to bed early during the week. Maury Noble had arrived from Philadelphia on a trip that had to do with seeing some man in Wall Street (whom, incidentally, he failed to see), and Richard Caramel had been half persuaded, half tricked into joining them. They had condescended to a wet and fashionable wedding on Monday afternoon, and in the evening had occurred the dénouement: Gloria, going beyond her accustomed limit of four precisely timed cocktails, led them on as gay and joyous a bacchanal as they had ever known, disclosing an astonishing knowledge of ballet steps, and singing songs which she confessed had been taught her by her cook when she was innocent and seventeen. She repeated these by request at intervals throughout the evening with such frank conviviality that Anthony, far from being annoyed, was gratified at this fresh source of entertainment. The occasion was memorable in other ways—a long conversation between Maury and a defunct crab, which he was dragging around on the end of a string, as to whether the crab was fully conversant with the applications of the binomial theorem, and the aforementioned race in two hansom cabs with the sedate and impressive shadows of Fifth Avenue for audience, ending in a labyrinthine escape into the darkness of Central Park. Finally Anthony and Gloria had paid a call on some wild young married people—the Lacys—and collapsed in the empty milk bottles.
In honor of the big occasion, they had planned a two-day celebration because, as he mentioned, once he started working, he'd have to go to bed early during the week. Maury Noble had come from Philadelphia for a trip related to meeting someone on Wall Street (whom, by the way, he didn’t end up meeting), and Richard Caramel had been half convinced, half tricked into joining them. They had attended a fancy, rainy wedding on Monday afternoon, and in the evening came the climax: Gloria, exceeding her usual limit of four precisely timed cocktails, led them in a lively and joyful party like they had never experienced before. She showcased an astonishing knowledge of ballet steps and sang songs she admitted were taught to her by her cook when she was innocent and seventeen. She repeated these songs upon request throughout the evening with such genuine cheerfulness that Anthony, instead of being annoyed, was pleased by this new source of entertainment. The occasion was memorable in other ways—a lengthy conversation between Maury and a dead crab, which he was dragging around on a string, about whether the crab understood the applications of the binomial theorem, and the previously mentioned race in two hansom cabs with the calm and impressive backdrop of Fifth Avenue, ending with a complicated escape into the darkness of Central Park. Finally, Anthony and Gloria visited some wild young married people—the Lacys—and collapsed among the empty milk bottles.
Morning now—theirs to add up the checks cashed here and there in clubs, stores, restaurants. Theirs to air the dank staleness of wine and cigarettes out of the tall blue front room, to pick up the broken glass and brush at the stained fabric of chairs and sofas; to give Bounds suits and dresses for the cleaners; finally, to take their smothery half-feverish bodies and faded depressed spirits out into the chill air of February, that life might go on and Wilson, Hiemer and Hardy obtain the services of a vigorous man at nine next morning.
Morning now—their time to tally up the checks cashed here and there in clubs, stores, and restaurants. Their chance to air out the musty smell of wine and cigarettes from the tall blue front room, to pick up the broken glass and clean the stained fabric of the chairs and sofas; to give Bounds suits and dresses for the cleaners; finally, to take their sluggish, half-feverish bodies and worn-down spirits out into the chilly air of February so that life could move on and Wilson, Hiemer, and Hardy could hire a strong man at nine the next morning.
"Do you remember," called Anthony from the bathroom, "when Maury got out at the corner of One Hundred and Tenth Street and acted as a traffic cop, beckoning cars forward and motioning them back? They must have thought he was a private detective."
"Do you remember," yelled Anthony from the bathroom, "when Maury got out at the corner of One Hundred and Tenth Street and acted like a traffic cop, waving cars forward and motioning them to stop? They probably thought he was some kind of private detective."
After each reminiscence they both laughed inordinately, their overwrought nerves responding as acutely and janglingly to mirth as to depression.
After each memory, they both laughed excessively, their heightened emotions reacting just as intensely and chaotically to joy as they did to sadness.
Gloria at the mirror was wondering at the splendid color and freshness of her face—it seemed that she had never looked so well, though her stomach hurt her and her head was aching furiously.
Gloria looked in the mirror, amazed by the vibrant color and freshness of her face—it felt like she had never looked this good, even though her stomach ached and her head was pounding.
The day passed slowly. Anthony, riding in a taxi to his broker's to borrow money on a bond, found that he had only two dollars in his pocket. The fare would cost all of that, but he felt that on this particular afternoon he could not have endured the subway. When the taximetre reached his limit he must get out and walk.
The day went by slowly. Anthony, taking a taxi to his broker's to borrow money on a bond, realized he only had two dollars in his pocket. The fare would take up all of that, but he felt that on this specific afternoon he couldn’t handle the subway. When the taxi meter hit his limit, he would have to get out and walk.
With this his mind drifted off into one of its characteristic day-dreams.... In this dream he discovered that the metre was going too fast—the driver had dishonestly adjusted it. Calmly he reached his destination and then nonchalantly handed the man what he justly owed him. The man showed fight, but almost before his hands were up Anthony had knocked him down with one terrific blow. And when he rose Anthony quickly sidestepped and floored him definitely with a crack in the temple.
With that, his mind wandered into one of its usual daydreams.... In this dream, he realized that the meter was running too fast—the driver had tampered with it. Calmly, he arrived at his destination and then casually gave the driver what he actually owed him. The driver put up a struggle, but almost before he could react, Anthony knocked him down with one powerful punch. When the driver got back up, Anthony swiftly dodged and knocked him out for good with a hit to the temple.
... He was in court now. The judge had fined him five dollars and he had no money. Would the court take his check? Ah, but the court did not know him. Well, he could identify himself by having them call his apartment.
... He was in court now. The judge had fined him five dollars, and he had no money. Would the court accept his check? Ah, but the court didn’t know him. Well, he could prove his identity by having them call his apartment.
... They did so. Yes, it was Mrs. Anthony Patch speaking—but how did she know that this man was her husband? How could she know? Let the police sergeant ask her if she remembered the milk bottles ...
... They did so. Yes, it was Mrs. Anthony Patch speaking—but how did she know that this man was her husband? How could she know? Let the police sergeant ask her if she remembered the milk bottles ...
He leaned forward hurriedly and tapped at the glass. The taxi was only at Brooklyn Bridge, but the metre showed a dollar and eighty cents, and Anthony would never have omitted the ten per cent tip.
He leaned forward quickly and tapped on the glass. The taxi was just at Brooklyn Bridge, but the meter showed a dollar eighty, and Anthony would never skip out on the ten percent tip.
Later in the afternoon he returned to the apartment. Gloria had also been out—shopping—and was asleep, curled in a corner of the sofa with her purchase locked securely in her arms. Her face was as untroubled as a little girl's, and the bundle that she pressed tightly to her bosom was a child's doll, a profound and infinitely healing balm to her disturbed and childish heart.
Later in the afternoon, he came back to the apartment. Gloria had also been out—shopping—and was asleep, curled up in a corner of the sofa with her purchase held tightly in her arms. Her face was as peaceful as a little girl's, and the bundle she clutched closely to her chest was a child's doll, a deep and endlessly comforting remedy for her troubled and youthful heart.
DESTINY
It was with this party, more especially with Gloria's part in it, that a decided change began to come over their way of living. The magnificent attitude of not giving a damn altered overnight; from being a mere tenet of Gloria's it became the entire solace and justification for what they chose to do and what consequence it brought. Not to be sorry, not to loose one cry of regret, to live according to a clear code of honor toward each other, and to seek the moment's happiness as fervently and persistently as possible.
It was with this party, especially with Gloria's role in it, that a significant change started to happen in their way of living. The impressive attitude of not caring changed overnight; instead of just being a belief of Gloria's, it became the whole reason and excuse for what they chose to do and the consequences it brought. They decided not to feel sorry, not to shed a single tear of regret, to live by a clear code of honor toward each other, and to pursue happiness in the moment as passionately and persistently as they could.
"No one cares about us but ourselves, Anthony," she said one day. "It'd be ridiculous for me to go about pretending I felt any obligations toward the world, and as for worrying what people think about me, I simply don't, that's all. Since I was a little girl in dancing-school I've been criticised by the mothers of all the little girls who weren't as popular as I was, and I've always looked on criticism as a sort of envious tribute."
"No one cares about us except for ourselves, Anthony," she said one day. "It would be silly for me to pretend I have any obligations to the world, and as for worrying about what people think of me, I simply don't, that's all. Ever since I was a little girl in dance class, I've been judged by the mothers of all the little girls who weren't as popular as I was, and I've always seen criticism as a kind of envious compliment."
This was because of a party in the "Boul' Mich'" one night, where Constance Merriam had seen her as one of a highly stimulated party of four. Constance Merriam, "as an old school friend," had gone to the trouble of inviting her to lunch next day in order to inform her how terrible it was.
This was because of a party in the "Boul' Mich'" one night, where Constance Merriam had seen her as part of a very lively group of four. Constance Merriam, "as an old school friend," had taken the time to invite her to lunch the next day to tell her how awful it was.
"I told her I couldn't see it," Gloria told Anthony. "Eric Merriam is a sort of sublimated Percy Wolcott—you remember that man in Hot Springs I told you about—his idea of respecting Constance is to leave her at home with her sewing and her baby and her book, and such innocuous amusements, whenever he's going on a party that promises to be anything but deathly dull."
"I told her I couldn't see it," Gloria said to Anthony. "Eric Merriam is kind of like a toned-down Percy Wolcott—you remember that guy in Hot Springs I told you about—his idea of respecting Constance is to leave her at home with her sewing, her baby, and her book, and other harmless distractions, whenever he's heading out for a party that looks like it might be anything but boring."
"Did you tell her that?"
"Did you let her know?"
"I certainly did. And I told her that what she really objected to was that I was having a better time than she was."
"I definitely did. And I told her that what she really had a problem with was that I was enjoying myself more than she was."
Anthony applauded her. He was tremendously proud of Gloria, proud that she never failed to eclipse whatever other women might be in the party, proud that men were always glad to revel with her in great rowdy groups, without any attempt to do more than enjoy her beauty and the warmth of her vitality.
Anthony applauded her. He was incredibly proud of Gloria, proud that she always stood out from the other women at the party, proud that men were always happy to have fun with her in lively groups, just to appreciate her beauty and the warmth of her energy.
These "parties" gradually became their chief source of entertainment. Still in love, still enormously interested in each other, they yet found as spring drew near that staying at home in the evening palled on them; books were unreal; the old magic of being alone had long since vanished—instead they preferred to be bored by a stupid musical comedy, or to go to dinner with the most uninteresting of their acquaintances, so long as there would be enough cocktails to keep the conversation from becoming utterly intolerable. A scattering of younger married people who had been their friends in school or college, as well as a varied assortment of single men, began to think instinctively of them whenever color and excitement were needed, so there was scarcely a day without its phone call, its "Wondered what you were doing this evening." Wives, as a rule, were afraid of Gloria—her facile attainment of the centre of the stage, her innocent but nevertheless disturbing way of becoming a favorite with husbands—these things drove them instinctively into an attitude of profound distrust, heightened by the fact that Gloria was largely unresponsive to any intimacy shown her by a woman.
These "parties" slowly became their main source of entertainment. Still in love and very interested in each other, they found that as spring approached, staying home in the evening became dull; books felt unreal, and the old charm of being alone had faded long ago. Instead, they preferred to be bored by a silly musical comedy or to have dinner with the most uninteresting of their acquaintances, as long as there were enough cocktails to keep the conversation from being completely unbearable. A few younger married couples who had been their friends in school or college, along with a mixed group of single men, started thinking of them whenever they needed some color and excitement, so there was hardly a day without a phone call asking, “Wondered what you were doing this evening.” Wives generally felt uneasy around Gloria—her knack for stealing the spotlight, her innocent yet unsettling ability to charm husbands—these things instinctively pushed them into a state of deep distrust, made worse by the fact that Gloria was largely unresponsive to any friendship offered to her by a woman.
On the appointed Wednesday in February Anthony had gone to the imposing offices of Wilson, Hiemer and Hardy and listened to many vague instructions delivered by an energetic young man of about his own age, named Kahler, who wore a defiant yellow pompadour, and in announcing himself as an assistant secretary gave the impression that it was a tribute to exceptional ability.
On the designated Wednesday in February, Anthony went to the impressive offices of Wilson, Hiemer, and Hardy and listened to a lot of unclear instructions given by an enthusiastic young guy about his age named Kahler. He had a bold yellow pompadour and, when he introduced himself as an assistant secretary, it felt like a nod to his exceptional skills.
"There's two kinds of men here, you'll find," he said. "There's the man who gets to be an assistant secretary or treasurer, gets his name on our folder here, before he's thirty, and there's the man who gets his name there at forty-five. The man who gets his name there at forty-five stays there the rest of his life."
"There's two types of guys you’ll see around here," he said. "There’s the guy who earns the title of assistant secretary or treasurer and gets his name on our folder before he turns thirty, and then there’s the guy who gets his name on it at forty-five. The guy who gets his name on it at forty-five is usually stuck there for the rest of his life."
"How about the man who gets it there at thirty?" inquired Anthony politely.
"How about the guy who makes it by thirty?" Anthony asked politely.
"Why, he gets up here, you see." He pointed to a list of assistant vice-presidents upon the folder. "Or maybe he gets to be president or secretary or treasurer."
"Well, he gets up here, you see." He pointed to a list of assistant vice presidents on the folder. "Or maybe he gets to be president, secretary, or treasurer."
"And what about these over here?"
"And what about these over here?"
"Those? Oh, those are the trustees—the men with capital."
"Those? Oh, those are the trustees—the guys with money."
"I see."
"Got it."
"Now some people," continued Kahler, "think that whether a man gets started early or late depends on whether he's got a college education. But they're wrong."
"Now some people," continued Kahler, "think that if a person gets started early or late depends on whether they have a college education. But they're mistaken."
"I see."
"Got it."
"I had one; I was Buckleigh, class of nineteen-eleven, but when I came down to the Street I soon found that the things that would help me here weren't the fancy things I learned in college. In fact, I had to get a lot of fancy stuff out of my head."
"I had one; I was Buckleigh, class of 1911, but when I got to the Street, I quickly realized that the things that would help me here weren’t the fancy things I learned in college. In fact, I had to get a lot of that fancy stuff out of my head."
Anthony could not help wondering what possible "fancy stuff" he had learned at Buckleigh in nineteen-eleven. An irrepressible idea that it was some sort of needlework recurred to him throughout the rest of the conversation.
Anthony couldn't stop wondering what kind of "fancy stuff" he had learned at Buckleigh in nineteen-eleven. The persistent thought that it was some sort of needlework kept coming back to him for the rest of the conversation.
"See that fellow over there?" Kahler pointed to a youngish-looking man with handsome gray hair, sitting at a desk inside a mahogany railing. "That's Mr. Ellinger, the first vice-president. Been everywhere, seen everything; got a fine education."
"See that guy over there?" Kahler pointed to a young-looking man with handsome gray hair, sitting at a desk behind a mahogany railing. "That's Mr. Ellinger, the first vice president. He’s been all over, seen it all; he has a great education."
In vain did Anthony try to open his mind to the romance of finance; he could think of Mr. Ellinger only as one of the buyers of the handsome leather sets of Thackeray, Balzac, Hugo, and Gibbon that lined the walls of the big bookstores.
In vain did Anthony try to embrace the allure of finance; he could only see Mr. Ellinger as one of the buyers of the beautiful leather editions of Thackeray, Balzac, Hugo, and Gibbon that lined the walls of the large bookstores.
Through the damp and uninspiring month of March he was prepared for salesmanship. Lacking enthusiasm he was capable of viewing the turmoil and bustle that surrounded him only as a fruitless circumambient striving toward an incomprehensible goal, tangibly evidenced only by the rival mansions of Mr. Frick and Mr. Carnegie on Fifth Avenue. That these portentous vice-presidents and trustees should be actually the fathers of the "best men" he had known at Harvard seemed to him incongruous.
Through the dreary and uninspiring month of March, he was ready for sales. Lacking enthusiasm, he could only see the chaos and hustle around him as a pointless effort towards a confusing goal, which was only visibly confirmed by the rival mansions of Mr. Frick and Mr. Carnegie on Fifth Avenue. The fact that these powerful vice-presidents and trustees were actually the fathers of the "best men" he had known at Harvard felt strange to him.
He ate in an employees' lunch-room up-stairs with an uneasy suspicion that he was being uplifted, wondering through that first week if the dozens of young clerks, some of them alert and immaculate, and just out of college, lived in flamboyant hope of crowding onto that narrow slip of cardboard before the catastrophic thirties. The conversation that interwove with the pattern of the day's work was all much of a piece. One discussed how Mr. Wilson had made his money, what method Mr. Hiemer had employed, and the means resorted to by Mr. Hardy. One related age-old but eternally breathless anecdotes of the fortunes stumbled on precipitously in the Street by a "butcher" or a "bartender," or "a darn messenger boy, by golly!" and then one talked of the current gambles, and whether it was best to go out for a hundred thousand a year or be content with twenty. During the preceding year one of the assistant secretaries had invested all his savings in Bethlehem Steel. The story of his spectacular magnificence, of his haughty resignation in January, and of the triumphal palace he was now building in California, was the favorite office subject. The man's very name had acquired a magic significance, symbolizing as he did the aspirations of all good Americans. Anecdotes were told about him—how one of the vice-presidents had advised him to sell, by golly, but he had hung on, even bought on margin, "and now look where he is!"
He ate in an employee lunchroom upstairs, feeling a bit anxious that he was being inspired, wondering during that first week if the many young clerks, some sharp-dressed and fresh out of college, were living in vivid hope of landing that narrow slip of cardboard before the disastrous thirties hit. The conversations that blended with the daily work routine were all pretty similar. People talked about how Mr. Wilson made his money, what method Mr. Hiemer used, and how Mr. Hardy managed his affairs. They shared old but always exciting stories about fortunes suddenly made on the Street by a "butcher," a "bartender," or "a darn messenger boy, for sure!" Then the chatter shifted to current risks, debating whether it was better to aim for a hundred thousand a year or just be satisfied with twenty. The previous year, one of the assistant secretaries had put all his savings into Bethlehem Steel. His amazing story, his dramatic resignation in January, and the lavish house he was now building in California became the top topic at the office. His name had taken on a kind of magic, representing the dreams of all good Americans. Stories were shared about him—how one of the vice presidents had told him to sell, but he stuck it out, even buying on margin, "and now look where he is!"
Such, obviously, was the stuff of life—a dizzy triumph dazzling the eyes of all of them, a gypsy siren to content them with meagre wage and with the arithmetical improbability of their eventual success.
Such, obviously, was the essence of life—a dizzying triumph that dazzled everyone's eyes, a wandering siren that satisfied them with a meager wage and the unlikely odds of their eventual success.
To Anthony the notion became appalling. He felt that to succeed here the idea of success must grasp and limit his mind. It seemed to him that the essential element in these men at the top was their faith that their affairs were the very core of life. All other things being equal, self-assurance and opportunism won out over technical knowledge; it was obvious that the more expert work went on near the bottom—so, with appropriate efficiency, the technical experts were kept there.
To Anthony, the idea became horrifying. He believed that to succeed here, the concept of success had to take over and restrict his thinking. It seemed to him that the key quality in these top men was their belief that their work was the heart of life. With everything else being equal, confidence and seizing opportunities triumphed over technical skills; it was clear that the more skilled work was done at the bottom—so, to maintain efficiency, the technical experts were kept there.
His determination to stay in at night during the week did not survive, and a good half of the time he came to work with a splitting, sickish headache and the crowded horror of the morning subway ringing in his ears like an echo of hell.
His resolve to stay in at night during the week didn’t last, and often he showed up to work with a pounding, nauseating headache and the overwhelming chaos of the morning subway ringing in his ears like an echo of hell.
Then, abruptly, he quit. He had remained in bed all one Monday, and late in the evening, overcome by one of those attacks of moody despair to which he periodically succumbed, he wrote and mailed a letter to Mr. Wilson, confessing that he considered himself ill adapted to the work. Gloria, coming in from the theatre with Richard Caramel, found him on the lounge, silently staring at the high ceiling, more depressed and discouraged than he had been at any time since their marriage.
Then, all of a sudden, he quit. He had stayed in bed all day on Monday, and late that evening, overwhelmed by one of those bouts of gloomy despair he occasionally experienced, he wrote and sent a letter to Mr. Wilson, admitting that he felt he wasn't suited for the job. Gloria, coming in from the theater with Richard Caramel, found him on the couch, silently gazing at the high ceiling, more downcast and discouraged than he had been at any point since their marriage.
She wanted him to whine. If he had she would have reproached him bitterly, for she was not a little annoyed, but he only lay there so utterly miserable that she felt sorry for him, and kneeling down she stroked his head, saying how little it mattered, how little anything mattered so long as they loved each other. It was like their first year, and Anthony, reacting to her cool hand, to her voice that was soft as breath itself upon his ear, became almost cheerful, and talked with her of his future plans. He even regretted, silently, before he went to bed that he had so hastily mailed his resignation.
She wanted him to complain. If he had, she would have scolded him harshly, because she was quite annoyed, but he just lay there so completely miserable that she felt pity for him. Kneeling down, she ran her fingers through his hair and said how little it mattered, how little anything mattered as long as they loved each other. It reminded her of their first year together, and Anthony, responding to her cool touch and her voice that was as soft as breath against his ear, became almost cheerful and began discussing his future plans with her. He even regretted, silently, before going to bed that he had mailed his resignation so quickly.
"Even when everything seems rotten you can't trust that judgment," Gloria had said. "It's the sum of all your judgments that counts."
"Even when everything seems awful, you can't rely on that judgment," Gloria had said. "It's the total of all your judgments that matters."
In mid-April came a letter from the real-estate agent in Marietta, encouraging them to take the gray house for another year at a slightly increased rental, and enclosing a lease made out for their signatures. For a week lease and letter lay carelessly neglected on Anthony's desk. They had no intention of returning to Marietta. They were weary of the place, and had been bored most of the preceding summer. Besides, their car had deteriorated to a rattling mass of hypochondriacal metal, and a new one was financially inadvisable.
In mid-April, they received a letter from the real estate agent in Marietta, urging them to rent the gray house for another year at a slightly higher price, and including a lease for them to sign. For a week, the lease and letter sat ignored on Anthony's desk. They had no plans to go back to Marietta. They were tired of the place and had been bored for most of the previous summer. Plus, their car had turned into a noisy heap of unreliable metal, and buying a new one wasn't financially wise.
But because of another wild revel, enduring through four days and participated in, at one time or another, by more than a dozen people, they did sign the lease; to their utter horror they signed it and sent it, and immediately it seemed as though they heard the gray house, drably malevolent at last, licking its white chops and waiting to devour them.
But because of another wild party that lasted four days and involved more than a dozen people at different times, they ended up signing the lease; to their complete shock, they signed it and sent it off, and suddenly it felt like they could hear the gray house, now drearily menacing, licking its white chops and waiting to swallow them whole.
"Anthony, where's that lease?" she called in high alarm one Sunday morning, sick and sober to reality. "Where did you leave it? It was here!"
"Anthony, where's that lease?" she called out in panic one Sunday morning, feeling unwell and faced with reality. "Where did you put it? It was right here!"
Then she knew where it was. She remembered the house party they had planned on the crest of their exuberance; she remembered a room full of men to whose less exhilarated moments she and Anthony were of no importance, and Anthony's boast of the transcendent merit and seclusion of the gray house, that it was so isolated that it didn't matter how much noise went on there. Then Dick, who had visited them, cried enthusiastically that it was the best little house imaginable, and that they were idiotic not to take it for another summer. It had been easy to work themselves up to a sense of how hot and deserted the city was getting, of how cool and ambrosial were the charms of Marietta. Anthony had picked up the lease and waved it wildly, found Gloria happily acquiescent, and with one last burst of garrulous decision during which all the men agreed with solemn handshakes that they would come out for a visit ...
Then she realized where it was. She recalled the house party they had planned in a moment of excitement; she remembered a room full of men who, during less thrilling times, had no interest in her and Anthony. She remembered Anthony bragging about the wonderful isolation of the gray house, saying it was so remote that it didn't matter how much noise was made there. Then Dick, who had visited them, enthusiastically exclaimed that it was the best little house imaginable, and that they were foolish not to rent it for another summer. It had been easy for them to convince themselves how hot and empty the city was becoming, and how cool and delightful the charms of Marietta were. Anthony had grabbed the lease and waved it around excitedly, found Gloria sweetly on board, and with one last burst of chatty determination, all the men agreed with serious handshakes that they would come out for a visit...
"Anthony," she cried, "we've signed and sent it!"
"Anthony," she exclaimed, "we've signed it and sent it!"
"What?"
"What’s up?"
"The lease!"
"The rental agreement!"
"What the devil!"
"What the heck!"
"Oh, Anthony!" There was utter misery in her voice. For the summer, for eternity, they had built themselves a prison. It seemed to strike at the last roots of their stability. Anthony thought they might arrange it with the real-estate agent. They could no longer afford the double rent, and going to Marietta meant giving up his apartment, his reproachless apartment with the exquisite bath and the rooms for which he had bought his furniture and hangings—it was the closest to a home that he had ever had—familiar with memories of four colorful years.
"Oh, Anthony!" She sounded completely miserable. For the summer, for forever, they had created a prison for themselves. It felt like it was attacking the last bits of their stability. Anthony thought they could work something out with the real-estate agent. They could no longer afford to pay double rent, and moving to Marietta meant giving up his apartment, his perfect apartment with the beautiful bathroom and the rooms he had furnished with his belongings—it was the closest to a home he had ever experienced, filled with memories of four vibrant years.
But it was not arranged with the real-estate agent, nor was it arranged at all. Dispiritedly, without even any talk of making the best of it, without even Gloria's all-sufficing "I don't care," they went back to the house that they now knew heeded neither youth nor love—only those austere and incommunicable memories that they could never share.
But it wasn't organized with the real estate agent, and it wasn't organized at all. Feeling down, without even discussing how to make the best of it, without even Gloria's reassuring "I don't care," they returned to the house that now felt indifferent to both youth and love—only holding those stark and unshareable memories that they could never discuss.
THE SINISTER SUMMER
There was a horror in the house that summer. It came with them and settled itself over the place like a sombre pall, pervasive through the lower rooms, gradually spreading and climbing up the narrow stairs until it oppressed their very sleep. Anthony and Gloria grew to hate being there alone. Her bedroom, which had seemed so pink and young and delicate, appropriate to her pastel-shaded lingerie tossed here and there on chair and bed, seemed now to whisper with its rustling curtains:
There was a dread in the house that summer. It arrived with them and settled over everything like a dark shadow, filling the lower rooms and slowly creeping up the narrow stairs until it weighed down on their sleep. Anthony and Gloria started to dislike being there alone. Her bedroom, which had once seemed so pink, youthful, and delicate—just right for her pastel-shaded lingerie scattered on the chair and bed—now seemed to whisper with its rustling curtains:
"Ah, my beautiful young lady, yours is not the first daintiness and delicacy that has faded here under the summer suns ... generations of unloved women have adorned themselves by that glass for rustic lovers who paid no heed.... Youth has come into this room in palest blue and left it in the gray cerements of despair, and through long nights many girls have lain awake where that bed stands pouring out waves of misery into the darkness."
"Ah, my beautiful young lady, you’re not the first delicate flower to wither away under the summer sun here… generations of unloved women have primped in front of that mirror for rural suitors who didn’t notice them at all... Youth has entered this room in soft blue and left it in the dull shrouds of despair, and through long nights, many girls have stayed awake where that bed is, pouring out their waves of misery into the darkness."
Gloria finally tumbled all her clothes and unguents ingloriously out of it, declaring that she had come to live with Anthony, and making the excuse that one of her screens was rotten and admitted bugs. So her room was abandoned to insensitive guests, and they dressed and slept in her husband's chamber, which Gloria considered somehow "good," as though Anthony's presence there had acted as exterminator of any uneasy shadows of the past that might have hovered about its walls.
Gloria finally dumped all her clothes and lotions out of it, saying she was moving in with Anthony and claiming that one of her screens was broken and let in bugs. So her room was left empty for unsympathetic guests, and they changed and slept in her husband’s room, which Gloria thought was somehow “good,” as if Anthony’s presence there had driven away any uncomfortable memories that might have lingered around its walls.
The distinction between "good" and "bad," ordered early and summarily out of both their lives, had been reinstated in another form. Gloria insisted that any one invited to the gray house must be "good," which, in the case of a girl, meant that she must be either simple and reproachless or, if otherwise, must possess a certain solidity and strength. Always intensely sceptical of her sex, her judgments were now concerned with the question of whether women were or were not clean. By uncleanliness she meant a variety of things, a lack of pride, a slackness in fibre and, most of all, the unmistakable aura of promiscuity.
The difference between "good" and "bad," which had been clearly defined and quickly removed from their lives, had been brought back in a different way. Gloria insisted that anyone invited to the gray house had to be "good," which, for a girl, meant she had to be either innocent and flawless or, if not, must have a certain strength and stability. Always deeply skeptical of her own gender, her judgments now focused on whether women were clean or not. By cleanliness, she referred to several things: a lack of pride, weakness in character, and, most importantly, the clear presence of promiscuity.
"Women soil easily," she said, "far more easily than men. Unless a girl's very young and brave it's almost impossible for her to go down-hill without a certain hysterical animality, the cunning, dirty sort of animality. A man's different—and I suppose that's why one of the commonest characters of romance is a man going gallantly to the devil."
"Women get dirty more easily," she said, "much more easily than men. Unless a girl is really young and brave, it's almost impossible for her to let loose without a certain wildness, the sly, messy kind of wildness. A man is different—and I guess that's why one of the most common characters in romance is a man boldly heading to ruin."
She was disposed to like many men, preferably those who gave her frank homage and unfailing entertainment—but often with a flash of insight she told Anthony that some one of his friends was merely using him, and consequently had best be left alone. Anthony customarily demurred, insisting that the accused was a "good one," but he found that his judgment was more fallible than hers, memorably when, as it happened on several occasions, he was left with a succession of restaurant checks for which to render a solitary account.
She tended to like a lot of guys, especially those who openly admired her and always kept her entertained—but often, with a sudden insight, she would tell Anthony that one of his friends was just using him and should be avoided. Anthony usually disagreed, insisting that the person in question was a "good guy," but he realized that her judgment was often more accurate than his, especially when, as happened several times, he ended up stuck with a bunch of restaurant bills he had to pay by himself.
More from their fear of solitude than from any desire to go through the fuss and bother of entertaining, they filled the house with guests every week-end, and often on through the week. The week-end parties were much the same. When the three or four men invited had arrived, drinking was more or less in order, followed by a hilarious dinner and a ride to the Cradle Beach Country Club, which they had joined because it was inexpensive, lively if not fashionable, and almost a necessity for just such occasions as these. Moreover, it was of no great moment what one did there, and so long as the Patch party were reasonably inaudible, it mattered little whether or not the social dictators of Cradle Beach saw the gay Gloria imbibing cocktails in the supper room at frequent intervals during the evening.
More out of their fear of being alone than any real desire to host people, they filled the house with guests every weekend, and often throughout the week. The weekend parties were pretty much the same. Once the three or four invited men arrived, drinking was basically a given, followed by a lively dinner and a trip to the Cradle Beach Country Club, which they joined because it was affordable, fun if not trendy, and almost a must for occasions like these. Plus, it didn’t really matter what one did there, and as long as the Patch party kept their noise to a reasonable level, it didn’t matter much whether the social elites of Cradle Beach saw the lively Gloria enjoying cocktails in the supper room frequently during the evening.
Saturday ended, generally, in a glamourous confusion—it proving often necessary to assist a muddled guest to bed. Sunday brought the New York papers and a quiet morning of recuperating on the porch—and Sunday afternoon meant good-by to the one or two guests who must return to the city, and a great revival of drinking among the one or two who remained until next day, concluding in a convivial if not hilarious evening.
Saturday usually ended in a glamorous chaos, often requiring someone to help a confused guest to bed. Sunday started with the New York papers and a peaceful morning relaxing on the porch, and Sunday afternoon meant saying goodbye to the one or two guests who had to head back to the city, while the few who stayed on until the next day revived the drinking, ending in a friendly if not wild evening.
The faithful Tana, pedagogue by nature and man of all work by profession, had returned with them. Among their more frequent guests a tradition had sprung up about him. Maury Noble remarked one afternoon that his real name was Tannenbaum, and that he was a German agent kept in this country to disseminate Teutonic propaganda through Westchester County, and, after that, mysterious letters began to arrive from Philadelphia addressed to the bewildered Oriental as "Lt. Emile Tannenbaum," containing a few cryptic messages signed "General Staff," and adorned with an atmospheric double column of facetious Japanese. Anthony always handed them to Tana without a smile; hours afterward the recipient could be found puzzling over them in the kitchen and declaring earnestly that the perpendicular symbols were not Japanese, nor anything resembling Japanese.
The loyal Tana, a natural teacher and a jack-of-all-trades by profession, had returned with them. Among their regular guests, a rumor started about him. Maury Noble commented one afternoon that his real name was Tannenbaum and that he was a German agent in this country spreading Teutonic propaganda throughout Westchester County. After that, strange letters began to arrive from Philadelphia addressed to the confused Oriental as "Lt. Emile Tannenbaum," containing a few mysterious messages signed "General Staff," and decorated with an odd double column of joking Japanese. Anthony always handed them to Tana without a grin; hours later, you could find Tana trying to figure them out in the kitchen, insisting that the vertical symbols weren't Japanese or anything like it.
Gloria had taken a strong dislike to the man ever since the day when, returning unexpectedly from the village, she had discovered him reclining on Anthony's bed, puzzling out a newspaper. It was the instinct of all servants to be fond of Anthony and to detest Gloria, and Tana was no exception to the rule. But he was thoroughly afraid of her and made plain his aversion only in his moodier moments by subtly addressing Anthony with remarks intended for her ear:
Gloria had developed a deep dislike for the man ever since the day she unexpectedly returned from the village and found him lounging on Anthony's bed, trying to make sense of a newspaper. All the servants instinctively liked Anthony and disliked Gloria, and Tana was no different. However, he was genuinely afraid of her and only revealed his distaste during his darker moments by making comments to Anthony that were meant for her to hear:
"What Miz Pats want dinner?" he would say, looking at his master. Or else he would comment about the bitter selfishness of "'Merican peoples" in such manner that there was no doubt who were the "peoples" referred to.
"What does Miz Pats want for dinner?" he would say, looking at his master. Or he would remark on the bitter selfishness of "'Merican people" in a way that made it clear who he meant by "people."
But they dared not dismiss him. Such a step would have been abhorrent to their inertia. They endured Tana as they endured ill weather and sickness of the body and the estimable Will of God—as they endured all things, even themselves.
But they didn't dare to get rid of him. That would have gone against their usual way of doing things. They put up with Tana just like they put up with bad weather, illness, and the respected Will of God—as they put up with everything, even themselves.
IN DARKNESS
One sultry afternoon late in July Richard Caramel telephoned from New York that he and Maury were coming out, bringing a friend with them. They arrived about five, a little drunk, accompanied by a small, stocky man of thirty-five, whom they introduced as Mr. Joe Hull, one of the best fellows that Anthony and Gloria had ever met.
One hot afternoon in late July, Richard Caramel called from New York to say that he and Maury were coming over, bringing a friend with them. They showed up around five, a bit drunk, with a small, stocky guy in his thirties, whom they introduced as Mr. Joe Hull, one of the best people Anthony and Gloria had ever met.
Joe Hull had a yellow beard continually fighting through his skin and a low voice which varied between basso profundo and a husky whisper. Anthony, carrying Maury's suitcase up-stairs, followed into the room and carefully closed the door.
Joe Hull had a yellow beard that seemed to be constantly battling through his skin, and his voice ranged from a deep bass to a husky whisper. Anthony, carrying Maury's suitcase upstairs, entered the room and quietly shut the door.
"Who is this fellow?" he demanded.
"Who is this guy?" he asked.
Maury chuckled enthusiastically.
Maury laughed excitedly.
"Who, Hull? Oh, he's all right. He's a good one."
"Who, Hull? Oh, he's fine. He's a good guy."
"Yes, but who is he?"
"Yes, but who’s he?"
"Hull? He's just a good fellow. He's a prince." His laughter redoubled, culminating in a succession of pleasant catlike grins. Anthony hesitated between a smile and a frown.
"Hull? He's just a great guy. He's a prince." His laughter increased, ending in a series of cheerful, catlike grins. Anthony paused, caught between a smile and a frown.
"He looks sort of funny to me. Weird-looking clothes"—he paused—"I've got a sneaking suspicion you two picked him up somewhere last night."
"He looks kind of funny to me. Strange-looking clothes"—he paused—"I have a feeling you two picked him up somewhere last night."
"Ridiculous," declared Maury. "Why, I've known him all my life." However, as he capped this statement with another series of chuckles, Anthony was impelled to remark: "The devil you have!"
"That's ridiculous," Maury said. "I've known him my whole life." But as he finished this with another round of laughter, Anthony couldn’t help but reply, "No way you have!"
Later, just before dinner, while Maury and Dick were conversing uproariously, with Joe Hull listening in silence as he sipped his drink, Gloria drew Anthony into the dining room:
Later, just before dinner, while Maury and Dick were laughing loudly, with Joe Hull quietly listening and sipping his drink, Gloria pulled Anthony into the dining room:
"I don't like this man Hull," she said. "I wish he'd use Tana's bathtub."
"I don't like this guy Hull," she said. "I wish he'd just use Tana's bathtub."
"I can't very well ask him to."
"I can't really ask him to."
"Well, I don't want him in ours."
"Well, I don't want him in ours."
"He seems to be a simple soul."
"He seems to be a straightforward person."
"He's got on white shoes that look like gloves. I can see his toes right through them. Uh! Who is he, anyway?"
"He's wearing white shoes that look like gloves. I can see his toes right through them. Ugh! Who is he, anyway?"
"You've got me."
"You have me."
"Well, I think they've got their nerve to bring him out here. This isn't a Sailor's Rescue Home!"
"Well, I think they have some nerve bringing him out here. This isn't a Sailor's Rescue Home!"
"They were tight when they phoned. Maury said they've been on a party since yesterday afternoon."
"They were busy when they called. Maury said they've been celebrating since yesterday afternoon."
Gloria shook her head angrily, and saying no more returned to the porch. Anthony saw that she was trying to forget her uncertainty and devote herself to enjoying the evening.
Gloria shook her head in frustration and, saying nothing else, went back to the porch. Anthony noticed that she was trying to move past her doubts and focus on enjoying the evening.
It had been a tropical day, and even into late twilight the heat-waves emanating from the dry road were quivering faintly like undulating panes of isinglass. The sky was cloudless, but far beyond the woods in the direction of the Sound a faint and persistent rolling had commenced. When Tana announced dinner the men, at a word from Gloria, remained coatless and went inside.
It was a sweltering tropical day, and even as twilight settled in, the heat waves rising from the dry road shimmered like rippling sheets of glass. The sky was clear, but far beyond the woods toward the Sound, a soft and continuous rumble had begun. When Tana called everyone for dinner, the men, at a cue from Gloria, stayed without their coats and went inside.
Maury began a song, which they accomplished in harmony during the first course. It had two lines and was sung to a popular air called Daisy Dear. The lines were:
Maury started a song, and they sang it together in harmony during the first part. It had two lines and was set to a popular tune called Daisy Dear. The lines were:
Each rendition was greeted with bursts of enthusiasm and prolonged applause.
Each performance was met with bursts of excitement and long applause.
"Cheer up, Gloria!" suggested Maury. "You seem the least bit depressed."
"Cheer up, Gloria!" Maury encouraged. "You look a little down."
"I'm not," she lied.
"I'm not," she fibbed.
"Here, Tannenbaum!" he called over his shoulder. "I've filled you a drink. Come on!"
"Hey, Tannenbaum!" he shouted behind him. "I poured you a drink. Let's go!"
Gloria tried to stay his arm.
Gloria tried to hold his arm back.
"Please don't, Maury!"
"Don't do it, Maury!"
"Why not? Maybe he'll play the flute for us after dinner. Here, Tana."
"Why not? Maybe he'll play the flute for us after dinner. Here, Tana."
Tana, grinning, bore the glass away to the kitchen. In a few moments Maury gave him another.
Tana, smiling, took the glass to the kitchen. A moment later, Maury handed him another one.
"Cheer up, Gloria!" he cried. "For Heaven's sakes everybody, cheer up Gloria."
"Cheer up, Gloria!" he shouted. "For heaven's sake, everyone, cheer up Gloria."
"Dearest, have another drink," counselled Anthony.
"Hey, love, have another drink," advised Anthony.
"Do, please!"
"Please do!"
"Cheer up, Gloria," said Joe Hull easily.
"Cheer up, Gloria," Joe Hull said casually.
Gloria winced at this uncalled-for use of her first name, and glanced around to see if any one else had noticed it. The word coming so glibly from the lips of a man to whom she had taken an inordinate dislike repelled her. A moment later she noticed that Joe Hull had given Tana another drink, and her anger increased, heightened somewhat from the effects of the alcohol.
Gloria flinched at this unnecessary use of her first name and looked around to see if anyone else had caught it. Hearing it so casually from a man she really disliked put her off. A moment later, she saw that Joe Hull had given Tana another drink, and her anger grew, fueled a bit by the alcohol.
"—and once," Maury was saying, "Peter Granby and I went into a Turkish bath in Boston, about two o'clock at night. There was no one there but the proprietor, and we jammed him into a closet and locked the door. Then a fella came in and wanted a Turkish bath. Thought we were the rubbers, by golly! Well, we just picked him up and tossed him into the pool with all his clothes on. Then we dragged him out and laid him on a slab and slapped him until he was black and blue. 'Not so rough, fellows!' he'd say in a little squeaky voice, 'please! ...'"
"—and one time," Maury was saying, "Peter Granby and I went into a Turkish bath in Boston around two in the morning. There was nobody there except the owner, and we shoved him into a closet and locked the door. Then a guy came in wanting a Turkish bath. He thought we were the staff, can you believe it? So, we just picked him up and threw him into the pool with all his clothes on. Then we dragged him out and laid him on a slab and slapped him until he was bruised all over. 'Not so rough, guys!' he'd whine in a little squeaky voice, 'please! ...'"
—Was this Maury? thought Gloria. From any one else the story would have amused her, but from Maury, the infinitely appreciative, the apotheosis of tact and consideration....
—Was this Maury? thought Gloria. From anyone else, the story would have amused her, but from Maury, the incredibly appreciative, the epitome of tact and consideration....
A drum of thunder from outside drowned out the rest of the song; Gloria shivered and tried to empty her glass, but the first taste nauseated her, and she set it down. Dinner was over and they all marched into the big room, bearing several bottles and decanters. Some one had closed the porch door to keep out the wind, and in consequence circular tentacles of cigar smoke were twisting already upon the heavy air.
A loud rumble of thunder from outside drowned out the rest of the song; Gloria shivered and tried to finish her drink, but the first sip made her feel sick, so she set it down. Dinner was done, and they all walked into the large room, carrying several bottles and decanters. Someone had shut the porch door to keep out the wind, and as a result, swirling tendrils of cigar smoke were already curling in the heavy air.
"Paging Lieutenant Tannenbaum!" Again it was the changeling Maury. "Bring us the flute!"
"Lieutenant Tannenbaum, come in!" It was the shapeshifter Maury again. "Get us the flute!"
Anthony and Maury rushed into the kitchen; Richard Caramel started the phonograph and approached Gloria.
Anthony and Maury hurried into the kitchen; Richard Caramel turned on the phonograph and walked over to Gloria.
"Dance with your well-known cousin."
"Dance with your popular cousin."
"I don't want to dance."
"I don't want to dance."
"Then I'm going to carry you around."
"Then I'm going to carry you around."
As though he were doing something of overpowering importance, he picked her up in his fat little arms and started trotting gravely about the room.
As if he were doing something incredibly important, he picked her up in his chubby little arms and began trotting seriously around the room.
"Set me down, Dick! I'm dizzy!" she insisted.
"Put me down, Dick! I'm feeling dizzy!" she insisted.
He dumped her in a bouncing bundle on the couch, and rushed off to the kitchen, shouting "Tana! Tana!"
He dropped her in a bouncy bundle on the couch and hurried off to the kitchen, yelling "Tana! Tana!"
Then, without warning, she felt other arms around her, felt herself lifted from the lounge. Joe Hull had picked her up and was trying, drunkenly, to imitate Dick.
Then, out of nowhere, she felt other arms around her, realized she was being lifted off the lounge. Joe Hull had picked her up and was trying, in a tipsy way, to mimic Dick.
"Put me down!" she said sharply.
"Put me down!" she said sharply.
His maudlin laugh, and the sight of that prickly yellow jaw close to her face stirred her to intolerable disgust.
His overly sentimental laugh and the sight of that prickly yellow jaw close to her face filled her with intense disgust.
"At once!"
"Right now!"
"The—pan-ic—" he began, but got no further, for Gloria's hand swung around swiftly and caught him in the cheek. At this he all at once let go of her, and she fell to the floor, her shoulder hitting the table a glancing blow in transit....
"The—panic—" he started, but didn’t get any further, as Gloria's hand quickly swung around and hit him in the cheek. At this, he suddenly released her, and she fell to the floor, her shoulder grazing the table as she went down....
Then the room seemed full of men and smoke. There was Tana in his white coat reeling about supported by Maury. Into his flute he was blowing a weird blend of sound that was known, cried Anthony, as the Japanese train-song. Joe Hull had found a box of candles and was juggling them, yelling "One down!" every time he missed, and Dick was dancing by himself in a fascinated whirl around and about the room. It appeared to her that everything in the room was staggering in grotesque fourth-dimensional gyrations through intersecting planes of hazy blue.
Then the room felt packed with guys and smoke. Tana, in his white coat, was swaying around, supported by Maury. He was blowing a strange mix of sounds into his flute that Anthony recognized as the Japanese train-song. Joe Hull had discovered a box of candles and was juggling them, shouting "One down!" every time he dropped one, while Dick was dancing by himself in a captivating swirl around the room. It seemed to her that everything in the room was swaying in bizarre, mind-bending movements through hazy blue intersecting planes.
Outside, the storm had come up amazingly—the lulls within were filled with the scrape of the tall bushes against the house and the roaring of the rain on the tin roof of the kitchen. The lightning was interminable, letting down thick drips of thunder like pig iron from the heart of a white-hot furnace. Gloria could see that the rain was spitting in at three of the windows—but she could not move to shut them....
Outside, the storm had picked up unexpectedly—the quiet moments inside were filled with the sound of the tall bushes scraping against the house and the torrential rain pounding on the tin roof of the kitchen. The lightning was relentless, sending down heavy claps of thunder like molten metal from the core of a white-hot furnace. Gloria could see that the rain was splattering through three of the windows—but she couldn’t get up to close them…
... She was in the hall. She had said good night but no one had heard or heeded her. It seemed for an instant as though something had looked down over the head of the banister, but she could not have gone back into the living room—better madness than the madness of that clamor.... Up-stairs she fumbled for the electric switch and missed it in the darkness; a roomful of lightning showed her the button plainly on the wall. But when the impenetrable black shut down, it again eluded her fumbling fingers, so she slipped off her dress and petticoat and threw herself weakly on the dry side of the half-drenched bed.
... She was in the hallway. She had said goodnight, but no one heard or paid attention to her. For a moment, it seemed like something peered down over the railing, but she couldn't bring herself to go back into the living room—better to face madness than the chaos of that noise.... Upstairs, she fumbled for the light switch and missed it in the darkness; a flash of lightning illuminated the button clearly on the wall. But when the all-consuming darkness returned, it slipped out of reach of her searching fingers, so she took off her dress and petticoat and collapsed weakly onto the dry side of the half-soaked bed.
She shut her eyes. From down-stairs arose the babel of the drinkers, punctured suddenly by a tinkling shiver of broken glass, and then another, and by a soaring fragment of unsteady, irregular song....
She closed her eyes. From downstairs came the noise of the drinkers, suddenly interrupted by the tinkling sound of broken glass, followed by another, and by a soaring piece of unsteady, uneven song...
She lay there for something over two hours—so she calculated afterward, sheerly by piecing together the bits of time. She was conscious, even aware, after a long while that the noise down-stairs had lessened, and that the storm was moving off westward, throwing back lingering showers of sound that fell, heavy and lifeless as her soul, into the soggy fields. This was succeeded by a slow, reluctant scattering of the rain and wind, until there was nothing outside her windows but a gentle dripping and the swishing play of a cluster of wet vine against the sill. She was in a state half-way between sleeping and waking, with neither condition predominant ... and she was harassed by a desire to rid herself of a weight pressing down upon her breast. She felt that if she could cry the weight would be lifted, and forcing the lids of her eyes together she tried to raise a lump in her throat ... to no avail....
She lay there for a little over two hours—at least that’s what she figured out later, just by putting the pieces of time together. She was aware, eventually, that the noise downstairs had quieted down and that the storm was moving away to the west, taking with it the lingering sounds that fell, heavy and lifeless like her spirit, into the soaked fields. This was followed by a slow, hesitant winding down of the rain and wind, until all that remained outside her windows was a gentle dripping and the soft rustle of a bunch of wet vines against the sill. She was in a state halfway between sleeping and waking, with neither feeling being stronger... and she felt burdened by a weight pressing down on her chest. She sensed that if she could just cry, the weight would lift, so she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to bring a lump to her throat... to no avail...
Drip! Drip! Drip! The sound was not unpleasant—like spring, like a cool rain of her childhood, that made cheerful mud in her back yard and watered the tiny garden she had dug with miniature rake and spade and hoe. Drip—dri-ip! It was like days when the rain came out of yellow skies that melted just before twilight and shot one radiant shaft of sunlight diagonally down the heavens into the damp green trees. So cool, so clear and clean—and her mother there at the centre of the world, at the centre of the rain, safe and dry and strong. She wanted her mother now, and her mother was dead, beyond sight and touch forever. And this weight was pressing on her, pressing on her—oh, it pressed on her so!
Drip! Drip! Drip! The sound was nice—not bad at all—like spring, like a cool rain from her childhood, that created cheerful mud in her backyard and watered the little garden she’d made with her tiny rake, spade, and hoe. Drip—dri-ip! It reminded her of days when rain fell from yellow skies that would melt just before twilight, sending a brilliant beam of sunlight diagonally down from the heavens into the damp green trees. So cool, so clear and fresh—and her mother right there at the center of it all, at the center of the rain, safe, dry, and strong. She wanted her mother now, but her mother was gone, out of reach and forever beyond her touch. And this weight was pressing down on her, pressing down on her—oh, it pressed on her so!
She became rigid. Some one had come to the door and was standing regarding her, very quiet except for a slight swaying motion. She could see the outline of his figure distinct against some indistinguishable light. There was no sound anywhere, only a great persuasive silence—even the dripping had ceased ... only this figure, swaying, swaying in the doorway, an indiscernible and subtly menacing terror, a personality filthy under its varnish, like smallpox spots under a layer of powder. Yet her tired heart, beating until it shook her breasts, made her sure that there was still life in her, desperately shaken, threatened....
She became tense. Someone had come to the door and was standing there, very quiet except for a slight swaying motion. She could see the outline of his figure clearly against some indistinct light. There was no sound at all, only a heavy, persuasive silence—even the dripping had stopped... just this figure, swaying, swaying in the doorway, an indistinguishable and subtly menacing presence, a personality filthy under its facade, like smallpox spots under a layer of makeup. Yet her tired heart, pounding until it shook her chest, made her sure that there was still life in her, desperately shaken, threatened...
The minute or succession of minutes prolonged itself interminably, and a swimming blur began to form before her eyes, which tried with childish persistence to pierce the gloom in the direction of the door. In another instant it seemed that some unimaginable force would shatter her out of existence ... and then the figure in the doorway—it was Hull, she saw, Hull—turned deliberately and, still slightly swaying, moved back and off, as if absorbed into that incomprehensible light that had given him dimension.
The minute, or succession of minutes, stretched on endlessly, and a hazy blur started to appear before her eyes as she stubbornly tried to see through the darkness toward the door. In another moment, it felt like some unimaginable force would break her apart ... and then the figure in the doorway—it was Hull, she realized, Hull—deliberately turned and, still slightly swaying, moved away, as if pulled into that mysterious light that had given him form.
Blood rushed back into her limbs, blood and life together. With a start of energy she sat upright, shifting her body until her feet touched the floor over the side of the bed. She knew what she must do—now, now, before it was too late. She must go out into this cool damp, out, away, to feel the wet swish of the grass around her feet and the fresh moisture on her forehead. Mechanically she struggled into her clothes, groping in the dark of the closet for a hat. She must go from this house where the thing hovered that pressed upon her bosom, or else made itself into stray, swaying figures in the gloom.
Blood rushed back into her limbs, bringing life with it. With a surge of energy, she sat up, shifting her body until her feet hit the floor beside the bed. She knew what she had to do—now, before it was too late. She had to step outside into the cool damp air, away from here, to feel the wet grass around her feet and the fresh moisture on her forehead. Automatically, she struggled into her clothes, fumbling in the dark closet for a hat. She had to leave this house where the thing loomed that pressed against her chest, or transformed into stray, swaying shapes in the shadows.
In a panic she fumbled clumsily at her coat, found the sleeve just as she heard Anthony's footsteps on the lower stair. She dared not wait; he might not let her go, and even Anthony was part of this weight, part of this evil house and the sombre darkness that was growing up about it....
In a panic, she awkwardly scrambled to grab her coat, finding the sleeve just as she heard Anthony's footsteps on the lower stairs. She couldn't afford to wait; he might not let her leave, and even Anthony was part of this burden, part of this sinister house and the heavy darkness that was surrounding it...
Through the hall then ... and down the back stairs, hearing Anthony's voice in the bedroom she had just left—
Through the hall then ... and down the back stairs, hearing Anthony's voice in the bedroom she had just left—
"Gloria! Gloria!"
"Gloria! Gloria!"
But she had reached the kitchen now, passed out through the doorway into the night. A hundred drops, startled by a flare of wind from a dripping tree, scattered on her and she pressed them gladly to her face with hot hands.
But she had reached the kitchen now, stepped through the doorway into the night. A hundred raindrops, surprised by a gust of wind from a dripping tree, fell on her and she pressed them happily to her face with warm hands.
"Gloria! Gloria!"
"Gloria! Gloria!"
The voice was infinitely remote, muffed and made plaintive by the walls she had just left. She rounded the house and started down the front path toward the road, almost exultant as she turned into it, and followed the carpet of short grass alongside, moving with caution in the intense darkness.
The voice was extremely distant, muffled and made sorrowful by the walls she had just exited. She went around the house and started down the front path toward the road, feeling almost triumphant as she turned onto it, and followed the strip of short grass beside it, moving carefully in the deep darkness.
"Gloria!"
"Gloria!"
She broke into a run, stumbled over the segment of a branch twisted off by the wind. The voice was outside the house now. Anthony, finding the bedroom deserted, had come onto the porch. But this thing was driving her forward; it was back there with Anthony, and she must go on in her flight under this dim and oppressive heaven, forcing herself through the silence ahead as though it were a tangible barrier before her.
She sprinted, tripping over a branch that the wind had snapped off. The voice was outside the house now. Anthony, discovering the bedroom empty, had stepped onto the porch. But something was pushing her onward; it was back there with Anthony, and she had to keep running under this gloomy and heavy sky, pushing herself through the silence ahead as if it were a physical barrier in her path.
She had gone some distance along the barely discernible road, probably half a mile, passed a single deserted barn that loomed up, black and foreboding, the only building of any sort between the gray house and Marietta; then she turned the fork, where the road entered the wood and ran between two high walls of leaves and branches that nearly touched overhead. She noticed suddenly a thin, longitudinal gleam of silver upon the road before her, like a bright sword half embedded in the mud. As she came closer she gave a little cry of satisfaction—it was a wagon-rut full of water, and glancing heavenward she saw a light rift of sky and knew that the moon was out.
She had walked a good distance along the barely visible road, probably about half a mile, passed a lonely, abandoned barn that stood out, dark and intimidating, the only structure of any kind between the gray house and Marietta; then she took the fork where the road entered the woods and ran between two tall walls of leaves and branches that nearly touched above her. Suddenly, she noticed a thin, shiny streak of silver on the road ahead, like a bright sword half buried in the mud. As she got closer, she let out a small cry of happiness—it was a puddle in a wagon rut, and glancing up, she saw a narrow opening in the sky and realized that the moon was out.
"Gloria!"
"Gloria!"
She started violently. Anthony was not two hundred feet behind her.
She jumped up suddenly. Anthony was not two hundred feet behind her.
"Gloria, wait for me!"
"Gloria, hold on for me!"
She shut her lips tightly to keep from screaming, and increased her gait. Before she had gone another hundred yards the woods disappeared, rolling back like a dark stocking from the leg of the road. Three minutes' walk ahead of her, suspended in the now high and limitless air, she saw a thin interlacing of attenuated gleams and glitters, centred in a regular undulation on some one invisible point. Abruptly she knew where she would go. That was the great cascade of wires that rose high over the river, like the legs of a gigantic spider whose eye was the little green light in the switch-house, and ran with the railroad bridge in the direction of the station. The station! There would be the train to take her away.
She pressed her lips together to hold back a scream and quickened her pace. Before she had walked another hundred yards, the woods receded, rolling away like a dark stocking being pulled off the leg of the road. Three minutes ahead of her, suspended in the now vast and open sky, she spotted a delicate network of shimmering lights, centered on an invisible point that undulated regularly. Suddenly, she knew where she needed to go. It was the massive cascade of wires that rose high above the river, like the legs of a giant spider, with the little green light in the switch-house being its eye, and it ran alongside the railroad bridge towards the station. The station! That’s where the train would be to take her away.
"Gloria, it's me! It's Anthony! Gloria, I won't try to stop you! For God's sake, where are you?"
"Gloria, it's me! It's Anthony! Gloria, I won't try to stop you! For God's sake, where are you?"
She made no answer but began to run, keeping on the high side of the road and leaping the gleaming puddles—dimensionless pools of thin, unsubstantial gold. Turning sharply to the left, she followed a narrow wagon road, serving to avoid a dark body on the ground. She looked up as an owl hooted mournfully from a solitary tree. Just ahead of her she could see the trestle that led to the railroad bridge and the steps mounting up to it. The station lay across the river.
She didn’t respond but started running, staying on the high side of the road and jumping over the shining puddles—flat pools of light, thin, and insubstantial gold. She turned sharply to the left, following a narrow dirt road to steer clear of a dark figure on the ground. She glanced up as an owl hooted sadly from a lone tree. Just ahead, she could see the trestle that led to the railroad bridge and the steps leading up to it. The station was across the river.
Another sounds startled her, the melancholy siren of an approaching train, and almost simultaneously, a repeated call, thin now and far away.
Another sound startled her, the sad siren of an approaching train, and almost at the same time, a distant, faint call repeated.
"Gloria! Gloria!"
"Gloria! Gloria!"
Anthony must have followed the main road. She laughed with a sort of malicious cunning at having eluded him; she could spare the time to wait until the train went by.
Anthony must have taken the main road. She chuckled with a kind of mischievous satisfaction at having avoided him; she could afford to wait until the train passed.
The siren soared again, closer at hand, and then, with no anticipatory roar and clamor, a dark and sinuous body curved into view against the shadows far down the high-banked track, and with no sound but the rush of the cleft wind and the clocklike tick of the rails, moved toward the bridge—it was an electric train. Above the engine two vivid blurs of blue light formed incessantly a radiant crackling bar between them, which, like a spluttering flame in a lamp beside a corpse, lit for an instant the successive rows of trees and caused Gloria to draw back instinctively to the far side of the road. The light was tepid, the temperature of warm blood.... The clicking blended suddenly with itself in a rush of even sound, and then, elongating in sombre elasticity, the thing roared blindly by her and thundered onto the bridge, racing the lurid shaft of fire it cast into the solemn river alongside. Then it contracted swiftly, sucking in its sound until it left only a reverberant echo, which died upon the farther bank.
The siren sounded again, this time closer, and then, without any warning noise, a dark and curved shape appeared against the shadows far down the high-banked track. With nothing but the rush of the wind and the ticking of the rails, it moved toward the bridge—it was an electric train. Above the engine, two bright flashes of blue light continuously created a glowing crackling bar between them, which, like a flickering flame in a lamp beside a corpse, briefly illuminated the rows of trees and made Gloria instinctively step back to the far side of the road. The light was warm, the temperature of warm blood.... The clicking of the train suddenly merged into a smooth sound, and then, stretching out in a somber way, it rushed past her and thundered onto the bridge, racing the bright beam of light it cast into the solemn river beside it. Then it quickly faded, drawing in its sound until only a resonant echo remained, dying away on the far bank.
Silence crept down again over the wet country; the faint dripping resumed, and suddenly a great shower of drops tumbled upon Gloria stirring her out of the trance-like torpor which the passage of the train had wrought. She ran swiftly down a descending level to the bank and began climbing the iron stairway to the bridge, remembering that it was something she had always wanted to do, and that she would have the added excitement of traversing the yard-wide plank that ran beside the tracks over the river.
Silence returned to the wet countryside; the gentle dripping started again, and suddenly a heavy shower of drops fell on Gloria, waking her from the trance-like daze that the movement of the train had created. She quickly ran down a slope to the bank and began climbing the iron stairs to the bridge, recalling that this was something she had always wanted to do, and that she would get the extra thrill of walking across the yard-wide plank that went alongside the tracks over the river.
There! This was better. She was at the top now and could see the lands about her as successive sweeps of open country, cold under the moon, coarsely patched and seamed with thin rows and heavy clumps of trees. To her right, half a mile down the river, which trailed away behind the light like the shiny, slimy path of a snail, winked the scattered lights of Marietta. Not two hundred yards away at the end of the bridge squatted the station, marked by a sullen lantern. The oppression was lifted now—the tree-tops below her were rocking the young starlight to a haunted doze. She stretched out her arms with a gesture of freedom. This was what she had wanted, to stand alone where it was high and cool.
There! This was better. She was at the top now and could see the land around her as endless stretches of open country, chilly under the moon, roughly marked by thin rows and dense clusters of trees. To her right, half a mile down the river, which meandered away behind the light like the shiny, slimy trail of a snail, glimmered the scattered lights of Marietta. Not two hundred yards away at the end of the bridge sat the station, signaled by a dull lantern. The weight was lifted now—the treetops below her were gently rocking the young starlight into a tranquil sleep. She stretched out her arms in a gesture of freedom. This was what she had wanted, to stand alone where it was high and cool.
"Gloria!"
"Gloria!"
Like a startled child she scurried along the plank, hopping, skipping, jumping, with an ecstatic sense of her own physical lightness. Let him come now—she no longer feared that, only she must first reach the station, because that was part of the game. She was happy. Her hat, snatched off, was clutched tightly in her hand, and her short curled hair bobbed up and down about her ears. She had thought she would never feel so young again, but this was her night, her world. Triumphantly she laughed as she left the plank, and reaching the wooden platform flung herself down happily beside an iron roof-post.
Like a startled kid, she hurried along the plank, hopping, skipping, jumping, filled with a joyful sense of her own lightness. Let him come now—she no longer worried about that; she just had to reach the station first because that was part of the game. She felt happy. Her hat, which had been taken off, was tightly held in her hand, and her short curly hair bounced around her ears. She had thought she'd never feel so young again, but tonight was hers, her world. Triumphantly, she laughed as she left the plank, and after reaching the wooden platform, she happily threw herself down beside an iron post.
"Here I am!" she called, gay as the dawn in her elation. "Here I am, Anthony, dear—old, worried Anthony."
"Here I am!" she called, cheerful as the morning light in her excitement. "Here I am, Anthony, dear—old, worried Anthony."
"Gloria!" He reached the platform, ran toward her. "Are you all right?" Coming up he knelt and took her in his arms.
"Gloria!" He reached the platform and ran toward her. "Are you okay?" As he got closer, he knelt down and hugged her.
"Yes."
"Yeah."
"What was the matter? Why did you leave?" he queried anxiously.
"What’s wrong? Why did you leave?" he asked nervously.
"I had to—there was something"—she paused and a flicker of uneasiness lashed at her mind—"there was something sitting on me—here." She put her hand on her breast. "I had to go out and get away from it."
"I had to—there was something"—she paused, a wave of uneasiness hitting her—"there was something weighing down on me—right here." She placed her hand on her chest. "I had to go out and escape from it."
"What do you mean by 'something'?"
"What do you mean by 'something'?"
"I don't know—that man Hull—"
"I don't know—this guy Hull—"
"Did he bother you?"
"Did he annoy you?"
"He came to my door, drunk. I think I'd gotten sort of crazy by that time."
"He showed up at my door, drunk. I think I had kind of lost it by then."
"Gloria, dearest—"
"Gloria, sweetheart—"
Wearily she laid her head upon his shoulder.
Wearily, she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Let's go back," he suggested.
"Let’s go back," he suggested.
She shivered.
She trembled.
"Uh! No, I couldn't. It'd come and sit on me again." Her voice rose to a cry that hung plaintive on the darkness. "That thing—"
"Uh! No, I couldn't. It would come and sit on me again." Her voice rose into a cry that lingered sadly in the darkness. "That thing—"
"There—there," he soothed her, pulling her close to him. "We won't do anything you don't want to do. What do you want to do? Just sit here?"
"There, there," he comforted her, pulling her close. "We won't do anything you don't want to do. What do you want to do? Just sit here?"
"I want—I want to go away."
"I want to leave."
"Where?"
"Where at?"
"Oh—anywhere."
"Oh—wherever."
"By golly, Gloria," he cried, "you're still tight!"
"Wow, Gloria," he exclaimed, "you're still really stiff!"
"No, I'm not. I haven't been, all evening. I went up-stairs about, oh, I don't know, about half an hour after dinner ...Ouch!"
"No, I'm not. I haven't been all evening. I went upstairs about, ugh, I don't know, maybe half an hour after dinner ...Ouch!"
He had inadvertently touched her right shoulder.
He had accidentally touched her right shoulder.
"It hurts me. I hurt it some way. I don't know—somebody picked me up and dropped me."
"It hurts. I caused it somehow. I don’t know—someone picked me up and dropped me."
"Gloria, come home. It's late and damp."
"Gloria, come home. It’s late and chilly outside."
"I can't," she wailed. "Oh, Anthony, don't ask me to! I will to-morrow. You go home and I'll wait here for a train. I'll go to a hotel—"
"I can't," she cried. "Oh, Anthony, please don't ask me to! I'll do it tomorrow. You go home, and I'll wait here for a train. I'll find a hotel—"
"I'll go with you."
"I'll go with you."
"No, I don't want you with me. I want to be alone. I want to sleep—oh, I want to sleep. And then to-morrow, when you've got all the smell of whiskey and cigarettes out of the house, and everything straight, and Hull is gone, then I'll come home. If I went now, that thing—oh—!" She covered her eyes with her hand; Anthony saw the futility of trying to persuade her.
"No, I don't want you here. I want to be alone. I just want to sleep—oh, I really want to sleep. Then tomorrow, when you've cleared out all the smell of whiskey and cigarettes from the house and everything is in order, and Hull is gone, I’ll come home. If I went now, that situation—oh—!" She covered her eyes with her hand; Anthony realized that trying to convince her was pointless.
"I was all sober when you left," he said. "Dick was asleep on the lounge and Maury and I were having a discussion. That fellow Hull had wandered off somewhere. Then I began to realize I hadn't seen you for several hours, so I went up-stairs—"
"I was completely sober when you left," he said. "Dick was sleeping on the couch, and Maury and I were having a conversation. That guy Hull had wandered off somewhere. Then I started to notice I hadn't seen you for a few hours, so I went upstairs—"
He broke off as a salutatory "Hello, there!" boomed suddenly out of the darkness. Gloria sprang to her feet and he did likewise.
He stopped mid-sentence as a cheerful "Hello, there!" suddenly rang out from the darkness. Gloria jumped to her feet, and he did the same.
"It's Maury's voice," she cried excitedly. "If it's Hull with him, keep them away, keep them away!"
"It's Maury's voice," she exclaimed excitedly. "If Hull is with him, keep them away, keep them away!"
"Who's there?" Anthony called.
"Who's there?" Anthony asked.
"Just Dick and Maury," returned two voices reassuringly.
"Just Dick and Maury," replied two voices reassuringly.
"Where's Hull?"
"Where is Hull?"
"He's in bed. Passed out."
"He's in bed. Out cold."
Their figures appeared dimly on the platform.
Their silhouettes appeared faintly on the platform.
"What the devil are you and Gloria doing here?" inquired Richard Caramel with sleepy bewilderment.
"What the heck are you and Gloria doing here?" Richard Caramel asked, sounding confused and sleepy.
"What are you two doing here?"
"What are you two doing here?"
Maury laughed.
Maury chuckled.
"Damned if I know. We followed you, and had the deuce of a time doing it. I heard you out on the porch yelling for Gloria, so I woke up the Caramel here and got it through his head, with some difficulty, that if there was a search-party we'd better be on it. He slowed me up by sitting down in the road at intervals and asking me what it was all about. We tracked you by the pleasant scent of Canadian Club."
"Beats me. We followed you and it was quite a struggle. I heard you out on the porch calling for Gloria, so I woke up Caramel here and managed to convince him, with some effort, that if there was a search party, we should probably join it. He kept slowing me down by sitting in the road and asking me what was going on. We tracked you by the nice smell of Canadian Club."
There was a rattle of nervous laughter under the low train-shed.
There was a nervous laugh echoing under the low train shed.
"How did you track us, really?"
"How did you actually find us?"
"Well, we followed along down the road and then we suddenly lost you. Seems you turned off at a wagontrail. After a while somebody hailed us and asked us if we were looking for a young girl. Well, we came up and found it was a little shivering old man, sitting on a fallen tree like somebody in a fairy tale. 'She turned down here,' he said, 'and most steppud on me, goin' somewhere in an awful hustle, and then a fella in short golfin' pants come runnin' along and went after her. He throwed me this.' The old fellow had a dollar bill he was waving around—"
"Well, we walked along the road and then we suddenly lost you. It looks like you turned off onto a wagon trail. After a while, someone called out to us and asked if we were looking for a young girl. We approached and found it was a little shivering old man, sitting on a fallen tree like someone from a fairy tale. 'She went down here,' he said, 'and almost stepped on me, rushing off somewhere in a big hurry, and then a guy in short golfing pants came running by and went after her. He gave me this.' The old man was waving a dollar bill around—"
"Oh, the poor old man!" ejaculated Gloria, moved.
"Oh, that poor old man!" Gloria exclaimed, feeling emotional.
"I threw him another and we went on, though he asked us to stay and tell him what it was all about."
"I tossed him another one and we kept going, even though he wanted us to stick around and explain what it was all about."
"Poor old man," repeated Gloria dismally.
"Poor old man," Gloria said gloomily.
Dick sat down sleepily on a box.
Dick sat down wearily on a box.
"And now what?" he inquired in the tone of stoic resignation.
"And now what?" he asked with a tone of resigned acceptance.
"Gloria's upset," explained Anthony. "She and I are going to the city by the next train."
"Gloria's upset," Anthony explained. "She and I are taking the next train to the city."
Maury in the darkness had pulled a time-table from his pocket.
Maury, in the dark, had pulled out a schedule from his pocket.
"Strike a match."
"Light a match."
A tiny flare leaped out of the opaque background illuminating the four faces, grotesque and unfamiliar here in the open night.
A small flare burst out of the dark background, lighting up the four faces, which looked strange and unfamiliar in the open night.
"Let's see. Two, two-thirty—no, that's evening. By gad, you won't get a train till five-thirty."
"Let’s see. Two, two-thirty—no, that’s evening. Wow, you won’t catch a train until five-thirty."
Anthony hesitated.
Anthony paused.
"Well," he muttered uncertainly, "we've decided to stay here and wait for it. You two might as well go back and sleep."
"Well," he said hesitantly, "we've decided to stay here and wait for it. You two might as well head back and get some sleep."
"You go, too, Anthony," urged Gloria; "I want you to have some sleep, dear. You've been as pale as a ghost all day."
"You go too, Anthony," Gloria urged. "I want you to get some sleep, dear. You've looked as pale as a ghost all day."
"Why, you little idiot!"
"Why, you little fool!"
Dick yawned.
Dick yawned.
"Very well. You stay, we stay."
"Okay. If you stay, we stay."
He walked out from under the shed and surveyed the heavens.
He stepped out from under the shed and looked up at the sky.
"Rather a nice night, after all. Stars are out and everything. Exceptionally tasty assortment of them."
"Actually, it's a pretty nice night. The stars are out and everything. Really great variety of them."
"Let's see." Gloria moved after him and the other two followed her. "Let's sit out here," she suggested. "I like it much better."
"Let's see." Gloria moved after him, and the other two followed her. "Let's sit out here," she suggested. "I like it a lot better."
Anthony and Dick converted a long box into a backrest and found a board dry enough for Gloria to sit on. Anthony dropped down beside her and with some effort Dick hoisted himself onto an apple-barrel near them.
Anthony and Dick transformed a long box into a backrest and found a board that was dry enough for Gloria to sit on. Anthony sat down next to her, and with some effort, Dick climbed onto an apple barrel nearby.
"Tana went to sleep in the porch hammock," he remarked. "We carried him in and left him next to the kitchen stove to dry. He was drenched to the skin."
"Tana went to sleep in the porch hammock," he said. "We brought him inside and left him next to the kitchen stove to dry. He was soaked to the skin."
"That awful little man!" sighed Gloria.
"That awful little man!" sighed Gloria.
"How do you do!" The voice, sonorous and funereal, had come from above, and they looked up startled to find that in some manner Maury had climbed to the roof of the shed, where he sat dangling his feet over the edge, outlined as a shadowy and fantastic gargoyle against the now brilliant sky.
"How's it going!" The voice, deep and eerie, came from above, and they looked up, surprised to see that somehow Maury had climbed to the roof of the shed, where he sat with his feet dangling over the edge, silhouetted like a shadowy and strange gargoyle against the now bright sky.
"It must be for such occasions as this," he began softly, his words having the effect of floating down from an immense height and settling softly upon his auditors, "that the righteous of the land decorate the railroads with bill-boards asserting in red and yellow that 'Jesus Christ is God,' placing them, appropriately enough, next to announcements that 'Gunter's Whiskey is Good.'"
"It must be for occasions like this," he began softly, his words seeming to drift down from a great height and gently settling on his audience, "that the righteous in the land cover the railroads with billboards proclaiming in red and yellow that 'Jesus Christ is God,' putting them right next to ads that say 'Gunter's Whiskey is Good.'"
There was gentle laughter and the three below kept their heads tilted upward.
There was soft laughter, and the three below kept their heads tilted up.
"I think I shall tell you the story of my education," continued Maury, "under these sardonic constellations."
"I think I'll share the story of my education," Maury continued, "under these sarcastic stars."
"Do! Please!"
"Go for it! Please!"
"Shall I, really?"
"Should I, really?"
They waited expectantly while he directed a ruminative yawn toward the white smiling moon.
They waited eagerly as he let out a thoughtful yawn toward the bright, smiling moon.
"Well," he began, "as an infant I prayed. I stored up prayers against future wickedness. One year I stored up nineteen hundred 'Now I lay me's.'"
"Well," he started, "when I was a baby, I prayed. I saved up prayers for future bad times. One year, I saved up nineteen hundred 'Now I lay me's.'"
"Throw down a cigarette," murmured some one.
"Drop a cigarette," someone whispered.
A small package reached the platform simultaneously with the stentorian command:
A small package arrived at the platform right when the loud command:
"Silence! I am about to unburden myself of many memorable remarks reserved for the darkness of such earths and the brilliance of such skies."
"Silence! I'm about to share a lot of memorable thoughts that have been kept in the shadows of this earth and the brightness of these skies."
Below, a lighted match was passed from cigarette to cigarette. The voice resumed:
Below, a lit match was passed from cigarette to cigarette. The voice continued:
"I was adept at fooling the deity. I prayed immediately after all crimes until eventually prayer and crime became indistinguishable to me. I believed that because a man cried out 'My God!' when a safe fell on him, it proved that belief was rooted deep in the human breast. Then I went to school. For fourteen years half a hundred earnest men pointed to ancient flint-locks and cried to me: 'There's the real thing. These new rifles are only shallow, superficial imitations.' They damned the books I read and the things I thought by calling them immoral; later the fashion changed, and they damned things by calling them 'clever'.
"I was really good at deceiving the deity. I prayed right after every wrongdoing until, eventually, praying and committing crimes felt the same to me. I figured that because a guy shouted 'My God!' when a safe landed on him, it showed that belief was deeply rooted in human nature. Then I went to school. For fourteen years, many serious men pointed to old flint-locks and told me, 'That's the real deal. These new rifles are just shallow, fake knock-offs.' They condemned the books I read and the ideas I had by calling them immoral; later, the trend changed, and they criticized things by calling them 'clever.'"
"And so I turned, canny for my years, from the professors to the poets, listening—to the lyric tenor of Swinburne and the tenor robusto of Shelley, to Shakespeare with his first bass and his fine range, to Tennyson with his second bass and his occasional falsetto, to Milton and Marlow, bassos profundo. I gave ear to Browning chatting, Byron declaiming, and Wordsworth droning. This, at least, did me no harm. I learned a little of beauty—enough to know that it had nothing to do with truth—and I found, moreover, that there was no great literary tradition; there was only the tradition of the eventful death of every literary tradition....
"And so I turned, wise beyond my years, from the professors to the poets, listening—to the lyrical style of Swinburne and the powerful voice of Shelley, to Shakespeare with his deep bass and impressive range, to Tennyson with his rich tones and occasional high notes, to Milton and Marlow, deep basses. I paid attention to Browning chatting, Byron delivering passionately, and Wordsworth droning on. This, at least, did me no harm. I learned a bit about beauty—enough to realize that it had nothing to do with truth—and I discovered, furthermore, that there was no grand literary tradition; there was only the pattern of the significant end of every literary tradition....
"Then I grew up, and the beauty of succulent illusions fell away from me. The fibre of my mind coarsened and my eyes grew miserably keen. Life rose around my island like a sea, and presently I was swimming.
"Then I grew up, and the charm of sweet illusions faded away from me. The fabric of my mind became rougher and my eyes became painfully sharp. Life surrounded my island like an ocean, and soon I was swimming."
"The transition was subtle—the thing had lain in wait for me for some time. It has its insidious, seemingly innocuous trap for every one. With me? No—I didn't try to seduce the janitor's wife—nor did I run through the streets unclothed, proclaiming my virility. It is never quite passion that does the business—it is the dress that passion wears. I became bored—that was all. Boredom, which is another name and a frequent disguise for vitality, became the unconscious motive of all my acts. Beauty was behind me, do you understand?—I was grown." He paused. "End of school and college period. Opening of Part Two."
"The change was subtle—the thing had been waiting for me for a while. It has its sly, seemingly harmless trap for everyone. As for me? No—I didn't try to seduce the janitor's wife—nor did I run through the streets naked, shouting about my manliness. It’s never just passion that gets things done—it’s the way passion is presented. I became bored—that was it. Boredom, which is another name and a common disguise for energy, became the unintentional driving force behind all my actions. Beauty was left behind, you see?—I had matured." He paused. "End of school and college years. Beginning of Part Two."
Three quietly active points of light showed the location of his listeners. Gloria was now half sitting, half lying, in Anthony's lap. His arm was around her so tightly that she could hear the beating of his heart. Richard Caramel, perched on the apple-barrel, from time to time stirred and gave off a faint grunt.
Three quietly active points of light indicated where his listeners were. Gloria was now half sitting, half lying in Anthony's lap. His arm was around her so tightly that she could hear his heartbeat. Richard Caramel, sitting on the apple barrel, occasionally stirred and let out a faint grunt.
"I grew up then, into this land of jazz, and fell immediately into a state of almost audible confusion. Life stood over me like an immoral schoolmistress, editing my ordered thoughts. But, with a mistaken faith in intelligence, I plodded on. I read Smith, who laughed at charity and insisted that the sneer was the highest form of self-expression—but Smith himself replaced charity as an obscurer of the light. I read Jones, who neatly disposed of individualism—and behold! Jones was still in my way. I did not think—I was a battle-ground for the thoughts of many men; rather was I one of those desirable but impotent countries over which the great powers surge back and forth.
I grew up in this land of jazz, and I immediately fell into a state of almost overwhelming confusion. Life loomed over me like a ruthless teacher, editing my organized thoughts. But, with a misguided faith in intelligence, I kept pushing forward. I read Smith, who mocked charity and claimed that cynicism was the highest form of self-expression—but Smith himself replaced charity with something that dimmed the light. I read Jones, who neatly dismissed individualism—and there he was, still blocking my path. I didn’t think—I was a battleground for the ideas of many people; instead, I was like one of those desirable yet powerless countries over which great powers constantly clash.
"I reached maturity under the impression that I was gathering the experience to order my life for happiness. Indeed, I accomplished the not unusual feat of solving each question in my mind long before it presented itself to me in life—and of being beaten and bewildered just the same.
"I grew up thinking I was gaining the experience to organize my life for happiness. In fact, I managed to solve each problem in my mind long before it actually came up in real life—and yet I still ended up feeling defeated and confused."
"But after a few tastes of this latter dish I had had enough. Here! I said, Experience is not worth the getting. It's not a thing that happens pleasantly to a passive you—it's a wall that an active you runs up against. So I wrapped myself in what I thought was my invulnerable scepticism and decided that my education was complete. But it was too late. Protect myself as I might by making no new ties with tragic and predestined humanity, I was lost with the rest. I had traded the fight against love for the fight against loneliness, the fight against life for the fight against death."
"But after a few bites of that last dish, I had enough. Here! I said, Experience isn’t worth it. It’s not something that you just enjoy passively—it’s a wall that an active you runs into. So I wrapped myself in what I thought was my unbreakable skepticism and decided that my education was finished. But it was too late. No matter how hard I tried to protect myself by avoiding new connections with tragic and destined humanity, I was lost like everyone else. I had traded the struggle against love for the struggle against loneliness, and the struggle against life for the struggle against death."
He broke off to give emphasis to his last observation—after a moment he yawned and resumed.
He paused to emphasize his last point—after a moment, he yawned and continued.
"I suppose that the beginning of the second phase of my education was a ghastly dissatisfaction at being used in spite of myself for some inscrutable purpose of whose ultimate goal I was unaware—if, indeed, there was an ultimate goal. It was a difficult choice. The schoolmistress seemed to be saying, 'We're going to play football and nothing but football. If you don't want to play football you can't play at all—'
"I guess the start of the second phase of my education was really frustrating because I felt like I was being used for some mysterious purpose that I didn’t understand—if there even was one. It was a tough decision. The schoolteacher seemed to be saying, 'We're only going to play football, and nothing else. If you don’t want to play football, then you can’t play at all—'
"What was I to do—the playtime was so short!
"What was I supposed to do—the playtime was so short!"
"You see, I felt that we were even denied what consolation there might have been in being a figment of a corporate man rising from his knees. Do you think that I leaped at this pessimism, grasped it as a sweetly smug superior thing, no more depressing really than, say, a gray autumn day before a fire?—I don't think I did that. I was a great deal too warm for that, and too alive.
"You see, I felt that we were even denied any comfort that might have come from being a creation of a corporate man rising up. Do you think I embraced this pessimism, holding it like a comfortably superior idea, not any more depressing really than a gray autumn day in front of a fire?—I don't think that was the case. I was far too warm for that, and too alive."
"For it seemed to me that there was no ultimate goal for man. Man was beginning a grotesque and bewildered fight with nature—nature, that by the divine and magnificent accident had brought us to where we could fly in her face. She had invented ways to rid the race of the inferior and thus give the remainder strength to fill her higher—or, let us say, her more amusing—though still unconscious and accidental intentions. And, actuated by the highest gifts of the enlightenment, we were seeking to circumvent her. In this republic I saw the black beginning to mingle with the white—in Europe there was taking place an economic catastrophe to save three or four diseased and wretchedly governed races from the one mastery that might organize them for material prosperity.
It seemed to me that there was no ultimate purpose for humanity. People were entering a bizarre and confusing struggle with nature—nature, which, through a divine and extraordinary accident, had brought us to the point where we could challenge her. She had created ways to eliminate the weaker members of the species, thereby providing the stronger ones with the ability to fulfill her higher—or let's say, her more entertaining—though still unintentional and random desires. And, driven by the greatest advancements of the Enlightenment, we were trying to outsmart her. In this nation, I witnessed the mixing of black and white—while in Europe, an economic disaster was occurring to save three or four struggling and poorly governed races from the singular power that might unite them for material success.
"We produce a Christ who can raise up the leper—and presently the breed of the leper is the salt of the earth. If any one can find any lesson in that, let him stand forth."
"We create a Christ who can heal the leper—and right now, the lepers represent the salt of the earth. If anyone can find a lesson in that, let them step forward."
"There's only one lesson to be learned from life, anyway," interrupted Gloria, not in contradiction but in a sort of melancholy agreement.
"There's only one lesson to learn from life, anyway," interrupted Gloria, not to argue but in a sort of sad agreement.
"What's that?" demanded Maury sharply.
"What's that?" Maury asked sharply.
"That there's no lesson to be learned from life."
"That there's no lesson to learn from life."
After a short silence Maury said:
After a brief pause, Maury said:
"Young Gloria, the beautiful and merciless lady, first looked at the world with the fundamental sophistication I have struggled to attain, that Anthony never will attain, that Dick will never fully understand."
"Young Gloria, the stunning and ruthless woman, first viewed the world with the essential sophistication I've tried to achieve, that Anthony will never achieve, and that Dick will never completely grasp."
There was a disgusted groan from the apple-barrel. Anthony, grown accustomed to the dark, could see plainly the flash of Richard Caramel's yellow eye and the look of resentment on his face as he cried:
There was a disgusted groan from the apple barrel. Anthony, used to the dark, could clearly see the flash of Richard Caramel's yellow eye and the look of resentment on his face as he shouted:
"You're crazy! By your own statement I should have attained some experience by trying."
"You're crazy! According to your own words, I should have gained some experience by attempting."
"Trying what?" cried Maury fiercely. "Trying to pierce the darkness of political idealism with some wild, despairing urge toward truth? Sitting day after day supine in a rigid chair and infinitely removed from life staring at the tip of a steeple through the trees, trying to separate, definitely and for all time, the knowable from the unknowable? Trying to take a piece of actuality and give it glamour from your own soul to make for that inexpressible quality it possessed in life and lost in transit to paper or canvas? Struggling in a laboratory through weary years for one iota of relative truth in a mass of wheels or a test tube—"
"Trying what?" Maury shouted angrily. "Trying to break through the darkness of political idealism with some wild, desperate push for truth? Sitting day after day in a stiff chair, totally disconnected from life, staring at the tip of a steeple through the trees, trying to definitively separate the knowable from the unknowable? Trying to take a piece of reality and add some sparkle from your own soul to create that indescribable quality it had in life and lost in the transition to paper or canvas? Struggling in a lab for years just to find one tiny bit of real truth in a mass of gears or a test tube—"
"Have you?"
"Have you?"
Maury paused, and in his answer, when it came, there was a measure of weariness, a bitter overnote that lingered for a moment in those three minds before it floated up and off like a bubble bound for the moon.
Maury paused, and when he finally answered, you could hear a hint of exhaustion in his voice, a bitter undertone that hung in the air for a moment in those three minds before it floated away like a bubble heading for the moon.
"Not I," he said softly. "I was born tired—but with the quality of mother wit, the gift of women like Gloria—to that, for all my talking and listening, my waiting in vain for the eternal generality that seems to lie just beyond every argument and every speculation, to that I have added not one jot."
"Not me," he said quietly. "I was born exhausted—but with the sharp insight that women like Gloria possess—despite all my talking and listening, my pointless waiting for that elusive truth that seems to be just out of reach with every debate and every thought, I haven't added anything at all."
In the distance a deep sound that had been audible for some moments identified itself by a plaintive mooing like that of a gigantic cow and by the pearly spot of a headlight apparent half a mile away. It was a steam-driven train this time, rumbling and groaning, and as it tumbled by with a monstrous complaint it sent a shower of sparks and cinders over the platform.
In the distance, a low sound that had been noticeable for a while revealed itself with a sad mooing like that of a massive cow and by the bright beam of a headlight visible half a mile away. It was a steam train this time, rumbling and creaking, and as it rolled by with a loud complaint, it showered sparks and ashes over the platform.
"Not one jot!" Again Maury's voice dropped down to them as from a great height. "What a feeble thing intelligence is, with its short steps, its waverings, its pacings back and forth, its disastrous retreats! Intelligence is a mere instrument of circumstances. There are people who say that intelligence must have built the universe—why, intelligence never built a steam engine! Circumstances built a steam engine. Intelligence is little more than a short foot-rule by which we measure the infinite achievements of Circumstances.
"Not one bit!" Once more, Maury's voice came down to them from what felt like a great height. "How weak intelligence is, with its small steps, its hesitations, its pacing back and forth, its unfortunate retreats! Intelligence is just a tool of circumstances. Some people claim that intelligence must have created the universe—yet, intelligence never made a steam engine! It was circumstances that built a steam engine. Intelligence is hardly more than a short ruler we use to measure the endless feats of Circumstances."
"I could quote you the philosophy of the hour—but, for all we know, fifty years may see a complete reversal of this abnegation that's absorbing the intellectuals to-day, the triumph of Christ over Anatole France—" He hesitated, and then added: "But all I know—the tremendous importance of myself to me, and the necessity of acknowledging that importance to myself—these things the wise and lovely Gloria was born knowing these things and the painful futility of trying to know anything else.
"I could share the current philosophy with you—but, for all we know, in fifty years there might be a total turnaround from this self-denial that's captivating intellectuals today, the victory of Christ over Anatole France—" He paused, then continued: "But all I really understand—the immense significance I hold for myself, and the need to recognize that significance—these are the things the wise and beautiful Gloria instinctively understood, along with the painful futility of trying to comprehend anything beyond that."
"Well, I started to tell you of my education, didn't I? But I learned nothing, you see, very little even about myself. And if I had I should die with my lips shut and the guard on my fountain pen—as the wisest men have done since—oh, since the failure of a certain matter—a strange matter, by the way. It concerned some sceptics who thought they were far-sighted, just as you and I. Let me tell you about them by way of an evening prayer before you all drop off to sleep.
"Well, I started to tell you about my education, didn’t I? But I didn’t learn much, you see, very little even about myself. And if I had, I would die with my lips sealed and the cap on my fountain pen—just like the wisest people have done since—oh, since the failure of a certain thing—a strange thing, by the way. It involved some skeptics who thought they were very insightful, just like you and me. Let me share their story as a kind of evening prayer before you all drift off to sleep."
"Once upon a time all the men of mind and genius in the world became of one belief—that is to say, of no belief. But it wearied them to think that within a few years after their death many cults and systems and prognostications would be ascribed to them which they had never meditated nor intended. So they said to one another:
"Once upon a time, all the intelligent and creative people in the world came to share one belief—that is, no belief at all. But they felt tired thinking that a few years after they died, many beliefs, systems, and predictions would be attributed to them that they had never considered or intended. So they said to each other:"
"'Let's join together and make a great book that will last forever to mock the credulity of man. Let's persuade our more erotic poets to write about the delights of the flesh, and induce some of our robust journalists to contribute stories of famous amours. We'll include all the most preposterous old wives' tales now current. We'll choose the keenest satirist alive to compile a deity from all the deities worshipped by mankind, a deity who will be more magnificent than any of them, and yet so weakly human that he'll become a byword for laughter the world over—and we'll ascribe to him all sorts of jokes and vanities and rages, in which he'll be supposed to indulge for his own diversion, so that the people will read our book and ponder it, and there'll be no more nonsense in the world.
"Let’s come together and create an amazing book that will last forever to poke fun at how gullible people can be. Let’s encourage our more provocative poets to write about the pleasures of the body, and get some of our lively journalists to share stories of famous affairs. We’ll include all the most ridiculous old wives’ tales that are popular today. We’ll pick the sharpest satirist around to compile a god from all the deities that people worship, a god who will be more impressive than any of them but so pathetically human that he’ll become a laughingstock worldwide—and we’ll attribute all kinds of jokes, vanity, and frustrations to him, claiming he indulges in them for his own amusement, so that people will read our book and think about it, putting an end to all the nonsense in the world."
"'Finally, let us take care that the book possesses all the virtues of style, so that it may last forever as a witness to our profound scepticism and our universal irony.'
"'Finally, let's make sure the book has all the qualities of good writing, so that it can endure forever as a testament to our deep skepticism and our universal irony.'"
"So the men did, and they died.
So the men did, and they died.
"But the book lived always, so beautifully had it been written, and so astounding the quality of imagination with which these men of mind and genius had endowed it. They had neglected to give it a name, but after they were dead it became known as the Bible."
"But the book endured forever, so beautifully was it written, and so incredible was the imagination with which these intellectuals and geniuses had created it. They forgot to name it, but after they were gone, it became known as the Bible."
When he concluded there was no comment. Some damp languor sleeping on the air of night seemed to have bewitched them all.
When he finished, there was silence. A heavy lethargy hanging in the night air seemed to have enchanted them all.
"As I said, I started on the story of my education. But my high-balls are dead and the night's almost over, and soon there'll be an awful jabbering going on everywhere, in the trees and the houses, and the two little stores over there behind the station, and there'll be a great running up and down upon the earth for a few hours—Well," he concluded with a laugh, "thank God we four can all pass to our eternal rest knowing we've left the world a little better for having lived in it."
"As I mentioned, I began sharing the story of my education. But my drinks are gone and the night is almost over, and soon there’ll be a lot of noise everywhere, in the trees and the houses, and those two little stores behind the station, and there’ll be a lot of running around for a few hours—Well," he finished with a laugh, "thank God we four can leave this world knowing we made it a little better just by being here."
A breeze sprang up, blowing with it faint wisps of life which flattened against the sky.
A breeze picked up, carrying with it faint hints of life that pressed against the sky.
"Your remarks grow rambling and inconclusive," said Anthony sleepily. "You expected one of those miracles of illumination by which you say your most brilliant and pregnant things in exactly the setting that should provoke the ideal symposium. Meanwhile Gloria has shown her far-sighted detachment by falling asleep—I can tell that by the fact that she has managed to concentrate her entire weight upon my broken body."
"Your comments are getting long-winded and pointless," Anthony said sleepily. "You were hoping for one of those moments of clarity where you share your most brilliant ideas in a perfect setting for discussion. Meanwhile, Gloria has demonstrated her impressive indifference by falling asleep—I can tell because she's managed to rest her full weight on my injured body."
"Have I bored you?" inquired Maury, looking down with some concern.
"Have I bored you?" Maury asked, looking down with a hint of worry.
"No, you have disappointed us. You've shot a lot of arrows but did you shoot any birds?"
"No, you've let us down. You've fired a lot of arrows, but did you hit any birds?"
"I leave the birds to Dick," said Maury hurriedly. "I speak erratically, in disassociated fragments."
"I'll let Dick deal with the birds," Maury said quickly. "I talk in a weird way, in random bits."
"You can get no rise from me," muttered Dick. "My mind is full of any number of material things. I want a warm bath too much to worry about the importance of my work or what proportion of us are pathetic figures."
"You won’t get anything out of me," mumbled Dick. "My mind is filled with a ton of material stuff. I want a warm bath way too much to care about how important my work is or what percentage of us are sad characters."
Dawn made itself felt in a gathering whiteness eastward over the river and an intermittent cheeping in the near-by trees.
Dawn was evident in the growing light to the east over the river and the occasional chirping in the nearby trees.
"Quarter to five," sighed Dick; "almost another hour to wait. Look! Two gone." He was pointing to Anthony, whose lids had sagged over his eyes. "Sleep of the Patch family—"
"Quarter to five," sighed Dick; "almost another hour to wait. Look! Two are gone." He was pointing to Anthony, whose eyelids had drooped over his eyes. "Sleep of the Patch family—"
But in another five minutes, despite the amplifying cheeps and chirrups, his own head had fallen forward, nodded down twice, thrice....
But in another five minutes, despite the growing cheeps and chirps, his head had fallen forward, nodding down twice, then three times...
Only Maury Noble remained awake, seated upon the station roof, his eyes wide open and fixed with fatigued intensity upon the distant nucleus of morning. He was wondering at the unreality of ideas, at the fading radiance of existence, and at the little absorptions that were creeping avidly into his life, like rats into a ruined house. He was sorry for no one now—on Monday morning there would be his business, and later there would be a girl of another class whose whole life he was; these were the things nearest his heart. In the strangeness of the brightening day it seemed presumptuous that with this feeble, broken instrument of his mind he had ever tried to think.
Only Maury Noble stayed awake, sitting on the roof of the station, his eyes wide open and intensely focused on the distant dawn. He was pondering the unreality of thoughts, the fading glow of existence, and the small distractions that were eagerly creeping into his life, like rats into a dilapidated house. He felt no sympathy for anyone now—on Monday morning, there would be his job, and later there would be a girl from another background who represented his whole life; these were the things that mattered most to him. In the oddness of the brightening day, it felt arrogant that with this fragile, broken instrument of his mind, he had ever attempted to think.
There was the sun, letting down great glowing masses of heat; there was life, active and snarling, moving about them like a fly swarm—the dark pants of smoke from the engine, a crisp "all aboard!" and a bell ringing. Confusedly Maury saw eyes in the milk train staring curiously up at him, heard Gloria and Anthony in quick controversy as to whether he should go to the city with her, then another clamor and she was gone and the three men, pale as ghosts, were standing alone upon the platform while a grimy coal-heaver went down the road on top of a motor truck, carolling hoarsely at the summer morning.
The sun was pouring down intense heat; life was buzzing and wild, swirling around them like a swarm of flies—the dark smoke from the engine, a sharp "all aboard!" and a ringing bell. Confused, Maury noticed eyes in the milk train looking up at him with curiosity. He heard Gloria and Anthony arguing quickly about whether he should go to the city with her. Then, there was another commotion and she was gone, leaving the three men, as pale as ghosts, standing alone on the platform while a grimy coal worker drove down the road on a motor truck, singing loudly in the summer morning.
CHAPTER III
THE BROKEN LUTE
It is seven-thirty of an August evening. The windows in the living room of the gray house are wide open, patiently exchanging the tainted inner atmosphere of liquor and smoke for the fresh drowsiness of the late hot dusk. There are dying flower scents upon the air, so thin, so fragile, as to hint already of a summer laid away in time. But August is still proclaimed relentlessly by a thousand crickets around the side-porch, and by one who has broken into the house and concealed himself confidently behind a bookcase, from time to time shrieking of his cleverness and his indomitable will.
It's seven-thirty on an August evening. The windows in the living room of the gray house are wide open, slowly trading the stale air of liquor and smoke for the refreshing warmth of late summer dusk. Faint, delicate floral scents linger in the air, subtly suggesting that summer is coming to an end. But August stubbornly announces itself through the chorus of crickets around the side porch, and one that has snuck inside and hidden confidently behind a bookcase, occasionally breaking the silence with cries of its cleverness and unyielding spirit.
The room itself is in messy disorder. On the table is a dish of fruit, which is real but appears artificial. Around it are grouped an ominous assortment of decanters, glasses, and heaped ash-trays, the latter still raising wavy smoke-ladders into the stale air, the effect on the whole needing but a skull to resemble that venerable chromo, once a fixture in every "den," which presents the appendages to the life of pleasure with delightful and awe-inspiring sentiment.
The room is a complete mess. On the table, there's a bowl of fruit that looks real but seems fake. Surrounding it are a creepy mix of decanters, glasses, and overflowing ashtrays, the latter still sending wavy columns of smoke into the stale air. The whole scene just needs a skull to resemble that classic print that used to hang in every "man cave," which showcases the trappings of a life of pleasure with a charming and impressive feel.
After a while the sprightly solo of the supercricket is interrupted rather than joined by a new sound—the melancholy wail of an erratically fingered flute. It is obvious that the musician is practising rather than performing, for from time to time the gnarled strain breaks off and, after an interval of indistinct mutterings, recommences.
After a while, the lively solo of the supercricket is interrupted, rather than accompanied, by a new sound—the sad wail of a poorly played flute. It's clear that the musician is practicing, not performing, because every so often the rough tune stops and, after a moment of unclear mumbling, starts up again.
Just prior to the seventh false start a third sound contributes to the subdued discord. It is a taxi outside. A minute's silence, then the taxi again, its boisterous retreat almost obliterating the scrape of footsteps on the cinder walk. The door-bell shrieks alarmingly through the house.
Just before the seventh false start, a third sound adds to the quiet chaos. It’s a taxi outside. After a moment of silence, the taxi sounds off again, its loud departure nearly drowning out the soft crunch of footsteps on the cinder path. The doorbell rings loudly throughout the house.
From the kitchen enters a small, fatigued Japanese, hastily buttoning a servant's coat of white duck. He opens the front screen-door and admits a handsome young man of thirty, clad in the sort of well-intentioned clothes peculiar to those who serve mankind. To his whole personality clings a well-intentioned air: his glance about the room is compounded of curiosity and a determined optimism; when he looks at Tana the entire burden of uplifting the godless Oriental is in his eyes. His name is FREDERICK E. PARAMORE. He was at Harvard with ANTHONY, where because of the initials of their surnames they were constantly placed next to each other in classes. A fragmentary acquaintance developed—but since that time they have never met.
From the kitchen comes a small, tired Japanese man, quickly buttoning up a white duck servant's coat. He opens the front screen door and lets in a handsome young man who looks about thirty, dressed in the kind of well-meaning clothes you typically see on those who want to help others. He has an overall air of good intentions: his gaze sweeps the room with a mix of curiosity and determined optimism; when he looks at Tana, you can see the weight of his mission to uplift the godless Oriental in his eyes. His name is FREDERICK E. PARAMORE. He went to Harvard with ANTHONY, where their surnames’ initials meant they were always seated next to each other in class. They had a brief acquaintance but haven’t crossed paths since then.
Nevertheless, PARAMORE enters the room with a certain air of arriving for the evening.
Still, PARAMORE walks into the room with a vibe that says they’re ready for the night.
Tana is answering a question.
Tana is replying to a question.
TANA: (Grinning with ingratiation) Gone to Inn for dinnah. Be back half-hour. Gone since ha' past six.
TANA: (Grinning sweetly) Gone to the inn for dinner. Be back in half an hour. Left at 6:30.
PARAMORE: (Regarding the glasses on the table) Have they company?
PARAMORE: (Regarding the glasses on the table) Do they have company?
TANA: Yes. Company. Mistah Caramel, Mistah and Missays Barnes, Miss Kane, all stay here.
TANA: Yes. Company. Mr. Caramel, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes, Miss Kane, all stay here.
PARAMORE: I see. (Kindly) They've been having a spree, I see.
PARAMORE: I see. (Kindly) They've been on a wild spree, I see.
TANA: I no un'stan'.
TANA: I don't understand.
PARAMORE: They've been having a fling.
PARAMORE: They've been dating.
TANA: Yes, they have drink. Oh, many, many, many drink.
TANA: Yeah, they have drinks. Oh, so many drinks.
PARAMORE: (Receding delicately from the subject) "Didn't I hear the sounds of music as I approached the house"?
PARAMORE: (Gently changing the subject) "Did I hear music as I got close to the house?"
TANA:(With a spasmodic giggle)Yes, I play.
TANA: (With a sudden giggle) Yeah, I play.
PARAMORE: One of the Japanese instruments.
PARAMORE: One of the Japanese instruments.
(He is quite obviously a subscriber to the "National Geographic
Magazine.")
(He clearly subscribes to National Geographic
Magazine.)
TANA: I play flu-u-ute, Japanese flu-u-ute.
TANA: I play the flute, the Japanese flute.
PARAMORE: What song were you playing? One of your Japanese melodies?
PARAMORE: What song were you playing? One of those Japanese tunes?
TANA:(His brow undergoing preposterous contraction) I play train song. How you call?—railroad song. So call in my countree. Like train. It go so-o-o; that mean whistle; train start. Then go so-o-o; that mean train go. Go like that. Vera nice song in my countree. Children song.
TANA:(His brow furrowing in disbelief) I play train song. What do you call it?—railroad song. That's what we call it back home. Like a train. It goes so-o-o; that means the whistle; the train starts. Then it goes so-o-o; that means the train moves. It goes like that. It's a really nice song in my country. A children's song.
PARAMORE: It sounded very nice.
PARAMORE: It sounded really nice.
(It is apparent at this point that only a gigantic effort at control restrains Tana from rushing up-stairs for his post cards, including the six made in America.)
(It's clear at this point that only a massive effort to keep him in check is stopping Tana from rushing upstairs for his postcards, including the six made in America.)
TANA: I fix high-ball for gentleman?
TANA: Should I make a highball for you, sir?
PARAMORE: "No, thanks. I don't use it". (He smiles.)
PARAMORE: "No, thanks. I don't use it." (He smiles.)
(TANA withdraws into the kitchen, leaving the intervening door slightly ajar. From the crevice there suddenly issues again the melody of the Japanese train song—this time not a practice, surely, but a performance, a lusty, spirited performance.
(TANA steps into the kitchen, leaving the door slightly open. From the gap, the melody of the Japanese train song starts again—this time definitely not a practice, but a lively, energetic performance.
The phone rings. TANA, absorbed in his harmonics, gives no heed, so PARAMORE takes up the receiver.)
The phone rings. TANA, focused on his harmonics, doesn't notice, so PARAMORE picks up the receiver.
PARAMORE: Hello.... Yes.... No, he's not here now, but he'll be back any moment.... Butterworth? Hello, I didn't quite catch the name.... Hello, hello, hello. Hello! ... Huh!
PARAMORE: Hey.... Yeah.... No, he’s not here right now, but he’ll be back any minute.... Butterworth? Hey, I didn’t quite catch that name.... Hello, hello, hello. Hello! ... Huh!
(The phone obstinately refuses to yield up any more sound. Paramore replaces the receiver.
(The phone stubbornly won't make any more noise. Paramore hangs up the receiver.)
At this point the taxi motif re-enters, wafting with it a second young man; he carries a suitcase and opens the front door without ringing the bell.)
At this point, the taxi theme comes back into play, bringing along a second young man; he has a suitcase and opens the front door without ringing the bell.
MAURY: (In the hall) "Oh, Anthony! Yoho"! (He comes into the large room and sees PARAMORE) How do?
MAURY: (In the hall) "Oh, Anthony! Yoho!" (He comes into the large room and sees PARAMORE) "How's it going?"
PARAMORE: (Gazing at him with gathering intensity) Is this—is this Maury Noble?
PARAMORE: (Gazing at him with increasing intensity) Is this— is this Maury Noble?
MAURY: "That's it". (He advances, smiling, and holding out his hand) How are you, old boy? Haven't seen you for years.
MAURY: "That's it." (He steps forward, smiling, and extends his hand) How have you been, old friend? It's been ages since we last saw each other.
(He has vaguely associated the face with Harvard, but is not even positive about that. The name, if he ever knew it, he has long since forgotten. However, with a fine sensitiveness and an equally commendable charity PARAMORE recognizes the fact and tactfully relieves the situation.)
(He has a hazy connection between the face and Harvard, but he isn't even sure about that. The name, if he ever knew it, has slipped his mind long ago. However, with a keen sense of understanding and a commendable kindness PARAMORE acknowledges the situation and skillfully eases the tension.)
PARAMORE: You've forgotten Fred Paramore? We were both in old Unc Robert's history class.
PARAMORE: You’ve forgotten Fred Paramore? We were both in Mr. Robert’s history class.
MAURY: No, I haven't, Unc—I mean Fred. Fred was—I mean Unc was a great old fellow, wasn't he?
MAURY: No, I haven't, Unc—I mean Fred. Fred was—I mean Unc was a great guy, right?
PARAMORE: (Nodding his head humorously several times) Great old character. Great old character.
PARAMORE: (Nods his head in a funny way several times) Really great character. Really great character.
MAURY: (After a short pause) Yes—he was. Where's Anthony?
MAURY: (After a short pause) Yeah—he was. Where's Anthony?
PARAMORE: The Japanese servant told me he was at some inn. Having dinner, I suppose.
PARAMORE: The Japanese servant told me he was at some inn. Probably having dinner.
MAURY: (Looking at his watch) Gone long?
MAURY: (Checking his watch) Been a while?
PARAMORE: I guess so. The Japanese told me they'd be back shortly.
PARAMORE: I guess so. The Japanese said they’d be back soon.
MAURY: Suppose we have a drink.
MAURY: How about we grab a drink?
PARAMORE: No, thanks. I don't use it. (He smiles.)
PARAMORE: No, thanks. I don't use it. (He smiles.)
MAURY: Mind if I do? (Yawning as he helps himself from a bottle) What have you been doing since you left college?
MAURY: Do you mind if I do? (Yawning as he helps himself from a bottle) What have you been up to since you graduated from college?
PARAMORE: Oh, many things. I've led a very active life. Knocked about here and there. (His tone implies anything front lion-stalking to organized crime.)
PARAMORE: Oh, a lot of things. I've lived a really busy life. Been around here and there. (His tone suggests everything from lion-hunting to organized crime.)
MAURY: Oh, been over to Europe?
MAURY: Oh, have you been to Europe?
PARAMORE: No, I haven't—unfortunately.
PARAMORE: No, I haven't—sadly.
MAURY: I guess we'll all go over before long.
MAURY: I think we'll all head over there soon.
PARAMORE: Do you really think so?
PARAMORE: Do you really think that?
MAURY: Sure! Country's been fed on sensationalism for more than two years. Everybody getting restless. Want to have some fun.
MAURY: Sure! The country's been fueled by sensationalism for over two years. Everyone's getting restless. They want to have some fun.
PARAMORE: Then you don't believe any ideals are at stake?
PARAMORE: So, you don't think any ideals are at risk?
MAURY: Nothing of much importance. People want excitement every so often.
MAURY: Nothing really important. People need some excitement every now and then.
PARAMORE: (Intently) It's very interesting to hear you say that. Now I was talking to a man who'd been over there——
PARAMORE: (Intently) It's really interesting to hear you say that. I was just talking to a guy who had been over there——
(During the ensuing testament, left to be filled in by the reader with such phrases as "Saw with his own eyes," "Splendid spirit of France," and "Salvation of civilization," MAURY sits with lowered eyelids, dispassionately bored.)
(During the following testament, which the reader is invited to complete with phrases like "Saw with his own eyes," "Splendid spirit of France," and "Salvation of civilization," MAURY sits with his eyes down, feeling dispassionately bored.)
MAURY: (At the first available opportunity) By the way, do you happen to know that there's a German agent in this very house?
MAURY: (At the first available opportunity) By the way, do you know that there's a German agent in this house?
PARAMORE: (Smiling cautiously) Are you serious?
PARAMORE: (Smiling cautiously) Are you for real?
MAURY: Absolutely. Feel it my duty to warn you.
MAURY: Definitely. I feel it's my responsibility to warn you.
PARAMORE: (Convinced) A governess?
PARAMORE: (Convinced) A nanny?
MAURY: (In a whisper, indicating the kitchen with his thumb) Tana! That's not his real name. I understand he constantly gets mail addressed to Lieutenant Emile Tannenbaum.
MAURY: (In a whisper, indicating the kitchen with his thumb) Tana! That's not his real name. I get that he always receives mail addressed to Lieutenant Emile Tannenbaum.
PARAMORE: (Laughing with hearty tolerance) You were kidding me.
PARAMORE: (Laughing with genuine tolerance) You were joking with me.
MAURY: I may be accusing him falsely. But, you haven't told me what you've been doing.
MAURY: I might be accusing him wrongly. But you haven't told me what you've been up to.
PARAMORE: For one thing—writing.
PARAMORE: For one thing—writing.
MAURY: Fiction?
MAURY: Is that fiction?
PARAMORE: No. Non-fiction.
PARAMORE: No. Non-fiction.
MAURY: What's that? A sort of literature that's half fiction and half fact?
MAURY: What's that? A type of writing that's part fiction and part fact?
PARAMORE: Oh, I've confined myself to fact. I've been doing a good deal of social-service work.
PARAMORE: Oh, I've limited myself to the truth. I've been doing a lot of community service work.
MAURY: Oh!
MAURY: Oh!
(An immediate glow of suspicion leaps into his eyes. It is as though PARAMORE had announced himself as an amateur pickpocket.)
(A quick look of suspicion flashes in his eyes. It's like PARAMORE had just introduced himself as a wannabe pickpocket.)
PARAMORE: At present I'm doing service work in Stamford. Only last week some one told me that Anthony Patch lived so near.
PARAMORE: Right now, I'm doing service work in Stamford. Just last week, someone mentioned that Anthony Patch lives really close by.
(They are interrupted by a clamor outside, unmistakable as that of two sexes in conversation and laughter. Then there enter the room in a body ANTHONY, GLORIA, RICHARD CARAMEL, MURIEL KANE, RACHAEL BARNES and RODMAN BARNES, her husband. They surge about MAURY, illogically replying "Fine!" to his general "Hello." ... ANTHONY, meanwhile, approaches his other guest.)
(They're interrupted by a loud noise outside, clearly the sound of two genders chatting and laughing. Then, a group enters the room: ANTHONY, GLORIA, RICHARD CARAMEL, MURIEL KANE, RACHAEL BARNES and RODMAN BARNES, her husband. They crowd around MAURY, illogically responding "Fine!" to his general "Hello." ... ANTHONY, meanwhile, approaches his other guest.)
ANTHONY: Well, I'll be darned. How are you? Mighty glad to see you.
ANTHONY: Well, I can't believe it. How's it going? Really happy to see you.
PARAMORE: It's good to see you, Anthony. I'm stationed in Stamford, so I thought I'd run over. (Roguishly) We have to work to beat the devil most of the time, so we're entitled to a few hours' vacation.
PARAMORE: It's great to see you, Anthony. I'm based in Stamford, so I thought I'd come over. (Playfully) We have to put in the effort to outsmart the devil most of the time, so we deserve a few hours of break.
(In an agony of concentration ANTHONY tries to recall the name. After a struggle of parturition his memory gives up the fragment "Fred," around which he hastily builds the sentence "Glad you did, Fred!" Meanwhile the slight hush prefatory to an introduction has fallen upon the company. MAURY, who could help, prefers to look on in malicious enjoyment.)
(In a painful effort to concentrate ANTHONY tries to remember the name. After a struggle like childbirth, his memory finally produces the fragment "Fred," around which he quickly constructs the sentence "Glad you did, Fred!" Meanwhile, a slight hush that often precedes an introduction has fallen over the group. MAURY, who could assist, chooses to watch with malicious delight.)
ANTHONY: (In desperation) Ladies and gentlemen, this is—this is Fred.
ANTHONY: (In desperation) Ladies and gentlemen, this is—this is Fred.
MURIEL: (With obliging levity) Hello, Fred!
MURIEL: (Cheerfully) Hey, Fred!
(RICHARD CARAMEL and PARAMORE greet each other intimately by their first names, the latter recollecting that DICK was one of the men in his class who had never before troubled to speak to him. DICK fatuously imagines that PARAMORE is some one he has previously met in ANTHONY'S house.
(RICHARD CARAMEL and PARAMORE greet each other warmly by their first names, with the latter remembering that DICK was one of the guys in his class who had never bothered to talk to him before. DICK naively thinks that PARAMORE is someone he has met before at ANTHONY'S house.
The three young women go up-stairs.)
The three young women go upstairs.
MAURY: (In an undertone to DICK) Haven't seen Muriel since Anthony's wedding.
MAURY: (in a low voice to DICK) I haven't seen Muriel since Anthony's wedding.
DICK: She's now in her prime. Her latest is "I'll say so!"
DICK: She's really thriving now. Her latest work is "I'll say so!"
(ANTHONY struggles for a while with PARAMORE and at length attempts to make the conversation general by asking every one to have a drink.)
(ANTHONY struggles for a bit with PARAMORE and eventually tries to steer the conversation into more general topics by inviting everyone to grab a drink.)
MAURY: I've done pretty well on this bottle. I've gone from "Proof" down to "Distillery." (He indicates the words on the label.)
MAURY: I've done pretty well with this bottle. I've gone from "Proof" down to "Distillery." (He points to the words on the label.)
ANTHONY: (To PARAMORE) Never can tell when these two will turn up. Said good-by to them one afternoon at five and darned if they didn't appear about two in the morning. A big hired touring-car from New York drove up to the door and out they stepped, drunk as lords, of course.
ANTHONY: (To PARAMORE) You never know when these two will show up. I said goodbye to them one afternoon at five, and wouldn’t you know it, they showed up around two in the morning. A big hired car from New York pulled up to the door, and out they stumbled, completely hammered, of course.
(In an ecstasy of consideration PARAMORE regards the cover of a book which he holds in his hand. MAURY and DICK exchange a glance.)
(In a moment of deep thought PARAMORE looks at the cover of a book he's holding. MAURY and DICK share a glance.)
DICK: (Innocently, to PARAMORE) You work here in town?
DICK: (Innocently, to PARAMORE) Do you work here in town?
PARAMORE: No, I'm in the Laird Street Settlement in Stamford. (To ANTHONY) You have no idea of the amount of poverty in these small Connecticut towns. Italians and other immigrants. Catholics mostly, you know, so it's very hard to reach them.
PARAMORE: No, I'm at the Laird Street Settlement in Stamford. (To ANTHONY) You have no idea how much poverty there is in these small Connecticut towns. Italians and other immigrants. Mostly Catholics, you know, so it’s really hard to reach them.
ANTHONY: (Politely) Lot of crime?
ANTHONY: (Politely) A lot of crime?
PARAMORE: Not so much crime as ignorance and dirt.
PARAMORE: More about ignorance and filth than actual crime.
MAURY: That's my theory: immediate electrocution of all ignorant and dirty people. I'm all for the criminals—give color to life. Trouble is if you started to punish ignorance you'd have to begin in the first families, then you could take up the moving picture people, and finally Congress and the clergy.
MAURY: That's my theory: instantly shocking all ignorant and dirty people. I'm all for the criminals— they add color to life. The problem is, if you started punishing ignorance, you'd have to start with the wealthy families, then move on to the film industry, and finally tackle Congress and the clergy.
PARAMORE: (Smiling uneasily) I was speaking of the more fundamental ignorance—of even our language.
PARAMORE: (Smiling uneasily) I was talking about the deeper kind of ignorance—about even our language.
MAURY: (Thoughtfully) I suppose it is rather hard. Can't even keep up with the new poetry.
MAURY: (Thoughtfully) I guess it is pretty tough. I can't even keep up with the new poetry.
PARAMORE: It's only when the settlement work has gone on for months that one realizes how bad things are. As our secretary said to me, your finger-nails never seem dirty until you wash your hands. Of course we're already attracting much attention.
PARAMORE: It's only after the settlement work has dragged on for months that you start to see how bad things really are. As our secretary pointed out to me, your fingernails never look dirty until you wash your hands. Of course, we're already attracting a lot of attention.
MAURY: (Rudely) As your secretary might say, if you stuff paper into a grate it'll burn brightly for a moment.
MAURY: (Rudely) As your secretary might say, if you shove paper into a grate, it'll burn bright for a moment.
(At this point GLORIA, freshly tinted and lustful of admiration and entertainment, rejoins the party, followed by her two friends. For several moments the conversation becomes entirely fragmentary. GLORIA calls ANTHONY aside.)
(At this point GLORIA, now looking vibrant and eager for attention and fun, reenters the group, followed by her two friends. For a few moments, the conversation is completely disjointed. GLORIA pulls ANTHONY to the side.)
GLORIA: Please don't drink much, Anthony.
GLORIA: Please don't drink a lot, Anthony.
ANTHONY: Why?
ANTHONY: Why's that?
GLORIA: Because you're so simple when you're drunk.
GLORIA: Because you’re so straightforward when you’re drunk.
ANTHONY: Good Lord! What's the matter now?
ANTHONY: Oh my gosh! What's going on now?
GLORIA: (After a pause during which her eyes gaze coolly into his) Several things. In the first place, why do you insist on paying for everything? Both those men have more money than you!
GLORIA: (After a pause during which her eyes gaze coolly into his) Several things. First of all, why do you keep insisting on paying for everything? Both of those guys have more money than you!
ANTHONY: Why, Gloria! They're my guests!
ANTHONY: Hey, Gloria! They're my guests!
GLORIA: That's no reason why you should pay for a bottle of champagne Rachael Barnes smashed. Dick tried to fix that second taxi bill, and you wouldn't let him.
GLORIA: That's no reason for you to pay for a bottle of champagne. Rachael Barnes got wasted. Dick tried to sort out that second taxi bill, but you wouldn't let him.
ANTHONY: Why, Gloria—
ANTHONY: Why, Gloria—
GLORIA: When we have to keep selling bonds to even pay our bills, it's time to cut down on excess generosities. Moreover, I wouldn't be quite so attentive to Rachael Barnes. Her husband doesn't like it any more than I do!
GLORIA: When we have to keep selling bonds just to pay our bills, it's time to cut back on unnecessary generosity. Plus, I wouldn't pay too much attention to Rachael Barnes. Her husband isn't thrilled about it any more than I am!
ANTHONY: Why, Gloria—
ANTHONY: Why, Gloria—
GLORIA: (Mimicking him sharply) "Why, Gloria!" But that's happened a little too often this summer—with every pretty woman you meet. It's grown to be a sort of habit, and I'm not going to stand it! If you can play around, I can, too. (Then, as an afterthought) By the way, this Fred person isn't a second Joe Hull, is he?
GLORIA: (Sarcastically imitating him) "Oh, come on, Gloria!" But that's happened way too much this summer—with every attractive woman you run into. It's become a bit of a routine, and I won't put up with it! If you can fool around, so can I. (Then, as an afterthought) By the way, this Fred guy isn't just another Joe Hull, right?
ANTHONY: Heavens, no! He probably came up to get me to wheedle some money out of grandfather for his flock.
ANTHONY: Oh no! He probably came here to charm some money out of grandpa for his group.
(GLORIA turns away from a very depressed ANTHONY and returns to her guests.
(GLORIA turns away from a very downcast ANTHONY and goes back to her guests.
By nine o'clock these can be divided into two classes—those who have been drinking consistently and those who have taken little or nothing. In the second group are the BARNESES, MURIEL, and FREDERICK E. PARAMORE.)
By nine o'clock, these can be split into two groups—those who have been drinking heavily and those who have had very little or none at all. In the second group are the BARNESES, MURIEL, and FREDERICK E. PARAMORE.)
MURIEL: I wish I could write. I get these ideas but I never seem to be able to put them in words.
MURIEL: I wish I could write. I have all these ideas, but I can never seem to put them into words.
DICK: As Goliath said, he understood how David felt, but he couldn't express himself. The remark was immediately adopted for a motto by the Philistines.
DICK: Just like Goliath said, he got what David was going through, but he just couldn't find the words. The Philistines quickly took that comment as their slogan.
MURIEL: I don't get you. I must be getting stupid in my old age.
MURIEL: I don't understand you. I must be getting dumb in my old age.
GLORIA: (Weaving unsteadily among the company like an exhilarated angel) If any one's hungry there's some French pastry on the dining room table.
GLORIA: (Weaving unsteadily among the company like an exhilarated angel) If anyone's hungry, there's some French pastry on the dining room table.
MAURY: Can't tolerate those Victorian designs it comes in.
MAURY: I can't stand those Victorian designs it comes in.
MURIEL: (Violently amused) I'll say you're tight, Maury.
MURIEL: (Seriously amused) I would definitely say you're tight, Maury.
(Her bosom is still a pavement that she offers to the hoofs of many passing stallions, hoping that their iron shoes may strike even a spark of romance in the darkness ...
(Her chest is still a path that she offers to the hooves of many passing stallions, hoping that their iron shoes might ignite even a spark of romance in the darkness ...)
Messrs. BARNES and PARAMORE have been engaged in conversation upon some wholesome subject, a subject so wholesome that MR. BARNES has been trying for several moments to creep into the more tainted air around the central lounge. Whether PARAMORE is lingering in the gray house out of politeness or curiosity, or in order at some future time to make a sociological report on the decadence of American life, is problematical.)
Mr. BARNES and PARAMORE have been having a conversation about a really positive topic, one so positive that MR. BARNES has been attempting for a while to sneak into the less pure atmosphere around the main lounge. It's unclear whether PARAMORE is hanging around the gray house out of courtesy, curiosity, or to eventually write a sociological report on the decline of American life.
MAURY: Fred, I imagined you were very broad-minded.
MAURY: Fred, I thought you were really open-minded.
PARAMORE: I am.
PARAMORE: I am.
MURIEL: Me, too. I believe one religion's as good as another and everything.
MURIEL: Same here. I think one religion is just as good as another and all that.
PARAMORE: There's some good in all religions.
PARAMORE: There's some good in every religion.
MURIEL: I'm a Catholic but, as I always say, I'm not working at it.
MURIEL: I'm a Catholic, but like I always say, I'm not really practicing it.
PARAMORE: (With a tremendous burst of tolerance) The Catholic religion is a very—a very powerful religion.
PARAMORE: (With a tremendous burst of tolerance) The Catholic faith is a very—a very strong faith.
MAURY: Well, such a broad-minded man should consider the raised plane of sensation and the stimulated optimism contained in this cocktail.
MAURY: Well, a broad-minded person should think about the heightened sense of feeling and the encouraged positivity found in this cocktail.
PARAMORE: (Taking the drink, rather defiantly) Thanks, I'll try—one.
PARAMORE: (Taking the drink, a bit stubbornly) Thanks, I'll have—just one.
MAURY: One? Outrageous! Here we have a class of 'nineteen ten reunion, and you refuse to be even a little pickled. Come on!
MAURY: One? That's ridiculous! We're having a class reunion from 1910, and you won't even indulge a little. Come on!
(PARAMORE joins in with a hearty voice.)
(PARAMORE joins in with a strong voice.)
MAURY: Fill the cup, Frederick. You know everything's subordinated to nature's purposes with us, and her purpose with you is to make you a rip-roaring tippler.
MAURY: Fill the cup, Frederick. You know everything is geared towards nature's goals with us, and her goal for you is to make you a hardcore drinker.
PARAMORE: If a fellow can drink like a gentleman—
PARAMORE: If a guy can drink like a gentleman—
MAURY: What is a gentleman, anyway?
MAURY: So, what exactly is a gentleman?
ANTHONY: A man who never has pins under his coat lapel.
ANTHONY: A guy who never has pins on his coat collar.
MAURY: Nonsense! A man's social rank is determined by the amount of bread he eats in a sandwich.
MAURY: Nonsense! A man's social status is determined by how much bread he eats in a sandwich.
DICK: He's a man who prefers the first edition of a book to the last edition of a newspaper.
DICK: He’s a guy who would rather have a first edition of a book than the latest edition of a newspaper.
RACHAEL: A man who never gives an impersonation of a dope-fiend.
RACHAEL: A guy who never pretends to be a junkie.
MAURY: An American who can fool an English butler into thinking he's one.
MAURY: An American who can trick an English butler into believing he's one.
MURIEL: A man who comes from a good family and went to Yale or Harvard or Princeton, and has money and dances well, and all that.
MURIEL: A guy who comes from a solid background, went to Yale, Harvard, or Princeton, has money, dances well, and all that.
MAURY: At last—the perfect definition! Cardinal Newman's is now a back number.
MAURY: Finally—the perfect definition! Cardinal Newman's is now outdated.
PARAMORE: I think we ought to look on the question more broad-mindedly. Was it Abraham Lincoln who said that a gentleman is one who never inflicts pain?
PARAMORE: I think we should consider the question more openly. Was it Abraham Lincoln who said that a gentleman is someone who never causes pain?
MAURY: It's attributed, I believe, to General Ludendorff.
MAURY: I think it's credited to General Ludendorff.
PARAMORE: Surely you're joking.
PARAMORE: You must be kidding.
MAURY: Have another drink.
MAURY: Have another drink.
PARAMORE: I oughtn't to. (Lowering his voice for MAURY'S ear alone) What if I were to tell you this is the third drink I've ever taken in my life?
PARAMORE: I shouldn't. (Lowering his voice for MAURY'S ear alone) What if I told you this is the third drink I've ever had in my life?
(DICK starts the phonograph, which provokes MURIEL to rise and sway from side to side, her elbows against her ribs, her forearms perpendicular to her body and out like fins.)
(DICK starts the record player, which makes MURIEL get up and sway side to side, her elbows tucked in, her forearms straight out from her body like fins.)
MURIEL: Oh, let's take up the rugs and dance!
MURIEL: Oh, let's roll up the rugs and dance!
(This suggestion is received by ANTHONY and GLORIA with interior groans and sickly smiles of acquiescence.)
(This suggestion is received by ANTHONY and GLORIA with internal groans and forced smiles of agreement.)
MURIEL: Come on, you lazy-bones. Get up and move the furniture back.
MURIEL: Come on, you lazy bum. Get up and move the furniture back.
DICK: Wait till I finish my drink.
DICK: Hold on until I finish my drink.
MAURY: (Intent on his purpose toward PARAMORE) I'll tell you what. Let's each fill one glass, drink it off and then we'll dance.
MAURY: (Focused on his goal with PARAMORE) I have an idea. Let’s each fill a glass, drink it up, and then we’ll dance.
(A wave of protest which breaks against the rock of MAURY'S insistence.)
(A wave of protest crashes against the rock of MAURY'S insistence.)
MURIEL: My head is simply going round now.
MURIEL: My head is just spinning right now.
RACHAEL: (In an undertone to ANTHONY) Did Gloria tell you to stay away from me?
RACHAEL: (quietly to ANTHONY) Did Gloria ask you to avoid me?
ANTHONY: (Confused) Why, certainly not. Of course not.
ANTHONY: (Confused) No way. Definitely not.
(RACHAEL smiles at him inscrutably. Two years have given her a sort of hard, well-groomed beauty.)
(RACHAEL smiles at him with a mysterious look. Two years have given her a kind of tough, polished beauty.)
MAURY: (Holding up his glass) Here's to the defeat of democracy and the fall of Christianity.
MAURY: (Holding up his glass) Here's to the downfall of democracy and the decline of Christianity.
MURIEL: Now really!
MURIEL: Seriously!
(She flashes a mock-reproachful glance at MAURY and then drinks.
(She gives a teasingly disapproving look at MAURY and then takes a sip.
They all drink, with varying degrees of difficulty.)
They all drink, though some find it easier than others.
MURIEL: Clear the floor!
MURIEL: Clear the space!
(It seems inevitable that this process is to be gone through, so ANTHONY and GLORIA join in the great moving of tables, piling of chairs, rolling of carpets, and breaking of lamps. When the furniture has been stacked in ugly masses at the sides, there appears a space about eight feet square.)
(It seems unavoidable that this process has to happen, so ANTHONY and GLORIA join in the big effort to move tables, stack chairs, roll up carpets, and break lamps. Once the furniture is piled up in messy heaps on the sides, a space about eight feet square opens up.)
MURIEL: Oh, let's have music!
MURIEL: Oh, let’s play some music!
MAURY: Tana will render the love song of an eye, ear, nose, and throat specialist.
MAURY: Tana will perform the love song of an ear, nose, and throat doctor.
(Amid some confusion due to the fact that TANA has retired for the night, preparations are made for the performance. The pajamaed Japanese, flute in hand, is wrapped in a comforter and placed in a chair atop one of the tables, where he makes a ludicrous and grotesque spectacle. PARAMORE is perceptibly drunk and so enraptured with the notion that he increases the effect by simulating funny-paper staggers and even venturing on an occasional hiccough.)
(In the midst of some confusion because TANA has gone to bed, preparations are underway for the performance. The pajama-clad Japanese man, with a flute in hand, is wrapped in a comforter and placed in a chair on one of the tables, creating a ridiculous and bizarre sight. PARAMORE is noticeably drunk and completely captivated by the idea, boosting the effect by pretending to stagger playfully and even throwing in an occasional hiccup.)
PARAMORE: (To GLORIA) Want to dance with me?
PARAMORE: (To GLORIA) Do you want to dance with me?
GLORIA: No, sir! Want to do the swan dance. Can you do it?
GLORIA: No way! I want to do the swan dance. Can you do it?
PARAMORE: Sure. Do them all.
PARAMORE: Sure. Do all of them.
GLORIA: All right. You start from that side of the room and I'll start from this.
GLORIA: Okay. You begin from that side of the room and I'll start from here.
MURIEL: Let's go!
MURIEL: Let's roll!
(Then Bedlam creeps screaming out of the bottles: TANA plunges into the recondite mazes of the train song, the plaintive "tootle toot-toot" blending its melancholy cadences with the "Poor Butter-fly (tink-atink), by the blossoms wait-ing" of the phonograph. MURIEL is too weak with laughter to do more than cling desperately to BARNES, who, dancing with the ominous rigidity of an army officer, tramps without humor around the small space. ANTHONY is trying to hear RACHAEL'S whisper—without attracting GLORIA's attention....
(Then chaos bursts out of the bottles: TANA dive into the complicated rhythms of the train song, the sad "tootle toot-toot" mixing its emotional tones with the "Poor Butter-fly (tink-atink), by the blossoms wait-ing" from the phonograph. MURIEL is laughing so hard that she can only cling tightly to BARNES, who, dancing with the stiff awkwardness of a military officer, marches around the small space without any sense of humor. ANTHONY is trying to catch RACHAEL'S whisper—without drawing GLORIA's attention....
But the grotesque, the unbelievable, the histrionic incident is about to occur, one of those incidents in which life seems set upon the passionate imitation of the lowest forms of literature. PARAMORE has been trying to emulate GLORIA, and as the commotion reaches its height he begins to spin round and round, more and more dizzily—he staggers, recovers, staggers again and then falls in the direction of the hall ... almost into the arms of old ADAM PATCH, whose approach has been rendered inaudible by the pandemonium in the room.
But the bizarre, the unbelievable, the dramatic event is about to happen, one of those moments where life seems to be mimicking the worst types of storytelling. PARAMORE has been trying to copy GLORIA, and as the chaos reaches its peak he starts to spin around and around, getting more and more dizzy—he stumbles, catches himself, stumbles again, and then falls towards the hall... almost landing in the arms of old ADAM PATCH, whose arrival has been drowned out by the turmoil in the room.
ADAM PATCH is very white. He leans upon a stick. The man with him is EDWARD SHUTTLEWORTH, and it is he who seizes PARAMORE by the shoulder and deflects the course of his fall away from the venerable philanthropist.
ADAM PATCH is very pale. He leans on a cane. The man with him is EDWARD SHUTTLEWORTH, and he’s the one who grabs PARAMORE by the shoulder and shifts the direction of his fall away from the respected philanthropist.
The time required for quiet to descend upon the room like a monstrous pall may be estimated at two minutes, though for a short period after that the phonograph gags and the notes of the Japanese train song dribble from the end of TANA'S flute. Of the nine people only BARNES, PARAMORE, and TANA are unaware of the late-comer's identity. Of the nine not one is aware that ADAM PATCH has that morning made a contribution of fifty thousand dollars to the cause of national prohibition.
The time it takes for silence to settle over the room like a heavy blanket is about two minutes, but for a little while after that, the phonograph stutters and the notes of the Japanese train song trickle from the end of TANA'S flute. Out of the nine people, only BARNES, PARAMORE, and TANA don’t know who the latecomer is. None of the nine realize that ADAM PATCH has just donated fifty thousand dollars that morning to support the cause of national prohibition.
It is given to PARAMORE to break the gathering silence; the high tide of his life's depravity is reached in his incredible remark.)
It falls to PARAMORE to shatter the tense silence; the peak of his life's moral decline is hit with his astonishing comment.
PARAMORE: (Crawling rapidly toward the kitchen on his hands and knees) I'm not a guest here—I work here.
PARAMORE: (Crawling rapidly toward the kitchen on his hands and knees) I'm not a guest here—I’m part of the staff.
(Again silence falls—so deep now, so weighted with intolerably contagious apprehension, that RACHAEL gives a nervous little giggle, and DICK finds himself telling over and over a line from Swinburne, grotesquely appropriate to the scene:
(Once more, silence settles in—so profound now, so heavy with an unbearable sense of anxious anticipation, that RACHAEL lets out a nervous little laugh, and DICK finds himself repeating a line from Swinburne, oddly fitting for the moment:
... Out of the hush the voice of ANTHONY, sober and strained, saying something to ADAM PATCH; then this, too, dies away.)
... Out of the silence the voice of ANTHONY, serious and tense, saying something to ADAM PATCH; then this, too, fades away.)
SHUTTLEWORTH: (Passionately) Your grandfather thought he would motor over to see your house. I phoned from Rye and left a message.
SHUTTLEWORTH: (With passion) Your grandpa thought he’d drive over to check out your house. I called from Rye and left a message.
(A series of little gasps, emanating, apparently, from nowhere, from no one, fall into the next pause. ANTHONY is the color of chalk. GLORIA'S lips are parted and her level gaze at the old man is tense and frightened. There is not one smile in the room. Not one? Or does CROSS PATCH'S drawn mouth tremble slightly open, to expose the even rows of his thin teeth? He speaks—five mild and simple words.)
(A series of small gasps seems to come from nowhere and no one, filling the next pause. ANTHONY looks pale as chalk. GLORIA'S lips are parted and her steady gaze at the old man is tense and fearful. There isn't a single smile in the room. Not a single one? Or does CROSS PATCH'S tight mouth quiver slightly open, revealing the even rows of his thin teeth? He speaks—five gentle and simple words.)
ADAM PATCH: We'll go back now, Shuttleworth——
ADAM PATCH: Let's head back now, Shuttleworth——
(And that is all. He turns, and assisted by his cane goes out through the hall, through the front door, and with hellish portentousness his uncertain footsteps crunch on the gravel path under the August moon.)
(And that's it. He turns and, with the help of his cane, walks out through the hall, through the front door, and with a dark sense of foreboding, his unsteady footsteps crunch on the gravel path under the August moon.)
RETROSPECT
RETROSPPECT
In this extremity they were like two goldfish in a bowl from which all the water had been drawn; they could not even swim across to each other.
In this situation, they were like two goldfish in a bowl that had all the water taken out; they couldn't even swim over to each other.
Gloria would be twenty-six in May. There was nothing, she had said, that she wanted, except to be young and beautiful for a long time, to be gay and happy, and to have money and love. She wanted what most women want, but she wanted it much more fiercely and passionately. She had been married over two years. At first there had been days of serene understanding, rising to ecstasies of proprietorship and pride. Alternating with these periods had occurred sporadic hates, enduring a short hour, and forgetfulnesses lasting no longer than an afternoon. That had been for half a year.
Gloria would be twenty-six in May. There was nothing, she had said, that she wanted, except to stay young and beautiful for a long time, to be joyful and happy, and to have money and love. She wanted what most women want, but her desire was much more intense and passionate. She had been married for over two years. At first, there had been days of calm understanding, rising to moments of ownership and pride. These were alternated by brief periods of anger, lasting about an hour, and forgetfulness that didn’t last longer than an afternoon. That had gone on for half a year.
Then the serenity, the content, had become less jubilant, had become, gray—very rarely, with the spur of jealousy or forced separation, the ancient ecstasies returned, the apparent communion of soul and soul, the emotional excitement. It was possible for her to hate Anthony for as much as a full day, to be carelessly incensed at him for as long as a week. Recrimination had displaced affection as an indulgence, almost as an entertainment, and there were nights when they would go to sleep trying to remember who was angry and who should be reserved next morning. And as the second year waned there had entered two new elements. Gloria realized that Anthony had become capable of utter indifference toward her, a temporary indifference, more than half lethargic, but one from which she could no longer stir him by a whispered word, or a certain intimate smile. There were days when her caresses affected him as a sort of suffocation. She was conscious of these things; she never entirely admitted them to herself.
Then the calm and happiness they shared became less joyful, turning gray—very rarely, with the jolt of jealousy or forced separation, the old highs returned, that apparent connection of soul to soul, the emotional thrill. She could hate Anthony for a whole day, and be annoyed with him for up to a week. Blame had replaced affection as a sort of indulgence, almost like a form of entertainment, and there were nights when they would go to sleep trying to remember who was mad and who should be distant the next morning. As the second year came to an end, two new factors came into play. Gloria realized that Anthony had become capable of complete indifference toward her, a temporary indifference, more than half apathetic, but one that she could no longer change with a whispered word or a certain intimate smile. There were days when her touches felt like suffocation to him. She was aware of these things; she never fully admitted them to herself.
It was only recently that she perceived that in spite of her adoration of him, her jealousy, her servitude, her pride, she fundamentally despised him—and her contempt blended indistinguishably with her other emotions.... All this was her love—the vital and feminine illusion that had directed itself toward him one April night, many months before.
It was only recently that she realized that despite her love for him, her jealousy, her willingness to serve, and her pride, she basically despised him—and her disdain mixed indistinguishably with her other feelings.... All of this was her love—the vital and feminine illusion that had fallen for him one April night, many months earlier.
On Anthony's part she was, in spite of these qualifications, his sole preoccupation. Had he lost her he would have been a broken man, wretchedly and sentimentally absorbed in her memory for the remainder of life. He seldom took pleasure in an entire day spent alone with her—except on occasions he preferred to have a third person with them. There were times when he felt that if he were not left absolutely alone he would go mad—there were a few times when he definitely hated her. In his cups he was capable of short attractions toward other women, the hitherto-suppressed outcroppings of an experimental temperament.
For Anthony, she was, despite these complexities, his only focus. If he lost her, he would have been utterly defeated, hopelessly and sentimentally lost in her memory for the rest of his life. He rarely enjoyed spending an entire day alone with her—unless, of course, he preferred having a third person around. There were moments when he felt that if he wasn't completely alone, he might lose his mind—there were a few times he outright hated her. When he was drinking, he was capable of brief attractions to other women, revealing the experimental side of his personality that he had kept hidden.
That spring, that summer, they had speculated upon future happiness—how they were to travel from summer land to summer land, returning eventually to a gorgeous estate and possible idyllic children, then entering diplomacy or politics, to accomplish, for a while, beautiful and important things, until finally as a white-haired (beautifully, silkily, white-haired) couple they were to loll about in serene glory, worshipped by the bourgeoisie of the land.... These times were to begin "when we get our money"; it was on such dreams rather than on any satisfaction with their increasingly irregular, increasingly dissipated life that their hope rested. On gray mornings when the jests of the night before had shrunk to ribaldries without wit or dignity, they could, after a fashion, bring out this batch of common hopes and count them over, then smile at each other and repeat, by way of clinching the matter, the terse yet sincere Nietzscheanism of Gloria's defiant "I don't care!"
That spring and summer, they dreamed about their future happiness—how they would travel from summer spot to summer spot, eventually returning to a beautiful estate with possibly perfect kids. Then they would enter diplomacy or politics to achieve some wonderful and meaningful things for a while, until finally, as an older (stunningly, gracefully older) couple, they would relax in peaceful glory, admired by the middle class of the land.... These plans were set to begin "when we get our money"; their hopes rested on these dreams rather than on any contentment with their increasingly chaotic, increasingly wasted life. On gray mornings, when the jokes from the night before had faded into crude comments without wit or dignity, they could, in a way, pull out this collection of shared hopes and go through them, then smile at each other and reaffirm, to seal the deal, the straightforward yet heartfelt Nietzschean sentiment of Gloria's defiant "I don't care!"
Things had been slipping perceptibly. There was the money question, increasingly annoying, increasingly ominous; there was the realization that liquor had become a practical necessity to their amusement—not an uncommon phenomenon in the British aristocracy of a hundred years ago, but a somewhat alarming one in a civilization steadily becoming more temperate and more circumspect. Moreover, both of them seemed vaguely weaker in fibre, not so much in what they did as in their subtle reactions to the civilization about them. In Gloria had been born something that she had hitherto never needed—the skeleton, incomplete but nevertheless unmistakable, of her ancient abhorrence, a conscience. This admission to herself was coincidental with the slow decline of her physical courage.
Things had been noticeably declining. There was the issue of money, which was becoming increasingly frustrating and threatening; there was the realization that alcohol had turned into a practical need for their enjoyment—not an unusual situation in the British aristocracy of a hundred years ago, but somewhat concerning in a society that was gradually becoming more moderate and careful. Additionally, both of them seemed to be vaguely weaker, not so much in their actions but in their subtle responses to the world around them. Gloria was experiencing something she had never needed before—the outline, incomplete yet undeniable, of her long-standing revulsion, a conscience. This realization came alongside the gradual decrease in her physical bravery.
Then, on the August morning after Adam Patch's unexpected call, they awoke, nauseated and tired, dispirited with life, capable only of one pervasive emotion—fear.
Then, on the August morning after Adam Patch's unexpected call, they woke up feeling sick and exhausted, disheartened with life, overwhelmed by a single emotion—fear.
PANIC
"Well?" Anthony sat up in bed and looked down at her. The corners of his lips were drooping with depression, his voice was strained and hollow.
"Well?" Anthony sat up in bed and looked down at her. The corners of his lips were drooping with sadness, his voice was strained and empty.
Her reply was to raise her hand to her mouth and begin a slow, precise nibbling at her finger.
Her response was to bring her hand to her mouth and start nibbling slowly and precisely at her finger.
"We've done it," he said after a pause; then, as she was still silent, he became exasperated. "Why don't you say something?"
"We did it," he said after a pause; then, seeing that she was still silent, he got frustrated. "Why don’t you say something?"
"What on earth do you want me to say?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"What are you thinking?"
"What’s on your mind?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing."
"Then stop biting your finger!"
"Then stop chewing your finger!"
Ensued a short confused discussion of whether or not she had been thinking. It seemed essential to Anthony that she should muse aloud upon last night's disaster. Her silence was a method of settling the responsibility on him. For her part she saw no necessity for speech—the moment required that she should gnaw at her finger like a nervous child.
There was a brief, confused discussion about whether she had been thinking or not. Anthony felt it was crucial for her to openly reflect on last night's disaster. Her silence felt like a way of placing the blame on him. As for her, she didn't see any need to speak—the moment called for her to chew on her finger like a nervous kid.
"I've got to fix up this damn mess with my grandfather," he said with uneasy conviction. A faint newborn respect was indicated by his use of "my grandfather" instead of "grampa."
"I've got to sort out this damn mess with my grandfather," he said with uneasy conviction. A slight hint of newfound respect was shown by his use of "my grandfather" instead of "grampa."
"You can't," she affirmed abruptly. "You can't—ever. He'll never forgive you as long as he lives."
"You can't," she said sharply. "You can't—ever. He'll never forgive you for as long as he lives."
"Perhaps not," agreed Anthony miserably. "Still—I might possibly square myself by some sort of reformation and all that sort of thing—"
"Maybe not," Anthony said unhappily. "Still—I could possibly make up for it by trying to change and all that stuff—"
"He looked sick," she interrupted, "pale as flour."
"He looked really sick," she interrupted, "pale like flour."
"He is sick. I told you that three months ago."
"He is sick. I told you that three months ago."
"I wish he'd died last week!" she said petulantly. "Inconsiderate old fool!"
"I wish he had died last week!" she said angrily. "Selfish old fool!"
Neither of them laughed.
Neither of them chuckled.
"But just let me say," she added quietly, "the next time I see you acting with any woman like you did with Rachael Barnes last night, I'll leave you—just—like—that! I'm simply not going to stand it!"
"But just let me say," she added softly, "the next time I see you acting with any woman like you did with Rachael Barnes last night, I'll leave you—just—like—that! I'm simply not going to put up with it!"
Anthony quailed.
Anthony panicked.
"Oh, don't be absurd," he protested. "You know there's no woman in the world for me except you—none, dearest."
"Oh, come on, that's ridiculous," he said. "You know there's no one else in the world for me but you—no one, my love."
His attempt at a tender note failed miserably—the more imminent danger stalked back into the foreground.
His attempt at a sweet note fell flat—the looming danger moved back into focus.
"If I went to him," suggested Anthony, "and said with appropriate biblical quotations that I'd walked too long in the way of unrighteousness and at last seen the light—" He broke off and glanced with a whimsical expression at his wife. "I wonder what he'd do?"
"If I went to him," Anthony suggested, "and said with some fitting Bible verses that I'd been on the wrong path for too long and finally seen the light—" He paused and looked at his wife with a playful expression. "I wonder what he'd do?"
"I don't know."
"I have no idea."
She was speculating as to whether or not their guests would have the acumen to leave directly after breakfast.
She was wondering if their guests would be sharp enough to leave right after breakfast.
Not for a week did Anthony muster the courage to go to Tarrytown. The prospect was revolting and left alone he would have been incapable of making the trip—but if his will had deteriorated in these past three years, so had his power to resist urging. Gloria compelled him to go. It was all very well to wait a week, she said, for that would give his grandfather's violent animosity time to cool—but to wait longer would be an error—it would give it a chance to harden.
Not for a week did Anthony find the courage to go to Tarrytown. The thought was repulsive, and if he had been on his own, he wouldn't have been able to make the trip—but while his determination had faded over the past three years, so had his ability to resist pressure. Gloria pushed him to go. It was fine to wait a week, she said, because that would give his grandfather's intense anger time to cool—but waiting any longer would be a mistake—it would allow it to solidify.
He went, in trepidation ... and vainly. Adam Patch was not well, said Shuttleworth indignantly. Positive instructions had been given that no one was to see him. Before the ex-"gin-physician's" vindictive eye Anthony's front wilted. He walked out to his taxicab with what was almost a slink—recovering only a little of his self-respect as he boarded the train; glad to escape, boylike, to the wonder palaces of consolation that still rose and glittered in his own mind.
He went, feeling anxious ... and pointless. Adam Patch was not doing well, Shuttleworth said angrily. Clear instructions had been given that no one was allowed to see him. Under the ex-"gin-physician's" resentful gaze, Anthony's confidence faded. He walked to his taxi almost like he was sneaking away—regaining just a bit of his self-respect as he got on the train; happy to escape, like a boy, to the beautiful places of comfort that still shone in his own imagination.
Gloria was scornful when he returned to Marietta. Why had he not forced his way in? That was what she would have done!
Gloria was disdainful when he got back to Marietta. Why hadn’t he pushed his way in? That’s what she would have done!
Between them they drafted a letter to the old man, and after considerable revision sent it off. It was half an apology, half a manufactured explanation. The letter was not answered.
They worked together to write a letter to the old man, and after a lot of edits, they finally sent it. It was part apology and part made-up explanation. The letter didn’t get a response.
Came a day in September, a day slashed with alternate sun and rain, sun without warmth, rain without freshness. On that day they left the gray house, which had seen the flower of their love. Four trunks and three monstrous crates were piled in the dismantled room where, two years before, they had sprawled lazily, thinking in terms of dreams, remote, languorous, content. The room echoed with emptiness. Gloria, in a new brown dress edged with fur, sat upon a trunk in silence, and Anthony walked nervously to and fro smoking, as they waited for the truck that would take their things to the city.
Came a day in September, a day marked by alternating sun and rain, sun that brought no warmth, and rain that lacked freshness. On that day, they left the gray house that had witnessed the peak of their love. Four trunks and three huge crates were piled in the empty room where, two years earlier, they had lounged lazily, dreaming of distant, relaxed, and happy times. The room echoed with emptiness. Gloria, wearing a new brown dress trimmed with fur, sat silently on a trunk, while Anthony paced back and forth, nervously smoking, as they awaited the truck that would take their belongings to the city.
"What are those?" she demanded, pointing to some books piled upon one of the crates.
"What are those?" she asked, pointing to a stack of books on one of the crates.
"That's my old stamp collection," he confessed sheepishly. "I forgot to pack it."
"That's my old stamp collection," he admitted, feeling a bit embarrassed. "I totally forgot to pack it."
"Anthony, it's so silly to carry it around."
"Anthony, it’s really dumb to be carrying that around."
"Well, I was looking through it the day we left the apartment last spring, and I decided not to store it."
"Well, I was going through it the day we left the apartment last spring, and I decided not to keep it."
"Can't you sell it? Haven't we enough junk?"
"Can't you sell it? Don't we have enough stuff?"
"I'm sorry," he said humbly.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly.
With a thunderous rattling the truck rolled up to the door. Gloria shook her fist defiantly at the four walls.
With a loud rumble, the truck pulled up to the door. Gloria shook her fist defiantly at the four walls.
"I'm so glad to go!" she cried, "so glad. Oh, my God, how I hate this house!"
"I'm so happy to leave!" she exclaimed, "so happy. Oh my God, how I loathe this house!"
So the brilliant and beautiful lady went up with her husband to New York. On the very train that bore them away they quarrelled—her bitter words had the frequency, the regularity, the inevitability of the stations they passed.
So the smart and beautiful woman headed to New York with her husband. On the very train that took them away, they fought—her harsh words came as often and predictably as the stations they passed.
"Don't be cross," begged Anthony piteously. "We've got nothing but each other, after all."
"Don’t be upset," Anthony pleaded. "We have nothing but each other, after all."
"We haven't even that, most of the time," cried Gloria.
"We usually don't even have that," cried Gloria.
"When haven't we?"
"When have we not?"
"A lot of times—beginning with one occasion on the station platform at Redgate."
"A lot of times—starting with one time at the station platform at Redgate."
"You don't mean to say that—"
"You can't be serious—"
"No," she interrupted coolly, "I don't brood over it. It came and went—and when it went it took something with it."
"No," she interrupted calmly, "I don't dwell on it. It came and went—and when it left, it took something with it."
She finished abruptly. Anthony sat in silence, confused, depressed. The drab visions of train-side Mamaroneck, Larchmont, Rye, Pelham Manor, succeeded each other with intervals of bleak and shoddy wastes posing ineffectually as country. He found himself remembering how on one summer morning they two had started from New York in search of happiness. They had never expected to find it, perhaps, yet in itself that quest had been happier than anything he expected forevermore. Life, it seemed, must be a setting up of props around one—otherwise it was disaster. There was no rest, no quiet. He had been futile in longing to drift and dream; no one drifted except to maelstroms, no one dreamed, without his dreams becoming fantastic nightmares of indecision and regret.
She stopped suddenly. Anthony sat quietly, feeling confused and down. The dull sights of the train passing through Mamaroneck, Larchmont, Rye, and Pelham Manor flashed by, mixed with stretches of bleak and shabby land that pretended to be countryside. He found himself thinking back to one summer morning when they had left New York in search of happiness. They probably never thought they would actually find it, but the pursuit itself had been more fulfilling than anything he could ever expect again. It seemed like life was just about setting up distractions around oneself—otherwise, it was a disaster. There was no peace, no calm. He had been hopelessly longing to just drift and dream; no one drifted anywhere but into whirlpools, and no one dreamed without those dreams turning into wild nightmares of uncertainty and remorse.
Pelham! They had quarrelled in Pelham because Gloria must drive. And when she set her little foot on the accelerator the car had jumped off spunkily, and their two heads had jerked back like marionettes worked by a single string.
Pelham! They had fought in Pelham because Gloria had to drive. And when she pressed her little foot on the gas pedal, the car leaped forward confidently, and their two heads jerked back like puppets controlled by the same string.
The Bronx—the houses gathering and gleaming in the sun, which was falling now through wide refulgent skies and tumbling caravans of light down into the streets. New York, he supposed, was home—the city of luxury and mystery, of preposterous hopes and exotic dreams. Here on the outskirts absurd stucco palaces reared themselves in the cool sunset, poised for an instant in cool unreality, glided off far away, succeeded by the mazed confusion of the Harlem River. The train moved in through the deepening twilight, above and past half a hundred cheerful sweating streets of the upper East Side, each one passing the car window like the space between the spokes of a gigantic wheel, each one with its vigorous colorful revelation of poor children swarming in feverish activity like vivid ants in alleys of red sand. From the tenement windows leaned rotund, moon-shaped mothers, as constellations of this sordid heaven; women like dark imperfect jewels, women like vegetables, women like great bags of abominably dirty laundry.
The Bronx—the houses shining and sparkling in the sun, which was now streaming through bright, radiant skies and spilling light down into the streets. New York, he figured, was home—the city of luxury and mystery, of outrageous dreams and wild aspirations. Out here on the fringes, ridiculous stucco buildings stood tall in the cool sunset, briefly caught in a surreal moment before fading away, replaced by the tangled chaos of the Harlem River. The train rolled in during the thickening twilight, above and beyond dozens of lively, perspiring streets of the Upper East Side, each one passing by the window like the gaps between the spokes of a huge wheel, each showcasing vibrant scenes of poor kids buzzing around in a frenzy like lively ants in alleys of red dirt. From the tenement windows leaned plump, moon-shaped mothers, as constellations of this grim paradise; women like dark imperfect gems, women like vegetables, women like huge bags of disgustingly dirty laundry.
"I like these streets," observed Anthony aloud. "I always feel as though it's a performance being staged for me; as though the second I've passed they'll all stop leaping and laughing and, instead, grow very sad, remembering how poor they are, and retreat with bowed heads into their houses. You often get that effect abroad, but seldom in this country."
"I really like these streets," Anthony said. "It always feels like a show put on just for me; like the moment I walk by, everyone will stop dancing and laughing, and instead, they'll become really sad, remembering how broke they are, and quietly go back into their homes with their heads down. You often see that vibe when you're overseas, but you rarely see it here."
Down in a tall busy street he read a dozen Jewish names on a line of stores; in the door of each stood a dark little man watching the passers from intent eyes—eyes gleaming with suspicion, with pride, with clarity, with cupidity, with comprehension. New York—he could not dissociate it now from the slow, upward creep of this people—the little stores, growing, expanding, consolidating, moving, watched over with hawk's eyes and a bee's attention to detail—they slathered out on all sides. It was impressive—in perspective it was tremendous.
Down on a busy street, he saw a dozen Jewish names listed on a row of stores; at each entrance stood a small, dark man observing the passersby with focused eyes—eyes shining with suspicion, pride, clarity, greed, and understanding. New York—he couldn’t separate it now from the steady rise of this community—the small stores, growing, expanding, consolidating, moving, all monitored with sharp attention and meticulous care—they spread out in every direction. It was impressive—in perspective, it was immense.
Gloria's voice broke in with strange appropriateness upon his thoughts.
Gloria's voice interrupted his thoughts in a strangely fitting way.
"I wonder where Bloeckman's been this summer."
"I wonder where Bloeckman has been this summer."
THE APARTMENT
After the sureties of youth there sets in a period of intense and intolerable complexity. With the soda-jerker this period is so short as to be almost negligible. Men higher in the scale hold out longer in the attempt to preserve the ultimate niceties of relationship, to retain "impractical" ideas of integrity. But by the late twenties the business has grown too intricate, and what has hitherto been imminent and confusing has become gradually remote and dim. Routine comes down like twilight on a harsh landscape, softening it until it is tolerable. The complexity is too subtle, too varied; the values are changing utterly with each lesion of vitality; it has begun to appear that we can learn nothing from the past with which to face the future—so we cease to be impulsive, convincible men, interested in what is ethically true by fine margins, we substitute rules of conduct for ideas of integrity, we value safety above romance, we become, quite unconsciously, pragmatic. It is left to the few to be persistently concerned with the nuances of relationships—and even this few only in certain hours especially set aside for the task.
After the confidence of youth, there comes a time of intense and overwhelming complexity. For soda-jerkers, this time is so brief that it hardly matters. Men higher up the social ladder hold on longer, trying to maintain the finer points of relationships and cling to “impractical” ideas of integrity. But by their late twenties, things have become too complicated, and what once felt close and confusing has now become distant and unclear. Routine settles in like twilight over a harsh landscape, softening it until it's bearable. The complexity is too intricate, too diverse; values shift completely with each loss of energy; it starts to seem like we can't learn anything from the past to face the future—so we stop being impulsive, open-minded people who care about what is ethically right in subtle ways, substituting rules of conduct for principles of integrity, valuing security over adventure, and we become, quite unconsciously, pragmatic. It falls to the few to be consistently invested in the nuances of relationships—and even this group only during certain hours specifically designated for the task.
Anthony Patch had ceased to be an individual of mental adventure, of curiosity, and had become an individual of bias and prejudice, with a longing to be emotionally undisturbed. This gradual change had taken place through the past several years, accelerated by a succession of anxieties preying on his mind. There was, first of all, the sense of waste, always dormant in his heart, now awakened by the circumstances of his position. In his moments of insecurity he was haunted by the suggestion that life might be, after all, significant. In his early twenties the conviction of the futility of effort, of the wisdom of abnegation, had been confirmed by the philosophies he had admired as well as by his association with Maury Noble, and later with his wife. Yet there had been occasions—just before his first meeting with Gloria, for example, and when his grandfather had suggested that he should go abroad as a war correspondent—upon which his dissatisfaction had driven him almost to a positive step.
Anthony Patch had stopped being someone with a sense of adventure and curiosity, and had become someone full of biases and prejudices, eager to avoid emotional turmoil. This shift happened over the past several years, fueled by a series of anxieties weighing on his mind. He felt a persistent sense of waste, always lingering in his heart, now brought to the surface by his situation. During moments of insecurity, he was plagued by the idea that life might actually have significance. In his early twenties, the belief that trying was pointless and that self-denial was wise had been reinforced by the philosophies he admired, as well as by his relationships with Maury Noble and later with his wife. However, there had been moments—like just before his first encounter with Gloria, and when his grandfather had suggested he go abroad as a war correspondent—when his dissatisfaction nearly pushed him to take decisive action.
One day just before they left Marietta for the last time, in carelessly turning over the pages of a Harvard Alumni Bulletin, he had found a column which told him what his contemporaries had been about in this six years since graduation. Most of them were in business, it was true, and several were converting the heathen of China or America to a nebulous protestantism; but a few, he found, were working constructively at jobs that were neither sinecures nor routines. There was Calvin Boyd, for instance, who, though barely out of medical school, had discovered a new treatment for typhus, had shipped abroad and was mitigating some of the civilization that the Great Powers had brought to Servia; there was Eugene Bronson, whose articles in The New Democracy were stamping him as a man with ideas transcending both vulgar timeliness and popular hysteria; there was a man named Daly who had been suspended from the faculty of a righteous university for preaching Marxian doctrines in the classroom: in art, science, politics, he saw the authentic personalities of his time emerging—there was even Severance, the quarter-back, who had given up his life rather neatly and gracefully with the Foreign Legion on the Aisne.
One day, just before they left Marietta for the last time, while casually flipping through a Harvard Alumni Bulletin, he discovered a column that shared what his peers had been up to in the six years since graduation. Most of them were in business, it's true, and several were trying to convert people in China or America to a vague form of Protestantism; but he found that a few were doing meaningful work that wasn’t just easy jobs or routine tasks. There was Calvin Boyd, for instance, who, although he had just graduated from medical school, had found a new treatment for typhus, sent it overseas, and was improving some of the civilization that the Great Powers had brought to Serbia; there was Eugene Bronson, whose articles in The New Democracy were establishing him as someone with ideas that went beyond fleeting trends and popular hysteria; there was a guy named Daly who had been suspended from a respected university for teaching Marxist ideas in class: in art, science, and politics, he saw the real figures of his time coming into view—there was even Severance, the quarterback, who had resolved his life neatly and gracefully by joining the Foreign Legion on the Aisne.
He laid down the magazine and thought for a while about these diverse men. In the days of his integrity he would have defended his attitude to the last—an Epicurus in Nirvana, he would have cried that to struggle was to believe, to believe was to limit. He would as soon have become a churchgoer because the prospect of immortality gratified him as he would have considered entering the leather business because the intensity of the competition would have kept him from unhappiness. But at present he had no such delicate scruples. This autumn, as his twenty-ninth year began, he was inclined to close his mind to many things, to avoid prying deeply into motive and first causes, and mostly to long passionately for security from the world and from himself. He hated to be alone, as has been said he often dreaded being alone with Gloria.
He put down the magazine and thought for a moment about these different men. Back in his more principled days, he would have defended his views to the end—like an Epicurean in Nirvana, he would have declared that struggling was believing, and believing was limiting. He would have just as soon gone to church for the hope of immortality as he would have considered entering the leather business just to escape the stress of competition. But right now, he didn't have those kinds of delicate concerns. This autumn, as he entered his twenty-ninth year, he was more inclined to shut his mind to many things, to avoid digging deeply into motives and origins, and mostly to yearn passionately for security from the world and from himself. He hated being alone, and as it was said, he often feared being alone with Gloria.
Because of the chasm which his grandfather's visit had opened before him, and the consequent revulsion from his late mode of life, it was inevitable that he should look around in this suddenly hostile city for the friends and environments that had once seemed the warmest and most secure. His first step was a desperate attempt to get back his old apartment.
Because of the gap his grandfather's visit had created in his life, and his strong reaction against how he had been living, it was only natural for him to start searching in this suddenly unfriendly city for the friends and places that once felt the coziest and safest. His first move was a desperate attempt to reclaim his old apartment.
In the spring of 1912 he had signed a four-year lease at seventeen hundred a year, with an option of renewal. This lease had expired the previous May. When he had first rented the rooms they had been mere potentialities, scarcely to be discerned as that, but Anthony had seen into these potentialities and arranged in the lease that he and the landlord should each spend a certain amount in improvements. Rents had gone up in the past four years, and last spring when Anthony had waived his option the landlord, a Mr. Sohenberg, had realized that he could get a much bigger price for what was now a prepossessing apartment. Accordingly, when Anthony approached him on the subject in September he was met with Sohenberg's offer of a three-year lease at twenty-five hundred a year. This, it seemed to Anthony, was outrageous. It meant that well over a third of their income would be consumed in rent. In vain he argued that his own money, his own ideas on the repartitioning, had made the rooms attractive.
In the spring of 1912, he signed a four-year lease at $1,700 a year, with an option to renew. That lease had expired the previous May. When he first rented the rooms, they were just empty spaces, hardly worth noticing as such, but Anthony saw their potential and included in the lease an agreement for both him and the landlord to invest a certain amount in improvements. Rents had increased over the past four years, and last spring, when Anthony let his option go, the landlord, Mr. Sohenberg, realized he could charge a much higher price for what had now become an appealing apartment. So, when Anthony brought up the subject in September, Sohenberg offered him a three-year lease at $2,500 a year. To Anthony, this seemed outrageous. It meant that more than a third of their income would go toward rent. He argued in vain that his money and his ideas about rearranging the space had made the rooms appealing.
In vain he offered two thousand dollars—twenty-two hundred, though they could ill afford it: Mr. Sohenberg was obdurate. It seemed that two other gentlemen were considering it; just that sort of an apartment was in demand for the moment, and it would scarcely be business to give it to Mr. Patch. Besides, though he had never mentioned it before, several of the other tenants had complained of noise during the previous winter—singing and dancing late at night, that sort of thing.
He offered two thousand dollars—twenty-two hundred, even though they could barely afford it: Mr. Sohenberg was unyielding. Apparently, two other guys were interested; that type of apartment was in high demand right now, and it wouldn’t make sense to just give it to Mr. Patch. Plus, even though he had never brought it up before, several other tenants had complained about noise during the last winter—like singing and dancing late at night, that kind of thing.
Internally raging Anthony hurried back to the Ritz to report his discomfiture to Gloria.
Internally seething, Anthony rushed back to the Ritz to tell Gloria about his embarrassment.
"I can just see you," she stormed, "letting him back you down!"
"I can totally picture you," she exclaimed angrily, "allowing him to push you around!"
"What could I say?"
"What can I say?"
"You could have told him what he was. I wouldn't have stood it. No other man in the world would have stood it! You just let people order you around and cheat you and bully you and take advantage of you as if you were a silly little boy. It's absurd!"
"You could have told him what he was. I wouldn't have stood for it. No other man in the world would have put up with it! You just let people boss you around and take advantage of you like you were some clueless kid. It's ridiculous!"
"Oh, for Heaven's sake, don't lose your temper."
"Oh, for goodness' sake, don't lose your cool."
"I know, Anthony, but you are such an ass!"
"I know, Anthony, but you are such a jerk!"
"Well, possibly. Anyway, we can't afford that apartment. But we can afford it better than living here at the Ritz."
"Well, maybe. Regardless, we can't afford that apartment. But we can manage it better than living here at the Ritz."
"You were the one who insisted on coming here."
"You were the one who insisted on coming here."
"Yes, because I knew you'd be miserable in a cheap hotel."
"Yes, because I knew you’d be unhappy in a budget hotel."
"Of course I would!"
"Absolutely, I would!"
"At any rate we've got to find a place to live."
"Anyway, we need to find a place to live."
"How much can we pay?" she demanded.
"How much can we pay?" she asked.
"Well, we can pay even his price if we sell more bonds, but we agreed last night that until I had gotten something definite to do we-"
"Well, we can pay his price if we sell more bonds, but we agreed last night that until I had something specific to work on, we-"
"Oh, I know all that. I asked you how much we can pay out of just our income."
"Oh, I know all that. I asked you how much we can pay just from our income."
"They say you ought not to pay more than a fourth."
"They say you shouldn't pay more than a quarter."
"How much is a fourth?"
"What's a quarter?"
"One hundred and fifty a month."
"$150 a month."
"Do you mean to say we've got only six hundred dollars coming in every month?" A subdued note crept into her voice.
"Are you saying we only have six hundred dollars coming in each month?" A hint of sadness entered her voice.
"Of course!" he answered angrily. "Do you think we've gone on spending more than twelve thousand a year without cutting way into our capital?"
"Of course!" he replied angrily. "Do you really think we've managed to spend over twelve thousand a year without seriously eating into our savings?"
"I knew we'd sold bonds, but—have we spent that much a year? How did we?" Her awe increased.
"I knew we had sold bonds, but—have we really spent that much in a year? How did we?" Her amazement grew.
"Oh, I'll look in those careful account-books we kept," he remarked ironically, and then added: "Two rents a good part of the time, clothes, travel—why, each of those springs in California cost about four thousand dollars. That darn car was an expense from start to finish. And parties and amusements and—oh, one thing or another."
"Oh, I'll check those detailed account books we maintained," he said sarcastically, and then added: "Two rents most of the time, clothes, travel—each of those trips to California cost around four thousand dollars. That pesky car was a constant expense. And parties and entertainment and—oh, just one thing after another."
They were both excited now and inordinately depressed. The situation seemed worse in the actual telling Gloria than it had when he had first made the discovery himself.
They were both excited now and overly depressed. The situation seemed worse in the actual telling to Gloria than it had when he first made the discovery himself.
"You've got to make some money," she said suddenly.
"You need to make some money," she said suddenly.
"I know it."
"I got it."
"And you've got to make another attempt to see your grandfather."
"And you need to try again to see your grandfather."
"I will."
"I will."
"When?"
"When's it happening?"
"When we get settled."
"When we’re settled."
This eventuality occurred a week later. They rented a small apartment on Fifty-seventh Street at one hundred and fifty a month. It included bedroom, living-room, kitchenette, and bath, in a thin, white-stone apartment house, and though the rooms were too small to display Anthony's best furniture, they were clean, new, and, in a blonde and sanitary way, not unattractive. Bounds had gone abroad to enlist in the British army, and in his place they tolerated rather than enjoyed the services of a gaunt, big-boned Irishwoman, whom Gloria loathed because she discussed the glories of Sinn Fein as she served breakfast. But they vowed they would have no more Japanese, and English servants were for the present hard to obtain. Like Bounds, the woman prepared only breakfast. Their other meals they took at restaurants and hotels.
This happened a week later. They rented a small apartment on Fifty-seventh Street for one hundred and fifty a month. It had a bedroom, living room, kitchenette, and bath in a slim, white-stone apartment building. Even though the rooms were too small for Anthony's best furniture, they were clean, new, and in a light and tidy way, not unattractive. Bounds had gone abroad to join the British army, and in his absence, they reluctantly accepted the help of a tall, big-boned Irishwoman, whom Gloria disliked because she chatted about the achievements of Sinn Fein while serving breakfast. But they promised they wouldn’t have any more Japanese help, and English servants were currently difficult to find. Like Bounds, the woman only made breakfast. They had their other meals at restaurants and hotels.
What finally drove Anthony post-haste up to Tarrytown was an announcement in several New York papers that Adam Patch, the multimillionaire, the philanthropist, the venerable uplifter, was seriously ill and not expected to recover.
What finally rushed Anthony up to Tarrytown was an announcement in several New York newspapers that Adam Patch, the multimillionaire, the philanthropist, the respected benefactor, was seriously ill and not expected to survive.
THE KITTEN
Anthony could not see him. The doctors' instructions were that he was to talk to no one, said Mr. Shuttleworth—who offered kindly to take any message that Anthony might care to intrust with him, and deliver it to Adam Patch when his condition permitted. But by obvious innuendo he confirmed Anthony's melancholy inference that the prodigal grandson would be particularly unwelcome at the bedside. At one point in the conversation Anthony, with Gloria's positive instructions in mind, made a move as though to brush by the secretary, but Shuttleworth with a smile squared his brawny shoulders, and Anthony saw how futile such an attempt would be.
Anthony couldn't see him. The doctors had instructed that he shouldn't talk to anyone, Mr. Shuttleworth said—offering kindly to take any message Anthony wanted to pass along to Adam Patch when he was well enough. But through subtle hints, he confirmed Anthony's sad conclusion that the wayward grandson would be especially unwelcome at the bedside. At one point in the conversation, remembering Gloria's clear instructions, Anthony tried to move past the secretary, but Shuttleworth smiled and squared his broad shoulders, and Anthony realized how pointless that attempt would be.
Miserably intimidated, he returned to New York, where husband and wife passed a restless week. A little incident that occurred one evening indicated to what tension their nerves were drawn.
Miserably intimidated, he returned to New York, where husband and wife spent a restless week. A small incident that happened one evening showed just how tense their nerves were.
Walking home along a cross-street after dinner, Anthony noticed a night-bound cat prowling near a railing.
Walking home along a side street after dinner, Anthony spotted a cat roaming around a railing in the darkness.
"I always have an instinct to kick a cat," he said idly.
"I always feel like kicking a cat," he said casually.
"I like them."
"I like them."
"I yielded to it once."
"I gave in to it once."
"When?"
"When's it happening?"
"Oh, years ago; before I met you. One night between the acts of a show. Cold night, like this, and I was a little tight—one of the first times I was ever tight," he added. "The poor little beggar was looking for a place to sleep, I guess, and I was in a mean mood, so it took my fancy to kick it—"
"Oh, years ago; before I met you. One night between the acts of a show. Cold night, like this, and I was a little tipsy—one of the first times I had ever been tipsy," he added. "The poor little beggar was looking for a place to sleep, I guess, and I was in a bad mood, so I felt like kicking it—"
"Oh, the poor kitty!" cried Gloria, sincerely moved. Inspired with the narrative instinct, Anthony enlarged on the theme.
"Oh, the poor kitty!" cried Gloria, genuinely touched. Feeling inspired, Anthony elaborated on the story.
"It was pretty bad," he admitted. "The poor little beast turned around and looked at me rather plaintively as though hoping I'd pick him up and be kind to him—he was really just a kitten—and before he knew it a big foot launched out at him and caught his little back"
"It was really bad," he admitted. "The poor little guy turned around and looked at me with this sad expression like he was hoping I'd pick him up and be nice to him—he was just a kitten—and before he knew it, a big foot came at him and hit his tiny back."
"Oh!" Gloria's cry was full of anguish.
"Oh!" Gloria cried out in distress.
"It was such a cold night," he continued, perversely, keeping his voice upon a melancholy note. "I guess it expected kindness from somebody, and it got only pain—"
"It was such a cold night," he continued, oddly, keeping his voice on a sad note. "I guess it hoped for kindness from someone, and it only got pain—"
He broke off suddenly—Gloria was sobbing. They had reached home, and when they entered the apartment she threw herself upon the lounge, crying as though he had struck at her very soul.
He suddenly stopped—Gloria was crying. They had gotten home, and when they walked into the apartment, she collapsed onto the couch, crying as if he had attacked her very soul.
"Oh, the poor little kitty!" she repeated piteously, "the poor little kitty. So cold—"
"Oh, the poor little kitty!" she said sadly, "the poor little kitty. So cold—"
"Gloria"
"Gloria"
"Don't come near me! Please, don't come near me. You killed the soft little kitty."
"Don’t come close to me! Please, don’t come close to me. You killed the sweet little kitty."
Touched, Anthony knelt beside her.
Anthony knelt beside her, moved.
"Dear," he said. "Oh, Gloria, darling. It isn't true. I invented it—every word of it."
"Dear," he said. "Oh, Gloria, sweetheart. It’s not true. I made it all up—every single word."
But she would not believe him. There had been something in the details he had chosen to describe that made her cry herself asleep that night, for the kitten, for Anthony for herself, for the pain and bitterness and cruelty of all the world.
But she wouldn't believe him. There was something in the details he chose to share that made her cry herself to sleep that night, for the kitten, for Anthony, for herself, for the pain, bitterness, and cruelty of the whole world.
THE PASSING OF AN AMERICAN MORALIST
Old Adam died on a midnight of late November with a pious compliment to his God on his thin lips. He, who had been flattered so much, faded out flattering the Omnipotent Abstraction which he fancied he might have angered in the more lascivious moments of his youth. It was announced that he had arranged some sort of an armistice with the deity, the terms of which were not made public, though they were thought to have included a large cash payment. All the newspapers printed his biography, and two of them ran short editorials on his sterling worth, and his part in the drama of industrialism, with which he had grown up. They referred guardedly to the reforms he had sponsored and financed. The memories of Comstock and Cato the Censor were resuscitated and paraded like gaunt ghosts through the columns.
Old Adam passed away late at night in November, with a devout word for God on his lips. He, who had been praised so often, died while expressing respect for the Almighty, whom he believed he might have upset during his more indulgent days. It was reported that he had made some kind of truce with the divine, the details of which remained undisclosed, although it was rumored to involve a significant cash settlement. All the newspapers published his biography, and two of them featured brief editorials celebrating his integrity and his role in the story of industrialism, with which he had grown up. They cautiously mentioned the reforms he had supported and funded. The memories of Comstock and Cato the Censor were revived and displayed like haunting specters throughout the articles.
Every newspaper remarked that he was survived by a single grandson, Anthony Comstock Patch, of New York.
Every newspaper noted that he was survived by a sole grandson, Anthony Comstock Patch, from New York.
The burial took place in the family plot at Tarrytown. Anthony and Gloria rode in the first carriage, too worried to feel grotesque, both trying desperately to glean presage of fortune from the faces of retainers who had been with him at the end.
The burial happened in the family plot at Tarrytown. Anthony and Gloria rode in the first carriage, too anxious to feel anything weird, both desperately trying to read some sign of good luck from the faces of the staff who had been with him at the end.
They waited a frantic week for decency, and then, having received no notification of any kind, Anthony called up his grandfather's lawyer. Mr. Brett was not he was expected back in an hour. Anthony left his telephone number.
They waited a frantic week for news, and then, having received nothing at all, Anthony called his grandfather's lawyer. Mr. Brett wasn't in but was expected back in an hour. Anthony left his phone number.
It was the last day of November, cool and crackling outside, with a lustreless sun peering bleakly in at the windows. While they waited for the call, ostensibly engaged in reading, the atmosphere, within and without, seemed pervaded with a deliberate rendition of the pathetic fallacy. After an interminable while, the bell jingled, and Anthony, starting violently, took up the receiver.
It was the last day of November, cool and crisp outside, with a dull sun peeking drearily in at the windows. As they waited for the call, pretending to read, the mood both inside and outside felt heavily influenced by the pathetic fallacy. After what felt like forever, the bell rang, and Anthony jumped, grabbing the receiver.
"Hello ..." His voice was strained and hollow. "Yes—I did leave word. Who is this, please? ... Yes.... Why, it was about the estate. Naturally I'm interested, and I've received no word about the reading of the will—I thought you might not have my address.... What? ... Yes ..."
"Hello ..." His voice sounded tense and empty. "Yes—I did leave a message. Who is this, please? ... Yes.... Well, it was regarding the estate. Of course, I'm interested, and I haven't heard anything about the will reading—I assumed you might not have my address.... What? ... Yes ..."
Gloria fell on her knees. The intervals between Anthony's speeches were like tourniquets winding on her heart. She found herself helplessly twisting the large buttons from a velvet cushion. Then:
Gloria dropped to her knees. The pauses between Anthony's talks felt like tight bands squeezing her heart. She realized she was mindlessly twisting the big buttons on a velvet cushion. Then:
"That's—that's very, very odd—that's very odd—that's very odd. Not even any—ah—mention or any—ah—reason?"
"That's really, really strange—really strange—really strange. Not a single—uh—mention or any—uh—reason?"
His voice sounded faint and far away. She uttered a little sound, half gasp, half cry.
His voice sounded weak and distant. She made a small sound, part gasp, part cry.
"Yes, I'll see.... All right, thanks ... thanks...."
"Yeah, I'll check it out.... Okay, thanks ... thanks...."
The phone clicked. Her eyes looking along the floor saw his feet cut the pattern of a patch of sunlight on the carpet. She arose and faced him with a gray, level glance just as his arms folded about her.
The phone clicked. Her eyes traveled along the floor and saw his feet interrupting the pattern of sunlight on the carpet. She got up and faced him with a steady, gray look just as his arms wrapped around her.
"My dearest," he whispered huskily. "He did it, God damn him!"
"My dearest," he whispered hoarsely. "He did it, damn him!"
NEXT DAY
NEXT DAY
"Who are the heirs?" asked Mr. Haight. "You see when you can tell me so little about it—"
"Who are the heirs?" Mr. Haight asked. "You see, when you can tell me so little about it—"
Mr. Haight was tall and bent and beetle-browed. He had been recommended to Anthony as an astute and tenacious lawyer.
Mr. Haight was tall, hunched, and had bushy eyebrows. He had been recommended to Anthony as a sharp and determined lawyer.
"I only know vaguely," answered Anthony. "A man named Shuttleworth, who was a sort of pet of his, has the whole thing in charge as administrator or trustee or something—all except the direct bequests to charity and the provisions for servants and for those two cousins in Idaho."
"I only know a little," Anthony replied. "A guy named Shuttleworth, who was kind of his favorite, is in charge of everything as the administrator or trustee or something like that—all except the direct donations to charity and the arrangements for the servants and those two cousins in Idaho."
"How distant are the cousins?"
"How far apart are the cousins?"
"Oh, third or fourth, anyway. I never even heard of them."
"Oh, third or fourth, whatever. I’ve never even heard of them."
Mr. Haight nodded comprehensively.
Mr. Haight nodded in agreement.
"And you want to contest a provision of the will?"
"And you want to challenge a part of the will?"
"I guess so," admitted Anthony helplessly. "I want to do what sounds most hopeful—that's what I want you to tell me."
"I guess so," Anthony admitted, feeling powerless. "I want to do what seems the most promising—that's what I want you to tell me."
"You want them to refuse probate to the will?"
"You want them to deny the will's probate?"
Anthony shook his head.
Anthony shook his head.
"You've got me. I haven't any idea what 'probate' is. I want a share of the estate."
"You got me. I have no idea what 'probate' means. I want my part of the estate."
"Suppose you tell me some more details. For instance, do you know why the testator disinherited you?"
"Can you share more details with me? For example, do you know why the person who made the will cut you out?"
"Why—yes," began Anthony. "You see he was always a sucker for moral reform, and all that—"
"Yeah," started Anthony. "You know he was always a softie for moral reform and all that—"
"I know," interjected Mr. Haight humorlessly.
"I know," Mr. Haight chimed in without humor.
"—and I don't suppose he ever thought I was much good. I didn't go into business, you see. But I feel certain that up to last summer I was one of the beneficiaries. We had a house out in Marietta, and one night grandfather got the notion he'd come over and see us. It just happened that there was a rather gay party going on and he arrived without any warning. Well, he took one look, he and this fellow Shuttleworth, and then turned around and tore right back to Tarrytown. After that he never answered my letters or even let me see him."
"—and I don't think he ever believed I was worth much. I didn't go into business, you know. But I’m pretty sure that up until last summer, I was one of the people benefiting. We had a house in Marietta, and one night my grandfather decided he wanted to come visit us. It just so happened that there was a pretty lively party going on, and he showed up without any notice. Well, he glanced around, he and this guy Shuttleworth, and then he turned around and rushed back to Tarrytown. After that, he never responded to my letters or let me see him again."
"He was a prohibitionist, wasn't he?"
"He was against prohibition, wasn't he?"
"He was everything—regular religious maniac."
"He was everything—a total religious fanatic."
"How long before his death was the will made that disinherited you?"
"How long before he died was the will created that cut you out?"
"Recently—I mean since August."
"Recently—since August."
"And you think that the direct reason for his not leaving you the majority of the estate was his displeasure with your recent actions?"
"And you believe that the main reason he didn’t leave you most of the estate was because he was unhappy with what you've done lately?"
"Yes."
Yes.
Mr. Haight considered. Upon what grounds was Anthony thinking of contesting the will?
Mr. Haight thought for a moment. What reasons did Anthony have for wanting to contest the will?
"Why, isn't there something about evil influence?"
"Isn't there something about negative influence?"
"Undue influence is one ground—but it's the most difficult. You would have to show that such pressure was brought to bear so that the deceased was in a condition where he disposed of his property contrary to his intentions—"
"Undue influence is one reason, but it's the toughest one. You would have to prove that pressure was applied in such a way that the deceased was in a state where they distributed their property against their true intentions—"
"Well, suppose this fellow Shuttleworth dragged him over to Marietta just when he thought some sort of a celebration was probably going on?"
"Well, what if this guy Shuttleworth brought him to Marietta just when he thought there was some kind of celebration happening?"
"That wouldn't have any bearing on the case. There's a strong division between advice and influence. You'd have to prove that the secretary had a sinister intention. I'd suggest some other grounds. A will is automatically refused probate in case of insanity, drunkenness"—here Anthony smiled—"or feeble-mindedness through premature old age."
"That wouldn't have any impact on the case. There's a clear difference between advice and influence. You'd need to prove that the secretary had bad intentions. I’d recommend looking into other reasons. A will is automatically rejected for probate in cases of insanity, drunkenness"—here Anthony smiled—"or mental incapacity due to early old age."
"But," objected Anthony, "his private physician, being one of the beneficiaries, would testify that he wasn't feeble-minded. And he wasn't. As a matter of fact he probably did just what he intended to with his money—it was perfectly consistent with everything he'd ever done in his life—"
"But," Anthony protested, "his private doctor, one of the beneficiaries, would confirm that he wasn't mentally impaired. And he wasn’t. In fact, he probably used his money exactly as he intended—it totally matched everything he had ever done in his life—"
"Well, you see, feeble-mindedness is a great deal like undue influence—it implies that the property wasn't disposed of as originally intended. The most common ground is duress—physical pressure."
"Well, you see, being mentally weak is a lot like being under undue influence—it means that the property wasn’t handled as originally intended. The most common reason is duress—physical pressure."
Anthony shook his head.
Anthony shook his head.
"Not much chance on that, I'm afraid. Undue influence sounds best to me."
"Not much of a chance for that, I'm afraid. Undue influence seems like the best option to me."
After more discussion, so technical as to be largely unintelligible to Anthony, he retained Mr. Haight as counsel. The lawyer proposed an interview with Shuttleworth, who, jointly with Wilson, Hiemer and Hardy, was executor of the will. Anthony was to come back later in the week.
After more discussion, which was so technical that Anthony mostly couldn’t understand it, he hired Mr. Haight as his lawyer. The lawyer suggested meeting with Shuttleworth, who, along with Wilson, Hiemer, and Hardy, was one of the executors of the will. Anthony was supposed to return later in the week.
It transpired that the estate consisted of approximately forty million dollars. The largest bequest to an individual was of one million, to Edward Shuttleworth, who received in addition thirty thousand a year salary as administrator of the thirty-million-dollar trust fund, left to be doled out to various charities and reform societies practically at his own discretion. The remaining nine millions were proportioned among the two cousins in Idaho and about twenty-five other beneficiaries: friends, secretaries, servants, and employees, who had, at one time or another, earned the seal of Adam Patch's approval.
The estate turned out to be worth around forty million dollars. The biggest inheritance for an individual was one million, which went to Edward Shuttleworth, who also received a yearly salary of thirty thousand as the administrator of the thirty-million-dollar trust fund, meant to be distributed to various charities and reform groups mostly at his own discretion. The remaining nine million was split among the two cousins in Idaho and about twenty-five other beneficiaries: friends, secretaries, servants, and employees, who had earned Adam Patch's approval at some point.
At the end of another fortnight Mr. Haight, on a retainer's fee of fifteen thousand dollars, had begun preparations for contesting the will.
At the end of another two weeks, Mr. Haight, earning a retainer fee of fifteen thousand dollars, had started getting ready to challenge the will.
THE WINTER OF DISCONTENT
Before they had been two months in the little apartment on Fifty-seventh Street, it had assumed for both of them the same indefinable but almost material taint that had impregnated the gray house in Marietta. There was the odor of tobacco always—both of them smoked incessantly; it was in their clothes, their blankets, the curtains, and the ash-littered carpets. Added to this was the wretched aura of stale wine, with its inevitable suggestion of beauty gone foul and revelry remembered in disgust. About a particular set of glass goblets on the sideboard the odor was particularly noticeable, and in the main room the mahogany table was ringed with white circles where glasses had been set down upon it. There had been many parties—people broke things; people became sick in Gloria's bathroom; people spilled wine; people made unbelievable messes of the kitchenette.
Before they had been two months in the small apartment on Fifty-seventh Street, it had taken on the same vague yet almost tangible stain that had marked the gray house in Marietta. There was always the smell of tobacco—both of them smoked non-stop; it clung to their clothes, blankets, curtains, and the ash-covered carpets. On top of that was the terrible scent of stale wine, hinting at beauty gone sour and parties remembered with disgust. The smell was especially strong around a specific set of glass goblets on the sideboard, and in the main room, the mahogany table was marked with white rings where glasses had been placed. There had been countless parties—people broke things; people got sick in Gloria's bathroom; people spilled wine; people created unbelievable messes in the kitchenette.
These things were a regular part of their existence. Despite the resolutions of many Mondays it was tacitly understood as the week end approached that it should be observed with some sort of unholy excitement. When Saturday came they would not discuss the matter, but would call up this person or that from among their circle of sufficiently irresponsible friends, and suggest a rendezvous. Only after the friends had gathered and Anthony had set out decanters, would he murmur casually "I guess I'll have just one high-ball myself—"
These things were a regular part of their lives. Despite the promises made on many Mondays, it was quietly understood that as the weekend approached, it would be celebrated with some kind of wild excitement. When Saturday arrived, they wouldn't talk about it, but would reach out to this person or that from their group of suitably carefree friends and suggest meeting up. Only after the friends had shown up and Anthony had set out the decanters would he casually say, "I guess I'll have just one highball myself—"
Then they were off for two days—realizing on a wintry dawn that they had been the noisiest and most conspicuous members of the noisiest and most conspicuous party at the Boul' Mich', or the Club Ramée, or at other resorts much less particular about the hilarity of their clientèle. They would find that they had, somehow, squandered eighty or ninety dollars, how, they never knew; they customarily attributed it to the general penury of the "friends" who had accompanied them.
Then they were gone for two days—realizing on a chilly morning that they had been the loudest and most noticeable members of the loudest and most noticeable group at the Boul' Mich', or the Club Ramée, or at other places that didn’t care much about the behavior of their guests. They would discover that they had somehow wasted eighty or ninety dollars, though they never figured out how; they usually blamed it on the overall lack of funds of the "friends" who had joined them.
It began to be not unusual for the more sincere of their friends to remonstrate with them, in the very course of a party, and to predict a sombre end for them in the loss of Gloria's "looks" and Anthony's "constitution."
It started to become common for some of their more genuine friends to confront them during parties, warning that they would face a bleak future with Gloria losing her "looks" and Anthony losing his "health."
The story of the summarily interrupted revel in Marietta had, of course, leaked out in detail—"Muriel doesn't mean to tell every one she knows," said Gloria to Anthony, "but she thinks every one she tells is the only one she's going to tell"—and, diaphanously veiled, the tale had been given a conspicuous place in Town Tattle. When the terms of Adam Patch's will were made public and the newspapers printed items concerning Anthony's suit, the story was beautifully rounded out—to Anthony's infinite disparagement. They began to hear rumors about themselves from all quarters, rumors founded usually on a soupcon of truth, but overlaid with preposterous and sinister detail.
The story of the suddenly interrupted party in Marietta had, of course, spread around in detail—"Muriel doesn't plan to tell everyone she knows," Gloria said to Anthony, "but she thinks everyone she tells is the only one she's going to tell"—and, lightly disguised, the tale had been given a prominent spot in Town Tattle. When Adam Patch's will was revealed and the newspapers posted news about Anthony's lawsuit, the story was neatly wrapped up—to Anthony's great embarrassment. They started hearing rumors about themselves from all sides, rumors usually based on a hint of truth, but layered with absurd and dark details.
Outwardly they showed no signs of deterioration. Gloria at twenty-six was still the Gloria of twenty; her complexion a fresh damp setting for her candid eyes; her hair still a childish glory, darkening slowly from corn color to a deep russet gold; her slender body suggesting ever a nymph running and dancing through Orphic groves. Masculine eyes, dozens of them, followed her with a fascinated stare when she walked through a hotel lobby or down the aisle of a theatre. Men asked to be introduced to her, fell into prolonged states of sincere admiration, made definite love to her—for she was still a thing of exquisite and unbelievable beauty. And for his part Anthony had rather gained than lost in appearance; his face had taken on a certain intangible air of tragedy, romantically contrasted with his trim and immaculate person.
Outwardly, they showed no signs of aging. Gloria at twenty-six was still the same Gloria as at twenty; her complexion was a fresh, dewy canvas for her bright eyes; her hair remained a youthful glory, slowly darkening from light blonde to a rich auburn; her slim figure evoked the image of a nymph running and dancing through enchanted groves. Masculine gazes, dozens of them, followed her with a captivated stare as she strolled through a hotel lobby or down the aisle of a theater. Men asked to be introduced to her, fell into deep states of genuine admiration, professed their love for her—because she was still a figure of stunning and almost unreal beauty. As for Anthony, he had actually gained in appearance rather than lost; his face had developed a certain intangible touch of tragedy, romantically contrasted with his neat and polished appearance.
Early in the winter, when all conversation turned on the probability of America's going into the war, when Anthony was making a desperate and sincere attempt to write, Muriel Kane arrived in New York and came immediately to see them. Like Gloria, she seemed never to change. She knew the latest slang, danced the latest dances, and talked of the latest songs and plays with all the fervor of her first season as a New York drifter. Her coyness was eternally new, eternally ineffectual; her clothes were extreme; her black hair was bobbed, now, like Gloria's.
Early in the winter, when everyone was talking about the chances of America entering the war, and Anthony was making a desperate and sincere effort to write, Muriel Kane arrived in New York and came straight to see them. Like Gloria, she seemed to never change. She knew all the latest slang, danced all the newest dances, and discussed the latest songs and plays with the same enthusiasm she had during her first season as a New York socialite. Her shyness felt perpetually fresh, yet always ineffective; her outfits were bold, and her black hair was now bobbed, just like Gloria's.
"I've come up for the midwinter prom at New Haven," she announced, imparting her delightful secret. Though she must have been older then than any of the boys in college, she managed always to secure some sort of invitation, imagining vaguely that at the next party would occur the flirtation which was to end at the romantic altar.
"I've come up for the midwinter prom at New Haven," she said, sharing her exciting secret. Even though she was probably older than any of the guys in college, she always managed to get some sort of invitation, vaguely hoping that the next party would lead to the flirtation that would end at the altar.
"Where've you been?" inquired Anthony, unfailingly amused.
"Where have you been?" Anthony asked, always finding it funny.
"I've been at Hot Springs. It's been slick and peppy this fall—more men!"
"I've been at Hot Springs. It's been lively and exciting this fall—more men!"
"Are you in love, Muriel?"
"Are you in love, Muriel?"
"What do you mean 'love'?" This was the rhetorical question of the year. "I'm going to tell you something," she said, switching the subject abruptly. "I suppose it's none of my business, but I think it's time for you two to settle down."
"What do you mean 'love'?" This was the rhetorical question of the year. "I'm going to tell you something," she said, changing the subject suddenly. "I guess it's not my place, but I think it's time for you two to settle down."
"Why, we are settled down."
"Why, we are settled."
"Yes, you are!" she scoffed archly. "Everywhere I go I hear stories of your escapades. Let me tell you, I have an awful time sticking up for you."
"Yes, you are!" she said with a sarcastic tone. "Everywhere I go, I hear stories about your adventures. Let me tell you, it's really hard to defend you."
"You needn't bother," said Gloria coldly.
"You don't need to worry about it," Gloria said coldly.
"Now, Gloria," she protested, "you know I'm one of your best friends."
"Now, Gloria," she said, "you know I'm one of your closest friends."
Gloria was silent. Muriel continued:
Gloria stayed quiet. Muriel went on:
"It's not so much the idea of a woman drinking, but Gloria's so pretty, and so many people know her by sight all around, that it's naturally conspicuous—"
"It's not really about a woman drinking, but Gloria's so beautiful, and so many people recognize her everywhere, that it stands out naturally—"
"What have you heard recently?" demanded Gloria, her dignity going down before her curiosity.
"What have you heard lately?" Gloria asked, her dignity taking a backseat to her curiosity.
"Well, for instance, that that party in Marietta killed Anthony's grandfather."
"Well, for example, that party in Marietta killed Anthony's grandfather."
Instantly husband and wife were tense with annoyance.
Instantly, the husband and wife felt tense with annoyance.
"Why, I think that's outrageous."
"That's outrageous, I think."
"That's what they say," persisted Muriel stubbornly.
"That's what they say," Muriel insisted stubbornly.
Anthony paced the room. "It's preposterous!" he declared. "The very people we take on parties shout the story around as a great joke—and eventually it gets back to us in some such form as this."
Anthony paced the room. "It's ridiculous!" he declared. "The very people we invite to parties spread the story around like it's a big joke—and eventually, it comes back to us in some version like this."
Gloria began running her finger through a stray red-dish curl. Muriel licked her veil as she considered her next remark.
Gloria started running her finger through a loose reddish curl. Muriel licked her veil as she thought about her next comment.
"You ought to have a baby."
"Consider having a baby."
Gloria looked up wearily.
Gloria looked up tiredly.
"We can't afford it."
"We can't afford that."
"All the people in the slums have them," said Muriel triumphantly.
"Everyone in the slums has them," Muriel said proudly.
Anthony and Gloria exchanged a smile. They had reached the stage of violent quarrels that were never made up, quarrels that smouldered and broke out again at intervals or died away from sheer indifference—but this visit of Muriel's drew them temporarily together. When the discomfort under which they were living was remarked upon by a third party, it gave them the impetus to face this hostile world together. It was very seldom, now, that the impulse toward reunion sprang from within.
Anthony and Gloria shared a smile. They had gotten to the point of having intense arguments that were never resolved, fights that flared up and died down again due to apathy—but this visit from Muriel brought them together for a while. When a third party pointed out the awkwardness of their situation, it motivated them to confront this unfriendly world as a team. It was rare now for the desire to reconnect to come from within themselves.
Anthony found himself associating his own existence with that of the apartment's night elevator man, a pale, scraggly bearded person of about sixty, with an air of being somewhat above his station. It was probably because of this quality that he had secured the position; it made him a pathetic and memorable figure of failure. Anthony recollected, without humor, a hoary jest about the elevator man's career being a matter of ups and downs—it was, at any rate, an enclosed life of infinite dreariness. Each time Anthony stepped into the car he waited breathlessly for the old man's "Well, I guess we're going to have some sunshine to-day." Anthony thought how little rain or sunshine he would enjoy shut into that close little cage in the smoke-colored, windowless hall.
Anthony found himself relating his own life to that of the apartment's night elevator operator, a thin, scraggly-bearded guy around sixty who seemed to think he was better than his job. It was probably this attitude that got him hired; it made him a sad and unforgettable symbol of failure. Anthony recalled, without any humor, an old joke about the elevator man's job being all about ups and downs—it was, anyway, a confined existence of endless dullness. Every time Anthony stepped into the elevator, he waited eagerly for the old man's "Well, I guess we're going to have some sunshine today." Anthony thought about how little rain or sunshine he would experience trapped in that cramped little box in the smoky, windowless hallway.
A darkling figure, he attained tragedy in leaving the life that had used him so shabbily. Three young gunmen came in one night, tied him up and left him on a pile of coal in the cellar while they went through the trunk room. When the janitor found him next morning he had collapsed from chill. He died of pneumonia four days later.
A shadowy figure, he met a tragic end leaving behind a life that had treated him so poorly. One night, three young gunmen broke in, tied him up, and left him on a pile of coal in the basement while they rifled through the trunk room. When the janitor found him the next morning, he had collapsed from the cold. He died of pneumonia four days later.
He was replaced by a glib Martinique negro, with an incongruous British accent and a tendency to be surly, whom Anthony detested. The passing of the old man had approximately the same effect on him that the kitten story had had on Gloria. He was reminded of the cruelty of all life and, in consequence, of the increasing bitterness of his own.
He was replaced by a smooth-talking Martinique guy, who had an odd British accent and was often in a bad mood, and Anthony couldn't stand him. The old man's death affected him about as much as the kitten story had affected Gloria. It reminded him of the harshness of life and, as a result, of the growing bitterness in his own life.
He was writing—and in earnest at last. He had gone to Dick and listened for a tense hour to an elucidation of those minutiae of procedure which hitherto he had rather scornfully looked down upon. He needed money immediately—he was selling bonds every month to pay their bills. Dick was frank and explicit:
He was writing—and finally taking it seriously. He had gone to Dick and spent a tense hour listening to a detailed explanation of the procedures he had previously dismissed with scorn. He urgently needed money—he was selling bonds every month to cover their bills. Dick was straightforward and clear:
"So far as articles on literary subjects in these obscure magazines go, you couldn't make enough to pay your rent. Of course if a man has the gift of humor, or a chance at a big biography, or some specialized knowledge, he may strike it rich. But for you, fiction's the only thing. You say you need money right away?"
"So far as articles on literary subjects in these obscure magazines go, you couldn't make enough to cover your rent. Of course, if someone has a knack for humor, a shot at a big biography, or some specialized knowledge, they might hit it big. But for you, fiction's the only way to go. You say you need money right away?"
"I certainly do."
"I definitely do."
"Well, it'd be a year and a half before you'd make any money out of a novel. Try some popular short stories. And, by the way, unless they're exceptionally brilliant they have to be cheerful and on the side of the heaviest artillery to make you any money."
"Well, it’ll take a year and a half before you start making any money from a novel. Try writing some popular short stories instead. And just so you know, unless they’re exceptionally great, they need to be upbeat and really impactful to actually earn you some cash."
Anthony thought of Dick's recent output, which had been appearing in a well-known monthly. It was concerned chiefly with the preposterous actions of a class of sawdust effigies who, one was assured, were New York society people, and it turned, as a rule, upon questions of the heroine's technical purity, with mock-sociological overtones about the "mad antics of the four hundred."
Anthony thought about Dick's recent work, which had been published in a popular monthly magazine. It mainly focused on the ridiculous behavior of a group of fake personalities who, according to the claims, were New York socialites. Typically, it revolved around issues of the heroine's technical purity, sprinkled with a satirical take on the "crazy antics of the four hundred."
"But your stories—" exclaimed Anthony aloud, almost involuntarily.
"But your stories—" Anthony exclaimed, almost without thinking.
"Oh, that's different," Dick asserted astoundingly. "I have a reputation, you see, so I'm expected to deal with strong themes."
"Oh, that's different," Dick said, amazed. "I have a reputation, you know, so I'm expected to handle tough themes."
Anthony gave an interior start, realizing with this remark how much Richard Caramel had fallen off. Did he actually think that these amazing latter productions were as good as his first novel?
Anthony felt a jolt inside, realizing with that comment how much Richard Caramel had declined. Did he really think that these impressive later works were as good as his first novel?
Anthony went back to the apartment and set to work. He found that the business of optimism was no mean task. After half a dozen futile starts he went to the public library and for a week investigated the files of a popular magazine. Then, better equipped, he accomplished his first story, "The Dictaphone of Fate." It was founded upon one of his few remaining impressions of that six weeks in Wall Street the year before. It purported to be the sunny tale of an office boy who, quite by accident, hummed a wonderful melody into the dictaphone. The cylinder was discovered by the boss's brother, a well-known producer of musical comedy—and then immediately lost. The body of the story was concerned with the pursuit of the missing cylinder and the eventual marriage of the noble office boy (now a successful composer) to Miss Rooney, the virtuous stenographer, who was half Joan of Arc and half Florence Nightingale.
Anthony returned to the apartment and got to work. He realized that staying optimistic was no small feat. After a few failed attempts, he went to the public library and spent a week digging through the files of a popular magazine. With better preparation, he finally wrote his first story, "The Dictaphone of Fate." It was based on one of his few lasting memories from that six weeks in Wall Street the previous year. The story was about an office boy who accidentally hummed an amazing tune into a dictaphone. The cylinder was found by the boss's brother, a famous musical comedy producer—but then it got lost. The bulk of the story focused on searching for the missing cylinder and the eventual marriage of the noble office boy (now a successful composer) to Miss Rooney, the virtuous stenographer, who was part Joan of Arc and part Florence Nightingale.
He had gathered that this was what the magazines wanted. He offered, in his protagonists, the customary denizens of the pink-and-blue literary world, immersing them in a saccharine plot that would offend not a single stomach in Marietta. He had it typed in double space—this last as advised by a booklet, "Success as a Writer Made Easy," by R. Meggs Widdlestien, which assured the ambitious plumber of the futility of perspiration, since after a six-lesson course he could make at least a thousand dollars a month.
He understood that this was what the magazines wanted. He presented, in his characters, the usual inhabitants of the pink-and-blue literary scene, placing them in a sugary plot that would upset no one in Marietta. He had it typed in double space—this last part was suggested by a guide, "Success as a Writer Made Easy," by R. Meggs Widdlestien, which promised the eager plumber that hard work was unnecessary, since after a six-lesson course he could earn at least a thousand dollars a month.
After reading it to a bored Gloria and coaxing from her the immemorial remark that it was "better than a lot of stuff that gets published," he satirically affixed the nom de plume of "Gilles de Sade," enclosed the proper return envelope, and sent it off.
After reading it to a bored Gloria and getting from her the age-old remark that it was "better than a lot of stuff that gets published," he humorously signed it with the pseudonym "Gilles de Sade," included the proper return envelope, and sent it off.
Following the gigantic labor of conception he decided to wait until he heard from the first story before beginning another. Dick had told him that he might get as much as two hundred dollars. If by any chance it did happen to be unsuited, the editor's letter would, no doubt, give him an idea of what changes should be made.
Following the massive effort of creating the first story, he decided to wait until he heard back before starting another. Dick had told him he could potentially earn up to two hundred dollars. If it turned out not to be a good fit, the editor’s letter would likely provide some guidance on what changes were needed.
"It is, without question, the most abominable piece of writing in existence," said Anthony.
"It is, without a doubt, the worst piece of writing ever," said Anthony.
The editor quite conceivably agreed with him. He returned the manuscript with a rejection slip. Anthony sent it off elsewhere and began another story. The second one was called "The Little Open Doors"; it was written in three days. It concerned the occult: an estranged couple were brought together by a medium in a vaudeville show.
The editor likely agreed with him. He sent back the manuscript with a rejection note. Anthony submitted it to another publisher and started on a new story. This second one was titled "The Little Open Doors"; it was written in three days. It was about the occult: a separated couple were reunited by a medium at a vaudeville show.
There were six altogether, six wretched and pitiable efforts to "write down" by a man who had never before made a consistent effort to write at all. Not one of them contained a spark of vitality, and their total yield of grace and felicity was less than that of an average newspaper column. During their circulation they collected, all told, thirty-one rejection slips, headstones for the packages that he would find lying like dead bodies at his door.
There were six in total, six miserable and pitiful attempts to "write" by someone who had never really tried to write consistently before. Not one of them had any spark of life, and the overall quality and charm were even lower than that of an average newspaper column. In the process, they gathered a whopping thirty-one rejection slips, which were like tombstones for the packages he would find lying like lifeless bodies at his door.
In mid-January Gloria's father died, and they went again to Kansas City—a miserable trip, for Gloria brooded interminably, not upon her father's death, but on her mother's. Russel Gilbert's affairs having been cleared up they came into possession of about three thousand dollars, and a great amount of furniture. This was in storage, for he had spent his last days in a small hotel. It was due to his death that Anthony made a new discovery concerning Gloria. On the journey East she disclosed herself, astonishingly, as a Bilphist.
In mid-January, Gloria's father passed away, and they took another trip to Kansas City—a terrible journey, as Gloria spent the entire time not thinking about her father's death, but her mother's. Once Russel Gilbert's affairs were settled, they came into possession of about three thousand dollars and a lot of furniture. This furniture was in storage because he had spent his last days in a small hotel. It was because of his death that Anthony made a surprising discovery about Gloria. During the trip East, she revealed, astonishingly, that she was a Bilphist.
"Why, Gloria," he cried, "you don't mean to tell me you believe that stuff."
"Why, Gloria," he exclaimed, "you can't seriously believe that nonsense."
"Well," she said defiantly, "why not?"
"Well," she said boldly, "why not?"
"Because it's—it's fantastic. You know that in every sense of the word you're an agnostic. You'd laugh at any orthodox form of Christianity—and then you come out with the statement that you believe in some silly rule of reincarnation."
"Because it's—it's amazing. You know that in every sense of the word you're an agnostic. You'd mock any traditional form of Christianity—and then you come out with the claim that you believe in some ridiculous idea of reincarnation."
"What if I do? I've heard you and Maury, and every one else for whose intellect I have the slightest respect, agree that life as it appears is utterly meaningless. But it's always seemed to me that if I were unconsciously learning something here it might not be so meaningless."
"What if I do? I've heard you and Maury, and everyone else whose intellect I respect even a little, agree that life as it seems is completely meaningless. But it’s always felt to me that if I were unconsciously learning something here, it might not be so meaningless."
"You're not learning anything—you're just getting tired. And if you must have a faith to soften things, take up one that appeals to the reason of some one beside a lot of hysterical women. A person like you oughtn't to accept anything unless it's decently demonstrable."
"You're not learning anything—you’re just wearing yourself out. And if you need a belief to make things easier, choose one that makes sense to someone other than a bunch of overly emotional women. Someone like you shouldn’t accept anything unless it’s clearly backed up by evidence."
"I don't care about truth. I want some happiness."
"I don't care about the truth. I just want to be happy."
"Well, if you've got a decent mind the second has got to be qualified by the first. Any simple soul can delude himself with mental garbage."
"Well, if you're thinking clearly, the second has to be based on the first. Anyone can fool themselves with nonsense."
"I don't care," she held out stoutly, "and, what's more, I'm not propounding any doctrine."
"I don't care," she stated firmly, "and, what's more, I'm not pushing any beliefs."
The argument faded off, but reoccurred to Anthony several times thereafter. It was disturbing to find this old belief, evidently assimilated from her mother, inserting itself again under its immemorial disguise as an innate idea.
The argument faded away, but came back to Anthony several times after that. It was unsettling to discover this old belief, clearly picked up from her mother, reappearing in its age-old form as a fundamental idea.
They reached New York in March after an expensive and ill-advised week spent in Hot Springs, and Anthony resumed his abortive attempts at fiction. As it became plainer to both of them that escape did not lie in the way of popular literature, there was a further slipping of their mutual confidence and courage. A complicated struggle went on incessantly between them. All efforts to keep down expenses died away from sheer inertia, and by March they were again using any pretext as an excuse for a "party." With an assumption of recklessness Gloria tossed out the suggestion that they should take all their money and go on a real spree while it lasted—anything seemed better than to see it go in unsatisfactory driblets.
They arrived in New York in March after a costly and regrettable week spent in Hot Springs, and Anthony picked up his fruitless attempts at writing fiction again. As it became clearer to both of them that they couldn’t escape through popular literature, their mutual trust and courage further eroded. A complicated struggle was constantly playing out between them. All efforts to cut back on expenses faded away due to sheer laziness, and by March they were once again using any excuse for a "party." With a sense of recklessness, Gloria casually suggested that they should take all their money and go on a real binge while they still could—anything seemed better than watching it slip away in disappointing little bits.
"Gloria, you want parties as much as I do."
"Gloria, you want to party just as much as I do."
"It doesn't matter about me. Everything I do is in accordance with my ideas: to use every minute of these years, when I'm young, in having the best time I possibly can."
"It doesn't matter about me. Everything I do aligns with my beliefs: to make the most of every minute of these years, while I'm young, by having the best time I can."
"How about after that?"
"How about afterwards?"
"After that I won't care."
"After that, I won't care."
"Yes, you will."
"Yes, you will."
"Well, I may—but I won't be able to do anything about it. And I'll have had my good time."
"Well, I might—but I won't be able to change anything. And I’ll have had my fun."
"You'll be the same then. After a fashion, we have had our good time, raised the devil, and we're in the state of paying for it."
"You'll be the same then. In a way, we have had our fun, caused some trouble, and now we're dealing with the consequences."
Nevertheless, the money kept going. There would be two days of gaiety, two days of moroseness—an endless, almost invariable round. The sharp pull-ups, when they occurred, resulted usually in a spurt of work for Anthony, while Gloria, nervous and bored, remained in bed or else chewed abstractedly at her fingers. After a day or so of this, they would make an engagement, and then—Oh, what did it matter? This night, this glow, the cessation of anxiety and the sense that if living was not purposeful it was, at any rate, essentially romantic! Wine gave a sort of gallantry to their own failure.
Still, the money just kept flowing. There would be two days of fun, followed by two days of gloom—an endless, almost unchanging cycle. The sudden highs, when they happened, usually meant a burst of work for Anthony, while Gloria, anxious and bored, either stayed in bed or mindlessly chewed on her fingers. After a day or so of this, they would make plans, and then—Oh, what did it matter? Tonight, this warmth, the relief from worry, and the feeling that even if life wasn't meaningful, it was, at least, deeply romantic! Wine added a certain charm to their own failure.
Meanwhile the suit progressed slowly, with interminable examinations of witnesses and marshallings of evidence. The preliminary proceedings of settling the estate were finished. Mr. Haight saw no reason why the case should not come up for trial before summer.
Meanwhile, the lawsuit moved at a snail's pace, with endless witness examinations and gathering of evidence. The initial processes of settling the estate were complete. Mr. Haight saw no reason why the case shouldn't go to trial before summer.
Bloeckman appeared in New York late in March; he had been in England for nearly a year on matters concerned with "Films Par Excellence." The process of general refinement was still in progress—always he dressed a little better, his intonation was mellower, and in his manner there was perceptibly more assurance that the fine things of the world were his by a natural and inalienable right. He called at the apartment, remained only an hour, during which he talked chiefly of the war, and left telling them he was coming again. On his second visit Anthony was not at home, but an absorbed and excited Gloria greeted her husband later in the afternoon.
Bloeckman showed up in New York at the end of March; he had spent almost a year in England working on "Films Par Excellence." He was still in the process of refining his style—he always dressed a bit better, his tone was softer, and he carried himself with noticeably more confidence that the finer things in life were his by natural and undeniable right. He stopped by the apartment, stayed for just an hour, during which he mostly talked about the war, and left saying he would come back. On his second visit, Anthony wasn’t home, but an enthusiastic and animated Gloria welcomed her husband later in the afternoon.
"Anthony," she began, "would you still object if I went in the movies?"
"Anthony," she started, "would you still mind if I went into acting?"
His whole heart hardened against the idea. As she seemed to recede from him, if only in threat, her presence became again not so much precious as desperately necessary.
His whole heart closed off to the idea. As she seemed to pull away from him, even just as a threat, her presence became not so much valuable as it was urgently needed.
"Oh, Gloria—!"
"Oh, Gloria!"
"Blockhead said he'd put me in—only if I'm ever going to do anything I'll have to start now. They only want young women. Think of the money, Anthony!"
"Blockhead said he'd get me in—only if I’m ever going to do anything I need to start now. They only want young women. Think of the money, Anthony!"
"For you—yes. But how about me?"
"For you—yes. But what about me?"
"Don't you know that anything I have is yours too?"
"Don't you know that everything I have is yours as well?"
"It's such a hell of a career!" he burst out, the moral, the infinitely circumspect Anthony, "and such a hell of a bunch. And I'm so utterly tired of that fellow Bloeckman coming here and interfering. I hate theatrical things."
"It's such a crazy career!" he exclaimed, the ever-cautious Anthony, "and such a ridiculous group. And I'm so completely fed up with that guy Bloeckman coming here and meddling. I can't stand theatrical stuff."
"It isn't theatrical! It's utterly different."
"It’s not theatrical! It’s completely different."
"What am I supposed to do? Chase you all over the country? Live on your money?"
"What am I supposed to do? Travel all over the country chasing you? Rely on your money?"
"Then make some yourself."
"Then make some for yourself."
The conversation developed into one of the most violent quarrels they had ever had. After the ensuing reconciliation and the inevitable period of moral inertia, she realized that he had taken the life out of the project. Neither of them ever mentioned the probability that Bloeckman was by no means disinterested, but they both knew that it lay back of Anthony's objection.
The conversation turned into one of the most intense arguments they had ever experienced. After they made up and went through the usual phase of feeling emotionally drained, she understood that he had drained the energy from the project. They never talked about the possibility that Bloeckman was definitely not unbiased, but they both recognized that it was the underlying reason for Anthony's objection.
In April war was declared with Germany. Wilson and his cabinet—a cabinet that in its lack of distinction was strangely reminiscent of the twelve apostles—let loose the carefully starved dogs of war, and the press began to whoop hysterically against the sinister morals, sinister philosophy, and sinister music produced by the Teutonic temperament. Those who fancied themselves particularly broad-minded made the exquisite distinction that it was only the German Government which aroused them to hysteria; the rest were worked up to a condition of retching indecency. Any song which contained the word "mother" and the word "kaiser" was assured of a tremendous success. At last every one had something to talk about—and almost every one fully enjoyed it, as though they had been cast for parts in a sombre and romantic play.
In April, war was declared against Germany. Wilson and his cabinet—a group that, in its lack of distinction, was strangely reminiscent of the twelve apostles—unleashed the long-suppressed dogs of war, and the press began to frantically rally against the morally questionable, philosophically dubious, and sinister music associated with the German character. Those who considered themselves particularly open-minded made the fine distinction that it was only the German Government that provoked their outrage; the rest were driven to a state of nauseating indecency. Any song containing the words "mother" and "kaiser" was guaranteed to be a huge hit. Finally, everyone had something to discuss—and almost everyone enjoyed it, as if they were cast in roles in a dark and dramatic play.
Anthony, Maury, and Dick sent in their applications for officers' training-camps and the two latter went about feeling strangely exalted and reproachless; they chattered to each other, like college boys, of war's being the one excuse for, and justification of, the aristocrat, and conjured up an impossible caste of officers, to be composed, it appeared, chiefly of the more attractive alumni of three or four Eastern colleges. It seemed to Gloria that in this huge red light streaming across the nation even Anthony took on a new glamour.
Anthony, Maury, and Dick submitted their applications for officer training camps, and the latter two felt oddly uplifted and guilt-free. They chatted like college students about how war was the only reason for and justification of the aristocrat, and imagined an unrealistic elite group of officers made up mostly of the more charming graduates from a few Eastern colleges. To Gloria, it seemed that even Anthony didn’t look the same in this massive red light shining over the country; he seemed to acquire a new allure.
The Tenth Infantry, arriving in New York from Panama, were escorted from saloon to saloon by patriotic citizens, to their great bewilderment. West Pointers began to be noticed for the first time in years, and the general impression was that everything was glorious, but not half so glorious as it was going to be pretty soon, and that everybody was a fine fellow, and every race a great race—always excepting the Germans—and in every strata of society outcasts and scapegoats had but to appear in uniform to be forgiven, cheered, and wept over by relatives, ex-friends, and utter strangers.
The Tenth Infantry, arriving in New York from Panama, were escorted from bar to bar by enthusiastic citizens, leaving them quite confused. West Point graduates started to be recognized for the first time in years, and the general feeling was that everything was amazing, but not nearly as amazing as it was about to become, with everyone considered a great person, and every ethnic group a fantastic one—except for the Germans—and throughout every level of society, outcasts and scapegoats just had to show up in uniform to be forgiven, celebrated, and teared up over by family, former friends, and complete strangers.
Unfortunately, a small and precise doctor decided that there was something the matter with Anthony's blood-pressure. He could not conscientiously pass him for an officers' training-camp.
Unfortunately, a small and precise doctor decided that something was off with Anthony's blood pressure. He couldn't in good conscience approve him for the officers' training camp.
THE BROKEN LUTE
Their third anniversary passed, uncelebrated, unnoticed. The season warmed in thaw, melted into hotter summer, simmered and boiled away. In July the will was offered for probate, and upon the contestation was assigned by the surrogate to trial term for trial. The matter was prolonged into September—there was difficulty in empanelling an unbiassed jury because of the moral sentiments involved. To Anthony's disappointment a verdict was finally returned in favor of the testator, whereupon Mr. Haight caused a notice of appeal to be served upon Edward Shuttleworth.
Their third anniversary came and went without any celebration or notice. The season warmed up, melting into a hotter summer that eventually simmered and boiled away. In July, the will was submitted for probate, and after being contested, it was assigned by the surrogate for a trial date. The case dragged on into September due to challenges in gathering an unbiased jury because of the moral issues at stake. To Anthony's disappointment, a verdict was finally reached in favor of the person who made the will, after which Mr. Haight had a notice of appeal served to Edward Shuttleworth.
As the summer waned Anthony and Gloria talked of the things they were to do when the money was theirs, and of the places they were to go to after the war, when they would "agree on things again," for both of them looked forward to a time when love, springing like the phoenix from its own ashes, should be born again in its mysterious and unfathomable haunts.
As summer came to a close, Anthony and Gloria discussed what they would do with their money and the places they wanted to visit after the war, when they would "agree on things again." Both of them eagerly anticipated a time when their love, like a phoenix rising from its ashes, would be reborn in its mysterious and deep-hidden places.
He was drafted early in the fall, and the examining doctor made no mention of low blood-pressure. It was all very purposeless and sad when Anthony told Gloria one night that he wanted, above all things, to be killed. But, as always, they were sorry for each other for the wrong things at the wrong times....
He was drafted early in the fall, and the examining doctor didn't mention anything about low blood pressure. It all felt pointless and depressing when Anthony told Gloria one night that he wanted, above all else, to be killed. But, as always, they felt sorry for each other for the wrong reasons at the wrong times....
They decided that for the present she was not to go with him to the Southern camp where his contingent was ordered. She would remain in New York to "use the apartment," to save money, and to watch the progress of the case—which was pending now in the Appellate Division, of which the calendar, Mr. Haight told them, was far behind.
They decided that for now she wouldn't go with him to the Southern camp where his unit was assigned. She would stay in New York to "use the apartment," save money, and keep an eye on the progress of the case—which was currently in the Appellate Division, and Mr. Haight informed them that the schedule was running quite behind.
Almost their last conversation was a senseless quarrel about the proper division of the income—at a word either would have given it all to the other. It was typical of the muddle and confusion of their lives that on the October night when Anthony reported at the Grand Central Station for the journey to camp, she arrived only in time to catch his eye over the anxious heads of a gathered crowd. Through the dark light of the enclosed train-sheds their glances stretched across a hysterical area, foul with yellow sobbing and the smells of poor women. They must have pondered upon what they had done to one another, and each must have accused himself of drawing this sombre pattern through which they were tracing tragically and obscurely. At the last they were too far away for either to see the other's tears.
Almost their last conversation was a pointless argument about how to divide their income—either one would have given it all to the other with a single word. It was typical of the chaos and confusion in their lives that on the October night when Anthony checked in at Grand Central Station for his trip to camp, she arrived just in time to catch his eye above the worried faces of the crowd. Through the dim light of the train sheds, their gazes met over a chaotic scene, filled with yellow sobbing and the scents of struggling women. They must have reflected on what they had done to each other, and each must have blamed himself for creating this dark pattern that they were tragically and vaguely navigating. In the end, they were too far apart to see each other's tears.
BOOK THREE
CHAPTER I
A MATTER OF CIVILIZATION
At a frantic command from some invisible source, Anthony groped his way inside. He was thinking that for the first time in more than three years he was to remain longer than a night away from Gloria. The finality of it appealed to him drearily. It was his clean and lovely girl that he was leaving.
At a frantic command from some unseen source, Anthony felt his way inside. He realized that for the first time in over three years, he was going to be away from Gloria for more than just a night. The permanence of it weighed on him sadly. He was leaving his sweet and beautiful girl behind.
They had arrived, he thought, at the most practical financial settlement: she was to have three hundred and seventy-five dollars a month—not too much considering that over half of that would go in rent—and he was taking fifty to supplement his pay. He saw no need for more: food, clothes, and quarters would be provided—there were no social obligations for a private.
They had come to what he thought was the most practical financial agreement: she was to receive three hundred and seventy-five dollars a month—not a lot since more than half would go to rent—and he was getting fifty to help with his salary. He didn’t see the need for more: food, clothes, and housing would be covered—there weren’t any social obligations for a private.
The car was crowded and already thick with breath. It was one of the type known as "tourist" cars, a sort of brummagem Pullman, with a bare floor, and straw seats that needed cleaning. Nevertheless, Anthony greeted it with relief. He had vaguely expected that the trip South would be made in a freight-car, in one end of which would stand eight horses and in the other forty men. He had heard the "hommes 40, chevaux 8" story so often that it had become confused and ominous.
The car was packed and already filled with breath. It was one of those "tourist" cars, a cheap imitation of a Pullman, with a bare floor and straw seats that needed to be cleaned. Still, Anthony felt a sense of relief seeing it. He had somehow imagined that the trip South would be in a freight car, one end crammed with eight horses and the other with forty men. He had heard the "hommes 40, chevaux 8" story so many times that it had turned confusing and foreboding.
As he rocked down the aisle with his barrack-bag slung at his shoulder like a monstrous blue sausage, he saw no vacant seats, but after a moment his eye fell on a single space at present occupied by the feet of a short swarthy Sicilian, who, with his hat drawn over his eyes, hunched defiantly in the corner. As Anthony stopped beside him he stared up with a scowl, evidently intended to be intimidating; he must have adopted it as a defense against this entire gigantic equation. At Anthony's sharp "That seat taken?" he very slowly lifted the feet as though they were a breakable package, and placed them with some care upon the floor. His eyes remained on Anthony, who meanwhile sat down and unbuttoned the uniform coat issued him at Camp Upton the day before. It chafed him under the arms.
As he walked down the aisle with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder like a huge blue sausage, he noticed there were no empty seats. But after a moment, he spotted one spot that was currently taken up by the feet of a short, dark-skinned Sicilian, who had his hat pulled down over his eyes and was slouched defiantly in the corner. When Anthony stopped beside him, the guy glared up with a scowl that seemed meant to be intimidating; he probably adopted it as a way to shield himself from the whole overwhelming situation. At Anthony's sharp "Is that seat taken?" he slowly lifted his feet, as if they were a fragile package, and placed them carefully on the floor. His gaze stayed fixed on Anthony, who sat down and unbuttoned the uniform jacket he had received at Camp Upton the day before. It rubbed him under the arms.
Before Anthony could scrutinize the other occupants of the section a young second lieutenant blew in at the upper end of the car and wafted airily down the aisle, announcing in a voice of appalling acerbity:
Before Anthony could examine the other people in the section, a young second lieutenant entered at the front of the car and breezed down the aisle, announcing in a voice of shocking harshness:
"There will be no smoking in this car! No smoking! Don't smoke, men, in this car!"
"There will be no smoking in this car! No smoking! Don't smoke, guys, in this car!"
As he sailed out at the other end a dozen little clouds of expostulation arose on all sides.
As he sailed out on the other side, a dozen small clouds of protest appeared all around.
"Oh, cripe!"
"Oh, crap!"
"Jeese!"
"Jeez!"
"No smokin'?"
"No smoking?"
"Hey, come back here, fella!"
"Hey, come back here, dude!"
"What's 'ee idea?"
"What's your idea?"
Two or three cigarettes were shot out through the open windows. Others were retained inside, though kept sketchily away from view. From here and there in accents of bravado, of mockery, of submissive humor, a few remarks were dropped that soon melted into the listless and pervasive silence.
Two or three cigarettes were tossed out of the open windows. Others were kept inside, but hidden from sight. Here and there, comments slipped out in tones of bravado, mockery, or wry humor, but they quickly faded into the dull and all-encompassing silence.
The fourth occupant of Anthony's section spoke up suddenly.
The fourth person in Anthony's area chimed in unexpectedly.
"G'by, liberty," he said sullenly. "G'by, everything except bein' an officer's dog."
"G'bye, freedom," he said gloomily. "G'bye, everything except being an officer's dog."
Anthony looked at him. He was a tall Irishman with an expression moulded of indifference and utter disdain. His eyes fell on Anthony, as though he expected an answer, and then upon the others. Receiving only a defiant stare from the Italian he groaned and spat noisily on the floor by way of a dignified transition back into taciturnity.
Anthony looked at him. He was a tall Irishman with a face that showed complete indifference and disdain. His eyes landed on Anthony, as if he was waiting for a response, and then moved to the others. When he only got a defiant glare from the Italian, he groaned and spat loudly on the floor, making a dramatic return to silence.
A few minutes later the door opened again and the second lieutenant was borne in upon his customary official zephyr, this time singing out a different tiding:
A few minutes later, the door opened again and the second lieutenant walked in with his usual official flair, this time calling out a different message:
"All right, men, smoke if you want to! My mistake, men! It's all right, men! Go on and smoke—my mistake!"
"Okay, guys, go ahead and smoke if you want! My bad, everyone! It's fine, guys! Go on and smoke—my mistake!"
This time Anthony had a good look at him. He was young, thin, already faded; he was like his own mustache; he was like a great piece of shiny straw. His chin receded, faintly; this was offset by a magnificent and unconvincing scowl, a scowl that Anthony was to connect with the faces of many young officers during the ensuing year.
This time, Anthony took a good look at him. He was young, thin, and already worn out; he reminded Anthony of his own mustache; he was like a big piece of shiny straw. His chin was slightly receding; this was balanced by an impressive but unconvincing scowl, a scowl that Anthony would associate with the faces of many young officers over the next year.
Immediately every one smoked—whether they had previously desired to or not. Anthony's cigarette contributed to the hazy oxidation which seemed to roll back and forth in opalescent clouds with every motion of the train. The conversation, which had lapsed between the two impressive visits of the young officer, now revived tepidly; the men across the aisle began making clumsy experiments with their straw seats' capacity for comparative comfort; two card games, half-heartedly begun, soon drew several spectators to sitting positions on the arms of seats. In a few minutes Anthony became aware of a persistently obnoxious sound—the small, defiant Sicilian had fallen audibly asleep. It was wearisome to contemplate that animate protoplasm, reasonable by courtesy only, shut up in a car by an incomprehensible civilization, taken somewhere, to do a vague something without aim or significance or consequence. Anthony sighed, opened a newspaper which he had no recollection of buying, and began to read by the dim yellow light.
Immediately, everyone started smoking—whether they had wanted to or not. Anthony's cigarette added to the hazy smoke that seemed to roll back and forth in shimmering clouds with every motion of the train. The conversation, which had faded between the two notable visits of the young officer, slowly picked up again; the men across the aisle began awkwardly testing their straw seats for comfort; two half-hearted card games soon attracted several spectators who perched on the arms of the seats. In a few minutes, Anthony became aware of an annoyingly persistent sound—the small, defiant Sicilian had fallen loudly asleep. It was tiring to consider that living being, reasonable only by chance, trapped in a car by a baffling civilization, being taken somewhere to do a vague something without any purpose or significance. Anthony sighed, opened a newspaper he didn’t remember buying, and began to read in the dim yellow light.
Ten o'clock bumped stuffily into eleven; the hours clogged and caught and slowed down. Amazingly the train halted along the dark countryside, from time to time indulging in short, deceitful movements backward or forward, and whistling harsh paeans into the high October night. Having read his newspaper through, editorials, cartoons, and war-poems, his eye fell on a half-column headed Shakespeareville, Kansas. It seemed that the Shakespeareville Chamber of Commerce had recently held an enthusiastic debate as to whether the American soldiers should be known as "Sammies" or "Battling Christians." The thought gagged him. He dropped the newspaper, yawned, and let his mind drift off at a tangent. He wondered why Gloria had been late. It seemed so long ago already—he had a pang of illusive loneliness. He tried to imagine from what angle she would regard her new position, what place in her considerations he would continue to hold. The thought acted as a further depressant—he opened his paper and began to read again.
Ten o'clock slowly turned into eleven; the hours dragged and felt heavy. Amazingly, the train stopped along the dark countryside, occasionally making brief, deceptive movements backward or forward, and letting out loud whistles into the cool October night. After finishing his newspaper—editorials, cartoons, and war poems—his gaze landed on a half-column titled Shakespeareville, Kansas. It seemed the Shakespeareville Chamber of Commerce had recently had an enthusiastic debate over whether American soldiers should be called "Sammies" or "Battling Christians." The thought made him feel sick. He dropped the newspaper, yawned, and let his mind wander. He wondered why Gloria was late. It felt like ages ago already—he felt a pang of false loneliness. He tried to think about how she would view her new situation, what importance he would still hold in her thoughts. The idea further brought him down—he reopened his paper and began reading again.
The members of the Chamber of Commerce in Shakespeareville had decided upon "Liberty Lads."
The members of the Chamber of Commerce in Shakespeareville had chosen "Liberty Lads."
For two nights and two days they rattled southward, making mysterious inexplicable stops in what were apparently arid wastes, and then rushing through large cities with a pompous air of hurry. The whimsicalities of this train foreshadowed for Anthony the whimsicalities of all army administration.
For two nights and two days, they rattled southward, making strange, unexplainable stops in what seemed like barren areas, and then racing through big cities with an exaggerated sense of urgency. The quirks of this train hinted to Anthony at the quirks of all army administration.
In the arid wastes they were served from the baggage-car with beans and bacon that at first he was unable to eat—he dined scantily on some milk chocolate distributed by a village canteen. But on the second day the baggage-car's output began to appear surprisingly palatable. On the third morning the rumor was passed along that within the hour they would arrive at their destination, Camp Hooker.
In the dry wasteland, they were served beans and bacon from the baggage car, which he couldn't eat at first—he barely had some milk chocolate handed out by a village canteen. But by the second day, the food from the baggage car started to taste surprisingly good. On the third morning, the word was going around that they would soon arrive at their destination, Camp Hooker.
It had become intolerably hot in the car, and the men were all in shirt sleeves. The sun came in through the windows, a tired and ancient sun, yellow as parchment and stretched out of shape in transit. It tried to enter in triumphant squares and produced only warped splotches—but it was appallingly steady; so much so that it disturbed Anthony not to be the pivot of all the inconsequential sawmills and trees and telegraph poles that were turning around him so fast. Outside it played its heavy tremolo over olive roads and fallow cotton-fields, back of which ran a ragged line of woods broken with eminences of gray rock. The foreground was dotted sparsely with wretched, ill-patched shanties, among which there would flash by, now and then, a specimen of the languid yokelry of South Carolina, or else a strolling darky with sullen and bewildered eyes.
It had gotten unbearably hot in the car, and the men were all in their shirtsleeves. The sun streamed in through the windows, a tired and ancient sun, yellow like parchment and distorted from traveling. It tried to shine in bold squares but only made warped patches—but it was frustratingly steady; so much so that it unsettled Anthony not to be the center of all the random sawmills, trees, and telegraph poles spinning around him so quickly. Outside, it cast a heavy tremolo over olive roads and neglected cotton fields, behind which ran a jagged line of woods punctuated by bumps of gray rock. The foreground was sparsely dotted with rundown, poorly patched shanties, and occasionally a glimpse of the lazy farmers of South Carolina would flash by, or a wandering person with dull and confused eyes.
Then the woods moved off and they rolled into a broad space like the baked top of a gigantic cake, sugared with an infinity of tents arranged in geometric figures over its surface. The train came to an uncertain stop, and the sun and the poles and the trees faded, and his universe rocked itself slowly back to its old usualness, with Anthony Patch in the centre. As the men, weary and perspiring, crowded out of the car, he smelt that unforgetable aroma that impregnates all permanent camps—the odor of garbage.
Then the woods cleared away and they rolled into a wide area that looked like the baked top of a giant cake, sprinkled with countless tents arranged in geometric patterns across its surface. The train came to a hesitant stop, and the sun, the poles, and the trees faded, as his world slowly returned to its usual state, with Anthony Patch at the center. As the men, tired and sweaty, crowded out of the car, he smelled that unforgettable scent that fills all permanent camps—the odor of garbage.
Camp Hooker was an astonishing and spectacular growth, suggesting "A Mining Town in 1870—The Second Week." It was a thing of wooden shacks and whitish-gray tents, connected by a pattern of roads, with hard tan drill-grounds fringed with trees. Here and there stood green Y.M.C.A. houses, unpromising oases, with their muggy odor of wet flannels and closed telephone-booths—and across from each of them there was usually a canteen, swarming with life, presided over indolently by an officer who, with the aid of a side-car, usually managed to make his detail a pleasant and chatty sinecure.
Camp Hooker was an incredible and impressive place, resembling "A Mining Town in 1870—The Second Week." It was made up of wooden shacks and grayish-white tents, linked by a network of roads, with tough tan drill grounds lined with trees. Occasionally, there were green Y.M.C.A. buildings, which offered little respite, with their stuffy smell of damp towels and cramped phone booths—and directly across from each of them, there was usually a canteen, buzzing with activity, casually overseen by an officer who, with the help of a sidecar, often turned his duty into a comfortable and sociable job.
Up and down the dusty roads sped the soldiers of the quartermaster corps, also in side-cars. Up and down drove the generals in their government automobiles, stopping now and then to bring unalert details to attention, to frown heavily upon captains marching at the heads of companies, to set the pompous pace in that gorgeous game of showing off which was taking place triumphantly over the entire area.
Up and down the dusty roads raced the soldiers of the quartermaster corps, also in sidecars. Up and down drove the generals in their official cars, stopping now and then to bring distracted troops to attention, to scold captains leading their companies, and to set the showy pace in that grand display of flaunting happening all over the area.
The first week after the arrival of Anthony's draft was filled with a series of interminable inoculations and physical examinations, and with the preliminary drilling. The days left him desperately tired. He had been issued the wrong size shoes by a popular, easy-going supply-sergeant, and in consequence his feet were so swollen that the last hours of the afternoon were an acute torture. For the first time in his life he could throw himself down on his cot between dinner and afternoon drill-call, and seeming to sink with each moment deeper into a bottomless bed, drop off immediately to sleep, while the noise and laughter around him faded to a pleasant drone of drowsy summer sound. In the morning he awoke stiff and aching, hollow as a ghost, and hurried forth to meet the other ghostly figures who swarmed in the wan company streets, while a harsh bugle shrieked and spluttered at the gray heavens.
The first week after Anthony got his draft notice was packed with endless vaccinations and physical exams, along with some initial drills. The days left him completely exhausted. He had been given the wrong shoe size by a laid-back supply sergeant, and as a result, his feet were so swollen that the last few hours of the afternoon were painful torture. For the first time in his life, he could flop down on his cot between dinner and afternoon drill call and feel himself sink deeper into a bottomless bed, falling asleep instantly while the noise and laughter around him faded into a soothing hum of drowsy summer sounds. In the morning, he woke up stiff and sore, feeling as empty as a ghost, and rushed out to join the other ghostly figures wandering around the dim company streets, while a jarring bugle screamed and sputtered at the gray sky.
He was in a skeleton infantry company of about a hundred men. After the invariable breakfast of fatty bacon, cold toast, and cereal, the entire hundred would rush for the latrines, which, however well-policed, seemed always intolerable, like the lavatories in cheap hotels. Out on the field, then, in ragged order—the lame man on his left grotesquely marring Anthony's listless efforts to keep in step, the platoon sergeants either showing off violently to impress the officers and recruits, or else quietly lurking in close to the line of march, avoiding both labor and unnecessary visibility.
He was in a small infantry company of about a hundred men. After the usual breakfast of greasy bacon, cold toast, and cereal, all one hundred would rush to the latrines, which, for all the cleaning, always felt awful, like the bathrooms in cheap hotels. Then out in the field, in disarray—the limping guy on his left awkwardly disrupting Anthony's aimless attempts to stay in step, the platoon sergeants either trying hard to show off to impress the officers and new recruits or just hanging back close to the formation, avoiding work and unnecessary attention.
When they reached the field, work began immediately—they peeled off their shirts for calisthenics. This was the only part of the day that Anthony enjoyed. Lieutenant Kretching, who presided at the antics, was sinewy and muscular, and Anthony, followed his movements faithfully, with a feeling that he was doing something of positive value to himself. The other officers and sergeants walked about among the men with the malice of schoolboys, grouping here and there around some unfortunate who lacked muscular control, giving him confused instructions and commands. When they discovered a particularly forlorn, ill-nourished specimen, they would linger the full half-hour making cutting remarks and snickering among themselves.
When they got to the field, they started working right away—they took off their shirts for some exercises. This was the only part of the day that Anthony enjoyed. Lieutenant Kretching, who led the activities, was lean and muscular, and Anthony followed his moves closely, feeling like he was doing something beneficial for himself. The other officers and sergeants wandered among the men with the cruelty of schoolboys, gathering around anyone who struggled with their movements, giving them mixed instructions and commands. When they found a particularly weak, undernourished guy, they would stick around for the entire half-hour, making mean remarks and laughing among themselves.
One little officer named Hopkins, who had been a sergeant in the regular army, was particularly annoying. He took the war as a gift of revenge from the high gods to himself, and the constant burden of his harangues was that these rookies did not appreciate the full gravity and responsibility of "the service." He considered that by a combination of foresight and dauntless efficiency he had raised himself to his current magnificence. He aped the particular tyrannies of every officer under whom he had served in times gone by. His frown was frozen on his brow—before giving a private a pass to go to town he would ponderously weigh the effect of such an absence upon the company, the army, and the welfare of the military profession the world over.
One small officer named Hopkins, who had been a sergeant in the regular army, was especially annoying. He saw the war as a way for the high gods to take revenge on him, and he often lectured the rookies about how they didn’t understand the seriousness and responsibility of “the service.” He believed that through a mix of foresight and relentless efficiency, he had achieved his current status. He imitated the different tyrannies of every officer he had served under in the past. His frown was permanently etched on his face—before giving a private a pass to go into town, he would seriously consider how that absence would affect the company, the army, and the overall welfare of the military profession worldwide.
Lieutenant Kretching, blond, dull and phlegmatic, introduced Anthony ponderously to the problems of attention, right face, about face, and at ease. His principal defect was his forgetfulness. He often kept the company straining and aching at attention for five minutes while he stood out in front and explained a new movement—as a result only the men in the centre knew what it was all about—those on both flanks had been too emphatically impressed with the necessity of staring straight ahead.
Lieutenant Kretching, blond, dull, and sluggish, introduced Anthony slowly to the challenges of standing at attention, right face, about face, and at ease. His main flaw was his forgetfulness. He frequently made the company hold a tense position for five minutes while he stood in front explaining a new movement—because of this, only the men in the center understood what was happening; those on both ends had been too focused on the need to look straight ahead.
The drill continued until noon. It consisted of stressing a succession of infinitely remote details, and though Anthony perceived that this was consistent with the logic of war, it none the less irritated him. That the same faulty blood-pressure which would have been indecent in an officer did not interfere with the duties of a private was a preposterous incongruity. Sometimes, after listening to a sustained invective concerned with a dull and, on the face of it, absurd subject known as military "courtesy," he suspected that the dim purpose of the war was to let the regular army officers—men with the mentality and aspirations of schoolboys—have their fling with some real slaughter. He was being grotesquely sacrificed to the twenty-year patience of a Hopkins!
The drill went on until noon. It focused on stressing a series of seemingly pointless details, and even though Anthony realized this made sense in the context of war, it still annoyed him. It was absurd that the same poor blood pressure that would be unacceptable in an officer didn't affect a private's duties. Sometimes, after enduring a long lecture about a boring and, on the surface, ridiculous topic called military "courtesy," he wondered if the real purpose of the war was to allow regular army officers—guys with the mindset and ambitions of schoolboys—to indulge in some serious violence. He felt like he was being absurdly sacrificed to the twenty-year patience of a Hopkins!
Of his three tent-mates—a flat-faced, conscientious objector from Tennessee, a big, scared Pole, and the disdainful Celt whom he had sat beside on the train—the two former spent the evenings in writing eternal letters home, while the Irishman sat in the tent door whistling over and over to himself half a dozen shrill and monotonous bird-calls. It was rather to avoid an hour of their company than with any hope of diversion that, when the quarantine was lifted at the end of the week, he went into town. He caught one of the swarm of jitneys that overran the camp each evening, and in half an hour was set down in front of the Stonewall Hotel on the hot and drowsy main street.
Of his three tent-mates—a straightforward, peace-loving guy from Tennessee, a big, nervous Polish guy, and the snobby Irishman he sat next to on the train—the first two spent their evenings writing endless letters home, while the Irishman sat at the tent door, whistling a bunch of shrill, monotonous bird calls over and over. It was more to escape spending an hour with them than for any chance of having fun that, when the quarantine ended at the end of the week, he went into town. He hopped into one of the packed jitneys that flooded the camp each evening, and in half an hour, he arrived in front of the Stonewall Hotel on the hot, sleepy main street.
Under the gathering twilight the town was unexpectedly attractive. The sidewalks were peopled by vividly dressed, overpainted girls, who chattered volubly in low, lazy voices, by dozens of taxi-drivers who assailed passing officers with "Take y' anywheh, Lieutenant," and by an intermittent procession of ragged, shuffling, subservient negroes. Anthony, loitering along through the warm dusk, felt for the first time in years the slow, erotic breath of the South, imminent in the hot softness of the air, in the pervasive lull, of thought and time.
Under the dimming twilight, the town looked unexpectedly charming. The sidewalks were filled with brightly dressed, heavily made-up girls, who chattered animatedly in low, relaxed voices, alongside dozens of taxi drivers who urged passing officers with "Need a ride, Lieutenant?" and an occasional stream of ragged, shuffling, submissive black people. Anthony, lingering in the warm dusk, felt for the first time in years the slow, seductive breath of the South, evident in the hot softness of the air and the pervasive sense of calm in thought and time.
He had gone about a block when he was arrested suddenly by a harsh command at his elbow.
He had walked about a block when a sharp command suddenly caught his attention.
"Haven't you been taught to salute officers?"
"Haven't you been told to salute officers?"
He looked dumbly at the man who addressed him, a stout, black-haired captain, who fixed him menacingly with brown pop-eyes.
He stared blankly at the man who spoke to him, a stocky, black-haired captain, who glared at him threateningly with his brown bulging eyes.
"Come to attention!" The words were literally thundered. A few pedestrians near by stopped and stared. A soft-eyed girl in a lilac dress tittered to her companion.
"Attention!" The words were shouted loudly. A few pedestrians nearby stopped and stared. A girl with soft eyes in a lilac dress giggled with her friend.
Anthony came to attention.
Anthony paid attention.
"What's your regiment and company?"
"What's your unit and company?"
Anthony told him.
Anthony let him know.
"After this when you pass an officer on the street you straighten up and salute!"
"After this, when you see an officer on the street, stand up straight and salute!"
"All right!"
"Alright!"
"Say 'Yes, sir!'"
"Say 'Yes, sir!'"
"Yes, sir."
"Yes, sir."
The stout officer grunted, turned sharply, and marched down the street. After a moment Anthony moved on; the town was no longer indolent and exotic; the magic was suddenly gone out of the dusk. His eyes were turned precipitately inward upon the indignity of his position. He hated that officer, every officer—life was unendurable.
The burly officer grunted, turned sharply, and marched down the street. After a moment, Anthony continued on; the town was no longer lazy and exotic; the magic of the dusk had vanished. He found himself focused inward on the humiliation of his situation. He despised that officer, every officer—life felt unbearable.
After he had gone half a block he realized that the girl in the lilac dress who had giggled at his discomfiture was walking with her friend about ten paces ahead of him. Several times she had turned and stared at Anthony, with cheerful laughter in the large eyes that seemed the same color as her gown.
After he had walked half a block, he noticed that the girl in the lilac dress, who had laughed at his embarrassment, was walking with her friend about ten steps ahead of him. Several times, she turned and looked at Anthony, her big eyes sparkling with cheerful laughter that seemed to match the color of her dress.
At the corner she and her companion visibly slackened their pace—he must make his choice between joining them and passing obliviously by. He passed, hesitated, then slowed down. In a moment the pair were abreast of him again, dissolved in laughter now—not such strident mirth as he would have expected in the North from actresses in this familiar comedy, but a soft, low rippling, like the overflow from some subtle joke, into which he had inadvertently blundered.
At the corner, she and her friend noticeably slowed down—he had to decide whether to join them or walk by without noticing. He walked past, paused, then slowed down. Soon, the two were next to him again, now bursting into laughter—not the harsh kind he would have anticipated in the North from actresses in this well-known play, but a gentle, low laugh, like the aftermath of some clever joke that he had accidentally stumbled into.
"How do you do?" he said.
"What's up?" he said.
Her eyes were soft as shadows. Were they violet, or was it their blue darkness mingling with the gray hues of dusk?
Her eyes were soft like shadows. Were they violet, or was it the dark blue blending with the gray tones of twilight?
"Pleasant evening," ventured Anthony uncertainly.
"Nice evening," ventured Anthony uncertainly.
"Sure is," said the second girl.
"Sure is," said the second girl.
"Hasn't been a very pleasant evening for you," sighed the girl in lilac. Her voice seemed as much a part of the night as the drowsy breeze stirring the wide brim of her hat.
"Hasn't been a very pleasant evening for you," sighed the girl in lilac. Her voice felt as much a part of the night as the sleepy breeze rustling the wide brim of her hat.
"He had to have a chance to show off," said Anthony with a scornful laugh.
"He needed a chance to show off," Anthony said with a mocking laugh.
"Reckon so," she agreed.
"Guess so," she agreed.
They turned the corner and moved lackadaisically up a side street, as if following a drifting cable to which they were attached. In this town it seemed entirely natural to turn corners like that, it seemed natural to be bound nowhere in particular, to be thinking nothing.... The side street was dark, a sudden offshoot into a district of wild rose hedges and little quiet houses set far back from the street.
They turned the corner and casually strolled up a side street, as if they were tethered to a drifting cable. In this town, it felt completely normal to turn corners like that; it felt normal to not be headed anywhere specific, to not have any thoughts.... The side street was dim, a sudden offshoot into an area filled with wild rose bushes and small quiet houses set far back from the road.
"Where're you going?" he inquired politely.
"Where are you going?" he asked politely.
"Just goin'." The answer was an apology, a question, an explanation.
"Just going." The reply was an apology, a question, an explanation.
"Can I stroll along with you?"
"Can I walk with you?"
"Reckon so."
"Sounds about right."
It was an advantage that her accent was different. He could not have determined the social status of a Southerner from her talk—in New York a girl of a lower class would have been raucous, unendurable—except through the rosy spectacles of intoxication.
It was a plus that her accent was unique. He wouldn’t have been able to figure out a Southerner's social status from her speech—in New York, a girl from a lower class would have been loud and unbearable—unless he saw it through the rose-colored glasses of drinking.
Dark was creeping down. Talking little—Anthony in careless, casual questions, the other two with provincial economy of phrase and burden—they sauntered past another corner, and another. In the middle of a block they stopped beneath a lamp-post.
Darkness was settling in. They didn’t say much—Anthony asked some laid-back, casual questions, while the other two were brief and to the point—they strolled past another corner, and another. In the middle of a block, they paused under a lamp post.
"I live near here," explained the other girl.
"I live close by," the other girl explained.
"I live around the block," said the girl in lilac.
"I live just around the block," said the girl in lilac.
"Can I see you home?"
"Can I walk you home?"
"To the corner, if you want to."
"Go to the corner if you want."
The other girl took a few steps backward. Anthony removed his hat.
The other girl stepped back a bit. Anthony took off his hat.
"You're supposed to salute," said the girl in lilac with a laugh. "All the soldiers salute."
"You're supposed to salute," the girl in lilac said with a laugh. "All the soldiers salute."
"I'll learn," he responded soberly.
"I'll learn," he replied seriously.
The other girl said, "Well—" hesitated, then added, "call me up to-morrow, Dot," and retreated from the yellow circle of the street-lamp. Then, in silence, Anthony and the girl in lilac walked the three blocks to the small rickety house which was her home. Outside the wooden gate she hesitated.
The other girl said, "Well—" paused, then added, "call me tomorrow, Dot," and stepped back from the yellow glow of the streetlamp. Then, in silence, Anthony and the girl in lilac walked the three blocks to her small, rickety house. Outside the wooden gate, she hesitated.
"Well—thanks."
"Thanks!"
"Must you go in so soon?"
"Do you really have to go in so soon?"
"I ought to."
"I should."
"Can't you stroll around a little longer?" She regarded him dispassionately.
"Can't you walk around a bit longer?" She looked at him without any emotion.
"I don't even know you."
"I don't even know you."
Anthony laughed.
Anthony chuckled.
"It's not too late."
"It's not too late."
"I reckon I better go in."
"I guess I should go in."
"I thought we might walk down and see a movie."
"I thought we could walk down and catch a movie."
"I'd like to."
"I want to."
"Then I could bring you home. I'd have just enough time. I've got to be in camp by eleven."
"Then I can take you home. I'll have just enough time. I need to be at camp by eleven."
It was so dark that he could scarcely see her now. She was a dress swayed infinitesimally by the wind, two limpid, reckless eyes ...
It was so dark that he could hardly see her now. She was a dress swaying slightly in the wind, with two clear, daring eyes...
"Why don't you come—Dot? Don't you like movies? Better come."
"Why don't you come, Dot? Don't you like movies? You should come."
She shook her head.
She nodded no.
"I oughtn't to."
"I shouldn't."
He liked her, realizing that she was temporizing for the effect on him. He came closer and took her hand.
He liked her, understanding that she was stalling to create an impact on him. He moved closer and took her hand.
"If we get back by ten, can't you? just to the movies?"
"If we get back by ten, can you? Just to the movies?"
"Well—I reckon so—"
"Well—I guess so—"
Hand in hand they walked back toward down-town, along a hazy, dusky street where a negro newsboy was calling an extra in the cadence of the local venders' tradition, a cadence that was as musical as song.
Hand in hand, they walked back toward downtown, along a hazy, dimly lit street where a black newsboy was calling an extra in the rhythm of the local vendors' tradition, a rhythm that was as melodic as a song.
Dot
Anthony's affair with Dorothy Raycroft was an inevitable result of his increasing carelessness about himself. He did not go to her desiring to possess the desirable, nor did he fall before a personality more vital, more compelling than his own, as he had done with Gloria four years before. He merely slid into the matter through his inability to make definite judgments. He could say "No!" neither to man nor woman; borrower and temptress alike found him tender-minded and pliable. Indeed he seldom made decisions at all, and when he did they were but half-hysterical resolves formed in the panic of some aghast and irreparable awakening.
Anthony's affair with Dorothy Raycroft was just a natural outcome of his growing carelessness about himself. He didn’t approach her wanting to claim something desirable, nor did he become infatuated with a personality that was more vibrant or compelling than his own, as he had with Gloria four years earlier. He simply got involved because he couldn’t make clear decisions. He couldn’t say “No!” to anyone, man or woman; both borrowers and temptresses found him soft-hearted and easily swayed. In fact, he rarely made decisions at all, and when he did, they were just half-crazed resolutions created in the panic of some shocking and irreversible realization.
The particular weakness he indulged on this occasion was his need of excitement and stimulus from without. He felt that for the first time in four years he could express and interpret himself anew. The girl promised rest; the hours in her company each evening alleviated the morbid and inevitably futile poundings of his imagination. He had become a coward in earnest—completely the slave of a hundred disordered and prowling thoughts which were released by the collapse of the authentic devotion to Gloria that had been the chief jailer of his insufficiency.
The specific weakness he indulged this time was his craving for excitement and outside stimulation. For the first time in four years, he felt he could express and rediscover himself. The girl offered him peace; the hours spent with her each evening eased the dark and ultimately pointless torment of his mind. He had truly become a coward—entirely enslaved by a chaotic mix of restless thoughts, unleashed by the breakdown of his genuine devotion to Gloria, which had been the main prison guard of his inadequacy.
On that first night, as they stood by the gate, he kissed Dorothy and made an engagement to meet her the following Saturday. Then he went out to camp, and with the light burning lawlessly in his tent, he wrote a long letter to Gloria, a glowing letter, full of the sentimental dark, full of the remembered breath of flowers, full of a true and exceeding tenderness—these things he had learned again for a moment in a kiss given and taken under a rich warm moonlight just an hour before.
On that first night, as they stood by the gate, he kissed Dorothy and promised to meet her the next Saturday. Then he went out to camp, and with the light flickering wildly in his tent, he wrote a long letter to Gloria, a passionate letter, full of emotional depth, filled with the recalled scent of flowers, full of genuine and intense tenderness—these feelings he had briefly experienced again in a kiss exchanged under a warm, beautiful moonlight just an hour earlier.
When Saturday night came he found Dot waiting at the entrance of the Bijou Moving Picture Theatre. She was dressed as on the preceding Wednesday in her lilac gown of frailest organdy, but it had evidently been washed and starched since then, for it was fresh and unrumpled. Daylight confirmed the impression he had received that in a sketchy, faulty way she was lovely. She was clean, her features were small, irregular, but eloquent and appropriate to each other. She was a dark, unenduring little flower—yet he thought he detected in her some quality of spiritual reticence, of strength drawn from her passive acceptance of all things. In this he was mistaken.
When Saturday night came, he found Dot waiting at the entrance of the Bijou Moving Picture Theatre. She was dressed like she had been the previous Wednesday in her delicate lilac gown, but it was clear that it had been washed and starched since then because it looked fresh and crisp. Daylight confirmed his impression that, in a rough and imperfect way, she was beautiful. She was clean, her features were small and irregular, yet they worked well together. She was like a dark, delicate little flower—yet he thought he sensed in her some quality of quiet strength, a resilience that came from her accepting everything. In this, he was mistaken.
Dorothy Raycroft was nineteen. Her father had kept a small, unprosperous corner store, and she had graduated from high school in the lowest fourth of her class two days before he died. At high school she had enjoyed a rather unsavory reputation. As a matter of fact her behavior at the class picnic, where the rumors started, had been merely indiscreet—she had retained her technical purity until over a year later. The boy had been a clerk in a store on Jackson Street, and on the day after the incident he departed unexpectedly to New York. He had been intending to leave for some time, but had tarried for the consummation of his amorous enterprise.
Dorothy Raycroft was nineteen. Her dad ran a small, struggling corner store, and she had just graduated from high school in the lowest quarter of her class two days before he passed away. In high school, she had developed a somewhat questionable reputation. In fact, her actions at the class picnic, where the rumors began, were only a bit indiscreet—she had kept her virginity intact until over a year later. The guy involved was a clerk at a store on Jackson Street, and the day after the incident, he left unexpectedly for New York. He had been planning to leave for a while, but stuck around to wrap up his romantic pursuits.
After a while she confided the adventure to a girl friend, and later, as she watched her friend disappear down the sleepy street of dusty sunshine she knew in a flash of intuition that her story was going out into the world. Yet after telling it she felt much better, and a little bitter, and made as near an approach to character as she was capable of by walking in another direction and meeting another man with the honest intention of gratifying herself again. As a rule things happened to Dot. She was not weak, because there was nothing in her to tell her she was being weak. She was not strong, because she never knew that some of the things she did were brave. She neither defied nor conformed nor compromised.
After a while, she shared the adventure with a girlfriend, and later, as she watched her friend walk away down the quiet, sunny street, she suddenly knew that her story was spreading into the world. But after sharing it, she felt much better and a little bitter, and she tried her best to show some character by walking in another direction and meeting another man, hoping to please herself again. Typically, things just happened to Dot. She wasn't weak because nothing in her signaled that she was. She wasn't strong either, since she never realized that some of her actions were brave. She neither challenged nor conformed nor made compromises.
She had no sense of humor, but, to take its place, a happy disposition that made her laugh at the proper times when she was with men. She had no definite intentions—sometimes she regretted vaguely that her reputation precluded what chance she had ever had for security. There had been no open discovery: her mother was interested only in starting her off on time each morning for the jewelry store where she earned fourteen dollars a week. But some of the boys she had known in high school now looked the other way when they were walking with "nice girls," and these incidents hurt her feelings. When they occurred she went home and cried.
She didn't have a sense of humor, but instead, she had a cheerful attitude that led her to laugh at the right moments when she was around men. She didn’t have clear intentions—sometimes she felt a vague regret that her reputation took away any chance she had for stability. There hadn’t been any open revelation: her mother only cared about getting her ready on time each morning for the jewelry store where she earned fourteen dollars a week. But some of the guys she had known in high school now looked away when they were with "nice girls," and these moments hurt her feelings. When that happened, she would go home and cry.
Besides the Jackson Street clerk there had been two other men, of whom the first was a naval officer, who passed through town during the early days of the war. He had stayed over a night to make a connection, and was leaning idly against one of the pillars of the Stonewall Hotel when she passed by. He remained in town four days. She thought she loved him—lavished on him that first hysteria of passion that would have gone to the pusillanimous clerk. The naval officer's uniform—there were few of them in those days—had made the magic. He left with vague promises on his lips, and, once on the train, rejoiced that he had not told her his real name.
Besides the Jackson Street clerk, there were two other men. The first was a naval officer who came through town during the early days of the war. He stayed overnight to catch a connection and was casually leaning against one of the pillars of the Stonewall Hotel when she walked by. He remained in town for four days. She thought she loved him—she showered him with that initial frenzy of passion that would have gone to the timid clerk. The naval officer's uniform—there were few of them back then—had worked its magic. He left her with vague promises, and once he was on the train, he felt relieved that he hadn’t shared his real name.
Her resultant depression had thrown her into the arms of Cyrus Fielding, the son of a local clothier, who had hailed her from his roadster one day as she passed along the sidewalk. She had always known him by name. Had she been born to a higher stratum he would have known her before. She had descended a little lower—so he met her after all. After a month he had gone away to training-camp, a little afraid of the intimacy, a little relieved in perceiving that she had not cared deeply for him, and that she was not the sort who would ever make trouble. Dot romanticized this affair and conceded to her vanity that the war had taken these men away from her. She told herself that she could have married the naval officer. Nevertheless, it worried her that within eight months there had been three men in her life. She thought with more fear than wonder in her heart that she would soon be like those "bad girls" on Jackson Street at whom she and her gum-chewing, giggling friends had stared with fascinated glances three years before.
Her resulting depression had led her to Cyrus Fielding, the son of a local clothier, who had called out to her from his sports car one day as she walked along the sidewalk. She had always known his name. If she had been born into a higher class, he would have known her sooner. She had dropped a bit lower—so he ended up meeting her after all. After a month, he went off to training camp, feeling a bit scared about their closeness and somewhat relieved to see that she didn’t care deeply for him and wasn’t the kind of girl who would cause any trouble. Dot romanticized this relationship and allowed herself to think that the war had taken these men away from her. She convinced herself that she could have married the naval officer. Still, it worried her that in just eight months, there had been three men in her life. She thought with more fear than amazement that she might soon turn into one of those “bad girls” on Jackson Street, the ones she and her gum-chewing, giggling friends had stared at with fascination three years earlier.
For a while she attempted to be more careful. She let men "pick her up"; she let them kiss her, and even allowed certain other liberties to be forced upon her, but she did not add to her trio. After several months the strength of her resolution—or rather the poignant expediency of her fears—was worn away. She grew restless drowsing there out of life and time while the summer months faded. The soldiers she met were either obviously below her or, less obviously, above her—in which case they desired only to use her; they were Yankees, harsh and ungracious; they swarmed in large crowds.... And then she met Anthony.
For a while, she tried to be more cautious. She let men "pick her up"; she allowed them to kiss her and even permitted certain other liberties to be imposed on her, but she didn’t add to her trio. After several months, the strength of her resolve—or rather the sharp urgency of her fears—began to fade. She became restless, dozing away life and time as the summer months passed. The soldiers she encountered were either clearly beneath her or, less obviously, above her—in which case they only wanted to use her; they were Yankees, tough and unkind; they flocked in large groups... And then she met Anthony.
On that first evening he had been little more than a pleasantly unhappy face, a voice, the means with which to pass an hour, but when she kept her engagement with him on Saturday she regarded him with consideration. She liked him. Unknowingly she saw her own tragedies mirrored in his face.
On that first evening, he had been just a somewhat sad face, a voice, a way to pass the time, but when she met him as planned on Saturday, she looked at him with more thoughtfulness. She liked him. Without realizing it, she saw her own struggles reflected in his face.
Again they went to the movies, again they wandered along the shadowy, scented streets, hand in hand this time, speaking a little in hushed voices. They passed through the gate—up toward the little porch—
Again they went to the movies, again they wandered along the dimly lit, fragrant streets, hand in hand this time, speaking softly to each other. They passed through the gate—up toward the little porch—
"I can stay a while, can't I?"
"I can stay for a bit, right?"
"Sh!" she whispered, "we've got to be very quiet. Mother sits up reading Snappy Stories." In confirmation he heard the faint crackling inside as a page was turned. The open-shutter slits emitted horizontal rods of light that fell in thin parallels across Dorothy's skirt. The street was silent save for a group on the steps of a house across the way, who, from time to time, raised their voices in a soft, bantering song.
"Sh!" she whispered, "we need to be really quiet. Mom is up reading Snappy Stories." He heard the soft rustling as a page turned. The open shutter slits cast thin beams of light that fell in parallel lines across Dorothy's skirt. The street was quiet except for a group on the steps of a house across the way, who occasionally raised their voices in a lighthearted, teasing song.
Then, as though it had been waiting on a near-by roof for their arrival, the moon came slanting suddenly through the vines and turned the girl's face to the color of white roses.
Then, as if it had been waiting on a nearby roof for their arrival, the moon suddenly shone through the vines and made the girl's face the color of white roses.
Anthony had a start of memory, so vivid that before his closed eyes there formed a picture, distinct as a flashback on a screen—a spring night of thaw set out of time in a half-forgotten winter five years before—another face, radiant, flower-like, upturned to lights as transforming as the stars—
Anthony had a sudden memory, so clear that before his closed eyes, a scene appeared, as vivid as a movie flashback—a spring night thawing out of a half-forgotten winter from five years ago—another face, glowing, flower-like, gazing up at lights as magical as the stars—
Ah, la belle dame sans merci who lived in his heart, made known to him in transitory fading splendor by dark eyes in the Ritz-Carlton, by a shadowy glance from a passing carriage in the Bois de Boulogne! But those nights were only part of a song, a remembered glory—here again were the faint winds, the illusions, the eternal present with its promise of romance.
Ah, the beautiful lady without mercy who lived in his heart, revealed to him in fleeting, fading beauty by dark eyes at the Ritz-Carlton, through a shadowy glance from a passing carriage in the Bois de Boulogne! But those nights were just part of a song, a cherished memory—once more, the soft winds, the illusions, the eternal present with its promise of romance were here.
"Oh," she whispered, "do you love me? Do you love me?"
"Oh," she whispered, "do you really love me? Do you love me?"
The spell was broken—the drifted fragments of the stars became only light, the singing down the street diminished to a monotone, to the whimper of locusts in the grass. With almost a sigh he kissed her fervent mouth, while her arms crept up about his shoulders.
The magic faded—the scattered pieces of the stars turned into just light, and the music down the street faded to a dull sound, like the soft whimper of locusts in the grass. With what felt like a sigh, he kissed her passionate lips, as her arms wrapped around his shoulders.
THE MAN-AT-ARMS
As the weeks dried up and blew away, the range of Anthony's travels extended until he grew to comprehend the camp and its environment. For the first time in his life he was in constant personal contact with the waiters to whom he had given tips, the chauffeurs who had touched their hats to him, the carpenters, plumbers, barbers, and farmers who had previously been remarkable only in the subservience of their professional genuflections. During his first two months in camp he did not hold ten minutes' consecutive conversation with a single man.
As the weeks passed by, Anthony's travels expanded until he began to understand the camp and its surroundings. For the first time in his life, he was in regular contact with the waiters he had tipped, the chauffeurs who had saluted him, the carpenters, plumbers, barbers, and farmers who had previously seemed just defined by their professional bows. During his first two months at the camp, he didn't have a single ten-minute conversation with any man.
On the service record his occupation stood as "student"; on the original questionnaire he had prematurely written "author"; but when men in his company asked his business he commonly gave it as bank clerk—had he told the truth, that he did no work, they would have been suspicious of him as a member of the leisure class.
On his service record, his occupation was listed as "student"; on the original questionnaire, he had hastily written "author"; but when guys in his unit asked about his job, he usually said he was a bank clerk—if he had told the truth that he didn’t work, they would have seen him as someone from the leisure class and would have been suspicious.
His platoon sergeant, Pop Donnelly, was a scraggly "old soldier," worn thin with drink. In the past he had spent unnumbered weeks in the guard-house, but recently, thanks to the drill-master famine, he had been elevated to his present pinnacle. His complexion was full of shell-holes—it bore an unmistakable resemblance to those aerial photographs of "the battle-field at Blank." Once a week he got drunk down-town on white liquor, returned quietly to camp and collapsed upon his bunk, joining the company at reveille looking more than ever like a white mask of death.
His platoon sergeant, Pop Donnelly, was a scruffy "old soldier," worn down from drinking. In the past, he had spent countless weeks in the guardhouse, but lately, due to a shortage of drill instructors, he had been promoted to his current position. His face was full of scars—it looked strikingly similar to those aerial photos of "the battlefield at Blank." Once a week, he would get drunk downtown on clear liquor, quietly return to camp, and crash on his bunk, showing up with the rest of the company at reveille looking more like a ghost than ever.
He nursed the astounding delusion that he was astutely "slipping it over" on the government—he had spent eighteen years in its service at a minute wage, and he was soon to retire (here he usually winked) on the impressive income of fifty-five dollars a month. He looked upon it as a gorgeous joke that he had played upon the dozens who had bullied and scorned him since he was a Georgia country boy of nineteen.
He held onto the incredible belief that he was cleverly outsmarting the government—he had dedicated eighteen years to its service for a meager salary, and he was about to retire (he usually winked here) on the impressive sum of fifty-five dollars a month. He saw it as a brilliant joke he had pulled on the many who had pushed him around and mocked him since he was a nineteen-year-old country boy from Georgia.
At present there were but two lieutenants—Hopkins and the popular Kretching. The latter was considered a good fellow and a fine leader, until a year later, when he disappeared with a mess fund of eleven hundred dollars and, like so many leaders, proved exceedingly difficult to follow.
Right now, there were only two lieutenants—Hopkins and the well-liked Kretching. The latter was seen as a great guy and an excellent leader, until a year later when he vanished with a mess fund of eleven hundred dollars and, like many leaders, turned out to be really hard to follow.
Eventually there was Captain Dunning, god of this brief but self-sufficing microcosm. He was a reserve officer, nervous, energetic, and enthusiastic. This latter quality, indeed, often took material form and was visible as fine froth in the corners of his mouth. Like most executives he saw his charges strictly from the front, and to his hopeful eyes his command seemed just such an excellent unit as such an excellent war deserved. For all his anxiety and absorption he was having the time of his life.
Eventually there was Captain Dunning, the god of this brief but self-sufficient little world. He was a reserve officer—nervous, energetic, and enthusiastic. This enthusiasm often showed physically as fine froth in the corners of his mouth. Like most leaders, he viewed his team strictly from the front, and in his hopeful eyes, his unit seemed like the perfect match for a war of this caliber. Despite his anxiety and focus, he was having the time of his life.
Baptiste, the little Sicilian of the train, fell foul of him the second week of drill. The captain had several times ordered the men to be clean-shaven when they fell in each morning. One day there was disclosed an alarming breech of this rule, surely a case of Teutonic connivance—during the night four men had grown hair upon their faces. The fact that three of the four understood a minimum of English made a practical object-lesson only the more necessary, so Captain Dunning resolutely sent a volunteer barber back to the company street for a razor. Whereupon for the safety of democracy a half-ounce of hair was scraped dry from the cheeks of three Italians and one Pole.
Baptiste, the little Sicilian on the train, got into trouble with him during the second week of training. The captain had repeatedly told the men to be clean-shaven every morning when they lined up. One day, a serious violation of this rule came to light—four men had grown facial hair overnight, likely with some help from others. Since three of the four could barely speak English, it became even more important to make an example of them, so Captain Dunning firmly sent a volunteer barber back to the company area for a razor. As a result, half an ounce of hair was shaved off the cheeks of three Italians and one Pole to preserve the integrity of democracy.
Outside the world of the company there appeared, from time to time, the colonel, a heavy man with snarling teeth, who circumnavigated the battalion drill-field upon a handsome black horse. He was a West Pointer, and, mimetically, a gentleman. He had a dowdy wife and a dowdy mind, and spent much of his time in town taking advantage of the army's lately exalted social position. Last of all was the general, who traversed the roads of the camp preceded by his flag—a figure so austere, so removed, so magnificent, as to be scarcely comprehensible.
Outside the company, the colonel occasionally appeared, a big man with a snarling grin, riding a sleek black horse around the battalion drill-field. He was a West Pointer and acted the part of a gentleman. He had a plain wife and a mundane outlook, spending much of his time in town enjoying the army's recently elevated social status. Finally, there was the general, who walked the camp roads ahead of his flag—a figure so serious, so distant, and so impressive that he was almost beyond understanding.
December. Cool winds at night now, and damp, chilly mornings on the drill-grounds. As the heat faded, Anthony found himself increasingly glad to be alive. Renewed strangely through his body, he worried little and existed in the present with a sort of animal content. It was not that Gloria or the life that Gloria represented was less often in his thoughts—it was simply that she became, day by day, less real, less vivid. For a week they had corresponded passionately, almost hysterically—then by an unwritten agreement they had ceased to write more than twice, and then once, a week. She was bored, she said; if his brigade was to be there a long time she was coming down to join him. Mr. Haight was going to be able to submit a stronger brief than he had expected, but doubted that the appealed case would come up until late spring. Muriel was in the city doing Red Cross work, and they went out together rather often. What would Anthony think if she went into the Red Cross? Trouble was she had heard that she might have to bathe negroes in alcohol, and after that she hadn't felt so patriotic. The city was full of soldiers and she'd seen a lot of boys she hadn't laid eyes on for years....
December. The nights are now cool with winds, and the mornings on the drill grounds are damp and chilly. As the heat faded, Anthony felt increasingly grateful to be alive. He felt strangely renewed in his body, worried little, and lived in the moment with a sort of animal satisfaction. It wasn’t that Gloria or what she represented occupied his thoughts less often; it was just that she became, day by day, less real, less vivid. For a week they had written to each other passionately, almost hysterically—then, by an unspoken agreement, they began to write no more than twice a week, and then just once. She said she was bored; if his brigade was going to be there for a while, she would come down to join him. Mr. Haight was expected to submit a stronger brief than he had thought, but doubted the appealed case would be heard until late spring. Muriel was in the city doing Red Cross work, and they went out together quite often. What would Anthony think if she joined the Red Cross? The problem was she had heard she might have to bathe black soldiers in alcohol, and after that, she didn’t feel so patriotic. The city was full of soldiers, and she had seen a lot of boys she hadn’t seen in years...
Anthony did not want her to come South. He told himself that this was for many reasons—he needed a rest from her and she from him. She would be bored beyond measure in town, and she would be able to see Anthony for only a few hours each day. But in his heart he feared that it was because he was attracted to Dorothy. As a matter of fact he lived in terror that Gloria should learn by some chance or intention of the relation he had formed. By the end of a fortnight the entanglement began to give him moments of misery at his own faithlessness. Nevertheless, as each day ended he was unable to withstand the lure that would draw him irresistibly out of his tent and over to the telephone at the Y.M.C.A.
Anthony didn’t want her to come South. He told himself it was for many reasons—he needed a break from her and she from him. She would be incredibly bored in town, and she would only be able to see Anthony for a few hours each day. But deep down, he worried it was because he was attracted to Dorothy. In fact, he lived in fear that Gloria would somehow find out about the relationship he had formed. By the end of two weeks, the situation started to give him moments of misery over his own unfaithfulness. Still, every day as it ended, he couldn’t resist the pull that compelled him to leave his tent and head over to the phone at the Y.M.C.A.
"Dot."
"Dot."
"Yes?"
"Yes?"
"I may be able to get in to-night."
"I might be able to get in tonight."
"I'm so glad."
"I'm really glad."
"Do you want to listen to my splendid eloquence for a few starry hours?"
"Do you want to listen to my amazing speaking skills for a few hours under the stars?"
"Oh, you funny—" For an instant he had a memory of five years before—of Geraldine. Then—
"Oh, you funny—" For a moment, he remembered five years ago—Geraldine. Then—
"I'll arrive about eight."
"I'll arrive around eight."
At seven he would be in a jitney bound for the city, where hundreds of little Southern girls were waiting on moonlit porches for their lovers. He would be excited already for her warm retarded kisses, for the amazed quietude of the glances she gave him—glances nearer to worship than any he had ever inspired. Gloria and he had been equals, giving without thought of thanks or obligation. To this girl his very caresses were an inestimable boon. Crying quietly she had confessed to him that he was not the first man in her life; there had been one other—he gathered that the affair had no sooner commenced than it had been over.
At seven he would be on a jitney headed for the city, where hundreds of little Southern girls were waiting on moonlit porches for their boyfriends. He would already be excited for her warm, slow kisses, for the astonished silence in the looks she gave him—looks that were closer to worship than any he had ever inspired. Gloria and he had been equals, sharing without expecting thanks or obligation. To this girl, his very touch was an invaluable gift. Crying softly, she had confessed to him that he wasn’t the first man in her life; there had been one other—he gathered that their relationship had barely started before it ended.
Indeed, so far as she was concerned, she spoke the truth. She had forgotten the clerk, the naval officer, the clothier's son, forgotten her vividness of emotion, which is true forgetting. She knew that in some opaque and shadowy existence some one had taken her—it was as though it had occurred in sleep.
Indeed, as far as she was concerned, she was speaking the truth. She had forgotten the clerk, the naval officer, the clothier's son, and even her intense emotions, which is what true forgetting means. She realized that in some unclear and shadowy life, someone had taken her—it felt like it had happened in a dream.
Almost every night Anthony came to town. It was too cool now for the porch, so her mother surrendered to them the tiny sitting room, with its dozens of cheaply framed chromos, its yard upon yard of decorative fringe, and its thick atmosphere of several decades in the proximity of the kitchen. They would build a fire—then, happily, inexhaustibly, she would go about the business of love. Each evening at ten she would walk with him to the door, her black hair in disarray, her face pale without cosmetics, paler still under the whiteness of the moon. As a rule it would be bright and silver outside; now and then there was a slow warm rain, too indolent, almost, to reach the ground.
Almost every night, Anthony came to town. It was too cool now for the porch, so her mother let them use the tiny sitting room, filled with its dozens of cheaply framed prints, yards of decorative fringe, and the thick atmosphere that came from years of being near the kitchen. They would build a fire—then, happily and endlessly, she would get to work on love. Each evening at ten, she would walk him to the door, her black hair messy, her face pale without makeup, even paler under the bright moonlight. Usually, it would be bright and silver outside; occasionally, there was a slow warm rain, almost too lazy to hit the ground.
"Say you love me," she would whisper.
"Say you love me," she would whisper.
"Why, of course, you sweet baby."
"Of course, you sweetie."
"Am I a baby?" This almost wistfully.
"Am I a baby?" This was said almost with a sense of longing.
"Just a little baby."
"Just a tiny baby."
She knew vaguely of Gloria. It gave her pain to think of it, so she imagined her to be haughty and proud and cold. She had decided that Gloria must be older than Anthony, and that there was no love between husband and wife. Sometimes she let herself dream that after the war Anthony would get a divorce and they would be married—but she never mentioned this to Anthony, she scarcely knew why. She shared his company's idea that he was a sort of bank clerk—she thought that he was respectable and poor. She would say:
She only had a vague idea of Gloria. It hurt her to think about it, so she pictured her as arrogant, proud, and distant. She convinced herself that Gloria was older than Anthony and that there was no love between them. Sometimes, she let herself imagine that after the war, Anthony would get a divorce and they would get married—but she never brought this up with Anthony, and she hardly knew why. She shared her company’s opinion that he was kind of like a bank clerk—she thought he was decent but struggling financially. She would say:
"If I had some money, darlin', I'd give ev'y bit of it to you.... I'd like to have about fifty thousand dollars."
"If I had some money, darling, I'd give every bit of it to you.... I'd like to have around fifty thousand dollars."
"I suppose that'd be plenty," agreed Anthony.
"I guess that would be enough," agreed Anthony.
—In her letter that day Gloria had written: "I suppose if we could settle for a million it would be better to tell Mr. Haight to go ahead and settle. But it'd seem a pity...."
—In her letter that day Gloria had written: "I guess if we could settle for a million it would be better to tell Mr. Haight to go ahead and settle. But it would seem a shame...."
... "We could have an automobile," exclaimed Dot, in a final burst of triumph.
... "We could get a car," Dot exclaimed, in a final burst of triumph.
AN IMPRESSIVE OCCASION
Captain Dunning prided himself on being a great reader of character. Half an hour after meeting a man he was accustomed to place him in one of a number of astonishing categories—fine man, good man, smart fellow, theorizer, poet, and "worthless." One day early in February he caused Anthony to be summoned to his presence in the orderly tent.
Captain Dunning took pride in his ability to read people's character. Within half an hour of meeting someone, he would typically categorize them into one of several impressive labels—fine man, good man, smart guy, theorist, poet, or "worthless." One day in early February, he had Anthony called to his presence in the orderly tent.
"Patch," he said sententiously, "I've had my eye on you for several weeks."
"Patch," he said seriously, "I've been watching you for several weeks."
Anthony stood erect and motionless.
Anthony stood tall and still.
"And I think you've got the makings of a good soldier."
"And I think you've got what it takes to be a good soldier."
He waited for the warm glow, which this would naturally arouse, to cool—and then continued:
He waited for the warm glow this would naturally create to fade—and then continued:
"This is no child's play," he said, narrowing his brows.
"This is serious business," he said, furrowing his brows.
Anthony agreed with a melancholy "No, sir."
Anthony responded with a sad "No, sir."
"It's a man's game—and we need leaders." Then the climax, swift, sure, and electric: "Patch, I'm going to make you a corporal."
"It's a man's game—and we need leaders." Then the climax, quick, certain, and exciting: "Patch, I'm promoting you to corporal."
At this point Anthony should have staggered slightly backward, overwhelmed. He was to be one of the quarter million selected for that consummate trust. He was going to be able to shout the technical phrase, "Follow me!" to seven other frightened men.
At this point, Anthony should have taken a small step back, feeling overwhelmed. He was to be one of the quarter million chosen for that ultimate trust. He was going to be able to yell the technical phrase, "Follow me!" to seven other scared men.
"You seem to be a man of some education," said Captain Dunning.
"You seem to be an educated man," said Captain Dunning.
"Yes, Sir."
"Yes, sir."
"That's good, that's good. Education's a great thing, but don't let it go to your head. Keep on the way you're doing and you'll be a good soldier."
"That’s great, that’s great. Education is important, but don’t let it make you arrogant. Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll be a good soldier."
With these parting words lingering in his ears, Corporal Patch saluted, executed a right about face, and left the tent.
With those farewell words echoing in his ears, Corporal Patch saluted, turned right, and walked out of the tent.
Though the conversation amused Anthony, it did generate the idea that life would be more amusing as a sergeant or, should he find a less exacting medical examiner, as an officer. He was little interested in the work, which seemed to belie the army's boasted gallantry. At the inspections one did not dress up to look well, one dressed up to keep from looking badly.
Though the conversation entertained Anthony, it sparked the thought that life would be more enjoyable as a sergeant or, if he could find a less demanding medical examiner, as an officer. He wasn't very interested in the work, which seemed to contradict the army's claims of bravery. During inspections, one didn't dress up to look good; one dressed up to avoid looking bad.
But as winter wore away—the short, snowless winter marked by damp nights and cool, rainy days—he marvelled at how quickly the system had grasped him. He was a soldier—all who were not soldiers were civilians. The world was divided primarily into those two classifications.
But as winter came to an end—the brief, snowless winter characterized by wet nights and cool, rainy days—he was amazed at how quickly the system had taken hold of him. He was a soldier—all who weren’t soldiers were civilians. The world was mainly split into those two categories.
It occurred to him that all strongly accentuated classes, such as the military, divided men into two kinds: their own kind—and those without. To the clergyman there were clergy and laity, to the Catholic there were Catholics and non-Catholics, to the negro there were blacks and whites, to the prisoner there were the imprisoned and the free, and to the sick man there were the sick and the well.... So, without thinking of it once in his lifetime, he had been a civilian, a layman, a non-Catholic, a Gentile, white, free, and well....
It struck him that all strongly defined groups, like the military, split people into two types: those who belong and those who don't. To the clergyman, there were clergy and laypeople; to a Catholic, there were Catholics and non-Catholics; to a Black person, there were Black people and white people; to a prisoner, there were the imprisoned and the free; and to a sick person, there were the sick and the healthy.... So, without ever realizing it throughout his life, he had been a civilian, a layperson, a non-Catholic, a Gentile, white, free, and healthy....
As the American troops were poured into the French and British trenches he began to find the names of many Harvard men among the casualties recorded in the Army and Navy Journal. But for all the sweat and blood the situation appeared unchanged, and he saw no prospect of the war's ending in the perceptible future. In the old chronicles the right wing of one army always defeated the left wing of the other, the left wing being, meanwhile, vanquished by the enemy's right. After that the mercenaries fled. It had been so simple, in those days, almost as if prearranged....
As American troops flooded into the French and British trenches, he started to notice the names of many Harvard alumni among the casualties listed in the Army and Navy Journal. But despite all the sweat and blood, the situation seemed unchanged, and he saw no chance of the war ending anytime soon. In the old records, one army's right flank would always beat the other’s left flank, while the left flank struggled against the enemy's right. After that, the mercenaries would retreat. It had been so straightforward back then, almost as if it was planned...
Gloria wrote that she was reading a great deal. What a mess they had made of their affairs, she said. She had so little to do now that she spent her time imagining how differently things might have turned out. Her whole environment appeared insecure—and a few years back she had seemed to hold all the strings in her own little hand....
Gloria wrote that she was reading a lot. What a mess they had made of their situation, she said. She had so little to do now that she spent her time imagining how differently things could have turned out. Her whole environment felt unstable—and just a few years ago, she seemed to have everything under control.
In June her letters grew hurried and less frequent. She suddenly ceased to write about coming South.
In June, her letters became rushed and less frequent. She abruptly stopped writing about coming South.
DEFEAT
March in the country around was rare with jasmine and jonquils and patches of violets in the warming grass. Afterward he remembered especially one afternoon of such a fresh and magic glamour that as he stood in the rifle-pit marking targets he recited "Atalanta in Calydon" to an uncomprehending Pole, his voice mingling with the rip, sing, and splatter of the bullets overhead.
March in the countryside was filled with jasmine, jonquils, and patches of violets in the warming grass. Later, he particularly remembered one afternoon with a fresh and magical vibe. As he stood in the rifle pit marking targets, he recited "Atalanta in Calydon" to a confused Pole, his voice blending with the sound of bullets ricocheting overhead.
Spang!
Snap!
Whirr-r-r-r! ...
Whirr! ...
"Hey! Come to! Mark three-e-e! ..."
"Hey!" Come over! Mark 3! ...
In town the streets were in a sleepy dream again, and together Anthony and Dot idled in their own tracks of the previous autumn until he began to feel a drowsy attachment for this South—a South, it seemed, more of Algiers than of Italy, with faded aspirations pointing back over innumerable generations to some warm, primitive Nirvana, without hope or care. Here there was an inflection of cordiality, of comprehension, in every voice. "Life plays the same lovely and agonizing joke on all of us," they seemed to say in their plaintive pleasant cadence, in the rising inflection terminating on an unresolved minor.
In town, the streets had fallen into a sleepy haze again, and Anthony and Dot lingered in the same spots they had last autumn until he started to feel a lazy fondness for this South—a South that felt more like Algiers than Italy, with faded dreams reaching back through countless generations to some warm, primitive paradise, free of hope or worry. Here, every voice carried a tone of warmth, of understanding. "Life plays the same beautiful and painful trick on all of us," they seemed to convey in their soft, melodic tones, their words rising in pitch and leaving a lingering sense of uncertainty.
He liked his barber shop where he was "Hi, corporal!" to a pale, emaciated young man, who shaved him and pushed a cool vibrating machine endlessly over his insatiable head. He liked "Johnston's Gardens" where they danced, where a tragic negro made yearning, aching music on a saxophone until the garish hall became an enchanted jungle of barbaric rhythms and smoky laughter, where to forget the uneventful passage of time upon Dorothy's soft sighs and tender whisperings was the consummation of all aspiration, of all content.
He enjoyed his barber shop where he was greeted with "Hi, corporal!" by a pale, thin young man, who shaved him and ran a cool vibrating machine endlessly over his needy head. He liked "Johnston's Gardens" where they danced, where a talented Black musician played moving, soulful music on a saxophone until the bright hall turned into an enchanted jungle filled with wild rhythms and smoky laughter, where forgetting the dull passage of time amidst Dorothy's soft sighs and tender whispers was the ultimate goal, the source of all happiness.
There was an undertone of sadness in her character, a conscious evasion of all except the pleasurable minutiae of life. Her violet eyes would remain for hours apparently insensate as, thoughtless and reckless, she basked like a cat in the sun. He wondered what the tired, spiritless mother thought of them, and whether in her moments of uttermost cynicism she ever guessed at their relationship.
There was a hint of sadness in her personality, a deliberate avoidance of everything except the small joys of life. Her violet eyes would stay blank for hours as she lay carelessly in the sun, like a cat soaking up the warmth. He wondered what the weary, lifeless mother thought of them and if, in her most cynical moments, she ever suspected their connection.
On Sunday afternoons they walked along the countryside, resting at intervals on the dry moss in the outskirts of a wood. Here the birds had gathered and the clusters of violets and white dogwood; here the hoar trees shone crystalline and cool, oblivious to the intoxicating heat that waited outside; here he would talk, intermittently, in a sleepy monologue, in a conversation of no significance, of no replies.
On Sunday afternoons, they strolled through the countryside, taking breaks on the dry moss at the edge of a forest. Birds had gathered there, along with clusters of violets and white dogwood; the frosty trees sparkled, cool and untouched by the sweltering heat outside; here, he would share his thoughts in a sleepy, one-sided conversation, talking about things that didn’t really matter and receiving no responses.
July came scorching down. Captain Dunning was ordered to detail one of his men to learn blacksmithing. The regiment was filling up to war strength, and he needed most of his veterans for drill-masters, so he selected the little Italian, Baptiste, whom he could most easily spare. Little Baptiste had never had anything to do with horses. His fear made matters worse. He reappeared in the orderly room one day and told Captain Dunning that he wanted to die if he couldn't be relieved. The horses kicked at him, he said; he was no good at the work. Finally he fell on his knees and besought Captain Dunning, in a mixture of broken English and scriptural Italian, to get him out of it. He had not slept for three days; monstrous stallions reared and cavorted through his dreams.
July arrived with a heatwave. Captain Dunning was instructed to assign one of his men to learn blacksmithing. The regiment was reaching full strength for war, and he needed most of his experienced soldiers for training, so he chose the little Italian, Baptiste, whom he could easily spare. Baptiste had never worked with horses before. His fear made things even worse. One day, he came back to the orderly room and told Captain Dunning that he wanted to die if he couldn't get a break. The horses were kicking at him, he said; he wasn’t good at the job. Eventually, he dropped to his knees and pleaded with Captain Dunning, mixing broken English and Italian phrases, to be let out of it. He hadn’t slept for three days; terrifying stallions leaped and pranced through his dreams.
Captain Dunning reproved the company clerk (who had burst out laughing), and told Baptiste he would do what he could. But when he thought it over he decided that he couldn't spare a better man. Little Baptiste went from bad to worse. The horses seemed to divine his fear and take every advantage of it. Two weeks later a great black mare crushed his skull in with her hoofs while he was trying to lead her from her stall.
Captain Dunning scolded the company clerk (who had laughed out loud) and told Baptiste he would do his best. But after thinking it over, he realized he couldn't let go of a better man. Little Baptiste only got worse. The horses seemed to sense his fear and exploited it. Two weeks later, a big black mare smashed his skull with her hooves while he was trying to lead her out of her stall.
In mid-July came rumors, and then orders, that concerned a change of camp. The brigade was to move to an empty cantonment, a hundred miles farther south, there to be expanded into a division. At first the men thought they were departing for the trenches, and all evening little groups jabbered in the company street, shouting to each other in swaggering exclamations: "Su-u-ure we are!" When the truth leaked out, it was rejected indignantly as a blind to conceal their real destination. They revelled in their own importance. That night they told their girls in town that they were "going to get the Germans." Anthony circulated for a while among the groups—then, stopping a jitney, rode down to tell Dot that he was going away.
In mid-July, rumors started circulating, followed by orders about a change of camp. The brigade was set to move to an empty base a hundred miles south, where it would be expanded into a division. At first, the men thought they were heading to the front lines, and all evening little groups chatted in the company street, boasting to each other with exclamations like, "Of course we are!" When the truth came out, it was angrily dismissed as a cover-up for their actual destination. They took joy in their own significance. That night, they told their girlfriends in town that they were "going to deal with the Germans." Anthony spent some time moving among the groups—then, after stopping a jitney, he rode down to inform Dot that he was leaving.
She was waiting on the dark veranda in a cheap white dress that accentuated the youth and softness of her face.
She was waiting on the dark porch in a simple white dress that highlighted the youth and softness of her face.
"Oh," she whispered, "I've wanted you so, honey. All this day."
"Oh," she whispered, "I've wanted you so much, babe. All day long."
"I have something to tell you."
"I have something to say to you."
She drew him down beside her on the swinging seat, not noticing his ominous tone.
She pulled him down next to her on the swing, not recognizing his threatening tone.
"Tell me."
"Tell me."
"We're leaving next week."
"We're leaving next week."
Her arms seeking his shoulders remained poised upon the dark air, her chin tipped up. When she spoke the softness was gone from her voice.
Her arms reaching for his shoulders stayed suspended in the dark air, her chin raised. When she spoke, the softness vanished from her voice.
"Leaving for France?"
"Heading to France?"
"No. Less luck than that. Leaving for some darn camp in Mississippi."
"Nope. Less luck than that. Heading off to some stupid camp in Mississippi."
She shut her eyes and he could see that the lids were trembling.
She closed her eyes, and he could see that her eyelids were quivering.
"Dear little Dot, life is so damned hard."
"Dear little Dot, life is really tough."
She was crying upon his shoulder.
She was crying on his shoulder.
"So damned hard, so damned hard," he repeated aimlessly; "it just hurts people and hurts people, until finally it hurts them so that they can't be hurt ever any more. That's the last and worst thing it does."
"So damn hard, so damn hard," he repeated aimlessly; "it just hurts people and hurts people, until finally it hurts them so much that they can't be hurt anymore. That's the last and worst thing it does."
Frantic, wild with anguish, she strained him to her breast.
Frantic and overwhelmed with pain, she pulled him close to her chest.
"Oh, God!" she whispered brokenly, "you can't go way from me. I'd die."
"Oh, God!" she whispered, her voice trembling, "you can't leave me. I'd die."
He was finding it impossible to pass off his departure as a common, impersonal blow. He was too near to her to do more than repeat "Poor little Dot. Poor little Dot."
He couldn't pretend that leaving was just a routine, impersonal thing. He was too close to her to do anything more than keep saying, "Poor little Dot. Poor little Dot."
"And then what?" she demanded wearily.
"And then what?" she asked tiredly.
"What do you mean?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're my whole life, that's all. I'd die for you right now if you said so. I'd get a knife and kill myself. You can't leave me here."
"You're everything to me, that's it. I'd do anything for you right now if you asked. I'd grab a knife and take my own life. You can't just walk away from me."
Her tone frightened him.
Her tone scared him.
"These things happen," he said evenly.
"These things happen," he said calmly.
"Then I'm going with you." Tears were streaming down her checks. Her mouth was trembling in an ecstasy of grief and fear.
"Then I'm going with you." Tears were streaming down her cheeks. Her mouth was trembling in a mix of grief and fear.
"Sweet," he muttered sentimentally, "sweet little girl. Don't you see we'd just be putting off what's bound to happen? I'll be going to France in a few months—"
"Sweet," he murmured nostalgically, "sweet little girl. Can’t you see we’d just be delaying what’s going to happen? I’ll be heading to France in a few months—"
She leaned away from him and clinching her fists lifted her face toward the sky.
She leaned away from him, clenched her fists, and looked up at the sky.
"I want to die," she said, as if moulding each word carefully in her heart.
"I want to die," she said, as if shaping each word carefully in her heart.
"Dot," he whispered uncomfortably, "you'll forget. Things are sweeter when they're lost. I know—because once I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted badly, Dot. And when I got it it turned to dust in my hands."
"Dot," he whispered uneasily, "you'll forget. Things feel better when they're gone. I know—because once I desired something and finally got it. It was the only thing I ever really wanted, Dot. And when I had it, it crumbled to dust in my hands."
"All right."
"Okay."
Absorbed in himself, he continued:
Lost in thought, he continued:
"I've often thought that if I hadn't got what I wanted things might have been different with me. I might have found something in my mind and enjoyed putting it in circulation. I might have been content with the work of it, and had some sweet vanity out of the success. I suppose that at one time I could have had anything I wanted, within reason, but that was the only thing I ever wanted with any fervor. God! And that taught me you can't have anything, you can't have anything at all. Because desire just cheats you. It's like a sunbeam skipping here and there about a room. It stops and gilds some inconsequential object, and we poor fools try to grasp it—but when we do the sunbeam moves on to something else, and you've got the inconsequential part, but the glitter that made you want it is gone—" He broke off uneasily. She had risen and was standing, dry-eyed, picking little leaves from a dark vine.
"I've often thought that if I hadn't gotten what I wanted, things might have turned out differently for me. I could have discovered something in my mind and enjoyed sharing it. I might have been happy with the work itself and felt a nice sense of pride from the success. I think that at one point, I could have had anything I wanted, within reason, but that was the only thing I ever wanted with any real passion. God! And that taught me you can't have anything, you can't have anything at all. Because desire just tricks you. It’s like a sunbeam dancing around a room. It lands and shines on some trivial object, and we foolishly try to grab it—but when we do, the sunbeam moves on to something else, and you've got the trivial part, but the shine that made you want it is gone—" He paused, feeling uneasy. She had stood up and was there, dry-eyed, picking small leaves from a dark vine.
"Dot—"
"Dot."
"Go way," she said coldly. "What? Why?"
"Go away," she said coldly. "What? Why?"
"I don't want just words. If that's all you have for me you'd better go."
"I don’t want just empty words. If that’s all you can offer, you might as well leave."
"Why, Dot—"
"Why, Dot—"
"What's death to me is just a lot of words to you. You put 'em together so pretty."
"What's death to me is just a bunch of words to you. You arrange them so beautifully."
"I'm sorry. I was talking about you, Dot."
"I'm sorry. I was talking about you, Dot."
"Go way from here."
"Go away from here."
He approached her with arms outstretched, but she held him away.
He came towards her with his arms open, but she pushed him away.
"You don't want me to go with you," she said evenly; "maybe you're going to meet that—that girl—" She could not bring herself to say wife. "How do I know? Well, then, I reckon you're not my fellow any more. So go way."
"You don't want me to go with you," she said calmly; "maybe you're going to meet that—that girl—" She couldn't bring herself to say wife. "How do I know? Well, in that case, I guess you're not my guy anymore. So just leave."
For a moment, while conflicting warnings and desires prompted Anthony, it seemed one of those rare times when he would take a step prompted from within. He hesitated. Then a wave of weariness broke against him. It was too late—everything was too late. For years now he had dreamed the world away, basing his decisions upon emotions unstable as water. The little girl in the white dress dominated him, as she approached beauty in the hard symmetry of her desire. The fire blazing in her dark and injured heart seemed to glow around her like a flame. With some profound and uncharted pride she had made herself remote and so achieved her purpose.
For a moment, while Anthony felt torn between conflicting warnings and desires, it seemed like one of those rare times when he might act on his own instincts. He paused. Then a wave of exhaustion hit him. It was too late—everything was too late. For years, he had wasted away dreaming, making decisions based on emotions as unpredictable as water. The little girl in the white dress had a powerful hold over him, as she approached beauty with the stark clarity of her desire. The fire burning in her dark and wounded heart seemed to radiate around her like a flame. With a deep and unexplored pride, she had distanced herself and, in doing so, fulfilled her goals.
"I didn't—mean to seem so callous, Dot."
"I didn't mean to come off as so cold, Dot."
"It don't matter."
"It doesn't matter."
The fire rolled over Anthony. Something wrenched at his bowels, and he stood there helpless and beaten.
The fire surged over Anthony. Something twisted in his stomach, and he stood there feeling helpless and defeated.
"Come with me, Dot—little loving Dot. Oh, come with me. I couldn't leave you now—"
"Come with me, Dot—my dear little Dot. Oh, please come with me. I can't leave you now—"
With a sob she wound her arms around him and let him support her weight while the moon, at its perennial labor of covering the bad complexion of the world, showered its illicit honey over the drowsy street.
With a sob, she wrapped her arms around him and let him hold her up while the moon, always working to cover the world's flaws, spilled its soft light over the sleepy street.
THE CATASTROPHE
Early September in Camp Boone, Mississippi. The darkness, alive with insects, beat in upon the mosquito-netting, beneath the shelter of which Anthony was trying to write a letter. An intermittent chatter over a poker game was going on in the next tent, and outside a man was strolling up the company street singing a current bit of doggerel about "K-K-K-Katy."
Early September in Camp Boone, Mississippi. The darkness, buzzing with insects, pressed against the mosquito netting, where Anthony was trying to write a letter. An occasional chatter from a poker game was happening in the next tent, and outside, a guy was walking up the company street, singing a popular jingle about "K-K-K-Katy."
With an effort Anthony hoisted himself to his elbow and, pencil in hand, looked down at his blank sheet of paper. Then, omitting any heading, he began:
With a struggle, Anthony pushed himself up onto his elbow and, pencil in hand, looked down at his empty sheet of paper. Then, without adding any heading, he started:
I can't imagine what the matter is, Gloria. I haven't had a line from you for two weeks and it's only natural to be worried—
I can't imagine what’s going on, Gloria. I haven't heard from you in two weeks, and it's only natural to be concerned—
He threw this away with a disturbed grunt and began again:
He tossed this aside with a frustrated grunt and started over:
I don't know what to think, Gloria. Your last letter, short, cold, without a word of affection or even a decent account of what you've been doing, came two weeks ago. It's only natural that I should wonder. If your love for me isn't absolutely dead it seems that you'd at least keep me from worry—
I don't know what to think, Gloria. Your last letter was short and cold, lacking any affection or even a proper update on what you’ve been up to. It came two weeks ago. It's only natural for me to wonder. If your love for me isn't completely gone, it seems like you would at least try to ease my worries—
Again he crumpled the page and tossed it angrily through a tear in the tent wall, realizing simultaneously that he would have to pick it up in the morning. He felt disinclined to try again. He could get no warmth into the lines—only a persistent jealousy and suspicion. Since midsummer these discrepancies in Gloria's correspondence had grown more and more noticeable. At first he had scarcely perceived them. He was so inured to the perfunctory "dearest" and "darlings" scattered through her letters that he was oblivious to their presence or absence. But in this last fortnight he had become increasingly aware that there was something amiss.
Once again, he crumpled the page and angrily threw it through a tear in the tent wall, realizing at the same time that he would have to pick it up in the morning. He felt no desire to try again. He couldn't inject any warmth into the lines—only a lingering jealousy and suspicion. Since midsummer, the inconsistencies in Gloria's letters had become more and more obvious. At first, he barely noticed them. He was so used to the routine “dearest” and “darlings” scattered throughout her letters that he was unaware of their presence or absence. But in the last two weeks, he had increasingly realized that something was off.
He had sent her a night-letter saying that he had passed his examinations for an officers' training-camp, and expected to leave for Georgia shortly. She had not answered. He had wired again—when he received no word he imagined that she might be out of town. But it occurred and recurred to him that she was not out of town, and a series of distraught imaginings began to plague him. Supposing Gloria, bored and restless, had found some one, even as he had. The thought terrified him with its possibility—it was chiefly because he had been so sure of her personal integrity that he had considered her so sparingly during the year. And now, as a doubt was born, the old angers, the rages of possession, swarmed back a thousandfold. What more natural than that she should be in love again?
He had sent her a message at night, saying that he had passed his exams for an officer training camp and expected to leave for Georgia soon. She hadn't replied. He had texted her again—when he got no response, he imagined she might be out of town. But it kept occurring to him that she wasn’t away, and a series of anxious thoughts started to haunt him. What if Gloria, feeling bored and restless, had found someone else, just like he had? The idea scared him with its possibility—he had mainly thought so little of her during the year because he was so sure of her loyalty. And now, as doubt crept in, all his old feelings of jealousy and possessiveness surged back stronger than ever. What could be more natural than for her to fall in love again?
He remembered the Gloria who promised that should she ever want anything, she would take it, insisting that since she would act entirely for her own satisfaction she could go through such an affair unsmirched—it was only the effect on a person's mind that counted, anyhow, she said, and her reaction would be the masculine one, of satiation and faint dislike.
He remembered Gloria, who promised that if she ever wanted something, she would just take it, insisting that since she would do it entirely for her own satisfaction, she could handle such a situation without any negative impact—it was only the effect on a person's mind that mattered, anyway, she said, and her reaction would be the typically male one, of satisfaction and slight disdain.
But that had been when they were first married. Later, with the discovery that she could be jealous of Anthony, she had, outwardly at least, changed her mind. There were no other men in the world for her. This he had known only too surely. Perceiving that a certain fastidiousness would restrain her, he had grown lax in preserving the completeness of her love—which, after all, was the keystone of the entire structure.
But that had been when they were first married. Later, after realizing that she could be jealous of Anthony, she had, at least on the surface, changed her mind. There were no other men in the world for her. He had known this all too well. Understanding that a certain finickiness would hold her back, he had become careless in maintaining the fullness of her love—which, after all, was the foundation of it all.
Meanwhile all through the summer he had been maintaining Dot in a boarding-house down-town. To do this it had been necessary to write to his broker for money. Dot had covered her journey south by leaving her house a day before the brigade broke camp, informing her mother in a note that she had gone to New York. On the evening following Anthony had called as though to see her. Mrs. Raycroft was in a state of collapse and there was a policeman in the parlor. A questionnaire had ensued, from which Anthony had extricated himself with some difficulty.
Meanwhile, all summer long, he had been supporting Dot in a boarding house downtown. To manage this, he had to contact his broker for money. Dot had left her house a day before the brigade packed up, letting her mother know in a note that she had gone to New York. The evening after that, Anthony had stopped by as if to visit her. Mrs. Raycroft was in a state of distress, and there was a police officer in the living room. A questioning session had followed, from which Anthony managed to escape with some difficulty.
In September, with his suspicions of Gloria, the company of Dot had become tedious, then almost intolerable. He was nervous and irritable from lack of sleep; his heart was sick and afraid. Three days ago he had gone to Captain Dunning and asked for a furlough, only to be met with benignant procrastination. The division was starting overseas, while Anthony was going to an officers' training-camp; what furloughs could be given must go to the men who were leaving the country.
In September, his suspicions about Gloria made being around Dot feel tiring and almost unbearable. He was anxious and irritable from not getting enough sleep; his heart felt troubled and scared. Three days ago, he had gone to Captain Dunning and requested a leave of absence, only to be met with friendly delays. The division was heading overseas while Anthony was going to an officer training camp; any leaves that were available had to go to the men who were leaving the country.
Upon this refusal Anthony had started to the telegraph office intending to wire Gloria to come South—he reached the door and receded despairingly, seeing the utter impracticability of such a move. Then he had spent the evening quarrelling irritably with Dot, and returned to camp morose and angry with the world. There had been a disagreeable scene, in the midst of which he had precipitately departed. What was to be done with her did not seem to concern him vitally at present—he was completely absorbed in the disheartening silence of his wife....
Upon this refusal, Anthony started toward the telegraph office, planning to wire Gloria to come South. He reached the door but then turned back in despair, realizing how impractical that move would be. Instead, he spent the evening arguing irritably with Dot and returned to camp feeling morose and angry at the world. There had been an unpleasant scene, during which he had left abruptly. What to do about her didn’t seem to matter to him much at the moment—he was completely caught up in the discouraging silence of his wife....
The flap of the tent made a sudden triangle back upon itself, and a dark head appeared against the night.
The tent flap suddenly folded back, revealing a dark head against the night sky.
"Sergeant Patch?" The accent was Italian, and Anthony saw by the belt that the man was a headquarters orderly.
"Sergeant Patch?" The accent was Italian, and Anthony noticed by the belt that the man was an orderly from headquarters.
"Want me?"
"Do you want me?"
"Lady call up headquarters ten minutes ago. Say she have speak with you. Ver' important."
"Lady called headquarters ten minutes ago. She said she needs to talk to you. Very important."
Anthony swept aside the mosquito-netting and stood up. It might be a wire from Gloria telephoned over.
Anthony pushed aside the mosquito net and stood up. It might be a wire from Gloria calling in.
"She say to get you. She call again ten o'clock."
"She said to get you. She'll call again at ten o'clock."
"All right, thanks." He picked up his hat and in a moment was striding beside the orderly through the hot, almost suffocating, darkness. Over in the headquarters shack he saluted a dozing night-service officer.
"Okay, thanks." He grabbed his hat and shortly was walking next to the orderly through the hot, nearly suffocating darkness. Over at the headquarters shack, he nodded to a dozing night-service officer.
"Sit down and wait," suggested the lieutenant nonchalantly. "Girl seemed awful anxious to speak to you."
"Take a seat and wait," the lieutenant said casually. "The girl looked really eager to talk to you."
Anthony's hopes fell away.
Anthony's hopes faded.
"Thank you very much, sir." And as the phone squeaked on the side-wall he knew who was calling.
"Thank you so much, sir." And as the phone squeaked against the wall, he knew who was calling.
"This is Dot," came an unsteady voice, "I've got to see you."
"This is Dot," said a shaky voice, "I need to see you."
"Dot, I told you I couldn't get down for several days."
"Dot, I told you I couldn't come down for a few days."
"I've got to see you to-night. It's important."
"I need to see you tonight. It's important."
"It's too late," he said coldly; "it's ten o'clock, and I have to be in camp at eleven."
"It's too late," he said flatly; "it's ten o'clock, and I need to be in camp by eleven."
"All right." There was so much wretchedness compressed into the two words that Anthony felt a measure of compunction.
"Okay." There was so much misery packed into those two words that Anthony felt a twinge of guilt.
"What's the matter?"
"What's wrong?"
"I want to tell you good-by.
I want to say bye.
"Oh, don't be a little idiot!" he exclaimed. But his spirits rose. What luck if she should leave town this very night! What a burden from his soul. But he said: "You can't possibly leave before to-morrow."
"Oh, don’t be an idiot!" he exclaimed. But his spirits lifted. What a stroke of luck if she decided to leave town tonight! What a weight off his shoulders. But he said, "You can't possibly leave before tomorrow."
Out of the corner of his eye he saw the night-service officer regarding him quizzically. Then, startlingly, came Dot's next words:
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the night-service officer looking at him with curiosity. Then, unexpectedly, came Dot's next words:
"I don't mean 'leave' that way."
"I don't mean 'leave' like that."
Anthony's hand clutched the receiver fiercely. He felt his nerves turning cold as if the heat was leaving his body.
Anthony's hand gripped the receiver tightly. He felt his nerves going cold, as if the warmth was draining from his body.
"What?"
"What did you say?"
Then quickly in a wild broken voice he heard:
Then quickly, in a wild, broken voice, he heard:
"Good-by—oh, good-by!"
"Goodbye—oh, goodbye!"
Cul-lup! She had hung up the receiver. With a sound that was half a gasp, half a cry, Anthony hurried from the headquarters building. Outside, under the stars that dripped like silver tassels through the trees of the little grove, he stood motionless, hesitating. Had she meant to kill herself?—oh, the little fool! He was filled with bitter hate toward her. In this dénouement he found it impossible to realize that he had ever begun such an entanglement, such a mess, a sordid mélange of worry and pain.
Cul-lup! She had hung up the phone. With a sound that was half gasp, half cry, Anthony rushed out of the headquarters building. Outside, beneath the stars that hung like silver tassels through the trees of the small grove, he stood frozen, hesitating. Did she really mean to take her own life?—oh, the little fool! He was filled with a bitter hatred for her. In this moment, he found it impossible to grasp that he had ever started such a complicated situation, such a mess, a grim mix of worry and pain.
He found himself walking slowly away, repeating over and over that it was futile to worry. He had best go back to his tent and sleep. He needed sleep. God! Would he ever sleep again? His mind was in a vast clamor and confusion; as he reached the road he turned around in a panic and began running, not toward his company but away from it. Men were returning now—he could find a taxicab. After a minute two yellow eyes appeared around a bend. Desperately he ran toward them.
He found himself walking slowly away, repeating to himself that worrying was pointless. He should just go back to his tent and get some sleep. He needed sleep. God! Would he ever sleep again? His mind was in chaos; as he reached the road, he panicked, turned around, and started running, not toward his group but away from it. Men were coming back now—he could catch a cab. After a minute, two yellow headlights appeared around a bend. Desperately, he ran toward them.
"Jitney! Jitney!" ... It was an empty Ford.... "I want to go to town."
"Jitney! Jitney!" ... It was an empty Ford.... "I want to go to the city."
"Cost you a dollar."
"Costs a dollar."
"All right. If you'll just hurry—"
"Okay. If you could just speed things up—"
After an interminable time he ran up the steps of a dark ramshackle little house, and through the door, almost knocking over an immense negress who was walking, candle in hand, along the hall.
After what felt like forever, he rushed up the steps of a shabby little house and through the door, nearly bumping into a large Black woman who was walking down the hall with a candle in hand.
"Where's my wife?" he cried wildly.
"Where's my wife?" he shouted frantically.
"She gone to bed."
"She's gone to bed."
Up the stairs three at a time, down the creaking passage. The room was dark and silent, and with trembling fingers he struck a match. Two wide eyes looked up at him from a wretched ball of clothes on the bed.
Up the stairs three at a time, down the creaking hallway. The room was dark and quiet, and with shaking fingers, he lit a match. Two wide eyes stared up at him from a miserable bundle of clothes on the bed.
"Ah, I knew you'd come," she murmured brokenly.
"Ah, I knew you'd show up," she whispered, feeling emotional.
Anthony grew cold with anger.
Anthony felt a surge of anger.
"So it was just a plan to get me down here, get me in trouble!" he said. "God damn it, you've shouted 'wolf' once too often!"
"So it was just a scheme to bring me down here and get me into trouble!" he said. "Damn it, you've cried 'wolf' one too many times!"
She regarded him pitifully.
She looked at him sadly.
"I had to see you. I couldn't have lived. Oh, I had to see you—"
"I needed to see you. I couldn’t have gone on without it. Oh, I had to see you—"
He sat down on the side of the bed and slowly shook his head.
He sat on the edge of the bed and slowly shook his head.
"You're no good," he said decisively, talking unconsciously as Gloria might have talked to him. "This sort of thing isn't fair to me, you know."
"You're no good," he said firmly, speaking without thinking, as Gloria might have spoken to him. "This kind of thing isn't fair to me, you know."
"Come closer." Whatever he might say Dot was happy now. He cared for her. She had brought him to her side.
"Come closer." No matter what he said, Dot was happy now. He cared for her. She had brought him to her side.
"Oh, God," said Anthony hopelessly. As weariness rolled along its inevitable wave his anger subsided, receded, vanished. He collapsed suddenly, fell sobbing beside her on the bed.
"Oh, God," Anthony said hopelessly. As exhaustion washed over him, his anger faded, pulled back, and disappeared. He suddenly collapsed and fell sobbing beside her on the bed.
"Oh, my darling," she begged him, "don't cry! Oh, don't cry!"
"Oh, my darling," she pleaded with him, "please don't cry! Oh, please don't cry!"
She took his head upon her breast and soothed him, mingled her happy tears with the bitterness of his. Her hand played gently with his dark hair.
She rested his head on her chest and comforted him, mixing her joyful tears with his sorrow. Her hand softly ran through his dark hair.
"I'm such a little fool," she murmured brokenly, "but I love you, and when you're cold to me it seems as if it isn't worth while to go on livin'."
"I'm such a little fool," she said quietly, "but I love you, and when you're distant with me, it feels like there's no point in going on living."
After all, this was peace—the quiet room with the mingled scent of women's powder and perfume, Dot's hand soft as a warm wind upon his hair, the rise and fall of her bosom as she took breath—for a moment it was as though it were Gloria there, as though he were at rest in some sweeter and safer home than he had ever known.
After all, this was peace—the quiet room with the blended scent of women's powder and perfume, Dot's hand gentle as a warm breeze on his hair, the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed— for a moment, it felt like Gloria was there, as if he were at ease in a sweeter and safer home than he'd ever experienced.
An hour passed. A clock began to chime in the hall. He jumped to his feet and looked at the phosphorescent hands of his wrist watch. It was twelve o'clock.
An hour went by. A clock started to chime in the hallway. He sprang to his feet and glanced at the glowing hands of his wristwatch. It was midnight.
He had trouble in finding a taxi that would take him out at that hour. As he urged the driver faster along the road he speculated on the best method of entering camp. He had been late several times recently, and he knew that were he caught again his name would probably be stricken from the list of officer candidates. He wondered if he had not better dismiss the taxi and take a chance on passing the sentry in the dark. Still, officers often rode past the sentries after midnight....
He had a hard time finding a taxi to take him out at that hour. As he urged the driver to go faster along the road, he thought about the best way to sneak into camp. He had been late several times recently, and he knew that if he got caught again, his name would likely be removed from the list of officer candidates. He wondered if he should just dismiss the taxi and risk getting past the sentry in the dark. Still, officers often drove past the sentries after midnight...
"Halt!" The monosyllable came from the yellow glare that the headlights dropped upon the changing road. The taxi-driver threw out his clutch and a sentry walked up, carrying his rifle at the port. With him, by an ill chance, was the officer of the guard.
"Halt!" The single word came from the bright yellow light of the headlights illuminating the changing road. The taxi driver released his clutch, and a guard approached, holding his rifle at the ready. By an unfortunate coincidence, the officer in charge was with him.
"Out late, sergeant."
"Out late, Sarge."
"Yes, sir. Got delayed."
"Yes, sir. Got held up."
"Too bad. Have to take your name."
"That's unfortunate. I need to take your name."
As the officer waited, note-book and pencil in hand, something not fully intended crowded to Anthony's lips, something born of panic, of muddle, of despair.
As the officer waited, with a notebook and pencil in hand, something unintentional slipped from Anthony's lips, something born from panic, confusion, and despair.
"Sergeant R.A. Foley," he answered breathlessly.
"Sergeant R.A. Foley," he replied, out of breath.
"And the outfit?"
"And the outfit?"
"Company Q, Eighty-third Infantry."
"Company Q, 83rd Infantry."
"All right. You'll have to walk from here, sergeant."
"Okay. You'll need to walk from here, sergeant."
Anthony saluted, quickly paid his taxi-driver, and set off for a run toward the regiment he had named. When he was out of sight he changed his course, and with his heart beating wildly, hurried to his company, feeling that he had made a fatal error of judgment.
Anthony waved goodbye, quickly paid his taxi driver, and took off running toward the regiment he had named. Once out of sight, he changed direction and with his heart racing, rushed to his company, realizing he had made a serious mistake.
Two days later the officer who had been in command of the guard recognized him in a barber shop down-town. In charge of a military policeman he was taken back to the camp, where he was reduced to the ranks without trial, and confined for a month to the limits of his company street.
Two days later, the officer in charge of the guard recognized him in a downtown barber shop. Accompanied by a military policeman, he was taken back to the camp, where he was demoted without a trial and confined to the limits of his company street for a month.
With this blow a spell of utter depression overtook him, and within a week he was again caught down-town, wandering around in a drunken daze, with a pint of bootleg whiskey in his hip pocket. It was because of a sort of craziness in his behavior at the trial that his sentence to the guard-house was for only three weeks.
With this hit, he fell into a deep depression, and within a week he was back downtown, stumbling around in a drunken haze, with a pint of illegal whiskey in his back pocket. It was his erratic behavior during the trial that resulted in a sentence to the guardhouse for just three weeks.
NIGHTMARE
Early in his confinement the conviction took root in him that he was going mad. It was as though there were a quantity of dark yet vivid personalities in his mind, some of them familiar, some of them strange and terrible, held in check by a little monitor, who sat aloft somewhere and looked on. The thing that worried him was that the monitor was sick, and holding out with difficulty. Should he give up, should he falter for a moment, out would rush these intolerable things—only Anthony could know what a state of blackness there would be if the worst of him could roam his consciousness unchecked.
Early in his confinement, he became convinced that he was going insane. It felt like there were a bunch of dark yet vivid personalities in his mind—some familiar, some strange and terrifying—held in check by a little monitor that sat somewhere above him and observed. What troubled him was that the monitor was unwell and barely holding on. If he gave up or hesitated for even a moment, these unbearable entities would erupt. Only Anthony understood what kind of darkness would reign if the worst parts of him were allowed to roam his consciousness freely.
The heat of the day had changed, somehow, until it was a burnished darkness crushing down upon a devastated land. Over his head the blue circles of ominous uncharted suns, of unnumbered centres of fire, revolved interminably before his eyes as though he were lying constantly exposed to the hot light and in a state of feverish coma. At seven in the morning something phantasmal, something almost absurdly unreal that he knew was his mortal body, went out with seven other prisoners and two guards to work on the camp roads. One day they loaded and unloaded quantities of gravel, spread it, raked it—the next day they worked with huge barrels of red-hot tar, flooding the gravel with black, shining pools of molten heat. At night, locked up in the guard-house, he would lie without thought, without courage to compass thought, staring at the irregular beams of the ceiling overhead until about three o'clock, when he would slip into a broken, troubled sleep.
The heat of the day had shifted, somehow, into a heavy darkness pressing down on a ruined landscape. Above him, the blue circles of threatening, uncharted suns, countless points of fire, spun endlessly before his eyes as if he were lying wide open to the intense light in a state of feverish delirium. At seven in the morning, something ghostly, almost absurdly unreal that he recognized as his own body, went out with seven other prisoners and two guards to work on the camp roads. One day they loaded and unloaded piles of gravel, spreading and raking it; the next day they dealt with massive barrels of red-hot tar, pouring it over the gravel in shiny, black pools of molten heat. At night, locked in the guardhouse, he would lie there without thought, lacking the courage to even think, staring at the uneven beams of the ceiling above him until around three o'clock, when he'd finally drift into a broken, restless sleep.
During the work hours he labored with uneasy haste, attempting, as the day bore toward the sultry Mississippi sunset, to tire himself physically so that in the evening he might sleep deeply from utter exhaustion.... Then one afternoon in the second week he had a feeling that two eyes were watching him from a place a few feet beyond one of the guards. This aroused him to a sort of terror. He turned his back on the eyes and shovelled feverishly, until it became necessary for him to face about and go for more gravel. Then they entered his vision again, and his already taut nerves tightened up to the breaking-point. The eyes were leering at him. Out of a hot silence he heard his name called in a tragic voice, and the earth tipped absurdly back and forth to a babel of shouting and confusion.
During work hours, he rushed through his tasks, trying to wear himself out physically as the day moved towards the muggy Mississippi sunset, so he could sleep soundly from total exhaustion that night. One afternoon in the second week, he got this unsettling feeling that someone was watching him from just a few feet beyond one of the guards. This sent him into a kind of terror. He turned away from the eyes and shoveled frantically, but soon he had to turn around to get more gravel. Then he saw them again, and his already frayed nerves tensed to the breaking point. The eyes were mocking him. From a stifling silence, he heard his name called in a mournful voice, and the ground jerked back and forth as chaos erupted around him.
When next he became conscious he was back in the guard-house, and the other prisoners were throwing him curious glances. The eyes returned no more. It was many days before he realized that the voice must have been Dot's, that she had called out to him and made some sort of disturbance. He decided this just previous to the expiration of his sentence, when the cloud that oppressed him had lifted, leaving him in a deep, dispirited lethargy. As the conscious mediator, the monitor who kept that fearsome ménage of horror, grew stronger, Anthony became physically weaker. He was scarcely able to get through the two days of toil, and when he was released, one rainy afternoon, and returned to his company, he reached his tent only to fall into a heavy doze, from which he awoke before dawn, aching and unrefreshed. Beside his cot were two letters that had been awaiting him in the orderly tent for some time. The first was from Gloria; it was short and cool:
When he became aware again, he was back in the guardhouse, and the other prisoners were giving him curious looks. Their gazes were no longer curious. It took him many days to realize that the voice he heard must have been Dot's, that she had called out to him and caused some kind of commotion. He came to this conclusion just before his sentence ended, when the heavy feeling that had been weighing him down lifted, leaving him in a deep, dispirited state. As the conscious part of him, the part that monitored that terrifying life of horror, grew stronger, Anthony became physically weaker. He could barely get through the two days of labor, and when he was released on a rainy afternoon and returned to his unit, he got to his tent only to collapse into a deep sleep, from which he woke before dawn, aching and unrested. Next to his cot were two letters that had been waiting for him in the orderly tent for a while. The first was from Gloria; it was short and cool:
The case is coming to trial late in November. Can you possibly get leave?
The trial is set for late November. Can you get time off?
I've tried to write you again and again but it just seems to make things worse. I want to see you about several matters, but you know that you have once prevented me from coming and I am disinclined to try again. In view of a number of things it seems necessary that we have a conference. I'm very glad about your appointment.
I've tried to reach out to you repeatedly, but it only seems to make things worse. I want to meet with you about several issues, but you know you once stopped me from coming, and I'm hesitant to try again. Given a few things, it seems important that we have a meeting. I'm really happy about your appointment.
GLORIA.
GLORY.
He was too tired to try to understand—or to care. Her phrases, her intentions, were all very far away in an incomprehensible past. At the second letter he scarcely glanced; it was from Dot—an incoherent, tear-swollen scrawl, a flood of protest, endearment, and grief. After a page he let it slip from his inert hand and drowsed back into a nebulous hinterland of his own. At drill-call he awoke with a high fever and fainted when he tried to leave his tent—at noon he was sent to the base hospital with influenza.
He was too exhausted to try to understand—or to care. Her words, her intentions, felt like they were from a distant, confusing past. He barely looked at the second letter; it was from Dot—an emotional, messy scrawl filled with protest, affection, and sadness. After a page, he let it fall from his limp hand and drifted back into a hazy space of his own. At roll call, he woke up with a high fever and collapsed when he tried to leave his tent—by noon, he was taken to the base hospital with the flu.
He was aware that this sickness was providential. It saved him from a hysterical relapse—and he recovered in time to entrain on a damp November day for New York, and for the interminable massacre beyond.
He realized that this illness was a blessing in disguise. It kept him from a frantic breakdown—and he got better just in time to catch a train on a chilly November day to New York, and for the endless slaughter that lay ahead.
When the regiment reached Camp Mills, Long Island, Anthony's single idea was to get into the city and see Gloria as soon as possible. It was now evident that an armistice would be signed within the week, but rumor had it that in any case troops would continue to be shipped to France until the last moment. Anthony was appalled at the notion of the long voyage, of a tedious debarkation at a French port, and of being kept abroad for a year, possibly, to replace the troops who had seen actual fighting.
When the regiment arrived at Camp Mills, Long Island, Anthony's only thought was to get into the city and see Gloria as soon as he could. It was clear that an armistice would be signed within the week, but rumors suggested that troops would still be shipped to France until the last minute. Anthony was horrified at the idea of the long journey, the annoying unloading at a French port, and the possibility of being stuck abroad for a year to replace the soldiers who had actually fought.
His intention had been to obtain a two-day furlough, but Camp Mills proved to be under a strict influenza quarantine—it was impossible for even an officer to leave except on official business. For a private it was out of the question.
His plan was to get a two-day leave, but Camp Mills was under a strict influenza quarantine—it was impossible for even an officer to leave except for official business. For a private, it was completely out of the question.
The camp itself was a dreary muddle, cold, wind-swept, and filthy, with the accumulated dirt incident to the passage through of many divisions. Their train came in at seven one night, and they waited in line until one while a military tangle was straightened out somewhere ahead. Officers ran up and down ceaselessly, calling orders and making a great uproar. It turned out that the trouble was due to the colonel, who was in a righteous temper because he was a West Pointer, and the war was going to stop before he could get overseas. Had the militant governments realized the number of broken hearts among the older West Pointers during that week, they would indubitably have prolonged the slaughter another month. The thing was pitiable!
The camp was a dismal mess, cold, windy, and dirty, with all the grime that comes from so many units passing through. Their train arrived at seven one night, and they waited in line until one while some military issue was sorted out ahead. Officers ran back and forth constantly, shouting orders and creating a lot of noise. It turned out the problem was caused by the colonel, who was in a bad mood because he was a West Pointer, and the war was likely to end before he could be deployed. If the military leaders had known how many older West Pointers were feeling heartbroken that week, they probably would have extended the fighting for another month. It was just sad!
Gazing out at the bleak expanse of tents extending for miles over a trodden welter of slush and snow, Anthony saw the impracticability of trudging to a telephone that night. He would call her at the first opportunity in the morning.
Gazing out at the dreary stretch of tents stretching for miles over a muddy mess of slush and snow, Anthony realized that it was hopeless to trudge to a phone that night. He would call her at the first chance in the morning.
Aroused in the chill and bitter dawn he stood at reveille and listened to a passionate harangue from Captain Dunning:
Aroused in the cold and harsh dawn, he stood at roll call and listened to a passionate speech from Captain Dunning:
"You men may think the war is over. Well, let me tell you, it isn't! Those fellows aren't going to sign the armistice. It's another trick, and we'd be crazy to let anything slacken up here in the company, because, let me tell you, we're going to sail from here within a week, and when we do we're going to see some real fighting." He paused that they might get the full effect of his pronouncement. And then: "If you think the war's over, just talk to any one who's been in it and see if they think the Germans are all in. They don't. Nobody does. I've talked to the people that know, and they say there'll be, anyways, a year longer of war. They don't think it's over. So you men better not get any foolish ideas that it is."
"You guys might think the war is over. Well, let me tell you, it isn't! Those guys aren’t going to sign the armistice. It’s just another trick, and we’d be crazy to let our guard down here in the company because, trust me, we're going to leave here within a week, and when we do, we're going to see some real fighting." He paused for them to grasp the impact of his words. And then: "If you think the war’s over, just talk to anyone who’s been through it and see if they think the Germans are finished. They don’t. Nobody does. I've talked to the people who know, and they say there’ll be at least another year of war. They don’t think it’s over. So you guys better not get any silly ideas that it is."
Doubly stressing this final admonition, he ordered the company dismissed.
Doubly emphasizing this final warning, he instructed the group to disperse.
At noon Anthony set off at a run for the nearest canteen telephone. As he approached what corresponded to the down-town of the camp, he noticed that many other soldiers were running also, that a man near him had suddenly leaped into the air and clicked his heels together. The tendency to run became general, and from little excited groups here and there came the sounds of cheering. He stopped and listened—over the cold country whistles were blowing and the chimes of the Garden City churches broke suddenly into reverberatory sound.
At noon, Anthony took off running for the nearest canteen phone. As he got closer to what resembled the downtown area of the camp, he saw that many other soldiers were running too, and a guy near him suddenly jumped into the air and kicked his heels together. The urge to run became contagious, and from small, excited groups scattered around, cheers erupted. He paused and listened—over the chilly countryside, whistles were blowing and the bells of the Garden City churches suddenly rang out in a booming sound.
Anthony began to run again. The cries were clear and distinct now as they rose with clouds of frosted breath into the chilly air:
Anthony started running again. The cries were now clear and distinct as they rose in clouds of frosty breath into the chilly air:
"Germany's surrendered! Germany's surrendered!"
"Germany has surrendered! Germany has surrendered!"
THE FALSE ARMISTICE
That evening in the opaque gloom of six o'clock Anthony slipped between two freight-cars, and once over the railroad, followed the track along to Garden City, where he caught an electric train for New York. He stood some chance of apprehension—he knew that the military police were often sent through the cars to ask for passes, but he imagined that to-night the vigilance would be relaxed. But, in any event, he would have tried to slip through, for he had been unable to locate Gloria by telephone, and another day of suspense would have been intolerable.
That evening, in the dim light of six o'clock, Anthony slipped between two freight cars and, once across the railroad, followed the tracks to Garden City, where he caught an electric train to New York. He had some risk of getting caught—he knew that the military police often checked the cars for passes—but he figured that tonight the scrutiny would be less strict. Regardless, he would have tried to sneak through anyway, since he hadn't been able to reach Gloria by phone, and another day of anxiety would have been unbearable.
After inexplicable stops and waits that reminded him of the night he had left New York, over a year before, they drew into the Pennsylvania Station, and he followed the familiar way to the taxi-stand, finding it grotesque and oddly stimulating to give his own address.
After some confusing stops and waits that brought back memories of the night he left New York over a year ago, they arrived at Pennsylvania Station. He followed the usual path to the taxi stand, finding it both strange and exciting to give his own address.
Broadway was a riot of light, thronged as he had never seen it with a carnival crowd which swept its glittering way through scraps of paper, piled ankle-deep on the sidewalks. Here and there, elevated upon benches and boxes, soldiers addressed the heedless mass, each face in which was clear cut and distinct under the white glare overhead. Anthony picked out half a dozen figures—a drunken sailor, tipped backward and supported by two other gobs, was waving his hat and emitting a wild series of roars; a wounded soldier, crutch in hand, was borne along in an eddy on the shoulders of some shrieking civilians; a dark-haired girl sat cross-legged and meditative on top of a parked taxicab. Here surely the victory had come in time, the climax had been scheduled with the uttermost celestial foresight. The great rich nation had made triumphant war, suffered enough for poignancy but not enough for bitterness—hence the carnival, the feasting, the triumph. Under these bright lights glittered the faces of peoples whose glory had long since passed away, whose very civilizations were dead-men whose ancestors had heard the news of victory in Babylon, in Nineveh, in Bagdad, in Tyre, a hundred generations before; men whose ancestors had seen a flower-decked, slave-adorned cortege drift with its wake of captives down the avenues of Imperial Rome....
Broadway was a burst of light, crowded like he had never seen before with a carnival crowd that glided through piles of paper, stacked up to the ankles on the sidewalks. Here and there, standing on benches and boxes, soldiers spoke to the oblivious crowd, each face clear and distinct under the bright lights above. Anthony noticed a few figures—a drunken sailor, leaning back and held up by two other sailors, waving his hat and letting out a loud series of cheers; a wounded soldier, crutch in hand, being carried along by some excited civilians; a dark-haired girl sitting cross-legged and deep in thought on top of a parked taxi. Surely, victory had arrived just in time, and this celebration was planned with utmost celestial foresight. The great wealthy nation had fought a victorious war, endured enough for sentiment but not enough for bitterness—hence the festival, the feasting, the triumph. Under these bright lights sparkled the faces of people whose glory had long since faded, whose very civilizations were gone—men whose ancestors had received news of victory in Babylon, Nineveh, Bagdad, and Tyre, a hundred generations ago; men whose forebears had witnessed a flower-decorated, slave-adorned procession trim with its wake of captives down the streets of Imperial Rome....
Past the Rialto, the glittering front of the Astor, the jewelled magnificence of Times Square ... a gorgeous alley of incandescence ahead.... Then—was it years later?—he was paying the taxi-driver in front of a white building on Fifty-seventh Street. He was in the hall—ah, there was the negro boy from Martinique, lazy, indolent, unchanged.
Past the Rialto, the shining front of the Astor, the gem-like brilliance of Times Square... a stunning walkway of lights ahead.... Then—had it been years later?—he was paying the taxi driver in front of a white building on Fifty-seventh Street. He entered the hall—ah, there was the black boy from Martinique, lazy, indifferent, just the same.
"Is Mrs. Patch in?"
"Is Mrs. Patch available?"
"I have just came on, sah," the man announced with his incongruous British accent.
"I just arrived, sir," the man announced with his unusual British accent.
"Take me up—"
"Lift me up—"
Then the slow drone of the elevator, the three steps to the door, which swung open at the impetus of his knock.
Then the slow hum of the elevator, the three steps to the door, which swung open with his knock.
"Gloria!" His voice was trembling. No answer. A faint string of smoke was rising from a cigarette-tray—a number of Vanity Fair sat astraddle on the table.
"Gloria!" His voice was shaking. No response. A thin wisp of smoke was curling up from an ashtray—several Vanity Fair magazines were scattered across the table.
"Gloria!"
"Gloria!"
He ran into the bedroom, the bath. She was not there. A negligée of robin's-egg blue laid out upon the bed diffused a faint perfume, illusive and familiar. On a chair were a pair of stockings and a street dress; an open powder box yawned upon the bureau. She must just have gone out.
He rushed into the bedroom and then the bathroom. She wasn't there. A robin's-egg blue nightgown spread out on the bed let off a faint, familiar perfume. On a chair were a pair of stockings and a street dress; an open powder box sat on the dresser. She must have just stepped out.
The telephone rang abruptly and he started—answered it with all the sensations of an impostor.
The phone rang suddenly, and he jumped—picked it up feeling like a fraud.
"Hello. Is Mrs. Patch there?"
"Hi. Is Mrs. Patch there?"
"No, I'm looking for her myself. Who is this?"
"No, I'm looking for her myself. Who is this?"
"This is Mr. Crawford."
"This is Mr. Crawford."
"This is Mr. Patch speaking. I've just arrived unexpectedly, and I don't know where to find her."
"This is Mr. Patch speaking. I just got here unexpectedly, and I have no idea where to find her."
"Oh." Mr. Crawford sounded a bit taken aback. "Why, I imagine she's at the Armistice Ball. I know she intended going, but I didn't think she'd leave so early."
"Oh." Mr. Crawford seemed a bit surprised. "Well, I guess she's at the Armistice Ball. I know she planned to go, but I didn't think she'd leave this early."
"Where's the Armistice Ball?"
"Where's the Armistice Party?"
"At the Astor."
"At Astor."
"Thanks."
"Thank you."
Anthony hung up sharply and rose. Who was Mr. Crawford? And who was it that was taking her to the ball? How long had this been going on? All these questions asked and answered themselves a dozen times, a dozen ways. His very proximity to her drove him half frantic.
Anthony hung up abruptly and stood up. Who was Mr. Crawford? And who was taking her to the ball? How long had this been happening? All these questions answered themselves over and over in countless ways. Just being near her was driving him half crazy.
In a frenzy of suspicion he rushed here and there about the apartment, hunting for some sign of masculine occupation, opening the bathroom cupboard, searching feverishly through the bureau drawers. Then he found something that made him stop suddenly and sit down on one of the twin beds, the corners of his mouth drooping as though he were about to weep. There in a corner of her drawer, tied with a frail blue ribbon, were all the letters and telegrams he had written her during the year past. He was suffused with happy and sentimental shame.
In a whirlwind of suspicion, he dashed around the apartment, looking for any sign of a man's presence—opening the bathroom cabinet and rifling through the drawers of the bureau. Then he stumbled upon something that made him halt abruptly and sink down onto one of the twin beds, the corners of his mouth drooping as if he were about to cry. In a corner of her drawer, tied with a delicate blue ribbon, were all the letters and messages he had sent her over the past year. He was filled with a mix of happy and sentimental embarrassment.
"I'm not fit to touch her," he cried aloud to the four walls. "I'm not fit to touch her little hand."
"I'm not good enough to touch her," he exclaimed to the empty room. "I'm not good enough to hold her tiny hand."
Nevertheless, he went out to look for her.
Nevertheless, he went out to search for her.
In the Astor lobby he was engulfed immediately in a crowd so thick as to make progress almost impossible. He asked the direction of the ballroom from half a dozen people before he could get a sober and intelligible answer. Eventually, after a last long wait, he checked his military overcoat in the hall.
In the Astor lobby, he was instantly surrounded by a crowd so thick that moving forward was nearly impossible. He asked half a dozen people for directions to the ballroom before finally getting a clear and understandable answer. Eventually, after a long final wait, he checked his military overcoat at the entrance.
It was only nine but the dance was in full blast. The panorama was incredible. Women, women everywhere—girls gay with wine singing shrilly above the clamor of the dazzling confetti-covered throng; girls set off by the uniforms of a dozen nations; fat females collapsing without dignity upon the floor and retaining self-respect by shouting "Hurraw for the Allies!"; three women with white hair dancing hand in hand around a sailor, who revolved in a dizzying spin upon the floor, clasping to his heart an empty bottle of champagne.
It was only nine, but the dance was in full swing. The scene was amazing. Women were everywhere—girls happily singing loudly above the noise of the dazzling, confetti-covered crowd; girls contrasted by the uniforms of a dozen nations; heavier women collapsing without grace onto the floor while still managing to shout, "Hurrah for the Allies!"; three women with white hair dancing hand in hand around a sailor, who twirled in a dizzy spin on the floor, holding an empty champagne bottle to his chest.
Breathlessly Anthony scanned the dancers, scanned the muddled lines trailing in single file in and out among the tables, scanned the horn-blowing, kissing, coughing, laughing, drinking parties under the great full-bosomed flags which leaned in glowing color over the pageantry and the sound.
Breathlessly, Anthony looked over the dancers, checked out the chaotic lines moving in single file among the tables, observed the horn-blowing, kissing, coughing, laughing, and drinking groups under the large, vibrant flags that hung overhead, illuminating the spectacle and the sounds.
Then he saw Gloria. She was sitting at a table for two directly across the room. Her dress was black, and above it her animated face, tinted with the most glamourous rose, made, he thought, a spot of poignant beauty on the room. His heart leaped as though to a new music. He jostled his way toward her and called her name just as the gray eyes looked up and found him. For that instant as their bodies met and melted, the world, the revel, the tumbling whimper of the music faded to an ecstatic monotone hushed as a song of bees.
Then he spotted Gloria. She was sitting at a table for two right across the room. Her dress was black, and above it, her lively face, touched with the most glamorous shade of rose, created what he thought was a moment of striking beauty in the room. His heart raced like it was responding to a new melody. He made his way toward her and called her name just as her gray eyes looked up and met his. In that moment, as they came together and melted into each other, the world, the celebration, and the swirling sounds of the music faded into a blissful hum, quiet as a song of bees.
"Oh, my Gloria!" he cried.
"Oh, my God!" he cried.
Her kiss was a cool rill flowing from her heart.
Her kiss was a cool stream coming from her heart.
CHAPTER II
A MATTER OF AESTHETICS
On the night when Anthony had left for Camp Hooker one year before, all that was left of the beautiful Gloria Gilbert—her shell, her young and lovely body—moved up the broad marble steps of the Grand Central Station with the rhythm of the engine beating in her ears like a dream, and out onto Vanderbilt Avenue, where the huge bulk of the Biltmore overhung, the street and, down at its low, gleaming entrance, sucked in the many-colored opera-cloaks of gorgeously dressed girls. For a moment she paused by the taxi-stand and watched them—wondering that but a few years before she had been of their number, ever setting out for a radiant Somewhere, always just about to have that ultimate passionate adventure for which the girls' cloaks were delicate and beautifully furred, for which their cheeks were painted and their hearts higher than the transitory dome of pleasure that would engulf them, coiffure, cloak, and all.
On the night when Anthony had left for Camp Hooker a year ago, all that remained of the beautiful Gloria Gilbert—her shell, her young and lovely body—moved up the wide marble steps of Grand Central Station with the rhythm of the engine pounding in her ears like a dream, and out onto Vanderbilt Avenue, where the massive Biltmore loomed over the street and, down at its shiny entrance, drew in the brightly colored opera cloaks of glamorous girls. For a moment, she stopped by the taxi stand and watched them—wondering that just a few years earlier she had been one of them, always heading out for a radiant Somewhere, always on the verge of experiencing that ultimate passionate adventure for which the girls' cloaks were delicate and beautifully furred, for which their cheeks were painted and their hearts soared higher than the fleeting dome of pleasure that would engulf them, hairstyle, cloak, and all.
It was growing colder and the men passing had flipped up the collars of their overcoats. This change was kind to her. It would have been kinder still had everything changed, weather, streets, and people, and had she been whisked away, to wake in some high, fresh-scented room, alone, and statuesque within and without, as in her virginal and colorful past.
It was getting colder, and the men walking by had flipped up the collars of their overcoats. This change was nice for her. It would have been even nicer if everything had changed—weather, streets, and people—and she had been swept away to wake up in some high, fresh-smelling room, alone, and looking statuesque inside and out, just like in her pure and colorful past.
Inside the taxicab she wept impotent tears. That she had not been happy with Anthony for over a year mattered little. Recently his presence had been no more than what it would awake in her of that memorable June. The Anthony of late, irritable, weak, and poor, could do no less than make her irritable in turn—and bored with everything except the fact that in a highly imaginative and eloquent youth they had come together in an ecstatic revel of emotion. Because of this mutually vivid memory she would have done more for Anthony than for any other human—so when she got into the taxicab she wept passionately, and wanted to call his name aloud.
Inside the taxi, she cried helplessly. It didn't matter that she hadn't been happy with Anthony for over a year. Recently, his presence had only reminded her of that unforgettable June. The recent Anthony, irritable, weak, and struggling, only made her feel irritable too—and bored with everything except the fact that in their highly imaginative and expressive youth, they had come together in a thrilling burst of emotion. Because of this shared vivid memory, she would have done more for Anthony than for anyone else—so when she got into the taxi, she cried deeply and wanted to shout his name.
Miserable, lonesome as a forgotten child, she sat in the quiet apartment and wrote him a letter full of confused sentiment:
Miserable, lonely like a forgotten child, she sat in the quiet apartment and wrote him a letter filled with mixed emotions:
... I can almost look down the tracks and see you going but without you, dearest, dearest, I can't see or hear or feel or think. Being apart—whatever has happened or will happen to us—is like begging for mercy from a storm, Anthony; it's like growing old. I want to kiss you so—in the back of your neck where your old black hair starts. Because I love you and whatever we do or say to each other, or have done, or have said, you've got to feel how much I do, how inanimate I am when you're gone. I can't even hate the damnable presence of PEOPLE, those people in the station who haven't any right to live—I can't resent them even though they're dirtying up our world, because I'm engrossed in wanting you so.
... I can almost look down the tracks and see you leaving, but without you, my love, I can't see, hear, feel, or think. Being apart—no matter what has happened or what will happen to us—feels like begging for mercy from a storm, Anthony; it feels like aging. I want to kiss you right there—at the nape of your neck where your dark hair starts. Because I love you, and no matter what we do or say to each other, or have done or said, you have to understand how deeply I feel, how lifeless I am when you're not here. I can't even dislike the annoying presence of PEOPLE, those people at the station who have no right to exist—I can't resent them, even though they’re messing up our world, because I'm so consumed with wanting you.
If you hated me, if you were covered with sores like a leper, if you ran away with another woman or starved me or beat me—how absurd this sounds—I'd still want you, I'd still love you. I KNOW, my darling.
If you hated me, if you had sores all over like a leper, if you ran off with another woman or starved me or beat me—how ridiculous that sounds—I’d still want you, I’d still love you. I KNOW, my darling.
It's late—I have all the windows open and the air outside, is just as soft as spring, yet, somehow, much more young and frail than spring. Why do they make spring a young girl, why does that illusion dance and yodel its way for three months through the world's preposterous barrenness. Spring is a lean old plough horse with its ribs showing—it's a pile of refuse in a field, parched by the sun and the rain to an ominous cleanliness.
It's late—I have all the windows open and the outside air is just as soft as spring, but somehow feels even younger and more delicate than spring. Why do they portray spring as a young girl? Why does that illusion prance around for three months through the absurd emptiness of the world? Spring is like a skinny old plow horse with its ribs sticking out—it's a heap of leftovers in a field, dried out by the sun and rain to a creepy cleanliness.
In a few hours you'll wake up, my darling—and you'll be miserable, and disgusted with life. You'll be in Delaware or Carolina or somewhere and so unimportant. I don't believe there's any one alive who can contemplate themselves as an impermanent institution, as a luxury or an unnecessary evil. Very few of the people who accentuate the futility of life remark the futility of themselves. Perhaps they think that in proclaiming the evil of living they somehow salvage their own worth from the ruin—but they don't, even you and I....
In a few hours, you'll wake up, my love—and you'll feel miserable and disgusted with life. You’ll be in Delaware or Carolina or somewhere equally unremarkable. I don't think anyone can truly think of themselves as a temporary thing, like a luxury or an unnecessary burden. Most of the people who emphasize the pointless nature of life rarely notice their own insignificance. Maybe they believe that by highlighting the negativity of living, they somehow save their own value from destruction—but they don't, not even you and me....
... Still I can see you. There's blue haze about the trees where you'll be passing, too beautiful to be predominant. No, the fallow squares of earth will be most frequent—they'll be along beside the track like dirty coarse brown sheets drying in the sun, alive, mechanical, abominable. Nature, slovenly old hag, has been sleeping in them with every old farmer or negro or immigrant who happened to covet her....
... Still I can see you. There’s a blue haze around the trees where you’ll be passing, too beautiful to stand out. No, the barren patches of earth will be more common—they’ll be alongside the path like dirty, coarse brown sheets drying in the sun, alive, mechanical, repulsive. Nature, the messy old crone, has been resting in them with every old farmer or black person or immigrant who happened to crave her....
So you see that now you're gone I've written a letter all full of contempt and despair. And that just means that I love you, Anthony, with all there is to love with in your
So you see that now you’re gone I’ve written a letter full of anger and sadness. And that just means that I love you, Anthony, with everything there is to love in you.
GLORIA.
GLORIA.
When she had addressed the letter she went to her twin bed and lay down upon it, clasping Anthony's pillow in her arms as though by sheer force of emotion she could metamorphize it into his warm and living body. Two o'clock saw her dry-eyed, staring with steady persistent grief into the darkness, remembering, remembering unmercifully, blaming herself for a hundred fancied unkindnesses, making a likeness of Anthony akin to some martyred and transfigured Christ. For a time she thought of him as he, in his more sentimental moments, probably thought of himself.
When she finished writing the letter, she went to her twin bed and lay down on it, hugging Anthony's pillow as if she could somehow turn it into his warm, living body just by her sheer emotion. At two o'clock, she lay there dry-eyed, staring steadily into the darkness, relentlessly recalling memories, blaming herself for a hundred imagined wrongs, creating a version of Anthony that was like some martyred and transformed Christ. For a while, she thought of him the way he likely thought of himself during his more sentimental moments.
At five she was still awake. A mysterious grinding noise that went on every morning across the areaway told her the hour. She heard an alarm clock ring, and saw a light make a yellow square on an illusory blank wall opposite. With the half-formed resolution of following him South immediately, her sorrow grew remote and unreal, and moved off from her as the dark moved westward. She fell asleep.
At five, she was still awake. A strange grinding noise that happened every morning outside told her what time it was. She heard an alarm clock ring and saw a light create a yellow square on an empty wall across from her. With a half-hearted determination to follow him south right away, her sadness became distant and unreal, fading away from her as the darkness moved to the west. She fell asleep.
When she awoke the sight of the empty bed beside her brought a renewal of misery, dispelled shortly, however, by the inevitable callousness of the bright morning. Though she was not conscious of it, there was relief in eating breakfast without Anthony's tired and worried face opposite her. Now that she was alone she lost all desire to complain about the food. She would change her breakfasts, she thought—have a lemonade and a tomato sandwich instead of the sempiternal bacon and eggs and toast.
When she woke up, seeing the empty bed next to her brought a wave of sadness, but it faded quickly under the bright morning sunlight. Even though she didn't realize it, she felt a sense of relief eating breakfast without Anthony's tired and worried face across from her. Now that she was by herself, she lost all desire to complain about the food. She thought about changing her breakfasts—having lemonade and a tomato sandwich instead of the usual bacon and eggs and toast.
Nevertheless, at noon when she had called up several of her acquaintances, including the martial Muriel, and found each one engaged for lunch, she gave way to a quiet pity for herself and her loneliness. Curled on the bed with pencil and paper she wrote Anthony another letter.
Nevertheless, at noon when she had reached out to several of her acquaintances, including the tough Muriel, and found that each one was busy with lunch, she couldn't help but feel a quiet pity for herself and her loneliness. Curling up on the bed with a pencil and paper, she wrote another letter to Anthony.
Late in the afternoon arrived a special delivery, mailed from some small New Jersey town, and the familiarity of the phrasing, the almost audible undertone of worry and discontent, were so familiar that they comforted her. Who knew? Perhaps army discipline would harden Anthony and accustom him to the idea of work. She had immutable faith that the war would be over before he was called upon to fight, and meanwhile the suit would be won, and they could begin again, this time on a different basis. The first thing different would be that she would have a child. It was unbearable that she should be so utterly alone.
Late in the afternoon, a special delivery arrived, sent from some small town in New Jersey, and the familiar wording, along with an almost audible hint of worry and discontent, comforted her. Who knew? Maybe army discipline would toughen Anthony up and get him used to the idea of working. She firmly believed that the war would be over before he was ever called to fight, and in the meantime, the lawsuit would be won, allowing them to start fresh, this time on a different foundation. The first change would be that she would have a child. It was unbearable to feel so completely alone.
It was a week before she could stay in the apartment with the probability of remaining dry-eyed. There seemed little in the city that was amusing. Muriel had been shifted to a hospital in New Jersey, from which she took a metropolitan holiday only every other week, and with this defection Gloria grew to realize how few were the friends she had made in all these years of New York. The men she knew were in the army. "Men she knew"?—she had conceded vaguely to herself that all the men who had ever been in love with her were her friends. Each one of them had at a certain considerable time professed to value her favor above anything in life. But now—where were they? At least two were dead, half a dozen or more were married, the rest scattered from France to the Philippines. She wondered whether any of them thought of her, and how often, and in what respect. Most of them must still picture the little girl of seventeen or so, the adolescent siren of nine years before.
It took her a week before she could stay in the apartment without risking tears. There didn’t seem to be much fun in the city. Muriel had been moved to a hospital in New Jersey, where she could only escape for a metropolitan getaway every other week, and with this change, Gloria realized how few friends she had made during her years in New York. The men she knew were all in the army. "Men she knew"?—she had vaguely acknowledged to herself that all the men who had ever loved her were her friends. Each of them had, at some significant point, expressed how much they valued her attention above everything else. But now—where were they? At least two were dead, several were married, and the rest were scattered from France to the Philippines. She wondered if any of them thought about her, how often, and in what way. Most of them probably still envisioned the little girl of around seventeen, the teenage enchantress from nine years ago.
The girls, too, were gone far afield. She had never been popular in school. She had been too beautiful, too lazy, not sufficiently conscious of being a Farmover girl and a "Future Wife and Mother" in perpetual capital letters. And girls who had never been kissed hinted, with shocked expressions on their plain but not particularly wholesome faces, that Gloria had. Then these girls had gone east or west or south, married and become "people," prophesying, if they prophesied about Gloria, that she would come to a bad end—not knowing that no endings were bad, and that they, like her, were by no means the mistresses of their destinies.
The girls had also wandered far away. She had never been popular in school. She had been too beautiful, too lazy, and not aware enough of being a Farmover girl and a "Future Wife and Mother" in bold letters. And the girls who had never been kissed suggested, with shocked expressions on their plain yet not particularly appealing faces, that Gloria had. Then these girls moved east, west, or south, got married, and became "people," predicting, if they ever said anything about Gloria, that she would end up badly—not realizing that no endings were bad, and that they, like her, certainly weren’t in control of their destinies.
Gloria told over to herself the people who had visited them in the gray house at Marietta. It had seemed at the time that they were always having company—she had indulged in an unspoken conviction that each guest was ever afterward slightly indebted to her. They owed her a sort of moral ten dollars apiece, and should she ever be in need she might, so to speak, borrow from them this visionary currency. But they were gone, scattered like chaff, mysteriously and subtly vanished in essence or in fact.
Gloria reflected on the people who had visited them at the gray house in Marietta. It felt like they always had guests—she secretly believed that each visitor owed her a small debt. They owed her a kind of moral ten dollars each, and if she ever found herself in need, she could, so to speak, borrow from them this imagined currency. But they were gone, scattered like dust, mysteriously and subtly disappeared in spirit or in reality.
By Christmas, Gloria's conviction that she should join Anthony had returned, no longer as a sudden emotion, but as a recurrent need. She decided to write him word of her coming, but postponed the announcement upon the advice of Mr. Haight, who expected almost weekly that the case was coming up for trial.
By Christmas, Gloria's belief that she should join Anthony had come back, not as a sudden feeling, but as a constant urge. She decided to let him know she was coming, but delayed sending the message on the advice of Mr. Haight, who was anticipating that the case would go to trial almost weekly.
One day, early in January, as she was walking on Fifth Avenue, bright now with uniforms and hung with the flags of the virtuous nations, she met Rachael Barnes, whom she had not seen for nearly a year. Even Rachael, whom she had grown to dislike, was a relief from ennui, and together they went to the Ritz for tea.
One day, early in January, while she was walking on Fifth Avenue, which was now lively with uniforms and decorated with the flags of the virtuous nations, she ran into Rachael Barnes, whom she hadn't seen in almost a year. Even Rachael, who she had come to dislike, was a welcome change from boredom, and they decided to go to the Ritz for tea together.
After a second cocktail they became enthusiastic. They liked each other. They talked about their husbands, Rachael in that tone of public vainglory, with private reservations, in which wives are wont to speak.
After a second cocktail, they got really excited. They liked each other. They chatted about their husbands, Rachael using that mix of public boasting with private doubts that wives often have.
"Rodman's abroad in the Quartermaster Corps. He's a captain. He was bound he would go, and he didn't think he could get into anything else."
"Rodman's overseas in the Quartermaster Corps. He's a captain. He was determined to go, and he didn't think he could get into anything else."
"Anthony's in the Infantry." The words in their relation to the cocktail gave Gloria a sort of glow. With each sip she approached a warm and comforting patriotism.
"Anthony's in the Infantry." The words connected to the cocktail gave Gloria a kind of glow. With each sip, she moved closer to a warm and comforting sense of patriotism.
"By the way," said Rachael half an hour later, as they were leaving, "can't you come up to dinner to-morrow night? I'm having two awfully sweet officers who are just going overseas. I think we ought to do all we can to make it attractive for them."
"By the way," Rachael said half an hour later as they were leaving, "can you come over for dinner tomorrow night? I'm having two really nice officers who are about to go overseas. I think we should do everything we can to make it appealing for them."
Gloria accepted gladly. She took down the address—recognizing by its number a fashionable apartment building on Park Avenue.
Gloria gladly accepted. She wrote down the address—recognizing from its number a trendy apartment building on Park Avenue.
"It's been awfully good to have seen you, Rachael."
"It's been really great to see you, Rachael."
"It's been wonderful. I've wanted to."
"It's been great. I've wanted to."
With these three sentences a certain night in Marietta two summers before, when Anthony and Rachael had been unnecessarily attentive to each other, was forgiven—Gloria forgave Rachael, Rachael forgave Gloria. Also it was forgiven that Rachael had been witness to the greatest disaster in the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Patch—
With these three sentences, a specific night in Marietta two summers ago, when Anthony and Rachael had been overly focused on each other, was forgiven—Gloria forgave Rachael, and Rachael forgave Gloria. It was also forgiven that Rachael had witnessed the biggest disaster in the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Patch—
Compromising with events time moves along.
Compromising with events, time moves on.
THE WILES OF CAPTAIN COLLINS
The two officers were captains of the popular craft, machine gunnery. At dinner they referred to themselves with conscious boredom as members of the "Suicide Club"—in those days every recondite branch of the service referred to itself as the Suicide Club. One of the captains—Rachael's captain, Gloria observed—was a tall horsy man of thirty with a pleasant mustache and ugly teeth. The other, Captain Collins, was chubby, pink-faced, and inclined to laugh with abandon every time he caught Gloria's eye. He took an immediate fancy to her, and throughout dinner showered her with inane compliments. With her second glass of champagne Gloria decided that for the first time in months she was thoroughly enjoying herself.
The two officers were captains of the popular field of machine gunnery. At dinner, they referred to themselves, somewhat knowingly bored, as members of the "Suicide Club"—back then, every obscure branch of the service called itself the Suicide Club. One of the captains—Rachael's captain, Gloria noticed—was a tall, horsey man in his thirties with a nice mustache and crooked teeth. The other, Captain Collins, was chubby, pink-faced, and prone to laugh heartily every time he caught Gloria's eye. He immediately took a liking to her and spent the entire dinner showering her with silly compliments. After her second glass of champagne, Gloria realized that for the first time in months, she was really enjoying herself.
After dinner it was suggested that they all go somewhere and dance. The two officers supplied themselves with bottles of liquor from Rachael's sideboard—a law forbade service to the military—and so equipped they went through innumerable fox trots in several glittering caravanseries along Broadway, faithfully alternating partners—while Gloria became more and more uproarious and more and more amusing to the pink-faced captain, who seldom bothered to remove his genial smile at all.
After dinner, someone suggested they all go out dancing. The two officers grabbed bottles of liquor from Rachael's sideboard—a law barred service to the military—and with that, they went through endless fox trots at various lively spots along Broadway, switching partners regularly. Meanwhile, Gloria grew more and more lively, becoming increasingly entertaining to the rosy-cheeked captain, who rarely bothered to take off his cheerful smile.
At eleven o'clock to her great surprise she was in the minority for staying out. The others wanted to return to Rachael's apartment—to get some more liquor, they said. Gloria argued persistently that Captain Collins's flask was half full—she had just seen it—then catching Rachael's eye she received an unmistakable wink. She deduced, confusedly, that her hostess wanted to get rid of the officers and assented to being bundled into a taxicab outside.
At eleven o'clock, to her surprise, she was one of the few who wanted to stay out. The others wanted to head back to Rachael's apartment—claiming they needed more drinks. Gloria argued persistently that Captain Collins's flask was half full—she had just seen it—then catching Rachael's eye, she received a clear wink. She puzzled out, somewhat confused, that her host wanted to get rid of the officers and agreed to be shoved into a taxi outside.
Captain Wolf sat on the left with Rachael on his knees. Captain Collins sat in the middle, and as he settled himself he slipped his arm about Gloria's shoulder. It rested there lifelessly for a moment and then tightened like a vise. He leaned over her.
Captain Wolf sat on the left with Rachael on his lap. Captain Collins sat in the middle, and as he got comfortable, he draped his arm around Gloria's shoulder. It stayed there slack for a moment and then gripped her tightly. He leaned in towards her.
"You're awfully pretty," he whispered.
"You're really pretty," he whispered.
"Thank you kindly, sir." She was neither pleased nor annoyed. Before Anthony came so many arms had done likewise that it had become little more than a gesture, sentimental but without significance.
"Thanks a lot, sir." She felt neither happy nor upset. Before Anthony arrived, so many others had done the same that it had turned into little more than a gesture—sentimental but without real meaning.
Up in Rachael's long front room a low fire and two lamps shaded with orange silk gave all the light, so that the corners were full of deep and somnolent shadows. The hostess, moving about in a dark-figured gown of loose chiffon, seemed to accentuate the already sensuous atmosphere. For a while they were all four together, tasting the sandwiches that waited on the tea table—then Gloria found herself alone with Captain Collins on the fireside lounge; Rachael and Captain Wolf had withdrawn to the other side of the room, where they were conversing in subdued voices.
In Rachael's long living room, a small fire and two lamps with orange silk shades provided all the light, creating deep, sleepy shadows in the corners. The hostess, moving around in a dark-patterned loose chiffon dress, seemed to enhance the already sensual atmosphere. For a while, all four of them were together, enjoying the sandwiches that were on the tea table—then Gloria found herself alone with Captain Collins on the couch by the fire; Rachael and Captain Wolf had moved to the other side of the room, where they were talking quietly.
"I wish you weren't married," said Collins, his face a ludicrous travesty of "in all seriousness."
"I wish you weren't married," Collins said, his face a ridiculous mockery of "seriousness."
"Why?" She held out her glass to be filled with a high-ball.
"Why?" She extended her glass to be filled with a highball.
"Don't drink any more," he urged her, frowning.
"Don't drink anymore," he urged her, frowning.
"Why not?"
"Why not?"
"You'd be nicer—if you didn't."
"You'd be nicer if you didn't."
Gloria caught suddenly the intended suggestion of the remark, the atmosphere he was attempting to create. She wanted to laugh—yet she realized that there was nothing to laugh at. She had been enjoying the evening, and she had no desire to go home—at the same time it hurt her pride to be flirted with on just that level.
Gloria suddenly understood the underlying suggestion of his comment and the vibe he was trying to set. She felt like laughing—but she knew there was nothing amusing about it. She had been having a great time that evening and didn’t want to head home—yet it stung her pride to be flirted with in such a superficial way.
"Pour me another drink," she insisted.
"Pour me another drink," she said firmly.
"Please—"
"Please—"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous!" she cried in exasperation.
"Oh, don't be ridiculous!" she exclaimed in frustration.
"Very well." He yielded with ill grace.
"Okay." He gave in reluctantly.
Then his arm was about her again, and again she made no protest. But when his pink cheek came close she leaned away.
Then his arm wrapped around her again, and once more she didn't protest. But when his pink cheek got close, she leaned away.
"You're awfully sweet," he said with an aimless air.
"You're really sweet," he said casually.
She began to sing softly, wishing now that he would take down his arm. Suddenly her eye fell on an intimate scene across the room—Rachael and Captain Wolf were engrossed in a long kiss. Gloria shivered slightly—she knew not why.... Pink face approached again.
She started to sing softly, now hoping he would lower his arm. Suddenly, her gaze landed on a cozy scene across the room—Rachael and Captain Wolf were locked in a long kiss. Gloria shivered a little—she didn't know why... A familiar face moved closer again.
"You shouldn't look at them," he whispered. Almost immediately his other arm was around her ... his breath was on her cheek. Again absurdity triumphed over disgust, and her laugh was a weapon that needed no edge of words.
"You shouldn't look at them," he whispered. Almost immediately, his other arm was around her... his breath was on her cheek. Again, absurdity triumphed over disgust, and her laugh was a weapon that needed no sharpness of words.
"Oh, I thought you were a sport," he was saying.
"Oh, I thought you were cool," he was saying.
"What's a sport?"
"What's sports?"
"Why, a person that likes to—to enjoy life."
"Why, someone who loves to enjoy life."
"Is kissing you generally considered a joyful affair?"
"Is kissing you usually seen as a happy thing?"
They were interrupted as Rachael and Captain Wolf appeared suddenly before them.
They were interrupted when Rachael and Captain Wolf suddenly appeared in front of them.
"It's late, Gloria," said Rachael—she was flushed and her hair was dishevelled. "You'd better stay here all night."
"It's late, Gloria," Rachael said, looking flushed and with her hair all messy. "You should just stay here all night."
For an instant Gloria thought the officers were being dismissed. Then she understood, and, understanding, got to her feet as casually as she was able.
For a moment, Gloria thought the officers were being sent away. Then she realized what was happening, and, understanding, stood up as casually as she could.
Uncomprehendingly Rachael continued:
Rachael continued, not understanding:
"You can have the room just off this one. I can lend you everything you need."
"You can have the room right next to this one. I can lend you whatever you need."
Collins's eyes implored her like a dog's; Captain Wolf's arm had settled familiarly around Rachael's waist; they were waiting.
Collins's eyes begged her like a dog's; Captain Wolf had casually draped his arm around Rachael's waist; they were waiting.
But the lure of promiscuity, colorful, various, labyrinthine, and ever a little odorous and stale, had no call or promise for Gloria. Had she so desired she would have remained, without hesitation, without regret; as it was she could face coolly the six hostile and offended eyes that followed her out into the hall with forced politeness and hollow words.
But the appeal of promiscuity, vibrant, diverse, complicated, and always a bit pungent and stale, held no attraction or promise for Gloria. If she had wanted it, she would have stayed without hesitation or regret; as it was, she could calmly face the six hostile and offended eyes that watched her leave the room with forced politeness and empty words.
"He wasn't even sport, enough to try to take me home," she thought in the taxi, and then with a quick surge of resentment: "How utterly common!"
"He didn't even have the decency to try to take me home," she thought in the taxi, and then with a quick surge of resentment: "How completely ordinary!"
GALLANTRY
In February she had an experience of quite a different sort. Tudor Baird, an ancient flame, a young man whom at one time she had fully intended to marry, came to New York by way of the Aviation Corps, and called upon her. They went several times to the theatre, and within a week, to her great enjoyment, he was as much in love with her as ever. Quite deliberately she brought it about, realizing too late that she had done a mischief. He reached the point of sitting with her in miserable silence whenever they went out together.
In February, she had a completely different experience. Tudor Baird, a former love, a young man she once planned to marry, came to New York through the Aviation Corps and visited her. They went to the theater several times, and within a week, much to her delight, he was just as in love with her as before. She intentionally made it happen, only to realize too late that she had caused some trouble. He ended up sitting with her in awkward silence every time they went out together.
A Scroll and Keys man at Yale, he possessed the correct reticences of a "good egg," the correct notions of chivalry and noblesse oblige—and, of course but unfortunately, the correct biases and the correct lack of ideas—all those traits which Anthony had taught her to despise, but which, nevertheless, she rather admired. Unlike the majority of his type, she found that he was not a bore. He was handsome, witty in a light way, and when she was with him she felt that because of some quality he possessed—call it stupidity, loyalty, sentimentality, or something not quite as definite as any of the three—he would have done anything in his power to please her.
A Scroll and Keys guy at Yale, he had the right mix of humility of a "good egg," the right ideas about chivalry and noblesse oblige—and, unfortunately, the right biases and a lack of ideas—all those traits that Anthony had taught her to hate, but which, despite everything, she sort of admired. Unlike most guys like him, she found he wasn't boring. He was handsome, charming in a light-hearted way, and when she was with him, she felt that because of some quality he had—let's call it ignorance, loyalty, sentimentality, or something not quite as clear as any of those three—he would have done anything to make her happy.
He told her this among other things, very correctly and with a ponderous manliness that masked a real suffering. Loving him not at all she grew sorry for him and kissed him sentimentally one night because he was so charming, a relic of a vanishing generation which lived a priggish and graceful illusion and was being replaced by less gallant fools. Afterward she was glad she had kissed him, for next day when his plane fell fifteen hundred feet at Mineola a piece of a gasolene engine smashed through his heart.
He told her this among other things, very accurately and with a heavy masculinity that hid his real pain. Not loving him in the slightest, she felt sorry for him and kissed him with feeling one night because he was so charming, a remnant of a fading generation that lived a refined and elegant illusion and was being replaced by less noble fools. Later, she was glad she had kissed him, because the next day when his plane crashed fifteen hundred feet at Mineola, a piece of a gasoline engine went through his heart.
GLORIA ALONE
When Mr. Haight told her that the trial would not take place until autumn she decided that without telling Anthony she would go into the movies. When he saw her successful, both histrionically and financially, when he saw that she could have her will of Joseph Bloeckman, yielding nothing in return, he would lose his silly prejudices. She lay awake half one night planning her career and enjoying her successes in anticipation, and the next morning she called up "Films Par Excellence." Mr. Bloeckman was in Europe.
When Mr. Haight told her that the trial wouldn't happen until fall, she decided to pursue a career in movies without telling Anthony. When he saw her thriving, both dramatically and financially, and that she could get her way with Joseph Bloeckman while he gave nothing in return, he would let go of his petty biases. She spent part of one night planning her career and eagerly enjoying her future successes, and the next morning she called up "Films Par Excellence." Mr. Bloeckman was in Europe.
But the idea had gripped her so strongly this time that she decided to go the rounds of the moving picture employment agencies. As so often had been the case, her sense of smell worked against her good intentions. The employment agency smelt as though it had been dead a very long time. She waited five minutes inspecting her unprepossessing competitors—then she walked briskly out into the farthest recesses of Central Park and remained so long that she caught a cold. She was trying to air the employment agency out of her walking suit.
But the idea had taken hold of her so strongly this time that she decided to visit the employment agencies for movie jobs. As had often happened before, her sense of smell worked against her good intentions. The agency smelled like it had been closed for ages. She spent five minutes checking out her less-than-attractive competitors—then she walked quickly into the deepest parts of Central Park and stayed so long that she caught a cold. She was trying to air out the scent of the agency from her outfit.
In the spring she began to gather from Anthony's letters—not from any one in particular but from their culminative effect—that he did not want her to come South. Curiously repeated excuses that seemed to haunt him by their very insufficiency occurred with Freudian regularity. He set them down in each letter as though he feared he had forgotten them the last time, as though it were desperately necessary to impress her with them. And the dilutions of his letters with affectionate diminutives began to be mechanical and unspontaneous—almost as though, having completed the letter, he had looked it over and literally stuck them in, like epigrams in an Oscar Wilde play. She jumped to the solution, rejected it, was angry and depressed by turns—finally she shut her mind to it proudly, and allowed an increasing coolness to creep into her end of the correspondence.
In the spring, she started to pick up from Anthony's letters—not from any one letter in particular, but from the overall tone—that he didn’t want her to come South. Oddly recurring excuses that seemed to haunt him with their own weakness showed up with a regularity that felt psychological. He included them in every letter as if he was worried he had forgotten to mention them before, as if it was crucial to emphasize them. And the sweetness in his letters with affectionate nicknames started to feel forced and unoriginal—almost as if, after writing the letter, he had gone back and literally added them in, like clever lines in an Oscar Wilde play. She quickly jumped to a conclusion, then rejected it, feeling a mix of anger and sadness—eventually, she proudly shut her mind to it and let a growing coolness creep into her side of the correspondence.
Of late she had found a good deal to occupy her attention. Several aviators whom she had met through Tudor Baird came into New York to see her and two other ancient beaux turned up, stationed at Camp Dix. As these men were ordered overseas they, so to speak, handed her down to their friends. But after another rather disagreeable experience with a potential Captain Collins she made it plain that when any one was introduced to her he should be under no misapprehensions as to her status and personal intentions.
Lately, she had found plenty to keep her busy. Several pilots she had met through Tudor Baird came to New York to see her, and two other old flames showed up, stationed at Camp Dix. As these guys were being sent overseas, they essentially passed her along to their friends. However, after another somewhat unpleasant encounter with a potential Captain Collins, she made it clear that anyone who was introduced to her should have no misunderstandings about her status and personal intentions.
When summer came she learned, like Anthony, to watch the officers' casualty list, taking a sort of melancholy pleasure in hearing of the death of some one with whom she had once danced a german and in identifying by name the younger brothers of former suitors—thinking, as the drive toward Paris progressed, that here at length went the world to inevitable and well-merited destruction.
When summer arrived, she learned, like Anthony, to keep an eye on the officers' casualty list, finding a strange, bittersweet satisfaction in hearing about the death of someone she had once danced a german with and in recognizing by name the younger brothers of past suitors—thinking, as the journey to Paris continued, that this was, at last, the world heading towards inevitable and well-deserved destruction.
She was twenty-seven. Her birthday fled by scarcely noticed. Years before it had frightened her when she became twenty, to some extent when she reached twenty-six—but now she looked in the glass with calm self-approval seeing the British freshness of her complexion and her figure boyish and slim as of old.
She was twenty-seven. Her birthday came and went almost unnoticed. Years earlier, turning twenty had terrified her, and she felt some anxiety when she turned twenty-six—but now she looked in the mirror with calm self-satisfaction, admiring the fresh British quality of her complexion and her boyish, slender figure just like before.
She tried not to think of Anthony. It was as though she were writing to a stranger. She told her friends that he had been made a corporal and was annoyed when they were politely unimpressed. One night she wept because she was sorry for him—had he been even slightly responsive she would have gone to him without hesitation on the first train—whatever he was doing he needed to be taken care of spiritually, and she felt that now she would be able to do even that. Recently, without his continual drain upon her moral strength she found herself wonderfully revived. Before he left she had been inclined through sheer association to brood on her wasted opportunities—now she returned to her normal state of mind, strong, disdainful, existing each day for each day's worth. She bought a doll and dressed it; one week she wept over "Ethan Frome"; the next she revelled in some novels of Galsworthy's, whom she liked for his power of recreating, by spring in darkness, that illusion of young romantic love to which women look forever forward and forever back.
She tried not to think about Anthony. It felt like she was writing to a stranger. She told her friends he had been promoted to corporal and felt annoyed when they reacted politely but seemed unimpressed. One night, she cried because she felt sorry for him—if he had shown even a bit of interest, she would have gone to him without thinking twice, no matter what he was doing; he needed spiritual support, and she believed she could provide that now. Recently, without his constant drain on her emotional energy, she felt incredibly revitalized. Before he left, she had been prone to dwell on her missed opportunities just by being around him—but now she returned to her usual mindset, strong and indifferent, living each day for its own sake. She bought a doll and dressed it up; one week she cried over "Ethan Frome"; the next, she enjoyed some novels by Galsworthy, who she admired for his ability to recreate, even in the dark, that illusion of youthful romantic love that women endlessly long for and reminisce about.
In October Anthony's letters multiplied, became almost frantic—then suddenly ceased. For a worried month it needed all her powers of control to refrain from leaving immediately for Mississippi. Then a telegram told her that he had been in the hospital and that she could expect him in New York within ten days. Like a figure in a dream he came back into her life across the ballroom on that November evening—and all through long hours that held familiar gladness she took him close to her breast, nursing an illusion of happiness and security she had not thought that she would know again.
In October, Anthony's letters became more frequent and almost desperate—then they suddenly stopped. For a month, she struggled to hold herself back from rushing to Mississippi. Then a telegram informed her that he had been in the hospital and that she could expect him in New York within ten days. Like someone from a dream, he reentered her life across the ballroom that November evening—and throughout the long hours filled with familiar joy, she held him close, nurturing an illusion of happiness and security she never thought she would experience again.
DISCOMFITURE OF THE GENERALS
After a week Anthony's regiment went back to the Mississippi camp to be discharged. The officers shut themselves up in the compartments on the Pullman cars and drank the whiskey they had bought in New York, and in the coaches the soldiers got as drunk as possible also—and pretended whenever the train stopped at a village that they were just returned from France, where they had practically put an end to the German army. As they all wore overseas caps and claimed that they had not had time to have their gold service stripes sewed on, the yokelry of the seaboard were much impressed and asked them how they liked the trenches—to which they replied "Oh, boy!" with great smacking of tongues and shaking of heads. Some one took a piece of chalk and scrawled on the side of the train, "We won the war—now we're going home," and the officers laughed and let it stay. They were all getting what swagger they could out of this ignominious return.
After a week, Anthony's regiment returned to the Mississippi camp to be discharged. The officers locked themselves in the compartments of the Pullman cars and drank the whiskey they had bought in New York. Meanwhile, the soldiers got as drunk as possible and pretended that whenever the train stopped at a village, they had just returned from France, where they claimed to have nearly defeated the German army. Since they all wore overseas caps and said they hadn't had time to get their gold service stripes sewn on, the local folks along the coast were quite impressed and asked them how they liked the trenches. They replied, "Oh, boy!" with lots of tongue-smacking and head-shaking. Someone wrote with chalk on the side of the train, "We won the war—now we're going home," and the officers laughed and let it stay. They were all trying to get whatever swagger they could from this shameful return.
As they rumbled on toward camp, Anthony was uneasy lest he should find Dot awaiting him patiently at the station. To his relief he neither saw nor heard anything of her and thinking that were she still in town she would certainly attempt to communicate with him, he concluded that she had gone—whither he neither knew nor cared. He wanted only to return to Gloria—Gloria reborn and wonderfully alive. When eventually he was discharged he left his company on the rear of a great truck with a crowd who had given tolerant, almost sentimental, cheers for their officers, especially for Captain Dunning. The captain, on his part, had addressed them with tears in his eyes as to the pleasure, etc., and the work, etc., and time not wasted, etc., and duty, etc. It was very dull and human; having given ear to it Anthony, whose mind was freshened by his week in New York, renewed his deep loathing for the military profession and all it connoted. In their childish hearts two out of every three professional officers considered that wars were made for armies and not armies for wars. He rejoiced to see general and field-officers riding desolately about the barren camp deprived of their commands. He rejoiced to hear the men in his company laugh scornfully at the inducements tendered them to remain in the army. They were to attend "schools." He knew what these "schools" were.
As they made their way to camp, Anthony felt uneasy that he might find Dot waiting for him at the station. To his relief, he didn’t see or hear anything from her, and thinking that if she were still in town she would definitely reach out to him, he concluded that she had left—where, he neither knew nor cared. All he wanted was to get back to Gloria—Gloria reborn and full of life. When he was finally discharged, he left his unit on the back of a large truck with a crowd that had given polite, almost sentimental, cheers for their officers, especially for Captain Dunning. The captain, for his part, spoke to them with tears in his eyes about the joy, etc., and the work, etc., and time not wasted, etc., and duty, etc. It was very boring and typical; after listening to it, Anthony, whose mind was refreshed by his week in New York, grew to loathe the military profession and everything it represented even more. In their naive hearts, two out of every three professional officers believed that wars were meant for armies and not the other way around. He took pleasure in seeing generals and field officers riding sadly around the empty camp without their commands. He was glad to hear the men in his unit laugh mockingly at the offers to stay in the army. They were supposed to attend "schools." He knew exactly what those "schools" were.
Two days later he was with Gloria in New York.
Two days later, he was in New York with Gloria.
ANOTHER WINTER
Late one February afternoon Anthony came into the apartment and groping through the little hall, pitch-dark in the winter dusk, found Gloria sitting by the window. She turned as he came in.
Late one February afternoon, Anthony walked into the apartment and, feeling his way through the small, dark hallway in the winter twilight, found Gloria sitting by the window. She looked over as he entered.
"What did Mr. Haight have to say?" she asked listlessly.
"What did Mr. Haight say?" she asked, sounding bored.
"Nothing," he answered, "usual thing. Next month, perhaps."
"Nothing," he replied, "just the usual thing. Maybe next month."
She looked at him closely; her ear attuned to his voice caught the slightest thickness in the dissyllable.
She looked at him closely; her ear tuned to his voice picked up the slightest thickness in the two-syllable word.
"You've been drinking," she remarked dispassionately.
"You've been drinking," she said flatly.
"Couple glasses."
"Pair of glasses."
"Oh."
"Oh."
He yawned in the armchair and there was a moment's silence between them. Then she demanded suddenly:
He yawned in the armchair, and they shared a brief moment of silence. Then she abruptly asked:
"Did you go to Mr. Haight? Tell me the truth."
"Did you go to Mr. Haight? Be honest with me."
"No." He smiled weakly. "As a matter of fact I didn't have time."
"No." He gave a weak smile. "Actually, I didn't have time."
"I thought you didn't go.... He sent for you."
"I thought you weren't going... He called for you."
"I don't give a damn. I'm sick of waiting around his office. You'd think he was doing me a favor." He glanced at Gloria as though expecting moral support, but she had turned back to her contemplation of the dubious and unprepossessing out-of-doors.
"I don't care. I'm tired of sitting around his office. You'd think he was doing me a favor." He looked at Gloria, as if hoping for some encouragement, but she had turned back to stare at the uninviting and unimpressive view outside.
"I feel rather weary of life to-day," he offered tentatively. Still she was silent. "I met a fellow and we talked in the Biltmore bar."
"I feel pretty tired of life today," he said hesitantly. She still didn’t respond. "I met someone, and we talked at the Biltmore bar."
The dusk had suddenly deepened but neither of them made any move to turn on the lights. Lost in heaven knew what contemplation, they sat there until a flurry of snow drew a languid sigh from Gloria.
The evening had suddenly darkened, but neither of them made any move to turn on the lights. Lost in who-knows-what thoughts, they sat there until a burst of snow prompted a lazy sigh from Gloria.
"What've you been doing?" he asked, finding the silence oppressive.
"What have you been up to?" he asked, feeling the silence was too heavy.
"Reading a magazine—all full of idiotic articles by prosperous authors about how terrible it is for poor people to buy silk shirts. And while I was reading it I could think of nothing except how I wanted a gray squirrel coat—and how we can't afford one."
"Reading a magazine full of ridiculous articles by wealthy writers about how awful it is for poor people to buy silk shirts. And while I was reading it, I could only think about how much I wanted a gray squirrel coat—and how we can't afford one."
"Yes, we can."
"Absolutely, we can."
"Oh, no."
"Oh no."
"Oh, yes! If you want a fur coat you can have one."
"Oh, absolutely! If you want a fur coat, you can totally get one."
Her voice coming through the dark held an implication of scorn.
Her voice coming through the dark carried a hint of disdain.
"You mean we can sell another bond?"
"You mean we can sell another bond?"
"If necessary. I don't want to go without things. We have spent a lot, though, since I've been back."
"If needed. I don’t want to go without stuff. We've spent a lot, though, since I got back."
"Oh, shut up!" she said in irritation.
"Oh, shut up!" she said, annoyed.
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm sick and tired of hearing you talk about what we've spent or what we've done. You came back two months ago and we've been on some sort of a party practically every night since. We've both wanted to go out, and we've gone. Well, you haven't heard me complain, have you? But all you do is whine, whine, whine. I don't care any more what we do or what becomes of us and at least I'm consistent. But I will not tolerate your complaining and calamity-howling——"
"Because I'm really tired of hearing you talk about what we’ve spent or what we’ve done. You came back two months ago, and we’ve been to a party almost every night since. We both wanted to go out, and we did. Well, you haven’t heard me complain, right? But all you do is whine, whine, whine. I don’t care anymore what we do or what happens to us, and at least I’m consistent. But I will not put up with your complaining and drama—"
"You're not very pleasant yourself sometimes, you know."
"Sometimes, you're not very nice yourself, you know."
"I'm under no obligations to be. You're not making any attempt to make things different."
"I'm not required to be. You're not doing anything to change things."
"But I am—"
"But I'm—"
"Huh! Seems to me I've heard that before. This morning you weren't going to touch another thing to drink until you'd gotten a position. And you didn't even have the spunk to go to Mr. Haight when he sent for you about the suit."
"Huh! I feel like I've heard that before. This morning, you said you wouldn't drink anything else until you got a job. And you didn't even have the guts to go see Mr. Haight when he called for you about the lawsuit."
Anthony got to his feet and switched on the lights.
Anthony stood up and turned on the lights.
"See here!" he cried, blinking, "I'm getting sick of that sharp tongue of yours."
"Listen up!" he exclaimed, blinking, "I'm getting tired of that sharp tongue of yours."
"Well, what are you going to do about it?"
"Well, what are you going to do about it?"
"Do you think I'm particularly happy?" he continued, ignoring her question. "Do you think I don't know we're not living as we ought to?"
"Do you think I'm really happy?" he went on, disregarding her question. "Do you think I don't realize we aren't living the way we should?"
In an instant Gloria stood trembling beside him.
In an instant, Gloria stood shaking next to him.
"I won't stand it!" she burst out. "I won't be lectured to. You and your suffering! You're just a pitiful weakling and you always have been!"
"I can't take it anymore!" she exclaimed. "I won't be talked down to. You and your pain! You're just a pathetic weakling and you always have been!"
They faced one another idiotically, each of them unable to impress the other, each of them tremendously, achingly, bored. Then she went into the bedroom and shut the door behind her.
They stared at each other blankly, neither able to impress the other, both feeling incredibly, painfully bored. Then she walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.
His return had brought into the foreground all their pre-bellum exasperations. Prices had risen alarmingly and in perverse ratio their income had shrunk to a little over half of its original size. There had been the large retainer's fee to Mr. Haight; there were stocks bought at one hundred, now down to thirty and forty and other investments that were not paying at all. During the previous spring Gloria had been given the alternative of leaving the apartment or of signing a year's lease at two hundred and twenty-five a month. She had signed it. Inevitably as the necessity for economy had increased they found themselves as a pair quite unable to save. The old policy of prevarication was resorted to. Weary of their incapabilities they chattered of what they would do—oh—to-morrow, of how they would "stop going on parties" and of how Anthony would go to work. But when dark came down Gloria, accustomed to an engagement every night, would feel the ancient restlessness creeping over her. She would stand in the doorway of the bedroom, chewing furiously at her fingers and sometimes meeting Anthony's eyes as he glanced up from his book. Then the telephone, and her nerves would relax, she would answer it with ill-concealed eagerness. Some one was coming up "for just a few minutes"—and oh, the weariness of pretense, the appearance of the wine table, the revival of their jaded spirits—and the awakening, like the mid-point of a sleepless night in which they moved.
His return had brought all their pre-war frustrations to the surface. Prices had risen alarmingly, and sadly, their income had shrunk to just over half of what it used to be. They had to pay the hefty retainer's fee to Mr. Haight; there were stocks purchased at one hundred, now worth thirty or forty, and other investments that weren’t paying off at all. Last spring, Gloria had been faced with the choice of either leaving the apartment or signing a one-year lease at two hundred and twenty-five a month. She had signed it. As the need to save money increased, they found themselves unable to save as a couple. They reverted to their old habit of avoiding the truth. Frustrated by their limitations, they talked about what they would do—oh—tomorrow, how they would "stop going out" and how Anthony would get a job. But when evening came, Gloria, used to having plans every night, would feel the familiar restlessness creeping in. She would stand in the bedroom doorway, nervously chewing on her fingers, sometimes catching Anthony’s gaze as he looked up from his book. Then the phone would ring, and her tension would ease; she’d answer it with barely concealed excitement. Someone was coming up "for just a few minutes"—and oh, the exhaustion of pretending, the sight of the wine on the table, the revival of their weary spirits—and an awakening, like the middle of a sleepless night, in which they moved.
As the winter passed with the march of the returning troops along Fifth Avenue they became more and more aware that since Anthony's return their relations had entirely changed. After that reflowering of tenderness and passion each of them had returned into some solitary dream unshared by the other and what endearments passed between them passed, it seemed, from empty heart to empty heart, echoing hollowly the departure of what they knew at last was gone.
As winter went on and the troops marched back along Fifth Avenue, they increasingly realized that their relationship had completely changed since Anthony's return. After that revival of love and passion, each of them had slipped back into their own solitary dreams, which they didn’t share with each other. The affection they exchanged felt like it was passing from one empty heart to another, echoing the absence of what they now understood was truly lost.
Anthony had again made the rounds of the metropolitan newspapers and had again been refused encouragement by a motley of office boys, telephone girls, and city editors. The word was: "We're keeping any vacancies open for our own men who are still in France." Then, late in March, his eye fell on an advertisement in the morning paper and in consequence he found at last the semblance of an occupation.
Anthony had once again gone around the city newspapers and had once again been turned down by a mix of office boys, telephone operators, and city editors. The message was: "We're holding any openings for our own guys who are still in France." Then, late in March, he spotted an ad in the morning paper, which ultimately led him to find what could pass for a job.
YOU CAN SELL!!!
Why not earn while you learn?
Our salesmen make $50-$200 weekly.
YOU CAN SELL!!!
Why not earn while you learn?
Our salespeople make $50-$200 weekly.
There followed an address on Madison Avenue, and instructions to appear at one o'clock that afternoon. Gloria, glancing over his shoulder after one of their usual late breakfasts, saw him regarding it idly.
There was an address on Madison Avenue, and a request to show up at one o'clock that afternoon. Gloria, looking over his shoulder after one of their regular late breakfasts, noticed that he was looking at it casually.
"Why don't you try it?" she suggested.
"Why don't you give it a shot?" she suggested.
"Oh—it's one of these crazy schemes."
"Oh—it's one of those crazy ideas."
"It might not be. At least it'd be experience."
"It might not be. At least it would be experience."
At her urging he went at one o'clock to the appointed address, where he found himself one of a dense miscellany of men waiting in front of the door. They ranged from a messenger-boy evidently misusing his company's time to an immemorial individual with a gnarled body and a gnarled cane. Some of the men were seedy, with sunken cheeks and puffy pink eyes—others were young; possibly still in high school. After a jostled fifteen minutes during which they all eyed one another with apathetic suspicion there appeared a smart young shepherd clad in a "waist-line" suit and wearing the manner of an assistant rector who herded them up-stairs into a large room, which resembled a school-room and contained innumerable desks. Here the prospective salesmen sat down—and again waited. After an interval a platform at the end of the hall was clouded with half a dozen sober but sprightly men who, with one exception, took seats in a semicircle facing the audience.
At her insistence, he arrived at the designated address at one o'clock, where he found a mixed crowd of men waiting by the door. They ranged from a messenger boy clearly wasting his company's time to an older man with a twisted body and a crooked cane. Some of the men looked shabby, with sunk cheeks and puffy pink eyes—others were young, possibly still in high school. After a pushing and shoving fifteen minutes during which they eyed each other with indifferent suspicion, a sharp-looking young man in a fitted suit appeared and, acting like an assistant rector, led them upstairs into a large room that looked like a classroom filled with countless desks. Here, the aspiring salesmen took their seats—and waited again. After a while, a platform at the end of the hall was filled with a half dozen serious yet lively men who, except for one, sat in a semicircle facing the audience.
The exception was the man who seemed the soberest, the most sprightly and the youngest of the lot, and who advanced to the front of the platform. The audience scrutinized him hopefully. He was rather small and rather pretty, with the commercial rather than the thespian sort of prettiness. He had straight blond bushy brows and eyes that were almost preposterously honest, and as he reached the edge of his rostrum he seemed to throw these eyes out into the audience, simultaneously extending his arm with two fingers outstretched. Then while he rocked himself to a state of balance an expectant silence settled over the hall. With perfect assurance the young man had taken his listeners in hand and his words when they came were steady and confident and of the school of "straight from the shoulder."
The exception was the man who looked the most sober, the liveliest, and the youngest of the group, and he stepped up to the front of the stage. The audience watched him with hopeful anticipation. He was a bit short and somewhat attractive, with a more commercial than theatrical kind of appeal. He had straight, bushy blond eyebrows and eyes that were almost ridiculously sincere, and as he reached the edge of the podium, he seemed to cast his gaze into the audience while also extending his arm with two fingers pointed out. Then, while he found his balance, a tense silence fell over the hall. With complete confidence, the young man had captured his listeners' attention, and when he began to speak, his words were steady, assured, and direct.
"Men!"—he began, and paused. The word died with a prolonged echo at the end of the hall, the faces regarding him, hopefully, cynically, wearily, were alike arrested, engrossed. Six hundred eyes were turned slightly upward. With an even graceless flow that reminded Anthony of the rolling of bowling balls he launched himself into the sea of exposition.
"Men!"—he started, then hesitated. The word faded with a long echo at the end of the hall, and the faces looking at him, some hopeful, some cynical, some weary, were all captivated, focused. Six hundred eyes turned slightly upward. With an awkward ease that reminded Anthony of bowling balls rolling down the lane, he plunged into his detailed explanation.
"This bright and sunny morning you picked up your favorite newspaper and you found an advertisement which made the plain, unadorned statement that you could sell. That was all it said—it didn't say 'what,' it didn't say 'how,' it didn't say 'why.' It just made one single solitary assertion that you and you and you"—business of pointing—"could sell. Now my job isn't to make a success of you, because every man is born a success, he makes himself a failure; it's not to teach you how to talk, because each man is a natural orator and only makes himself a clam; my business is to tell you one thing in a way that will make you know it—it's to tell you that you and you and you have the heritage of money and prosperity waiting for you to come and claim it."
"This bright and sunny morning, you picked up your favorite newspaper and found an ad that simply stated that you could sell. That was it—it didn’t say 'what,' it didn’t say 'how,' it didn’t say 'why.' It just made one clear assertion that you and you and you"—pointing out—"could sell. Now, my job isn't to make you successful, because everyone is born successful; they just turn themselves into failures. I'm not here to teach you how to talk, because everyone is a natural speaker and can make themselves sound dull; my job is to tell you one thing in a way that will make you know it—it's to tell you that you and you and you have the potential for wealth and success waiting for you to claim it."
At this point an Irishman of saturnine appearance rose from his desk near the rear of the hall and went out.
At this point, a gloomy-looking Irishman got up from his desk at the back of the hall and left.
"That man thinks he'll go look for it in the beer parlor around the corner. (Laughter.) He won't find it there. Once upon a time I looked for it there myself (laughter), but that was before I did what every one of you men no matter how young or how old, how poor or how rich (a faint ripple of satirical laughter), can do. It was before I found—myself!
"That guy thinks he'll find it in the bar around the corner. (Laughter.) He won't find it there. I once looked for it there myself (laughter), but that was before I did what every single one of you men, no matter how young or old, how poor or rich (a faint ripple of satirical laughter), can do. It was before I found—myself!
"Now I wonder if any of you men know what a 'Heart Talk' is. A 'Heart Talk' is a little book in which I started, about five years ago, to write down what I had discovered were the principal reasons for a man's failure and the principal reasons for a man's success—from John D. Rockerfeller back to John D. Napoleon (laughter), and before that, back in the days when Abel sold his birthright for a mess of pottage. There are now one hundred of these 'Heart Talks.' Those of you who are sincere, who are interested in our proposition, above all who are dissatisfied with the way things are breaking for you at present will be handed one to take home with you as you go out yonder door this afternoon.
"Now I wonder if any of you guys know what a 'Heart Talk' is. A 'Heart Talk' is a little book that I started about five years ago, where I wrote down what I discovered to be the main reasons for a man's failure and the main reasons for a man's success—from John D. Rockefeller back to John D. Napoleon (laughter), and even further back to the time when Abel sold his birthright for a bowl of stew. There are now one hundred of these 'Heart Talks.' Those of you who are sincere, who are interested in our proposal, and especially those who are unhappy with how things are going for you right now will be given one to take home with you as you leave through that door this afternoon."
"Now in my own pocket I have four letters just received concerning 'Heart Talks.' These letters have names signed to them that are familiar in every house-hold in the U.S.A. Listen to this one from Detroit:
"Now in my pocket, I have four letters that I just received about 'Heart Talks.' These letters have names on them that everyone in the U.S.A. recognizes. Check out this one from Detroit:"
"DEAR MR. CARLETON:
"Dear Mr. Carleton:"
"I want to order three thousand more copies of 'Heart Talks' for distribution among my salesmen. They have done more for getting work out of the men than any bonus proposition ever considered. I read them myself constantly, and I desire to heartily congratulate you on getting at the roots of the biggest problem that faces our generation to-day—the problem of salesmanship. The rock bottom on which the country is founded is the problem of salesmanship. With many felicitations I am
"I want to order three thousand more copies of 'Heart Talks' to share with my sales team. They have done more to motivate the team than any bonus plan we’ve ever thought about. I read them myself all the time, and I want to sincerely congratulate you on addressing the biggest issue facing our generation today—the issue of salesmanship. The foundation of this country is built on the problem of salesmanship. With many congratulations, I am
"Yours very cordially,
"HENRY W. TERRAL."
"Best regards, HENRY W. TERRAL."
He brought the name out in three long booming triumphancies—pausing for it to produce its magical effect. Then he read two more letters, one from a manufacturer of vacuum cleaners and one from the president of the Great Northern Doily Company.
He said the name in three loud, triumphant tones—taking a moment for it to create its magical effect. Then he read two more letters, one from a vacuum cleaner manufacturer and one from the president of the Great Northern Doily Company.
"And now," he continued, "I'm going to tell you in a few words what the proposition is that's going to make those of you who go into it in the right spirit. Simply put, it's this: 'Heart Talks' have been incorporated as a company. We're going to put these little pamphlets into the hands of every big business organization, every salesman, and every man who knows—I don't say 'thinks,' I say 'knows'—that he can sell! We are offering some of the stock of the 'Heart Talks' concern upon the market, and in order that the distribution may be as wide as possible, and in order also that we can furnish a living, concrete, flesh-and-blood example of what salesmanship is, or rather what it may be, we're going to give those of you who are the real thing a chance to sell that stock. Now, I don't care what you've tried to sell before or how you've tried to sell it. It don't matter how old you are or how young you are. I only want to know two things—first, do you want success, and, second, will you work for it?
"And now," he continued, "I'm going to quickly explain what the proposal is that's going to make a difference for those of you who approach it with the right mindset. Simply put, it's this: 'Heart Talks' has been established as a company. We're going to distribute these little pamphlets to every major business organization, every salesperson, and every person who knows—I don't say 'thinks,' I say 'knows'—that he can sell! We are offering some shares of the 'Heart Talks' company on the market, and in order to ensure the distribution is as broad as possible, and to provide a living, tangible, real-life example of what salesmanship is, or what it can be, we're giving those of you who are genuinely capable a chance to sell that stock. Now, I don't care what you've sold in the past or how you've sold it. It doesn't matter how old you are or how young you are. I just want to know two things—first, do you want success, and second, are you willing to work for it?
"My name is Sammy Carleton. Not 'Mr.' Carleton, but just plain Sammy. I'm a regular no-nonsense man with no fancy frills about me. I want you to call me Sammy.
My name is Sammy Carleton. Not 'Mr.' Carleton, just plain Sammy. I'm a straightforward guy with no fancy bells and whistles. I want you to call me Sammy.
"Now this is all I'm going to say to you to-day. To-morrow I want those of you who have thought it over and have read the copy of 'Heart Talks' which will be given to you at the door, to come back to this same room at this same time, then we'll go into the proposition further and I'll explain to you what I've found the principles of success to be. I'm going to make you feel that you and you and you can sell!"
"Now, this is all I'm going to say to you today. Tomorrow, I want those of you who have thought it over and read the copy of 'Heart Talks' that will be given to you at the door to come back to this same room at the same time. Then we'll dive deeper into the proposal, and I'll explain what I've discovered the principles of success to be. I'm going to make you feel that you and you and you can sell!"
Mr. Carleton's voice echoed for a moment through the hall and then died away. To the stamping of many feet Anthony was pushed and jostled with the crowd out of the room.
Mr. Carleton's voice echoed for a moment through the hall and then faded away. To the sound of many feet stomping, Anthony was pushed and jostled along with the crowd out of the room.
FURTHER ADVENTURES WITH "HEART TALKS"
With an accompaniment of ironic laughter Anthony told Gloria the story of his commercial adventure. But she listened without amusement.
With a chuckle of irony, Anthony shared the story of his business venture with Gloria. However, she listened without any hint of amusement.
"You're going to give up again?" she demanded coldly.
"Are you really going to give up again?" she asked sharply.
"Why—you don't expect me to—"
"Why—you don't think I will—"
"I never expected anything of you."
"I never expected anything from you."
He hesitated.
He paused.
"Well—I can't see the slightest benefit in laughing myself sick over this sort of affair. If there's anything older than the old story, it's the new twist."
"Honestly, I can't see any point in laughing myself sick over this kind of situation. If there's anything more tired than the old story, it's the new spin on it."
It required an astonishing amount of moral energy on Gloria's part to intimidate him into returning, and when he reported next day, somewhat depressed from his perusal of the senile bromides skittishly set forth in "Heart Talks on Ambition," he found only fifty of the original three hundred awaiting the appearance of the vital and compelling Sammy Carleton. Mr. Carleton's powers of vitality and compulsion were this time exercised in elucidating that magnificent piece of speculation—how to sell. It seemed that the approved method was to state one's proposition and then to say not "And now, will you buy?"—this was not the way—oh, no!—the way was to state one's proposition and then, having reduced one's adversary to a state of exhaustion, to deliver oneself of the categorical imperative: "Now see here! You've taken up my time explaining this matter to you. You've admitted my points—all I want to ask is how many do you want?"
It took an incredible amount of moral strength for Gloria to pressure him into coming back, and when he reported the next day, feeling a bit down from reading the outdated clichés scattered throughout "Heart Talks on Ambition," he found only fifty of the original three hundred waiting for the impressive and persuasive Sammy Carleton. Mr. Carleton's energy and influence were now focused on explaining that brilliant concept—how to sell. It turned out that the right approach was to lay out one’s proposition and then not say, "And now, will you buy?"—that was not the way—oh, no!—the correct method was to present one’s proposition and then, after wearing down your opponent, to deliver the clear command: "Now listen! You've taken up my time explaining this to you. You've acknowledged my points—all I want to know is how many do you want?"
As Mr. Carleton piled assertion upon assertion Anthony began to feel a sort of disgusted confidence in him. The man appeared to know what he was talking about. Obviously prosperous, he had risen to the position of instructing others. It did not occur to Anthony that the type of man who attains commercial success seldom knows how or why, and, as in his grandfather's case, when he ascribes reasons, the reasons are generally inaccurate and absurd.
As Mr. Carleton kept making one claim after another, Anthony started to feel a mix of irritation and confidence in him. The guy seemed to really know his stuff. Clearly successful, he had reached a point where he was teaching others. It didn’t cross Anthony’s mind that the kind of person who achieves commercial success often doesn’t actually know how or why, and like in his grandfather's case, when he gives reasons, they are usually wrong and ridiculous.
Anthony noted that of the numerous old men who had answered the original advertisement, only two had returned, and that among the thirty odd who assembled on the third day to get actual selling instructions from Mr. Carleton, only one gray head was in evidence. These thirty were eager converts; with their mouths they followed the working of Mr. Carleton's mouth; they swayed in their seats with enthusiasm, and in the intervals of his talk they spoke to each other in tense approving whispers. Yet of the chosen few who, in the words of Mr. Carleton, "were determined to get those deserts that rightly and truly belonged to them," less than half a dozen combined even a modicum of personal appearance with that great gift of being a "pusher." But they were told that they were all natural pushers—it was merely necessary that they should believe with a sort of savage passion in what they were selling. He even urged each one to buy some stock himself, if possible, in order to increase his own sincerity.
Anthony noticed that out of all the old men who had responded to the original ad, only two came back. Among the thirty or so who gathered on the third day to receive actual sales training from Mr. Carleton, only one gray head was present. These thirty were enthusiastic newcomers; they mirrored Mr. Carleton’s words with their own, swaying in their seats with excitement, and during pauses in his speech, they exchanged tense, approving whispers. However, of the select few who, as Mr. Carleton put it, "were determined to claim the rewards that rightfully belonged to them," fewer than six had any semblance of a polished appearance along with that crucial trait of being a "pusher." Still, they were told that they were all natural pushers—it just took a fierce belief in what they were selling. He even encouraged each person to buy some stock themselves, if they could, to enhance their own sense of sincerity.
On the fifth day then, Anthony sallied into the street with all the sensations of a man wanted by the police. Acting according to instructions he selected a tall office building in order that he might ride to the top story and work downward, stopping in every office that had a name on the door. But at the last minute he hesitated. Perhaps it would be more practicable to acclimate himself to the chilly atmosphere which he felt was awaiting him by trying a few offices on, say, Madison Avenue. He went into an arcade that seemed only semi-prosperous, and seeing a sign which read Percy B. Weatherbee, Architect, he opened the door heroically and entered. A starchy young woman looked up questioningly.
On the fifth day, Anthony stepped into the street feeling like a guy who was being hunted by the cops. Following the plan, he chose a tall office building so he could ride up to the top floor and work his way down, stopping at every office with a name on the door. But at the last moment, he had second thoughts. Maybe it would be better to ease into the cold reception he expected by checking out a few offices on Madison Avenue first. He walked into an arcade that seemed only somewhat successful and noticed a sign that read Percy B. Weatherbee, Architect. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and walked in. A prim young woman looked up at him with a questioning expression.
"Can I see Mr. Weatherbee?" He wondered if his voice sounded tremulous.
"Can I see Mr. Weatherbee?" He wondered if his voice sounded shaky.
She laid her hand tentatively on the telephone-receiver.
She placed her hand cautiously on the phone receiver.
"What's the name, please?"
"What's your name, please?"
"He wouldn't—ah—know me. He wouldn't know my name."
"He wouldn't—uh—know me. He wouldn't know my name."
"What's your business with him? You an insurance agent?"
"What's your deal with him? Are you an insurance agent?"
"Oh, no, nothing like that!" denied Anthony hurriedly. "Oh, no. It's a—it's a personal matter." He wondered if he should have said this. It had all sounded so simple when Mr. Carleton had enjoined his flock:
"Oh, no, nothing like that!" Anthony quickly replied. "Oh, no. It's a—it's a personal matter." He questioned whether he should have said that. It had all seemed so straightforward when Mr. Carleton had instructed his group:
"Don't allow yourself to be kept out! Show them you've made up your mind to talk to them, and they'll listen."
"Don’t let them shut you out! Let them know you’re determined to talk to them, and they’ll pay attention."
The girl succumbed to Anthony's pleasant, melancholy face, and in a moment the door to the inner room opened and admitted a tall, splay-footed man with slicked hair. He approached Anthony with ill-concealed impatience.
The girl fell for Anthony's charming, sad face, and soon the door to the inner room opened, letting in a tall, awkward man with slicked-back hair. He walked over to Anthony, clearly impatient.
"You wanted to see me on a personal matter?"
"You wanted to talk to me about something personal?"
Anthony quailed.
Anthony panicked.
"I wanted to talk to you," he said defiantly.
"I wanted to talk to you," he said boldly.
"About what?"
"About what?"
"It'll take some time to explain."
"It will take a while to explain."
"Well, what's it about?" Mr. Weatherbee's voice indicated rising irritation.
"Well, what's it about?" Mr. Weatherbee's voice showed increasing irritation.
Then Anthony, straining at each word, each syllable, began:
Then Anthony, struggling with each word, each syllable, started:
"I don't know whether or not you've ever heard of a series of pamphlets called 'Heart Talks'—"
"I don't know if you've ever come across a series of pamphlets called 'Heart Talks'—"
"Good grief!" cried Percy B. Weatherbee, Architect, "are you trying to touch my heart?"
"Good grief!" shouted Percy B. Weatherbee, Architect, "are you trying to touch my heart?"
"No, it's business. 'Heart Talks' have been incorporated and we're putting some shares on the market—"
"No, it's business. 'Heart Talks' has been incorporated and we're putting some shares up for sale—"
His voice faded slowly off, harassed by a fixed and contemptuous stare from his unwilling prey. For another minute he struggled on, increasingly sensitive, entangled in his own words. His confidence oozed from him in great retching emanations that seemed to be sections of his own body. Almost mercifully Percy B. Weatherbee, Architect, terminated the interview:
His voice trailed off, pressured by a fixed and scornful gaze from his unwilling victim. For another minute, he kept struggling, increasingly aware, tangled in his own words. His confidence leaked away in big, painful bursts that felt like parts of himself. Almost mercifully, Percy B. Weatherbee, Architect, ended the interview:
"Good grief!" he exploded in disgust, "and you call that a personal matter!" He whipped about and strode into his private office, banging the door behind him. Not daring to look at the stenographer, Anthony in some shameful and mysterious way got himself from the room. Perspiring profusely he stood in the hall wondering why they didn't come and arrest him; in every hurried look he discerned infallibly a glance of scorn.
"Good grief!" he shouted in frustration, "and you call that a personal matter!" He turned around and walked into his private office, slamming the door behind him. Not wanting to make eye contact with the stenographer, Anthony shamefully and mysteriously made his way out of the room. Sweating heavily, he stood in the hall, wondering why they didn't just come and arrest him; in every hurried glance, he could see a look of disdain.
After an hour and with the help of two strong whiskies he brought himself up to another attempt. He walked into a plumber's shop, but when he mentioned his business the plumber began pulling on his coat in a great hurry, gruffly announcing that he had to go to lunch. Anthony remarked politely that it was futile to try to sell a man anything when he was hungry, and the plumber heartily agreed.
After an hour and with the help of two strong whiskeys, he got himself ready for another try. He walked into a plumber's shop, but when he mentioned what he needed, the plumber quickly started putting on his coat, gruffly saying that he had to go to lunch. Anthony politely noted that it was pointless to try to sell something to someone who was hungry, and the plumber completely agreed.
This episode encouraged Anthony; he tried to think that had the plumber not been bound for lunch he would at least have listened.
This moment gave Anthony hope; he tried to believe that if the plumber hadn't been on his way to lunch, he would have at least paid attention.
Passing by a few glittering and formidable bazaars he entered a grocery store. A talkative proprietor told him that before buying any stocks he was going to see how the armistice affected the market. To Anthony this seemed almost unfair. In Mr. Carleton's salesman's Utopia the only reason prospective buyers ever gave for not purchasing stock was that they doubted it to be a promising investment. Obviously a man in that state was almost ludicrously easy game, to be brought down merely by the judicious application of the correct selling points. But these men—why, actually they weren't considering buying anything at all.
Passing a few shiny and impressive markets, he walked into a grocery store. A chatty owner mentioned that before buying any stocks, he wanted to see how the armistice impacted the market. To Anthony, this felt quite unfair. In Mr. Carleton's salesman's paradise, the only excuse potential buyers ever had for not purchasing stock was their doubt about it being a good investment. Clearly, a person in that mindset was almost ridiculously easy to persuade, just needing the right selling points. But these guys—well, they weren't even thinking about buying anything at all.
Anthony took several more drinks before he approached his fourth man, a real-estate agent; nevertheless, he was floored with a coup as decisive as a syllogism. The real-estate agent said that he had three brothers in the investment business. Viewing himself as a breaker-up of homes Anthony apologized and went out.
Anthony had a few more drinks before he approached his fourth guy, a real estate agent; however, he was shocked by a revelation as clear as day. The real estate agent mentioned that he had three brothers in the investment business. Seeing himself as someone who disrupts families, Anthony apologized and left.
After another drink he conceived the brilliant plan of selling the stock to the bartenders along Lexington Avenue. This occupied several hours, for it was necessary to take a few drinks in each place in order to get the proprietor in the proper frame of mind to talk business. But the bartenders one and all contended that if they had any money to buy bonds they would not be bartenders. It was as though they had all convened and decided upon that rejoinder. As he approached a dark and soggy five o'clock he found that they were developing a still more annoying tendency to turn him off with a jest.
After another drink, he came up with the brilliant idea of selling the stock to the bartenders along Lexington Avenue. This took several hours because he needed to have a few drinks at each place to get the owner in the right mindset for business. But every bartender insisted that if they had any money to buy bonds, they wouldn’t be bartenders. It was like they had all come together and agreed on that response. As he neared a damp and dreary five o'clock, he noticed they were becoming even more annoying by brushing him off with jokes.
At five, then, with a tremendous effort at concentration he decided that he must put more variety into his canvassing. He selected a medium-sized delicatessen store, and went in. He felt, illuminatingly, that the thing to do was to cast a spell not only over the storekeeper but over all the customers as well—and perhaps through the psychology of the herd instinct they would buy as an astounded and immediately convinced whole.
At five, he made a huge effort to focus and realized he needed to mix things up in his canvassing. He chose a medium-sized deli and stepped inside. He understood that he needed to charm not just the shopkeeper but also all the customers, hoping that their herd mentality would lead them to buy as a surprised and quickly convinced group.
"Af'ernoon," he began in a loud thick voice. "Ga l'il prop'sition."
"Afternoon," he started in a loud, deep voice. "Got a little proposition."
If he had wanted silence he obtained it. A sort of awe descended upon the half-dozen women marketing and upon the gray-haired ancient who in cap and apron was slicing chicken.
If he wanted silence, he got it. A kind of awe fell over the half-dozen women shopping and the gray-haired old man in a cap and apron slicing chicken.
Anthony pulled a batch of papers from his flapping briefcase and waved them cheerfully.
Anthony pulled out a stack of papers from his flapping briefcase and waved them happily.
"Buy a bon'," he suggested, "good as liberty bon'!" The phrase pleased him and he elaborated upon it. "Better'n liberty bon'. Every one these bon's worth two liberty bon's." His mind made a hiatus and skipped to his peroration, which he delivered with appropriate gestures, these being somewhat marred by the necessity of clinging to the counter with one or both hands.
"Buy a bond," he suggested, "just as good as a liberty bond!" He was pleased with the phrase and expanded on it. "Better than a liberty bond. Each of these bonds is worth two liberty bonds." His mind took a break and jumped to his conclusion, which he delivered with fitting gestures, although these were a bit hindered by the need to hold onto the counter with one or both hands.
"Now see here. You taken up my time. I don't want know why you won't buy. I just want you say why. Want you say how many!"
"Listen up. You've wasted my time. I don't care about the reasons you won't buy. I just want you to state why. I need you to tell me how many!"
At this point they should have approached him with check-books and fountain pens in hand. Realizing that they must have missed a cue Anthony, with the instincts of an actor, went back and repeated his finale.
At this point, they should have gone up to him with checkbooks and fountain pens ready. Realizing that they must have missed a signal, Anthony, with the instincts of an actor, went back and repeated his final act.
"Now see here! You taken up my time. You followed prop'sition. You agreed 'th reasonin'? Now, all I want from you is, how many lib'ty bon's?"
"Now listen! You've wasted my time. You agreed to the proposal. You accepted the reasoning? Now, all I want from you is, how many liberty bonds?"
"See here!" broke in a new voice. A portly man whose face was adorned with symmetrical scrolls of yellow hair had come out of a glass cage in the rear of the store and was bearing down upon Anthony. "See here, you!"
"Hey you!" interrupted a new voice. A stout man with a face framed by neat curls of yellow hair stepped out of a glass enclosure at the back of the store and marched toward Anthony. "Listen up, you!"
"How many?" repeated the salesman sternly. "You taken up my time—"
"How many?" the salesman repeated firmly. "You've wasted my time—"
"Hey, you!" cried the proprietor, "I'll have you taken up by the police."
"Hey, you!" shouted the owner, "I'll have the police take you in."
"You mos' cert'nly won't!" returned Anthony with fine defiance. "All I want know is how many."
"You most definitely won't!" Anthony replied with bold defiance. "All I want to know is how many."
From here and there in the store went up little clouds of comment and expostulation.
From different spots in the store, little bursts of chatter and complaints filled the air.
"How terrible!"
"How awful!"
"He's a raving maniac."
"He's a crazy man."
"He's disgracefully drunk."
"He's embarrassingly drunk."
The proprietor grasped Anthony's arm sharply.
The owner grabbed Anthony's arm firmly.
"Get out, or I'll call a policeman."
"Leave, or I'll call the cops."
Some relics of rationality moved Anthony to nod and replace his bonds clumsily in the case.
Some remnants of reason made Anthony nod and awkwardly put his belongings back in the case.
"How many?" he reiterated doubtfully.
"How many?" he asked again.
"The whole force if necessary!" thundered his adversary, his yellow mustache trembling fiercely.
"The whole force if necessary!" shouted his opponent, his yellow mustache shaking intensely.
"Sell 'em all a bon'."
"Sell them all a bond."
With this Anthony turned, bowed gravely to his late auditors, and wabbled from the store. He found a taxicab at the corner and rode home to the apartment. There he fell sound asleep on the sofa, and so Gloria found him, his breath filling the air with an unpleasant pungency, his hand still clutching his open brief case.
With that, Anthony turned, bowed seriously to his former listeners, and stumbled out of the store. He caught a taxi at the corner and rode home to the apartment. There, he fell deeply asleep on the sofa, and that's how Gloria found him, his breath creating an unpleasant smell in the air, his hand still gripping his open briefcase.
Except when Anthony was drinking, his range of sensation had become less than that of a healthy old man and when prohibition came in July he found that, among those who could afford it, there was more drinking than ever before. One's host now brought out a bottle upon the slightest pretext. The tendency to display liquor was a manifestation of the same instinct that led a man to deck his wife with jewels. To have liquor was a boast, almost a badge of respectability.
Except when Anthony was drinking, his ability to feel had become less than that of a healthy old man, and when Prohibition started in July, he noticed that among those who could afford it, there was more drinking than ever. Hosts would bring out a bottle for the slightest reason. The tendency to show off alcohol was like the instinct that made a man adorn his wife with jewels. Having liquor was a way to brag, almost a status symbol.
In the mornings Anthony awoke tired, nervous, and worried. Halcyon summer twilights and the purple chill of morning alike left him unresponsive. Only for a brief moment every day in the warmth and renewed life of a first high-ball did his mind turn to those opalescent dreams of future pleasure—the mutual heritage of the happy and the damned. But this was only for a little while. As he grew drunker the dreams faded and he became a confused spectre, moving in odd crannies of his own mind, full of unexpected devices, harshly contemptuous at best and reaching sodden and dispirited depths. One night in June he had quarrelled violently with Maury over a matter of the utmost triviality. He remembered dimly next morning that it had been about a broken pint bottle of champagne. Maury had told him to sober up and Anthony's feelings had been hurt, so with an attempted gesture of dignity he had risen from the table and seizing Gloria's arm half led, half shamed her into a taxicab outside, leaving Maury with three dinners ordered and tickets for the opera.
In the mornings, Anthony woke up feeling tired, anxious, and worried. Whether it was the peaceful summer evenings or the coolness of the morning, he remained unresponsive. Only for a brief moment each day, when he had his first drink, did his mind drift to those iridescent dreams of future happiness—the shared legacy of the fortunate and the damned. But this only lasted a short time. As he drank more, the dreams faded, and he became a confused ghost, wandering through strange corners of his own mind, filled with unexpected thoughts, often disdainful at best, and sinking into heavy, dispirited lows. One night in June, he had a fierce argument with Maury over something completely trivial. He vaguely remembered the next morning that it had been about a shattered pint bottle of champagne. Maury had told him to get it together, which hurt Anthony's feelings, so in a bid for dignity, he stood up from the table and, grabbing Gloria’s arm, half-led, half-pulled her into a taxi outside, leaving Maury with three pre-ordered dinners and opera tickets.
This sort of semi-tragic fiasco had become so usual that when they occurred he was no longer stirred into making amends. If Gloria protested—and of late she was more likely to sink into contemptuous silence—he would either engage in a bitter defense of himself or else stalk dismally from the apartment. Never since the incident on the station platform at Redgate had he laid his hands on her in anger—though he was withheld often only by some instinct that itself made him tremble with rage. Just as he still cared more for her than for any other creature, so did he more intensely and frequently hate her.
This kind of semi-tragic mess had become so common that when it happened, he no longer felt compelled to make things right. If Gloria complained—and lately she was more likely to just fall into contemptuous silence—he would either launch into a bitter defense of himself or gloomily leave the apartment. Since the incident on the station platform at Redgate, he hadn't touched her in anger—though he often held back only because some instinct made him shake with rage. Just as he still cared more for her than anyone else, he also hated her more intensely and frequently.
So far, the judges of the Appellate Division had failed to hand down a decision, but after another postponement they finally affirmed the decree of the lower court—two justices dissenting. A notice of appeal was served upon Edward Shuttleworth. The case was going to the court of last resort, and they were in for another interminable wait. Six months, perhaps a year. It had grown enormously unreal to them, remote and uncertain as heaven.
So far, the judges of the Appellate Division hadn't issued a decision, but after another delay, they finally upheld the ruling of the lower court—two justices disagreed. A notice of appeal was served to Edward Shuttleworth. The case was heading to the highest court, and they faced another long wait. Six months, maybe a year. It had become incredibly surreal to them, distant and uncertain like heaven.
Throughout the previous winter one small matter had been a subtle and omnipresent irritant—the question of Gloria's gray fur coat. At that time women enveloped in long squirrel wraps could be seen every few yards along Fifth Avenue. The women were converted to the shape of tops. They seemed porcine and obscene; they resembled kept women in the concealing richness, the feminine animality of the garment. Yet—Gloria wanted a gray squirrel coat.
Throughout the last winter, one small issue had been a constant and irritating presence—the question of Gloria's gray fur coat. At that time, women wrapped in long squirrel coats were visible every few yards along Fifth Avenue. The women took on the shape of rounded tops. They looked piggish and inappropriate; they resembled women who were supported by others, hidden in the luxurious and feminine nature of the garment. Yet—Gloria wanted a gray squirrel coat.
Discussing the matter—or, rather, arguing it, for even more than in the first year of their marriage did every discussion take the form of bitter debate full of such phrases as "most certainly," "utterly outrageous," "it's so, nevertheless," and the ultra-emphatic "regardless"—they concluded that they could not afford it. And so gradually it began to stand as a symbol of their growing financial anxiety.
Discussing the issue—or rather, arguing about it, because even more than in the first year of their marriage, every discussion turned into a bitter debate filled with phrases like "most definitely," "completely outrageous," "it's true, though," and the super-emphatic "regardless"—they came to the conclusion that they couldn’t afford it. And so, little by little, it started to represent their increasing financial worries.
To Gloria the shrinkage of their income was a remarkable phenomenon, without explanation or precedent—that it could happen at all within the space of five years seemed almost an intended cruelty, conceived and executed by a sardonic God. When they were married seventy-five hundred a year had seemed ample for a young couple, especially when augmented by the expectation of many millions. Gloria had failed to realize that it was decreasing not only in amount but in purchasing power until the payment of Mr. Haight's retaining fee of fifteen thousand dollars made the fact suddenly and startlingly obvious. When Anthony was drafted they had calculated their income at over four hundred a month, with the dollar even then decreasing in value, but on his return to New York they discovered an even more alarming condition of affairs. They were receiving only forty-five hundred a year from their investments. And though the suit over the will moved ahead of them like a persistent mirage and the financial danger-mark loomed up in the near distance they found, nevertheless, that living within their income was impossible.
To Gloria, the reduction of their income was a surprising situation, with no explanation or precedent—that it could happen at all within just five years felt almost like a deliberate cruelty, designed and carried out by a mocking God. When they got married, seventy-five hundred a year had seemed more than enough for a young couple, especially with the expectation of many millions to come. Gloria hadn’t realized that their income was not only decreasing in amount but also in purchasing power until Mr. Haight's retainer fee of fifteen thousand dollars made it glaringly clear. When Anthony was drafted, they had figured their income at over four hundred a month, even then with the dollar losing value, but upon his return to New York, they found an even more concerning situation. They were only receiving forty-five hundred a year from their investments. And although the lawsuit over the will loomed ahead like a stubborn mirage and the financial danger sign was clearly visible in the near distance, they still found that living within their income was impossible.
So Gloria went without the squirrel coat and every day upon Fifth Avenue she was a little conscious of her well-worn, half-length leopard skin, now hopelessly old-fashioned. Every other month they sold a bond, yet when the bills were paid it left only enough to be gulped down hungrily by their current expenses. Anthony's calculations showed that their capital would last about seven years longer. So Gloria's heart was very bitter, for in one week, on a prolonged hysterical party during which Anthony whimsically divested himself of coat, vest, and shirt in a theatre and was assisted out by a posse of ushers, they spent twice what the gray squirrel coat would have cost.
So Gloria went without the squirrel coat, and every day on Fifth Avenue, she felt a bit self-conscious in her worn, short leopard skin, which was now hopelessly out of style. They sold a bond every other month, but after paying the bills, there was only enough left to be quickly consumed by their current expenses. Anthony's calculations showed that their funds could last about seven more years. This made Gloria's heart very heavy because, in just one week, during an extended wild party where Anthony playfully stripped off his coat, vest, and shirt in a theater and had to be escorted out by a group of ushers, they spent double what the gray squirrel coat would have cost.
It was November, Indian summer rather, and a warm, warm night—which was unnecessary, for the work of the summer was done. Babe Ruth had smashed the home-run record for the first time and Jack Dempsey had broken Jess Willard's cheek-bone out in Ohio. Over in Europe the usual number of children had swollen stomachs from starvation, and the diplomats were at their customary business of making the world safe for new wars. In New York City the proletariat were being "disciplined," and the odds on Harvard were generally quoted at five to three. Peace had come down in earnest, the beginning of new days.
It was November, more like an Indian summer, and a warm, warm night—which wasn't needed since the summer work was finished. Babe Ruth had set the home-run record for the first time, and Jack Dempsey had broken Jess Willard's cheekbone in Ohio. Over in Europe, the usual number of children had swollen bellies from starvation, and diplomats were once again busy making the world safe for new wars. In New York City, the working class was being "disciplined," and the odds on Harvard were generally quoted at five to three. Peace had truly arrived, marking the start of new days.
Up in the bedroom of the apartment on Fifty-seventh Street Gloria lay upon her bed and tossed from side to side, sitting up at intervals to throw off a superfluous cover and once asking Anthony, who was lying awake beside her, to bring her a glass of ice-water. "Be sure and put ice in it," she said with insistence; "it isn't cold enough the way it comes from the faucet."
Up in the bedroom of the apartment on Fifty-seventh Street, Gloria was lying on her bed, tossing and turning. She sat up from time to time to throw off an extra blanket and at one point asked Anthony, who was lying awake next to her, to bring her a glass of ice water. "Make sure to put ice in it," she insisted. "It’s not cold enough straight from the tap."
Looking through the frail curtains she could see the rounded moon over the roofs and beyond it on the sky the yellow glow from Times Square—and watching the two incongruous lights, her mind worked over an emotion, or rather an interwoven complex of emotions, that had occupied it through the day, and the day before that and back to the last time when she could remember having thought clearly and consecutively about anything—which must have been while Anthony was in the army.
Looking through the thin curtains, she could see the full moon over the rooftops, and beyond it, the yellow glow from Times Square in the sky. As she watched the two contrasting lights, her mind churned through a mix of emotions that had consumed her throughout the day, the day before that, and back to the last time she could remember thinking clearly and continuously about anything—which had to be when Anthony was in the army.
She would be twenty-nine in February. The month assumed an ominous and inescapable significance—making her wonder, through these nebulous half-fevered hours whether after all she had not wasted her faintly tired beauty, whether there was such a thing as use for any quality bounded by a harsh and inevitable mortality.
She would turn twenty-nine in February. The month took on a dark and unavoidable meaning—making her question, during these hazy, feverish hours, whether she had wasted her somewhat tired beauty after all, and whether there was any real purpose for any quality limited by the harsh reality of mortality.
Years before, when she was twenty-one, she had written in her diary: "Beauty is only to be admired, only to be loved—to be harvested carefully and then flung at a chosen lover like a gift of roses. It seems to me, so far as I can judge clearly at all, that my beauty should be used like that...."
Years ago, when she was twenty-one, she had written in her diary: "Beauty is meant to be admired, to be loved—gathered with care and then tossed to a chosen lover like a bouquet of roses. It seems to me, as far as I can judge clearly at all, that my beauty should be used like that...."
And now, all this November day, all this desolate day, under a sky dirty and white, Gloria had been thinking that perhaps she had been wrong. To preserve the integrity of her first gift she had looked no more for love. When the first flame and ecstasy had grown dim, sunk down, departed, she had begun preserving—what? It puzzled her that she no longer knew just what she was preserving—a sentimental memory or some profound and fundamental concept of honor. She was doubting now whether there had been any moral issue involved in her way of life—to walk unworried and unregretful along the gayest of all possible lanes and to keep her pride by being always herself and doing what it seemed beautiful that she should do. From the first little boy in an Eton collar whose "girl" she had been, down to the latest casual man whose eyes had grown alert and appreciative as they rested upon her, there was needed only that matchless candor she could throw into a look or clothe with an inconsequent clause—for she had talked always in broken clauses—to weave about her immeasurable illusions, immeasurable distances, immeasurable light. To create souls in men, to create fine happiness and fine despair she must remain deeply proud—proud to be inviolate, proud also to be melting, to be passionate and possessed.
And now, all through this November day, this bleak day, under a dirty, white sky, Gloria had been thinking that maybe she had been wrong. To keep the spirit of her first love intact, she had stopped looking for love again. When the initial spark and excitement had faded, vanished, gone, she had started to hold on to—what? It confused her that she no longer knew exactly what she was hanging onto—a sentimental memory or some deep, fundamental idea of honor. She was now questioning whether there had ever been any moral dilemma in her lifestyle—walking carefree and without regret down the most joyful of paths while maintaining her pride by being true to herself and doing what felt beautiful. From the first little boy in an Eton collar who had called her his "girl," to the most recent casual guy whose eyes lit up with interest as they rested on her, all it took was that exceptional sincerity she could convey with a glance or dress up with a random remark—for she had always spoken in fragmented thoughts—to surround her with vast illusions, endless distances, and immeasurable light. To create souls in men, to foster true happiness and genuine despair, she had to remain deeply proud—proud to be untouched, proud also to be softening, to be passionate and desired.
She knew that in her breast she had never wanted children. The reality, the earthiness, the intolerable sentiment of child-bearing, the menace to her beauty—had appalled her. She wanted to exist only as a conscious flower, prolonging and preserving itself. Her sentimentality could cling fiercely to her own illusions, but her ironic soul whispered that motherhood was also the privilege of the female baboon. So her dreams were of ghostly children only—the early, the perfect symbols of her early and perfect love for Anthony.
She realized that deep down, she had never wanted kids. The reality, the physical strain, the overwhelming feeling of carrying a child, the threat to her looks—it all scared her. She wanted to live only as a self-aware flower, lasting and taking care of herself. Her sentimental side could hold tightly to her own fantasies, but her ironic side reminded her that motherhood was also something a female baboon experienced. So, her dreams were only of ethereal children—the early, flawless symbols of her intense and ideal love for Anthony.
In the end then, her beauty was all that never failed her. She had never seen beauty like her own. What it meant ethically or aesthetically faded before the gorgeous concreteness of her pink-and-white feet, the clean perfectness of her body, and the baby mouth that was like the material symbol of a kiss.
In the end, her beauty was the one thing that never let her down. She had never encountered beauty like hers. What it meant in moral or artistic terms faded away in comparison to the stunning reality of her pink-and-white feet, the flawless perfection of her body, and the soft mouth that symbolized a kiss.
She would be twenty-nine in February. As the long night waned she grew supremely conscious that she and beauty were going to make use of these next three months. At first she was not sure for what, but the problem resolved itself gradually into the old lure of the screen. She was in earnest now. No material want could have moved her as this fear moved her. No matter for Anthony, Anthony the poor in spirit, the weak and broken man with bloodshot eyes, for whom she still had moments of tenderness. No matter. She would be twenty-nine in February—a hundred days, so many days; she would go to Bloeckman to-morrow.
She would be twenty-nine in February. As the long night faded, she became acutely aware that she and beauty were going to make the most of the next three months. At first, she wasn’t sure for what, but the dilemma gradually focused on the familiar temptation of the screen. She was serious about it now. No physical need could have driven her like this fear did. It didn’t matter about Anthony, Anthony the poor in spirit, the weak and broken man with bloodshot eyes, for whom she still felt moments of tenderness. It didn’t matter. She would be twenty-nine in February—a hundred days, so many days; she would go to Bloeckman tomorrow.
With the decision came relief. It cheered her that in some manner the illusion of beauty could be sustained, or preserved perhaps in celluloid after the reality had vanished. Well—to-morrow.
With the decision came relief. It made her happy that somehow the illusion of beauty could be maintained, or maybe kept alive in film after the reality had disappeared. Well—tomorrow.
The next day she felt weak and ill. She tried to go out, and saved herself from collapse only by clinging to a mail box near the front door. The Martinique elevator boy helped her up-stairs, and she waited on the bed for Anthony's return without energy to unhook her brassiere.
The next day she felt weak and sick. She tried to go outside, and barely managed to keep from collapsing by holding onto a mailbox near the front door. The Martinique elevator attendant helped her upstairs, and she lay on the bed waiting for Anthony to come back, too drained to unhook her bra.
For five days she was down with influenza, which, just as the month turned the corner into winter, ripened into double pneumonia. In the feverish perambulations of her mind she prowled through a house of bleak unlighted rooms hunting for her mother. All she wanted was to be a little girl, to be efficiently taken care of by some yielding yet superior power, stupider and steadier than herself. It seemed that the only lover she had ever wanted was a lover in a dream.
For five days, she was sick with the flu, which, as the month shifted into winter, developed into double pneumonia. In the feverish wanderings of her mind, she searched through a house of dark, unlit rooms looking for her mother. All she wanted was to be a little girl, to be properly cared for by some gentle yet strong force, simpler and steadier than herself. It felt like the only partner she had ever desired was one from a dream.
"ODI PROFANUM VULGUS"
One day in the midst of Gloria's illness there occurred a curious incident that puzzled Miss McGovern, the trained nurse, for some time afterward. It was noon, but the room in which the patient lay was dark and quiet. Miss McGovern was standing near the bed mixing some medicine, when Mrs. Patch, who had apparently been sound asleep, sat up and began to speak vehemently:
One day during Gloria's illness, something strange happened that confused Miss McGovern, the trained nurse, for a while afterward. It was noon, but the room where the patient rested was dark and quiet. Miss McGovern was standing by the bed mixing some medicine when Mrs. Patch, who had seemingly been deeply asleep, sat up and started to speak passionately:
"Millions of people," she said, "swarming like rats, chattering like apes, smelling like all hell ... monkeys! Or lice, I suppose. For one really exquisite palace ... on Long Island, say—or even in Greenwich ... for one palace full of pictures from the Old World and exquisite things—with avenues of trees and green lawns and a view of the blue sea, and lovely people about in slick dresses ... I'd sacrifice a hundred thousand of them, a million of them." She raised her hand feebly and snapped her fingers. "I care nothing for them—understand me?"
"Millions of people," she said, "swarming like rats, chattering like apes, smelling awful... monkeys! Or lice, I guess. For one truly amazing palace... on Long Island, maybe—or even in Greenwich... for one palace filled with art from the Old World and beautiful things—with tree-lined avenues, green lawns, a view of the blue sea, and lovely people around in fancy dresses... I'd give up a hundred thousand of them, a million of them." She raised her hand weakly and snapped her fingers. "I don't care about them—got it?"
The look she bent upon Miss McGovern at the conclusion of this speech was curiously elfin, curiously intent. Then she gave a short little laugh polished with scorn, and tumbling backward fell off again to sleep.
The look she gave Miss McGovern at the end of this speech was strangely playful, strangely focused. Then she let out a brief laugh laced with contempt, and, tumbling backward, she fell asleep again.
Miss McGovern was bewildered. She wondered what were the hundred thousand things that Mrs. Patch would sacrifice for her palace. Dollars, she supposed—yet it had not sounded exactly like dollars.
Miss McGovern was confused. She wondered what the hundred thousand things were that Mrs. Patch would give up for her palace. Money, she guessed—yet it hadn’t really sounded like money.
THE MOVIES
It was February, seven days before her birthday, and the great snow that had filled up the cross-streets as dirt fills the cracks in a floor had turned to slush and was being escorted to the gutters by the hoses of the street-cleaning department. The wind, none the less bitter for being casual, whipped in through the open windows of the living room bearing with it the dismal secrets of the areaway and clearing the Patch apartment of stale smoke in its cheerless circulation.
It was February, just a week before her birthday, and the heavy snow that had piled up in the side streets like dirt fills the cracks in a floor had melted into slush and was being swept to the gutters by the street-cleaning crew. The wind, just as harsh despite its casualness, rushed through the open windows of the living room, bringing with it the gloomy secrets of the area and clearing the Patch apartment of stale smoke in its dreary flow.
Gloria, wrapped in a warm kimona, came into the chilly room and taking up the telephone receiver called Joseph Bloeckman.
Gloria, wrapped in a cozy kimono, walked into the cold room and picked up the phone to call Joseph Bloeckman.
"Do you mean Mr. Joseph Black?" demanded the telephone girl at "Films Par Excellence."
"Are you talking about Mr. Joseph Black?" asked the reception girl at "Films Par Excellence."
"Bloeckman, Joseph Bloeckman. B-l-o—"
"Bloeckman, Joseph Bloeckman. B-L-O—"
"Mr. Joseph Bloeckman has changed his name to Black. Do you want him?"
"Mr. Joseph Bloeckman has changed his name to Black. Do you want him?"
"Why—yes." She remembered nervously that she had once called him "Blockhead" to his face.
"Yeah." She nervously remembered that she had once called him "Blockhead" to his face.
His office was reached by courtesy of two additional female voices; the last was a secretary who took her name. Only with the flow through the transmitter of his own familiar but faintly impersonal tone did she realize that it had been three years since they had met. And he had changed his name to Black.
His office was accessible thanks to the addition of two other female voices; the last one was a secretary who introduced herself. Only when she heard his familiar but somewhat impersonal voice through the intercom did she realize that it had been three years since they last met. And he had changed his name to Black.
"Can you see me?" she suggested lightly. "It's on a business matter, really. I'm going into the movies at last—if I can."
"Can you see me?" she said casually. "It’s about business, actually. I’m finally getting into the movies—if I can."
"I'm awfully glad. I've always thought you'd like it."
"I'm really glad. I always thought you would like it."
"Do you think you can get me a trial?" she demanded with the arrogance peculiar to all beautiful women, to all women who have ever at any time considered themselves beautiful.
"Do you think you can get me a trial?" she asked with the confidence unique to all beautiful women, to all women who have ever thought of themselves as beautiful.
He assured her that it was merely a question of when she wanted the trial. Any time? Well, he'd phone later in the day and let her know a convenient hour. The conversation closed with conventional padding on both sides. Then from three o'clock to five she sat close to the telephone—with no result.
He assured her that it was just a matter of when she wanted the trial. Anytime? Alright, he'd call later in the day and tell her a good time. The conversation ended with typical small talk from both of them. Then from three o'clock to five, she sat right by the phone—with no result.
But next morning came a note that contented and excited her:
But the next morning, she received a note that thrilled and delighted her:
My dear Gloria:
Dear Gloria:
Just by luck a matter came to my attention that I think will be just suited to you. I would like to see you start with something that would bring you notice. At the same time if a very beautiful girl of your sort is put directly into a picture next to one of the rather shop-worn stars with which every company is afflicted, tongues would very likely wag. But there is a "flapper" part in a Percy B. Debris production that I think would be just suited to you and would bring you notice. Willa Sable plays opposite Gaston Mears in a sort of character part and your part I believe would be her younger sister.
By chance, I came across an opportunity that I think is perfect for you. I’d love to see you start with something that will really get you noticed. At the same time, if a stunning girl like you is placed right next to one of the worn-out stars every company has, people are definitely going to talk. However, there’s a "flapper" role in a Percy B. Debris production that I believe would be ideal for you and would attract attention. Willa Sable plays the role opposite Gaston Mears in a character part, and I think your role would be her younger sister.
Anyway Percy B. Debris who is directing the picture says if you'll come to the studios day after to-morrow (Thursday) he will run off a test. If ten o'clock is suited to you I will meet you there at that time.
Anyway, Percy B. Debris, who is directing the movie, says if you come to the studios on Thursday, he will do a test shoot. If ten o'clock works for you, I'll meet you there at that time.
With all good wishes
Best wishes
Ever Faithfully
Always Faithful
JOSEPH BLACK.
JOSEPH BLACK.
Gloria had decided that Anthony was to know nothing of this until she had obtained a definite position, and accordingly she was dressed and out of the apartment next morning before he awoke. Her mirror had given her, she thought, much the same account as ever. She wondered if there were any lingering traces of her sickness. She was still slightly under weight, and she had fancied, a few days before, that her cheeks were a trifle thinner—but she felt that those were merely transitory conditions and that on this particular day she looked as fresh as ever. She had bought and charged a new hat, and as the day was warm she had left the leopard skin coat at home.
Gloria had decided that Anthony wouldn't know anything about this until she secured a definite position, so she got dressed and left the apartment the next morning before he woke up. Her reflection seemed to tell her the same thing as always. She wondered if there were any lingering signs of her illness. She was still a bit underweight and had thought, a few days earlier, that her cheeks looked a little thinner—but she felt those were just temporary conditions and on this particular day, she looked as fresh as ever. She had bought a new hat on credit, and since it was a warm day, she left her leopard skin coat at home.
At the "Films Par Excellence" studios she was announced over the telephone and told that Mr. Black would be down directly. She looked around her. Two girls were being shown about by a little fat man in a slash-pocket coat, and one of them had indicated a stack of thin parcels, piled breast-high against the wall, and extending along for twenty feet.
At the "Films Par Excellence" studios, she received a phone call saying that Mr. Black would be down soon. She glanced around. Two girls were being given a tour by a short, chubby man in a coat with slash pockets, and one of them pointed to a tall stack of thin packages piled up to her chest against the wall and stretching for about twenty feet.
"That's studio mail," explained the fat man. "Pictures of the stars who are with 'Films Par Excellence.'"
"That's studio mail," the heavyset man explained. "Photos of the stars who are associated with 'Films Par Excellence.'"
"Oh."
"Oh."
"Each one's autographed by Florence Kelley or Gaston Mears or Mack Dodge—" He winked confidentially. "At least when Minnie McGlook out in Sauk Center gets the picture she wrote for, she thinks it's autographed."
"Each one's signed by Florence Kelley or Gaston Mears or Mack Dodge—" He winked knowingly. "At least when Minnie McGlook out in Sauk Center gets the picture she wrote for, she thinks it's signed."
"Just a stamp?"
"Is it just a stamp?"
"Sure. It'd take 'em a good eight-hour day to autograph half of 'em. They say Mary Pickford's studio mail costs her fifty thousand a year."
"Sure. It would take them a solid eight-hour day to sign half of them. They say Mary Pickford's studio mail costs her fifty thousand a year."
"Say!"
"Hey!"
"Sure. Fifty thousand. But it's the best kinda advertising there is—"
"Absolutely. Fifty thousand. But it's the best kind of advertising there is—"
They drifted out of earshot and almost immediately Bloeckman appeared—Bloeckman, a dark suave gentleman, gracefully engaged in the middle forties, who greeted her with courteous warmth and told her she had not changed a bit in three years. He led the way into a great hall, as large as an armory and broken intermittently with busy sets and blinding rows of unfamiliar light. Each piece of scenery was marked in large white letters "Gaston Mears Company," "Mack Dodge Company," or simply "Films Par Excellence."
They drifted out of earshot, and almost immediately Bloeckman appeared—Bloeckman, a dark, suave guy in his mid-forties, who greeted her with warm politeness and said she hadn’t changed a bit in three years. He led the way into a huge hall, as large as an armory, broken up here and there by busy sets and bright, unfamiliar lights. Each piece of scenery was labeled in big white letters "Gaston Mears Company," "Mack Dodge Company," or just "Films Par Excellence."
"Ever been in a studio before?"
"Have you ever been in a studio before?"
"Never have."
"Never will."
She liked it. There was no heavy closeness of greasepaint, no scent of soiled and tawdry costumes which years before had revolted her behind the scenes of a musical comedy. This work was done in the clean mornings; the appurtenances seemed rich and gorgeous and new. On a set that was joyous with Manchu hangings a perfect Chinaman was going through a scene according to megaphone directions as the great glittering machine ground out its ancient moral tale for the edification of the national mind.
She liked it. There was no thick layer of makeup, no smell of dirty and cheap costumes that had disgusted her years ago backstage at a musical comedy. This work was done in the fresh mornings; the props seemed luxurious and brand new. On a set filled with colorful Manchu decorations, a perfect Chinaman was performing a scene following megaphone instructions as the grand, sparkling machine churned out its timeless moral story for the enrichment of the national mindset.
A red-headed man approached them and spoke with familiar deference to Bloeckman, who answered:
A red-headed man walked up to them and spoke to Bloeckman with a sense of familiarity and respect, who replied:
"Hello, Debris. Want you to meet Mrs. Patch.... Mrs. Patch wants to go into pictures, as I explained to you.... All right, now, where do we go?"
"Hey, Debris. I want you to meet Mrs. Patch... Mrs. Patch wants to get into movies, like I told you... So, where do we go now?"
Mr. Debris—the great Percy B. Debris, thought Gloria—showed them to a set which represented the interior of an office. Some chairs were drawn up around the camera, which stood in front of it, and the three of them sat down.
Mr. Debris—the great Percy B. Debris, thought Gloria—showed them to a set that depicted the inside of an office. A few chairs were pulled up around the camera, which was positioned in front of it, and the three of them took a seat.
"Ever been in a studio before?" asked Mr. Debris, giving her a glance that was surely the quintessence of keenness. "No? Well, I'll explain exactly what's going to happen. We're going to take what we call a test in order to see how your features photograph and whether you've got natural stage presence and how you respond to coaching. There's no need to be nervous over it. I'll just have the camera-man take a few hundred feet in an episode I've got marked here in the scenario. We can tell pretty much what we want to from that."
"Have you ever been in a studio before?" Mr. Debris asked, giving her a look that was definitely full of interest. "No? Well, let me explain exactly what's going to happen. We're going to do a test to see how your features look on camera, whether you have natural stage presence, and how you respond to direction. There's no reason to be nervous about it. I'll just have the cameraman shoot a few hundred feet of a scene I've marked here in the script. We can figure out what we want from that."
He produced a typewritten continuity and explained to her the episode she was to enact. It developed that one Barbara Wainwright had been secretly married to the junior partner of the firm whose office was there represented. Entering the deserted office one day by accident she was naturally interested in seeing where her husband worked. The telephone rang and after some hesitation she answered it. She learned that her husband had been struck by an automobile and instantly killed. She was overcome. At first she was unable to realize the truth, but finally she succeeded in comprehending it, and went into a dead faint on the floor.
He typed up a script and explained to her the scene she was going to perform. It turned out that a woman named Barbara Wainwright had been secretly married to the junior partner of the firm represented in the office. One day, she accidentally entered the empty office and was curious to see where her husband worked. When the phone rang, she hesitated but eventually picked it up. She found out that her husband had been hit by a car and killed instantly. She was devastated. At first, she couldn’t grasp the reality of what she had just learned, but eventually, she managed to understand it and fainted on the floor.
"Now that's all we want," concluded Mr. Debris. "I'm going to stand here and tell you approximately what to do, and you're to act as though I wasn't here, and just go on do it your own way. You needn't be afraid we're going to judge this too severely. We simply want to get a general idea of your screen personality."
"That's all we want," Mr. Debris concluded. "I'm going to stand here and give you some guidance, but you should act like I'm not here and just do it your own way. Don't worry; we won't judge this too harshly. We just want to get a general sense of your screen personality."
"I see."
"Got it."
"You'll find make-up in the room in back of the set. Go light on it. Very little red."
"You’ll find makeup in the room behind the set. Use it sparingly. Very little red."
"I see," repeated Gloria, nodding. She touched her lips nervously with the tip of her tongue.
"I see," Gloria repeated, nodding. She nervously touched her lips with the tip of her tongue.
THE TEST
As she came into the set through the real wooden door and closed it carefully behind her, she found herself inconveniently dissatisfied with her clothes. She should have bought a "misses'" dress for the occasion—she could still wear them, and it might have been a good investment if it had accentuated her airy youth.
As she walked onto the set through the real wooden door and closed it carefully behind her, she felt uncomfortably dissatisfied with her outfit. She should have bought a "misses'" dress for the occasion—she could still wear them, and it might have been a good investment if it had highlighted her youthful energy.
Her mind snapped sharply into the momentous present as Mr. Debris's voice came from the glare of the white lights in front.
Her mind snapped sharply into the important present as Mr. Debris's voice came from the bright white lights in front of her.
"You look around for your husband.... Now—you don't see him ... you're curious about the office...."
"You look around for your husband. Now—you can't find him... you're curious about the office..."
She became conscious of the regular sound of the camera. It worried her. She glanced toward it involuntarily and wondered if she had made up her face correctly. Then, with a definite effort she forced herself to act—and she had never felt that the gestures of her body were so banal, so awkward, so bereft of grace or distinction. She strolled around the office, picking up articles here and there and looking at them inanely. Then she scrutinized the ceiling, the floor, and thoroughly inspected an inconsequential lead pencil on the desk. Finally, because she could think of nothing else to do, and less than nothing to express, she forced a smile.
She became aware of the regular sound of the camera. It unnerved her. She glanced at it without meaning to and wondered if her expression was right. Then, making a conscious effort, she pushed herself to act—and she had never felt that her movements were so dull, so clumsy, so lacking in grace or style. She walked around the office, picking up items here and there and looking at them blankly. Then she examined the ceiling, the floor, and took a close look at a random pencil on the desk. Finally, since she could think of nothing else to do, and had even less to express, she forced a smile.
"All right. Now the phone rings. Ting-a-ling-a-ling! Hesitate, and then answer it."
"Okay. Now the phone rings. Ding-a-ling! Pause for a moment, and then pick it up."
She hesitated—and then, too quickly, she thought, picked up the receiver.
She hesitated—and then, too quickly, she thought, picked up the phone.
"Hello."
"Hi."
Her voice was hollow and unreal. The words rang in the empty set like the ineffectualities of a ghost. The absurdities of their requirements appalled her—Did they expect that on an instant's notice she could put herself in the place of this preposterous and unexplained character?
Her voice sounded empty and surreal. The words echoed in the vacant space like the failures of a ghost. The ridiculousness of their demands shocked her—Did they really think she could, in a moment's notice, step into the shoes of this ridiculous and unexplainable character?
"... No ... no.... Not yet! Now listen: 'John Sumner has just been knocked over by an automobile and instantly killed!'"
"... No ... no.... Not yet! Now listen: 'John Sumner has just been hit by a car and killed instantly!'"
Gloria let her baby mouth drop slowly open. Then:
Gloria let her baby's mouth drop slowly open. Then:
"Now hang up! With a bang!"
"Now hang up! With a slam!"
She obeyed, clung to the table with her eyes wide and staring. At length she was feeling slightly encouraged and her confidence increased.
She followed his command, gripping the table with her eyes wide open and staring. Eventually, she started to feel a bit more encouraged and her confidence grew.
"My God!" she cried. Her voice was good, she thought. "Oh, my God!"
"My God!" she exclaimed. She thought her voice sounded good. "Oh, my God!"
"Now faint."
"Feeling faint."
She collapsed forward to her knees and throwing her body outward on the ground lay without breathing.
She fell to her knees and threw herself onto the ground, lying there without breathing.
"All right!" called Mr. Debris. "That's enough, thank you. That's plenty. Get up—that's enough."
"Alright!" shouted Mr. Debris. "That's enough, thank you. That's plenty. Get up—enough already."
Gloria arose, mustering her dignity and brushing off her skirt.
Gloria got up, gathering her dignity and dusting off her skirt.
"Awful!" she remarked with a cool laugh, though her heart was bumping tumultuously. "Terrible, wasn't it?"
"Awful!" she said with a casual laugh, even though her heart was racing wildly. "Terrible, right?"
"Did you mind it?" said Mr. Debris, smiling blandly. "Did it seem hard? I can't tell anything about it until I have it run off."
"Did you mind it?" Mr. Debris asked, smiling innocently. "Did it seem difficult? I can't say anything about it until I've had a chance to see it finished."
"Of course not," she agreed, trying to attach some sort of meaning to his remark—and failing. It was just the sort of thing he would have said had he been trying not to encourage her.
"Of course not," she agreed, trying to make sense of his comment—and failing. It was exactly the kind of thing he would have said if he were trying not to motivate her.
A few moments later she left the studio. Bloeckman had promised that she should hear the result of the test within the next few days. Too proud to force any definite comment she felt a baffling uncertainty and only now when the step had at last been taken did she realize how the possibility of a successful screen career had played in the back of her mind for the past three years. That night she tried to tell over to herself the elements that might decide for or against her. Whether or not she had used enough make-up worried her, and as the part was that of a girl of twenty, she wondered if she had not been just a little too grave. About her acting she was least of all satisfied. Her entrance had been abominable—in fact not until she reached the phone had she displayed a shred of poise—and then the test had been over. If they had only realized! She wished that she could try it again. A mad plan to call up in the morning and ask for a new trial took possession of her, and as suddenly faded. It seemed neither politic nor polite to ask another favor of Bloeckman.
A few moments later, she left the studio. Bloeckman had promised she would hear the test results in the next few days. Too proud to ask for clear feedback, she felt a confusing uncertainty, and now that the decision had finally been made, she realized how much the idea of a successful screen career had lingered in the back of her mind for the past three years. That night, she tried to list the factors that could sway things in her favor or not. She worried about whether she had worn enough makeup, and since the role was for a twenty-year-old, she wondered if she had come off as a bit too serious. She was least satisfied with her acting. Her entrance had been terrible—she didn't show any grace until she reached the phone, and by then the test was over. If only they had understood! She wished she could do it again. A crazy idea crossed her mind to call in the morning and ask for another chance, but it quickly faded. It didn’t feel right to ask Bloeckman for another favor.
The third day of waiting found her in a highly nervous condition. She had bitten the insides of her mouth until they were raw and smarting, and burnt unbearably when she washed them with listerine. She had quarrelled so persistently with Anthony that he had left the apartment in a cold fury. But because he was intimidated by her exceptional frigidity, he called up an hour afterward, apologized and said he was having dinner at the Amsterdam Club, the only one in which he still retained membership.
The third day of waiting left her feeling extremely anxious. She had bitten the insides of her mouth until they were raw and painful, and it burned unbearably when she rinsed them with Listerine. She had argued so much with Anthony that he had stormed out of the apartment in a cold rage. But because he was put off by her unusual chilliness, he called an hour later, apologized, and said he was having dinner at the Amsterdam Club, the only one where he still had a membership.
It was after one o'clock and she had breakfasted at eleven, so, deciding to forego luncheon, she started for a walk in the Park. At three there would be a mail. She would be back by three.
It was after one o'clock and she had eaten breakfast at eleven, so, deciding to skip lunch, she set out for a walk in the Park. There would be mail at three. She would be back by three.
It was an afternoon of premature spring. Water was drying on the walks and in the Park little girls were gravely wheeling white doll-buggies up and down under the thin trees while behind them followed bored nursery-maids in two's, discussing with each other those tremendous secrets that are peculiar to nursery-maids.
It was an early spring afternoon. Water was evaporating from the paths, and in the park, little girls were seriously pushing white doll strollers back and forth beneath the bare trees, while behind them walked bored nannies in pairs, chatting about those huge secrets that only nannies know.
Two o'clock by her little gold watch. She should have a new watch, one made in a platinum oblong and incrusted with diamonds—but those cost even more than squirrel coats and of course they were out of her reach now, like everything else—unless perhaps the right letter was awaiting her ... in about an hour ... fifty-eight minutes exactly. Ten to get there left forty-eight ... forty-seven now ...
Two o'clock according to her tiny gold watch. She really should get a new one, something in platinum, shaped like a rectangle, and set with diamonds—but those were even pricier than fur coats, and of course, they were completely out of her reach now, just like everything else—unless maybe the perfect letter was waiting for her... in about an hour... fifty-eight minutes to be exact. Ten minutes to get there, leaving forty-eight... forty-seven now...
Little girls soberly wheeling their buggies along the damp sunny walks. The nursery-maids chattering in pairs about their inscrutable secrets. Here and there a raggedy man seated upon newspapers spread on a drying bench, related not to the radiant and delightful afternoon but to the dirty snow that slept exhausted in obscure corners, waiting for extermination....
Little girls seriously pushing their strollers along the damp, sunny paths. The nursery maids chatting in pairs about their mysterious secrets. Now and then, a scruffy man sitting on newspapers spread out on a drying bench, connected not to the bright and lovely afternoon but to the dirty snow that lay tired in hidden corners, waiting for its end....
Ages later, coming into the dim hall she saw the Martinique elevator boy standing incongruously in the light of the stained-glass window.
Ages later, entering the dim hallway, she saw the elevator boy from Martinique standing oddly in the light of the stained-glass window.
"Is there any mail for us?" she asked.
"Is there any mail for us?" she asked.
"Up-stays, madame."
"Upstairs, ma'am."
The switchboard squawked abominably and Gloria waited while he ministered to the telephone. She sickened as the elevator groaned its way up—the floors passed like the slow lapse of centuries, each one ominous, accusing, significant. The letter, a white leprous spot, lay upon the dirty tiles of the hall....
The switchboard screeched loudly and Gloria waited as he dealt with the phone. She felt a wave of nausea as the elevator creaked its way up—the floors went by like a slow crawl through time, each one heavy with an ominous, accusing significance. The letter, a stark white blemish, lay on the dirty tiles of the hallway....
My dear Gloria:
Dear Gloria:
We had the test run off yesterday afternoon, and Mr. Debris seemed to think that for the part he had in mind he needed a younger woman. He said that the acting was not bad, and that there was a small character part supposed to be a very haughty rich widow that he thought you might——
We had the test run yesterday afternoon, and Mr. Debris seemed to think that for the role he had in mind, he needed a younger woman. He said the acting was pretty good, and there was a small character part meant to be a very snobby rich widow that he thought you might——
Desolately Gloria raised her glance until it fell out across the areaway. But she found she could not see the opposite wall, for her gray eyes were full of tears. She walked into the bedroom, the letter crinkled tightly in her hand, and sank down upon her knees before the long mirror on the wardrobe floor. This was her twenty-ninth birthday, and the world was melting away before her eyes. She tried to think that it had been the make-up, but her emotions were too profound, too overwhelming for any consolation that the thought conveyed.
Desperately, Gloria looked up until her gaze drifted out across the alleyway. But she realized she couldn’t see the opposite wall, as her gray eyes were filled with tears. She walked into the bedroom, clutching the crumpled letter tightly in her hand, and sank down on her knees in front of the long mirror on the wardrobe floor. This was her twenty-ninth birthday, and the world was fading away before her eyes. She tried to convince herself it was just the make-up, but her emotions were too deep, too overwhelming for any comfort that thought offered.
She strained to see until she could feel the flesh on her temples pull forward. Yes—the cheeks were ever so faintly thin, the corners of the eyes were lined with tiny wrinkles. The eyes were different. Why, they were different! ... And then suddenly she knew how tired her eyes were.
She squinted to see until she could feel the skin on her temples stretch forward. Yes—the cheeks were just a bit thin, the corners of the eyes had small wrinkles. The eyes were different. Wow, they were different! ... And then suddenly she realized how tired her eyes were.
"Oh, my pretty face," she whispered, passionately grieving. "Oh, my pretty face! Oh, I don't want to live without my pretty face! Oh, what's happened?"
"Oh, my beautiful face," she whispered, heartbroken. "Oh, my beautiful face! Oh, I can't imagine living without my beautiful face! Oh, what’s happened?"
Then she slid toward the mirror and, as in the test, sprawled face downward upon the floor—and lay there sobbing. It was the first awkward movement she had ever made.
Then she moved closer to the mirror and, just like in the test, collapsed face down on the floor—and lay there crying. It was the first awkward move she had ever made.
CHAPTER III
NO MATTER!
Within another year Anthony and Gloria had become like players who had lost their costumes, lacking the pride to continue on the note of tragedy—so that when Mrs. and Miss Hulme of Kansas City cut them dead in the Plaza one evening, it was only that Mrs. and Miss Hulme, like most people, abominated mirrors of their atavistic selves.
Inside another year, Anthony and Gloria had become like actors who had lost their costumes, lacking the confidence to carry on in a tragic way—so when Mrs. and Miss Hulme from Kansas City ignored them completely in the Plaza one evening, it was just that Mrs. and Miss Hulme, like most people, couldn't stand seeing reflections of their primitive selves.
Their new apartment, for which they paid eighty-five dollars a month, was situated on Claremont Avenue, which is two blocks from the Hudson in the dim hundreds. They had lived there a month when Muriel Kane came to see them late one afternoon.
Their new apartment, which they paid eighty-five dollars a month for, was located on Claremont Avenue, just two blocks from the Hudson in the dim hundreds. They had been living there for a month when Muriel Kane visited them late one afternoon.
It was a reproachless twilight on the summer side of spring. Anthony lay upon the lounge looking up One Hundred and Twenty-seventh Street toward the river, near which he could just see a single patch of vivid green trees that guaranteed the brummagem umbrageousness of Riverside Drive. Across the water were the Palisades, crowned by the ugly framework of the amusement park—yet soon it would be dusk and those same iron cobwebs would be a glory against the heavens, an enchanted palace set over the smooth radiance of a tropical canal.
It was a flawless twilight on the sunny side of spring. Anthony lay on the lounge, looking up One Hundred and Twenty-seventh Street toward the river, where he could just see a small patch of bright green trees that promised the fake shade of Riverside Drive. Across the water were the Palisades, topped by the unattractive structure of the amusement park—but soon it would be evening, and those same iron webs would turn into something magnificent against the sky, like a magical palace over the smooth glow of a tropical canal.
The streets near the apartment, Anthony had found, were streets where children played—streets a little nicer than those he had been used to pass on his way to Marietta, but of the same general sort, with an occasional hand organ or hurdy-gurdy, and in the cool of the evening many pairs of young girls walking down to the corner drug-store for ice cream soda and dreaming unlimited dreams under the low heavens.
The streets near the apartment, Anthony discovered, were where kids played—streets a bit nicer than the ones he was used to passing on his way to Marietta, but similar overall, with the occasional street performer or organ grinder. In the cool of the evening, many groups of young girls walked to the corner drugstore for ice cream sodas, dreaming endless dreams under the evening sky.
Dusk in the streets now, and children playing, shouting up incoherent ecstatic words that faded out close to the open window—and Muriel, who had come to find Gloria, chattering to him from an opaque gloom over across the room.
Dusk was settling in the streets, and kids were playing, shouting excitedly in a jumble of words that faded near the open window—and Muriel, who had come to look for Gloria, was talking to him from a shadowy corner across the room.
"Light the lamp, why don't we?" she suggested. "It's getting ghostly in here."
"Why don’t we light the lamp?" she suggested. "It’s getting spooky in here."
With a tired movement he arose and obeyed; the gray window-panes vanished. He stretched himself. He was heavier now, his stomach was a limp weight against his belt; his flesh had softened and expanded. He was thirty-two and his mind was a bleak and disordered wreck.
With a tired motion, he got up and complied; the gray window panes disappeared. He stretched. He felt heavier now, his stomach was a slack weight against his belt; his body had softened and expanded. He was thirty-two and his mind was a jumbled and bleak mess.
"Have a little drink, Muriel?"
"Want a drink, Muriel?"
"Not me, thanks. I don't use it anymore. What're you doing these days, Anthony?" she asked curiously.
"Not me, thanks. I don't use it anymore. What are you up to these days, Anthony?" she asked curiously.
"Well, I've been pretty busy with this lawsuit," he answered indifferently. "It's gone to the Court of Appeals—ought to be settled up one way or another by autumn. There's been some objection as to whether the Court of Appeals has jurisdiction over the matter."
"Well, I've been really busy with this lawsuit," he replied casually. "It’s gone to the Court of Appeals—should be resolved one way or another by autumn. There’s been some debate about whether the Court of Appeals has authority over the case."
Muriel made a clicking sound with her tongue and cocked her head on one side.
Muriel clicked her tongue and tilted her head to the side.
"Well, you tell'em! I never heard of anything taking so long."
"Well, you tell them! I've never heard of anything taking so long."
"Oh, they all do," he replied listlessly; "all will cases. They say it's exceptional to have one settled under four or five years."
"Oh, they all do," he replied with a lack of enthusiasm; "all will cases. They say it's unusual to have one settled in less than four or five years."
"Oh ..." Muriel daringly changed her tack, "why don't you go to work, you la-azy!"
"Oh ..." Muriel boldly switched gears, "why don't you get to work, you la-azy!"
"At what?" he demanded abruptly.
"At what?" he asked abruptly.
"Why, at anything, I suppose. You're still a young man."
"Why not? You're still a young guy."
"If that's encouragement, I'm much obliged," he answered dryly—and then with sudden weariness: "Does it bother you particularly that I don't want to work?"
"If that's encouragement, I really appreciate it," he replied dryly—then, with a sudden sense of exhaustion: "Does it bother you that I don't want to work?"
"It doesn't bother me—but, it does bother a lot of people who claim—"
"It doesn't bother me—but it does bother a lot of people who say—"
"Oh, God!" he said brokenly, "it seems to me that for three years I've heard nothing about myself but wild stories and virtuous admonitions. I'm tired of it. If you don't want to see us, let us alone. I don't bother my former friends. But I need no charity calls, and no criticism disguised as good advice—" Then he added apologetically: "I'm sorry—but really, Muriel, you mustn't talk like a lady slum-worker even if you are visiting the lower middle classes." He turned his bloodshot eyes on her reproachfully—eyes that had once been a deep, clear blue, that were weak now, strained, and half-ruined from reading when he was drunk.
"Oh, God!" he said with a broken voice, "it feels like for three years all I've heard about myself are crazy stories and self-righteous warnings. I'm over it. If you don’t want to see us, just leave us alone. I don’t bother my old friends. But I don’t want any pity visits or criticism dressed up as good advice—" Then he added apologetically, "I’m sorry—but honestly, Muriel, you can’t talk like a charity worker even if you’re spending time with the lower middle class." He looked at her reproachfully with his bloodshot eyes—eyes that had once been a deep, clear blue, now weak, strained, and nearly ruined from reading while he was drunk.
"Why do you say such awful things?" she protested. You talk as if you and Gloria were in the middle classes."
"Why do you say such terrible things?" she protested. "You talk as if you and Gloria are in the middle class."
"Why pretend we're not? I hate people who claim to be great aristocrats when they can't even keep up the appearances of it."
"Why act like we're not? I can't stand people who pretend to be noble when they can't even maintain the facade."
"Do you think a person has to have money to be aristocratic?"
"Do you think someone needs to have money to be considered aristocratic?"
Muriel ... the horrified democrat ...!
Muriel ... the shocked democrat ...!
"Why, of course. Aristocracy's only an admission that certain traits which we call fine—courage and honor and beauty and all that sort of thing—can best be developed in a favorable environment, where you don't have the warpings of ignorance and necessity."
"Of course. Aristocracy is just a recognition that certain qualities we consider admirable—like bravery, honor, beauty, and the like—can be best nurtured in a supportive environment, free from the distortions of ignorance and need."
Muriel bit her lower lip and waved her head from side to side.
Muriel bit her lower lip and shook her head from side to side.
"Well, all I say is that if a person comes from a good family they're always nice people. That's the trouble with you and Gloria. You think that just because things aren't going your way right now all your old friends are trying to avoid you. You're too sensitive—"
"Well, all I mean is that if someone comes from a good family, they’re usually nice people. That’s the issue with you and Gloria. You believe that just because things aren’t going your way at the moment, all your old friends are trying to steer clear of you. You’re too sensitive—"
"As a matter of fact," said Anthony, "you know nothing at all about it. With me it's simply a matter of pride, and for once Gloria's reasonable enough to agree that we oughtn't go where we're not wanted. And people don't want us. We're too much the ideal bad examples."
"As a matter of fact," Anthony said, "you don't know anything about it. For me, it's just a matter of pride, and for once, Gloria is reasonable enough to agree that we shouldn't go where we're not wanted. And people don’t want us. We're just too much like the perfect bad examples."
"Nonsense! You can't park your pessimism in my little sun parlor. I think you ought to forget all those morbid speculations and go to work."
"Nonsense! You can't bring your negativity into my little sunroom. I think you should forget all those dark thoughts and get to work."
"Here I am, thirty-two. Suppose I did start in at some idiotic business. Perhaps in two years I might rise to fifty dollars a week—with luck. That's if I could get a job at all; there's an awful lot of unemployment. Well, suppose I made fifty a week. Do you think I'd be any happier? Do you think that if I don't get this money of my grandfather's life will be endurable?"
"Here I am, thirty-two. Let's say I did start some pointless job. Maybe in two years I could be earning fifty dollars a week—with a bit of luck. That's if I could even land a job; there's a ton of unemployment out there. So, suppose I did make fifty a week. Do you really think I'd be any happier? Do you think that if I don’t get this money from my grandfather, life will be endurable?"
Muriel smiled complacently.
Muriel smiled contentedly.
"Well," she said, "that may be clever but it isn't common sense."
"Well," she said, "that might be smart, but it isn't common sense."
A few minutes later Gloria came in seeming to bring with her into the room some dark color, indeterminate and rare. In a taciturn way she was happy to see Muriel. She greeted Anthony with a casual "Hi!"
A few minutes later, Gloria walked in, bringing some undefined, rare darkness with her. She was quietly pleased to see Muriel. She greeted Anthony with a casual "Hi!"
"I've been talking philosophy with your husband," cried the irrepressible Miss Kane.
"I've been discussing philosophy with your husband," exclaimed the unstoppable Miss Kane.
"We took up some fundamental concepts," said Anthony, a faint smile disturbing his pale cheeks, paler still under two days' growth of beard.
"We discussed some basic concepts," said Anthony, a slight smile disrupting his pale cheeks, which looked even paler with two days' worth of stubble.
Oblivious to his irony Muriel rehashed her contention. When she had done, Gloria said quietly:
Oblivious to his sarcasm, Muriel repeated her argument. When she finished, Gloria said quietly:
"Anthony's right. It's no fun to go around when you have the sense that people are looking at you in a certain way."
"Anthony's right. It's not enjoyable to walk around feeling like people are judging you."
He broke in plaintively:
He interrupted sadly:
"Don't you think that when even Maury Noble, who was my best friend, won't come to see us it's high time to stop calling people up?" Tears were standing in his eyes.
"Don't you think that when even Maury Noble, my best friend, won't come to see us, it's time to stop calling people?" Tears were welling up in his eyes.
"That was your fault about Maury Noble," said Gloria coolly.
"That was your fault with Maury Noble," Gloria said calmly.
"It wasn't."
"It wasn't."
"It most certainly was."
"Definitely it was."
Muriel intervened quickly:
Muriel stepped in quickly:
"I met a girl who knew Maury, the other day, and she says he doesn't drink any more. He's getting pretty cagey."
"I met a girl the other day who knew Maury, and she said he doesn't drink anymore. He's getting pretty tricky."
"Doesn't?"
"Doesn't it?"
"Practically not at all. He's making piles of money. He's sort of changed since the war. He's going to marry a girl in Philadelphia who has millions, Ceci Larrabee—anyhow, that's what Town Tattle said."
"Not really at all. He's making loads of money. He's kind of changed since the war. He's going to marry a girl in Philadelphia who has millions, Ceci Larrabee—anyway, that's what Town Tattle reported."
"He's thirty-three," said Anthony, thinking aloud. But it's odd to imagine his getting married. I used to think he was so brilliant."
"He's thirty-three," Anthony said, thinking out loud. But it's strange to picture him getting married. I used to think he was so brilliant."
"He was," murmured Gloria, "in a way."
"He was," Gloria murmured, "kind of."
"But brilliant people don't settle down in business—or do they? Or what do they do? Or what becomes of everybody you used to know and have so much in common with?"
"But smart people don't settle down in business—or do they? What do they do instead? What happens to everyone you used to know and had so much in common with?"
"You drift apart," suggested Muriel with the appropriate dreamy look.
"You grow apart," suggested Muriel with the right dreamy expression.
"They change," said Gloria. "All the qualities that they don't use in their daily lives get cobwebbed up."
"They change," Gloria said. "All the qualities they don't use in their daily lives get neglected."
"The last thing he said to me," recollected Anthony, "was that he was going to work so as to forget that there was nothing worth working for."
"The last thing he said to me," Anthony remembered, "was that he was going to work just to forget that there was nothing worth working for."
Muriel caught at this quickly.
Muriel grasped this quickly.
"That's what you ought to do," she exclaimed triumphantly. "Of course I shouldn't think anybody would want to work for nothing. But it'd give you something to do. What do you do with yourselves, anyway? Nobody ever sees you at Montmartre or—or anywhere. Are you economizing?"
"That's what you should do," she said happily. "I mean, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to work for free. But it would give you something to do. What do you even do with yourselves? Nobody ever sees you in Montmartre or—anywhere, really. Are you trying to save money?"
Gloria laughed scornfully, glancing at Anthony from the corners of her eyes.
Gloria laughed mockingly, sneaking a glance at Anthony from the corners of her eyes.
"Well," he demanded, "what are you laughing at?"
"Well," he asked, "what's so funny?"
"You know what I'm laughing at," she answered coldly.
"You know what I'm laughing at," she said coldly.
"At that case of whiskey?"
"At that whiskey case?"
"Yes"—she turned to Muriel—"he paid seventy-five dollars for a case of whiskey yesterday."
"Yes"—she turned to Muriel—"he paid seventy-five dollars for a case of whiskey yesterday."
"What if I did? It's cheaper that way than if you get it by the bottle. You needn't pretend that you won't drink any of it."
"What if I did? It’s cheaper that way than if you buy it by the bottle. You don’t have to pretend that you won’t drink any of it."
"At least I don't drink in the daytime."
"At least I don't drink during the day."
"That's a fine distinction!" he cried, springing to his feet in a weak rage. "What's more, I'll be damned if you can hurl that at me every few minutes!"
"That's a great point!" he shouted, jumping to his feet in a feeble anger. "What’s more, I won't let you throw that at me every few minutes!"
"It's true."
"That's true."
"It is not! And I'm getting sick of this eternal business of criticising me before visitors!" He had worked himself up to such a state that his arms and shoulders were visibly trembling. "You'd think everything was my fault. You'd think you hadn't encouraged me to spend money—and spent a lot more on yourself than I ever did by a long shot."
"It is not! And I'm really tired of this constant criticism in front of guests!" He had worked himself into such a state that his arms and shoulders were visibly shaking. "You'd think everything was my fault. You'd think you hadn't pushed me to spend money—and spent way more on yourself than I ever did."
Now Gloria rose to her feet.
Now Gloria got up.
"I won't let you talk to me that way!"
"I won't let you speak to me like that!"
"All right, then; by Heaven, you don't have to!"
"Okay, then; I swear, you really don't have to!"
In a sort of rush he left the room. The two women heard his steps in the hall and then the front door banged. Gloria sank back into her chair. Her face was lovely in the lamplight, composed, inscrutable.
In a bit of a hurry, he left the room. The two women heard his footsteps in the hallway, and then the front door slammed shut. Gloria sank back into her chair. Her face looked beautiful in the light of the lamp, calm and unreadable.
"Oh—!" cried Muriel in distress. "Oh, what is the matter?"
"Oh—!" cried Muriel in distress. "Oh, what is going on?"
"Nothing particularly. He's just drunk."
"Nothing special. He's just drunk."
"Drunk? Why, he's perfectly sober. He talked——"
"Drunk? No way, he's completely sober. He talked——"
Gloria shook her head.
Gloria shook her head.
"Oh, no, he doesn't show it any more unless he can hardly stand up, and he talks all right until he gets excited. He talks much better than he does when he's sober. But he's been sitting here all day drinking—except for the time it took him to walk to the corner for a newspaper."
"Oh, no, he doesn't show it anymore unless he can barely stand, and he talks just fine until he gets excited. He talks way better when he's drunk than when he's sober. But he's been sitting here all day drinking—except for the time it took him to walk to the corner for a newspaper."
"Oh, how terrible!" Muriel was sincerely moved. Her eyes filled with tears. "Has this happened much?"
"Oh, how awful!" Muriel was genuinely affected. Her eyes welled up with tears. "Has this happened often?"
"Drinking, you mean?"
"Are you talking about drinking?"
"No, this—leaving you?"
"No, this—leaving you?"
"Oh, yes. Frequently. He'll come in about midnight—and weep and ask me to forgive him."
"Oh, yes. Often. He'll come in around midnight—and cry and ask me to forgive him."
"And do you?"
"And do you?"
"I don't know. We just go on."
"I don’t know. We just keep going."
The two women sat there in the lamplight and looked at each other, each in a different way helpless before this thing. Gloria was still pretty, as pretty as she would ever be again—her cheeks were flushed and she was wearing a new dress that she had bought—imprudently—for fifty dollars. She had hoped she could persuade Anthony to take her out to-night, to a restaurant or even to one of the great, gorgeous moving picture palaces where there would be a few people to look at her, at whom she could bear to look in turn. She wanted this because she knew her cheeks were flushed and because her dress was new and becomingly fragile. Only very occasionally, now, did they receive any invitations. But she did not tell these things to Muriel.
The two women sat there in the lamplight, looking at each other, both feeling helpless in this situation. Gloria was still beautiful, as beautiful as she would ever be again—her cheeks were flushed and she was wearing a new dress that she had foolishly bought for fifty dollars. She had hoped to convince Anthony to take her out tonight, to a restaurant or maybe to one of those great, beautiful movie theaters where there would be some people who could look at her, and whom she could stand to look at in return. She wanted this because she knew her cheeks were flushed and because her dress was new and delicately lovely. They rarely received any invitations now. But she didn’t share these feelings with Muriel.
"Gloria, dear, I wish we could have dinner together, but I promised a man and it's seven-thirty already. I've got to tear."
"Gloria, honey, I wish we could have dinner together, but I promised a guy and it's already seven-thirty. I need to take off."
"Oh, I couldn't, anyway. In the first place I've been ill all day. I couldn't eat a thing."
"Oh, I couldn't, anyway. First of all, I've been sick all day. I couldn't eat anything."
After she had walked with Muriel to the door, Gloria came back into the room, turned out the lamp, and leaning her elbows on the window sill looked out at Palisades Park, where the brilliant revolving circle of the Ferris wheel was like a trembling mirror catching the yellow reflection of the moon. The street was quiet now; the children had gone in—over the way she could see a family at dinner. Pointlessly, ridiculously, they rose and walked about the table; seen thus, all that they did appeared incongruous—it was as though they were being jiggled carelessly and to no purpose by invisible overhead wires.
After she walked Muriel to the door, Gloria returned to the room, turned off the lamp, and leaned her elbows on the window sill to look out at Palisades Park, where the bright, spinning circle of the Ferris wheel was like a shaking mirror reflecting the yellow glow of the moon. The street was quiet now; the kids had gone inside—across the way, she could see a family having dinner. Pointlessly, ridiculously, they stood and moved around the table; from this angle, everything they did seemed out of place—it was as if they were being jostled carelessly and for no reason by invisible wires above them.
She looked at her watch—it was eight o'clock. She had been pleased for a part of the day—the early afternoon—in walking along that Broadway of Harlem, One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Street, with her nostrils alert to many odors, and her mind excited by the extraordinary beauty of some Italian children. It affected her curiously—as Fifth Avenue had affected her once, in the days when, with the placid confidence of beauty, she had known that it was all hers, every shop and all it held, every adult toy glittering in a window, all hers for the asking. Here on One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Street there were Salvation Army bands and spectrum-shawled old ladies on door-steps and sugary, sticky candy in the grimy hands of shiny-haired children—and the late sun striking down on the sides of the tall tenements. All very rich and racy and savory, like a dish by a provident French chef that one could not help enjoying, even though one knew that the ingredients were probably left-overs....
She glanced at her watch—it was eight o'clock. She had felt happy for part of the day—the early afternoon—strolling along that iconic stretch of Harlem, One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Street, with her senses tuned in to various smells, and her mind buzzing with the exceptional beauty of some Italian kids. It intrigued her in a way—as Fifth Avenue had once done, back when she confidently embraced her beauty, knowing it was all hers, every shop and everything in it, every shiny toy in a display window, all there for her to take. Here on One Hundred and Twenty-fifth Street, there were Salvation Army bands and warmly dressed old ladies on doorsteps, and sugary, sticky candy in the grimy hands of shiny-haired kids—and the late sun spilling over the sides of the tall apartment buildings. It felt rich and vibrant and full of flavor, like a meal from a skilled French chef that you couldn't help but enjoy, even if you suspected the ingredients were probably scraps....
Gloria shuddered suddenly as a river siren came moaning over the dusky roofs, and leaning back in till the ghostly curtains fell from her shoulder, she turned on the electric lamp. It was growing late. She knew there was some change in her purse, and she considered whether she would go down and have some coffee and rolls where the liberated subway made a roaring cave of Manhattan Street or eat the devilled ham and bread in the kitchen. Her purse decided for her. It contained a nickel and two pennies.
Gloria suddenly shivered as a river siren wailed over the dim rooftops. Leaning back until the ghostly curtains slipped from her shoulder, she switched on the electric lamp. It was getting late. She realized there wasn’t much left in her purse and thought about whether she should go downstairs for some coffee and rolls at the bustling subway below or just eat the deviled ham and bread in the kitchen. Her purse made the decision for her. It held a nickel and two pennies.
After an hour the silence of the room had grown unbearable, and she found that her eyes were wandering from her magazine to the ceiling, toward which she stared without thought. Suddenly she stood up, hesitated for a moment, biting at her finger—then she went to the pantry, took down a bottle of whiskey from the shelf and poured herself a drink. She filled up the glass with ginger ale, and returning to her chair finished an article in the magazine. It concerned the last revolutionary widow, who, when a young girl, had married an ancient veteran of the Continental Army and who had died in 1906. It seemed strange and oddly romantic to Gloria that she and this woman had been contemporaries.
After an hour, the silence in the room became unbearable, and she noticed her eyes drifting from her magazine to the ceiling, staring at it absentmindedly. Suddenly, she stood up, hesitated for a moment while biting her finger, then went to the pantry, grabbed a bottle of whiskey from the shelf, and poured herself a drink. She filled the glass with ginger ale, and as she returned to her chair, she finished an article in the magazine. It was about the last revolutionary widow, who, when she was a young girl, had married an old veteran of the Continental Army and had died in 1906. It felt strange and oddly romantic to Gloria that she and this woman had lived at the same time.
She turned a page and learned that a candidate for Congress was being accused of atheism by an opponent. Gloria's surprise vanished when she found that the charges were false. The candidate had merely denied the miracle of the loaves and fishes. He admitted, under pressure, that he gave full credence to the stroll upon the water.
She turned a page and found out that a candidate for Congress was being accused of atheism by an opponent. Gloria's surprise disappeared when she realized that the charges were false. The candidate had only denied the miracle of the loaves and fishes. He eventually admitted, under pressure, that he completely believed in the walk on water.
Finishing her first drink, Gloria got herself a second. After slipping on a negligée and making herself comfortable on the lounge, she became conscious that she was miserable and that the tears were rolling down her cheeks. She wondered if they were tears of self-pity, and tried resolutely not to cry, but this existence without hope, without happiness, oppressed her, and she kept shaking her head from side to side, her mouth drawn down tremulously in the corners, as though she were denying an assertion made by some one, somewhere. She did not know that this gesture of hers was years older than history, that, for a hundred generations of men, intolerable and persistent grief has offered that gesture, of denial, of protest, of bewilderment, to something more profound, more powerful than the God made in the image of man, and before which that God, did he exist, would be equally impotent. It is a truth set at the heart of tragedy that this force never explains, never answers—this force intangible as air, more definite than death.
Finishing her first drink, Gloria poured herself a second. After slipping on a sheer nightgown and getting cozy on the couch, she realized that she was unhappy and tears were streaming down her face. She wondered if they were tears of self-pity and tried hard not to cry, but this life without hope, without happiness, weighed heavily on her. She shook her head back and forth, her mouth quivering in the corners, as if denying something said by someone, somewhere. She didn’t realize that this gesture of hers was older than history itself, that for countless generations, unbearable and lingering grief has expressed that gesture of denial, of protest, of confusion, to something deeper, more powerful than a God made in man’s image, and before which that God, if he existed, would be powerless. It’s a truth at the core of tragedy that this force never explains, never responds—this force as intangible as air, more concrete than death.
RICHARD CARAMEL
Early in the summer Anthony resigned from his last club, the Amsterdam. He had come to visit it hardly twice a year, and the dues were a recurrent burden. He had joined it on his return from Italy because it had been his grandfather's club and his father's, and because it was a club that, given the opportunity, one indisputably joined—but as a matter of fact he had preferred the Harvard Club, largely because of Dick and Maury. However, with the decline of his fortunes, it had seemed an increasingly desirable bauble to cling to.... It was relinquished at the last, with some regret....
Early in the summer, Anthony quit his last club, the Amsterdam. He had only visited it about twice a year, and the fees were a constant hassle. He had joined it after coming back from Italy because it had been his grandfather's club and his father's too, and because it was a club that everyone inevitably joined if they had the chance. But in reality, he had preferred the Harvard Club, mostly because of Dick and Maury. However, as his financial situation worsened, it began to seem like an increasingly appealing thing to hold onto. In the end, he let it go with some regret.
His companions numbered now a curious dozen. Several of them he had met in a place called "Sammy's," on Forty-third Street, where, if one knocked on the door and were favorably passed on from behind a grating, one could sit around a great round table drinking fairly good whiskey. It was here that he encountered a man named Parker Allison, who had been exactly the wrong sort of rounder at Harvard, and who was running through a large "yeast" fortune as rapidly as possible. Parker Allison's notion of distinction consisted in driving a noisy red-and-yellow racing-car up Broadway with two glittering, hard-eyed girls beside him. He was the sort who dined with two girls rather than with one—his imagination was almost incapable of sustaining a dialogue.
His group had now grown to a curious dozen. He had met several of them at a place called "Sammy's" on Forty-third Street, where, if you knocked on the door and were let in through a grating, you could sit around a big round table drinking fairly good whiskey. It was here that he ran into a guy named Parker Allison, who had been exactly the wrong kind of troublemaker at Harvard and was burning through a large fortune as quickly as he could. Parker Allison's idea of class was driving a loud red-and-yellow racing car up Broadway with two flashy, hard-eyed girls beside him. He was the type who dined with two girls instead of one—his imagination was barely capable of keeping up a conversation.
Besides Allison there was Pete Lytell, who wore a gray derby on the side of his head. He always had money and he was customarily cheerful, so Anthony held aimless, long-winded conversation with him through many afternoons of the summer and fall. Lytell, he found, not only talked but reasoned in phrases. His philosophy was a series of them, assimilated here and there through an active, thoughtless life. He had phrases about Socialism—the immemorial ones; he had phrases pertaining to the existence of a personal deity—something about one time when he had been in a railroad accident; and he had phrases about the Irish problem, the sort of woman he respected, and the futility of prohibition. The only time his conversation ever rose superior to these muddled clauses, with which he interpreted the most rococo happenings in a life that had been more than usually eventful, was when he got down to the detailed discussion of his most animal existence: he knew, to a subtlety, the foods, the liquor, and the women that he preferred.
Besides Allison, there was Pete Lytell, who wore a gray derby hat tilted to the side. He was always well-off and usually in a good mood, so Anthony engaged in aimless, rambling conversations with him throughout many afternoons of summer and fall. Lytell, he discovered, didn’t just talk; he reasoned in phrases. His philosophy consisted of various sayings he picked up throughout an active, thoughtless life. He had phrases about Socialism—the timeless ones; he had phrases about believing in a personal god—something related to a train accident he experienced; and he had phrases about the Irish issue, the type of woman he respected, and the uselessness of prohibition. The only time his conversation ever transcended these muddled expressions, which he used to interpret even the most bizarre events in a life that had been particularly eventful, was when he talked in detail about his most primal existence: he knew, down to the finest detail, the foods, drinks, and women he preferred.
He was at once the commonest and the most remarkable product of civilization. He was nine out of ten people that one passes on a city street—and he was a hairless ape with two dozen tricks. He was the hero of a thousand romances of life and art—and he was a virtual moron, performing staidly yet absurdly a series of complicated and infinitely astounding epics over a span of threescore years.
He was both the most ordinary and the most extraordinary result of civilization. He represented nine out of ten people you might see on a city street—and he was a human without hair, showing off a couple of dozen skills. He was the main character in countless stories about life and art—and he was practically clueless, yet soberly and absurdly carrying out a series of complex and endlessly amazing feats over sixty years.
With such men as these two Anthony Patch drank and discussed and drank and argued. He liked them because they knew nothing about him, because they lived in the obvious and had not the faintest conception of the inevitable continuity of life. They sat not before a motion picture with consecutive reels, but at a musty old-fashioned travelogue with all values stark and hence all implications confused. Yet they themselves were not confused, because there was nothing in them to be confused—they changed phrases from month to month as they changed neckties.
With guys like these two, Anthony Patch drank, talked, drank some more, and argued. He liked them because they knew nothing about him, because they lived in the obvious and had no idea about the inevitable flow of life. They weren’t sitting in front of a movie with a clear storyline but were watching an old-fashioned travelogue where everything was black and white, making all the underlying meanings muddled. Yet they weren’t confused themselves, because there was nothing in them to be confused about—they switched up their phrases as often as they changed their neckties.
Anthony, the courteous, the subtle, the perspicacious, was drunk each day—in Sammy's with these men, in the apartment over a book, some book he knew, and, very rarely, with Gloria, who, in his eyes, had begun to develop the unmistakable outlines of a quarrelsome and unreasonable woman. She was not the Gloria of old, certainly—the Gloria who, had she been sick, would have preferred to inflict misery upon every one around her, rather than confess that she needed sympathy or assistance. She was not above whining now; she was not above being sorry for herself. Each night when she prepared for bed she smeared her face with some new unguent which she hoped illogically would give back the glow and freshness to her vanishing beauty. When Anthony was drunk he taunted her about this. When he was sober he was polite to her, on occasions even tender; he seemed to show for short hours a trace of that old quality of understanding too well to blame—that quality which was the best of him and had worked swiftly and ceaselessly toward his ruin.
Anthony, the polite, the clever, the insightful, was drunk every day—in Sammy's with these guys, in the apartment over a book, some book he knew, and, very rarely, with Gloria, who, in his eyes, was starting to show the clear signs of being a difficult and unreasonable woman. She was definitely not the same Gloria from before—the Gloria who, if she were sick, would rather make everyone around her miserable than admit she needed sympathy or help. Now, she wasn’t above whining; she wasn’t above feeling sorry for herself. Every night when she got ready for bed, she covered her face with some new cream that she hoped, illogically, would bring back the glow and freshness to her fading beauty. When Anthony was drunk, he made fun of her for this. When he was sober, he was polite to her, sometimes even tender; he seemed to show, for brief moments, a hint of that old ability to understand too well to judge—that quality which was the best part of him and had quickly and relentlessly led to his downfall.
But he hated to be sober. It made him conscious of the people around him, of that air of struggle, of greedy ambition, of hope more sordid than despair, of incessant passage up or down, which in every metropolis is most in evidence through the unstable middle class. Unable to live with the rich he thought that his next choice would have been to live with the very poor. Anything was better than this cup of perspiration and tears.
But he hated being sober. It made him aware of the people around him, of that atmosphere of struggle, of greedy ambition, of hope more pathetic than despair, of the constant movement up or down, which in every city is most visible through the unstable middle class. Unable to live with the wealthy, he figured his next option would have been to live with the very poor. Anything was better than this cup of sweat and tears.
The sense of the enormous panorama of life, never strong in Anthony, had become dim almost to extinction. At long intervals now some incident, some gesture of Gloria's, would take his fancy—but the gray veils had come down in earnest upon him. As he grew older those things faded—after that there was wine.
The sense of the vast panorama of life, which was never very strong in Anthony, had dimmed almost to nothing. Every now and then, some incident or gesture from Gloria would catch his interest—but the gray veils had truly settled over him. As he got older, those things faded—after that, there was wine.
There was a kindliness about intoxication—there was that indescribable gloss and glamour it gave, like the memories of ephemeral and faded evenings. After a few high-balls there was magic in the tall glowing Arabian night of the Bush Terminal Building—its summit a peak of sheer grandeur, gold and dreaming against the inaccessible sky. And Wall Street, the crass, the banal—again it was the triumph of gold, a gorgeous sentient spectacle; it was where the great kings kept the money for their wars....
There was a warmth to being drunk—an indescribable sparkle and allure it provided, like memories of fleeting and faded nights. After a few highballs, the tall, shimmering Arabian night of the Bush Terminal Building felt magical—its peak a stunning sight, golden and dreamy against the unreachable sky. And Wall Street, the harsh and ordinary—it was once again the triumph of wealth, a beautiful, living spectacle; it was where the powerful kings stored their money for battles...
... The fruit of youth or of the grape, the transitory magic of the brief passage from darkness to darkness—the old illusion that truth and beauty were in some way entwined.
... The joy of youth or the vine, the fleeting magic of the quick shift from darkness to darkness—the old belief that truth and beauty were somehow connected.
As he stood in front of Delmonico's lighting a cigarette one night he saw two hansoms drawn up close to the curb, waiting for a chance drunken fare. The outmoded cabs were worn and dirty—the cracked patent leather wrinkled like an old man's face, the cushions faded to a brownish lavender; the very horses were ancient and weary, and so were the white-haired men who sat aloft, cracking their whips with a grotesque affectation of gallantry. A relic of vanished gaiety!
As he stood outside Delmonico's lighting a cigarette one night, he saw two cabs pulled up by the curb, waiting for a chance at a drunken passenger. The outdated cabs were worn and dirty—the cracked patent leather wrinkled like an old man's face, the cushions faded to a brownish lavender; the horses were old and tired, just like the white-haired men sitting up top, cracking their whips with a ridiculous pretension of gallantry. A remnant of lost joy!
Anthony Patch walked away in a sudden fit of depression, pondering the bitterness of such survivals. There was nothing, it seemed, that grew stale so soon as pleasure.
Anthony Patch walked away in a sudden bout of depression, reflecting on the bitterness of such survival. Nothing, it seemed, goes stale as quickly as pleasure.
On Forty-second Street one afternoon he met Richard Caramel for the first time in many months, a prosperous, fattening Richard Caramel, whose face was filling out to match the Bostonian brow.
On Forty-second Street one afternoon, he ran into Richard Caramel for the first time in several months. Richard looked successful and was getting plumper, his face rounding out to match his Bostonian forehead.
"Just got in this week from the coast. Was going to call you up, but I didn't know your new address."
"Just got back this week from the coast. I was going to call you, but I didn't have your new address."
"We've moved."
"We've relocated."
Richard Caramel noticed that Anthony was wearing a soiled shirt, that his cuffs were slightly but perceptibly frayed, that his eyes were set in half-moons the color of cigar smoke.
Richard Caramel noticed that Anthony was wearing a dirty shirt, that his cuffs were slightly but noticeably frayed, and that his eyes had half-moons the color of cigar smoke.
"So I gathered," he said, fixing his friend with his bright-yellow eye. "But where and how is Gloria? My God, Anthony, I've been hearing the dog-gonedest stories about you two even out in California—and when I get back to New York I find you've sunk absolutely out of sight. Why don't you pull yourself together?"
"So I gathered," he said, looking at his friend with his bright-yellow eye. "But where is Gloria, and how is she? My God, Anthony, I've been hearing the wildest stories about you two even out in California—and when I get back to New York, I find you've completely vanished. Why don’t you get it together?"
"Now, listen," chattered Anthony unsteadily, "I can't stand a long lecture. We've lost money in a dozen ways, and naturally people have talked—on account of the lawsuit, but the thing's coming to a final decision this winter, surely—"
"Now, listen," Anthony said nervously, "I can't handle a long lecture. We've lost money in so many ways, and naturally people have been talking—because of the lawsuit, but it should be coming to a final decision this winter, for sure—"
"You're talking so fast that I can't understand you," interrupted Dick calmly.
"You're speaking so quickly that I can't understand you," interrupted Dick calmly.
"Well, I've said all I'm going to say," snapped Anthony. "Come and see us if you like—or don't!"
"Well, I've said everything I need to say," Anthony snapped. "Come visit us if you want—or don’t!"
With this he turned and started to walk off in the crowd, but Dick overtook him immediately and grasped his arm.
With that, he turned and began to walk away into the crowd, but Dick quickly caught up to him and grabbed his arm.
"Say, Anthony, don't fly off the handle so easily! You know Gloria's my cousin, and you're one of my oldest friends, so it's natural for me to be interested when I hear that you're going to the dogs—and taking her with you."
"Hey, Anthony, don't get so worked up so quickly! You know Gloria's my cousin, and you're one of my oldest friends, so it's totally natural for me to be concerned when I hear that you're going downhill—and taking her along with you."
"I don't want to be preached to."
"I don't want to be lectured."
"Well, then, all right—How about coming up to my apartment and having a drink? I've just got settled. I've bought three cases of Gordon gin from a revenue officer."
"Okay, how about coming up to my apartment for a drink? I just got settled in. I bought three cases of Gordon gin from a tax officer."
As they walked along he continued in a burst of exasperation:
As they walked along, he erupted in frustration:
"And how about your grandfather's money—you going to get it?"
"And what about your grandfather's money—are you going to get it?"
"Well," answered Anthony resentfully, "that old fool Haight seems hopeful, especially because people are tired of reformers right now—you know it might make a slight difference, for instance, if some judge thought that Adam Patch made it harder for him to get liquor."
"Well," Anthony replied with irritation, "that old fool Haight seems optimistic, especially since people are fed up with reformers at the moment—you know it could make a small difference, for example, if some judge believed that Adam Patch was making it harder for him to get alcohol."
"You can't do without money," said Dick sententiously. "Have you tried to write any—lately?"
"You can't get by without money," Dick said decisively. "Have you tried to make any—recently?"
Anthony shook his head silently.
Anthony silently shook his head.
"That's funny," said Dick. "I always thought that you and Maury would write some day, and now he's grown to be a sort of tight-fisted aristocrat, and you're—"
"That's funny," Dick said. "I always thought that you and Maury would write someday, and now he's turned into this kind of stingy aristocrat, and you're—"
"I'm the bad example."
"I'm the bad example."
"I wonder why?"
"Why am I wondering?"
"You probably think you know," suggested Anthony, with an effort at concentration. "The failure and the success both believe in their hearts that they have accurately balanced points of view, the success because he's succeeded, and the failure because he's failed. The successful man tells his son to profit by his father's good fortune, and the failure tells his son to profit by his father's mistakes."
"You probably think you know," Anthony said, trying to focus. "Both the successful and unsuccessful people truly believe they have the right perspective. The successful one thinks that because he succeeded, and the unsuccessful one thinks that because he failed. The successful man advises his son to learn from his good luck, while the unsuccessful one tells his son to learn from his mistakes."
"I don't agree with you," said the author of "A Shave-tail in France." "I used to listen to you and Maury when we were young, and I used to be impressed because you were so consistently cynical, but now—well, after all, by God, which of us three has taken to the—to the intellectual life? I don't want to sound vainglorious, but—it's me, and I've always believed that moral values existed, and I always will."
"I don't agree with you," said the author of "A Shave-tail in France." "I used to listen to you and Maury when we were younger, and I was always impressed by how consistently cynical you were, but now—well, honestly, which one of us three has embraced the intellectual life? I don't mean to come off as arrogant, but—it's me, and I've always believed in moral values, and I always will."
"Well," objected Anthony, who was rather enjoying himself, "even granting that, you know that in practice life never presents problems as clear cut, does it?"
"Well," protested Anthony, who was having quite a good time, "even if that's true, you know that in real life things are never that black and white, right?"
"It does to me. There's nothing I'd violate certain principles for."
"It does for me. There's nothing I would compromise my principles for."
"But how do you know when you're violating them? You have to guess at things just like most people do. You have to apportion the values when you look back. You finish up the portrait then—paint in the details and shadows."
"But how do you know when you're crossing the line? You have to take your best shot at things like everyone else. You have to assign the right values when you reflect on things. You complete the picture then—fill in the details and shadows."
Dick shook his head with a lofty stubbornness. "Same old futile cynic," he said. "It's just a mode of being sorry for yourself. You don't do anything—so nothing matters."
Dick shook his head with a haughty stubbornness. "Same old pointless cynic," he said. "It's just a way of feeling sorry for yourself. You don’t do anything—so nothing matters."
"Oh, I'm quite capable of self-pity," admitted Anthony, "nor am I claiming that I'm getting as much fun out of life as you are."
"Oh, I'm definitely good at feeling sorry for myself," Anthony admitted, "and I'm not saying I'm having as much fun in life as you are."
"You say—at least you used to—that happiness is the only thing worth while in life. Do you think you're any happier for being a pessimist?"
"You used to say that happiness is the only thing that truly matters in life. Do you think being a pessimist makes you any happier?"
Anthony grunted savagely. His pleasure in the conversation began to wane. He was nervous and craving for a drink.
Anthony grunted sharply. His enjoyment of the conversation started to fade. He was feeling anxious and wanted a drink.
"My golly!" he cried, "where do you live? I can't keep walking forever."
"My gosh!" he exclaimed, "where do you live? I can't keep walking like this forever."
"Your endurance is all mental, eh?" returned Dick sharply. "Well, I live right here."
"Your stamina is all in your head, right?" Dick shot back. "Well, I'm right here."
He turned in at the apartment house on Forty-ninth Street, and a few minutes later they were in a large new room with an open fireplace and four walls lined with books. A colored butler served them gin rickeys, and an hour vanished politely with the mellow shortening of their drinks and the glow of a light mid-autumn fire.
He entered the apartment building on Forty-ninth Street, and a few minutes later they were in a spacious, modern room with an open fireplace and walls lined with books. A dressed-up butler served them gin rickeys, and an hour slipped away quietly as their drinks gradually mellowed and the light of a mid-autumn fire flickered.
"The arts are very old," said Anthony after a while. With a few glasses the tension of his nerves relaxed and he found that he could think again.
"The arts are really old," Anthony said after a bit. After a few drinks, his nerves eased up, and he realized he could think clearly again.
"Which art?"
"Which art form?"
"All of them. Poetry is dying first. It'll be absorbed into prose sooner or later. For instance, the beautiful word, the colored and glittering word, and the beautiful simile belong in prose now. To get attention poetry has got to strain for the unusual word, the harsh, earthy word that's never been beautiful before. Beauty, as the sum of several beautiful parts, reached its apotheosis in Swinburne. It can't go any further—except in the novel, perhaps."
"All of them. Poetry is dying first. It'll eventually blend into prose. For example, the beautiful word, the colorful and sparkling word, and the lovely simile now belong in prose. To grab attention, poetry has to push for the unusual word, the rough, gritty word that hasn't been beautiful before. Beauty, as the combination of several beautiful parts, reached its peak in Swinburne. It can't go any further—except maybe in novels."
Dick interrupted him impatiently:
Dick cut him off impatiently:
"You know these new novels make me tired. My God! Everywhere I go some silly girl asks me if I've read 'This Side of Paradise.' Are our girls really like that? If it's true to life, which I don't believe, the next generation is going to the dogs. I'm sick of all this shoddy realism. I think there's a place for the romanticist in literature."
"You know, these new novels exhaust me. Seriously! Everywhere I go, some clueless girl asks if I've read 'This Side of Paradise.' Are our girls really like that? If it's true to life—though I doubt it—the next generation is going downhill. I'm tired of all this cheap realism. I believe there’s definitely a place for romanticism in literature."
Anthony tried to remember what he had read lately of Richard Caramel's. There was "A Shave-tail in France," a novel called "The Land of Strong Men," and several dozen short stories, which were even worse. It had become the custom among young and clever reviewers to mention Richard Caramel with a smile of scorn. "Mr." Richard Caramel, they called him. His corpse was dragged obscenely through every literary supplement. He was accused of making a great fortune by writing trash for the movies. As the fashion in books shifted he was becoming almost a byword of contempt.
Anthony tried to remember what he had recently read by Richard Caramel. There was "A Shave-tail in France," a novel called "The Land of Strong Men," and several dozen short stories, which were even worse. It had become a trend among young and clever reviewers to mention Richard Caramel with a sneer. They referred to him as "Mr." Richard Caramel. His reputation was dragged through the mud in every literary supplement. He was accused of making a fortune by writing garbage for the movies. As book trends changed, he was becoming nearly a term of disdain.
While Anthony was thinking this, Dick had got to his feet and seemed to be hesitating at an avowal.
While Anthony was thinking this, Dick had stood up and seemed to be hesitating over a confession.
"I've gathered quite a few books," he said suddenly.
"I've collected a bunch of books," he said out of the blue.
"So I see."
"Got it."
"I've made an exhaustive collection of good American stuff, old and new. I don't mean the usual Longfellow-Whittier thing—in fact, most of it's modern."
"I've put together a comprehensive collection of great American things, both old and new. I’m not talking about the typical Longfellow-Whittier stuff—in fact, most of it is modern."
He stepped to one of the walls and, seeing that it was expected of him, Anthony arose and followed.
He moved to one of the walls and, realizing it was what he was supposed to do, Anthony got up and followed.
"Look!"
"Check this out!"
Under a printed tag Americana he displayed six long rows of books, beautifully bound and, obviously, carefully chosen.
Under a printed tag Americana, he showcased six long rows of books, beautifully bound and clearly well-selected.
"And here are the contemporary novelists."
"And here are the modern novelists."
Then Anthony saw the joker. Wedged in between Mark Twain and Dreiser were eight strange and inappropriate volumes, the works of Richard Caramel—"The Demon Lover," true enough ... but also seven others that were execrably awful, without sincerity or grace.
Then Anthony saw the joker. Crammed between Mark Twain and Dreiser were eight odd and unsuitable books, the works of Richard Caramel—"The Demon Lover," sure... but also seven others that were painfully bad, lacking any sincerity or style.
Unwillingly Anthony glanced at Dick's face and caught a slight uncertainty there.
Unintentionally, Anthony looked at Dick’s face and noticed a hint of uncertainty in his expression.
"I've put my own books in, of course," said Richard Caramel hastily, "though one or two of them are uneven—I'm afraid I wrote a little too fast when I had that magazine contract. But I don't believe in false modesty. Of course some of the critics haven't paid so much attention to me since I've been established—but, after all, it's not the critics that count. They're just sheep."
"I’ve included my own books, of course," Richard Caramel said quickly, "though a couple of them are a bit uneven—I think I wrote too quickly when I had that magazine contract. But I don’t believe in pretending to be humble. Sure, some critics haven’t focused on me as much since I became established—but really, it’s not the critics that matter. They’re just followers."
For the first time in so long that he could scarcely remember, Anthony felt a touch of the old pleasant contempt for his friend. Richard Caramel continued:
For the first time in so long that he could hardly remember, Anthony felt a hint of the old familiar disdain for his friend. Richard Caramel continued:
"My publishers, you know, have been advertising me as the Thackeray of America—because of my New York novel."
"My publishers, you know, have been promoting me as the Thackeray of America—because of my New York novel."
"Yes," Anthony managed to muster, "I suppose there's a good deal in what you say."
"Yeah," Anthony managed to say, "I guess there's a lot of truth in what you're saying."
He knew that his contempt was unreasonable. He, knew that he would have changed places with Dick unhesitatingly. He himself had tried his best to write with his tongue in his cheek. Ah, well, then—can a man disparage his life-work so readily? ...
He knew his contempt was unreasonable. He knew he would have switched places with Dick without a second thought. He had tried his best to write with a sense of irony. Ah, well, then—can a person really belittle their life's work so easily? ...
—And that night while Richard Caramel was hard at toil, with great hittings of the wrong keys and screwings up of his weary, unmatched eyes, laboring over his trash far into those cheerless hours when the fire dies down, and the head is swimming from the effect of prolonged concentration—Anthony, abominably drunk, was sprawled across the back seat of a taxi on his way to the flat on Claremont Avenue.
—And that night while Richard Caramel was working hard, making mistakes on the keyboard and straining his tired, mismatched eyes, toiling over his junk late into those dreary hours when the fire dies down, and his mind is hazy from too much focus—Anthony, ridiculously drunk, was slumped across the back seat of a taxi on his way to the apartment on Claremont Avenue.
THE BEATING
As winter approached it seemed that a sort of madness seized upon Anthony. He awoke in the morning so nervous that Gloria could feel him trembling in the bed before he could muster enough vitality to stumble into the pantry for a drink. He was intolerable now except under the influence of liquor, and as he seemed to decay and coarsen under her eyes, Gloria's soul and body shrank away from him; when he stayed out all night, as he did several times, she not only failed to be sorry but even felt a measure of relief. Next day he would be faintly repentant, and would remark in a gruff, hang-dog fashion that he guessed he was drinking a little too much.
As winter approached, it seemed like a kind of madness took hold of Anthony. He woke up in the morning so anxious that Gloria could feel him trembling in bed before he could gather enough energy to stumble into the pantry for a drink. He was unbearable now unless he was drinking, and as he seemed to deteriorate and grow rougher in front of her, Gloria's heart and spirit pulled away from him; when he stayed out all night, as he did several times, she not only didn’t feel sorry but even felt a sense of relief. The next day he would be slightly regretful and would mention in a gruff, guilty manner that he guessed he was drinking a bit too much.
For hours at a time he would sit in the great armchair that had been in his apartment, lost in a sort of stupor—even his interest in reading his favorite books seemed to have departed, and though an incessant bickering went on between husband and wife, the one subject upon which they ever really conversed was the progress of the will case. What Gloria hoped in the tenebrous depths of her soul, what she expected that great gift of money to bring about, is difficult to imagine. She was being bent by her environment into a grotesque similitude of a housewife. She who until three years before had never made coffee, prepared sometimes three meals a day. She walked a great deal in the afternoons, and in the evenings she read—books, magazines, anything she found at hand. If now she wished for a child, even a child of the Anthony who sought her bed blind drunk, she neither said so nor gave any show or sign of interest in children. It is doubtful if she could have made it clear to any one what it was she wanted, or indeed what there was to want—a lonely, lovely woman, thirty now, retrenched behind some impregnable inhibition born and coexistent with her beauty.
For hours at a time, he would sit in the big armchair that had been in his apartment, lost in a kind of daze—even his enthusiasm for reading his favorite books seemed to have vanished. While endless arguments took place between husband and wife, the only topic they truly discussed was the progress of the will case. What Gloria hoped for deep down in her soul, and what she expected that big gift of money to bring, is hard to imagine. She was being shaped by her surroundings into a strange version of a housewife. She, who until three years ago had never made coffee, now sometimes prepared three meals a day. She took long walks in the afternoons, and in the evenings she read—books, magazines, anything at hand. If she now desired a child, even a child from Anthony, who came to her bed drunk, she didn’t express it or show any interest in kids. It's doubtful she could have made it clear to anyone what she truly wanted, or even what there was to want—a lonely, beautiful woman, now thirty, held back by an intense barrier that coexisted with her beauty.
One afternoon when the snow was dirty again along Riverside Drive, Gloria, who had been to the grocer's, entered the apartment to find Anthony pacing the floor in a state of aggravated nervousness. The feverish eyes he turned on her were traced with tiny pink lines that reminded her of rivers on a map. For a moment she received the impression that he was suddenly and definitely old.
One afternoon when the snow along Riverside Drive looked dirty again, Gloria, who had just returned from the grocery store, walked into the apartment to see Anthony pacing the floor, clearly on edge. His restless eyes flickered toward her, showing little red lines that made her think of rivers on a map. For a moment, she felt like he seemed suddenly and unmistakably old.
"Have you any money?" he inquired of her precipitately.
"Do you have any money?" he asked her suddenly.
"What? What do you mean?"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Just what I said. Money! Money! Can't you speak English?"
"Just what I said. Money! Money! Can't you talk English?"
She paid no attention but brushed by him and into the pantry to put the bacon and eggs in the ice-box. When his drinking had been unusually excessive he was invariably in a whining mood. This time he followed her and, standing in the pantry door, persisted in his question.
She ignored him and walked into the pantry to put the bacon and eggs in the fridge. Whenever he had been drinking too much, he always ended up being whiny. This time, he followed her and stood in the pantry doorway, keeping on with his question.
"You heard what I said. Have you any money?"
"You heard me. Do you have any money?"
She turned about from the ice-box and faced him.
She turned away from the fridge and faced him.
"Why, Anthony, you must be crazy! You know I haven't any money—except a dollar in change."
"Why, Anthony, you must be out of your mind! You know I don’t have any money—except for a dollar in change."
He executed an abrupt about-face and returned to the living room, where he renewed his pacing. It was evident that he had something portentous on his mind—he quite obviously wanted to be asked what was the matter. Joining him a moment later she sat upon the long lounge and began taking down her hair. It was no longer bobbed, and it had changed in the last year from a rich gold dusted with red to an unresplendent light brown. She had bought some shampoo soap and meant to wash it now; she had considered putting a bottle of peroxide into the rinsing water.
He suddenly turned around and went back to the living room, where he started pacing again. It was clear he had something heavy on his mind—he clearly wanted someone to ask him what was wrong. A moment later, she joined him, sitting on the long couch and beginning to take down her hair. It wasn’t bobbed anymore, and over the last year it had changed from a rich gold with red highlights to a dull light brown. She had bought some shampoo soap and intended to wash it now; she had thought about adding a bottle of peroxide to the rinsing water.
"—Well?" she implied silently.
"—Well?" she signaled silently.
"That darn bank!" he quavered. "They've had my account for over ten years—ten years. Well, it seems they've got some autocratic rule that you have to keep over five hundred dollars there or they won't carry you. They wrote me a letter a few months ago and told me I'd been running too low. Once I gave out two bum checks—remember? that night in Reisenweber's?—but I made them good the very next day. Well, I promised old Halloran—he's the manager, the greedy Mick—that I'd watch out. And I thought I was going all right; I kept up the stubs in my check-book pretty regular. Well, I went in there to-day to cash a check, and Halloran came up and told me they'd have to close my account. Too many bad checks, he said, and I never had more than five hundred to my credit—and that only for a day or so at a time. And by God! What do you think he said then?"
"That damn bank!" he said nervously. "They've had my account for over ten years—ten years. Well, it turns out they have this strict rule that you need to keep over five hundred dollars in there or they won’t service you. They sent me a letter a few months ago saying I had been dipping too low. Remember that night at Reisenweber's when I wrote two bad checks?—but I fixed those the very next day. I promised old Halloran—he's the manager, that greedy guy—that I would keep an eye on things. I thought I was doing alright; I kept up with the stubs in my checkbook pretty regularly. So, I went in there today to cash a check, and Halloran came up and told me they had to close my account. Too many bad checks, he said, and I never had more than five hundred in my account—and that was only for a day or two at most. And guess what he said then?"
"What?"
"Excuse me?"
"He said this was a good time to do it because I didn't have a damn penny in there!"
"He said this was a good time to do it because I didn't have a single penny in there!"
"You didn't?"
"You didn't do that?"
"That's what he told me. Seems I'd given these Bedros people a check for sixty for that last case of liquor—and I only had forty-five dollars in the bank. Well, the Bedros people deposited fifteen dollars to my account and drew the whole thing out."
"That's what he told me. Apparently, I had given those Bedros people a check for sixty for that last case of liquor—and I only had forty-five dollars in the bank. So, the Bedros people deposited fifteen dollars into my account and withdrew the entire amount."
In her ignorance Gloria conjured up a spectre of imprisonment and disgrace.
In her ignorance, Gloria imagined a ghost of imprisonment and disgrace.
"Oh, they won't do anything," he assured her. "Bootlegging's too risky a business. They'll send me a bill for fifteen dollars and I'll pay it."
"Oh, they won't do anything," he assured her. "Bootlegging is too risky of a business. They'll send me a bill for fifteen dollars, and I'll pay it."
"Oh." She considered a moment. "—Well, we can sell another bond."
"Oh." She thought for a moment. "—Well, we can sell another bond."
He laughed sarcastically.
He laughed cynically.
"Oh, yes, that's always easy. When the few bonds we have that are paying any interest at all are only worth between fifty and eighty cents on the dollar. We lose about half the bond every time we sell."
"Oh, yeah, that's always simple. When the few bonds we have that are actually paying any interest are only worth between fifty and eighty cents on the dollar. We lose about half the bond every time we sell."
"What else can we do?"
"What else can we try?"
"Oh, we'll sell something—as usual. We've got paper worth eighty thousand dollars at par." Again he laughed unpleasantly. "Bring about thirty thousand on the open market."
"Oh, we'll definitely sell something, like always. We've got paper worth eighty thousand dollars at face value." He laughed again in a nasty way. "We'll get around thirty thousand on the open market."
"I distrusted those ten per cent investments."
"I didn't trust those ten percent investments."
"The deuce you did!" he said. "You pretended you did, so you could claw at me if they went to pieces, but you wanted to take a chance as much as I did."
"The hell you did!" he said. "You acted like you didn't, so you could blame me if everything fell apart, but you wanted to gamble just as much as I did."
She was silent for a moment as if considering, then:
She was quiet for a moment, as though she was thinking, then:
"Anthony," she cried suddenly, "two hundred a month is worse than nothing. Let's sell all the bonds and put the thirty thousand dollars in the bank—and if we lose the case we can live in Italy for three years, and then just die." In her excitement as she talked she was aware of a faint flush of sentiment, the first she had felt in many days.
"Anthony," she exclaimed suddenly, "two hundred a month is worse than nothing. Let's sell all the bonds and put the thirty thousand dollars in the bank—and if we lose the case, we can live in Italy for three years and then just die." In her excitement as she spoke, she felt a slight rush of emotion, the first she had experienced in many days.
"Three years," he said nervously, "three years! You're crazy. Mr. Haight'll take more than that if we lose. Do you think he's working for charity?"
"Three years," he said nervously, "three years! You're insane. Mr. Haight will want a lot more than that if we lose. Do you think he's doing this for free?"
"I forgot that."
"I totally forgot that."
"—And here it is Saturday," he continued, "and I've only got a dollar and some change, and we've got to live till Monday, when I can get to my broker's.... And not a drink in the house," he added as a significant afterthought.
"—And here we are on Saturday," he went on, "and I only have a dollar and some change, and we have to make it until Monday, when I can get to my broker's.... And there’s not a drink in the house," he added as a notable afterthought.
"Can't you call up Dick?"
"Can't you call Dick?"
"I did. His man says he's gone down to Princeton to address a literary club or some such thing. Won't be back till Monday."
"I did. His guy says he's gone down to Princeton to speak at a literary club or something like that. He won't be back until Monday."
"Well, let's see—Don't you know some friend you might go to?"
"Well, let's see—Don’t you have any friends you could go to?"
"I tried a couple of fellows. Couldn't find anybody in. I wish I'd sold that Keats letter like I started to last week."
"I tried a couple of guys. Couldn't find anyone home. I wish I'd sold that Keats letter like I was planning to last week."
"How about those men you play cards with in that Sammy place?"
"How about those guys you play cards with at that Sammy's place?"
"Do you think I'd ask them?" His voice rang with righteous horror. Gloria winced. He would rather contemplate her active discomfort than feel his own skin crawl at asking an inappropriate favor. "I thought of Muriel," he suggested.
"Do you think I'd ask them?" His voice was filled with disbelief. Gloria flinched. He preferred to focus on her visible discomfort rather than deal with his own unease about asking for a questionable favor. "I thought about Muriel," he suggested.
"She's in California."
"She's in CA."
"Well, how about some of those men who gave you such a good time while I was in the army? You'd think they might be glad to do a little favor for you."
"Well, what about some of those guys who treated you so well while I was in the army? You’d think they’d be happy to do you a small favor."
She looked at him contemptuously, but he took no notice.
She looked at him with disdain, but he had no reaction.
"Or how about your old friend Rachael—or Constance Merriam?"
"Or what about your old friend Rachael—or Constance Merriam?"
"Constance Merriam's been dead a year, and I wouldn't ask Rachael."
"Constance Merriam has been dead for a year, and I wouldn’t ask Rachael."
"Well, how about that gentleman who was so anxious to help you once that he could hardly restrain himself, Bloeckman?"
"Well, what about that guy who was so eager to help you once that he could barely hold himself back, Bloeckman?"
"Oh—!" He had hurt her at last, and he was not too obtuse or too careless to perceive it.
"Oh—!" He had finally hurt her, and he wasn't too oblivious or too indifferent to notice it.
"Why not him?" he insisted callously.
"Why not him?" he pressed coldly.
"Because—he doesn't like me any more," she said with difficulty, and then as he did not answer but only regarded her cynically: "If you want to know why, I'll tell you. A year ago I went to Bloeckman—he's changed his name to Black—and asked him to put me into pictures."
"Because—he doesn't like me anymore," she said slowly, and when he didn’t respond but just looked at her with a cynical expression, she added, "If you want to know why, I’ll tell you. A year ago, I went to Bloeckman—he's changed his name to Black—and asked him to get me into movies."
"You went to Bloeckman?"
"You went to Bloeckman?"
"Yes."
"Yep."
"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded incredulously, the smile fading from his face.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked in disbelief, his smile disappearing.
"Because you were probably off drinking somewhere. He had them give me a test, and they decided that I wasn't young enough for anything except a character part."
"Because you were probably out drinking somewhere. He had them give me a test, and they decided that I wasn't young enough for anything other than a character role."
"A character part?"
"Is it a character role?"
"The 'woman of thirty' sort of thing. I wasn't thirty, and I didn't think I—looked thirty."
"The 'woman in her thirties' stereotype. I wasn't thirty, and I didn't think I—looked thirty."
"Why, damn him!" cried Anthony, championing her violently with a curious perverseness of emotion, "why—"
"Why, damn him!" Anthony shouted, defending her fiercely with a strange twist of feeling, "why—"
"Well, that's why I can't go to him."
"Well, that's why I can't see him."
"Why, the insolence!" insisted Anthony nervously, "the insolence!"
"Can you believe the audacity?!" Anthony insisted nervously. "The audacity!"
"Anthony, that doesn't matter now; the thing is we've got to live over Sunday and there's nothing in the house but a loaf of bread and a half-pound of bacon and two eggs for breakfast." She handed him the contents of her purse. "There's seventy, eighty, a dollar fifteen. With what you have that makes about two and a half altogether, doesn't it? Anthony, we can get along on that. We can buy lots of food with that—more than we can possibly eat."
"Anthony, that doesn't matter right now; what we need to focus on is getting through Sunday, and we only have a loaf of bread, half a pound of bacon, and two eggs for breakfast." She gave him the contents of her purse. "There's seventy, eighty, a dollar fifteen. With what you have, that adds up to about two and a half altogether, doesn't it? Anthony, we can manage with that. We can buy plenty of food with that—more than we could ever eat."
Jingling the change in his hand he shook his head. "No. I've got to have a drink. I'm so darn nervous that I'm shivering." A thought struck him. "Perhaps Sammy'd cash a check. And then Monday I could rush down to the bank with the money." "But they've closed your account."
Jingling the coins in his hand, he shook his head. "No. I really need a drink. I'm so freaking nervous that I'm shaking." An idea hit him. "Maybe Sammy would cash a check. Then on Monday, I could hurry to the bank with the cash." "But they’ve closed your account."
"That's right, that's right—I'd forgotten. I'll tell you what: I'll go down to Sammy's and I'll find somebody there who'll lend me something. I hate like the devil to ask them, though...." He snapped his fingers suddenly. "I know what I'll do. I'll hock my watch. I can get twenty dollars on it, and get it back Monday for sixty cents extra. It's been hocked before—when I was at Cambridge."
"That's right, I forgot. Here's the plan: I'll head down to Sammy's and find someone who can lend me something. I really hate asking them, though...." He suddenly snapped his fingers. "I’ve got it! I'll pawn my watch. I can get twenty bucks for it and get it back on Monday for sixty cents extra. I've pawned it before—back when I was at Cambridge."
He had put on his overcoat, and with a brief good-by he started down the hall toward the outer door.
He put on his overcoat, and with a quick goodbye, he headed down the hall toward the front door.
Gloria got to her feet. It had suddenly occurred to her where he would probably go first.
Gloria stood up. It suddenly hit her where he would likely go first.
"Anthony!" she called after him, "hadn't you better leave two dollars with me? You'll only need car-fare."
"Anthony!" she called after him, "don't you think you should leave two dollars with me? You'll just need bus fare."
The outer door slammed—he had pretended not to hear her. She stood for a moment looking after him; then she went into the bathroom among her tragic unguents and began preparations for washing her hair.
The outer door slammed—he had acted like he didn’t hear her. She paused for a moment, watching him leave; then she went into the bathroom with her sad beauty products and started getting ready to wash her hair.
Down at Sammy's he found Parker Allison and Pete Lytell sitting alone at a table, drinking whiskey sours. It was just after six o'clock, and Sammy, or Samuele Bendiri, as he had been christened, was sweeping an accumulation of cigarette butts and broken glass into a corner.
Down at Sammy's, he found Parker Allison and Pete Lytell sitting by themselves at a table, drinking whiskey sours. It was just after six o'clock, and Sammy, or Samuele Bendiri, as he was named, was sweeping a pile of cigarette butts and broken glass into a corner.
"Hi, Tony!" called Parker Allison to Anthony. Sometimes he addressed him as Tony, at other times it was Dan. To him all Anthonys must sail under one of these diminutives.
"Hi, Tony!" Parker Allison called out to Anthony. Sometimes he called him Tony, other times it was Dan. To him, all Anthonys had to go by one of these nicknames.
"Sit down. What'll you have?"
"Take a seat. What do you want?"
On the subway Anthony had counted his money and found that he had almost four dollars. He could pay for two rounds at fifty cents a drink—which meant that he would have six drinks. Then he would go over to Sixth Avenue and get twenty dollars and a pawn ticket in exchange for his watch.
On the subway, Anthony counted his money and realized he had almost four dollars. He could buy two rounds at fifty cents a drink, which meant he would have six drinks. Then, he would head over to Sixth Avenue and get twenty dollars and a pawn ticket for his watch.
"Well, roughnecks," he said jovially, "how's the life of crime?"
"Well, roughnecks," he said cheerfully, "how's the life of crime treating you?"
"Pretty good," said Allison. He winked at Pete Lytell. "Too bad you're a married man. We've got some pretty good stuff lined up for about eleven o'clock, when the shows let out. Oh, boy! Yes, sir—too bad he's married—isn't it, Pete?"
"Pretty good," said Allison. He winked at Pete Lytell. "Too bad you're married. We’ve got some really great stuff planned for around eleven o'clock, when the shows end. Oh, boy! Yes, sir—too bad he’s married—right, Pete?"
"'Sa shame."
"Such a shame."
At half past seven, when they had completed the six rounds, Anthony found that his intentions were giving audience to his desires. He was happy and cheerful now—thoroughly enjoying himself. It seemed to him that the story which Pete had just finished telling was unusually and profoundly humorous—and he decided, as he did every day at about this point, that they were "damn good fellows, by golly!" who would do a lot more for him than any one else he knew. The pawnshops would remain open until late Saturday nights, and he felt that if he took just one more drink he would attain a gorgeous rose-colored exhilaration.
At 7:30, after finishing six rounds, Anthony realized that his intentions were aligning with his desires. He felt happy and cheerful now—really enjoying himself. It seemed to him that the story Pete had just told was unusually and deeply funny—and he decided, as he did every day around this time, that they were "damn good guys, for sure!" who would do a lot more for him than anyone else he knew. The pawnshops would stay open late on Saturday nights, and he felt that if he took just one more drink, he'd reach a wonderful, rosy high.
Artfully, he fished in his vest pockets, brought up his two quarters, and stared at them as though in surprise.
Skillfully, he searched in his vest pockets, pulled out two quarters, and looked at them as if he were surprised.
"Well, I'll be darned," he protested in an aggrieved tone, "here I've come out without my pocketbook."
"Well, I can't believe this," he protested in an annoyed tone, "I've come out without my wallet."
"Need some cash?" asked Lytell easily.
"Need some cash?" Lytell asked casually.
"I left my money on the dresser at home. And I wanted to buy you another drink."
"I left my cash on the dresser at home. And I wanted to buy you another drink."
"Oh—knock it." Lytell waved the suggestion away disparagingly. "I guess we can blow a good fella to all the drinks he wants. What'll you have—same?"
"Oh—knock it off." Lytell waved the suggestion away dismissively. "I guess we can treat a good guy to as many drinks as he wants. What do you want—same?"
"I tell you," suggested Parker Allison, "suppose we send Sammy across the street for some sandwiches and eat dinner here."
"I suggest," said Parker Allison, "why don't we send Sammy across the street for some sandwiches and have dinner here?"
The other two agreed.
The other two nodded.
"Good idea."
"Great idea."
"Hey, Sammy, wantcha do somep'm for us...."
"Hey, Sammy, can you do something for us..."
Just after nine o'clock Anthony staggered to his feet and, bidding them a thick good night, walked unsteadily to the door, handing Sammy one of his two quarters as he passed out. Once in the street he hesitated uncertainly and then started in the direction of Sixth Avenue, where he remembered to have frequently passed several loan offices. He went by a news-stand and two drug-stores—and then he realized that he was standing in front of the place which he sought, and that it was shut and barred. Unperturbed he continued; another one, half a block down, was also closed—so were two more across the street, and a fifth in the square below. Seeing a faint light in the last one, he began to knock on the glass door; he desisted only when a watchman appeared in the back of the shop and motioned him angrily to move on. With growing discouragement, with growing befuddlement, he crossed the street and walked back toward Forty-third. On the corner near Sammy's he paused undecided—if he went back to the apartment, as he felt his body required, he would lay himself open to bitter reproach; yet, now that the pawnshops were closed, he had no notion where to get the money. He decided finally that he might ask Parker Allison, after all—but he approached Sammy's only to find the door locked and the lights out. He looked at his watch; nine-thirty. He began walking.
Just after nine o'clock, Anthony stumbled to his feet and, mumbling a thick goodnight, swayed toward the door, giving Sammy one of his two quarters as he left. Once outside, he hesitated, unsure of himself, then headed toward Sixth Avenue, where he remembered seeing several pawn shops. He passed a newsstand and two drugstores—then realized he was standing in front of the place he was looking for, but it was shut and barred. Unfazed, he moved on; another one, half a block down, was also closed—so were two more across the street, and a fifth in the square below. Spotting a faint light in the last one, he started tapping on the glass door; he stopped only when a guard appeared at the back of the shop and angrily waved him off. Feeling more discouraged and confused, he crossed the street and walked back toward Forty-third. He paused at the corner near Sammy's, torn—if he went back to the apartment, which his body craved, he would face harsh criticism; yet now that the pawn shops were closed, he had no idea where to get the money. Finally, he decided he might as well ask Parker Allison, but when he reached Sammy's, he found the door locked and the lights off. He glanced at his watch; nine-thirty. He started walking.
Ten minutes later he stopped aimlessly at the corner of Forty-third Street and Madison Avenue, diagonally across from the bright but nearly deserted entrance to the Biltmore Hotel. Here he stood for a moment, and then sat down heavily on a damp board amid some debris of construction work. He rested there for almost half an hour, his mind a shifting pattern of surface thoughts, chiefest among which were that he must obtain some money and get home before he became too sodden to find his way.
Ten minutes later, he stopped aimlessly at the corner of Forty-third Street and Madison Avenue, diagonally across from the bright but almost empty entrance to the Biltmore Hotel. He lingered there for a moment, then sat down heavily on a damp board amid some construction debris. He stayed there for nearly half an hour, his mind swirling with surface thoughts, the main ones being that he needed to get some money and make it home before he became too soaked to find his way.
Then, glancing over toward the Biltmore, he saw a man standing directly under the overhead glow of the porte-cochère lamps beside a woman in an ermine coat. As Anthony watched, the couple moved forward and signalled to a taxi. Anthony perceived by the infallible identification that lurks in the walk of a friend that it was Maury Noble.
Then, looking over at the Biltmore, he saw a man standing right under the bright lights of the porte-cochère lamps next to a woman in an ermine coat. As Anthony observed, the couple moved forward and called a taxi. Anthony recognized, through the unmistakable way a friend walks, that it was Maury Noble.
He rose to his feet.
He stood up.
"Maury!" he shouted.
"Maury!" he yelled.
Maury looked in his direction, then turned back to the girl just as the taxi came up into place. With the chaotic idea of borrowing ten dollars, Anthony began to run as fast as he could across Madison Avenue and along Forty-third Street.
Maury glanced over at him, then turned back to the girl just as the taxi pulled up. With the frantic thought of borrowing ten dollars, Anthony sprinted as fast as he could across Madison Avenue and down Forty-third Street.
As he came up Maury was standing beside the yawning door of the taxicab. His companion turned and looked curiously at Anthony.
As he approached, Maury was standing next to the open door of the taxi. His friend turned and looked at Anthony with curiosity.
"Hello, Maury!" he said, holding out his hand. "How are you?"
"Hey, Maury!" he said, extending his hand. "How's it going?"
"Fine, thank you."
"Good, thanks."
Their hands dropped and Anthony hesitated. Maury made no move to introduce him, but only stood there regarding him with an inscrutable feline silence.
Their hands fell, and Anthony paused. Maury didn’t make any effort to introduce him but just stood there, looking at him with an unreadable, cat-like silence.
"I wanted to see you—" began Anthony uncertainly. He did not feel that he could ask for a loan with the girl not four feet away, so he broke off and made a perceptible motion of his head as if to beckon Maury to one side.
"I wanted to see you—" Anthony started hesitantly. He didn't feel comfortable asking for a loan with the girl just a few feet away, so he stopped and gave a noticeable nod, as if to signal Maury to step aside.
"I'm in rather a big hurry, Anthony."
"I'm in quite a rush, Anthony."
"I know—but can you, can you—" Again he hesitated.
"I know—but can you, can you—" He hesitated again.
"I'll see you some other time," said Maury. "It's important."
"I'll catch you later," Maury said. "It’s important."
"I'm sorry, Anthony."
"Sorry, Anthony."
Before Anthony could make up his mind to blurt out his request, Maury had turned coolly to the girl, helped her into the car and, with a polite "good evening," stepped in after her. As he nodded from the window it seemed to Anthony that his expression had not changed by a shade or a hair. Then with a fretful clatter the taxi moved off, and Anthony was left standing there alone under the lights.
Before Anthony could decide to shout out his request, Maury had smoothly turned to the girl, helped her into the car, and, with a polite "good evening," got in after her. As he nodded from the window, Anthony felt like his expression hadn't changed at all. Then, with a noisy jolt, the taxi drove away, leaving Anthony standing there all alone under the lights.
Anthony went on into the Biltmore, for no reason in particular except that the entrance was at hand, and ascending the wide stair found a seat in an alcove. He was furiously aware that he had been snubbed; he was as hurt and angry as it was possible for him to be when in that condition. Nevertheless, he was stubbornly preoccupied with the necessity of obtaining some money before he went home, and once again he told over on his fingers the acquaintances he might conceivably call on in this emergency. He thought, eventually, that he might approach Mr. Howland, his broker, at his home.
Anthony walked into the Biltmore, not for any particular reason other than the entrance was right there, and after climbing the wide stairs, he found a seat in an alcove. He felt intensely that he had been rejected; he was as hurt and angry as he could possibly be in that situation. Still, he stubbornly focused on the need to get some money before heading home, and once again he counted on his fingers the acquaintances he might realistically reach out to in this emergency. Eventually, he thought he could approach Mr. Howland, his broker, at his home.
After a long wait he found that Mr. Howland was out. He returned to the operator, leaning over her desk and fingering his quarter as though loath to leave unsatisfied.
After a long wait, he discovered that Mr. Howland was not in. He went back to the operator, leaning over her desk and playing with his quarter as if he was reluctant to leave without getting what he wanted.
"Call Mr. Bloeckman," he said suddenly. His own words surprised him. The name had come from some crossing of two suggestions in his mind.
"Call Mr. Bloeckman," he said suddenly. His own words surprised him. The name had come from some combination of two ideas in his mind.
"What's the number, please?"
"What's the number, please?"
Scarcely conscious of what he did, Anthony looked up Joseph Bloeckman in the telephone directory. He could find no such person, and was about to close the book when it flashed into his mind that Gloria had mentioned a change of name. It was the matter of a minute to find Joseph Black—then he waited in the booth while central called the number.
Barely aware of his actions, Anthony searched for Joseph Bloeckman in the phone directory. He couldn't find anyone by that name and was about to put the book away when he suddenly recalled that Gloria had mentioned a name change. It took him just a minute to find Joseph Black—then he waited in the booth while the operator dialed the number.
"Hello-o. Mr. Bloeckman—I mean Mr. Black in?"
"Hello. Is Mr. Bloeckman—I mean Mr. Black in?"
"No, he's out this evening. Is there any message?" The intonation was cockney; it reminded him of the rich vocal deferences of Bounds.
"No, he's out this evening. Is there any message?" The accent was Cockney; it reminded him of the rich vocal nuances of Bounds.
"Where is he?"
"Where's he?"
"Why, ah, who is this, please, sir?"
"Excuse me, who is this, please?"
"This Mr. Patch. Matter of vi'al importance." "Why, he's with a party at the Boul' Mich', sir."
"This Mr. Patch. It's a matter of vital importance." "Well, he's with a group at the Boul' Mich', sir."
"Thanks."
"Thanks!"
Anthony got his five cents change and started for the Boul' Mich', a popular dancing resort on Forty-fifth Street. It was nearly ten but the streets were dark and sparsely peopled until the theatres should eject their spawn an hour later. Anthony knew the Boul' Mich', for he had been there with Gloria during the year before, and he remembered the existence of a rule that patrons must be in evening dress. Well, he would not go up-stairs—he would send a boy up for Bloeckman and wait for him in the lower hall. For a moment he did not doubt that the whole project was entirely natural and graceful. To his distorted imagination Bloeckman had become simply one of his old friends.
Anthony got his five cents change and headed for the Boul' Mich', a popular dance spot on Forty-fifth Street. It was almost ten, but the streets were dark and not very crowded until the theaters let out their audience an hour later. Anthony was familiar with the Boul' Mich' since he had been there with Gloria the year before, and he remembered the rule that patrons had to be in evening dress. Well, he wouldn't go upstairs—he would send a boy up for Bloeckman and wait for him in the lower hall. For a moment, he didn't doubt that the whole plan was completely natural and smooth. In his twisted imagination, Bloeckman had become just one of his old friends.
The entrance hall of the Boul' Mich' was warm. There were high yellow lights over a thick green carpet, from the centre of which a white stairway rose to the dancing floor.
The entrance hall of the Boul' Mich' was warm. There were bright yellow lights above a plush green carpet, from the center of which a white stairway rose to the dance floor.
Anthony spoke to the hallboy:
Anthony spoke to the bellhop:
"I want to see Mr. Bloeckman—Mr. Black," he said. "He's up-stairs—have him paged."
"I want to see Mr. Bloeckman—Mr. Black," he said. "He's upstairs—have him paged."
The boy shook his head.
The kid shook his head.
"'Sagainsa rules to have him paged. You know what table he's at?"
"'Sagainsa asks to have him paged. Do you know which table he's at?"
"No. But I've got see him."
"No. But I've got to see him."
"Wait an' I'll getcha waiter."
"Wait and I'll get the waiter."
After a short interval a head waiter appeared, bearing a card on which were charted the table reservations. He darted a cynical look at Anthony—which, however, failed of its target. Together they bent over the cardboard and found the table without difficulty—a party of eight, Mr. Black's own.
After a brief moment, the head waiter showed up with a card listing the table reservations. He shot a skeptical glance at Anthony, but it missed its mark. They both leaned over the card and easily located the table—a group of eight, Mr. Black's party.
"Tell him Mr. Patch. Very, very important."
"Tell him, Mr. Patch. It's really, really important."
Again he waited, leaning against the banister and listening to the confused harmonies of "Jazz-mad" which came floating down the stairs. A check-girl near him was singing:
Again he waited, leaning against the railing and listening to the jumbled melodies of "Jazz-mad" drifting down the stairs. A girl at the check counter nearby was singing:
Then he saw Bloeckman descending the staircase, and took a step forward to meet him and shake hands.
Then he saw Bloeckman coming down the stairs and took a step forward to greet him and shake hands.
"You wanted to see me?" said the older man coolly.
"You wanted to see me?" the older man said casually.
"Yes," answered Anthony, nodding, "personal matter. Can you jus' step over here?"
"Yeah," Anthony replied, nodding, "it's a personal matter. Can you just step over here?"
Regarding him narrowly Bloeckman followed Anthony to a half bend made by the staircase where they were beyond observation or earshot of any one entering or leaving the restaurant.
Bloeckman closely followed Anthony to a slight curve in the staircase where they were out of sight and couldn't be heard by anyone coming in or out of the restaurant.
"Well?" he inquired.
"Well?" he asked.
"Wanted talk to you."
"Want to talk to you."
"What about?"
"What’s up?"
Anthony only laughed—a silly laugh; he intended it to sound casual.
Anthony just laughed—a goofy laugh; he meant for it to come off as relaxed.
"What do you want to talk to me about?" repeated Bloeckman.
"What do you want to talk about?" Bloeckman repeated.
"Wha's hurry, old man?" He tried to lay his hand in a friendly gesture upon Bloeckman's shoulder, but the latter drew away slightly. "How've been?"
"Wha's the rush, old man?" He tried to rest a friendly hand on Bloeckman's shoulder, but Bloeckman pulled away a bit. "How've you been?"
"Very well, thanks.... See here, Mr. Patch, I've got a party up-stairs. They'll think it's rude if I stay away too long. What was it you wanted to see me about?"
"Sure, thanks.... Look, Mr. Patch, I've got a party upstairs. They'll think it's rude if I’m gone too long. What did you want to talk to me about?"
For the second time that evening Anthony's mind made an abrupt jump, and what he said was not at all what he had intended to say.
For the second time that evening, Anthony's thoughts suddenly shifted, and what he said was completely different from what he meant to say.
"Un'erstand you kep' my wife out of the movies."
"Do you understand you kept my wife from going to the movies?"
"What?" Bloeckman's ruddy face darkened in parallel planes of shadows.
"What?" Bloeckman's flushed face was overshadowed by dark patches.
"You heard me."
"You got that?"
"Look here, Mr. Patch," said Bloeckman, evenly and without changing his expression, "you're drunk. You're disgustingly and insultingly drunk."
"Listen up, Mr. Patch," Bloeckman said calmly and without altering his expression, "you're drunk. You're incredibly and offensively drunk."
"Not too drunk talk to you," insisted Anthony with a leer. "Firs' place, my wife wants nothin' whatever do with you. Never did. Un'erstand me?"
"Not too drunk to talk to you," Anthony insisted with a smirk. "First of all, my wife doesn't want anything to do with you. She never has. Do you understand?"
"Be quiet!" said the older man angrily. "I should think you'd respect your wife enough not to bring her into the conversation under these circumstances."
"Be quiet!" the older man said angrily. "I would think you’d have enough respect for your wife not to involve her in this conversation right now."
"Never you min' how I expect my wife. One thing—you leave her alone. You go to hell!"
"Don't worry about how I expect my wife to be. One thing—you leave her alone. Go to hell!"
"See here—I think you're a little crazy!" exclaimed Bloeckman. He took two paces forward as though to pass by, but Anthony stepped in his way.
"Look, I think you're a bit crazy!" Bloeckman exclaimed. He took two steps forward as if to go past, but Anthony blocked his way.
"Not so fas', you Goddam Jew."
"Not so fast, you damn Jew."
For a moment they stood regarding each other, Anthony swaying gently from side to side, Bloeckman almost trembling with fury.
For a moment, they stood looking at each other, Anthony swaying slightly from side to side, while Bloeckman was almost shaking with anger.
"Be careful!" he cried in a strained voice.
"Be careful!" he shouted in a strained voice.
Anthony might have remembered then a certain look Bloeckman had given him in the Biltmore Hotel years before. But he remembered nothing, nothing——
Anthony might have recalled a particular look Bloeckman had given him at the Biltmore Hotel years ago. But he remembered nothing, nothing——
"I'll say it again, you God——"
"I'll say it again, you god——"
Then Bloeckman struck out, with all the strength in the arm of a well-conditioned man of forty-five, struck out and caught Anthony squarely in the mouth. Anthony cracked up against the staircase, recovered himself and made a wild drunken swing at his opponent, but Bloeckman, who took exercise every day and knew something of sparring, blocked it with ease and struck him twice in the face with two swift smashing jabs. Anthony gave a little grunt and toppled over onto the green plush carpet, finding, as he fell, that his mouth was full of blood and seemed oddly loose in front. He struggled to his feet, panting and spitting, and then as he started toward Bloeckman, who stood a few feet away, his fists clenched but not up, two waiters who had appeared from nowhere seized his arms and held him, helpless. In back of them a dozen people had miraculously gathered.
Then Bloeckman swung his fist, using all the power of a fit man in his mid-forties, and landed a solid hit right on Anthony's mouth. Anthony slammed against the staircase, regained his balance, and took a wild, drunken swing at Bloeckman, but Bloeckman, who exercised regularly and knew how to spar, effortlessly blocked it and landed two quick, powerful jabs to Anthony's face. Anthony let out a small grunt and collapsed onto the green plush carpet, realizing as he fell that his mouth was filled with blood and felt strangely loose in the front. He fought to his feet, panting and spitting, and then as he moved towards Bloeckman, who stood just a few feet away with his fists clenched but down, two waiters who had suddenly appeared grabbed his arms and held him tight, rendering him helpless. Behind them, a crowd of about a dozen people had somehow gathered.
"I'll kill him," cried Anthony, pitching and straining from side to side. "Let me kill——"
"I'll kill him," shouted Anthony, twisting and struggling from side to side. "Let me kill——"
"Throw him out!" ordered Bloeckman excitedly, just as a small man with a pockmarked face pushed his way hurriedly through the spectators.
"Get him out of here!" Bloeckman shouted eagerly, just as a small man with a pockmarked face rushed through the crowd.
"Any trouble, Mr. Black?"
"Any issues, Mr. Black?"
"This bum tried to blackmail me!" said Bloeckman, and then, his voice rising to a faintly shrill note of pride: "He got what was coming to him!"
"This loser tried to blackmail me!" said Bloeckman, and then, his voice rising to a slightly shrill note of pride: "He got what he deserved!"
The little man turned to a waiter.
The little man turned to a waiter.
"Call a policeman!" he commanded.
"Call the police!" he commanded.
"Oh, no," said Bloeckman quickly. "I can't be bothered. Just throw him out in the street.... Ugh! What an outrage!" He turned and with conscious dignity walked toward the wash-room just as six brawny hands seized upon Anthony and dragged him toward the door. The "bum" was propelled violently to the sidewalk, where he landed on his hands and knees with a grotesque slapping sound and rolled over slowly onto his side.
"Oh, no," Bloeckman said quickly. "I can't deal with this. Just throw him out into the street.... Ugh! What an outrage!" He turned and, trying to maintain his dignity, walked toward the washroom just as six strong hands grabbed Anthony and pulled him toward the door. The "bum" was forcefully tossed onto the sidewalk, where he landed on his hands and knees with a loud slap and slowly rolled over onto his side.
The shock stunned him. He lay there for a moment in acute distributed pain. Then his discomfort became centralized in his stomach, and he regained consciousness to discover that a large foot was prodding him.
The shock left him stunned. He lay there for a moment, feeling intense pain all over. Then the pain focused in his stomach, and he came to his senses to find a large foot poking him.
"You've got to move on, y' bum! Move on!"
"You need to move on, you loser! Move on!"
It was the bulky doorman speaking. A town car had stopped at the curb and its occupants had disembarked—that is, two of the women were standing on the dashboard, waiting in offended delicacy until this obscene obstacle should be removed from their path.
It was the big doorman talking. A town car had pulled up to the curb, and its passengers had gotten out—that is, two of the women were standing on the dashboard, waiting in offended delicacy until this rude obstacle was cleared from their way.
"Move on! Or else I'll throw y'on!"
"Move on! Or else I'll throw you!"
"Here—I'll get him."
"Here—I'll grab him."
This was a new voice; Anthony imagined that it was somehow more tolerant, better disposed than the first. Again arms were about him, half lifting, half dragging him into a welcome shadow four doors up the street and propping him against the stone front of a millinery shop.
This was a new voice; Anthony thought it sounded more understanding, more friendly than the first. Once more, arms were around him, half lifting, half pulling him into a welcoming shadow four doors up the street and resting him against the stone front of a hat shop.
"Much obliged," muttered Anthony feebly. Some one pushed his soft hat down upon his head and he winced.
"Thanks a lot," Anthony mumbled weakly. Someone shoved his soft hat down onto his head, and he flinched.
"Just sit still, buddy, and you'll feel better. Those guys sure give you a bump."
"Just sit tight, man, and you'll feel better. Those guys really take you for a ride."
"I'm going back and kill that dirty—" He tried to get to his feet but collapsed backward against the wall.
"I'm going back to kill that filthy—" He tried to stand up but fell back against the wall.
"You can't do nothin' now," came the voice. "Get 'em some other time. I'm tellin' you straight, ain't I? I'm helpin' you."
"You can’t do anything now," came the voice. "Get them some other time. I’m being straight with you, right? I’m helping you."
Anthony nodded.
Anthony agreed.
"An' you better go home. You dropped a tooth to-night, buddy. You know that?"
"Hey, you should head home. You lost a tooth tonight, buddy. Did you know that?"
Anthony explored his mouth with his tongue, verifying the statement. Then with an effort he raised his hand and located the gap.
Anthony ran his tongue over his mouth, checking the statement. Then, with some effort, he lifted his hand and found the gap.
"I'm agoin' to get you home, friend. Whereabouts do you live—"
"I'm going to get you home, friend. Where do you live—"
"Oh, by God! By God!" interrupted Anthony, clenching his fists passionately. "I'll show the dirty bunch. You help me show 'em and I'll fix it with you. My grandfather's Adam Patch, of Tarrytown"—
"Oh, my God! My God!" interrupted Anthony, clenching his fists passionately. "I'll show those dirty people. You help me show them and I'll make it right with you. My grandfather is Adam Patch from Tarrytown."
"Who?"
"Who is it?"
"Adam Patch, by God!"
"Adam Patch, no way!"
"You wanna go all the way to Tarrytown?"
"You want to go all the way to Tarrytown?"
"No."
"Nope."
"Well, you tell me where to go, friend, and I'll get a cab."
"Well, just tell me where to go, buddy, and I'll grab a cab."
Anthony made out that his Samaritan was a short, broad-shouldered individual, somewhat the worse for wear.
Anthony figured that his good Samaritan was a short, broad-shouldered guy, looking a bit rough around the edges.
"Where d'you live, hey?"
"Where do you live?"
Sodden and shaken as he was, Anthony felt that his address would be poor collateral for his wild boast about his grandfather.
Soggy and shaken as he was, Anthony realized that his address wouldn't be much support for his crazy claim about his grandfather.
"Get me a cab," he commanded, feeling in his pockets.
"Call me a cab," he ordered, checking his pockets.
A taxi drove up. Again Anthony essayed to rise, but his ankle swung loose, as though it were in two sections. The Samaritan must needs help him in—and climb in after him.
A taxi pulled up. Once more, Anthony tried to get up, but his ankle felt loose, as if it were in two pieces. The Samaritan had to help him in—and then climb in after him.
"See here, fella," said he, "you're soused and you're bunged up, and you won't be able to get in your house 'less somebody carries you in, so I'm going with you, and I know you'll make it all right with me. Where d'you live?"
"Listen up, buddy," he said, "you're drunk and messed up, and you won't be able to get into your house unless someone helps you in, so I'm going with you, and I know you'll sort it out with me. Where do you live?"
With some reluctance Anthony gave his address. Then, as the cab moved off, he leaned his head against the man's shoulder and went into a shadowy, painful torpor. When he awoke, the man had lifted him from the cab in front of the apartment on Claremont Avenue and was trying to set him on his feet.
With some hesitation, Anthony provided his address. Then, as the cab drove away, he rested his head on the man's shoulder and slipped into a shadowy, painful daze. When he came to, the man had carried him out of the cab in front of the apartment on Claremont Avenue and was attempting to set him upright.
"Can y' walk?"
"Can you walk?"
"Yes—sort of. You better not come in with me." Again he felt helplessly in his pockets. "Say," he continued, apologetically, swaying dangerously on his feet, "I'm afraid I haven't got a cent."
"Yeah—kind of. You really shouldn't come in with me." Once more, he felt helplessly in his pockets. "Hey," he added, apologetically, swaying unsteadily on his feet, "I'm afraid I don't have any cash."
"Huh?"
"What?"
"I'm cleaned out."
"I'm broke."
"Sa-a-ay! Didn't I hear you promise you'd fix it with me? Who's goin' to pay the taxi bill?" He turned to the driver for confirmation. "Didn't you hear him say he'd fix it? All that about his grandfather?"
"Hey! Didn't I hear you promise you'd take care of this with me? Who's going to pay the taxi bill?" He looked at the driver for confirmation. "Didn't you hear him say he'd handle it? All that stuff about his grandfather?"
"Matter of fact," muttered Anthony imprudently, "it was you did all the talking; however, if you come round, to-morrow—"
"Matter of fact," muttered Anthony carelessly, "it was you who did all the talking; however, if you come by tomorrow—"
At this point the taxi-driver leaned from his cab and said ferociously:
At this point, the taxi driver leaned out of his cab and said fiercely:
"Ah, poke him one, the dirty cheap skate. If he wasn't a bum they wouldn'ta throwed him out."
"Ah, just poke him a bit, the filthy cheapskate. If he wasn't such a loser, they wouldn't have thrown him out."
In answer to this suggestion the fist of the Samaritan shot out like a battering-ram and sent Anthony crashing down against the stone steps of the apartment-house, where he lay without movement, while the tall buildings rocked to and fro above him....
In response to this suggestion, the Samaritan's fist shot out like a battering ram, sending Anthony crashing down against the stone steps of the apartment building, where he lay still, while the tall buildings swayed back and forth above him...
After a long while he awoke and was conscious that it had grown much colder. He tried to move himself but his muscles refused to function. He was curiously anxious to know the time, but he reached for his watch, only to find the pocket empty. Involuntarily his lips formed an immemorial phrase:
After a long time, he woke up and realized it had gotten much colder. He tried to move, but his muscles wouldn’t cooperate. He was oddly eager to check the time, but when he reached for his watch, he found his pocket empty. Without meaning to, his lips formed an ancient phrase:
"What a night!"
"Such a night!"
Strangely enough, he was almost sober. Without moving his head he looked up to where the moon was anchored in mid-sky, shedding light down into Claremont Avenue as into the bottom of a deep and uncharted abyss. There was no sign or sound of life save for the continuous buzzing in his own ears, but after a moment Anthony himself broke the silence with a distinct and peculiar murmur. It was the sound that he had consistently attempted to make back there in the Boul' Mich', when he had been face to face with Bloeckman—the unmistakable sound of ironic laughter. And on his torn and bleeding lips it was like a pitiful retching of the soul.
Strangely enough, he was almost sober. Without moving his head, he looked up at the moon, which hung in the sky, casting light down onto Claremont Avenue like it was the bottom of a deep, uncharted abyss. There was no sign or sound of life except for the constant buzzing in his ears, but after a moment, Anthony broke the silence with a distinct and strange murmur. It was the sound he had tried to make back there on the Boul' Mich' when he was face to face with Bloeckman—the unmistakable sound of ironic laughter. And on his torn and bleeding lips, it felt like a pitiful retching of the soul.
Three weeks later the trial came to an end. The seemingly endless spool of legal red tape having unrolled over a period of four and a half years, suddenly snapped off. Anthony and Gloria and, on the other side, Edward Shuttleworth and a platoon of beneficiaries testified and lied and ill-behaved generally in varying degrees of greed and desperation. Anthony awoke one morning in March realizing that the verdict was to be given at four that afternoon, and at the thought he got up out of his bed and began to dress. With his extreme nervousness there was mingled an unjustified optimism as to the outcome. He believed that the decision of the lower court would be reversed, if only because of the reaction, due to excessive prohibition, that had recently set in against reforms and reformers. He counted more on the personal attacks that they had levelled at Shuttleworth than on the more sheerly legal aspects of the proceedings.
Three weeks later, the trial wrapped up. The seemingly endless legal red tape had been unraveling for four and a half years but suddenly came to a halt. Anthony and Gloria, along with Edward Shuttleworth and a group of beneficiaries, testified, lied, and generally misbehaved in varying degrees of greed and desperation. One morning in March, Anthony woke up realizing that the verdict would be announced at four that afternoon. Thinking about it made him get out of bed and start getting dressed. His extreme nervousness was mixed with an unwarranted optimism about the outcome. He believed the lower court's decision would be overturned, mainly because of the backlash against excessive prohibition that had recently set in against reforms and reformers. He relied more on the personal attacks they had directed at Shuttleworth than on the purely legal aspects of the proceedings.
Dressed, he poured himself a drink of whiskey and then went into Gloria's room, where he found her already wide awake. She had been in bed for a week, humoring herself, Anthony fancied, though the doctor had said that she had best not be disturbed.
Dressed, he poured himself a drink of whiskey and then went into Gloria's room, where he found her already wide awake. She had been in bed for a week, keeping herself entertained, Anthony thought, even though the doctor had said that she shouldn’t be disturbed.
"Good morning," she murmured, without smiling. Her eyes seemed unusually large and dark.
"Good morning," she said softly, without a smile. Her eyes looked unusually large and dark.
"How do you feel?" he asked grudgingly. "Better?"
"How do you feel?" he asked reluctantly. "Better?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"Much?"
"Too much?"
"Yes."
Yes.
"Do you feel well enough to go down to court with me this afternoon?"
"Do you feel okay enough to go to court with me this afternoon?"
She nodded.
She agreed.
"Yes. I want to. Dick said yesterday that if the weather was nice he was coming up in his car and take me for a ride in Central Park—and look, the room's all full of sunshine."
"Yeah. I want to. Dick said yesterday that if the weather was nice, he’d drive up in his car and take me for a ride in Central Park—and look, the room's filled with sunshine."
Anthony glanced mechanically out the window and then sat down upon the bed.
Anthony looked out the window absentmindedly and then sat down on the bed.
"God, I'm nervous!" he exclaimed.
"I'm so nervous!" he exclaimed.
"Please don't sit there," she said quickly.
"Please don't sit there," she said quickly.
"Why not?"
"Why not?"
"You smell of whiskey. I can't stand it."
"You smell like whiskey. I can't handle it."
He got up absent-mindedly and left the room. A little later she called to him and he went out and brought her some potato salad and cold chicken from the delicatessen.
He got up lost in thought and left the room. A little later, she called to him, and he went out to get her some potato salad and cold chicken from the deli.
At two o'clock Richard Caramel's car arrived at the door and, when he phoned up, Anthony took Gloria down in the elevator and walked with her to the curb.
At two o'clock, Richard Caramel's car pulled up to the door, and when he called, Anthony took Gloria down in the elevator and walked with her to the curb.
She told her cousin that it was sweet of him to take her riding. "Don't be simple," Dick replied disparagingly. "It's nothing."
She told her cousin that it was nice of him to take her riding. "Don't be stupid," Dick replied dismissively. "It’s nothing."
But he did not mean that it was nothing and this was a curious thing. Richard Caramel had forgiven many people for many offenses. But he had never forgiven his cousin, Gloria Gilbert, for a statement she had made just prior to her wedding, seven years before. She had said that she did not intend to read his book.
But he didn't mean that it was nothing, and that was an interesting point. Richard Caramel had forgiven many people for various offenses. But he had never forgiven his cousin, Gloria Gilbert, for something she had said right before her wedding seven years ago. She had said that she didn't plan to read his book.
Richard Caramel remembered this—he had remembered it well for seven years.
Richard Caramel remembered this—he had remembered it clearly for seven years.
"What time will I expect you back?" asked Anthony.
"What time should I expect you back?" Anthony asked.
"We won't come back," she answered, "we'll meet you down there at four."
"We won't come back," she replied, "we'll see you down there at four."
"All right," he muttered, "I'll meet you."
"Okay," he muttered, "I'll meet you."
Up-stairs he found a letter waiting for him. It was a mimeographed notice urging "the boys" in condescendingly colloquial language to pay the dues of the American Legion. He threw it impatiently into the waste-basket and sat down with his elbows on the window sill, looking down blindly into the sunny street.
Upstairs, he found a letter waiting for him. It was a copied notice urging "the guys" in a casually condescending tone to pay their dues for the American Legion. He threw it impatiently into the trash can and sat down with his elbows on the window sill, gazing blindly down at the sunny street.
Italy—if the verdict was in their favor it meant Italy. The word had become a sort of talisman to him, a land where the intolerable anxieties of life would fall away like an old garment. They would go to the watering-places first and among the bright and colorful crowds forget the gray appendages of despair. Marvellously renewed, he would walk again in the Piazza di Spanga at twilight, moving in that drifting flotsam of dark women and ragged beggars, of austere, barefooted friars. The thought of Italian women stirred him faintly—when his purse hung heavy again even romance might fly back to perch upon it—the romance of blue canals in Venice, of the golden green hills of Fiesole after rain, and of women, women who changed, dissolved, melted into other women and receded from his life, but who were always beautiful and always young.
Italy—if the decision went their way it meant Italy. The word had become a kind of charm for him, a place where the unbearable stresses of life would fall away like an old coat. They would visit the resorts first and among the bright and lively crowds forget the dull weight of despair. Amazingly refreshed, he would stroll again in the Piazza di Spanga at dusk, blending in with the drifting groups of dark-haired women and tattered beggars, of serious, barefoot friars. The thought of Italian women stirred him lightly—when his wallet was heavy again, even romance might return to sit on it—the romance of blue canals in Venice, of the golden green hills of Fiesole after rain, and of women, women who transformed, faded, melted into other women and faded from his life, but who were always beautiful and always young.
But it seemed to him that there should be a difference in his attitude. All the distress that he had ever known, the sorrow and the pain, had been because of women. It was something that in different ways they did to him, unconsciously, almost casually—perhaps finding him tender-minded and afraid, they killed the things in him that menaced their absolute sway.
But it seemed to him that his attitude should change. All the distress he had ever experienced, the sadness and the pain, came from women. In various ways, they affected him, almost without realizing it—maybe because they saw him as sensitive and fearful, they stifled the things in him that challenged their complete control.
Turning about from the window he faced his reflection in the mirror, contemplating dejectedly the wan, pasty face, the eyes with their crisscross of lines like shreds of dried blood, the stooped and flabby figure whose very sag was a document in lethargy. He was thirty three—he looked forty. Well, things would be different.
Turning away from the window, he faced his reflection in the mirror, feeling down as he took in his pale, unhealthy face, his eyes marked with deep lines like streaks of dried blood, and his slumped, flabby body, which seemed to embody his lack of energy. He was thirty-three—but he looked forty. Well, things would be different.
The door-bell rang abruptly and he started as though he had been dealt a blow. Recovering himself, he went into the hall and opened the outer door. It was Dot.
The doorbell rang unexpectedly, and he jumped as if he'd been hit. Regaining his composure, he walked into the hall and opened the front door. It was Dot.
THE ENCOUNTER
He retreated before her into the living room, comprehending only a word here and there in the slow flood of sentences that poured from her steadily, one after the other, in a persistent monotone. She was decently and shabbily dressed—a somehow pitiable little hat adorned with pink and blue flowers covered and hid her dark hair. He gathered from her words that several days before she had seen an item in the paper concerning the lawsuit, and had obtained his address from the clerk of the Appellate Division. She had called up the apartment and had been told that Anthony was out by a woman to whom she had refused to give her name.
He stepped back into the living room, catching only a word here and there from the steady stream of sentences pouring out of her in a monotonous tone. She was dressed neatly but rather raggedly—a somewhat sad little hat decorated with pink and blue flowers covered her dark hair. He understood from her words that a few days earlier, she had read something in the newspaper about the lawsuit and had gotten his address from the clerk at the Appellate Division. She had called the apartment and had been told by a woman, to whom she didn’t give her name, that Anthony was out.
In a living room he stood by the door regarding her with a sort of stupefied horror as she rattled on.... His predominant sensation was that all the civilization and convention around him was curiously unreal.... She was in a milliner's shop on Sixth Avenue, she said. It was a lonesome life. She had been sick for a long while after he left for Camp Mills; her mother had come down and taken her home again to Carolina.... She had come to New York with the idea of finding Anthony.
In a living room, he stood by the door, staring at her in a kind of stunned horror as she kept talking. His main feeling was that all the civilization and social norms surrounding him felt strangely unreal. She mentioned that she was in a hat shop on Sixth Avenue. It was a lonely life. She had been sick for a long time after he left for Camp Mills; her mother had come down and taken her back to Carolina. She had come to New York hoping to find Anthony.
She was appallingly in earnest. Her violet eyes were red with tears; her soft intonation was ragged with little gasping sobs.
She was incredibly serious. Her violet eyes were red from crying; her gentle voice trembled with small gasping sobs.
That was all. She had never changed. She wanted him now, and if she couldn't have him she must die....
That was it. She had never changed. She wanted him now, and if she couldn't have him, she felt she might as well die....
"You'll have to get out," he said at length, speaking with tortuous intensity. "Haven't I enough to worry me now without you coming here? My God! You'll have to get out!"
"You need to leave," he finally said, speaking with intense frustration. "Don't I have enough to stress about right now without you showing up here? My God! You need to get out!"
Sobbing, she sat down in a chair.
Sobbing, she sat in a chair.
"I love you," she cried; "I don't care what you say to me! I love you."
"I love you," she shouted; "I don't care what you tell me! I love you."
"I don't care!" he almost shrieked; "get out—oh, get out! Haven't you done me harm enough? Haven't—you—done—enough?"
"I don't care!" he nearly yelled; "get out—oh, get out! Haven't you hurt me enough? Haven't—you—hurt—enough?"
"Hit me!" she implored him—wildly, stupidly. "Oh, hit me, and I'll kiss the hand you hit me with!"
"Hit me!" she begged him—frantically, foolishly. "Oh, hit me, and I'll kiss the hand you hit me with!"
His voice rose until it was pitched almost at a scream. "I'll kill you!" he cried. "If you don't get out I'll kill you, I'll kill you!"
His voice got louder until it was nearly a scream. "I'll kill you!" he shouted. "If you don't get out, I'll kill you, I'll kill you!"
There was madness in his eyes now, but, unintimidated, Dot rose and took a step toward him.
There was a wild look in his eyes now, but without fear, Dot stood up and took a step toward him.
"Anthony! Anthony!—"
"Anthony! Anthony!"
He made a little clicking sound with his teeth and drew back as though to spring at her—then, changing his purpose, he looked wildly about him on the floor and wall.
He made a small clicking sound with his teeth and pulled back as if to leap at her—then, changing his mind, he glanced around frantically at the floor and walls.
"I'll kill you!" he was muttering in short, broken gasps. "I'll kill you!" He seemed to bite at the word as though to force it into materialization. Alarmed at last she made no further movement forward, but meeting his frantic eyes took a step back toward the door. Anthony began to race here and there on his side of the room, still giving out his single cursing cry. Then he found what he had been seeking—a stiff oaken chair that stood beside the table. Uttering a harsh, broken shout, he seized it, swung it above his head and let it go with all his raging strength straight at the white, frightened face across the room ... then a thick, impenetrable darkness came down upon him and blotted out thought, rage, and madness together—with almost a tangible snapping sound the face of the world changed before his eyes....
"I'll kill you!" he muttered in short, broken gasps. "I'll kill you!" He seemed to gnash the word as if trying to make it real. Finally alarmed, she stopped moving forward, but when she met his frantic gaze, she stepped back toward the door. Anthony started to pace back and forth on his side of the room, continuing to let out his single, angry cry. Then he found what he was looking for—a stiff oak chair next to the table. Letting out a harsh, broken shout, he grabbed it, lifted it above his head, and hurled it with all his furious strength straight at the terrified white face across the room... then a thick, impenetrable darkness descended upon him, wiping out thought, rage, and madness all at once—with almost a tangible snapping sound, the face of the world changed before his eyes....
Gloria and Dick came in at five and called his name. There was no answer—they went into the living room and found a chair with its back smashed lying in the doorway, and they noticed that all about the room there was a sort of disorder—the rugs had slid, the pictures and bric-à-brac were upset upon the centre table. The air was sickly sweet with cheap perfume.
Gloria and Dick arrived at five and called out his name. There was no response—they went into the living room and saw a chair with its back broken lying in the doorway, and they noticed that the room was in a bit of disarray—the rugs had moved, and the pictures and knick-knacks were knocked over on the coffee table. The air was filled with a nauseatingly sweet scent of cheap perfume.
They found Anthony sitting in a patch of sunshine on the floor of his bedroom. Before him, open, were spread his three big stamp-books, and when they entered he was running his hands through a great pile of stamps that he had dumped from the back of one of them. Looking up and seeing Dick and Gloria he put his head critically on one side and motioned them back.
They found Anthony sitting in a sunny spot on the floor of his bedroom. In front of him lay his three large stamp books, and as they walked in, he was sifting through a huge pile of stamps that he had spilled out from the back of one of them. When he looked up and saw Dick and Gloria, he tilted his head to the side thoughtfully and signaled for them to step back.
"Anthony!" cried Gloria tensely, "we've won! They reversed the decision!"
"Anthony!" Gloria shouted anxiously, "we did it! They changed their minds!"
"Don't come in," he murmured wanly, "you'll muss them. I'm sorting, and I know you'll step in them. Everything always gets mussed."
"Don't come in," he said softly, "you'll mess them up. I'm sorting, and I know you'll step in them. Everything always gets messed up."
"What are you doing?" demanded Dick in astonishment. "Going back to childhood? Don't you realize you've won the suit? They've reversed the decision of the lower courts. You're worth thirty millions!"
"What are you doing?" Dick asked in shock. "Going back to childhood? Don't you see you've won the case? They've overturned the decision of the lower courts. You're worth thirty million!"
Anthony only looked at him reproachfully.
Anthony just looked at him with disappointment.
"Shut the door when you go out." He spoke like a pert child.
"Close the door when you leave." He sounded like a sassy kid.
With a faint horror dawning in her eyes, Gloria gazed at him—
With a hint of fear in her eyes, Gloria looked at him—
"Anthony!" she cried, "what is it? What's the matter? Why didn't you come—why, what is it?"
"Anthony!" she exclaimed, "what's going on? What's wrong? Why didn't you come—what is it?"
"See here," said Anthony softly, "you two get out—now, both of you. Or else I'll tell my grandfather."
"Listen," Anthony said gently, "you two need to leave—right now, both of you. Or I'll tell my grandpa."
He held up a handful of stamps and let them come drifting down about him like leaves, varicolored and bright, turning and fluttering gaudily upon the sunny air: stamps of England and Ecuador, Venezuela and Spain—Italy....
He held up a handful of stamps and let them drift down around him like leaves, colorful and bright, turning and fluttering vibrantly in the sunny air: stamps from England, Ecuador, Venezuela, Spain—Italy....
TOGETHER WITH THE SPARROWS
That exquisite heavenly irony which has tabulated the demise of so many generations of sparrows doubtless records the subtlest verbal inflections of the passengers of such ships as The Berengaria. And doubtless it was listening when the young man in the plaid cap crossed the deck quickly and spoke to the pretty girl in yellow.
That beautiful heavenly irony that has noted the end of so many generations of sparrows surely captures the slightest changes in speech from the passengers of ships like The Berengaria. And it was likely listening when the young man in the plaid cap hurried across the deck and spoke to the pretty girl in yellow.
"That's him," he said, pointing to a bundled figure seated in a wheel chair near the rail. "That's Anthony Patch. First time he's been on deck."
"That's him," he said, pointing to a bundled figure sitting in a wheelchair near the railing. "That's Anthony Patch. It's the first time he's been on deck."
"Oh—that's him?"
"Oh, is that him?"
"Yes. He's been a little crazy, they say, ever since he got his money, four or five months ago. You see, the other fellow, Shuttleworth, the religious fellow, the one that didn't get the money, he locked himself up in a room in a hotel and shot himself—
"Yeah. They say he's been acting a bit wild ever since he got his money, about four or five months ago. You know, the other guy, Shuttleworth, the religious one who didn't get the money, he locked himself in a hotel room and shot himself—
"Oh, he did—"
"Oh, he did—"
"But I guess Anthony Patch don't care much. He got his thirty million. And he's got his private physician along in case he doesn't feel just right about it. Has she been on deck?" he asked.
"But I guess Anthony Patch doesn't care much. He got his thirty million. And he's got his private doctor with him in case he doesn't feel quite right about it. Has she been around?" he asked.
The pretty girl in yellow looked around cautiously.
The pretty girl in yellow glanced around carefully.
"She was here a minute ago. She had on a Russian-sable coat that must have cost a small fortune." She frowned and then added decisively: "I can't stand her, you know. She seems sort of—sort of dyed and unclean, if you know what I mean. Some people just have that look about them whether they are or not."
"She was just here a minute ago. She was wearing a Russian-sable coat that probably cost a ton." She frowned and then added firmly: "I can't stand her, you know. She seems kind of—kind of fake and unclean, if you get what I mean. Some people just have that vibe, whether they actually do or not."
"Sure, I know," agreed the man with the plaid cap. "She's not bad-looking, though." He paused. "Wonder what he's thinking about—his money, I guess, or maybe he's got remorse about that fellow Shuttleworth."
"Yeah, I get it," said the guy in the plaid cap. "She’s not bad-looking, though." He paused. "I wonder what he’s thinking about—his money, I guess, or maybe he feels guilty about that guy Shuttleworth."
"Probably...."
"Probably..."
But the man in the plaid cap was quite wrong. Anthony Patch, sitting near the rail and looking out at the sea, was not thinking of his money, for he had seldom in his life been really preoccupied with material vainglory, nor of Edward Shuttleworth, for it is best to look on the sunny side of these things. No—he was concerned with a series of reminiscences, much as a general might look back upon a successful campaign and analyze his victories. He was thinking of the hardships, the insufferable tribulations he had gone through. They had tried to penalize him for the mistakes of his youth. He had been exposed to ruthless misery, his very craving for romance had been punished, his friends had deserted him—even Gloria had turned against him. He had been alone, alone—facing it all.
But the guy in the plaid cap was completely mistaken. Anthony Patch, sitting by the railing and gazing out at the sea, wasn't focused on his money, since he rarely cared about materialistic pride in his life, nor was he thinking about Edward Shuttleworth, as it's better to keep a positive outlook on things. No—he was lost in a series of memories, like a general reflecting on a successful campaign and analyzing his victories. He was thinking about the struggles, the unbearable hardships he had faced. They had tried to punish him for the mistakes of his youth. He had endured relentless suffering, his desire for romance had backfired, his friends had abandoned him—even Gloria had turned against him. He had been alone, alone—facing it all.
Only a few months before people had been urging him to give in, to submit to mediocrity, to go to work. But he had known that he was justified in his way of life—and he had stuck it out stanchly. Why, the very friends who had been most unkind had come to respect him, to know he had been right all along. Had not the Lacys and the Merediths and the Cartwright-Smiths called on Gloria and him at the Ritz-Carlton just a week before they sailed?
Only a few months earlier, people had been pushing him to give in, to settle for mediocrity, to get a job. But he had known that his lifestyle was justified—and he had held firm. In fact, the very friends who had been the meanest to him had come to respect him, realizing he had been right all along. Hadn't the Lacys, the Merediths, and the Cartwright-Smiths visited Gloria and him at the Ritz-Carlton just a week before they set sail?
Great tears stood in his eyes, and his voice was tremulous as he whispered to himself.
Great tears filled his eyes, and his voice was shaky as he whispered to himself.
"I showed them," he was saying. "It was a hard fight, but I didn't give up and I came through!"
"I showed them," he said. "It was a tough battle, but I didn't give up and I made it through!"
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